*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS* (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain) (The future isn't what it used to be....) "MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON THREE) EPISODE 23: RANMA KILLS! PT. 2 (A Ranma 1/2 MSTing) MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 (megane67@rogers.com) This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering my own ass here folks.... "Ranma 1/2" is the property of Rumiko Takahashi and all the distributors of her work. "Ranma Kills!" is the property of Sir Asayogure and he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;) Warning: This fic contains scenes of extreme violence. * * * (Door 6: It slides open on both sides..) (Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you move on..) (Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.) (Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..) (Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and touches the door. The door vanishes.) (Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.) (Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.) (Joel and the bots remain in their seats.) Joel: ...stand up. Crow: Boy, it's a good thing I'm a robot or I might have to worry about emptying a bladder that's ready to burst from all the carbonated beverages that's been storing up, the pressure building with every passing minute as I desperately try not to think of waterfalls, water fountains, water spraying ffrom a hose, water dripping slowly from a rusty faucet, each tiny drip causing untold relief and agony.... Joel: Keep it up, Crow, and I'll reprogram you as a toaster. Crow: Ack! Not the pop tarts through the butt again! Okay, I take it back! Tom: We interrupt this battle of wits to return you to our regularly scheduled MSTing.... >he began to fight. Tom: Ironically, he used Kung-Fu fighting, the cats had Ranma running fast as lightning, it was very frightening and yet he *still* fought with expert timing! >Twisting to the other direction split seconds after his first dodge he >avoided the baseball bat that the other man had swung. The two of the >punks looked stung, not really expecting the young looking boy to do >such a thing. Joel: My g-god... he actually *AVOIDED* my baseball bat! Crow: And he's so young too! How DOES he do it!?!? >The man with the chain rushed at Ranma swinging it above his head. >A stupid thing to do really. Tom: Hey, it's not half as stupid as throwing an empty beer keg on a campfire.... Crow: Look, I said I was sorry! Get over it! >Ranma side stepped and as he wrenched the chain out of the clumsy >mans hand, he also landed a viscous crescent kick placed just below >the mans hip bone, breaking that joint and effectively crippling the >man, Joel: Yeah! Stick it to the MAN, Ranma! Tom: Um... he landed *what* kind of kick? Crow: Er... viscous. Let's see... (pulls out dictionary) Glutinous, sticky; semifluid; not flowing freely. Joel: 10-W-40 kick!! >to his credit he stayed standing. Tom: Must be double jointed. Joel: Or he's waiting for an ovation. Crow: He's in for a long wait. >He then smirked as he pulled out a small hand gun and casually aimed it >at the boy. Tom: Sayyyyyy, is that really a gun? Wow! Those things are practically non-existent in Japan! Where did you get it? >Ranma smirked too and his aura flared, he could sense the other idiot >creeping up behind him. Tom: Quiet feet... sneaky feet... ninja feet.... >At the last possible second Ranma ducked as the now chainless man >pulled the trigger. Tom: He is utterly without chain. He is the chainless man. Joel: He is not bound to the pasture. He is not chained to the plow. Crow: Set him free to find his calling. All: And he'll return... to you somehow.... >The bullet whizzed past where his head had been and impacted in the >throat of the man who had been trying to sneak up on Ranma. That >man gurgled something unintelligible on his way to the ground, but >Ranma was already ignored him. Tom: Save the unintelligible gurgles for the next world, ya scum! >Using his training with ribbons he applied the technique to the chain. Crow: Let's see... make a loop here... tie a few knots there... man, I never thought I'd actually be grateful to Kodachi for all those times she tied me up and forced me to.... >As the man with the gun stood there dumbfounded ready to take another >shot, Ranma flicked his wrist and sent the chain out, the sharp metal tip >ripping into the mans wrist and almost severing it. The man screamed! Tom: AHHHHHHHH!!! There goes what's left of my sex life! >His last thought ever on this world was, "Where the hell did my hand >go?!" Crow: And so Ranma kills for the first time. Joel: I had to do it! The title of this story beckoned me! >Ranma heard then another scream, most decidedly female. Crow: Ranma! What this Shampoo hear about you and crazy Kunou girl playing with ribbons?!?! >Turning he saw the coward of a ring leader on his feet and holding the >frightened girl by her neck in his good arm in a choke hold she was >gasping for breath and her face was going all pale like, Tom: Looks like about three sentences had a head-on collision! Joel: Shhh! Don't mention head-on collisions! KaraOhki might be reading this! (looks at the screen) Get better soon, KaraOhki! >the ring leader was slowly backing up. Joel: ...his hard drive. >The anger welled up inside of Ranma again, Tom: You mean there was a moment when Ranma *wasn't* angry during this fight? >thinking of all the times Akane had been dragged off by some ogre, >and how terrified the girl must be now. All: Ogre?!? Crow: Where's this fic taking place? Spielburg? Tom: Shame on you, Shrek! What would Fiona say!? >With super human speed Ranma crossed the distances between them. All: I am... I am... I am Superman.... >Grabbing the mans free wrist which was very broken he took that and >the now wrenched free hand that was holding the girl and twisted him >into an over the shoulder throw. The man landed hard as Ranma did not >let go of his wrists when he anded but kept control of the animal/human. Joel: As opposed to a vegetable/human, like the Swamp Thing? >The girl at this point leaning up against a tree fainted dead away. Ranma >bringing his foot up above the mans spine poised for the killing blow, but >hesitated as training refused to let him kill in cold blood, Joel: And exactly which training justified crushing a weaker opponent's wrist into powder? >disgusted he released the now whimpering like a baby punk Crow: And they made YOU the gang's leader? Talk about pathetic! >and turned to the girl to check on her. As soon as he did so he >regretted it. Crow: Oh my god, what did they do to your FACE! Huh, nothing? Oh, uh, heh... whoops. >He had completely forgotten about the other two. Suddenly both of his >arms were pinned behind his back one held by one man each. Joel: Poor Ranma. Now he has to decide which one to go steady with. Tom: I cannot decide! I would have them both! >"They must have gone for the rest of their gang Ranma thought" Just >as an unseen fist slammed into his kidney from behind. Joel: Wow, they must be pretty skilled to be able to hit such a precise location. Tom: Million to one shot, doc, million to one! >His eyes watered and he gasped that had hurt! Crow: I was enraged! You guys have paid for this! >Looking up he saw 4 of them, 6 in all counting the two pinning his >arms down. The man directly in front of Ranma pulled his leg back >as if to kick, and Ranma knew where that kick was headed. Tom: But suddenly, the man began twisting it around in the air and started dancing. Soon the other gang members followed suit, snapping their fingers while orchestra music blared in the background.... Joel: Yes, it turns out that Ranma had accidentally stumbled upon a dress rehearsal of 'West Side Story'.... >Turning at the last possible moment he absorbed most of the blow on his >thigh. The men laughed as he faked moaned. Crow: Isn't that cute? He's trying to protect his groin! >Thinking they had won. He felt the iron grips on his arms release a >fraction, more then he needed, jumping upward with all his strength, >Ranma kicked the one on his left in the throat on his way up, killing >him in probably one of the most painful ways possible, with a crushed >windpipe. Joel: And I'd know having your windpipe crushed is painful, by golly, cause that's exactly how *I* was killed! That's right, this fanfic is being written by a GHOST! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Pretty scary, huh? >The other man's arm he had hung onto... literally. The bloody stump >was still in his hand and on his way down he could see the shocked >expression on the face of the now one armed man. Joel: Ranma Saotome *IS* Richard Kimble *IN* 'The Fugitive'! Tom: Aw, man... If that other guy with the crushed wrist is any indication, this guy is about to get a lot tougher and stronger! >Using it as a club he hit the man over in the back of his neck, snapping it. Tom: Tag. You're dead. >There were now only 4 on their feet and they were all hesitating. Joel: Heh, I'd say 'petrified' would be a better word. >Ranma still furious, Tom: He real mad. Beat up gang. Tear off limbs. Beat them more. Crow: Kill the pig. Drink his blood. Joel: Get some help. >had had enough, his rage building his chi up to the critical point.the >black aura that surrounded him suddenly flared as the crimson flames >grew and then focused at where he was holding his hands, which were >cupped and pointing directly at the group. Tom: Hey, Goku! Would you mind speeding it up? We ain't got all day! >Developing a new chi blast and not even knowing it, Joel: Ha! Who needs the old ghoul when I can just lose my temper and learn strange and powerful techniques out of thin air! >all Ranma's mind was aware of was the need to kill. He could sense >the life flowing through them and he despised them for it, they did not >deserve to live, he knew that each and every one of them had raped >and killed many other helpless girls, maybe even in this same clearing. Crow: When did this turn into an episode of Millennium? Tom: They're guilty! I can feel it in my bones! >His rage dominated him and whispering 3 single words to what ever >gods that may be, Tom: END... THIS... FIC. Joel: Nice try, Tom. >Ranma muttered "Burn.in.hell" then released his rage! Tom: ...against the dying of the light? Joel: ...against the machine? >The power and energy that flowed from his hands was incredible. All: That's INCREDIBLE! >The heat from the chit blast was so intense Joel: Who's editing this chit, anyway? >that after it burned away the grass and dirt it melted the very earth >where the men had stood seconds earlier. Incinerated, they simply >vanished, ceased to exist. Tom: (Pulls out thesaurus) Ant., see APPEARED. Crow: Hey, where'd you get the thesaurus? Tom: None of your business. Where'd you get the dictionary earlier to look up 'viscous'? Crow: None of your business. (Both Crow and Tom stare at each other suspiciously for a moment before turning their attention back to the fic.) >The crater that formed from the blast stretched the length of the park >and was at places almost 20 feet deep. Joel: Okay, where did Ranma learn the Full Shishi Hokodan? Tom: That settles it. This author's definitely mistaken Ranma for Ryouga. >Rage still burning in his eyes which were glowing red, quite unknown >to him. He turned to the man, the once proud ring leader. The man was >on his feet again, you could tell he was terrified Crow: Oh yeah, big stain on his pants, right there. Tom: Where? Here? Crow: No, over THERE! What, are you blind? Joel: Exactly which perspective are we supposed to be following here? >but was shakily facing Ranma holding a sawed off shot gun held in his >shaking hand. Tom: Here! Take this shot gun and kill the rest of my gang! Just spare my life! Please! Pretty Please?!? >"What..what are you?" The man managed to croak out disbelief evident >in his voice. Joel: I'M MICHAEL KEATON. >"All we were doing was havin a lil fun." He protested seeming to think >that his argument would get elicit sympathy from Ranma. Crow: ...and providing yet another glaring example of the author's assumption that his readers are morons. >Ranma shaking his head and cracking his knuckles simply walked >silently towards the man. Daring him to pull the trigger. Tom: Come on, come on, shoot me already... end this damn thing so I can go home and eat Kasumi's dinner! >The girl was awake now and as her vision cleared she sat up leaning >heavily upon the tree she watched mouth agape as this boy advanced >on the now singular ring leader. Crow: One ring leader to rule them all and in the darkness bind them.... >Emotions swirled within her. Terror was still dominating everything, but >that was quickly being pushed back by the ever growing safety she felt in >this boy's presence. Joel: And with every fresh kill, the girl felt her love grow for this plucky, psychotic stranger.... >However she wondered how anyone that young could have eyes like >that, eyes that seemed to look through you, Tom: For some reason, youth is very highly regarded in this fic. >but they weren't directed in her direction he was staring at that....that >thing that had held her down, had breathed rancid breath into her ear >as he pinned her down and tried to force her legs open! Crow: It's slobberin' time! Tom: So, besides being a whimpering punk with a bad case of the shakes, he's got bad breath too? No wonder he turned to a life of crime.... >Her heart almost stopped with revulsion and the terror of the events that >had happened only maybe 2 minutes ago, she had been sure she was going >to die. Tom: You mean we're only *2* minutes into this fanfic!? NOOOOOOO!!! Joel: But seeing a strange boy brutally murder several gang members with his bare hands helped to put her at ease. >She now watched as the nameless boy slowly advanced on the man, Crow: He traveled through the desert, a wild horse with no name.... >she wondered faintly in a passing thought how he was managing to glow >black, or any color at all for that matter, but dismissed it as a trick of the >sun and her overwhelmed emotions. Tom: That's right, it's all a optical illusion with soap bubbles. Just some passing swamp gas, nothing to fret about, humanoid.... >Fascinated she watched as Ranma walked right up to the man only maybe >10 feet apart and then gasped as the thing that had hurt her sneered and >pulled the trigger. Ranma took the hit right in the chest! He went down! Tom: Ooooooo-kay... Avoiding a hand gun bullet at point blank range, no problem! Avoiding a shotgun blast from *10 feet*, no chance in hell! Crow: You'll neeeeever walkkkk... aaaaagainnnn! >His last conscious thought as he went down was, "Please no! I need >one more chance I have to save her" ......and somewhere something >heard him. Joel: And the reply from somewhere came, "Sorry! Looks like you're screwed this time, kiddo!" Crow: Hey, I switched the perspective back to you, didn't I? If you can't be grateful for that, I'll switch it back to the girl, SO THERE! >Oh no! Her mind screamed! Get out of here, NOW! Stumbling she >tried to get up, she had to get out of there! Tom: Just then, a bunch of strangers formed a line in front of the girl and took turns shaking her silly before bitchslapping her. >The man/animal noticed her movements and started towards her, >limping badly but still moving fairly fast. Joel: Why is he limping? Tom: Because his wrist is crushed. Joel: Oh, I can see... huh?!? >She stumbled in her hasty run and tripped! Crow: Of course she did. The girl ALWAYS trips in these kind of stories. Tom: Damn you, conveniently placed tree root! Damn you to hell! >Only maybe 5 feet away from where she had fallen, they had hit her so >many times when wrestling her to the ground that now she could >barely stand. Joel: Still, she managed to put up a good struggle, pinning four of the thugs for the three count before submitting to the sharpshooter. Tom: Should've used her shoe when she had the chance. >She rolled over and looked up into the face of pure evil possessed of >what can only be called a satanic influence the man leered at her >and made his way slowly to her. Tom: So the face of evil is an unshaven, whimpering punk with rancid breath? Crow: And here I always thought it was Tom Green. >Back in the clearing Ranma lay dead in a pool of his own blood. The >air was silent and no life seemed to move. Crow: Ranma has died. Quit or Retry? Joel: Hope the reader saved their game recently. >Suddenly a small sphere of light grew in the middle of the clearing >straight out of nowhere! Tom: Cue deus ex machina! >The sphere grew to the size of about maybe 6 feet in diameter. Joel: Oh no! It's Foam's big brother and boy is he cheezed! >Then out stepped a being of what could only be described as light. >It was apparently female. The creatures beauty could not really be >compared to anything on the Earth since it was not really from that >plane of existence. Tom: So I won't bother trying. Just take my word -- it looked really cool. >Stooping down the being pressed her right palm on Ranma's chest and >wherever she rubbed in it's wake left only healed skin! Joel: Hey! It's a strange visitor from the Planet of the Necrophiliacs! >His body healed the being bent her head down and kissed him on the >mouth fully, breathing life back into him, slowly his chest rose and then >fell. Tom: Just then, Akane Tendo happened to walk by and immediately jumped to conclusions. Crow: Say, if Ranma gets to determine who deserves life in the gang, then who's this light lady to decide for Ranma? Joel: God must have given a mulligan on that one. >Breaking the kiss the creature/being/goddess All: IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!!! >kneeled on the ground next to him and whispered into his ear with a >voice that could only be described as musical if one could hear it, Joel: Doe Ray Mi Fa So La Tee Doe. >she spoke 5 words into his ear, Tom: Meet me after the fic? Joel: Tom, what the hell are you thinking?!? Tom: Oh sorry, Joel. I forgot that you're a Belldandy Fanboy. Joel: I am not! I just... uh... think she's nice is all! Yeah! Tom: Hey, whatever you say, Fanboy. Joel: >" Your wish has been granted!" Crow: Um, lady, I didn't make any wish. I was dead, y'know? Joel: That's strange, you sound exactly like Kasumi.... >Back in the woods Tom: ...the Blair Witch was getting the living crap beaten out of her by Winnie the Pooh and his friends, who had mistaken her for a Woozle. >the man reached down and grasped the helpless girl by the hair and >moved to push her to the ground, screaming as loud as she could the >girl clawed, bit, kicked, and did everything in her power to stop him, >he smirked and stood up, kicking her in the stomach! Tom: Yes, it's the Attack of the Run-On Sentences! Crow: Considering all the injuries he sustained from Ranma, shouldn't the girl be able to just push him over at this point? Tom: Maybe his rancid breath is the equlivant of a Bio3 attack? >She doubled over in pain and stopped squirming long enough for him >to start taking his pants off. Joel: Oh, for pete's sake! Give it up and get some medical attention already! Crow: Those Human/Animals just don't know when to quit. >In the clearing the being of light stood and disappeared back into the >light from whence she came. Tom: Oh, that's good. Bring Shakespeare into this mess. Yeah! THAT'LL MAKE IT BETTER!!! Joel: Woah! Easy, Tom, easy. You've had a long day, honey.... >Ranma's eyes snapped open and he leapt to his feet! Joel: I live therefore I am! >Turning to the sounds of a struggle he saw the same girl as before laying >spread eagle helpless on the ground the man standing in front of >her.....taking off his pants?!?!?!?! He sprinted towards them! Tom: All RIGHT! Gimme! I've always wanted a pair of pants like these! >"Yes.." the animal/man thought, he was going to enjoy this. Joel: Wasn't he a man/animal last time? Tom: Author just can't be bothered distinguishing this guy's corporeal form. >The man bent over again reaching with his good hand. To grab her >again the girl barely conscious now struggled weakly. Tom: *ahem* If this is to make any sense at all, please start the second sentence at 'The girl.' NOT at 'To grab.' Thankyewverymuch. >However half way down the man suddenly stopped moving! Looking >up the girl saw a miracle. Crow: Two glorious words that read 'THE END'! Tom: Woo hoo... hoo hoo hoo, oh, who are we kidding?!? >There grasping the man by the back of the neck was that same boy! He >was alive! Her heart leapt into her throat with relief! Joel: Exclamation points abounded! >The boy was obviously still furious and his eyes still shone red, but his >black aura had been replaced with a white one that was beyond bright. Tom: It was Ultra-Tide bright! Joel: So Ranma's an angel of death now? >It shone so brightly that it hurt her eyes! Crow: Uh, you wanna turn down your headlights, pal? Tom: But I'm a guy, dammit! I don't *have* headlights! Joel: Sorry, your wish didn't come with a dimmer. Tom: But I never made a... oh, forget it! >Lifting casually with his right arm Ranma lifted the man off of his feet. Joel: Oh, Ranma's learned how to use the force. That's nice. >With a mighty heave Ranma tossed him into the ground... HARD! Tom: Hard enough to capitalize all the letters, anyway. Crow: Yeah, but only one exclamation point? How hard could that be? >Hard enough to make the ground shake and break the mans arm that >he had fallen on, Crow: Okay, if you say so, fanfic. >luckily for him it had been the previously injured arm. The man leapt >to his feet, some of his strength regained Joel: The hell?!? Crow: Yeah, nothing boosts your energy like breaking an arm. >and he threw a jumping punch at Ranma's head a fist thrown so hard >that if it connected with a regular mans head Tom: ...it would have exploded into a billion gooey pieces AND sent out a massive shockwave that blew apart the heads of anyone else within a two mile radius? >it would have broken their nose! All: Ooooooooooh.... Crow: ...the hell cares. >Ranma didn't even flinch! He simply raised his left hand and caught >the mans good fist, and clamped down hard! The man was stunned! >However he didn't have much time to be stunned Crow: He found he had to get away on weekends and holidays just to find enough quality time to be stunned. >as the pain suddenly hit him. He looked up and saw a man , not a >boy, a furious man! Joel: He's back... and this time... HE'S MAD. All: GHANDI II!!! >He was blazing with some sort of strange light and the look in his eyes >was that of murder. Joel: No more Mr. Passive Resistance! He's out to KICK SOME BUTT! >At that moment the man knew what the girls whom he had tortured had >felt, and he was truly afraid. Crow: Girls? What girls? I'm confused.... Tom: Isn't it obvious? The author DESPERATELY wants us to hate this gang leader's guts enough so that we'll justify Ranma killing him. Joel: Sad, really. >Ranma squeezed harder, he could feel the fibers and the sinews in the >mans hand holding the bones in place on the verge of collapse and he >smiled faintly as he applied even more pressure, the mans hand broke >in every place possible and then when Ranma kept squeezing the bones >began to shatter and split the skin. Crow: Uh, would it be crass to say Ranma's got a bone to pick with him? Joel: Yes, plus we'd have to kill you for the pun. Crow: Oh, uh, never mind then! >Looking down with disgust Ranma could see the man's limp member >hanging out of his almost off pants. Tom: What? No fine leather underwear to go with his ensemble? >With a grin Ranma thought of the best way to punish this thing, not to >kill him, but to make him wish he was dead, in the name and for the >honor of all the other women whom he had killed and raped. Crow: Which, we should remind the readers, is still pretty much a presumption on Ranma's part.... Tom: Who needs killing when *TORTURE* is where it's at! >Ranma crouched down and with a quick grasp and with the help of the >jumping muscles in his legs Ranma castrated the man! Joel: Uh, okay, now that was a LITTLE excessive.... Tom: Maybe Ranma's cursed form is related to Lorena Bobbit? Crow: If he brings spiky balls into this, I'm leaving.... >His hand dropping the disgusting thing as soon as it was free, and >continuing with the upward motion Ranma aimed a punch that would >almost kill but not quite right into the mans neck, hitting him almost >as hard as he could. Ranma was very satisfied with the sound of >snapping cartilage. Tom: Yes, order now to start receiving your complete collection of 'Ranma Kills!' stories! Every week you'll receive a new blood stained book like 'Ranma Maims!', 'Ranma Slices!', 'Ranma Mutilates!' and 'Ranma Fights Dirty'! And if you order RIGHT NOW, you'll receive Ranma's manifesto ABSOLUTELY FREE!!! Order today or we'll send Ranma over to YOUR house and turn YOU into a chapter of the glorious saga that IS 'Ranma Kills!' >Knowing that the man was doomed to be a paraplegic in prison and that >some inmate would get to have his way with him for the rest of his >miserable life, and Ranma smirked! All: Crow: Somehow, I get the feeling the 'being of light' that saved Ranma is being called on the carpet right now.... >Turning to the girl he ran quickly to her side his battle aura dying down >around him ad he ran. Crow: Eah, 'ad E' run away with the girl from 'ere when 'E 'ad the chance, none of this might 'ad 'appened at all! >Kneeling beside her he cradled her head in his hands and helped her >sit up. Tom: Unfortunately, his uncontrollable rage caused him to accidentally jerk the girl's head completely off her shoulders! Crow: Uhhhhh... Fatality? Joel: Ahhh! You idiot! I only wish I had time... to... get... revenge.... Crow: Your wish has been granted! Tom: And with that, the girl's head bit Ranma to death. >Seeing as she was almost completely naked with her shirt torn and her >skirt in fragments, when she was in a sitting position he shrugged off >his silk shirt. Surprisingly rip free considering that it had taken a shot >gun blast. Tom: You see, when Ranma was a baby, Nodoka wove his clothes out of the blankets in which he'd been wrapped aboard the rocket from Krypton.... >He gently placed it around her shoulders and buttoned it up. Joel: Oh yeah, like THAT makes up for everything. >Glad he always wore another pair of water tight pants under his regular >pants to keep changing to a minimum when he was splashed he quickly >shucked off his outer layer of pants and handed them to her All: Sing the praises of PANTS! >and turned his back so the girl could put them on privately to hide her >nudity. Which she did so while lying back down and arching her back >to do so. Turning back around Ranma knelt beside her again and >cradled her shaking body in his arms. "Are you okay miss?" he asked, >she simple looked at him and worked her jaw soundlessly, this boy had >just killed 7 people and been resurrected and all he could say was , "are >you okay?" Tom: No, he said 'are you okay miss?' Pay attention! Crow: What does she expect him to say? I'm insane in the membrane? >Finally gaining control of her mouth the girl looked at those eyes of his, >red with rage a minute ago and now a deep blue with concern..... >"Wh-who are you?" She managed to ask. Joel: I'm Frank Sinatra. Who the hell are you? >Looking into her eyes in return Ranma said those 6 famous words.... Tom: No shirt. No shoes. No service? Joel: This fic is NOT six words long? Crow: You know you want me baby? >"I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry about this" Tom: You should be, Ranma, you should be. >*END FOR NOW!!* Tom: Good! This fic can't end enough for me! The whole thing was so un-Ranma, I felt like I was reading a 'Punisher' comic or something! Joel: No kidding. I mean, Ranma going postal and maiming people just doesn't work when he wouldn't even let Soun and Genma mail Happosai to the north pole.... Tom: Yeah. And part of the central concept of the series is that things AREN'T black vs. white the way this author is portraying. Nobody in the manga is a saint, and nobody is without some sort of redeeming virtue at least once in a while. Crow: Well, at the very least, it had a lot of action. That's better than nothing. Tom: Are you kidding me?!? Ranma didn't use ANY of his signature moves, he ripped off Ryouga's Full Shishi Hokodan, which, by the way, uses DEPRESSION as a weapon, not RAGE, and then he suddenly becomes GOD when he determines none of the gang members have the right to LIVE anymore.... Joel: Um, Tom? Tom: ...then Ranma stands there like an idiot and gets himself shot and he DIES! Volia! A great place to end the fic and show the reader what false bravado gets them! But NOOOOOO.... Crow: Tom, are you okay? Tom: Instead, we have some... 'being of light' or some crap like that, come down to earth, plays tonsil hockey with Ranma and gives him the powers of the force, even when it's PAINFULLY obvious that the author is trying to pad out the fic by making this gang seem tougher than they really are because anyone with half a BRAIN knows Ranma could have wasted these guys in 5 seconds flat without breaking a SWEAT!!! Crow: C-Come on, Servo, you're obsessing about this way too much.... Joel: Just think happy thoughts, Tom! Happy thoughts! Tom: AND THE WAY THE AUTHOR KEPT FEELING THE NEED TO EXPLAIN *EVERY* SINGLE LITTLE DEVELOPMENT, FROM THE POSSIBLE IMPACT OF A MISSED PUNCH TO HOW WE SHOULD FEEL ABOUT THE BLACK LEATHER GANG!!! GOD, IT JUST MAKES ME *SO* MAD!!! I'M FILLED WITH ANGER!!! I'M ENRAGED!!! I'M FURIOUS!!! I'M... I'M GOING TO... TO... TO.... Crow: Look out! He's gonna blow! Joel: Take cover! (Joel and Crow dive under the seats just as Tom reaches critical mass) Tom: ARRRRRRRRRRGH!!!! * * * DEEP 13 "You got any fives?" "Nope, go fish, Steve-a-reno." "Bah! Go get me another Cherry Coke from the fridge." Dr. Forrester grumbled. "Sure thing. You want ice with that?" Dr. Forrester shuddered. "No, I think I've had all the ICE I can stand for a while." "Kay." Frank got up off the floor and lumbered towards the pantry while Dr. Forrester took the opportunity to stack the deck in his favor. Then an ominous ding came from the direction of the umbiliport causing Dr. Forrester to look up in surprise. "Joel's sending something to me? Now?" He rose to his feet and cautiously approached the umbiliport door when suddenly.... *BOOM!!!* Dr. Forrester was thrown back against the floor as the umbiliport door was blown out with the force of a cannon blast. Groggy, he looked up to see the umbiliport filled with a thick black fog and a loud crackling noise coming from within itself. Then a red light, the color of blood, illuminated the entity within and Dr. Forrester gasped in shock as he recognized the familiar shape of a bubblehead. "You... You're one of Joel's thingamabobs!" Dr. Forrester exclaimed angrily. "What the hell do you think you're...." "YOUUUUUUUUU...." Tom growled as he emerged from the umbiliport, his head was glowing blood red, surrounded by a black aura with crimson flames. "YOU SENT US THAT FANFIC!!! IT'S YOUR FAULT!!!" "S-So what if I did?!?" Dr. Forrester shot back, angry that there was the slightest tremble in his voice. "THEN IT'S PAYBACK TIME!!!" Tom screamed as he turned his hoverjets to full power and rushed towards Dr. Forrester, hitting him in the chest and knocking the wind out of him. "OOF! What the hell are you....OW!" Dr. Forrester cried out in pain as Tom rammed the top of his head into the doctor's chin. Then Tom cut the power to his hoverjets and dropped straight down to land on one of Dr. Forrrester's shoes. "OUCH!! DAMN IT! FRANK! GET IN HERE AND HELP ME!!" Dr. Forrester howled as he hopped on one foot while holding his injured one in his hands. Tom quickly put an end to that by ramming the back of his knee, causing Dr. Forrester to fall down in a heap on the floor. "Help you with wha... Hey! It's Tom Servo from the Satellite of Love!" Frank exclaimed as he entered the room, holding two cans of Cherry Coke in his hands. "FRANK, YOU IDIOT! CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME?!? DO SOME... OOOF!!" Dr. Forrester gasped again as Tom dropped like a stone right onto his stomach. "Don't worry, Steve! This oughta cool him down!" Frank proclaimed as he furiously shook both cans of Cherry Coke while approaching the mad robot. Just as Frank lifted the tabs, Tom noticed the danger at the last second and ducked as the cans sprayed their sticky, carbonated fluids all over Dr. Forrester. "Oh, poopy." Frank winced as he watched his boss sputter and cough, completely soaked and dripping with Cherry Coke. Then he abruptly remembered his original target and spun around to find himself face to face with an enraged Tom Servo. "YOU TRIED TO SOAK ME?!?" Tom snarled. "Uhhhh... well, I... uh...." Frank bigsweated as he desperately tried to think of a way out of this mess. "IT'S PAYBACK TIME!!!" Tom screamed as he began powering up his hoverjets. "Aw, c-come on! Wait! C-Can't we be friends or s-something!" Frank stammered as he back away from the furious machine. Suddenly a small sphere of light grew in the middle of Deep 13, straight out of nowhere. The light assumed a feminine shape and a voice that sounded remarkably like an Elton John song, whispered to him. "Your wish has been granted!" "Huh? But I didn't make a...." Frank cut himself off as he abruptly remembered his predicament. "Wait! Yes, I did! I made a wish! I did! I most definitely and certainly did! Honest!" Frank quickly amended in a panicked voice. The being of light seemed to smile at him and then, placing her hands alongside Frank's face, she gently kissed him on the forehead before vanishing as quickly as she had come. Frank was speechless for a moment. Then he glanced over at his boss, still lying on the floor, and he suddenly felt a overwhelming sense of anger. Before he could wonder why, another wave of negative emotion, even stronger than the first one, increased what was once loathing into a full blown obsession to see Dr. Forrester punished for his crimes. "YOUUUUUUUUUU...." Frank growled, a battle aura identical to Tom's, began to surround Frank like a blanket. Meanwhile, Dr. Forrester, who had just finished wiping his glasses clean and was about to lace into Frank with a few choice words, now paled considerably when he noticed Frank and Tom slowly walking towards him, their eyes glowing a blood red color. "F-Frank! B-b-booby! H-Have I mentioned you're up for a r-raise?" Dr. Forrester asked in a small voice. * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE The sounds of extreme violence could still be heard from the viewscreen speakers even after Joel had hastily shut it off. Joel quickly searched for the mute button and finally found it after a few moments, silencing the din. "Well, at least we know where Tom went, now," Crow remarked. "Yeah, but shouldn't we do something before they tear Dr. F to pieces?" Joel replied, a concerned look on his face. "Ah, don't let your conscience tie you in a knot, Joel. Dr. F brought it on himself. Besides, I hear it's good to release some rage once in a while." "Hey, if Frank's busy beating up Dr. F, then who's going to push the button?" Joel wondered aloud. "Your wish has been granted!" the feminine voice of Magic Voice replied cheerfully. "Wait! I was saving that wish for... aw, shoot." Joel pouted as the screen faded to black. ...AND THE MSTINGS CONTINUE... I hope you enjoyed this and C&C is very welcome. (megane67@rogers.com) Author's Notes: Hiya! I had originally planned for this MSTing to have a Halloween theme but I didn't give myself enough time to release it the week before Halloween so releasing it the first of November seemed like a better idea anyway. I took a bit of a vacation from MSTing in order to help move and settle into a new house in a gated community still under heavy construction and it's taking a while to get adjusted to the new neighborhood, not to mention the sounds of bulldozers waking me up *every* day at 6 am. Believe me, I'm very glad to start writing again and with a little luck, the 1999 Chicken Ball Awards will be ready a few months sooner than last time. ;P I've been MSTing for over two years now and I want to thank each and every person who's send me words of support and encouragement and who have helped me throughout these last two years. I treasure every piece of fan mail I receive and I consider it a great honor that some people have dedicated their MSTings to me and tell me that I helped encourage them to start MSTing. To all of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart and I hope I can continue to inspire and make you laugh for a long time to come. :) Also, I'd like to give personal thanks, once again, to Gary Kleppe, whose C&C and suggestions are always appreciated. I can't say enough nice things about this guy! :) If you haven't had a chance to check out his latest work 'I Dream of Ranma', you can reach him at gary@garykleppe.org or his webpage at http://www.garykleppe.org/comics.html and I'm sure he'll be happy to send the story along to you. Finally I'd like to thank Sir Asayogure for writing 'Ranma Kills!' and for being a good sport about this MSTing. He gave me a lot of material to work with and I'm glad he wasn't offended. It's all meant in good fun. :) ***All of Zoogz and my MSTings and the MSTings we've contributed to can be found in the various categories at:*** 'A MSTing for All Seasons' http://www.nabiki.com/mst Everything What Is Crap (formerly Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings) http://www.svamcentral.org/ewic >"I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry about this" Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 2004 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Keep Circulating the Fanfics....