Mystery Science Theater 3001
Episode 3010: "An Old Friend"
MSTed by the Placid Jack Acid


In the not-too-distant future,
Somewhere up overhead:
Mike Nelson beats all the odds,
Because he isn't dead...
Pursued by a woman, whose name is Pearl,
A twisted, sadistic, sort of girl,
She's mad Mike's mind isn't whacked,
So she decided to try a different tact!

Pearl: I'LL... GET... *YOU*!!!

"I'll send him lousy web posts,
The worst he's ever seen!
He'll have to sit and read them all,
And keep his comments clean!"

Now keep in mind, Mike has to read,
Whatever Pearl sends;
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends!

>> Robot Roll Call <<

Cambot! (For Great Justice!)
Gypsy! (What you say?)
Tom Servo (Someone set us up the bomb!)
Crooow! (ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!)

If you're wondering why Mike *has* to read,
And other useless facts,
Just repeat to yourself 'it's just a post,
I should really just relax!'


Mike:  Did I mention Washu's here?
Washu: Yes, Mike. Only for the last two episodes.
Mike:  Oh.


For...

Mystery Science Theater Three Thousand! (and one!)


[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... A valley?!]


    The valley was very serene this time of year. The leaves of the trees
were at their utmost green, and seemed to make endless music with the
gentle breezes. The temperature was pleasantly warm, and the weather had
been calm for weeks. It was mid-day, the sun not quite at solar noon.
It was, in short, a good day to travel.
    And that's exactly what Ash Servo was doing. The dome-headed boy
walked down the road, whistling happy to himself. Reaching up to adjust his
trademark baseball cap with his fully functional human arms, he turned
and looked back down the road he came from, expecting someone to be
following him.
    "WASHA-SHU! C'mon, girl!" He called merrily.
    Over the rise of the hill bounded a super-deformed version of Washu
Hakubi on all fours. "Shu!" she crooned happily, finally catching up to
her master. "Washa-shu!"
    
[Theme Song- to the tune of you know what...]

Gonna be the very best!
Like no one ever was!
Making riffs is my real test,
MSTing is my cause!

I will travel across the web,
Searching far and wide...
I'll find a lemon or some spam,
that will make me wish that I'd *died*!

MST!
It's you and me.
MST!
You know it's my destiny!
MST!
You're my best bud,
In a world full of duds!

Gotta riff 'em all!
GOTTA RIFF 'EM ALL!
MST!

[Theme song mercifully ends]

    Ash and Washa-shu had just sat down to a tasty picnic lunch when
Washa-shu began 'shu'-ing worriedly. Ash looked up, and saw a few strange
persons come over the rise they themselves had just traveled from. "Don't
worry, Wash'." Tom comforted his pet MST-mon. "It's just Crock and
Gysty. I asked them to meet me here." He called out to the newcomers. "Hey,
guys! Over here!"
    "About freakin' TIME we caught up to you!" complained Crock. He had
the head of Crow, only with a spiky black wig instead of a golden net. He
looked down at the pocket watch he kept on his otherwise meaty body and
sighed.
    "Hiya, Washy!" Gysty kneeled down to greet the cute super-deformed
creature. Gysty had the body of a 12 year old girl, and the head of Gypsy.
She scratched underneath Washa-shu's chin, causing the little thing to
purr happily.
    "Eh, sorry about the chase, guys, but I had something important to ask
you both and I wanted to be sure we were far away from you-know-who."
Ash explained. "I was thinking about going traveling again, and compete
in another league!"
    "Well, you ALREADY won and became the Mally League Master." Crock
reminded him. "You totally ran it into the ground, too, remember?"
    "And don't forget the Golden Humdinger Championship you ruined last
year!" Gysty added cheerfully. "You laid waste to most of the stadium
just by tossing out your first MST-mon ball."
    Ash laughed a little at the memory. "Oh I *know!* But it's totally
going to be different this time! This time we'll ease up on the training
and let my MST-mon soften up a little, give 'em a handicap. Maybe we'll
go out, catch a few road shows, eat at the best restaurants, maybe even
fall in love. What do ya say, guys?"
    "You mean abandon our lives and run off to far-away, dangerous places
in the pursuit of the wild and being led around by the crazy dream of
someone younger than we are?" Crock asked.
    "Going off to high adventures, meeting strange people and customs, and
STILL falling into the same old routine of ever other show?" asked
Gysty.
    "Um... yeah." Ash flushed.
    "Count me in! Sounds AWESOME!" Crock exclaimed.
    "Shoot, I'm already set to go!" Gysty quipped, shouldering her duffel
bag. But she froze briefly as something occurred to her. "But... Ash...
if we start traveling again, won't THEY most likely follow us?"
    "You mean US?" came a voice from above.
    "Uh oh..." Ash grimaced. He knew that voice.
    "To protect the web from sanitation!" came another voice.
    "To keep confusion in our nation!" the first voice said.
    "To teach the beauty of conspiracy and spam!"
    "And sour lemons that can kill a man!"
    The giant lemon-shaped balloon descended, and two strange figures
(dressed in ridiculous white uniforms) hopped off and struck a dramatic
pose. They continued:
    "Bobo!"
    "Brain Guy!"
    "Team Forrester, space out at the speed of dark!" sang the Observer.
    "Surrender now, or prepare... to... lark!" Bobo stammered.
    Pearl popped up. "Meowth! That's... AWFUL!" She swung around to glare
at her two helpers. "What is WRONG with you? That timing SUCKED. And
'lark'? What the hell is THAT?!"
    Ash Servo coughed.
    "Huh!" Pearl swung around. "Oh, right. Hand over that special
Washa-shu, brat!"
    "NEVER!" Ash screamed in defiance. He jumped back, and assumed a
battle stance. He flipped his hat so the bill faced backwards. "I'll see you
fry first!" He pointed at Pearl and barked a command at his faithful
MST-mon. "Washa-shu! Quick riff attack!"
    "Shu! WASHA-SHUUUUUU!!" Washa-shu leaped up and bit Pearl on the nose.
    "AYIIIIIIIIIE!!!" Pearl screamed, running around in a panic. "Get it
OFF get it OFF!"
    "Hmmmm." Tom mused. "Not exactly what I wanted, but the situation
seems to be working itself out."
    Gysty whispered to Crock "Shouldn't we be helping or something...?"
    "Oh, right. Hey, Servo!" Crock called out. "Mind if I use one of MY
MST-mon? Just for one attack?"
    Ash looked back at the fray. Washa-shu had managed to get inside
Pearl's uniform, and was running amuck. Pearl danced around shrieking madly
as her two useless cohorts stood gaping at the whole scene. Not seeing
the harm in it, Ash called back, "Sure! Go right ahead and let one rip,
friend Crock!"
    "Right then!" Crock leapt back and did a battle sequence of his own,
making a big production of tossing out one of his MST-mon balls.
    "MIKE NELSON! I CHOOSE *YOU*!"
    A super-deformed Mike Nelson appeared on the ground where the ball
landed. The little figure was wearing a tiny bandana around his forehead,
and he toted a little BFG 9000 on each arm. "SSSSSSONNN!" he bellowed.
"Mike Nel! MIKE NELSONNNN!!!"
    "Mike! BFG's akimbo on Quad damage, NOW!" Crock ordered.
    Servo gasped in horror and dropped out of character. "Crow, NO! Don't
tell him to do thaaaa-"

[Exterior shot of the Satellite of Love]

    Suddenly, an intense green light flared from the Satellite of Love. It
dissipated from the vessel in a eerie halo before completely fading.

[Holocabana]

    Once again, the interior of the Holocabana was completely covered with
black soot. The circuit breakers had popped, having overloaded by the
sheer power necessary to create the illusion of Mike's attack. All
within were covered in black--save Mike Nelson, who stood in the center, his
hands on his hips.
    "Wow, hey, Pearl's calling! Better get to the bridge... coming guys?"
he called over his shoulder as he exited the Holocabana.
    For a minute, nothing moved. Then, one of the black lumps on the floor
sat up. It was Washu. "Oh, WOW! That was GREAT!! What a neat thing! Why
didn't you guys tell me about it sooner?"
    Another lump stirred and groaned. Tom Servo righted himself from the
floor, now back in his familiar robotic form. "Gee, I wonder why."

[SoL Bridge]

    *"Nelson! Glad I caught you!"* The real Pearl Forrester's voice
crackled over the bridge speakers. *"I was afraid I'd have to talk to your
voice mail or something- don't you *hate* those things?"*
    "Yeah, sorry about that." Mike was apologetic. "Had a really annoying
amount of tele-solicitors calling up here lately, so I've been
screening my calls. Anyway, what can we do for you today, ma'am?"
    *"Well, it all depends on your little red headed friend..."*
    "You mean Tom Servo?" Mike looked puzzled.
    *"No, no, I mean your OTHER red-headed friend. I want to see how she's
been holding up after the first few experiments. And if she's still
good, then it's time for me to CRANK UP THE PAIN!"*
    "Swell." Mike sighed. He glanced over as he noticed the rest of the
SoL crew piling on the bridge. Despite still being covered in soot and
generally looking like hell, Washu was very cheerful. She smiled and
waved at the image of Pearl on the hex screen.
    *"And what the hell have YOU all been up to?"* Pearl asked warily.
    Washu answered, "Why, we're been playing around in the-"
    Tom interrupted her with a harsh whisper. "Washu! Ix-nay on the
Olocabana-hay! Emember-ray?!" Pearl was unaware of the device her son once
installed on the SoL in a botched attempt to make Joel Robinson long for
real life. Since she would probably become very upset if she learned
that Mike (and now, Washu) was having ANY sort of fun at all, the crew
kept the Holocabana a secret from Mrs. Forrester.
    "- socks!" Washu said, trying to cover up the slip of the tongue.
"Mike's socks! We were playing around in Mike's laundry while we were
waiting for you to send us the movie! Heh..."
    Mike and the image of Pearl both shot her an awkward look as Washu
began to sweat.
    *"Ah.... ha. Well, Habuki, you look happy enough, and that's a SURE
sign it's time to bring out today's fanfic!"* Pearl settled her gaze onto
Mike and the Bots. *"For the rest of you, this will be a trip down
memory lane. Your fanfic today is the sequel to 'Hang on Batty', the third
Rescue Ranger story of the late Darren "Saberwolf" Perlongo, starring
his furry little doppelganger, Wolf! Don't thank me all at once,
losers!"*
    "Aw, man, WOLF!?" Tom cried. "Not HIM again!"
    "Dare I ask, who is 'Wolf'?" Washu sighed.
    Mike tried to explain. "Well, you see, he's this mouse... who has
these... and can fly tiny fighter... and he shoots... ah, hell, you'll find
out soon enough, WE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIGN!"
    "Wolf, man, W-o-o-o-o-o-lf..." Crow sobbed.

    
[6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater]


>Darren "Sabrewolf" Perlongo


Tom:   Perlongo, pershorto, you decide!
(They sit down. Washu is on the far left seat, next to her is Tom,
Mike, and Crow)


>                    An Old Friend
>
>Opening scene:  It is about noon at rescue rangers HQ


Mike:  ... the birds are asleep and the three moons are up.


>  and all of the rangers are gathered on the runway to see the first
>flight of one of Gadget's latest inventions,


Crow:  She's created the first manimal!
Tom:   ... maybe a new kind of hair grease...
Washu: I know! A cleaner burning rocket fuel!
Mike:  Perhaps a substitute for Stovetop stuffing?


> a fighter aircraft loaded with non-lethal weapons.


Washu: Awww! Then what the hell's the point?!
Mike:  She loaded the bomb bay with copies of 'Artemis's Lover'...
Tom:   No, they're *non-lethal* weapons, Mike.


> Gadget had designed it so that it was tough and flew easily so that
>it would be very hard to beat when flown by an experienced pilot.


Tom:   Ah ha, and how exactly did Gadget build this thing?
Crow:  Oh, a couple of paper-clips here, rubber bands there, and a
spare afterburner she had handy... you know, the usual.


> Gadget had chosen Wolf to be the first to fly the jet since he was
>the fighter pilot and would most likely be flying it the most.


Washu: Seeing how hard it would be to find ANOTHER mouse who could fly
F-14's.


>Wolf had grown to trust Gadget very much over the month that he had
>been on the team and he accepted the offer without hesitation.


Crow:  ... even though the very idea scared the spit out of him.
Tom:   But he took his pants-wetting like a man!


> As he climbed into the cockpit he looked at Gadget for a second,
> their eyes meeting for only a moment before he slid down into the
>chair.


Mike:  ... and through the bottom of the aircraft, landing on his butt.
Bots:  (imitating muted trumpet) Wahh, wahh, wahhh!
Washu: (as Gadget) Golly, I knew I forgot to install SOMETHING...


>He proceeded to power up the plane just as Gadget had showed him
>how.


Mike:  (as Wolf) Let's see... she said to place these wires on my
tongue at the same time, and--
Everybody else: ZzzzZzzzZzzzztttt!!!


> After it was ready for launch


Tom:   ... and a little before dinner...


> he contacted Gadget  who was on the other side of the runway behind
>a blast shield


Washu: (as Gadget, shouting) Don't worry, Wolf! In case the airplane
explodes, I'll be perfectly safe!


> and was wearing the radio headset he had given the team.


Mike:  (laughs) Oh, really.
Crow:  I didn't know they came in that size... but then again, this is
*Wolf* we're talking about.


>Wolf (into his own headset):  Ok Gadget all systems go. Awaiting
>clearance for rocket assisted takeoff.


Washu: (as Gadget) Yeah, sure... whatever...
Tom:   She's been planning to kill him for about a month now, but she
can wait a little longer!


>Hearing these words all the other rangers scrambled behind the blast
>shield with Gadget


Mike:  (as Chip) No sense of any of *us* getting killed along with him.
Tom:   (as Monty) Too right, Chipper me lad!


>Gadget:  Runway clear.  Permission Granted


Crow:  Little does she know, we secretly replaced her regular brand of
jet fuel with 'Jolt' cola...


>Wolf: Launching in 5,4,3,2,1.


All:   WE GOT MOVIE SIGN!


>He pushed a button on the panel in front of him


All:   (hum the MST3k love theme)


> and the bundles of model rocket engines that were strapped to each
>wing were ignited and the plane shot off down the runway located
>right outside of RRHQ.


Washu: ... and right *smack* into the Ranger tree.
Mike:  I hear they're *still* trying to put out the fire.


>Wolf was instantly thrown back into his seat


Tom:   SSSUUUUUURRRRRGE!!!


> and felt as if he were going to go right through it because the
>increase of speed was so sudden, even his jets couldn't match it.
>After he cleared the runway,


Crow:  ... cleaned it off, repaved it, painted new lines...


> Foxglove the newest member of the Rescue Ranger Team,


Mike:  They're getting a little lax with the membership requirements.
Washu: But you didn't even give Foxglove a chance!
Mike:  I was referring to Wolf.
Washu: Oh. Well, that goes without saying.


> flew after him with a headset of her own to track him and tell him
>of any problems he may not be able to see.


Washu: Like, say, the engines were on fire, or the wings broke off.


> He jettisoned the used rockets and looked back at Foxy, who was
>struggling to keep up.


Tom:   (as Foxglove) Ah, screw it! He's on his own!
Washu: A real neat trick, a bat keeping pace with a rocket engine.


>Wolf:  Hey foxy, you keeping up back there?


Crow:  (as an angry Foxglove) That's *MS.* Glove to you, flyboy!


>Foxglove:  Yeah but could you slow down a little?


Washu: (as Foxglove) It's not easy to fly with a giant pair of headsets
on!


>Wolf:  Sorry but I have to push it to it's limits.


Mike:  (as Wolf) By the way, is it a bad thing when all the lights
flash and a siren starts to wail and the panel begins to emit smoke?


>Wolf then takes the aircraft into a series of  complex and strenuous
>maneuvers to see if it will hold up.


Tom:   ... it doesn't, he dies, the end.


> The ride goes rather smoothly and Wolf notices no major problems.


Tom:   ... because he was killed when the plane exploded in mid-air,
the end.


> After about five minutes he landed the plane back on the runway,


Tom:   ... nose first, exploding into a big ball of fire, THE END!!!
Washu: I'm sensing hostility here.


> with Foxglove landing after him and sitting down, exhasted.


Crow:  (as Foxglove) Was it good for you, too?
Mike:  About time. I thought you were getting sick.


>As he climbs out of the cockpit Gadget runs to him.


Washu: (as Gadget) You're still alive! But how? HOW!?


>Gadget: What do think!  How did it go?


Mike:  (as Wolf) It go good, it did.
Crow:  (snicker)


>Wolf puts on a very serious and disappointing look which gets Gadget
>a bit worried.


Washu: (as Gadget) Uh, oh! He's catching on to my attempts to kill him!


>Wolf:  On a one to ten scale I'd say about


Tom:   (as Wolf) ... say, what comes after three?


>a......................................11.


Mike:  ... and thirty-nine dots.


>Gadget(ecstatic): really!


Crow:  ... well, no.
Tom:   It sucked!


>Wolf:  Yep
>
>Wolf noticed to his ( as well as everyone else's) surprise he was
>getting a bit if a sense of humor.
> It worried him that he was becoming softer and that he may not be
>as effective a fighter as he once was.


Crow:  Really? Is it possible to be even *less* than 'useless'?


> His teammates however had convinced him otherwise and he began to
>enjoy the new feelings he had discovered such as humor.


Tom:   Could have fooled me!
Washu: 'Yep'...


>Gadget:  I sure am glad, I sure put a lot of work into it.


Mike:  Sure you're sure? *REALLY* sure?


>Wolf:  The next thing we have to test is the weapons systems.


Crow:  ... which consists of water balloons filled with paint!
Tom:   ... and rubber band missiles!
Washu: ... and but for the grace of God go I.
Bots:  Huh?


>Gadget:  Thats right, will you test them as soon as I get them
>loaded on, maybe tomorrow?


Washu: (as Gadget) ... should give me enough time to 'fix' your oxygen
mask...


>Wolf:  Sure


All:   (laugh)
Mike:  Parts 2: the Sabrewolf horror.
Crow:  Sure!


>Gadget:  Ok, Thanks.


Washu: (as Gadget) ... for including me in your little ego trip!
Crow:  Sure!


>Wolf nods in response and joins the rest of the rangers inside HQ.
>He was thinking about a rather important issue.


Tom:   (as Wolf) Socks are NEAT!


>  On a case a few days ago he had gotten in some trouble and the
>rangers put themselves at risk to rescue him.


Crow:  Not the first time a bunch of canon characters had to carry
around a *load*.


>  He was grateful of course but he wanted to talk to Chip about
>this.


Mike:  He could go for *hours and hours* talking about how grateful he
is...
Crow:  Sure!


> After everyone went off about their tasks Wolf walked  over to
>Chip.


Tom:   (as Dale) Tasks? Since when in hell do I do any *tasks*? I wanna
talk to my agent immediately!


>Wolf:  Chip,  can I talk to in private please?
>
>Chip:  Uh..sure come on.


Mike:  (as Chip) I'll live to regret this, I just *know* I will...
Crow:  Sure!


>Chip lead Wolf into his room and turned to face him.
>
>Chip: Ok, what is it?


Washu: I don't know. Mike, was Chip's last action in the past tense, or
a command, or...?
Mike:  Washu...
Washu: Yeah, yeah... (smiles and nods)


>Wolf:   You remember that case a few days ago where you guys got me
>out of that burning building?


Crow:  (as Wolf) You know, the building I flew the *last* jet into?


>Chip:  Yeah
>
>Wolf:  I am grateful for that but don't do it again.


Mike:  (as Chip) Oh, don't worry, I wasn't going to pass up another
opportunity like that.


>Chip looks confused.


Tom:   Join the club, Chip...
Washu: Its membership requirements aren't nearly quite so lax as
*yours* are.


>Wolf:  Please don't ever put any of the team in danger for me again.
>
>Chip:  We have to!  You're a Rescue Ranger, we take care of our own.


Crow:  (as Chip) The medicare program sucks, but your funeral *will* be
attended by at least two of us.


>Wolf:  I'm expandable, I am not worth the risk of the rest of the
>team getting hurt or killed.


Tom:   He's *expandable*?
Crow:  He must be retaining water...
Washu: That is *so* not funny!


>Chip:  You are not expandable!  How can you even think that?


Mike:  (as Chip) Expendable, maybe, but definitely *not* expandable...
Tom:   Wolf, the Incredible Blow-Up Ranger Doll!


>Wolf:  Look,...The Rangers was here before I was and did great like
>that, if one of you should get killed the whole team may fall apart
>because you are the foundation of the group.


Crow:  (as Wolf) ... besides, you're copyrighted to Disney, so I can't
kill you off.


>  I just joined up a month ago,  if I get killed  it won't be nearly
>as bad.as if it were one of you.


Tom:   Hell, it might even be cause to celebrate!
Washu: Hai!


>Chip:  We can't just leave you if you are in trouble!  We save
>people.
>
>Wolf:  Chip please,  swear that you won't ever put the team at risk
>for me.
>
>Chip: b-but..


Mike:  (as Chip) Well, okay!


>Wolf looks Chip square in the eye.
>
>Wolf:  I am asking you as a friend and as a teammate.


Tom:   (as Wolf) Also as your Secret Santa, but let's not get into
that.


>Chip sighs and looks at the ground.


Washu: ... since it's much more entertaining than Wolf is.


>Chip:  I swear it.
>
>Wolf:  Thank you.


Tom:   (as Wolf) I... *love* you, man!
Crow:  Sure!


>Wolf pats Chip on the back and goes into his room while Chip just
>sits there thinking.


Mike:  (as Chip) Now I won't feel guilty at *all* the next time I leave
him to die! This is *so* cool!


> How could he swear he wouldn't save him if he were in deep trouble.  
>He already regretted making that promise but he never went back on
>his word.


Washu: (as Chip) Stupid sense of honor!


>A few hours later Monty comes out into the living room in his
>exercise clothes. He does a few stretching motions and then turns
>to the group.


Tom:   (as Monty) So I'm wearing bloomin' spandex! There's no need to
stare, maties...


>Monty: Me and zipper are going on a afternoon jog,  anyone want to
>join us.
>
>Gadget:  Sure Monty,  I'll come along, just give me a minute to
>change.


Crow:  (as Gadget) Someone's got to run alongside him and perform CPR
in case his heart stops again.


>Chip:  Me too
>
>Foxy:  Dale and I will come along.


Washu: Uh oh, looks like someone's doing the speaking for their
boy-toy!


>They all go into their rooms and in a few minutes all come out in
>their gym clothes.


Tom:   Thrill, as they JOG!
Mike:  Marvel, as they BREAK A LIGHT SWEAT!
Washu: (giggling) Stop that!


>Monty:  hmm,  I'll go see if Wolf wants to go along.
>
>He goes into Wolf's room and comes back out again followed by Wolf.
>The only difference in Wolf's dress is the absence of his usual
>coat, which he almost always wore.


Tom:   ... even when showering!
Washu: (back hands Tom)
Tom:   Ow! Hey! What was that for, Wash?!
Washu: ... mental image.


> They all went outside and began jogging down the park trail. They
>all had a good time talking about their cases while they were
>jogging.


Washu: Be dazzled, as they DEDUCE!
Mike:  Fall asleep, as they JOG SOME MORE!
Tom:   (laugh)


> After about a mile Wolf stopped dead in his tracks, staring at a
>mouse over by a building they were passing.
>
>Gadget:  Wolf, what's wrong?


Crow:  (as Wolf) I just realized I'm not destroying anything at the
moment.


>Monty:  What's the matter mate,  you look like you've seen a ghost.
>
>Wolf:   I may have.


Tom:   Casper the Friendly Cameo?


>All the rangers are gathered around him and soon follow his gaze
>over to the mouse at the corner.


Crow:  Why, it's Jonathan Brisby!
Mike:  (shudders) No, it's not...


> After a few seconds Wolf slowly jogs over to the figure as the
>Rangers follow a little distance behind him.


Washu: (as Dale) Say, guys? Didn't we used to be the stars of the show?
Mike:  (as Chip) Hush, Dale! Or you will anger Wolf, our mighty
overlord!


>  The mouse starts walking down the street while gently swinging his
>staff along the ground.  Wolf approaches the mouse and cautiously
>taps him on the shoulder.


Mike:  (as Mike Myers) Pardon me, but do you have any Gray Poupon?
Tom:   (as the mouse) But, of course...


>  As soon as he does the he whips around and using his staff to lock
>Wolf's arm he throws him against the wall face first.


Crow:  Well, how about that! My wish came true!
Mike:  And a wish well spent, I might add.


>  As he moves in to attack Wolf spins around and draws his katanna
>and parries the blow.  The rangers had rushed over when he attacked
>him but were now staying back from the heated battle between the two
>rodents.


Tom:   (as Monty) Well, I guess we shouldn't interfere with the natural
order of things, mates. Shall we continue with our jog?


>  The stranger seems to be outfighting Wolf and about three minutes
>into the fight the Rangers see something they had never seen before.


Mike:  ... Wolf was really a girl.
Washu: (as Gadget) Golly! I feel so *used*!
Tom:   Damn you, Washu! *You* complain about the mental images...


> The mouse in one smooth movement disarms Wolf and trips him,
>causing him to fall flat on his back.
> He pushes a button on his staff and a blade snicks out of the end
>of it and he presses it to Wolf's throat.


Tom:   Hey! This isn't so bad after all!
Mike:  Go! Avenge the Rescue Rangers, nameless old mouse!


> The rangers had never seen Wolf defeated in combat before and now  
>he was spread on the ground with a knife to his throat.
>
>Wolf:  I knew it was you.


Mike:  (as Wolf) I thought you were Dale...


>Mouse:  What are you talking about?
>
>Wolf:  We've met before.


Tom:   (as Wolf) ... long ago in Dallas, on a certain grassy knoll.


>The mouse looks at Wolf closely for a second then a look of
>disbelief comes over his face.
>
>Mouse:  Impossible


All:   (start singing the theme to 'Mission: Impossible!')


>Wolf:  Q,  it's me,  Wolf


All:   GAHHH!!!
Tom:   NO! NO MORE CROSSOVERS!!


>Q:  Wolf's dead, I went to his funeral.


Crow:  *We* should be so lucky!
Mike:  (as Q) I danced on his grave, and then I went to go pester
Captain Picard.


>Wolf:  That was just to get me out of Samo.
>
>Q:  If you really are Wolf, show me the claws.


Washu: Sounds like Wolverine, not Wolf...
Tom:   Oh, you have *no* idea, woman...


>Wolf's claws snick out of his hands and Q slowly eased the knife
>away from Wolf's throat and allowed him to get up.
>
>Q:  It is you.


Mike:  (as Q) You're Billy Bartston, from second grade! You were always
trying to beat me up back THEN, too!


>Wolf:  Good to see you again, its been a long time.
>
>They exchange a handshake.


Tom:   Um, with the claws still extended? Ow?


>Q:  You got that right,  it must have been at least four years, then
>you up and die on me.
>
>Wolf(grinning) :  May I rest in peace.
>
>Q:  How did you know it was me?


Crow:  (as Wolf) Your Starfleet uniform.


>Wolf:  Easy,  you're the only person in the world who can beat me in
>hand to hand combat.


Mike:  So... if Wolf was mistaken and it WASN'T Q, he would have beaten
up a harmless, innocent old mouse?


>The rest of the rangers  had been afraid to move in to help Wolf
>while he was pinned down because Q may have killed him.
>  Now seeing that the two were obviously old friends, they went up
>to them.


Washu: It must be a common thing, Wolf just hauling off and engaging in
mortal combat with random people...


>Chip:  What happened?  Are you ok Wolf?
>
>Wolf:  Yeah,  I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine, this is Q.
>
>Q:  How do you do?


Crow:  (as Gadget) Do what?


>Monty:  Better then Wolf I imagine.
>
>Wolf:  Hey Q, want to come back to HQ and catch up?


Tom:   (as Gadget) Catch what?
Washu: Hey, I *like* Gadget! She's *not* dumb!
Bots:  Sorry...


>Q:  I'd be delighted.
>
>Wolf:  is that ok with you guys?


Mike:  (as Chip) *sigh* Sure, why the hell not. I guess we'll let HIM
join too, since we're on a roll.


>The rest of the Rangers nod and they all jog back to RRHQ.  After
>they get there,  they all go inside and sit down on the couch and
>let Q and Wolf tell their story.


Crow:  Five days later...


>Q:  Wolf and I met when we had both  been  mercs for about a year,
>and we joined up as partners with Wolf, me and.......


Tom:   (as Q) ... that other guy.


>Wolf shoots Q a look that would scare a bull and Q takes the hint as
>do the rest of the rangers.
>
>Q:  Those were the days huh?


Mike:  Back before the Rescue Rangers got flooded by wannabes? Sure...


>Wolf:  Yeah, they called us the troublesome trio.
>
>By now the Rangers are listening very intently to the two friends.
>Wolf and Q are grinning wildly as they remember their past.


Washu: (as Gadget) Well, I going to go drink some turpentine. Anybody
else?
Crow:  (as Dale) Naw, I'm gonna go take a bath with a plugged-in
toaster...
Mike:  (as Chip) I believe I'll go swan-dive off the top of
headquarters...
Tom:   (as Monty) And I'm headed out the freeway to step in front of a
speeding car. My pal Zipper says he'll fly head-on into the
windshield...
Washu: Man, this is *so* depressing...


>Q(laughing):  It's been a long time since I heard that name. Hey
remember
>when we blew the coup?


Mike:  (as Wolf) Yeah! El Presidente was *furious*!


>Wolf (laughing):  Oh god,  that was the funniest gig we ever got.
>
>Monty:  What happened?


Crow:  Five *years* later...
Washu: (laughs weakly) And the fic's not even half over yet...
Tom:   Are we in hell, Mike?
Mike:  Yes, Thomas. Yes we are.


>Q( laughing hard):  We were contracted by the Chickens in a egg
>factory to play a practical joke on another factory because they
>were tired of competing with them.
>
>Wolf(laughing):  We set a concussion charge that completely blew the
>feathers off of all 500 chickens.


Tom:   Oh, God of fire and vengeance...
Washu: Chickens. We're listening to two rodents talk about molesting
innocent *chickens*...
Mike:  You know, at least Oscar put a twisted sex scene here and there
in *his* self-insertion fics!
Crow:  Yeah, we could vomit or something to keep us occupied!


>Q and Wolf  are now laughing hysterically. All the rangers are a
>little shocked at this side of Wolf.After a few seconds the two
>friends get a hold of themselves. They then get in a friendly
>argument.


Tom:   ... and they accidentally kill each other, THE *FREAKIN'* END!!!
Crow:  Woah! Servo!


>Wolf:  Q here is the only person in the world who has ever beaten me
>in hand to hand combat.
>
>Q:  Me and my skills saved Wolf's butt one time without all those
>fancy weapons of his. I prefer older weapons.


Mike:  (as Q) *No* one can beat me at thumb wrestling!


>Wolf:  I use my katanna don't I?


Washu: So, tiny claws, and a tiny sword. Anything else I should know
about?
Tom:   Oh, we haven't even begun to warm UP, kiddo.


> Besides you use those explosive ninja stars you designed.


Washu: Okay... little throwing stars, I can buy that... exploding
ones... no.


>Q:  Better than those tactical nukes you got in your basement.
>
>Wolf:  Hey, I used half of those in the Gulf War taking out some
>scuds.


Washu: .... wait, wait, back up. Did Q just say he had tactical nu-
Crow:  (interrupting) - it gets better! Watch!


>Dale:   You fought in the Gulf War?
>
>Wolf:  I joined the US Small Animal Marine Corps for two years
>during the war.


Tom:   He was a tiny jar-head! Now it all makes sense!


>Dale:  Zowie!
>
>Q:  I never thought you would do that.


Washu: That Thing You Do!


>Wolf:  I do love my country.
>
>Dale:  What rank were you?
>
>Wolf:  Gunnery Sargent


Mike:  Good, just so long as he wasn't a *sergeant*...


>Monty:  Not bad mate, I've known a few gunneys in my time.
>
>Suddenly the door burst open and both Wolf and Q snapped around on
>one knee facing the door,


Tom:   The hell?
Crow:  So they're joined at the hip?


> Wolf drawing a .45 and Q a ninja star.


All:   (laugh)
Washu: My, I heard that guns were getting smaller, but...
Tom:   I think he packs a miniature bazooka somewhere, too.


> A young female redheaded squirrel ran through the door toward the
>group in panic. She was very lucky that the two fighters saw that
>she was young and held their fire for a second.


Washu: ... and *then* they opened fire.
Mike:  That's really dark, Wash'.


> After she was halfway to the Rangers she found herself in the
>crosshairs of two of the most deadly warriors the rodent world had
>ever known.


Crow:  Yes, it was Chip 'n' Dale, the heroes of the show!
Tom:   Unfortunately, Wolf and Q were blocking her view...


> She stopped dead in her tracks and looked at the deadly duo.


Mike:  Brave Monterey Jack, and his sidekick, Zipper.
Crow:  And Wolf and Q got in the way again...


>Wolf:  Don't even breathe.


Tom:   Oh, come on! She's just a little girl, ya knob!


>Gadget:  Don't Shoot!!  It's Tammy!!
>
>Q:  Who??


All:   SHE SAID IT'S TAMMY!!!
Tom:   Knob!


>Monty:  She's a friend of the Rangers, it's Ok.
>
>With this said the two lowered their weapons while Tammy ran over
>to Chip.
>
>Tammy:  Chip you've got to help me!!!
>
>Chip:   What's wrong!?


Washu: (as Tammy) What's *wrong?!* Those two guys over there almost
SHOT me!


>Tammy:  There's a bunch of guys chasing me!
>
>Chip gives Wolf a glance and Wolf understands it completely and
motions Q
>to follow him. They cautiously walk to either side of the door.
>
>Wolf(quietly):  Use non-lethals, zero body count.


Crow:  (as Wolf) Just aim for their testicles, then RUN!!


>Q:  What about you?


Crow:  (as Wolf) I'll just RUN!!
Mike:  (laughs)


>Wolf smirks and holsters his .45 and draws his sword.
>Suddenly they hear footsteps on the runway and they quickly open the
>door and spring out together to face the threat.


Mike:  ... and break down crying and screaming...
Crow:  ... and fill their pants.


>  When they get out they see about 15 mice dressed in orange ninja
>uniforms.


Crow:  Oh, it's the Cola Cult...
Tom:   (laughs) Throw out the mouse with the orange hair, for she is
our goddess!


> About seven of the mice raise their crossbows while the other ready
>their swords and spears.


Washu: It's an episode of 'Beastmaster' gone HORRIBLY WRONG!!


>Wolf:  Not good.
>
>One of the mice steps forward and looks at the duo menacingly.


Mike:  (as Ninja) We are selling cookies. You *will* buy some!


>Ninja:  Hand over the girl and we will spare the rest of you.
>
>Wolf:  If you drop you weapons and put your hands on your head, I
>promise I wont kill you.


Crow:  (as Wolf) ... I'll still cut off all your limbs, yes, but you'll
probably survive the inital bleeding.
Washu: Oh sure, they're all ready to gun down a harmless child, but
they're going to go *easy* on the guys who are chasing her ...


>All of the ninjas look at each other and chuckle.


Tom:   (as the ninja) *snicker* Duh-huh! Get *him*!


>Ninja:  I don't think your in the position to be making threats,
>we've got you cornered.


Washu: Actually, considering that they are standing out in the open,
and not at the junction of two non-parallel lines (that being the
requirement to define a vertex), I maintain it is mathematically *impossible*
that they have *anyone* cornered...
Mike:  I think it's meant figuratively, Washu.
Washu: Oh. (smiles and nods)


>Wolf:  Actually, We've gotten the drop on you.........NOW Q!!!!


Crow:  (as Wolf) Throw all our extra punctuation at them!


>At the signal, Q throws one of his ninja stars at an overhanging
>branch and it explodes, slicing the branch cleanly off.


Tom:   Well, isn't *that* convenient.
Crow:  Then, branch explode.


>  It falls down on the thugs, knocking most of them out and trapping
>the rest of them in it's twisted mass of branches.


Mike:  (as Q) Gee, I was aiming for their groin areas, but I guess the
problem really worked itself out!


>The two fighters grin at each other.
>
>Q:  Work every time


Washu: Ancient Chinese Secret!


>Wolf and Q stride up to the leader of the gang and Q pulls him out
>of the tangles mess by the neck and holds him up until his feet are
>off the ground.


Tom:   (sighs) The Adventures of Wolf and Q, guest-starring the Rescue
Rangers...


>Wolf:  Now, you have just three seconds to tell me who you are, who
>you work for and what your doing here before I get to see if your
>ugly carcass looks worse on the outside or on the inside.
>
>Ninja:  Ok Ok!! I'll talk.


Crow:  (as Wolf) Too late, your time is up. (makes meaty, slicing
sounds)


>Q:  Spill it!!
>
>Ninja:  I work for a guy named Bubbles,


Tom:   *Bubbles?*
Washu: Blossom and Buttercup were unavailable for comment.


>  he wanted us to get that girl because she knows the codes to a
>powerful weapon, the ice gun.


Mike:  Uh huh. This ninja's *really* good under pressure...


>While the thug had been saying who he worked for, Chip,Zipper and
>Monty had gathered around them. They had noticed the look of extreme
>hate and grief when Bubbles had been mentioned.


Tom:   Bubbles. Right.
Washu: (as Bubbles) I am MOJO JOJO!


>  They wondered how Wolf had know about him, they hadn't told him
>about Bubbles yet.
>
>Wolf:  Chip,  get SAPS over here expedite.


Mike:  ... the whataza wha's?
Tom:   The furries' fuzz, Mike.
Mike:  Oh, that's right. The animal police.


>Chip:  Got it.
>
>Chip  runs head first down the tree to the police station where he
>would find a SAPS officer.


Crow:  So, the leader of the Rescue Rangers has been reduced to 'errand
boy'...


>  Wolf then looks back at the captive thug.
>
>Wolf:  Q please assist our friend here on getting some rest.


Tom:   (as Wolf) Extra pillows and some warm milk! Chop chop!


>At this Q nails the thug with a powerful punch to the face, knocking
>him unconscious.
>
> He drops him and faces Wolf, because he had also seen the look on
>his face and was worried about his best friend.
>
>Monty:  Hey Wolf, do you know about Bubbles mate?


Tom:   I call no more 'PowerPuff Girls' jokes.
Washu: Aww!


>Wolf:  Yeah, I had almost forgotten about him.
>
>Q:   Where did you meet up with him?
>
>Wolf just shook his head at the question.


Mike:  (as Wolf, in an Irish accent) Ah, Q, you've done again...


>Monty:   We had a case against him not too long ago, but I don't
>remember telling you about it.
>
>Wolf:  You didn't tell me about it.  All I know is that he is a very
>cruel creature with a lust for power.


Crow:  Ross Perot?


>Q:  I haven't met up with him before.
>
>Wolf:   Enough, If its ok with the rangers, would you like to join
>us on this case?  Your help would come in handy, Bubbles is a decent
>fighter.
>
>Q:   I never could turn down a request from you.


Tom:   (as Q) Syke!


>Wolf: Is it ok with you guys?
>
>Chip:  Sure why not.


Mike:  (as Chip) Hell, it can't possibly get any sillier than it
already has...


>Wolf:  Thanks man.


Crow:  (as Wolf) I *love* you, man!
Tom:   (as Q) You still ain't getting my Bud Light.


>Monty:   Not that I don't trust your judgment mate, but Gadget
>defeated that nucklehead pretty easily last time.
>
>Wolf:  Gadget beat him last time??


Washu: I believe that is what he just said.
Mike:  Get over it! The girly mouse girl is tougher than you!


>Zipper nods a yes.
>
>Wolf(softly to himself):  Grossly Ironic


Crow:  ... don't 'cha think?


>Monty:  What's ironic?


Crow:  It's a song by Alanis Morissette.
Washu: (giggles)


>Wolf: Nothing


Mike:  Oh look, a character summary!


>Just then Chip runs up with about five SAPS people following him.
>They begin cuffing the still unconscious thugs and carry them off to
>the police station. The rangers look on silently.


Washu: (as Dale) Uh, guys? Why are we being so quiet?
Tom:   (as Chip) We're mourning the loss of our acting careers.


>  After they are all gone, Wolf, Q, Monty,Chip and Zipper go back
>inside where Dale, Foxglove and Gadget have finally managed to calm
>Tammy down.


Washu: ... with a *tazer*.
Mike:  Washu, stop it!
Crow:  You're scaring us!


> Wolf sits down across from her and begins to talk in a very serious
>tone of voice.


Tom:   (as Howell Mandell) My name is Bobby...


>Wolf:  Are you ok?
>
>Tammy:  Yeah I'll be fine,  who are you anyway?
>
>Wolf:  My name is Wolf


Crow:  (as Wolf) ... and I'm a self-inserted character...
Everyone else: Hi, Wolf!


>I just joined the team, but that isn't important.
>
>Tammy gets a slightly confused look on her face.
>
>Wolf:  Tammy,  I need you to tell me how you got your hands on the
>activation codes to the ice gun, where they are and when you got
>them.


Mike:  Sheesh, as long as you're interogating the girl, why not ask for
her rank and serial number?


>Tammy:  Well, I was just walking in the park and I decided to take a
>break behind one of the the benches. After about two minutes a mouse
>ran behind the bench too, he was all out of breath, he didn't notice
>me for a couple seconds. When he did he handed me a piece of paper
>and told me that he didn't have time to explain but I had to keep
>that paper out of the wrong hands and get it to the SAPS
>station.Then he ran out and those orange guys started chasing him
>and followed him into some bushes. A few seconds later I heard a
>scream and I started to run but they saw me and started chasing me
>so I tried to get here.


Crow:  Sweet Mother of Mary.
Washu: The plot exposition from *Hell*...
Mike:  Dear Lord...
Tom:   (sparking sound is heard coming from head)


>Wolf:  Where is the paper?


Tom:   (gets up and starts to fly around aimlessly)
Washu: Tom? Tommy?


>Tammy pulls a small, folded piece of paper out of her pocket and
>hands it to him.


Washu: (frightened) S-servo?
Tom:   (deadpan) I... am... *damned*...
Crow:  Mike, I think he's about to start runnin' mad...
Tom:   (deadpan) All hail... the Crimson King...
Mike:  (stands up slowly) Crow, get me the gun.
Crow:  'kay... (exits off screen to the left)
Tom:   (deadpan) ... Bon moi... CESSENT, CESSENT...
Washu: (stands up quickly) Oh, Mike, NO! (starts crying)


>Wolf:  Have you read it? Tell me the truth.


Tom:   (deadpan) ... can't... handle... it...
Crow:  (returns, with a rifle) And here you are...
Mike:  (cocks and aims rifle at Tom)
Washu: (sobbing uncontrollably)


>Tammy:  No I haven't read it.


Washu: Mike, NO!
Mike:  (looks up) Huh?
Washu: I'll try to fix him! Just don't do it!
Mike:  Do what?
Washu: Put him out of his misery!
Mike:  (starts laughing in disbelief) What?


>Wolf unfolds the paper and reads it carefully and then hands it to
>Q, who studies it for a second and then hands it back.


Crow:  Wow, the non-stop inaction.


> Wolf pulls out a lighter Gadget had made for him and burns it.


Crow:  Let me get this straight. Wolf has guns, swords, and such, but
he can't even get a tiny lighter on his own? What's with *that?*
Tom:   (deadpan) Fire... destroyer of all...
Mike:  (still laughing)
Washu: Why are you laughing? You're going to *kill* poor Tom!
Mike:  Now, why would I want to do that? These are *tranquilizer*
darts!
Washu: (realizing) Oh... you'd use them on a robot?
Mike:  Oh. Uh...


>Gadget:  Golly, what was on there?
>
>Q:  The access codes to a freeze gun. The gun is a very powerful
>weapon. It lowers the the tempeture of almost any substance, organic
>or non organic to 100 degrees below zero.


Crow:  It's called the 'Jerry Springer Special'.
Tom:   (deadpan) Springer... he also of the damned...
Mike:  (looking at the screen) Gosh, and Q would know all this from...?
Washu: Don't change the subject!


>Monty:  Crikey!!


Mike:  See, Washu, I've never had to use it before.
Washu: What?
Mike:  Well, they usually use it on *me* when I go crazy.
Washu: Oh.


>Gadget:   Golly!! Do you know what Bubbles could use that for!!


Crow:  It'd be great for those annoying times when you run out of ice
at a party.


>Wolf:  That's why we have to get it back as fast as we can.


Mike:  I feel kinda stupid, now.
Washu: Oh, don't be so hard on yourself. (grabs Tom as he wanders by)
C'mon...
(They exit with Washu carrying Tom under one arm)



Plain Text Attachment [ Save to my Yahoo! Briefcase  |  Download File ]  

[ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]


    Tom Servo lay in a small hospital bed that had been set up on the
console of the Bridge. There was a thermometer in his beak and a cold
compress on top of his dome. He moaned and turned his head back and forth in
delirium.
    Washu came onto the bridge and towards Servo. She was dressed in her
favorite nurse's uniform and clutched a clipboard in one hand. She took
the thermometer and read Servo's temperature, and began flipping
through the charts, clucking her tongue all the while.
    Mike, Crow, and Gypsy wandered in solemnly, each bearing a bouquet of
flowers. Washu turned and smiled at them all sympathetically.
    "Washu... is he going to be okay?" Mike asked hesitantly.
    "I'm not sure, I haven't made a diagnosis yet." she replied. "I need
to know more of the patient's medical history, first. His full name,
please?"
    "Servo. Thomas Servo." Mike answered.
    "Age?"
    "Five-hundred ten."
    "Blood type?"
    "He, uh, doesn't have any."
    "Ah. That explains why the biopsy came back negative." Washu looked up
and tapped her lower lip with her pen thoughtfully. Looking back at
Mike, she continued. "Okay, now I need to know if anything like this has
happened before."
    "I'll field this one, Mike." Crow cleared his voice synthesizer.
"*ahem* Okay, we were watching this movie once, and it was so bad it short
circuited Tom's CPU and his head exploded. He nearly died. Then we were
watching 'Artemis' Lover' and it blew up AGAIN, only not so bad this
time. Since then, his head has either exploded, imploded, cracked, fused,
and/or smoked. It got to the point he just shrugged it off, though."
    "Hmmm! Okay. When was the last time his head malfunctioned?"
    Mike answered this time. "That would have been during 'Project
Monarch'. His dome cracked and he went blind. Otherwise he was in good
spirits, as I recall."
    Washu held up her pen with a flourish. "Ah-HA! Just as I suspected!
Tom is suffering from acute fandom-itus!"
    Mike gasped. "Servo! NOOOOOOOOOO- ah, is it fatal?" as he interrupted
himself.
    "Forget about *that*, man!!" put in Crow. "Is it CONTAGIOUS?!"
    "I think you already have a terminal case, 'CROW!'" quipped Gypsy.
    Washu shook her head and held up a hand indicating she wanted silence.
When she had it, she continued. "No, it's not fatal. But basically, all
the years of his head exploding has slowly built up his tolerance for
the pain, but not the trauma of the movie itself. My guess is that
Tammy's little plot exposition back there must brought back YEARS of
repression, resulting in his complete nervous breakdown and consequently, this
half-comatose state."
    "Cool!" Crow exclaimed. "Are we going to hook him up to fancy
equipment and project ourselves into his deluded mind, like in 'The Cell'?"
    "Nothing poetic like that. I'm afraid in Servo's case, there is only
one thing we can do..." she said sadly, pulling the white sheet over
Servo's head.
    "Oh..." Crow turned away, choking on a sob. Gypsy blubbered. Mike just
shook his head in disbelief.
    Washu suddenly brought out a giant mallet, and slammed it onto Servo's
head. "BAKA!!"
    The form of the sheet suddenly sat up and slowly rose into the air.
    "AHHH! GHOST SERVO!!" Crow freaked, and jumped onto Gypsy's back.
Gypsy didn't need any more encouragement, turning and fleeing the bridge in
terror. "MOMMY! I mean, JOEL!!!"
    Mike didn't run, but instead just pulled the sheet away, revealing
Servo. "Hey, Tom. Feeling better now?"
    "Hey, Mike!" said Tom, now back to normal. "I had this weird-ass
dream, you, me, Crow, and that smart chick from Tenchi Muyo were all trapped
on this satellite and being forced to watch a bad fanfic! And then this
squirrel demon came down on us with a useless long-winded sub-plot."
    "That really happened, Servo. Her name is Tammy, for the record. Boy,
Washu! Have to hand it to you, you really *are* the greatest!"
    Washu smiled smugly. "Yep, yep, ain't it the truth? Oh, and here's a
bill for for my services rendered." She accidentally dropped the
clipboard with bill, however, when the bridge lurched and the lights and
sirens started going off. "Oops!"
    Crow rushed onto the bridge brandishing his lightsaber. "SERVO WALKS
WITH THE UNDEAD- oh, wait a minute, hi Tom!"
    "WE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIGN!!!"


[ 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater]


(They enter and sit in the usual manner)
Washu: Feeling better, Servo?
Tom:   So long as Tammy can keep her big mouth shut...


>Chip:  First things first,  we have to keep Tammy safe.
>
>Wolf:  Agreed,  but we cant leave her by herself anywhere.
>
>Dale:  Foxy and I will look after her while you guys are after
Bubbles.


Mike:  They really should demand hazard pay for babysitting 'Little
Miss Exposition', don't you think?


>Chip:  Good Idea, why don't we do that.
>
>Wolf:  Ok, but you guys will have to take the ranger plane and leave
the
>city until this thing is over,


Tom:   And Wolf officially declares martial law in Metro City.
Mike:  (laughs) Whoa, look out Chip, there's a new mouse in charge!


> but if we don't contact you within a month, you guys will have to
>disappear.


Crow:  (as Wolf) If I'm not back within a month, kill me.


>Everyone's faces fall at this last note but they all know that it made
>sense.


Washu: (laughs) It does, huh?
Mike:  (sighs) Sure, why not.


>Monty:  Dale mate, why don't you guys start packing your stuff.
>
>Wolf:  Dale take this, just in case.
>
>He hands Dale the emergency transmitter that he had given him before.
Dale
>puts it in his shirt pocket.


Washu: Uh, why would you do that, if already gave it to him before?
Tom:   (as Wolf) Quick! Give me the thing I gave you so I can give back
to you again!


>Wolf:  Anything happens you know what to do with it.


Mike:  (as Wolf) Chop it up, wrap it up into a tiny zigzag, and smoke
it to kill the pain.


>Dale:  Got it.
>
>Gadget:  Wolf and I made a few modifications on it, now we can track
you
>to 100 miles.
>
>Foxglove:  Thanks Gadget.


Washu: (as Foxglove) We'll just go 101 miles away, and Wolf will never
find us AGAIN!


>Q:  You guys need to get out of here ASAP.
>
>Tammy:  I guess we'll start packing.


Crow:  So... since when does *Tammy* live at Ranger Headquarters?


>Dale, Foxglove, and Tammy walk off to start packing.


Mike:  Tammy doesn't have anything to pack, but nevertheless, she
*will* pack.
Washu: Maybe she's the Rangers' equivalent to TV's Kramer?


> The remaining rangers turn to each other.
>
>Monty:  What now Wolf me lad?


Tom:   (as Monty) Are ye after me lucky charms, me... oh, wait, wrong
accent, heh.


>Wolf:  Now we get ready.  Q  will give us  air cover incase those
goons
>have airpower and get any dumb ideas.


All:   (laugh)
Crow:  Gadget must be freelancing, building tiny planes for *both*
sides!
Tom:   Or the ninja rats must be tight with the Samurai Pizza Cats...
Washu: (as Francine) Everybody heads up! Flying mice, to go!
Mike:  They had better be bats, that's all I'll say.


> Gadget, are both planes ready for flight?
>
>Gadget: Yes,  both are ready to go.
>
>Wolf:  You guys take the ranger wing and I'll ride in the plane with
the
>others until we're out of the city.
>
>Chip:  Then what?


Crow:  (as Wolf) We get even *farther* away from the city.
Mike:  (snickers)


>Zipper makes fighting movements.


Tom:   Zipper-- he's Soopa-Doopa-Fly!


>Monty:  Too right Zipper,  then we go trash those goons!
>
>Q:  You got it.
>
>Wolf: Ok, lets go get ready.


Crow:  Poopie suits on, gentlemen! To the poopie suits!


>He walks over to the floor where the elevator is and brings it up and
they
>all go down into his base.


Washu: My, all within a month's time!
Tom:   ... no, if you saw "Hang On, Batty!" you'd know it only took
Wolf a *day* to install his base. Complete with cranes!
Washu: ... right.
Mike:  Hey, you'd only been here 72 hours and you'd already set up that
lab, remember?
Washu: (blushing) Yeah, but... when I do it, it's *cute*!


>  When they get into the armory Wolf starts looking through his gear.


Crow:  (as Wolf) ... rocket launcher, lightning gun, flasks of holy
water... yup, it's all here!


>He takes out his usual arment:  a M-16 with 40mm grenade launcher on
it,
>his .45s and ammo.


Mike:  Sadly, he couldn't even lift one of the bullets.


>Wolf:  Hey Q what do you want?
>
>Q:  Well I'll be using my normal weapons for the most part, but give
me a
>MP-5 for backup.


Tom:   (as Q) That Darn Cat is goin' DOWN!!


>Wolf pulls out a MP-5 and ammo for it and hands them to Q.
>
>Wolf:  They had crossbows when we fought them today.
>
>Chip:  Why don't we get some body armor?


Washu: Maybe because it's twenty times too big for you to wear?


>Q:  Kevlar wont protect us from crossbows.
>
>Monty:  Why not?
>
>Q:  The crossbow bolts just slip between the fibers.


Crow:  (snickers) No they won't, c'mon!


>Wolf:  You're right, body armor wont do us much good. I guess we're
ready.  
>What kind of plane to you want Q?
>
>Gadget:  Golly, I didn't know you were a pilot too.


Tom:   (as Q) Oh, I'm not a pilot...


>Q:  I'm not that good compared to some of these guys but I can fly,  I
>guess I'll take a F-18.


**thump** (sound of a forehead head falling onto a keyboard)
(a figure wanders in from the left side of the screen)
Crow:  Hey, who's that?
Jack:  (takes off his hat and bows) At your service!
Mike:  Oh, hi, Jack. Washu, this is our MSTer, the Placid Jack Acid.
Tom:   What are *you* doing here, Acid?
Jack:  Honestly? I fell asleep at my keyboard.
Washu: Have a seat, Jack?
Jack:  Thanks! (sits down left of Washu) Oh, and I'm a big fan of
Tenchi...
Washu: Hai?


>Wolf:  Ok,  you've used this stuff before right?
>
>Q:  Yeah
>
>Wolf:  Ok, get airborne.


Mike:  (singing) Off we go, into the CRAPPY blue yonder... off we go,
into the CRAP!


>Q heads out to the hanger as the rest of the rangers go back upstairs
and meet
>Dale, Foxy and Tammy.


Jack:  Being none too thrilled at the prospect of hearing Tammy speak
again.


>Gadget:  You guys ready to go?


Tom:   *Hell* yeah.


>Tammy:  Yeah


Crow:  The squirrel's on our side! Yea!


>Monty:  Don't worry Tammy luv, you'll be fine, lets get you outta
here.


Washu: Monty has a rather unpredictable accent, ne?
Jack:  (snickers) I've noticed that...


>Chip:  Lets go team.


Mike:  (as Chip) But not *you*, Wolf...


>All the rangers pile into their respective aircraft, Wolf being in
with Dale
>and the others.
>
> They take off and proceed under the air cover of Q.


Crow:  Oh, they're in *good* hands now...


> Everything is going smoothly until they are about three fourths of
the way
>out of the city, when Q's urgent voice is heard over the radio.


All:   (as Q) MOMMY! WAAAAHHHH!
Jack:  (as Q) They called me names, and then, and then they broke my
jet!
Tom:   (as Q) ... and they said I was a big fat phony, *sob*!


>Q (over radio):  Bandits! Bandits!  Ten O'clock low!


Mike:  Oh good, they have plenty of time then.


>They all look in the direction the bandits are and see two rodent type
planes
>heading toward them.


Jack:  ... in a couple of tiny stealth bombers!
Washu: Prepare the miniature atomic warheads! TAKE NO CHANCES!!


> They both have Bubbles henchmen in them. They shoot a few bottle
rocket
>missiles at them. The rockets miss by far but they still concern Wolf.


Tom:   So close, and yet so far...
Mike:  And yet, Lenny Bruce is not afraid.


>Wolf:  Climb! Climb goddamn it! Q get them off our back!


Tom:   (as Wolf) Damn you, Red Baron! Damn you to *hell!*


>Both the ranger planes climb as fast as they can and the villains
follow.


Crow:  Quick! Check your anti-freeze!


>They get up to about 7000 feet when the thugs start shooting crossbows
at
>them.


Washu: (laughs) Desperate, boys?
Tom:   (as Ninja #1) Damn! I sure wish we had some more missiles!
Crow:  (as Ninja #2) Where does he get those blasted miniature
firearms!?


> Q attempts to destroy them but he soon encounter problems.


Jack:  He just *now* realizes he doesn't know how to fly a plane!?


>He takes a pass with guns and misses by quite a bit.


Bots:  (make machine gun noises) RATA-TATA-TATA-TATA-TAT!!!


>Q (over radio):  I cant hit them, they're too slow, I keep over
shooting.
>
>Wolf (into radio): Slow down and get a low angle of attack!


Bots:  BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM!!! RATA-TATA-TATA-TATA-TAT!!!


>Just then one of the arrows hit the ranger plane and stuck through the
wing.
>Although it didn't cause any problems as Gadget's aircraft were very
rugged,
>it pissed Wolf off.


Jack:  Well, better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Mike:  How true...
Bots:  KA-CHING!! RATA-TATA-TATA-TATA-TAT!!! KA-CHING, KA-CHING!!
 

>Wolf:  That's it.
>
>He undos his harness and hops into the back seat where Tammy and
Foxglove are.
>
>Wolf:  Get up front!


Washu: Oh, the back seat must be a lot safer, then.
Tom:   BAP-BAP-BAP-BAP-BAP-BAP-BAP! BA-BOOM! BA-BOOM!


>The two girls undo their harnesses and climb into the front seat. Now
that he
>has the space, he locks and loads his M-16 and aims at one of the
planes.


Tom:   RUCKA-TUCKA-TUCKA-TUCKA-TUCK!! KA-CHING!
RUCKA-TUCKA-TUCKA-TUCKA-TUCK!!
Crow:  (snickering) Okay, Tom, you can stop now...
Tom:   Hee, hee! I *love* it!


>Wolf (shouting at thugs):  You like shooting at me!? Well get a load
of this!!


Mike:  (as the Joker) Wait until they get a load of *me*!


>He lets off a spray of automatic rounds that literally shred the
ninjas and
>their plane to pieces.  The look of enjoyment on his face as he
destroyed the
>aircraft scared Tammy.


Jack:  Must be the old A1 model... M-16's haven't been fully automatic
for quite some time.
Mike:  Oh, so you know all about them, Jack?
Jack:  Yes, actually! I like to be accurate when it comes to my
weapons!
Mike:  Uh huh. And when was the last time you came across a
full-functioning, mouse-sized M-16, again?
Jack:  (blinks) ... your point is well taken.


>By now however, the other plane had gotten between the two ranger
planes and
>was close to both of them.
>
> The goons started taking shots at both planes.


Tom:   They start firing arrows, sling-shooting rocks, empty beer
bottles...
Mike:  (laughs)
Tom:   ... old road maps, trash from McDonald's drive-thru, a small
ninja...


> The wind up at this altitude threw most of the arrows off but the
thugs soon
>started to get more accurate.


Crow:  More like 'slightly less inept'...


>  Suddenly, one of their arrows hit the ranger wing very close to it's
engine.  
>Gadget gets a very concerned look on her face.
>
>Gadget:  I've got to get that arrow out or in a few seconds we'll lose
the
>engine.


Tom:   Oh, good! A *happy* ending...
Mike:  Wow, I didn't know that arrows could be *that* effective in
high-speed air combat.


>Chip:  Gadget don't go out there, its too dangerous.


Mike:  Thank you, Mr. Indiana Jones wannabe...
Jack:  Hey!
Mike:  I meant *Chip*...


>Ignoring him she unbuckles and starts crawling out on the wing while
Chip
>takes control of the plane.
> Wolf, seeing Gadget out on the wing tries to give her cover but he
sees
>that he can't fire without risking hitting her.


Mike:  Gee, that didn't bother him when he was aiming at *Tammy*...
Crow:  Well, he didn't *like* Tammy as much.


> Just then he sees Q coming around on an extra long approach so he
could hit
>the target.


Jack:  In a surprise twist, that target turns out to be *Wolf*.
Everyone else: Yay!


>Q ( over radio):  Coming in, I think I have the AOA down.


Tom:   That's what they get for going with 'Always Off Line'...
Washu: *AOA*, not AOL, Tom... 'Angle of Attack'.
Tom:   Jeeze! I knew that! I was trying to make a funny!
Washu: Try harder, then!


>Wolf:  Go get'em Q ball!!


All:   (laugh)
Crow:  Go get'em, 8-Track!
Mike:  Go get'em, Quik-E-Mart!
Tom:   Go, go, Power Rangers!
Washu: Go, go, gadget copter!
Jack:  Go-bots! Mighty Vehicles, Mighty Robots!


>Q:  Roger that, locking on with sidewinder.


All:   (laugh some more)
Washu: (shakes her head) Wow...
Mike:  Still, using missiles to solve the problem makes more sense than
the solutions they come up with in any *other* episode.
Crow:  Yeah, they could of settled Fat Cat's hash within the first
season!
Tom:   Ba-doom, BA-DOOM!! Take that, ya commie bastards!


>Suddenly Wolf realized that at this range, the blast could knock
Gadget off
>the wing.


Jack:  Oh *no*! Not one of the *likeable* characters!
Tom:   That reminds me, 'Crispy Critters'. Anyone remember that cereal?


>He desperately tried to warn Q.
>
>Wolf:  Q Hold your fire! Hold your fire!  Gadgets on th......
>
>Too late.
>
>In the strange slow motion of a crisis,


Jack:  ... unlike the *normal* slow motion of this fanfic...


>Wolf saw the missile ignite and slide off it's rails and head toward
the
>enemy's plane.


Washu: I'll never understand how a society of rodents that can develop
jet propulsion can *still* get caught in mousetraps...
Tom:   In retaliation, the mice develop a better *Mantrap*!
Mike:  Tom, shut up.


> He saw it as it vectored in on its target and when it hit it
completely
>destroyed the aircraft.


Crow:  ... spraying little bits of ninja mice everywhere, in a flash of
gore!
Jack:  I can hear Walt Disney spinning in his cryonetic chamber.


> The blast however shook both of the ranger planes violently. Gadget
was
>flung off the wing, barely missing the spinning props.


All:   NOOOOOOOOO!!!
Mike:  They killed off Gadget!
Washu: (starts sobbing) B-bastards!
Tom:   Don't get so emotional, Wash'. She's just a cartoon character!
Washu: So am I, dammit! *sob*


> It also threw Tammy, who had forgotten to put her harness back on
when she
>moved, out of the plane also and knocked Foxglove and Dale
unconscious.
> Wolf in a split second reached forward and flipped on autopilot


Mike:  (reaches up and flips imaginary autopilot switch)


>and jumped off the plane.
>
> Now he had to make a huge decision,


Crow:  ... Regular, or Extra Crispy?


>save Gadget or Tammy?


Crow:  Oh, in that case, Greasy or Extra Flaky.
Washu: Hey! Be nice...


>  What made it worse was that he only had a few moments to make the
choice,
>save a innocent victim,


Jack:  In this case, the Rescue Ranger's respectiblity.


> or his teammate and who was also the girl he.......no, he
didnt....love
>her.....did he?
>  Then he made his decision.


Tom:   ... he didn't save *either* of them!


> He knew that Gadget would want him to save Tammy first.


Washu: (as Gadget, plummeting) What do *you* knoooooooow?! *splat!*


>He maneuvered his way over to her falling form.
> After a few seconds of precise maneuvering he latched on to her and
secured
>the rescue belt he kept on his jump rig to Tammy and pulled the
ripcord.


Mike:  (as Tammy) Wow! This is just as exciting like the time I was
walking through the park and I was taking a break behind some benches when
a guy came up and he was all out of-
Tom:   -just stop right there before you hurt somebody, Nelson.


> The chute deployed and decelerated them until they were floating
toward the
>earth.


Crow:  ... and what about our dear Gadget?
Jack:  Pavement pancake, is my guess.
Washu: Well, you win some, you lose some.


> All this had taken place in about seven seconds and when Wolf looked
down
>he could see that Gadget was at about 3000 feet and still falling.


Mike:  At half a mile up wouldn't the air be too thin for mice?
Tom:   And how the hell can a battery operated prop plane get up that
high?
Mike:  There are times where smiling and nodding just simply aren't
enough!


> Wolf was looking down at Gadget when she deployed the chute she
always wore
>and  he let out a sigh of relief, he had forgotten about that.


Washu: (as Gadget) Golly! And I thought it would never come in handy!


> She seemed to be doing ok for a few seconds when her harness snapped
and
>she began falling again.


Mike:  Apparently, no one ever told Gadget that she was supposed to be
connected *to* the parachute.
Jack:  (laughs) Oh, well...


>Wolf(yelling):  Gadget no!!!


Crow:  (as Wolf, yelling) We never got to do the rubbing thing yet!


>Wolf hit the release button on his harness and he went into freefall,


Mike:  (singing) Freefalling...
Bots:  (singing backup) Free-fallin'... Yes I'm... Free-fallin'...


> leaving Tammy in the parachute.


Jack:  See? Gadget's taking Wolf out with her, so it's not *all* bad.
Washu: Yes, I feel *much* better.


> Chip pulled the ranger wing under Tammy and recovered her and then
they all
>looked down at their fellow rangers who were falling down to earth.
>
>Monty:  I sure hope Wolf has a spare chute.


Tom:   (as Monty) For Gadget's sake, ya understand...


>Chip:  He doesn't, he told me that two chutes are too bulky to wear
all the
>time.
>
>Monty:  Then why did he cut away if he didn't have a chute?


Tom:   ... because he's a knob, that's why!


>Zipper puts his hands over his eyes, he didn't want to see this.


Crow:  Ooh, ooh! We do, *we* do!


>Wolf had made a decision, he was going to save Gadget at what ever the
cost
>or die trying.
>He streamlined himself and dove after her.


Tom:   He *what*?
Washu: (sighs) He cut down on the total wind resistance on his body, so
he would fall at an overall faster rate of speed...
Tom:   You mean, like a cannonball?
Washu: More like a jackknife, or in Wolf's case, a belly 'flop'.


>  He caught up with her when they were at about 1000 feet.


Crow:  (as Wolf) Gadget, could you be a sport and cushion my landing?


> He grabbed her and used the same tactic he had back in Nimnul's lab
when
>they had rescued all the bats,


Mike:  ... cry a lot and fudge his jumpsuit!


> he flipped himself


All:   Eww!
Jack:  Neither the time nor the place for that, Wolf!


>over so he was on the bottom.


All:   EWWWW!!!
Crow:  A whole new twist on the Mile High club!
Mike and Washu: Shut up, shut UP, SHUT UP!!!


> This time however, she was facing him and she saw his the look of
extreme
>pain on his face the second they hit the ground before everything went
>black.


Jack:  Fade to Black...
Mike:  He died as he lived, absolutely two dimensional.
Washu: Oh, Gadget, we almost feel sorry for you...
Crow:  Yep. No more fanfic for her!


>Chip had dove after them but couldn't catch up.


Tom:   This is a brave, but very stupid rodent we have here.
Jack:  I think he means Chip dove the *plane* down...
Tom:   Whatever.


>When they saw them hit the ground they were all shocked.Zipper started
>crying uncontrollably.


Jack:  Zipper's disappointed, because by the time he gets down there
the other flies will have already gotten to the choice parts.
Mike:  Still, you can't beat that yummy asphalt taste!


>Monty:  I think we've lost them mates. No one could survive a fall
like
>that.


Tom:   Apparently, they never read 'Oscar Toon' before...
Crow:  (shudders) Lucky bastards!


>Chip(softly):   Not Gadget. No! She can't be dead,lets go get them!!


Mike:  So! Violence, gore, death, all things you can expect from a
children's cartoon, basically.


>Monty: Hold on Gadget luv, we're coming!!


Mike:  And we're going. (picks up Tom) See you, Jack...
Jack:  Yeah, it's time for me to wake up anyway...
(Mike, the Bots, and Washu leave the theater)
(Jack Acid exits to left side of the theater, but wanders back in)
Jack:  Uh, guys? I can't seem to wake myself up... guys?


[ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]


Crow, Tom, and Mike Nelson stood silently on the bridge in a rare
moment of meditation. After a few minutes, Gypsy wandered by and noticed the
three. Curious as she could be, she approached them.
    "Uh, are you guys okay?" she asked, hesitantly.
    "Hmmmm?" Mike was jogged out of his deep thinking. "Oh, hiya Gyps.
Yeah, we're okay. We were just wondering about the nature of today's
fanfic."
    "I usually hate myself for asking, but what do you mean?" Gypsy asked.
    A strangely dressed gentleman with an odd fedora wandered onto the
rear of the bridge, unnoticed by the crew.
    Tom piped up. "Well, it's just that we were pondering the pros and
cons of self-insertion into fan fiction, Gypsy! It's certainly common
enough in the genre. I say, if some little scamp wants to write a fic and
put himself in, let'em go right ahead! It's a free Internet."
    "And I for one say that is where you are WRONG." Crow began. "See,
that kind of mentality leads to bad fanfics, bad fanfics lead to flames,
flames lead to suffering, and suffering means I wanna put my FOOT up
someone's ASS!"
    The strange man, obviously confused with his surroundings, looked
around took off his hat, and scratched the back of his head.
    Mike cleared his throat. "See, I think that not ALL self-insertion
makes for a bad fanfic. I mean, some authors who practice it use it subtly
to enhance a fanfic, rather than be the focus of it. Quiet, gentle. Not
the kinda 'in your face' action you'd get with Wolf here, or if you
really want to go there, Oscar."
    "We didn't, Mike, thanks." Tom complained.
    Crow wasn't buying it, however. "What the hell are you talking about,
Mike? I mean, you put yourself into a story, BLAM! That's just ASKING
for an ass-kicking."
    "I don't think so! Hey, let's ask Gypsy!" Mike and the other two
robots turned to give Gypsy the soapbox.
    "All I know is that there's an intruder on the ship, and that I must
have a machoistic streak to stand around and listen to *you* guys!"
Gypsy wheeled off, shaking her odd shaped head in disbelief.
    "Man, what's with *her*?" Crow asked as they watched her exit.
    The strange man wandered into the front of the bridge, approaching the
crew. "Bridge looks a lot different from this end." was all he simply
said.
    Mike noticed the newcomer. "You still here, Jack?"
    Jack Acid laughed, and put one arm behind his head. "I cry pardon, it
seems I have a case of insomnia... only in reverse."
    Washu walked onto the bridge. "What's going on here, boys?"
    Mike jerked a thumb in Jack's direction. "Cowboy here can't seem to
get back to where he belongs."
    "Oh, dear. Well, I think Nurse Washu's got the cure!" she said
cheerfully, turning around. "Lemme just go change into my uniform-"
    "NO!" everyone, including Jack, yelled.
    "Okay, okay, sheesh." she grumbled, turning back. "I guess we can go
with a 'quickie' scientific cure. Observe." Washu produced a balloon and
quickly proceeded to inflate it and tie it closed. She gently tossed
the balloon in the air, and as it was coming down, popped it with a pin.
    >>*BAM!*<< The Placid Jack Acid winked out of existence.
    Washu put her hands on her hips and laughed. "Well, whadda know, it
actually worked!"
    Mike shook his head. "You call *that* 'scientific'? Whoa, hey, WE GOT
FANFIC SIIIIGN!!"



Plain Text Attachment [ Save to my Yahoo! Briefcase  |  Download File ]  

[ 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater]


Mike:  When we last left our heroes...
Crow:  ... we were very satisfied of the turn of events!
(they take their usual places)


>Before they could get to them however,


Tom:   ... the unholy specter of Walt Disney appeared and smited them
all into dust. The end!
Washu: (laughs) Go, Walt!


> they saw a bunch of ninjas pick up Wolf and Gadget and disappear into
a
>nearby building,


Mike:  Well, they're tidy ninjas, at least there's that...


> leaving a couple behind to stand guard.


Crow:  Fifteen of the dickweeds couldn't stop the rangers before. What
good are only two?
Tom:   No conveniently placed overhead tree branches *this* time.


> When the rangers tried to land, they opened fire and forced them to
retreat.


Washu: So much for the 'kinder, gentler' Rescue Rangers...
Crow:  Yeah, amazing what a little creative gunplay will do!
Tom:   Guys, the *Rangers* were forced to retreat because the *ninjas*
opened fire...
Crow:  Ah, I liked it better the other way around...


> They flew back up to the ranger plane, which was still hovering in
>autopilot and managed to awaken its still unconscious occupants.
>
> Sadly,they all headed back to HQ to decide what they should do.


All:   (singing) Cel...a...bra...te good times, come on!


> The flight back home was made in dead silence. After everyone was in
the
>living room Chip spoke up.


Mike:  (as Chip) Up! Up, I say!
Washu: (groan)


>Chip:  We've got to get Gadget and Wolf back.
>
>Monty:  Too right mate.


Mike:  ... don't make a wrong mate!
Tom:   *Damn* you, Nelson.


>Zipper buzzes in agreement.


Washu: Actually, he was asking if they could send out for pizza, but...


>Q(gravely):  And if they're dead?
>
>Dale:  Then we'll make them pay for what they did.


Crow:  ... and they're not accepting American Express, ladies and
gentlemen!
Tom:   Whoo-hoo! Ass-smiting time!


>Tammy (almost crying):  Two people died trying to keep me safe.
>
>Foxglove hugs Tammy to try to make her feel better.
>
>Foxy:  Now Tammy, we don't know if they're dead.


Washu: (as Foxglove) They're probably still alive and being horribly
tortured even as we speak. Feel better?


>Monty:  Well, lets go get them back mates!


Mike:  They'll match our set of *front* mates!
Tom:   Arrrgggghhh!!!


>Q:  One problem
>
>Everyone looks at him.
>
>Q:  We don't know where they are.
>
>Chip thinks on this for a moment.


Crow:  (as Chip) Maybe Donald Duck remembers Dale and me... *he* could
get us a decent job!


>Chip:  Lets go try the CooCoo Cola plant,
>
> that's where his last hide out was.


Washu: ... right next to the *Koo-ka* Cola bottling plant!


>Q: Ok, its better then nothing.


Mike:  Better than Wolf's IQ?


>Zipper buzzes something to Monty.
>
>Monty:  Your right Zipper, we cant take Tammy along.


Tom:   Yeah, she might draw gunfire, and we wouldn't want *that*...


>Q:  Ok we'll put her in Wolf's base, no one can get to her in there.
>
>Dale:  I thought only Wolf could get in there.


Washu: He *lied* to you, get over it already!
Crow:  His 'top-of-the-line' security system consists of a rusty screen
door and a couple of cinderblocks! You've been had!


>Q:  Only two other people can besides him can get in there. I'm one of
them.
>
>Monty:  Who's the other person mate?


Crow:  (as Q) His mommy.


>Q:  Don't ask, Wolf will kill me if I tell anyone, Drop it.


Mike:  And another sad attempt at a plot twist fails miseribly yet
*again*.


>Q walks over to where the elevator is.


Tom:   MAN! THE AWESOME, NAIL-BITING MADNESS THAT *IS* THIS FANFIC!!!
Washu: Servo! Relax!


>Q:  Access, Q Bravo Alpha Lima Lima


Washu: Huh? Oh, I get it, Q-B-A-L-L. Cute.
Crow:  Bravo Victor Charlie! Pull UP, fanfic! Pull UP!!


>The elevator pops out of the floor and he leads Tammy and Foxglove
down into
>the base. About ten minutes later he comes back up, alone.  


Mike:  ... and the entire base is empty, the Rangers having fled the
country.
Crow:  Man, they didn't even leave the little light bulb inside the
refrigerator!


>Q:  Ok, the two of them are safe, Foxy is looking after Tammy.


Washu: (as Q) Okay, now that they're both dead, what's next?
Tom:   Y'know, not to be a gloomy gus, again, but is locking them up in
a warehouse *full* of high-tech weaponry and explosives *really* a good
idea?
Mike:  I'd be more concerned if Q remembered to turn on the water,
heat, and air intake down there...


>Monty:  Ok mates, lets go show Bubbles a thing or two about fighting.
>
>Chip:  Rescue Rangers Away!
>
>They all get into the Ranger wing and head off to the CooCoo plant.


Mike:  Did they fly over any kind of nests, by chance?


>Both Gadget and Wolf came to at about the same time and found
themselves lying
>on the floor, hands and feet bound. After they were both awake and
sitting up,
>Wolf  looked around.


Tom:   (imitates the sound of a rusty gate door) Irrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk!


> They were in a very dark room and he couldn't see anything with his
normal
>vision so he switched to his inferred.


All:   (laugh)
Washu: He's sort of a Swiss Army Soldier-of-Fortune, isn't he?
Crow:  All-Purpose Cultural Mouse Man, Wolf!


> He saw about five guards and a large burly mouse he recognized as
Bubbles
>standing about a foot from them.


Tom:   So, they're just standing there, in the dark, doing *nuthin'*...
Mike:  (as Bubbles) Uh, line?


> After a few seconds the lights turned on and Bubbles came forward and
>started to speak.


Crow:  (as Bubbles) So, we meet again, Bond-- I mean, Gadget!


>Bubbles: Well,Well Miss Gadget, it seems you are still helpless
without your
>toys.
>
>Gadget:  Bubbles! The other rangers are going to get you!


Washu: ... and your little dog, too!


>Bubbles:  Yes yes I'm sure but not before I get my revenge on you.


Crow:  (as Bubbles) I'm gonna give you split ends! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


>Wolf:  What's the matter Bubbles, still cant fight someone who can't
fight
>back?
>
>This angered Bubbles who stepped over and kicked Wolf several times in
the
>face and abdomen.


Mike and Tom: (singing) Dis-ney... Af-ter-noon!
Crow:  And the purpose of that is...to prove that he *could* fight
someone who
couldn't fight back?



>Gadget:  Stop it!


Washu: (as Gadget) At least do me a favor and aim for his groin!


>Bubbles then walked over and grabbed Gadget by the back of her collar
and
>picked her off the ground and put a knife to her throat.


Mike:  ... and?
Tom:   He and Wolf must go shopping in the same stores...


>Bubbles:  Now Mr.Wolf, you will tell me the access codes to my ice gun
or
>I'm going to cut Miss Toymaker's throat.


Washu: (as Gadget) It's Miss Hackwrench, actually. Toymaker's a distant
cousin of mine.


>Wolf:  What makes you think I know them?
>
>Bubbles:  I took the liberty of listening in on you guys today and
heard
>that squirrel give you the codes.


Tom:   Uh, how?
Crow:  The fly. It *has* to be the fly! Damn him to *hell* for his
turncoat ways!


>Wolf thought about it for a few seconds and let out a sigh of defeat.


Mike:  And suddenly, a laser beam emitted from his nose.
Washu: Ha! Wasn't expecting *that*, *were* you, Bubbles?!


>Wolf:  2 9 6 delta tango.


Crow:  And that is today's winning lotto number! Congratulations!


>Bubbles grinned and dropped Gadget.


Mike:  ... like a bad habit.


> Luckily, the guards had not known about Wolf's claws and had tied his
hands
>in a way so that he could slice the ropes.


Washu:  ... but ended up slicing off his other hand, instead.


>After he had his hands free he discreetly freed his legs also.


Crow:   Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Gypsy Rose Wolf!


> When Bubbles turned around to get something from one of the guards,
Wolf
>sprang up and lunged at him, claws first.


Tom:   Mike, did I fall asleep or is this really an action scene?
Mike:  No, (laughs) uh, I believe this actually *is* an action scene!


>Wolf's claws had managed to slice slightly into Bubbles arms when Wolf
was
>hit in the right shoulder with a crossbow bolt.


Tom:   It sucks, Mike. The action scene sucks on toast.
Mike:  I know, Servo, I know.


> The force of the bolt drove him back and the arrow impaled his
shoulder
>right into the wall, hanging him so his feet were off the ground.
Gadget let
>out a scream.


Washu: (as Gadget) Squeeeeeak!
Everyone else: (groans)


> Bubbles, enraged further by his injuries, pulled Wolf off the wall
and
>started kicking him extremely hard all over.
>
>All Gadget could do was close her eyes and ignore Wolf's grunts of
pain.


Washu: (as Gadget) Does he really have to keep squealing like a pig?


>Bubbles stopped after about three minutes of this and amazingly, Wolf
was
>still awake.
>
>Bubbles turned to Gadget.


Tom:   (imitates the sound of a rusty gate door) Irrrrrrrrrrrrrk...


>Bubbles:  Now then, I can finally get my revenge on you.


Crow:  (as Bubbles) I'm gonna make you watch a 'Full House' marathon!
Washu: (as Gadget) Nooooooo!!!


>Bubbles snapped his fingers and the guards picked her and Wolf up and
>carried them into a room. They threw them into a glass box suspended
above
>large tank of water. Bubbles loomed over them on the platform above.
>
>Bubbles:  Now, my revenge will be knowing you had a long slow death.


Washu: My Goddess, he's going to make them read this fanfic all over
again!
Mike:  That's *sick*!


> I am going to close this box and lower you into my little swimming
pool and
>use the ice gun to freeze all the water around you.


Tom:   Sweet Mother of Gandhi! JUST *SHOOT* THEM, NOW!!
Crow:  (as Bubbles) Yes, I figure this will do you in, provided that
your friends don't rescue you like they usually do from *all* the *other*
similar deathtraps...


> You should freeze to death in about an hour and even if someone finds
you
>they will never be able to get through all that ice in time.
(chuckles) I
>invite you to try and get out.
>
>With that he tosses in all of Wolf's weaponry.


Washu: ... and his favorite squeaky toy.


>Bubbles:  Any last words?


Crow:  (as Wolf) Sure!
Tom:   (as Wolf) Ummmmm... duh?
Mike:  (as Wolf) MOMMY!! WAAAAAAAAH!!


>When neither say anything he shuts the box and lowers them into the
pool.


Washu: (as Gadget) Wait! Come back! I just thought of something
meaningful to say!!


> Then one of the guards hands him an odd looking gun and he fires at
the
>pool. When the sky blue beam hits the water, it instantly freezes.


Washu: Boy, that brings me back...
Tom:   Okay, stop the fanfic!
Washu: Tom?
Tom:   All right, let's review the story so far. Apparently, mice have
developed the technology to fly tiny jet aircraft at supersonic speeds,
build miniature firearms, and use small lighters to burn things, right?
Mike:  According to the author, yes.
Tom:   So... WHERE THE HELL DID THE FREAKING TINY ICE GUN COME FROM?
The mice, RIGHT!? I mean, why would humans build something that size they
couldn't even USE it?! Do you know what this means?! My GOD, the mice
may invade at any time, and WE'RE STILL SITTING HERE!! TO ARMS, I SAY,
*TO ARMS*!!! (hops out of seat and rushes for theater exit)
(silence for a moment)
Washu: (coughs)
Crow:  Well! Moving right along...


>Gadget feels the drop in tempature immediately but Wolf is still
barely
>conscious. They see him laugh and walk away, his ninjas following him.


Washu: Wolf's outside the box, with the ninjas?
Crow:  Whoa! Gadget's been had!
Mike:  (singing) I've seen them turn their heads and quickly walk
away...


> Gadget looks over at Wolf who looks absolutely terrible.


Mike:  ... and pretty beat up, too.
Washu: (laughs)


> He is propped up on his right arm to keep the arrow from hitting the
floor
>and moving inside his shoulder.


Crow:  Still, this guy has nothing on Boromir of Gondor, though.
Mike:  So true.


> His clothes are all torn up and she can see his jet black fur marred
with
>crimson streaks coming from several deep cuts. One of his eyes is
swollen
>shut and his mouth is coated with blood.


Washu: And Wolf's experiment in using flesh-eating bacteria for
after-shave came to a close.


> His breathing seems to be labored and he winces with every breath.


Crow:  He's not wincing! He's simply trying to remember how to breathe!


> She gets up and sat down next to him.


Mike:  Present and past tense together do not a sentence make...


> She takes out a rag and begins to try and stop the bleeding and wipe
some of
>the blood off his face and chest. Wolf looks around slowly and then he
looks
>up at her.


Crow:  (singing) The girl with Kaleidoscope eyes!


>Wolf ( gasping breath, bearly audible):
Gadget....syrenge.....coat.....
>
>Gadget:   You want me to get a syringe out of your coat.
>
>Wolf forces a painful nod and she starts rummaging through his coat.


Washu: (as Gadget) Wallet... where's his stupid wallet!?


>After a minute she finds a medium sized syringe that already has been
filled
>with something. She takes the cover off the needle and injects the
contents
>into Wolf's arm.


Crow:  You know, this is a lousy remake of 'The Basketball Diaries'.
Tom:   (from the floor) Uh, guys? I... can't get past the air grate.
Mike:  I know, Servo. (stands up, picks Tom off the floor, and places
him back in his seat)
Tom:   Thanks, Mike.
Mike:  Sure. Anytime.


>  After about two minutes his breathing becomes stronger and he can
now talk
>clearly.


Washu: A true first!


>Wolf:   Thanks, I needed that.
>
>Gadget:  Golly, your doing a lot better, what was in that?


Crow:  (as Wolf) Viagra.
Mike:  (imitates a rim shot) Ba bum-bum, CHING!


>Wolf:  A mixture of adrenaline, painkillers, and stimulants. Comes in
handy
>but it doesn't last forever.


Mike:  I suddenly have the urge to play 'Doom'...
Tom:   Me too! I wonder why?


>Gadget:   Bubbles froze us in here and its getting colder by the
second. I
>don't think we have too long before we freeze.
>
>Wolf looks around and then at himself.


Crow:  (as Wolf, trying to think) What would *I* do in a situation like
this?
Washu: Try dying!


>Wolf:   I'm too messed up to be of any use, can you think of anything.
>
>Gadget:  Maybe we could use your weapons and explosives to get out.


Mike:  Hell, use the damn lighter she gave you!
Tom:   Knob!


>Wolf:  That wont work,I think that's why Bubbles threw that stuff in
here.
>If we try to use it it'll kill us. If the explosion doesn't the blast
gases
>will.
>
>Gadget (grimly): Then I guess we're trapped.
>
>Wolf:  Yeah, I'm sorry theres just nothing I can think of.


Crow:  (as Wolf) Besides socks. I like socks! Aren't they NEAT?


>Gadget just nods in response. Wolf drags himself to a corner and lays
back
>on it but when he does, the arrow is jabbed, causing him to grunt.
>
> He reaches back and breaks the tip of the arrow off on both sides.


All:   (laugh)
Mike:  Well, at least he can put a shirt on, now...


> Then he lays back and begins to check himself out.


Crow:  (as Wolf) Wow, I am *so* sexy...


> He takes off his coat and shirt and uses his knife to cut his shirt
up and
>he uses them to bandage his wounds and clean the blood off of him.


Mike:  First time he took off his coat since Operation Desert Storm.
Can you imagine the grease built up on him?
Washu: Bloodstains? Try Era plus.


> By now the tempeture has dropped to about twenty degrees and Wolf
quickly
>puts his coat back on. Gadget comes over and huddles next to him.


Tom:   My, how I long for his death...
Washu: Bitter, Servo?
Tom:   Damn tootin'!


>He notices how much she is shivering and he opens his coat and wraps
the
>side of it around her to help keep her warm. She quickly cuddles
against his
>body to keep warm.


Mike:  So, the *greater* of the two evils, then...
Crow:  Yeah, if the cold doesn't kill her, the smell probably will.


>Wolf: I just hope Q and the rest of the rangers will get here in time.
>
>Gadget:  Do you think they will be able to get us out?
>
>Wolf:  They'll figure something out, don't worry.


Mike:  Dick Tracy. James Bond. Flash Gordon. *Wolf*.
Washu: (laughs)


>Now the tempeture is around zero and the two trapped mice start to
feel
>themselves slowly slip into unconsciousness. Gadget then remembered
>something.
>
>Gadget:  How did you know about Bubbles? Have you met up with him
before?


Crow:  (as Wolf) Yes, I remember Mr. Bubbles. We met in a bathtub long,
long ago...


>Wolf's face fell at the question. He didn't want to tell her but she
did
>have the right to know if she didn't know already. He looked at the
floor as
>he began to explain.


Tom:   (as Wolf) Hello again, floor. It's me, Wolf...


>Wolf:  Gadget, do you know how your father died?
>
>This question brought many sad feelings and memories back into Gadgets
mind.
>
>Gadget:  No, They just showed up at the door and told me he had been
killed.


Washu: (as Gadget) Then they said there *wasn't* a Santa Claus!
WAAAAH!!!


>Wolf:  They didn't tell you how.
>
>Gadget:  No, I asked but they said they didn't know.


Tom:   ... they said it was too dicey to explain in a Disney Cartoon.


>Wolf let out a long sigh as he now had to tell her something that
could hurt
>her.


Crow:  (as Wolf, as Darth Vader) *I* am your father, Gadget...


>Wolf:  Did you know that your father was on a mission to fly with
several
>other planes to bring in medical supplies and food to a village that
>had been burned down?
>
>Gadget:  Yes


Mike:  Incoming flashback!
Washu: Are we to infer this village is in one of those third world
loser nations?


>Wolf:  I was hired by the relief organization along with several other
>mercs, to protect the supply planes.


All:   We... are... THE SKY KINGS!


> This was shortly after I acquired my claws and all so I was still
getting
>used to them.


Crow:  (as Wolf) Even *I* couldn't explain the reason why I had them.


> We were about halfway across the jungle we had to cross when they
came at
>us with at least ten fighters.


Mike:  Hot Shots!
Tom:   Father Goose!
Washu: Gundum Wing!


> I didn't have my jet with me so I was flying in a Ultraflight
>fighter, it was a good plane but their sheer numbers made it a
>no win fight for us.


Crow and Washu: (hum theme to 'Black Sheep Squadron')
Mike:  Of course with Wolf, it was a no-win no matter what, but this
way he looks noble.
Tom:   Rata-rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-ta!!! KaPING!!


> I lost some good friends that day.


Washu: (as Wolf) Shot most of them down myself, come to think of it...
Tom:   Pa-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow!!!!


> They shot all the planes down and we crash landed.


Tom:   Eeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooowwwwwwww!!! BABOOOM!
Fwish!
Mike:  (imitating a muted trumpet) Wahh, wahh, wahhh...
Crow:  ... and then, the only sound in the jungle was Wolf, wetting his
pants.
Washu: (laughs)


> I managed to escape capture by playing dead


Washu: (laughs) Well, easy enough for Wolf...
Tom:   ... he just acts natural, only he doesn't talk as much!


> but all the relief people who had survived, including your father
were
>captured. I followed them to their camp and snuck in at night and
talked to
>Geegaw.


Crow:  Much to Geegaw's utter dismay.
Tom:   (as Geegaw) Go away! I don't *like* you!!


> We planned an escape, it was risky but we had no other choice.


Mike:  Odd, I thought self-inserted characters could do anything they
damn well wanted.
Washu: What a refreshing idea!


>Listening to this story was making Gadget


Tom:   ... fall fast asleep.


> tremble, Wolf had actually known her father.


Crow:  ... and worse, her mother.
Washu: (shocked) You don't mean... Are you implying...?
Tom:   Too late, we did already! Wake up, Wash'!!


>Wolf: Anyway, we opened the cell where they were being kept and I was
>leading them to safety when we were spotted.


Mike:  Wolf strikes me as the kind of guy that thinks he's hiding
simply by covering his eyes.
Tom:   (snickering) I see him in the middle of the camp, out in the
open...
Crow:  ... giggling hysterically, thinking that there's *no* way they
could find him...
Tom:   ... and meanwhile, the guards leave him alone, mostly out of
pity.
Washu: (giggling) We are *so* mean to this guy!


> Geegaw made a run right back into the camp to stall the guards while
I got
>the rest of them out. After about five hours, when they were safe, I
went
>back to the camp to try to rescue your father.
>
>Gadget began to cry, for she knew what was coming next.


Washu: (as Gadget, sobbing) HE'S GONNA TALK SOME MORE!! WAHHHH!!!


>Wolf:  By the time I got there though, they had tied him to a stake
and then
>I saw him.  Their leader Bubbles, was screaming how he had ruined his
plans
>and how he was going to make him pay.


Tom:   Then Bubbles ate a bulb of garlic, and *breathed* Geehaw to
death!
Crow:  Evil, cunning bastard!


> He took a  cross bow from one of his men and shot your father. He
died
>saving the rest of us, if he hadn't stalled them, none of us would
have
>gotten away.


Crow:  In effect, Gadget's dad is responsible for this entire fanfic.

 
>I managed to recover his body and return home with it so he could have
a
>proper buriel.Your father was a very brave man.


Mike:  (as Wolf) Stupid, but brave.
Tom:   Buriel ... wasn't that one of the angels in Evangelion?


>Gadget was now sobbing uncontrollably


Washu: (as Gadget) Oh gods, shut up, shut UP, SHUT UP!!!


>Gadget(sobbing):  Thank you for telling me, I never knew.
>
>Gadget had used all her remaining strength listening to the story. She
began
>to black out and go limp.


Washu: Wow, she knows our pain, guys!


>Wolf's strength had been used up telling the story and now the
medications
>were fading and he too blacked out. The last thought on his mind
before
>everything went dark was,


Crow:  (as Wolf) Duuuuuuh...


> Q don't let us down.


Tom:   (as Wolf) Let us *up* for a change!


>  Chip set the ranger wing down on the roof of the CooCoo cola plant.


Mike:  ... in a flaming heap of wreckage.
Washu: Yup, just set 'er down anywhere, Chip!


> Q hopped out and secured the area.
>
> After Q didn't see anything, all the rangers entered the plant and
began
>searching for their lost comrades.


Tom:   The United Soviet Socialist Rangers.
Crow:  Nyet!


> After ten minutes of searching they found a terrible sight,


Mike:  ... for Wolf had somehow managed to survive.
Tom:   *Damn* it all! Is there NOTHING that can kill him?!


> Wolf and Gadget frozen in a glass box in a block of ice about four
feet
>thick on each side. To top it off, both of them were stone still.
>
>Chip:  Gadget!!


Crow:  (as Chip) ... oh, and Wolf, too, I guess.
Washu: It took them ten minutes to find a giant eight-foot ice block
that was sitting on the middle of the floor?


>Dale:  We've got to get them out of there!
>
>Monty:  Blimy!! How are we going to get through all that ice?


Tom:   Quick! Get a giant glass of Canadian Dry Gingerale!


>Q:  Stand Back!
>
>He pulled out one his ninja stars and threw it at the block of ice.


Washu: The low budget Ninja Gadien, Q.
Mike:  'Q' as in, 'Quirky'...


>  It exploded and threw ice everywhere but when the smoke cleared it
had
>only penetrated about and inch.


Crow:  Well, shoot, if they're all the size of mice, an inch is a lot,
isn't it?


>Q:  This ain't going to work, I don't have enough stars.
>
>Zipper buzzes franticly.


Tom:   (as Zipper) I can't find 'the little fly room', and I *really*
gotta go!


>Monty:  I don't know how we're going to get them out Zip.
>
>Chip looked around to find something to free his friends. He had
looked
>everywhere and was starting to get desperate when he looked up he saw
the
>giant crane that the plant used to move the huge tanks of ingredients.
>
>Chip:  Come on! we'll use that crane.


Washu: (as Chip) Over there, by the plot contrivance section!


>They all followed him up to the control panel and working together,
managed
>to grab and lift the ice about fifteen feet in the air.
>
>Monty:  Now what Chip me lad?
>
>Chip: Now we drop them, it should shatter the ice.


Mike:  (as Chip) ... and kill them and possibly us in process. Ready?


>He jumps on the release button and the block falls and shatters with a
load
>bang. In the center of all the fragments lay Wolf and Gadget, still
trapped
>in the box. They all scramble back down to the box but when they try
to open
>the lid, it wont budge.
>
>Q:  We don't have time for this.


Crow:  I agree. (gets up to leave)
Mike:  (laughs) Sit down, Crow...


>He took his MP-5 and fired a long spray down the length of the side,
>shattering it.


Tom:   ... spraying the interior with *really* sharp glass.
Washu: Now I know why Q and Wolf understand each other so well.


>When they went inside, the sight that they saw stunned them.


Mike:  (as Chip) Hey, Batman's in there! We must have come across the
wrong deathtrap, guys!


>  Wolf was slumped against the wall with Gadget huddled against him.


Crow:  She's getting ready to hollow him out and crawl inside to keep
warm.


> Wolf was covered with makeshift bandages that were soaked with blood.
He
>had a arrow shaft sticking through his shoulder and his eye was very
>swollen.


Washu: But, didn't he shove the arrow in, and break off the ends?
Tom:   What, you expect *continuity* this far along in the fanfic?


> Monty and Chip rushed up and took Gadget out of the box and checked
her
>over.
>
>Monty:  She'll be ok mate, she just needs to be warmed up.


Crow:  Quick! Everybody take off your clothes and rub against her!
Mike:  Crow...
Washu: Well, actually that *would* generate enough heat to... oh Crow,
yuck!


>Then Q and Dale carried Wolf out and Monty looked over him. His face
was
>grim when he finished.


Tom:   But what I want to know is, (singing) Will the Wolf survive?


>Monty:  He's alive, but just barely, his pulse is irregular, and he
has lost
>a lot of blood. I don't know if he's going to make it mates. We need
to get
>him and Gadget to the Hospital and fast.


Crow:  ... and a hilarious 'getting them to the hospital and fast'
scene plays out.


>The Chip and Monty carried Gadget to the ranger wing while Q and Dale
took
>Wolf.


Washu: The Chip. Is that anything like 'The Fonz'?
Tom:   (as Chip as the Fonz) Rescue Rangers! 'eeeeeeeeey!


> Zipper scouted ahead to make sure there wasn't an ambush. After they
>were all in the ranger wing, they flew straight to the hospital.


Mike:  They flew straight *into* the hospital, in fact.
Washu: Probably shouldn't have let Wolf fly when he's unconscious.
Crow:  I *thought* he was flying better than usual!


> When they got  there, they picked up there injured friends and as
they
>rushed to the doors Chip was carrying Gadget while Dale and Monty took
Wolf.
>They burst into the ER.


Tom:   Chicago-munk *Hope*...
Crow:  (snickers) Hey, I think I see George Clooney over there!
Mike:  No, that's Batman!
Washu: (laughs)


>Chip:  Get us a doctor over here!


Mike:  (as Chip) But take your time! Please, don't hurry on *our*
account!


>Doctor Smith happened to be on duty and he rushed over to them.  He
looked
>over Gadget and turned to several waiting nurses.
>
>Smith:  Get her in to a hypothermia treatment room quickly.


Tom:   Are you implying that Gadget's a little frigid?
Washu: (shakes head, sighing) Lame.


>The nurses  take Gadget into a nearby room.
>
> Then Smith takes one look at Wolf.


Crow:  ... and loses his lunch.


>Smith:  My god what happened to him? Nurse, get him into surgery stat
and
>get a trauma team down here!!


Washu: ... the surgery's for Wolf, and I'm guessing the trauma team
must be for the Rangers.
Mike:  Oh, I already *know* this fanfic's gonna leave some lasting
scars on *me*...


>As several nurses came with a gurney to wheel him to the OR, the
rangers
>helped load him onto it.


Tom:   They helped the nurses load the *load*.
Crow:  (chuckles)


>They followed him into the OR and Smith didn't have the heart to make
them
>leave.


Mike:  (as Smith) Look, all I'm having him do is fill out paperwork! Go
sit down over there!


> He knew Wolf had a good chance of dying even with his healing factor.
>He went to work on trying to save him.


Washu: ... with, oddly enough, mayonnaise.


> After about half and hour of frantic working he managed to stabilize
him
>somewhat and he went over to the rangers to tell them what he knew
about
>their friend's condition.


Crow:  (as Smith) He's totally brain-dead.
Mike:  (as Chip) Yeah, so what *else* is new...


>Smith:   I don't know if he is going to make it, he is in very bad
shape.
>
>Dale:  What's wrong with him.


All:   (laugh)
Mike:  Oh, *this* may take awhile...
Tom:   (as Smith) Should I start from the beginning? His records only
go back twenty years...


>Smith:   He's lost a lot of blood, internal bleeding, his organs are
>damaged, he has a severe concussion, major trauma to the abdomen and