BLOCKER JOE: The *BLOODY 'ELL* do you mean no ones doing
any more Lemmings games?!
VOICE ON PHONE: It's like I told ya, Joe. Psygnosis
stopped doing Amiga games, attempted to hit the PC market,
and kind of disappeared. Happens, you know. "The guppy
in
the pond knows nothing of the sea!", and all that.
BLOCKER JOE: There's *got* to be something? You're my
agent! Surely a gussied up 3-D polygonized version of
Lemmings is in the works by *somebody*. I hear people want
the classics again, zipped up to take advantage of the big
bore video cards and Playstations!
VOICE: Maybe, but they haven't gotten to Lemmings yet.
You'll just to keep with your present contract a little
while longer.
BLOCKER: Sam! What was more bloody classic than Lemmings?
We were adored, admired! We were the phemonemon that took
the Mac, Amiga and PC world by Storm, man! BY STORRM!!!
VOICE: It all ancient history, pre-Doom. Nobody plays that
stuff anymore. It's high-res dungeon games with models
with a pretty tush...like Lara Croft! You ever see Lara,
Joe? She's one hot tamale, and I'd do her in a L.A.
minute!
BLOCKER: That like a New York minute?
VOICE: Faster! What I trying to say, Joe, is that you
gotta go with the punches. Pay the dues again. When the
industry spins around to platforms again, your star is
*sure* to rise once more. You can wait 'till then, can't
ya?
BLOCKER:[getting more desperate] I'm not sure if I can,
Sam. That's why I'm begging you to get me another
part...You don't know how terrifing this Ran woman can be,
Sam. I'm telling you, she'll be the death of me, the death
of...
RAN:[incensed]JOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
[whips out the Bazooka and fires!]
BLOCKER JOE: OH NO!!!
BBBB OOO OOO
MM MM
B B O
O O O M M M M
BBBB O O O
O M M M M
B B O
O O O M M
M
BBBB OOO OOO
M M
[Cut to a plush office in Los Angeles. The agent BLOCKER
JOE was speaking with (call him SAM) hears a boom, static,
then a dial tone. He hangs up.]
SAM: [shrugs] Eh. Whatever it was couldn't be *that* bad,
could it?
***** *** *****
[We see the title screen, we hear "Black Magic Woman" from
Santana.]
You know the rest. It's...
Ran's Fanfic Theature
Now Showing
"Clothes Make the Woman" by Robert Geiger.
Edited by Steven P. Cornett from an MST session done on
February 18, 1999 on the Fanfic IRC channel (FFIRC).
Responses to the FFIRC members can be made through:
ffirc@newberry.edu
***********************************************************
Ran, and all other characters of Urusei Yatsura are the
creation of Rumiko Takahashi. Rights held by Shogakukan
(Japan), and Viz (in the U.S).
Lemmings concept from the game "Lemmings" and "Oh No: More
Lemmings" from Psygnosis, Ltd. Hopefully nobody sues me,
they won't get much anyway!
Comments, flames, grunts and loud noises to:
cornetts@gemair.com
***********************************************************
WARNING: The story MSTed is a lemon. Therefore, graphic
depictions of sexual encounters will be shown. Do not read
if your not of age to read this kind of stuff.
***********************************************************
[We cut to a stage, also somewhere in Tomobiki. It looks
like the public auditorium used in UY Movie 4. In it, RAN
and a group of anime characters (and one real life
character) are in their chairs ready to go.]
RAN: Konnichi wa. This is Ran's Fanfic Theature, coming to
you from the Tomobiki public arena, where I am about to
review "Clothes Make the" with a group of distinguished
guests. What this really means, of course, is that a 15K
fic will have a 63K review since we got 5 people going and
they'll *all* want to get their special riffs off of this
story.
DotMST: This is a UY story, right?
RAN: Actually, it's a UY:The Senior Year story. And no
member of the original cast is anywhere near on this one.
DotMST: What happens in TSY?
Ran: DotMST: Well. In TSY, Ataru turns into a cyborg, goes
postal and kicks everyone butts so many times it ain't
funny, and becomes the Great Father of an all women planet
called Sagussa.
DotMST: O_o;
Phil: what, you're kidding me right?
RyanErik: I'm guessing this will be 100% silliness than?
Ran: Oh. Did I mention the Sagussans are bisexual.
RyanErik: Of course they are. Wouldn't be proper if they
weren't. ;-P
Ran: O.K. Shall we begin?
DotMST: UH-oh. And I just ate, too. ^^;
RyanErik: I guess, but I didn't receive it yet.
[Phil becomes Neko. Dot changes to Misty from Pokeman, and
RyanErik becomes Kunou Tatewaki!]
Kunou: In its proper form.
Mackie: well...we did have kodachi here last night..:)
> Urusei Yatsura - Tales of the Daishi'cha: "Clothes Make
>the Woman"
Kunou: Will you be joining our fine crew of reviewers?
Ran: Kunou: What? No Shakespearean English or other
Kunoisms?
DaveEddy: Sure, for a bit. I might have to go, though.
Does it hurt that I don't know TSY at all?
Mackie: No
Shinji: Not really. Half of us don't
Ran: [To Dave] Not really. The characters are taken from
Gunbuster and Sailor Moon anyway.
Kasumi: Clothes certainly do help. . . but cooking,
cleaning, and enjoying the bliss of domesticity works as
well.
Kunou: Ran, I know not Shakespeare that well, but I shall
do my best to impersonate Kunou ; P
Misty:[To Kunou] Have fun...King James English is a pain in
the ass to write. :)
Mackie: oh..goody...at least his sister was nice to look
at!
Ran:[to Mackie] Even if she is a pain in the ass.
Kunou: Speak not of my sister in such a crude manner.
DaveEddy: Thinkest thou so, an thou hast ne'er tried it?
> A story based on the series "Urusei Yatsura - The Senior
> Year," in turn based on "Urusei Yatsura," created by
> Rumiko Takahashi
Kasumi: Oh My, I love stories!
Kunou: ...granted she is quite distraught.
Ran: Granted, Kunou, that she is several carriages short of
a train.
Mackie: Ran, be grateful you've never been around the KS
during 'that time of the month'.....scary!
[DaveEddy becomes Cousin_Kuno.]
Kunou: Ah, fair cousin of mine, welcome. Unless I mistake
thy identity...?
Cousin_Kuno: Nay, fair coz, tis me indeed.
Mackie: "Makoto was torn between drooling in desire and
bursting out laughing at"
Ran: Fun stuff, ain't it?
Kunou: Very good. Shall we began fellows?
neko: =^_^= Meow![neko decides to capitalize his name]
Ran: Ah, here. "WRITER'S NOTES:"
Kasumi: Is this a song? I thought it was a story?
Ran: It's a TSY story. They aren't complete without
WRITER'S NOTES: !
Neko: it is a story.
Cousin_Kuno: Music shall e'er soothe the soul of the savage
beast.
Mackie: OH GOOD I wasn't here the first time!
Kunou: The feline speaketh? Good God...
> 1). "This is my first lemon for the UY-TSY series. For
> those who have read my previous lemons, this will have a
> lower "squish" level, but will still have adult
> situations. So if you don't like lemons, you'll probably
> want to skip this."
Ran: ...and hopefully his last...
Neko: he he!
Kasumi: I can always make Lemonade. . .
Kasumi: or Lemon tea. . .
Cousin_Kuno: Squish? The dewy emissions of the females
shall be in lower proportion? That bodes ill, methings...
Ran: Uhm Kasumi, aren't lemons spoiled if they "squish" to
much?
Kasumi: why, Ran-chan, that's what knives are for! [Kasumi
them holds up a LARGE hatchet, with the word "Molly"
clearly written.]
Mackie: I wonder if it's to late to do the grease pit
cleaning at doc Ravens.
Misty: Is it a bad thing when we riff the story before it
starts?
Kasumi: [To Mackie]I can even make a Lemon Scented cleaner!
Cousin_Kuno: Pray tell, fair cousin, what is a "lemon"?
> 2). The time of the story is a year after "Penpals," a
> short time before the discoveries in "Reunions,
> Rememberences, and Returnings."
Ran: [To Misty] Nope. Though it is a bad sign for the author. ;-)
Cousin_Kuno: Surely this knave refers not to the bitter but
flavoursome fruit of the tree...
Kunou: A yellow fruit, cousin. But I believe they speaketh
of some other "lemon".
Misty: Not that we're actually going to read those other
stories...
Ran: [to Cousin Kuno] Quite surely not the lemon you're
thinking of.
Kasumi: [blinks in confusion] What other types of Lemons
are there?
Kunou: Am I to believe that this will be a bitter story?
[Mackie puts his hands over his ears..]
Ran: Kasumi, dear. This is the alien Lesbian Fetish kind
of lemon.
Mackie: oh god...they're in stereo!
Kasumi: Of course, they taste much better if you add a bit
of sugar.
Ran: They add alcohal. Does that work?
Kasumi: Um, well, I really wouldn't know...
Cousin_Kuno: How sweet thou art, Kasumi-san.
Kasumi: [Blinks quizically, then turns to Cousin Kuno] Why,
Thank you!
> 3). The Sagussan names for various body parts can be
> found in Fred's "A Remarkable Destiny." I'll be using
> the translations or standard Earth terms.
Misty: Actually, keep them in Sagussan.
Ran: You mean you have to find a glossary to know who's
doing what to who?
Mackie: THANK GOD!
Cousin_Kuno: "A Remarkable Destiny"... I have read that
work, nay, that epic production!
Cousin_Kuno: It was filled with terms *most* strange.
Kunou: I have yet to read it, cousin. Twas good?
Cousin_Kuno: Most tittillating, although the quality
varied.
Neko: if he's using the translations then why did he bother
to tell us where to find the Sagussan?
Ran: [To Cousin Kuno] Then you may be one of the few to
know what's going on in the *action* sequences.
Misty: So what if there's a body part that doesn't
translate well into Earth terms?
Neko: it's not like any of us speak Sagussan
Mackie: [To Neko] he's insecure
Misty: Er...forget I asked that. ^^;
Mackie: okay
Kunou: Though I wonder what he means by "Earth terms."
Mackie: :)
Neko: good question
Ran: He's using the translation instead of the Sagussan
name. You still have to look it up, but now you have to
look for the English term.
Cousin_Kuno: I thought that many of the terms were most
obscure, but some of the slang terms were *most*
appropriate.
> A taxi flies over the roads of Kyonggh-Tere'na district,
> heading towards Saku's with its charge. In the back
> seat, Makoto Seikou sits, absently gazing out the
> windows. The taxi stops soon reaches its destination and
> the shipmistress disembarks. After paying the fair, she
> enters...
>
> ...to find a rather deserted establishment.
Misty: she enters...the Twilight Zone. :)
Ran: the roads of Kyonggh-Tere'na?
Neko: there's a mouth full
Misty: Quite a mouthful, isn't it Ran? :)
Ran: Almost makes you want to sing it, ne? In fact...
Ran: [Singing] ~o/ Oh where the light shines, o'er Kyonggh-
Tere'na (Kyonnggh-Tere'na)...Oh where the light shines,
o'er Kyonggh-Tere'na ~o/
[The others stare at Ran. She shrugs]
I swear, no-one has a ear for talent these days!
Kasumi: Dessert! Of Course, I can make a Lemon cake. With
sugar, cream, eggs, flour, oh and of course, Lemons.
Ran: Combine the cream and lemons, and you get Cream Lemon!
Mackie: stops soon?
Kunou: The taxi stops soon reaches?
Cousin_Kuno: Methinks "fair" is a most unusual term for
"taxi-driver".
Ran: "Fair" is not a term you'd use for taxi-drivers in
most places!
Kunou CK: Quite out of the ordinary, indeed.
Misty: Why can't he write "Makoto Seikou sits in the back
seat" like every other normal person?
Mackie: I wonder how much the fair was...and if they had a
ferris wheel
Ran: Twenty bucks if it was the Ohio State version.
Kunou: Already, I sense that the tenses will be butchered,
but tis only speculation on my part.
Cousin_Kuno: Aye, coz, methink you have the right of it.
Writing in the present tense in third person is most
difficult to do well.
Mackie: Saku is behind the bar and only one customer is in
a booth. Nodding
Kunou: And I wonder, "she enters... ...to find" ? Does not
flow well. Would it not be "she exits?"
Ran Konou: "she enters..." and "to find" are actually
separate paragraphs.
Cousin_Kuno: Nay, fair coz. This "shipmistress" entered
the bar to find it mostly empty. Err, or so I believe.
Misty: I think the author meant "she enters the bar"
Neko: yeah
Ran: I think you're right, Misty
Kunou: Hmm, that would flow much better. Unfortunately, it
appears to allude to her entrance of the taxi.
Misty: Oh, yes, and why 'shipmistress'? Is that some TSY
thing that I'm missing here?
Ran: Yes, Misty, indeed it is. A 'shipmistress' is the
captain of a Sagussan naval vessal.
Mackie: she sleeps with ships?!
[Misty then whaps Mackie. "That's CAPTAIN, you pervert!!]
Neko: Mackie, that was corny!
Mackie: or she's REALLY kinky!
Misty: Consider yourself luck, Mackie. At least I'm not
using anvils ..yet. :)
Cousin_Kuno: Fair Misty, the term "shipmistress" surely
refers to the captain of a vessel. Although quite why they
should permit such an abomination I find quite beyond my
imagining.
Ran: Well, Cous, Sagussa is primarily populated by women.
They didn't have men until Ataru Moroboshi became their
"Great Father".
Cousin_Kuno: Now *there* is a suitable occupation for a man
of quality.
Kunou: Agreed, Cousin. This man must be one of virtue, and
Sagussa does sound like a fair realm indeed.
Mackie: ack!
«Action» Misty turns green.
Misty: So, Ataru makes all of Sagussa's guys...?
Neko: Ran what's up with that? Ataru is an baka. He
couldn't run a planet.
Cousin_Kuno: Aye, and surely this Ataru is a man of great
endurance. It would be a fair trial, to service the needs
of the many. But a noble occupation. And is not giving
of
oneself the essence of public service?
Ran: Well, there's service and there's *service*. Ataru
has always been ready to *service* with a smile!
Kunou: Methinks this "Great Father" needs aid in his tasks!
Misty: Shouldn't have eaten oatmeal before this...
> Mrs. Saku is behind the bar and only one customer is in a
> booth. Nodding to the matron, Makoto approaches the bar
> and orders some ran-jugh. Looking for a place to sit,
> Makoto notices that Noriko Smith is staring into her
> glass in the back of the bar.
Cousin_Kuno: Fair Maiden, What is this "ran-jugh"?
Neko: booze!
Ran: [To Cousin Kuno] It is a Sagussan drink. It packs a
hugh punch.
[Gendou Ikari arrives from the future to the auditorium.
He looks confused. "This isn't Seele's conference room?"]
Ran: This isn't even Tokyo 3. We're still on our first!
Kunou: An alcoholic beverage, perhaps?
Cousin_Kuno: And this author seems to have forgotten the
existence of relative pronouns. Does he not realise the
presence of "he" or "she"?
Gendou: You mean that it's not full of Jusenkyou water?
Misty: (As Noriko) Ooh. Glass. Pretty.
Cousin_Kuno: Thank you, good Ran
Neko: Gendou, I should hope not.
Ran: [curtsies] You're welcome, good cousin Kuno. <<Maybe
he isn't as stupid as the *other* Kuno sitting here. There
may be a *brain* in this one>>
Gendou: [With the patented stare, his hands steepled. He's
thinking] I can't think of anything else to put in a "ran-
jugh"
Mackie: [as Noriko]"You know...if i stare at this glass
just right...I can see Elvis!"
Kasumi: Maybe Ran could use it as a bra?
> "Hey, Noriko!"
Cousin_Kuno: Well, a jug to hold the good Ran might be
somewhat large, is that not so?
Ran: [Glaring at Cousin Kuno] Then again...
Kunou: I have heard of this Jusenkyou water before...but I
am afraid its memory, as to its purpose, has escaped me...
Gendou: Let's not start in about large jugs, folks.
Ran: [To Cousin Kuno] There's not a bra that could hold me.
<<I can't *believe I said that! Now the pervert will never
leave me alone>>
[shrugs] Oh well. At least this got through to the FFML
in one piece this time. Otherwise we'd be talking about
Ataru's octet-streams.
«Action» Mackie pinches his nose to prevent a nose bleed..
Neko: =^_^= Meow?
Kasumi: Nice Kitty.[She pets the cat. The cat purrs.]
> Noriko looks up to see Makoto standing next to the table
> with a few bottles in her arms. "You look kinda
> lonesome. Need a drinking buddy?"
Kasumi: Would you like some tea instead?
Misty: Famous last words... :)
Gendou: "A few bottles"?
> Noriko grins. "Sure! Booze tastes better when shared."
Kasumi: My Buddy, My Buddy... Where ever I go,
heeeeeeeeeeeee goes....
Cousin_Kuno: Shall they share it mouth to mouth?
Kunou: The maidens are in need of male companionship, no
doubt. Cousin, if it is possible, we must find this alien
civilization to help these poor damsels, soothing their
woes. This becomes more interesting...please continue!
Mackie: Unless it's battery acid..then it's no fun at all
Cousin_Kuno: Fair coz, I doubt not the accuracy of thy
statements. Let us prepare!
Kunou: Very good. Sasuke! Prepare the inter-dimensional
transporter!
Kunou: (mimicking Sasuke) Very good, massster...right away,
massster...
Cousin_Kuno: Pray, what comes next?
> Several shared bottles later, both Noriko and Makoto are
> in the melancholy stage of intoxication...
Gendou More like "in the gutter".
Mackie: It's much more perferable compared to "The
worshiping the porcelien god" or "Who the hell is in bed
with me this time!" stages..
Gendou: Spent most of my life there, for that matter.
Misty: (as Noriko) o/~ Nobody knows...how dry I am... o/~
Cousin_Kuno: Methinks this Giger fellow has problems with
his alcohol. I, for one, do not become melancholy when
drunk!
Misty: No, Cousin Kuno, you only become incoherent. :)
Gendou: More incoherent.
>"So...Toren and Kasua are off with the kids, huh?" Makoto
> addresses the Noriko on the left.
Ran: As opposed to the one on the right?
Gendou: Actually, yes!
Misty: (As Noriko, sarcastically) No, they're right here
watching us make total fools of ourselves!
Mackie: instead of Mr. plant to the right and Ms. Floor
below her.
Kunou: My gods! Noriko has become two?!
Ran: Only seems that way when you're drunk, Kuno. Mackie
and here i thought one would be bad enough..
Cousin_Kuno:[wanders over to Kunou, puts an arm around his
shoulders] "Only our mother can tell us apart."
Ran: There's a scary thought.
Gendou: That he had a mother?
Mackie: Tell me about it..
Ran: They they're so alike.
Kunou:[wipes his eyes] "Tis good to have such a wonderful
family, is it not?"[Cousin_Kuno nods, holding a bottle of
Ran-Jugh] Cheers!
>"Uhmm," Noriko attempts to empty a bottle for the third
> time. "Toren's parent's wanted to see Jarec and Irad. I
> couldn't go since wargames are being held tomorrow, but I
> managed to get Kasua some time off so she's going in my
> place."
>
>"How are Toren's parents taking him having two wives?"
Gendou: She can't pour sake out of a bottle?
Kunou: Two wives? I love this place even more! *gets a
dreamy look on his face* To not have to choose between
them!!!
Cousin_Kuno: Aye, coz, you have the right of it.
Misty: Trust me, Kunos, it's not as great as you think.
Cousin_Kuno: But, what of your fascination with Tendou
Akane and the healthy Pig-Tailed Girl?
Ran: [To Kunou] You mean you'd marry Akane and the Pig
Tailed Girl?
Kunou: Of course, Ran! Surely, now that the arrangement
can be settled legally, their strife will end!
Mackie: Two wives..i could get to like this place...
Ran: [Develops a mischevious grin] Kunou, you do know that
the Pig Tailed Girl is actually Ranma in girl form?
[Kodachi swoops into the auditorium at this instant. The
black roses fly all over the place, leaving the clean-up
crew with a lot of work on their hands]
Ran: Hi Kodachi. [Makes sure the big guns are ready to
go.]
Kunou: Of course, Ranma has bewitched you too. The reach
of his black arms is impressive.
Kasumi: Dinner's almost ready. I gotta go.
Kodachi: To what point in the story have we reached?
Kunou: Hail, fair sister! What brings you here?
Cousin_Kuno: Welcome, beloved sister of my cousin! I pray
that you've been well since we last dallied in the grounds
of the Kunou estate?
Ran: Oh man!
Misty: Kodachi, we're on "How are Toren's parents taking
him having two wives?"
Kodachi: Merely killing some time as it were, brother dear.
Mackie: ack
Ran:[voicing Toren's Parents] You have *Two* wives?
Ran: [voicing Toren] Yeah. I think that's rather big of
me.
Mackie: Kodachi, Akane wants to talk to you..
Kunou: [Perks up] My beloved is here? Where?
Mackie: umm...outside
Cousin_Kuno: She awaits in another room, good coz.
Mackie: yea! she's outside waiting for you
«Action» Mackie whispers..
Mackie:[In a stage whisper to Kuno] she told me that she
has chosen you over that silly Ranma...
[Kunou then leaves the building in a hurry, ran-jugh in
hand.]
> Noriko sniffed. "His mom is wringing her hands over it
> and his dad keeps telling his friends how manly his son
> is. Goofballs!"
Mackie: QUICK! SEAL THE DOOR SHUT!
Misty: You sure Toren isn't Ranma?
Ran: I don't know? Toren's father seems to be related to
Nodoka.
«Action» Mackie runs over to the door and starts nailing
boards to it..
Mackie: kodachi:yea...
«Action» Cousin_Kuno takes a drink whilst waiting for the
action to begin...
Kodachi Ho, Martha
[Gendou (akent@56K-132.MaxTNT8.pdq.net) starts to fade and
eventually returns to his time.]
Ran: Goofballs. That related to spaceballs?
> "Gotta be nice though..." Makoto has slumped down in her
> seat. "Taking your kids to see their grandparents. I
> can't do that."
[Cousin_Kuno whips out a bokken and baps Misty with a
bokken. Misty blocks the blow with Psyduck. The Psyduck
gets a headache.]
>"Well, you can take yours to see Mie's parents."
Kodachi: So take your OWN children, you silly woman!
Ran: Gotta have grandparents before you can see them.
Cousin_Kuno: The pair are drunk to the point of
insensibility, it seems.
[Kunou's love-filled cry is heard from outside. It
alternates between "Beauteous Akane, you are mine at
last!" and the old reliable "Pig-Tailed Goddess!!" Dumb
and dumber in one package.]
Martha: Ohh well
Cousin_Kuno: I wonder as to the point of all this
discussion that is comprehensible only to the two involved.
Martha: :-)
Mackie: whew
Kodachi: Are you the Cousin who does martial arts poetry?
Cousin_Kuno: Aye, Fair Kodachi!
«Action» Mackie sits back down
Kodachi: So I thought.
Cousin_Kuno: Come, let me drink in your lips of wine.
Kodachi: No incest here, my dear cousin. This is not a Lara
Bartram fic.
Cousin_Kuno: But Kodachi-chan, thou who art finer than the
freshest rose, we are but second cousins!
Kodachi: My lips are only for darling Ranma, fool!
[Kodachi whaps cousin Kuno with a thousand clubs. He passes out]
[In response, Mackie runs to the sealed door..]
Mackie: LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!
Kunou: PIG-TAILED GIRL!!! I LOVE THEE!!! *the muffled cry
sounds*
[Mackie hangs his head in deafeat and marches back to his
seat]
>"Uhmm...yeah...but I dunno. I really like them, but I
> can't relate to them that much. They're Terran after
> all. Even Mievayae confuses me sometimes.
Ran: They're Terran. What do they know.
Misty: (As Noriko) Yeah, I can never spell her name right.
[At this moment, Kunou falls through the ceiling, covered
in flowers and bruises. Cousin Kuno wakes up.]
Mackie: Yeah, I should of done the grease pits!
Kunou: Foulest...sorceror...
Kodachi: Defeated again, brother dear?
Kunou: No!!! Tis...a minor...setback...[recollapses]
Mackie:[Looking at Kuno] great...
[Cousin_Kuno admits to utter confusion, even after having
read this background story that the author has alluded to.]
Cousin_Kuno: What matters all these people, I wonder? Have
they any relevance to the story at all, Or are they simply
discussions for the sake of it?
Kodachi: Story? There is a story?
> I mean...Kum-chan wanted to go to this thing on Earth
> called Komik. I took one look at the ads and said 'No
> way'...but Mievayae said it was okay, so Kum-chan dressed
> up like Sailor Moon and headed into idiot land."
Kodachi: It is simply an attempt to convince us that this
is more than a fanboy fantasy sex-fest. An unsuccessful
one. Kum-chan? The author of Ranma Mibuim-mo-ichi?
Ran: Quite unsuccessful, and quite boring.
Mackie: They went to Washington D.C?
Cousin_Kuno: Ah? So what does that have to do with its
description as yellow and bitter fruit?
Ran Kodachi: Sadly no.
Kodachi: It is a poetic metaphor, dear cousin.
Cousin_Kuno: Ah, I see.
Misty: At this rate, what's the projected end time?
> Noriko giggled. "They do weird things on Earth, huh?
> Like that game...uh...golf! Hitting a ball...and then
> walking after it."
Kodachi: Six months from now, I think.
Mackie: Well, Misty, I think it will be The yeart 2350
before were done.
Kodachi: (voicing Noriko) "And like stealing jokes from
George Carlin!"
> Makoto arched an eyebrow. "You're taking pokes at them?
> You should talk, your doing all that perverted stuff like
> wearing underwear."
Cousin_Kuno: I *like* this place!
Misty: (gasps melodramatically) Oh, how awful!
[As for Kunou, he sits in a chair, his eyes glued to the screen.]
> Noriko shuddered. EVERYONE had been on her case about
> that ever since the wedding! "H-hey! That was only one
> time!"
Kodachi: "And I didn't even wash it!"
Mackie: They wear No underwear?
[Misty slaps big "censored" signs on the screen.]
Kodachi: Perhaps we could send Happosai-sensei to this
planet?
Kunou: Skirts must not be a favorite item of dress.
> "Uh-huh. Weird stuff. Like those bras! I'm not
> scrunching my boobs into some torture device."
Cousin_Kuno:[tries to rip the bra off, but fails. It's
only a story, after all!] Hrrrr.
Ran: Depends on your desire for torture...eh, mistress
Kodachi?;-)
Kodachi: Oh, but torture is so much fun! And for your
information, I use a ribbon...NOT a whip!
[Kunou sighs. COUSIN KUNO stares at KODACHI oddly]
Misty: [To Kodachi] What's the difference? :)
Ran: Particularly giving it, right? With the whi...er
ribbons, and chains.
Kodachi: Of course not, Ran! How lower class!
Psychological torture is much more enjoyable!
Cousin_Kuno: Fair coz, I admit I had not realised this
about you. Perchance we should not dally together any more.
Kunou: Then thou doth not wish to travel with me to the
fair land pictured in this wonderful story?
Kodachi: Not today, dear brother
Cousin_Kuno: Nay, coz, I was referring to thy sister. You
had not told me she was so... unbalanced.
Kunou: Aye, tis my father's fault, I am afraid.
> "Keeps them from hanging down to your knees when yer old
> and grey, "Noriko giggled. "And panties help keep yer
> butt warm!"
Kodachi: Butt? Smoking is most unhealthy. And I am
perfectly balanced, Thank you very much, dear cousin. And
*I* was not the one who gave you that haircut three years
ago, brother dear.
Ran: [Brightly] They balence ribbon girl here, right on the
razor hoop's edge, every 3000 miles. Just like the
warrenty requires!
Cousin_Kuno: That brings up an interesting point... why is
it that women wear jumpers but still wear short skirts?
> "Warm enough on Sagussa...no need at all," Makoto
> smirked. "Unless your sloppy enough to leave skid
> marks."
Mackie: skid marks?
Misty: O_o; Skid marks? O_o;
Cousin_Kuno: Skid marks?
Mackie: eeewwww
> Noriko's booze-addled mind took this the wrong way.
> "WHAT?!?!" she shot up.
Kunou: I am guessing that diapers are the item of choice,
than?
Cousin_Kuno: Based on the earlier tales in this universe, I
would have thought the main problem was not "skid marks"
but the surplus emission of the female's sexual exitement
which seemed continuous.
Kunou: Indeed, cousin, we are needed there on that fair
world.
> Makoto licked her lips and started to rise...
>
> *THWACK!!!!*
Kodachi: THWACK is BACK!
Ran: [singing] ~o/ Ooooowwwweooohohhhh THWACK! ~o/
Mackie: OH MY GOD!! HER BUTT BROKE!!
Misty: YOU BASTARDS! :)
Kunou: *Ahem* Makoto licked her lips and started to
"rise"? And they do not wear undergarments?
Ran: Calm down, Kunou. We're not even close to the action
sequence yet.
Cousin_Kuno: Perchance she had not paid her bill and the
automated bar furniture Took Steps?
Ran: Let's see, shall we?
Kodachi: They are women, brother, or so they claim.
Kunou: I most certainly hope so.
> Both Noriko and Makoto sobered up real quick as the
> double-bladed axe sunk itself into the wall between them.
> "You're not planning to do anything disruptive are you?"
> Mrs. Saku asked from her position behind the bar.
Kodachi: "You're not thinking of adding CONFLICT to the
story, are you? Naughty, naughty!"
Misty: Wow, axe-induced metabolic inhancement. Gotta try
that on Ash sometime.
> "No ma'am!" Noriko and Makoto answered in unison.
Misty (as Noriko and Makoto): "We'll be good! (Yeah,
right.)"
> "Good to hear it," Saku casually cleaned a glass.
Cousin_Kuno: Aye, 'tis best to make love not war.
Kunou: Agreed, cousin!
Ran: Especially in that bar.
Mackie: with her tongue?!
Ran: With her axe!
Kunou: Though, I wonder what falls within the realm of
"disruptive"?
Cousin_Kuno: They might well find gainful employment for
the handle of that axe, might they not?
> Both Noriko and Makoto hurriedly paid their bills and
> left for the mag-lev to Kyre'sha.
Kodachi: Why, cousin! And you call ME unbalanced?
Ran: Why, Kodachi my dear, *I* certainly do!
Cousin_Kuno: So, to sum up, that whole prior passage did
what, exactly?
Ran: Nothing!
Kodachi: Bored the readers, cousin.
Misty: o/~ Oh, on the mag-lev to Kyre'sha... o/~
Misty: I think that was supposed to set the scene.
Kodachi: Is not the whole of UY-TSY sufficient to set the
scene?
Ran: Maybe the next section will be more interesting.
Kodachi: Maybe, dear girl, but I would not count on it.
Kunou: What is a mag-lev, if I may ask?
Kodachi: Magnetic levitation, brother
Cousin_Kuno: Coz, that I know. It is a magnetically
levitated train.
> As the mag-lev sped off into the night, Noriko looked
> sideways at Makoto who was staring at the lights of
> Tere'na City disappearing behind them. "Guess I over-
> reacted."
Cousin_Kuno: Who said that?
Kunou: I believe Noriko did.
Kodachi: Does it matter?
Misty: (As Noriko) Yeah, I really shouldn't have drank
those last 12 bottles all in a row.
>"No problem." Makoto replied absently.
Mackie: NO! REALLY? I NEVER WOULD OF GUESSED!!
>"Senseless, huh?"
Ran: No more than this entire fic, dear!
Cousin_Kuno: And to what does she think she was
overreacting? By the way, did anyone else spot the tense
change?
Mackie: well...at least it's consistant with this fic!
Cousin_Kuno: Suddenly we're talking in the past tense.
Ran: [To Cousin Kuno] Maybe the crack about leaving skid
marks?
Misty: Yeah.
Kodachi: Wasn't it always in past tense?
Kunou: Nay, sister.
Cousin_Kuno: Finally, pray that authors would learn to
properly punctuate quotes etcetera.
>"No reason at all for them."
Misty: [To Kodachi] The first section was in present tense.
Kodachi (scrolls up) Ah yes, it switched around the two
wives line.
Misty: What the heck? What, or who, are "them"?
> A pause. "Perhaps I could show you that underwear can
> have...other uses."
Cousin_Kuno: Nay, dear Kodachi; the author of the work
started in the third-person present tense.
Ran Misty: Underwear, I think.
Cousin_Kuno: Aha! Some action!
Kodachi: Not yet, cousin
Mackie: Like as a air filter for a C-55 Boomer
Misty: (as Noriko) Yes, there's something called an "Atomic
Wedgie"...
Kodachi: Or as a cleaning rag
Cousin_Kuno: Then the promise of some action, not unlike
the Pig-Tailed Girl's blandishments with your brother, dear
girl.
«Action» Cousin_Kuno looks down his hakama and frowns.
Cousin_Kuno: Besides, what is "underwear"?
Kunou: Ahh, pig-tailed girl...*starts drooling*
Kodachi: The pig-tailed harridan is welcome to do what she
likes with my brother, as long as she stays away from
darling Ranma
> Makoto's head came around and she saw Noriko was blushing
> slightly. She tilted her head and thought about it for a
> moment. A slight grin formed. "Okay. But you better
> not try anything overly perverted."
Misty: [To Cousin Kuno] I did _not_ need to know that. >_<
Cousin_Kuno: Sassugans not wanting anything overly
perverted?
Kodachi: "UNDERLY perverted, on the other hand, will be fine."
> "Only as naughty as you want it," Noriko giggled as her
> hand slid into Makoto's...
«Action» Misty covers her eyes.
Kodachi: Cue adolescent fanboy fantasy!
Mackie: I've gotta go to bed..bye
Cousin_Kuno: Those women who seem to agglomerate into
groups with the same facility as mercury pooling?
Kunou: Most interesting...continue!
Misty: I won't throw up I won't throw up I won't throw
up...
[Meanwhile, Mackie goes through the roof. Literally. He
looks around and yells, "Where is everybody.]
Kunou: [Looking up at the new hole in the roof] Farewell,
Mackie.
Ran: [voicing Noriko] Guess that means you don't want to
play scenes from "Cool Devices" with me, then...
> The door to the house Noriko shared with her family
> opened and both she and Makoto walked in. "Do you want
> anything to drink?" Noriko asked.
Kodachi: "Dog turd and tonic, please."
Misty: (as Makoto) What the hell do you think I was doing
at the bar, huh?
Ran: [voicing Noriko] sizing me up?
> Makoto shook her head. "Ugh...I think an anti-intox pill
> would be better."
Cousin_Kuno: The door opened itself, obviously.
Misty: Hey, you never know Cousin Kuno. They might have
more advanced technology.
Kunou: It is an alien civilization, CK.
Cousin_Kuno: An anti-intox pill? Aye, it'll be vital, for
surely they cannot feel any pain at the moment.
Kodachi: The readers, on the other hand, can.
Kunou: And I feel a pain...the pain of the pig-tailed
girl's love!
Cousin_Kuno: Methinks the readers will more likely be
yawning than in pain, little sword.
Kodachi: Yes, that girl IS a pain, isn't she.
> "Make yourself at home then," Noriko gestured at the
> couch and vanished into the bathroom, emerging a little
> while later with some pills. She swallowed one and then
> handed one to Makoto.
Kodachi: Noriko is a magician?
Misty: (as Noriko) Oops, these are the cyanide pills I'm
supposed to take in Chapter 12 to kill myself...
Cousin_Kuno: I have heard that any sufficiently-advanced
technology is as magic, is it not?
Kunou: No, I am afraid your "darling" Ranma is the only
magician around here, sister.
Kodachi: There is no such thing as magic, brother.
Kunou: Then how do you explain his actions?!
Kodachi: It is merely an expression of his love for me!
OHOHOHOHOHO!
Ran: [muses darkly] Only an expression of his *fear* of
you, more likely.
> Noriko then went over to the entertainment suite and
> pushed a few buttons. The lights dimmed and soft music
> played over the speakers. "Don't go anywhere now,"
> Noriko threw Makoto a sultry glance and slinked into the
> bedroom.
Kodachi: "Don't go anywhere! The plot will be here any
moment! Really!"
[Kunou folds his arms over his chest.]
I was afraid the 'real' story would never begin.
Cousin_Kuno: What plot, little sword?
Kodachi: Just wishful thinking, cousin
Ran: Halfway through the fic and still no pronouns?
Cousin_Kuno: The author did use one or two earlier.
Ran: Where?
Misty: I think it's to avoid confusion, Ran, since both of
them are female.
Ran: Maybe.
Cousin_Kuno: Confusion of the author, most likely.
Kunou: We still are not clear about that, Misty. But I
certainly hope that thy statement is true.
Misty: [To Kunou] Makoto was called the shipmistress at
the beginning of the 'fic, remember?
Cousin_Kuno: I find objection to the way this author has
his characters "throwing" their lines.
> Makoto licked her lips as she shook out her pony tail and
> loosened her clothing. It had been quite a while since
> she had made love to anyone except Mie. While Mie
> HOPEFULLY wouldn't mind, Makoto had never spent the night
> in another's bed since her handfasting. *Must be getting
> old...*
Cousin_Kuno: It is a principle of the language that people
should "speak" their words.
Kunou: Handfasting? I do not like the sound of that.
Cousin_Kuno: A term from the source story, good Coz. It
refers to a mental meld of kinds akin to marriage.
Ronny: I can understand why your mind would melt if you
read this stuff...
Kunou: Then women are married to one another here?! The
injustice!!!
Cousin_Kuno: Nay, for they take multiple partners. The
largest such group I read of was five members, which later
grew to seven I believe.
Kodachi: Of course, brother. They should all be married to
YOU, right? (sneers)
Kunou: Now you speak sensibly, sister.
> A shadow fell over her and she saw Noriko standing in the
> doorway. As Makoto's eyes adjusted, she saw that Noriko
> was wearing a pink bra which accentuated her breasts and
> a microskirt that barely covered the panties she wore.
> "So what do you think?" Noriko purred as she turned
> around so Makoto could take her all in.
Ronny: What, cannibalism too? and in one bite, no less...
Kodachi: Does the word sarcasm hold meaning for you,
brother?
Misty: Pink? *snickers*
Cousin_Kuno: Pink?
Kunou: Only when it is applied, sister.
Ran: Like "Lemon Pink"?
Cousin_Kuno: Why pink?
Ran:[sings] ~o/ Lemon tree, very pretty, if it only had a
plot! ~o/ [To Cousin_Kuno] Why not?
Kunou: I am wondering, what happened to their avid dislike
of undergarments?
Cousin_Kuno: Indeed. Although I don't think much of the
choice of *pink* lingerie, which I dislike.
Misty: Pink doesn't exactly scream "hot sexy babe", you
know.
Kunou: I prefer red myself...
Cousin_Kuno: Indeed. Yet the same girl in white, or
black... [drools]
Kodachi: [To Cousin Kuno] Down, boy.
Cousin_Kuno: There must be contrast for the underlying skin
tones to show through...
> Makoto was torn between drooling in desire and bursting
> out laughing at the sight. Noriko was a very desirable
> woman, whose body was still firm despite having two
> children, carried both to full-term without the gestation
> matrix. But to have it covered in two little bits of
> cloth seemed very silly to Makoto.
>
>"Does this look nice?" Noriko leaned forward and cupped a
> breast.
Kunou: And very silly to me! By all means, remove them!
Misty: Ack! Don't look![Misty blocks the screen with an
enormous Snorlax.]
Kodachi: Gestation matrix? Has childbearing on this planet
been reduced to a calculation in linear algebra?
Ran: Raised in a artificial womb, apparently.
Cousin_Kuno: "Test tube babies" in the vernacular, coz.
Another reference to the source story.
Ran: [To Kunou] I take it you haven't heard of 'fetish',
have you?
Kodachi: I have heard of that, among other mental
disorders, yes. I've not known anyone with such a fetish
for arrays of numbers, though.
Kunou:[To Ran] Fetish? Hmm...no I have not. My studies have
not covered that area yet.
Ran: [Kodachi] I'm sure they'll all be in *full display*
for your darling Ranma, right?
Kodachi: Whatever are you talking about, little girl?
Ran: Why, all your *mental* disorder! ;-)
[Kodachi looks down on Ran and smirks derisively.]
Cousin_Kuno: Little sword, riddle me this: Dost thou wear
underwear beneath thy leotard, or *is* it your underwear?
Kodachi: Why should you be interested in that, cousin?
Kunou: Cousin_Kuno, your fantasies are unhealthy. Thou art
both of the same blood, more or less.
[At this moment, Ran smiles derisively and whips out the
BFG-9000. Which she points at the black Roses' face!
Kodachi whaps Ran with transcripts of the "Martial artists
and guns" arguments from FFML]
[Neko pounces back into the auditorium]
NEKO: Neko back
Kunou: Welcome back, feline. Ran, when last we read, did
we not leave off at "cupped breasts?"
Misty: You *would* remember something like that, wouldn't
you Kuno? :)
Neko =^_^= Meow!
> Makoto's eyes were riveted to the expanse of tanned flesh
> that was partially hidden by cloth. "Do you want to see
> more?" Noriko fingered the latch to the bra and pushed
> herself slightly at Makoto.
Cousin_Kuno: Yes, please. Release thyself from that
unwholesome pink cage.
Kunou: We do not mind. CONTINUE, WHELP!
[Kodachi yawns]
Misty: [*shakes her head*] Boys.
> Makoto nodded and reached out to undo the latch, but
> Noriko suddenly skipped back. "Uh-uh," she wagged a
> finger.
Ran: Something else?
Misty: (as Noriko) Get your own.
[Cousin_Kuno has a problem with the description "latch", as
it brings to mind a vision of a large metal arrangement.]
Kunou: Maybe the latch does not unhook the garment on this
planet?
Kodachi: What would be its purpose then, brother?
Cousin_Kuno: The author probably meant "catch"
Neko: yes I agree
> Makoto growled in frustration. The minxy sandpanther was
> going to tease her! "Nori-..."
Misty: 'sandpanther'? *snickers*
Kodachi: "minxy sandpanther?" Interetsing zoology on this
world.
Cousin_Kuno: indeed
Kunou: Tis not much stranger than talking felines...
Cousin_Kuno: Perchance a tad gritty?
Kodachi: And do you talk to felines, brother? And do they
talk back, perhaps?
KONOU: [pointing at Neko] This one does, at least.
Kodachi: This is a person in a cat suit, brother
> Noriko's finger came to her lips. "Shhh..." She then
> licked her finger for a second-hand kiss. "You're all
> frustrated, aren't you? You can't get to these, hmm?"
Kodachi: "That's all right, I have my own, thank you."
Ran: Can't get to her breasts? I guess she would be
frustrated, never having had to take one off before.
Neko =^_^= Meow!
Cousin_Kuno: Can't get to her fingers?
> Noriko brought Makoto's hands to her breasts. "Oh, you
> can touch them, but something's in the way. Doesn't that
> drive you wild?"
Kodachi: Not really, no.
> Steam puffed out of Makoto's ears.
Kunou: Makoto's a teapot?
Ran: Uh-uh. [sings]Makoto's a teapot, atrong and stout!
Here is her handle, here is her...KLUNNGGG!
[MISTY chucks a Pokeball at Ran]
Misty: Oh, now Makoto's a cartoon character!
Cousin_Kuno: The world shall be dominated by steam!
Neko: intresting biology
> Noriko skipped back again and lifted the hem of her
> skirt. "And there's something under here you definitely
> want. Something you want to rub, nibble and lick. But
> you can't because some nasty piece of cloth is in the
> way."
Kunou: Oh my!
Misty: That was NOT necessary! >_<
Ronny: Oh, always these EVIL pieces of cloth!
Kodachi: You never knew that you could do those things, did
you, brother?
Cousin_Kuno: Cloth is e'er a burden...
Misty: (imitating a certain Kids in the Hall skit)
Eeeeeevil! Eeeeeevil!
> Twin jets of blood shot out of Makoto's nose. She NEVER
> believed she would be effected like this!
Ran: Should be 'affected'
Cousin_Kuno: Oh, come *on*. And yes, Ran, it should be
"affected".
Kodachi: Makoto is related to that bandanna-clad fool
what's his name?
Ronny: Wait a minute... she had *JETS* stuck up her nose?
Ran: Don't tell me Makoto-chan is related to Ryouga? You
gotta be kidding me! That guys a real pig!
Kunou: it is Ryouga, I believe.
Kodachi: That's him!
Misty: I thought that only guys could have nosebleeds.
Cousin_Kuno: Methinks this author subscribes to the
Kimagure Orange Road and Futaba-kun Change school of sexual
reaction...
Neko: nope girls too
Kodachi: Anyone's nose can bleed, dear. (Aims a club to
swing at Misty's nose)
[Misty ducks, avoiding the high impact plastic surgery
intended by the Black Rose.]
Kunou: Apparently this planet's lack of men hath obscured
traits belonging to women which differ from men, and vice-
versa.
> Noriko suddenly dropped into Makoto's lap and wrapped her
> legs around her. "Would you like to try this?" she
> indicated her bra.
>
> "I..." Makoto's eyes bugged out.
Misty: ...and fell onto the bed.
Kodachi: "It's not my size! Mine are MUCH larger!"
> "Pleeassse..." Noriko whispered in Makoto's ear, and took
> a little nibble.
Kodachi "Don't eat my ear, you fool!"
Cousin_Kuno: Makoto's reactions don't feel right to me; for
a culture based on free love and ready availability due to
the use of androids with which one can "try out" a
prospective partner before approaching them, this set of
reactions seems very off-kilter
Ronny: She planning on taking up boxing?
Ran: [singing] ~/o I take a healthy nibble from your
dainty...[stops] ..earlobes?
Kodachi: It is fanboy fantasy material, cousin. Why should
you expect it to make sense?
Ran: Indeed it does, Cousin_Kuno. Though I think it's
because of the fetish elements, not the person.
Misty: I don't think my stomach can handle the actual lemon
scene. Gimme a yell when you guys are done with that part,
k?
Kodachi: We shall.
Kunou: It makes perfect sense! Makoto realized, in the heat
of passion, that she needs a man such as myself to fulfill
her true desires!
Ran: [smirks as she looks at Kunou] You're a real man, eh?
Kunou: As real as possible, Ran. [Grins and laughs,
"MUHAHAHA!"]
Cousin_Kuno: [Bowing floridly] It is with great regret that
I must take my leave.
Kodachi: Goodbye, cousin.
Cousin_Kuno: Perchance we shall meet again beneath a
convenient tree, little sword.
[Cousin Kuno leaves, leaving loads of single pages of wierd
haiku on while paper all over the place.]
> Makoto's face went beet red. "O-...okay..."
Ran: That's enough!! [walks up and kisses Kunou, sucking
his youth as she does so.]
Ran: See how real you are now, eh Kuno?
Kunou: [blinks, then blinks again.] My vision is failing!
Quick, summon the doctor!
Kodachi: I shall give you something to help you relax,
brother.
[Kunou grits his teeth, falling back. "That is quite all
right...I am better already! Never better!"]
Kodachi: Sadly true, brother
Ran: [To Kodachi] Our 'real man' looks quite grey, not to
mention a little green around the gills, wouldn't you say?
Kodachi: Yes, he is. But for brother dear, that is normal
Kunou: What is that? The story continues to unfold...please
CONTINUE!!!
> Noriko grinned and pulled Makoto's top up and off.
> Noriko cooed as Makoto's breasts came into view. "So
> sweet..." she then leaned down and licked the tops of
> Makoto's breasts. Makoto gasped and tried to hug Noriko
> to her. Noriko, however, slipped out of her grasp and
> pulled Makoto up.
>
> Noriko took hold of the edges of Makoto's pants. Looking
> right into her eyes, Noriko slid them down to the floor.
> Makoto sighed as the cool air played over her heated
> skin. She then felt Noriko's hands slide up her legs.
> "Has anyone besides Mie-chan ever tasted you?"
>
> Noriko's hands stopped short of Makoto's south gate. "A-
> Ami..." Makoto stammered. "When...Mievayae was gone..."
Kodachi: "Sagusa doesn't want women with good taste. They
want women who taste good!"
Ran: [To Kodachi] At least they know what good women taste
like.
Kodachi: "South gate?" Is that not a shopping mall?
Kunou: As opposed to her north gate, of course.
Ran: I thought it was the name of a cartoon, myself. "My
God, they killed Kenny. You bastards!"
Kunou: Is that not "South Zoo?"
Ran: South Park
Kunou: That is what I said!
Ran: Kunou, are you all right. Should your hair *really*
be that grey?
Kunou: Tis not grey! Thy sight must poor! [Kunou pushes his
hand through the grey locks of hair upon his head. "See?"]
Ran: Only when it rains, Kunou. [Aside to Kodachi] Has
your brother's eyesight always been this poor?
Kodachi: It is not his eyesight -- merely his
comprehension.
> "Such a lucky girl," Noriko tickled the inside of
> Makoto's leg, causing the shipmistress to gasp. Noriko
> then stood and reached for the latch to her bra. With
> agonizing slowness, Noriko peeled back the cloth and
> exposed her sweat-covered breasts to Makoto.
>
> "It seems I'm not the only girl with talent," Makoto
> grinned as she took in Noriko's bounty.
>
> Noriko then cupped a breast. "Care for a taste?"
Kunou: (mimicking Makoto) What do you think I've been
waiting for, you putz?! They do enjoy cupping breasts, do
they not?
Kodachi: Mutiny on the bounty!
> Makoto's lips eagerly decended on Noriko's breasts. She
> ran her lips and tongue over them like a babe hungry for
> her meal. Noriko moaned as Makoto sucked on a nipple, and
> Makoto was delighted as warm milk flowed over her tongue.
Ran: "Like a babe hungry for a meal"?
Kunou:[laughing] That is exactly what I was wondering
about.
Ran: Makoto is a babe, at least by Ataru's estimation. And
I think she's having her meal now!
Kunou: (mimicking Makoto) Mama!
> "Don't drink it all Makovayae." Noriko murmmered as she
> stroked Makoto's hair. "Jarec's going to want some when
> he comes back."
Kunou: And Jarec would be?
Neko: her son I guess
Kodachi: She's providing milk? Is she Nori-cow?
Ran:[voicing Makoto] Screw him! I'm goin' for *my* share!!
Kunou: I wonder if this is their only meals, here? Not
that I am opposed to the idea.
Ran: [Noriko] Moo. [To Kunou]no. But probably their most
enjoyable.
> Makoto pouted but stood up. "I'm jealous, I wish I could
> have as much access to your breasts."
[Kunou looks thoughtful. Yes, stranger things *have*
happened!]
Kodachi: Try to negotiate a better timesharing arrangement,
dear.
Ronny: Now she's limited to merely read and write access.
Not execute and/or delete.
> Noriko grinned and swiftly transferred her bra to Makoto.
> The latter frowned a bit as the former closed the latch,
> making her breasts squeeze together. "Feels strange..."
Kunou By gods, her own breasts squeeze her?
Kodachi "Feels... strange... must... talk... like...
Shatner!"
Neko: There's that latch again
Kunou: I *truly* must go to this place!
Kodachi: Do, brother. And remember to pack a lunch for the
trip.
> "It's not so bad," Noriko quickly divested herself of the
> microskirt and slipped off her panties. Makoto sighed
> as Noriko slipped them up her legs.
Kodachi: Microskirt: "Where do you want to screw today?"
Ran: I don't know. The bedroom maybe?
Kodachi: Microskirt. Creators of the Dildos 98 operating
system.
> Noriko turned Makoto around so she faced a mirror on the
> wall. "Makovayae...you're beautiful," she wrapped her
> arms around Makoto.
>
> Makoto looked at herself in the mirror and turned away
> blushing. "I feel cheap..."
>
Kodachi: Nonsense, dear. Here's a quarter.
> In a different reality, someone sneezed!
Kunou: ACHOO!!!
Neko: bless you
Kodachi:[To the author] And you are telling us this why?
Kunou: Thank you, cat person.
Neko: your welcome.
> "Oh, no! NEVER cheap!" Noriko ran her lips down Makoto's
> neck. "You're like the finest wine, to be savoured slowly
> mouthful by mouthful." Noriko pressed her body against
> Makoto's and licked where the shipmistress' neck met her
> shoulder. Makoto sighed and leaned back into Noriko.
Kodachi: Did you write this dialog, brother?
Kunou: No, why do you ask, sister? "neck met her
shoulder", perhaps.
Kodachi: It seems to have your sort of flavor.
Ran: Which one? The "Rocky Road" of Pompousity, or the
simple vanilla of stupidity.
Kunou: Really? Hmm...I must contemplate on that.
> Noriko's hands came up and massaged Makoto's breasts.
> "This seems a little tight. Let me adjust it."
>
> Noriko took the edges of the bra and moved it back and
> forth. Makoto gasped as the cloth rubbed against her
> nipples. The former's hand then slid down Makoto's belly
> and rested over her mound. "This seems a little
> loose..."
Kodachi: Makoto is a loose woman, then?
Ran: I guess.
Kunou: Loose morales, most certainly.
> Noriko suddenly pulled the front of the panties up and it
> bunched up and rubbed along Makoto's south gate. She
> cried out as the fabric rubbed up and down, the cloth
> brushing her tower as sparks erupted behind her eyes as
> she shuddered and came.
Ran: There's that south gate again!
Kunou: There is that reference to that "South Gate" again!
Kodachi: Her "tower?" What interesting language they use!
Ran: Yes. Such strange references, eh?
Kunou: Quite.
Ran: 'sparks erupted behind her eyes'?
Kodachi: Perhaps they've heard that using "cunt" on the
FFML is a bad idea
Ran: He still could have used a common term
Kunou: Apparently...otherwise, the author is dreadfully
afraid of using any words even close to the proper subject.
> Makoto gasped for air and leaned back into Noriko.
> "Naughty Makovayae, look what you've done!" the pilot
> chided.
Kunou: Makovayae? I am still unsure what this means? Some
strange term of endearment, mayhaps?
Neko: that's her name I think and Makoto is a shortened
verson
Kodachi: It means "slut"
Ran: Actually, Kunou is right. The 'vayae' suffix is
appended to the name of a persons beloved, like how a wife
refers to her husband as "anata". Yet another specialized
TSY term, folks!
Kodachi: Because Lum had the copyright on "Darling?"
Ran: [To Kodachi] I guess.
> Makoto looked down and saw her fluids had stained the
> front of the panties. "I can't help it!" the
> shipmistress sighed. "That felt so wonderful."
>
Kodachi: It is a good thing that this person doesn't wear
underwear ALL the time. Reacting this way in public might
be a bit embarrassing.
Kunou: At least we know "What" skid marks they were
refering to earlier.
Ran: I guess we do indeed, eh Kunou?
> Noriko's hand slipped down the front of the panties and
> lightly stroked Makoto's mound. "Don't tell me you're
> done yet. I haven't treated you properly yet."
Kunou: All of the sudden, I prefer the term "south gate".
Ran:[Makoto, with peppy feeling] You mean we're going to
perform scenes from "Cool Devices" afterall?
> Something in Makoto's lust-hazed mind demanded attention.
> "Umm...Norivayae..." she gasped for air, "...is there
> gonna be any trouble with your...talent?"
Kodachi: "Of course not, dear. I'm completely untalented.
You know that."
Ran:[Noriko] My talents are just fine, dear. It's you
that's got the flat chest!
> Noriko grinned and kissed the back of Makoto's neck.
> "Don't worry," Noriko's finger slipped past Makoto's
> south gate and rested before her entrance. "I've learned
> control so you won't pass out. I've even learned some
> tricks."
[Kunou smirks.]
Neko: isn't her south gate and her entrance the same thing?
Kunou: I would assume one refers to the gate, and the other
refers to the actual entryway, respectively.
Kodachi: Is she an old dog?
Ran: What talent was that? Her skill at linguistics is
quite common, even if she thinks herself as cunning!
Kodachi: Is she a cunning linguist, then?
Kunou: Not that I have noticed, so far, sister.
Ran: A master of many tongues...
Kodachi: That would explain how she was able to construct
all of these clever euphemisms.
> Noriko's thumb stroked Makoto's tower, the latter feeling
> a rush of energy strike at her psi-shields at the same
> time. The duel effect caused Makoto's knees to buckle
> and a wetness pour over Noriko's hand. "Makovayae!"
> Noriko admonished. "There you go again!" He sighed.
> "If this keeps up, I won't be able to wear these again.
> And so..."
Kodachi: "And this is my only pair, too!"
Ran: "If I lose them, you're buying another pair!"
Kunou: "You wouldn't believe how hard it is to buy
underwear on this Happosai-less planet!"
> Noriko quickly divested Makoto of the panties. "Nasty
> thing!" Noriko said as she tossed them aside. "Keeping
> me from making Makovayae happy." Noriko unlatched the bra
> and tossed it aside. "Much better, don't you think?"
> Noriko whispered into Makoto's ear as she lightly stroked
> Makoto's breasts.
Neko: I think she was pretty happy with them on.
Kodachi: A little TOO happy, perhaps
Ran: That and the bras.
Kunou:[yawns.] "They are both entirely too happy, today."
> "Uhh..." Makoto sighed as Noriko's hands roamed over her
> body. Noriko gently laid Makoto onto the carpet and gave
> her a lusty kiss. Makoto made a soft noise of protest as
> Noriko broke the kiss and started kissing down the length
> of her body. Soft gasps and sighs responded as Noriko
> nibbled and licked down her neck and paused to kiss her
> breasts and nipples.
Kunou: Again, the switch of present and past tense...Was it
not foreseen by myself?
Kodachi: So much repetition of the word "kiss." Does the
author not own a thesaurus? And, brother, it is all in
past tense.
Ran: Geiger-san?! probably not!
Kunou: You are right, sister. I read part of it
incorrectly.
> Makoto's excitement grew as Noriko's lips slid down her
> belly towards her south gate. Makoto spread her legs and
> bit her finger as she felt someone's hot breath on her.
> She whined in frustration as Noriko moved lower, then
> gasped as Noriko's tongue lapped up her inner legs
> towards her gate.
Kunou: Have they not done this many times already?
Kodachi: I believe so, brother.
Ran: Can't the man use proper terminology instead of
confusing the reader?
Neko: I don't think her north gate is near her legs
Kodachi: Are there east and west gates as well? And Bill
Gates, perhaps?
Ran: Is just plain evil! But I think the 'North Gate' is
someone's mouth.
Kodachi: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOO!
Kunou: If there is anyone more sadistic, my sister...
Ran:[Kodachi] Something of which you have a great deal of
experience!
Kodachi: Unlike you, dear sweet schoolgirl?
> Noriko however, continued to tease Makoto and passed over
> what she most wanted to taste to start on the other leg.
> Makoto almost snarled as she was brought to the edge and
> then yanked back.
Kunou: The first sentence there is quite confusing.
Ran: That might be better as "...continued to tease Makoto
and passed what she mosted wanted Noriko to taste, starting
instead on the other leg."
Kodachi: I believe they are indulging in cannibalism here.
Neko: yeah can't he just say cunt
Ran:[To Kodachi] Who's talking. You go to Saint Bacchus.
Kunou: Considering their behavior, I am not surprised.
Kodachi: We have no classes in cannibalism at St. Hebereke.
It is all self-taught.
Ran: Somebody get this poor boy a thesaurus!
> "Norivayae! I need you!! Don't tease anymore!"
Kodachi: "Watson, come here! I need you!"
Kunou: "I need you...TO LEAVE!"
Kodachi: I need you... you need me... we're a cannibalistic
family...."
Ran: "Don't tease anymore...I need this...TO END!!!"
> "I want to come with you..." Noriko gasped.
Ran: Ah, '69...what a wonderful year!
Kunou: "I want to come with you...to Disneyland! I hear its
full of TASTY people this time of the year."
> She moved up to Makoto's head and straddled her. Makoto
> obliged and ran her lips and tongue along Noriko's gate
> and tower, causing her to squeal. Noriko buried her face
> between Makoto's legs and returned the favour.
«Action» Kunou sighs.
Kodachi: Is Mr. Geiger by any chance an architect?
Ran: No. But I hear he's a real card!
> Both tightened their limbs around each other and were
> soon lost in a world of probing lips, tongues and
> fingers. Both duelled with each other with their psychic
> rams, Makoto sending expertly applied blows to key spots,
> while Noriko sent searing bolts of passion all along
> Makoto's body. The kissing and licking increased in
> pace...then both screamed as they came together on both
> the physical and mental planes.
Neko: how do lips probe???
Ran: What's a psychic ram?
Kodachi: By asking telling questions. And a psychic ram is
obviously a battering device that can predict the future.
Kunou: Applied blows to keyhole spots?
Kodachi: I think that is a typo, brother; he meant to say
G-spots.
Misty: Doesn't look like you guys will be done any time
soon, so I'm leaving. Mabye next time...
[Misty exits the stage to seek out more Pokeman. Gotta get
'em all, you know!]
Kunou: though we're practically at the end...
Ran: Thank goodness!
> They held each other tightly for a few moments longer
> before disentangling themselves. Noriko brought her face
> down to Makoto's and lightly kissed her before they feel
> asleep in each other's arms on the floor...
Kunou: Thats "fell" asleep.
Kodachi: And then the house burned down, and they died.
Ran: 'feel asleep'. should be fell, as Kunou said.
And
if ribbon girl's correct, we won't have to read anything
else by this guy.
Kunou: Quite, unless they are feeling each other up in
their sleep.
> Some days later...
Ran: They're still in bed?
Kodachi: Some vaguely indeterminate time has passed....
Kunou: They died of blood loss?
Ran: [To Kunou] One can only hope.
Kunou: They ate each other's gates and towers, for Christ's
sake.
Kodachi: So now they are homeless?
> Mie looked up as Makoto started to head out of their
> house in To-Tere'na.
Kodachi: "Going out?"
Ran: Well, they've torn down their gates and rammed in
their towers... or is it the other way around?
Kunou: "Yeah, we've been here for "some" time now!"
Neko: The other way around, I think.
Ran:[Voicing Kosh] "I have always been here..."
> "Just going to do some shopping. I won't be long."
Kodachi: "I'm NOT going to a lesbian sex orgy! I deny that
completely!"
Kunou: "...some days later, she returns. 'No, I did not
have sex with twenty other woman I happened to have had a
drink with."
[Ran giggles]
> "Just a moment!" Mie started writing on a piece of paper
> and handed a list to Makoto. "Get these please."
Kunou: "1. Pink Underwear, 2. YOUR SOUTH GATE!"
Ran: Get what?
Kodachi: "I don't understand. A tower? We live in an
apartment!"
> Makoto groaned. "Mieeeevaaaayaeeee!"
Kunou: "...as Mie's hands ran down her pants, past her
gates, and into her entrance."
Kodachi: And she is caught by the night watchman, and
arrested for trespassing.
Ran: "Past the door and through the woods..."
Kodachi: To grandmother's tower we go?
Ran: Eeep!
Kunou: That is actually a very scary thing to say now,
sister.
Neko: gotta hit the sack now, night all. Ja! =^_^= Meow!
Ran: seeya Neko
Kodachi: Go and speak with the owner of the nekohanten
about it, brother, Perhaps she can enlighten you.
Kunou: Farewell, cat person.
Kodachi: Bye.
[Neko scampers off]
> "No complaining!" Mie wagged her finger at her life-mate.
> "If I'm cooking tonight, the least you can do is buy the
> groceries!"
Ran:[To Kodachi] I doubt anything can enlighten Kunou!
Kodachi: I know, girl. But I do like to humor him now and
then.
Kunou: You talk about me as if I am not in the room!
Kodachi: "But why does this list contain nothing but sex
toys?"
Ran:[voicing Makoto] "And what's this 'Cool Devices'
video?"
Kunou: "And who is Oscar-chan?"
Kodachi: When Mie is cooking, she really gets cooking!
Ran: [voicing Mie] A specialist for our Sandpanther. Don't
worry about it!
> "Alright, alright, be back soon!" Makoto gave Mie a quick
> kiss and left for the market.
Kunou: Mie does not know where those lips have been...
Kodachi: This little Makoto went to market... this little
Mie stayed home....
Ran: The making of a good handfasting. ;-)
Kodachi: I don't think she wants to know, brother
Ran: This little Noriko wore panties all the way home...
[Kunou grins.]
> Sometime later, Makoto was heading towards the post
> office while toting two large bags. *Got here just in
> time!* Makoto thought as she noticed that it was almost
> closing time.
Kodachi: "Just in time to send my letterbomb off to Mr.
Herriot!"
Kunou: "Dear, Mr. Bill Gates, sorry for using your last
name as a metaphor for the female...ahem..."
Ran: "And another to Mr. Geiger as well."
> A few minutes later, Makoto emerged with a package
> stuffed in one of the grocery bags. Looking down, she
> felt a small thrill run through her as she thought of
> what lay inside. It had cost a pretty penny to order it
> from Earth.
Kunou: She bought Noriko a new pair afterall.
Kodachi: "One cent? How outrageously over-priced!"
Kunou: The "skid marks" did not wash out, I assume.
Ran: Nope
Kunou: Either that, or she's tired of cold buttocks.
> But she was sure it would be well worth it.
Kodachi: "One penny, and worth every penny."
Ran: And only that penny. And only because it wasn't that
pretty!
Kodachi:[Voicing Azusa] But that penny was so CUTE!
Jeanette! Jeanette!
Kunou: A penny spent on lingerie is a penny spent well!
Kodachi: You should train under master happosai, brother.
Kunou: *Ahem* I meant to "phrase" him. :P
> *I'm glad you're cooking dinner tonight, Mievayae,*
> Makoto licked her lips. *I'll be making dessert.
> Something soft and sweet and individually wrapped for
> your dining pleasure...*
Kunou: AND SO IT ENDS!
Kodachi: Ah, they've reinvented edible underwear!
Ran: hmmm. We'd better check the notes on the bottom.
>
> *** The End ***
> Small notes on in-jokes:
Kunou: "I really lust after Bill Gates and his tower..."
Kodachi: If you need to explain your jokes, my dear fellow,
you might as well not bother.
Ran: "I long to ram his south gate!"
> 1."Golf..hitting a ball..and walking after it." Is George
> Carlin's personal opinion of the 'sport'
Kunou: Unless they use golf carts.
Kodachi: I'd be interested in Carlin's opinion of this
story!
Ran: You mean Geiger-san is so brainless he couldn't come
up with an opinion of his own about golf?
Kodachi: It would seem so, yes.
> 2."I see I'm not the only girl with talent." Joke from
> the American version of SAILOR MOON. In the original, the
> characters were competing for the role of Snow White.
> Makoto said she sould have the part due to having the
> biggest breasts. In the American version, it was changed
> to her saying she had the most talent.
Ran: I think Golfs are fine cars, really.
Ronny: It's interesting to note that the DIC people seem to
think girls are only talented if they have big boobs. :)
Kunou: Well now, at least we know what the talent bit was
concerning now.
Ran: A new insult for Ranma to use on Akane, "Uncute macho
chick with no talent!"
Kodachi: I might try that one myself.
Kunou: Do not even begin to plan your harrassment of my
truest love.
Ran: Harass Akane's ass to your delight!
Kodachi: You don't know her, space girl
Ran: I've heard of her...
Kodachi: I thought you loved the Pig-tailed girl, brother.
Kunou: *gaah!* But I found a way to love them both! This
planet is destined for me...and they can both be my truest
loves!
Kodachi: But they don't need YOU on this planet, brother!
They can love each OTHER here, and leave dear Ranma for ME!
Ran: You should hear the things they say about Akane in
Tomobiki High School...
Kunou: You can have that evil sorcerer! Just keep him away
from my pig-tailed girl!
Ran: So, Kodachi. Are you after the boy or girl side?
Kodachi: Gladly, brother. Ran, I beg your pardon? I
didn't hear what you said.
Kunou: It is good that we see things the same, sister.
Kodachi: I would not go THAT far, brother.
[Kunou glares at Kodachi.]
> 3.'In a different reality, someone sneezed!' This of
> course, is Honey from 'A Remarkable Destiny' She has the
> same opinion of underwear as Makoto does.
> ^_^
Ran:[To Kodach] Boy or girl side. The girl whose pig tail
your brother is chasing...is your dear Ranma-sama!
Kodachi: Do not talk nonsense, my dear.
Kunou: What are you babbling about?
Kodachi: I believe she has been affected by space madness.
Ran: [To both Kunous] Ever hear of Jusenkyo?
Kodachi: Jusenkyo? I have not. Is it one of those foriegn
restaurants in the Tomobiki district?
Ran:[To Kodachi] Ranma's cursed to become a girl when
splashed with cold water. Hot water turns her back.
Kunou: I believe Jusenkyo is some sort of drink... an
alcoholic beverage rather. And you have had too much, Ran-
san.
Kodachi: My dear girl, I hope that school of yours is
staffed with competent mental health professionals.
Ran: [To Kodachi]My school, unlike yours, doesn't need 'em.
Still, I can see why you chase after him. Double you
pleasure, double your fun!
Kodachi: Of course. Dear Ranma is worth any other two men!
Still, I have heard differently at your school.
Ran: [Kodachi] Didn't you know about the curse. Everyone
in Tokyo knows about Ranma and his curse. Except you two.
Now I know why! [aside] And people call me nuts!
Kunou: Ranma is a curse! To me!
Kodachi: Yes, Ranma is cursed with all of those peon women
chasing him all the time. Alas, someday I might save him.
Ran: Ah.. O.K. Well, what did you think of this fic,
then?
Kunou: Of course, sister, you know that he cast his dark
magicks to seduce those women?
Kodachi: I thought it was a dreadful exploitation of the
sexual act in order to satisfy pubescent fanboy fantasies.
Yourself?
Kunou: I felt it lacked a man, of stature such as myself,
to help those poor damsels to the true path of
righteousness.
Ran: Well, I thought it trite and boring as well. Too much
conversation just to get to a kinky sex act. By the way,
Kuno, Ranma couldn't magick his way out of a paper bag!
I'm a caster of dark magick, so I should know!
Kodachi: Yes, of course, brother. Anything you say. Perhaps
I can fix you a little cocktail? Something to help you
relax?
Kunou: I am quite all right. Perhaps later.
Kodachi: (aside) Magic? What superstitious fools!
Ran: Here. Let me! [Ran kisses Kuno and sucks his youth
out again.]
Kodachi: Has anyone ever told you you look like Maris the
Chojo, Ran dear?
[Ran kisses Kodachi and sucks her's out as well.]
Ran: Plenty of times. Goodnight.
[Kodachi pushes Ran away before she can kiss]
Kunou: *Cough* Thy preferences of sexuality...*cough* have
become clear...
Kodachi: No thank you, dear. These lips are only for Ranma-
sama.
Kunou: I feel tired all of a sudden...
Kodachi: Go and rest, brother.
Kunou: I think I shall, sister...[Kunou weakly bows and
limps out of the theatre wearily.]
Ran: Too bad. Now I'll have to get rough!![Ran whips out
the Bazooka and fires at the Black Rose.] You had this
coming for a while, ribbon witch!
[Kodachi dodges, and fires a razor hoop. Ran sidesteps the
deadly hoop and fires another round. It hits a bunch of
black roses, and a thousand clubs which all had Ran's name
on them. Kodachi herself is singed a bit, but unharmed.]
Kunou: Parting is such sweet sorrow! [Kodachi dodges again,
swinging out of the theater, black roses trailing. Until
next time!]
Ran: Well, we finally got through a group MST without
anything bad happening to the ship. Or anything else of
note.
[Ran picks up one of the many pieces of white paper left
from Cousin Kuno's equally...impressive...exit. She reads
the poem, turning more read with each word.]
Ran: "Little Sword, how we dallied by the tree in our
youth, and how I long to kiss your lips on wine, and take
the nectar from you honeyed South...[ Angrilly, she
crumples it up!] HENTAI!!!
[disgustedly] At least *someone* expanded their vocabulary
because of this. Even if the new words *were* directed
within the family.
Until next time. ja ne. Ran YUUMMM!!!
*** Fin ***
Ran would like to thank everyone who took part in the
FFIRC MST of this fanfic for attending and contributing
their comments. She would like to give special thanks to
Gary Kleppe for suggesting to put this on the FFML, and for
all the comments he made on this fic.
__
(24-Sep-00)
Additional editing and HTMLizing: Zoogz
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