Mystery Science Theater 3001

Episode 3001- "Project MONARCH"
MSTed by the Placid Jack Acid

In the not-too-distant future,
Somewhere up overhead:
Mike Nelson beats out all the odds,
Because he's not yet dead...
Pursued by a woman, whose name is Pearl,
A twisted, sadistic, sort of girl,
She's mad Mike's mind isn't whacked,
So she decided to try a different kind of tact!

Pearl: I'LL... GET... *YOU*!!!

"I'll send him lousy web posts,
The worst he's ever seen!
He'll have to sit and read them all,
And keep his comments clean!"

Now keep in mind, Mike has to read,
Whatever post that Pearl sends;
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends!

>>Robot Roll Call <<

Cambot! (You're on!)
Gypsy! (Sweet mother of Mary!)
Tom Servo! (Where's the beef?)
Crooow! (You know you want me, baby!)

If you're wondering why Mike has to read,
And other useless facts,
Just repeat to yourself it's just a post,
You should really just relax! For...

Mystery Science Theater Three Thousand

Mike:  ... and, one.

The article MSTed within is copyrighted to Ron Patton and Paranoid
Magazine, and they are quite welcome to it. No insult is intended, it
just seems that way...
Any random mention of characters, songs, movies, and the like belong
to their respective owners. All rights Reserved.

This MSTing is rated PG-13.

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]

   "Mike Nelson here. I just wanted to catch things up so we're all on
the same page." Mike turned to face Cambot. "We just escaped the wormhole
from Roman times, and..."
   Tom popped into view. "Hey Mike, did I tell you that we got a new
MSTer? His name's Jackass or something to that effect and..."
   "Yes, Servo, you did, several times today in fact. Maybe I'll tell
everyone else about him after the Commercial Sign." Mike hit the commercial
button and stood there for the next three minutes in complete silence,
   Gypsy came into Cambot's line of vision saying (cautiously), "Uh,
Mike?  We don't have a Commercial Sign..."
   "This is on the Internet, remember? No sponsors..."
   "Oh? Oh! In that case, I should also tell everyone that-"
   "He-e-e-y Mike! Are ya telling everybody we're still lost in time and
space and stuff?" Crow popped into view.
   "Uh, yeah, that's basically what I was trying to convey, yes. Can I
help you with something, Crow?"
   "Huh? Oh, uh, no. Just wanted to tell you Pearl's calling."
   "Great. I give up." Mike sighed and hit the responder. "Yes, Ma'am?"

[Winged Microbus of Doom]

   Pearl turned to face the bus's camera. "Ah, Mike. I... I...
I-ah-aH-AHCHOO!!" She broke down into a fit of sneezing.
   "Oh, ah, ah, ah! Lawgiver!" Professor Bobo recoiled from Pearl. "Are
you okay? You look very pale!"
   "I *resemble* that remark, ape." The Observer leaned forward from the
back seat and placed a hand over her forehead. "Hmmm. My, my! You're burning
up, madam..."
   "I could of told you *that*... WACHOO!!"
   "Hoo hah, Lawgiver!" Bobo offered the sick woman a slightly used
tissue. "Keep that yellow crude gold to yourself, hear?"
   Pearl batted the hankie away. "Ugh! Keep *that* to yourself, you
dumb... AHCHOOO!!! Ohhh... I feel awful!"
   *"Sorry to hear that, Pearl... Maybe you should lie down, relax,
forget to send us the movie..."*
   "Nice try, Nelson. If I have to suffer, YOU have to suffer. And I
happen to know we have a new MSTer, so I'll make sure that today's
experiment is nice and painful..." Pearl examined her Handy Database of
Horrible Stuff to Send Mike-- the dreaded HDHSSM. "Hmmm... WACHACHOO!
*sniff* Ah! Here's a dilly of a one! A Usenet conspiracy posting...
'Project Monarch' by Ron Patton for Paranoid magazine... Enjoy it Nelson-- or
don't! Ha, ha, ha HACHOO!!!"

[SOL Bridge]

   Mike and the Bots winced back at the sneeze. Suddenly, but not
unexpectedly, the lights began to flash and the room started to
   "Ohhhhh, WE GOT LOONY SIGN!!!" Mike yelled.

[6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater]

Tom:   What, no funny door sequences?
Mike:  I don't think Acid has a budget yet...
Tom:   It's just freaking text! He can afford it!
All:   (sit down as usual)


Crow:  And the insanity begins... now.

>from Paranoia, Fall 1996, Vol.4, No.3.

Mike and Tom: (singing) Paranoia will destroy ya...

>P. O. Box 1041
>Providence, RI 020901
>An excellant article from an excellant magazine.

Crow:  So, what's an ex-cell ant?
Tom:   A bug who's on parole? How the hell should I know?!

>Strongly reccomended for researchers. Posted for discussion and
>research purposes. No commercial use extended or authorized.

Mike:  Good thing we do this stuff for free, right guys?
Tom:   Heh, heh, heh...
Crow:  Strongly *reccomended* for heavy bathroom reading...

>Part 1/2

Tom:   Man, it's a part of a series? Well, half a part, really...
Crow:  One of those half-baked ideas, I guess.

>Project Monarch

Mike:  How a master race of butterflies will take over the world!!!
Crow:  Oh, dear God, no!
Tom:   The end is near! Hide the children and the liquor!!!

>Nazi Mind Control

Mike:  ... is closed this week, for repairs.
Crow:  We regret any inconveniences. Come back later to be brainwashed!

>Amidst the subtle cerebral circumvention of the gullible populace,

Tom:   ... "Batman and Robin" bombed at the box office.

>through a multitude of manipulated mediums,

Mike:  Try saying *that* three times fast.
Crow:  Sure... that three times fast!
Tom:   Zing!

>lies one of the most diabolical atrocities perpetrated upon a segment
>of the human race;

Tom:   Diet soda?
Mike:  Sally Struthers?
Crow:  *Paranoia* Magazine?
Tom:   Oscarfics?
Mike:  Movie sign?
Crow:  Bill Clinton? No, wait...

>a form of systematic mind control which has permeated every aspect of
>society for almost fifty years.

Mike: (deep voice) Television.

>by Ron Patton

All:   (hum theme to "Patton")
Tom:   You can march 'em off a cliff, send 'em off to die...

>To objectively ascertain the following, one may need to re-examine
>preconceived ideologies relating to the dualistic nature of mankind.

Tom:   Is that right, Tom? SHUT UP, TOM! I TOLD YOU NEVER TO TALK TO

>Resolving the philosophical question of whether

Mike:  ... which is better? Coke or Pepsi?

>we are inherently good or inherently evil is tantamount in shaping
>our perception of reality;

Tom:   In other words, either we suck, or we blow...

>specifically, the spiritual variable within the equation of life.

Crow:  (like a hick) Them's some sure big words yuh got there...
Mike:  (as the astronaut from "Phantom Planet") "You know, captain,
every year I grow more and more convinced that the..."
Crow:  Damn you, Mike...
Tom:   Nelson, don't you ever, *ever* say that again!
Mike:  Sorry...

>    This exposition is substantiated by declassified U.S.
>government documents, individuals formerly connected to

Mike:  ... the artist formerly known as Prince.

>the U.S. intelligence communities, historical writings, researchers
>knowledgeable in mind control, publications from

Crow:  ... Larry Flynt!

>mental health practitioners, and interviews taken from survivors
>unwittingly subjected to a highly complex form of trauma-based mind
>control known as MONARCH programming.

Tom:   Oh, they must of read this post, then?
Crow:  They brainwash you to become members of the Royal Family?
Mike:  Either that or new employees for Burger King....

>A word of caution for survivors of intensively systematic mind control
>and/or some form of ritualized abuse:

Mike:  That would include anyone who reads this post more than *once*.

>There are numerous "triggers" in this article. It is therefore
>recommended not to read it unless appropriate support systems are in place
>or if you have a thoroughly reintegrated personality.

Crow:  (imitating author) ... like me!
Tom:   Appropriate support systems include being incredibly drunk,
being incredibly stoned, or being repeatedly hit in the head with a
tack hammer...

>A Brief History of Control

Mike:  Not to be confused with "A Brief History of Time"

>  The Mystery Religions of ancient Egypt, Greece, India and Babylon
>helped lay the foundation for occultism, meaning "hidden knowledge."

Tom:   So hidden even *we're* not sure what it is...

>One of the earliest writings giving reference to occultism is the
>Egyptian Book of the Dead,

Crow:  All right, man, the Dead! Woo-hoo!
Tom:   They must have a strong fan base in Egypt...

>a compilation of rituals explicitly describing methods of torture and
>intimidation (to create trauma), the use of potions (drugs)

Crow:  *Definitely* sounds like a Dead concert, now...
Tom:   (singing) Riding that train, high on...
Mike:  Ok, you two, that's enough.

>and the casting of spells (hypnotism), ultimately resulting in the
>total enslavement of the initiate.[1]

Mike:  For example, please note the number one we have captured here...

>These have been the main ingredients for a
>part of occultism known as Satanism, throughout the ages.

Tom:   Add a pinch of basil leaf, some salt, and simmer to taste.

>  During the 13th Century, the Roman Catholic church increased and
>solidified its dominion throughout Europe with the infamous

Mike:  Ah, yes! The timeless practice of killing anyone whom disagrees
with you...

>Satanism survived this period of persecution, deeply entrenching
>itself under the veil of various esoteric groups.

Crow:  Oh, good. I'd hate to see those Satan worshipers get the

>  In 1776, a Bavarian Jesuit by the name of Adam Weishaupt was
>commissioned by the House of Rothschild to centralize the power base
>of the Mystery Religions into what is commonly known as the
>meaning "Enlightened Ones."

Tom: The lucky bastards who avoided reading this post?

>This was an amalgamation of powerful occultic

Mike:  ... stuff.
Crow:  ... things.

>bloodlines, elite secret societies and influential Masonic
>fraternities, with the desire to construct the framework for a "New
>World Order."

Crow:  ... but, they all got drunk at the frat party and accomplished
absolutely nothing!

>The outward goal of this Utopia was to bring forth universal
>happiness to the human race.

Tom:   Universal happiness? Those *bastards!*
Crow:  Damn them! Damn them all to hell for their good intentions!
Mike:  Guys...

>However, their underlying intention was to gradually increase
>control over the masses, thus becoming masters of the planet.

Mike:  Well, I guess that's fair, with all that happiness and all...
Tom:   Yeah, can't expect them Illuminati to do it for free...

>The Anglo Alliance
>  By the 19th century, Great Britain and Germany were recognized as
>the primary geographic areas of Illuminati control.

Crow:  *The* place to be for world domination...

>It then should be of little surprise

Tom:   In this post? Not a chance!

>to know the first work in Behavioral Science research was established
>in England in 1882, while much of the early medical and psychiatric
>techniques involved

Crow:  ... butter, for some reason...

>in mind control were pioneered at the Kaiser Wilhelm Institute in
>  The Tavistock Institute of Human Relations was set up in London in
>1921 to study the "breaking point" of humans.

Mike:  Oddly enough, the breaking point seems to be reading highly     
dubious conspiracy claims for extended periods of time...
Crow:  Hey, I can vouch for that!
Tom:   Amen, brother!

>Kurt Lewin, a German psychologist, became the director of the
>Tavistock Institute in 1932, about the same time Nazi Germany was
>increasing its research into neuropsychology, parapsychology and multi-
>generational occultism.

Crow: ... and this is how we got psychic hotlines, boys and girls!

>Interestingly, a progressive exchange of scientific ideas was taking
>place between England and Germany, most notably in the field of

Tom:   Fascinating...
Crow:  What, the post?
Tom:   No, I just never realized how many cracks the ceiling has...
Crow:  (looks up) Oh, yeah! Neat!

>the movement devoted to "improving" the human species through the
>control of hereditary factors in mating. The nefariously enigmatic union
>between the two countries was bonded, partly through the Order of the
>Golden Dawn, a secret society which consisted of many high ranking officials
>in the Nazi party and British aristocracy.

Mike:  They might of been at war, but they sure could get along when
conspiring together!
Crow:  Yeah, that makes sense- *huh?*

>  Top SS Nazi officer. Heinrich Himmler, was in charge of a scientific

Tom:   ... beer-funneling competition!

>project called Lebersborn, which included selective breeding and
>adoption of children, a peculiarly large number of twins among

Mike:  Along with an unusual high number of captive footnotes...
Crow:  But torture of footnotes is forbidden under Geneva conventions!

>The purpose of the program was to create a super-race (Aryans) who
>would have total allegiance to the cause of the Third Reich (New
>World Order). Much of the preliminary experimentation concerning
>genetic engineering and behavior modification was conducted by

Tom:   Mr. Rogers?
Mike:  Don't go there, man...

>Dr. Josef Mengele at Auschwitz, where he coldly analyzed the effects
>of trauma-bonding, eye-coloring and "twinning" upon his victims.

Crow:  So *that's* where the Olsen twins came from...
Mike:  And the Spice Girls!
Tom:   I always wondered...

>Beside the insidious surgical experimentation performed at the
>concentration camp, some of the children were subjected to massive
>amounts of electroshock. Sadly, many of them did not survive the

Tom:   Oh, they must of read this post, then?
Mike:  (snickers)

>Concurrently, "brain-washing" was carried out on inmates at Dachau,
>who were placed under hypnosis and given the hallucinogenic drug

Crow:  ... But the funding ran out, so they gave 'em a mixture of
cherry cough syrup and Jolt cola.
Mike:  Yeah, that would do it.
Tom:   "Brain-washing." I wonder if Brain Guy knows about that? You can
smell that bozo all the way up here on the satellite...
Observer: (telepathically) I HEARD THAT!!!
Tom:   Damn! I hate omniscient people!
Mike:  Rather powerful enemies you make, Servo.
Crow:  Remind me not to stand too close to you tonight, Tom...

>During the war, parallel behavioral research was led by Dr. George
>Estabrooks of Colgate University. His involvement with the Army, CID,
>FBI and other agencies remains shrouded in secrecy. However,
>Estabrooks Would occasionally "slip" and discuss his work involving the
>creation of hypno-programmed couriers and hypnotically-induced split

Crow:  He would show people his slip?
Mike and Tom: CROW!!
Crow:  Sorry, I slipped her the tongue... I mean, a slip of the
tongue... heh, heh!

>  After WWII, the U.S. Department of Defense secretly imported many of
>the top German Nazi and Italian Fascist scientists and spies into the
>United States via South America and the Vatican. The code name for
>this Operation was Project PAPERCLIP.[4]

Mike:  The Vatican being so close to the United States and all...
Crow:  Just where did these guys get their project names? Office Max?

>One of the more prominent finds for the U.S. was

Mike: (deep voice) Television.

>German General Reinhard Gehlen. Hitler's Chief of Intelligence against
>Russia. Upon arriving in Washington D.C. in 1945, Gehlen met
>extensively with President Truman, General William "Wild Bill"
>Donovan, Director of the Office of Strategic Services(OSS) and Allen
>Dulles, who would later become

Crow:  ... the mascot of the Chicago Bulls.

>the stalwart head of the CIA. The objective of their brain-storming
>sessions was to reorganize the nominal American intelligence
>operation, transforming it into a highly-efficient covert

Tom:   So, the Bay of Pigs was merely a front, then...?

>The culmination  of their efforts produced the Central Intelligence
>Group in 1946, renamed the Central Intelligence Agency(CIA) in 1947.
>  Reinhard Gehlen also had profound influence in helping to create the
>National Security Council, from which the National Security Act of
>1947 was derived. This particular piece of legislation was implemented
>to protect an unconscionable number of illegal government activities,
>including clandestine mind control programs.
>The Evolution of Project MKULTRA

Mike:  ... the hell?
Crow:  The names are so obscure even *they* don't know what it means.
Tom:   Project A-ko: the dyslexic years!

>  With the CIA and National Security Council firmly established, the
>first in a series of covert brain-washing programs was initiated by
>the Navy in the fall of 1947. Project CHATTER was developed in response
>to the Soviet's "successes" through the use of "truth drugs."
>This rationale, however was simply a cover story if the program were
>to be exposed. The research focused on the identification and testing
>of such drugs for use in interrogations and the recruitment of agents.[5]
>The project was officially terminated in 1953.

Crow:  After one of the CIA agents accidentally gave President Truman a
wedgie, he cut them off without a cent...

>  The CIA decided to expand their efforts in the area of behavior
>modification, with the advent of Project BLUEBIRD, approved by
>director Allen Dulles in 1950. Its objectives were to; (1) discover a
>means of conditioning personnel to prevent unauthorized extraction of
>information from them by known means, (2) investigate the possibility
>of control of an individual by application of special interrogation
>techniques, (3) investigate memory enhancement and (4) establish
>defensive means for preventing hostile control of agency personnel.

Tom:   What, they're recycling the footnotes now?
Mike:  No, the author is trying to make his point clearer.
Tom:   Could have fooled me...

>In August 1951, Project BLUE BIRD was renamed Project ARTICHOKE,

All: (snicker)
Mike:  Project BROCCOLI didn't get out of the sub-committee...

>which evaluated offensive uses of interrogation techniques, including
>hypnosis and drugs The program ceased in 1956. Three years prior to
>the halt of Project ARTICHOKE, Project MKULTRA came into existence on
>April 13, 1953 along the lines proposed by Richard Helms, Deputy
>Director of Central Intelligence (DDCI) with the rationale of
>establishing a "special funding mechanism of extreme sensitivity."[6]
>  The hypothetical etymology of "MK" may possibly stand for "Mind

Mike:  Well, that sure clears things up. Thanks, post.
Crow:  Hey! The author doesn't know what it means either!
Tom:   Cheap!

>The obvious translation of the German word "Kontrolle" into English
>is "control."[7] A host of German doctors, procured from the post war
>Nazi talent pool,

Crow:  The old guys really bombed in the swimsuit competition...
Mike:  Crow!
Tom:   Bleck!

>were an invaluable asset toward the development of MKULTRA. The
>correlation between the concentration camp experiments and the
>numerous sub-projects of MKULTRA are clearly evident. The various
>avenues used to control human behavior under MKULTRA included radiation,
>electroshock, psychology, psychiatry, sociology, anthropology,

Tom:   ... and suckology.
Mike:  *laughs*

>harassment substances and paramilitary devices and materials "LSD"
>being the most widely dispensed "material".

Crow:  "Groovy"
Mike:  I gotta tell you, reading this post is giving me some *wicked*
Tom:   Mike?

>A special procedure, designated MKDELTA, was established to govern the
>use of MKULTRA abroad.

Mike:  I repeat: ... the hell?
Tom:   You've played Mortal Kombat 3! Now it's *ultra* personal!
Crow:  I'd like to *finish* this post, let me tell you...

>MKULTRA/DELTA materials were used for harassment, discrediting or
>disabling purposes.[8]
>  Of the 149 subprojects under the umbrella of MKULTRA having been
>identified, Project MONARCH, officially begun by the U.S. Army in the
>early 1960's (although unofficially implemented much earlier) appears
>to be the most prominent and is still classified as TOP SECRET for
>"National Security" reasons.[9] MONARCH may have culminated from
>MKSEARCH subprojects, such as operation SPELLBINDER, which was set up
>to create "sleeper'' assassins (i.e. "Manchurian candidates") who could
>be activated upon receiving a key word or phrase while in a post-hypnotic

Mike:  Ah, just like in the "Naked Gun"...
Tom:   A *good* movie.

>Operation OFTEN, a study which attempted to harness the power of
>occultic forces was

Mike:  ... often subject to repeated failures and consistent ridicule.
Crow:  Did that happen often?
Tom:   All too often...

>possibly one of several cover programs to hide the insidious reality
>of Project MONARCH.

Mike:  The other programs being Project Conceal, Project Hide, Project
Deny, Project Disavow and Project Oscar, which no one dared to touch...

>Definition and Description

Tom:   Here we go...
Crow:  Strap in...

>  The name MONARCH is not necessarily defined within the context of
>royal nobility, but rather refers to the monarch butterfly. When a
>person is undergoing trauma induced by electroshock, a feeling of
>light-headedness is evidenced; as if one is floating or fluttering
>like a butterfly.

Mike: (as Mohammed Ali)  Stinging like a bee!

>There is also a symbolic representation pertaining to the
>transformation or metamorphosis of this beautiful insect: from a
>caterpillar to a cocoon (dormancy, inactivity),

Crow: Not unlike Ron Patton's brain....

>to a butterfly (new creation) which will return to its point of
>origin. Such is the migratory pattern that makes this species unique.

Mike:  Uh huh...

>  Occultic symbolism may give additional insight into the true meaning
>Psyche is the word for both "soul" and "butterfly" coming from the
>belief that human souls become butterflies while searching for a new
>reincarnation. [10]
>  Some ancient mystical groups, such as the Gnostics, saw the
>butterfly as a symbol of corrupt flesh. The "Angel of Death" (remember
>Mengele?) in Gnostic art works was portrayed crushing the
>butterfly.[11] A marionette is a puppet that is attached to strings and
>is controlled by the puppet master,

Tom:   (sarcastic) No, really?
Crow:  There's something ironic in there but I don't know why...

>hence MONARCH programming is also referred to as the "Marionette
>Syndrome." "Imperial Conditioning" is another term used, while some
>mental health therapists know it as "Conditioned Stimulus Response
>  Project MONARCH could be best described as a form of  structured
>dissociation and occultic integration, in order to compartmentalize
>the mind into multiple personalities within a systematic framework.

Mike:  And hence, Jim Carrey.

>During this process, a Satanic ritual, usually including Cabalistic
>mysticism, is performed with the purpose of attaching a particular
>demon or group of demons to the corresponding alter(s). Of course,
>most skeptics would view this as simply a means to enhance trauma within
>the victim, negating any irrational belief that demonic possession
>actually occurs.

Tom:   This is known as common sense and rational thinking.

>Alters and Triggers

Mike:  Chrono Trigger?

>  Another way of examining this convoluted victimization of body and
>soul is by looking at it as a complex computer program: A file (alter)
>is created through trauma, repetition and reinforcement. In order to
>activate (trigger) the file, a specific access code or password (cue
>or command) is required. The victim/survivor is called a "slave" by the
>programmer/handler, who in turn is perceived as "master" or "god."

Crow:  Ah! Bill Gates...
Tom:   Or Ted Turner...

>About 75% are female, since they possess a higher tolerance for pain
>and tend to dissociate easier than males.

Crow:  Yep, just pay a visit to Alt.Sex.Stories and you'll find plenty
of evidence...
Mike:  Crow...

>Subjects are used mainly for cover operations, prostitution and
>pornography; involvement in the Entertainment industry is notable.

Tom:   Yep, you heard it right here, girls. Now get out there and FLAME
THE HELL out of this *shmuck*.
Mike:  Tom...
Tom:   (sarcastic) Oh, what, Mike? Am I being too harsh again?
Mike:  No, it's just that if you're going to wrongly take the law
into your own hands, you should at least provide a e-mail address
or something...
Crow:  Yeah, if you're going to do it, do it right!
Tom:   Sorry...

>  A former military officer connected to the DIA, told this writer,
>"In the 'big picture' these people [MONARCH victims] are in all walks
>of life, from the bum on the street to the white-collar guy".

Crow: (as the officer) We're equal opportunity brain-washers!

>In corroboration, a retired CIA agent vaguely discussed the use of
>such personnel to be used as "plants" or "chameleons" for the purpose
>of infiltrating a designated group, gathering information and/or
>injecting an ulterior agenda.

Tom:   This guy should write science fiction...

Crow:  Or at least a BGC fanfic...

>  There are an inordinate amount of alters in the victim/survivor with
>numerous back-up programs, mirrors and shadows. A division of
>light-side(good) and dark-side (bad) alters are interwoven in the mind
>and rotate on an axis.

Mike:  (singing) Alters make the world go round...
Tom:   (deep voice) Come to the dark side. I am your father, Luke...

>  One of the main internal structures, (of which there are many)within
>the system is shaped like a double-helix, consisting of seven levels.

Mike:  Wasn't the *double helix* from Wing Commander I?
Crow:  You mean the race that was mentioned in Claw Marks and then
never mentioned in the series ever again?
Mike:  Yep.
Crow:  Thought so....

>Each system has an internal programmer which oversees the "gatekeeper"
>(demons?) who grant or deny entry into the different rooms. A few of
>the internal images predominately seen by victims/survivors are trees,
>the Cabalistic "Tree of Life," with adjoining root systems,
>infinity loops, ancient symbols and letters, spider webs, mirrors or
>glass shattering, masks, castles, mazes, demons/monsters/aliens, sea
>shells, butterflies, snakes, ribbons, bows, flowers, hour glasses,
>clocks, robots,

Mike:  (looks at Tom, then Crow)
Crow:  What?

>chain-of-command diagrams and/or schematics of computer circuitry
>Bloodlines and Twinning,
>  A majority of the victims/survivors come from multi-generational
>Satanic families

Mike: ... such as the Baldwins...

>(bloodlines) and are ostensibly programmed "to fill their destiny as
>the chosen ones or chosen generations" (a term coined by Mengele at
>Auschwitz). Some are adopted out to families of similar origin.

Tom: Yessir, the rates are super-reasonible here at 'Rent-a-Aryan'!

>Others used in this neurological nightmare are deemed as the
>"expendable ones" (non-bloodliners), usually coming from orphanages,
>foster care homes, or incestuous families with a long history of

Crow:  You know, I'm really starting to miss those footnotes...
Tom:   The hell with this, I'm going back to the ceiling... (looks up)

>There also appears to be a pattern of family members affiliated with
>government or military intelligence agencies.
>  Many of the abused come from families who use Catholicism,
>Mormonism, or charismatic Christianity as a "front" for their
>abominable activities

Mike:  You know what we mean. Church picnics, clothing drives, bingo...
Crow:  The *bastards*!

>(though members of other religious groups are also involved.)
>Victims/survivors generally respond more readily to a rigid religious
>(dogmatic, legalistic) hierarchical structure because it parallels
>their base programming. Authority usually goes unchallenged, as their
>will has been usurped through subjective and command-oriented

Crow:  Such as "fetch" and "heel"!

>  Physical identification characteristics on victims/survivors often
>include multiple electrical prod scars and/or resultant moles on their
>skin. A few may have had various parts of their bodies mutilated by
>knives, branding irons, or needles, Butterfly or occult tattoos are
>also common.

Tom:   (counting cracks on the ceiling) 48, 49, 50, 51...
Mike:  (slacker) Dude! That party kicked some *righteous* ass!
Crow:  (slacker) Ri-i-i-ght on, man! Especially when Tina whipped out
that cattle prod, man! Lucky we got out alive, man!
Tom:   Sixty-five... Shoot, I lost count!
Crow:  (slacker) Hey, sorry, man...

>Generally, bloodliners are less likely to have the subsequent
>markings, as their skin is to "remain pure and unblemished."

Tom: ... and Zest-fully clean?

>  The ultimate purpose of the sophisticated manipulation of these
>individuals may sound unrealistic, depending upon our interpretive
>understanding of the physical and spiritual realms. The deepest and
>darkest alters within bloodliners are purported to be dormant until
>the "Anti-Christ' is revealed.

Crow:  ... when the go to a Marilyn Manson concert, look out!

>These "New World Order" alters supposedly contain call-back orders and
>instructions to train and/or initiate a large influx of people
>(possibly clones or "soulless ones"), thereby stimulating social control
>programs into the new millennium.

Tom:   Or... not...
Mike:  MONARCH 3:16!

>  Non-biological "twinning" is yet another bizarre feature observed
>within MONARCH programming. For instance, two young non related
>children would be ceremoniously initiated in a magical "soul-bonding"
>ritual so they might be "inseparably paired for eternity" (possibly
>another Mengele connection?).

Mike:  Dunno... You tell us.

>They essentially share two halves of the programmed information,
>making them interdependent upon one another.

Tom:   ... and in between there's a delicious creamy filled center!

>Paranormal phenomenon such as astral projection,

Crow:  (snickers)
Mike:  Crow...

>telepathy, ESP, etc. appear to be more pronounced between those who
>have undergone this process.
>Levels of MONARCH Programming [12]

Tom:   Yea! The footnote's back!
Mike:  (sniffs) Damn glad to get some decent entertainment around
Crow:  I'm interested in what the author considers a reliable resource.

>  ALPHA. Regarded as "general" or regular programming within the base
>control personality; characterized by extremely pronounced memory
>retention, along with substantially increased physical strength and
>visual acuity.

Tom:   Not to mention the improvement in body odor!

>Alpha programming is accomplished through deliberately subdividing
>the victims personality which, in essence, causes a left brain-right
>brain division, allowing for a programmed union of L and R through
>neuron pathway stimulation.

Crow:  Personality splitting? What do you think that means, Tom?
Tom:   I don't know, go ask Timmy...

>BETA. Referred to as "sexual" programming.

Tom:  ... aka Baywatch...

>This programming

Mike: ... may not be suitable for *ANY* audience...

>eliminates all learned moral convictions and stimulates the primitive
>sexual instinct, devoid of inhibitions. "cat" alters may come out at
>this level.

Tom:   Ah! This all explains the Dominion Puma Twins!
Crow:  (wolf whistles) Me-wow!
Mike:  (singing) Cat Scratch Feeeeeev-hah!!!

>  DELTA. This is known as "killer" programming, originally developed
>for training special agents or elite soldiers (i.e. Delta Force, First
>Earth Battalion, Mossad, etc.) in covert operations.

Mike:  ... but not covert enough for ol' Ron to catch wind of it, eh?

>Optimal adrenal output and controlled aggression is evident.

Bots:  SURGE!!
Mike: Don't make me angry... you wouldn't like me when I'm angry...

>Subjects are devoid of fear; very systematic in carrying out their
>assignment. Self-destruct or suicide instructions are layered in at
>this level.

Mike:  Funny way to say "thank you for a job well done".
Tom:   It saves on pensions, though...

>  THETA considered to the "psychic" programming. Bloodliners (those
>coming from multi-generational Satanic families) were determined to
>exhibit a greater propensity for having telepathic abilities than did
>non-bloodliners. Due to its evident limitations, however, various
>forms of electronic mind control systems were developed and
>introduced, namely,

Mike:  (deep voice) Television!
Crow:  (snickers) Stop that!

>bio-medical human telemetry devices (brain implants), directed-energy
>lasers using microwaves and/or electromagnetics. It is reported
>these are used in conjunction with highly-advanced computers and
>sophisticated satellite tracking systems.

Mike:  (laughs) Pretty redundant to track them if they self-destruct!
Tom:   Sadly, thet could not get their deposit back on the satellite
tracking system...

>  OMEGA. A "self-destruct" form of programming, also known as "Code
>Green." The corresponding behaviors include suicidal tendencies and/or
>self-mutilation. This program is generally activated when the
>victim/survivor begins therapy or interrogation and too much memory is
>being recovered.

Crow:  Hey, Tom.
Tom:   What?
Crow:  "Code Green"
Tom:   Ha! That "self-destruct" stuff doesn't work on me!
Crow:  Hmmm. "Artemis' Lover"?
Tom:   Uh... Ah... ARRRGGGHHH! (head explodes in flashy pyrotechnic
Crow:  Oops...
Mike:  Oh, great job, Crow...

>  GAMMA. Another form of system protection is through "deception"
>programming, which elicits misinformation and misdirection. This level
>is intertwined with demonology and tends to regenerate itself at a
>later time if inappropriately deactivated.
>- end part 1/2 -

Crow:  YYY-EEE-SSS!!!
Mike:  I wouldn't get your hopes up. Pearl's in a lousy mood...
(He picks up and places Tom under his shoulder)

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]

   Mike had a worried look on his face as he leafed through the latest
copy of "E-Z 'bot Repair". "Well, Tom, it looks like your head blew up one
too many times. Your image compiler doohickey is warped out of shape.
And your dome generation thingamajig's completely ruined. And I have no
idea where I can get a replacement..."
   If Tom Servo could frown, he'd have been doing it now. He was on top
of the command console, his head shattered like safe-T-glass. Mike put down
the book and reexamined the remains of Tom's blackened face.
   "Owie. Does it hurt much?" Mike asked, wincing.
   "Nah, I feel fine-- no thanks to a certain gold-chromed idiot!"
Crow looked up from his magazine. "Hey, man, I said I was sorry! Look,
I can't do much about your pain and suffering, but as a token of my
apologies, take my last Ding-Dong," he said "I was saving it for a special
occasion, too..."
   "Gee, thanks Crow!" Tom exclaimed. He gingerly hovered over to where
he heard Crow's voice. He fell over, down off the counter and onto the
floor in a painful heap. Righting himself, Tom continued towards where he
thought Crow was, only to completely miss him and run directly into the wall.
   "Uh, Tom? Can you see okay, little buddy?" Mike walked over and picked
up Servo off the floor. Walking back, he placed the crippled robot back on
top of the counter.
   "Oh, sure. You'd see just *peachy* too if your head blew up like mine
did! Perfect twenty-twenty vision, all the way..."
   "There's no need to lash out, Tom." Mike scolded. "This is just a
little too serious to fix with some crazy glue. Where am I going to find spare
parts if I'm stuck up here in space?" Mike started to pace around the bridge.
"The damage to some of your sensory equipment is irreparable! And if I can't
fix you, how can you watch the rest of the news post?" Mike was apparently too
upset to see the upside of Tom's condition.
   "Aw, man, that really... say!" said Servo, it hitting him.
   "You could get the Nanites to fix Servo!" Crow walked up to the
counter with the Ding-Dong and pushed the chemically packed sweet treat next to
Tom with his claw. "Here you are, Tom... it's about a foot to your left...
don't smoosh it!" He looked at Mike. "As I was saying, Mike, the Nanites can
whip him back into shape in a jiffy! And for free!"
   "Great idea! I forgot all about the Nanites! Why am I so dumb,
sometimes?" He glanced back at Crow. "Don't say a word..."
   "I wasn't gonna say anything! Honest!"
   "Sure..." Mike grabbed the magnification viewer and peered inside.
"Come in, Nanites!"
   "Yeah, well... I'm getting hungry, so I'm going to go make some pizza
rolls. Okay, Mike?" Crow left for the kitchen area.
   "Fine, Crow, you do that... Calling all Nanites..."

[Nanite World]

   Ned the Nanite looked up. "Yeah? Oh, it's you, Mr. Teilsen."
   *"It's 'Nelson', actually. I need a little favor..."*
   "Well, I need a little pay raise, but you don't hear me whining about
it. Do know how much overtime I put in doing paperwork from the last time
you had us blow up a planet? Almost three seconds!"
   *"Gee, I'm sorry about that, but the job's not so fancy this time. I
need a repair job for one of my pals here..."*
   "Alright, but might be a few moments 'cause I have to fill out a new
work order. More paperwork, you see," Ned said dryly, "You can get another
cup of coffee if you want, Mr. Belson." Ned walked out of view.

[SOL Bridge]

   "Yeah, yeah." Mike pushed the viewer away, but kept it down for now.
Remembering Crow's pizza rolls and a sudden appeal for a cup of coffee,
Mike sulked over into the Satellite's kitchen, leaving Servo all by himself.
   Tom, who was bigsweating all this time at the thought of having to
watch the rest of that conspiracy post, suddenly got an idea. He moved to
where he thought the viewer was, bumped his head on it, and managed to get in
front the screen. "Uh, guys? Anyone there? Hello!"

[Nanite World]

   Ned the Nanite had a pile of work forms on his back. "*Now* what?" He
wondered, looking up...

[SOL Bridge]

   "Can I make a deal with you? PRETTY please?" Tom begged.
   *"What kinda deal?"*
   "Oh, nothing much. Just when the big meaty guy comes back here, tell
him there is absolutely, positively, *no* way you can fix my head today.
Make some kind of excuse. Anything!"
   *"What's in it for me?"*
   "Uhhh..." Tom thought fast. "Umm, How about this? You do what I say
and tonight, I'll leave out an *entire* Ding-Dong for you guys! Deal?"
   *"A WHOLE Ding-Dong? Are you kidding?!"* Ned's eyes lit up. *"Buddy,
you got yourself a deal!"*
   "Heh, heh..." Tom moved back from the viewer just as Mike and Crow
walked back into the bridge.
   "Mike, how can you eat pizza rolls and drink *coffee* at the same
time? That's *disgusting*!" Crow gagged.
   "It's an acquired taste..." Mike grabbed the viewer again, looked in,
and said, "Hey, almost done in there, fellas?"
   *"Uh, bad news, Mr. Relstien. We got the parts on back order, and they
won't arrive until next week."* Ned lied.
   "'Parts'? Since when do you guys use 'parts'?"
   *"Really sorry, but it's the best I can do on short notice"*
   "Ah-ha, sure, thanks anyway..." Mike pushed the viewer back up to the
ceiling. "Guess you're out of luck, Servo."
   "Oh, it's no big deal, Mike. I'll get along, somehow..." Tom made a
phony, sympathy inducing cough. "Somehow... Well, seeing how I can't see the
post, I might as well go lie down, right?"
   "I guess, Tom... Oh, Pearl's calling!" Mike hit the respond button.

[Winged Microbus of Doom]

   The Observer was behind the wheel, since Pearl was in the back, under
several quilts and a dozen hot water bottles. She was fast asleep
because Bobo was reading an article from USA weekend to her. The Observer
turned to look at the bus's side mirror, where the communication camera was kept.
   "Ah, Mike. I'm afraid Pearl left instruction to show you the second
half of the Usenet post." He shuddered. "Even I have my limits. Please forgive
me, Mike..."

[SOL Bridge]
   "It's all good, Brain Guy. I kinda figured Pearl would be in a crappy
mood, so I was prepared for the worst."
   *"Good. Oh, and, Red One, about my body odor..."*
   "Um, yes?" Tom's voice was shaky.
   *"Consider us even."* The Observer put his hand to his forehead and
issued a mental command. He smiled.
   Tom's head was instantly repaired, sight and all.
   "DOH!!!" Tom yelled.
   The bridge began to shake, and the lights began to strobe.
   "Ohhhhh, WE GOT LOONY SIGN!!!"

[6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater]

(They all sit down as usual)

>Part 2/2

Crow:  You're two for two, Ron...
Mike:  Well, Tom, I just realized why you wanted to be blind...
Tom:   I can't believe I wasted a whole Ding-Dong for that! Man!
Mike:  Huh?

>Method and Components
>  The initial process begins with creating dissociation within the
>subject, usually occurring from the time of birth to about six years.

Mike:  They read conspiracy posts as bedtime stories!
Tom:   (as a nanny) Ok, children, who wants to hear about Alexis the
Alien and his magical anal probes?
Crow:  (snickers)

>This is primarily achieved through the use of electroshock (ECT) and
>is at times performed even when the child is in the mother's womb.

Crow:  They force the mother to listen to Metallica!
Tom:   Or make her stick a finger in a light socket...

>Due to the severe trauma induced through ECT, sexual abuse and other
>methods, the mind splits off into alternate personalities from the
>core. Formerly referred to as Multiple Personality Disorder, it is
>presently recognized as Dissociative Identity Disorder and is the
>basis for MONARCH programming.

Tom:   What does that mean, Mike?
Mike:  I don't know, and frankly, I don't care. And you are...?
Tom:   Uh oh...

>Further conditioning of the victim's mind is enhanced through
>hypnotism, double-bind coercion, pleasure-pain reversals, food, water,
>sleep and sensory deprivation, along with various drugs which alter
>certain cerebral functions.

Crow:  Like coffee and pizza rolls...
Mike:  (burps) Uh, oh...

>  The next stage is to embed and compress detailed commands or
>messages within the specified alter. This is achieved through the use
>of hi-tech headsets, in conjunction with computer-driven generators
>which emit inaudible sound waves or harmonics that affect the RNA
>covering of neuron pathways to the subconscious and unconscious mind.

Mike:  Which is scientifically impossible but *does* makes for an
entertaining post...

>"Virtual Reality" optical devices are sometimes used simultaneously
>with the harmonic generators projecting pulsating colored lights,

Crow:  Oooooh, lookit all the colors... (giggles)

>subliminals and split-screen visuals.

Tom:   Ah, you can do the same thing cheaper by smoking pot!
Mike:  Not unlike our boy Ronnie apparently does!

>High voltage electroshock is then used for memory dissolution.
>  Programming is updated periodically and reinforced through visual,
>auditory and written mediums. Some of the first programming themes
>included the Wizard of Oz and Alice and Wonderland, both heavily
>saturated with occultic symbolism.

Mike:  You haven't seen dangerous until you've dealt with a
satan-worshiping munchkin!
Tom:   (singing) Follow the yellow-brick road... TO *HELL!*

>Many of the recent Disney movies and cartoons are used in a two-
>fold manner: desensitizing the majority of the population, using

Crow:  ... reality-based TV shows...

>subliminals and neuro-linguistic programming, and deliberately
>constructing specific triggers and keys for base programming of
>highly-impressionable MONARCH children.

Mike:  Okay, fella, *this* time you've gone too far...
Tom:   Screw around with Disney, and you screw around with death...
Mike:  I grew up with Walt Disney! I love Walt Disney!
Crow:  What's next? Subliminal messages in "Pocahontas"?

>  A prime example of how subliminal programming works is by looking at
>the recent Disney cinematic sensation Pochahontas,

Crow:  AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH! (head begins to spark)
Tom:   Hey! I didn't know your head could do that!
Crow:  (coughing) Neither did I...
Mike:  I am in control, I am in control, I am...

>curiously billed as their "33rd" (highest degree in Scottish Rite
>Freemasonry) animated movie.
>In the movie, Grandmother Willow is a mystical 400 year old tree who
>counsels the motherless Pochahontas to listen to her heart and help
>her realize all the answers lie within.

Tom:   Aww! Maybe this guy's not so bad after all...
Crow:  Yeah, I guess he doesn't have to see conspiracy in everything...

>Grandmother Willow is constantly talking in "double-speak" and using
>"reversals" (i.e. "Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one";
>the esoteric derivative being: the left path [the path that leads to
>destruction] is the easiest one.

Tom:   Oh... huh?
Mike:  (rises out of seat) OKAY! IT'S GO TIME!!! YOU AND ME, PAL!!!
Crow:  Take it easy, man!

>  In Illuminati Structured MPD Systems, the willow tree represents the
>occultic powers of Druidism. The intrinsic imagery of the tree's
>branches, leaves and root systems are very significant, as some of the
>dark spiritual proper ties associated with the Willow Tree
>Programming are:
>(I) The branches are used to whip victims in rituals for "cleansing"

Crow:  Uh-huh...
Tom:   Sure...

>(2) A willow tree can endure severe weather disturbances (i.e. storms)
>and is known for it's pliability or flexibility. Victims/Survivors of
>the programming describe the willow's branches wrapping around them,
>with no hope of escape,

Tom:   I know the feeling...

>(3) The deep root system of the willow tree makes the victim/survivor
>feel as if they are falling deeper and deeper into an abyss while in
>a hypnotic trance.

Crow:  (yawns) I know the feeling...

>  Music plays an instrumental role in programming, through
>combinations of variable tones, rhythms and words. Frightmeister
>Stephen King's numerous novels and subsequent movies, are purported
>by credible sources to be used for such villainous purposes.

Tom:   Hoo-boy...
Crow:  You know, I like how Patton accuses King of being part of the
evil empire, but still refers to him as 'Frightmeister'.
Tom:   You mean, same as Michael Jackson insists being called "The King
of Pop?
Crow:  Exactly.

>One of his latest books, Insomnia, features a picture of King with the
>trigger phrase "WE NEVER SLEEP," (indicative of someone with MPD/ DID)
>below an all-seeing eye.

Crow:  So we can infer that this guy is *not* a fan of Stephen King?
Tom:   Uh-oh...
Crow:  What?
Tom:   Mike *is*!
Mike:  (foaming at the mouth)

>  A partial list of other mediums used to reinforce base programming
>are: Pinnochio, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast,
>Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, The Lion King, E. T., Star Wars, Ghost
>Busters, Trancers II, Batman, Bewitched, Fantasy Island, Reboot, Tiny
>Toons, Duck Tails, The Dead Sea Scrolls and The Tall Book of Make

Mike:  AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (leaps out of seat, flails about madly)
Tom:   Crow, get the gun...
Crow:  No... I-I can't pos-ssibly...
Mike:  (picks up Tom like a baseball bat)
Tom:   Crow! Now!! HURRY!!!
Crow:  (hurries off-screen to the right)
THE WRATH OF MICHAEL J. NELSON!!! (throws Tom down in an unconscious
rage) PREPARE TO *DIE*!!!
Crow:  (fires a tranquilizer dart that hits Mike in the hindquarters)
Mike:  PREPARE TO-- To-- to-- ooh... (slumps back down into seat)
Tom:   (recovering) Good work, Crow. That was a close one...
Crow:  That wasn't so bad... It was sorta fun! (comes back on screen)

>  A few movies which depict or portray some aspect of MONARCH
>programming are Hell raiser 3, Raising Cain, Labyrinth, Telefon,
>Johnny Mneumonic, Point of No Return, The Lawnmower Man and Closet

Crow:  (sitting back down) I kinda liked Labyrinth, though...
Tom:   You would...

>Programmers and Places
>  It's difficult to figure out who the original programmer of this
>satanic project was, due to the substantial amount of disinformation
>and cross-contamination propagated by the "powers that be." The two
>that went by the color-coded name of Dr. Green

Tom:   Doc *Green*? Any relation to Dr. Thinker?
Crow:  Well, Dr. T *was* obsessed with color in Judge Brainitite....

>are a Jewish doctor named Dr. Gruenbaum, who supposedly collaborated
>with the Nazis during WWII, and Dr. Josef Mengele, whose trademark of
>cold blooded and calculating brutality has not only scarred the souls
>of survivors from Auschwitz, but also

Crow:  ... provided the basis for many a conspiracy...

>a countless number of victims throughout the world. Mengele's direct
>involvement at the infamous Auschwitz concentration camp was
>suspiciously downplayed during the Nuremberg Trials, and consequently
>no intensified effort by the U.S. and it's allies was directed toward his
>capture. [13]

Mike:  (coming to) Ohhhhh...
Tom:   Welcome back, bright eyes!
Mike:  Is - is it over?
Crow:  Sadly, no. Do you want me shoot you again?
Mike:  Hold that thought...

>  As a means to confuse serious investigators as to his whereabouts,
>U.S. officials would report Mengele being a non-threatening, recluse
>in Paraguay or Brazil, or that he was simply dead (the "Angel of Death"
>miraculously must have come back to life at least five different

Tom:   And, Ron, you'd have knowledge of this because...?
Mike:  Hey, I'm really sorry guys. I didn't mean to lose it back there.
Crow:  S'okay. If it wasn't you who'd gone nuts, one of us would...

>His unprecedented research, at the expense of thousands of lives,
>undoubtedly was a significant bonus to U.S. interests, Besides
>using the pseudonym of Dr. Green, survivors knew him as
>Vaterchen (daddy),

Mike:  I call you Big Daddy, you call me late for dinner...

>Schoner Josef (beautiful Joseph), David and Fairchild. A gracefully
>handsome man of slight stature, Mengele would disarm people with his
>gentle demeanor, while at other times, he would

Tom:   ... dirty dance with Mussolini.

>explode into violent rages.[14] Other characteristics remembered by
>survivors were the cadence of his shiny black boots as he paced back
>and forth and his "I-love-you/l-love-you-not" daisy game.

Crow:  Not often you see the sweet side of a homicidal madman...

>When he pulled off the last daisy petal, he would maliciously torture
>and kill a small child in front of the other child he was programming.

Mike:  Oh, man, oh man oh man... (holds stomach in pain)
Tom:   Tranquilizer reaction?
Crow:  Pizza rolls, coffee, and a crappy post.

>Distraught survivors also recalled being thrown naked into cages with
>monkeys, who were trained to viciously abuse them. Evidently, Mengele
>enjoyed reducing people to the level of animals.

Tom:   Just the same as making us read this piece of crap...
Crow:  I just hope to god Bobo never hears about this.
Mike:  (vomits)
Tom:   Good job, Crow...

>He also would purposely restrain his victims from crying, screaming,
>or showing any excessive emotion.
>  Dr. D. Ewen Cameron, also known as Dr. White, was the former head of
>the Canadian, American and World Psychiatric Associations. Because of
>Cameron's extensive experience and credentials,

Crow:  ... they let him order lunch.

>the ClA's Allen Dulles funneled millions of dollars throughout
>organizations like the society for the Investigation of Human Ecology,
>which Cameron ruthlessly presided over. Experimentations were conducted
>at several locations in Montreal, mostly at McGill University, St
>Mary's Hospital and Allan Memorial Institute.

Tom:   Man, talk about HMO *hell*...

>Besides the conventional methods of psychiatric tyranny, such as

Tom:   ... this post!

>electroshock drug injections and lobotomies, Cameron conceived the
>technique of "psychic driving," wherein unsuspecting patients were
>kept in a drug induced coma for several weeks

Crow:  Mike's college years?
Tom:   Sure, kick a man when he's down...

>and administered a regimen of electroshocks, while electronic helmets
>were strapped to their heads and repetitive auditory messages were
>transmitted at variable speeds.[15]

Tom:   ... dumb and dumber.

>Many of those exploited were abused children which had been run
>through the Roman Catholic orphanage system.

Mike:  (recovering) The rest of them grew up watching Howdy Doody...
Tom:   You should take it easy, Mike...
Mike:  No way! This guy's gettin' the *hell* riffed out of him!
Crow:  'Atta boy, Nelson! No mercy, no fear!

>  Not surprisingly, Dr Cameron has been conveniently left out of most
>psychiatratic journals. This may have been, in fact, largely due to

Mike:  ... that he claimed the Earth was shaped like a burrito...

>Project MKULTRA being publicly exposed in 1970, through lawsuits filed
>by Canadian survivors and their families. The CIA and Canadian government
>settled out of court so as not to be required to officially admit to
>any wrongdoing.

Tom:   But that an old Canadian tradition! The CIA ripped it off!
Mike:  Sure, typical American trick: blame Canada.

>  A former U.S. Army Lt. Col. in the DIA's Psychological War-fare
>Division, Michael Aquino, is the latest in a line of alleged
>government-sponsored sadists.

Crow:  The other being the Internal Revenue Service!

>Aquino, an eccentric genius, founded the Temple of Set, an offshoot of
>Anton LaVey's Church of Satan.

Tom:   Aquino also founded the Temple of Game and the Temple of Match.

>His obsession with Nazi pagan rituals and his hypnotic manipulation of
>people made him an ideal candidate for the position of "Master

Mike:  Despite the fact he couldn't work a VCR to save his life...

>Aquino was connected with the Presidio Army Base day care scandal, in
>which he was accused child molestation. Much to the dismay of the
>young victims' parents, all charges were dismissed.

Tom:   You know, if all of this is so top secret, how did this guy find
so much out about it?
Crow:  Don't send your classified documents through the mail in flimsy
Mike:  Somehow, I can picture this guy working for the post office...

>Code-named "Malcolm", Aquino developed training tapes on how to create
>a MONARCH slave and worked as a liaison between Government/
>Military Intelligence and various criminal organizations and occult
>groups in the distribution of MONARCH slaves.[16]

Crow:  "Military Intelligence"? Isn't that an oxymoron?
Tom:   Not the only one around here...

>  Heinrich Mueller was another important programmer who went under the
>code names "Dr. Blue" or "Gog."

Mike:  (laughs) "Gog"? Did he wear glasses, perchance?
Tom:   First it was Dr. White, then Dr. Green and now Dr. Blue?
Crow:  Methinks, Patton's seen "Reservoir Dogs" one too many times...

>He apparently has two sons who have carried on the trade. The original
>"Dr. Black" was apparently Leo Wheeler, the nephew of deceased General
>Ear1e G. Wheeler, who was the commander of the Joint Chiefs of Staffs
>during the Vietnam War. Wheeler's protege, E. Hummel is active in the
>Northwest, along with W. Bowers (from the Rothschild bloodline).

Tom:   Everyone still following along? Guys?
Mike:  You need a flow chart for this post...
Crow:  The way this guy writes, you'd need a flow chart for his
Mike:  True, true...

>  Other alleged master mind manipulators, past and present, are: Dr.
>Sydney Gottleib, Lt. Col John Alexander, Richard Dabney Anderson
>(USN), Dr. James Monroe, Dr. John Lilly, Lt. Comdr. Thomas Narut, Dr
>William Jennings Bryan,


>Dr. Bernard L. Diamond, Dr. Martin T. Orne, Dr. Louis J. West, Dr
>Robert J. Lifton, Dr. Harris Isbel and Col. Wilson Green In order
>to keep MKULTRA from being easily detected,

Crow:  Like by guys with Internet access and way too much time on their

>the CLA segmented its subprojects into specialized fields of research
>and development at universities, prisons, private laboratories and
>hospitals. Of course, they were rewarded generously with government
>grants and miscellaneous funding.

Mike:  Ah, the perks of conspiracy...
Tom:   But really, what else is new?

>The names and locations of some of the major institutions involved in
>MONARCH programming experimentation were/are: Cornell, Duke,
>Princeton, UCLA, University of Rochester, MIT, Georgetown University
>Hospital, Maimonides Medical Center, St. Elizabeth's Hospital
>(Washington D.C.), Bell Laboratories, Stanford Research Institute,
>Westinghouse Friendship Laboratories, General Electric, ARCO and
>Manking Research Unlimited,

Crow:  ... who all decided to join in on all the cover-up fun!

>  The "final product" was/is usually created on military installations
>and bases, where maximum security is required.

Mike:  Not enough apparently for this fella to find out about it...

>Referred to as (re)programming centers or near-death trauma centers,
>the most heavily identified are: China Lake Naval Weapons Center, The
>Presidio, Ft. Dietrick, Ft. Campbell, Ft. Lewis, Ft. Hood, Redstone
>Arsenal, Offutt AFB, Patrick AFB, McClellan AFB, MacGill AFB, Kirkland
>AFB, Nellis AFB, Homestead AFB, Grissom AFB, Maxwell AFB

Crow:  ...Sleepy AFB, Dopey AFB, Sneezy AFB, Bashful AFB, Grumpy AFB,
Doc AFB, Happy AFB...

>and Tinker

Mike:  AHHH! Oh, wait, *tinker*, not *Thinker*...

>AFB Other places recognized as major programming sites are Langley
>Research Center, Los Alamos National Laboratories, Tavistock Institute
>and areas in or by Mt. Shasta, CA, Lampe, MO and Las Vegas, NV.

Tom:   Las Vegas. Trauma. First connection he's made that makes sense.

>Notable Names
>  One of the first documented cases of a MONARCH secret agent was that
>of the voluptuous 1940's model, Candy Jones. The book, The Control of
>Candy Jones, (Playboy Press) portrays her 12 years of intrigue and
>suspense as a spy for the CIA. Jones, whose birth name is Jessica

Crow:  I will not say it, I will not say it, I will NOT say it...
Mike:  Good boy.

>apparently fit the physiological profile as to be one of the initial
>experiments or human guinea pigs under the government's "scientific"
>project, MKULTRA.

Tom:   ... cause she's a *GIRL*!
Crow:  (singing) Dynamite with a laser beam...

>  The most publicized case of MONARCH monomania has surfaced through
>the book TRANCE Formation of America: The True Life Story of a ClA
>Slave by Cathy O'Brien. On the back cover it emphatically states,
>"Cathy O'Brien is the only vocal and recovered survivor of the
>Central Intelligence Agency's MKULTRA Project Monarch mind control

Mike:  So, escape the CIA evil clutches, advertise you're still alive.
Okaaay... makes sense to me...
Tom:   (as Cathy) Hey, guys, can't catch me! Nyah, nyah!
Crow:  Why doesn't she move to Canada? According to this, it's MUCH
safer than living in the States!
Tom:   Because *also* according to this, the Nazis took over the
animation industry...

>This documented autobiography contains compelling accounts of
>O'Brien's years of unrelenting incest and eventual introduction
>into Project MONARCH by her perverted father. Along with co-author
>Mark PhiIlips, her rescuer and deprogrammer, Cathy covers an almost
>unbelievable array of conspiratorial crime:

Crow:  You got that right...
Tom:   What does he mean, "almost"?

>forced prostitution (white slavery) with those in the upper echelons
>of world politics, covert assignments as a "drug mule" and courier, and
>the country-western music industry's relationship with illegal CIA

All:   WHAT?!?
Tom:   Walt Disney, Stephen King, and Hank Williams. Total Evil.
Crow:  Yes, total, of course...

>  Paul Bonaci a courageous survivor who endured almost two decades of
>degradation under Project MONARCH, has disclosed strong corroborating
>evidence of widescale crimes and corruption from the municipal/state
>level all the way up to the White House.[17]

Crow:  Well, that's news for ya!
Mike:  Tell us something we *don't* know...

>He has testified about sexually-abused males selected from Boy's Town
>in Nebraska and taken to nearby Offut AFB, where he says they were
>subjected to intense MONARCH programming, directed mainly by Commander
>Bill Plemmons and former Lt. Col. Michael Aquino.[18]

Tom:   Further experiments were conducted by Corporal Punishment and
General Mayham...

>After thoroughly tormenting the young boys into mindless oblivion,

Crow:  ... usually by forcing them to watch "Dawson's Creek" reruns

>they were used (along with girls) for pornography and prostitution
>with several of the nation's political and economic power brokers.
>Bonnaci recalled

Mike:  ... ditty-squat.

>being transported from the Air Force base via cargo planes to
>McClelland AFB in California. Along with other unfortunate adolescents
>and teenagers, he was driven to the elite retreat, Bohemian Grove. The
>perpetrators took full advantage of these innocent victims, committing
>unthinkable perversions in order to satisfy their deviant lusts. Some
>victims were apparently murdered, further traumatizing already
>terrified and broken children.
>  An insuitable actress of marginal talent (now deceased), a morally-
>corrupt T.V. evangelist, a heralded former Green Beret officer and a
>popular country-western singer are a few others likely having
>succumbed to MONARCH madness.

Tom:   It's MONARCH MADNESS days at Menards!!!

>Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirhan-Sirhan, Charlie Manson, John Hinckley Jr.,
>Mark Chapman, David Koresh, Tim McVeigh and John Salvi are some
>notable names of infamy, strongly suspected of being pawns who were
>spawned by MKULTRA.
>Deprogrammers and Exposers

Crow:  Ewww!

>  Dr. Corydon Hammond, a Psychologist from the University of Utah,
>delivered a stunning lecture entitled "Hypnosis in MPD: Ritual Abuse"

Tom:   Now, is this the same Hammond that clones all them dinosaurs for
his theme park?
Mike:  Huh, guy really gets around.

>at the Fourth Annual Eastern Regional Conference on Abuse and Multiple
>Personality, June 25, 1992 in Alexandria, Virginia. He essentially
>confirmed the suspicions of the attentive crowd of mental health
>professionals, wherein a certain percentage of their clients had

Mike:  ... A strange reaction to Disney cartoons.

>undergone mind control programming in an intensively systematic manner.
>Hammond alluded to the Nazi connection, military and CIA mind control
>research, Greek letter and color programming and specifically
>mentioned the '~Monarch Project" in relation to a form of operative

Tom:   I'd rather take the air conditioning, myself.

>  Shortly after his ground breaking speech, he received death threats.
>Not wanting to jeopardize the safety of his family, Dr. Hammond
>stopped disseminating any follow-up information, until recently.

Mike:  (as Dr. Hammond) Ah, screw 'em, a little life on the run never
hurt *anybody*...

>  Mark Phillips, a former electronics subcontractor for the Department
>of Defense, was privy to some of the top secret mind control
>activities perpetrated by the U.S. government. His inquisitive
>demeanor, strong conscience and heart-felt concern for Cathy O'Brien,
>a "Presidential Model"

Crow:  Monica Lewinsky?
Tom:   Crow...
Crow:  That's Mike's line, Tom.

>under Project MONARCH, prompted him to reveal the inner-workings of
>this grand deception beginning about 1991. As the story goes, he helped
>Ms. O'Brien escape from her captors and was able to deprogram her in
>about a years time in Alaska. The controversial Phillips has his share
>of critics who are skeptical of the veracity of his claims.

Mike:  Meaning everyone else...
Tom:   ... except Ron Patton...

>New Orleans therapist Valerie Wolf introduced two of her patients
>before the President's Committee on Human Radiation Experiments on
>March 15, 1995 in Washington D.C. The astonishing testimony made by
>these two brave women included accounts of German doctors, torture,
>drugs, electroshock, hypnosis and rape,

Mike:  So, where does the radiation fit in?

>besides being exposed to an undetermined amount of radiation.

Mike:  Ah.

>Both Wolf and her patients stated they recovered the memories of this
>CIA program without regression or hypnosis techniques.[19] Wolf
>presently devotes much of her time to counseling such survivors. A former
>labor attorney for Atlantic Richfield Co., David E. Rosenbaum, conducted
>a nine year investigation (1983-1992) concerning allegations of physical
>torture and coercive conditioning

Crow:  ... like, reading this post.

>of numerous employees at an ARCO plant in Monaca, PA.[20] His
>clients, Jerry L. Dotey and Ann White, were victims of apparent
>radiation exposure; but as Mr. Rosenbaum probed deeper in the
>subsequent interview sessions, a "Pandora's Box" was unveiled. His
>most astonishing conclusion was that

Tom:   ... butter is fattening and Disney is evil!

>Jerry Dotey and Ann White were likely the off-spring of Adolf Hitler,
>based in part on the uncanny resemblance from photos (facial features;
>bone structure and size were taken into consideration).

Crow:  Plus the fact they both had those funky little mustaches...

>Rosenbaum also states, "They both exhibit feelings and experiences
>that indicate they are twins." Dotey and White were allegedly subjected
>to torture of many kinds while under drug induced hypnosis, with each
>one undergoing at least three training techniques by plant physicians.

Mike:  It was an evil plant, EVIL!

>  Each victim was trained to enter into a hypnotic state upon the
>occurrence of specific stimuli, usually involving a "cue" word or
>phrase and trained to "remember to forget" what transpired in the
>hypnotic state.

Crow:  Zzzz...
Tom:   We lost Crow...
Crow:  (waking up) Huh? Oh, is it *still* on?
Mike:  Hang tight. We're almost there...

>They were repeatedly subjected to identical stimulus-response
>sequence, to produce nearly automatic reactions to the particular
>status. MKULTRA veteran, Dr. Bernard Diamond, Dr. Martin Orne and
>Dr. Josef Mengele regularly visited the ARCO plant, according to
>Rosenbaum. The special conditioning of Dotey and White was intended for
>the artificial creation of dual German personalities. Rosenbaum, who
>is Jewish, has maintained a deep friendship with the two, despite

Mike:  ... the fact he hated their guts...

>the seemingly precarious circumstances. Other renowned therapists
>involved in deprogramming are Cynthia Byrtus, Pamela Monday, Steve
>Ogilvie, Bennett Braun, Jerry Mungadze and Colin Ross. Some Christian
>counselors have been able to eliminate parts of the programming with
>limited success.

Tom:   ... for some reason, sessions would always end with that
irritating bout of protectile vomiting.

>Journalists who have recently expounded on the subject matter in
>exemplary fashion are Walter Bowart, Operation Mind Control, Jon Rappoport,
>U.S. Government Mind-Control Experiments on Children and Alex Constantine,
>Psychic Dictatorship In The USA

Crow:  (starts head-banging)

>  The most incriminating statement to date made by a government
>official as to the possible existence of Project MONARCH was extracted
>by Anton Chaitkin, a writer for the publication, The New Federalist.
>When former CIA Director William Colby was asked directly, "What about
>monarch?" he replied angrily and ambiguously,

Mike:  ... "There are no butterflies by that name!"

>"We stopped that between the late 1960's and the early 1970's."

Crow:  Yeah, they all got turned on at Woodstock and everybody lost
interest after that!

>  Suffice to say that society, in its apparent state of cognitive
>dissonance, is generally in denial of the over whelming evidence of
>this multifarious conspiracy. Numerous victims/ survivors of Project
>MONARCH are in desperate need of help. However, the great majority of
>people are too preoccupied with themselves to show any genuine

Tom:   ... stuff.

>compassion toward these severely wounded individuals. Apathy has taken
>over the minds of the masses, who choose to exist within the comforts of
>this world. Reality has thus become obscured by relativism and

Crow:  Oh! A "behind the scenes look" into the making of this post!

>  Although there has been some progress in deprogramming and
>reintegrating therapies, a much greater problem needs to be rectified.
>The Holy Bible addresses this problem as the fragmentation of the soul
>(Ezekiel 13:20). A spiritual restoration is what is truly needed (Psalm
>23:3) but can only take place by completely trusting in Jesus Christ as
>the way to salvation (John 3:16; I Peter 3:18) and deliverance from
>demonic oppression and/or possession (Mark 16:17).

Mike:  He forgets to mention Austin 3:16
Crow:  Ah, yes...

>  The true humility of Christ and the love of God effectively counters
>the pride and hatred of Satan. Statistically, the road to recovery for
>these survivors of unimaginable depravity is a long and tedious one,

Tom:   (as Ron Patton) So lets take a moment to take a long hearty
laugh at their misfortune, shall we?

>but God is the ultimate healer and only within his time, through His
>strength and by His grace, can the captives be set free (Isaiah 61:1).

Tom:   Oh, endnotes. Not footnotes.
Mike:  Whaaaaatever...

>   1. David L. Carrico, The Egyptian Masonic Satanic Connection, 1992
>   2. Walter H. Bowart, Operation Mind Control, Flatland Editions,
>1994, p. 216
>   3. Martin Cannon, Mind Control and the American Government,
>Prevailing Winds Research, 1994, p. 19
>   4. Linda Hunt, Secret Agenda, St. Martin's Press, 1991

Crow:  Linda Hunt? NOOOOO!!!

>   5. Final Report of the Select Committee to Study Governmental
>Operations, U.S. Senate, April 1976, p. 337
>   6. Ibid, p. 390
>   7. John Marks, The Search For The Manchurian Candidate, Times
>Books, 1979, pp 60-61

Mike:  Almost there...

>   8. Final Report of the Select Committee to Study Governmental
>Operations, U.S. Senate, April 1976, p. 391
>   9. Mark Phillips and Cathy O'Brien, Project Monarch, 1993
>   10. Barbara G. Walker, The Woman's Dictionary of Symbols and Sacred
>Objects, Harper Collins, 1988
>   11. Marshall Cavendish, Man, Myth and Magic, 1995
>   12. Dr. Corydon Hammond, The Greenbaum Speech, 1992; Mark Phillips
>and Cathy O'Brien, Project Monarch Programming Definitions, 1993
>   13. Gerald L. Posner, Mengele: The Complete Story, McGraw-Hill,

Crow:  Come on, END!

>   14. Lucette Matalon Lagnado, Dr. Josef Mengele and the Untold Story
>of the Twins of Auschwitz, Morrow, 1991
>    15. Gordon Thomas, Journey into Madness: The True Story of Secret
>CIA Mind Control and Medical Abuse, Bantam Books, 1989
>   16. Cathy O'Brien and Mark Phillips, Trance Formation of America,
>     17. John DeCamp, The Franklin Cover-Up, Child Abuse, Satanism and
>Murder in Nebraska, AWT Inc, 1992

All:   END!!!
Tom:   We don't like you! Go away!

>   18. Anton Chaitkin, "Franklin Witnesses Implicate FBI and U.S.
>Elites in Torture and Murder of Children", The New Federalist, 1993
>   19. Jon Rappoport, "CIA Experiments with Mind Control on Children",
>Perceptions Magazine, September/October 1995, p. 56
>   20. David E. Rosenbaum, Esq., First Draft Overview of Investigation
>of the Group, 1983-1993
>- fini -

Tom:   YES!!!
Mike:  There is a God...
Crow:  Oh, merciful one...

>This PGP signature only certifies the sender and date of the message.
>It implies no approval from the administrators (
>Date: Wed Oct 23 22:29:07 1996 GMT

Mike:  (picks up Tom) No approval from us, either...
Tom:   Stuff 'em. From the makers of Stuff It...

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]

   Tom Servo, with pointer in hand (somehow), directed everyone's
attention to a hastily drawn flowchart that was hanging on the theater door.
"Now, does anyone have any questions?"
   Crow shot his hand up as far as it would go. "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick
me! I got questions and stuff!"
   Tom, sighing, pointed at Crow. "Yes, young man?"
   "Could you go over it one more time? Please? I just might care this
time! Honest!"
   "Alright, just this once." Tom started to point at various places
around the chart. "Walt Disney, Stephen King, and Dolly Parton are in league
with Satan. The combined might of the U.S. Government along with Germany and
England is trying to use brain control so they don't have to explain
where our tax dollars go. And by using drugs, sex, Rock 'n' Roll, and
"Pep-o-mint" Lifesavers to keep the victims/ losers in check, the forces of
Darkness will rule the world!!!
   "And you found this out from...?"
   "Uh... Umm... Ahh... Look over there!"
   "Huh?" Crow looked over his shoulder and turned back just in time to
see Servo disappear below decks. "Oh, well..."
   Mike, who was playing an engaging game of Crazy Eights with Gypsy,
looked up, pushed the responder, and said, "Pearl's calling."

[Winged Microbus of Doom]

   Pearl was back behind the wheel. She looked into the camera. "Well,
Nell-bell, you would not *believe* how watching other people's
suffering can do so much to make one feel better. Thanks!" she beamed.
   The Observer spoke up from the back, over sounds of simian groaning.
"Pearl, I'm afraid Bobo has caught your flu..."
   "That's too bad, Brain-ball..."
   "And he requires a sponge bath."
   "Oh... Bleck!"

[SOL Bridge]

   Mike, Tom, and Crow were looking into Cambot, watching the unfolding
events on the Microbus of Doom with sadistic glee. She was right-- they *did*
feel better...

[Fade to Black]

The Not-So-Placid Jack Acid writes:

   I hope you enjoyed my first MSTing! It was written three years ago,
and orginally released under Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings. Due to some
unfortunate circumstances I left the world of MSTing, but have since
returned to have another go at it. Consequently, I'm releasing this,
'Project Monarch', which is mostly intact and only required minor
polishing here and there.  Comments and critique are most welcome; I
would be a hypocrite if they were not.
Mail me at:
Again, I do not mean to insult the author, but only to make light of
this post. This MSTing is meant as satire and is not to be taken seriously,
unlike someone else I'm thinking of. I can't help it, sadly, because I
too am a victim of Monarch programming. I have been afflicted by the little
known SIGMA conditioning, in which I was dropped on my head immediately
after birth, and I am forever compelled to make fun of mediocrity. So
sue me. ;)

Jack Acid

Special Thanks to:

Megane 6.7, for getting me on this MSTing kick. He also helped me see a
couple of riffs I missed the first time around. See what he's all about

Zoogz, my webmaster and all-around swell guy, who also has his MSTings
at the above address. But if you found THIS MSTing already, you've already
found his and Megane's, right? ^_-

Lisu and her crew, who are a source of some of my inspiration. Shine
on, Loony one.

The good folk at #EcchiFanGirls, found at, who are the
source of the REST of my inspiration. Even if they *are* perverts!

Haloflux, who is the best kitty-girl-shade-thief-mage-vampire I know!

Website #9's guidelines to Usenet MSTings. It came in handy...

Best Brains, for screwing up my childhood (but in a good way) from age
eleven up to today, at twenty one. May the way of the Hero lead to the

After all, Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and
situations are trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All
rights reserved, I wouldn't have it any other way! Use here is for
entertainment purposes only and no violation of copyright is intended
or should be inferred, so help me God.

Keep Circulating the Posts...

>In August 1951, Project BLUE BIRD was renamed Project ARTICHOKE,

All:   (snicker)
Mike:  Project BROCCOLI didn't get out of the sub-committee...

Jack Acid Area
A MSTing For All Seasons Home