*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS* (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain) (The future isn't what it used to be....) "MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON TWO) EPISODE 16: OSCAR TOON PT. 2 (A Sailor Moon/Warner Brothers/Dragon Ball Z MSTing) MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering my own ass here folks.... "Sailor Moon" is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all the distributors of her work. "Tiny Toons" and the "Warner Brothers" characters are the property of Warner Brothers and all the distributors of their work. "Dragon Ball" is the property of Akira Toriyama and all the distributors of his work "Oscar Toon" is the property of Oscar and he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend this person for making fun of his/her work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;) Warning: This fic contains mature content. If you are offended by such material, simply delete it and it's gone. If not, enjoy! (Door 6: It slides open on both sides..) (Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you move on..) (Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.) (Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..) (Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and touches the door. The door vanishes.) (Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.) (Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.) Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow sitting on his right. Joel: To recap: Oscar's been pulled into Loony-Tune Land and he's decided to stick around for a while and mess things up.... Crow: Don't forget him putting the moves on Fifi and tormenting poor Elmer Fudd.... Tom: Everybody got that!?! >Buster then took the initiative "Yo, pal, who are ya, if Fudd wasn't >so dumb he'd ask what are u doing here" Oscar grinned "Well BB Joel: King? Tom: Gun? Crow: Butterfinger? >i really just got here and i'm new but that doesn't mean i don't know >who all of you are he he" Buster raised an eyebrow "Like in.." Tom: Duh, well, you see, i'm writing a really twisted self-insertion story about you guys cuz i can do anything i want! He he he! You see Babs over there? i could make her fall in love with me just like that! Hell, i could kick your ass right now without even breaking a sweat if i wanted to.... Crow: *Gulp* N-Nevermind! >"Like in, i know what kind of relation you and Babs have, Joel: For i know your darkest secret, Buster Bunny... You and Babs, *ARE* in fact related! Crow: Nooooooooooo!!! >what Fifi has been craving for years, Tom: Her own line of perfume? Crow: To get a species change into a French poodle? Joel: A break into the show business, but not like this! >what kind of loser Plucky is, Crow: Gee, how long did it take you to figure that out, Sherlock? >and.." Elmer then made a shhh and Oscar spoke softer Joel: Who knew Oscar was soft spoken? Tom: Shouldn't he be carrying a big stick? Crow: I'll just pretend I didn't hear that. >"And i know who yer coach is he he, she's hot isn't she?" >Buster blushed and smiled "Err, i guess he he". Tom: My coach is a saint! Joel: Duh, hey, that's *MY* laugh! Do it again and i'll rip yer limbs off! >Class was over and Fifi immediatelly embraced Oscar tightly, "UGH!" Joel: Our sentiments exactly. Tom: Ze is mine! All mine! Crow: Ze is zhee appalling one, yet I cannot rezist heem, no? >Oscar moaned as he got a lil squeezed by her, Tom: I'm getting a *lil* tired of Oscar using shorthand. Joel: Lil. The latest in a long line of Oscar-isms. Crow: You never know what he'll *putted* in next.... >Fifi made her infamous love speech, Crow: In ze name of la'mour! I will right ze wrongs and triumph ovair eveel! But first, I'll zeduce you zilly.... >ignoring that Oscar wanted to do that to her, Crow: Frankly, I'd rather hear Usagi's speech over Oscar's anyday. Tom: Duh, if you'll just shut up for a second, i'll be happy to sleep with you! >"Oh ze boy of me dreams.." Fifi said while looking seductivly at him, Crow: Actually, we haven't quite determined what gender he is yet. Tom: Every night in my dreams... I see you... I feel you.... Crow: And her heart will go on... just like this ridiculous premise. >Oscar grinned and brought Fifi closer to him, Joel: Get a little closer.... Crow: Move in a little closer friend!!! Let's get acquainted!!! >she went wide-eyed as Oscar finally gave Fifi her first kiss ever, Tom: Where? Joel: Don't ask. >Fifi's mind went into overdrive as she feel completely absorved by his kiss, Crow: Since Fifi had no idea what *absorved* felt like, she decided to ignore the alien sensation.... Joel: Uh, Oscar? Remember *Artemis*? The love of your life? Shouldn't you be trying to get back home to her instead of two-timing her with a female skunk? Tom: Why? All he has to do is beat the crap out of some fierce street dogs to get rid of Fifi's scent, remember? Joel: Oh yeah. How stupid of me to forget. >she thought this moment would never come. Crow: It came upon her like a thief in the night, and one by one dropped the revelers... and dyed each in the despairing posture of her fall... and darkness... and decay... and death... held illimitable dominion over all.... Joel: Been playing Tex Murphy again, Crow? >Oscar tought "I can't beleive i've finally made this...." Fifi felt the kiss >last forever, but Oscar eventually parted from her, Joel: Well, that was exciting... NEXT! Tom: I can't believe Oscar finally capitalized an *i*. >Fifi was blushing heavily "Y-You...." Crow: ...peeg! You swine! Nevair keese me again! >she said still bewildered of his actions, everyone else was jaw-dropped, Crow: Jaw-dropped? You mean they facefaulted? Joel: Yet more Oscar-isms.... Tom: Yeah, but our slang is much cooler than his! >Fifi whispered into Oscar's ear "Who are u?" Crow: Duh, i'm Batman! >Oscar smiled and went to his desk, but then Lola came in. All: Lola! L-O-L-A Lola! Lo Lo Lo Lola! >Oscar looked at her, from her slender legs, to her tight waist her well >rounded breasts and her gorgeous face, Tom: Well, that settles it. Oscar has *WAY* too much free time on his hands.... Crow: Three words. Seek. Professional. Help. Joel: Would you say the same thing about robots that lusted after the sailor senshi and other well-endowed anime women? (Crow and Tom look at each other for a moment.) Crow: No. Tom: Why? Joel: Oh, no reason.... >he was wordless Crow: Oh, if only that were so.... Tom: We wish.... Joel: An infinite number of monkeys on an infinite number of typewriters will eventually define all that is Oscar.... Tom: Thank god he isn't Canadian. >but he knew he didn't had a chance at her, and he still wanted to know >Fifi better. Crow: ...in the biblical sense, ifyaknowwhatImean. Tom: Duh, after what happened to Kuro/Kogi, I've learned to handle one love struck female at a time! >Lola with her basketball in her arms said "Ok class, time for our training" Joel: Who's up for a game of Tennis? Crow: Me! Me! I'm wearing my *tennis* right now! >Oscar stood up as the whole class followed her into the gym, Tom: She walks like a woman and talks like a man.... Crow and Joel: Oh my Lola, lo lo lo Lola, lo lo lo Lola.... >Babs wasn't worried for Buster having a crush on, Lola cuz some >weeks before, Buster told his true feelings to her. But she still >followed Buster almost everywhere, Tom: Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls. It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, Crow and Joel: Except for Lola. Lo lo lo Lola. Lo lo lo Lola. >Fifi was like glued to Oscar and how couldn't she? never did anyone >treated her like he did a few moments ago. Joel: What does she expect? It's a self-insertion story! She has no free will of her own! >But Oscar was thinking of something else Tom: Mmmmmm... Lola. Joel: Geez, Oscar can't even keep his mind on the girl he's cheating on his girlfriend with! >"What am i gonna do now?", when they all sat in the bench, All: TOGGG!!! Crow: Pull splinters out of their butts? >Oscar and Fifi talked a lil, Tom: Thus making small talk. Thank you! >Fifi then asked "Who are u...please tell me.." Oscar looked down and >answered Crow: Duh, I'm Gumby, dammit! Tom: Why is he looking down? Oh man, is Fifi on her knees already?!? All: BOO!!! HISS!!! BOO!!! >"Well Fifi...I'm Oscar, i'm 14 and i can't Tom: ...write a fanfic to save my life. >tell u anything else..sorry" Fifi raised Oscar's face and smiled Crow: I do ze chin tucks too, no? >"Don't worry, i don't need to know much else..." Crow: Ze is male and ze has a pulse! I don't need to know much else, no? >Oscar smiled and caressed her hair, Fifi closed her eyes and smiled, Tom: Good skunky... Nice skunky.... Joel: Fifi *IS* Skunky Brewster! >Oscar a lil worried, thought "Fifi, even if i'm here just for a time, i'll >make u happy...i promise". Joel: Oscar: The Prophet of Unrequited Love. Crow: Oh my god... Please say this isn't happening.... Tom: Duh, i don't make love to women for *MY* own pleasure. i do it to make *THEM* feel better about themselves.... Joel: Yeah, right! Crow: I think I'm going to be sick.... All: BOO!!! HISS!!! BOO!!! >Lola then stept before them, "Sooo you're new here huh?" she asked >Oscar, and he replied Tom: I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said, "Lola".... Crow and Joel: L-O-L-A Lola, lo lo lo Lola.... >"Yes Lola" Lola got surprised, "How does he knows my name?" she thought Joel: Maybe she and Oscar are regulars at Cheers? Tom: And why am I suddenly filled with an overwhelming desire to surrender my body to him unconditionally even though I've never seen him before and he's kind of creepy looking.... Crow: The evils of self-insertion. >and then said "Well wanna show me what you got?" All: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! >Oscar winked at Fifi and stood up grinning, he then looked up to her >and said Tom: Duh, i'll take you after i take Fifi and not before! >"Sure would...doll" All: Oooooooooooooo.... Tom: Now you've done it! You've rrrrrrreally done it! Crow: You're playing with death, Oscie. >everyone stopped and turned to Oscar and Lola, with surprised looks >on their faces, Crow: Someone dares challenge the great and powerful Lola?! Inconceivable! >Oscar kept grinning and Lola's eyes ignited with anger Joel: Heh, Oscar may not be the last of the Saiya-jins after all.... >"Ok lil smart kid lets see what you got". Tom: Get the lead out, shorty! >Lola bounced the b.ball to the center of the court, Joel: Wow, I never knew a bowling ball could bounce like that.... >as Oscar strolled in, and stand before her, Tom: AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... LET'S GIVE A WARM HAND TO OUR VISITING TEAM FOR THIS ONE ON ONE CONTEST... FANFICTION'S OWN... OSCAR!!! All: BOOO!!! HISS!!! BOOO!!! >Lola (Whoa check it out 2 names in a row) Tom: Whoop-de-shit. Joel: Tom.... >held the B.ball and stared at Oscar's eyes, he wasn't intimidated by her. Crow: He he he! Just a few more seconds and i'll have her completely under my power.... >He wondered if all of his Saiya-Jin powers had been drained tough, if >they where indeed drained in the toon world, then he didn't stood a >chance against her. Joel: But, since this is a self-insertion fic, he had nothing to worry about. Tom: I can't *stood* grammar errors! >Meanwhile, in a nother part of toon land... Tom: The toons were packing their bags and getting the hell out of there until the fanfic is over.... Crow: ...Speedy Gonzales was being deported on a traffic violation.... Joel: ...Pinky and the Brain were devising yet another plan to try and take over the world.... Crow: ...and Wile E. Coyote was tossing back a few cold ones, having finally caught the Road Runner by drugging his birdseed with the Ebola virus.... >The youma woke up, it was somewhat of a basketball creep, with a >blue and red B.ball, he stood up and said to himself Tom: I haven't the slightest idea what that last sentence was all about.... Joel : You-ma... Yo-yo-yo-yo-you-ma.... >"Oscar...", he checked his radar and couldn't find Oscar in it, as the >radar only detected Saiya-Jins, not skunks, Joel: In Oscar's case, is there really that much of a difference? >the youma frowned and smashed the radar in anger, "I'll find u Oscar..." All: TERMINATE!!! TERMINATE!!! TERMINATE!!! >he was literally at the other side of the toon world. Joel: He's over on Don Bluth's side of the fence? Crow: Oh good. Maybe he can recruit Dirk the Daring and Space Ace to help him. Tom: Unleash the Infanto Ray! Defeat the evil Oscar! The fate of Loony Toon Land is in your hands! >Back at the Looniversity gym, Buster took the B.ball, as Lola >prepared herself for her 1 on 1 match, Tom: Does that mean she's met her match? Joel: Save it for the stage, Henny.... >Oscar was a lil worried, then, Buster threw the ball upwards. Oscar >and Lola jumped for the ball and they almost collapsed with each >other, Crow: A foreshadowing of things to come? Tom: Makes me wonder what *ball* Lola was jumping for.... Joel: Ick.... >but Lola won it. Oscar exalted, Crow: Glo-o-o-o-ria! Tom: Hosannas in the Highest! Joel: Oscar still has no idea what that word means.... >and landed on his paws, he turned around, just as Lola landed and >chuckled at him, she immediately dashed (bouncing the ball of course) Tom: After all, this ain't Netball! >to Oscar's hoop side, but Oscar made his ZATSUKEN, and stole the >B.ball outta her hands, Crow: Boy, it's a good thing Oscar didn't use a *ZANZOUKEN* or Lola would have really been in trouble. Joel: Geez, if you're going to pretend to be a Saiya-Jin, you could at least get the name of the attacks right! Tom: Meanwhile, the author of this MSTing keeps confusing *marital* with *martial*.... Joel: Hush, Tom! You'll anger the overlord.... >everyone even Lola was startled to see that he made such a quick move, >a small blurry image of Oscar was left behind Lola, and the real Oscar >was RIGHT BEHIND her, Crow: Didn't he use that same trick on Felicia in 'That Girl'? Joel: I don't know but I have a sudden urge to play Ninja Gaiden.... >Oscar was reliefed that his Saiya-Jin power/skill/moves etc. weren't >drained completely, that meant he could do a small Kame-Hame-Ha, >or a mega jump. Tom: But, let's be honest, since it's a self-insertion, he can pretty much do whatever he wants.... Joel: Except learn to spell. >Oscar knew he shouldn't stay too long in one same spot, Crow: ...or the angry villagers would get him. >cuz Lola would steal the ball again, so he ran to Lola's hoop side and >jumped high above the rim, SLAMMING the ball into the hoop, Fifi then >thought "Gotta love him" she smiled lightly. Babs had a "Go Oscar" >Calamity Coyote-like sign, Buster raised an eyebrow, and cleared his >throat, Babs smiled guilty and hid the sign, with an innocent look, >and laughing nervously, Buster then tought, "She hasn't changed a >bit". Tom: Yes, it's the run-on sentences from hell! >The gym was in silence after Oscar landed on his paws, Tom: Because, you see, Oscar gave them a moment of *pause*. Get it? Crow: Heh heh... that's funny.... >Lola was still dazzled and couldn't say a thing, Joel: Oscar used Erasmus's Razzle Dazzle spell on her? Tom: I never knew Oscar wanted to be a Hero.... Crow: Hope he meets up with a Cheetaur. >Oscar then turned around, he walked to her, his steps echoing, Tom: What? He's wearing tap shoes now? >till he finally got to her side, "Ummm Lola...?" he asked softly, Joel: Duh, Care for some champagne? It tastes just like Coca-Cola.... >Lola sighed and simply went to the bench, took her bag, zipped it up, >and slung it over her shoulder, whipping the sweat out of her forehead. Tom: Woah! She's so dominating, even her sweat is pussy-whipped! Crow: One dunk shot against her and she's quitting? Talk about a sore loser.... Joel: What's she sweating so hard from anyway? A 60 second B. Ball game? >She went out, as everyone stared at Oscar, "What?" he managed. Crow: Um, your fly's open.... Tom: Duh, what do i look like?! A second base coach?!? Joel: Duh, suddenly, *i'm* the jerk?!? >He then ran to the exit and looked everywhere for Lola, "I didn't think >she'd take this so hard..." he tought feeling like shit. Crow: You mean there's classes for that? >He walked all around the Looniversity and he was about to give up, >when he saw her, Tom: ...committing ritual seppuku. >alone sitting in a tree with a thoughtful look on her face Tom: That's strange.... Crow: What? Tom: Oscar spells *thought* as *tought* and yet he spells *thoughtful* without any trouble at all. Little food for tought, er, I mean, thought. >and with a small flower in her hand, Joel: Uh oh! That flower's going to be taking a dirt nap if Oscar gets any closer! Crow: Save your children! Pollinate now! Tom: There's never a swarm of bees around when you need one! >playing "He/she loves me, she/he loves me not", Tom: *IT* might be the best term to use in this case. Joel: Self-insertion. Don't play that game. Crow: Funny... Fifi didn't seem to have any trouble identifying Oscar as ze boy of her dreams.... Tom: And Lola has no trouble admitting to herself she might be a lesbian or bi-sexual? Crow: Nah, that might give her character some depth and in an Oscarfic that's a strict no-no.... >Oscar slowly went to her side and sat at her side, Joel: ...sitting there beside her on her side as he rested on his side ready to tell his side of the story. Tom: And then Lola was beside herself. Thank you! Crow: Whew! For a second there, I was afraid he was going to sit *in* her side. Tom: Nah, Oscar's not into sidehacking. It's not his thing to do. >Lola didn't noticed him until he said "Lola" she then threw away the >flower and only heard him, Crow: HE'S IN MY HEAD! HE'S IN MY HEAD!!! Joel: Rest in peace, sweet petunia, and may a thousand marigolds sent thee to thy rest.... >Oscar bit his lower lip, Tom: Oscar's trying to be as *interesting* as Kevin.... Joel: Doesn't he need a Dinner Party for that? >"Ummm Lola..", Lola blinked, and replied Crow: Yes, Master? Tom: He he he! You shall be the next to fall to my infinite self-insert powers! He he he! Crow: EEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!!! >"Yes...?" Oscar, looked upwards "Are u mad at me..?" Tom: DAMN STRAIGHT! NOW REPENT AND GIVE ME YOUR MONEY! Joel: Tom.... Crow: Oh, no, she's very grateful you included her in your little ego trip! >Lola sighed, "I'm just a little peachy...", Joel: Oh, she's one of the Hentai Scouts. Tom: Not only that! Check out my fuzz! Crow: If she's a little peachy, does that make Oscar a little fruit.... Joel: Don't say it, Crow.... >Oscar got a lil more confidence when she said that, "I didn't mean to >be like that..." Tom: I'm not arrogant! I'm just written that way! Joel: But aren't you the writer? Tom: D'oh! >Lola smiled lightly, Crow: She can light up a room with the best of them. Joel: Feh, she couldn't hold a candle to Nuku Nuku. Tom: Smile... though your stomach... is churning.... >"It's just that i played my best with you because..." Joel: ...I survive by crushing the weak and then drink beer to celebrate! Crow: ...that *doll* crack always pisses me off. Tom: I haven't been playing much since Space Jam.... >Oscar continued, Tom: It'll have to *be* continued. We've gotta go! Joel: Say guys, I got an idea to pass the time.... * * * THE SATELLITE OF LOVE As Joel and the bots come out of the theater, a familiar music intro is heard moments before the trio begin to sing. (Sung to the tune of the Fugitive Alien Melody) All: This is a song... starring off our parody.... About our favorite herm-aphro-dite.... He tried... to kill us with a fanfic.... That was very wrong.... Why can't we get along....? "You know guys...." Crow remarked. "A fanfic like Oscar Toon can make you cry... and it can make you cry... but first, it'll make you puke your socks up." "Boy, you said it, Crow!" Tom replied. "There are some things in this universe that simply weren't meant to be put together. And Oscar simply wasn't meant for the Warner Brothers universe. I'm not sure *which* universe he belongs in, but chances are, wherever it is... it won't smell too good after he arrives." "But we must not forget that above all, Oscar Toon is a story of love, regrets, sorrow, wonder and most of all, ego-gratification!" Joel added. "That's why we've written this parody of a song we've done before and have shamelessly ripped off... just for you, Oscar. And it goes something... like this... 3... 2... 1...." (sung to the I Love Ken Melody) Crow: I love Artemis, she is my best friend. Tom: I love Artemis, she is my best friend. Crow: I love Fifi and I *know* she loves me. Tom: I love Fifi and I *know* she loves me. Crow: I'm all messed up inside, I want to screw them. Tom: I'm all messed up inside, I want to screw them. Crow: I'll change them so that they will all serve me. Tom: I'll change them so that they will all serve me. Crow: I love Artemis, she is my best friend. (Tom now sings the melody for Feres Jaques) Tom: I want Lola... I want Lola.... (sung at the same time. Crow the FA melody, Tom the Feres Jaques) Crow: I love Fifi and I *know* she loves me. Tom: All for me... All for me.... Crow: I'm all messed up inside, I want to screw them. Tom: I am the god! I am the god! Crow: I'll change them so that they will all serve me. Tom: He he he! He he he! Joel clapped as the song came to an end. "All right, guys! Well, this is growing tiresome, so what's say we finish this parody off! Ready, guys! "Take us home, Joel!" The bots chorused. "I would if I could, guys... 3... 2... 1...." (Sung again to the tune of the Fugitive Alien Melody) All: And that's our song, we hope you somewhat liked it.... And if you thought it was corny and sad.... Don't try... to kill us with a fanfic.... All we want is to.... Put a little smile on you.... and siiiiiing... a rip-off of the Fugitive Alien song!!! "What do you think, sirs?" Joel asked. * * * DEEP 13 Frank appeared on the viewscreen, dressed as Marilyn Manson. "Not bad, Joel. But now it's *MY* turn to rock! ONE... TWO... ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR...." "DON'T even think about it, Frank!" The voice of Dr. Forrester admonished from off-screen, freezing Frank in mid-note. "Just let go of the microphone completely and back away slowly... That's it... Easy does it... And while you're at it, send them the next part of the fanfic, Frank...." "Yes, your high evilness...." Frank pouted. * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE Suddenly alarms and sirens suddenly rang out. "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT OSCARFIC SIGN!!!" Joel cried out. TO BE CONTINUED IN OSCAR TOON PART 3.... Two parts down, two to go. Will Lola be able to escape the evil powers of Oscar? Will Fifi's heart be crushed like a package of hot dogs in a steam compressor? And how does the mysterious stranger stalking Oscar fit into all of this? Keep reading and find out. ;)