*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS* (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain) (The future isn't what it used to be....) "MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON TWO) EPISODE 20: URUSEI YATSURA: THE KIDNAPPING PT. 2 (A Urusei Yatsura Lemon MSTing) MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 (megane67@rogers.com) This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering my own ass here folks.... "Urusei Yatsura" is the property of Rumiko Takahashi and all the distributors of her work. "Urusei Yatsura: The Kidnapping" is the property of SMendou and he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend this person for making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;) Warning: This fic contains mature content and lemon content. If you are offended by such material, simply delete it and it's gone. If not, enjoy! * * * (Door 6: It slides open on both sides..) (Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you move on..) (Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.) (Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..) (Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and touches the door. The door vanishes.) (Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.) (Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.) Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow sitting on his right. Joel: Ready guys? Bots: Ready! Joel: Let's do it! And for the readers at home, feel free to sing along with us! Tom: Here we go.... Tom: - This is our song, about the plot, within this le-mon fannnn... fic. - We've thrown our hands up, in the air, and said we just don't get...it. - This lemon really makes no sense, so why should we, recap this shi....? Joel: - Tommyboy, we have a job, so come on and get on with it! Tom: - Well, Lum was sad, because her darling, A-tar-u, would not come home. - And there-fore, she decided, she would let her fin-gers search and roam. - But then, when she was done, she was un-sa-tis-fied, and did decide.... Crow: - I'll take a shower, wait some more, and if he's late, I'll zap his hide! All: - She'll take a shower, wait some more, and if he's late, she'll zap his hide! - She'll take a shower, wait some more, and if he's late, she'll zap his hide! - She'll take a shower, wait some more, and if he's late, she'll zap... his... hide! Joel: - Then... we cut to... Mo-ro-bo-shi, as he pleads with, Me-ga-ne. - No re-la-tion, to the au-thor, writing this, as we sing plain. - A-ta-ru has nowhere to go, the earthquake closed down, eve-ry-thing.... - Even though the earthquake, really didn't damage an-y-thing All: - A-ta-ru has nowhere to go, the earthquake closed down eve-ry-thing.... - Even though the earthquake, really didn't damage an-y-thing.... Joel: - A-tar-u begged and whined, for Meg-a-ne, to help him get inside. - A-tar-u offered, Lum's pan-ties, but Me-ga-ne, had too much pride. - He said, I will not let you ruin me, This is my biggg...break! - A-tar-u, in so many words, told him to go, jump in a lake.... Tom: - Things... went bad to worse, when out popped Cher-ry, that an-noying priest. - Predicted doom, for Mo-ro-bo-shi, told him of, Lum's tasty feast. - A-tar-u rushed for home, as he re-mem-bered, Lum-Chan's dinner date. - We can't help thinking, as he left, the monk remarked, 'This is Fate'.... All: - We can't help thinking, as he left, the monk remarked, 'This is Fate'.... - We can't help thinking, as he left, the monk remarked, 'This is Fate'.... - We can't help thinking, as he left, the monk remarked, 'This... is... Fate'.... Crow: - In the mean-time, in-side Men-do's home, Shi-no-bu searches, for a john. - She claims there's seve-ral, hund-red of them, what the HELL is going on?!? - Then she in-hales, tons of dots, be-fore Men-do finds her a loo. - She thanks him and when she is done, she kindly offers, to be screwed.... All: - Then she in-hales, tons of dots, be-fore Men-do finds her a loo. - She thanks him and when she is done, she kindly offers, to be screwed.... Joel: Men-dooo fum-bled, with her zipper, trying hard, to pull it down. Shi-no-bu smiled, and with her hand, un-zipped his own, and felt around. Leaving her in bra, pan-ties, stockings, she began to dance. Mendo couldn't help but ask, 'Is that strip-tease for me by chance?' Tom: - Then Men-do...with a dash...of O-O-C...drove at her am-ple chest. - And with the pow-er, of a hoo-ver, sucked her firm, and supple breasts. Crow: - By this time, Shinnn-no-bu's lungs, were aching, for a ci-gar-ette! Joel: - And when they finish, lovemaking, then Mendo will, collect his bet! All: - And when they finish, lovemaking, then Mendo will, collect his bet! - And when they finish, lovemaking, then Mendo will, collect his bet! - And when they finish, lovemaking, then Mendo will, collect...his...bet! Crow: - Well, we hope, you liked our song, we really tried, to make it rhyme, man! Tom: - But after all, we're not as good, as Gill-bert, annnd Sull-i-van! Joel: - So join us now, as we con-tin-ue, MST-ing 'The Kid-napp-ing' Crow: - Re-mem-ber, we're as clue-less, when it comes to what is hap-pen-ing! All: -So join us now, as we con-tin-ue, MST-ing 'The Kid-napp-ing' - Re-mem-ber, we're as clueless, when it comes to what is hap-pen-ing! Joel: Whew! Now THAT was fun! >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: Sayyyy, what's a scene change like you doing in a lemon like this? Tom: If I said you had a beautiful taser, would you hold it against me... please? Joel: Stay frosty, Tomcat. >Ataru raced through the streets to get home. Lum was there. He had >to get there. Sukiaki was there. He HAD to get there. Joel: Hey, he was calling it *suliyaki* earlier! Continuity! >He ran and ran and ran.......................... Joel: ...out of fanfic, apparently! Crow and Tom: >and ran until he finally got home. Joel: Ataru Moroboshi *IS* Forrest Gump! >Ataru glanced at his watch 5:59. Good, right on time. Sraightening >himself up he waled in the door. Tom: So close and yet so far. Joel: That Moroboshi is one sad strange little man. >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crow: ANTZ! Now playing at a theater near you! >"Lum! Son-in-law!" "Lum! Son-in-law!" It was Lum's father. >"Hey !!!!!!!!!!!!" Ataru screamed. Joel: Uh... y-yes? Something I can do for you? Crow: PAPA!!! YOU'VE COME HOME!!! >" Happy Anniversary son-in-law.." He said as he glided down from the >second story window. Tom: Sorry, I'm late. I promised Rei I'd come to her window first.... >"Where's Lum?" >" I don't know, " Ataru said with a downtrodden look on his face. >"she's gone." Crow: How sad I am... how sad I am... nobody knows... how sad I am! Tom: A suspicious gust of wind was seen lurking in the area. >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: It was *four* lines before, wasn't it? Tom: Good. Let's hope they'll *all* vanish soon. >Every time she had disappeared before she had left somthing, some >indication that she come back, or some indication of where she was >going. This time there was nothing. Tom: Man, where's Briscoe and Curtis when you really need them? >Nada. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nothing. Joel: Squat! Crow: Bupkus! Tom: The Big Doughnut! >Weirder still, was the fact that he ship was still in orbital park. Crow: Orbital Park. Providing a safe place for planets to play. >She simply vanished without a trace. Somthing was definitely up. >Only one person had the Technology to find her. Joel: Bill Gates? >We knew she was on the planet. That was the first >clue. Time to get the people he knew would help. >"Father-in-law" he screamed, "to Mendo's" Tom: TO THE BATMOBILE!!! Joel: Geez, what the hell is he on, anyway? >"Oh stupid son in law , I Don't know where it is." he replied. >"Just look for the property that's bigger than Tokyo." Ataru said. >"You can't miss it" Joel: Bigger than Tokyo? Try bigger than the flippin' universe! >On the way to Mendo's A message came in on the VidPhone. Crow: Darling! Stop this crazy thing! >An Oni soldier appeared on the screen. "I just got this message sir." Tom: You have mail! >He said to the king."Benten from the Gods of Luck is also missing, >What could this mean?" Joel: I dunno, stay away from slots for a while? >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- All: Three little lines from fic are we! >Mendou and Shinobu finally made it back to the party. Nobody seemed >to notice them walk in a bit flushed. Crow: Yeah, there's been a lot of *flushing* in this lemon, eh? >The reason was that most people were watching this guy with a ponytail >run like a bat out of hell from this cat who was chasing him. t was a >hilarious sight yo behold. Tom: Ranma, you lovable nut! What WILL you turn up next? >"Hey Mendo your finally back. I was looking fot ya." Mendo was >trying to remember the guy's name. He met him at Furinken High. Tom: So this fanfic takes place after 'Still Waters Run Deep'? >He always wore a bandana and his name started with an R............... Joel: But Ryouga isn't afraid of cats! Why was he running? >Before Mendo had a chance to finish his train of thought the mystery >man asked him "Hey where's the bathroom?" Tom: Oh, not ANOTHER extended 'bathroom searching' scene.... >"The door in the back of the room on the center of the wall." Joel: You'll have to jump to reach it. >Mendou replied. "Please do wash your hands. Or I will be forced to >shoot you." Tom: Ha ha! I'm kidding of course! I have servants to do that sort of thing for me! >"Gotcha.... Later." Crow: This fic DARES you to read it. Tom: This fic DARES us to MST it. >"IT WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME >???????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shinobu screamed. Crow: Yet another writer who thinks he can make up for a complete lack of dramatic content by putting in lots of punctuation marks! Joel: Think that really works? Tom: Let's try it! Crow: HOW ARE YOU TODAY, JOEL????!?!?!?!?!!!!!!! Joel: FINE, THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW ABOUT YOU???????!!!!!!!!!!!! Tom: SURE IS NICE WEATHER TODAY, EH???!!!!!!!!!!!???!!!??? >"Well," he replied "You never asked me. Besides we were too far away >at the time; you couldn't have made it. Anyway the other way was much >more f........................." > Crow: Don't be alarmed, everyone! It's just Shinobu peeing again! >Mendo turned his head. The Crowd was now watching the same cat >now chasing a the red-haired girl he was talking to before." > Tom: Shinobu should really cut down on lentils. >The entire pary of 10,000 looked up to see the Oni mothership above >them. The ceiling was gone. A beam of light shot down from the ship >dropping Ataru right in the middle of the room. Tom and Crow: Joel: Ataru Moroboshi *IS* Mr. Bean! >All at once, 1/23 of the guests at the party said "ATARU I TOLD YOU >NOT TO COME HERE YOU PARTY CRASHING BASTARD. YOU >EVEN SCREWED UP THE CEILING! YOU MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tom: The other 22/23 of the guests were too plowed off their asses to take notice. Joel: Let's see... 1/23 of 10,000... that comes to 435 people. Tom: And all those people said all that at the *exact* same time? Wow, I'll bet they'd really wail with the Yoda Chant! >Ataru screamed back. "THIS IS IMPORTANT. ITS URGENT >ITS TRUELY VERY URGENTLY IMPORTAN..." >"GET TO THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" >"Sorry, ...ahem... Crow: It's this fanfic, it's really getting to me. >Lum is missing!" Joel: Quick, someone call Luigi! >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: Joel: Make a note. Death of fanfic occurred at 01:22 Hours. >2hrs. later the search is still going on. Mendo is on the phone >talking to his agents. Crow: That's right, I said an alien princess with GREEN hair and horns! What? You found her!!? Quick, put her on the phone! Hello? Hello? Who's this? Princess Kalm?!? Idiots!! You got the wrong alien princess!! >He gets a sad look on his face. Tom: Cause I'm sad... I'm sad... you know it.... >"...nothing , then call me back later and keep searching" Joel: And if you still haven't found her, at least get me the phone number of that drop-dead gorgeous pig-tailed girl! >An attendant walks up to him. >"Damage report Jeeves." >"Yessir. 100,000 windows were shattered, the roof of the banquet > hall was completely destroyed, 3 extras died, the... hours'derves were > ruined..." Crow: That's what happens when you invite Gwar to play for your ball. >"Oh God...not the hours'derves! Anything else?" Joel: My nose, my arm, and four of my ribs... oh, you mean the house, sir? >"Yessir the Plumbing in the hall bathroom broke, And we found him >there." Points to black pig with bandana aruond neck. We found it >crawling in a tux sir, what shall we do with him?" Tom: Oh, COME ON! You're telling me *P-Chan* managed to find a bathroom but Shinobu was totally clueless? Give me a break! Crow: And Ryouga doesn't... the red haired girl isn't... and the ponytail is... ARRRGHHHHH!!! PARADOX!! PARADOX!! Joel: Calm down, guys. It's just a lemon for pete's sake. >"He looks tasty, put him with the other pigs, maybe I'll boil him >when I get back" Crow: And boy, wouldn't we ALL like to be there when P-Chan changes back into Ryouga.... Tom: Heh heh. >As Jeeves took the pig back it almost looked like it was praying. >Ataru comes up to Mendo and begins to speak "Lum's dad thinks we >should call the police." >"Has he no faith in my forces?" Tom: Mmm, use the forces, Mendo! >"Not when half of your forces are searching Tahiti and the others >are in the Riviera" >" That's natural, they've finished searcing Rio" Crow: Figures they'd blame it on Rio. >"I'll call the cops. 'nuff said" >Ataru picks up the phone and calls the police and when they finally >answer: "Hello Police!" >"Yes I'd like to report a missing person. She's about 5'10" and has >green hair and horns" Tom: What!? Princess Kalm is missing!? Crow: Sorry, we can't help you so *police* don't call us again! Hee hee hee... ow! >"You don't watch TV much do you. Turn on any channel. Bye." Joel: Take the law into your own hands. This is a recording. >Ataru hangs, up puzzled Mendo comes up to him. "Well, what did they >say?" >"She said turn on the TV." Crow: Hey! It's MTV... And they're actually playing VIDEOS! Tom: Pppph, that'll happen. >"Jeeves turn on the TV!" Mendo commanded. "Yes sir." Jeeves replied. >As Jeeves goes to turn on the TV the tension mounts until finally.... Crow: Quick, switch to PBS! They're rerunning our series again! >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: Well, it's not ringside seats but it sure beats the nosebleed section. >TV: (presented in script format) Tom: FANFIC: (presented in incomprehensible format) >An unknown's face and body appear on the screen , he is very well built. >He speaks with a southern accent. Joel: Oh my gosh! It's Mean Mark Callaway! >UNKNOWN: I am Arthur ruler of the Windarians You have Ignored >my requests. Crow: Pull the other one! Tom: I am! And this is my trusty servant, Patsy! >Now I will make good on my claims to rape one of these two girls. Tom: I would complain about a 'Windaria' crossover, but I'm sure no one remembers 'Windaria'. >We created the Earthquakes to disract people while we kidnapped Lum. Joel: So *THEY* were responsible for the earthquake in 'Trapped'! >We are SUPREME............HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!! >ahem... Now, down to business. Tom: Geez, mood swings anyone? Joel: Think this guy is related to Jinnai from El Hazard? >The screen pans down to Lum and Benten in shackles Crow: All right! It's LEMON time again! With bondage to boot! Tom: Sure took long enough. >Lum is in her bikini except for the bottom which is down to her knees. >Benten is in the same position. Crow: Reverse cowgirl!! Tom: Yee Ha! >UNKNOWN (OFFSCREEN): I told you that if The Oni and the Gods >of Luck didn't surrender to us within 2 hours of this original broaadcast >we would have our way with one of them. Now I make good on my >promise. Crow: We're going to Burger King and have them serve it *our* way! >In another two hours, If you have not surrendered the one who was >raped will die and the one who wasn't will be. Do you understand me ? >You'd better. And now on to the show... >Benten you're first. But first I give Lum a taste of what's to come. >By the way I'm Zed not Arthur. Tom: Well, I can see how someone could mistake him for... huh?!? Joel: Dr. Zed from Owl Magazine went bad! Say it ain't so! Crow: He'd going to take over the world with grade school science projects! >Lum and Benten have very scared looks on their faces as Zed comes >closer to Lum, she tries to move away. He massages her clit for a few >seconds. Afterwords he signals someone to come "get" benten. Crow: Take out the last two letters and you have my general feelings of this scene. >The Man, gets behind her and begins to pump. Tom: Ah, The Man finally sticks it to someone else. >Benten Attempts to drown the sensation. She's a cold fish. Crow: Cod, this scene sucks.... Tom: Not as much as that pun. Crow: Bite me. >ZED: Rmember in 2 hours benten dies and Lum gets raped. You will >never find me in time. Joel: Then how the heck are the Oni supposed to let you know they've surrendered? Crow: I've got a homemade volcano and I'm not afraid to add VINEGAR!!! >I AM SUPREME I"M INVINCIBLE Crow: I AM WOOOOOOOOMAAAAAAAAANNNNN.... >HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Tom: HAHAHAHAHA!!! I HAVE A MEGAPHONE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! >Think I'll have a go. Crow: So he's a goer, eh? Know what I mean, know what I mean, nudge nudge? Joel: Wasn't Zed supposed to have a *southern* accent? >Zed then shoots the man raping Benten and kicks him aside. All: YAY!!! >Zed gets on his knees and begins to lick Benten's pussy. All: BOO!!! Tom: Dear god, NOT MERLIN OLSON!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Crow: Benten, the pussy's cold, you're a lousy butler! >Lum can't bear to watch what is going on and shuts her eyes. Joel: I'm with you, Lum. >Benten's face became flushed as she swore at Zed. Tom: He's giving her a swirly! Crow: Thou art a beslubbering, swag-bellied bladder! Tom: Somehow I can't picture Benten swearing in Shakespeare.... >He slapped her once, pulled out his dick and began to rape her. Crow: Oh yeah, THAT'LL make her stop swearing.... >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: 'Flatliners'... Starring Keifer Sutherland. >At seeing this Ataru's, Megane's, and Mendo's rages grow they see >what is happening and know that they must stop it from continuing. Joel: That's it, guys! End the fanfic! Do whatever it takes! Tom: You don't really think that'll work, do you? Joel: Hey, it's worth a shot. >Mendo barks at the console Crow: Ruff! Ruff! Arf! Ruff! >"Give me a trace on that transmission. " >The Console beeps back "3rd planet of Tao Alpha" >"Now the ultimate of engineering, created by Biko my chief engeneer, Tom: And we have third crossover!! >The.............(ta-da) Mendou Super Space Suit_TM." Crow: Hey, you ripped off *my* mobile suit design, you bastard! >"Great," Ataru retorts "how do I get it on?" >"Well", Mendo answers. "First you find a girl, then you take out >Captain Willi..." >"The Suit you MORON, THE SUIT!!!!!!" Crow: Some people can pull off humor like this. This author, however... >"No Idea" >"None at all ?" >"Nope" >"OOOOOOOOOOK... Mendo, How about a different plan?" Ataru >suggested. Tom: How about hijacking the space shuttle and popping the hatch once we reach orbit? Joel: Well, that'll get *us* out of the fanfic but Lum and Benten would still be trapped! Tom: Aw, crap. >"Sir," he says to the King, "What's your fastest ship?" Tom: Well, I once had a juice master sent from Neptune to Oniboshi in under a millennium! >"The Alpha," the King replies "But it only holds 4 people. And only >3 get guns." >"Megane!" Ataru Barked "Mendo, Shinobu come on! I lead the Attack!" Crow: Hey, who died and made you leader, hentai? >All 3 say "Yessir" (none know why) Tom: Yessssssssir... yessssssssir.... Crow: But he doesn't know the territory! >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: Anyone get the feeling the author had to write a lot of lines in school? Tom: Yes, and this lemon is his way of extracting revenge on the world! SWEET SWEET REVENGE!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! Joel: Uh, Tom, are you feeling okay? Tom: Of course! Why wouldn't I be? Hehehehe... hehehe.... >On the way to Tao Alpha C, Ataru thinks about Lum and the times that >they've had. Joel: Time after time.... Crow: Uh oh, heavy introspection on the horizon! >From the first time they met, to the time that she saved him >from humiliation that one Christmas. Tom: ...he had never stopped chasing after women and breaking Lum's heart over and over again! Crow: ...he still had yet to get lucky with one of Lum's hot friends! >She always stood by him and never gave up on him. >All she asked of hom was his love, and she never got paid. Tom: Loving wife by day. Sensual hooker by night. Lum *IS* Oni Angel! >He comes to the conclusion that he really does love her. And knows >that he has to do this. Crow: Man, the things I do for a lemon scene.... >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: Maybe the lines signal a tense change? Tom: Lines Lines everywhere! WILL SOMEBODY GET ME A DRINK!?!? Crow: Woah, Tommy! It's okay! Don't lose it, man! Tom: My head hurts, daddy.... Joel: (cradles Tom in his arms) There there, Tom. Sooner or later, they've got to run out of lines. We survived too many goofy scene changes to fall apart now. Tom: O...okay, I'll try to keep it together. Joel: Good for you. You can do it! >When the Alpha arrives and everybody gets out, Crow: It's Miller Time! >the guns are given to the guys. Tom: You don't mind fighting with your bare hands, do you Shinobu? Joel: No problem! After all, I'm not some poor little wuss that needs a weapon to defend himself like SOME people I know! Crow: Ouch. >After a short distance, they come to a Three way fork in the >tunnel. Tom: W Joel: You can't go that way. Crow: E Joel: You follow the path until you reach a dead end, forcing you to go back. >"Mendou you take the right , Megane you take the left, Shinobu you >stay here and gaurd the ship " Ataru ordered. Crow: Whatever you say, bossy boots! Tom: Which direction will you take, Ataru? >"I'm taking the middle." Tom: Oh. Right. Stupid question. >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crow: So many lines. You'd think we were at the DMV or something. Joel: Or a really popular amusment park ride. Tom: Remaining calm... Will not get upset... Maintain low tones... Loud is not aloud... Silence is golden.... >After 40 minutes of boredom and running Joel: Oh, they must have read X-Raider too, huh? Tom: There was running in X-Raider? >Ataru finally sees some light, Crow: The band, Elwood, the band! >"No traps or anything, This guy is overconfidant. " Joel: And Ataru is overenunciating! >finally he makes it through. Zed turns to se Ataru standing In one of >the room's three doorways with a laser gun. Joel: I have come here to chase cute babes and kick ass! And you've kidnapped the crown jewel of my harem! >"Trying to take me on huh, well you'll have to get Bob first" All: PRAISE "BOB"!! >Zed claps his hands. Suddenly A HUGE human comes out to beat >Ataru to a pulp. Crow: Uh, would it be redundant to say he's huge? Tom: What sin could Bob have committed in a single lifetime to deserve a role in this lemon? >"BOB ZMASH" "BOB KILL" as Bob is saying this Zed is laughing. Crow: Ah yes, the terrifying power of the mighty... Bob. Tom: This is too stupid even for *ME* not to laugh at! >"God I HATE it when that damned monk is right." At this point Ataru >turns to what he's best at, Crow: Girl chasing? >he runs, for several minutes he runs until he in caught in a corner. >Suddenly as Bob runs toward him he dodges out of the way. Bob hits >the wall with a Base shaking thud. All: Wah-wah-wahhhhhh. >"BOB ANGRY" Bob grabs Ataru's gun and throws it away. Tom: BOB HAVE DIFFICULT CHILDHOOD. Joel: BOB WANT DORITOS. BOB HATE MOSQUITOES. >suddenly a girder, loosened by the thud, falls on Bob; SQUISH. Tom: As long as it's not Bob from 'Zeriam', I don't care. Crow: Ah, hell! I knew I should've let Bob Villa design my fortress! >The gun that Bob threw just happened (In an anime sort of way ) to hit >Zed. knocking him unconcious. Joel: You know, it's an anime thing. Crow: You have GOT to be kidding me?!? Tom: And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the INCREDIBLE action sequence from 'Urusei Yatsura: The Kidnapping!' >Ataru realizes his chance and begins to un-shackle Benten, Crow: ...leaving Lum behind so he could finally girls in peace. >For a second he nuzzles her pussy and continues to un-shackle her. Tom: Our HERO, ladies and gentlemen! Crow: This Ataru must be the one from 'Always my Darling'. Joel: I think you're right. >Lum looks severely pissed. "Darling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Crow: Personally, I'd call him something else right now. >"Don't worry Lum." he said "Just because I love you dosen't mean >I'm not a lech. I'll try to cut down though." Tom: I figure three gropes a day will do it! >Lum thought she was dreaming, Did he really say it? "Darling did you >just..." >"Yes," he affirmed, "I Love you Lum." Crow: Once again, folks, nothing brings about your true feelings like being kidnapped and nearly raped! >He un-shackles her and kisses her full, on the lips. >She is starled at first,but joins in on the kiss. >Ataru then signals for a rescue ship, Joel: TAXI!!! >While she pulls up her bottom Ataru checks to see if Benten is ok, she >has passed out from exhaustion. Joel: Oh, *NOW* he checks to see if she's okay. Geez, what a scumbag. Tom: I think she's still out... let me pitch her nipples a little to be sure! >Suddenly Zed gets up, Tom: I AM REVIIIIIVED!!! >"Why is it that people always chose the middle tunnel, the other ones >are traps but they always choose the middle one. Crow: Zed points out a major game design flaw in many a text game. Joel: What ever happened to going west, young man? >No matter, you'll soon be dead anyway." Tom: Geez, we haven't heard THAT line before. >Just then a laser bolt flies past Ataru's ear and hit's Zed in the >crotch. It's Mendo. >"Nice one, Mendo" Ataru said Joel: You ruined my big fight scene, dummy! >"Actually Moroboshi, I was thrying to hit you." Tom: Pyahh! Putyh! Sorry, had some hair in my mouth. >"Why Me?" >"You sent me to the right, you S.O.B. you have no IDEA how many >traps were in that damn tunnel." Joel: Well, why didn't you use your... ... Mendou Super Space Suit_TM? >"Sorry." >A voice echoed through the room. Joel: I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!!! Crow: YOU NUZZLED BENTEN'S PUSSY... HENTAI. HAHAHAHAHA!!! DID YOU THINK YOU'D GET AWAY WITH IT? HAHAHAHAHA!!! DID YOU THINK... I WOULDN'T KNOW? >It was Megane. "Moroboshi, you have no Idea as to how many traps there >were in the left tunnel. I almost died 147 times. I'm gonna KILL YOU!!" Tom: And now we see Dustin Hoffman as Megane. >"Sorry" Crow: Save the apologizes for the author's notes, pal. >Mendo looked at Zed and his anger began to well up inside of him. >In a flash it exploded. Tom: So Mendo's a Super Saiyen on the side? Joel: Either that or he studied stress management techniques from the Big Cheese. >"Well," Mendo said. "at least the shot wasn't a total waste. It hit. It hit >Mr. Soon-to-be-living-the-rest-of-his-short-ass-life-in-agonizing-pain, >Mr. Rapist over here! Tom: I'm living my life in agonizing pain right now.... >"So," Ataru said "What now?" "I'll tell you 'what now'." Mendo explained. >"I'm gonna get a couple of pipe-toting niggers with a pair of pliers and >a blowtorch to get to work on the homes' here! Crow: A 'Pulp Fiction' crossover?!? Author, do you have no shame?! >You hear me Hillbilly boy, This ain't over by a start! I'm gonna get >midevil on your ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tom: And ass hard to chew!!!!!!! HAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!! Crow: At this point, the fanfic has totally thrown up its hands and said, I just don't know.... >I mean," Ataru said "where do we go now?" >Oh..sorry...uh... ahem...excuse me. Crow: I forgot my damn lines! Help me! Joel: Gee, I couldn't tell when you butchered 'Pulp Fiction'. >Let's go Home" Tom: Jet Jaguar! Let's go home! All: >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!!! (The bottom of Tom's head suddenly explodes in a burst of flame, the blazing dome shooting up towards the ceiling like a rocket, Crow and Joel watching in astonishment. Just before it reaches the top of the theater, it abruptly runs out of fuel and plummets to the ground, a smoking twisted hulk.) Joel: Oh, good one, Author! You blowed up Tom real good! Crow: Guess the lines were just too much for the poor little guy. And for a moment there I thought he'd reach low earth orbit.... (Joel rummages under his seat, grabs a new head with some rubber bands, and goes to work fixing Tom) >4 weeks later... Joel: Epilogue. Crow: Okay, a month just passed. >"How are you Lum" >"Fine Darling, how are you" Joel: Great! I'm off to do some girl chasing! See ya! >"Great." Ataru kisses Lum she Kisses back. Crow: Is it just me or are Lum and Ataru just going through the motions? Joel: Their spirits are completely broken. Tom: Not to mention my skull... Owie.... >"I love you Lum" >"I love you Darling, Will you ?" >"If you're ready." Joel: Please do! Tom: Okay. *ahem* The end. Joel: Oh darling! I'm so happy! >" Do me darling" Tom: Do the Lum! Crow: How appropriate. A spermkiller commercial in a lemon. >Ataru began to rub Lum's breasts through her top Lum felt the >sensation go through her body like a shiver. She reached back and >undid her top letting her breasts come into his reach. Joel: Yeah, all those tissues were in the way before. Crow: Joel! Don't ruin the fantasy! >Ataru began to suck her breasts Crow: He and Mendou must have taken the same Sex Ed class. >and he felt her tense up from the sensation. Slowly he moved his >hand under her bottom and began to finger her clit. All: Wiggle, Wiggle, Wabble Wabble! Wiggle Wiggle, Wabble Wabble! >It never felt this good when she did it herself. Ataru slowly removed >her bottom Joel: He did WHAT? Tom: She's wearing a rubber gag butt! >and buried his face in her cunt. Nibbling and licking he sent shivers >through her whole body. Crow: Oh, who does he think he is? David Cronenberg? >She alternated from having her eyes open or shut as the pleasure shot >through her. Tom: ...like a harpoon through the gut. Joel: Camera 1! Camera 2! Camera 1! Camera 2! Crow: Now let's see the money shot! >She couldn't believe the fact that all of he fantisies were finally coming >true. That's all her mind would let her think as, Tom: ...the author had shut down most of her higher brain functions until the lemon was over. >suddenly, her G-spot kicked in as she reached orgasm and gushed out. Crow: Her G-Spot gushed out? Ickies! >She had never come that hard before. Ataru swallowed some of the >sweet juice. Tom: 100% Pure Florida Oni Juice! >Next it was Lum's turn she seductively removed Ataru's clothing. Crow: Needless to say, it was too provocative to describe in detail. Tom: Thank god for small favors. >When she got to his underwear she simply ripped it off and took a >good long look at his sex. Joel: Hmmmmm... male! Right, Darling? >It was much bigger than she thought it would be and that pleased her. >She looked up at Ataru and smiled. Ataru couldn't wait for what was >ahead. Joel: Bad pun.... >Suddenly she took him into her mouth using her tounge to >tease his glans. Ataru began to moan he felt like he was on fire. Crow: Ooh, my flesh is burning! Oooh, my skin is all bubbly! I'm getting third degree burns ALL OVER... >This was his first time too. He never imagined that it could feel this >good. His penis started to contract and he let out a huge moan. Joel: The contractions are only two minutes apart! >Lum began to suck harder to entice him. It worked. Crow: I'm enticed! >He spewed forth his load in her mouth. Lum swallowed his fluids and >then took him in her mouth again she felt him re-harden for the one >final task. Crow: Lemon Cliché #33: All women swallow and like it. Tom: Lemon Cliché #16: It takes no time at all for men to become aroused after they've spewed. Joel: Is Ataru a little young for Viagra? >Ataru lay on the bed waiting; waiting for Lum to mount him. He didn't >have to wait long. She guided herself onto him as he pushed up to >break down the wall. Tom: Gee, he makes it sound so romantic, doesn't he? >Lum screamed out and then began to breath hard. As Ataru began to >maon Lum began to cry out. Crow: Darling! I never knew you were dyslexic in bed! >Slowly she came to climax screaming in utter pleasure. "Darling ! >Darlinng ! Yes Darling! DARLING!!!!!!!!!!!! >DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARLING!!!!!!!! Tom: Well, I see Lum saves *her* megaphone for sex. >I LOVE YOU DARLING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" Crow: ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I FORGOT TO GIVE YOU PROTECTION!!!!!!! >AS WITH ALL URUSEI YATSURA THE STORY IS NEVER >REALLY OVER. All: OH YES IT IS! >TO BE CONTINUED........... Crow: ...in a MUCH better rewrite called 'The Prince and the Letcher'. Joel: Crow, 'The Prince and the Letcher' had the UY characters OOC too, and 70% of the story was nothing but really long sex scenes! Crow: And this is bad how? Joel: Never mind. >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crow: Who's lines are those anyway? Joel: This is Clive Anderson saying good night! Good night! >So, did you like it? Joel: Did you like it, guys? Crow: Well, it could have been worse. I mean, it *almost* had a plot. Tom: Yeah. And the author at least tried to put some humor into it, even though the whole BOB thing was pretty lame. >It was fun writing it but I wanted to make a few things clear: Crow: The lines were used just to fill up empty space when I ran out of ideas! >1: ANY FORM OF RAPE IS DIGUSITING ALL RAPISTS IN MY >OPINION SHOULD BE CASTRATED!!!! I ONLY USE IT TO MOVE >THE STORY ALONG! Tom: Yeah, nothing solves writer's block like a rape scene. Crow: And I think people who use all caps to 'scream' should be castrated. >2:WHEN I USE THE WORD "NIGGER" I DO NOT MEAN IT IN A >DERROGATORY SENSE I AM SIMPLY TAKING A QUOTE FROM >A MOVIE (3 GUESSES WHICH ONE. INITIALS P.F.) Joel: Gee, that's a tough one. >3:HAVE FUN LOOKING FOR ALL THE IN JOKES. E-MAIL ME >WITH THE ONES YOU FIND. Crow: If YOU don't know where they are, don't expect US to hunt 'tm down. Tom: If you want a real challenge, count the number of times the author used the word 'flushing'. >4: E-MAIL ME WITH COMMENTS ABOUT THE STORY ; GOOD >OR BAD AT 71603.1073@compuserve.com Joel: Well, at least he has a sympathetic ear for his critics.... >THANK YOU FOR READING >SMendou >A WORD ABOUT THE TEXT VERSION: Crow: Crap. >THIS IS A LATER VERSION THAN THE .WRI ONE I'VE >BASICALLY FIXED THE GRAMMAR ERRORS All: Tom: Oh sure, The grammar! What about the spelling mistakes? The plot? THOSE STUPID DOTTED LINES OVER AND OVER AND OVER....!!! Joel: Woah, woah, Tommy! Get a grip! The fic's almost over! Don't blow your top again! Tom: Sorry, guys, this was a tough one. >AND LENGTHENED A COUPLE PARTS UP FOR EAASE OF >READING. Crow: Not to mention flushing, running and screaming. >I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS ONE. >SMendou Joel: You mean there's more of these things? Aw man.... Tom: Crow: Uh oh! Quick Joel! Get him out of the theater! (Joel and Co. quickly rush towards the open doors.) * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE "Whew! That was a close one!" Tom exclaimed as they emptied onto the bridge. "I'm okay now, guys." "Man, I can't believe that fic actually inspired Todd Hill to write 'The Prince and the Letcher'. I would have gone mad," Crow remarked. "Actually, if you really think about it, a lot of great stories came from ideas that were sound but poorly executed in other stories," Joel said. "Yeah, and then lots of really bad knockoffs are made stealing elements of that great story and the cycle continues with the next great story and so on and so forth...." Tom continued. "Well, yeah, I guess that's true." Joel frowned. "But just look at Dr. Thinker's 'Judge Brainitite'...." "Seen it! Taped it!" The bots chorused. "Just bear with me here. Judge Brainitite had a very creative and unique plot but the grammar was so bad that it just totally destroyed it. But it still has a lot of potential to become a great story with some rewriting, proofreading and a good spellchecker," Joel pointed out. "So what you're saying, Joel, is even though 'The Kidnapping' was a bad lemon fanfic, it paved the way for a better lemon fanfic and thus served a useful purpose?" Tom inquired. "Exactly!" Joel smiled. "So next time we rip apart a fanfic, just think of what that fanfic has the potential to become someday!" "Oh, I get it!" Crow suddenly exclaimed. "Like when Toho released all those low budgeted Godzilla films with unknown actors and guys in goofy rubber suits to pave the way for the big budget, Americanized version, with state of the art special effects and starring actors that voiced the 'Simpsons'!" "What? No, that's not...." Joel began. "Oh yeah! And the original black and white version of 'Psycho' with that stodgy Alfred Hitchcock paved the way for Gus Van Sant's colorized, remake, with nudity, extra blood, and the added bonus of hearing Norman Bates masturbating, made it even better!" Tom remarked. "Wait a... no... that's not what I meant...." Joel tried to protest feebly. "Don't forget the David Hartman remake of 'Miracle On 34th Street'! Now THERE was a remake of a film that was crying out to be tampered with and updated for the 90's!" Crow added. "Oh, just forget it." Joel muttered as he noticed the red light flashing on the counter. "The Mads are calling...." * * * DEEP 13 Frank's head tried to scream as Dr. Forrester yanked his hair with one hand and tried to shove his sock-covered hand down his throat with the other. He glanced towards the screen and noticed Joel and the bots staring at him. Quickly, he released Frank's head as it gasped for breath. "Oh, Joel!" Dr. Forrester stumbled. "Um, I was just... er... showing Frank the proper way to apply the manable claw with Mr. Socko." "He's just jealous cause everybody want me... WAAAH!!!" Frank yelped as Dr. Forrester nudged him off the console again with his elbow. "Say sirs, that wouldn't be the *Mads Elbow*, would it?" Crow asked. Dr. Forrester attempted to cock an eyebrow but only succeeded in furrowing his brow. "Merely laying the smack down on a subordinate, Joel," he replied while picking up Frank's head. "Frank, know your role and push the button!" "Make me! Nyahhh!" Frank's head retorted, sticking his tongue out. "Easily done." Dr. Forrester replied as he slammed Frank's head down on the button. "Ouchie...." THE REAL END.... (Feel free to hum the closing theme as you read my author's notes.) Whew! It's finally done! Sorry if it went a little long! I originally planned to cut the action scene with Bob out since there wasn't much action but in the end I finally decided to leave it as is. My next project will be another wrestling oriented double team with Lynxara, watch for it! :) I'd like to give very special thanks to John Felix, Gary Kleppe, and Lynxara who proofread and gave me C&C on the MSTing. I couldn't have finished it without their help and I can't thank them enough. :) I'd also like to thank Timothy McLees, Luna and Artemis, Chris Bergstrom, Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight), Michael K. Neylon, Demon Stalker, Oscar, and Sakura for being nice enough to post my MSTings on their webpages, as well as Theo Mintesnot for coming up with a love theme for this series by changing a few words. I changed a few myself but it was his idea and I appreciate it. :) Finally I'd like to thank SMendou for writing "The Kidnapping" and giving me a lot of material to work with. I hope you're not too offended. It's all meant in good fun. If you are, feel free to MST my own works, I won't mind a bit. C&C, as always, is appreciated. (megane67@rogers.com) Feel free to send in any anime fanfics that you would like to see MSTed and I'll take a look at it. Also, if you're interested in seeing any previous episodes of this series, I'll be happy to e-mail them to you. ;) Sincerely, Megane 6.7 P.S. My friend, Lunari, has written several excellent Sailor Moon stories and if you are interested in reading it, contact her at lunari@sprynet.com and I'm sure she'll be happy to send a copy to you. :) Also, Jack Acid has his own series of MSTings, which should soon be posted on Shinji's site and is a very talented computer graphics artist. You can find some of his works in the art gallery at Shinji's site and you can contact him for his MSTings at samearly@hancock.net ***All of Zoogz and my MSTings and the MSTings we've contributed to can be found in the various categories at:*** 'A MSTing for All Seasons' http://www.nabiki.com/mst Everything What Is Crap (formerly Shuuichi's Vault of Anime MSTings) http://www.svamcentral.org/ewic >"We are SUPREME............HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!! >ahem... Now, down to business." Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 2004 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Keep Circulating the Fanfics....