In the not-too-distant future,
Somewhere up overhead:
Mike Nelson beats out all the odds,
Because he's not yet dead...
Pursued by a woman, whose name is Pearl,
A twisted, sadistic, sort of girl,
She's mad Mike's mind isn't whacked,
So she decided to try a different kind of tact!

Pearl: I'LL... GET... *YOU*!!!

"I'll send him lousy web posts,
The worst he's ever seen!
He'll have to sit and read them all,
And keep his comments clean!"

Now keep in mind, Mike has to read,
Whatever post that Pearl sends;
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends!

>>Robot Roll Call <<

Cambot! (<>)
Gypsy! (=O=)
Tom Servo! (__)
Crooow! (o_o)

If you're wondering why Mike has to read,
And other useless facts,
Just repeat to yourself it's just a post,
You should really just relax! For...

Mystery Science Theater Three Thousand...

Mike:  6_6;; .oO( ..and one!)
 

The article MSTed within is copyrighted to Kris Overstreet and Larry Mann,
and they are quite welcome to it. No insult is intended, it just seems that
way.
Hell, to be honest, the only reason I'm MSTing it is for the bizarre
orgy-rific sex. Really.

Jack Acid:  -_^  V

Any random mention of characters, songs, movies, and the like belong to
their respective owners. All rights reserved.

This MSTing contains situations extremely inappropriate to anyone under 18,
or anyone else for that matter.
 

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]
 

 "Greetings, fellow disciples, to another action packed episode of MST
3001!" Tom said as Cambot panned down and brought him into the shot. "You
know, we here on the Satellite believe in a 'hands on' approach to your
Internet MST experience, and strive to maintain the highest form of
quality... Therefore it is with *great* pleasure to present a revolutionary
break-though in interactive, er, ology! And that discovery is..."

<<Bum-bum-bum, BUM!>>

 "Virtual MST!"

<<Duh... dun... dun! DA-DAH!>>

 "Thank you, Magic Voice. Yes friends, through the power of today's
technology, you can experience MST as if *you were actually there!* And the
best part is, we do it for you! No extra equipment or software is needed to
unlock the power of Mystery Science Theater, 3000! Behold!"
 At that, Servo drew his face up close to Cambot, so that his dome filled
the entire range of the robot's vision. He continued: "Now get ready, kids,
to feel the raw realism! Ready, and... touch the screen! Yes! Don't be shy
now, I don't mind... There! Amazing, isn't it? It actually feels like my
face, doesn't? Behold MST in all its FULL glory!
 "So,  how long has he been like this?" Mike wondered out loud, as he walked
into Cambot's field of vision. All of what is seen, however, has been
refracted by Servo's glass dome. An equally distorted Crow T. Robot
answered:
 "Oh, him? All this morning. It's really starting to creep me out, Mike, and
Cambot's totally with me on this one..." Cambot nodded slightly, but kept
the shot perfectly steady, as always. "Can you *do* something?"
 "All morning, huh? Allow me..." Mike strode over to Cambot (and Tom), and
knocked on the back of Tom's dome. "Yoo-hoo, Thomas... Tom? Earth to Servo,
this is Mike Nelson calling Tom Servo..." Failing to get a response, Mike
shrugged and went back over to Crow. An idea struck him, and he walked off
screen to retrieve a toolkit.
 "C'mon, Tom, this isn't funny anymore! You're scaring us! Oh, Pearl's
calling..." Crow knocked the red responder button with his beak. "Yes,
Commander?"

[Castle Forrester]

 Pearl yawned. "Good morning, my little Goalie Mask. Where are the Naked Ape
and the Nutrasweet Dispenser hiding to? Hey, what's wrong with... *snicker*"
Although she tried to contain herself, the walleyed image of Crow T. Robot
caused Pearl to crack up. She made a frantic 'get-over-here,
you-gotta-see-this!' gesture at the Observer, who was engaged in a vigorous
battle of thumb-wrestling with Bobo. They turned to look and slowed to a
stand-still when they caught a glimpse of Crow. They drew closer to the
screen, and suddenly burst into laughter.
 *"What's with you guys today...?"* Crow was completely unaware how looked
on the relay to Castle Forrester. The Madds simply couldn't stop laughing!
 "Ha, ha, hehe... *gasp*..." The three below managed to stop laughing for
the moment, until Observer burst out with: "Getting enough of your
medication, Gold One?" Which set the three into another round of laughter.
"Whoa, hahaha... um... your movie this week is a Bubble Gum Crisis lemon,
named BG Pink: Raging Fires (snicker)..." Pearl regained her composure. "By
the by, Crow... Tell Mikey-boy not to like it!"

[SOL Bridge]

 "I think I found the problem... here!" Mike reached into the dome of Tom
Servo, plucked forth a green gumball, and replaced the top of his head. "It
was sticking up the works, Servo, feel better now?"
 "Wha'? Oh, thanks, Mike! Those lime-flavored one can do strange things to a
man... Oh, hi, Cambot. Why are you so close to me? Give me a little
breathing room, for crying out loud!"
 "Mike, Pearl says you won't like the movie..."
 "Well, that's pretty presumptuous of her. But we'll find out soon enough,
because WE GOT LEMON SIGN!!"
 

[6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater]
 

>redneck@txdirect.net (Kris Overstreet)
 

Tom:   If you use txdirect.net, you might be a redneck!
Crow:  Kris Overstreet? Isn't he one of the Backstreet Boys?
(they sit down, in the usual seats)
 

>This 'fic was originally to be called BUBBLE GUM CLIMAX,
 

Crow:  Perverted, and clever. I like it!
 

>before it was discovered that that name had already been used.
 

Mike:  You'll have that...
 

>Oopsie.
 

Tom:   (as Kris) I also forgot, I'm not wearing any pants!
Mike:  (looks at Tom) Huh?
Tom:   (shakes head) Sorry... the lime's not out of my system yet.
 

>        WARNING!
>
>        This story involves incredibly gratuitous sexual situations,
>portrayed in an extremely graphic, lewd, and silly fashion.
 

Crow:  The Tommy and Pamela Lee Anderson Honeymoon Tape!
 

>If you do not wish to see people running around in total rut humping at the
>drop of a panty,
 

Tom:   ... you are obviously not an adolescent male.
 

>or if you are under the legal age in your area to be reading smut,
 

Mike:  As if *that* would stop you...
 

>or if your mother is standing over your shoulder reading this
 

Mike:  (winces) *That* would stop you.
Tom:   (as Norman Bates) What's that, Mother? Kill the fanfic, you say?
 

>(unless she's very open minded, in which case we won't ask questions),
 

Crow:  We'll try not to *think* up those questions!
 

>dump this file now!
 

Mike:  If only I could, if only I could...
 

>       ADDITIONAL WARNING!
 

Tom:   Do not use if you have a heart condition or are pregnant...
 

>       Furthermore, this story takes severe liberties with the main
>characters from BUBBLE GUM CRISIS,
 

Crow:  Liberties? IT'S A *FREAKING* LEMON!!
 

>that is when we aren't ignoring the base characters entirely.
 

Mike:  Honesty! I think I like that in an author...
 

>If you don't think that Sylia is a secret nymphomaniac, or that Nene has
>given more head than a mannequin factory,
 

Tom:   Har, har, har...
 

 >then this story is -not- for you,
 

Crow:  I agree! Can we go now, Mike?
Mike:  (laughs) I don't think so, Crow...
 

>and you'd better drop it before you decide to hunt us down and torture us
>with repeat screenings of ZILLION.
 

All:   AAAHHH!
Tom:   We could *NEVER* do that to another living creature!
Crow:  It's too cruel!
 

>        YET ANOTHER WARNING!
 

Mike:  (sighs) Yeah, yeah...
Tom:   Picking up a *pattern* here...
 

>        Again, if you're not at -least- 18 years old, or if you are
>underage to read or possess adult sexual material in your location,
>PLEASE ERASE THIS NOW!
 

Tom:   Sadly, we are all well over five hundred years old.
Mike:  Technically... yes, we are. Damn.
 

>Christ, you're living dangerously even by reading -THIS- far, you can get
>in trouble,
 

Crow:  (as author) You wouldn't like that...
 

>we could get in trouble,
 

Crow:  (as author) *WE* wouldn't like that...
 

>and our mothers would be VERY dissapointed with us... so PLEASE, if
>you're underage, STOP READING!
 

Mike:  Okay, okay, we're all over 18 here, can we get on with the show?
Tom:   Getting a little twitchy, Mike?
Mike:  Hey, the sooner it starts, the sooner it's over!
Tom:   True, true...
 

>        HEY! You in the Bay Area! Yeah, you with the pimples and those
>Penthouses stashed beneath your mattress!
 

Tom:   So, basically *any* male adolescent in the Bay Area...
 

>Yeah, YOU! No way are you 18, now move on to the next post, that Ranma
>thing, it's really very good,
 

Crow:  Yeah, would if we could!
 

>and more to the point WE WON'T GET PROSECUTED FOR IT!! HIT THE
>ROAD!!
 

Mike:  (laughs) This guy's okay in my book...
Tom:   He can cover his ass right, I'll give him that.
 

>        NOT SO MUCH A WARNING AS A PIECE OF ADVICE
 

Crow:  Never wear a jock strap made out of fiberglass!
Mike:  ... or attempt to read an Oscarfic with your eyes open!
Tom:   Thank you for your attention!
 

>       Ahem. One more caveat. This is a wildly unrealistic story, and
>is not for those without a sense of humor.
 

Tom:   Certainly not us! It's our hobby!
 

>If you think that sex is not something to be made fun of,
 

Mike:  Listening, Kenneth Starr?
 

>and the only lemon you ever read is written by Caroline Seawright,
 

Tom:   Who?
Crow:  Exactly.
 

>and you get annoyed by that... go no farther, because this is some
>crazy-ass shit goin' down here.
 

Mike:  (singing) Stop! Hey! What's that sound!
Tom:   (singing) Everybody look what's going down!
Crow:  You get the feeling we're being warned or something?
 

>        YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
 

Crow:  Oh, alright, then...
 

>*       *       *       *       *       *       *
 

Tom:   The stars are in perfect alignment tonight...
 

>        Mackie sat at the monitor which connected to the security
>cameras in the changing room, as he had many, many times before.
 

Crow:  He's trying to get that security camera installed in the
ladies room to get some variety in his love life, tho.
 

>  More often than not his vigil was cut short,
 

Tom:   Oh, the horrors of pre-ejaculation!
Mike:  Tom...
 

>but today seemed to be Mackie's lucky day, as Sylia did not notice the
>active camera, undoing the buttons on her blouse.
 

Mike:  The camera was helping Sylia take off her clothes?
Crow:  Now *that* is a nifty camera!
 

>Mackie leaned forward a little in eager anticipation as Sylia brushed the
>blouse off her shoulders, leaving her upper body contained only by the
>low-cut bra she wore underneath.
 

Crow:  She wears a bra? Never would have imagined!
Tom:   With those things I'm not surprised if she uses a *forklift* for
support...
 

>The tightness in Mackie's jeans increased noticeably as Sylia reached
>behind her back, on the verge of giving her brother a major eyeful.
 

Crow:  Squirt!
Mike:  Crow...
 

>        That was when she looked directly at the camera and, as such,
>directly at Mackie.  Damn, caught in the act again.
 

Tom:   (as Mackie) Time for another whupping...
 

>  Mackie sighed,
 

Mike:  (dramatically sighs)
 

>waiting for his sister to throw something over the camera.
 

Crow:  (as Mackie) Oh, look! Her panties!
Mike:  Gypsy Rose Lee has NOTHING on her...
 

>        But this didn't happen.
 

Tom:   She, in fact, threw the *camera* over something.
 

>  In fact she turned to face the camera fully, eyes half-closed and with a
>look on her face that could only be described as hungry.
 

Mike:  Or... ditzy.
Tom:   (singing) Goodbye, Norma Jean...
 

>  She released the clasp holding the bra in place and slowly, temptingly,
>slid it off of her soft, beautiful breasts, showing him
>just how erect her nipples really were.
 

Crow:  Sproing!
Mike:  Nipple courtesy of Nerf.
 

>        Mackie just stared, frozen in place, as Sylia cupped and
>massaged a breast with one hand and started to slowly pull down the
>zipper on her skirt with the other.
 

Tom:   ... Mackie started to freak out when she lit up a cigarette with a
*third* hand...
 

>  He thought he heard a moaning noise coming through the audio pickups as
>his sister licked her lips
 

Crow:  Which ones?
Mike and Tom: CROW!
Crow:  What now!? It's a legitimate question!
 

>and her right hand disappeared into her panties.
 

Crow:  See?
 

>  By this time a solid steel rod struggled to escape from his pants,
 

Tom:   Sailor Moon's Cutie Moon Rod!
Mike:  Ick! So that's where it got to...
Crow:  Oh sure! You yell at me!
Mike:  (sheepishly) Sorry...
 

>but he was so focused on Sylia that he was quite unable to do anything
>about it.
 

Mike:  This must be the unrealistic part we were warned about...
 

>        Then something very strange happened.
 

Crow:  But I thought that something strange just *DID* happen!
 

>  Sylia started walking towards the camera and, at the point when her body
>should have blocked the lens,
 

Tom:   ... her body blocked the lens. Thank you!
 

>she suddenly *melted through the screen*, and Mackie suddenly found
>himself staring up at his half-naked elder sister.
 

Mike:  (imitating an old crone) Hi! Do you want to become one with me?
 

>        "Mackie..." she said in a voice husky with desire as she
>slowly sank to her knees,
 

All:   (singing) ... falling in love can be hard on your knees!
 

>her right hand tracking slowly from his shoulder down to the small tent in
>his jeans,
 

Crow:  Funny place to pitch a shelterhalf...
Tom:   I sure hope he remembers his Boy Scout survival training!
 

>sending small electrical shocks down his spine with each touch and also
>diverting more and more blood to his crotch.
 

Mike:  (singing) Sunday, Bloody Sunday...
 

>  She closed her fingers around the zipper of his jeans and pulled down,
>and the grateful monster sprang free from its prison,
 

Tom:   Mike Tyson?
 

>rearing up to its full seven-inch height.
 

Crow:  You mean he wasn't sporting a full boner already? Man, what a cynic!
 

>  It twitched as her cool hand wrapped around its burning skin, and Mackie
>heard himself whimper at the sensation.
 

All:   (imitate dogs whimpering)
 

>  Licking her lips once more, she opened her mouth wider and lowered her
>head toward his groin.
 

Mike:  Incoming!
Tom:   Emergency procedures!
Crow:  Batten down the head-- I mean, hatches!
 

>        A warm wetness engulfed the upper half of his cock and sent
>spasms rocketing through his entire body.
 

Tom:   Oh, the horrors of pre-ejaculation...
Mike:  (laughs) Stop that!
 

>  Under that kind of pressure he didn't stand a chance, and the sensation
>very quickly crescendoed into a golden explosion--
 

Crow:  Eww! Gross!
Tom:   Don't drink so much water right before bedtime!
Mike:  Do you want to go back to the rubber pants, young man?
 

>        "GUH!" Mackie abruptly snapped awake, every muscle in his
>pelvis spasming uncontrollably.
 

Mike:  Mackie's the reincarnation of Elvis?
 

>  Unable to move or control it, he could only wait for the orgasm to run
>its course.  After a full 30 seconds,
 

Tom:   ... the hell?!
Crow:  Neat trick.
 

>the explosive shooting finally slowed down to a trickle, and
>then ceased altogether.
 

Mike:  And we are very thankful for that! Don't do it again!
 

>       "Damn it..." Mackie groaned as he crawled out of the bed,
 

Crow:  Not his brand-new Care Bears sheets!
Tom:   Oh no!
 

>feeling the sweat soaking his body and all too aware of the sticky
>mess his pajama bottoms had become.  "Not again. That's the fourth
>night in a row..."
 

Tom:   ... this week.
Crow:  ... and it's only Tuesday?
 

>  He slipped out of the pajamas, wiping himself off as best he could,
 

Mike:  (visibly shudders) Ugh.
 

>and headed for the bathroom.
 

Crow:  No, idiot! First you go into the bathroom and *then* you wipe!
 

>        *what the hell is happening to me?*
 

Tom:   That's what we want to know!
Mike:  ... or not.
 

>        Two Sick Otaku Present
 

Mike:  ... the Marv Albert Story!
 

>        BUBBLE GUM PINK: Raging Fires
>
>        Plot coordination by Lawrence Mann
 

Crow:  Larry Mann? Now *that's* a cool name!
 

>        Choreography and gymnastic training by Kris Overstreet
 

Tom:   ... in other words, he wrote all the dirty parts.
 

>        Original character designs by Ken'ichi Sonoda
>        Based very loosely on 'Bubble Gum Crisis', characters (c) AIC
>
>        Not for profit. This is meaningless drivel. Please don't sue.
 

Mike:  We won't. I really think that these guys are okay...
Crow:  You mean, this lemon actually well written?
Tom:   No spelling or grammar errors? And a plot, of all things?
Mike:  From what I see so far...
Tom:   And the only reason we're MSTing is for the bizarre sex?
Mike:  Yup.
Crow:  These guys *rock!*
 

>        (and now that you've lost the mood again, here's Larry Mann
>        with the foreword.)
 

Crow:  (as Cheech) Hey, man, it's Larry Mann!
 

>*       *       *       *       *       *       *
 

Tom:   The Big Dipper after a safe fell on it? You tell me...
 

>        The original idea for this thing came to me a while back, not
>long after reading BGC: Grand Mal.
 

Mike:  Grand Mal. Taste the flavor.
Tom:   Now with less tar!
 

>  (Say what you will about Adam Warren but I still wish I could draw as
>good as he does.)  I got to thinking about his take on the BGC cybertech
>and, because my mind is very skilled at entering the sewer at the slightest
>provocation,
 

Crow:  ... but frankly, whose mind isn't?
 

>I got to thinking about what might happen when an 'enhanced' person starts
>to come of age.
 

Mike:  Usually they just fall to the ground and do the 'coffee grinder'.
Tom:   (as Homer Simpson) Whoowhoowhoowhoo! WHOOwhoowhoowhoo!
 

>        I didn't write anything down at the time, mainly because I had
>other things to do, and the idea finally settled quietly into the rear
>corner of my brain.  It might have ended right there.
 

Crow:  ... but we'll never know, will we!
 

>        Then I mentioned it to Kris Overstreet.
 

Tom:   (as Larry) ... and we forged a BLOOD pact on the spot.
Mike:  Gothic!
 

>        The next thing I knew, the entire latter half of the story had
>been completed for me, and we had agreed that I would put the first
>half together.
 

Crow:  (as Larry) ... and that we'd never speak of the second half again!
 

>  So, I finally wrote the first half out, and the end result lies before
>you now.
 

Mike:  (as Larry) ... and may God have mercy on all our souls.
 

>It's not the first piece of erotica I've ever written, to be sure, but it
>*is* the first one that's ever been posted.
>
>        That having been said, enjoy. :)
 

Tom:   Uh-huh...
 

>                -- Larry Mann
>
>*       *       *       *       *       *       *       *
 

All:   (singing) You can see all the stars as you walk down Hollywood
boulevard...
 

>        Act I
>
>        Priss Asagiri had had better days.  Just about any day which
>did not include getting shot up by a Bu-20c autocannon qualified as
>better than this one.
 

Mike:  Ha, you call that a *bad* day?
Tom:   Hell, compared to this life, I'd be *glad* to take bullet on the
chin- er, dome...
 

>  Her suit was down in the workshop doing a good impression of a swiss
>cheese, and although the armor had protected her from serious injury,
 

Crow:  ... as they do for *all* the anime good guys...
 

>she was going to be one big bruise come morning.
 

Tom:   ... yessir, like one big moldy banana.
Mike:  Ick.
 

>As such, she eased herself down into her meeting room chair wearing
>only a loose tank top and a pair of panties;
 

Mike:  (as Priss) Did I forget something for today's big meeting? Nah...
 

>that was about all she could wear without getting some kind of complaint
>from her ravaged body.
 

Crow:  S&M can do that to a person...
 

>  What she really wanted to do was soak in a hot bath, but that
>would have to wait.
 

Tom:   ... until later in the lemon!
 

>        The other Sabers filed in,
 

Crow:  (makes sounds of a steel bar being filed)
Mike:  (laughs) Sound gags lose something in the text.
 

>still in their softsuits and looking ready to get out of them at the
>earliest opportunity.
 

Tom:   It's later all ready?
 

>Provided they could stay awake;
 

Mike:  Provided *we* can stay awake...
 

>Nene looked like she was ready to keel over right then and there, and Linna
>wasn't doing much better.  Sylia, of course, remained entirely
>businesslike; Priss wondered, for the nth time, if she was even capable of
>strong emotion.
 

Crow:  If she does, it will be later in the lemon!
 

>  A minute later, Mackie joined them as well.
 

Tom:   It *has* to be later in the lemon now!
Mike:  *Okay*, stop it! It wasn't a funny gag to start with!
Crow:  (hurt) Gee, sorry, Mike...
 

>  He looked a little edgy, and already seemed to be stealing glances in
>Priss's general direction; Priss contemplated trying to pound him, but knew
>her body would be very unhappy with her if she tried.
 

Crow:  I mean, it seemed like a funny thing to do at the time...
Mike:  I understand, Crow. You try your best...
 

>        "Well, that could have gone better," Sylia stated as she sat
>down.  "Though I suppose I should have expected this, given our
>opposition."
 

Tom:   Frankly, I'd like to see you do better, Mike!
Mike:  (gently) Hey, Servo...
Tom:   Don't 'Servo' me! Why don't *you* try doing it solo for once?!
Mike:  You know what? I think I'll do just that!
Tom:   Fine!! You do that!! (pouts)
Crow:  Good luck, Mike! (leans back in seat)
Mike:  Thanks... (clears throat)
 

>        "I'd really love to know how that many Boomers can go crazy in
>one night," Linna wheezed.
 

Mike:  And with her asthma acting up, too...
 

>        "Mmf," Nene mumbled,
 

Mike:  (singing) ... that's why Campbell Soup is Mmf, mmf, good!
 

>her head buried in her arms, the sum of her willpower directed towards
>staying awake.
 

Mike:  This being the product of our IN-difference...
 

>        "As would I," Sylia nodded.
 

Mike:  (as Sylia) I would like to 'mmf', as well...
Crow:  (snickers)
 

>  "I'll be looking into that soon enough, but first I need a damage
>assessment. Mackie?"
 

Mike:  (as Mackie) Um, what about your ass, ma'am?
 

>        "Um...  well, just some minor armor damage on Nene's suit..."
 

Mike:  But only because she couldn't get out of it in time to go to the
bathroom...
Bots:  MIKE!!
Mike:  Sorry, the old rules no longer apply.
 

>Mackie said distractedly, glancing at each of them in turn and trying
>to maintain eye contact.
 

Mike:  (as Nene) Hey! Get your finger off my eye! Ow!
 

>  This was easy enough with Nene.
 

Mike:  (snickers) *Everything's* easy with Nene...
 

>  The others, though, were sitting upright, and those suits offered a good
>show of cleavage.
 

Mike:  (affects a British accent) Good show, old man...
 

>  Worse, Priss's current attire left even less to Mackie's
>addled imagination, which was going to town and starting to drag
>the rest of him along: "Linna's, um, internals need a once-over, and
>Priss needs a full-body massage--"
 

Mike:  (imitates a muted trumpet) Wah, wah, waaah...
 

>        "*What*??" Priss snapped.
 

Mike:  (as Mackie) Doh! Did I think that or say it out loud?
 

>        "Uh, ehrm, that is..." Mackie fumbled,
 

Mike:  Oooh, and right on the 10 yard line, too!
 

>realizing what had just slipped out.
 

Mike:  No comment, but you can imagine what I was going to say...
 

>  He could feel the eyes of all four Sabers locking onto him.
 

Mike:  Lock on, target in sight! Prepare for saturation bitching!
Tom:   Hey, Mike... I'm sorry I snapped, I take it all back...
Mike:  Me too. So, are we friends?
Tom:   To the end! You *rock*, Nelson!
Crow:  Aww... what a touching moment!
Tom:   Can we start riffing again, Mike?
Mike:  (pats Servo on the head) Sure, little buddy!
 

>        Forgetting for a moment her lack of concealing attire, Priss
>got to her feet and planted her hands firmly on the table, leaning
>forward and glaring at Mackie.  "Come on, I heard what you said, you
>lech."
 

Tom:   Uh-oh, Priss is about to take out her can of spinach!
Crow:  (hums 'Popeye' theme music)
 

>        "Uhm..." Mackie started turning red, as his senses forced him
>to take note of the fact that her tank top had fallen forward,
>providing him with an almost-complete view of her chest.
 

Crow:  His Spidie-sense is tingling again! Must be danger!
 

>  His senses also began to note the way the fabric of her panties hugged
>her tightly, keeping only one thing hidden from view, a thing he'd very
>much like to--
 

Mike:  Shampoo?
Tom:   Rinse?
Crow:  Shave?
Mike:  ...
 

>"err, excusemeasecond--!"
 

Tom:   (as Mackie) Forgot and left a cake out in the rain again, damn!
 

>he stammered and dashed out of the room before something thoroughly
>embarassing happened.
 

Mike:  Like, misspelling the word, 'embarrassing'...
 

>  Linna and Nene stared after him.
>        "Pervert," Priss snorted, collapsing back into her seat and
>immediately regretting it for the pain it caused in her back and rear.
 

Tom:   I won't say that's it's later in the lemon. Proud, Mike?
Mike:  Sorta.
 

>        Sylia rolled her eyes.  "Evidently that damage assessment will
>have to wait."
 

Crow:  Five years later...
 

>        Businesswise, it was a fairly average day for the Silky Doll.
 

Mike:  ... they hadn't been raided by the police lately...
 

>A handful of customers browsed through the shop, either looking through
>the wide variety of underclothes or in the changing rooms trying some
>of them out.
 

Tom:   In the changing rooms? Fancy that...
 

>        The security camera installed in the latter location was meant
>to prevent shoplifting.  Of course, when Mackie was working the cash
>register more or less unsupervised, as was the case today, it would
>usually become a useful device for voyeurism.
 

Crow:  A Day in the Life of a pervert...
Mike:  (singing) I watched the girls undress, oh boy!
 

>  Not so today, however. In fact the monitor for that camera was turned off
>completely, and Mackie was fighting down the urge to turn it back on again.
 

Mike:  The logic of a security camera in a changing booth escapes me...
Tom:   Not to someone like Mackie!
 

>  He knew it was a shoplifting risk, but he also knew what would happen if
>he chanced to observe some attractive customer taking her clothes off.
 

Tom:   In the changing rooms? Imagine that!
Mike:  (laughs) I mean, really!
 

>        The dreams had become a nightly occurrence, sometimes more
>than once each night, and now the effects were bleeding over into
>daytime.
 

Crow:  He was running out of 'Winnie the Pooh' bed sheets, as well...
Tom:   I won't sleep in anything *else*, dammit!
 

>  Chance observation of someone changing their clothes would
>cause his brain to lock up and the blood to rush to his crotch,
 

All:   (singing) Sunday, Bloody Suuunnnday...
 

>and he would have to fight very hard to keep from just whipping it out and
>beating off right then and there.  That, to hugely understate, would be
>very bad.
 

Mike:  ... 'Pee-wee Herman' bad.
Crow:  (snickers)
 

>        Unfortunately, just turning the monitors off was beginning to
>prove ineffective.
 

All:   Huh?
 

>  Now, all it took was a simple glance at a female customer holding up a
>teddy or other garment for examination, and in an eyeblink he had either
>undressed the woman in his mind or, more often, pictured one of the Knight
>Sabers.
 

Mike:  Oh.
Tom:   Uh-huh...
Crow:  (as Mackie) Blink! Blink! Damn it, she's not nude yet!
 

>  It seemed like everyone he saw was starting to look a bit like Priss, or
>Linna or Nene, or his sister...
 

Tom:   ... Sylia, in case you haven't been paying attention.
 

>        He turned his head toward the street outside, trying to clear
>those thoughts from his brain.  He was rewarded with the sight of a
>dark-haired, athletic woman standing at the lamppost outside, casually
>licking an ice cream cone.
 

Crow:  (sarcastic) My, how kinky!
 

>  His mind promptly locked on the woman's tongue as it worked the frozen
>confection over, running along the sides catching the white creamy
>runoff...
 

Mike:  We all know where *this* fantasy is going...
 

>        Mackie's mind quickly substituted his cock in place of the ice
>cream cone, and the woman licked and sucked sensuously at the head,
>smacking her lips at the taste of precum leaking from it.
 

Tom:   Yep. Unfortunately, Mike, you were dead on target.
 

>  Linna bent her head down, taking Mackie in deeper, and began to suck
>gently at him, licking away traces of the fluid which threatened to charge
>up his length and overflow her pouting mouth, sending streamers of hot
>spunk down her--
 

Crow:  ... ruined acting career.
 

>        "Excuse me?"
 

Tom:   You talkin' to me? I don't see no one else here...
 

>        The sound jolted him back to the present, just barely.  Why
>had he been thinking of Linna?  <No, don't go back there,>
 

Crow:  Don't go there, man...
 

>he thought. He turned around, and was greeted with the sight of a young
>girl, probably a little younger than he was.
 

Mike:  (as the girl) Sir? Did you find something fascinating in watching me
eat that ice cream cone? You *hentai*!
 

>        ""Um..." she said, looking slightly embarassed.  "Can you tell
>me how much these cost?"  She held up a pair of positively tiny
>panties with -- at this range it was impossible to miss --
 

Crow:  ... no crotch? No problem!
Mike:  Heh... it *is* essentially a porn store, after all.
 

>transparent fabric.
 

Tom:   Stand back! HE'S GONNA BLOW!!!
 

>        "Sir?" Nene's face stared up at him.  "Sir, how much? I need
>these really badly, I've lost my own..."  Nene lifted her skirt,
 

Tom:   (imitating a klaxon) WHOOP! WHOOP! RED ALERT!
Crow:  All hands at the ready!
Mike:  Crow! Damn it, you're making me overuse the same gag!
 

>revealing a red thatch of hair above a beautiful pussy, moist with her
>excitement, "See?"
 

Mike:  No. Text only, remember?
Tom:   A blessing and a curse, if you think about it.
 

>Mackie leaned forward to get a closer look...
 

Crow:  Squirted him right in the eye, she did...
 

>        Sylia heard what sounded like someone running at high speed,
>followed by a slamming door.
 

Tom:   ... just another nutty day at your friendly neighborhood porn store!
Mike:  (as Sylia) But we don't *sell* porn!
Crow:  (as the girl) Ma'am? How much for this rubber Naughty Tentacle kit?
Mike:  (as Sylia, bigsweating) Um... How'd *that* get in there?
 

><What in the world?> she thought to herself as she left her office and
>hurried down to the store.
 

Mike:  Sylia Stingray? Come on down! You're our next contestant on
PERV-O-RAMA!
 

>  She found herself looking at an unoccupied cash register, and at a
>very confused young girl who stared right back at her.
 

Crow:  (as the girl) But I *like* these panties! Why was he so mean? WAHH!
Mike:  This isn't a Sailor Moon Lemon, Crow...
Tom:   Yeah, but *what* a crossover that would make! Usagi and Priss!
Mike:  Tom-- well, yeah, I guess it would... I mean, Tom!
 

>  The other customers in the shop seemed to be looking in her direction as
>well.
>        "Something the matter?" she asked the girl.
 

Tom:   (as the girl) Yeah, your brother's a total knob!
 

>        "Um, I dunno," the girl said.  "The guy who was here just
>took off all of a sudden."
 

Crow:  (as the girl) ... said something about growing hair on his palms...
 

>        Sylia arched an eyebrow,
 

Mike:  (as Spock) Highly illogical...
 

>glancing behind her towards the stairs.  "Need to have a talk with that
>boy," she sighed mostly to herself.
>        "Is he all right?" the girl asked.
 

Crow:  *Hell* no...
 

>"Yes, he's fine," Sylia lied.  Mackie was definitely not all
>right.  "May I help you?"
 

Tom:   (as the girl) Sure! Could you show me how this vibrator works?
Mike:  (as Sylia) Well, first you turn it on, and then-- Hey! Get out of my
store!
 

>        Having dealt with the last customers' purchases and cleared
>them out, Sylia closed up the shop for the evening, turning off the
>lights and arming the security system.
 

Mike:  ... and *why* are we being told this, again?
Crow:  Hey, why not...
 

>  Many things had been on her mind all day, but chief among them was
>Mackie's earlier behavior.
 

Tom:   He tried to seduce one of the store's mannequins again...
 

>  He hadn't been acting at all like himself for the past few days.
 

Crow:  (as Sylia) He won't let me spoon feed-him any more!
 

>He'd started actively avoiding her and the rest of the Sabers when
>possible, and finding distractions when he couldn't.
 

Mike:  Oh, so *that's* why he keeps punching himself in the head...
 

>  Cameras weren't being used as spying devices, and he wasn't trying to
>look down her shirt -- or down anybody else's shirt for that matter. In
>short, something had ended all his usual, and by and large annoying,
>habits.
 

Tom:   Belching out songs in public?
Crow:  Picking his nose?
Mike:  Trimming his toenails at the dinner table?
Tom:   Ah! Farting in a crowded elevator...
Crow:  Maybe. How about sleeping in a latex suit?
Mike:  Spontaneous pants wetting...
 

> In another time and place this might have been cause for
>celebration.
 

All:   (singing) Hallelujah!
 

>  Indeed, the other Sabers seemed to be enjoying their
>newfound privacy.
 

Crow:  (as Nene) Maybe now I can tell Linna how I *truly* feel about her!
Mike:  Crow... ah, screw it.
 

>  Sylia, however, was not.
 

Tom:   (as Sylia) I like it when he watches me undress!
 

>  The change in attitude was too sudden; something was wrong with him, and
>she had to find out what it was.
 

Mike:  ... or die trying!
 

>        As she marched up to the living quarters, a sound reached
>her ears... the sound of someone moaning; rather loudly too.  She
>followed the sound, and shortly determined that yes, it was coming
>from Mackie's room, and it was definitely Mackie making that noise.
 

Tom:   (as Dr. Watson) Brilliant! You've done it again, Holmes!
 

> "Mackie?" she said, knocking at the door.  The moaning
>continued.  "Mackie!" she repeated, knocking more firmly.  Again,
>no response.  <The hell with this,> she thought, and pushed the door
>open.
 

Mike:  Sylia's not as bright as we thought...
 

>        The sight of Mackie, totally naked and beating off like there
>was no tomorrow, stopped Sylia in her tracks.
 

Bots:  EWWW!!!
Mike:  See?
 

>His eyes gazed defocused
 

All:   *Defocused*?
 

>at the ceiling as his incoherent moans filled the room....  at least,
>they were incoherent for about two seconds, and then they stopped and
>his eyes focused on Sylia.
 

Mike:  (British accent) Are you being served, Madam?
Crow:  (as Mackie) Sorry, my eyes were *defocused* there for a minute...
 

>        Suddenly Mackie howled and leaped from the bed, plowing
>violently into Sylia and knocking her to the floor, clawing at her and
>snarling like some crazed animal.
 

Crow:  SURGE!
Tom:   The rare *Mackieous Dorkonii*...
Mike:  (laughs) Tonight on the Discovery Channel...
 

>  "Mackie!!  What are you DOING?!"
 

Tom:   Well, double dur-hey, Sylia.
 

>Sylia hollered as she tried to shove him off of her, but he kept her
>firmly pinned to the floor.
 

Mike:  He's dreaming that he's collecting butterflies! Cute!
 

>The sound of ripping fabric filled the air as his hands locked onto her
>bustier and tore it down the front, while he forced her legs open and his
>erection tried to force its way past her panties.
 

Crow:  ... just another typical day in the Stingray household...
Mike:  Yep. Same stuff, different day...
 

>        "MACKIE!! STOP IT!!!" Sylia shrieked, but knew even as she
>said it that communicating with him was useless.  There was only one
>choice: curling her right hand into a fist, she hauled off and decked
>him across the chin, hard.
 

Tom:   Go Sylia! They don't make 'em like that anymore!
Crow:  ... thank goodness...
 

>  The blow knocked him away, and he sprawled on the floor on his back,
>unconscious.
 

All:   (imitating a muted trumpet) Wahh, wahh, wahhh...
 

>        Sylia scrambled to her feet and shifted into a combat stance
>as Mackie began to move and groan again.
 

Crow:  (as Mackie) But- but how can you deny my love? *gasp, choke*
 

>  It quickly became clear he wasn't getting up again; instead, he had
>lapsed into a very vivid dream state, if the way he was groaning and
>thrusting his pelvis up into the empty air was any indication.
 

Mike:  New longer-lasting Action Pervert!
Crow:  (laughs)
 

>  Then suddenly, every muscle in his body seemed to contract,
 

Tom:   Stand back! He's almost reached critical mass!
 

>and what could only be described as a geyser of semen exploded from his
>cock, spraying the wall and floor.
 

Tom:   THAR SHE BLOWS!!!
Crow:  Jeez, they'll never get that stain off the ceiling.
Mike:  Hmmm... Maybe with a little water and baking soda...
 

>        Sylia just stared, and it took her a moment to realize that he
>hadn't awakened.  He continued to moan and writhe on the floor after
>the spurting stopped, still thrusting with the same frantic fervor
>as before.
 

Mike:  Mackie must be on Viagra.
Tom:   (snickers) I noticed that...
 

>        <Oh hell...> Sylia thought, and cursed herself for not
>noticing the signs before.  She knew now what was happening... and she
>knew that she would have to act quickly if she was going to save her
>brother's life.
 

Crow:  ... or then again, maybe she won't! BWAHAHAHAHAA!
 

>        Hopefully it wasn't already too late.
 

Tom:   ... oops, it is!
 

>        Act 2
 

Crow:  Five *more* years later...
 

>        Sylia  rushed into the computer room and loaded a tape into
>the computer multimedia player.
 

Mike:  Ah, but does it come with an 8-track?
Tom:   And can it make a good cup of coffee? Multimedia system, my
hoverskirt!
 

>That tape contained the mental impressions of Mackie's dreams through the
>previous night, along with a running byplay of his physiological reactions.
 

Crow:  Wet dreams of the *DAMNED*!!! BWAHAHAHAHAA!
Mike:  (laughs) Stop that!
 

>She knew what was happening to Mackie, and she knew she had to do something
>about it.
 

Tom:   Could you explain it to us, then? We haven't got a clue...
 

>        Several years back, when she had been around Mackie's age,
>Sylia had suffered something similar to what Mackie was enduring now,
>coinciding with her own coming of age.
 

Mike:  Incoming flashback, gentlemen...
 

>  She too had suffered from a period of severe lust.
 

Crow:  *Hello*!
 

>  She had been fortunate enough never to suffer a complete loss of control,
>though there had been a few close calls.
 

Mike:  Fortunately, she dialed 10-10-321, and saved 40% on long-distance!
 

>All her observations at the time had led her to conclude that it was
>an unexpected side effect of what their father had done to them. He
>had never considered or planned for this, as far as she could tell.
 

Tom:   The moral of the story being?
 

>   The neurophages which had rebuilt her brain and body, cell by
>cell, had been affected by the large influx of new hormones which her
>body began to produce as she entered puberty.
 

Mike:  Stir until the plot is sufficiently thickened...
 

>  Because they relied on subtle endocrine cues and their own hormonal
>production to perform their work correctly, they had been ill-prepared to
>interact with this massive onslaught of hormone production from their host.
 

Crow:  And, viola! Instant plot!
Mike:  For a transcript of today's recipe, write...
 

>        But like all of Dr. Stingray's scientific triumphs, they had
>tried to interpret and integrate the new information into their
>programming as best they could.
 

Mike:  Sounds like you two...
Tom:   Hey!
 

>  And the resulting acceleration in Sylia's enhancement had not been
>without its beneficial effects; Sylia was fairly certain her chest -- not
>to mention the rest of her figure -- would not otherwise have developed as
>fully as it had. That had been welcome.
 

Crow:  Yes, indeed...
 

>        The insatiable sex drive that had also surfaceddue to the the
>hyperactive 'phages, however, had *not* been welcome.
 

Tom:   Well, at least not by *her*...
 

>She had been able to figure out that the neurophages were to blame, and had
>also determined the best means to respond to and overcome it:
 

Mike:  (deep voice) Television!
 

>there had been several young men -- and a few women -- who had been all too
>happy to help her act out the innermost sexual desires which the little
>machines were acting on.
 

Crow:  YEEE-HAAA!!!
Mike:  Why were none of *my* college roommates like Sylia?
Tom:   I thought you went to all-male university, Mike.
Mike:  Oh, yeah... (shudders) I withdraw the question...
 

>Sylia blushed a little at the memory of those wild times.
 

Tom:   (as Sylia) Come to think of it, I *still* have chocolate syrup up
my...
Mike:  (dangerously) Servo...
Tom:   ... nose!
 

>  That acting out, plus some minor chemical 'assistance,'
 

Mike:  Also commonly known as 'weed', 'pot', and 'mary-jane'...
Bots:  (laugh)
 

>had successfully rebalanced her hormonal levels and corrected the erratic
>behavior of her neurophages,
 

Crow:  ... got a wicked case of the munchies, too...
 

>and after that she had proceeded into adulthood without any further
>incident.
 

Mike:  ... if you totally disregard any BGC lemons you might happen across,
that is.
 

>        Mackie had not had most of the luxuries Sylia had.
 

Tom:   ... indoor plumbing...
 

>He of course did not inherit all his father's knowledge and so could not
>know the nuances of what was happening to him.  And even if he could have
>known, he suffered from a lack of willing sexual partners.
 

Crow:  Not counting himself, of course.
 

>  Given that he most often fantasized about Sylia -- and likely about the
>other Sabers too -- he would have internalized his own fantasies since they
>could not be acted out.
 

Mike:  He could always put on a puppet show!
Crow:  (snickers) I can *just* picture that, too...
Tom:   Poor puppets!
 

>And to make matters worse, his sex drive was probably twice as powerful as
>Sylia's had been, pushing him down that road at a much faster rate.
 

Mike:  ... goes from 0 to perv in 6.7 seconds!
 

>And before any action could be taken, before even Sylia could realize that
>it was his turn, he had lost voluntary control of himself as the
>cybernetics entered a hormonally-induced rampancy.
 

Tom:   Of course, he'd be out of control *without* the cybernetics...
Crow:  Yep, that's puberty for you!
 

>  This was not good at all.
 

Mike:  You're telling *us*?
 

>        Mackie could no longer help himself, so it was up to Sylia to
>help him - ence this datacartridge.
 

Tom:   (Cockneyed accent) Tor', the blimmin' 'ence needs mending, I wager...
 

>  With any luck, there would be enough information, and fantasies, here to
>craft a workable solution.
 

Crow:  Good for a chuckle or two, at any rate...
 

>Sitting down in front of two monitors (one for visual data and the
>other echoing the data of the sensor net), she hit the PLAY button.
 

Mike:  Showing off her vast electronical expertise, I see!
Tom:   She *still* can't set the time on the VCR, though...
 

>        The video screen fluttered in vague black and white patterns
>for a few seconds before fading into a brightly lit domestic scene;
>the living room above the Silky Doll, looking uncommonly bright and
>welcoming.
 

Crow:  Breakfast with the Stingrays. Coming this fall to PBS...
 

>The 'camera'- presumably Mackie's point of view- tracked
>the room from the perspective of the hallway to their bedrooms,
>wandering nonchalantly into the living room, pausing to straighten a
>portrait of Sylia and Mackie with their father.
 

Tom:   Papa Stingray and the little Stingrays...
 

>Sylia nodded in approval as the second monitor registered the tactile
>sensations in detail, down to the thin layer of dust atop the old,
>varnished wood frame.
 

Mike:  Gee, I'm sure glad it can record *every freaking detail*...
Tom:   Golly, otherwise we might miss *so* much of the lemon!
 

>        Mackie's eyes tracked into the dining area, where Sylia sat,
>as usual on work mornings, at the table with coffee and a hardcopy of
>the morning's newspaper.
 

All:   (dramatically) HARDCOPY!
 

>This time, though, things were a little different:
 

Tom:   ... Sylia was now a man.
Mike:  *Yikes*.
 

>Mackie made his usual glance at Sylia's cleavage, and promptly discovered
>that the nightgown she was wearing was completely
>transparent, showing off her nipples quite visibly.
 

Crow:  In a lemon? For shame!
 

>  The viewpoint zoomed in almost to microscopic level on one nipple, then
>the other,
 

Mike:  Hey! I think I can see Ned the Nanite on the left peak!
Crow:  Now *there's* a guy who knows how to vacation!
 

>the darker pink showing through easily through the sheer cotton
>garment..
 

Crow:  Yes, the raw sex appeal of *cotton!*
 

>        "Oh, good morning, Mackie," the Sylia on the screen purred.
 

Tom:   She must be the Dominion Puma twins' long lost sister...
 

>Reaching over to the fruitbowl in the middle of the table, she
>selected a banana from it and began peeling it. "I was just thinking
>about you."
 

Mike:  Uh, why is she talking to the banana?
Crow:  It must be wired!
 

>        "...You were?" Mackie's voice muttered. The readout screen
>showed a rapid increase in pulse, corresponding to a simulated
>bloodflow to his crotch.
 

Tom:   (snickers) Sheesh! It does that every morning!
Mike:  Mackie's visited by the 'Morning Wood Fairy' sometimes *twice* a day.
 

>        "Certainly." Sylia finished peeling the banana and raised it
>to her lips, licking the tip sensuously.  "Mmmm," she moaned, "tasty."
>She took the tip in her mouth and began sucking on it, slowly moving
>the fruit in and out of her mouth.
 

Mike:  Brought to you by Dole... (picks up Tom)
Tom:   We got series sign! Weee!

[End Part 1, Roll Part 2]