*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS* (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain) (The future isn't what it used to be...) "MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON FIVE) EPISODE 44: THE LIFE I LEFT BEHIND (A Sailor Moon / Matrix / Ranma 1/2 / Bubblegum Crisis / Neon Genesis Evangelion / Robotech / Trigun (And A Couple Of Others We Weren't Sure About...) MSTing) MSTed From the Desks of Megane 6.7 and Zoogz (megane67@rogers.com) (zoogz@yahoo.com) This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering our collective asses here folks... "The Life I Left Behind" is the property of DS Wynne. He has given us permission to MST his work and we greatly appreciate it. :) Warning: This fanfic is rated PG-13 for violence and mature content. * * * SPACE As the sun slowly set over the Earth's horizon, the Satellite of Love was soon swallowed up by the darkness, as was a pup tent tethered to its side. A few moments later though, three circles of light illuminated and danced around the inside of the tent. "This is SO cool!" Crow T. Robot giggled as his weightless body bounced around the tent holding a flashlight. "Eh, I don't see what the big deal is." Tom Servo replied, as he hovered in one place. "Aw, come on, Tom! Shut off your stabilizers and just let the zero-g take you away! Wooooo!" Crow exclaimed as he began doing somersaults in mid-air. Tom shrugged and did as Crow suggested. Without warning, Crow reached out and gave Tom a swat, sending him tumbling end over end. "Crrrrrroooooowwww... you son-of-a... sayyy, this IS kinda fun! Yahooo!!!" Tom exclaimed. "I knew you'd love it, Tommy! Hey, how you holding up there, Joel?" Crow asked as he noticed Joel Robinson struggling to stay upright, his face pale and sweaty. "I-I'll be okay... j-just getting used to it...." Joel replied with a nervous smile. Normally going out into space was out of the question for him as he was prone to space sickness but the combined pleading of his robot friends plus the ginger pills Gypsy had recommended to him had helped his stomach considerably. Now if he could only stop shaking... After a while, the bots grew tired of their makeshift bouncy castle and settled into a circle with Joel. "What do you want to do first? Tell ghost stories? Sing a few songs? Cook us up some beans and pork?" Tom inquired. "Urp... let's go with the sing-a-long first." Joel grimaced. "Who wants to go first?" "Me me me!" Crow exclaimed as he reached into his camping bag and pulled out a Vulcan lute and began to sing off-key. "Row, row, row, your..." "DON'T... even think about it." Tom growled. "Uh, let's do stories instead!" Joel quickly suggested while snatching the lute from Crow's hands and tossing it behind him. "I've got a pretty scary one from my days at Gizmonic. I call it... 'The Mega Meal That Ate Minnesota'!" "Ooooh." Crow and Tom leaned forward, interested as Joel held his flashlight up to his face. "The Mega Meal was kept underneath a heat lamp, long after it had been prepared at the local G Burger..." Joel began in as scary a voice as he could muster. "One day, a careless janit... cashier forgot to throw the meal away and..." "Wait a minute, this story isn't just a variation of Bill Cosby's 'Chicken Heart' bit, is it?" Tom interrupted. 'Not anymore..." Joel muttered under his breath. "No, Tom! Now hush and let me continue!" He admonished before going on. "Uh, the Mega Meal was eventually discovered in the morning and thrown out in the trash... but that SAME NIGHT, an evil robot at NASA forced a bunch of kids to be shot up into orbit... with Kate Capshaw!" "AHHHHH!!" Crow and Tom screamed in horror as Joel continued with a grin. "But she was the least of their worries as one of the kids had a robot stalker back on earth, the very same robot that had launched them into space! His name was Jynx and he and Max would be friends... FOREVER..." "AHHHHH!!" Tom and Crow dove into their respective sleeping bags while Joel chuckled at their reactions. Then a menacing voice spoke up from behind him. "A BOY'S BEST FRIEND IS HIS MOTHER..." "Gah!? Wha!?" Joel whirled around only to find nobody there. His eyes nervously darted back and forth looking for the source of the voice when he glanced down at his sleeping bag and saw a walkie talkie, from which familiar chuckling could be heard. "Oh, it's you, Gypsy. That was a good one." Joel breathed a sigh of relief. "What's up?" "Sorry to eavesdrop and interrupt the fun but Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino are calling." Gypsy's voice replied from the walkie talkie. "Aw shoot, just when I'm starting to have some fun. Okay, reel us in. Sorry guys, looks like Space Camp will have to wait a while." "Space Camp! That's what you were referencing! I knew that! Really!" Crow whined as the pup tent slowly approached the docking bay of the Satellite of Love while Tom hummed the Blue Danube... * * * DEEP 13 "Oh, look Frank, Earnest P. Worrell and his Second Chance bots have decided to grace us with their presence... Shall I fire three bullets at you now or simply parachute a couple dozen snapping turtles onto your collective butts?" Dr. Clayton Forrester sneered at the viewscreen. "Oh CLAP! I mean, snap! Or is it faced? Oh no he... didn't?" TV's Frank babbled, confused. "Moving right along..." Dr. Forrester sighed as he removed his glasses to briefly rub his temples. "My invention this week was inspired by two of my most cherished childhood memories. First, my Viewmaster, which I stol... er... borrowed from a school chum, allowed me to see the world from my own bedroom. Second, the woman next door, allowed me to see everything else when she undressed in front of her window every night after 'Dallas'..." Dr. Forrester sighed wistfully. "That's... touching, Dr. F. But what does..." Joel tried to interrupt. "Soooo... I decided to combine the two into an invention I like to call the 'Voyeurmaster'!" Dr. Forrester held up a blue plastic picture viewer with an orange lever on the side and brought it up to his eyes. "The Voyeurmaster has been pre-loaded with still pictures of half-naked women in various states of undress. Now you can relive those glorious moments of sexual discovery without risking a parole violation! Er, not that I would partake in such a thing myself anymore of course! This is strictly for Mad Science!" Dr. Forrester exclaimed even as he clicked the lever of the 'Voyeurmaster' over and over. "What'da think, Joel?" * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE "Oh please! We've got the internet for that sort of thing. It's got Windows too!" Crow retorted. "Bah, you kids today with your internet! Back in my day, a pair of binoculars and a telescope were the only web browsers I needed and I can guarantee you any boobs I got a shaky glimpse at back then were ALL natural!" Dr. Forrester's image snapped from the viewscreen. Meanwhile Joel gaped openmouthed at the rather frank discussion. "You know, those two arguing... sounds almost one-sided at times." Tom remarked as Joel nodded numbly before reaching under the counter to produce what appeared to be a small carton of milk. "Well, sirs, I was born in Wisconsin so occasionally I like to return to my roots and enjoy a nice tall glass of moo juice. But then I realized that not everyone likes the same type of milk and keeping all different kinds in your fridge is too expensive and possibly wasteful, depending on what you're using it for. So, operating on the same concept as the Switch Pitch ball, my invention this week is a special carton that changes the milk inside from Whole to Skim and back again with a simple toss up in the air." Joel gently tossed the milk up into the air and caught it again. "I'm also working on a chocolate/strawberry carton for kids but I'm having a little trouble with the half & half prototype right now... anyway, what do you think, sirs?" * * * DEEP 13 "Udderly ridiculous, Joel! Why, that's the cheesiest invention I've seen since..." Dr. Forrester began. "Sir, before you get on a roll, I'm obliged to remind you again that I'm from *Wisconsin*. I've heard every cow and milk pun known to man and then some. Can we just moooove it along already?" Joel interrupted from the viewscreen. "Hmph, spoilsport. Very well then... Frank, if you'll do the honors?" Dr. Forrester gestured to the left as Cambot panned over to show an imposing lecture podium with Frank standing behind it. The mellow tones of a brass band quartet playing 'Pomp and Circumstance' were heard from a nearby tape recorder as Frank checked his notes for a moment or two before speaking the following in a solemn tone of voice. "Throughout human history, the crossover or 'transeo' as it's known from the first free English to Latin translator we came across on the web, has played a role in the long, storied history of fanfiction. What that role is, no one is quite certain. Quite. Nevertheless, a fact not even one 'Stephen Edwin King' would dispute is that crossovers have featured many many characters doing many many things for many... many pages. Today... you will bear witness to one such crossover." Joel and the bots groaned as Dr. Forrester continued. "Yes, your experiment this week has Usagi once again chucking away the destiny of Sailor Moon like Bobby Flay's cutting board in Kitchen Stadium, this time to take up the bloody rods of office as dictator of the world. Her reasons? Oh-so-petty. Her actions? Mind-numbingly evil. Her outfits? Well, let's just say some things NEVER change. Heh heh heh... oh yeah, there's a bunch of other anime and Matrix blended in there somewhere too..." 'The Life I Left Behind, Joel. Will it leave you behind?" Frank stage whispered as the viewscreen winked out. * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE "Wow... call me crazy but there was something familiar about the style of Frank's speech." Tom remarked. "What? What was wrong with it now!? I though it was pompous yet pithy in a... whoops." Crow fell silent as he realized he said too much. "Crow? YOU wrote that speech for Frank?" Joel asked, shocked. Embarrassed, Crow rubbed the back of his head. "Uh, yeah. I wanted to see how something I wrote sounded from someone other than us. You guys are too close to the source, that is, me! I needed objective feedback! I needed...!" Crow's ranting was drowned out as alarms wailed and multicolored lights flashed. "We'll discuss this later! Right now WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!" Joel cried out. (Door 6: It's a metal door with no knob. Before you can do anything, it's yanked off its hinges from the other side by a tow truck.) (Door 5: It's an old fashioned elevator. Both sets of doors open for you as you pass through.) (Door 4: It's made of dominoes. You tip the lead one over and watch as the pile slowly lowers until it's half its original size and you step over it.) (Door 3: It's filled with cute stuffed toys. You cuddle them for awhile before proceeding.) (Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Ankh floats from behind you and touches the door. The door vanishes.) (Door 1: It's a castle gate that rises into the ceiling, revealing a drawbridge that slowly lowers to the ground. You cross it cautiously, looking for moat monsters.) (Door .7: It's a swirling blue vortex. Suddenly a large hand reaches out of its center and pulls you inside.) Joel emerged from the vortex into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow sitting on his right. > The Life I Left Behind – By DS Wynne > > *** Joel: The hours were hell and the outfits were worse... so I couldn't be a Vegas showgirl any longer. Crow: Joey Buttafuoco. Tonight... on "Biography". > Disclaimer: "Sailor Moon", "Ranma", "The Matrix", "The World of Darkness" > and other properties belong to their respective owners. > > Note: The "Sailor Moon" portion takes place after the end of the "Sailor > Moon" series. Everything else will be included as needed. Tom: A pinch of "Alien"... a dash of "Gremlins"... mix and fold with some "Star Wars"... > Special note: This is a fusion fan fiction. In other words, there are > elements from the source that doesn't include continuity. Crow: Or coherence. Joel: Such as Usagi's explosive flatulence, Neo's crossdressing, and Ranma's compassion. > *** > > Year 0. Tom: Ahh... the last year there was no Christmas hype... > "I hate you. I hate you!" Joel: So much for the farmer and the cowboy being friends. Tom: Territory folks can go to hell apparently. > Usagi Tsukino, normally a congenial teenager, was livid. She > caught her supposed fiancée in the arms of another girl. Crow: But it's destiny! I'll make with the apologizing and you'll make with the loving... Joel: Honestly! You replaced me with Anne Meara? > "Usako-" began Momaru nervously. > > "I don't want to hear it! You know that I wanted to wait until > we are married. But, no, you couldn't wait, could you? No, you are just > another MALE." Joel: Look, just get me a beer and we'll talk about this next commercial, I promise. > "That's not fair, Usagi!" said Rei Hino. "Nothing happened. > It was just a hug, for Kami's sake!" Tom: She just had her legs wrapped around me for extra support, honest! Crow: She said that her clothes were almost dry! Just a couple more minutes and you wouldn't have... noticed... hey, what a pretty day outside! > "But something would have happened, Rei! Setsuna showed me." Joel: Really? Can I borrow the tape? Tom: We watched "Booty Call"! I know what happens after this!! > Earlier in the day, Setsuna Meoh showed a potential vision of > Momaru and Rei having an affair in the near future. Tom: Neat, huh? Joel: Then she showed another vision of Doc Brown and Marty McFly with a sports almanac. Crow: And if you connect me to a VCR you can set my timer for future visions, such as... floods! Earthquakes! More of Mamoru and Rei necking like rabbits! > Setsuna had hoped that this would prompt the Moon Princess in dealing > with her future husband before a disaster took place, but, in typical Usagi > fashion, she used her heart instead of her head in dealing with the > situation. Crow: All those weeks of training at the gun range, I thought she'd get the idea. > "But-" > > "No buts, Mamoru. I...loved you. And this is how you repay > that love." Joel: But I'm the gift that keeps on giving! To everybody! Tom: What's the current betrayal to love exchange rate anyway? > "I-" > > "Good-bye, Momaru. I hope that you and Rei are happy together." > > And with that, Usagi turned and left the two alone. Crow: As if this didn't have enough of a "Chico and the Man" vibe about it... > "What am I going to do now?" Usagi thought. She was sitting > on a bench, as she fed the ducks at a pond. She then saw a pair of swans > landing on the ponds surface. Tom: After that came five cranes, the Fifth Amphibious, the Sea Duck and the Spruce Goose. > "At least you two are suppose to be a couple," Usagi sighed, > as she remembered that swans were genetically pre-disposed to stay > together. Joel: Hey, don't get the wrong idea, this is my mother! > "You know, you can do better than this," said a voice. Crow: Can it, prereader. Back into your cage. > Usagi turned to see Setsuna feeding the ducks next to her. > > "How do you do that?" Usagi asked. Joel: Usually you flick the wrist, but make sure you crumble the bread smaller next time. > "Lots of practice. Anyway, you should have handled that > 'theatre' a little better than that." Tom: You think I should've done my impression of Fran Drescher right after the one-woman-reenactment of Molly Pitcher? > "Yeah, I guess. But I love him. And he was with Rei of all > people!" > > "I showed you a potential future. Crow: And the other potential future is where Mamoru becomes Darth Vader, right? Tom: Wanna see more? Then send $29.95 for a three month trial membership to.... > Had you acted more mature, you could have saved yourself some > embarrassment. Now, you practically set that future in stone with > your outburst." Joel: Really? He's responded to nagging and wild accusations for three years now... > "I messed things up again, didn't I?" > > "Perhaps. Crow: Still, you provided me with momentary amusement. I came *this* close to smiling. > Do you still want to be the Neo-Queen Serenity? Even without > Momaru by your side?" > > Usagi thought for a moment." Joel: I'd settle for him under my feet, if you could... > "Sure. I guess so..." > > "Then take this compass. It will show where you need to go." > > Usagi takes the compass. What's so wonderful about this thing? Crow: It's her night to be a conductor on the Underground Railroad? > "And Princess. One more thing." > > "Yes, Setsuna?" > > "The path that you are about to go on will be marked with > both triumphs and sorrows. May you find what you are looking for." Tom: Turn to page 83. > And with that, the Senshi of Time vanishes. > > "I wonder what she mean by that..." Crow: We have to pad out the fic by another twenty pages! Now, follow that bird! > Year 2. Tom: By this time, the Hunza bread had destroyed my pancreas and took residence in my duodenum. Joel: Usagi babysits our lord and saviour for $2 an hour. > "Hey you JERK!" > > "I didn't do nothing, Akane!" > > "She's just teasing you, you big dope!" > > "See what I have to go through, Usa-chan?" > > "Sigh. Women!" Crow: They washed the fanfic in warm water, and all the characters bled through. > It was the graduation day at Furikan High School. Akane > Tendo, the heir to the "Anything Goes" dojo was in a festive mood. Joel: Finally, Phi Delta Tendo is off double-secret probation. > Not only was she and her fiancée Ranma Saotome, another heir to "Anything > Goes" school, were graduating, but they were planning on getting married > in two weeks. Since they are to have a western-style wedding, their best > friend Usagi Tsukino would serve as Akane's bridesmaid. Crow: While the rest of the senshi would serve as the Earps. Tom: Usagi, ever the voice of reason, insisted on separate limousines. > "Honestly, Usagi, it's a miracle that Ranma's graduating > at all." > > "Hey, martial arts got nothing to do with school." Crow: Ha! Tell that to practically every 70's Kung-Fu movie ever made! Joel: Ranma lettered in Shaolin Diploma Snatching. > "But Ranma, you know that people respect a well-rounded > teacher," Usagi said. Crow: I'm Fat Daddy Bee and I'm B.I.G...! Joel: No, I think she means rounded more like Miss Hinako. Tom: There's a reason they listened to Michelle Pfeiffer. > "Heck, even Upperclassman Kuno knows this, and you don't want him to be > better than you." > > "Yeah, right," Ranma snorted. Crow: What do you take me for? A doorman? Tom: Nope, just a doormat. Crow: D'oh! > Usagi could remember the day she first met Ranma and Akane. Joel: It was November 11th, oddly enough. > Two years ago, she was following the directions of the compass when she > came across a panda hitting a redheaded pigtail girl on the back of her > head with a sign. All: ECW! ECW! ECW! > Usagi, thinking that the panda was a youma, transformed into her Sailor > Moon guise, and followed it. Usagi was extra cautious about dealing > with the beast, since she didn't have any backup. Tom: She thought about calling Chen Kenichi for possible panda-steak recipes. > As soon as she got close enough, she noticed that the panda > had taken the girl to a dojo. There, while the beast was distracted, > Usagi attacked. > > "Moon Tiara ATTACK!" > > "Yeeow!" > > "Pop?!" said the redheaded girl. Joel: Oh great, I just orphaned the Mowgli of Japan. > "Oh, my. You have more guest, father?" said another teenaged > girl. > > "Hey! If you want to challenge the Tendo dojo, you got to go > around!" screamed another girl. Crow: You've got to challenge nine other fighters and rid the world of M. Bison first! Joel: The save point is in the back! Once you challenge me, you risk losing the last five hours of your life! > "Of course, you WILL pay for any damage that you may incur," > said yet another girl. > > "What's going on here?" said a man with long hair and a > moustache. Tom: Ben Stiller is already jealous. > "Why the hell you attack my pop? Not that he didn't deserve > it, and all, but..." > > "You mean, this thing is YOUR FATHER?" > > "WHAT?!" said everyone from within the residence. Joel: Oh, good heaven. Lemme guess, we can look it up in our Funk and Wagnall's? > After everyone calmed down, it was revealed that the Panda and > the girl were victims of an unusual curse. Tom: For when the full moon rises, they go to Taco Bell to relieve their munchies. Crow: Three little words spoken by either of them brought down a terrible downpour of green slime. Joel: They both were labeled "geniuses" in France. > The "panda" was actually a martial arts master named Genma Saotome, and > the "girl" was Genma's son Ranma. And, as show of good faith, Usagi > revealed her own identity. Tom: But before she could, she fumbled around for cards down the front of her dress... Crow: I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS... no, not that one... HI-YOOO, SILVER... dammit... > "Wait a minute," Soun began. "You're Ken's daughter, right?" > > "Yes. How did you know?" Joel: You have a distinctly "Mattel" vibe about you. Crow: I flew with your father on the Bacchus 3. Want to see my shiny pink jumpsuit? > "Ken was an old school buddy of Genma and I. You remember, don't > you Genma?" > > "Hey, you're right!" Genma replied. "He was the most studious out of > all of us, including Nobuyaki and that Morubishi kid." Tom: Until Lily intervened. Darn that Ken Snape! > "Wait a minute!" Akane exclaimed. "YOU'RE SAILOR MOON! I read all > about your adventures in the papers." Joel: Is it really true that you went around the world in LESS than eighty days?? > "Yes, I was." > > "Who is this 'Sailor Moon'?" asked Ranma, who was starting to get bored > with the whole conversation. Tom: Didn't I just tell you? Huh, guess the author forgot. Crow: Look, bub, DON'T make her go through the opening theme again! > "Usagi is a superhero who fight youma, along with her friends, the > Sailor Scouts. The Sailor Scouts are almost as famous as those American > superheroes, like the Justice League and the Avengers!" Joel: Or Best Buy's Geek Squad! Tom: Well, if you're not a Rescue Ranger, then I couldn't care less. > "Feh, like a girl can fight at all," Ranma snorted. > > BLAM! > > "Humph!" said Akane, as she dusted her hands. Tom: She used the Acme Disintegrator! Quick, go order an Acme Reintegrator! > "Now THAT he had coming," Genma commented, as he stared at the > table that was on top of his son. > > "Was that necessary?" asked Usagi. Joel: Nope, it's a cliché. Expect more shortly. >She was still reeling from the announcement that Genma and Soun wanted >Ranma and Akane was to be fiancées, for she hated the idea of predestined >outcomes involving love. Crow: You could barely tell that this decision was made with her hormones. Tom: She's on the ropes, Saotome! Go with the reception plans for the knockout! > "See, my friend, they make a good couple!" beamed Soun. Tom: What? The table and Ranma's face? Crow: Usagi and Akane? Are you off your rocker? > Over the next few days and weeks, Usagi visited the Tendo > dojo. She used the pretext of receiving martial arts lessons as a way > of avoiding her friends. Joel: This was far more believable than when she said she had to learn radiology to skip breakfast. Crow: Just a few more lessons, Rei, and I'm gonna kick your ass all over school! > And after Soun was able to talk to Usagi's father, Usagi was able to > transfer to Furinken High School. Usagi was even able to come to live > with the Tendo as Akane's roommate. Crow: If anyone needs me, I can be reached at... The Tendo. > "Usagi, don't go," Luna said tearfully. "We need you. I > need you." > > "I can't stay here right now. Besides, there's no need for a > 'Sailor Moon' anymore." > > "But-" > > "Look, just keep an eye on things for me, okay?" Tom: I'm a frickin' cat, Usagi. If the Negaverse comes with Tender Vittles, the world may as well be destroyed to me. > "Very well. Just...please, don't be a stranger." > > "Hey, I'm already a bit strange, so it's too late for that. Crow: Wait... I am a stranger. McGruff the Crime Dog says don't talk to me! Tom: Suddenly, I'm feeling much better about our separation. > As Usagi got into the cab in front of her home, she could see > Momaru standing on the corner looking at her with shades on. Usagi > looked at her one-time fiancée before getting into her ride, and left. Joel: So much for the Corey Hart approach... > Since then, Usagi became very much involved in the affairs of the Nerima > district, whether she wanted to or not. Living with the Tendo household > has been an interesting experience. Tom: Usagi counted at least 79 different types of "oh my", and categorized them by inflection. Crow: Next time on 'Oniisama'.... > Still, all the training, brawls and fights did prepare her for when she, > Ranma and the others had to take on the likes of Herb, Rouge, Kumon > and Saffron when it really mattered. When Ranma and Akane had finally > professed their love for each other, it was up to Usagi to mollify the > various fiancées and rivals. Tom: Look, it's the Black Lotus and TWO Mox Sapphires for you to go back to China. > At least, she was able to get Ryouga and Ukyo interested in each other. > Still, it wasn't easy dealing with the other usual suspects. Joel: I'll give you fifty dollars if you have a ham sandwich in your pocket! > "Golden-hair girl! I will date thee!" > > "Get real." > > SPLAT! Crow: Foley art by Warner Brothers Studio. Joel: Wow, her tired cliché actually killed him. > "Shampoo got you now!" said the Chinese Amazon, as she tried to > jump her nemesis. > > "Biiiiiii!" Usagi said, as she stuck out her tongue at the > pursuing Chinese Amazon. Tom: Meep meep! > "Shampoo, don't!" yelled Ranma, as he was about to get involved. > > "It's my problem, Ranma!" Usagi yelled back, as she ran in > a different. Joel: Crowd? Scene? Fanfic? Crow: Boy, getting a stunt double was a great idea! > "But-" > > "Ranma," Akane said, as she pulled Ranma's pigtail. "She can > take care of herself. Unless...she's your fiancée, too?" Crow: She's my fiancee AND she can take care of herself! Smell ya later, Akane. Tom: He's going to trade one of them in the off-season to Tenchi Masaki for a princess to be named later. > "N-no. Of course I'm not! You think I'm some sort of > womanizer?" > > Akane simply rolled her eyes. All: Come on-a my house, my house... I'm gonna give you cannnndy... > Ever since she accidentally intercepted the blow that was intended for > "Ranko", the purpled odango girl was ever relentless. At least, her > great, grandmother had forbidden Shampoo from killing her. Tom: So Shampoo just perches on her doghouse, staring holes through Usagi. Joel: Cologne didn't mind the "Dip" though, and when Shampoo scored a source in California... > "I got to hide. Disguise pen, change me into...a BAG LADY!" > > WHISH! > > "Where Usagi go?" Shampoo said, as she ran past a bag lady. > > "Whew!" Crow: That was almost "Bewitched" in its stupidity. Tom: Try the blonde-haired hobo, I hear she goes good with beans. > "You know, you really ought do something about that girl," > said Ukyo, as she closed the door of her shop. As always, the okynomiyaki > cook goes to school during the morning. Crow: Fortunately she had dozens of rats to handle the morning prep. Joel: Ukyou was voted "Most Likely to Leave in the Afternoon". > "Yeah, well, as long as Shampoo isn't trying to kill me, I > don't mind." > > "Still, don't you find it strange that Cologne has forbidden > her from killing you? In fact, Cologne has been awfully nice to you." Crow: So, Usagi finally found a use for that "Playing Canasta" superpower. > "Yeah, it's strange. I asked her why, but she keeps saying > that I was a child of destiny or something." > > "And that's it?" > > "That's it." Tom: I think the word she used was "density". Joel: It would've been the title of the fanfic too... but the author's coin came up tails. > "Weird. We better hurry up, or Miss Hinako will get upset > at us." > > "Kami, don't I wish that I had normal teachers..." Joel: Like Mr. Hinkley! He really was the greatest American hero! > In the distance, there were two people looking at the throng > of teenagers entering the school grounds of Furinken High School, though > from two different vantage points. Crow: Michael Moore and Arianna Huffington, shooting competing documentaries. Joel: The part of Ranma Saotome will now be played by John F. Kennedy. > On one end, there was a black suited gentleman standing next to a black > sedan. From another vantage point, there is a woman in black leather on > a motorcycle. Both looked intense, and neither knew that the other was > around. Tom: Agent Smith and Trinity had the bad luck of answering each other's personal ads. > The man in black picked up a cell phone and spoke. Crow: Can you hear me now? Good! > "This is Agent Kuroi. The target have been spotted." > > Meanwhile, the girl on the bike picked up her own cell > phone,and spoke into it as well. Joel: They take their bird watching very seriously. > "Target has been spotted. Waiting for orders." Tom: Three large, one with pepperoni and two with mushrooms. > Sigh, the woman thought. Why couldn't the locals take care > of this? Crow: Oh, that's right, we killed them. Silly! Tom: The people of Furinkan High don't strike me as nearly as aware of the Matrix as they could be. > "Well, that's rich," said Usagi with a perturbed look, as > she and the other students left the school grounds. > > "Hey, it's not my fault the Old Man wanted to fight me." > > "But did you and Happosai have to take the battle into the girls' locker > room?" yelled Akane. Joel: I'm beginning to think that Furinkan High School consists of 87.8% girls' locker room. Crow: Well maybe if you showed your "fiancé" some BOOB now and then I wouldn't have to! > "Jerk!" > > BOP! > > "Hey!" > > "Excuse me, but may I have a moment of your time?" > > Ranma, Akane and Usagi turned to see two dark-suited men > approaching them. Their danger senses were ringing. Crow: Until Matthew Lesko came forward! Tom: Let me tell YOU how to get government grants!! > "Yes?" Usagi began. > > "I am Agent Kuroi of the Bureau of Internal Security," said > one of the men. > > "We believe that you are a target of a criminal mastermind." > > "For what?" Ranma asked. Crow: We're here to warn you. A scene change is imminent. > "For possible recruitment. If you don't mind, we would like > for you to come with us for protection." > > "Sorry, but we can take care of ourselves," Ranma said. > > "Then, we have no choice but to arrest you. For your own > good, of course." Tom: The boy's going to be cast down with the Sodomites. We'll put the blonde in with Adebici, and the other girl can go with Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence for the next seventy years. > Then, two more similarly dressed men popped out of the sedan. Joel: Nobody escapes the clown Mafia. > "Please, do not resist." Tom: Why, no one's ever asked me nicely before! Fighting sucks, let's just go peacefully. > Ranma, Akane and Usagi immediately got into a fighting stance. > > "Feh. Only human." Crow: Perhaps if they tried individual stances instead of merging into Devastator? > Agent Kuroi threw a small grenade into the throng of students. > It was designed to freeze everyone into place. Tom: They then turned Furinkan into a charming English sculpture garden. > ZAP! Crow: Dammit! I used the incendiary grenade again! Why can't they LABEL these damn things!? > Unknown to the Agents, the trio's battle aura shielded them > from the affects of the freeze. > > "NO!" yelled Usagi. Crow: I was ready to die! Curse my survival instincts! Joel: If I share a battle aura with you, then I share it with everyone you've fought against! Ewww yucky!! > "Usagi, stay focused!" yelled Ranma. If only Ryouga was > around... > > "Interesting," Kuroi smirked. I guess we'll have to do this > personally." Tom: As opposed to tossing grenades for moral support? > And thus the battle is on. > > "Damn," the woman said, as she revved up her engines. > "Atarashii, why couldn't we have gotten an easier target for me to find?" > > And off she goes to join the battle. Crow: Please tell me this isn't going to lead to a dance competition. Joel: [singing] M.A.S.K.! Is the mighty power that can save the day! > Surprisingly, the battle between the agents and the trio of > friends was not an easy one. Somehow, the agents were keeping up with > the speed and strength levels of the Nerimians. Tom: Nerimians? Is that anything like Nimnuls? Joel: Until the C.H.U.D.s joined the battle. Crow: They trained against trios extensively at Stooge University. > "KACHU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!" > > Ranma was doing better than the others, applying whatever > "Ki" that was at his disposal. Joel: Waitasecond, it's time to "wax on" again. Tom: But scratching the agents paintjob only seemed to anger them more. > "You're not agents of the government!" yelled Akane, as she > ducked a blow. She then charged her fists. She then leaped over > front kick. Crow: We're FDIC. Deposit *this*! > "HAMMER OF THUNDER!" Akane yelled, as she performed a double-handle > axe punch on the agent's head. > > BOOM! Tom: Out of my way! I'm late to a boss fight with Kratos! > Somehow, a lightning bolt from the sky came down as soon as Akane made > contact. The agent was flattened in spectacular fashion. Crow: Less Zeus, more Thor. Tom: She's the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High now? Did she just rent out the power, or take it by killing Kuno? Joel: Nah, she just told a nasty fib and refused to take the punishment. > "This is ridiculous," said Kuroi, as he pulled out a handgun. > > BLAM! BLAM! > > Not prepared, Akane went down in a hail of bullets. Crow: Damn this goofy weather. Joel: Thank goodness she didn't get buried by a blizzard of bullfrogs next. Tom: Sure, she seems dead now but one minute before this fic ends, Kuroi better PRAY Reginald Veljohnson is nearby... > "NOOOOOOOO!" yelled Ranma. Distracted, Ranma was then > grabbed and thrown against the wall. Crow: But before Ranma could hit the wall, he was distracted again, thankfully saving himself. > "Ranma! Akane!" Usagi said, as she ran towards her fallen > friends. > > BLAM! BLAM! Joel: Sadly her Nike Pump sneakers had an untimely blowout. Tom: Blam blam he shot me down... Blam blam I kissed the ground... Blam blam that goofy sound... Blam blam... my author... shot me... downnn... > "This wasn't how it was suppose to be..." Usagi said, as > she slumped. > > "And now, you all will cooperate-" > > BLAM! BLAM! Crow: Another 2,491 rounds and it will start to actually resemble "The Matrix". Tom: And Brandon Lee always reminds you to clean your guns out before your pointless stunts too! > Distracted, two of the agents fell in a hail of bullets. Agent > Kuroi and the other agent turned to see a woman pointing a > high-powered riffle at the agents. > > "The rounds in this gun is made especially for your kind. > Back off. Now." Joel: Hey cool! First wiffle bats, now riffle guns! What'll they think of next? Tom: I think Elrond should attempt to call the bluff, just to see what happens. > "Well, well. If it isn't the reality deviant named Mittsu. > Come to recruit another ally?" > > "Feh. You got three seconds to back off-" > > "Or what? You know how dangerous this potential one is." > > Silence. Joel: S-Should we say something? Tom: N-Nah, let's keep bleeding out and see what happens. Crow: Don't feel bad, the readers are desperately trying to catch up too. > "I don't know what you are talking about." > > "Please. I tell you what. You choose which one lives, and > which one is to be 'processed'." With that, the agent pulled out a > grenade. "Either you let us take what we want, or everyone here dies > right here." Joel: "This is ridiculous," said Kasumi, as she armed a nuclear bomb. > Knowing that she had yet to get her back up, Mittsu lowered > her weapon." > > "Good girl," the agent smirked, as his remaining partner > picked up their unconscious target: Usagi Tsukino. Crow: They're going to distill her into essences of sugar, spice, and everything nice. Tom: Letsee what else is on the list... dozen eggs, gallon of milk... > "Sorry for not staying, but our business is concluded." > > And, in a flash of light, the agents, Usagi and the sedan > disappeared. Though tempted to do otherwise, Mittsu concealed her > weapon and took out what appeared to be a medkit. Crow: A couple of shield packs and a chaingun and Usagi's ready for the next respawn. > She then rushed over to Akane to check on her vital signs. > > "Uhhh..." > > "Hang on, kid. I'm just stabilizing your wounds." Joel: Three botched tracheotomies later... Crow She's at 85% coverage! Quick, tear her shirt open! > "Ugh...AKANE! USAGI!" Ranma yelled, as he picked himself up. > He quickly looked around and saw that a woman was hovering over his > fiancée. He immediately rushed over to them, and pushed Mittsu aside. Joel: Then he pushed Akane aside. Ranma was feeling rather belligerent at the time... Tom: I've seen every episode of Dr. House! Now stand off to the side and question everything I do while I smugly berate you! > "HEY!" > > "Akane? AKANE!" > > "I'm trying to help her!" > > "Who are you?" Ranma demanded. > > "A friend who can help. Her wounds needs to be dealt with > if she is going to live." Crow: Take her to Darth Sidious! Joel: We can rewrite her. We have the technology. > Ranma looked at the woman for a moment. > > "Okay, but if anything happens to her-" > > "Yeah, yeah. Now, if you can excuse..." > > Mittsu took out a strange looking device, and waved it over > Akane's wounds. Tom: According to this... she's definitely not a stud... Crow: One .44 bullet later, Akane was off to the glue factory! > Being a stomach wound, one could watch blood pour out perfusely. Crow: As a matter of fact, Ranma could watch it all day. It was way cooler than his lava lamp at home. Joel: Wow, this is truly captivating... Akane, can you see this? Akane? > Slowly, though, the wounds began to close up." > > "Wow..." > > "There, that ought to do it. Take her to a place where your > friend can get healed up." Joel: The Betty Ford Clinic. > With that, Mittsu turned to leave. > > "Hey, what about Usagi?" > > "What about her?" Mittsu replied, as she put on her > motorcycle helmet. Tom: TOUGH! TOUGH! Crow: Is she done yet? I'm hungry. > "You just can't leave-" Ranma began, as he was about to grab > the mysterious woman. But before he could, Happosai, the demented > Martial Arts Grandmaster of "Anything Goes" martial arts suddenly came > behind his "heir" and applied the pressure points to render Ranma > unconscious. Crow: This may be my easiest role to date... ZZZZzzzzzz... > "Uhhhh..." > > "Took you long enough, Master Saotome," Mittsu replied. "You > do know what this means for the world, don't you?" Joel: CGI Shao Khan will soon be threatening us with Dr. Claw's voice? > "This is only a setback, Mittsu. It is not my heir's fault > that he was not ready to deal with Technocracy or the System. He still > has a lot to learn before he Awakens to his potential." Tom: Tomorrow... he learns how to surf! Crow: Boy, you know, NOTHING adds excitement to a story like BUREAUCRACY! Just ask George Lucas! > "That may be, but because the Mirror-shades took the 'Child of > Destiny', your heir may have doomed us all." > > "Then, I will get him ready for the next phase then." > > "I hope so. I got to report back to the Council. Be seeing > you, master." > > With that, Mittsu drove off. Joel: And becomes Ghost Rider? Tom: It'd be the most plausible thing to happen in this fic so far. > Happosai looked down at Ranma and Akane, and shook his head. > > "I guess I have to get serious about your training, boy." > > And with that, Happosai scooped up Akane and Ranma and left > the area, before the area was "processed" by more Agents. Crow: This land is NOT zoned for fights! It's 1c-residential! > At a window at school, overlooking the front entrance of the > school, a figure picks up a cell phone. > > "I gave you what you wanted, Miss Midori," said Nabiki. > "Now, you can give me what I want." Tom: A Golden Ticket? > With that, Nabiki hung up. > > Sure enough, the next day, no one remembered what had happened > the previous day. "Processing" was a procedure that Happosai and his > allies knew all too well. Joel: After all, how would they get such full photo albums? Tom: So Happosai and his allies participated in what they did best... selling yesterday's paper as today's and playing the lottery numbers. Crow: It took a year of intensive therapy... but I was able to put 'Everybody Loves Raymond' behind me. > Basically, it removes evidence of Reality Deviance from any given area. > Agents, commonly known as the "Men in Black" typically erase evidence > from local witnesses, which is why the stories of the prowess of very > powerful martial artists were considered to be folk tales to the world > at large. Joel: So that's when the legend of Babe the Blue Ox versus Ryu Hoshi started! > The worse thing about processing was that it could also remove people from > conscious memory. Such a thing has now happened to Usagi. Crow: You know, I barely remember this fanfic being about Usagi, and... that sailor chick... Tom: Yeah, Olive something, wasn't it? > "What happened to Usagi, old man?" > > Ranma, being perturbed by what was going on. Only he and Akane > knew what had happened to Usagi. Then, he saw someone familiar. > > "YOU?" Joel: It's Red Herring! > "Yes, me," said Mittsu, as she sipped her tea. > > "Hello, son-in-law," said Cologne, as she sipped her own tea. > > "What are you doing here, Old Ghoul?" > > "Ranma, sit down for a moment," Happosai said as he smoked his > pipe. "I'm going to tell you a little story about the true nature > of reality." Tom: Be it hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin... Joel: Ben Stiller watches over us all. It really bites. > Ranma, not really understanding, sat down. > > "Well?" > > "Ranma, did you know that Reality is lie?" All: Life... is... LIE! (Na na... na na na...!) Joel: Thank heaven, "South Park" has really shaken my faith lately. > Year 10. Crow: This 'fic is definitely headed for the Scooby-Doo ending, isn't it? > "Ah, Miss Ohara. I see that you have come. Welcome to my > little establishment." Joel: Suddenly we're watching a Whose Line sketch. Tom: Now, in the form of a Swedish porno. Crow: Ah, Miss Ohara. I see that you have come. > Serena O'Hare, the Woman in White, strolled into Merovingian's > restaurant with her fellow Agents and subordinates. Joel: You just knew when they made a live action movie of 'Spy Vs. Spy', they'd screw it up. Tom: Oh, it's "Spy vs. Spy"? Thank heaven, I thought they were stupid enough to bankroll "Elektra II". > Officially, Serena was in Paris, France, to check on local Technocratic > activities in Europe as an independent observer. Tom: Off the record, she and Nabiki just wanted an excuse to party and fool around with male prostitutes. Joel & Crow: WE GOT A LOT OF LIVIN' TO DOOOO...!!! > It was the only way to make sure that corruption did not spread throughout > the Union. Joel: Little late for that, sweetheart. Crow: Is this where she flashes the goofy light on the Mona Lisa? > "And Miss Tendo, it's good to see you again. I am glad to > have a fellow Financier dine with me for lunch." > > "Thank you, Monsieur Merovingian," Nabiki replied. Tom: For Bob Evans, I'll do almost anything. > For the past ten years, Nabiki Tendo has enjoyed herself as a member of > the Technocratic Convention known as "The Syndicate". Crow: She's spinning it off into a shell company known as "Syndicated Incorporated". > Still, being assigned to accompany the one she once knew as "Usagi Tsukino" > had been a nervous experience. However, whatever Control wants any of its > Technocratic minions to perform an operation, you followed orders without > question. Joel: As the new Queen of Blades, Usagi carried out the will of the Swarm. > "So, Miss Ohara, to what pleasure do I owe this visit?" > > "I'm going to get straight to the point," Serena said, electing > to keep her shades on. Tom: I have a contact in Africa who is the Vice Chancellor, and he needs your account to transfer money to. > She looked at the various minions that this Syndicate operative had around > him, including the fabled "Twins". Joel: Isn't it true that you have, perhaps unwillingly, acquired a certain habit through association with certain undesirable people? > "Rumor has it that the Reality Deviants will be making a play on > 'retrieving' a guest of yours." Crow: Yes, along with Matt Damon and Pink. Also Stupid Pet Tricks! > "I see. Ah, care for a little snack, Miss Ohara? I know that > vanilla ice cream is your favorite." > > Serena paused. > > "Sure." Tom: Hey Pedro! Bleach this chocolate ice cream for me, willya? Crow: In a Parisian restaurant, she goes for vanilla ice cream. > "You must be very accomplished to risen the ranks of the > Operatives, Miss Ohara," Persephone said, as she looked at this woman > dressed in white. Crow: And you are...? Joel: Candy. Eye Candy. Pleased to meet you. > "It wasn't easy. I thank my mentors for grooming me for my > position within the Union." Tom: Lieutenant General, First Mounted Calvary. Crow: See this awesome goatee? Don't I look totally threatening? > "Yes. Ah! Here we go," the Frenchman said, as a waiter > handed Serena a glass of ice cream. > > "French vanilla?" > > "But of course." > > Serena began taking a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. Joel: Soon she graduated to a spatula, then a shovel. Tom: If the story has to grind to a halt, at least it is over the divine pleasure of French vanilla ice cream. > "You know, Miss Ohara. There is much to be said about > control. That are those who want to be in control, and there are > those who simply wants TO control. Crow: These people usually end up on Battlebots. Tom: And now for the hard sell! > Take that ice cream that you are partaking." > > "Oh?" Serena said, as she polished her dessert. > > "By now, the effects of the dessert should have very interesting results." > > "I see." Crow: You're right! My stomach now cries out for its sisters, Strawberry and Chocolate! > With that sat down her spoon. Joel: But there is no spoon. Oh geez, this is going to take up another five pages isn't it? > "Only I can satisfy your 'hunger' now. And with that, I am in > full control over the situation. Now, tell me, why are you are > really here." > > Serena smirked. Nabiki looked nervous. > > "Let me demonstrate the true meaning of control." Tom: With that, Nabiki lowers her skirt to reveal Control Tops. > Then, she pressed her index finger onto Merovingian's table. > > "BAKUSAI TENKETSU." > > Serena, using the breaking point, shatters the table." > > "WHAT THE HELL-?!" Crow: I expected chop-socky, but this is ridiculous! > Everyone jumps up, guns drawn. Only the high-ranking > operatives remain their calm demeanor. > > "That, Monsieur Merovingian, is the meaning being IN control. > You have quite the reputation of compromising women operatives. I > don't know why you are allowed to continue to operate in the manner > that you have, but I digress." Tom: Try reading an Ian Flemming novel sometime, Cherie. Joel: Leave the gun. Take the cannolis. > Then, Serena walks up to the Frenchman. > > "While I'm here, I going to investigate your operations. Pull > that crap with me again, and I will have you liquidated. Understood?" > > "Perfectly," Merovingian said with clinched teeth. Crow: The bit in his mouth was beginning to chafe, but he knew that the saddle on his back would soon be filled. > "Good. Have a nice day, Monsieur." > > And with that, Serena's entourage left the restaurant. Tom: I hope they remembered to tip the waiter... into the foie gras, the ungrateful bastard. Crow: Undaunted, Merovingian immediately hired the A-Team for protection. > "Was that really necessary?" asked Nabiki. > > "Just wanted to teach that pervert a lesson." > > Then, Serena felt strange. Joel: Faces soon came out of the rain. Tom: Do I know you? > "Get back to the hotel. Have Dr. Zanzibar prepare a > counter-agent for that drug that bastard laced into the ice cream." > > "Right." Crow: Hey, I only pissed into it! I'm French, it's what we do. Tom: What, was Doctor Bombay on a house call at the moment? > Just as Serena, Nabiki and the others left, a group of "Reality > Deviants" enters the building. > > "It's her..." Joel: Madonna! Crow: No it isn't, it's clearly Angelina Jolie! Tom: Mother Teresa? > "Ranma, we have to keep focused," Morpheus says, as he, Neo > and Trinity make their way into the building for their meeting with > Merovingian. Joel: Hey, I'm not the one that gained fifty pounds between movies, Morpheus! Tom: I lost weight! In fact, I'm not even sure I'm a woman anymore! Crow: Don't worry, I've got more than enough boobs for both of us. > Ranma was dressed in his Chinese clothes, except that they were all > black. His shades only enhanced his ensemble. Crow: Blues Brothers Reloaded. > "But-" > > "I know, but we have to retrieve the Keymaker first. Then, we > will see about dealing with your friend and the traitor." > > "But-" > > "Don't worry, buddy," said Neo. "We'll take care of everything." > > "But-" Tom: Obviously Ranma is preoccupied with saving his own ass. Joel: All they have to find is the Gatecrasher, then they can summon the Stay-Puft Cotton Swab Man. > "Trust us, okay?" said Trinity. > > "Alright." > > And with that, the four disappear into the elevator. Crow: And for the remaining five seconds of his life, Ranma never trusted again. Joel: Oh no, they've been written out of the soap opera! > Tbc. > > The Life I Have Left Behind – By DS Wynne Tom: Ooh, Mikey's gonna be pissed. Joel: Forgive me, my pink plastic wife, but I found another and her car is red! > *** > > Disclaimer: "Sailor Moon" and other genres belong to their respective > creators/owners. > > *** > > Part 2 > > *** All: STARS... > "When a bird sheds its wings, it becomes the beast from which it evolved > from." > >- Vera, "Big O" Crow: Do they do that naturally? If so, ick. Joel: Is that before or after it splats on the ground? > *** > > Year 25 Tom: Morpheus passed fifteen years ago today, the victim of a tragic donut overdose. Crow: Is it a dragon or a pig this year... damn it, I need a Chinese restaurant placemat! > "Conduct the clean up in sectors 7, 10 and 20," Magistrate Usagi ("Sailor > Moon") Tsukino, also known as the Woman-in-White Serena O'Hare. Joel: Momma's got the power of Clorox and she's not afraid to use it! > "I want a level five report status on all operations." > > "Yes, ma'am," said an aide, as she left Usagi's office. Tom: Umm, they're going well. Crow: What the hell? How about a level four? Tom: Insert three more quarters, please. > "Tell, Financier Tendo, will Genom Corporation meet the demands of the > Technocratic Union?" > > "Of course, Usagi," Nabiki replied, as she went through the statistics. > "Quincy has assured me that he and his company will consolidate our > power-structure within five years." Joel: He had to wipe the pizza grease off his fingers and finish that final autopsy first, though. Tom: Once the Kay-Bee Conglomerate is toppled, our Toys-Be-We empire will be the Master of the Universe! > "Good," Usagi said, as she lit up a thin cigar. "That would-be > brother-in-law certainly mucked things up with his fight with that > reality deviant Saffron." Crow: It's too bad that we had it offscreen, but you can still titter guiltily about the phallic symbolism. > Nabiki looked at Usagi for a moment. > > "Ranma saved many lives. How can you be so dismissive?" > > Usagi looked at Nabiki hard. Joel: Usagi would have won easily but Andy Ritcher kept distracting her. Crow: Nothing but ones and zeros, Nabiki, remember? > "Well, the battle between 'Ranma' and Saffron caused the Kanto Earthquake. > You have one arch-magus fighting a god, so what do you have? Many lives > lost. I would call that irresponsible, no?" Joel: Fine then, "Sailor Moon", how about stopping this grave threat? > "What has happened to you? Why are you so...cold?" > > "Isn't this the pot calling the kettle black?" > > "That's not fair, and you know it." > > "Life seldom is." Tom: Let's grind our fanfic to a halt so that the characters can reveal traits we already know they have and confront like they just did paragraphs ago. Crow: Forget slowing the plot down, just sink the bitch. > Then, Usagi got up to survey the ruined city of Tokyo, which was slowly > rebuilding itself up. > > "Control has given me complete jurisdiction of this city. I'M IN > CHARGE, as is it my destiny...my right." > > "Sounds like you have a complex developing." Tom: Usagi takes her 'Caesar' game a little too seriously. Joel: So is she Lex Luthor now? Gendo? President Shinra? Emperor Palpatine? Crow: Try all four, with a bit of Bill Clinton thrown in. > "Barring that insult of yours, life is seldom simple." > > Then Usagi sat back down at her desk. > > "If you excuse me, I have work to do." > > Nabiki nodded, got up and left. Tom: I left my personality in the car, be right back. > When Usagi was alone, she pulled out a datapad. Then, Usagi pressed a > button. All: