*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
       (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)


(The future isn't what it used to be....)


"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7"  (SEASON FOUR)

EPISODE 38:  EPISODE 999: FROM HELL!

(A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic MSTing)

MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 and Zoogz  
(megane67@rogers.com) (zoogz@yahoo.com)

This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc.  Just covering
my own ass here folks....

"Episode 999: From Hell" is the property of Antony M. Hernandez, 
Zach Helke and Distorted Perceptions Animation Fan club.  Antony 
has given me permission to MST this work and I greatly appriciate it.  :)


(Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5... 4... 3....)

It's the not-too-distant future,
Last Sunday BC
There was this guy named Joel
Not so different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another guy in a red jumpsuit
He did a great job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses really hate him
So they shot him into space!!!!

Joel:
(OH... MY... GODDESS!!!)

Crow and Tom:
(IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!)

(Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer 
printout)

We'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst we can find  (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind  (lalala)

(Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them
ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control
When the fanfics begin or end  (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends;

ROBOT ROLL CALL:

CAMBOT:
'Text only'?

Gypsy:
'Oh, my!'

Tom Servo:
'Sweet-o!'

CROOOOOOOW!!!
'I'm not a hentai!'

If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes
And other science facts  (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
*It's just a MiST*
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!!

*          *          *

ARENA OF LOVE


     The roar of the crowd swept through the area like a tidal wave as 
a young Jackie Chan and Jet Li approached the center of the ring from 
opposite ends.  This was the first of the semi-final matches in the 
tournament and both fighters looked tired and sore, having each 
defeated four opponents prior to this and knowing their toughest 
challenge was yet to come....

     Both of them spared a glance down at the floor, where Bruce Lee, 
who had so far polished off his opponents with chilling ease, smiled and 
nodded at them, though not without a hint of smugness.

     "Hey guys, what's going on?"

     Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot turned to see Joel Robinson standing 
by the Holocabana doors.  "Oh, hey, Joel!  Hold on a second there, guys!"  
Tom called out to the fighters who relaxed their fighting stances.  "Come 
on down and join us!"

     Joel shrugged and made his way to ringside through the crowd 
towards them but paused as he noticed the chairs beside the bots were 
taken.  "Magic Voice, could you free up a seat for me?"

     "Sure thing!"  Magic Voice replied as one of the holographic 
spectators vanished from his chair.  

     "Thanks." Joel finished making his way to his now vacated seat and 
plopped down on the hard plastic.  "So what's up, guys?  You making a 
martial arts movie?"

     "At first, yeah.  But then we decided to narrow our focus to the 
whole tournament plot device and hold one of our own for our pleasure 
and amusement."

     "Amusement? 

     "Yeah, look at the tournament board."  Crow pointed to a massive 
scoreboard, keeping track of the various fights and results.  As Joel 
looked it over, he recognized various names from marital art films, 
including....

     "Lee Van Cleef!?"  Joel exclaimed in disbelief.

     "Yeah, he only lasted thirty seconds against Michelle Yeoh in the 
preliminaries, mainly because Michelle spent the first twenty-five of those 
seconds collapsed on the floor in peals of helpless laughter when he was 
announced as a ninja."  Tom explained.

     "And Billy Quan?  The 'Mind Your Manners' guy?"  Joel exclaimed 
again.

     "Yeah, his gravity defying, ramrod straight, double legged spear kick 
had one minor flaw... as Bruce demonstrated when he kicked one right 
between the goalposts."  Crow said.

     "Ouch."  Joel winced as he finished scanning over the scoreboard.  
"So the winner of this faces the winner of Bruce Lee Vs Sammo Hung?"

     "Yep, my money's on Sammo."  Tom proclaimed.

     "Oh please!  Sammo may be tough but do you REALLY think he can 
beat Bruce?"  Crow scoffed.

     "I guess we'll find out soon, won't we?"  Tom replied smugly.  "But 
first, let's get these guys warmed up.  It's time for another bonus round!"

     "The crowd cheered as a long cylindrical bag was lowered from the 
ceiling to the floor.  As it hit the ground with a thud, the bag began 
writhing around frantically as its occupant struggled to get free.

     "And the semi-final bonus round target this evening is....!"  Crow said 
in a stage whisper.

     Finally, the head of the bag's occupant popped out with a look of 
intense fear on his face, revealing him to be....

     "JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME!!!"  Crow exclaimed as the crowd 
roared its approval again.

     "Yep, none other than ol' muscles from Brussels himself.  Remember 
fighters, you have only thirty seconds to inflict as much damage on Mr. 
Van Damme as possible.  And whomever inflicts the most damage will 
get FIVE THOUSAND bonus points!  READY....!"  Crow slowly raised 
his arm.

     "M-Mommy...."  Van Damme whimpered as a rapidly growing stain 
appeared at the bottom of the bag he was trapped in.

     "SET....!"  

     Suddenly the PA loudspeakers came to life.  "Joel?  Guys?  I'm sorry 
to interrupt but...."  the voice of Gypsy ominously began.

     "Aw, man!  Boooooo!  Bad timing!"  Tom whined as the holographic 
crowd suddenly erupted into loud boos and various BS chants.

     "Sorry, guys.  Dr. Snuggles and Dennis are paging you."  Gypsy 
replied sadly.

     "It's okay, Gypsy.  Thanks for telling us."  Joel replied as the 
loudspeakers went silent.  "Well, you heard her, guys.  Let's get going."  

     "Sure thing, Joel.  But first... GO!!!"  Crow screamed as Jackie Chan 
and Jet Li dove in on the helpless form of Van Damme and lashed out 
with every deadly appendage at their disposal.  As Joel and the bots made 
their way through the rapid crowd towards the exit, Tom turned to Crow 
and said.  "Nice one, but how will we judge who gets the bonus points if 
we don't watch the beating?"

     Crow thought about it for a moment before replying.  "No problem, 
we'll just reuse Steven Segal, he should regain consiousness by the time 
we get back...."

*          *          *

DEEP 13


     "Frank, look behind you!  A three headed monkey!" 

     "Where?!  Where?!"  TV's Frank whirled around, instamatic camera 
in hand, only to see Joel and the bots blinking innocently from the 
viewscreen.  "Oh... heh... good one, Clay."  Frank chuckled nervously 
before Dr. Forrester shoved him out of the way and addressed the trio.  

     "Good afternoon, dweebs from space!  And isn't it a LOVELY 
afternoon?  The wind is blowing, the snow is growing and you have no 
way of knowing the sheer horror of what awaits you mere moments
from now...."

     "Hoo boy...."  Crow muttered.

     "Oh yes... I cannot BEGIN to tell you how much I'm looking forward 
to unleashing this week's experiment on your fragile psyches... BWAHA
HAHAHA!!!  Dr. Forrester lapsed into a giggle fit that nearly sent him to 
the floor in ecstasy.

     "Uh-oh, joygasm, not a good sign people...."  Tom gulped.

     "But hey... why break the suspense now when we can stretch it... that... 
much.... TIGHTER!!"  Dr. Forrester's voice became strained as he mimed 
wrapping a noose around his neck for a few moments before flashing a 
quick grin.  "So what've you got for us this week, Joelly Poo?  Hmmmm?" 

     Joel looked at the bots and shrugged before reaching underneath the 
counter and pulling out a single CD casing.  "OK, sirs, my invention this 
week is for everyone that keeps losing or damaging their CDs because 
they're too busy to put them away after use.  I call it the Compact 
Dimension Case or CDC for short."

     Joel opened the CD case to reveal a Best of Leonard Nimoy CD inside.  
Then he tapped on a small button in the upper right hand corner and the 
CD was abruptly replaced with the soundtrack to UHF.  Several more 
taps had the CDs changing rapidly like pages from a book.

     "You see, sirs, this CD case has a pocket dimension inside that, after 
careful consideration, we decided to call CD space that lets you store all 
your CDs in one place so they won't be in the way and there's no chance 
of misplacing them."   

     "Mmm hmmm... but wouldn't the same problem appear all over again 
when the person forgets to put the CD back in the CDC once they're 
finished with it?"

     "Good point but I covered that too."  Joel replied with pride as he 
reached under the counter and produced a Bjork CD.  "Once a CD is 
inserted into the CDC, it becomes a part of that pocket dimension.   So 
once the CD is removed and placed into our reality, it grows more and 
more unstable over the next couple of hours until finally...."

     With a loud popping noise, the Bjork CD vanished into thin air from 
Joel's hand.  Joel then pressed the button on the CDC a few more times 
and held it up to reveal the missing Bjork CD safely back in the case.  
"What'da think, sirs?"

     Dr. Forrester smirked.  "As always, Joel, cute, improbable yet practical, 
but ultimately insignificant when compared to the sheer madness of my 
marbles.  Speaking of which... my invention this week takes advantage 
of this special time of year when the holidays are over, the presents are 
opened, the weight has returned, and the depression has only begun...."  
Dr. Forrester grinned before continuing.  "And what better way to say 
life sucks than creating a DJ studio that pirates radio signals to play 
nothing but depressing music twenty-four hours a day!

     "You don't mean... FRANK?"  Crow stammered.

     "See for yourself!"  Dr. Forrester chuckled as the camera panned over 
to reveal a portable DJ studio where Frank, dressed in a Hawaiian shirt 
and shades purchased years ago from a local Harveys, was busy changing 
CDs while talking into the microphone.

     "That was Sarah Mclaughlin again with 'Angel' on FRANK, turn your 
crank to FRANK!  You'll want to stayed tuned cause coming up, we've 
got The Cure, Leonard Cohen, The Smiths, Stabbing Westward and much 
much more!  But right now, here's an old favorite, the theme from 
'Platoon'!  Only on FRANK!  More FRANK, less commercials!"  Frank 
exclaimed as he shut off the mike and quickly replaced his walkman 
headphones to drown out the somber music.

    "And later today, we're planning to pirate the signal of a radio call-in 
show for depressed peons seeking guidance and understanding only to 
receive a healthy doze of cold hard reality from yours truly, Dr. Feelbad!"  
Dr. Forrester proclaimed triumphantly.

     "Um, that sounds pretty evil, Dr. F... but what if the listener just 
switches over to a non-pirated station?"  Joel inquired.

     "Oh, what if, what if, what if!  Don't be such a negative ninny, Joel!"  
Dr. Forrester snapped as he strolled over to the file cabinet and grabbed 
a handful of papers from the top.  Then he slowly approached the 
viewscreen with an evil smile on his face.

     "Well now, boobies, I warned you last time that this week's experiment 
would more than make up for the premature interruption of 'Moon Honey 
Flash'...." Dr. Forrester began in a strangely calm voice.  "It's got 
self-insertion, horrible mutations of beloved characters, incoherent plot, 
audience participation... uh-oh!"  Dr. Forrester exclaimed while pressing 
his fingers against his lips in mock horror.  "Not to mention cultural 
bashing!   Shi... er, witty comedy!  The darkness of the music of the night!  
And SO MUCH MORE!!!

     "So, prepare yourself, ship of fools... prepare... take care... and beware 
the horror of 'Episode 999... FROM HELL!'  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
Send 'em the fanfic, Frank."  

    "Breakin' out of prison, baby... breakin' out of prison, girrrrrl...." Frank 
sang to himself, oblivious to everything but the music from his walkman.

*          *          *

SATELLITE OF LOVE


     "Episode 999?!?"  Joel and the bots repeated aloud, shocked.

     "Uh, would it be stating the obvious to say I've got a REALLY bad 
feeling about this?"  Crow offered meekly.

     "I dunno... would it be stating the obvious to say we're screwed?"  
Tom replied sardonically.

     "No, no, come on, guys, it... it can't be that bad... I think... nah, it 
can't be that bad... hopefully."  Joel replied nervously.

     "Oh poopy."  The bots groaned simultaneously as alarms wailed and 
multicolored lights flashed. 

     "OHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" Joel cried out.


(Door 6: It's a metal door with no knob.  Before you can do anything, it's 
yanked off its hinges from the other side by a tow truck.)  

(Door 5: It's an old fashioned elevator.  Both sets of doors open for you 
as you pass through.)

(Door 4: It's made of dominoes.  You tip the lead one over and watch as 
the pile slowly lowers until it's half its original size and you step over it.)  

(Door 3: It's filled with cute stuffed toys.  You cuddle them for awhile 
before proceeding.)

(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)

(Door 1: It's a castle gate that rises into the ceiling, revealing a drawbridge
that slowly lowers to the ground.  You cross it cautiously, looking for 
moat monsters.)

(Door .7: It's a swirling blue vortex.  Suddenly a large hand reaches out 
of its center and pulls you inside.)

     Joel emerged from the vortex into the theater with Tom in his arms, 
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind.  Stepping 
over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his 
own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to 
him, Crow sitting on his right.


>Ranma 1/2:Episode 999--FROM HELL!


Joel: Wait, don't tell us... another WAFFy fic, right? 

Tom: So this comes after the 59th season of Ranma 1/2?  


>Presented by
>Antony M. Hernandez (P-Chan) with more than a little help from


Tom: <Akane> Anthony M. Hernandez is P-CHAN?!  All this time he's 
been sleeping in MY bed!?  Why that... that... PERVERT!!!


>ZACH HELKE <-----Cool dude


Tom: Zach Morris <----- Bayside dude.

Joel: Zach Norman <----- Sammy in 'Chief Zabu'.


>And all the rest of the crew at:
>Distorted Perceptions Animation Fan club


Joel: Lenses broken... in about an hour.

Crow: Free pair of beer goggles for every new member.


>DEDICATION


Tom: For Linus Van Pelt, may your great pumpkin never forsake
you and your blanket protect you always.


>To Matt Groening and Lynda Barry,and not Rumiko Takahashi,for 
>inspiring me to write this.  Rumiko always leaves off the end of every 
>episode with a HOKEY ending,so now I'm bringing Ranma 1/2 some 
>justice. 


Crow: Well, better him than Steven Suckgal.


>(please,put down the UZI!!!)


Tom: Joel, why do authors always assume the reader is armed and 
dangerous during the disclaimers?

Joel: Maybe they all write in a tough neighborhood?


>PART 1
>"P-Chan!!! Dokudano?!? P-CHAN!!!!"

>Akane had been looking for her pet pig for 4 months already,looking in 
>all the possible nooks and crannies,


Crow: <Akane> Well, that tears it.  I've searched every possible
place for him except the old town... well... oh my god!  Hold on, P-Chan!  
MOMMY'S COMING!!!


>everywhere from the boys bathroom at Furinkan High School (Kunou 
>has just recently been released from therapy) 


Tom: From the bathroom?  I'm guessing he has more issues than can 
be explained in a fifteen kilobyte fic...

Crow: <Kunou> Whenever I go to the bathroom, I'm reminded of 
Nabiki...

Joel: <therapist> You're seeing her everywhere?

Crow: <Kunou> No, the pay toilets.  Either you pay her or you get on 
your knees.


>to the metal pipe in the back of the Moroboshi residence where Cherry 
>lived,and is now six feet under since he told Ranma that YOU HAVE 
>THE MARK OF DOOM ON YOUR FACE! SOON WHAT YOU 
>TREASURE MOST WILL BE STRIPPED BY ONE YOU ADMIRE 
>LEAST!
 

Tom: <Ranma> In that case, I love my curse most!

Joel: Ranma killed Cherry?  Great, he just *became* Fate.


>"Ranma!! P-Chan's been gone for 4 months! You scared him away 
>when both of us were taking a cold shower together!! 


Crow: <Ranma> Well, he was blocking my view!

Tom: <Akane> I like my loofah pads warm and wiggly!


>How dare you barge in like that!!! Have you no respect??? RANMA 
>NO BAKA!!!"


Crow: <Ranma> Oh, cram the clichés and just mallet me already.

Tom: <Akane, singing> Sock it too me, sock it to me, sock it to me... 
Re-re-re-re SPECT!

Joel: But just a little bit.


>Again,Akane had yelled at him. P-Chan was gone,and their relationship 
>was crumbling...


Joel: <Ranma, singing> And in the personal columns... there was this 
letter I read.  If you like pina coladas... and gettin' caught in the rain....


>Ranma had to get Ryoga back,to get back with Akane again and to stop 
>this animocity,even though Ryoga is the only legitimate threat to Ranma 
>and Akane's wedding. 


Joel: <Ranma> Especially since I neutralized Ukyou and Shampoo by... 
by... *psst, hey author, how'd'it happen?*


>But now since their wedding plans were about to be dissolved there was 
>nothing he could do. Still,Ranma harbored affection for her,her angry 
>sweaty face,short bluish-black hair,red miniskirt and skintight Ramones 
>T-shirt kept Ranma in line.


Crow: Akane just came back from a Yokohama rave, I guess.

Tom: <Ranma> Man, that T-shirt could keep a sailor holding his 
nose!  Ever heard of Degree?  Yeech....


>Ranma-Kun:Err...Uhh...Akane,we've had this talk two nights before! I 
>HATE TO BREAK THIS TO YOU:P-CHAN IS GONE.


Tom <Akane> No shit, sherlock!  What, you think I'm been 
searching every nook and cranny in town for my HEALTH!?

Crow: <Ranma> It's certainly helped my health...


>(Grins,trying to hide it,but then recomposes himself)

>Akane:WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SMILING AT???

>Ranma-Kun:Uhhh..

>Akane:AH HAH! YOU SOLD HIM TO SHAMPOO AND OBABA 
>AT NEKOHANTEN! YOU BUTCHERED P-CHAN!!!
 
>Ranma-Kun:Akane--Don't jump to-


Tom: <Akane> YOU SOLD HIS SNOUT AND EYES TO 
BALL-PARK VENDORS!  YOU SHOT KENNEDY FROM THE 
GRASSY KNOLL!  YOU STABBED CAESAR IN THE BACK!  
YOU COVERED UP ROSWELL!  YOU EVEN SENT THAT 
ASTROID TO KILL THE DINOSAURS, DIDN'T YOU!?  
DIDN'T YOU?!?


>Akane:I'VE HAD ENOUGH!! YOU KILLED P-CHAN!! YOU 
>BUTCHER! (BGM:Smiths:Meat is murder) HE'S PART OF 
>SOMEBODY'S FRIED RICE NOW, ISN'T HE!! 


Tom: And *Kunou* was the one that needed therapy?

Crow: BGM?  Oh lord, it's turned into a Mike Rhea fic!  


>WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! RANMA!! I HATE YOU! OUR 
>MARRIAGE IS OVER! DAMN YOU RANMA! I HATE YOU I 
>HATE YOU I HATE YOU.


Joel: Wait?  They're already married?

Crow: <Ranma> Sticks and stones, baby.  If you need me, I'll be 
in soapland lathering up with shampoo....


>Ranma-Kun:Uhhh...I hate to end your endless belittlement,but I see 
>another of those lamers coming..


Tom: Isn't this fic lame enough already?


>Akane:But it's....

>(BGM:Social Distortion:Take away this ball and chain)


Crow: <Akane> Ohmigod!  Social Distortion is in my house!  
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!  I LOVE YOU GUYS!!  PLAY STORY OF 
MY LIFE!!  PLAY RING OF FIRE!!  JUST TAKE MY VIRGINITY 
RIGHT NOW!!! 


>Akane and Ranma:RYOGA!!!

>Ranma-Kun:B-b-b-b-b-but he's CHANGED!


Joel: <Ranma> That cosmetic surgeon must have given you the 
works!  But why?

Crow: <Ryoga> Heh, yeah, well, I tried the Bakusai Tenketsu 
training again to become even tougher and it... uh... didn't take.


>Sure enough,Ryoga has..His shirt is no longer a yellow K-Mart special, 
>but a tattered fuchsia and aqua Guess,and a leather jacket drooped over 
>it,tattered and worn with road dust. 


Crow: Oooh!  It's Ryoga!  The GaaaaaaaaaaAAAY <kerCRACK> 
Biker!

Tom: <Ryoga> Eat some malaise, sucka.


>His head band is still the same,but old Bausch and Lomb Ray-Ban 
>sunglasses now hide his peircing eyes.Ryoga now wears knee-high 
>Tony-Lama boots and good ol' American Levi's,complete with a copy 
>of Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" dangling out of his back pocket.


Joel: He also had a tattoo of a big-breasted woman on his right 
bicep, his right ear had been pierced three times, and as he smiled he 
showed his braces.

Tom: <Ryoga> Well, I didn't want to be mistaken for a British 
football fan.


>His backpack remains the same,and a tatoo of Akane is on his right 
>arm,partially obsucured by the short sleeves of his leather bomber 
>jacket..


Joel: <tattoo artist, laughing> And how big are her eyes again, little 
boy?  HAHAHAHA....


>Taking off his sunglasses..


Joel: His eyes welled up with tears as he observed Ranma and Akane on 
the ground in peals of helpless laughter.

Crow: <Ryoga> Hey, shut up!  This is a cool look!  Even my
mom said so!


>Ryoga:Hi.....Man.


Joel: <Ryoga> What wall?  Tubular!  Hang on to your ...!   Bad 
mothers!  Wow! Wow!! Wow!!!

Tom: Hey, who more appropriate than Ryoga to be a Warrior of 
the Lost World?


>Ranma-Kun:Ryoga...Where have you been?

>Ryoga:I was lost....and I found myself...


Tom <Ryoga> I was in my own backyard the whole time!  Can 
you believe it?


>Akane:But...Ryoga-Kun,we don't understand..Where?

>Ryoga:Out there....I found myself on the highways of America..


Tom: Now if he could only find the wardrobe helper and the 
hairstylist....


>Ranma-Kun:America? By the look of your bloodshot eyes..It looks like 
>you've been hit by a truck out there in America..


Crow: <Ryoga> Oh, you wouldn't believe how many fat women 
named "Bertha" run truck stops over there!  And when you can't pay, 
you'd NEVER believe what they'll accept in trade!


>Ryoga:No...Now I am one with it all..(BGM: The Doors: The End) I 
>have achieved a greater level of conscience,and I have accepted my 
>destiny. 


Tom: <Ryoga> Now if I can only lower my golf score....

Joel: <Ryoga> I must run a bait shop in Wabashaw and listen 
to the bickering of grumpy old men.


>I am at peace with myself and my world,and my body has been purged 
>of my impure thoughts..Only the ones that matter remain..


Joel: <Ryoga> HAVE SEX WITH ME, AKANE!!

Tom: <Ryoga> I have achieved Destrucity and complete mental 
Foke!  HEAR ME, WARRIORS!!

Crow: <Ranma> Uh-huh.  And what HAVE we been smoking lately, 
Mr. Consciousness?


>Now I have only one confession to make...


Joel: <Ryoga> I broke up the Beatles.

Tom: <Ryoga> I know the Caramilk secret!  Please kill me before 
the Canadians tear me to shreds!!


>Akane..I LOVE YOU! I love you with all my heart. I would die for you 
>Akane,and don't say you never loved me..


Tom: <Akane> But I don....

Joel: <Ryoga> Notlisteningnotlisteningnotlistening!

Crow: <Akane> Can I say I loved your body?


>I always say that gleam in the corner of your eye when you looked 
>at me..


Tom: <Ryoga> That gleam in the corner of your eye!  That 
gleam in the corner of your....!

Crow: <Akane> OK, I'm looking away now!  Geez....


>When Ranma would be off in god-knows-where with Shampoo or Yukio 
>or Kodachi.But I would always be there for you...And you never realised 
>it...


Tom: <Akane> *gasps* So YOU'RE the guy I sleep with when I 
get drunk off my ass!

Joel: <Ranma> Yukio?  Is that Ukyou's dyslexic cousin?


>Akane:Ryoga-Kun....

>Ranma-Kun:HOW DARE YOU,RYOGA! 


Tom: <Ranma> Are you just going to forget about US!?


>Ryoga:Yes...Akane! I LOVE YOU! (Embraces her)

>Akane:Oh...Ryoga..

>Ranma-Kun:RYOGA!!!!


Tom: <Ranma> You're hugging her too tight!!  She's 
gonna....!!

Crow: *snap* 

Joel: <Ryoga> Oops, I did it again.


>Ryoga:Yes,Ranma,I remember when I was like that,always getting mad 
>at your affection towards Akane...But now you are not at peace with 
>yourself--and I am. Peace,Ranma. If Akane loves you,then she will 
>admit it now,as I am one with the earth and I don't need such material 
>gains...Especially something as rich and beautiful as you,Akane.


Joel: <Akane> I can't live in an eco-dome with you, Ryoga.
I'm sorry.

Crow: <Ryoga> Awww, but Paulie Shore made us brownies!

Tom: Something tells me he already shared them with the author.


>Akane:Ryoga....Ranma...Ry-Ryoga..You were so..

>Ryoga:Shy? That has changed. I have learned in the United States that, 
>when it comes to you,I have everything to gain and nothing to lose.. 


Joel: <Ryoga> Cause, once we're married, I am just going to SLATHER 
on the pounds and seek out a torrid affair with the nearest couch.


>Well,except a friend...Ranma...Will you be at peace with me?


Crow: <Ranma> No!  Now get a haircut and a REAL job, ya bum!

Tom: <Soun> YOU WERE SAYING, RANMA?!

Crow: <Ranma> Uh, nothing.


>Ranma-Kun:Ryoga! (Calming down) I-I-ahh.. Akane..A-

>Akane:Yes...Ranma...Do you love me?

>Ryoga:If he loves you he will admit it.

>Ranma-Kun:Uhh...Uhh..Ahhhh..

>Akane:SPIT IT OUT YOU TWERP!!!!


Joel: Oh, Ms. Kettle?  There's a Mr. Pot on line #1 waiting to 
speak to you?

Tom: <Ranma> Tell you what... give me a three-year mulligan so I 
can hop big rigs, sleep with Berthas and Jim-Bobs and generally get 
wasted too and we'll talk, 'kay?


>Ranma-Kun:I-uhh...Ah..

>Ryoga:And what will you be when you are married to Ranma? 


Joel: <Akane> Pretty and rich!  Right, Ranma?

Tom: <Ranma> Well, uh, Que Sera Ser....

Joel: <Akane, menacing> RIGHT, RANMA?!?

Tom: <Ranma> Y-Yes, dear.


>Just a housewife...Looking after his unworthy children. But NOT MY 
>WIFE!  I have learned,while in America,about the Women's Liberation 
>Movement.

>Akane and Ranma-Kun:Huh?


Tom: <Ryoga> That's right, I have come to be one with the author's 
cultural biases!  America number one!  Finally I hold no embarrassment 
over not being able to find Japan on a map!

Crow: <Ryoga> Sweaty love by swampy moonlight while I slug you 
for not making my lunch just right is the way to go!  Yessireebob!


>Ryoga:That's right,Akane.You won't have to slave and toil for my 
>children.We will do everything equally.You will cook and clean one 
>night and I shall do the rest. 


Joel: <Akane> Six nights of loaf?  Sweet!

Tom: <Ryoga> I'll be putting up my feet, asking for brewskis, and 
making sure the television doesn't malfunction!

Crow:  But she'll be stuck doing it all week anyway 'cause Ryoga can't 
find his way back.


>You may get a job at one of those big Japanese corporations buying 
>America and work your way up,just like a man does. And I can do my 
>fair share too! 


Tom: <Ryoga> Mind the glass ceiling though.

Joel: Sounds like Ryoga would much rather have Nabiki, actually.


>Sure we will contribute to the delinquency of our children by destroying 
>the hallmark of the family unit but at least you won't be a slave...


Crow: Is this officially a rant now?

Tom: <Ryoga> Screw the next generation!  They'll have Eminem 
and Britney Spears to babysit 'em!

Joel: For becoming one with himself, Ryoga is rather materialistic...


>And you won't waste your life toiling in the kitchen for me..You will 
>serve me,and I will serve you,we will each pull our own weight and 
>each other. We will become one.


Tom: <Ryoga, singing> Leannnnn on me... when you're not 
stronnnng... and I'll be your friennnnnd....

Crow: Oh, NOW I get it.  Ryoga's trying to tell Akane that he doesn't 
want to eat her cooking either!

Joel: Natch.


>Akane...Will you marry me? (At this he pulls out a diamond ring with a 
>stone the size of a cue ball)


Joel: <Ryoga> I know it's just graphite now but in a few million 
years, it's sure to become a diamond!


>(BGM:U2: The Sweetest Thing)


All: <singing> Oh hIiiiii, the author's losin' us... oh woe oh....


>Akane:Oh..Ryoga...YES!

>Ranma-Kun:>GASP!<

>Ryoga:I love you,Akane.

>Akane:I love you Ryoga..


Joel: <Ryoga> Darlin', let's leave this place right now! Let's go this 
very minute!

Tom: <Akane>  No dear please, let's wait till tomorrah...

Joel: <Ryoga> But why.... WHY!?  

Tom: <Akane> 'Cause tomorrah... is anothah day!

Crow: <Ranma> I knew she was gonna say that.


>(Ranma runs off back to the dojo,pathetically crying his eyes out.)


Tom: <Genma> You call that crying!?  Put some crocodile in those 
tears, boy!


>Akane:Ranma......Er,Ryoga...How the hell did you get that diamond?

>Ryoga:Well,in my backpack.. >ZIP!<

>Akane: >!<


Crow: <Ryoga> Whoops, heh, that's my fly.

Joel: No wonder Ranma ran from the room crying.


>Ryoga:Yes,count it all! That's TWO BILLION YEN!!!

>Akane:Ryoga! I can't believe it! How did you do it?


Crow: <Ryoga> My own personal Hewlett-Packard Color Jet printer!

Joel: <Ryoga> I killed my uncle and collected the inheritance!  Now if 
I can only scare off those MEDDLING KIDS....


>Ryoga:Well,it was strange in America. I was cold and hungry one night 
>living in a cardboard box in New York,so I broke into a store and 
>shoplifted a three-piece suit. 


Tom: <Detective Brisco> And you haven't the slightest clue how 
the hell this forty-foot hole appeared in Bloomingdales?


>When I went out to look for a ramen shop the next morning I got lost 
>again and wandered into this big building called "N Y S E". I didn't know 
>what it was so I just went in with my suit and started shouting, "I WANT 
>RICE! I WANT RICE!". 


Crow: It's amazing how Ryoga's language skills come and go as they 
please, isn't it?


>All these crazy Americans gave me a bunch of pieces of little paper. I 
>didn't want all these little tickets and wanted something to eat so I sold 
>them to a man in the back of the building. He bought them off of me for 
>¥3,000,000,000!!! Can you believe it?


Tom: Actually?  No.

Joel: <Ryoga> I was told I singlehandedly broke the economy!  They 
had to raise interest rates three points because of my boneheaded stunt!

Crow: Gordon Gecko was unavailable for comment...


>Akane:What happened to the other billion?


Joel: <Ryoga> I blew it on a six-month quaalude supply.

Tom: <Ryoga> Hey, I had to keep all my American honeys sweet 
somehow...


>Ryoga:You're wearing it! It cost me about 6 million American dollars,so 
>I hope you love it..Because I love you...

>Akane:Oh Ryoga...What do you intend to do with the money?


Crow: <Ryoga> Spend like Santa, save like Scrooge.

Tom: <Ryoga> I'll finance a series of Dirk Diggler films!  The 
Colonel told me it was a good investment...


>Ryoga:This is over 14 million American dollars..


Crow: <Akane> Ooooh!  All the things we can buy... A house, 
furniture for our house, a K car, a fur coat, an exotic pet, a green 
dress...

Joel: <Ryoga> But not a real green dress, that's cruel.


>I was thinking you might want to live in America with me? I heard 
>that's enough money to live there for two or three months. 


Tom: Or so he was lead to believe when the Bed and Breakfast 
owner correctly judged his gullibility.

Crow: <Ryoga> We can be a VH-1 Behind the Music Special!  We 
have true crash-and-burn potential!


>What do you say me and you have a honeymoon on Route 66? After 
>all,the Americans have just won a war and our money is depriciating 
>very fast against the Dollar and the Pound. If we cash in now we can 
>get a lot mo' fo' de' do'.


Crow: <announcer> The part of Ryoga Hibiki will now be played 
by Damon Wayans.


>Akane:WAITAMINNIT!! This is all happening very fast! What about 
>Ranma?

>Ryoga:Well,here he comes.


Joel: <Ryoga> ...with some scrambled eggs and toast.  But where's the 
bacon... uh-oh!


>If you want to back out from our marriage now I won't object. I'll do 
>whatever you say,Akane. WHATEVER,my love.


Tom: <Akane> Ok, I love Shampoo!  I'm sorry guys, really!

Crow: <Ryoga> Whatever.


>Akane:......I...I...I.................I.......................I......................................
>...I.............I...................................(The suspense is killing you,isn't it?)
>................ 


Tom: Shinobu Syndrome strikes again!

Joel: <Nabiki> Take the money!

Crow: <Soun> Go for door #2!

Joel: <Nabiki> THE MONEY!


>I WANT TO BE WITH YOU,RYOGA-KUN! (Akane's mind flashes 
>through all the good times with Ranma,but she quickly subdues this.)


Joel: <Akane> Shut up, brain!  I'm rich now!  RICH! RICH!! RICH!!!

Tom: It's Little Orphan Akany with Daddy Ryogabucks!

Crow: <Akane> Hell, if the sex gets boring I'll just have Ryoga buy me 
a poolboy or three....


>Ranma-Kun (Holding a bucket of water):RYOGA! IT'S ABOUT TIME 
>AKANE LEARNS THE TRUTH!

>Ryoga:Go ahead,Ranma. The fact remains I will still love Akane,and she 
>will still love me!

>Akane:What truth?


Crow: <Ranma> The truth according to Fritz the Cat!  Get your 
sisters in here and I'll demonstrate....


>Ryoga:I have to come clean with you..Akane..I am P-

>>SPLASH!!!!!<

>P-Chan:WeetWeetWeetRweetWrrrggheeeeeet!


Joel: Makes it rather easy to loot P-Chan's millions now, doesn't it?


>Akane:OH MY GOD!

>Ranma-Kun:Heheheh! How's your lover now?


Crow: Surprisingly tasty on pizza!


>Akane:So that explains it all!

>Ranma-Kun:So,Ryoga! How does it feel?!?

>Akane:.....the bandana....


Tom: <Akane> No WONDER he had unlimited amunition!


>P-Chan ("Wreeting" in Morse code!): No,Ranma. Akane loves me for 
>who I am!


Crow: <Ranma> What's that, P-Chan?  Crunchy soup will be taking 
over Mexico City?

Joel: <Akane> No, silly!  Baby bananas red refrigerator albatross!


>Akane:...the way he would pass out when I smothered him in my D-cup..

>Ranma-Kun:I don't think so!


Tom: <Ranma> This ain't the third Ranma movie, Akane!

Crow: <Akane> The way I would revive him by pressing him between 
my luscious thighs...


>Akane:...those weird white crusty stains on my sheets......


Joel: <Akane> The fact that I'm now five months pregnant from 
sleeping on those stains.

Bots: Ewww....


>P-Chan:I'm telling you she LOVES me...

>Ranma-Kun:Yeah RIGHT! Look at what she's saying! She DOESN'T 
>LOVE YOU ANYMORE! 


Joel: <Ranma> She made it with the whole hockey team, man!  
Get a clue!

Tom: <Ryoga> That's a lie and I'm sure that poisonous cobra in 
my underwear drawer was pure coincidence!


>Hmph! That's what you get for trying to steal MY woman!


Crow: <Ranma> You're messin' with private stock, baby!


>Akane:CHOTTO! "My" woman? "MY" woman! Listen up,you 
>trans-sexual poof, I am not ANYBODY'S WOMAN! I AM ME 
>AND THAT IS FINAL! 


Joel: <Akane as Mrs. Slocomb> And I am unanimous in this!


>C'mon P-chan (lifts Ryoga up),lets go to America and forget that I ever 
>saw Ranma Saotome!(Picks up Ryoga's sack,remembering all the 
>embarassing and frustrating times with Ranma.)


Tom: Only to quickly subdue them... or not.

Joel: <Akane> I've stepped on my LAST toenail-covered rug, Saotome!

Crow: <Akane> He never refilled the ice cube trays!  I HATE THAT!


>P-Chan (Again in Morse):No,Akane! I'm Ranma's friend! I want him to 
>be my friend! I want him to be at peace with himself! 


Joel: <Ranma> Mammoths hot rod blink try peachy-keen for having 
the good base belong to us?

Tom: <Akane> No, no, he clearly said healing rutabagas grow bold 
and spicy mountaintop high in Colorado!

Crow: <P-Chan> Just kill me now.

Joel: <Ranma> What was that?  Nummy Muffin Cocoa Butter?


>Ranma! There are many women who still love you. Shampoo will make 
>an excellent wife,and so will Yukio and Kaori. I dont really know 
>about Kodachi...


Tom: <Ranma> Awesome!  I'm Islamic now?  How many concubines 
am I limited to again?


>Ranma-Kun:Ah....Ryoga.(Calming down,Ranma tries to speak,but he 
>can't. He still lacks the courage to admit his true feelings.)


Joel: Finally, some IC behavior!


>Akane:(BGM:The Cure:Boys don't cry. Preferably the 1977 live 
>version-and YES it does exist.) 


Tom: <Ranma> What the hell are you blathering on about, Akane?

Joel: <Akane> It's the author, he's putting BGM in my mouth!


>Me and Ryoga must go. The sooner we get to America,the better.
>(Akane and P-Chan walk into the sunset.P-Chan waves a tearful "Bye" 
>to Ranma.)


Tom: <singing> Happy trails... to you... let's neeeever meeeet 
againnnnn....

Crow: Dale Evans and Buttermilk this ain't.


>Soun:I CAN'T BELIEVE IT,SAOTOME-KUN! What could have come 
>over Akane?
>Mr.Yamada:Y'know...That's a very good question.
>Soun:SHUT UP BEFORE I TURN YOU INTO A PLATE OF TEN 
>DOLLAR SUSHI!!


Joel: <Mr. Yamada> Nobody talks that way to GAI DAIGOJI!!!

Crow: I've heard of guest cameos, but this is getting ridiculous.


>Genma:I really don't know,Tendo-kun....
>Soun:I swear I'm going to KILL this Ryoga! Where is my pipe? 
>Kasumi? DAMMIT! WHERE IS SHE?


Crow: <Soun> I WANT MY F**KING CRACK NOW!


>Genma:I hope Happosai isn't messing with her in the bath again...Oh! 
>She's at Tofu-Sensei's!
>Soun:Good! I'll give her a call!

>Ring..Ring...Ring....


Tom: <Soun> I made that phone noise!


>Answering Machine:Hello,you reached the offices of Doctor Tofu 
>actupuncture and chiropractor.I am presently with Kasumi right now. 
>We are watching "Chibi-Maruko-Chan". If you have any messages,
>please leave them after the beep. Thank you...BEEP!!


Tom: Y'know, I'm honestly surprised he didn't accidentally rip the machine 
in half with Kasumi around...

Joel:  <Betty-Chan> HELLO, KASUMI... REMEMBER ME?  I'M 
WATCHING YOU... LEAVE MY TOFU-SAMA ALONE OR I'LL 
HAVE A SERIOUS BONE TO PICK WITH YOU... FEAR THE 
REAPER, TRAMP, FEAR THE REAPER....


>Genma:"Chibi Maruko Chan" my foot. Girls like Kasumi ALWAYS 
>have the most skeletons in their closets!
>Soun:HEY! WATCH IT!!
>Genma:Sorry!


Tom: <Soun> Wait... come to think of it, she really did burn through 
boyfriends when she was still in high school...

Joel: <Genma> Yeah, and all that weird mail from someone claiming
to know what she did last summer....

Crow: <Genma> She's gonna snap so hard it'll make Mariah Carey's 
breakdown look like a hiccup!


>(Your name):It's okay,really!
>Genma:I know,(Your Handle),I know...Thanks!
>Zach Helke:ANTONY!! Don't drag the reader into this!!
>Antony Hernandez:I know,I know!


Crow: When all else fails, steal a bit from Bob and Doug McKenzie, eh?

Tom: <your name> Take off, you hosers!


>Genma:Anyways...If Akane has ran off with that homeless horror,what 
>is to become of the Tendo Dojo???
>Soun:There is no other choice...Ranma must marry NABIKI or else!!!
>Nabiki(listening in):>GASP!<


Tom: BOM BOM BOMMMMM!

Joel: <Nabiki> But I don't wanna marry Ranma!  Isn't there any 
other way?

Crow: <Genma> No problem!  I'll get a quickie Korean divorce and 
we can....

Joel: <Nabiki> N-Nevermind!


>Later that day...


Crow: A special trip to Nekohanten was made... some interesting 
compounds were purchased...

Tom: <Ryoga> I am one with my navel... my cheeks spread 
like cheese....

Joel: <Akane> And I'm a la-va lamp, lalalalalava lamp... lala...
a lalamp... a lalalavalava lamp... <giggles>


>Genma and Soun are sitting in the foyer or the Tendo Dojo as usual,
>playing a game of Mah-Johng (Sparrow Dominoes) while Happosai 
>irons his panty collection while Kasumi just acts like her usual self....A 
>rip-off of Donna Reed....


Joel: <Kasumi> Where's MY sitcom, you hussy thief?!

Crow: Boy, just wait until they pull out the Crane and Raven Dominoes.  
THEN this fic'll be jumping!


>Genma:What is there to do? Akane's gone with that swine,and Kasumi's 
>knockin' Tofu-Sensei's boots..
>Kasumi:huh?
>Soun:HEY! Watch it!!


Tom: Gotta work on your catch phrase there, Soun.

Crow: <Genma> Swine, get it?  Haha, I made a funny!


>Genma:Well,Tendo-kun,what shall we do?
>Soun:Well....There is no other choice...Ranma will have to 
>marry....NABIKI.


Tom: BOM BOM BOMMMMM!

Crow: The scene was so nice, we saw it twice!

Joel: <Nabiki> ....oh, my line?  *ahem*  >GASP!<


>Nabiki(Entering from her room):Didja call me,dad?
>Soun:Yes daughter...I must tell you something very important...How 
>would you like to marry Saotome-Kun?
>Nabiki:Genma?


Joel: <Soun> No, Nodoka, she's a lonely woman....

Crow: <Genma> Hey!

Tom: So we need about two more weddings and a killin' and we're 
all set for Andie McDowell.


>Genma:NO! My son!
>Nabiki:Heheheh...Ranma?!? RANMA?!?
>Genma and Soun:Exactly!
>Nabiki:Yeah,right.
>Ranma-Kun(Coming home from Furinkan High,looking depressed):Hi 
>guys..
>Genma:Ranma...
>Nabiki:Don't listen to him...
>Genma:Since Akane's gone..


Tom: <Genma> Dibs on her room!


>Ranma-Kun:(Bursts into tears-BGM:The Cure:Pictures of you.)
>Soun and Kasumi:Smooth move,man.
>Genma:Ranma...Stop crying...God...If you cry any more you're going 
>to turn into a girl,now stop it!


Tom: Considering tears are hot when they leave the body, how'da 
figure?

Crow: <Ranma> I-I feel almost as bad as I did... *sniff*... when she 
was still here!  *sob*


>Ranma-Kun:>SNRK!<...What...Dad...
>Genma(Cheerfully):How would you like to marry Nabiki?
>Ranma-Kun:NANI????
>Nabiki:What is right. No way I'm marrying him..


Tom: <Genma> Well Tendo, now what?

Crow: <Soun> I hear rope's pretty cheap by the yard...

Joel: <Soun> Wait, I've got it!  Let's you and I get married!

Tom: <Genma> Great, I'll get my shotgun.


>Genma and Soun:But you must! Isn't he cute? Ranma? Isn't she cute?
>Ranma-kun:Yeah...I'm cuter..
>Nabiki:Yeah right. Keep dreaming,switch-hitter.
>Ranma-Kun:Oh yeah...(Turns on the faucet in the sink)...>SPLASH<
>Ranma-Chan:(Unbuttons her shirt) Who is top-heavier,dome head? 
>Besides,you owe me a million Yen!
>Nabiki:I DO NOT!
>Ranma-Chan:This from the extortion queen of Tokyo! Gimmie a break!


Tom: Ironically enough, they have the exact same chemistry that 
Akane and Ranma had.


>Nabiki:Shut up or I'll get you drunk and take pictures of you naked and 
>print them in a "Dojin Manga".
>Ranma-Chan:You wouldn't dare! And you better shut up or I'll tell the 
>school the time you gave Konou a time to remember!
>Nabiki:I DID NOT!


Tom: And continuing our human parade of pointless nobodies, 
herrrrrrrre's Konou!


>Happosai:All right! Nabiki puts out! (Running towards her) 
>NABIKI-CHAN!
>>CRASH<
>Happosai:R-R-Ranma...N-N-Nabiki...Get your feet out of my ears....
>Ouch!
>Soun and Genma:Where have we gone wrong?
>Kasumi:I dunno...But it sounds like the beginning of a beautiful 
>friendship...
>Bogey:HEY! That's MY line!


Joel: Bogey at three o'clock!  Waste him!


>*    *    *    *    *    *    *    *


Joel: And if you squint really hard, you can see Ed McMahon.

Crow: I don't think anyone has to squint to see Ed McMahon.


>Meanwhile,in a "love hotel" outside of Furinkan.


Joel: <Ami> For the last time, Vincent, you can't use a bridge on me!


>Ryoga:How...was it? We're supposed to smoke cigarettes right now.

>Akane:Zzzzzz..


Tom: Well, I guess we know now who the male of THIS 
relationship will be.


>*    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

>The next day...We find our hero walking down the street.


Tom: About friggin' time!  It's Vash the Stampede, here to shoot 'em 
all and let God sort 'em out!

Crow: Woo hoo!


>Ranma-Kun:I can't believe it! They want me to marry Nabiki! No way! 
>Shampoo or Yukio or Kaori or Kodachi or even Azusa but not NABIKI!


Joel: <Ranma> She's got Konou cooties, for god's sake!

Tom: Marry Yukio!  Maybe then we can figure out who the hell she is!


>(Your name):Cheer up pal,I'm here to help!

>Ranma-Kun:Oh great,it's that lamer,(Your Handle).

>(Your name):Man,I'm no lamer. If it wasn't for that real cool guy Antony 
>Hernandez I wouldn't be here. I'm here to help,that's all!


Crow: <Your name> Now stand still for a moment while I ram my 
knee repeatedly into your groin.


>Ranma-Kun:Well....I'm not in the mood for anybody's help.

>(Your name):Well..That's cool. But if you change your mind,call the 
>Miskatonic BBS at US area code (213) 404-6363. Use my name and 
>my sub is called the Anime and Manga Ryokan!!


Joel: Oh, I get it.  "Your name" is just code for Ron Popiel.


>Ranma-Kun:I won't forget.

>Zach Helke:Hey Antony,what am I,chopped liver?

>Antony Hernandez:Sorry! Just wanted to make this story interesting!


Crow: <Zach> Interesting?!  Where are the boat chases, the police 
shootouts, the explosions and general mayhem we put into the script!?

Tom: <Antony> Not enough money, man.  We blew the budget on 
the special guest cameos.

Crow: <Zach> Those nobodies got THAT much?!?

Tom: <Antony> No, that's the strange thing... they barely got 
paid scale and the rest of the money just disappeared.

Crow: <Zach> Well, who the hell was in charge of the budget!?

Tom:  <Antony> Why, (Your name) of course!  

Crow: <Zach> Oh, good one, lamer!  (turns to face you)  Have 
fun in Tijuana with our money, ya BUM!!


>Ranma-Kun continues to walk down the lonely road....Until he comes 
>across..

>Ranma-Kun:NEKOHANTEN RESTAURANT!


Tom: BOM BOM BOMMMMM!

Joel: <Nabiki> >GASP!<


>Meanwhile,at the Konou estate.


Tom: <Kunou> SASUKE!  What cretin is responsible for this 
vandalization of our family name!?  Speak or be smited!

Joel: <Sasuke> Master Kunou!  Please forgive me!  A lamer must have 
snuck past me while I was sleepin...uh, *patrolling* the grounds and done the 
vile deed!  But I vow not to rest until I find the cur responsible!  I will
search the seven continents!  Forgo all food and shelter!  Endure the harsh 
elements of cruel nature!  And though, I may die, I....!

Tom: <Kunou> Just wipe the crayon off the stone, fool.

Joel: <Sasuke> Yes, Master.


>Kodachi:Don't stick that thing in my mouth,brother! I'm afraid I might 
>choke on it!
>Konou:Would you rather I stuck it up your rear,sis?
>Kodachi:NO!


Tom: <Kodachi> Just give me my douche back, you meanie!  Or 
I'll shove it up your nose and squeeze!

Joel: Ugggh, Tom....

Tom: I'm sorry, I've saved that since we started on this.


>Konou:Okay then...Open wide and under your tounge..It'll only take 
>four minutes!
>Kodachi:Brother,can't you stick it my armpit?
>Konou:Armpit? Who ever heard of such a thing?
>Kodachi:A lot of people do it like that all the time.


Crow: Shall we wait for the punchline while wondering if it's electronic, 
water, or mercury?


>Konou:Well...I dunno if this thermometer can do that. When the hell are 
>you going to get over this flu?


Crow: Ladies and gentlemen... the gag has landed.

Joel: Well, I'm not mopping it up THIS time.


>Antony Hernandez:Heheh,(Your name),you thought Konou and 
>Kodachi were doing something else? Heheh. Go wash your brain with 
>soap,heheh. Yeah,that be like brainwashing! Heheh. LOL!!


All: <groans>

Crow: That line is just aggressively annoying.

Joel: (Your name) And Ranma called ME a lamer?

Tom: <Zach> Uhh, after careful reconsideration, I've decided 
I'm content being chopped liver after all... so, heh, have fun with 
this fic, Antony!  Heh heh... TAXI!  TAXIIIII!!


>Sasuke:Konou! I have bad news!

>Konou:Quiet,you foul maggot! My sister is ill!  (5 minutes) You may 
>speak.

>Sasuke:Akane has ran of with RYOGA!

>Konou:RYOGA! I SHALL KILL HIM!

>Kodachi:Of all the times to get sick...When Ranma-Samah is free from 
>that foul wench! (ANNOYING LAUGH)


Joel: What'd she come down with?  The Fran Drescher virus?


>Konou:I WILL KILL THIS RYOGA IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!


Joel: <Konou> You'll kill me once I'm finished, right?


>Meanwhile outside of Nekohanten Restaurant:

>Shampoo:Don't be so glum Ranma...You'll always have me..

>Ranma-Kun:Yeah...


Joel: <Ranma> Hey!  That's exactly what Ukyou said! Thanks, Shampoo, 
I'll go find her!

Crow: <Shampoo> D'oh!


>Shampoo:Ranma..

>Ranma-Kun:What?

>Shampoo:At least say something! I love you,dammit! I always have! But 
>you never let me know how you felt! You always brushed it off! 


Joel: <Shampoo> In fact, if I don't see any working on your behalf for 
this relationship soon, I'm tempted to call it off!

Crow: <Ranma> I NEVER WANTED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Joel: <Shampoo> Well, ok, I'll let you off this time with a warning!

Crow: <Ranma> ARRRRRGGGGGH!


>And when you told me you hated me,you would then try to cheer me up 
>when I started to cry! And when you told me you liked me (BGM:The 
>Smiths:There is a light and it never goes out) you would brush it off as 
>nothing ever happened! 

>(Getting really teary eyed) 


Joel: Ooh, Shampoo's digging deep here, guys.

Tom: Hopefully she'll strike a vein.

Crow: Cologne did a helluva job on her new Shampoo 'bot.  She'd 
better hope the water doesn't short the circuits though...


>Where do you stand,Ranma? Is it because I'm a cat,and you hate me for 
>that,isn't it? 


Tom: <Ranma> No, you being a cat means you ALL that, girlfriend!


>Well whatever it is,consider the truth:Akane's gone! She's GONE! GONE! 
>GONE! GONE!


Joel: When did this fanfic turn into an N'Sync song?

Crow: No, WAIT!  She's still GOING!  GOING ONCE!  GOING 
TWICE!  Okay, now she's gone.


>And I'm the only girl on this world that sincerely loved you besides her.
>(Totally breaks down) 


Crow: <Shampoo> And another thing... BZZZT!  Ai-ya.  Ai-ya.  
Ai-ya.  Ai-ya....

Joel: <Cologne> Oh no!  The Shampoo 'bot is down!  Quick, somebody 
shove Abe Lincoln out there!


>Antony Hernandez:Gawd,isn't this dramatic?
>Zach Helke:SHUT UP!


Joel: Thank you, Zach!

Tom: Zach's like Cornfed to Antony's Duckman.


>Ranma-Kun:Shampoo...
>Shampoo:Ranma.. (They embrace,Ranma cleans off Shampoo's tears)


Crow: <Ranma> *streak streak* Man, these tears just aren't coming off!  
*streeeeeeeak*


>Mousse (Goose):Quack Quack Quack Quack!
>Shampoo steps on Mousse,silencing him for awhile.


Tom: Guess Mousse forgot to... duck.  Oh, I am so ashamed of 
myself right now.

Joel: <Mousse> Sure, once you hit the big time, you forget about all 
us little people!


>Ranma-Kun:Oh Shampoo..
>Shampoo:Oh Ranma..
>SMOOCH< (With tongue,no less!)


Crow: So, the cat's got Ranma's tongue... oh great, now I'm doing it.

Joel: Hey, nothing wrong with a little harmless pun.


>Obaba(Looking out of Nekohanten's front window):I can't believe this 
>is happening...


Tom: <Obaba> This is eerily familiar... and why do I suddenly have an 
sudden urge to visit Ranma's father....!?


>Shampoo and Ranma-Kun engage in perhaps the best liplock in Anime 
>history,better than the Misa/Hikaru smooch,better than the kiss in that 
>one Urusei Yatsura episode, better than that neat little oral bodily fluid 
>exchange between Ladios Sopp and Fatima Lachesis at the end of Five 
>Star Stories,better than those perverted "Kisses" in Urotsuko-Doji,


Tom: Better than Chocolate!

Joel: Better than Kickboxer!

Crow: Better than Kanyon?

Tom: Nah, who better than Kanyon?


>and yes,better than all those pecks in Orange Road and Maison Ikkuku.


Joel: Okay, we GET IT, already!  Mind getting back to the narrative 
now?

Tom: The narrative that failed to show us how passionate the kiss 
was except by comparing it to other established works?

Crow: Hey, it beats the hell out of this!


>And everything is fine in the universe,


Crow: <Rumiko Takahashi> Yeah, BULL!


>except a slight drizzle is felt on Ranma's head..He feels the usual 
>swelling on his chest,but the sensation on his mouth is what hits 
>him...


Joel: <Ranma> It's like there's a party in there... and everyone's 
invited!

Crow: <Ranma> Oww, kissing you is like kissing a battery... hey, 
wait a minute!


>Soon the other tongue in his mouth becomes small and bristly,and 
>shampoo's warm inviting face becomes soft and furry...


Tom: <Ranma> Whoa!  Did Happosai give you some of the Super 
Soba again?


>Ranma-Chan:AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
>Shampoo(cat):Nyan! (Meow,you fool!)
>Obaba:Yeah..I guess it was too good to be true!
>Ranma Chan runs down the street,not even looking back..


Crow: ...only stopping to catch a passing cab.

Joel: <Ranma as Hedley Lamarr> Drive me off this fanfic.  

Tom: <Ranma> Or run me over, whichever is quicker.


>Antony Hernandez:Gee,I think Ranma got a little pus-
>Zach Helke:Don't even THINK about telling that corny joke here!


Tom: <Ranma> Even better, cabbie, mind running THEM over?

Joel: Hey, you gotta respect Zach, he's TRYING to look out for our 
sanity.


>Meanwhile at the love hotel,Akane and Ryoga lie in ecstasy with each 
>other.


Crow: Aren't you supposed to take E *before* you make love? 

Joel: Talk about afterglow and a half!


>Akane:Did you fart?
>Ryoga:No!


Tom: <Ryoga> It was the fanfic!  I swear!


>Akane:I can't believe I lost my virginity to a guy who gives his girls 
>dutch ovens!

>Ryoga:Okay! It was the Ramen!

>Akane(Getting teary):I can't believe what I just did!

>Ryoga:It's okay! American women yell at their men all the time!


Tom: <Ryoga> Thankfully, American men taught me how to tune
it out... anybody seen the remote?


>Akane:NO! You are so American,uncouth! 

>I loved Ranma! But you used your hippie-mumbo-jumbo bullshit to tell 
>me what I wanted and you USED me and seduced me! 


Tom: <Ryoga> Welcome to the morning after, sweetheart.  Please
make sure to take all your belongings before disembarking....

Crow: <Ryoga> It's not bullshit!  Look how enlightened you've 
become since yesterday!


>(Crying profusely,BGM:Soft Cell-It's a mug's game) 


Tom: <author> Soundtrack available on Kazaa, Edonkey and other fine
filesharing services near YOU!


>I still love Ranma! I hope he still loves me! Ranma! (Runs out the door)


Joel: Akane Tendo IS Julia Roberts IN 'Runaway Adulterer'!


>Ryoga:WAIT!!! AKANE!!! I LOVE YOU! AKANE!!!!!

>Ryoga runs out the door....


All: <start humming the Benny Hill Show theme>

Tom: <Akane> Ranma, I've come back to you!

Crow: <Ranma> Hey great!  Give me and Kodachi a second to 
untie Ms. Hinako and I'll be right with ya!


>On the streets,Konou stalks revenge....


Tom: <Konou, singing> You're an obsession... You're my 
obsession....

Joel: Stalks revenge?  Wow, I never knew you could stalk 
an abstract idea!

Crow: <giggles> Yeah, after this MST, let's tail some justice!


>Konou:Ryoga....Soon you will die!


Crow: <Konou> But I'll kill you before that happens!

Crow: <Ryoga> Dude, just make like Columbus and discover 
America, man!


>Back at the Hotel,Akane storms back inside...


Joel: <Akane> I just realized I never received my ROOM SERVICE!

Tom: <Ryoga> I beg to differ.


>Ryoga:AKANE! You've come back to me!

>Akane:Yeah right,I just forgot to put my clothes on!

>Ryoga:Eeeeehhhh....


Crow: <Ryoga> But I've already claimed your panties!  It's a comfort 
thing!


>Akane:I hope Ranma still loves me!

>Ryoga:Are you sure you want to go through with this?


Crow: <Akane> As sure as I was when I left Ranma!  No, wait a 
minute...


>Akane:Yes....Ryoga....I'm sorry...

>Ryoga:No,Akane..I should be sorry...I took advantage of you...My 
>meddling could have spoiled your chances with Ranma..


Tom: <Ryoga> But at least now I won't be depressed about never having 
experienced true love when my newfound fortune eventually brings me 
nothing but misery....

Crow: <Akane> But it wasn't true love....

Tom: <Ryoga> Notlisteningnotlisteningnotlistening!

Crow: <Akane> Oh brother.


>Akane:Ryoga....(BGM:New Kids on the Block:Step by Step)

>Ryoga:Dammit! Who the hell put that BGM on? Turn off that music!

>Antony Hernandez:Sorry!


Joel: <Antony> I ran out of 80's stuff, man!  It's either this or 
MC Hammer!

Crow: Evidently the fourth wall was a victim of the budget cuts too.


>Zach Helke:Man,why'd you pick that BGM in the first place...I'm 
>putting on the Peppers..

>Antony Hernandez:I thought it was the Cure,man! Sorry! I left my 
>glasses at my house! Jeez! Here's the Cure. The Peppers don't fit the 
>mood. 


Joel: Maybe this should've been titled: Ranma 1/2: The Producers?

Tom: Maybe Antony and Zach are nom de plumes for Hiroshi and 
Daisuke?

Crow: Maybe this fic is getting to us?


>(BGM:The Cure:In Between Days)


Tom: Come to think of it, it does feel like we've been reading this 
for DAYS and DAYS and DAYS... <takes deep breath>... and DAYS 
and DAYS and....!

Joel: <places an arm around Tom> I know, Tom, I know....


>Akane:I'm sorry Ryoga...What me and you had was a one-night stand. 
>I'll always love you,Ryoga,but I love Ranma more and now I realise 
>that..I took me this night with you to realise that.


Crow: <Akane> Cause the sex was just that lousy!


>Ryoga:I know you'll always love me.

>Ryoga goes to the bathroom and fills the tub with cold water. He then 
>plunges in...

>P-Chan:Weet!

>Akane:Oh,Ryoga..


Joel: If P-Chan starts bweeing the theme from 'The Bodyguard', I think 
I'm gonna lose it, guys....
 
Crow: Stay frosty, Joel.

Tom: Um, Akane?  Sweetie?  Does 'weird white crusty stains on my 
sheets' ring any bells?


>*      *      *    


Joel: <singing> But the stars that we reached, were just starfish 
on the beach....


>Akane walks down the street with P-Chan in her arms,longing for yet 
>another glimpse of Ranma. Just as the sun rises in the light drizzle,she 
>sees Ranma weeping lightly under an electric mercury streetlight.


Joel: BGM:Artemis:The Ballad of Oscar and Felica.


>Ranma,wiping her face and gently blowing her nose,looks up to Akane 
>with longing eyes..


Tom: <Akane> Eww!  You're blowing your nose into your HANDS?  
Let's get out of here, Ryoga, that's just sick.


>Ranma-Chan:A-Akane!

>Akane:RANMA!

>(They embrace tightly)


Joel: <Akane> Van!  Allen!  Tamahome!  Tuxedo Mask!  Tenchi!  
Akito!  Darling!  Leon!  Keiichi!

Crow: <Ranma> NOOOOOOKIE!!


>P-Chan:WEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!

>Akane:Oh my god! I smashed P-Chan! Sorry!

>P-Chan:Wrgtt!


Crow: Must... resist... obligatory... South Park... riff....

Tom: <Ranma> Well, Akane, you killed the pig.  All that's left is 
to drink its blood.


>Ranma-Chan:So,P-Skeh...Are you treating Akane okay?

>Akane:Yes...But Ranma! I'm here because of you!

>Ranma-Chan:Me?


Tom: <Akane> Nerima is being destroyed by the Nothing!  You have 
to give me a new name!

Joel: <Ranma> Uhhh, Max Korn?

Tom: <Akane> THINK HARDER, RANMA.


>Akane:YES! RANMA...I LOVE YOU!

>Ranma-Chan:A-Akane....I LOVE YOU TOO!


Joel: <Shampoo> Aiya!  What about Shampoo!?

Crow: <Ranma> Hey, beat it!  It ain't my problem the author forgot 
about you!  


>Akane:I love you Ranma! I can't believe I acted so foolish! I almost 
>lost you to Ryoga...Ryoga understands that I love you!

>P-Chan:Weet!

>Ranma-Chan:Oh Ryoga...Akane...I love you! 


Crow: <Akane> Hey, make up your mind!

Tom: I thought P-Chan was broken?

Joel: You see, guys?  Love DOES pad the fic!


>(Tries to kiss Akane,but remembers 
>that he is a girl.) Akane...I need some hot water.

>Akane:Yes!


Crow: <Howard Stern> NO YOU DON'T NEED THE HOT WATER!  
JUST GO FOR IT!!


>Azusa:Sarrato!

>P-Chan:WEEEEET!

>Akane and Ranma-Chan:Oh my god!!! NOT THEM!!!


Tom: Oh lord, what now?  Killer Tomatoes from Outer Space?

Crow: Giant Mutated Ants, maybe?


>EPILOGUE--


All: YAYYYYYY!!!

Crow: The end... is in sight!

Joel: This must be where Ranma and Ukyou share some time at the 
beach while Ryoga builds his harem!


>Nabiki sits alone in her room,thinking many things to herself...


Tom: <Nabiki> How will I be able to explain this henshin rod to Daddy?  
And my new Sailor outfit?


>Nabiki:Oh Ranma....I always loved you...Ranma...God how I want to 
>be with you..


Crow: Wow.  What a GREAT plot twist.

Joel: Is this still "If Genma and Soun Wrote a Fanfic"?


>(BGM:Public Image Limited--Rules and Regulations)
>FIN


Crow: Whew!  It's over!  Bring on the outtakes!

Tom: But be sure to tune in next week for Ranma 1/2 Episode 
1000: FROM HEAVEN!  With special guest cameos by George Burns, 
Michael Landon, David Bernes, and Urd!

Joel: Boy, hmmmm, well now, this was... different, I'll say that much.

Crow: And thankfully over.

Tom: Yeah it sorta almost followed a standard cliché at the 
beginning but then it just spilled all over the place.

Crow: Well, let's get the first question out of the way... what the 
hell was the deal with Ryoga the Americanized Feminist Hippie?  

Joel: I think for once his brain got lost with his body.

Tom: OK, so Ryoga goes to America, somehow pulls off the 
greatest stock market fraud in history and gets brainwashed by American 
culture and movies... he return to Japan and manages to convince Akane 
that her culture is backwards and Ranma's a chauvinistic pig, all within 
ten minutes....

Crow: Ranma loses Akane, ends up engaged to Nabiki and they 
snipe at each other for a couple of minutes before THAT subplot gets 
dumped so Ranma can find comfort and understanding from Saint 
Shampoo.  They allegedly share the most passionate kiss in all of anime 
only to have fate give them a cold shower and next thing you know, 
ANOTHER subplot goes down the drain!

Tom: Then we have the Kunou... oops, make that the Konou twins 
in a cameo that... surprise surprise... went NOWHERE!  Just like the 
FIVE HUNDRED OTHER MEANINGLESS CAMEOS littered 
throughout this waste receptacle of a fanfic!  Why, even the READERS 
weren't safe as they were forced to participate in inane dialogue, heap 
blind praise on the author and read aloud a gratuitous plug to boot!  
<pants for breath>

Crow: And finally, there's the wonderfully WAFFy ending with 
Ranma finally finding the courage to admit his love for Akane... having 
instantly forgiven her shameless affair with Ryoga and conveniently 
forgetting his uber smooch with Shampoo... and let's not forget Ryoga... 
whose newfound enlightenment allowed him to accept Akane's love of 
Ranma and content himself with leaving more white crusty stains on her 
bedsheets....

Joel: (shrugs) Like I said, guys, at least it was different.

Crow: And over.

Tom: Alright, alright... all sarcasm aside, I guess this fic DOES 
deserve points for originality... but can I ask one last question before 
we vamoose?

Joel: Sure.

Tom: WHO THE HELL IS YUKIO!?

Crow: Ah, skip it.

(Joel picks up Tom and follows Crow out of the theater)

*          *         *

DEEP 13


     "You're listening to FRANK, all FRANK, all the time.  We'll be 
playing more of your favorite depressing music in a little while but right 
now it's time to intercep... uh, that is... OPEN up the phone lines and 
discuss why life stinks!  Here with me now to help explain this is the one
they call Dr. Feelbad!  Welcome to the show, Dr. F!"  Frank exclaimed.

     "Why thank you, Frank.  It's certainly an honor to be here on FRANK.  
Let's see who's on line one.  Hello, caller, this is Dr. Feelbad and I'm not 
really listening."

     "Hello?  Am I on the radio?"  The caller asked, hesitantly.

     "No, the voices in your head couldn't keep silent anymore!"  Dr. 
Forrester snarled before stabbing the button with his finger.  "Next caller, 
you're on FRANK!  What's your beef, jerky?"

     "Hi, my names Fred and I own a bowlerama on Queen St. and Fifth...."

     "Is that right?  And do you have ten pound balls?"  Dr. Forrester 
snickered.

     "Huh?"  Fred replied, confused.

     "I see subtle humor is lost on you.  Anyway, what's your problem, pin 
boy?  Having trouble getting the wife to do a seven-ten split?"  Dr. 
Forrester wisecracked.  

     "Huh?"  Fred repeated.

     "Arrrrrgh!"  Dr. Forrester stabbed the connection closed again.  "Frank!  
These callers are all morons!  How am I supposed to depress them when 
they can barely comprehend their own surroundings!?"  Dr. Forrester 
exclaimed in frustration.

     "Hmmm, how about picking an intelligent topic to discuss?  Maybe 
that'll weed out the eggheads?"  Frank suggested.

     "Good thinking, Frank!  Alright, you dumb radio peons, let's talk 
relationships!  If you've ever been dumped, are close to being dumped 
or wish to dump on the world in general, call now and Dr Feelbad will 
make you feel... heh heh... all right."  Dr. Forrester chuckled as the phone 
lights lit up.  "Ah, looks like I hit a nerve!  Caller one, you're on the air!"

     "Hi, my name's Fred and I own a Bowler.... 
     
     "Correction, Caller two!  You're on the air!"  Dr. Forrester growled.

     "Hi, this is Cindy."  A female voice replied.

     "Well, welcome to the show, Cindy!  Is this your first time calling?"  
Frank inquired cheerfully.  
     
     "Of course it is, you boob!  It's our first show!"  Dr. Forrester snapped 
as he grabbed the microphone from his assistant.  "Ahem, sorry about that, 
this is Dr. Feelbad, what's your problem?"

     "Well... ever since the holidays ended, I've had a little trouble dealing 
with a problem."   Cindy began.

     "What kind of problem?"  Dr. Forrester inquired.

     "Well... it's a little embarrassing."  Cindy replied hesitantly.

     "Oh goodie!  Trouble in the bedroom!  This should be fun...."  Dr. 
Forrester replied eagerly.

     "Oh no, my sex life is just fine, thank you."  Cindy replied politely.

     "Medical problem then?"  Dr. Forrester asked hopefully.

     "Well, no, I'm pretty healthy all around actually...." Cindy remarked.

     "Worried about your finances?   Your family giving you grief?  Jerk in
the workplace?  Car trouble!?"  Dr. Forrester was getting more and more 
annoyed.       

     "No, none of those either...."

     "THEN WHAT'S YOUR FRIGGING PROBLEM?!?  Dr. Forrester 
exploded.

     "Actually... now that you made me realize how well off I am, my 
problem is pretty insignificant by comparison so I'm not worried about 
it anymore.  Thanks, Dr. Feelbad, you really cheered me up!"

     Dr. Forrester's jaw dropped open as Cindy hung up.  Then he clenched 
his teeth as his face began turning a deep shade of purple.  Frank 
immediately bigsweated and spoke quietly into the microphone.  

     "Uhh, I think now would be a good time for some commercials!  But 
be sure to keep your crank turned to FRANK for more FRANK discussion 
after these... oh poopy!" Frank yelped as he grabbed his walkman and fled 
the DJ booth as Dr. Forrester proceeded to rip it apart with his bare hands.  
As Frank slowly backed away from the carnage, his back hit the console 
and realizing the experiment was over anyway, he decided to push the 
button.

...AND THE MSTINGS
            CONTINUE...

I hope you enjoyed this and comments are very welcome.  
(megane67@rogers.com) (zoogz@yahoo.com)

Author's Notes: Ahh, first MSTing of the new year.  It took me a week 
or so to get in the proper frame of mind for writing the host segs and after 
scrapping a couple of ideas, I think this version turned out pretty good
overall.  I've already got another MSTing half done and hopefully it will
be released in early February.  In the meantime, feel free to check out 
Zoogz's latest MSTs for which I assisted with some riffs.  :)

I've been MSTing for over five years now and I want to thank each 
and every person who's send me words of support and encouragement 
and who have helped me with my MSTs over the years.  I treasure 
every piece of fan mail I receive and I consider it a great honor that 
some people have dedicated their MSTings to me and tell me that I 
helped encourage them to start MSTing.  To all of you, thank you from 
the bottom of my heart and I hope I can continue to inspire and make 
you laugh for a long time to come.  :)

I'd like to give personal thanks to Zoogz, who helped me with some 
in-depth C&C and suggested riffs for this MSTing....  

- Zoogz's 'Mystery Science Cinema' series can be found at 
http://www.nabiki.com/mst/zoogz/mst/ including his latest MSTings 
'Moon Honey Flash' and 'From Weird to Weirder'.  The editing of the
FFIRC MSTing 'Battle Royale' is also complete and all of these can
be found in the 'Recently Completed Projects' section of 'A MSTing
For All Seasons'.  Finally, Zoogz is currently finishing up the first chapter 
of a fanfic collaboration with Rahkal called "Crossed Signals", coming 
soon to a fanfiction archive near you! 

- Jolt's webpage is down at the moment but you can request his MSTings 
by e-mail at joltcaffiene@shaw.ca

Also, I'd like to give personal thanks, once again, to Gary Kleppe, whose
C&C and suggestions are always appreciated.  I can't say enough nice
things about this guy!  :)  If you haven't had a chance to check out the 
newest chapter of HaM, you can reach him at gary@garykleppe.org or 
his webpage at http://www.garykleppe.org/comics.html and I'm sure he'll 
be happy to send the story along to you.

Finally, I'd like to again thank Antony M. Hernandez, Zach Helke and 
Distorted Perceptions Animation Fan club for writing 'Episode 999 -- 
From HELL!' and for Antony giving me his blessing to MST it as well 
as a lot of material to work with.  It's all meant in good fun.  :)

***All of my MSTings and the MSTings I've contributed to can be 
found in the various catagories at:***

'A MSTing for All Seasons'
http://www.nabiki.com/mst

Everything What Is Crap
(formerly Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings)
http://www.svamcentral.org/ewic


">Ryoga:Yes,Ranma,I remember when I was like that,always getting mad 
>at your affection towards Akane...But now you are not at peace with 
>yourself--and I am. Peace,Ranma."


Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 2003 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.

Keep Circulating the Fanfics....