Megane 6.7 Presents.... A Dot Every T Production.... "A LITTLE CHANGE OF PLANS" (A Ranma 1/2/Neon Genesis Evangelion Crossover) MSTed by: Ammadeau Fido Lerche Megane 6.7 Richard Beaubien Zoogz Ranma 1/2 is owned by Rumiko Takahashi and all the distributors of her work. Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by Gainax and all the distributors of their work. This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. "A Little Change of Pace" was written by Wishbringer and is used with his permission and our gratitude. **** SATELLITE OF LOVE "Crow, it's Tom's turn...." "No, not yet! I've almost home!!" Crow exclaimed, looking feral and foaming as he repeatedly popped the pop-o-matic bubble. *pop pop* "Come on, give me a three! *pop pop* Three, damn you!! *pop pop* THREE!!! *pop pop* Okay, game... okay... I'm sorry I yelled at you. Just PLEASE give me a three, okay? *pop pop* A three, not a four! *pop pop* NO... NOT A SIX, A THREE! *pop pop* T! H! R! E! E! *pop pop* Oh, for the love of pete! *pop pop* JUST GIVE ME A FRIGGING THREE ALREADY, YOU $%#!%#$! GAME FROM HELL!!!" "Language, Crow." Joel admonished. "Give it up, Manroe, you've been trying for over an hour now. It's my turn!" Tom remarked as he nodded to Joel, who gave the pop-o-matic bubble a press for him. "Hey, I got a three! I'm home! That means I win! Woo hoo!" he exclaimed happily. Crow could only stare wordlessly at the pop-o-matic bubble for a long moment before slowly getting up and leaving the room. "Well, he took that better than I expected...." Joel suddenly trailed off as a large beeping sound made its presence known. The roar of an industrial engine was all the warning Joel needed as he scooped Tom up and fled for safer ground while Crow calmly guided a post driver over the "Trouble" board. A look of pure bliss washed over his face as he flipped a switch and watched the pound mash the offending bubble and other game pieces into a fine paste before the force of the pounder drove the 'Trouble' board completely through the floor, making a sizable hole. Joel and Tom could only stare at Crow in shock as he raised his arms in triumph while the music of Jimmy Hendrix's "Voodoo Child" abruptly began playing throughout the ship. Then Joel noticed the red light flashing on the console and hesitantly gave it a press. **** DEEP 13 Dr. Clayton Forrester glared at the viewscreen as it came to life, displaying the bridge of the Satellite of Love and the trio he loathed best. "Grimley, Mody and Nelson! Front and center!" Joel seemed to have trouble taking his eyes off the floor as he replied. "Oh, hey sirs. What's up?" "My ire! And if you don't want to be up a creek, you'll give me your FULL and UNDIVIDED attention while I show you why pain is a four letter word! Observe!" The camera panned over to Frank, dressed like a college student and sitting on a wooden bench next to a bus stop sign. He wore a pair of jumbo headphones attached to a walkman, his head bobbing at a steady pace and his hands occasionally imitating a drummer's movement as eighties music was heard faintly through the headphones. Dr. Forrester sat down next to him and looked into the camera before continuing. "Ah, walkmans... the perfect escape from the tedium of a long stinky bus ride... and the perfect opportunity for the disillusioned, bitter student to have some fun while hurting others to pay off society's debt. Now, thanks to this little beauty...." Dr. Forrester opened his palm to reveal a small remote control with several buttons on it. "...I can give any walkman wearing punk within fifty yards an earful of anxiety. Just watch...." Dr. Forrester pressed a button on the remote and Frank abruptly frowned and began tapping the right side of his headphones as if it had gone off. Dr. Forrester waited a few seconds before pushing the same button again. Frank looked confused for a moment and then shrugged as the headphones apparently went back to normal. Then Dr. Forrester pushed another button, and Frank began tapping the left side of his headphones while checking the wire connection to his walkman. Dr. Forrester giggled as he pushed both buttons repeatedly, irritating Frank to no end. "This little baby will liven up any traffic delayed, public transit trip as you watch your fellow passengers slowly go mad from your tampering of their private little world. And if you REALLY want to be sadistic, you can even control their volume...." "YAHHHHHHHHH!?!" Frank screamed as he yanked the headphones off his head and clutched his ears in pain. Dr. Forrester giggled evily as he remarked. "What do you think, Joel?" **** SATELLITE OF LOVE "I'm guessing you didn't have enough love as a child, sir." Joel remarked as he gestured at the counter where a bowl of popcorn seeds rested. "Now, my invention this week was originally going to be hull-less popcorn for everyone that loves the taste of popcorn but can't stand getting the shells stuck in their teeth." "Oh yeah, I hate that!" Crow exclaimed. "Me too!" Tom nodded. "Uh, but you guys don't have any teeth...." Joel pointed out. "Hey, we're trying to sell your product here! Play along!" Crow retorted. "Oh, okay. Anyway, I found out someone already invented it...." "D'oh!" The bots exclaimed. "So I went back to the drawing board and asked myself what else makes popcorn fun?" "Uh, butter?" Crow guessed. "A fun movie?" Tom also guessed. "No, you spinach chins! Popping! That's why I invented the first hull-less popcorn that actually pops inside your mouth! Just put the seeds on your tongue and brace yourself for an explosive taste!" "Uh, wouldn't you need to coat your tongue in oil for that to work?" Dr. Forrester inquired from the viewscreen, a skeptical look on his face. "Nope, this popcorn is chemically activated by your saliva acids! It pops in your mouth, not in a popper!" "Yeah, it's like having an M-80 on the tip of your tongue!" Crow exclaimed. "And it comes in multiple flavors for that extra rush!" Tom added. "I've decided to call it Molotov Popcorn! What do you think, sirs!" Joel asked with a smile. **** DEEP 13 "I think... it's a fantastic invention!" Dr. Forrester replied. "R-really? You really like it?" Joel was pleasantly surprised to say the least. "Yes, why just think of all the possible choking hazards for spoiled little brats who's parents were too lazy to supervise them! Or the potential for assassinations! Who'd ever suspect murder by popcorn?" Dr. Forrester finished with a wry grin. Joel's shoulders slumped and his face fell. "Aw, do you always have to make everything evil? Would it kill you to see the positive aspects of something just once?" he pleaded. Dr. Forrester frowned and was about to give a sarcastic reply when a thoughtful look passed over his features and the smile returned. "All right, Joel, I'll play it your way this once. I'm going to describe for you now the POSITIVE aspects of this week's experiment." "Oh joy." Crow muttered. "This ought to be rich." Tom remarked. "Your experiment this week is a BOLD and DARING attempt to merge two anime series together into a epic crossover fanfic. The story features the strong lead character of Ranma Saotome and his often criticized but well meaning father, Genma Saotome placed into the diverse universe of Neon Genesis Evangelion. It contains important issues such as the love and understanding between a father and his son, the budding of a relationship between two people in love, and how the Second Impact would change their lives forever...." Joel and the bots blinked in surprise. "Wow, that actually sounds pretty good!" "Hey, as long as Leonardo Decrapio isn't in it, I'm game." Tom replied. Dr. Forrester chuckled to himself. "Very well, ship of fools, it's time to experience the prologue of the touching drama 'A Little Change Of Plans'.... "Only the prologue? Awwww...." Joel pouted. "Now, now, you can't enjoy something like this all at once! It must be SAVORED... send em' the fanfic, Frank." "Huh? You say something?" Frank replied, still a little disoriented from having his eardrums rattled. Dr. Forrester sighed and pointed towards the file cabinet, clueing Frank in as he stumbled over in that direction. **** SATELLITE OF LOVE Joel and the bots talked excitedly among themselves about the fanfic when alarms rang and sirens blared. "OHHH, WE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" Joel cried out. [5] [4] [3] [2] [1] >Wednesday, April 11, 2001 >First Release >By: Wishbringer >Wishbringer50@hotmail.com Joel: You'd think a wishbringer could conquer up a private e-mail account.... Tom: Results of experiment... Inconclusive... Commencing second batch of tests.... >Disclaimer: Anou..... I'm thinkin about it! >Ranma 1/2 is owned by Rumiko Takashi and Shogakukan >Shin Seiki Evangelion is owned by Gainax Tom: Why is he using the English version of the name for Ranma but the Japanese for NGE? Crow: Hello. My name is Rumiko Takahashi. You misspelt my name. Prepare to die. >Other stories can be found at: >http://tannim.anifics.com/index.html >http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/KasumiandRanma >http://www.fanfiction.net Joel: And now a word from our sponsors. Tom: It looks like the author thinks we're a good couple, Ranma! Joel: Oh my! >A Little Change Of Plans >Prologue >------------------------------------------------- >CAPTION 1: A little change of plans. >CAPTION 2: A little twist. >--------------------------------------------------- Crow: Caption 1 will be subbed by Neal Nadelmen while Caption 2 will be handled by Carl Macek... Joel: This fic closed captioned for the reading impaired. >May, 10, 2000, 5:00 AM Tom: Mulder still missing. Scully still horny. Film at eleven. >The hospital was a busy place on that day, as one Saotome Nodoka, the >partridge of the Saotome Family, was in labor. Joel: Why, they had her cleaning the dishes, taking the trash out, mopping the floor, and even folding the linen! Tom: A woman as the head of the Labor party? Fic is OOC right from the start! >She had been in labor for several hours now, and it was not a comfortable >experience. She, of course, had only, but one person to blame. Crow: DAMN YOU, SOUN! YOU SAID YOU WERE SNIPPED!! Joel: I just had to refuse the drugs and go for natural child birth, baka ne! >"GENMA!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS ALL YOUR GODDAMN FAULT!!!!!!!" Tom: sign 'I'm just a horny panda!' Crow: I know! I'm passing out the cigars now! Ain't it great? >Of course, the person of said blame, Saotome Genma, was sweating >bullets in the corner of the delivery room. Joel: So Genma is the one that's pregnant? I'm starting to get confused here. Tom: Who knew that when she meant prophylactics that she meant for me to wear a condom? >He knew it was a bad ides to come visiting his wife during his >training trip with Ranma, but he was so damn horny! Tom: Great horny toads! Crow: Meesa horny. Joel: Funny, I thought he RAN OFF to go on this training trip and Nodoka didn't want him to go. Why the heck would she consent to lustful sex? Crow: Maybe the fine print of the seppuku agreement mentioned yearly conjugal visits? >He'd be damned to soil his loins upon some silly whore than his own wife, >so he took a little detour back home with Ranma in tow, and got that out of >his system. Tom: Oh, come on fic, if Genma had the sex drive greater than a garden slug, he would have never left home! Crow: And that's how you make love to a woman, son. I hope you took notes. Joel: Why was she yawning so much, Pops? Crow: That was the best 30 seconds of my life, Thanks Nodoka! >UNFORTUNATELY, for him, he couldn't leave as soon as he would >like, as he allowed himself to get comfortable living with her again, she >got pregnant, and he got stuck again! Tom: Genma, the man who has escaped from responsibility time and time again in a flash couldn't find a way out for nine months? I think this fic is deliberately attacking my suspension of disbelief.... >Life was so cruel! Joel: Bowl of Cherries, my ass! You suck, Erma Bombeck! Crow: Always look on the bright side of life! Tom: And Genma is just a victim of circumstance. Riiiight. >And his son, the damned fem-boy was happy to be with his mother! >Damnit all, the point of the trip was to keep her influence off of him! Crow: I swear, if Ranma gets so much as one Nodoka cootie, I'll....! >There had to be a way to get him and Ranma out of this mess! Joel: I know! I'll get Fran Drescher to be Ranma's nanny! Then Nodoka will throw me out for sure! >Ranma, meanwhile, was watching as he awaited the birth of his new >brother or sister. Crow: Wow, Mom, it's supposed to come out of *there*? >He had, of course been happy to see his mother after 9 years of separation >and was happier at the prospect of having a new member of his family >added to give his miserable father a reason to stick around. Crow: Did I mention I hate Genma yet? Well, I hate Genma. Tom: Yoo-hoo, Ranma... this is the SAME MAN who kept selling you off for FOOD. I bet responsibility is the last thing he wants! Crow: Looks like someone else hates Genma too. Tom: Bite me! >"Come on Saotome-san, one more push!" Tom: Come on, Saotome-san! We're only inches from scoring the winning touchdown. Go for broke! On two..Hut one..Hut two... hut hut hut.... Joel: But I'm on my tea break! Crow: One wonders why the author bothered to include a disclaimer for NGE at this rate... >"GENMA, YOU'RE DEAD! DO YOU HEAR ME? >DEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tom: Oh son, we gotta go! Ahh... another training trip! C'mon, quickly quickly!! Joel: Nodoka Saotome *IS* Irene Ryan *IN* The Beverly Saotomes! >After that final contraction, a slap was resounded, a cry was heard, >and Ranma, upon seeing the bloody pile of flesh, promptly passed out. Crow: That's what you get when you hire a stirfry chef as a doctor. Joel: Look, dear! The bloody pile of flesh has your eyes! >"Congratulations, Nodoka-san! It's a healthy baby girl! Joel: Yoink! Tom: Hey! Give that back! Don't you DARE go on another trip! HEEEEEYYYYY!! >The child was cleaned and delivered wrapped in hospital wraps to Nodoka, >her anger promptly forgotten, and Genma egged closer, reasons for leaving >forgotten, as he looked upon his new daughter. Crow: *SPLAT* Joel: Bullseye! One yoke right between the eyes! Tom: Meanwhile, the doctor sewed together many clauses, using commas for stitches, as the words strung out longer and longer, but everyone was afraid to amputate, as a monster was created, then the.... >He allowed himself a proud, fatherly smile. Crow: ...closely followed by a loud bellow detailing his being a god and creator of life.... >"No-chan, what shall we call this bundle of joy?" Tom: Parasite? Crow: Cash eater? Joel: Early morning alarm system? >"How about, Midori?" >"Wouldn't you say that's a little bland? She's a Saotome! She needs an >intimidating name! Crow: Okay, how about Crotch Crippler? Tom: Oh, and like the name Ranma strikes fear into the hearts of millions. Joel: I thought we were calling it "Mr. Panda" and "Little Samurai".... >"Shoooooryuuuuuu ......" slurred Ranma, as he regained consciousness. Tom: ...KEN! Crow: No, that's not how you do it...You have to throw your hips into the attack. Now with me, KORYUKEN!!! Joel: Man, that was some good dope. >"Shoryuu...... that's perfect!" Nodoka's smile showed nothing but >motherly love as she looked upon her little bundle. "Your name shall be..... >Saotome Asuka Shoryuu!" Crow: Despite the fact that Japanese don't have middle names. Joel: At least till she changes it for show business. Tom: You realize that in English, her initials would be A.S.S? >The baby gurgled in what appeared to be delight. Crow: No, that was gas. Tom: Thhbt! >"You like that name, ne Asuka-chan?" Joel: Well, it beats being called Moon Unit. >And the sounds, and incoherent chatter of happiness as the Saotome >clan grew by one. Tom: It's the circle... the circle of life! Crow: Nodoka gave birth to a grasshopper?!? Euaggh! >September, 7, 2000 Tom: Ahh, the day of the torrential comma floods... they got into EVERYTHING! Crow: Dear Diary: No TV and no beer make homer go crazy.... >Genma looked out upon the ship headed towards Antarctica. >So many changes had happened to him after Asuka's birth. Joel: The middle age crisis, the ill-advised affair, the bitter divorce.... Crow: I never noticed that wart on my nose before, but there it is. >He realized the folly of trying to engage Ranma to one of the Tendo family >girls, and tried to call it off. It was not a pleasant conversation he had with >Soun, and they ended up having a falling out. Tom: Something about Soun ripping my guts out with his families sword if he ever saw me again... Ah well, nothing that a little bit of shogi can't fix! Crow: Uniting two schools of martial arts so the tradition doesn't die out, not to mention setting myself up for cozy retirement... What was I thinking?!? >Genma was disappointed, but he felt he was right. Tom: I'm a Republican! Rush Limbaugh is my God! I shall defend you, Pat Buchanan! Joel: Sure I was wrong about New Coke, The Newton, and the Epilady... but I'm bound to strike oil one of these days! >He had never seen his son so happy until after he and Nodoka brought >Asuka home from the hospital. Tom: Now you can sell someone other than me, Pops! Joel: Have her marry one of the Tendos! It'll work out in the long run! >He seemed determined to always look out for his little sister, and was >doing just that, by keeping his grades up in school. His mother was >never happier. Joel: Ranma, could you help me with my homework? Tom: Sorry, got my own classes to worry about! Joel: But I really need help to pass this test and... Crow: Oh Ranma, you make me so proud! Joel: Oh, forget it! >Genma was finally taking responsibility for his actions, and was damned >set upon teaching Ranma the ultimate moves of the Musabetsu Kakutö >Saotome Ryü, the Yamasen Ken and Umisen-Ken. Joel: And then I'll show him how to pull off 16 hit combos in Street Fighter! Crow: So he's teaching his son the dangerous techniques that he locked away as his first responsible act?!? >After this trip was over, he was resolved to do just that. He was also happy >that Ranma's interest in the art intensified after Asuka's birth. Joel: Yeah, cause we all know that Ranma didn't give a lick about the martial arts before... Crow: However, he was worried when Ranma started dressing the training dummies in baby clothes. >He hated to leave Asuka and Nodoka like he had, but they understood that >the house needed the money for the extension. Crow: Not to mention the cost of the perm. Joel: I wonder how much it cost to toupee a house anyway? >Ranma would be sulking around and about, except he had befriended a >girl named Misato Katsuragi. He smiled at the looks Ranma would give >the girl when she thought she wasn't looking, and vice versa. Crow: Wheel of pointless relationships turn turn turn, tells us the couple we must spurn! Joel: So Ranma's going to be the surrogate Kaji? Tom: Might as well have him going on panty raids with Happosai too! >It was obvious the two hade a crush on each other. Tom: Umm, that's not how a crush works. Gotta be one way or else its puppy love, real love, or just gas. Crow: I'd put my money on gas. Joel: Sharing each other's orange pop... that's what love's all about! >Genma's face suddenly hardened, as a feeling that had been >nagging at him as soon as he boarded the vessel. Joel: I can have it all! Now I'm dancing for my life! Crow: I knew I shouldn't have stolen Nodoka's mud facial... but I just couldn't help myself!! >He just could not shake the feeling that something big was >about to happen, and it didn't bode well for his family. Tom: *Urp* Oh boy... Ranma is going to suffer for my enchilada binge tonight. *gurgle gurgle* Crow: Ah, what am I worried about? It's only going to be a three hour cruise with a movie star, a millionaire, the skipper too.... >"Tousan, whatcha lookin at?" >Genma turned to his son, he was proud at the man he saw before him. Joel: Pop? I'm over here! Tom: Ranma, you should be more like this ship steward here... Gopher, right? >He certainly was more of a man at fourteen than he was. He had started >to go through his changes, and Genma could see that he was most definitely >going to be a handsome man when he grew up. Crow: Totally unlike the greasy, pimply faced youth that stood before him at present. Joel: My face is stiffening just thinking about it! Tom: Thank goodness that's the only thing that's stiffening. >He had started to keeping his hair in a pigtail that seemed >to suit him. Crow: ....then decided the hell with it and grew a mohawk. Joel: Oi! >"Nothing in particular Ranma, just thinking" Crow: Is that why your face is screwed into a grimace and your eyes seem to be watering? >"I see. You miss Okassan and Imoutochan don't you?" Joel: Uh, we're not subtitled, Ranma. You don't have to use gratuitous Japanese here.... Crow: Isna it? Hoot, mon! Why dinna ye say so?!? How d'ye expect me t' sound when I'm nae been informed?!? I'm no' verra happy with this fanfic as t' is but tis be the last straw!!! >"Of course. But this time that wasn't what I was thinking about" Crow: Now, where was I? Oh yeah... Cindy Crawford... with Crisco... and two stalks of celery stuck in her ears... ooh, I could just lick her for days! Joel: I was just wondering why you're speaking in fanboy Japanese when no one else is... *gasp* You're not my son! You're an author avatar! Tom: I was just thinking that I should have brought your sister along so I could have a boy and a girl to engage for stuff... y'know, rice, pickles, okonomiyaki dowries.... Joel: Tom? Honey? We get the point already. >Then what?" Ranma asked, putting his hands upon the guardrail. >Genma hesitated, then replied "About the man you seem to be becoming" Crow: You're getting hungry, Ranma, and I'm not sure how to handle you anymore.... Tom: It is time to learn a new kata. Turn your head and cough. Crow: I've got this real neat training technique that involves ice cold water and a dead squid! Joel: Hokay, that's enough of that. >"Tousan..." Crow: Sam! Do you have some Fruit Loops for me today? >"Ranma, there are many things in my life that I'm very much >not proud of. But the few shining moments that come to my mind are marring >your mother, and having you and Asuka as my children. Tom: Marring? Crow: Yeah, it nearly brought a tear to my eye when I pushed her down the stairs.... Joel: Sure, we screwed up with our first eight kids but you two are shaping up nicely! >I just wish, I wish that I could have been a better father for you. >But I swore, upon seeing Asuka-chan's face, I would." Tom: So I picked up a copy of Fatherhood from the library. Here, have a Jell-O pudding pop son! Joel: Oh, come on! Everyone knows Bill Cosby lies like a rug! >"Tousan..... I...I don't know what to say.... I know Asuka would >be happy to have this Genma as a father" Joel: You mean the one that abandons her at the first opportunity? Crow: Oh, heavens no! I meant this Genma over here! He's the head of a Multi-national company and works as a stunt man on the weekends! Tom: As for the rest of you Genmas, go forth into the world and find children to train and sell off whenever its convenient! >Genma smiled to Ranma, a fatherly smile he was getting use to >sharing. "Ranma, Promise me something..... Crow: Oh, no you don't! That's how all our messes started in the first place! Joel: Just be sure to wash the smile before you return it, son... Tom: Promise you'll never be a lame uber-god boy in a cheesy anime xover. Crow: Little late there, pop. >Promise me, that should anything happen to me, that you'll always >watch over Asuka." Crow: Cause I sure as heck can't trust my own wife with her! Joel: That means you have the responsibility to sell her for the highest price. Remember, always hold out for at least a beef bowl! >"Tousan, that's something you never need to ask me. I'll always protect her." Tom: And IIIIIIIIIIIIIII...E-IIIIII... WILL ALWAYS... LOVE YOUUUU.... Crow: She's a part a 'da family, capiche? >"Good." Genma turned his head to the stars. "It's a beautiful >night, tonight don't you think?" Crow: The way the moon shines in your eyes, Ranma... the way your hair catches the starlight... Joel: Touch me and I'll break your.... Crow: Kidding! Kidding! I was only kidding! Joel: ...arm. >Ranma turned to his fathers direction. "Yea. I've always loved >looking up at the stars like this. It's so peaceful." Crow: So, wanna start a fight or something? Tom: You're on, boy! >"Wouldn't you like to share it with someone?" >Ranma turned his heat toward his father. "Hoe?" Joel: Ranma, we've already discussed this... no matter how hard you try, you just can't have a meaningful relationship with garden tools! Crow: S-Shut up! You could never understand our love! NEVER!!! Tom: How do you like my new cordless space heater? Really works well, doesn't it? >Genma smiled again. "You know who I'm talking about, boy. >That Katsuragi girl." >Ranma blushed beet red and hid his face. "Tousan!" Tom: Fess up! Did you put your sausage into the meat locker? Did you deliver the goods to the main office? Spill the details! Crow: Is it me or is this just an Oprah fanfic with the names changed? >Genma chucked and continued. Joel: Eww...you hurled on my favorite shirt! Tom: Hey, can I help it if I get sea sick? >"You should, you know. It's obvious you both like each other. >Why don't you try talking to her like this?" Crow: Hello, Misato.... can you say 'commitment'? I knew you could! Tom: Genma's been channeling the spirit of Urd the whole fanfic.... >Ranma pondered that for a few minuets, before dashing off >towards the crews quarters. Crow: Misato should be thoroughly smashed by now... I gotta hurry before she passes out on me.... Joel: Minuets? Ranma does ballet now? Tom: Genma and Ranma then proceeded to dance across the ship, the pair twirling in the moonlight, as the music carried them away into the night.... >Genma turned and chuckled again, hoping that this would not be >the last time he would be able to talk to his son like this. Joel: After all, helium was expensive. Crow: However, the block of cement he had tied to Ranma's ankles as he threw him overboard made that a slim possibility at best. >September 15, 2001. Noon Joel: About darned time for lunch. Tom: Why do so many fics lack plot, description, characterization, but always have the correct dates? Crow: Because it likes to be prompt in it's delivery of crap? >Ranma awoke groggily, in the little life boat that was sailing >back to mainland. Crow: Of all the times to be voted off the island... Joel: Funny, I thought "Survivor" had a much larger budget than *this*! Tom: He had already eaten Hodges, and was finishing of the captains gammy leg for a late night snack. >The events of the previous day etched into his mind forever. It >had happened. Second Impact. Joel: Yes, I'm the one who named it. I also built the EVAs, MAGI, and can make a mean taco special! Crow: Does that mean he's floating around aimlessly with Pen-pen? Tom: Nice we glossed over the second impact but saw all sorts of male bonding between father and son.... >He was hoping beyond hope that his father survived the event, but was very >doubtful. Joel: Sure, that bloated dismembered head floating nearby COULD be him but without a dental record, I just can't be sure! Crow: Oh father... you dear sweet man... how can I go on without your strength? Your guidance? Oh, father, I love you so very much and... oh, geez! CUT!! That's it! Look, I don't care WHAT the script says! I have my pride, y'know! >Ranma shook his head and looked towards the heavens, where he had >pretty much expected to he the heavens crushed, but the sky retained >it's calm blue. Deceiving what had probably happened. Joel: Looks that way, doesn't it? Crow: Stupid me, and I thought heaven was a place on earth! What a fool I was! Tom: And if I squint REALLY hard, I can almost make out Yggdrasil! Joel: Oh well... at least that eliminates any future ambiguous incestual yaoi scenes between me and Pops... >His last memories of his father where those of him screaming at him to >leave. Ranma actually refused, until he was reminded of Asuka, and his >promise a week ago. Crow: Oh yeah! I promised to bitchslap her the moment I got back! How could I renege on that? Joel: Sadly they couldn't remember the year between the promise and the Second impact as they spent most of the time on horse radish... >He deserted his father and boarded a raft, just as the explosions started. Tom: W-wait a minute! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?!? RANMA, WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEEE!!! >The dinky raft somehow managed to hold up, and Ranma barely survived. Crow: Aww, and here I was hoping the cast of Super Atragon would come and finish Ranma off... Tom: Now at least we know the author has never actually seen NGE, since it was one _huge_ explosion that flooded a third of the Earth. This ain't no swim to China, boy! Joel: Hey, maybe Ranma will get some underwater training in Hong Kong too! Crow: No, their underwater residents hate Japanese nationals, remember? Joel: But it's uber Ranma, they can't help but love him! >"KUSSSSSSSOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed toward the heavens, >damming whatever gods had cursed him toward such a fate, to lose his father >as he was finally becoming a good man. Tom: KAAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNN!!!!!!! Crow: Why were we in Antarctica anyway? No, seriously, WHY WERE WE IN ANTARCTICA ANYWAY?!? Joel: Uhhh, to study Anything Goes Freezing to Death? >"Ranma-kun? Is that you?" >Ranma turned towards the voice, in another life boat, was Misato. Joel: Gee, what're the odds? Tom: Longer than the Oxford English Dictionary, I bet. >"Misato..... you survived to? How?" >Misato shook her head as to get her thoughts straight. "I.... I >think my father put me in this raft.... what happened?" Crow: Ya know, big explosion, world go boom? Joel: Nope, I think I was soused through the whole thing! >I'm not that sure myself, but I think that whatever happened, we're >the only ones that survived. It had to be that thing your Tousan called.... Adam." Joel: Adam Graves? Sure, he's a good hockey player, but unless he has a nuke... Crow: So we have to repopulate the boats? Okay, I'm ready. Let's get nekkid! Joel: Hey, wait a minute! Are you supposed to be catatonic from deep mental trauma or something? Tom: Nah, why let canon interrupt a good WAFFy scene? >"Then.... it happened." Crow: The morning after is always such a difficult time. >"I'm not that sure at the moment." Misato fell to her knees and >hugged herself. Tom: Ooh, I'm so snuggly and soft... Oh wow... I ain't gonna be bored on this trip! Crow: So, Misato, come here often? >"Tousan...." she whispered, "you really did love me didn't you?" Joel: And next... Ranma and Misato star as Brad and Janet in the all-water version of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"! Tom: Is this scene supposed to be touching or merely boring? Crow: Why can't it be both? *Whaps the screen with a Bud Light but nothing happens* Joel: Nice try. Crow: D'oh! >Ranma wasn't sure of what that meant, but was able to hear some >planes flying overhead. Tom: Damn! Hey, go away! We don't need to be saved! Go away! Joel: Why does that midget keep shouting about de plane, de plane? >"Yo! Down here!" He pulled out a flare gun from the emergency >kit and let one fly. It got the attention he was hoping for. Crow: Especially when the plane burst in flames, and the occupants of the lifeboats increased by one. >As a plane lowered to get them, Ranma jumped to Misato's raft, >picked her up, and brought them to their raft. Joel: What did it accomplish? Misato's frayed nerves, some exercise for Ranma, and the plane dropping supplies to the wrong boat.... Tom: But Ranma got to look cool! Yes he did! >"A new world..... Misato. Here's to survival" Crow: Ranma's drinking mocks the dead... Joel: A whole new world.... Tom: Don't YOU dare close your eyes! >End of Change Of Plans Prologue Tom: Stay tuned for our next thrilling episode as we watch as Misato and Ranma continue to float in the rafts while back in Japan exciting things are happening as the Tokyo -3 Geo front is painted a nice moave color! Crow: Be there. >Quick Author's Rant: Joel: There's too many Genma bashers out there! They should just write him like I did! DIC is EEEEVIL! Save Our Sailors! Characterization? I don't need no stinking characterization! Nuts to Akane! The only true fiancee for Ranma is Kaori Daikoku! My head hurts, why? >All right, now what the hell am I doing? I can't finish one >story before getting started upon a new one! Crow: What a coincidence. I cannot finish my liver before starting on my Brussels sprouts! >I'll Admit, I've noticed in some of the outer ways how Ranma >and Asuka are alike on the outside and thought, da what the hell! Tom: They both have red hair and... and... Crow: Actually, I'd place more confidence on Asuka being like Akane. Joel: But this is the Sharpian Asuka.... >I've also noticed how in these X-overs, for the most part, Ranma >pilots an EVA, and or pairs up with one of the pilots or Misato. So, after >reading all of Just won't die by Jeffrey "One Shot" Wong, It got me inspired >to do this. Tom: That is to do a lame copy of that series. Joel: No no, it's called an "homage". Crow: I'm partial to "Lame" myself. >I'll admit that Asuka as Ranma's little sister as well as a decent >Genma are both a stretch, but that's the beauty of writing. Crow The heck with the purists! OOC Rules! >Expect a whole new Asuka my readers. So, shall I continue? Tom: Nah, let's save this to the memory card and start a new fanfic. Joel: And next time we will have some boring waff scenes... and no service, service, service! >"What does this button do?" >Marle form Chrono Trigger >Wishbringer Joel: Well, Virginia, that button sent nuclear missiles all over the world... and that is what we call a good thing. Unless you live in one of the cities hit by it, then it's a bad thing.... Crow: Why not ask TV's Frank? If anyone knows about buttons.... Tom: Time for us to make like a leaf. **** SATELLITE OF LOVE "Well, that was a bust!" Tom griped as he, Joel and Crow emerged from the theater. "Yeah, bold and daring, my butt! More like confusing and inept!" Crow agreed. "Well, we have to remember it was just the prologue. It could get better," Joel remarked. "Yeah, I suppose... but really, Genma as a sensitive father figure? Give me a break!" Tom said. "Hey, lay off, Genma! Sure, he's been prone to acts of cowardice and done some pretty thoughtless stuff, but he has some good qualities!" Crow retorted. "Name ONE," Tom challenged. "Well... he strives to train Ranma to be the greatest martial artist...." Crow began. "...in order to fulfill *his* dream of uniting the Saotome and Tendo clans together." Tom interrupted. "But Ranma obviously enjoys the marital arts and wants to keep improving... and he owes Genma a lot for training him to be as good as he is now...." Crow pointed out. "All right, all right, point taken. But there's one fact about Genma you can't ignore...." "Let me guess.... Ukyou's engagement?" Crow said. "Nah, that's Ranma's own choice... even though personally I think Genma should be forced to atone for sullying her family's honor at SWORDPOINT... No, I'm talking about Genma keeping Ranma almost completely in the dark about his mother since day one...." "Well, Genma was dumb enough to believe she'd have him and Ranma commit seppuku because of the curse...." Crow interrupted. "Okay then, what about the fifteen or so years before the curse? You're telling me Genma couldn't have let Ranma visit Nodoka in all that time? Was he was THAT paranoid that his wife would poison his son to marital arts?" "Again, nobody ever said Genma was the sharpest knife in the drawer...." Crow remarked. "Ah yes, stupidity forgives all," Tom replied solemnly. "Right. No, wait a minute...." Crow shook his head, puzzled. "Oops, 'fraid I'll have to Tybalt your discussion for now, Buck and Tweeky are calling...." Joel exclaimed as he pressed the flashing red button on the console. **** DEEP 13 "Well, that's another quarter in the machine. Push the button, Frank." Dr. Forrester said as he began studying the fanfic results. "GAH?!? Huh, oh s-sure thing!" Frank stammered nervously as he walked over to the panel and gave the button a press. "By the...OW!" Frank winced in pain as he dropped his voice to a faint whisper. "By the way, Dr. F, I think the ear drops you gave me to restore my hearing work a little TOO well...." "Hmm? Come again?" Dr. Forrester looked up from the console. "Forget it." Frank whispered as he waved his hand at his boss with annoyance and left, leaving a puzzled Dr. Forrester to shrug before returning his attention to the results.... [Authors Notes] Riffers for this MST were: Richard Beaubien (Not Miwa), Ammadeau, Fido, Lerche, Zoogz, Megane 6.7 Editors for this MST were: Richard Beaubien (Who is Really not Miwa), Ammadeau, Fido, Megane 6.7 Additional Riff editing done by: Megane 6.7 and Zoogz Host Segments written by: Megane 6.7 >"GENMA, YOU'RE DEAD! DO YOU HEAR ME? >DEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 2001 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Keep Circulating the Fanfics....