*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be...)
"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON FIVE)
EPISODE 44: THE LIFE I LEFT BEHIND
(A Sailor Moon / Matrix / Ranma 1/2 / Bubblegum Crisis / Neon Genesis
Evangelion / Robotech / Trigun (And A Couple Of Others We Weren't Sure
About...) MSTing)
MSTed From the Desks of Megane 6.7 and Zoogz
(megane67@rogers.com) (zoogz@yahoo.com)
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc.
are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just
covering our collective asses here folks...
"The Life I Left Behind" is the property of DS Wynne. He has given
us
permission to MST his work and we greatly appreciate it. :)
Warning: This fanfic is rated PG-13 for violence and mature content.
* * *
SPACE
As the sun slowly set over the Earth's horizon,
the Satellite of Love
was soon swallowed up by the darkness, as was a pup tent tethered to its
side. A few moments later though, three circles of light illuminated
and
danced around the inside of the tent.
"This is SO cool!" Crow T. Robot giggled as
his weightless body
bounced around the tent holding a flashlight.
"Eh, I don't see what the big deal is." Tom
Servo replied, as he
hovered in one place.
"Aw, come on, Tom! Shut off your stabilizers
and just let the zero-g
take you away! Wooooo!" Crow exclaimed as he began doing somersaults
in mid-air.
Tom shrugged and did as Crow suggested. Without
warning, Crow
reached out and gave Tom a swat, sending him tumbling end over end.
"Crrrrrroooooowwww... you son-of-a... sayyy, this IS kinda fun!
Yahooo!!!" Tom exclaimed.
"I knew you'd love it, Tommy! Hey, how you
holding up there, Joel?"
Crow asked as he noticed Joel Robinson struggling to stay upright, his
face pale and sweaty.
"I-I'll be okay... j-just getting used to it...."
Joel replied with a
nervous smile. Normally going out into space was out of the question
for
him as he was prone to space sickness but the combined pleading of his robot
friends plus the ginger pills Gypsy had recommended to him had helped his
stomach considerably. Now if he could only stop shaking...
After a while, the bots grew tired of their makeshift
bouncy castle
and settled into a circle with Joel. "What do you want to do first?
Tell
ghost stories? Sing a few songs? Cook us up some beans and pork?"
Tom inquired.
"Urp... let's go with the sing-a-long first."
Joel grimaced. "Who
wants to go first?"
"Me me me!" Crow exclaimed as he reached into
his camping bag and
pulled out a Vulcan lute and began to sing off-key. "Row, row, row,
your..."
"DON'T... even think about it." Tom growled.
"Uh, let's do stories instead!" Joel quickly
suggested while snatching
the lute from Crow's hands and tossing it behind him. "I've got a pretty
scary one from my days at Gizmonic. I call it... 'The Mega Meal That
Ate Minnesota'!"
"Ooooh." Crow and Tom leaned forward, interested
as Joel held his
flashlight up to his face.
"The Mega Meal was kept underneath a heat lamp,
long after it had been
prepared at the local G Burger..." Joel began in as scary a voice as
he
could muster. "One day, a careless janit... cashier forgot to throw
the
meal away and..."
"Wait a minute, this story isn't just a variation
of Bill Cosby's
'Chicken Heart' bit, is it?" Tom interrupted.
'Not anymore..." Joel muttered under his breath.
"No, Tom! Now
hush and let me continue!" He admonished before going on. "Uh,
the Mega
Meal was eventually discovered in the morning and thrown out in the
trash... but that SAME NIGHT, an evil robot at NASA forced a bunch of kids
to be shot up into orbit... with Kate Capshaw!"
"AHHHHH!!" Crow and Tom screamed in horror
as Joel continued with
a grin.
"But she was the least of their worries as one of
the kids had a robot
stalker back on earth, the very same robot that had launched them into
space! His name was Jynx and he and Max would be friends... FOREVER..."
"AHHHHH!!" Tom and Crow dove into their respective
sleeping bags
while Joel chuckled at their reactions. Then a menacing voice spoke
up
from behind him.
"A BOY'S BEST FRIEND IS HIS MOTHER..."
"Gah!? Wha!?" Joel whirled around only
to find nobody there. His
eyes nervously darted back and forth looking for the source of the voice
when he glanced down at his sleeping bag and saw a walkie talkie, from
which familiar chuckling could be heard. "Oh, it's you, Gypsy. That
was
a good one." Joel breathed a sigh of relief. "What's up?"
"Sorry to eavesdrop and interrupt the fun but Robert
Rodriguez and
Quentin Tarantino are calling." Gypsy's voice replied from the walkie
talkie.
"Aw shoot, just when I'm starting to have some fun.
Okay, reel us in.
Sorry guys, looks like Space Camp will have to wait a while."
"Space Camp! That's what you were referencing!
I knew that!
Really!" Crow whined as the pup tent slowly approached the docking
bay
of the Satellite of Love while Tom hummed the Blue Danube...
* * *
DEEP 13
"Oh, look Frank, Earnest P. Worrell and his Second
Chance bots have
decided to grace us with their presence... Shall I fire three bullets at
you
now or simply parachute a couple dozen snapping turtles onto your
collective butts?" Dr. Clayton Forrester sneered at the viewscreen.
"Oh CLAP! I mean, snap! Or is it faced?
Oh no he... didn't?" TV's
Frank babbled, confused.
"Moving right along..." Dr. Forrester sighed
as he removed his
glasses to briefly rub his temples. "My invention this week was inspired
by two of my most cherished childhood memories. First, my Viewmaster,
which I stol... er... borrowed from a school chum, allowed me to see the
world from my own bedroom. Second, the woman next door, allowed me
to see everything else when she undressed in front of her window every
night after 'Dallas'..." Dr. Forrester sighed wistfully.
"That's... touching, Dr. F. But what does..."
Joel tried to
interrupt.
"Soooo... I decided to combine the two into an invention
I like to
call the 'Voyeurmaster'!" Dr. Forrester held up a blue plastic picture
viewer with an orange lever on the side and brought it up to his eyes.
"The Voyeurmaster has been pre-loaded with still
pictures of half-naked
women in various states of undress. Now you can relive those glorious
moments of sexual discovery without risking a parole violation! Er,
not
that I would partake in such a thing myself anymore of course! This
is
strictly for Mad Science!" Dr. Forrester exclaimed even as he clicked
the lever of the 'Voyeurmaster' over and over. "What'da think, Joel?"
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"Oh please! We've got the internet for that
sort of thing. It's got
Windows too!" Crow retorted.
"Bah, you kids today with your internet! Back
in my day, a pair of
binoculars and a telescope were the only web browsers I needed and I
can guarantee you any boobs I got a shaky glimpse at back then were
ALL natural!" Dr. Forrester's image snapped from the viewscreen.
Meanwhile Joel gaped openmouthed at the rather frank
discussion.
"You know, those two arguing... sounds almost one-sided at times."
Tom remarked as Joel nodded numbly before reaching under the
counter to produce what appeared to be a small carton of milk.
"Well, sirs, I was born in Wisconsin so occasionally
I like to return
to my roots and enjoy a nice tall glass of moo juice. But then I realized
that not everyone likes the same type of milk and keeping all different kinds
in your fridge is too expensive and possibly wasteful, depending on what
you're using it for. So, operating on the same concept as the Switch
Pitch
ball, my invention this week is a special carton that changes the milk inside
from Whole to Skim and back again with a simple toss up in the air."
Joel gently tossed the milk up into the air and
caught it again. "I'm
also working on a chocolate/strawberry carton for kids but I'm having
a little trouble with the half & half prototype right now... anyway,
what
do you think, sirs?"
* * *
DEEP 13
"Udderly ridiculous, Joel! Why, that's
the cheesiest invention I've
seen since..." Dr. Forrester began.
"Sir, before you get on a roll, I'm obliged to remind
you again that I'm
from *Wisconsin*. I've heard every cow and milk pun known to man
and then some. Can we just moooove it along already?" Joel interrupted
from the viewscreen.
"Hmph, spoilsport. Very well then... Frank,
if you'll do the honors?"
Dr. Forrester gestured to the left as Cambot panned over to show an imposing
lecture podium with Frank standing behind it. The mellow tones of a
brass
band quartet playing 'Pomp and Circumstance' were heard from a nearby
tape recorder as Frank checked his notes for a moment or two before
speaking the following in a solemn tone of voice.
"Throughout human history, the crossover or 'transeo'
as it's known
from the first free English to Latin translator we came across on the web,
has played a role in the long, storied history of fanfiction. What
that role
is, no one is quite certain. Quite. Nevertheless, a fact not
even one
'Stephen Edwin King' would dispute is that crossovers have featured
many many characters doing many many things for many... many pages.
Today... you will bear witness to one such crossover."
Joel and the bots groaned as Dr. Forrester continued.
"Yes, your
experiment this week has Usagi once again chucking away the destiny of
Sailor Moon like Bobby Flay's cutting board in Kitchen Stadium, this time
to take up the bloody rods of office as dictator of the world. Her
reasons?
Oh-so-petty. Her actions? Mind-numbingly evil. Her outfits?
Well, let's
just say some things NEVER change. Heh heh heh... oh yeah, there's
a bunch
of other anime and Matrix blended in there somewhere too..."
'The Life I Left Behind, Joel. Will it leave
you behind?" Frank stage
whispered as the viewscreen winked out.
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"Wow... call me crazy but there was something familiar
about the style
of Frank's speech." Tom remarked.
"What? What was wrong with it now!?
I though it was pompous yet
pithy in a... whoops." Crow fell silent as he realized he said too
much.
"Crow? YOU wrote that speech for Frank?"
Joel asked, shocked.
Embarrassed, Crow rubbed the back of his head.
"Uh, yeah. I wanted
to see how something I wrote sounded from someone other than us. You
guys are too close to the source, that is, me! I needed objective feedback!
I needed...!" Crow's ranting was drowned out as alarms wailed and
multicolored lights flashed.
"We'll discuss this later! Right now WE'VE
GOT FANFIC SIGN!!"
Joel cried out.
(Door 6: It's a metal door with no knob. Before you can do anything,
it's yanked off its hinges from the other side by a tow truck.)
(Door 5: It's an old fashioned elevator. Both sets of doors open for
you as you pass through.)
(Door 4: It's made of dominoes. You tip the lead one over and watch
as the pile slowly lowers until it's half its original size and you
step over it.)
(Door 3: It's filled with cute stuffed toys. You cuddle them for
awhile before proceeding.)
(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Ankh floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)
(Door 1: It's a castle gate that rises into the ceiling, revealing a
drawbridge that slowly lowers to the ground. You cross it
cautiously, looking for moat monsters.)
(Door .7: It's a swirling blue vortex. Suddenly a large hand reaches
out of its center and pulls you inside.)
Joel emerged from the vortex into the theater with
Tom in his
arms, Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind.
Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the
theater on his own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater
seats and sat next to him, Crow sitting on his right.
> The Life I Left Behind – By DS Wynne
>
> ***
Joel: <author> The hours were hell and the outfits were worse... so
I
couldn't be a Vegas showgirl any longer.
Crow: <Peter Graves> Joey Buttafuoco. Tonight... on "Biography".
> Disclaimer: "Sailor Moon", "Ranma", "The Matrix", "The World of Darkness"
> and other properties belong to their respective owners.
>
> Note: The "Sailor Moon" portion takes place after the end of the "Sailor
> Moon" series. Everything else will be included as needed.
Tom: <author> A pinch of "Alien"... a dash of "Gremlins"... mix
and fold with some "Star Wars"...
> Special note: This is a fusion fan fiction. In other words, there
are
> elements from the source that doesn't include continuity.
Crow: Or coherence.
Joel: Such as Usagi's explosive flatulence, Neo's crossdressing, and
Ranma's compassion.
> ***
>
> Year 0.
Tom: Ahh... the last year there was no Christmas hype...
> "I
hate you. I hate you!"
Joel: So much for the farmer and the cowboy being friends.
Tom: Territory folks can go to hell apparently.
>
Usagi Tsukino, normally a congenial teenager, was livid. She
> caught her supposed fiancée in the arms of another girl.
Crow: <Mamoru> But it's destiny! I'll make with the apologizing
and you'll make with the loving...
Joel: <Usagi> Honestly! You replaced me with Anne Meara?
> "Usako-"
began Momaru nervously.
>
> "I
don't want to hear it! You know that I wanted to wait until
> we are married. But, no, you couldn't wait, could you? No,
you are just
> another MALE."
Joel: <Mamoru> Look, just get me a beer and we'll talk about this next
commercial, I promise.
> "That's
not fair, Usagi!" said Rei Hino. "Nothing happened.
> It was just a hug, for Kami's sake!"
Tom: <Mamoru> She just had her legs wrapped around me
for extra support, honest!
Crow: <Mamoru> She said that her clothes were almost dry! Just
a couple more minutes and you wouldn't have... noticed... hey, what a pretty
day outside!
> "But
something would have happened, Rei! Setsuna showed me."
Joel: <Mamoru> Really? Can I borrow the tape?
Tom: <Usagi> We watched "Booty Call"! I know what happens
after this!!
> Earlier
in the day, Setsuna Meoh showed a potential vision of
> Momaru and Rei having an affair in the near future.
Tom: <Setsuna> Neat, huh?
Joel: Then she showed another vision of Doc Brown and Marty McFly
with a sports almanac.
Crow: <Setsuna> And if you connect me to a VCR you can set
my timer for future visions, such as... floods! Earthquakes!
More of
Mamoru and Rei necking like rabbits!
> Setsuna had hoped that this would prompt the Moon Princess in dealing
> with her future husband before a disaster took place, but, in typical
Usagi
> fashion, she used her heart instead of her head in dealing with the
> situation.
Crow: <Setsuna> All those weeks of training at the gun range, I thought
she'd get the idea.
> "But-"
>
> "No
buts, Mamoru. I...loved you. And this is how you repay
> that love."
Joel: <Mamoru> But I'm the gift that keeps on giving! To
everybody!
Tom: What's the current betrayal to love exchange rate anyway?
> "I-"
>
> "Good-bye,
Momaru. I hope that you and Rei are happy together."
>
> And
with that, Usagi turned and left the two alone.
Crow: As if this didn't have enough of a "Chico and the Man" vibe
about it...
> "What
am I going to do now?" Usagi thought. She was sitting
> on a bench, as she fed the ducks at a pond. She then saw a pair
of swans
> landing on the ponds surface.
Tom: After that came five cranes, the Fifth Amphibious, the Sea
Duck and the Spruce Goose.
> "At
least you two are suppose to be a couple," Usagi sighed,
> as she remembered that swans were genetically pre-disposed to stay
> together.
Joel: <Bobbin Threadbare> Hey, don't get the wrong idea, this is my
mother!
> "You
know, you can do better than this," said a voice.
Crow: <author> Can it, prereader. Back into your cage.
> Usagi
turned to see Setsuna feeding the ducks next to her.
>
> "How
do you do that?" Usagi asked.
Joel: <Setsuna> Usually you flick the wrist, but make sure you
crumble the bread smaller next time.
> "Lots
of practice. Anyway, you should have handled that
> 'theatre' a little better than that."
Tom: <Usagi> You think I should've done my impression of Fran
Drescher right after the one-woman-reenactment of Molly Pitcher?
> "Yeah,
I guess. But I love him. And he was with Rei of all
> people!"
>
> "I
showed you a potential future.
Crow: And the other potential future is where Mamoru becomes
Darth Vader, right?
Tom: <Setsuna> Wanna see more? Then send $29.95 for a
three month trial membership to....
> Had you acted more mature, you could have saved yourself some
> embarrassment. Now, you practically set that future in stone with
> your outburst."
Joel: <Usagi> Really? He's responded to nagging and wild
accusations for three years now...
> "I
messed things up again, didn't I?"
>
> "Perhaps.
Crow: <Setsuna> Still, you provided me with momentary amusement.
I
came *this* close to smiling.
> Do you still want to be the Neo-Queen Serenity?
Even without
> Momaru by your side?"
>
> Usagi
thought for a moment."
Joel: <Usagi> I'd settle for him under my feet, if you could...
> "Sure.
I guess so..."
>
> "Then
take this compass. It will show where you need to go."
>
> Usagi
takes the compass. What's so wonderful about this thing?
Crow: It's her night to be a conductor on the Underground Railroad?
> "And
Princess. One more thing."
>
> "Yes,
Setsuna?"
>
> "The
path that you are about to go on will be marked with
> both triumphs and sorrows. May you find what you are looking for."
Tom: <Setsuna> Turn to page 83.
> And
with that, the Senshi of Time vanishes.
>
> "I
wonder what she mean by that..."
Crow: <Setsuna> We have to pad out the fic by another twenty pages!
Now, follow that bird!
> Year 2.
Tom: <Interviewer> By this time, the Hunza bread had destroyed my
pancreas and took residence in my duodenum.
Joel: Usagi babysits our lord and saviour for $2 an hour.
> "Hey
you JERK!"
>
> "I
didn't do nothing, Akane!"
>
> "She's
just teasing you, you big dope!"
>
> "See
what I have to go through, Usa-chan?"
>
> "Sigh.
Women!"
Crow: They washed the fanfic in warm water, and all the characters bled
through.
> It
was the graduation day at Furikan High School. Akane
> Tendo, the heir to the "Anything Goes" dojo was in a festive mood.
Joel: Finally, Phi Delta Tendo is off double-secret probation.
> Not only was she and her fiancée Ranma Saotome, another heir
to "Anything
> Goes" school, were graduating, but they were planning on getting married
> in two weeks. Since they are to have a western-style wedding,
their best
> friend Usagi Tsukino would serve as Akane's bridesmaid.
Crow: While the rest of the senshi would serve as the Earps.
Tom: Usagi, ever the voice of reason, insisted on separate limousines.
> "Honestly,
Usagi, it's a miracle that Ranma's graduating
> at all."
>
> "Hey,
martial arts got nothing to do with school."
Crow: Ha! Tell that to practically every 70's Kung-Fu movie ever made!
Joel: Ranma lettered in Shaolin Diploma Snatching.
> "But
Ranma, you know that people respect a well-rounded
> teacher," Usagi said.
Crow: <Mr. Weatherbee> I'm Fat Daddy Bee and I'm B.I.G...!
Joel: No, I think she means rounded more like Miss Hinako.
Tom: <Usagi> There's a reason they listened to Michelle Pfeiffer.
> "Heck, even Upperclassman Kuno knows this, and you
don't want him to be
> better than you."
>
> "Yeah,
right," Ranma snorted.
Crow: <Ranma> What do you take me for? A doorman?
Tom: <Usagi> Nope, just a doormat.
Crow: <Ranma> D'oh!
> Usagi
could remember the day she first met Ranma and Akane.
Joel: It was November 11th, oddly enough.
> Two years ago, she was following the directions of the compass when
she
> came across a panda hitting a redheaded pigtail girl on the back of
her
> head with a sign.
All: <chanting> ECW! ECW! ECW!
> Usagi, thinking that the panda was a youma, transformed into her Sailor
> Moon guise, and followed it. Usagi was extra cautious about dealing
> with the beast, since she didn't have any backup.
Tom: She thought about calling Chen Kenichi for possible panda-steak
recipes.
> As
soon as she got close enough, she noticed that the panda
> had taken the girl to a dojo. There, while the beast was distracted,
> Usagi attacked.
>
> "Moon
Tiara ATTACK!"
>
> "Yeeow!"
>
> "Pop?!"
said the redheaded girl.
Joel: <Usagi> Oh great, I just orphaned the Mowgli of Japan.
> "Oh,
my. You have more guest, father?" said another teenaged
> girl.
>
> "Hey!
If you want to challenge the Tendo dojo, you got to go
> around!" screamed another girl.
Crow: You've got to challenge nine other fighters and rid the world of
M. Bison first!
Joel: <girl> The save point is in the back! Once you challenge
me, you
risk losing the last five hours of your life!
> "Of
course, you WILL pay for any damage that you may incur,"
> said yet another girl.
>
> "What's
going on here?" said a man with long hair and a
> moustache.
Tom: Ben Stiller is already jealous.
> "Why
the hell you attack my pop? Not that he didn't deserve
> it, and all, but..."
>
> "You
mean, this thing is YOUR FATHER?"
>
> "WHAT?!"
said everyone from within the residence.
Joel: Oh, good heaven. Lemme guess, we can look it up in our Funk and
Wagnall's?
> After everyone
calmed down, it was revealed that the Panda and
> the girl were victims of an unusual curse.
Tom: For when the full moon rises, they go to Taco Bell to relieve
their munchies.
Crow: Three little words spoken by either of them brought down
a terrible downpour of green slime.
Joel: They both were labeled "geniuses" in France.
> The "panda" was actually a martial arts master named Genma Saotome,
and
> the "girl" was Genma's son Ranma. And, as show of good faith,
Usagi
> revealed her own identity.
Tom: But before she could, she fumbled around for cards down
the front of her dress...
Crow: <Usagi> I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS... no, not that
one... HI-YOOO, SILVER... dammit...
> "Wait a minute," Soun began. "You're Ken's daughter,
right?"
>
> "Yes. How did you know?"
Joel: <Soun> You have a distinctly "Mattel" vibe about you.
Crow: <Soun> I flew with your father on the Bacchus 3. Want to
see
my shiny pink jumpsuit?
> "Ken was an old school buddy of Genma and I.
You remember, don't
> you Genma?"
>
> "Hey, you're right!" Genma replied. "He was
the most studious out of
> all of us, including Nobuyaki and that Morubishi kid."
Tom: <Genma> Until Lily intervened. Darn that Ken Snape!
> "Wait a minute!" Akane exclaimed. "YOU'RE SAILOR
MOON! I read all
> about your adventures in the papers."
Joel: <Akane> Is it really true that you went around the world in LESS
than eighty days??
> "Yes, I was."
>
> "Who is this 'Sailor Moon'?" asked Ranma, who was
starting to get bored
> with the whole conversation.
Tom: <Usagi> Didn't I just tell you? Huh, guess the author forgot.
Crow: Look, bub, DON'T make her go through the opening theme again!
> "Usagi is a superhero who fight youma, along with
her friends, the
> Sailor Scouts. The Sailor Scouts are almost as famous as those
American
> superheroes, like the Justice League and the Avengers!"
Joel: Or Best Buy's Geek Squad!
Tom: <Ranma> Well, if you're not a Rescue Ranger, then I couldn't
care less.
> "Feh, like a girl can fight
at all," Ranma snorted.
>
> BLAM!
>
> "Humph!" said Akane, as she dusted her hands.
Tom: She used the Acme Disintegrator! Quick, go order an Acme
Reintegrator!
> "Now
THAT he had coming," Genma commented, as he stared at the
> table that was on top of his son.
>
> "Was
that necessary?" asked Usagi.
Joel: <Akane> Nope, it's a cliché. Expect more shortly.
>She was still reeling from the announcement that Genma and Soun wanted
>Ranma and Akane was to be fiancées, for she hated the idea of
predestined
>outcomes involving love.
Crow: You could barely tell that this decision was made with her
hormones.
Tom: <Soun> She's on the ropes, Saotome! Go with the reception
plans
for the knockout!
> "See,
my friend, they make a good couple!" beamed Soun.
Tom: What? The table and Ranma's face?
Crow: <Genma> Usagi and Akane? Are you off your rocker?
> Over
the next few days and weeks, Usagi visited the Tendo
> dojo. She used the pretext of receiving martial arts lessons as
a way
> of avoiding her friends.
Joel: This was far more believable than when she said she had to
learn radiology to skip breakfast.
Crow: <Usagi> Just a few more lessons, Rei, and I'm gonna
kick your ass all over school!
> And after Soun was able to talk to Usagi's father, Usagi was able to
> transfer to Furinken High School. Usagi was even able to come
to live
> with the Tendo as Akane's roommate.
Crow: <Usagi as Niles Crane> If anyone needs me, I can be reached
at... The Tendo.
> "Usagi,
don't go," Luna said tearfully. "We need you. I
> need you."
>
> "I
can't stay here right now. Besides, there's no need for a
> 'Sailor Moon' anymore."
>
> "But-"
>
> "Look,
just keep an eye on things for me, okay?"
Tom: <Luna> I'm a frickin' cat, Usagi. If the Negaverse comes
with
Tender Vittles, the world may as well be destroyed to me.
> "Very
well. Just...please, don't be a stranger."
>
> "Hey,
I'm already a bit strange, so it's too late for that.
Crow: <Usagi> Wait... I am a stranger. McGruff the Crime Dog
says
don't talk to me!
Tom: <Luna> Suddenly, I'm feeling much better about our separation.
> As
Usagi got into the cab in front of her home, she could see
> Momaru standing on the corner looking at her with shades on. Usagi
> looked at her one-time fiancée before getting into her ride,
and left.
Joel: <Mamoru> So much for the Corey Hart approach...
> Since then, Usagi became very much involved in the affairs of the Nerima
> district, whether she wanted to or not. Living with the Tendo
household
> has been an interesting experience.
Tom: Usagi counted at least 79 different types of "oh my", and
categorized them by inflection.
Crow: Next time on 'Oniisama'....
> Still, all the training, brawls and fights did prepare her for when
she,
> Ranma and the others had to take on the likes of Herb, Rouge, Kumon
> and Saffron when it really mattered. When Ranma and Akane had
finally
> professed their love for each other, it was up to Usagi to mollify the
> various fiancées and rivals.
Tom: <Usagi> Look, it's the Black Lotus and TWO Mox Sapphires for you
to go back to China.
> At least, she was able to get Ryouga and Ukyo interested in each other.
> Still, it wasn't easy dealing with the other usual suspects.
Joel: <Usagi> I'll give you fifty dollars if you have a ham sandwich
in
your pocket!
> "Golden-hair
girl! I will date thee!"
>
> "Get
real."
>
> SPLAT!
Crow: Foley art by Warner Brothers Studio.
Joel: Wow, her tired cliché actually killed him.
> "Shampoo
got you now!" said the Chinese Amazon, as she tried to
> jump her nemesis.
>
> "Biiiiiii!"
Usagi said, as she stuck out her tongue at the
> pursuing Chinese Amazon.
Tom: <Usagi> Meep meep!
> "Shampoo,
don't!" yelled Ranma, as he was about to get involved.
>
> "It's
my problem, Ranma!" Usagi yelled back, as she ran in
> a different.
Joel: Crowd? Scene? Fanfic?
Crow: <Ranma> Boy, getting a stunt double was a great idea!
> "But-"
>
> "Ranma,"
Akane said, as she pulled Ranma's pigtail. "She can
> take care of herself. Unless...she's your fiancée, too?"
Crow: <Ranma> She's my fiancee AND she can take care of herself!
Smell
ya later, Akane.
Tom: He's going to trade one of them in the off-season to Tenchi Masaki
for a princess to be named later.
> "N-no.
Of course I'm not! You think I'm some sort of
> womanizer?"
>
> Akane
simply rolled her eyes.
All: <Ranma, singing> Come on-a my house, my house... I'm gonna
give you cannnndy...
> Ever since she accidentally intercepted the blow that was intended for
> "Ranko", the purpled odango girl was ever relentless. At least,
her
> great, grandmother had forbidden Shampoo from killing her.
Tom: So Shampoo just perches on her doghouse, staring holes through
Usagi.
Joel: Cologne didn't mind the "Dip" though, and when Shampoo scored
a source in California...
> "I
got to hide. Disguise pen, change me into...a BAG LADY!"
>
> WHISH!
>
> "Where
Usagi go?" Shampoo said, as she ran past a bag lady.
>
> "Whew!"
Crow: That was almost "Bewitched" in its stupidity.
Tom: Try the blonde-haired hobo, I hear she goes good with beans.
> "You
know, you really ought do something about that girl,"
> said Ukyo, as she closed the door of her shop. As always, the
okynomiyaki
> cook goes to school during the morning.
Crow: Fortunately she had dozens of rats to handle the morning prep.
Joel: Ukyou was voted "Most Likely to Leave in the Afternoon".
> "Yeah,
well, as long as Shampoo isn't trying to kill me, I
> don't mind."
>
> "Still,
don't you find it strange that Cologne has forbidden
> her from killing you? In fact, Cologne has been awfully nice to
you."
Crow: So, Usagi finally found a use for that "Playing Canasta" superpower.
> "Yeah,
it's strange. I asked her why, but she keeps saying
> that I was a child of destiny or something."
>
> "And
that's it?"
>
> "That's
it."
Tom: I think the word she used was "density".
Joel: It would've been the title of the fanfic too... but the author's
coin came up tails.
> "Weird.
We better hurry up, or Miss Hinako will get upset
> at us."
>
> "Kami,
don't I wish that I had normal teachers..."
Joel: <Usagi> Like Mr. Hinkley! He really was the greatest American
hero!
> In
the distance, there were two people looking at the throng
> of teenagers entering the school grounds of Furinken High School, though
> from two different vantage points.
Crow: Michael Moore and Arianna Huffington, shooting competing
documentaries.
Joel: The part of Ranma Saotome will now be played by John F. Kennedy.
> On one end, there was a black suited gentleman standing next to a black
> sedan. From another vantage point, there is a woman in black leather
on
> a motorcycle. Both looked intense, and neither knew that the other
was
> around.
Tom: Agent Smith and Trinity had the bad luck of answering each
other's personal ads.
> The man in black picked up a cell phone and spoke.
Crow: <man in black> Can you hear me now? Good!
> "This
is Agent Kuroi. The target have been spotted."
>
> Meanwhile,
the girl on the bike picked up her own cell
> phone,and spoke into it as well.
Joel: They take their bird watching very seriously.
> "Target
has been spotted. Waiting for orders."
Tom: <staticy voice> Three large, one with pepperoni and two with
mushrooms.
> Sigh,
the woman thought. Why couldn't the locals take care
> of this?
Crow: <girl> Oh, that's right, we killed them. Silly!
Tom: The people of Furinkan High don't strike me as nearly as aware
of the Matrix as they could be.
> "Well,
that's rich," said Usagi with a perturbed look, as
> she and the other students left the school grounds.
>
> "Hey, it's not my fault the Old Man wanted to fight me."
>
> "But did you and Happosai have to take the battle into the girls' locker
> room?" yelled Akane.
Joel: I'm beginning to think that Furinkan High School consists of 87.8%
girls' locker room.
Crow: <Ranma> Well maybe if you showed your "fiancé" some BOOB
now
and then I wouldn't have to!
> "Jerk!"
>
> BOP!
>
> "Hey!"
>
> "Excuse me, but may I have a moment of your time?"
>
> Ranma,
Akane and Usagi turned to see two dark-suited men
> approaching them. Their danger senses were ringing.
Crow: Until Matthew Lesko came forward!
Tom: <Lesko> Let me tell YOU how to get government grants!!
> "Yes?"
Usagi began.
>
> "I
am Agent Kuroi of the Bureau of Internal Security," said
> one of the men.
>
> "We believe that you are a target of a criminal mastermind."
>
> "For
what?" Ranma asked.
Crow: <Kuroi> We're here to warn you. A scene change is imminent.
> "For
possible recruitment. If you don't mind, we would like
> for you to come with us for protection."
>
> "Sorry,
but we can take care of ourselves," Ranma said.
>
> "Then,
we have no choice but to arrest you. For your own
> good, of course."
Tom: <Kuroi> The boy's going to be cast down with the Sodomites.
We'll
put the blonde in with Adebici, and the other girl can go with Eddie Murphy
and Martin Lawrence for the next seventy years.
> Then,
two more similarly dressed men popped out of the sedan.
Joel: Nobody escapes the clown Mafia.
> "Please,
do not resist."
Tom: <Ranma> Why, no one's ever asked me nicely before! Fighting
sucks, let's just go peacefully.
> Ranma,
Akane and Usagi immediately got into a fighting stance.
>
> "Feh.
Only human."
Crow: Perhaps if they tried individual stances instead of merging into
Devastator?
> Agent
Kuroi threw a small grenade into the throng of students.
> It was designed to freeze everyone into place.
Tom: They then turned Furinkan into a charming English sculpture garden.
> ZAP!
Crow: <Kuroi> Dammit! I used the incendiary grenade again!
Why
can't they LABEL these damn things!?
> Unknown
to the Agents, the trio's battle aura shielded them
> from the affects of the freeze.
>
> "NO!"
yelled Usagi.
Crow: <Usagi> I was ready to die! Curse my survival instincts!
Joel: <Usagi> If I share a battle aura with you, then I share it with
everyone you've fought against! Ewww yucky!!
> "Usagi,
stay focused!" yelled Ranma. If only Ryouga was
> around...
>
> "Interesting,"
Kuroi smirked. I guess we'll have to do this
> personally."
Tom: As opposed to tossing grenades for moral support?
> And thus the battle is on.
>
> "Damn,"
the woman said, as she revved up her engines.
> "Atarashii, why couldn't we have gotten an easier target for me to find?"
>
> And
off she goes to join the battle.
Crow: Please tell me this isn't going to lead to a dance competition.
Joel: [singing] M.A.S.K.! Is the mighty power that can save the day!
> Surprisingly,
the battle between the agents and the trio of
> friends was not an easy one. Somehow, the agents were keeping
up with
> the speed and strength levels of the Nerimians.
Tom: Nerimians? Is that anything like Nimnuls?
Joel: Until the C.H.U.D.s joined the battle.
Crow: They trained against trios extensively at Stooge University.
> "KACHU TENSHIN
AMAGURIKEN!"
>
> Ranma
was doing better than the others, applying whatever
> "Ki" that was at his disposal.
Joel: <Ranma> Waitasecond, it's time to "wax on" again.
Tom: But scratching the agents paintjob only seemed to anger them more.
> "You're
not agents of the government!" yelled Akane, as she
> ducked a blow. She then charged her fists. She then leaped
over
> front kick.
Crow: <agent> We're FDIC. Deposit *this*!
> "HAMMER OF THUNDER!" Akane yelled, as she performed a double-handle
> axe punch on the agent's head.
>
> BOOM!
Tom: <Akane> Out of my way! I'm late to a boss fight with Kratos!
> Somehow, a lightning bolt from the sky came down as
soon as Akane made
> contact. The agent was flattened in spectacular fashion.
Crow: Less Zeus, more Thor.
Tom: She's the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High now? Did she just rent
out the power, or take it by killing Kuno?
Joel: Nah, she just told a nasty fib and refused to take the punishment.
> "This
is ridiculous," said Kuroi, as he pulled out a handgun.
>
> BLAM!
BLAM!
>
> Not
prepared, Akane went down in a hail of bullets.
Crow: Damn this goofy weather.
Joel: Thank goodness she didn't get buried by a blizzard of bullfrogs
next.
Tom: Sure, she seems dead now but one minute before this fic ends,
Kuroi better PRAY Reginald Veljohnson is nearby...
> "NOOOOOOOO!"
yelled Ranma. Distracted, Ranma was then
> grabbed and thrown against the wall.
Crow: But before Ranma could hit the wall, he was distracted again,
thankfully saving himself.
> "Ranma!
Akane!" Usagi said, as she ran towards her fallen
> friends.
>
> BLAM!
BLAM!
Joel: Sadly her Nike Pump sneakers had an untimely blowout.
Tom: <Usagi, singing> Blam blam he shot me down... Blam blam I
kissed the ground... Blam blam that goofy sound... Blam blam... my
author... shot me... downnn...
> "This
wasn't how it was suppose to be..." Usagi said, as
> she slumped.
>
> "And
now, you all will cooperate-"
>
> BLAM!
BLAM!
Crow: Another 2,491 rounds and it will start to actually resemble "The
Matrix".
Tom: And Brandon Lee always reminds you to clean your guns out
before your pointless stunts too!
> Distracted,
two of the agents fell in a hail of bullets. Agent
> Kuroi and the other agent turned to see a woman pointing a
> high-powered riffle at the agents.
>
> "The
rounds in this gun is made especially for your kind.
> Back off. Now."
Joel: Hey cool! First wiffle bats, now riffle guns! What'll they
think
of next?
Tom: I think Elrond should attempt to call the bluff, just to see
what happens.
> "Well,
well. If it isn't the reality deviant named Mittsu.
> Come to recruit another ally?"
>
> "Feh.
You got three seconds to back off-"
>
> "Or
what? You know how dangerous this potential one is."
>
> Silence.
Joel: <Ranma> S-Should we say something?
Tom: <Usagi> N-Nah, let's keep bleeding out and see what happens.
Crow: Don't feel bad, the readers are desperately trying to catch up too.
> "I
don't know what you are talking about."
>
> "Please.
I tell you what. You choose which one lives, and
> which one is to be 'processed'." With that, the agent pulled out
a
> grenade. "Either you let us take what we want, or everyone here
dies
> right here."
Joel: "This is ridiculous," said Kasumi, as she armed a nuclear bomb.
> Knowing
that she had yet to get her back up, Mittsu lowered
> her weapon."
>
> "Good
girl," the agent smirked, as his remaining partner
> picked up their unconscious target: Usagi Tsukino.
Crow: They're going to distill her into essences of sugar, spice, and
everything nice.
Tom: <Mittsu> Letsee what else is on the list... dozen eggs, gallon
of milk...
> "Sorry
for not staying, but our business is concluded."
>
> And,
in a flash of light, the agents, Usagi and the sedan
> disappeared. Though tempted to do otherwise, Mittsu concealed
her
> weapon and took out what appeared to be a medkit.
Crow: A couple of shield packs and a chaingun and Usagi's ready for
the next respawn.
> She
then rushed over to Akane to check on her vital signs.
>
> "Uhhh..."
>
> "Hang
on, kid. I'm just stabilizing your wounds."
Joel: Three botched tracheotomies later...
Crow <Mittsu> She's at 85% coverage! Quick, tear her shirt open!
> "Ugh...AKANE!
USAGI!" Ranma yelled, as he picked himself up.
> He quickly looked around and saw that a woman was hovering over his
> fiancée. He immediately rushed over to them, and pushed
Mittsu aside.
Joel: Then he pushed Akane aside. Ranma was feeling rather belligerent
at the time...
Tom: <Ranma> I've seen every episode of Dr. House! Now stand
off
to the side and question everything I do while I smugly berate you!
> "HEY!"
>
> "Akane?
AKANE!"
>
> "I'm
trying to help her!"
>
> "Who
are you?" Ranma demanded.
>
> "A
friend who can help. Her wounds needs to be dealt with
> if she is going to live."
Crow: Take her to Darth Sidious!
Joel: <Mittsu> We can rewrite her. We have the technology.
> Ranma
looked at the woman for a moment.
>
> "Okay,
but if anything happens to her-"
>
> "Yeah,
yeah. Now, if you can excuse..."
>
> Mittsu
took out a strange looking device, and waved it over
> Akane's wounds.
Tom: <Mittsu> According to this... she's definitely not a stud...
Crow: One .44 bullet later, Akane was off to the glue factory!
> Being a stomach wound, one could watch blood pour out perfusely.
Crow: As a matter of fact, Ranma could watch it all day. It was way
cooler than his lava lamp at home.
Joel: <Ranma> Wow, this is truly captivating... Akane, can you see
this? Akane?
> Slowly, though, the wounds began to close up."
>
> "Wow..."
>
> "There,
that ought to do it. Take her to a place where your
> friend can get healed up."
Joel: The Betty Ford Clinic.
> With
that, Mittsu turned to leave.
>
> "Hey,
what about Usagi?"
>
> "What
about her?" Mittsu replied, as she put on her
> motorcycle helmet.
Tom: <motorcycle> TOUGH! TOUGH!
Crow: <Ranma> Is she done yet? I'm hungry.
> "You
just can't leave-" Ranma began, as he was about to grab
> the mysterious woman. But before he could, Happosai, the demented
> Martial Arts Grandmaster of "Anything Goes" martial arts suddenly came
> behind his "heir" and applied the pressure points to render Ranma
> unconscious.
Crow: <Ranma> This may be my easiest role to date... ZZZZzzzzzz...
> "Uhhhh..."
>
> "Took
you long enough, Master Saotome," Mittsu replied. "You
> do know what this means for the world, don't you?"
Joel: CGI Shao Khan will soon be threatening us with Dr. Claw's voice?
> "This
is only a setback, Mittsu. It is not my heir's fault
> that he was not ready to deal with Technocracy or the System.
He still
> has a lot to learn before he Awakens to his potential."
Tom: <Happosai> Tomorrow... he learns how to surf!
Crow: Boy, you know, NOTHING adds excitement to a story like
BUREAUCRACY! Just ask George Lucas!
> "That
may be, but because the Mirror-shades took the 'Child of
> Destiny', your heir may have doomed us all."
>
> "Then,
I will get him ready for the next phase then."
>
> "I
hope so. I got to report back to the Council. Be seeing
> you, master."
>
> With
that, Mittsu drove off.
Joel: And becomes Ghost Rider?
Tom: It'd be the most plausible thing to happen in this fic so far.
> Happosai
looked down at Ranma and Akane, and shook his head.
>
> "I
guess I have to get serious about your training, boy."
>
> And
with that, Happosai scooped up Akane and Ranma and left
> the area, before the area was "processed" by more Agents.
Crow: <Agent> This land is NOT zoned for fights! It's 1c-residential!
> At
a window at school, overlooking the front entrance of the
> school, a figure picks up a cell phone.
>
> "I
gave you what you wanted, Miss Midori," said Nabiki.
> "Now, you can give me what I want."
Tom: A Golden Ticket?
> With
that, Nabiki hung up.
>
>
Sure enough, the next day, no one remembered what had happened
> the previous day. "Processing" was a procedure that Happosai and
his
> allies knew all too well.
Joel: After all, how would they get such full photo albums?
Tom: So Happosai and his allies participated in what they did
best... selling yesterday's paper as today's and playing the lottery
numbers.
Crow: <Happosai> It took a year of intensive therapy... but I was
able to put 'Everybody Loves Raymond' behind me.
> Basically, it removes evidence of Reality Deviance from any given area.
> Agents, commonly known as the "Men in Black" typically erase evidence
> from local witnesses, which is why the stories of the prowess of very
> powerful martial artists were considered to be folk tales to the world
> at large.
Joel: So that's when the legend of Babe the Blue Ox versus Ryu Hoshi
started!
> The worse thing about processing was that it could also remove people
from
> conscious memory. Such a thing has now happened to Usagi.
Crow: You know, I barely remember this fanfic being about Usagi,
and... that sailor chick...
Tom: Yeah, Olive something, wasn't it?
> "What
happened to Usagi, old man?"
>
> Ranma,
being perturbed by what was going on. Only he and Akane
> knew what had happened to Usagi. Then, he saw someone familiar.
>
> "YOU?"
Joel: <Ranma> It's Red Herring!
> "Yes,
me," said Mittsu, as she sipped her tea.
>
> "Hello,
son-in-law," said Cologne, as she sipped her own tea.
>
> "What
are you doing here, Old Ghoul?"
>
> "Ranma,
sit down for a moment," Happosai said as he smoked his
> pipe. "I'm going to tell you a little story about the true nature
> of reality."
Tom: Be it hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin...
Joel: Ben Stiller watches over us all. It really bites.
> Ranma,
not really understanding, sat down.
>
> "Well?"
>
> "Ranma,
did you know that Reality is lie?"
All: <singing> Life... is... LIE! (Na na... na na na...!)
Joel: <Ranma> Thank heaven, "South Park" has really shaken my faith
lately.
> Year 10.
Crow: This 'fic is definitely headed for the Scooby-Doo ending, isn't it?
> "Ah,
Miss Ohara. I see that you have come. Welcome to my
> little establishment."
Joel: Suddenly we're watching a Whose Line sketch.
Tom: <Drew Carey> Now, in the form of a Swedish porno.
Crow: Ah, Miss Ohara. I see that you have come.
> Serena O'Hare,
the Woman in White, strolled into Merovingian's
> restaurant with her fellow Agents and subordinates.
Joel: You just knew when they made a live action movie of
'Spy Vs. Spy', they'd screw it up.
Tom: Oh, it's "Spy vs. Spy"? Thank heaven, I thought they were
stupid enough to bankroll "Elektra II".
> Officially, Serena was in Paris, France, to check on local Technocratic
> activities in Europe as an independent observer.
Tom: Off the record, she and Nabiki just wanted an excuse to party
and fool around with male prostitutes.
Joel & Crow: <Serena & Nabiki, singing> WE GOT A LOT OF LIVIN'
TO DOOOO...!!!
> It was the only way to make sure that corruption did not spread throughout
> the Union.
Joel: Little late for that, sweetheart.
Crow: Is this where she flashes the goofy light on the Mona Lisa?
> "And
Miss Tendo, it's good to see you again. I am glad to
> have a fellow Financier dine with me for lunch."
>
> "Thank you, Monsieur Merovingian," Nabiki replied.
Tom: <Nabiki> For Bob Evans, I'll do almost anything.
> For the past ten years, Nabiki Tendo has enjoyed herself as a member
of
> the Technocratic Convention known as "The Syndicate".
Crow: She's spinning it off into a shell company known as "Syndicated
Incorporated".
> Still, being assigned to accompany the one she once knew as "Usagi Tsukino"
> had been a nervous experience. However, whatever Control wants
any of its
> Technocratic minions to perform an operation, you followed orders without
> question.
Joel: As the new Queen of Blades, Usagi carried out the will of the Swarm.
> "So,
Miss Ohara, to what pleasure do I owe this visit?"
>
> "I'm
going to get straight to the point," Serena said, electing
> to keep her shades on.
Tom: <Serena> I have a contact in Africa who is the Vice Chancellor,
and he needs your account to transfer money to.
> She looked at the various minions that this Syndicate operative had
around
> him, including the fabled "Twins".
Joel: <Serena> Isn't it true that you have, perhaps unwillingly,
acquired a certain habit through association with certain undesirable
people?
> "Rumor has it that the Reality Deviants will be making a play on
> 'retrieving' a guest of yours."
Crow: <Serena> Yes, along with Matt Damon and Pink. Also Stupid
Pet Tricks!
> "I see.
Ah, care for a little snack, Miss Ohara? I know that
> vanilla ice cream is your favorite."
>
> Serena
paused.
>
> "Sure."
Tom: <Nabiki> Hey Pedro! Bleach this chocolate ice cream for
me, willya?
Crow: In a Parisian restaurant, she goes for vanilla ice cream.
> "You must
be very accomplished to risen the ranks of the
> Operatives, Miss Ohara," Persephone said, as she looked at this woman
> dressed in white.
Crow: <Serena> And you are...?
Joel: <Persephone> Candy. Eye Candy. Pleased to meet you.
> "It wasn't
easy. I thank my mentors for grooming me for my
> position within the Union."
Tom: Lieutenant General, First Mounted Calvary.
Crow: <Serena> See this awesome goatee? Don't I look totally
threatening?
> "Yes.
Ah! Here we go," the Frenchman said, as a waiter
> handed Serena a glass of ice cream.
>
> "French
vanilla?"
>
> "But
of course."
>
> Serena
began taking a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.
Joel: Soon she graduated to a spatula, then a shovel.
Tom: If the story has to grind to a halt, at least it is over the
divine pleasure of French vanilla ice cream.
> "You
know, Miss Ohara. There is much to be said about
> control. That are those who want to be in control, and there are
> those who simply wants TO control.
Crow: These people usually end up on Battlebots.
Tom: <Nabiki> And now for the hard sell!
> Take that ice cream that you are partaking."
>
> "Oh?"
Serena said, as she polished her dessert.
>
> "By
now, the effects of the dessert should have very interesting results."
>
> "I
see."
Crow: <Serena> You're right! My stomach now cries out for
its sisters,
Strawberry and Chocolate!
> With
that sat down her spoon.
Joel: But there is no spoon. Oh geez, this is going to take up another
five pages isn't it?
> "Only
I can satisfy your 'hunger' now. And with that, I am in
> full control over the situation. Now, tell me, why are you are
> really here."
>
> Serena
smirked. Nabiki looked nervous.
>
> "Let
me demonstrate the true meaning of control."
Tom: With that, Nabiki lowers her skirt to reveal Control Tops.
> Then, she pressed her index finger onto Merovingian's table.
>
> "BAKUSAI TENKETSU."
>
> Serena,
using the breaking point, shatters the table."
>
> "WHAT
THE HELL-?!"
Crow: <Nabiki> I expected chop-socky, but this is ridiculous!
> Everyone
jumps up, guns drawn. Only the high-ranking
> operatives remain their calm demeanor.
>
> "That,
Monsieur Merovingian, is the meaning being IN control.
> You have quite the reputation of compromising women operatives.
I
> don't know why you are allowed to continue to operate in the manner
> that you have, but I digress."
Tom: <Merovingian> Try reading an Ian Flemming novel sometime, Cherie.
Joel: <Nabiki> Leave the gun. Take the cannolis.
> Then,
Serena walks up to the Frenchman.
>
> "While
I'm here, I going to investigate your operations. Pull
> that crap with me again, and I will have you liquidated. Understood?"
>
> "Perfectly,"
Merovingian said with clinched teeth.
Crow: The bit in his mouth was beginning to chafe, but he knew that the
saddle on his back would soon be filled.
> "Good. Have a nice day, Monsieur."
>
> And
with that, Serena's entourage left the restaurant.
Tom: I hope they remembered to tip the waiter... into the foie gras,
the ungrateful bastard.
Crow: Undaunted, Merovingian immediately hired the A-Team for
protection.
> "Was
that really necessary?" asked Nabiki.
>
> "Just
wanted to teach that pervert a lesson."
>
> Then,
Serena felt strange.
Joel: Faces soon came out of the rain.
Tom: <Nabiki> Do I know you?
> "Get
back to the hotel. Have Dr. Zanzibar prepare a
> counter-agent for that drug that bastard laced into the ice cream."
>
> "Right."
Crow: <Merovingian> Hey, I only pissed into it! I'm French, it's
what we do.
Tom: What, was Doctor Bombay on a house call at the moment?
> Just
as Serena, Nabiki and the others left, a group of "Reality
> Deviants" enters the building.
>
> "It's
her..."
Joel: <first person> Madonna!
Crow: <second person> No it isn't, it's clearly Angelina Jolie!
Tom: <third person> Mother Teresa?
> "Ranma,
we have to keep focused," Morpheus says, as he, Neo
> and Trinity make their way into the building for their meeting with
> Merovingian.
Joel: <Ranma> Hey, I'm not the one that gained fifty pounds between
movies, Morpheus!
Tom: <Trinity> I lost weight! In fact, I'm not even sure I'm
a woman
anymore!
Crow: <Morpheus> Don't worry, I've got more than enough boobs for
both of us.
> Ranma was dressed in his Chinese clothes, except that they were all
> black. His shades only enhanced his ensemble.
Crow: Blues Brothers Reloaded.
> "But-"
>
> "I
know, but we have to retrieve the Keymaker first. Then, we
> will see about dealing with your friend and the traitor."
>
> "But-"
>
> "Don't
worry, buddy," said Neo. "We'll take care of everything."
>
> "But-"
Tom: Obviously Ranma is preoccupied with saving his own ass.
Joel: All they have to find is the Gatecrasher, then they can summon
the Stay-Puft Cotton Swab Man.
> "Trust
us, okay?" said Trinity.
>
> "Alright."
>
> And
with that, the four disappear into the elevator.
Crow: And for the remaining five seconds of his life, Ranma never
trusted again.
Joel: Oh no, they've been written out of the soap opera!
> Tbc.
>
> The Life I Have Left Behind – By DS Wynne
Tom: Ooh, Mikey's gonna be pissed.
Joel: <author> Forgive me, my pink plastic wife, but I found another
and her car is red!
> ***
>
> Disclaimer: "Sailor Moon" and other genres belong to their respective
> creators/owners.
>
> ***
>
> Part 2
>
> ***
All: <Nemesis> STARS...
> "When a bird sheds its wings, it becomes the beast from which it evolved
> from."
>
>- Vera, "Big O"
Crow: Do they do that naturally? If so, ick.
Joel: Is that before or after it splats on the ground?
> ***
>
> Year 25
Tom: Morpheus passed fifteen years ago today, the victim of a tragic
donut overdose.
Crow: Is it a dragon or a pig this year... damn it, I need a Chinese
restaurant placemat!
> "Conduct the clean up in sectors 7, 10 and 20," Magistrate Usagi ("Sailor
> Moon") Tsukino, also known as the Woman-in-White Serena O'Hare.
Joel: <Serena> Momma's got the power of Clorox and she's not afraid
to use it!
> "I want a level five report status on all operations."
>
> "Yes, ma'am," said an aide, as she left Usagi's office.
Tom: <Aide> Umm, they're going well.
Crow: <Usagi> What the hell? How about a level four?
Tom: <Aide> Insert three more quarters, please.
> "Tell, Financier Tendo, will Genom Corporation meet the demands of the
> Technocratic Union?"
>
> "Of course, Usagi," Nabiki replied, as she went through the statistics.
> "Quincy has assured me that he and his company will consolidate our
> power-structure within five years."
Joel: He had to wipe the pizza grease off his fingers and finish that
final autopsy first, though.
Tom: <Serena> Once the Kay-Bee Conglomerate is toppled, our Toys-Be-We
empire will be the Master of the Universe!
> "Good," Usagi said, as she lit up a thin cigar. "That would-be
> brother-in-law certainly mucked things up with his fight with that
> reality deviant Saffron."
Crow: <Usagi> It's too bad that we had it offscreen, but you can still
titter guiltily about the phallic symbolism.
> Nabiki looked at Usagi for a moment.
>
> "Ranma saved many lives. How can you be so dismissive?"
>
> Usagi looked at Nabiki hard.
Joel: Usagi would have won easily but Andy Ritcher kept distracting
her.
Crow: <Usagi> Nothing but ones and zeros, Nabiki, remember?
> "Well, the battle between 'Ranma' and Saffron caused the Kanto Earthquake.
> You have one arch-magus fighting a god, so what do you have? Many
lives
> lost. I would call that irresponsible, no?"
Joel: <Nabiki> Fine then, "Sailor Moon", how about stopping this grave
threat?
> "What has happened to you? Why are you so...cold?"
>
> "Isn't this the pot calling the kettle black?"
>
> "That's not fair, and you know it."
>
> "Life seldom is."
Tom: Let's grind our fanfic to a halt so that the characters can reveal
traits we already know they have and confront like they just did
paragraphs ago.
Crow: Forget slowing the plot down, just sink the bitch.
> Then, Usagi got up to survey the ruined city of Tokyo, which was slowly
> rebuilding itself up.
>
> "Control has given me complete jurisdiction of this city. I'M
IN
> CHARGE, as is it my destiny...my right."
>
> "Sounds like you have a complex developing."
Tom: Usagi takes her 'Caesar' game a little too seriously.
Joel: So is she Lex Luthor now? Gendo? President Shinra?
Emperor
Palpatine?
Crow: Try all four, with a bit of Bill Clinton thrown in.
> "Barring that insult of yours, life is seldom simple."
>
> Then Usagi sat back down at her desk.
>
> "If you excuse me, I have work to do."
>
> Nabiki nodded, got up and left.
Tom: <Nabiki> I left my personality in the car, be right back.
> When Usagi was alone, she pulled out a datapad. Then, Usagi pressed
a
> button.
All: <button> THAT WAS EASY.
> It opened up a window filled with pictures, when she was younger...happier.
> She longingly touched a photo of her ex-fiancee Mamoru Chiba.
>
> "Mamo-chan..."
Crow: By the end of the day, that's not all she touched.
Tom: Then there was a picture of a banana split... and then a picture
of a dying baby. Usagi cried most of all, the next sacrifice wasn't
for
three whole days.
> With a sigh, Usagi put away her unit.
>
> "This need not be this way..."
>
> USagi turned to see Setsuna ("Sailor Pluto") Mieoh, who was standing
> there in her business dress.
Joel: <Usagi> You must be my three o'clock pedicure. Get filing,
they're
pretty thick down there.
> "Setsuna."
>
> "Moon Princess. Like I said, your actions are unavoidable, and
you know
> it."
Tom: <Usagi> Would you just replace my printer ink already!?
Crow: <Usagi> Lecturing me is a BAD way to start an interview
process, Setsuna.
> "I see. And what do you think I'm doing wrong? I control
Tokyo now."
>
> "But it is not Crystal Tokyo."
Joel: <Usagi> Just wait, my meth labs are still building up business.
Tom: Pure semantics. She can make it Asbestos Tokyo if she wants...
> "No, it's going to be Neo-Tokyo, actually. Crystal Tokyo will
actually
> be a mall/theme park where the Tokyo Tower is now. Or was."
>
> "But, by your actions, magic will be weakened greatly-"
Crow: <Setsuna> Daniel Radcliffe will have to get a real job!
Joel: <Setsuna> Won't you please think of the Smurfs?
> "As it should. The Negaverse. Ann and Alan. The Black
Moon Family.
> Pharaoh 90. Queen Kayuga. Sailors Galaxia and Chaos. Do
you know
> what the commonality of those names are?"
>
> Setsuna looks confused for a moment.
Tom: <Setsuna> Damn it, I am SO smarter than a Fifth Grader!
> "Well, I'll tell you. THEY WERE ALL REALITY DEVIANTS STEEPED IN
> MAGIC. Each an every one of those freaks should have been liquidated
from
> the get-go."
Joel: <Usagi> They were deviants to the last drop!
> "Some of them you have saved, while others were rightly destroyed."
>
> "Which was done inefficiently."
>
> "So, why-?"
>
> "Why I'm doing this? I want to insure that everyone is never harmed
by
> magic.
Tom: <Usagi> All the way from the torture of David Blaine specials
to
the cloying sickness of E.L. Fudge.
Crow: And thus Penn and Teller get killed... again.
> Magic is a chaotic force that is dangerous. Hyper-science is where
> humankind's destiny lies, not in fairy tales of princess and princes."
Joel: She's declaring open war on Oompa-Loompas.
Crow: <Setsuna, singing> So much for my happy ending...
Tom: <Usagi> These lips will touch no toad.
> Setsuna turned to leave.
>
> "I don't believe that, and neither do you. I won't give up on
you, and
> neither will your friends."
Crow: These one-person interventions are never gonna catch on.
> And with that, the Senshi of Pluto disappeared.
Tom: <Usagi> You see? Hyper-Science just proved you were never
a planet in the first place!
> "We'll see, old friend. We'll see."
>
> Tbc.
>
> Next time: Usagi's saga continues, as she continues her path towards
> her destiny. See you then!
Joel: My attention span has never been put to such a test since "The
Thorn Birds".
Tom: <Usagi> Can't I just admit my failure now and skip a few
chapters?
Crow: <author> No! Now resume brooding!
> The Life I Left Behind – By DS Wynne
> ***
>
> Disclaimer: "Sailor Moon" and other genre belong to their respective
> owners.
Crow: <author> Fortunately for me, they too were left behind.
Finders
keepers!
> Note: This is a continuation/crossover story.
>
> ***
>
> Part 3
>
> ***
Tom: The Usagi Ultimatum.
Joel: Back in Training.
Crow: Oh, this is where she finally becomes a Sith lord, right?
Joel: Either that or Richard Pryor shows up.
> Year 19-29 (1999-2009).
Joel: I think Dr. Forrester accidentally sent us a Wikipedia article.
Crow: Welcome to the "Ethnic Cleansing" part of our fanfic! Hope you
brought your Comet!
> Thanks to the introduction of "Robotechnology", which was introduced
> to the world after World War III, "hyper-science" was revolutionized.
Tom: It was a new era of power-dolls, each more buxom than the last.
Crow: Finally! Power to the proletari-bot!
> World War III had been started after several terrorists attacks involving
> nuclear weapons were planted in several cities, especially in the West.
Joel: Weren't those terrorists surprised to get uranium shrubs.
> In response, the Western responded by sending it's military machine
> into the Middle East and elsewhere to fight against the Islamic fascists.
Crow: You know... Amsterdam, Vienna, Houston...
> This conflict ended when an alien fortress crashed near the Philippine
> Island, where, at the time, the Americans were conducting military
> operations against the Jiyadist in the region.
Tom: Canada finally decides to make a splash on the international
power scene.
Joel: Shevat's maiden flight didn't go so well.
> The Technocratic Union sent Magistrate Tsukino, who had oversight
> in Asia to supervise the information extraction from the alien logs...
Crow: The last word was an understated "Whoops".
Joel: The prior half-hour to landing, the aliens were watching "The
Red Green Show", which explained all the duct tape on the warp core.
> "Hey, Doc, take it easy," Roy Folker said, as he and Dr. Emil Lang
> waited for the VIP. "I'm sure that the United Nations wouldn't
send
> some flaky representative."
>
> "I know, I know," Lang responded. "I just don't want anything
to
> disrupt a potential find such as this."
Tom: Unfortunately for Lang, the VIP was Will Smith.
Crow: <Will Smith> YAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!! That's right! That's
right!
Ha Ha! Look at you! Ya ship's all banged up!
> Soon, a black helicopter comes into view. It signals the ground
crew that
> it will land. Afterwards, three occupants step forth. On
of them was
> dressed all in white.
Tom: Morgan Freeman?
> "Dr. Lang? Lt. Folker, I presume?" asked the woman in white.
Crow: Yes, you too can get your own mail-order bride with enough
box-tops of General Mills cereal!
Joel: <Folker> Wow, that sex change really did wonders for you, Mr...
I mean Ms. Clean!
> "U.S. Navy, all the way," Folker replied smugly.
>
> "Right. I'm Dr. Usagi Tsukino, the UN's Public Affairs officer.
This
> is my colleague Miss Nabiki Tendo of the UN's Development and Economic
> Center and Dr. Hans Stingray from the Institute of Advance Cybernetic
> Studies in Japan."
Tom: Wait, where's the cute mascot?
> Great, we're dealing with a pencil pusher and her flunkies, Roy thought
> to himself.
>
> Typically, members of the Technocratic Union use governmental and
> corporate organizations as "fronts" for their covert activity.
All
> was need were the right papers to gain acceptance as a member of such
> organizations.
Joel: Preferably colored green with pictures of US presidents on them.
Crow: Oh, I get it! They're paper DOLLS.
> "I am not sure why you are needed at this juncture," Lang said.
"We have
> yet to do a preliminary assessment on this device."
>
> "I will be honest with you, Dr. Lang. This artifact represents
the
> beginning of a true one-world government."
>
> "How so?" Roy replies.
Tom: <Usagi> You see, the caveman throws the bone in the sky...
> Usagi tells the two that now that extra-terrestrial life-forms truly
> exist, then the people of the world can finally put aside their
> differences.
Crow: At least until we play Roy Orbison for the Vulcans and they
decide to sterilize our illogical asses...
Joel: Is this before or after Bruce Willis as the completely unbelievable
taxi driver?
Tom: Only to get into a bitter civil war over the better candy, Mars
or Reeses Pieces?
> Of course, the Technocracy knew that aliens were real, but has used
the
> pretext of the crashed alien fortress to advance the time-table for
> global domination.
Crow: Surely the collapse of their alien fortress PROVES their mettle
in battle!
Joel: Now what's going to happen when the big bad fortress turns into
a cute little cabbit?
> Besides, if the intelligence gathered by the Void Engineers, the
> Technocracy's advance space and terrestrial exploration "convention",
is
> accurate, then the Earth needs to prepare itself for "visitors".
Joel: Or at least provide the Energizer Bunny to give them a jump.
Crow: Are these "conjugal" visitors?
Tom: I for one am not ready to welcome pointy-eared singers of "Bilbo,
Bilbo, the greatest little hobbit of them all..."
> In the meantime, Usagi and her entourage will have to assess the alien
> fortress' feasibility in the mainstream.
Joel: <Usagi> With a little hard work, we can get this thing airborne
in time for the next Superbowl!
Tom: Boy, imagine the headlines if they keep it a secret... SWAMP
GAS CREATES MILE-LONG CRATER! ABNORMALLY GASSY
WEATHER BALLOON VAPORIZES ENTIRE COUNTY!
> "That is an interesting explanation, Dr. Tsukino. I may not agree
with
> it, but-"
>
> "-You don't have a choice. Yes, I know, doctor. Now, if
we can begin
> this assessment..."
Crow: <Lang> Puppy, boat, clouds, big beautiful bosoms, string.
Did I
pass the ink blots?
> Over the next ten years, Usagi extracts the data gathered by Dr. Lang
> and his team for CONTROL. In turn, Nabiki Tendo is there with
Dr.
> Stingray to insure that Genom Corporation gain the bulk of the
> copyrightable material from the fortress.
Tom: Until of course it was released as freeware on BitTorrent.
> At the same time, the Technocracy has increased its own level of
> technological capability.
Joel: From Commodore 64 to Commodore 128!
Tom: They were able to cut incoming spam by about 12%.
> The New World Order (Usagi's principal home), which administers the
> Union's affairs, have increased its propaganda and levels of control
> over the masses;
All: <singing> Propaganda, Tres Stupide!
Tom: Endless looping of Hollywood Hogan promos with 'Voodoo Child'
blaring in the background.
> the Syndicate (Nabiki's turf) has cornered the market with its products,
> and controls 90 percent of the top trans-national corporations...and
> many illegal operations as well;
Joel: Sure, the legit corporations earn her billions but there's
just something thrilling about owning a piece of an underground
cock-fighting ring...
Crow: So... who will win between the Unions and the corporations?
Stay tuned for hot labor action, next week on "Collective Bargaining"!
Tom: The Cabal, headed by Nuku Nuku, has cornered 99% of the illegal
drugs, and strangely enough 100% of the world's supply of catnip.
> Iteration X (Dr. Stingray's organization), with the help of the
> Syndicate, is mass-marketing advance cybernetic research, combat armor
> and computer system to the public,
Crow: All of which will be immediately tied up for the next Halo sequel.
Sad, really...
> and has introduced advanced androids (such as Genom's "Boomers") into
> the public discourse;
Tom: You can be sure that these androids won't follow any of Asimov's
laws anytime soon.
Crow: Think I'll go out for some air, this crossover's getting crowded.
> the Progenitors have introduced new lifeforms, drugs and medical
> techniques to the public;
Joel: Thereby ushering in a new era of racism, stoners and hair
transplants.
> finally, the Void Engineers have secretly explored and mapped the
> so-called "final frontier", from the deepest seas to the farthest reaches
> of space, all in the name of dominating or co-opting other people or
> species.
Joel: But what does Usagi need with a spaceship?
> After all, what you can control can't hurt you.
Tom: I dunno, you COULD accidentally tune in Rachael Ray on your TV.
> At any rate, since the fortress landed in Usagi's administered region
of
> the world (i.e. the Far East), it was her job to insure that the
> Technocratic Union was ready to "greet" the aliens who will surely want
> to retrieve their missing ship.
Joel: <Usagi> Gimmie an E! Gimmie a T!
Crow: Lord help us if they're big, fat and Greek.
> Year 41.
Tom: <Raoul Lipschitz> Ladies and gentlemen, every where I
look... soldiers are fighting sailors, sailors are fighting marines.
Directly in front of me, I see a flying blond floozy. Everywhere I look,
everywhere, pure pandemonium - pandemonium.
> "Damn you, Quincy!" Magistrate Usagi ("Sailor Moon") Tsukino, as she
> rode in her armored sedan with her security forces. Ever the
> so-called "Knight Sabers" had successfully exposed the Genom Corporation
> to the public, there have been protest after protest.
Crow: <public> Wait a minute! You mean our life of comfort and
security
was built on *illegal* activities!? Oh, boo sir! Boo, I say!
Boo!
> Those Usagi and her "Men-in-Black" agents can deal with. Unfortunately,
> this ruffled the feathers of every paranormal around the planet,
> especially in "Neo-Tokyo".
Tom: And everyone listens to the people who claim to be alien
abductees, they're so darned trustworthy!
Joel: Looks like Ben Jordan has his work cut out for him.
> Whether the challengers were "super-powered martial artists" or WORSE,
> the Technocratic Union had a difficult time in containing these "reality
> deviants" on her turf. She supposes that it was inevitable that
the
> next phase of her plan had to be implemented.
Tom: A car that transforms into a submarine and a plane. Always a
realistic and diabolical approach.
Crow: <Usagi> Time to firebomb the entire World of Warcraft network.
> And now, she has to personally lead a pogrom against these people, some
> of them were once her friends and love ones.
Joel: John Lennon's been dead for too many years, huh?
Tom: Heh, cause nothing says "damage control" like inciting a
murderous riot!
> "I shouldn't have to clean up your messes," Usagi muttered to herself.
>
> "Ma'am?" said Usagi's aide.
>
> "Yes, Agent A?" Usagi asked.
Joel: <Agent A> We've got some hosers at the front gate! We tried
throwing our empties at 'em but they won't take off! Oh wait... Doug
just brained 'em with a puck. Beauty.
> "I have Gendo on the line."
>
> "Thank you."
>
> "Gendo" was the head of a Technocratic front called "Tokyo-3", whose
> sole purpose, unofficially speaking, was to use the alien-like "angels"
> to conduct research using battlefield conditions. The EVAs, organic-like
> mechanoids, were the result of this research, and if people had to be
> sacrificed, then so be it.
Tom: This is the unified field theory of anime fanfics.
Crow: <Gendo> Have you heard the good word about Jes... oops, hold
please. Yeah? That's right! Kill them all! No survivors!
Yeah, bye!
Ahem. Sorry about that. Where were we?
> There were those in SEELIE who would openly oppose Gendo's efforts,
if
> the truth was known.
Joel: Those in NERF, however, were surprisingly okay with it.
> Soon, however, it won't matter who knows what when Usagi gives Gendo
the
> go-ahead for the next phase.
Tom: No one will be spared when operation "Christmas Fruitcake" commences.
> "Gendo, how are things?"
>
> "Things are going to plan," Gendo replies. "You still remember
the
> arrangement that we have made?"
Joel: Is this now a bad episode of "The Love Connection"?
Crow: <Usagi> I've upped your bet on the angels to ten grand.
It's
a lock.
> "Of course. You will be awarded handsomely. Just be sure
to initiate
> 'Lilith' within the jump gate by the Moon according to schedule.
We
> have to make things look like an accident."
Tom: <Gendo> What the hell? I thought you just wanted a quick
simple
execution.
Crow: <Nabiki> Right, he was cleaning his gun and it accidentally
discharged popping a zit on his forehead.
> "Right. And Magistrate Tsukino?"
>
> "Yes, Gendo?"
>
> "It has been a pleasure working for you."
>
> "You're quite welcome. Tell your son I said 'Hello'."
>
> "I will do that."
Joel: Phew, good. Neil Diamond can finally rip off his "Hello, My
Name Is GENDO" tag.
> And with that, the conversation ended, Usagi thought about why she has
> decided to destroy the world as she knew it.
Tom: <Usagi> Because the script says so... well okay then!
Crow: The power of R.E.M compels her.
> Her decision came after she was invited to join the ranks of CONTROL,
who
> over-saw the affairs of the Technocracy. Instead, thanks to her
Lunarian
> heritage, she perceived the truth:
Crow: The moon landing was real, Buzz Aldrin was the fake all along!
Tom: <Usagi> You SUCK, Chris Carter.
> CONTROL did not exist.
Joel: There is no reboot.
Crow: The world finally turned to its last superhero... David Blaine.
Unfortunately, the next day, we found CONTROL under the stage.
> CONTROL was made from the collective consciousness of the members of
> the Technocratic Union. The original members of CONTROL, in an
effort
> to gain "enlightenment", divested themselves of their humanity.
The end
> result was disembodiment.
Tom: Fortunately, CONTROL was content to merely utter a line of
dialogue every so often from a film to keep your Rifftrax synched up to
the DVD.
> However, CONTROL's reputation allowed it to stay in control over the
> body. It wasn't until Usagi sought membership that she realized
the
> truth.
Crow: That no one mentions fight club?
Joel: First she perceived... then she realized... now in 2007, Usagi
will... GRASP the truth!
> And now, with this fact in hand, it was time to supplant CONTROL's
> influence, and thus take over the planet. For its own good, of
course.
Tom: But by all means, do it offscreen. Our hearts and brains can't
take this level of suspense.
Joel: About four Verne Troyers armed with cream pies should do the trick.
> Thus, for some time now, Usagi has quietly supplanted her rivals and
> any other potential threat. Gendo, who's also a member of the
Union,
> was a major backer of hers.
Crow: <Usagi> Stupid pyramid scams...
> She had met him and his family at a symposium years ago.
Joel: <Usagi> Kegger at Old Man Gendo's tonight! WOO!!!
> And now, it was time to make a move, before CONTROL can regain its hand.
> But first, she has a mess to take care of...
Tom: <loudspeaker> Magistrate Tsukino to Aisle 3... Pickle jar spill
in
Aisle 3...
Crow: Oh, crap... she just used the last of the kitty litter in the
sandbox, too.
Joel: <Usagi's Mom> You can rule the world later, now clean up your
room!
> Luna D'Cat, who had assumed human form, hid among the boxes within the
> warehouse. She was a principal member of the Underground, ever
since
> the Genom Corporation was exposed.
Tom: And her latest rap album will hit stores this Tuesday.
Crow: The artist formerly known as P. Kitty.
Joel: Don't tell me we're roping Sonic the Hedgehog in this too...
> She had hoped that her Moon Princess would see reason. However,
neither
> she, nor her allies (especially the Sailor Scouts) have seen Usagi in
> years, though there have been rumors of her being around.
Crow: Every time they went to "The Max", they could've sworn they saw
blonde hair leaving...
> "Luna? Luna, are you there?"
>
> Luna heard a familiar voice. Was this a trap? Already, the
Underground
> has been captured or killed by a shadowy presence, presumably by those
> who ran Genom.
Tom: Nah, that was just the vengeful zombie corpse of Ed Norton.
> Cautiously, Luna peeked...
>
> "Usagi? USAGI!"
>
> Luna, already desperate for help, ran into the arms of the woman in
> white.
Crow: Poor Luna... you would've had more of a chance with Dr. Phil.
Unless of course he was hungry again...
> "Yes, its me, Luna."
>
> "Where have you been? You should have been here to help us defeat
the
> enemy of love and justice!"
Crow: Paris Hilton?
Tom: Britney Spears?
Joel: Johnny 'Guitar' Watson?
> "I know, I know. However, there's something that you should know."
>
> "Oh? And what's that?"
Joel: <Usagi> My darned violin is so out of tune. Could you help
me?
> "I'm that enemy."
>
> "Wha-?"
>
> BLAM!
Crow: <Luna> You're also a lousy shot.
Tom: <Usagi> Shut up!
> As Luna's body dropped to the floor, Usagi handed her gun to her aide.
>
> "See that you put this deviant's body into a proper cryo-stasis tube.
> I'll have use for it later."
>
> "Yes, ma'am."
Joel: This is slowly turning into Battlefield Earth... only more
pessimistic.
Crow: <Usagi> For my next experiment... a cat with four asses.
> For the past 24 hours, Usagi has systematically eliminated those who
> would oppose her, including the Sailor Scouts.
Crow: And the Fearsome Foursome, and the Justice League, and the
Samurai Pizza Cats, and the A-Team, and the Mod Squad...
Tom: Using the exact same method each time.
> "They'll never forgive you," said a voice.
>
> Usagi turned to Setsuna ("Sailor Pluto") Meioh.
Crow: <Pluto> I cannot allow this to continue. For the sake of
the world and your soul, I challenge you, Usagi... to a game of Red Rover!
My senshi versus your smiths! You got the guts?
Joel: <Usagi> Actually, I'm more partial to Buck Buck.
> "It doesn't matter, Pluto. Once I have fashioned clone bodies,
I'm in
> the clear. The Sailor Scouts will rise again...after the Third
Impact.
> At least, you will have your Crystal Tokyo."
Tom: Until Zuul shows up.
Crow: <Usagi> The Goodchild... I mean the Serenity Dynasty shall
rule forever!
Joel: I wouldn't want to be Usagi when she finds out that the only
genetic matter they could find was for Abe Vigoda.
> Year 99.
Tom: <Chicago Cubs fan> Just wait'll next year!
> Thanks to the "accident" at the Lunar Space Gate, the Earth was plunged
> into a new Ice Age. This forced the Earth inhabitants to terraform
and
> colonized the rest of the Solar System and beyond.
Crow: <Usagi> Finally! I'll never have to waste two bucks on
a bag of
ice for my rum ever again!
> As for Usagi, now known as "the Neo-Queen Serenity", she had used the
> resources from her old Technocratic Union and the Silver Millennium
> crystal to gain complete supremacy over the Earth, which is now
> a paradise.
Joel: <Usagi> Now every day's a snow day! Woo hoo!
> After all, with the bulk of humanity off-planet, who could oppose her?
Crow: Rex Dart, Eskimo Spy?
Tom: Tim Allen and his fat suit?
Joel: <Rei> I figure five minutes of Dropo should be enough to force
an unconditional surrender.
> Still, she needed to keep tabs on the rest of the Terran system, and
she
> can't do that coop up in Crystal Tokyo. So, she ventures out whenever
> she can.
Crow: <Usagi, distorted> TAXI! UP, PLEASE.
> "Husband, I will take a trip to Mars with our daughter," Serenity
> states, as she sits on King Endymion lap in their personal quarters.
> "Besides, I miss Queen Raye."
>
> "Of course, my darling," Endymion replies with affection. "Just
be
> careful. There are still tension between the Earth and the Black
Moon
> Family."
>
> Recently, the members of the Black Moon Family were vanquished by the
> younger versions of the Sailor Scouts.
Joel: The Cosa Nostra in Crystal Tokyo...
Tom: Sailor Moon. A Spike Lee Joint.
> "I'm glad that your are concerned for my safety, my husband."
Crow: <Endymion> Of course I am, lousy stupid pre-nup...
> It saddened Usagi that Mamoru was nothing more than her personal
> toy, of sorts.
Joel: She was hoping for a Buzz Lightyear this Christmas.
Tom: <Mamoru> To infinity and... I'm done.
Crow: Isn't a Bratz doll a bit more fitting?
> In fact, the only one who wasn't her puppet was Sailor Pluto, who
> ran Usagi's shadowy affairs. After all, you can't have the Queen
of
> Love and Justice be seen to have a dark side.
Joel: <Sailor Pluto> My Queen must be as one-dimensional as possible!
> Later, on Mars...
>
> Vicious Moonchild looked askance, as a prominent figure disembarked
> from the Terran space plane.
Tom: Fat Ass looked at the pilot, Goofus von Flysalot, and both
welcomed Vicious Moonchild to Cold Third Ball from Sun.
> The interstellar security forces made it known that airport on this
> particular day were closed to the public. Of course, Vicious, being
a
> member of the Red Dragons, had enough resources to protect his-
Crow: ...chicken balls.
Tom: This is the Rob Zombie remake of "In the Line of Fire"?
> "Mother," Vicious said, as he greeted Serenity with open arms.
>
> "My precious Vincent", Usagi said, as she hugged her wayward son.
Joel: <Mother> How goes the drug trafficking, protection rackets
and... is... is that an... EARRING?!? Young man, you are in a WORLD
of trouble now!
> "Big Brother!" Little Serenity said, as she jumped into Vicious' arms.
Crow: <Little Serenity as Dino> Rar-rar-rar-rar-rar-rar!
> "Hey, snowflake," Vicious said, as picked up her half-sister.
"Did the
> flight attendant treat you right?"
>
> "He sure did, big brother!"
>
> "Good."
Crow: <Serenity> I'm high on Dilly bars! Wheeee!
> "Vincent, I'm glad that you are here. Is Spencer...well?"
>
> "Mother, you know that Spike Tendo and I have had a fallen out.
The
> only reason why he's still alive is because of his blasted father's
> training."
Joel: <Vicious> Curse you, Skip Saotome!
Tom: Spike... Tendo. Are we crossing over with Degrassi Junior High
now?
> "I know. The Saotomes are an expert in their Art. It's just
that he
> is the son of a close friend of mine. Speaking of which, I will
need to
> visit Nabiki during this trip. After all, she is the head of all
Syndicate
> operations here on Mars."
Tom: <Nabiki> Thank god I packed those Slim Whitman CDs.
Crow: Oh, it doesn't matter how! Just accept it! Like pretty
much
everything else!
> "Mother, I really wish you allow me to take over operations here.
The
> Red Dragons need to expand."
Crow: The dance troupe is a couple of back-row dancers short, and we
need one more wardrobe coordinator! Do these slacks match this silk
shirt
and cravat??
> "And set you up as a target for the ISSA? You're still my child,
> you know.
Joel: But Mom! We need to increase our bloody rampages and vilification
of everything you should have stood for!
Tom: Heh, pretty much.
> However, I will ask her if she is interested in becoming the head of
ALL
> Syndicate operations, while you take over her planetary duties."
Tom: Weird stultifying promotions for everyone, especially when we
have no idea who's being demoted! Huzzah!
Crow: <kid> Naah, that's okay, I don't feel like becoming Sailor
Retribution.
> "Thank you, Mother."
>
> "Just promise me that you live long enough to give me grandchildren."
Crow: <Vicious> OK, let me just find my invunerability switch here
and... done!
Tom: <Vicious> Way ahead of you there, Mom. Good luck tracking
them
down though.
> And with that, Usagi and her children depart the airport terminal.
Joel: Thank heaven, staying there would have led to the most inappropriate
crossover ever.
> Usagi knew that she has done many things that were practically
> criminal, to become the ruler of humanity from the seat known as Crystal
> Tokyo.
Crow: <bursts out laughing> PRACTICALLY???
Joel: When they put Tuxy's ritual emasculation and subsequent "suicide"
before a jury of her peers though, Usagi was exonerated after only two
minutes' hurried deliberation.
Tom: Killing her friends was bad enough but the littering, OH, the
littering!
> Maybe if she didn't feel betrayed that day, 100 years ago, when Mamoru
> and Rei kissed each other behind her back, she wouldn't have done what
> she did.
>
> And now, what she has done was create a False Eden...a paradise built
> upon quiet tyranny.
Joel: Uh-oh... looks like Usagi's warming up for a Shatner-eque monologue.
> If only she didn't leave the life she left behind: that of a pure soul.
Tom: Not to mention a sound mind.
Crow: If only she owned more than one set of clothing. Oh, and
did we mention said clothing was WHITE?!?
Joel: I always like my tyranny to be considerate and not rude too.
> Next time: "Epilogue?
Tom: <laughing> Sure, why not?
Joel: Hey now, don't go to any trouble on our account.
> The Life I Left Behind – By DS Wynne
>
> Disclaimer: "Sailor Moon" and other genre belong to their respective
> owners. Note: This is a continuation/crossover story.
>
> Part 4: Epilogue?
Crow: Yes! It's a epilogue! Get on with it already! Geez!
Joel: Good gosh, I certainly hope it's not a prologue.
> Six months later…
>
> Neo-Queen Serenity should have known that the feud between her son
> Vincent ("Vicious") and her god-son Spencer ("Spike") was going to
> end in tragedy.
Tom: Only one could go for the big money in the bonus round.
Crow: When there's only one "Mountain Dew: Code Red" left, families
are torn asunder.
> In a chapel in on Mars, Vincent Moonchild's body was lying in state.
> After all, he was a prince.
Tom: So? It's how Serenity's boytoys always finish the night too.
> And since he was the child of the Neo-Queen, Vincent was given the
> proper burial rites.
Crow: <british> Thrown into the river, nibble nibble nibble...
> The only other persons in attendance were Rini Chiba, the Queen's
> daughter, and
Tom: Paid representatives from Mutual of Omaha.
> Nabiki Tendo, her head of all Syndicate operations. She had buried
> her son Spencer a few days earlier,
Crow: Despite his repeated objections.
> and the Queen was in attendance at that funeral as well.
Joel: <muffled> Lemme out! LET ME OUT!! *thud thud*
> "Is it worth it?" Serenity asked, as tears fell from her eyes.
Tom: <Nabiki> Probably not... the "Matrix" crossover really kind of
fouled everything else up, didn't it?
> "I…don't know, Your Majesty," Nabiki replied.
Joel: <Nabiki> Having the Prince stuffed WOULD be cheaper but
isn't mounting him above your throne a bit much?
> She wore her "Ice Queen" face in an attempt to hide her stricken emotions.
Crow: Remorse? Now? Isn't the epilogue a bit LATE for character
development?
> "That's why it was best not to think of these things."
Tom: And here I thought that Nabiki would be hurriedly calculating
the updated line of succession.
> The irony is that both Vincent and Spencer had the same father,
Joel: Judd Hirsch.
> in the form of one Ranma Saotome.
Joel: No! We want Judd Hirsch!
Crow: Heh.
> Long ago, it was proven that the legendary martial artist's genetic
> structure contained the element that can be used to produce superior
> offspring.
Tom: Solid Saotome, Liquid Saotome and Solidus Saotome.
Crow: Is that why Ranma got so anal about annexing the Sudetenland?
> It was not until later that this gene strain was based upon the royal
> family from the alien planet Jurai.
Tom: It became copyrightable, and now you too can see it at Ranmassic
Park!
> Unfortunately, Ranma has not been seen since before the Second Ice Age.
Crow: Or the first act for that matter.
Joel: Three eons later, Ranma was defrosted by a stoned Pauly Shore...
> Supposedly, he took off into Deep Space, when the Robotech Expeditionary
> Force (i.e. "the REF")
All: <singing> Whoop-de-do! It's crossover twenty-two!
> and its flagship, the SDF-3 "Megaroad", went off to deal with a
> potential alien menace.
All: Megaweapon! Megaweapon! Megaweapon!
> Ranma was a Military Specialist in charge of all Special Forces
> Operations, with the rank of "General".
Crow: And the surname of "Mayhem".
> Both the REF and General Saotome have not been seen since.
Tom: Rumors of a Ted Dibiase payoff had yet to be proven.
> The irony is that the alien menace that was to be stopped at the source
> invaded Earth anyway,
Joel: Chill out, Coneheads! We'll never laugh at you again! Trust
us!
Tom: It was barely beaten off by the chance reintroduction of
humpback whales to Usagi's bathtub.
> and that invasion was followed by another alien menace who sought
> revenge on the aliens that have arrived before them.
Crow: And we'll see NONE of it, folks! Feel gypped yet?
Tom: <Sigourney Weaver> Dammit, I'm too old for this shit!
> It took many lives and power to destroy both of them, but the costs
> has been great.
Joel: Bodies, Schmodies! Just look at these BILLS!!
> And the ramification of those invasions resulted in the renegade group
> known as "The Black Moon Family".
Crow: Finally, Earth had found dudes bad enough to rescue the President.
Tom: Huzzah!
> The Black Moon Family were renegades who sought to break the yoke
> of Serenity's rule.
Joel: They had many funny names, like Deja Vu, Chocolate Mousse,
and Latrine.
Bots: <Chanting> SERENITY LATER! SERENITY LATER!
> And, over time, their presence has steadily increased in the form of
> terrorism.
Tom: Their previous plan, opening a big bunch of Starbucks, was roundly
ignored.
Crow: But it was their choreographed axe dance number that REALLY
got them over as a credible threat.
> It's only a matter of time before they launch a strike of epic proportions.
Tom: Well, if they don't get Serenity here at the plate, Rini's going to
come up with two on and two down.
Joel and Crow: Slide, Sailor Moon! Slide!
> "We can do only what we can, I suppose," Serenity says.
> Nabiki nods.
Joel: So Serenity is going to give them the 'red pill/blue pill'
speech while Nabiki organizes a betting ring?
Crow: <Serenity> Right then, I'll continue my bloody reign of tyranny
while you perfect your David Spade impression.
> Rini was in tears. She knew that her mother was obligated not to bring
> back her older brother,
Tom: No refunds or exchange after 30 days. No exceptions.
> but she was not under any obligation to save her brother Vincent.
Crow: <Rini> That bastard can rot for all I care.
> As soon as she can, Rini will try to use her mother's "Silver Millennium"
> to save him.
Crow: <Rini> Wait, I do care? What the hell's going on here?
Joel: That's when you press both the triangle and square buttons
while reefing both joysticks hard to the right.
> Standing watch from his post by the entrance of the chapel was the
> legendary Vash the Stampede.
Tom: He was standing next to the legendary Doctor House, who
failed to save Vincent from his scabrous lumbago in time.
> He took up the job of guarding the House of Serenity in exchange
> for the government putting resources in improving his homeworld,
> which was an Earth colony.
Crow: The Wubbulous World of Dr. Seuss!
> The wars over the years did much to divert Earth's attention away
> from its territories, and so it became necessary revert that attention.
> Still, it was nice to get away from his ex-girlfriend Meryl for a
> change.
Joel: They've got a Jerry/Elaine thing going on, and Vash wanted his
life to have more substance.
Tom: You mean *any* substance.
Joel: Natch.
> 'Vash', this is Pluto. Come in.
Crow: <Vash> Dammit, I was supposed to be on Mars!
> Vash tapped the audio implant near his ear.
Crow: <Vash> Frigging Belltone...
> Vash speaking. What's up?"
>
> I have reports that the Black Moon Family is about to make there move,
> as soon as the Queen returns home.
Joel: <Pluto> I signed you up to bring pop and to move the couches,
mattresses and the grand piano upstairs.
> So, what do you want me to do?
Tom: <Pluto> Take the Queen to a reasonably-priced buffet. Get
her some Sprite. Laugh when she gets Italian dressing in her hair.
> The Queen's daughter will try to use her mother's Silver Millennium
> crystal. That will drop Neo-Crystal's defenses. And when that happens-
Crow: We'll cut to commericals.
> That's when the Black Moon Family will attack. Got it. So, what should
> I do?
Joel: You will supply the 'BLAM! BLAM!'s for the ensuing battle.
Tom: <Pluto> The Queen takes half-and-half in her coffee, and likes
to finish her dinner with vanilla soft-serve. You writing this all down?
> Stick to Rini. That was take her and you into the past, where you can
> go on to your REAL mission.
>
> And what would that be?
Joel: <Pluto> The Emir of Groovefunkistan needs his burnoose cleaned
again! Meet Agent Colin at the appointed place and don't forget the
cat!
> Your primary objective is to protect both Rini and Serenity in the past.
Tom: <Pluto> Your secondary objective is to kill John Connor.
No
particular reason, he's just an irritating little shit.
> However, your secondary objective is the elimination of Ranma Saotome.
Joel: Pluto, even Biff Tannen is smart enough to know that in this
path lies danger.
Crow: This is turning into "Timecop" starring Jim Carrey, isn't it?
> Come again?
>
> Sailor Pluto begins to download the mission parameters directly into
> Vash brain.
Crow: <Vash, nodding> Vegas... hot-air balloons... cheese grater...
Florentine granite. Got it.
> I guess that I really don't have a choice.
>
> If Ranma is eliminated, then the Black Moon Family is HISTORY.
Joel: Then they can judge us harshly. Hey, wait a minute!
Tom: <Vash> Who's history? Mine or yours? I'm so confused!!
> Meanwhile, on Nemesis, the tenth planet of the Solar System, where the
> Black Moon Family is secretly head-quartered…
Crow: In space, no one can hear a trumpet solo.
> "Father," said the red-haired Rubius. He was dressed in simply Chinese
> clothing (red vest, black pants and simple Chinese shoes).
Joel: 'Simply Chinese Clothing' Thirty seven outlets, now in El Toro!
Tom: For you see, Rubeus here is too poor for a chest wax. Won't
you donate to Christian Children's Depilatory Fund so that Rubeus won't
be embarrassed anymore?
> Standing next to him were his sisters and brothers, who were assembled
> for their final assault on Crystal Tokyo.
Crow: All bald, all beaded, all badasses.
> "We await for your command."
Joel: Eighty-seven thousand Vin Diesels, who may be able to pool
their heads together to order up to three pizzas.
> Rubius' father was known as "the Wise-man", who sought to break Neo-Queen
> Serenity's iron-fisted rule.
Tom: He looked up "Shay's Rebellion" on Wikipedia, and he was ready!
> He had come back from Deep Space,
Joel: He was only down $1,530 on the trip.
> only to realize that a "False Eden" had sprung up.
Crow: Relax, it's just another McDonald's.
> He had hoped to quietly undermine Serenity through propaganda and
> surgical strikes.
Joel: His blind taste-tests only served to confuse the populace.
Crow: <Wiseman> Bombing hospitals wasn't good PR? Dammit.
> However, with the death of his son Spencer, all bets were off.
Tom: <Wiseman> Neither poker, nor craps, nor a reasonably priced
buffet will keep me from my appointed revenge!
> "I know, son," the Wiseman said, as he removed the hood of his robe
> from his head. Streaks of grey and white peppered his hair.
Joel: He really needs a box of "Just for Dictator's" hair coloring.
> "I've trained all of you to be the best."
Tom: <singing> A-ROUND!! Nothing's gonna ever keep you down!
Crow: It's just a matter of which one will be able to win the All-Valley
Under-18 Karate Championship.
> Through a combination of Lunarian, and alien, Wiseman spawned children
> through the cloning process, and trained to be fighters.
Tom: Couldn't he have just power-booed them up?
Crow: Soon, competing production studios were set up... Shaw
Brothers, Golden Harvest...
> Wiseman placed his right hand on Rubius' left shoulder.
Crow: <Wiseman> Oh for... if this were real, I'd have ripped
it out of the socket and clubbed you to death with it by now!
Tom: <Rubius> Impossible. My left foot was already in... your
groin.
> "Just do your best," Ranma says.
Joel: <Ranma> Oh, and sweep the leg.
> And thus the stage of a temporal paradox was created.
Crow: In the EPILOGUE, folks!
Tom: We're definitely setting the stage for a literary paradox.
> From her station at the Time Gate, Sailor Pluto smiled.
Joel: <Pluto> At this rate, I can book Falcor and Atreyu!
Tom: Are we absolutely sure Pluto is not handling the Multiverse
Gate here?
Crow: Hey Pluto, why haven't we just introduced the Vogon Constructor
fleet yet?
> "Perhaps, my Queen, you will see the error of your ways, by feeling
the
> effects of your decisions years ago."
Joel: <Queen> But I shall ALWAYS serve potatoes instead of stuffing!
DIE!!
> Pluto knew that the battle between Vicious and Spike would create the
> very scenario that would force the Black Moon Family to send agents
> into the past.
Crow: And she didn't bother just doing it herself because....?
Tom: Plausible deniability when you're pretty much above all reproach
is really silly.
> If successful, the Queen's younger self and King Endymion's younger
> self will be forced to rely on each other, and thus prevent Darien
> Chiba from having feelings for Rei Hino in the first place.
Joel: Pluto evidently has "48 HRS" and "Lethal Weapon" in high
rotation in her DVD player.
> Eliminating the Wiseman's younger self is the icing on the cake.
Tom: So, folks, when time itself shrivels like a burnt cookie, you
know who to blame!
Crow: This will just lead to JFK reading this, wondering if this is
where he went wrong about the whole Castro thing.
> With a smug grin, Pluto turns off the lights, as she prepares for the
> Black Moon Family's final assault.
Crow: <Pluto> Mwahaha... ow, my toenail! Dammit!
Joel: <Pluto> A solid Cabarnet Sauvignon 2035 will allow for maximum
enjoyment of carnage, screwed-up timelines, and entropy overwhelming the
universe.
> And she has no problem eliminating anyone who would stand in her way
> at trying to protect Crystal Tokyo.
Tom: <Yoda> Begun, the crossover wars have.
Crow: Begun? Begun?? The hell, where's the ending??
> The End?
Joel: Readers? Resolution? Make your own up!
Crow: And now enjoy three minutes of organ music as you impatiently
wait for an after-credits bonus scene that'll never come. Damn you,
Monty
Python!
All: RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!!
(Joel picks up Tom and follows Crow out of the theater)
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"Evil Sailor Moon, evil Nabiki, evil Ranma, evil
Sailor Pluto... it's
nice to get a story that just keeps circling itself like a dog catching
its tail." Tom remarked as they emerged from the theater.
"And what was the point of the Matrix subplot anyway?
It
lead nowhere and was basically flushed after the first part!" Joel
wondered.
"Well, maybe the author wanted to save it for an
anime and
videogame tie-in. Just remember, if Luna D'Cat fails, Neo fails,
that cannot happen at ANY cost." Crow said in a deadpan voice.
"Heh, pretty much." Tom chuckled as Joel noticed
the red light
flashing and gave it a tap.
"What do you think, sirs?" Joel inquired.
* * *
DEEP 13
"I think... tomorrow is another day. Push
the button, Frank."
Dr. Forrester replied with a smirk.
"THAT WAS EASY."
"The OTHER button, Frank!"
"Sorry, it's just so tempting..."
"FRANK!"
*FWOOSH!*
...AND THE MSTINGS
CONTINUE...
We hope you enjoyed this and comments are very welcome.
(megane67@rogers.com) (zoogz@yahoo.com)
I've been MSTing for over ten years now and I want to thank each
and every person who's send me words of support and encouragement
and who have helped me with my MSTs over the years. I treasure
every piece of fan mail I receive and I consider it a great honor that
some people have dedicated their MSTings to me and tell me that I
helped encourage them to start MSTing. To all of you, thank you from
the bottom of my heart and I hope I can continue to inspire and make
you laugh for a long time to come. :)
I'd like to give personal thanks to Zoogz, who's in-depth C&C and
suggested riffs for this MSTing, especially for the fourth part, are
always appriciated and for making the MSTing process so much
fun! :)
- Zoogz's 'Mystery Science Cinema' series can be found at
http://www.nabiki.com/mst/zoogz/mst/ including his latest MSTings
'Friends, Family and San Francisco' and 'Eye of the Tiger'.
Other recent MSTings we've done:
- 'Eye of the Tiger' (Neon Genesis Evangelion / Xenogears)
- 'Wild Senshi' Pt. 1-2 (Sailor Moon / Ranma 1/2 / Yu-Gi-Oh)
- 'My Kid's An Alien!' Pt. 1-3 (Urusei Yatsura)
- 'Friends, Family and San Francisco' Pt. 1-2 (Sailor Moon)
- 'Dragon of the Night' (Naruto)
- 'The Light of my Hopes' Pt. 1-4 (Sailor Moon/Gundam Wing/Dragon
Ball Z/Escaflowne/Card Captor Sakura/Fushigi Yuugi)
***All of Zoogz and my MSTings and the MSTings we've contributed
to can be found in the various categories at:***
'A MSTing for All Seasons'
http://www.nabiki.com/mst
'Everything What Is Crap!'
http://svamcentral.org/ewic/
"> "This
is ridiculous," said Kuroi, as he pulled out a handgun.
>
>
BLAM! BLAM!"
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 2007 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.
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