Mystery Science Theater 3001
Episode 3004: "Sailor Moon Hentai"
MSTed by Jack Acid


In the not-too-distant future,
Somewhere up overhead:
Mike Nelson beats out all the odds,
Because he's not yet dead...
Pursued by a woman, whose name is Pearl,
A twisted, sadistic, sort of girl,
She's mad Mike's mind isn't whacked,
So she decided to try a different kind of tact!

Pearl: I'LL... GET... *YOU*!!!

"I'll send him lousy web posts,
The worst he's ever seen!
He'll have to sit and read them all,
And keep his comments clean!"

Now keep in mind, Mike has to read,
Whatever post that Pearl sends;
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends!

>> Robot Roll Call <<

Cambot! (On in three!)
Gypsy! (Oh my Betty Martin!)
Tom Servo (Who loves ya, baby!)
Crooow! (I am Iron Man!)

If you're wondering why Mike has to read,
And other useless facts,
Just repeat to yourself it's just a post,
You should really just relax! For...

Mystery Science Theater Three Thousand!

Gypsy: ... and one?


The article MSTed within is copyrighted to Carlos and Sailor
Pleasure. They are quite welcome to it. No insult is intended,
it just seems that way... besides, it's all in good fun.
Any random mention of characters, songs, movies and the like
belong to their respective owners. All rights Reserved.


[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]


   Tom Servo readied himself for his presentation. He was
dressed in a suit jacket and a snappy pair of glasses, and he
was just putting on the finishing touches on his professional-
looking flow chart when he heard a crash behind him. The red
robot twirled around and looked behind him.
   "Oops."
   "CROW!" Servo's carefully laid out blueprints were now
scattered across the bridge. "Smooth move, twinkle toes."
   "Sorry." Crow began to pick up the mess. When he got a
closer look at one of the plans, he said to Tom, "Okay, Servo,
I give up. What in heavens name *are* you doing?"
   "Well, Crow, friend. I was just about to put my idea
across to the head committee."
   "Mike, you mean?"
   "Yeah, Mike, right. As I was saying, an idea that will
revolutionize life on the Satellite of Love forever!" Tom was
beaming.
   "So?" Crow finished picking up the mess and bundled it
on top of the counter, where Tom was sitting.
   "So. Is that all you can say to the visionary who might
change the course of your pathetic existence for the better?!
You have offended me! Bend down and lick my boots!"
   "You aren't wearing any. Besides, why do you think your
plan is so great? How do you know it will work? What *is* it
anyway?"
   "Heh, heh. I'd thought you'd never ask! Have a seat,
friend, and prepare to be blown away by my brilliance."
   "Could I go get a sandwich first? I skipped lunch."
   "Nope. Cambot, could you dim the lights? Thank you."
Tom directed Crow's attention to the makeshift projection
screen on the wall. "Roll 'em, Cambot."

[SERVO'S PRESENTATION]

Tom:   Hello, friends, and welcome. For your consideration
tonight, I humbly present to you the following.

(A picture of the Satellite of Love)

Tom:   As you can see by the picture of the currently
undeveloped estate, it is definitely below its level of
potential. The inhabitants live in squalor and filth. But
here at Servo Enterprises we want to change all that!

(A picture of Ned the Nanite, smiling)

Tom:   Using the latest in Nanite technology, we can
actually terraform this barren wasteland into a happy,
attractive, and profitable investment. Imagine turning this.

(The picture of the Satellite of Love again)

Tom:   ... into this.

(A picture of the H.M.S. *Titanic* superimposed in space)

Tom:   Yes, it's no joke, friends. This once fantastic
undertaking is achievable through modern methodology; a flying
luxury palace in outer space! Join us, won't you.

[SERVO'S PRESENTATION ENDS]

   The lights came up around a smiling Tom Servo. "So. Any
questions?" He looked around the bridge for a reply.
   Crow's mouth hung open. Mike, who was now standing behind
Crow, wore similar expression on his face. He hit the red
responder button to answer Pearl's call, but he never broke his
stare on Servo to do it.

[Winged Microbus of Doom]

   "What are you clowns doing? Don't you know that you might
swallow a bug doing that?" Pearl shook her head in disgust. "I'm
feeling a little mean today, so I'm sending over a Sailor Moon
Lemon, sort of. Try to follow along if you can, Sailor Pearl Says!
Brain Guy?"
   "Yes, madam." The Observer did his brain power thing.

[SOL Bridge]

   Mike's jaw snapped shut as the room shook and the lights
flashed. "I'll talk to you later, Thomas Servo, but first, WE
GOT LEMON SIGN!!!"


[6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater]


Crow:  Still no fancy door sequence, I see.
Mike:  Hey, I'd rather have the host segments myself.
Crow:  Can't have it all, I guess.
All:   (sit down as usual)


>Hi all, Carlos and Sailor Pleasure here! This is no
>story,


Mike: It's a joke!


>just information on them. Please excuse any changes.


Tom:   Sure, just leave everything to us, Carlos. Heh, heh,
heh!
Crow:  He's so open about there being no story here.


> E-mail Sailor Pleasure at:
>oneechan@hotmail.com
>And E-mail Carlos at:


Mike:  ... his home behind the local Seven-Eleven.


>carlosvincent@hotmail.com
>Or Visit our Page:
>http://members.tripod.com/~carlosvincent/intro.html
>This is just info on most of the characters we use
>in Sailor Moon Hentai.


Crow:  This is slightly disappointing.
Tom:   Count your blessings. It's a lemon, remember?
Crow:  Good point...


>----------------------------------------------------
>
>Sailor Pleasure
>
>Real Name: Kelly Moule


Mike: No names were changed, because no one was innocent...


>Birthday: April 23
>Sign: Taurus


Tom:   So she's full of bull! Thank you!


>Likes: Chris Aceto, Internet, Anime
>Dislikes: Math, Gym, Star Eyes


Mike:  Not a big fan of "My Little Ponies", I guess.
Tom:   Nor the vaulting horse....


>Dream: To Be A Bride
>Favorite Gemstone: Diamond
>
>Kelly, up close and personal


Crow:  Heh, heh...
Mike:  Crow...
Crow:  Hey! I didn't say anything!
Mike:  You were thinking of it, though.


>Kelly is a very average girl. She attends Taiyo Gaken. She has
>dirty blonde hair and ocean blue eyes, and is totally obsessed
>with her former Slyvan Teacher now her teacher's assistant
>teacher, Chris Aceto.


Mike:  Oh, that's a nice traditional Japanese name...
Crow:  Plot development, gentlemen! I hope you're taking notes.
Tom:   No, only hate mail and death threats...


> She also has the ability to become Sailor Pleasure, leader of
>the Hentai Senshi and StarGazer, teammate of the Sailor Senshi.


Crow:  I don't follow.
Tom:   As if the author does, either...


>Attacks, Powers, Etc.
>Pleasure Hentai Power, Make up!

Mike:  Brought to by Avon Products, Inc.


>Kelly says this to transform into Sailor Pleasure.
>She basically raises her wand and a blue ribbon forms
>her outfit on her body, then she's in her fuku.
>Pleasure Fantasy Nightmare!


Crow:  That's a bit of a contradiction, isn't it?
Mike:  No, it's not!


>Pleasure says this and a blue cloud is formed, making
>whoever is in it, think their worst fantasies become so
>real, they scream in terror.


Mike:  Wow. I'm trapped up here watching bad movies and I
don't even flinch that much...
Crow:  Guess you've got more character than we thought!
Mike:  Yeah, I guess... Hey!


>Pleasure Sensual Energy Override!
>Pleasure says this and she glows with a blue aura as
>a pink energy begins to form around her body.


Tom:   She drops a tab of acid?
Crow:  I would too, if I had to appear in this crappy lemon...


> As it concentrates, she removes her tiara, letting the energy
>flow inside, then she throws it, destroying any creature.
>
>-------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Sailor Mouth


Mike:  She's a real gabber, boys!
Tom:   Yeah, I'll bet she's from the South...


>Real Name: Tai Gibbons


Crow:  She knows Bobo?
Mike:  Probably not. Why?
Crow:  Gibbon... Ape... Oh, *never* mind!


>Birthday: June 28
>Sign: Cancer
>Likes: Anime, Manga, Boys
>Dislikes: Spoiled Brats, Brussel Sprouts


Mike:  ... Project ARTICHOKE.


>Dream: To be a singer
>Favorite Gemstone: Pearl


All:   AHHH!!!
Tom:   Oh, she meant the *mineral*. It's okay, guys!


>Tai, up close and personal
>
>Tai is a really nice girl, but she's not the giddy, naive type.


Crow:  We leave that up to Kelly...


>She attends Taiyo Gaken. She has silver hair and golden eyes.
>She is best friends with Kelly and Ida, they met on the flight
>to Japan. Tai owns Xavier and has the ability to become Sailor
>Mouth.


Tom:   Not that she's proud of it or anything.


>Attacks, Powers, Etc.
>
>Mouth Hentai Power, Make up!
>Tai says this to transform into Sailor Mouth.
>She raises her wand and her red ribbon covers
>her body and then she's in her fuku.


Mike:  Get down! Get fuku!


>Mouth Swelling Render!
>Mouth says this and her mouth swells.


All:   (laugh)
Crow:  (as Mouth) Fear me! Or I will cause my lower lip to
explode!


> Then the sensation is transffered over to her target
>and pains them.


Tom:   Sorta like this lemon!


>Mouth Chapping Annoy!
>Mouth says this and her mouth begins to chap.
>Again, the sensation is transffered and the
>effect is on the target.
>
>--------------------------------------------------


Crow:  Heads up, dashes going south for the winter...
Tom:   ... and away from this lemon.
Mike:  How I envy them!


>Sailor Tongue
>
>Real Name: Ida Benson
>Birthday: September 15
>Sign: Virgo
>Likes: Chemistry, Internet, Ocra
>Dislikes: Any vegetable and Home Ec.


Mike:  Not a big fan of Project ARTICHOKE either.
Crow:  ... or Kelly!
Mike:  Hey, now, be nice...


>Dream: To Be A Fashion Model
>Favorite Gemstone: Sapphire
>
>Ida, up close and personal


Tom:   Who's conducting these *up close and personal*
interviews, anyway?


>Ida is a nice, yet weird girl. She attends Taiyo Gaken. She
>enjoys lots of things and sometimes acts strange.


Crow:  That, and all the nifty "toys" she keeps under her bed.
Mike:  Crow...


>She is best friends with Tai and Kelly and has the ability to
>become Sailor Tongue. She has juniper green hair and sky
>blue eyes.


Tom:   Completely baffling the laws of genetics!


>Attacks, Powers, Etc.
>
>Tongue Hentai Power, Make up!
>Ida says this to transform into Sailor Tongue.
>She raises her wand and her pink ribbon attaches
>to her body and she's in her fuku.


Mike:  It's maaaaaaaaagic!


>Tongue Lavish Wet!
>Tongue says this and a huge tongue appears, sensously
>licking all her targets, making them moan.


Crow:  Ewwww!
Mike:  That is *absolutely* disgusting.


>Tongue Drool Trickle!
>Tongue says this and a tongue appears above the head
>of the target and drool slowly trickles onto them.


Crow:  Like Odie the dog?
Tom:   Like a Bounty paper towel, only smellier!
Mike:  (chokes back vomit)
Tom:   Sorry, Mike. I'll take easy.
Mike:  (sarcastic) Golly. Thanks, Servo...


>-----------------------------------------------------
>
>Sailor Breast


Crow:  She's already my favorite!
Mike:  Crow...


>Real Name: Utsukushii Hiko [Beautiful Fire Child]


Mike:  Beavis would love this girl.
Crow:  (as Beavis) Fire! Heh-Heh! Fi-i-ire!


>Birthday: December 1
>Sign: Saggitarius
>Likes: Pizza, Boys
>Dislikes: Health Food, Liars


Tom:   ... and those damn paper packages, tied up with string.


>Dream: To Be A Flower Shop Owner
>Favorite Gemstone: Emerald
>
>Hiko, up close and personal


Crow:  Don't mind if I do.  Rrrrrrrowl...


>Hiko is a very nice girl and is the sister of Kiko. Her
>older sister by a year or so. She attends T*A Private
>Girl's Academy


Tom:   "T*A" Girl's Academy? Am I reading that right?!
Crow:  Yep.
Mike:  I *pray* that it isn't a Catholic school...


>with her sister and Rei-chan. She has red hair
>and hazel eyes. She also has the ability to become
>Sailor Breast.
>
>Attacks, Powers, Etc.


Mike:  (as author) I won't bore you with any useful details...


>Breast Hentai Power, Make up!
>Hiko says this to transform into Sailor Breast.
>She raises her wand and her violet ribbon engulfs
>her and she's in her fuku.


Crow:  I kinda miss the breast outlines, myself...
Mike:  Crow-- well, yeah, I kinda miss those, too...


>Breast Inflamation Pain!
>Breast says this and her target(s) breasts or
>cock become inflamed and sents the pain throughout
>them.


Mike:  We're entering a whole *weird* area here...
Tom:   I *really* hope it doesn't get much more graphic...


>Breast Sensation Visualize!
>Breast says this and a strange sensation enters
>her target, making them want to hump themeselves.


Tom:   AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!! (head begins to smoke)


>--------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Sailor Nipple
>
>Real Name: Utsukushii Kiko [Beautiful Tree Child]


Crow:  Like Peanut Butter and Jelly, it's Sailors Nipple
and Breast!
Mike:  So, Sailor Breast doesn't have any nipples, or...?


>Birthday: November 29
>Sign: Saggitarius
>Likes: TV, Anime
>Dislikes: Internet, anything 'Geeky'


Mike:  Now why am I suddenly offended?


>Dream: To Be A TV Reporter


Tom:   (recovering) She's got some *real* ambitions...


>Favorite Gemstone: Topaz
>
>Kiko, up close and personal
>
>Kiko is a fairly nice girl. She has white hair and brown eyes.
>She attends T*A Private Girl's Academy with Hiko and Rei-chan.
>She also has the ability to become Sailor Nipple.


Crow:  White hair? She must be *old*!
Mike:  Yeah, She and Chibi-Usa go play bingo on Monday nights...


>Attacks, Powers, Etc.
>
>Nipple Hentai Power, Make up!
>Kiko says this to transform into Sailor Nipple.
>She raises her wand and her green ribbon circles
>around her body, and she's in her fuku.


Tom:   Hey, it's faster that ducking into a convenient phone
booth!


>Nipple Hardening Commense!
>Nipple says this and her nipples harden first,
>then it transfers over to her target(s) cock
>or nipples, and makes them feel painful agony.


Crow:  (imitating Bull Shannon) Oooooooo-kay...
Mike:  No comment.
Tom:   This is starting to get a little sick...


>Nipple Brushing Hard!
>Nipple says this and with her own hard nipples,
>carress the abdomen of her target, making them
>loose control.


Crow:  Some attack! Rub their belly with your nipples while
they bonk you over the head with a rock or something!


>---------------------------------------------------
>
>Sailor Rose
>
>Real Name: Rosa DeVega


Tom:   If that *is* her real name...
Crow:  A Sailor Rose is a Sailor Rose is a Sailor Rose...
Mike:  (singing) Sailor Rose... I'm home again, rose...


>Birthday: June 12
>Sign: Gemini
>Likes: Reading, writing
>Dislikes: Prejudice people
>Dream: To Be A Bilingual Secretary


Crow:  No... no, that one is a little *too* easy...
Mike:  (sarcastically) Thank you, Crow.


>Favorite Gemstone: Amber


Tom:   (imitating Data) Blue... Amber, Amber... Red...


>Rosa, up close and personal
>
>Rosa is a spainard. She comes from spain and speaks some
>Spanish.


Mike:  (laughs) Well, I guess that comes along with being a
Spaniard, doesn't it?
Crow:  (as Rosa) Hello.  My name is Rosa.  You killed my
father.  Prepare to die!


>She has long blue hair, some of it put back in a
>bow (think Minako)


Tom:   I'm trying, I'm *trying*...


> and black eyes. She attends Taiyo Gaken
>and has the ability to become Sailor Rose, a helper and
>friend to the Sailor Senshi, like Tuxedo Kamen. She also
>has a cat named Geri.


Mike:  Geri, this is my friend's cat, Tom.
Tom:   Yeah? What?
Mike:  No, I mean Tom. Jerry? Oh, forget it!


>Attacks, Powers, Etc.
>
>Rose Romance Power, Make up!
>This is how her transformation works:


Mike:  Hoo-boy...
Tom:   Here we go...
Crow:  Let me guess... she separates her love petals?
Mike:  Crow!


>    "Rose Romance Power.." She began as the wand
>released itself from her hands and began to spin.
>Then red energy flowed to her fingernails and colored
>them a rose red. "MAKE UP!" She exclaimed. The wand
>then touched her arms as she began to spin and made
>her gloves. It then touched her feet and made her
>laced up boots were made. The it touched her chest
>and her top appeared. It then drew a circle around
>her waist and made her skirt. Finally it touched
>her forehead, ears, and neck to make the final
>parts of her fuku. She then did her stance.


Tom:   Hey... Hey! That's actually pretty good!
Mike:  What's a good character doing in this crappy lemon?
Crow:  Must be a typo... but *what* a typo!


>Rose Thorns Spiraling!
>Rose says this and zillions of thorns fly at her target,
>piercing and punchturing their skin.


Crow:  Whoa! Awesome!


>Rose Cresent Kiss Burn!
>Rose says this and she blows a kiss as a shaft
>of posionious liquid concentrated with it.


Tom:   ... like one of Kathie Lee Gifford's kisses?

>------------------------------------------------
>
>Star Eyes


Mike:  Trumpy?
Tom:   Huh?
Mike:  Never mind...


>Real Name: Mary Serpens


Tom:   She's quite contrary, or so I've heard...


>Birthday: August 15
>Sign: Leo
>Likes: Music, Dancing
>Dislikes: Any hard core stuff


Crow:  Yeah, yeah, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.


>Dream: To Be A World-Famous Violinist, like Michiru
>Favorite Gemstone: Peridot
>
>Mary, up close and personal
>
>Mary is..well..let me put it this way. Have you ever read
>Sailor Moon Zodiac by Janelle Jimenez?


Mike:  No.
Tom:   No.
Crow:  Yes! I mean, no...


>Well, she acts a lot like Shikami Dokuno aka Sailor Scorpio.
>She harsh, mean, and just about anything else BAD
>that you can think of.


Tom:   (sarcastic) In this lemon? That's *really* hard to do...


> She has brown hair and dark brown eyes. She
>also has the ability to transform into Star Eyes.
>
>Eye Hypnotic Power, Make up!
>Mary says this to transform into Sailor Eyes.
>She raises her silver wand and a red ribbon
>emites. It outlines her body, then flashes out
>and covers it, then she does her stance.


Tom:   Keen-o!
Crow:  What are these good characters doing in this lemon?
Mike:  (as Sailor Rose) We were desperate! We were just
starting out!


>Star Eye Beam!
>Star Eyes says this and a shaft of yellow fastly comes from
>her eye and hits the target.


Tom:   (snickers) Fastly... Right.


>Eye Cresent Blasting!
>Star Eyes says this and she immediately begins
>to glow, her eyes close and when they reopen,
>they are a pulsating red. A beam shoots from
>her brooch, and one from each of her eyes.


Crow:  (as Star Eyes) AHHH!! I forgot to enzyme my contacts!


>-------------------------------------------------
>
>Xavier


Mike:  The founder of the X-men?  What's he's doing here?
Tom:   Fanboy...
Mike:  You're one to talk, 'Mr. Titanic'...


>Xavier is a green furred, black eyed cat with
>a H on his forehead. He is guardian cat to the
>Hentai Senshi and belongs to Tai.


All:   (snicker)
Mike:  Fear me! I have an H on my head and I am *not* afraid
to use it!
Tom:   Maybe he's related to the hologram from Red Dwarf...


>-------------------------------------------------
>
>Geri
>
>Geri is a blue furred, gold eyed cat with a
>rose on her forehead. She is the guardian cat
>to Sailor Rose.


Crow:  She won't be seen in public with Xavier, however.


>-------------------------------------------------
>
>Chris Aceto
>
>Chris is a black eyed, black haired male. He
>is an assistant teacher at Taiyo Gaken. He is
>extremely caring and funny. This is one of the
>three we based on a real person. All the others
>are total imagination.


Mike:  And how do we thank him? We place him in a lemon!
Tom:   (sarcastic, as Chris) Thanks, guys...


>-------------------------------------------------
>
>I know, we didn't do Star Gazer, the Darkside,
>or Doku Bara, but they don't come on the scene
>much, so why bother?


Crow:  Right, why? Great attitude...
Tom:   Hey, what about Sailor Uranus?
Mike:  (picking up Tom) Let's go...


><End>


[6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Bridge]

   "Servo, we need to talk about your plans to remodel the
Satellite of Love," Mike stated. Tom was busy studying a
blueprint.
   "Sure, Mike, talk away! Oh, and we begin construction
tomorrow, so you might consider moving out of your room until
we're done." Tom was suddenly interrupted by a figure dressed
in a peach and pink Japanese schoolgirl outfit. It was very
scandalous and strangely alluring-- except for the huge wax
lips the figure was wearing.
   "BEHOLD MY POWER, FOR I AM SAILOR MOUTH!" Crow leapt into
the room, did a few flashy martial arts moves, and ended up in
a goofy stance. Crow continued, "DO YOU NOT FEAR ME?"
   "No." Mike said, flatly.
   "No." Tom said, even more flatly.
   "FOOLS! BEHOLD MY MOST TERRIFYING POWER YET! MOUTH
SWELLING RENDER!!!" Crow's lower jaw began to vibrate madly,  but being
a robot, instead of swelling his lower law simply fell off, wax lips and all.
   "Yeah," Mike said as he stooped to grab Crow's jaw from
off the floor, "I fear you, but for *very* different reasons--
oops! WE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!"

[6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater]


Crow:  Mmmph...
Mike:  Here, let me help you with that...
Mike:  (shoves Crow's jaw back into place) Better?
Crow:  Yeah, thanks, Mike. I don't know what got into me...
Tom:   Methinks it was that week-old pizza from the fridge.


>Hi, it's me Carlos again.


All:   Hi, Carl...


> This is a hentai/eechi/lemon fic series
>and I'd like to thank Andrea and Tim for posting my story and I
>now have a e-mail address:
>carlosvincent@hotmail.com


Mike:  It's the same e-mail address as last time! How can it
be new?


>I use my friend's because hers has a bigger typing area than
>mine. But, well..ahywho..All hentai rules apply and you know
>that Sailor Moon doesn't belong to me.


Crow:  Could you imagine if they *did* belong to Carlos?
Tom:   Why, Sailor-mania would have never taken the USA by storm!
Mike:  Ouch...


>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>Sailor Moon Hentai, Part 1
>"Pleasure filled Dreams"
>By: Carlos Vincent
>
>    Kelly was a beauty, thought Motoki as he saw her deep in
>conversation with Usagi. She knew some basic japanese and was a
>exchange student for five years.

Tom:   What, her home country went belly up? Why is she still
here?


> Kelly had already been here three months and met Usagi,
>Ami, Rei, Mako, Minako, Haruka, Michiru, Setsuna, Hotaru,
>Mamoru, Umino, Naru, and Motoki. What she didn't know, was
>that she was one of the Hentai Senshi, the leader, Sailor
>Pleasure.


Mike:  She didn't *want* to know...
Crow:  Jeeze, the 'quickie' among back-stories!


> There were four others, Nipple, Breast, Tongue, and Mouth. Kelly
>then noticed four girls in a group, they seemed oddly familiar, at
>least, two of them did.


Crow:  Sailors Breast and Nipple, right?
Mike:  (back hands Crow)
Crow:  Ow!


> The one with silver hair and golden eyes was her best
>friend, Tai Gibbons. And the one with juniper green hair
>and sky blue eyes was her other best friend, Ida Benson.


Tom:   Oh, the freak of nature, right?


> But the girl with white hair and brown eyes,


Mike:  (as old woman Kiko) Where am I? Where's my soup?


>and the other girl with red hair and hazel eyes, she had
>never seen before. She smiled at her friends.
>    "Hi Tai, Ida." She smiled. "Hi, Kelly." They smiled
>back.
>"Who are you?" She asked the two girls. "I'm Utsukushii
>Kiko. [beautiful tree child]" The girl with white hair
>and brown eyes said. "And I'm Utsukushii Hiko. [beautiful
>fire child]"


Crow:  And I'm... I'm... uh...
Tom:   Times like these you wish you knew more Japanese, huh?


> The girl with red hair and hazel eyes said. "Sisters, ne?"
>Kelly asked. "Hai." They replied.


Mike:  "Hai" means, "yes". Any questions?
Crow:  What if they *weren't* sisters, what about that?
Mike:  Crow! They have the same last name!
Crow:  So? It's the 2000's, anything goes!
Tom:   I'm not even gonna *try* to figure that one out...


>"KELLY!!!"


All:   GAAAAHHHH!!!
Mike:  Stop shouting, we can hear you in the back already!!


> Someone shouted from behind her. She turned to see a
>young girl running up to her. It was Haruka, who normally
>didn't run.


Crow:  She skids, Kramer style!


> Tai, Ida, Hiko, and Kiko got hearts in their eyes. "Haruka-
>san! Nice to see you!" Kelly said to her friend, she and
>Haruka were the closest. "Tai, Ida, Hiko, and Kiko. This is
>my friend, Ten'ou Haruka-san, Haruka-san, these are my friends,
>Tai Gibbons, Ida Benson, Utsukushii Kiko, and Utsukushii Hiko."
>Kelly said introducing everyone.


Tom:   (as Kelly) "Introducing, everyone! Tee hee!"


> "Hi.." The girls swooned.


Mike:  Haruka must need a stronger deodorant...


> "What's up?" Haruka said in response.


Crow:  (as Kelly) Sky.


>    "Haruka races, and she's the best I've seen." Kelly
>said, the girl gasped. "SHE?!" They exclaimed. They blushed.
>"Can't tell can you?" Kelly asked. "No.." The girls said as
>they hung their heads in shame. "Hey look, there's Michiru-
>san! MICHIRU-SAN!" Kelly exclaimed and ran over and hugged
>her.
>    "Konichii wa, minna." Michiru said and smiled.


Tom:   Any of you just follow any of that?
Mike:  The touching "Finding out Sailor Uranus is a dyke"
      scene, ladies and gentlemen...


>        *        *        *        *
>
>    A beautiful woman with black hair and yellow eyes stared
>into a viewing pool as a few men and women in army/navy apparel 
>appeared and smiled at the woman.


Crow:  (as one of the guards) I love shopping for Military
surplus!  Fatigues are so *kawaii*...


>    "Mistress Vira-sama, you called us?" A young girl,
>around the age of thirteen with blue hair and eyes asked.
>    "I don't think she meant you." A man with brown hair
>and eyes said with venom on his tongue.


Mike:  For Kathie Lee Gifford had kissed him as well.


>    "Umi, Chi." Mistress Vira warned.
>    "I still don't see why you want Umi to be here, Mistress
>Vira-sama." Chi said, daggering the girl with his sharp eyes.


Tom:   Wow! He *is* mean!


>    "Ara, Chi-chan. She is _the_ strongest." A girl with red
>hair and eyes said.
>    "Don't remind me, Aku-chan." He spat.
>    "Don't snap at my twin like THAT!" A girl with red hair and
>eyes said, who had golden flecks and highlights to differenciate.


Mike:  Differ-ener-whaza?
Tom:   Not to be picky but how can identical twins be different?
Crow:  (laughs) It's all good with Carlos...


>    "I will when I want to, Doku-chan!"


Tom:   (singing) Doku-chan, darling, Doku-chan.


> He spat at her as well. A man with white hair and silver
>eyes eyed them causiously.


Crow:  (as old man) Any one of you seen my big sister Kiko?


>    "Umi, Chi, Aku, Doku..stop." He said.


Tom:   Fee, fie, foe, fum...


>    "Arigato, Kurai-chan." Mistress Vira said as she nodded
>to him.
>    "So what us this evil we have to face?" Chi asked.


Mike:  (in a deep voice) Television.
Crow:  (as Val Kilmer in Tombstone) This on you, Wyatt...


>    "Not evil, good.


Tom:   Not good, bad. Bad, not good...


> A group known as the Hentai Senshi, as well as the Sailor
>Senshi." Umi corrected.


Crow:  (as Umi) Can't forget, the Sailor Scouts and all.


>    "Grr.." Chi said under his breath.


Mike:  (as Chi) Grr... Hear my mighty roar? Grr?


>    "Umi-chan is correct. These two groups hold the pieces
>of the Aoi ginishoujo, which truly belongs to Sailor Pleasure.
>But we will get it first." Mistress Vira said.


Tom:   (as Vira) ... and her little dog, too!


>    "Hai!" Umi said.
>    "And I shall be the first one to recover one of it's
>pieces." Chi said as left in a flash.


Mike:  Left, not right, folks...


>    "He's so baka.." Umi said, then under her breath, "But
>I'm so deeply sunken in his waters of ai that no one in a
>million years could grab me away.." She said, her eyes
>shimmering.
>        *        *        *        *


Tom:   Plot development? You tell us, folks...


>    "What do you see? You people gazing at me? You see a
>doll on a music box, that's wound by a key.


Crow:  Yeah, yeah. And I smell sex and... candy... there...
Tom:   Yeah...


>How can you tell..I'm..under a spell? I'm..waiting for love's
>first kiss." Kelly sang.


Crow:  (singing) Who's that lounging in... my... chair.
Tom:   Dig it...


>"You cannot see, how much I long to be free. Turning around
>on this music box, that's wound by a key." Tai sang.


Crow:  (singing) Who's that casting devious stares in my
direction?


>    "Yearing. Yearning. While..I'm..turning around and
>around." Ida finished.


Bots:  (singing) Well, this surely is a dream...
Mike:  (singing) And guys drink way too much caffeine...


> Suddenly a cat with green fur and black eyes with a
>H on his forhead came up to the girls. Hiko and Kiko were
>behind him.
>    "Hello, girls. My name is Xavier, and I am your guardian
>cat." Xavier said and stared at them, causing them to fall
>under his trance.


Crow:  Either that or he *really* needs a breath mint!
Tom:   Man, he just lays it down on the line, don't he? No
breaking it easy to them or *nuthin*...


>Seconds later, they recovered. They opened their hands and
>wands were inside. "Welcome to the team, Sailor Pleasure, Mouth,
>and Tongue." Xavier said.


Mike:  (as Xavier) Now get to work making those Big Macs, dammit!


>    "Why do I feel so strange?" Kelly asked.
>    "That's your hentainess or womanly desires taking over.
>You'll act and talk different." Xavier said.


Tom:   Like Courtney Love?
Crow:  No, he said "womanly"...


>    "You don't say, bastard!" Tai shouted out, covering her
>mouth, not believing what she had just said.


Mike:  (snickers) Neither can we...
Tom:   So, swearing is supposed to be womanly?


>    "Just henshin!" Xavier said.
>
>    "Hai!" They said.


Tom:   And hello to you too!


>    "PLEASURE HENTAI POWER.."
>    "MOUTH HENTAI POWER.."
>    "TONGUE HENTAI POWER.."
>    "BREAST HENTAI POWER.."
>    "NIPPLE HENTAI POWER.."
>
>    "MAKE UP!!!!" They exclaimed and henshined.


Crow:  By the power of the mighty glow-in-the-dark chicken!


> After the transformation, they looked over their fukus.
>    Sailor Pleasure's, aka Kelly's, was blue and peach. It
>had a tight skirt with extremely tight top. The outfit was very
>scandlous.


Tom:   Imagine! And in a lemon, too!


>    Sailor Mouth's, aka Tai's, was red and peach.
>    Sailor Tongue's, aka Ida's, was pink and peach.
>    Sailor Breast's, aka Hiko's, was violet and peach.
>    Sailor Nipple's, aka Kiko's, was green and peach.


Mike:  Peachy.
Crow:  Are they soft and round too?


>    Suddenly, Chi appeared. "Aha! So there you are!" He
>said and transformed into a pleasure-seeking monster, with
>five tentacles formed from his private area.


Crow:  (as Chi) No crowding please ladies, there's plenty for
everyone!
Tom:   So, the yoma must be cutting down on those clever
disguises they use, I guess?
Mike:  A novel approach! Cut right to the killin'!


>        *        *        *        *
>    "MOON ETERNAL, MAKE UP!"


Tom:   Huh?


>    "MERCURY CRYSTAL POWER, MAKE UP!"


Tom:   But I don't *want* makeup!


>    "MARS CRYSTAL POWER, MAKE UP!"


Tom:   And I'm dead broke, too!


>    "JUPITER CRYSTAL POWER, MAKE UP!"


Mike:  They seem quite insistent, Tom...


>    "VENUS CRYSTAL POWER, MAKE UP!"


Tom:   Stop that! Leave me alone!


>    "URANUS PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!"


Crow:  Whoa! You got *my* interest!
Mike:  Crow...


>    "NEPTUNE PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!"


Tom:   Smells fishy, I bet...
Mike:  Tom!
Tom:   What?


>    "PLUTO PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!"


Crow:  (shouting) DONALD DUCK POWER, MAKE UP!


>    "SATURN PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!"


Mike:  ... and those were the planets, completely out of
order.


>    The Sailor Senshi transformed and ran off to the site,
>close by.


Crow:  (as Mars) About time we got to see some action!
Tom:   (as Moon) Who else is gonna bail these cheap knock-offs
out?
Mike:  (as Jupiter) Hey! That guy looks just like my old
boyfriend!
Tom:   (as Moon) In fact, he's got enough wizzers for *five*
of your old boyfriends!
Mike:  Usagi!! I mean, Tom!


>        *        *        *        *
>
>    Chi, who was now this creature, threw his tentacles
>around Sailor Tongue and Mouth. The tentacles shuffled
>around and found their panties, then began to suck on their
>virgin pussies.


Crow:  (as Chi) Don't be alarmed, gals. Where I'm from this is
how fellas say "Howdy!"
Mike:  Marvel at the half-assed hentai-ness...


>    "BREAST INFLAMATION PAIN!" Breast exclaimed and the
>girls' breasts became inflamed and sent painful vibrations to
>Chi, who dropped them.


Tom:   (as Mouth) Hey! We weren't finished yet! I want my
full hour!
Mike:  (backhands Tom)
Tom:   Ow! Aw, come on, Mike.


>    "NIPPLE HARDENING COMMENSE!" Nipple cried and her nipples
>hardened, the hardening transffering to his penius and he cried
>out in painful agony.


Crow:  Actually, isn't the plural of penis penii?
Tom:   Thank you, Crow, for something I never wanted to think
about.


>    "TONGUE LAVISH WET!" Tongue screamed as he was licked
>sensually by a huge tongue. He couldn't help but to release
>a moan.


Mike:  ... of pure and total disgust.
Tom:   GIANT TONGUE! GIANT TONGUE! REDRUM!! REDRUM!!


>    "MOUTH SWELLING RENDER!" Mouth yelled as his lips began
>to swell and these sensations began to take over him.


Crow:  Quick! Use the Chap Stick Countermove!


>    "PLEASURE FANTASY NIGHTMARE!" Pleasure screamed as she
>threw a cloud of blue at Chi and made him scream out in
>horrifying terror. He then disappeared as the Sailor Senshi
>appeared.


Mike:  ... right on cue.


>    "Who are you?" The Sailor Senshi asked.
>    "We're the Hentai Senshi!" They said and ran off.


Tom:   (as Moon) We never even got a chance to thank them...
Crow:  (as Mars) Thank them!? I wanted to break some heads,
dimwit!


<End, Part 1>


Mike:  Yeah, and good luck with part two, Carl. (picks up
Tom)


[ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]


   "Okay, Tom, before anything else happens, I really need
to talk to you about this 'Titanic' phase you're going
through..." Mike approached Tom, who has engaged in a lively
telephone conversation with a interior designer.
   "No you idiot, I wanted oak for the first class smoking
section, OAK!! Could you hold on for a second? Mike, honey,
Tommy's busy on the phone right now. The special space
barnacle resistant hull plating is on back order, and the
stupid man on the phone sent me the wrong trim. Why don't you
help yourself to something in my candy stash..."
   "Well, it's just that turning the Satellite into a
replica of an ill-fated ocean liner without consulting the
rest of us first..."
   "Yeah, but share it with Gypsy if you do, okay? Any
who, Steve, I'm sending back the stuff you shipped me. You
had *better* not screw up my order for the grand staircases
because I have *connections*, my friend..."
   Mike rolled his eyes. "Ah, the hell with it! I tried..."
Mike pulled a giant wooden mallet from behind the counter,
raised it above his head, and was just about to bop Servo a
good one, when...
   "Aw, nuts, WE HAVE LEMON SIGN!!!


[ 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater]


All:   (sit down as usual)


>Carlos, once again!


All:   Hi, Carl!


> OK, now I have recieved a e-mail from Sailor
>Pleasure and if you want to talk to her, you know, about her
>character anything else..


Mike:  (laughing) What's this now?
Crow:  Carlos' imaginary friend has her own e-mail account!


>e-mail her at:
>oneechan@hotmail.com


Crow:  Hotmail? That's a good sign!
Mike:  Four out of five senshi agree, Hotmail is great! Even
if they ARE in league with the Dark Moon...


>And if you want to talk to me about SMHentai or any future
>writings,


Tom:   ... you need professional help, and fast!


> e-mail me at:
>carlosvincent@hotmail.com


Crow:  Ugh. I take back my previous statement concerning
Hotmail...
Mike:  Right. We'll strike that one from the records...


>Now, all hentai rules apply. The Darkside and the Hentai
>Senshi belong to me,


Mike:  ... patent pending...


> and Sailor Moon belongs to Takeuchi Naoko and Toei.


Crow:  (as Usagi) Hey! We only get second billing!
WAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!


>--------------------------------------------------------------
>Sailor Moon Hentai, Part 3


Crow:  (monotone) Gee. Where oh where could have part two
gone?
Tom:   How many parts does this series have, anyway?
Mike:  Ten, all told...
Tom:   (bigsweats)


>"Identities"
>By: Carlos Vincent


Tom:   Having a crisis, here...


>    Kelly sat in her classroom, bored out of her mind.


Crow:  Yeah, welcome to our world, Kelly.


> She attended the school, Taiyo Gaken, built over Maken Gaken,
>the old school of Hotaru, Haruka, and Michiru.


Mike:  If you cared to know, that is.


>Tai and Ida went there and Hiko and Kiko attended
>T*A Private Girl's Academy along with Rei-chan.


Crow:  (as Rei) Fortunately, I'm not contracted to appear in
any lemon scenes...
Tom:   Sorry, Chad!


> Kelly sighed as the dooropened and two people stepped in.


Mike:  From the people who brought you 'bigsweat' and
'facefault'...
Tom:   ... they claim *no* responsibility for the word,
'dooropened'...


> After chatting with sensei, she clapped her hands. "Class,
>this is your new student, Doku Bara."


All:   GAAAHHH!
Crow:  Evil! Evil!
Tom:   Plot development! We have *plot*, gentlemen!


>Genjuro-sensei announced. "And this is your new assistant
>teacher, Aceto-sensei." Kelly perked up at the name 'Aceto'.


Crow:  Which parts of her?
Mike:  (sighs)


> She looked up and gasped. There he was! Chris Aceto! Her
>former Slyvan Teacher now teaching her in Japan?!


Tom:   Another plot development! WILL THIS MADNESS EVER END!?!
Crow:  (snickers) Servo!


> He smiled at the class. Kelly smiled back, looks like her
>stay was going to be more exciting than she thought.


Crow:  But somehow I *doubt* it...


>It had been exactly five months since she had last seen
>Chris and this was going to be the best reunion ever.


Mike:  Nudge, nudge, wink, wink...


>    As he took a seat at the teacher's extra desk, she
>looked him over. "Goddamn he is still handsome as EVER!"
>Kelly said, a little too loudly.


Tom:   Son of a bitch! You don't say, bastard!
Mike:  (laughs) Damn, she is *so* womanly right now...
Crow:  Freakin' A, man!


> "Moule-san, do you have something to share with the class?"


Crow:  (as Dan Rather) There was tragedy today as a student
opened fire...


>Genjuro-sensei asked. Kelly blushed.


Mike:  Blush!


> She gulped.


Tom:   Gulp!


> She twisted her dirty blonde hair and batted her ocean blue
>eyes,


Crow:  Thrill as she tries to COVER HER ASS!


> before saying, "No, Genjuro-sensei." Kelly answered.


Mike:  Redundant? You tell us!


> Then she eyed the new girl.


Tom:   (as Kelly) Say... she's a hot little number...


> She was pretty, OK OK, goregeous.


Crow:  Oh, it must be another of those fancy Japanese phrases...
Mike:  (gives thumbs up) Japan A-OK! OK?
Tom:   (as Bull Shannon) Oooookay...


> She had long red hair and black eyes.


Tom:   What if it was the other way around?
Crow:  Rei after a *wicked* kegger...
Tom:   Ah...

> She had this evil aura to her, and yet she seemed friendly
>enough.


Mike:  Like, say, Kathie Lee Gifford...
Crow:  Mike, why are we so mean to that woman? She's really
nice!
Mike:  Good point, Crow.
Tom:   How about Martha Stewart, instead?
Mike:  We'll bring that up at the next meeting...


> She eyed Kelly with even suspision as she sat a few desks
>behind her.


Crow:  (as Bara) Just because I'm evil doesn't mean I'm bad!
... oh wait, I guess it does...


> Kelly then turned to see Tai introducing herself to Bara. She
>looked at Ida who just shrugged. She turned around to see her
>teacher in her face. She gulped.


Tom:   Gulp!!
Mike:  (imitating a muted trumpet) Wahh, wahh, waaahhh...


>    "MOULE-SAN! NOT PAYING ATTENTION, HMM? ERRRR...OUTSIDE,
>NOW!" Her sensei screamed as she bolted outside.


All:   (singing) Go, Speed Racer, go!


> When she stood there, someone oddly familiar passed her in
>the hall. She had sea green hair and eyes. "Michiru-san?"
>She asked. Michiru turned. "Kelly-chan!" She exclaimed and
>hugged her. "What are you doing at Taiyo Gaken?" Kelly asked.


Mike:  Sailor Neptune goes where she WANTS to go!


> "Haruka, Hotaru, and I transffered just yesturday." Michiru
>said.


Mike:  (as Kelly) Really? Why?
Tom:   (as Michiru) Sumthing bout oar lousey speling...


> "That's great!" Kelly exclaimed. "Has Hotaru-san met my
>friends yet?" Kelly added. "You mean Ida-chan, Tai-chan,
>Hiko-chan, and Kiko-chan?" Michiru inquired.


Crow:  (as Kelly) Oh, the other guys who don't get as much
screen time as me? Forget *them!*


> "Mmmhmm." Kelly nodded. "I don't think she has." Michiru
>noted. "Let's meet for lunch, in the back of the school."
>Kelly said. "Sounds great! I will tell them!" Michiru said
>and walked back to class. Kelly smiled as Bara opened the
>door.


Tom:   Thrill, as she **TELLS** the others!!!
Mike:  (as Bara) I still don't like you... but come on in!


>    "Kelly-chan, you can come back inside now." Bara said
>and held the door open. "Arigato, Bara-chan." Kelly said
>and walked inside and took her seat once again.


Crow:  Well, the plot was rolling right along before, but nice
to see things have settled back down, eh?
Tom:   Yeah, I was getting worried!



>        *        *        *        *


Mike:  Here you see four of the surviving Seven Sisters...


>    Umi and Chi were still recovering from the night before.
>Umi was dripping wet for some reason, she must have used her
>'Sea Crash' before they faded from view.


Tom:   Uh... *huh?*
Crow:  And when was this again?


> Chi was also wet and shivering.


Mike:  Used up all the hot water in your shower, didn't you,
Umi?
Crow:  Out of spite towards Chi...
Tom:   Bitch...


> She was too. She then went into her drawer and found some
>suitable clothing for her, then changed and began to build a
>fire.


Tom:   In the middle of the floor?
Crow:  Why did you think she got out the clothes for?
Mike:  They *do* burn nice...


> As the fire's blanket of warmth dried the puddles and their
>clothes, they sat on her bed, thinking quietly. Umi didn't
>know what to do or say. She felt so dirty after what she had
>done.


All:   Huh?
Mike:  This is unexpected...


> But just before they had left, he had entered her, once.


Crow:  Cut her open, hollowed her out, and crawled inside!


> His scent, was still on her.


Tom:   ... and she's allergic to Old Spice, too.


>"Chi.." She began to whisper.


All:   (singing) Maybe you will understand, When Chi says he
loves you...


>He shook his head and silenced her. "Umi-chan..don't say a
>thing..


Mike:  *Please* don't say a thing...


>I know what happened back there..


Crow:  You'd be the only one, booby.


>and eventhough I did claim all that energy..I don't know what
>came over me.." Chi said.


Tom:   Hit the deck! Unintentional pun!
Mike:  (mock terror) Aaahhh!


> Umi smiled. "You did exactly what I wanted you to do..love
>me..pleasure me..fuck me..


Crow:  (sniffs) That was *so* beautiful!
Tom:   ... so womanly, too!


>it's all I ever wanted from you..and to be honest with you..
>to hear you say 'I love you, Aku or Doku'..or even Mistress
>Vira-sama..would throw me over the edge." Umi explained.


Tom:   Go ahead, Umi! Throw yourself over a cliff!
Mike:  Plummet to your death!
Crow:  Do IT! Do IT! Do IT!
All:   (chanting) DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!


>    Chi smiled. "So the truth finally comes out, ne? After
>all this time..the two people who hate each other..love each
>other more than anything. But that Sailor Pleasure will get
>it for sure.."


Crow:  That reminds me Mike... What ever happened to Dr.
Forrester's dad?
Mike:  I don't know, I don't *want* to know...
Tom:   Ask Pearl, Crow...
Crow:  *Hell* no! *You* ask her!
Tom:   No way! Do I look suicidal to you?


>Chi said, growling. "Mark our words.."


Mike:  'kay... (gets up, pulls a magic marker out of his
jumpsuit, and underlines Chi's dialogue)
Tom:   (laughs) That sight gag a good idea, Nelson?
Mike:  (sits back down) Why? It'll scroll off the screen in
a minute.
Crow:  What if someone scrolls back through the lemon a
second time?
Mike:  Then they should seek professional help and quick...
Crow:  (snickers) Zing!


>Umi added. "Umi, Chi. Mistress Vira-sama wishes to see you."
>Aku said, as she entered the room.


Tom:   (as Chi) Hello? We're a little busy in here!
Crow:  (as Aku) Little something, that's for sure, stud...


>"Come." Umi said and they both walked silently over to
>Mistress Vira. "You wished our presence Mistress Vira-
>sama?" Umi asked quitely.
>"Indeed. Chi, did you sucessfully retrieve that energy?"
>Vira asked.


Crow:  He has it stored in several spent Trojans, will that
be acceptible?


>"Hai, Mistress Vira-sama. I collected enough to supply us
>for many months.


Tom:   (as Chi) Can we collect more? Please, please, please?


> Does that please you?" He asked, handing over the beakers
>of energy.


Mike:  It would have pleased her more if the beakers weren't
so damn sticky...


> "It does indeed. Good work." Mistress Vira smiled. "I am asking
>permission for my next mission to take Umi with me.


Tom:   (as Vera) Okay, but she'll need a signed permission slip
first!
Mike:  ... otherwise, their insurance won't cover it when they
fail yet *again*...


>We have a score to settle with Sailor Pleasure." Chi said.


Crow:  (as Butt-head) He said, 'score', dude! Huh, huh, huh...


>    "Permission granted." Mistress Vira said, and with that,
>he returned to his chambers.


Mike:  'Mistress' Vira's a man?
Tom:   I think he means *Chi* returned to his chambers...
Mike:  Whaaatever...


> Umi did as well and fell asleep.


All:   (imitate sounds of loud snoring)


> Aku, Doku, and Kurai looked at each other in disbelief.


Crow:  (as Kurai) What are we doing? Anyone of us could be
next!
Tom:   (as Aku) You mean, sent off to die on another hopeless
mission?
Crow:  (as Kurai) No! Any of us could appear in a lemon scene
at any moment!
Tom:   (as Aku) Run!!


> "Mistress Vira-sama?" Doku asked.


Mike:  (as Doku) Do I ever have to go back to that school
again? Please say no...


>"Yes, what is it Doku-chan?" She asked, turning to her.


All:   (singing) Doku-chan, darling, Dokuuu-chan...


>"Have you noticed how strangely Umi and Chi are acting?" Doku
>inquired.


Tom:   (as Aku) Actually, they haven't really 'acted' for the
duration of the lemon...
Mike:  ... not well, certainly.


>"It's probably something no one needs to worry about." Vira
>commented.


Crow:  (as Vera) They haven't a chance in hell of living
through the next mission anyway!


>"Yes, tommorow they will be at each other's neck again."
>Kurai said and walked off.
>    Chi woke up Umi and they transported down to Tokyo, the
>Hentai and Sailor Senshi felt the nega-energy and began to
>henshin.


Mike:  It's what happens when you let your chickens' breed
next to a nuclear power plant...


>        *        *        *        *


Tom:   (as Picard) I... SEE... *FIVE*... LIGHTS!!!


>    "MOON ETERNAL, MAKE UP!"


Crow:  Uh-oh...


>    "MERCURY CRYSTAL POWER, MAKE UP!"


Mike:  Whoopee... aren't you dizzy from the non-stop action
yet?


>    "MARS CRYSTAL POWER, MAKE UP!"


Tom:   Couldn't Carl just say, 'the Sailor Scouts
transformed' and be done with it?


>    "JUPITER CRYSTAL POWER, MAKE UP!"


Crow:  Well? How about it, Carlos?


>    "VENUS CRYSTAL POWER, MAKE UP!"


Mike:  Apparently not...


>    "URANUS PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!"


Crow:  YES, THE ALMIGHTY POWER OF URANUS!!!
Mike:  Crow...


>    "NEPTUNE PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!"
>    "PLUTO PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!"


Tom:   (singing) Who's our favorite of the Scouts who saves
both you and me?
All:   (singing) P-L-U, T-O-P, L-A-N-E-T!


>    "SATURN PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!"
>
>    In another place, the Hentai Senshi were henshining.

Mike:  Is it really necessary to send 14 super heroes to fight
off *two* villains?
Crow:  Does seem like over-kill...


   "PLASURE HENTAI POWER, MAKE UP!"


All:   (laugh)
Mike:  The Lemon That Wouldn't Die!
Crow:  Is, by any chance, her favorite Shakespeare play
'Masure for Masure'?
Tom:   (as Aunt Flavia) They took my 'trasure' and I feel
'displasure'!


>    "MOUTH HENTAI POWER, MAKE UP!"


Mike:  Makeup on the mouth? It's been done...


>    "TONGUE HENTAI POWER, MAKE UP!"


Tom:   Makeup on the tongue? How odd...


>    "BREAST HENTAI POWER, MAKE UP!"


Crow:  Makeup on the breast? How kinky!


>    "NIPPLE HENTAI POWER, MAKE UP!"
>
>    Somewhere else,


Tom:   ... an actual story was taking place!


> a mysterious Senshi was also transforming.


Mike:  Great. *Another* one...
Tom:   ... it was Sailor Earth!
Crow:  Don't go there, man...


>    "Star Gazer..MAKE UP!"
>
>        *        *        *        *


Tom:   Look! There she is! Stars!


>    As they all appeared, Umi and Chi looked for Sailor
>Pleasure. When she stepped forward, Umi and Chi immediately
>attacked.
>
>    "SEA CRASH!"


Mike:  No. Text only, remember?
Tom:   I see...


>    "BLOOD CURDLE!"
>
>    Pleasure jumped out of the way. "PLEASURE FANTASY
>NIGHTMARE!" She screamed and it hit Umi and Chi. Then the
>Sailor Senshi and Hentai Senshi began to attack.


All:   (singing) Go, go, Power Senshi!


>"VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!" "JUPITER OAK EVOLUTION!"
>"SPACE SWORD BLASTER!" "Dead..Scream.." But the attacks were
>collected and sent at Pleasure.


Mike:  They were aiming at Sailor Pleasure?
Tom:   Yay! Go Sailor Scouts!
Crow:  Go, wipe her off the map!


> The attacks had such intensity, they hit her and she fell
>down to the ground, gasping for air.


All:   ... how intense was it?
Crow:  (as Johnny Carson) It was so 'in tents' they had to call
the Boy Scouts in. Way-yoh!


> As they went to attack again, another voice came into
>hearing range:


Tom:   Listen!    


>"Gazer Laser Beam.." A hand went in the air and and then
>camedown,


Tom:   Never mind, I thought it was Dale...


>one hand on her elbow and her pointer finger pointing at Umi
>and Chi.
>
>    "CRUSH!!!!"


Mike:  No, COCA-COLA!


> She screamed and a yellow beam of energy shot from her
>fingertip.


Tom:   No, it's SPRITE!


>It slammed into Umi and Chi.


Crow:  SSSSSUUUUURRRRRGGGGGE!!!!!


>    "Who are you?" They all asked,


All:   (singing) Who, who? Who, who?


> except the Hentai Senshi who were crowded around Sailor
>Pleasure.


Mike:  ... checking to see if anything on her is salvageable...
Crow:  (as Sailor Tongue) Dibs! I got dibs on her boots!


> "I am Star Gazer.


Tom:   She must be the My Little Pony!


> My real name is Doku Bara.


Mike:  (as Doku) No, really! That's my name! Stop laughing!!
Tom:   (as Doku) Wait! My identity is supposed to be a secret!
Forget everything that I just told you...


> I am the real identity of Sailor Pleasure.


Crow:  Wha'...?
Tom:   You mind letting *us* on this little twist, fanfic?


>She is REALLY a Sailor Senshi. I am just a apparition." Star
>Gazer said.


Mike:  Just when she reached her ideal weight, now she's a ghost!


>She then looked at Sailor Pleasure. "Saturn, can you heal
>her?" Venus asked, starting to worry about her.


Crow:  (as Mars) No! She's the one stealing our stage time!
LET HER DIE!


>"No..I'm sorry.." Saturn whispered.


Mike:  (as Saturn) Sorry, I don't do house calls...


>Pleasure began to try to speak.


Tom:   (snickers) She forgot how to for a second...


>"Sa-Sai..lor.. Senshi..pl-plea--se..take--me..ho--me.." She
>whispered.


Crow:  ... to her nice, padded cell... the end!


>They nodded and all of them, except StarGazer, left.


Tom:   ... she went to the right. Thank you!

>    "Villans of the Darkside!


Mike:  (as StarGazer) Can you hear me in the back?


> Know this, as Star Gazer, Sailor Pleasure can kill you with
>one power!" StarGazer said as they disappeared. Then Star Gazer
>appeared at her home.


Crow:  ... Wayne Manor.


><End, Part 3>


Mike:  We won the battle but not the war... (picks up Tom)
Tom:   Hasta la vista, Carlos...


[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge... of the H.M.S. *Titanic*!]


   Mike walked across the 'A' deck sipping an iced cappuccino,
looking over a transcript of today's fanfic. Normally the first
thing he did after a MSTing was to put it as far out of his mind
as he could get it, but he couldn't help reading about Sailor
Rose again-- he had to admit that she had potential.
   Crow was walking beside Mike, pondering his own copy of
the fanfic. "You see, Mike, I believe with a little spit and
polish young master Carlos could be a mighty fine fanfic author."
   "Yeah, just same way as Michael Jackson would make a mighty
fine babysitter, given the chance." Mike trailed off as he got a
glimpse of his surroundings.
   "I don't think you give Carl enough credit-- what the!!"
Mike and Crow stood in front of a perfect replica of the bridge
of the H.M.S. *Titanic*. Mike looked around bewilderedly for a
few minutes before seeing the black void of space above him;
there seemed to be a glass dome seperating Mike and Crow from
the abyss.
   "Ah, I see you have noticed the improvements I made to
the ship!" Tom Servo stepped out from the bridge. He was dressed
in the same captain's uniform that Edward Smith once wore. Tom
even had a fake white beard to complete the look. "I'll give
you the guided tour. As you can guess, recreating an ocean
liner in space is not an easy thing to do! Many modifications
had to be added on the ship so it could handle the dangers of
deep space. For example, instead of inefficient boiler steam
to power it along, we use a small nuclear generator for all
our energy needs. And to your right you will see the special
anchor we have to prevent the ship from being sucked into an
errant black hole...
   Crow interrupted Tom. "How-?"
   Tom explained, "I managed to convince the Nanites to put
a few seconds of overtime in and they got the job done early--
GACK!" Mike's hands were firmly around Servo's throat, not
unlike the timeless image of Homer Simpson throttling Bart.
"WHAT... HAVE... YOU... DONE!?!"
   Tom was completely off the ground, gasping for air.
"Mic... Makk... Mike! Lemmee explain! Ugh!" Mike dropped Tom.
   Crow in the meantime was staring at an asteroid that was
looming towards the ship. "Uh, Servo?"

>>>BOOM!!!<<<

   "Aw, crap! Everybody to the lifeboat! Women and children
first! Everybody ran inside the lifeboat, which promptly
blasted away from the ill-fated spaceship. The lifeboat had
just cleared out of the danger zone as the glass dome shattered
and the ship exploded into a fireball, which immediately burned
out in the vacuum of space. There was no sound.
   Mike was also silent. He remained that what for a long
time, staring out the view port, still holding his cappuccino.
   "Hey, Mike! I slept in late-- did I miss anything
special?" Gypsy came up to Mike from behind. Mike then realized
why the lifeboat looked so familiar to him.
   It was the Satellite of Love.
   "Well, all's well that ends well, eh guys? Heh!" Tom
said a little uneasily.
   "Yep. Start running, Servo."
   "Gee, thanks, Mike!" Tom ran off.
   "GET HIM!!!" Mike shouted.
   As Mike and Crow took off after Tom, Gypsy was left by
herself. "Oh, an iced cappuccino! My favorite!"

[Fade Out]
[Roll Credits]

So writes the Placid Jack Acid:

Back in the ancient days, I was had quite a few MSTings under
my gun-belt. However, nobody knew that, for I left the craft
before I ever posted them online; hence this fourth MSTing is
the last that was ever released to the public. You'll still
be reading three-year-old work from me for quite a few episodes
after this, but at least you'll be seeing something for the
first time.

As a heads up, be on the look out for a nifty little plot
development in the "MST 3001" series in the next couple of
episodes. Mike isn't fated to be the only fleshling on the
SOL forever, you know...

Jack Acid


Special Thanks to:

Megane 6.7, for getting me on this MSTing kick, and teaching
me all I needed to know about MSTing. He also c&C'd (MSTer
for Comment and Critique) this MSTing three years ago. And
it still shines brightly.

Zoogz, my webmaster and all-around swell guy, who also has
his MSTings at the above address. But if you found THIS MSTing
already, you've already found his and Megane's, right? ^_-

Lisu and her crew, who are a source of some of my inspiration.
Shine on, Loony one.

The good folk at #EcchiFanGirls, found at www.sorcery.net,
who are the source of the REST of my inspiration. Even if
they *are* perverts!

Haloflux, who is the best kitty-girl-shade-thief-mage-vampire
I know!

Website #9's guidelines to Usenet MSTings. It came in handy...

Best Brains, for screwing up my childhood (but in a good way)
from age eleven up to today, at twenty one. May the way of
the Hero lead to the Triforce.


After all, Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related
characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1994 by
Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved, I wouldn't have it any
other way!
Use here is for entertainment purposes only and no violation
of copyright is intended or should be inferred, so help me
God.

Keep Circulating the Posts...



>    "Why do I feel so strange?" Kelly asked.
>    "That's your hentainess or womanly desires taking over.
>You'll act and talk different." Xavier said.
>    "You don't say, bastard!"

Jack Acid Area
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