[SID surveys the dusty attic where the props for "Ran's Fanfic Theater" are stored. Over to the left is the comfy sofa where Largo sat. To the right is a figure of a lemming from an old computer game.] SID: How did *that* get there. DIRECTOR: You sure we want to dust this off? It's been years since there's been an original MST3K, and this was just one more clone of the show. SID: The higher ups have their plans. We just have to follow them... so let's get started. DIRECTOR: Yeah, but...geez...what kind of material deserves *this*? SID: I don't know, dude, but I've been assured from the higher-ups that this ones special. DIRECTOR: A real dud, eh? SID: Yep. Some interloper apparently decided to play in Fred, Mike, and Robert's playground, and lacked the proper tools to do it. DIRECTOR: He had no code and God was watching, eh? SID: You *could* say that. Oh well, let get this out of here and dusted off, shall we? ********************************************************************* [Begin opening theme - "Black Magic Woman" by Santana] It's...Ran's Fanfic Theater, episode 5 (It's been a while, hasn't it?) Now Showing: Pools of Tao Part 1 by 'Spaceman' Ran, along with all other characters from Urusei Yatsura are the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. Rights held by Shogakukan (Japan), and Viz (U.S). Pyeknu (aka Reiko Moroboshi) is the creation of Fred Herriot and all rights to the character belong to him. Iron Chef is the product of Fuji Creative, all rights reserved. All other characters are the handles of the people involved in the FFIRC session from which this is edited. The players are: Fred Herriot [Pyeknu] Robert Geiger [Spacehamster] Johnathan Rosenbaugh [Jon] David Linquist [Fido] Rylan Hilman [DannyCat] and, of course, Steven Cornett [Nightman] Thanks to all of them for their time and their comments. As usual, Comments, flames, grunts and loud noises to cornetts@siscom.net ********************************************************************* [Shot of the studio where the MSTing is to take place. In it we have a picture of Blocker Joe the Lemming (life sized) above a panelist's table and a sofa placed behind it, presently unfilled. To the right of this is a 'royal gallery', with seats for a few 'distinguished guests. Except for the sofa, it kind of looks like Kitchen Stadium] ANNOUNCER: Two years ago, a anime character from a now ancient anime series had an idea. Secretly gathering the best MSTers, she would find the stangest fanfictions based on her and other Takahashi based series, and challenge our invincible panel to explore the stories and come up with new avenues of critque and barbed wit. [Backstage, where we see RAN and the LA slimeball producer, SID. RAN looks distinctly unhappy to be a part of this gathering.] ANNOUNCER: What new and original fun can our Iron MSTers make from this piece of crap fiction? Will they be able to prevail against it. RAN: You have *got* to be kidding, Sid! Of all the harebrained, low-ID ideas you've come up with, this has to be the most tasteless you have *ever* come up with. SID: You flatter me! RAN: I'm *still* not doing this! SID: But it's in our contract! You've been out on vacation for two years, that long enough a playtime for anyone! RAN: So why not do the same shows as before? SID: Times change. We got to update the concept for the twenty-first century, Ran my dear. RAN: It looks like you copied "Iron Chef"! SID: YES, I did. I figured that if UPN could take cooking, put in an audience full of WWF Smackdown rejects, put in Sportscasters with an IQ of kumquats, stir in third-rate cooks and have William Shatner host it, why couldn't I make an MST show, use the original "Kitchen Stadium" setup, and make you the Chairwoman. RAN: That's...that's...robbery! SID: That's Hollywood! And you're on! RAN: ARGH! [Cut to "Fanfic Stadium". RAN, clothed in sequined gloves, pink bikini, cloak, and patent leather boots, walks on the stage.] RAN: