(The future isn't what it used to be....)
 

"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7"  (SEASON ONE)

EPISODE 7: HELLRAISERS

(A Urutsukdoji/La Blue Girl/Original Flavor MSTing)

MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 and Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong

This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc.  Just covering
my own ass here folks....

"Urutsukdoji" and "La Blue Girl" are the property of Toshio Maeda and
all the distributors of his work.
 
"Hellraisers" is the property of Aaron Eaton and he's welcome to it.
I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but
I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does.  Think of this
as another form of C&C.  ;)

This MSTing is rated PG-13 for mature content.
 

THE SATELLITE OF LOVE
14:20 HOURS
 

 "MOKO TAKABISHA!!"  Joel Robinson exclaimed as his
thrust his hands out in front of his body.  To his surprise, no ki-blast
shot out from his palms.  "TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!!"  Joel tried again
but his punching speed remained the same.  "Guess pop was right, I
haven't been training enough...."

 "Ranma!  You come for date with Shampoo!"  Gypsy exclaimed
in as cute a voice as she could manage.  She rushed towards Joel,
wearing a purple haired wig and pink outfit. Actually, it used to be a
white outfit before someone threw a red shirt into her white load of
laundry a while back.  She quickly wrapped herself around Joel, who
was dismayed to say the least.

 "Hey!  Let go of me!  Shampoo, I ain't interested....!?!"  Joel
whined in vain as Gypsy maintained her death grip.

 "RANMA!  What do you think you're doing!"

 Joel turned and saw Tom Servo wearing a short blue/black wig
and welding a large wooden mallet, thanks to a special attachment.

 "A-Akane, it's not what you think!"  Joel gasped as Gypsy
held him protectively and exclaimed.  "Ranma love Shampoo best...."

 "Why, you pervert!"  Tom exclaimed as he began to raise the
mallet....

 "She's lying!  It's not true!  I don't feel that way about her at
all!"  Joel tried to reassure the furious girl, his fear temporarily causing
him to forget that Gypsy could hear his every word....

 "Ranma no play with woman's heart!"  Gypsy screamed as she
unwrapped herself from Joel and suddenly dove towards the floor
where a bucket of cold water was conveniently placed.  She reemerged a
moment later, wearing a fake pair of cat ears.

 "Meow."  Gypsy whispered.

 "ARGGH!! IT'S A CAT!  GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!"
Joel screamed as he did the Tokyo shuffle all around the bridge of the
satellite, waving his arms around wildly.

 "Ranma!  At last I finally found you!"  Another voice
proclaimed.  Joel was too panicked to notice Crow T. Robot as he stalked
towards him, wearing a yellow and black bandanna and welding a red
bamboo umbrella.  "Prepare to die, Ranma!"  Crow proclaimed as he
opened the umbrella and tossed it at the unprepared Joel.

 Unfortunately, since Crow lacked the superhuman strength and
skill to make it spin and stay in the air, the umbrella bounced harmlessly
off Joel and falls to the floor.

 "Damn you, Ranma!"  Crow cursed as he assumed an offensive
stance.  "I will have my revenge!"

 "Cool off, Ryouga!"  Joel replied as he grabbed another bucket
of cold water and tossed it's contents at him.  Unfortunately, Crow saw it
in time and dodged, the water rushing past him towards one of the
SOL's computer panels.
 
 "Uh oh!"  Gypsy exclaimed in her normal voice as the water
splashed all over the console.  A moment later, it began to short circuit
and finally it blew up in a display of pyrotechnics.
 
 "Uhhh... Gypsy, was that console a vital system?"  Crow
nervously inquired.

 "We're not going to start descending to earth now and burn up
in the atmosphere, are we?"  Tom asked fearfully.

 Gypsy sighed as she checked the diagnostics.  "There's no
danger to the ship... but that panel controlled the atmospheric pressure
controls to your rooms.  Until it's fixed, you'll have to stay on the
bridge...."

 "How long?"  Joel asked, dreading the answer.

 Gypsy shook her head.  "Could be days... Could be weeks...."

 "WHAT?!?"  Tom exclaimed in horror before turning to face
Joel.  "Oh, good one, Joel!  We just HAD to use real water in this
sketch, DIDN'T WE?!"

 "Hey!  I'm not the one who's too wussy to take a faceful of
water!"  Joel replied as he gestured at Crow.

 "Who are you calling a wussy, Joel!"  Crow replied as he
resumed his combat stance.  "Joel!  I'll beat the hell out of you for
that!"

 Joel grinned as he realized Crow was only teasing but Tom
wasn't as he grumbled.  "My entire collection of underwear... I'll bet
it's floating all over the place in my room right now...."

 "Calm down, Happosai."  Crow needled.  "You'll be back with
your precious collection in no time...."

 A strange smile came over Tom's face, a remarkable feat since
his mouth was made out of a gumball machine dispenser.  "You're taking
this pretty well, Crow.  I'm impressed...."

 "It's not the end of the world.  So our stuff floats up in the air and
when the room's fixed, it'll collapse into a heap!  Our rooms were already
a mess, right?"  Crow replied cheerfully.

 "That's true... but don't you have a cordless lava lamp?"  Tom
replied.

 Crow froze.  Solid.

 "And if that lamp falls to the ground or smashes against the
wall, won't it burn up all your comic books and issues of the Picardian?
Not to mention...."

 "NOOO!!!!"  Crow screamed in horror as he started to rush
towards his room.  Joel rushed after him, shooting a glare at Tom who
chuckled to himself.  A moment later, the red light began flashing.

 "Uh... guys?"  Tom called out before realizing no one was
available to answer the call.  So he hovered over the red button and
placed himself down on top of it, activating the viewscreen.
 

DEEP 13
 

 A frown appeared on the face of Dr. Clayton Forrester as the
image of the Satellite of Love revealed only one of Joel's annoying little
robots present.  "Hey!  Where's Joel?!?"

 "Joel had to take care of something...."  Tom replied.  "He'll
be along in a few minutes....

 "Inconceivable!"  Dr. Forrester exclaimed, furious.  "How
DARE he make me wait!  FRANK!!!"

 "You bellowed, Dr. F?"  TV's Frank replied as he came into
the lab.

 "Joel actually has the nerve to make me wait for him like a
common rube would wait in the line of a supermarket!"  Dr. F pouted.

 "There, there, Dr. F... Joel has nowhere to run and nowhere to
hide... he'll have to accept that eventually, right?"  Frank reassured him.

 "You... You really think so, Frank?"  Dr. Forrester replied, his
eyes going all mangalike and sparkly.

 "Steve... trust me on this one, okay?"  Frank replied knowingly.

 Just then, Joel returned, carrying a whimpering Crow underneath
his arm.  "Sorry I'm late, sirs!"  Joel apologized, taking a moment to cuff
Tom over the head as he passed by.

 "Well, now that we're all present... Let's get to the invention
exchange.  And since you made me WASTE thirty seconds of my
precious time, I will go first...."

 Dr. Forrester gestured behind him where a pair of seemingly
ordinary glasses were resting on the desktop.  "These glasses are actually
a viewscreen.  They run on solar energy and power tiny microchips hidden
in the sides of the glasses.  Once activated, they project a series of erotic
impulses to the temples, all the way to the pleasure center of your brain.
 
 "Sounds great...."  Crow sighed, distracted by thoughts of his
precious magazines going up in flames....

 "What's the catch?"  Joel inquired.

 "All too simple."  Dr. F replied with an evil grin.  "Basically, as
long as you wear the glasses, I can invoke whatever emotional response
from you as I wish, all disguised in the form of erotic images, all without
the wear knowing about it.   I'll slip these glasses into society and when
enough of the human population has purchased them...."

 "You'll drive them all into a fury and start a war, right?  Or
make them so depressed, they all commit genocide, forcing the survivors
to surrender to you, right?"  Tom guessed.

 Dr. Forrester clucked his tongue.  "Nothing so gauche, Tom.
No, I'll make them so happy that they'll simply be BEGGING me to take
over the world!  After all, happy workers mean obedient and
unquestioning workers!  BWAHAHAHAHA!!!"

 "He's got us there, Tom...."  Joel remarked.  "Oh well, at least
everyone will have a nice day."

 "Don't worry, be happy!"  Tom chimed in.

 Dr. Forrester sneered at them.  "All right, wiseacres... let's see
what you've come up with this week!"

 "Glad you asked...."  Joel replied as he went behind the counter
and placed an electronic alarm clock attached to a small device on top
of it.

 "This is a solution for all the college students that like to stay up
all night partying or are suffering from a bad hangover.  It's a machine
that is placed next to your bed and monitors your REM sleep.  When
you go to sleep, the machine registers how much rest your body requires
in order to be fully awake and alert for classes and completely over your
hangover.

 "Once this is done, the machine uses this portable flux capacitor
to force time and space to a standstill, allowing the student to get the rest
he or she needs before going to class.  Once that level of comfort has been
reached, time returns to normal and the student goes about his business."

 "What do you think, sirs?" Tom asked.

         Dr. F. raised an eyebrow.  "Isn't it a little *inconvenient* for the
rest of the universe, every time an individual freezes time just so they
can sleep in?"

         "Why?  If time is frozen, they wouldn't be missing anything,
anyway, right?"  Tom pointed out.

         "What about the space time continuum?"  Frank suddenly
spoke up.

         "It'll continue... eventually."  Tom replied.

 "Yes, I suppose it would at that.  Anyway, your experiment this
week is a unique blend of two hentai anime series, along with some
original characters mixed in for color.  It's called 'Hellraisers' by Aaron
Eaton.  and I hope it goes down hard!  Send them the fanfic, Frank...."

 "And awayyyyy it goes...."  Frank replied.
 

* * *
 

SATELLITE OF LOVE
 

 Joel was still trying to comfort a saddened Crow when alarms
and sirens suddenly rang out.

 "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!"  Joel cried out.
 

(Door 6: It's a ancient piece of paper.  You shoot a flaming arrow into it
and it burns away.)

(Door 5: It's made of dubbed anime from Animeigo.  You take great
pleasure in smashing through it.

(Door 4: It falls towards you, missing your foot by millimeters.)

(Door 3: It's made of Windows 95 software.  It *crashes* to the floor
before you can even touch it.)

(Door 2: It's a soap bubble.  You have to pop it to get through.)

(Door 1: It swirls open from the center.)

(Door .7: The camera pans downward where a small hatch pops open.)
 

 Joel walks into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow
following close behind.  Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom
from entering the theater on his own, Joel placed him down on one of
the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow sitting on his right.
 
 "You feeling better, Crow?"  Joel asked, concerned for his
friend.

 "Yeah, I guess so...."  Crow replied.

 
>From eaton1@media2.hypernet.com  Thu Aug 21 15:09:15 1997
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Tom: Thanks for including all that useful information along with your
fanfic, Aaron.  We *REALLY* needed to know all that junk.
 

>Book 1:1
 

Crow: 1:1?  What is this, the bible?

Tom: I give 1:1 odds that this fanfic's gonna blow lung butter.
 

>Is here and this will take you out of this world MIND YOU THIS
>IS HENTAI (Contains Graphic Violence, Graphic Sex, Adult
>language)
 

Tom: <Spiffy>  You sick bastard!

Crow: What about nudity?  No nudity?  How can they call it a *hentai*
fic without the nudity?!?

Joel: Calm down, Crow....

Tom: Adult Language?  So, there won't be any baby-talk?
 

>SO IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 DONT READ THIS
 

Crow: ...unless accompanied by an irresponsible adult.
 

>BUT IF YOU ARE OVER 18 GET READY TO BE BLOWN AWAY
>WITH THE NEWEST GROUP IN THE FANFICTION WORLD THE
>HELLRAISERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Tom: <singing> Raise a little hell, Raise a LITTLE hell... Raise a little
hell....

Crow: Cause only *REAL* hellraisers hold the capslock button down
when they speak!
 

>(PLEASE READ THE OVERVIEW FIRST)
 

Crow: Hey!  Dr. F never sent us an overview!

Joel: Are you surprised?

Crow: Not really.
 

>Hellraisers Book 1:1 -- Hellraisers United

>Chapter 1 Naroth's First Strike
 

Joel: Jackie Chan... This time he's fighting for Hell!

Crow: <Naroth>  On behalf of the Fanfiction Characters Union,
we demand reasonable plots, less death scenes, more IC characters and
dumb ideas, and most importantly... We demand more lemons per year
with the opinion to choose our sex partner(s)....

Tom: <Artemis>  And if you even THINK of putting me with Oscar
again, I'LL WALK!!!
 

>Maieson walked out on the deck of the house around 3:00 A.M. he
>had a nightmare of Nagumo and the demons he controled somehow
>Maieson had a feeling he would face Nagumo or his demons soon he
>the 26 year old holder of the soul that changed his life upside down
>and inside out first he heard voices
 

Tom: Whoa! Whoa! WHOA! Who's narrating this thing?  The Micro
Machine guy?

Crow: I've heard of run-on sentences but this guy could outlast Terry Fox!

Joel: SENTENCE: a word, clause, or phrase or a group of clauses or
phrases forming a syntactic unit which expresses an assertion, a question,
a command, a wish, an exclamation, or the performance of an action,
that in writing usually begins with a capital letter and concludes with
appropriate END punctuation.
 

>he heard voices he felt pain then comfort and a voice
 

Tom: <voices>  Add some commas... add some apostrophes... add
some periods....

Crow: And don't forget a plotline.

Joel:  I think he's trying to get to it.

Crow: Oh, sorry.
 

>He didnt know why he got the honor of being torured with immortality
 

Crow: He never should have let that old knight talk him into drinking
from the Holy Grail....

Tom: I told him not to eat the mermaid's flesh... but NOOO... he didn't
want to listen....
 

>but he knew he felt stronger every day and he had a friend in the form
>of the soul
 

All: <singing>  He's a SOUL man....
 

>"Nightmares about Nagumo Maieson" the soul said in his head "yeah
>again I know he's comming but I cant stop him myself"
 

Crow: Well, if you really want to stop him from coming....

Joel: Don't even think about it, Crow.
 

>Maieson said "be paient you have friends and they will be your strenght
>I know youll be victorius Switchblade"
 

Joel: This guys got more voices in his head than Sybil....

Crow: So the soul's name is Switchblade?  I'm confused....

Tom:  I wonder if he's related to a certain Ukyou fan who used to
have an ASCII picture of Ukyou for a .sig file....
 

>Switchblade thats the name of the soul inside Maiesons body a soul that
>has helped him through some hard times including when he broke up with
>Rain his high school sweethart.
 

Tom: <Maieson>  I tried to be supportive but when Rain entered that
Mortal Kombat tournament, that was the final straw!

Joel: <singing>  Shang... Tsung... won't you come... and wash away the
Rain....

Crow: Can't rain all the time....
 

>the Soul has been his mentor and friend since he appeared when he
>was 18
 

Tom: And how exactly did this *soul* appear?

Crow: <Maieson> Old enough to drink, old enough to vote and now I
finally have my own soul!  Life couldn't be better!

Joel: Are you sure his soul is old enough to drink?  What's the legal
drinking age in Japan, anyway?

Tom and Crow: SPAM IT, JOEL!
 

>and they have grown acustom to their surroundings in Kobe, Japan and
>also Tokyo.
 

Tom: OH MY GOD!  Aaron finally used a *COMMA*

Crow: So Soul and Maieson live in three places at once?

Joel: They own three summer homes?  Man, I have to live in a puny
Satellite....
 

>"Maieson" said a sweet female voice

>As Maieson turned he saw Megumi , Amano's Sister
 

Tom: Somehow I can't picture someone like Megumi with a sweet voice.

Crow: All those deep-throats with tentacles and she's still as sweet as
ever....
 

>"Oh I didnt know anyone else was up" Maieson said
>"well I could'nt sleep either" Megumi said
>"Nightmares"
 

Joel: <Megumi>  It's the Gatekeeper!  HE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
 

>"yeah about Nagumo"
>"same here"
>"well I dont know if we could beat Nagumo or his army of demons
>Maieson"
>"well Megumi well find out soon enough"
 

Crow: As will we... whether we want to or not.

Tom: Better late than ever....

Joel: Well said.
 

>As they stood their they heard the faint roar of a lion at the zoo 2
>blocks away
 

All: <singing> In this fanfic... this crappy fanfic... the lion sleeps tonight....
 

>and then nothing the streets were quiet except for som crickets
 

Tom: When did Sonny Curtis and Buddy Holly get into this fanfic?

Joel: <cricket>  So, did you score with Pfil last night?

Crow: <cricket>  Yeah, but now the elder says I have to marry
her, according to their laws.  I tried to fight it... but the law won.
 

>and then they heard something that they have not heard before
 

Tom: The bird?

Crow: Everybody's heard about the bird!
 

>an explosion and a roar as the building just 2 blocks down explodes
 

Joel: First there was an explosion... then the roar... then the building
exploded... Is it just me or does that sound like it's out of sequence?

Crow: This fanfic is out of sequence.

Tom: If this fanfic is out of sequence, let's hope the ending is around the
corner....

Joel: Amen.
 

>switchblade senses something .........
 

Crow: So THAT'S why there aren't any periods after every sentences!
The author's been saving them for pauses!
 

>could it be Nagumo or a band of his demons trying to lead them out
>into the open
 

Joel: Or could it simply be a demolition company going about their
daily business?

Tom: Anything is possible in fanfiction.
 

>"It Nagumo isnt it"
>"Wake the others Megumi it time to go to work"
 

Tom: <Megumi, singing>  I... don't wanna work!  I just want to bang
the demons all day!

Joel: ENOUGH with the Urutsukdoji jokes, Tom.

Tom: Heh.
 

>"Gotcha" Megumi said just before another explosion occured even closer
>to the house
>"And Hurry"
 

Crow: Quick, Megumi!  Hurry up and wake the others before the
explosions give them a rude awakening!
 

>Maieson put on the clothes he usally wears a black jumpsuit
>and a red cape and a mask
 

Tom: Who's he supposed to be?  Spawn?

Crow: Tuxedo Kamen in long johns perhaps?

Joel: Zorro?
 

>one that looks like it says to others  "Don't Fuck With Me"
 

Crow: Though when he wears it to frat parties, the *Don't* and *With*
mysteriously vanish....
 

>Soon the Others woke up and got dresed and proceded to the site of the
>latest explosion as soon as they got there there were about 10 Demons
>and A man in a Black Cape
 

Crow: Batman?

Joel: Nuclear Man?

Tom: The Shadow?

Crow: Dr. Mindbender?

Joel: Darth Vader?

Tom: Frank Costanza's lawyer?
 

>with a distinct scar on his cheek.
 

Tom and Crow: OHHHHHH... Darkman!

Joel: His whole face is a distinctive scar.
 

>"Naroth you son of a bitch your gonna pay" Switchblade said as he took
>out his swords
 

Joel: I guess we'll presume Naroth was the man with the cape?

Tom: <Switchblade>  I got these swords on loan from Cervantes De Leon....

Crow:  No wonder Maieson's hearing voices if he took THOSE swords....
 

>Naroth Nagumo's Stool Pigeon
 

Tom: Why don't Naroth use a toilet like everyone else?

Joel: You know what they say, a bird in the hand is worth two in the tush.

Crow: <groans>
 

>why did Nagumo Send him on a mission like this, was Nagumo trying
>to piss the Hellraisers off, if Nagumo was he did a damn good job as all
>of them were going after a demon and Switchblade was going full speed
>at him as Switchblade hit Naroth he was sent flying into the building
>next door as he impacted on the concrete building
 

Tom: Nice tag!

Crow: Maybe Naroth's an Otaku in disguise?

Joel: A distant relative of Twister or Crys perhaps?
 

> Naroth got back up and was changing into a Demon Master and carrying
>a sword of pure fire as he advanced twords Switchblade
 

Joel: Souledge meets Soulforge.  Only one sword can survive!

Crow: I didn't know Naroth was a paladin....

Tom: If the sword's made of pure fire, how can he hold it, much less
strike anything with it?
 

>he sent a fire blast at him Switchblade dodged out of the way and hit
>the demon Mido was fighting.
 

Crow: Where the hell did Mido come from?

Tom: The far side of the moon?  How the hell should I know?!?
 

>"If your Attitude is as bad as your Aim your allready dead" Switchblade
>said
 

Joel: If this fanfic is as bad as your grammar, kill us now....

Tom: <Kenshiro>  Hey, quit ripping off my lines!

Crow: Fist of the Naroth Star....
 

>as he prepared a blast of his own as Naroth dodged out of his way
>Switchblade let one of his swords fly and grazed his side as blood
>gushed out
 

Crow: <Switchblade>  Ouch!  I nicked myself!

Tom: And Switchblade has the nerve to comment on *Naroth's* aim!?

Joel: Certainly doesn't live up to his name, now does he?
 

>Switchblade's sword returned to him and started to charge with reckless
>fury
 

Joel: That's what happens when you try to fight with a possessed sword.

Crow: <sword>  Oops, your fingers slipped... oops, your fingers
slipped... oops, you fingers slipped... heh heh heh... sucker.

Tom: At least only *one* sword turned on him.  Where did the other go?

 
>as Naroth got his senses he saw two flashes and pain
 

Joel: Which flashes?  Honey or Dirty Pair?

Crow: <Naroth> Yeow!  I stubbed my toe!  Oh, the pain!
 

>Switchblade had won as Naroth
 

Tom: What?!?

Crow: You mean Switchblade and Naroth were one and the same?

Joel: Now I'm REALLY confused!
 

>and the remainder of the demons ran away Naroth spoke "Foolish
>Immortal well meet again count on it you have not heard the last of
>Nagumo's empire" and disapeared in a cloud of fire
 

Tom: The empire will strike back!  Then it'll strike back again in
videos several times, then back in the theaters and finally on video
yet again!

Crow: Don't forget the laserdisks and DVD's....
 

>Nagumo was sitting on his throne in Edo Castle In Osaka
 

Joel: Was that supposed to be a scene change?

Crow: The action's so hot and heavy, the author can't even be bothered
to add some stars or dashes....

Tom: Darn!  Guess I'll have to save those jokes for the next MSTing.
 

>waiting for a report on Naroth he had sent him and 10 demons off to
>shake up the Hellraisers and kill them if possible little did he know
>that Naroth appeared seconds later with two sword cuts one across the
>stomach and one across the chest.
 

Crow: I guess the sword that disappeared came through for switchblade
after all....

Joel: <Naroth>  I got this chest wound from the battle but the scar on
my stomach came from emergency surgery.  You see, I accidentally ate
some of Akane's cooking....
 

>"Naroth reporting Lord Nagumo"
>"What do you have to report"
>"We failed to kill the Hellraisers but we did..."
 

Crow: <Naroth> ...get the living crap beaten out of us.
 

>Before Naroth could finsh Nagumo slapped him across the face as
>Naroth cringed back
 

Joel: Hey, if he cringed back, how could Nagumo have hit him?

Tom: Maybe Naroth feinted?
 

>he felt the cheek and it felt like a baseball bat hit it
 

Tom: Which, as everyone knows, is *much* more painful than being
hit by the baseball itself....
 

>"You Fool and I guess the Demon I sent with you were killed"
 

Crow: <Naroth>  That's *was* killed, my lord.

Tom: <Nagumo>  Don't be cheeky!
 

>"Yes Lord Nagumo"

>"I see Commander Naroth You have failed even 10 Demons is enough
>to kill at least 1 of them and you killed none of them im wery mad at
>you
 

Crow:  Be wary, wary, quiet... We're hunting hellwaisers... heheheheh....

Tom: Fudd Syndrome strikes again!

Joel: Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!
 

>but you will get another chance soon believe me"  From the corner of
>his eye he saw Faust Munihausen Nagumo's advisor and General of
>the demon forces and a person who hated the Hellraisers espically
>three in particular Switchblade, Amano, and Himi thoes three
>have ruined his life
 

Crow: Uh, Mr. Author?  You forgot to mention the general's name....

Joel: If Switchblade ruined his life, why doesn't he attack Naroth?
After all, they're the same person, right?
 

>first Amano for shredding half of his body Himi for being the True
>Cho-Jin and Switchblade because he as foiled many of his
>plans in the past since Munihausen has the green orb of the Evil King
>and has the abilties to destroy buildings and many other things
 

Tom: Orb?  What is this?  Magic: The Gathering?

Crow: I wish Aaron would sacrifice his fanfic for his Orb....

Joel: <General>  I can destroy entire buildings and many other
things such as PERIODS, COMMAS, SPELLING, CHARACTER
DEVELOPMENT, and yes, even the VERY PLOTLINE ITSELF!!!
BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
 

>but after several attemps he couldnt defete one of the Hellraisers or
>even trap one
 

Crow: And what's worse, he couldn't spell to save his life.

Joel: The Hellraisers snatched victory from the jaws of *defete*!

Tom: I wish Hellraisers was in the jaws of DELETE.
 

>and now he has been advisor to Nagumo for some time and Naroth
>has hated being leader of the attacks every time he has returned
>with no good luck he has gotten punched, kicked, even stabbed by
>Nagumo
 

Crow: And that's just when Nagumo's pleased with me....

Joel: <Naroth>  Try dropping a ten ton weight on my head!  Maybe
THAT will get me out of this fanfic!
 

>and sometimes he wonders why he was chosen ...
 

Tom: <Naroth>  Oh why?  Why must I be the one to suffer the
indignity of being a boring, drab character in an incoherent fanfic like
this?  Why have the gods forsaken me?!?   WHY!?!?

Crow: <applauds> Very nice, Tom!

Joel:  <Liu Kang>  I am the chosen one....
 

>"Blind Luck" Naroth thought  "very well Lord Nagumo I will wait for
>new instructions" and quickly disapeared.
 

Tom: <Nagumo>  Strange... why did Naroth disappear like that?
He didn't utter a single word....
 

>Later In the house Switchblade was really angry he knew Nagumo
>would send some demons after him
 

Joel: <General>  Did I mention scene change warnings?  I can destroy
those too!  BWHAHAHAHA!!!!
 

>but in there current state they wouldnt had won with that many
>Demons against them even 10 should have been enough to kill them
>but for some reason they won but not without people hurt
 

Tom: DEEP HURTING....

Crow: <melodramatic voice>  We are but hurt....
 

>Mido had gotten some of the backlash from the fire blast from Naroth
>and also some cuts and bruses
 

Crow: Which is amazing, since we only caught the briefest glimpse of
her during the fight scene....

Tom: Or maybe Mido defeated the demon using her *unique* skills....

Crow: Ranma has *nothing* on Miko Mido when it comes to
*ANYTHING GOES* martial arts....
 

>Amano was beaten all to hell he had two demons on him
 

Joel: They're still fighting?  I thought it was over?
 

>Buju held his own but not without some bruses
 

Crow: Tsk tsk tsk... no self-control at all....

Tom: Where are all these guys coming from, anyway?!?

Joel: Buju!  Once a mild mannered reggae musician from Texas, he
came to Tokyo to do battle with the forces of darkness!
 

>Megumi had a gash the lenght on a pencil
 

Tom: <Megumi>  M-m-my pencil!!!  NO!!!!!  OH, THE
HUMANITY!!!

Joel: Let us have a moment of silence for Megumi's pencil and it's
tragic end.

(Tom and Crow lapse into silence while Joel hums *Taps*)
 

>in her midsection and was being attended to by Himi who had allready
>healed herself while all this was happening
 

Tom: <Himi>  Nyah! Nyah!  I can heal myself and you can't!

Joel: <Megumi>  Hey, shut up!  I'm still in mourning over my pencil!
 

>Switchblade took off the mask and smashed the table they were sitting by
>in half.
 

Joel: <Switchblade> Table for two?
 

>"Hey Maieson calm yourself" Mido said as Maieson walked away from
>the table  "Nagumo had us where we wanted us and what happened he
>sends Naroth to do his dirty work!!!!" Maieson said as he threw a chair
>at one of the walls
 

Crow: <Maieson> And it's all your fault, you stupid furniture!

Joel: <Maieson>  This is where I get my revenge for all the slivers
I've had to endure!!

Tom: Somewhere, a carpenter is crying.
 

>"Damn it Maieson dont be such a pissass about it all we need now is you
>in a bad mood" Buju said clinching his ribs
 

Tom: <Buju>  Boy, Maieson, you really screwed up today didn't
you?  Who taught you how to fight?  A dairy farmer?  Boy, do you suck!
Are you in a bad mood yet?
 

>"Nagumo has us today Buju but why did he do that to piss us off well if
>he did hed did a fuckin good job" Maieson said as he punched through
>the wall he was closest to
 

Joel: Leave the house alone, you big bully!  Wasn't beating up on the
furniture enough for you?!

Crow: Where's Bob Vila when you really need him?

Tom: How about Tim Allen?

Joel:  Tim Allen?  He'd do more damage than ole Maieson over here.
 

>Amano came over to Maieson as painful as it was and slapped Maieson
>in the face
 

Crow: Uh-oh!

Joel: Bye, Amano.  Nice knowing you... or at least what we know of
you from the story... which isn't that much really.
 

>"Dont you go loco on us
 

Tom:  Loco?  Since when did Japanese use Spanish words?
 

>it was you who brought us together and made us the team we are today
>and right now this stuff will happen it does when a new group gets
>together it cant be helped you have to live with that"
 

Tom: I never thought I would say this... but this fanfic actually makes
*LESS* sense than Judge Brainitite!

Crow: Judge Brainitite was *Shakespeare* compared to this mess!
 

>"I know but Nagumo...."

>"FUCK NAGUMO YOU HAVE BIGGER FISH TO FRY MAIESON
>AND IF YOU SAY ANYDIFFRENT ILL KILL YA"
 

Joel: ...by forcing you to read the *uncensored* version of Artemis's
Lover!

Tom and Crow: <gasp in horror>  How cruel!
 

>Maieson never saw Amano this angry since the bar fight in Kyoto
>where Amano completely leveled the bar down
 

Tom: <Amano>  WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T SERVE
MAN-BEASTS IN HERE!?!?
 

>ever since he has listened to Amano and never mouthed off to him but
>if he wanted to now was the time as he grabbed Amano by the collar and
>gave him a look like a lion hunting for dinner
 

Crow: Which lion?  The one that faintly roared at the beginning of this
fanfic and was never mentioned again?

Joel: Doesn't he know lions always hunt in prides?

Tom: What are you, Scott Shannon now?
 

>"Listen Amano im in a bad mood because Nagumo has tried in the past
>to suceed in killing us and he came damn close today and it terring me
>apart
 

Crow: <groaning> This fanfic is *terring* me apart....
 

>so if you want me to say anything diffrent i will but dont try to
>kill me because I wont hesistate to kill ya because right now im not in
>the mood to kill one of my own group but if you want to youll be sorry
>got it!!!"
 

Joel: Got it?  We don't even know what the hell you're talking about?!?

Crow: I thought Amano was the one who wanted to kill... and then
Maieson grabbed Amano and threatened to kill him because he wasn't
in the mood to kill him... but Maieson said he'd be sorry if he tried to kill
Amano... ARRRRRGH!!!  THIS FIC MAKES NO FRIGGING SENSE!!!

Tom: <singing>  Slow the plot down matey, slow the plot down....
 

>Maieson then released Amano went into the gragage took his
>bike out for a spin to relax and to take his mind off Nagumo.
 

Crow: But if he does that, he won't have any personality left!

Tom: Wait a minute! Maieson is tearing up the furniture and walls
and then threatens to kill Amano for bugging him and *Amano* is
the one that took his bike out to be alone?  I don't get it....

Joel: Don't ask me.  I'm still trying to figure out what the heck a
*gragage* is....
 

>Chapter 2  Switchblade's Battle
 

Crow: Ohhhh... Aaron remembers to inform us when a new chapter
begins but forgets just about everything else!

Tom: Remember Switchblade... Knowledge is half the battle.

Joel: <singing>  G.I. Joe!
 

>Maieson had driven over 15 miles before he stopped just outside Kobe
>where his favorite place was Jagged Rock
 

Crow: <Maieson> It *was* my favorite place but I lost interest in it when
I realized that it was nothing more than a rock with indentations cut into it.

Joel: Jagged Rock.  A combination of heavy metal and a guy with a blender.
 

>was a outlook point it points out twords the Pacific ocean twords the
>U.S. he has been trying to think what the U.S. looks like and how the
>people will treat people like the Hellraisers like some terroists or saviors
 

All: Terrorists!
 

>but he probally will never know then a familiar voice came to him
 

Joel: <Maieson's mother>  Robert Peter Maieson, you get down
from that jagged rock this INSTANT!

Crow: <Maieson>  Aw, Mom....

Joel: <Maieson's mother>  Hurry up now or we'll be late for church!
Oh no!  Your clothes are soaked with blood!  Were you fighting with
those neighborhood demons again?  Just wait till your father get home,
young man!
 

>"Maieson still your same cranky self  huh" The soul said jokingly
 

 Joel: That's MR. Cranky to you, pal!
 

>"Put a sock in it a bad mood" Maieson thought
>"well its no entirelly your fault but it couldnt be avoided either"
 

Tom: I wish this fanfic could have been avoided.

Joel:  Hey, just do what I do. Think of this fanfic as the sun.  Don't look
directly at it.

Crow: This fanfic is like the paparazzi.  They can't be avoided and they're
just doing their job.

Joel: Kinda like a mime....
 

>"I know the demons that we fought were tougher than then they ever
>were it like Nagumo used his own power to boost their strenght 10
>times what it was even Buju got injured and he usally kill about 15 of
>them himself but even he had problems getting at least 5"
 

Joel: Man, this fic just keeps going full speed ahead.

Crow: This fic makes "The Professional" look like a slow ride to
Grandma's house....

Tom:  For god's sake, put in a period now and then!  I like non-stop
action as much as the next guy but....
 

>"Nagumo wants you to know he has you by the balls and he proved it
 

Joel: ...by forcing you to sing soprano!
 

>with bringing Naroth to do his dirty work thats whats getting me
>Nagumo usually does the leading himself"
 

Crow: Nagumo and Naroth must do a lot of ballroom dancing.
 

>"Yeah that is what bothers me to Maieson does he have a plan"
>"Who knows maybe or maybe not" Maieson said  "Well I dont
>know Maieson Just be on your guard" The soul said as his voice
>disapeared
 

Tom: You mean Maieson could actually *see* the soul's voice as it
talked to him?

Crow: <soul>  I'm still here!  I've suddenly developed laryngitis!

 
>As Naroth sat in his room at Edo Castle he thought how he could take
>the shit Nagumo has done to him recently
 

Joel: Scene changed again.

Tom: Hey, we have to read this thing!  If anyone taking shit, it's US!

Joel: Language, Tom?
 

>he felt his cheek and it still hurt Nagumo had hit him before but not
>this hard he pondered this as Faust Appeared in the doorway
>"What do you want Munihausen"
 

Tom: That's Faust!  His name is FAUST!

Crow: Who's Faust?

Tom: I thought Who was second?

Crow: No, no, Who IS Faust?

Tom: If who isn't second then who is faust?

Crow: That's what I'm asking you!

Tom: Are you sure Who is Faust?

Joel: THIRD BASE!!!
 

>"Hah you couldnt even hurt Switchblade the only thing you hit was
>one of the demons how patheti...."
>Before Munihausen could finsh the sentance  Naroth slammed
>Munihausen against the wall  "Look Faust I dont need this from you
>or Nagumo
 

Crow: Faust of all, make up your mind!  Are you going to call him
Faust or Munihausen?

Tom: Faust things faust....

Joel: <wincing> Please... no more puns, okay?
 

>so piss of if your here to make me more misrable than I
>allready am"
 

Tom: <Munihausen>  Well, If you insist... Just give me a moment to
open my fly and....
 

>"no ive heard that Maieson is at Jagged rock
 

Crow:  Exactly where did he hear about this?  The grapevine?

Tom: Some friends, romans and countrymen must have lent him
their ears....
 

>and I wondered if you want the opptunity to kill Switchblade Yourself
>one on one or eleven to one" Munihausen said
 

Crow: He wants to challenge Switchblade to a game of basketball?

Joel: Kinda hard to play basketball on a jagged rock.

Tom: They'll have to play with *Sudden Death* rules.  First one to slip
and fall to their death, loses!
 

>"Good Ill leave immediatly"
 

Joel: If not sooner.
 

>Maieson watched the sun rise as he allways does but something wasnt
>right
 

Crow:  <Maieson> Although that pretty mushroom cloud is a nice touch.

Tom: <singing>  There's a bright golden haze on the meadow....
 

>he felt he was being watched the wind felt good on his face but
>the smell of salt water woke him up even more
 

Tom: <Maieson>  Oh, I must have fallen into the sea again.
 

>as he got up to leave he heard a fimilar sound and sight of sulfur and
>fire as Naroth appeared with 10 more demons
 

Joel: <Naroth>  Meet my dream team!
 

>"You bastard you couldnt stay away could you"
>"silence Maieson your soul will be Nagumos one way .... or the other
 

Crow:  Let us pray it isn't the other.
 

>ATTACK!!!!!!!!!"
 

All: COBRA!!!
 

>as the order was given all 10 of the demons charged twords him
>"oh shit FIRE BLAST"
 

Tom: Quick!  Get the baking soda!
 

>As the blast hit the middle of the crowd 5 were burned on contact
>but the other 5 took a swipe at him two took him down and held him
>by the arms as Naroth hovered over him like a vulture
>"Games over Maieson YOUVE LOST"
>"NOT YET"
 

Tom: <Maieson> 7... 6... Damn it, where's that quarter?!?  5... 4... I know
I have another one somewhere in my pocket?!?  3... 2... There!  Got it!
1... *clink*  Whew!  Just in time!
 

>as Maieson kicked Naroth 5 feet back and crushed the two
>demons heads together
 

Crow:  Naroth has five feet? Man, I figured the author would at least
attempted to tell something like THAT to the reader.
 

>the other 3 demons charged him but neglected the rock cliff as
>Maieson stepped out of the way the three demons fell off the cliff into
>the drink 50 feet below
 

All: <Muted trumpet imitation>  Wah-wah-wah-wahhhhhh.
 

>"You want to catch me Naroth come get me"
>"catch you I want to KILL YOU" Naroth said
 

Joel: <Maieson>  Kill me?  I want you to CATCH ME!

Crow: <Naroth>  Do you expect me to catch you?

Joel: <Maieson>  No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to KILL ME!

Tom: I wish someone will kill me right now....

Crow: Why?  Do you expect us to KILL YOU?

Joel: No, Mr. Crow, He expects to BE CAUGHT!

Tom: Enough already!  Let's get back to the fic!
 

>as he charged in Demon form with the sword of flame as he struck
>Maieson in the chest as Maiesoncringed he felt pain for the first time
>he took out a potion and threw it at Naroth the Burning oil didnt feel
>good to Naroth as he clenched his face
 

Joel: <Naroth>  Nope, this doesn't feel good at all.  Yep, I'm
definitely unhappy at the moment.  No doubt about it.

Tom: And I thought aftershave was painful....

Crow:  <Naroth>  Damn you, V.O. 5 hot oil!  Damn you to hell!!!
 

>this was the chance
 

Joel: To win 11 dollars in a beauty contest?
 

>Maieson he jumped on Naroth and took him down and proceded to
>pound on him some more and spoke after each punch
>"WHERES... YOUR.... INSTINCT.... NOW ....... FUCKER......
>NOW ....DIE......."
 

Crow: The part of Maieson will now be played by William Shatner.
 

>Before he could snap his neck Naroth pushed Maieson off stood up
>and disapeared in a cloud od fire before he left he said
>"Next time it will be diffrent Maieson Nagumo will have your soul
>HAHAHAHA"
 

Tom: Then Nagumo will be the *soul* man!  HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Joel: Let's see... he escaped to fight another day... He vowed
revenge... and then he finished with evil laughter.  Yep, Naroth's
well on his way to becoming the traditional villain.

Crow: Not quite Joel, he still has to put Maieson in a death machine
and tell him his entire evil plan for no particular reason.

Joel: Oh yeah, I forgot.
 

>"Next time Naroth youll be dead"
 

Tom: So be sure to tune in next time, same Hellraiser time, same
Hellraiser channel!
 

>Later back at the house Himi had just finshed with Buju and the rest
>and was wondering where Maieson was but no sooner then Himi said
>it a familiar sound was visable.......
 

Crow: The sound was visible?
 

>It was maieson on his bike and as soon as they saw him he fell off the
>bike as it crashed into the telephone poll just by the house
 

Joel: The latest poll shows Maieson falling rapidly....
 

>and Maieson was clutching his chest as Himi came out she checked
>Maieson's chest and saw the wound Naroth did
 

Crow: <British accent>  Oh no!  It's the war wound!  The wound!  THE
WOUND!
 

>"Get him inside and hurry" Himi said as Buju and Amano brought
>Maiesons unconsious body inside and Himi went to work fixing up
>Maieson if it wasnt too late allready.
 

Tom: <Himi> I can't help this man, it's too late already.

Crow: <Amano> Oh well, thanks for trying anyway, doctor.

Tom: <Himi> Oh, I'm not a doctor.
 

>Chapter 3 -- Maieson's Folly
 

Tom: Being in this fanfic?

Joel:  <singing>  Deck the halls with Maieson's Folly, Fa la la la la la...
la la la la....
 

>When Maieson woke up his chest was in bandages and it was nighttime
>when he tried to get up he felt his ribs hurt and decided to lay back
>down
 

Tom: <Maieson>  I knew there had to be a reason for those bandages....

Crow: But the bandages are on his chest, not his ribs....

Tom: Gee, an inconsistency.  Who'd thunk it?
 

>he felt like he got hit with a freight train as soon as he groaned
 

Joel: Geez, I hope he doesn't sneeze or who knows how he'll feel.
 

>Amano walked in the room with a bandage over his head and eye.
 

Tom:  <Amano>  I AM THE PIRATE KING!!!
 

>"Well what happened to you you look like as bad as I feel" Amano said
>"Damn Naroth he suprised me with some demons I got rid of them but he
>got me"
 

Crow: <gangster>  You got me, you dirty rat!

Joel: <singing> He got you, babe....
 

>"Suprise Attack huh well it dont suprise me it looks like he did a good
>job on ya"
>"No shit Amano look what happened to my chest"
 

Tom: <Maieson>  I grew breasts!

Joel: Heh, that would explain the bandages....

Crow: Who knew Naroth was a plastic surgeon on the side?

Joel: I wonder if Ukyou helped him with his bindings....
 

>"Well ... Could have been worse i could have been dead"
>"true"
 

Tom: Give me plot... or give me death!
 

>Maieson looked at his arm and saw he had road rash he couldnt anything
>after he got about 5 blocks home
 

Crow: Where's a Sega Genesis when you REALLY need one?!?
 

>"what happened to my arms and legs"
 

Joel: He had to pay for his operations.
 

>"Well you pulled in the wrong way and well lets just say you wrecked
>your bike when you came in around 40 mph the bike went into the
>telephone poll but you went crashing into the house itself"
 

Crow: Forget it!  This ain't no Zucker Brothers sketch!
 

>"damn and I just tuned up that bike"
>"dont worry man ill work on it it not beyond repair"
 

Tom: <Amano> No checking the oil or polishing the fenders or any of
that crap!  I'm going to repair the bike and that's it!  No more.  No less.
 

>"When I get back up and walking ill help"
 

Joel: <Amano> What's the matter?  Too lazy to drag yourself over?

Crow: He's got no arms and legs remember?

Tom: So?  Let him use his teeth!  If it's good enough for Bonk....
 

>"ok but dont strain yourself when you see the bike in the condition its
>in"
 

Joel: <Maieson> Okay, but can I lose control of my bodily functions and
cry like a little baby?
 

>"No Problem"
 

Joel: <Maieson> Groovy!
 

>As Amano left Maieson thought of the things Naroth could have done
>if he hadnt fought back
 

Tom: <Maieson>  If I hadn't defended myself... Naroth might have...
might have... kicked my ass!

Crow: Or even worse, forced him to watch re-runs of Charles Grodin.
 

>but he heard a familiar voice as she kissed his forhead and she knew
>who it was
 

Joel: Mom?
 

>"After all of this stuff happened i thought that a kiss would cheer you
>up Maieson" Mido said as se hovered over the bed
 

Crow: *Se* what happens when you don't check for spelling errors?
 

>"thanks Mido but im not in the mood to be cheered up right now"
>Maieson said with a serious look on his face
 

Tom: <Maieson>  Leave me alone!  I'm having a moment of
introspection....
 

>"I heard about Naroth's suprise attack why does Nagumo want you so
>bad"
 

Crow: Too darn cute, I guess.
 

>"For the soul of Switchblade thats why he wants to capture me and
>transfer Switchblade's soul into Nagumo so Nagumo can corupt the
>soul to evil if that happend he cant be beaten thats why he wants me
>dead"
 

Joel: Wait a minute!  If Nagumo can become invincible by transferring
Switchblade into him, how come Maieson isn't invincible right now?

Crow: Maybe the demon is stronger when he's evil?

Tom: Yeah, evil will always triumph because good is a momma's boy....
 

>"Oh dear thats gonna be bad if that happens"
 

Crow: <Mido>  I'll probably be forced into becoming his love slave and
he'll have a bunch of really long tentacles... Whoa!  Dejavu!
 

>"Dont worry Mido as long as im alive it will be a cold day in hell
>before Nagumo takes my soul"
 

Tom: <Satan>  Damn furnace is on the blink again!
 

>"its good to hear that you wont give up"
>Then Mido gave Maieson a kiss on the lips and left Maieson had been
>Mido girlfriend for 7 months now and had not had sex with Mido once
 

Crow: LOOOOOOOOSER!

Joel: Maybe he's just Catholic?

Tom: Actually, when you think about it, who'd want to sleep with Miko
after all the demons that she's....

Joel: Tom, just leave it at that... thank you.
 

>but because she is the leader of the Miroku clan and stull a virgin and
>she must still be one
 

Crow: <author> She must be!  I won't accept any other explanation!
 

>but since Mido entered Maiesons life its been one adventure after another
>espically because of the way she battles the shimika demons with sex
>and opponing clans as well its just been too wierd for Maieson to handle
>even he could'nt fathom what these battles were about but now Maieson
>is as curious than ever.
 

Tom: I guess no one bothered to explain the birds and the bees to
Maieson....

Crow: No one bothered to explain it to us either.  Say, Joel....

Joel: Not now, guys....
 

>"Thinking with your dick not your brain" The soul interupted
 

Crow: <Maieson> Technically, I'm still using my head.
 

>"Shut up this is serious I cant explain this wierd problem one day I
>will but its just racking my brain out untill then"
 

Tom: Puberty sucks, don't it?
 

>"dont worry just remember a relationship is not based on sex even if it
>is with a sexcraft master ill tell ya not from experience with them but
>with other relationships other people have had with the soul bearers in
>the past"
 

Crow: <Switchblade>  We souls like to kiss and tell!

Joel: I've heard souls like to switch once in a while....
 

>"Ill keep that in mind now what about trying to heal me up some"
 

Tom: <Maieson>  Hey, watch those hands, buster!

Crow: <Switchblade>  Sorry, thought you said *feel*.  By the way, you
have some really nice breasts there, boss....
 

>"Yeah Yeah hold your horses" the soul said as his voice disapeared form
>his head
 

Joel: <Maieson>  Ahhh!  We're no longer part of the collective!
We're not Borg anymore!
 

>A few hours later it was morning and Maieson was up and about
>wondering what happened to Naroth and his plans to kill him
>"oh well" Maieson thought "I guess since I made his face look like
>some tenderized hamburger he wont try for awhile"
 

Joel:  Too bad he didn't make his face look like a Manwich or he might
have scared him off for good.

Crow: Manwich:  The sandwich that reminds you you ate it.
 

>Naroth did not return to Osaka as he would usually he went to find
>someone he knew outside Osaka as Naroth walked around in New
>Osaka he pondered the question
 

Tom: <Naroth> What the hell is the author rambling on about?!?

Crow: To be coherent or not to be coherent, that is the dilemma....

Joel:  Let's see... Naroth didn't go back to Osaka because he usually
finds someone outside of Osaka so he walks around New Osaka, a
completely different Osaka, pondering....
 

>"is Maieson the immortal that he is
 

Tom: ...or am I just glad to see him?
 

>or is he a pain in the ass who stronger than hell" He wondered this as
>he walked in to the bar "The Bastards Bar"
 

Tom: <Naroth> Afternoon everybody!

Joel: <bar patrons> NAROTH!!!

Crow: The Bastards Bar: Where nobody knows your parent's name.
 

>ordered a drink and sat down. he wondered if the man he was looking
>for was here but he should know soon enough.

>Amano was laying down in his bed tossing and turning wondering if
>he had did the right thing in pissing of Maieson earlier id he hadnt of
>done that Naroth wouldnt of kicked Maieson ass his guilt was on his
>consious all night
 

Tom: He's losing me guys....

Crow: I was lost about five paragraphs ago....

Tom: What paragraphs?  This story hasn't stopped since we started
for crying out loud!?!  The pace of this story is moving faster than the
monster in The Relic!

Joel: Amano's feeling guilty about pissing off Maieson because if he
hadn't done it, Naroth wouldn't have kicked his ass... I think that's
what he means, anyway....

Crow: <Amano>  Man, looking for the Overfiend was a lot less
complicated.....
 

>when he couldnt sleep he got up when he went out into the dining
>room he saw Maieson sitting down in one of the chairs outside
>having a smoke
>"got one for a friend" Amano said
>"yeah" maieson said
 

Tom: <Maieson>  But he hasn't arrived yet... heh heh heh....
 

>Maieson handed a cigarette to Amano and lit it for him
>"so feeling better allready"
 

Joel: Oh yeah... <wheeze>... Nothing like a good smoke... <cough>... to
make my injuries feel a whole lot better... <choke>....

Crow: You shouldn't smoke those... they'll kill ya.
 

>"Yeah since im Switchblade I get all of the abilties and one of them is
>healing"
 

Crow: Can he heal this fanfic?

Joel: <Switchblade>  I can even produce screwdrivers and scissors
from my body!  And check out all these individual corkscrews!
 

>"well ya look ok from what i can see"
>"looks can be deceving"
>"oh really you could of fooled me"
>"dont give me that shit Amano because of this injury Naroth gonna
>die first then Munihausen, and finally Nagumo and im gonna enjoy
>ripping his goddammed head off his fuckin shoulders!"
 

Tom: Then Nagumo won't have to worry about dandruff flakes
anymore....

Crow: <Nagumo>  Hey, my head is tingling!

Joel: <Amano> That means it's decapitated.
 

>"hey Maieson calm down you know Naroth was a sneaky bastard and
>your not the only one who wants all of Nagumo's Empire destroyed all
>of us do and this attack gives us more strenght"
 

Tom: So in essence, they're playing rope-a-dope with Nagumo?

Joel: <Amano> We'll stand here and get beaten up time and time again
until they're exhausted from pummeling and then we'll push them over!
Brilliant strategy!
 

>"Amano you sound like me when i first got the soul of Switchblade"
 

Crow: <Amano> You mean like this?  AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I'M
BEEN POSSESSED!!!  SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!  AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Joel: <Maieson> Exactly!
 

>"well since you've got stonger we've gotten smarter it looks like youve
>missed the whole point of why we came together"
>"I havent forgoten but just strayed off from the path"
>"strayed i say lost"
 

Tom: Much like the plot.
 

>"dont start..."
>"what Maieson youve gotten more violent since you met Naroth last
>night and sent him through that wall and now this incident at Jagged
>Rock was the puller for you get with the program"
>"You know Maieson Amano's right" the soul interupted
 

Tom: And so's Howard Johnson!
 

>"Stay the fuck outta this" Maieson thought
>"Maieson either shape up or ill have to beat some sense into you" Amano
>said as he was getting really pissed off
>"you wouldnt dare Amano"
>As Maieson said thoes words Amano sent Maieson throught the side of
>the patio and falling twords the ground as Maieson hit he kiped up and
>thought
 

Crow: <Maieson>  Ouch, that hurt!
 

>"Shit Amano's serious"
>As Amano descended Maieson jumped back and decided if Amano wants
>to finsh this he will agree and started to charge power up
 

Joel: I never knew Maieson was a Solider of the Future.
 

>"FIRE BLAST"
 

Tom: Original name for an attack, eh?
 

>The fire blast missed Amano by mear inches and
 

Crow: Whew!  That was a *mear* miss!
 

>Amano tackled Maieson to the ground and Amano started to pound on
>Maieson as he did to Naroth and this only enraged Maieson to the
>point he had so much power in him he had to release it
 

Tom: <Maieson>  Good thing I had thirds at the Taco Bell Salad Bar!

Crow: Now all he needs is a lit match and a good aim....
 

>and pushed Amano off him as Amano got up he saw that fire was
>surrounding Maieson
 

Crow: Come on, feel the burn!
 

(Suddenly the screen goes white)
 

Tom: Huh?

Crow: Is it over?
 

>Chapter 5-- Aliance of Evil
 

Joel: Hey, what happened to Chapter 4?

Tom: Who cares?  Be thankful for small favors!

Crow: Some things are not meant to be questioned....
 

>When the group went back inside they were in awe of Maieson's new
>found strenght and wits in that battle killing all of the demons just
>with his powers and smarts
 

Crow: Where as before, when he was weak and stupid, he only had an
*UZI* to rely on....
 

>and this put many of Maieson friends in a state of shock how could the
>soul in his body be so atuned to each other he has had the soul for 7
>years and has been his guide but with all the things that has happened
>since then the power to beat Naroth and very severly and also beating
>those demons himself but now Maieson was tired and thirsty he then
>grabbed a beer and started to drink
 

Tom: Is it my imagination or did the author realize that paragraph was
going nowhere and therefore decided to change the subject?

Crow: Is there ANY lemon in this story or what?!?

Joel: There might be some lemon in the beer.

Crow: That's not what I meant Joel.

Tom: Our riffs are dirtier than this fanfic!
 

>he ploped his body down on one of the chairs and relaxed knowing that
>the Hellraisers would live to fight again.
 

Joel: Should he be running away then?
 

>Meanwhile in New Osaka Naroth had been waiting for this man for a
>few hours then finally there was a rumble of thunder outside and the bar
>went silent
 

Tom: Tatewaki Kuno had arrived.
 

>out walked a man who was dressed in a red cloak and a red
>mask with a pattern of an axe on it
 

Joel: <Naroth>  Loved you in Mask of the Red Death!
 

>he walked in and grabbed the bartender and shook him and spoke.
 

Tom: <red man>  Sorry pal, I mistook you for a magic 8-ball....

Crow: <red man>  Hey!  How come you didn't bake?!
 

>"the usual bartender"
 

Crow: <bartender> He's on vacation, you'll have to settle for me.

Joel: <bartender>  That's one Shirley Temple coming right up.

Tom: How about a Madonna? It's a Shirley Temple but without the cherry....

Joel: <groans>
 

>the bartender gave the man in red a beer and sat in a dark corner
 

Tom: After successfully conquering the Martians, Santa's life hit rock
bottom....
 

>Naroth knew that this was the guy he walked up to the table
 

Crow: Because only a bad guy is stupid enough to sit in a dark corner.
 

>"Excuse me sir but i have a buisness proposal that you that could be
>intrested in"
 

Tom: <Naroth> I'm selling these fine leather jackets....

Crow: <Naroth> It's only one night and you'll be paid 10 million dollars.
All you have to do is participate in a threesome with this white cat and a
thirteen year old hermaphrodite named....

Joel: CROW!

Tom: Now that's what I call an indecent proposal.
 

>"Youve gotten my attention, Speak" the man in red said
>"well ive heard you have heard of the Hellraisers"
 

Joel: <Naroth> Hmmm? Oh yeah!  Those are the guys that go around
raising hell, right?
 

>The man in red look even more intent on listening to Naroth
"Ive heard of them go on"
"well im gonna offer you a chance to get rid of the Hellraisers once and
for all if your intrested"
 

All: WE'RE INTERESTED!  WE'RE INTERESTED!
 

>"im intrested what do you want in return"
>"Robert Maieson's Head on a stick"
>"DID YOU SAY ROBERT MAIESON"
 

Crow: No, he said Robert Maieson's head on a stick.  Pay attention!

Tom: Maybe he means Robert Morrison?

Joel: <man in red>  I'm still pissed over that P-Chan/Akane lemon he
did back in April!  Everyone else forgot about it, but I didn't!  Revenge
will be mine!  BWAHAHAHA!!!!
 

>"yes have you heard of him"
 

Tom: <Naroth>  Oh yeah!  The guy that kicked my ass a little while
ago!  Hears voices in his head, right?
 

"I SHOULD OF IM HIS TWIN BROTHER JULLIAN I AM KNOW
AS WAR MASTER"
 

Tom: Wha...?

Crow: Oh, BROTHER....

Joel: I AM THE TERRIFYING, ALL POWERFUL, ALL SEEING, WAR
MASTER... Jullian.

(Joel and Tom start to crack up while Crow shakes his head in disbelief)

Crow: That's like naming the Terminator, Archibald.
 

>"well do you accept"
>"Yes without a excuse"
 

Tom: <Jullian> If I mess up again, I won't give any excuses!  I'll just
hang my head in shame....

Crow: Just like the author.
 

>As Naroth sat there with his chance at getting rid of Maieson once and
>for all Jullian Maieson his twin brother Naroth laughed knowing that
>victory was near.
 

Tom: Uh oh!  JULLIAN is coming!  Watch out for JULLIAN!

Crow: Joel, I'm scared!  JULLIAN'S going to get us!  Hee! Hee! Hee!

Joel: JULLIAN'S gonna get medieval on Maieson's ass!
 

>TO BE CONTINUED IN BOOK 1:2
 

Crow: ...buckle my shoe.

Tom: 3... 4... shut the door, skip the sticks, and let's get the hell out of here!
 

>Any Question or comments email me at Eaton1@media2.hypernet.com
>Ill try to answer as many questions as I can answer thanks...

>-- Aaron
 

Tom: Here's one... What were you thinking?!?

Joel: How about... What the hell was that whole story about?"

Crow: Of all the names he could have chosen for his villain, why
settle on JULLIAN?

Joel:  Well, At least the fanfic's over... now we can breathe....

Tom: Not till we're out of the theater, Joel....
 

* * *
 

SATELLITE OF LOVE
 

 "It's that time again... Bring out the box!"

 Crow did so and Joel reached inside to grab a bunch of fan
letters and began to read them out loud.

 "As before, to protect the privacy of the people who wrote in,
we've left off the last name and e-mail address of the senders.  Don't
worry, they're all genuine."  Tom pointed out.

 This nice fan letter comes from Bonnie and she wrote...
 

*I can't tell you how much I've been enjoying your "Sailor Moon" MSTings.
Even though I'm not a fan of Anime, I know a good MSTing when I see it. It
takes rare talent to take something as repulsive as "Artemis' Lover" and
make a genuinely funny and enjoyable reading experience out of it.

But the thing I've enjoyed most about your works is the host segments. I
like how you've done them in "novel" form, rather than "script" form--it
really makes you feel like you're watching the MSTing unfold on television.
And your geniune affection for the Joel-era characters shines through.
You've captured the one quality which separated the Joel episodes from the
Mike ones--the soft candy center under the brittle surface, the genuine
love between Joel and the bots. (I have always preferred the Joel episodes
for that very reason. The Mike episodes may have great MSTing, but the
chemistry between the characters will never be quite the same).

Keep up the great work!

Bonnie*
 

 "And thank you, Bonnie for the nice letter!  We always
appreciate the people who take time out to give us C&C and we can't
begin to express our appreciation for them."  Joel replied with a smile.

 "I just have one question...."  Crow remarked.  "What does
Bonnie mean by the "Mike" episodes?  And why is that name so
familiar?  I know I've heard it before but for the life of me I just can't
remember where....Oh, well."
 

 "Our next letter comes to us from the creator of Ranma 1/2:
Accused, which we MSTed in the forth episode before Judge Brainitite...."
Joel continued.

 "Uh oh...."  Tom and Crow swallowed nervously.

 Joel skimmed the letter a bit.  "Hey guys!  Check this out!"
 

*I absolutely *LOVED* (no sarcasm intended) the MiSTy you did of my
fanfic. Admittedly, looking back, it was not my best and I found
myself cracking up with laughter at it! If you like, I'll send a
nice little Tenchi fic your way you're more than welcome to MiSTify
if you like. That was a great job! Keep up the excellent work. :)*

 
 "Cool!  He has a sense of humor!"  Crow applauded.

 "Great...that's all we need.  A Tenchi fic for Dr. F to torture
us with...."  Tom grumbled.

 "Cheer up, Tom.  Maybe it won't be all that bad...."

 "I've heard that before...."  Tom replied sarcastically.

 "Here's a letter from Aweke and he writes...."
 

*Hello.
I was reading your kewl MSTs, and I realized that most anime fans don't know
about MST3k. Could you try to put an intro about it in your next MST, and put
the listings for it(5 and 11 pm Eastern, 2 and 8pm Pacific)? I think it would
be a help.  Oh yeah, nice remake of the episode where there's an Evil Mike
and stuff with Joel.*
 

 "Hmmm, he has a point....Some people might not be aware of
what MST3K is all about." Joel said.  "The best place I've found for
information is the MST3K FAQ page at http://www.mst3kinfo.com/
in the 'Show History' section.  It pretty much describes the concept of
the show and how it came to be.  Hope that helps."

 "Basically, in a nutshell, Joel's being forced to watch all these
cheesy movies and fanfics by Dr. Forrester in an effort to find the one
that'll break his spirit and then Dr. F will use it to rule the world.  He
built Crow and I in order to help him keep his sanity during the experiments
and to keep him company on those cold lonely nights."  Tom joked.

 "We could sing the theme song... but we're running out of time.
Do we have time for one more letter, Joel?"

 
 "You bet!  This one comes to us from the Flashman, creator of
Sailor Jupiter Vs. Godzilla and he writes....
 

* Hello,

I've been enjoying the MSTings you're doing and hope you continue
them for a long time to come.

Now a few comments about each of them...

1) "Games": A good first effort.  The "hipcups" joke was good as well
as the "levitating Mina" running gag.

2) "Artimis's Lover": GACK!  Thank you VERY much for cutting out the
majority of the Lemon scene.  Also, I hope Tom has fully recovered
from his bout of Cat Fist.

3) "Sailor Jupiter VS Godzilla": My favorite one... for obvious
reasons. :)  BTW, if Joel ever has to play "Duke Nukum" again,
remember the invincibility code.

4) "Judge Brainite": Not much to say on this one.  It was good.

5) "The War": Dang that intro was long.  BTW, if Crow even THINKS of
continuing that story and I find out about it, I'll come up there and
turn him into a microwave.  BRING ON THE CHICKEN CANNON!

6) "Transitions": The Satalite of HATE???  Nice touch.  Again, the
intro was a bit long, but it was nice to see that even good fics can
be MSTed.

That's all I have to say about that.  Keep up the good work.

See ya,

The Flashman

May The Spirit Preserve You!*
 

 "Everyone seemed to think the intros to the last two MSTings
were too long so we hope you liked this one better.  Shorter intro,
longer MSTing, and a segment at the end you can choose to read or
not."

 "You mean, some people might have already skipped this
part?!?"  Crow replied, shocked.

 "Hey, it's their loss if they did...."  Tom pointed out.

 "Well, that's just about it for this week....I'm Joel Robinson
and on behalf of the Satellite of Love, Deep 13 and my friends here,
I bid you a fond farewell for now!  Say goodnight, Crow."

 "Goodnight, Crow."  Crow replied.
 

* * *
 

(THE REAL EN....)
 

"HOLD IT!!!"
 

DEEP 13
 

 "Not so fast!  We fade to black when *I* say we fade to black
and not before!"  Dr. Forrester exclaimed as T.V.'s Frank stood beside
the button, sweating profusely.

  "Now, before we depart, I want to know why the forth part of
today's MSTing suddenly vanished into thin air?  Care to explain this
to the readers, Frank?"

 Frank bigsweated.  "Uh... We were running long?"

 Dr. Forrester held out a fist.  "You see that?"

 Frank slapped the fist down only to have Dr. Forrester's
other hand come around and smash a wooden mallet over Frank's head.
Frank's face became peaceful as he started to tip over.  Dr. Forrester
nudged him the other way and smiled as Frank's head impacted on the
button on the way down to the floor.
 
 "OK, now you can fade to blac....."
 

THE REAL END.
 

(Feel free to hum the closing theme as you read my author's notes.)
 

Lucky MSTing number 7 is at an end.  Can 11 be far behind?

Normally, at this point, I would give very special thanks to Jeffrey
"Oneshot" Wong, whom, without his help and C&C, I wouldn't have
been able to finish this MSTing.  However, this time he went above and
beyond the call of duty by working together with me on this project and
he deserves as much credit for this MSTing as I do.  :)

I'd also like to thank Timothy McLees, Luna and Artemis, Chris
Bergstrom, Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight) and Sakura for being nice
enough to post my MSTings on their webpages.

I'd like to give special thanks also to Robert Morrison for helping us
find the original draft of this story.  We appreciate your help and are
in your debt.  :)

If there's anyone else I missed, I apologize.

Finally I'd like to thank Aaron Eaton for writing "Hellraisers" and
not having a problem with this MSTing as well as giving us a lot of
material to work with.  We appriciate it!

C&C, as always, is appreciated.  (fcasper@yesic.com) (jeffwong@li.net)
Feel free to send in any anime fanfic that you would like to see MSTed
and I'll take a look at it.  Also, if you're interested in seeing any previous
episodes of this series, you can check them out at the following webpages
or, if you wish, I'd be happy to e-mail them to you.  ;)

Also, there's a meeting of fanfic writers every Sunday, starting at 3:30
P.M. at bachman.newberry.edu on IRC.  New members are always welcome.
 

Sincerely,

Megane 6.7 and Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong

A MSTing for all Seasons
http://www.nabiki.com/mst
A full archive of all Mystery Science Theater 6.7 episodes, Megane 6.7
fanfiction, and collaborations!

Shizen's Versatile Home Page V3.0
http://svhp.webjump.com/  (Contains links to my MSTings and fanfics)
(Alternate site: http://www.tass.org/fanfic/MST3k/)

Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/
 

SEASON ONE
------------------

101- "GAMES" by Artemis  (SM Lemon)
102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER"  (Original Draft)  by Oscar  (SM Lemon)
103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA"  by The Flashman
(SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER)
104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker  (SM Fanfic)
w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin  (R1/2 Fanfic)
105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave  (R1/2 Fanfic)
106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson  (Nuku Nuku Fanfic)
107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton
(La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover)
108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave  (R1/2 Fanfic)
109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky
(SM/WWF Crossover)
w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon  (SM/RL Crossover)
110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER
CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker  (SM Christmas Fanfic)

SEASON TWO
-------------------
201- "THAT GIRL"  PT. 1-2  by Oscar  (SM Lemon)
202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino  (SM Lemon)
203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn  (SM/SPAWN Crossover)
204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2  by Hitomi Ichinohei  (R1/2 Fanfic)
205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz  (SM Lemon)
206- "OSCAR TOON"  PT. 1-4 by Oscar  (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover)
207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari
(Mutiple Crossover Lemon)
208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep  (R1/2 Fanfic)
209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS  (SM Lemon)
210- "URUSEI YATSURA: THE KIDNAPPING" by Shutaro Mendou
(UY Lemon)

SEASON THREE
----------------------
301- "A WET DREAM COME TRUE" by Mike Rhea  (R1/2 Lemon)
302- "TORTURED ECHO" PT. 1-4 by Trakal  (R1/2 Fanfic)
303- "RANMA KILLS!" PT. 1-2 by Sir Asayogure  (R1/2 Fanfic)
304- "OKONOMIYAKI SUMMER" by Mike Rhea  (R1/2 Fanfic)
w/short "UNDER THE MISTLETOE" by Mike Rhea  (R1/2 Fanfic)
305- "XMAS SPECIAL: A CHRISTMAS FIT FOR A POKEMON"
by Dr. Thinker  (Pokemon Christmas Fanfic)
306- "9-BALL DREAMS" PT. 1-2 by Mr_Jazz  (SM Crossover Lemon)
307- "WINTER" by Joseph Palmer  (R1/2 Fanfic)
308- "UKYO GETS WHAT SHE DESERVES" PT. 1-2 by R_Vincent
(R1/2 Lemon)

SHORTY!
-------------
101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY!
102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET!
103- PHEROMONES!
104- THE INTERNET SPY AND YOU!!

OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO
---------------------------------------------------------
"DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker  (SM Fanfic)
"MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff  (SM/TNG Crossover)

Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/

"THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin  (SM Dark Lemon)
"9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams  (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon)

Lefty's MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/MSTings/index.htm

'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE!
(Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle)

Website Number 9 MSTings
http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml

"THE DAY OF EMERGENCE" by Jeffrey Lee
(Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover)

"REDHEADS" by Robert Haynie
(Slayers/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)

Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html

OTHER GREAT WEBPAGES WORTH VISITING

Zoogz's Fanfiction and Fandom Page
http://www.nav.to/Zoogz

The Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong
http://www.anime.sobhrach.com\~jeffwong\index.html

'Suicide Blast' by: Keener
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/3342/Suicide.html
Additional links for Keener's stuff
-- http://tmffa.com/
-- http://www.redrival.com/myrriden/index.html

Flashman's Flash Point
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/

JOLT!!!
http://members.home.net/jolt.caffiene/welcome.htm

Website Number 9 MSTings
http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml

Lord Carnage's Cursed Fanboys Page!
http://carnage.fanfic.org

A Sailor Moon Romance
http://moonromance.simplenet.com/

Zen's Fanfiction Page
http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html

Webdragon's Lair
http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/

Sean Gaffney's Webpage
http://www.thekeep.org/~sean/index.html
 

"it was you who brought us together and made us the team we are today
and right now this stuff will happen it does when a new group gets
together it cant be helped you have to live with that"

 
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 1997 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.
 

Keep Circulating the Fanfics....