MST6.7 Episode 402: "Raw is Oro", Jedi Brother Horace

   *TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
   (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)

(The future isn't what it used to be....)

"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON FOUR)

EPISODE 32: RAW IS ORO

(A WWF/Rurouni Kenshin Crossover MSTing)

MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 and Zoogz

This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....

"Raw is Oro" is the property of Jedi Brother Horace and he's welcome to it.
I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but I figure
it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form
of C&C. It's all meant in good fun. ;)

(Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5... 4... 3....)

It's the not-too-distant future,
Last Sunday BC
There was this guy named Joel
Not so different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another guy in a red jumpsuit
He did a great job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses really hate him
So they shot him into space!!!!

Joel:
(OH... MY... GODDESS!!!)

Crow and Tom:
(IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!)

(Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer printout)

We'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst we can find (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala)

(Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them
ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control
When the fanfics begin or end (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends;

ROBOT ROLL CALL:

CAMBOT:
'Text only'?

Gypsy:
'Oh, my!'

Tom Servo:
'Sweet-o!'

CROOOOOOOW!!!
'I'm not a hentai!'

If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes
And other science facts (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
*It's just a MiST*
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!!

* *    *

SATELLITE OF LOVE

   The muffled sound and music of a motion picture could be heard
faintly as a small line of people waited in front of the closed heavy duty steel
doors of the theater behind a completely unnecessary velvet rope.

Joel Robinson stretched out his arms and then quickly placed the
back of his hand against his mouth to stifle another yawn as his boredom and
impatience grew. In front of him was Gypsy, dressed in her Sunday best and
applying makeup as only she could while in front of her hovered Tom Servo, who
was heavily engrossed in a copy of Tigerbot magazine. As he continued to wait,
Joel found himself reading the billboard advertisement on the Theater Doors for
what seemed like the thousandth time in the last ten minutes....

   *SPECIAL SCREENING TODAY AT NOON!*

   Crow T. Robot's
"FUNNY MOVIE"
   Starring: BEN STEIN BOB SAGET
   JOHN TURTURRO ED HARRIS
   MORGAN FREEMAN EVEL KNIEVEL
   And featuring the voice of BRUCE WILLIS as
   'The Tangerine'.

   *SPECIAL SCREENING TODAY AT NOON!*

   Joel felt something bump his leg and looked down to see Cambot
trying to get his attention. Smiling, he stepped over to the side to let
Cambot in line and then turned to look at him.

   "Hey, everyone, welcome to the Satellite of Love. As you can see, Crow's
about to grace us with another of his 'on-the-fly' screenplays...."

   "On-the-fly is right! We've been waiting in line longer than it took for
Crow to come up with this turdburger...." Tom remarked without looking up from
his magazine.

   "Hey, come on, 'Money' wasn't that bad, remember?" Joel pointed out.

   "It was supposed to be a horror film, Joel! Now that he's *TRYING* to
be funny, we're probably in for the two most depressing hours of our lives...." Tom
replied sadly.

   "Well, at least he's trying! What have YOU written lately?" Gypsy inquired.

   "Moi?" Tom assumed a haughty tone. "Why, I just finished my twelve
volume biography 'The Bot I Am', an absolutely captivating story of my incredible
struggle to survive the seamy side of cinema and literature while going into great
detail over my various affairs with beautiful women of all voluptuous shapes and
sizes...."

   Joel suddenly leaned over close to Gypsy. "Ghost-written," he whispered.

   "Huh? You say something?" Tom inquired.

   "Oh, nothing important. Heh, you were telling us about your autobiography?"

   "Where was I? Oh yes, a true 'oily rags to filthy riches' story that's sure to
reach the top of all the bestseller lists in every major book store and chain in the
country...."

   Suddenly the theater doors opened and a familiar voice beckoned.
"AHH, WE HAVE A VISITOR... STAY A WHILE... STAY FOREVER!!!"

   "About time!" Gypsy rushed forward into the theater, nearly bowling
Tom over as he barely managed to hover out of the way. "Well now! Someone
just blew their chance to get a free autographed copy of my book!" he snapped
as Joel scooped him up and followed Gypsy into the theater while Cambot
lagged behind.


*    *    *

THE THEATER

(Crow stood in front of the movie screen dressed in an old fashioned usher
outfit and a huge Spielburgian flashlight as Joel, Tom and Gypsy took their
seats while Cambot leaned against the back wall in his usual spot.)

Tom: Okay, let's get this thing over with, Crow. And watch where you shine
that thing!

Crow: Geez, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the loadpan today....

Joel: We're ready whenever you are, Crow.

Crow: Okay... *ahem*... <pulls his collar nervously> Ah, greetings, ladies... uh... lady,
gentlemen and Servo... heh heh... little joke there... Welcome to the Satellite of Love
Theater, we hope you enjoy today's feature 'Funny Movie' starring Ben Stein, Bob Saget,
John....

Tom: We read the poster, Crow! Get on with it!

Crow: Hmph! Okay then, before we begin, I am required by the management to
remind you that refreshments are still available in the snack bar for those looking
for a tasty snack or perhaps a refreshing drink....

(Dead Silence)

Crow: Or not... heh... Uh, also, I am required to ask you that you turn off all cell
phones and pagers during the duration of today's feature....

Tom: Oh, come on, Crow! Do we look like we have cell phones or page....

Gypsy: <fumbles around for a moment> Done!

Tom: ....

Crow: <breaths a sigh of relief> Thank you. Also, I must ask that any laser
pointers be turned over to the management immediately as they have been known
to cause annoyance with some viewers.

Tom: You know what else causes annoyance with some viewers? Hucksters like
you telling us what we already know! GET OFF THE STAGE!

Crow: <continuing as if he didn't hear him> ...also, as a courtesy to your fellow
theatergoers, please refrain from throwing any of the following during the movie:
Popcorn, Raisinettes, Flash Grenades....

Gypsy: Would somebody gong this guy already?

Crow: And finally, the management asks that you refrain from any and all MSTing
during this production....

Tom: Shyeah, right!

Crow: Now sit back and enjoy our feature presentation 'Funny Movie'... right after
several commercials for perfume, Nike, some new car or something and the soundtrack
of the movie you're about to see... followed by several coming attractions including a
special fifteen minute trailer from Disney featuring their latest film 'Dinosaur 2: Still
Extinct and Loving It'... enjoy!

Joel, Tom, Gypsy: <groans>

(The lights in the theater begin to dim only to abruptly turn blood red.)

Crow: Oh no!

Tom: Oh yes! I never thought I'd be happy to see Dr. Forrester calling! Sorry,
Crow Ol' buddy, but duty calls!

Crow: But... but my screenplay....

Joel: You'll have to save it for later, we've got Siskel and Ebert on the line.

(Joel picks up Tom and follows Gypsy out of the theater, a disappointed Crow
following a moment later.)

*    *    *

DEEP 13

   "Ah, Reflector. Good to have you with us. Time's a-wasting so let's get
right to the invention exchange, shall we?" Dr. Forrester seemed to be in a chipper
mood as he folded his hands behind his back, a smug grin lighting his features.

   "Okay, sirs." Joel reached into his pocket and pulled out a small rectangular
card. "To be honest, this invention is just a concept at the moment but I think it could
have a lot of merit for the future as well. If you were a child of the 1980's, or just a big
fan of them like me, then chances are pretty good you would kill for a chance to play
with some of the toys of that era again without having to spend big bucks or under
the watchful eye of a Toy seller....

   "That's why I've come up with the idea of a Toy Library, a place where you
can be a kid again and play with toys all day long if you want without fear of stares or
grim disapproval from overprotective collectors. Not only could it be stocked with
numerous toy lines, comics and cartoons but it would only be open to people eighteen
years of age or above to prevent some brat from smashing them up and contain a number
of special rooms for whatever tactical situation you want your toys to be in. Why should
the kids in television commercials get the best playsets? And best of all, it's free because
everyone should be allowed to have a second childhood whenever they please. What do
you think, sirs?"

   Dr. Forrester raised an eyebrow. "Well, I see you're well into your mid-life
crisis... godspeed, old friend." He chuckled as Joel pouted. "But enough with your
childhood fantasies, it's time for my invention to bring cold hard reality upon you
once again! Frank?"

   TV's Frank whistled a happy tune as he emerged from off-camera
dressed in a black Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts with a glowing yellow stick
that he handed to Dr. Forrester. "So long, Steve-a-reno! I got two weeks
vacation on the horizon and a steamy hotel date with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks
awaiting me in the Jack Benny Suite...."

   "You rented 'Sleepless in Seattle' again? Why don't you just buy the
damn thing?" Dr. Forrester snorted.

   "No way, Jose! That movie gives me so much happiness, it just
wouldn't be the same to get it for free. Anyway, good luck with the inventions
cause Frank's ready for a lambada with the Ramada!" he exclaimed as he turned
to leave.

   "Err, not so fast, Chevy." Dr. Forrester grabbed him by his polyester
collar. "I need you to test out one last invention for me before you foolishly
venture into PG-13 territory...."

   Frank abruptly paled, swallowing nervously. "O-OK, but just remember,
Second Bananas Local #332 promised me two weeks vacation so if I get hurt,
I'm still on the clock!" he bravely stammered.

   "Yeah, yeah, don't remind me, now shut up and stick your face here,"
Dr. Forrester snapped as he gestured towards an apparatus strongly resembling
the gallows from a renaissance festival. Thin beads of sweat began to trickle down
Frank's forehead as he meekly placed himself in the gallows while Dr. Forrester
faced the camera again, holding up the object in his hand.

   "You see this device, Joel? This... is my BOOMSTICK!" Dr. Forrester
abruptly bellowed in an uncanny imitation of Bruce Campbell. Frank's eyes popped
to a monstrous size only to close peacefully a moment later as he fainted. Dr.
Forrester chuckled for a long moment before continuing.

   "OK, seriously though, this is a device that will finally solve the age old
problem... traffic jams! You may remember this handy device from the movie
'Tron.' I simply decided to apply it to real life. Check this out!"

   Dr. Forrester grasped the glowing stick tightly with both hands and
leaned forward as a Tron Bike suddenly formed around him. "With this little beauty,
I can easily weave in and out of any traffic jam and if anybody tries to cut ME off..."
A sinister smile played on his lips. "Well now, let's just hope they have front and
side airbags...."

   "Meaning they'll crash into your yellow wall trail and explode while you
run every red light from here to Tuscaloosa?" Tom finished for him.

   "Precisely! And imagine all the fun you can have in mall parking lots,
busy sidewalks, professional car racing events, and Sturgis... can you imagine the
sheer carnage you could cause at Sturgis?!?" Dr. Forrester cackled evily as he
released the stick and the Tron bike disappeared. "What'da think of them apples,
Joel?!?"


*    *    *

SATELLITE OF LOVE

   "Er, I'd steer clear of the 'Hell's Angels' if I were you, sirs," Joel
cautioned.

   Yeah, I hear their lawyers are vicious," Crow added.

   "Indeed and so am I, robot. So am I. And to prove it, your experiment
this week will be like enduring an ice cream headache while having a cupboard
door rammed repeatedly against your funny bone. It's Rurouni Kenshin and the
World Wrestling Federation in a collision course with wackiness... and the pun
is only moments away... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Dr. Forrester broke into
near hysterics, causing Frank to regain consciousness and after a moment of
frantically grasping his head, a sigh of relief as the viewscreen winked off.

   "Oh well, at least it wasn't another self-inserted Marrissa fic...." Tom
remarked as alarms suddenly wailed and multicolored lights flashed.

   "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" Joel cried out.

(Door 6: It's a metal door with no knob. Before you can do anything, it's
yanked off its hinges from the other side by a tow truck.)

(Door 5: It's an old fashioned elevator. Both sets of doors open for you as you
pass through.)

(Door 4: It's made of dominoes. You tip the lead one over and watch as
the pile slowly lowers until it's half its original size and you step over it.)

(Door 3: It's filled with cute stuffed toys. You cuddle them for awhile
before proceeding.)

(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)

(Door 1: It's a castle gate that rises into the ceiling, revealing a drawbridge
that slowly lowers to the ground. You cross it cautiously, looking for moat
monsters.)

(Door .7: It's a swirling blue vortex. Suddenly a large hand reaches out of its
center and pulls you inside.)


   Joel emerged from the vortex into the theater with Tom in his
arms, Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping
over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own,
Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow
sitting on his right.


>ESPN AND MEIJI SPORTS WISHES TO ADVISE THOSE WATCHING
>THIS PROGRAM THAT THE ATHLETES FEATURED HERE ARE
>TRAINED PROFESSIONALS AND AS SUCH THEIR ACTIONS SHOULD
>NOT BE IMITATED AT HOME.

Crow: LEAVE THE STEROIDS... TO US.

Joel: Professionals like Kenny Mayne and Dan Patrick?

Tom: Nah, Jean Reno.

>***

Crow: Whoa! Trim those hedges, man!

Tom: I've never seen such a hairy ellipsis.

Joel: <shrugs> Guess the author doesn't believe in Nads.

>RAW
>IS
>ORO

Joel: Did *Fanfic_TJ* have a hand in writing this?

Tom: Guess it's better than "Raw is Ororo", or you might have a rabid
Wolverine joining in.

Crow: All right! This is great! I've been waiting a long time for that little
red turd to get his!

Joel: Oro, Crow, not Orko!

Crow: Really? Aw, crap.

>A Rurouni Kenshin
>Parody/Crossover

Tom: With what? Raw beef, raw pork... featuring tapeworms?

>Brought to you by
>Jedi Brother Horace

Joel: <Horace> Abbot of the Jedi Church of Lunar Consciousness... would
you like a flower?

Crow: Uh, gee thanks, Horace, you shouldn't have....

Tom: <Horace> This fanfic is dangerous, I can sense it... can you?

>In cooperation with the
>RUROUNI WRESTLING FEDERATION

Tom: Run by Himura McMahon.

Crow: RWF: One Dimly Lit Garage.

Tom: No, no, you're thinking of the XPW.

>***
>(A loud ovation roars through the arena as the program goes underway.

Crow: Yep, those RWF fans love their scene changes!

Joel: The management has asked that you please turn off your cell phones
and pagers now. Failure to do so may result in a severe sign or foam hand
beating from any number of fans in your vicinity. You've been warned.

>Many people in the arena are cheering loudly and holding a up a variety
>of signs.

Crow: <sign> No parking between 9am and 5pm.

Tom: After years of sitting too close to the pyrotechnics, the poor deaf
groupies had to resort to hand gestures to voice their support.

Joel: <fans, singing> We saw the sign... and it opened up our eyes and
we're now happier living without you...

Tom: <shudders> A sports arena full of fans singing Ace of Base... boy, that's
a good mental image....

>We then cut to the announcers table where our commentators, Dr. Gensai
>and Megumi with Ayame and Suzume standing beside them.)

Tom: <Ayame> Can I have a chair now? It's been twelve hours.

Crow: <Suzume> Hey, I called it first!

Joel: <Dr. Gensai> It should really be a fascinating battle, the Hitokiri has
challenged Chen Kenichi and the theme ingredient is yet to be unveiled!

Crow: <Megumi> Wrong crossover, Doc.

>Dr. Gensai: THE CROWD IS LIVELY HERE IN TOKYO DOME, AS WE
>GET UNDERWAY IN THIS VERY SPECIAL EDITION OF RAW IS ORO!

Tom: <Megumi> Dr. Gensai, the crowd's getting restless! They might riot!

Joel: <Gensai> In that case, we might have to fox 'em! Go at it, Megumi!

>GOOD EVENING MINNA-SAN! GOOD OL DR. GENSAI HERE ALONG
>WITH MEGUMI "THE QUEEN" TAKANI ON RINGSIDE! AND
>CERTAINLY WE HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT TONIGHT, RIGHT?
>QUEEN?

Crow: <Megumi> We sure do, Quack!

Tom: <Elizabeth II> Well, the situation with the Scottish shepherds is becoming
worse and worse, with hoof-and-mouth disease all but decimating the herds, and the
recession around Liverpool is unbearable to the stevedores...

Joel: <Dr. Gensai> Oh, bugger off, you bloody twit.

>Megumi: OHOHOHOHOHO! YES THAT'S RIGHT! LAST NIGHT, STONE
>COLD SESSHA LOST THE TITLE IN CONTROVERSIAL FASHION!

Crow: <Megumi> He was wearing a "Stone those Senators Cold" T-shirt
and chaps! Man, that really was some controversial fashion!

>BUT TONIGHT MAYBE WE'LL SE—
>(As if on cue, the sound breaking glass blares through the speakers,
>and the crowd roars loudly

Tom: Only to be disappointed as a stagehand emerged from backstage
with a sheepish expression on his face as he held up a crushed strobe light.

Joel: Heh.

>as the Kyoto Battousai steps out from backstage.)

Crow: And the crowd roars louder as the Kyoto Battousai does a snappy
soft-shoe number!

Joel: <Kenshin, singing> I'm singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain...

>Megumi: SPEAKING OF WHICH! HERE COMES THE KYOTO
>BATTOUSAI HIMSELF! OHOHOHOHOHO!!!!

Crow: <wincing> Looks like someone got herself Naga's seiyuu.

Joel: <Dr. Gensai> Quit it, you're supposed to be Megumi, not Ritsuko Akagi!

Tom: Still, let's give her a big hand for repeating the obvious for the
descriptionally impaired out there! Way to go, Megumi!

>Ayame & Suzume: (Jumping up and down in excitement) WAI! WAI!
>ORO 3:16!

Tom: Funny, I would've thought they were Ammadeau and Lerche.

Joel: Suddenly, Ayame surprises Suzume with a high kick!

Crow: Cute, Joel.

>(Kenshin walks with a trademark bad ass stride coupled with a fierce
>scowl that is made even more frightening by the amber gleam in his eyes.

Joel: Though not half as frightening as the pink bunnies adjourning his feet.

Tom: And all the gaijins say he's pretty fly for a Battousai.

>Wearing a black shirt with the white letters "ORO 3:16" pasted on front,

Joel: RWF clothing provided by Mrs. Johnson's Kindergarden Class.

Tom: <giggles> Yeah, tonight's episode of Raw is Oro is brought to you by
Elmer's Glue! Stick with the best!

>he climbs onto the ring and goes over to the ringpost, where he proceeds
>to give the crowd a bird salute.)

Tom: <Dr. Gensai> Psst! Kenshin! Now's not the time for shadow puppets!

Crow: <Megumi> He's starting with the swan... moving on to the Chickadee...
and what's this? Could it be? Yes! It's a reverse funky chicken! Kenshin
knows what his fans want and by god, he gives it to them!

>Megumi: From the look on his face, it looks like there'll be hell to
>pay for someone tonight! Ohohohoho!!!!
>Suzume: (still jumping up and down) WAI! WAI!

Crow: <Megumi> And with any luck, that someone will be YOU, Suzume.

Tom: <Satan> Hey, no way! I've picked up more than my fair share of checks!

>(After going the ring and giving the bird salute to each portion of the
>crowd, Stone Cold Sessha grabs a mike and proceeds to exercise his first
>amendment rights)

Crow: <Sessha> Kiss the floor and give me twenty, freedom of assembly!

Tom: Of course, being in Tokyo, JAPAN, the Stone Cold Sessha was
immediately surrounded by government agents.

>Kenshin: (seething) Last night, sessha went into the ring the RWF
>champion de gozaru. (pauses as the crowd cheers)

Joel: <Kenshin> DID YOU JUST... INTERRUPT ME?

Bots: <crowd> *gulp*

>But last night, sessha left the ring not the RWF champion de gozaru.
>(pauses as the crowd boos at that fact)
>Dr. Gensai: Wow. The crowd agrees with that.

Tom: To be perfectly honest, master commentator, it rather sounds like
they're disagreeing.

Joel: <Dr. Gensai> Duh, I didn't earn my diplomas by being stoopid!

Crow: <Megumi> Are we heading to a point here, Sessha sweetie?

>Kenshin: (continuing) While that is a definite reason for sessha to be
>pissed off de gozaru. (pauses as the crowd cheers once more)

Tom: <Kenshin> Hey look, you gonna keep interrupting me, I'm leaving,
okay?

Joel: He must have a huge card marked "Applause" on one side and "Boo"
on the other.

Crow: All he needs now is the patented whiny 'Sessssssha!' chant.

>Sessha will give a lot of credit to Saitoh Hajime. He came in there, and
>gave as much as he took de gozaru.

Crow: Translation: Hajime asked for change for a five, and Kenshin gave
him four singles and four quarters.

Joel: <Kenshin> Come again de gozaru!

>Dr. Gensai: Whoa. He's showing respect for the current champion!

Joel: <Dr. Gensai> He's kissed Saitoh's ring and addressed him as Godfather!

Tom: Somehow, I can see Vito Corleone as a hell of a manager...

>Kenshin: But the bottom line is, sessha stomped a mudhole in his ass,
>and showed him the true meaning of ORO 3:16!!…de gozaru. (the crowd
>roars oncemore in approval)
>Megumi: Then again…

Crow: Oncemore, twicemore, thricemore a lady...

Joel: <Kenshin> First, you twist apart the two halves and lick the white
center. Then you... oh wait, that's the true meaning of 'OREO 3:16'....

>Kenshin: And as much as sessha would like to give him another can of
>grade A Whoop @$$ tonight! Sessha has other concerns,

Joel: ...like wondering why he's talking in symbols when the author didn't
even censor the last line?

Crow: <Kenshin> The Stone Cold Sessha just can't decide! Is it great taste,
or less filling?

>like that no good S.O.B. who calls himself the Chicken's Champ de gozaru!
>(another cheer from the crowd)

Joel: <crowd> We LOVE it when he says de gozaru!

Crow: Chicken's Champ? Would that be Groucho Marx?

Joel: Naw, Frank Perdue.

>Dr. Gensai: Uh-oh. He's talking about the Cock!

Tom: And exactly what does Roy the Rooster have to do with *this*?

Joel: <Dr. Gensai> Foghorn Leghorn's gonna come storming out of the
dressing room any minute now....

>Kenshin: Cock. Sessha don't give a damn if you and MiBuK have some sort
>of lover's quarrel! You came in the ring last night, and got in sessha's face!

All: Ewwwww!

Crow: <Kenshin> And when you cheat on Sessha with MiBuK, then
Sessha has a score to settle with you de gozaru!

Tom: MiBuK? Is Torgo naming these guys now?

>And in sessha's book, that gives sessha the right to stomp your feathery
>ass tonight! AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE!!!!! CAUSE SESSHA
>SAID SO!!!…de gozaru.
>(another loud cheer from the crowd)

Joel: Man, they just can't get enough of that de gozaru catchphrase.

Crow: He's getting so many pops, the concession stand's jealous!

Tom: Because, as we all know, a Rurouni Kenshin fic NEEDS gratuitous
Japanese. Who would understand what Kenshin is trying to say, otherwise?

>Dr. Gensai: My goodness! An open challenge to the Cock!
>Megumi: Business is picking up here tonight! Ne? Ohohohohohoho!

Joel: <Dr. Gensai> One can't help but admire Kenshin's ability to sound
murderous and humble at the same time.

Tom: I knew there was a reason they added Dr. Gensai in the anime.

Crow: Megumi's an original franchisee of H&R Block, I see....

>Business is picking up and moving on to the next sport event.

Crow: The caber toss?

>Speakers: IF YOU SMELL!!!! HOW THE COCK!!!! IS COOKING!!!!!!

Joel: Ahem! The floor does NOT recognize the Cock at this time!

Tom: Lorena Bobbit's in the kitchen with Dinah?

>Megumi: AND HERE COMES THE MOST FEATHERY MAN
>IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT! OHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!

Crow: The Gobbledy Gooker is here?

Joel: Oh no! It's a cameo from the San Diego Chicken!

Tom: No, it's worse! It's Koko B. Ware! No, Koko, don't do the bird!
DON'T DO THE BIRD!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!

>Ayame and Suzume: Wai! Wai! Wai!

Crow: <Ayame> Wai Wai Wai did the author only give us one
word to say?!?

Joel: <Suzume> Wai ask Wai?

>(The crowd roars once again to life as Sanosuke a.k.a. the Chicken's
>Champ stalks to the ring glaring at the Kyoto Battousai.

All: <crowd, singing> WE FEEL LIKE SANOSUKE TONIGHT... LIKE
SANOSUKE TONIGHT!!!

>Kenshin glares back, watching as Sano climbs the ring post and proceeds
>to work up the crowd.

Crow: <Sano> But seriously, folks, what's the deal with airplane peanuts?

Tom: Sanosuke's the head of personnel and he's not afraid to flaunt it!

>Wearing his trademark white gi and sunglasses, the Cock gives them the
>Chicken's eyebrow, much to their delight.

Joel: Suddenly Colonel Sanders ran into the ring and hit him with a folding
chair!

Crow: And since chickens don't have eyebrows, we'll just smile and nod politely.

Tom: <Crowd> We're delighted! And positively charmed by his eccentric
behavior!

Crow: Speak for yourself. BOO!

>He does this for a few moments, before grabbing a mike and coming face to
>face with Kenshin)

Crow: If they kiss, I'm leaving... I mean it!

Tom: Ahh, John Travolta and Nicholas Cage did it much better.

Joel: <Sano> Such a nifty scar you have there... Accident while cooking?

>Sano: (pauses for a while as the crowd begins to chant "Cocky! Cocky!")

Joel: Wow... who knew Jedis liked their puns so much?

Crow: Unfortunately, the vendors misheard them and began chucking
boxes of Pocky at the people.

Tom: Man, that crowd... they're such fairweather johnsons. They were
giving truckloads of pop to Kenshin earlier...

>Fiiiiiiiinnnnnnaaaallllyyy... The Cock...HAS FLOWN BACK!!!!!

Crow: Roosters can't fly! Come on, if you're going to pun, at least be
somewhat accurate about it!

Joel: Well, maybe he borrowed Rocky Rhodes' circus cannon?

Tom: Or the chicken cannon?

>To Tokyo Dome... (he then points at Kenshin) Stone Cold...you come out
>here and mouth off how you lost the title last night...and that you gave that
>chicken ass Saitoh, the ass whoopin of his life.

Joel: <Kenshin> Actually, it was more like the ass whoopin of his
childhood. Somewhere around the teenage years, my fists got sore.

Tom: <Kenshin> No, no, you're mistaken. I said I gave him the whooping
cough!

Crow: And just in the nick of time, Sanosuke provided the essential plot
delivery to make sure the fic didn't crash upon the train tracks of discontinuity....

>Dr. Gensai: Whoa...There's no love lost between The Cock and MiBuK.

Tom: Their feelings for each other are stronger than ever!

Joel: <Gensai> Those Valentine's cards... and they even gave each other
Sweethearts! Zoom in on that one, please... "Love You"! Aww, how sweet!

Crow: *sniff* I just love a happy ending.

Joel: But this isn't the ending!

Crow: I know. *sniff* Why do you think I'm crying? *sniff*

>(Kenshin tries to speak but the Cock makes a hand gesture that tells
>him to shut his mouth while he speaks)

Crow: A weird and terrible gesture that involved putting his index finger
perpendicular to his mouth and whispering a single word. "Shh"!

>Sano: And now... you want to go one...on one...WITH THE FOWL ONE?!!!

Tom: <groans> ENOUGH with the chicken puns already!

Crow: <Kenshin> Beats 'The Chickenshit', I guess...

Joel: This fanfic is on the verge of laying an egg.

>(the crowd cheers as he looks in their direction) Well the Cock says this...

Joel: <The Cock> ...de gozaru!

Bots: <crowd> Yayyyy!

>he'll take you...AND ANY OTHER YAROU IN THE BACK!!! AND TO
>THE DELIGHT OF THE MILLIONS...
>Crowd: AND MILLIONS!!!!!
>Sano: OF THE COCK'S FANS!!!

Joel: RWF... the prefered choice of Swiss Chalet and KFC employees the
world over.

>HE WILL LAYETH THE SMACKDOWN ON EACH... AND EVERY
>ONE OF YOUR CHICKEN ASSES!!!!!

Tom: Hide the hens, Sanosuke's on the prowl!

Crow: That's CHICKEN @$$3$, thankyewverymuch!

>(The crowd roars in approval and anticipation of the upcoming fight)

Joel: ...in the stands between two drunken fans and a swarm of security
guards.

Crow: <Cock> Uh, excuse me? Excuse me! Hey, I'm still trash talkin' here!

Tom: <Kenshin> Eh, you get used to it de gozaru.

>Megumi: My goodness! Looks like the chicken is going to get fried now!

Tom: Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?

Joel: <Gensai> Make mine skinless, please. I have to watch my
cholesterol!

Crow: Kenshin draws his sword. He cuts Sano in half. The fight ends.
The crowd blinks.

Joel: <Dr. Gensai> Well, that was fun. So, what's on Raw?

>Ohohohohoho!
>Ayame and Suzume: Wai! Wai! Wai!

Joel: Would someone PLEASE give those girls a dictionary!

Crow: "How to write a RK fic." First lesson, Megumi HAS to laugh.
All the time. She HAS to. Repeatedly. Or else.

>Dr. Gensai: Indeed. It may be what will come down between these two
>superstars. But let's hear what Stone Cold has to say. (Kenshin then holds
>up the mike to speak.)

Crow: <Kenshin> Fourscore and seven years ago....

Tom: <Kenshin> M-m-my name is Sessha and I'm running for school
p-president....

Joel: <Kenshin> Red Baby Buggy Bumpers! And that's all I have to say
about that!

>Kenshin: (smirking) Oro, son. You got a lot of guts for coming out here
>and telling sessha what you just said de gozaru.

Crow: <Kenshin> *swish* See? You have tons of guts spilling out of
you after I sliced your stomach with my sword, de gozaru.

Tom: <Kenshin> Now, could you explain how we got roped into doing
this again?

Joel: <Sanosuke> We needed the money! And don't forget the "de
gozaru", man, the laughs are riding upon it!

>(his eyes then gleam dangerously)

Joel: Sex appeal!

Tom: Aah! Not the Gleam of Death! I'm finished!

Crow: "How to write a RK fic". Lesson 2: Gee, I forgot about "oro", man!
Remember, "oro" in action scenes, "oro" in sad scenes, "oro" before something
happens and "oro" after it happens. Your success depends on it! Oro!

Joel: Also known as the 'Walkie-Talkie' principle.

>But as much as sessha respects you... the bottom line is this. If you want a
>piece of sessha's ass...then sessha is more than happy to oblige!!!...de gozaru.

Crow: Here, have the left cheek.

Tom: Words of Wisdom: Never offer a piece of your ass to a guy named
'Cock".

Joel: Does anybody notice this whole MST is starting to sound like a public
service announcement?

Crow: Groovy! Can we count this on our paroles then?

>(The two look ready to lay the smackdown on each other, when the speakers
>blare to life again. The two stop to see on the titantron screen the huge letters

Crow: GTV?

Tom: THIS SPACE FOR RENT.

Joel: POST NO BILLS.

Tom: DE GOZARU.

Crow: EAT AT UCCHAN'S.

Joel: LOOK MA! I'M RUNNING THE TITANTRON!

Tom: COCK SUCKS!

Crow: WAI WAI! WAI!

Joel: Ladies and gentlemen, the Titantron sketch! Thank you very much!

>"MiBu K" along with a counter. When the counter reaches zero, the
>lights go out for a moment and then there is huge ovation as fireworks
>explode.)

Crow: Well, at least it's not a huge "ovulation".

Tom: Who needs wrestling when we can celebrate the fourth of July again!

>Dr. Gensai: My goodness! It's the current RWF champion!
>Ayame and Suzume: WAI! MiBuK! MiBuK!
>(When the lights come back on, standing on the ramp with his back to
>the ring and his arms raised, is the Ayatollah of Gatotsuzolla himself,
>Saitoh Hajime.

Joel: <rubs his temples> Make... the bad puns... STOP....

Tom: <Author> Ayatollah of Gatotsuzolla... What a pun, what a pun!

Crow: <Jedi Brother Horace> Clever I be! Proud, I make Yoda! Yes!
Mmmmmm!

>He holds the pose for a few moments before turning around to face the two
>men in the ring, each of whom is staring him down. Wrapped around his
>waist is the RWF heavyweight belt, and in his hand is a microphone.)

Joel: And in his heart is a song.

Crow: <Saitoh> Are you ready to... Gatotsu!

Tom: <Saitoh> A-ahem. <singing> It must've been cold there in my
shadow... To never get sunlight in your face...

>Saitoh: WELCOME TO...RAW…IS…HAJIME!!!!
>(This gets cheers from the crowd, but Stone Cold and the Cock ignore
>the noise and keep their eyes locked on MiBuK, who slowly makes his
>way to the ring.)

Tom: <Stone Cold> Yo, dead man! Mind hurrying it up? It's been twenty
minutes already!

Crow: <Saitoh> Hold yer horses, ya young whippersnapper! *crick* Oh, poop,
there goes my good hip again...

Joel: Just then, a fan makes it to the ring, grabs a mike and yells, "Maa maa!"
The crowd... cheers.

>Saitoh: (to Kenshin) Stone Cold… (to Sano) Ahou… (this gets a rise from
>Sano)

Crow: <Sano> Oooh, he's so hot when he's insulting.

Joel: <Saitoh> Yes! I knew that spam-mail about pheromones would pay off!

>Now… I'm sure after last night, you two have some things you need to
>work out.

Crow: GET A ROOM!

Joel: Oh, there's tons of unresolved issues here.

Tom: Okay, so my thighs are a little chubby! W-Who are you to j-judge?!?
<sob, whimper>

Crow: Thus begins an epic, "The Cock on the Stone."

>But for the love of god…would you both just…SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

Joel: Finally, the voice of reason!

Crow: Hear! Hear!

Tom: <Saitoh> And if you even say "Oro" once, I'll wring your neck!!

Joel: <Kenshin> Eep de gozaru!

>Dr. Gensai: Whoa!! That's not a smart thing to say to those two!
>Megumi: Quite right! Ohohohohohohoho!

Crow: <Dr. Gensai> YOU, on the other hand....

Joel: <Tom Hanks> Has anybody told you about your nitrous oxide problem?

>Saitoh: (enters the ring) Stone Cold, I'll give you some credit. Last
>night, you gave MiBuK as you say, a can of grade A quality whoop @$$.

Tom: <Saitoh> Tonight, I've come back with something even better... a
bottle of whoop @$$! And next night, we'll graduate to a carton!

Crow: Just be sure to save the jugs for Wrestlemania.

Joel: Fireworks for your entrance... $25.00 Wrestling outfit... $13.00
Making your entrance to a capacity crowd of thirty two people... priceless.

Tom: There's just some things money can't buy. Credibility, for instance....

>But…too bad for you, you used a diet!!! Just one calorie, not whoop @$$
>enough!

Crow: <Kenshin> Shoot! I didn't know I bought Pepsi One whoop @$$! I
gotta check the side of the twelve-pack next time!

Tom: Oy vey... and I thought Jeff Hardy's promos were brutal....

>(He then turns to Sano)

Crow: <Saitoh> As for you, Sano... grade B whoop-ass should be more
than sufficient.

Joel: <Sanosuke> But I'm the Cock!

Crow: <Saitoh> Good point, lemme find the cheap stuff.

>Saitoh: (points a finger) As for you, bird brain. Maybe you haven't been
>getting enough of that chicken feed in you so let's get this straight.

Joel: <Saitoh> This finger of mine has been crooked for a while... be a pal
and help me straighten it out?

Crow: <Sano> Oh OK, let me just get a good grip here and I'll pull... hey,
wait a minute! I'm not falling for THAT, again!

Joel: <Saitoh> Darn.

>MiBuK has had enough of you and your eyebrow raising, bird squawking,
>and…I can't go on, I'm starting to see chickens in my sleep! But just tell
>me Cock, are you chicken?

Crow: No, I am Woman, hear me roar.

Tom: I am reader, hear me snore.

Joel: <The Cock> No, but some would say I taste like one!

>(Sano gets even more ticked and looks ready to explode.)

Crow: <Sanosuke> Tick... tick... tick...

Joel: Quick, someone call Jeff Bridges!

Tom: <Sano> Hey, I said extra crispy, not CAJUN!

Crow: It was about this time that the ol' Kenshin boys were havin' a
might of trouble with Boss Hogg Saitoh....

>Saitoh: So you two go on ahead, and layeth the smackdown on each other.
>Because after that, anyone one of you are more than welcome to take on
>MiBuK for the gold. (holds up the belt)

Joel: Only the best get to wear the coveted J.C. Penney belt.

Tom: I think my life's complete, I just heard Saitoh say "layeth the
smackdown"... now I must die.

Crow: Kenshin draws his sword and cuts both in half. The end. It's THAT
SIMPLE. Geez...

>One on One, Two on One, Triple Threat…Hell!
>You two can Sixty Nine for all I care!!

Tom: Ah, finally, a sex joke! What took you guys so long?

Crow: <Sanosuke> It wouldn't work, I'm too tall.

Joel: Ick ick ick.

>(Another loud pop from the crowd, glares of death from the two)
>Dr. Gensai: (shocked) SIXTY NINE?!!
>Megumi: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!!

Crow: <Ayame> WAIWAIWAIWAIWAIWAIWAIWAIWAIWAI--*smack*

Joel: <Dr. Genzai> Stop it.

Tom: Wow... just think of all the residuals Annie Lennox could be getting
from this fic.

>Saitoh: Because when you get into the ring with the Ayatollah of
>Gatotsuzolla, you will NEVER…EVER…BE THE SAME!!!

Crow: Witty Dialogue #538: Use CAPS whenever possible. It disturbs
the reader, and confuses him. And that's a good thing.

Tom: <Saitoh> You'll feel better, more confident, able to take the worst
your boss can dish out with a smile on your face.

Joel: <Kenshin, singing> I'm filing... oh yes, I'm filing... I'm filing
MORNING, NOON and NIIIIIIGHT....!

>(At that, the crowd roars once more. MiBuK just smirks at the two men
>look ready to give him the beating of his life.)

Tom: So, um... where's the action in this fic again?

Crow: Yeah, ANYTIME now, fanfic!

Joel: And here I thought wrestling involved... well, wrestling.

Tom: Silly human, wrestling is for rabbits!

>Megumi: Uh-oh. Looks like MiBuK bit off more than he can chew.
>Ohohohohoho!

Crow: <Saitoh> Hey, it's not easy to chew the... nope, I won't say it.

>Dr. Gensai: That may be so-

Joel: <Dr. Gensai> ...but did you REALLY have to use such a
well-worn cliche? Don't you know how much a facefault HURTS??

Crow: Suddenly all three fighters jumped Megumi and beat her to a pulp.
The end.

>(Just then speakers blare to life again, as the sound of a crashing car and
>the Mankind theme echoes throughout the arena. The three in the ring look
>up the ramp in surprise

Joel: <Sanosuke> Okay, who called for the taxi?

Tom: <Kenshin> Well, I didn't invite him!

Crow: Wrestling, Shmestling! It's all about the promos, baby!

>as Soujiro walks out, still wearing his blue gi, but sporting
>a Mankind facemask. The crowd at this point goes nuts once more.)

Tom: The MSTers are rather close to becoming cashews as well...

Joel: <Crowd> WE WANT A FIGHT! WE WANT A FIGHT!

>Dr. Gensai: It's Soujiro! But what's he doing here?!
>Megumi: Who cares! So long as he doesn't get that little friend of his out!

Crow: I thought the Cock was already IN the ring?

Tom: <Dr. Gensai> Oh, don't worry, the hamster's being held off TV until
Vince McMahon can find the right gimmick for him.

Joel: <Jerry Lynn> Join the club, Harvey.

>Ayame & Suzume: WAI! WAI! MR. SHISHIO! MR. SHISHIO!

Tom: <Dr. Gensai> Please, he prefers MR. TIBBS.

Joel: <Dr. Gensai> Mental note... reprogram the Ayame and Suzume 'bots.

Crow: When you're this big... they call you Shishio.

>(As the crowd noise dies down, Soujiro stands on the ramp, staring down
>the three men who look ready to kill each other at the drop of a hat. He
>then begins to speak.)

Joel: Unfortunately, there wasn't a single hat in the crowd, forcing
the wrestler to continue their endless jabbering.

Crow: There's never a ten gallon around when you need it!

>Soujiro: Ara, before I begin, let me say how much of a pleasure it is
>to be here, in Tokyo Dome!
>(A huge pop from the crowd is heard.)

Joel: They exploded? Wow, this fanfic just became bloodier than Carrie!

Tom: <Soujiro> Hold your horses, I haven't said it yet! *ahem*
IT STINKS!

>Soujiro: (grins that silly grin of his as he continues.) Ara, now, as
>much as I'd like to see you three beat the crap out of each other. Let me
>remind all of you, that we still have a bit of unfinished business.

Crow: <Soujiro> You said you guys would sign my autograph book!

Tom: <Soujiro> Such as adding unnecessary periods to my sentence
as I'm talking! Come on, Author, wake up!

Joel: <Author> ZZZZzzz.. w-what? Oh sorry, has the wrestling started yet?

>And I'm referring of course, to what you three did to me and Mr. Shishio
>last month.

Joel: <Soujiro> Just because I had two bits didn't mean that you had to
give me a shave and a haircut!

Crow: <Soujiro> Taking us to see 'Vertical Limit'... that was really low.
Who knows what amazing things I could have accomplished in those two
and a half hours, now lost forever!

>Dr. Gensai: Oho! He's talking about what happened at Rurounimania!

Tom: Yay, more backstory....

Joel: If it was anything like tonight, I'm guessing three straight
hours of trash talking.

Crow: <crowd, chanting> PAD THE FIC! PAD THE FIC!

Joel: Love didn't pad THIS fic, that's for sure.

>Soujiro: So minna-san, if any of you three have the testicular fortitude,
>let's settle this tonight. Onegai?

Joel: Preferably before the sun comes up.

Tom: <Sanosuke> I do! I have the fortitude! My proctologist said so!

Crow: Isn't asking the Cock if he has testicular fortitude sort of futile?

>(Another huge roar from the crowd, as the three men look up the ramp
>towards Soujiro, who still smiles despite the glares directed his way.
>Finally after a moments silence, the Cock speaks up.)

Crow: <Sanosuke> Psst! Kenshin! What page of the script are we on?

Tom: <Kenshin> Fifteen! Pay attention!

Joel: <Cock> Psst, got any viagra? I'm sagging a bit... eww, I can't
believe I actually said that.

Tom: This fic is sucking at our spirits now.

>Sano: (holding up a mike) So let the Cock get this straight…

Tom: INTENSE... CONVERSATIONAL... DIALOGUE!!!

Joel: <Sano> *cough cough* Man, my throat's getting dry... What's say we
start a brawl and take it over to the consession stand?

Tom: <Kenshin> Great idea! You want to drag me by the hair or shall I drag you?

Crow: <MiBuK> Dibs on the iced tea!

>You want to come in this ring, and let the Cock whoop your chicken ass
>like he will these two other jabronis. Is that what you're saying?

Tom: Hearing this is like listening to Mean Gene speak carnival lingo.

Crow: Or hearing Kamala recite Shakespeare.

Joel: Hey fic? Mind using a thesaurus to find a different word for "whoop"?

Tom: It's the Greek Chorus in the ring.

>Soujiro: Ara? That's not what I said-
>Sano: (loudly) IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!!!!!!!!!

Joel: <Sano> YOU'RE KAWAII FROM THE INSIDE OUT, NO MATTER
WHAT YOU WEAR!!!

Crow: Well, it HAS been the basis of the whole fic until now...

Tom: <Sano> You can say, say, say, what you want, but do NOT
play games with the Cock's affections!

>(The crowd goes crazy at this, but Soujiro remains unfazed by the
>Cock's rude interruption. But before he can speak, the Cock goes off
>once more.)

All: Ewwwwww!

Crow: <Soujiro> Your impertinent interjection has raised my ire!

Joel: <Soujiro> Shouldn't you be on a farm somewhere getting ready to
wake the farmer?

>Sano: So shut your beak , jabroni. And just….WING IT!

Tom: <Soujiro> Man, who writes your dialogue? Pat Patterson?

Joel: Either that or the same screenwriters for Hulk Hogan's crapfests.

Crow: Luckily there's no monkeys in the crowd or they just might... FLING IT!

>Dr. Gensai: Whoa, looks like more fuel added to the fire! Right, Queen?
>Megumi: And the way the Cock is going, it looks like he'll be roast
>before the night is over! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!

Tom: <Megumi> But didn't Hoover promise us a Cock in every crock-pot?

Joel: Uh, Megumi? Kodachi Kunou just called to say she wants her laugh back.

>(Soujiro meanwhile, continues to smile that sweet smile of his. And
>after the crowd noise dies down, he speaks once more.)

Crow: <Soujiro> Pardon my grin, I had some fantastic sex recently....

Joel: <Katherine> But that smile can't hold a candle to Touga! And
remember, Anj didn't write this!

>Soujiro: Ara, Cock-san.

Tom: Hai, Asshopper?

>If you think I'm going in there by myself, you're dead wrong.

Tom: <Soujiro> I believe in the buddy program, man!

Joel: <Soujiro> We've got like fifteen more people to come out
and trash talk first!

Crow: <horrified> Oh, dear god, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

>In fact, I have someone who'll join me in kicking all your asses. (points
>at Kenshin) And he's especially interested in kicking your ass Stone
>Cold-san.

Tom: <Kenshin> What? Hey, I am not! S-stop trying to get me in trouble
or I'll tell!

Joel: Man, this one lead-in is lasting longer than the whole "Battle Athletes
Victory" anime!

>(Stone Cold looks puzzled, as do the Cock and MiBuK.)
>Dr. Gensai: Soujiro has a friend?
>Megumi: (shrugs)…

Joel: <Soujiro> He's not just a friend, he's a buddy. My buddy. My buddy
and me.

Crow: <Megumi> Does he have a Kid Sister for me? OHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!

>(Suddenly the speakers go off again.)
>Speakers: WHAT DOES EVERYBODY WANT?!!!!

Tom: Wrestling!

Crow: Action!

Joel: Frank's head?

>(The crowd, despite their surprise, responds enthusiastically.)
>Crowd: NEE-SAN!!!!!!!!!!

Tom: It's a Nissan? What model?

Crow: They're still surprised after the last three *surprises*? My
suspension of disbelief is getting awful shaky here....

Joel: <Crowd> PATH-FIND-ER! PATH-FIND-ER! PATH-FIND-ER!

Tom: They're chanting for a car to run over the participants so they can
get some WORKING talent in there!

>(All three men in the ring looked surprised, as Enishi steps out from
>the back. In his hands is a mannequin head resembling Tomoe.

Crow: Sailor Saturn?!? Oh no!

Joel: Well, at least it wasn't Kim Catrell.

Crow: <ominously> Don't even joke about it, gizmo boy.

>Soujiro meanwhile, continues to smile as Enishi proceeds to work the
>crowd.)

Crow: <Soujiro> Must... keep... smiling...

Tom: <Enishi> Step-ball-change and kick two three four!

Joel: <Crowd> Hey, we worked hard all week! We came here to relax, buddy!

>Speakers: WHAT DOES EVERYBODY NEED?!!!!

Tom: Continuity?

Crow: Release?

Joel: Financial security?

Tom: Food and shelter?

Crow: Some original catchphrases?

Tom: The Puma Twins? Oh wait, that's what *I* need.

Joel: Hey....

Tom: Heh heh heh.

>Crowd: NEE-SAN!!!!!!!!!!!
>Dr. Gensai: Oh my god! It's that crazed psycho with a head for a sister!

Tom: Ken Shamrock?

Crow: When Norman Bates goes too far.

>Megumi: With a friend like that, who needs enemies? OHOHOHOHOHO!!!
>(Enishi then stops, and walks up to Soujiro who hands him the mike.)

Tom: <Enishi> Thank... *hiss*... very much. Now I... *crackle, hiss*... chicken
ass and...*hiss, pop*... Oh great, the stupid mike's screwed up!

Joel: And the crowd goes wild.

>Enishi: (to the crowd) First off, my nee-san would like to thank all of
>you for the enthusiastic response.

Tom: <Nee-san> THE POWERS OF HELL COMPELS YOU.

Joel: <Enishi> W-what you'd say?!?

Tom: <Nee-san> ....

Crow: <Enishi> She promises further that if you keep cooperating, she
will not bring about the Silence!

>(Holds up Tomoe, er, the head up in response to the crowds reaction.)

Joel: Only to have it start spinning about, spewing green soup all
over the stands.

Crow: <Enishi> Darn, I knew I shouldn't have substituted Linda Blair's
head tonight!

>Enishi: (smiles evilly) Because frankly, if you didn't respond at all,
>she'd have me kill all of you for being so disrespectful.
>(The crowds grows deftly quiet at that.)

Tom: Finally! I didn't think ANYTHING would shut this crowd up!

>Enishi: But on to more personal matters. (looks at Kenshin in the ring)

Joel: <Enishi> Geez, Louise! Where'd all that stubble come from?
Have we really been talking THAT long?

Crow: <Enishi> Why didn't you call last night? You were with that blond
tramp again, weren't you? WEREN'T YOU?!?

>Stone Cold, in case you've forgotten, I still haven't paid you back for what
>you did to nee-san. So after some heart to heart between us siblings, we've
>come to an agreement of what we should to you. And what was that nee-san?
>(Holds the head up to his ear, as if it were whispering something to him.)

Tom: <head> Bounce me off his skull, bonehead!

Joel: <head> Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Crow: <head> Decapitate him, I desire a new body!

>Enishi: (smiles insanely as he looks at Kenshin) THAT'S RIGHT! IT'S
>TIME FOR A LITTLE "JINCHUU"!!!!!

Joel: <Kenshin> A knife? You want to stab me!?

Tom: <Enishi> No, not Ginsu! Jinchuu! Jinchuu!

Joel: <Kenshin> Gesundheit.

>(Kenshin looks on in disgust, as Enishi proceeds to laugh insanely.)
>Dr. Gensai: Uh-oh. Things aren't looking good for the Kyoto Battousai.
>Megumi: Like he cares? OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!

Crow: <Megumi> MERRRRRRRY CHRISTMAS!

Joel: <Megumi, singing> ...Green Giant!

>Dr. Gensai: Quite right. But let's here what he has to say about this.
>(After a few moments of pacing the ring. Kenshin finally speaks.)

Joel: <Kenshin> And that's my act! Good night!

Tom: <Kenshin> And now, I'd like to recite some of my favorite poets,
starting with Shelley and moving on to Keats....

>Kenshin: Well, seeing as that sessha has still many more stuff to take
>care of before becoming champion again. Let's put it to a vote. (shouts to
>the crowd)

Joel: <Kenshin> Are we the champions, my friends?

Crow: <crowd> WE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING TILL THE END!

Tom: <Kenshin> Let's put it up to all those Hulkamaniacs out there... oh, oops...

>ANYBODY WHO WANTS TO SEE THAT WHITE HAIRED SONOVABITCH
>AND THE REST OF THESE JACKASSES GET THE ASS WHOOPING OF
>THEIR LIFE BY SESSHA, GIVE ME A HELL YEAH DE GOZARU!!!!!!

Crow: <Crowd> Yeah, anytime now, Carrot-Top.

>Crowd: HELL YEAH DE GOZARU!!!!!!!!!
>(At that, Armageddon erupts.

Tom: But enough of the RWF, let's sit back and enjoy a WWF pay-per-view
now....

Joel: Oh terrific. We suffer through all that talking and now the world
blows itself up before we can even have ONE match! <sighs> This just
isn't our lucky day....

>The Cock and MiBuK, taking offense at being referred to as "jackasses",
>proceed to gang up Stone Cold, who fights back gamely, even as Soujiro
>and Enishi rush to the ring.)

Crow: Gamely? Stone Cold's ripping off HHH now?

Tom: HALLELUJAH! They're actually wrestling! It's a miracle!

>Dr. Gensai: WHOA!!! IT'S PANDEMONIUM HERE TONIGHT!!!!!!
>Megumi: THAT'S SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT FOR YOU!
>OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!
>Ayame and Suzume: WAI! WAI! WAI!

Joel: Mouseketeers, catchphrases!

Crow: If this is sports entertainment, I'll take amateur style wrestling
anytime.

>(Soujiro then grabs Sano and proceeds to give him some speedy fists,
>after which he throws the Fowl One out the ring.

Joel: FistCrafters! Severe beatings... in about an hour.

Tom: It's Speedy Gonzales Vs. Foghorn Leghorn in a knock out, drag down
affair!

Crow: Could be worse... could be Giant Gonzales.

Tom: <shudders>

>Enishi meanwhile, tries to clobber Stone Cold with Tomoe er, the head as
>Saitoh holds the battered Battousai in his arms.

Joel: For this was a day... that a Battousai died.

Crow: <Saitoh a la Lois Lane> Oh no... please no....

>But at the last moment, Kenshin ducks and Saitoh ends up receiving a
>face full of Tomoe er, head and is knocked out.)
>Dr. Gensai: Stone Cold ducked!!!
>Megumi: Looks like MiBuK won't be howling much tonight.
>OHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!!!

Joel: An American WereSaitoh in Tokyo?

Tom: But will he be lonesome?

Crow: Can he feel the love?

>(Enishi looks in disbelief at what he's done.

Crow: <Enishi> What *I've* done? What about *YOU*, author?

Tom: <Enishi> What evil hath these hands wroth?!

Joel: <Enishi> Wow, this is great! Eat your heart out, Jack Pollock!

>But before he has time to comprehend, Stone Cold turns him around
>and gives him the Stone Cold Oro!)

Tom: <Enishi> Hey thanks! This will make a great addition to
my collection of rare bruises!

>Dr. Gensai: And Oro to Enishi! And he's out cold!
>Megumi: Guess his Jinchuu will have to take a rain check!
>OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!

Crow: Could someone PLEASE shut off the laugh track?

Joel: She's no Gorilla Monsoon, that's for sure.

Tom: Hell, she's not even Dusty Rhodes!

Crow: <Megumi> CLUBBERING! THEY BE CLUBBERING, GENSAI!!!
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!

Tom: Ugh.

>(Soujiro, seeing this, tries to sneak up on Stone Cold while the latter's back
>is turned. But before he can, Sano grabs one of his legs and pulls him out
>the ring.

Tom: <Sano> The Cock wants a drumstick!

Joel: <Soujiro> Quiet feet... sneaky feet... policeman feet? D'oh!

>The surprised Soujiro has no chance to fight back as Sano throws him to
>the steel steps! Sano then gets back into the ring and finds Stone Cold
>currently jawing at the unconscious forms of Enishi and Saitoh.)

Joel: <Stone Cold> Nanny nanny boo boo! You guys're a bunch of doo-doo!

Tom: <Kenshin> Mmm, Enishi with a little bit of Chianti and some fava beans...

Crow: <Lecter> You're learning, my disciple. Slurrrrrrp!

>Dr. Gensai: Uh-oh!!! I don't like the looks of this!!!
>Megumi: NO!!!!!!!!! TURN AROUND KEN-SAN!!!!!!!

Joel: <Megumi> Don't throw away your life on drugs!

Crow: <Megumi> Ryu threw a Hadou-Ken! Watch out!!

Tom: <Megumi, singing> Turn around, bright eyes...

>(But it's too late, as he turns around, Kenshin walks right into the Cock Bottom!

Joel: Man, this is reading like a Roadrunner/Wile E. Coyote sequence now.

Crow: All that's missing is the little umbrella and a huge boulder.

>Lights out for Kenshin as he lays in the ring motionless. Sano then walks
>over to his victim's head, and the crowd noise becomes deafening as
>anticipation builds for the Cock's next move.)

Joel: Aww, come on fic! He's not the fat-butt guy Rikishi! Quit making
him dance around!

Crow: With a name like the Cock, I'd be more frightened than anticipating....

>Dr. Gensai: OH NO! HE WOULDN'T!!!!!!
>Megumi: NO!!!!!!! NOT THE MOST FEATHERY MOVE IN SPORTS
>ENTERTAINMENT!!!!!!!

Joel: <Gensai> Don't drink white wine with fish, man! It's not worth it!!

Tom: It'd be ironic if it was the Cross Face Chicken Wing, eh?

Crow: Only if Bawk Backlund used it! Hee hee hee... ow!

Tom: Kill him.

>(But Megumi's cries fall on deaf ears, as Sano slowly removes his shirt
>and throws it to the crowd, much to their enjoyment.

Crow: <crowd> All right! Laundry!

Tom: <crowd> WE'VE GOT SINGLES, BIG BOY!!

>And after a few gestures with his hands he runs to the ropes and bounces
>off them, he then runs to the other side of the ring, jumping over the prone
>form of Kenshin.

Tom: <Sano> Does this bug you, Jabronie? Does this bug you? I'm not
touching you....

>After bouncing off once more off the ropes, he then stops over the fallen
>body of Stone Cold, and gives the Chicken's Elbow!)

All: LAME!!!

Crow: All the possible chicken puns and that's the best he could come up with?

Joel: So named because Hulk Hogan always wore yellow tights?

Tom: Amen, brotha, Amen.

>Megumi: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
>Dr. Gensai: Oh no. Too bad for Stone Cold.
>Ayame and Suzume: WAI! WAI! WAI!
>(Sano then gets up and proceeds to mouth off the unconscious Kenshin.

Joel: <Sano> He's dead! I have to give him CPR!

Crow: Are you sure this isn't a lemon?

Tom: <Kenshin> I'd... rather... get it... from... Kaoru... ugggh.

>Little does he know however, Soujiro has crawled back into the ring,
>and has pulled out his special friend, Mr. Shishio, who happens to be
>an old sock with the mummy's face drawn on.)

Crow: So that's what became of Arnold Vosloo... what a way to go.

>Dr. Gensai: Oh no. Here comes that smelly old sock!!
>Megumi: YES!!!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!

Joel: <Megumi> He's going to Wisk it!

Tom: <Megumi> Ever since Sharon Lewis started sticking Lambchop down
the throats of little kids, it seems that everyone wants to get into the act.

>(Soujiro has just slipped on Mr. Shishio around his hand. At that moment
>Sano turns, and finds himself the unfortunate victim of the Shikuchi Claw!

Crow: Oh, goodie! A wrestling hold not associated with chickens!

Tom: Where there is wrestling, whether in name or in hold, there will always
be a Claw....

Joel: That's deep, Tom.

>Soujiro proceeds to shove the sock down Sano's throat, despite the latter's
>attempt to fight it off.

Crow: <Soujiro> You didn't finish you SOCK, little boy! It's full of woolly
goodness!

Joel: <Sano> Nuts to that, I want my veggies!

>But eventually, the Fowl One slowly succumbs, and before long joins the
>other prone figures within the ring.)

Joel: Suddenly, I feel like they should be playing a solemn trumpet solo or
something....

Tom: <hums theme to Braveheart>

Crow: <Scottish Accent> In the year of our Lord, 2001, characters from
Rurouni Kenshin, starving and outnumbered, worked the crowds of Tokyo,
Japan. They trash-talked like warrior poets... they trash-talked like Scotsmen...
and won their freedom....

>Megumi: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!! There's a chicken that's been plucked
>if I ever saw one! OHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!

Joel: <Dr. Gensai> All this talk of chicken... are you SURE this isn't an
episode of Iron Chef?

>(Soujiro then stands in the ring. The sole survivor of this massive brawl for all.)
>Dr. Gensai: What will happen after all this?!! Stay tuned!

Tom: This was a Brawl For All? Aha! No WONDER it sucked!

Crow: Same raw time, same raw channel, even rawer plot!

Joel: Twice the trash talk, one-fifth the wrestling! RWF! RWF! RWF!

>*****
>COMMERCIAL BREAK
>******

Joel: Quick, let's hit the washroom and escape through the window!

Tom: Which means Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew... and Nike.

Crow: Beats the hell out of chicken, chicken, chicken, WAI!

Tom: Good point.

All: ....

Joel: Hmmm, nothing else is happening. I guess the fic's over. What'd you
think of it?

Tom: I think it would have been a LOT better if the author hadn't copied the
WWF guys mannerisms so closely. I mean, this was like watching the original
material only with loads of bad puns and the names slightly altered.

Crow: Kinda like our MSTings, eh?

Tom: Heh.

Joel: Seriously, though, if you want to write the RK guys in a WWF type
setting, that's cool, but it would probably be more interesting to keep more of the
characters' original personalities rather than have them imitate WWF guys
and spend more time having them beat the crap out of each other than trash
talking for over half the fic.

Tom: Yeah, be creative! Have a sword on a pole match or a last man breathing
match....

Crow: Last Man Breathing Match?

Tom: Well, Last Blood does get kinda old after a while... and think of the crowd
suspense! Will the opponent take a breath after suffering five consecutive
tombstones from the top rope?

Joel: That's kinda morbid, isn't it?

Tom: Not when it's just an idea on paper!

Crow: Speaking of ideas on paper, I believe we still have my screenplay
to look over....

Tom: Already? Aw, come on, we just suffered through ONE bad story!

Crow: Hey!!

Joel: Come on, Crow, let's just watch it already. How bad can it be?

*    *    *

SATELLITE OF LOVE

   The theater doors opened to reveal a disheveled Joel carrying a weeping
Tom Servo.

   "That... was the worst... THING... I've ever seen in my life...." Joel
muttered to no one in particular as Tom continued to bury his face in his shoulder,
sobbing.

   "You are crazy, you know that!" Crow angrily retorted as he too emerged
from the theater. "I couldn't have possibly made my point any clearer of what I
was trying to achieve with this film! How could you NOT find it funny!?"

   "Gee, where shall I begin? The brutal slaying of the preschoolers by
the geese? The haunting harpsichord soundtrack consisting of precisely
THREE notes, played over and over again...."

   "Yeah, I was going for a 'Eyes Wide Shut' effect there," Crow
replied sheepishly.

   "Or how about the scene when Morgan Freeman, despite being
killed off early in the film, talks non-stop for FIFTY FIVE MINUTES?"
Joel continued ominously.

   "Hey, he has a GREAT speaking voice and as far as I'm concerned
fifty-five minutes wasn't enough!" Crow retorted.

   "Maybe I should just skip the minor details and get right to the matter
of the logic of a talking tangerine with godlike powers who also happens to be
psychotic?" Joel added as Tom abruptly cried louder.

   "Oh, come on. Tell me a psychotic talking tangerine god isn't
guaranteed laughs!"

   "Crow, he slaughtered the main cast five minutes into the film and by
the end, the body count was four BILLION! Kinda excessive for a comedy,
isn't it?"

   "With great power came great responsibility... and the tangerine clearly
wasn't prepared for it, as my film shows...."

   "CROW, IT WAS A FRIGGING TANGERINE!!! WHAT THE HELL
DOES A FRIGGING FRUIT KNOW ABOUT POWER AND RESPONSIBILITY?!?
ITS PURPOSE IS TO BE PLUCKED AND EATEN! EATEN!!!" Tom roared
as he tried to lunge at Crow only to be held back by Joel.

   "Easy, little buddy. You've had a long day. What's say we get some
grub? I'll make you your favorite meal...." Joel reassured the weary robot.

   "Waffles?" Tom immediately brightened.

   "You got it. And, by the way, Crow, next time you write a comedy,
you might want to label it as a horror film, okay?"

   "And vice versa!" Tom added as he and Joel strolled in the direction
of the pantry leaving Crow alone, the pages of his beloved screenplay slipping
from his fingers.

   "Hmph! Some people just have no appreciation for true art! Why, I'll
bet the reason it went over their heads was that it was ahead of its time! Yeah!
Twenty years from now, this screenplay could be the biggest thing going! Why,
just look at this scene on page twenty seven with the tangerine ordering the
deaths of the... hmmm...." Crow frowned as he flipped over the next page... and
then the next and the next....

   "Gee, I never actually gave this thing a read-through before... did I really write
that scene? Whoa, what the hell was I thinking with those geese!? YAHHHHHHHH?!?"
Crow suddenly flung the script away as if it had been sprayed by a skunk. "Oh my
god! They were right! That thing SUCKS! I... I can't believe I subjected my friends
to it! IT MUST BE DESTROYED!!!"

   Suddenly, the red light began flashing on the console, Crow noticed
it a moment later and started to panic. "Oh poopy! If Dr. F finds out about my script,
he'll force Joel to make me send it to him for sure!" Crow dove to the floor and
began frantically gathering up the papers before making a beeline to the waste
receptacle. Quickly shoving the entire script inside, he then rushed over to the
window and watched as the papers slowly floated away from the satellite. He
breathed a sigh of relief as they were burned up in the ionosphere.

   "That was too close...." Crow muttered to himself as he walked back
over to the console and gave the red button a press.

*    *    *

DEEP 13

   "Well, now, I haven't had time to review the results from our computers
but judging by the reactions of Joel and that little fireplug of his when they left the
theater, it seems I've made another small breakthrough with my experiments!"
Dr. Forrester proclaimed triumphantly.

   "Huh?" Crow stared blankly at him until realization set in and he
immediately overcompensated. "Oh! Oh yeah! Right, it was the EXPERIMENT
that bugged Joel and Tom so much!"

   "And yet, you emerged surprisingly unscathed. Why is that?"

   "Umm... I guess I'm just made of sterner stuff...." Crow replied, lamely.

   "Oh?" Dr. Forrester scowled. "Well then, I suppose I'll just have to
work harder to find a fanfic to chisel the chip on your metallic shoulder, eh robot?
But that's a challenge for another day... push the button, Frank."

   There was a loud creaking noise as Frank dragged himself over to the console,
still trapped in the gallows. "Uh, are you going to let me out of here any time soon?
I've got a reservation to keep, you know?" he asked even as he used his nose to press
the button.

   "All in good time, Frank... now where did I put that bushel of tomatoes?"

...AND THE MSTINGS
   CONTINUE...

I hope you enjoyed this and C&C is very welcome. ( megane67@home.com)

Author's Notes: And in the words of the late JYD, another one bites the dust!
I've been wanting to do a WWF MSTing for this series for a long time now after
working with Alicia on Post 105 of her MWT3K series and I hope you enjoyed
this MST as much as I enjoyed writing it. Sorry if that sounds cliche but I'm
running on two hours sleep at the moment and it's time I visited the land of nod. ;P

I've been MSTing for over four years now and I want to thank each and
every person who's send me words of support and encouragement and
who have helped me throughout these last three years. I treasure every
piece of fan mail I receive and I consider it a great honor that some
people have dedicated their MSTings to me and tell me that I helped
encourage them to start MSTing. To all of you, thank you from the
bottom of my heart and I hope I can continue to inspire and make you
laugh for a long time to come. :)

I'd like to give personal thanks to Zoogz, who helped me with some
in-depth C&C and suggested many riffs for this MSTing. He is a very
funny and talented author and you can find his works at his new webpage
http://www.nav.to/Zoogz including his Utena MSTing 'Ma Vie et Roses'.
He is currently working on a new Sailor Moon/Chrono Trigger MSTing called
'Sailor Trigger' and an original fanfic called 'Point Source', both of them coming
soon to a fanfiction archive near you!

Also, I'd like to give personal thanks, once again, to Gary Kleppe, whose
C&C and suggestions are always appreciated. I can't say enough nice
things about this guy! :) If you haven't had a chance to check out his
latest works 'The Ghost Prison' and 'For a Dying Friend', you can reach
him at kleppe@mediaone.net or his new webpage at
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html and I'm sure he'll be happy
to send the story along to you.

Additionally I'd like to give personal thanks to Latin_D, Fido, and Nidoking
for their riff suggestions and helping me out with my lack of Rurouni Kenshin
knowledge. Working with you guys is always a blast! :)

Finally I'd like to thank Jedi Master Horace for writing 'Raw is Oro' and
and giving me his blessing to MST it as well as a lot of material to work
with. I hope you're not offended. It's all meant in good fun. :)

'A MSTing for All Seasons'
http://www.nabiki.com/mst

Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/

Shizen's Versatile Home Page V3.0
http://svhp.webjump.com/
(Alternate site: http://www.tass.org/fanfic/MST3k/ )

SEASON ONE
------------------
101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon)
102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" (Original Draft) by Oscar (SM Lemon)
103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA" by The Flashman
(SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER)
104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic)
105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic)
107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton
(La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover)
108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky
(SM/WWF Crossover)
w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon (SM/RL Crossover)
110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER
CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker (SM Christmas Fanfic)

SEASON TWO
-------------------
201- "THAT GIRL" PT. 1-2 by Oscar (SM Lemon)
202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino (SM Lemon)
203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn (SM/SPAWN Crossover)
204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2 by Hitomi Ichinohei (R1/2 Fanfic)
205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz (SM Lemon)
206- "OSCAR TOON" PT. 1-4 by Oscar (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover)
207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari (Mutiple Crossovers)
208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep (R1/2 Fanfic)
209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS (SM Lemon)
210- "THE KIDNAPPING" PT. 1-2 by SMendou (UY Lemon)

SEASON THREE
----------------------
301- "A WET DREAM COME TRUE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Lemon)
302- "TORTURED ECHO" PT. 1-4 by Trakal (R1/2 Fanfic)
303- "RANMA KILLS!" PT. 1-2 by Sir Asayogure (R1/2 Fanfic)
304- "OKONOMIYAKI SUMMER" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic)
w/short "UNDER THE MISTLETOE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic)
305- "XMAS SPECIAL: A CHRISTMAS FIT FOR A POKEMON"
by Dr. Thinker (Pokemon Christmas Fanfic)
306- "9-BALL DREAMS" PT. 1-2 by Mr_Jazz (SM Crossover Lemon)
307- "WINTER" by Joseph Palmer (R1/2 Fanfic)
308- "UKYO GETS WHAT SHE DESERVES" PT. 1-2 by R_Vincent
(R1/2 Lemon)
309- "I WANT TO MEET A PRINCE LIKE DEAR OLD DAD, MOM,
SIS, BRO & FRISKY!" by Katherine (Utena Lemon)
310- "THE IO SAGA" PT. 1-4 by Sarah J. Gates (SM Fanfic)

SEASON FOUR
--------------------
401- "LINES AS Q PART 2" PT. 1-2 by Dave Hines (ST:TNG Fanfic)
402- "RAW IS ORO" by Jedi Master Horace (WWF/Rurouni Kenshin Crossover)

SHORTY!
-------------
101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY!
102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET!
103- PHEROMONES!
104- THE INTERNET SPY AND YOU!!
105- THE SECRET FLAW!

OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO
---------------------------------------------------------
"DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
"MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff (SM/TNG Crossover)

Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/

"THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin (SM Dark Lemon)
"9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon)

Lefty's MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/MSTings/index.htm

'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE!
(Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle)

Website Number 9 MSTings
http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml

"THE DAY OF EMERGANCE" by Jeffrey Lee
(Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover)

Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html

*New Collaborations*

"REDHEADS" by Robert "Kenko" Haynie
(Slayers/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)

"WILD SILVER" by Francis Bourque
(Sailor Moon/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)

"RELATIONSHIPS" by Sidewinder
(Neon Genesis Evangelion/Sailor Moon Crossover)

"A LITTLE CHANGE OF PLANS" by Wishbringer
(Neon Genesis Evangelion/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)

OTHER GREAT WEBPAGES WORTH VISITING

Zoogz's Fanfiction and Fandom Page
http://www.nav.to/Zoogz

The Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot"Wong
http://www.anime.sobhrach.com\~jeffwong\index.html

'SuicideBlast' by: Keener
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/3342/Suicide.html
Additional links for Keener's stuff
-- http://tmffa.com/
-- http://www.redrival.com/myrriden/index.html

Flashman's Flash Point
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/

JOLT!!!
http://members.home.net/jolt.caffiene/welcome.htm

Website Number 9 MSTings
http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml

Lord Carnage's Cursed Fanboys Page!
http://carnage.fanfic.org

A Sailor Moon Romance
http://moonromance.simplenet.com/

Zen's Fanfiction Page
http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html

Webdragon's Lair
http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/

Sean Gaffney's Webpage
http://www.thekeep.org/~sean/index.html

Seanbaby's NES Page
http://www.seanbaby.com/nes.htm

X-Entertainment
http://www.x-entertainment.com/

">But for the love of god…would you both just…SHUT THE HELL UP!!!"

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 2001 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.

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