*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
            (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)


(The future isn't what it used to be....)


"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7"  (SEASON THREE)

EPISODE 26: 9-BALL DREAMS PT. 1

(A Sailor Moon Lemon Crossover MSTing)

MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 (megane67@rogers.com )

This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc.  Just covering
my own ass here folks....

"Sailor Moon" is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all the
distributors of her work.

"9-Ball Dreams" is the property of Mr_Jazz and he's welcome to it.  I
do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but I
figure it's only a matter of time before someone does.  Think of this as
another form of C&C.  It's all meant in good fun.  ;)

(Note: The original unMSTed version of "9-Ball Dreams" can be found at
"A Sailor Moon Romance".  See link at the end of the MSTing.)

Warning:  This fic contains mature content.  If you are offended by such
material, simply delete it and it's gone.  If not, enjoy!


(Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5... 4... 3....)

It's the not-too-distant future,
Last Sunday BC
There was this guy named Joel
Not so different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another guy in a red jumpsuit
He did a great job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses really hate him
So they shot him into space!!!!

Joel:
(OH... MY... GODDESS!!!)

Crow and Tom:
(IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!)

(Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer printout)

We'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst we can find  (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind  (lalala)

(Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them
ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control
When the fanfics begin or end  (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends;

ROBOT ROLL CALL:

CAMBOT:
'Text only'?

Gypsy:
'Oh, my!'

Tom Servo:
'Sweet-o!'

CROOOOOOOW!!!
'I'm not a hentai!'

If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes
And other science facts  (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
*It's just a MiST*
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!!

*    *    *

THE HOLOCABANA
20:00 HOURS


    "Last time on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire....'"

    Joel Robinson was cool, calm and collected as the spotlights
rotated in readiness for the next question.  He was doing especially well,
having kept all three of his lifelines and ascended to the next to last
question.  Provided that the pressure didn't get to him, Joel would soon
be a very rich man....

    Regis Philbin took a moment to oil up his tie before proceeding
to the next question.  "All right, Joel, this question is worth five hundred
thousand dollars!  Here we go!"  

    Suspenseful Gregorian chanting filled the air as Regis read the
question from his viewscreen.

('In the movie "Spaceballs", what is written on the bumper sticker of
Spaceball One?')

A: WE LUV URANUS        B: MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH YOU
C: WE BRAKE FOR NOBODY    D: IN TOD WE TRUST

    Joel smiled, a look of nostalgia washing over his face, as he replied.
"Well, Regis, my father and I used to spend hours together watching...."

    "Hey, Joel?  How's about you shut your big fat trap and answer
the question already!"  Regis interrupted with an annoyed look on his face.
    
    "Geez, you wanted in surgery or something?"  Joel retorted.

    "Nobody cares about your life story.  Just answer the frigging
question!"  Regis growled.

    "Okay, okay.  My answer is C.  Geez...."  Joel grumbled.

    "Is that your final answer?"  Regis asked.

    "Ask me again and I'll tell you the same,"  Joel replied calmly.

    Regis glanced down at his fingernails for a few moments, then
looked up at the ceiling, studying it for a minute or so, humming quietly
to himself, before glancing in Joel's direction.  

    "You're sure now?"

    "Very sure," Joel replied.

    Regis raised an eyebrow at him.  "Undoubtedly and Unequivocally?"
    
    "Both those and then some."  Joel nodded.

    "Well, Joel, you're absolutely... right!  You've won five hundred
thousand dollars, Joel, and you've still got all three of your lifelines!  Are
you ready to go for the million?

    "You bet, Regis!"  Joel exclaimed.      
      
    The music flared dramatically as the lights once again rotated
downwards.  A moment later, there was the sound of sparks and one of the
lamps abruptly fell to the studio floor with a loud crash.  

    Regis was utterly unruffled as he remarked.  "Hey, that was
bound to happen, someday... Let's get right to it, Joel!  This is for all the
marbles!  Here we go!

('What was the first movie to ever have Al Pacino and Robert deNero
appear on-screen at the same time?')

A: GODFATHER: PART II    B: HEAT
C: FRANKIE AND JOHNNY    D: CARLITO'S WAY

    Joel looked thoughtful for a moment.  "Well, I can eliminate two
choices right off the bat... but I'm not 100% sure which of the remaining
two is right.  So I'm going to use the 50/50 lifeline...."

    "Okay, please have the computer remove two of the choices,"  Regis
requested as choices A and C disappeared from the board.  

    "Oh yeah, I definitely know what the answer is now!"  Joel exclaimed.

    "Very well, what's your answer?"  Regis asked.

    "Not so fast, Regis.  After all, I've still got two lifelines left.  Might
as well use them, right?"   

    "Uh, well, if you don't really need to...."  Regis said, concerned.

    "Let's see... I think I'll phone my friend, Tony...."  Joel said as
the sound of a phone ringing could be heard.  A few moments later, the
other line picked up.

    "Tony's Pizza!  Can I have you telephone number please?" a voice
rang out from the speakers.

    "Hey Tony!  I'll have my usual order!  And send the bill to
Regis Philbin!  He's good for it!"

    "Pizza?!?"  A stunned Regis exclaimed.  "Now, wait just a....!"

    "Hey, what I can say?  Answering trivia questions on national
television makes me hungry!"  Joel exclaimed as the phone line went dead.

    "Well... all right, I guess if I can show my lizard feet on national
television, I can let you order pizza,"  Regis joked while the studio
audience laughed.

    "Great!  Now I want to use my last lifeline and ask the audience!"
Joel said.

    "Okay then... Audience, which one of the two remaining choices
do you think is the right answer?  Vote now!"

    There was a long pause, the floor lights blinking in sequence as
the audience gave their answers.  "All right, let's see how the audience
voted!

B: HEAT 49%    
D: CARLITO'S WAY 51%

    "Wow!  That's pretty darn close!"  Regis marveled, a slightly
smug look on his face.  "Are you sure you know the right answer, now?"

    "Huh?  Joel looked up from a pocket novel he was reading.  "Of
course, I'm not worried.  I know exactly what the answer is."

    "Well, let's hear it then, Joel."  Regis asked.

    "No problem.  The correct answer is... say, Regis, what's your
thoughts about Kathy Lee retiring so abruptly?"

    "Uh, heheh, that's very funny, Joel.  Now, your answer, please?"
Regis insisted.

    "Oh, sorry about that.  Anyway, my answer is... did you catch
last week's episode of Greed?  Wow, talk about an awesome show!"

    "Joel!  Your answer!"  Regis snapped.

    "Hold your horses, I'm getting to it!  Without a doubt, the first
film that ever had Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro together on the same
screen was... hey, my shoelaces are untied!"  Joel bent down to tie his
shoes....

    "ARRRRRRRRRGGGHHH!!!  WILL YOU JUST ANSWER
THE GOL-DARNED, DAB-NATTED, GOLLY-GEE-WHIZ BANGED
ANSWER?!?"  Regis screamed in pure frustration.

    "D."  

    "What?!?"  Regis gasped, out of breath.

    "D.  My answer is D."  Joel replied calmly.
    
    "Oh, thank god!"  Regis collapsed into his chair, sighing with relief.
"Is that your final answer?"

    "Well, now that you mention it...."  Joel began, only to be interrupted
by the voice of Gypsy crackling over the P.A. System.  "Um, Joel, sorry to
interrupt, but Hawkeye and B.J are calling...."

    "On my way!"  Joel called out as he turned his attention back to the
fuming Regis.  "Well, it's been fun, but I've got to be going...."

    "Wait!  You still haven't told me if D is your final answer!"  Regis
gasped.

    "Well, D is my answer.  But B would be my final answer,"  Joel
replied with a innocent smile.

    "J-Judges...."  Regis spat, nearly choking on his own fury as confetti
began falling from the ceiling while the music trumpeted Joel's victory.  

    "Well, you're right, Joel!  You win the million dollars!  
Congratulations!  Now G-GET OFF MY SHOW!!!"  Regis sobbed, almost
in tears as he tore at his hair in frustration, only to have the wig come loose
in his hands.

    "Okay, I guess I've tortured you enough.  No hard feelings?"  
Joel asked as he extended his hand to Regis.

    "Well... okay."  Regis sniffled as he accepted Joel's handshake.  
"At least you're not as sadistic as Crow or Tom.  You wouldn't BELIEVE
the sadistic things they put me through...."  he added sadly while attempting
to fix his crumpled hairpiece.

    "I'll tell them to take it easy on you next time!"  Joel called out
as he walked out of the Holocabana, the doors sliding shut behind him.

*    *    *

SATELLITE OF LOVE


    Joel walked up to the bridge to find Tom and Crow waiting for
him.  The image of Dr. Forrester filled the viewscreen as he scowled in
their general direction.  

    "It's about time you got here, Jayce!  Time for you and your
Wheel Warriors to make with this weeks invention exchange!"          

    "Okay, sir, just give me a second to set it up...."  Joel replied
as he walked over to the counter.

    "Make it snappy!  Frank's got a soufflé in the oven and I've
still got to sauté the cherries jubilee...."

    "Sounds extravagant.  Expecting company?"  Tom asked.

    "Just buttering up some higher uppers from Evilos.  I figure by
the time they're done with the mixed cocktails, we'll have our grant!" Dr.
Forrester chuckled gleefully.  "So, what have you got for us today, Joey?"     

    Joel gestured at a computer sitting on the counter.  "Well, sir, you
remember way back when I invented 'Pretty Spammy?'  It was a program
that replicates any spam e-mail sent to it a thousand times and sends them
all back to the sender?"

    "Yes, yes, what about it?"  Dr. Forrester snapped, impatient.

    "Well, I've invented something similar for Hotmail.com users
that teach the spammer a lesson but also lets them know that there are no
hard feelings.  I call it 'Hugmail.com'  Now, every time someone sends
a spam e-mail to my Hotmail accounts, I  just send them a nice snuggly
huggly!  Give it a try!

*    *    *

DEEP 13


    Dr. Forrester look puzzled as he walked over to his computer and
forwarded a spam e-mail he had received a few minutes ago to Joel's hotmail
account.  A few moments later, two furry arms suddenly reached out of the
monitor and grabbed Dr. Forrester in a fierce bearhug.  "ACK!  W-WHAT
THE HELL IS THIS?!?  JOEL, STOP THIS CRAZY THING!!!"  Dr.
Forrester screeched as he was yanked against the monitor by the arms in
a friendly, enthusiastic hug.

    A loud guffaw burst from Crow as he lost it, Tom following a
moment later.  Even Joel couldn't stop himself from chuckling as Dr.
Forrester tried desperately to free himself, glaring daggers at the
viewscreen.  

    "You'll pay for this, Joel!  You and your little bots, too....!"  Dr.
Forrester gasped as he finally managed to slip out from underneath the hug
and quickly scooted out of range before the arms could grab him again.

    "What's all the racket back there?!?"  TV's Frank angrily yelled
as he walked in, dressed in a chef's hat, apron and oven mitts.  "My
soufflé fell!  It's completely ruined now!  Oh well, I guess I'll have to
substitute muffins instead...."

    "Muffins?!? Are you out of your mind?!?"  Dr. Forrester was
beside himself with panic.
    
    "Hey!"  Frank replied indignantly.  "Have you seen the *Muffin
Man* at work?"

    Dr. Forrester groaned while rubbing his temples.  "Frank, you
always pick the worst...."  he began, only to be interrupted by the sound
of a doorbell.  "Oh, that must be the waiter I hired for the evening.  
Come in, the door's open!"

    The haunting yet familiar sound of repetitive clarinet music
swept into the room as the door slowly opened to reveal a strange
looking man with enormous knees, dressed in a powder blue polyester
tuxedo.  "I aM tOrGo.  I tAKe CArE oF ThE dRInkS wHiLe tHe
mAStEr iS aWAy...." he warbled.

    "Hey, Torgo!  Long time no see!  How'd the Blair Witch Sequel
thing work out?"  Frank cheerfully inquired.            

    "Oh my god, don't tell me YOU'RE the only one the agency
could spare!?!" Dr. Forrester exclaimed in disbelief.

    "wHy NoT?  I aM a GradUaTe oF DeVry wITh deGReEs iN...."

    "N-Never mind!  Just get the Tupperware and start setting the
table!  Frank, send those clods from space the fanfic while I take care of
the jubilee!"  Dr. Forrester sprinted towards the kitchen while Frank
strolled over to the file cabinet and picked out a fanfic.

    "Hokay, let's see, your experiment this week is...."  Frank glanced
at the title page.  "...'9-Ball Dreams' by Mr_Jazz.  Hey, I think you've had
him before...."  Frank remarked as he fed the fanfic into the machine.  "It's
a Sailor Moon Lemon and it stars Ami, Tom Cruise and Paul Newman!"

    "WHAT?!?"  Joel and the bots exclaimed in disbelief.

    "Yep, that's what I said, a Sailor Moon lemon!  Haven't had one
of those in a while, eh?   Oh, and can I ask you guys a favor?  Could you
try to look a little more discouraged than usual when you leave the theater
today?  It'll make us look good for Evilos!  ABCeeing ya!"  Frank winked
as the viewscreen cut out.

*    *    *

SATELLITE OF LOVE


    Joel and the bots were still shaking off the shock of Frank's
announcement when alarms wailed and multicolored lights flashed.

    "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!"  Joel cried out.      


(Door 6: It slides open on both sides..)

(Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you
move on..)

(Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.)

(Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..)

(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)

(Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.)

(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor.  You walk into it.)

    
    Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind.  Stepping
over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his
own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to
him, Crow sitting on his right.
 

>9-Ball Dreams


Tom: ...of taking the 8-Ball from behind.


>(Part One)
>- by Mr_Jazz


Joel: Based on an original idea by Mr_Tambourine Man.  


>* * * *
          

Crow: Starring the cast of Hee Haw!


>The following work of Sailor Moon fiction is rated "H" for Hentai.  


Tom: Dang, and here I was hoping it was for "Humus".

Joel: Nice of Mr_Jazz to give us some preparation for H.


>If you are under 18 (21 in some states) and/or are
>offended by literature of a sexually explicit nature, then
>please close your internet browser now..


Tom: You mean they can't use the internet at all unless they're old
enough to read *YOUR* story?  You've got some nerve!


>Otherwise, sit back and enjoy


Crow: ...falling backwards off your chair and landing in a heap on the
floor.


>This story is a cross over with "The Hustler" starring Paul Newman
>(Eddie Phelson) and Jackie Gleason (Minnesota Fats),


Tom: Somehow I can't picture Paul Newman with shoujo eyes.

Joel: Let's just pray he keeps his spaghetti sauce out of this.


>and "The Color of Money" starring Paul Newman and Tom Cruise
>(Vincent Lauria).  


Crow: Wait a minute!  Paul Newman and Tom Cruise played the same
character?  


>Both of these movies are available at your local video store and I highly
>recommend them.  Both "The Hustler" and "The Color of Money"
>are trade marks of some big movie producing company,


Tom: <Mr_Jazz> However, if you want copyright of this story, I'll be
expecting the big bucks by morning, capeesh?


>and I am not claiming any credit for their creation.  I am merely borrowing
>them for a little while.
          

Joel: All right, but remember it's a quarter for every day they're overdue!


>Please send all questions, comments and PRACTICAL criticism


Crow: So the questions and comments don't have to be practical?

Tom: <reader> Why can't we float up into the air whenever we feel like it?
There wasn't nearly enough r's and f's in your story, you know!
 

>to "mrjazz_@hotmail.com".


Crow: Should that be mr_jazz@hotmail.com?

Tom: Miles Davis fan must've grabbed that one.


>I will be more than happy to reply.


Joel: <Mr_Jazz> Hell, I'll be ecstatic!



>Megane 6.7, if you're reading this, feel free to MST it, and
>please, make it good!!!  I nearly died laughing at the MST
>you did for "Trapped"!


Joel: <Megane 6.7> Okay, but you die laughing at this one, I won't
be held responsible!  ;P




>One last thing; due to the nature of the cross-over I am
>forced to use the horrible NA Sailor Moon dub names.
>I apologize profusely for this,


Tom: <teacher> Apologies will get you nowhere!  Now you march right
off to detention, young man!


>and in my next fic, "The Spirit of Formula One", I will use the original
>names that we all know and love.


Crow: His next fic is a crossover with Sailor Moon and NASCAR?

Joel: Better then a crossover with Stroker Ace.

Tom: <Reynolds> Hey there little girl, my old wife was an Anderson too,
wanna try the Bandit's stick shift?

Joel: Ick....


>* * * *


Tom: Ah, those must be the stars WCW let go.

Joel: At least for this month.


>It had been a hard day for Ami Andersen.  She found herself sitting at
>a 98% average in Mathematics instead of her planned 125%.


Tom: Uh, Ami, you can't exceed 100%, you know?  Are you CERTAIN
you didn't cheat on your exams?


>She had also been picked on more than usual, and Lita had been forced
>to start kicking some asses, which only upset her more.


Joel: <Lita> Damn it!  No matter how many people I beat the crap out of,
it just gets me more and more UPSET!!!  ARRRRGH!!!


>Now, Lita and Ami were headed back to Ami's house so they could study
>for a big test tomorrow.


Tom: <Ami> Uhhhh... 118%?  115%?  No, wait, don't tell me... 112%!

Crow: <Lita> Hoo boy, this is going to be an all-nighter.


>"I really wish that you would stop beating people up every time they say
>something derogatory to me.  It really isn't necessary as I stopped caring
>a long time ago," Ami said as they rounded the corner onto the street that
>the "Crown Arcade" was located.


Joel: <Ami> After all, I'll be a millionaire by age 25 and they'll be stuck in
depressing, dehumanizing corporate jobs!


>"Well, yeah, but nobody deserves to be treated the way you
>are; and you really don't stand up for yourself at all," Lita replied.


Crow: <Lita> Come on, Ami!  Let me be your thug!


>"Maybe," Ami sighed, "but in future, could you try and refrain from
>violence.  It really isn't necessary at all."  Before Lita had a chance to
>reply, Ami thrust her arm forward


Tom: *POW!*

Joel: <Ami> Now then, no more violence or I'll sock you one again!


>and pointed at a crowd gathered across the street from the Arcade.  
>Lita noticed it too, and they both broke into a run to see what was
>going on.  As the two girls approached (and  barged their way to the
>front of the crowd)


Crow: Heh, so much for not using violence.

Joel: <Lita> *POW!* Everybody out of Ami's way!  *SOCK!*
Shove off! *WHAM!*  Hey lady, move it or lose it!  *BIFF!*  Make
tracks, granny!  *THUMP!*


>they saw that the event was the opening of a new Billiards Hall right
>there across from the Arcade.  A table was set up on the sidewalk and
>two men battled it out over a game of Pool.


Crow: Must be Drew Carrey's pool table.

Joel: <Jackie Gleason> Damn wind!  My balls won't stay still!


>Their game was really an American game called 9-Ball, in
>which the balls are racked in a diamond formation, then sunk
>in numerical order ascending from one to nine.


Tom: As opposed to 5-ball, where the balls ricochet against the skull of
your opponent in numerical order....


>Ami had always dismissed the game as a mere example of simple
>physics and geometry, but now, as she saw the crowd cheering as the
>two men slammed the balls into the pockets in a race for the nine,
>something captivated her.


Crow: Ami never could resist men slamming each other's balls.


>There was a sudden shriek from a microphone being turned on, and as
>most of the people turned to see what was going on,


Joel: Easily distracted crowd, aren't they?

Tom: <Homer Simpson> That dog has a puffy tail!


>Ami just continued starring, studying the table.  When the 9-Ball was
>sunk, she applauded enthusiastically.  Then she turned to face the podium.


Crow: <Ami> GAH?!  Man, I hate it when inanimate objects suddenly
appear in front of me!


>A man with white hair who looked to be in his middle fifties
>stood at the podium and motioned for silence.  When he got
>it, he began his speech.


Tom: I'll bet it's Leslie Nielsen.  That guy's in EVERYTHING.

Joel: <man> Hello, my name is Patrick and I took out Life Insurance.


>"Ladies and gentlemen, what you have just witnessed is a
>north American game called 9-Ball.


Crow: <man> ...for those of you that were spaced out during the previous
description....


>As Billiards has not yet fully caught on in Japan, we of the Billiards
>Congress of America or the BCA have made it our mission to promote
>this fine sport throughout Japan and the rest of Asia.


Tom: <man> And when we say promote, we mean spread like a bad
social disease.


>My name is Eddie Phelson,


Joel: <Eddie> ...and I'm a billiard-holic.

Crow & Tom: HI, EDDIE!


>and I have trained some of the worlds finest players from Vincent here,"
>he said motioning to a man who looked to be in his mid twenties and
>boasted an elaborate looking cue.


Crow: John de Lancie?


>"To Canada's Stan Torangeau, to Ronnie O'Sullivan of the United
>Kingdom.


Tom: ...to Phillip Banks and his trusty Lucille in Bel Air.


>Now, these names may not mean very much to you now,


Joel: <Eddie> ...and when you're hopelessly in debt from gambling losses,
they'll mean even less....


>but as anyone of you begins to play, they will seem as big as your Sailor
>Moon super heroine."


Tom: Yes, when you think of long wooden sticks and hard shiny balls, think
SAILOR MOON!


>The audience, including Lita and Ami, went ballistic at the mention of
>Sailor Moon.


Joel: So pool players are all hardcore SM fans?

Tom: And what's with Lita and Ami?

Crow: <Lita> OhmygodOhmygodOhmygod, h-he said SAILOR MOON!!!
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!


>Then, Eddie continued his speech in a tone which almost made you
>want to go out any buy everything there was to buy about Billiards
>before you even knew how to play.


Joel: Unfortunately, Eddie's dead-on voice impression of James Earl
Jones failed at the last moment due to a hacking cough.


>"Today, at the opening of this grand building, Phelson Billiards, I
>would like to invite you all to come in and play for free,


Crow: <Eddie> But hey, dream on people!  Ten bucks a head!


>and I hope we can spread the popularity of this great game throughout
>the world."


All: <Eddie> Heh... heh heh... mwa heh heh BWAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!


>The crowd applauded and as the doors opened, Ami and Lita were
>swept inside with the movement of the crowd. When they finally met
>up, they looked like they had been trampled in a stampede.


Crow: So, Japanese people are basically starved for entertainment?


>Before either of the two had a chance to say anything, them
>found themselves in awe at the vastness of the hall.


Bots: <Lita and Ami> Aww....

Joel: <narrator> I said Awe, a-w-e....

Bots: <Lita and Ami> Ohh....


>A wall chart boasted that the hall had over 20 8-Ball tables (3 1/2 feet
>by 7 feet), over 40 9-Ball tables (4 1/2 by 9 feet) and 15 Snooker tables
>(6 by 12 feet).  When Ami finally said something, Lita agreed totally.


Crow: <Ami> Wanna try bungee jumping instead?  There's a 146%
chance we both won't fall to our deaths....


>"Wanna play?"

>The two girls walked up to an available table which was
>nearest the bar, table 12.


Crow: <Lita> Great, I could use a belt about now.  Be right back, Ami....

Joel: <Ami> Take it easy, Lita. Remember what happened the last time?

Crow: <Lita> What? I just sang a few harmless songs!

Joel: <Ami> You call 'DIE, he must DIE, my ex-boyfriend must DIE!' a
harmless little song?

Crow: <Lita> Hey, I'll keep my clothes on this time!


>The table was already racked for 9-Ball, and there was a cue rack
>nearby.  Both girls


Tom: ...also had a nice pair of racks.


>selected a cue at random,


Joel: <Ami> I'll take Exit, Stage Right!


>and then figured out that the little blue cubes on the rack were to rub
>against the cuetip from a sign posted behind the rack.


Tom: ...right after they put the cubes in their mouths and exclaimed, "Hey!
This ain't sugar!"

Joel: <Lita> You know, it might not be sugar, but watch... my face slides
off now... Whoaaaaa....


>It also explained the rules of 9-Ball.  After a couple of minutes, they had
>the game half figured out.


Joel: <Ami> Which would be 75%, right?

Crow: <Lita> Oh shut up and hike the ball already... hut-hut!


>"Do you want to break, or do I?" asked Ami to Lita.

>"I'll break," Lita replied, "if that's alright."


Crow: <Lita> I'm goin' out for a butt.  Hold my calls, willya?


>Ami just motioned to the table and Lita positioned the cue
>ball perpendicular to the 1-ball at the head of the diamond.

>Her cue was a Dufferin 20oz, and when Lita made the initial shot, she
>only clipped the cue ball and sent it flying into the side pocket.


All: <start scratching themselves>


>Both girls broke into hysterical laughter.


Tom and Crow: <girls> BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HEheheheha
ahem hah... snort... heh... ha... sniff....

Joel: S'fun.


>"Lita, you're so talented!  That was the finest break I've ever seen!."

>"OK brainiac, you try!" Lita shot back handing Ami the cueball.  Ami
>looked at the diamond, and estimated the ball weight in her hand.


Tom: <snickers>

Crow: AHEM, that's... quite a talent that girl's got there....


>Then she took into account the distance to the rack, the force of gravity
>and friction, angle of the balls and tightness of the rack.


Tom: <starting choking as he struggles to contain his laughter>

Crow: <Ami> That reminds me, I wonder what Greg's doing later tonight?


>All of this in 2 seconds, then she positioned the cueball, pulled back,
>and let 'er rip.

>The cueball thrust into the group of nine like a freight train, sending out
>a sound-wave that could be heard all throughout the hall.


Crow: Is it 9-Ball... or is it Memorex?


>Many games stopped to look at their table, as the 2 rolled into a side
>pocket, and the 3, 4, 6, and 9 all rolled into the bottom two pockets.


Joel: Beginner's luck?

Tom: Author's whim.

Joel: Ah.


>All but one of the remaining balls rolled down towards Ami.


Tom: The lone surviving ball vowing vengeance against the blue haired
mathematician....


>"Holy shit," Lita said under her breath.  Some people at the
>tables next to them applauded, others looked jealous, and
>some gave her the fluke look.


Tom: Still others gave her the dreaded albino nose weasel look, which
took some doing and caused severe hemorrhaging, but it got the point
across, darn it!


>That's when Ami felt a tap on the shoulder.  She turned around to see
>the man that was referred to by Eddie as Vincent, and he had his
>elaborate cue with him.


Crow: <Ami> My, what an... <blush> ...elaborate cue you've got there.


>"Hi," he said, holding out his hand, "name's Vincent.  I just saw your
>break."


Tom: <Vincent> And I noticed it was done with a rather... ordinary cue?
Allow me show you what the aid of a laser sight, infrared scanner and
vibrator functions can do for MY game....


>Ami blushed slightly.  "Really," she managed to squeak out, as her
>teenage heart melted at the looks of this total hunk.


Crow: <Ami> *BRAAAAACK!!!*  Uh sorry, must've had a little
heartburn there.


>"Yeah," Vincent said, "that was phenomenal.  Can you do it again?"


Crow: <Ami> Well, I can try but it'll hardly have the same reverb, got
any soda?


>"I'm not sure, I think it was just..."

>Thats when Lita stepped in.  "Lita Kino," she said shaking
>Vincent's hand, "nice to meet you, can I talk to my friend
>for a second."

>Without waiting for a reply, she grabbed Ami by the arm and dragged
>her out of earshot.

>"What are you doing?" Ami asked, as she tried to free Lita's hand from
>her arm.


Crow: <Lita> Breaking your arm, my last paycheck bounced.


>"Ami, that guy is a complete hunk, and you were about to tell him you
>got lucky.  Get back there and break those balls again."


Tom: YEAH!  Take Cruise down a peg or three!


>"I'm not sure that I can."


Joel: <Ami> What do I look like?  Don Rickles?


>Lita was becoming exasperated.  "Look Ami, I know you
>calculated quite deeply to get the balls to split the way
>they did, so just do it again."


Crow: <Lita> Now if you could only find a way to prevent split ends....


>Before Ami had a chance to protest, Lita was dragging her
>back to the table.


Tom: <Lita> Wanna see what I bring to the table?


>Ami picked up her cue and positioned the que-ball just as Vincent was
>finished racking.


Joel: Que-ball?

Tom: <Manwell> Si, Senor Fawlty!


>He motioned for Ami to break.  She went through her calculations
>again, and adjusted to maximize the ball breakage.


All: <frantic> GET ON WITH IT!!!


>Then she placed the neck of the cue between her thumb and forefinger,
>pulled back, and thrust forward.


Joel: <Ami> Owwww!  Splinter!  Splinter!


>The 1, 7, and 8 went down.  Once again, people at the surrounding
>tables began to gave her the fluke look.


Crow: <Ami> Lita, be a dear and hurt them please.


>Vincent applauded.  "Wow," he said as he clapped, "you are amazing.
>Here listen, how about you come back here tomorrow, and I'll give you
>some pointers."


Tom: <Vincent> *Elaborate* pointers... they even glow in the dark.


>Ami was taken back, and at the same time felt embarrassed that Lita
>was not receiving the same invitation.  She expected Lita to be fuming,
>but instead she was smiling.


Tom: ...as she opened her blouse to reveal several packs of dynamite
strapped to her body.


>She mouthed for Ami to accept and she did.


Joel: <Lita, mouthing> Now ask him if he's into the ménage!


>"Sure," she said, as she shook Vincent's hand, "I'll be here."

>"Great," Vince replied as he flashed one of his killer smiles,


Tom: <Vincent> Did I mention my elaborate cue squirts Joker gas?


>"see you then." Then he walked off with his cue towards the Snooker
>tables. As Ami turned to face Lita, Lita said "Well, you've finally found
>a sport, and a complete hunk of a guy, man, it's you're day today."


Joel: Yes, its you're day two bee mixing up awl you're homonyms!


>"It sure is," replied Ami, already fantasizing romantically about Vincent.


Crow: <Ami, singing> I'm just wild about Vin-cent!

Tom: <Ami> Those red eyes, his long black hair, that huge hand gun....

Joel: Wrong Vincent.

Tom: Oops.


>* * * *

>Ami found herself standing outside Phelson's Billiards with
>her purse, and her backpack.  School had finished for the
>day and she had come here alone, as none of her friends were
>able to make it.

>As she walked in the doors, she immediately noticed that the
>place had no customers at all,


Tom: Pool, meet fifteen minutes of fame.  Fifteen minutes of fame, this is Pool.


>and that Vincent was at table 12 again, setting up a rack of 15 for some
>form of exercise.

>As he noticed Ami walk in, he waved.

>"Hi Ami, glad you could make it," he said as she approached
>the table.


Crow: <Ami> Geez, it's freezing in here!

Tom: <Vincent> Yep, cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table.

Crow: <groans>

Joel: Okay, I call no more ball jokes from this point on, okay?

Crow: I second that!


>"Hi Vince, what are we going to be doing anyway?" Ami
>replied as she put her backpack and purse down on a nearby
>bar stool.

>"Well," Vince said, "follow me."

>He began to walk to a door that was past the Snooker tables.  When
>he arrived, he produced a key from his front pocket and unlocked
>the door.  Then he opened it for Ami and motioned for her to enter.  
>As they entered, the door closed behind them.


Crow: No one will be admitted during the breathtaking DOORWAY
sequence!


>What was in the room, took her by complete surprise.


All: <singing> Happy Birthday to You!  Happy Birthday to You!


>The room was about the size of a small bookstore, with 1 Snooker table,
>and one 9-Ball table right in the middle.


Tom: Good characterization there.  Ami probably WOULD use the size
of a bookstore to measure the size of a room considering the amount of
time she's probably spent in them.

Joel: Wow!  I'm impressed, Tom!  Good observation!

Crow: Oh, for pete's sake, you were scolding him for ball jokes a few
sentences ago!


>Along the walls were endless cues, cases, books, new sets of balls etc.


Tom: <Vincent> Let's see... Don't need cues... Don't need cases... Don't
need books... BINGO!!!

Crow: Joel, he's doing it again!


>It was a private store.


Joel: Cruise liked to keep his balls to himself.

Crow: Hey!  I thought you said....!

Joel: <chuckles> Last one, I promise.

Crow: Hmph!


>"Wow," was the only word to escape Ami's lips.

>"It's all mine, I own everything in this room; and now I have something
>for you."


Crow: <Vincent> It's a slave collar!  Hope I got your neck size right....


>He pulled a hard black case out from under a counter and handed it to
>Ami. As she opened it, she gasped.


Tom: Hmm, do you supposed it's something related to the game of
POOL?!?


>It was a beautiful two piece 9-Ball cue with a deep blue bottom half,
>with a black leather grip, and it had an engraving on it.  It said


Crow: "Warning: Not recommended for use as a marital aid."

Tom: "If you can read this, you're about to lose an eyeball...."

Joel: "I break for everybody."


>"For Ami, from Vincent, may you discover you're true talent."  


Crow: <engraver> Hey, I don't spell check 'em, I just engrave 'em.


>Also, in the case, were two blocks of chalk, a BCA pocket rulebook, a
>tip repair kit,


Tom: Perfect for those sudden circumcisions that seems to spring out
of nowhere....


>and another top half.  Ami had no idea what to say, as this was a complete
>surprise.
          
          
Joel: No, Ami screaming 'POOL!  THE DEVIL'S GAME!!!' and stabbing
the pool cue repeatedly into Vincent's head would be a complete surprise.

Crow: Though perfectly understandable under the circumstances.


>"Vincent, I have no idea what to say, this is such a surprise; thank you
>so much, this is such a great present I have no idea what to say..."
          
          
Tom: To recap: She has no idea what to say.

Joel: <singing> Say, say, say what you want... but don't play games with
my affection....

Crow: <Ami> ...I mean, you've only known me for one whole day and
you bought me all this stuff... you must be REALLY desperate for
company, huh?


>"How about `Vince, teach me to play right now`, does that work?"
>Vince replied as Ami shut the case and snapped the latches.
          
>"Vincent," she said, "teach me to play right now.  Oh and one question..."
          
>"Yes?"
          
          
Crow: <Ami> Can I continue to order you around like this?

Tom: <Vincent> Depends.  Can you get me a date with Darien after
the fic?

Crow: <Ami> Consider it done!


>"What was the other top half for?  Is it an extra?"
          
          
Tom: <Vincent> Nah, the extras all left to check the sheets after the
crowd scene was over.


>"No," Vince laughed, "it's for Snooker.  Don't worry about that right
>now, well just work on 9-Ball, starting with basics like shooting and
>cue-ball spin."
          
          
Joel: <Ami> Shooting?  Okay, I'm sick of being stuck in this lame-o
lemon with a dumb-ass pretty boy and being forced to go gaga over this
unbelievably BORING snoozefest of a sport you call POOL while waiting
for something, ANYTHING, even remotely interesting to happen to me!

Crow: <Vincent> Uh, Ami?  Not THAT kind of shooting.

Joel: <Ami> Oh... nevermind then.


>"Alright," Ami said motioning towards the door, lets get this show on
>the road."
 
          
Tom: <Ami> Enough of this pool crap!  This lemon needs some spice!  
Time for you to strip down to your underwear and start doing the Risky
Business dance while I unbutton my blouse and moan softly on how hot
it's getting in here....


>Vincent led Ami back to table 12 where he had set up the 15 balls in
>certain spots around the table.  Some were in the center, some were
>over the pockets and some were on the cushion.
          
          
Crow: ...and some were in the kitchen with Dinah.


>As Ami took out her cue and began screwing it together, Vincent began
>the lesson.  "The whole object of any pocket billiard sport, is to sink the
>balls.  This is the only way anyone can win.  


Crow: <Ami> GASP!  You're KIDDING?

Tom: <Ami> And what if I took this pool cue, shined that sonabitch up
real nice and stuck it straight up your candy ass?

Joel: <shudders> There's an image I could definately do without.

Crow: All kidding aside, I've about had my fill of pool.  What's say we
skip ahead a few pages, if you smell what this bot is cooking?

Tom: I'm with him, Jabronie.

Joel: Okay, but only if you both promise to stop the Rock impressions.

Crow: Hey, whatever you say, Slapnuts.

Joel: <wincing> Uh, thanks.


>"Aw shit," Ami cursed as she walked over to pick up the ball.  Her short
>skirt came up as she bent over and Vincent got an excellent view of her
>panties.  


Crow: And now, ladies and gentlemen... the reason this fanfic was made.


>As Ami came back up and whipped her hair back, she smiled at Vince.
        
>"You like what you saw?"
          
          
Tom: <Vincent> Yeah!  What kind of shampoo do you use to get that
natural bounce?  Alberto?

Joel: <Ami> Nope, Pert Plus!  It's Shampoo plus Conditioner in one
bottle!  


>"Oh yes, who wouldn't?" Vince replied as he put his cue on the table
>and moved closer to Ami.  Ami just kept smiling, as she knew what
>was about to happen, or hoped what was about to happen.
          
          
Tom: <Ami> Major sexual harassment suit in MY favor!  Big money!  
Woo hoo!


>"So," Ami said, looking Vincent in the eyes, "Do we just drop right
>down on the floor and go for it?"
          
          
Crow: <Vincent> Yeah! Drop on the floor and give me twenty!  Now!


>"Actually, Vince smiled back, "I had this table in mind." he said tapping
>on the billiard table.
          
          
Joel: <Ami> You sure?  I'm a maniac, a maniac on the floor....


>"I guess we'll get to see how strong slate really is," Ami said


Joel: It's not how strong it is... but whether you can wipe it clean
afterwards.


>as Vincent drew her into a French kiss and let himself slowly fall back
>on the table (remembering to knock the balls to the side first) with Ami
>on top...
          
          
Tom: Author just can't help making a reference to the balls again.

Joel: <Ami> One more thing before we begin... um... you ARE aware
that I'm in high school and thus jailbait, right?

Crow: <Vincent> W-what?  What did you say?

Joel: <Ami> Oh... nothing.  It wasn't that important.  


>* * * *
          
          
Crow: It's The Hollywood Inch of Fame!

Tom: Well, let's recap the lemon so far.  Pool!  Then more Pool!
Followed by Pool!  Tons O' Pool!  Even MORE pool!  And, oh yeah,
balls!  Lots and lots of balls!  <starts getting crazed>  Can't get enough
of them balls!  And cues!  Mustn't forget the cues and the tables and the
extra set of balls!  Did I mention this fic has BALLS?!?

Joel: Whoa! Easy, Tom!  Don't let the fanfic get to you!  

Tom: <dome begins to smoke> Balls... too many balls... not having a
ball....

 
>Mina and Serena were driving back to Serena's apartment


Joel: Back from where?  

Crow: FINALLY!  A change of scenery!  I was ready to go as loco as
poor Tommy....


>when they felt the "love" shockwave that all the Sailors felt when
>someone got lucky.
 

All: <singing> Love shock!  Baby, love shock!


>Serena was immediately on the cell phone.  First she called, Reeny, to
>see if her and Hotaru were getting it on.
          
>"Sorry Mom," Reeny said, "not quite yet."
          
          
Tom: <Serena> Well, what's taking you so long?!?  I didn't raise my
daughter to be a prude, you know!  


>Next she called Lita, but her and Raye were practicing some
>martial arts and were definitely not having sex right then,
          

Tom: So we're supposed to just assume that most of the Sailor Senshi
are lesbians?

Crow: Hey, why break a long standing tradition in SM lemons?


>and why would they, they were two of the three "straight" minority in
>the Sailor Senshi at the moment.
          
          
Tom: But it wasn't long before they were once again prone to rampant
unbridled lesbianism!

Joel: Howard Stern would be proud.


>Serena next thought of calling Haruka and Michiru, but they weren't
>exactly in this dimension at the moment.  


Tom: So the "love" shockwave can't travel between dimensions?  

Crow: Yeah, Haruka and Michiru were too busy in the 5th dimension
guiding planets, steering stars and letting the sunshine in....


>She thought she must be becoming ill, and since Ami was training
>to become a doctor, she called Ami's cell phone to ask if she knew what
>was wrong.
          
          
Joel: <Ami> Take two studs and call me in the morning!


>Serena got the shock of her life when Ami finally answered.


Tom: <Serena> The lust is coming from inside the pool hall!

Joel: <Serena> Ami!! I had this strange feeling that you were having sex
now, and thought that it would be a good time for us to chat for a
couple of hours.  So... how've you been?


>As she answered, she must of dropped the phone, and all she
>heard were lusty sexual cries, and the names "Vincent" and
>"Ami" being said over and over,


Crow: <Ami> Vincent.

Joel: <Vincent> Ami.

Tom: <Ami> Greg... uh, I mean, Vincent!

Joel: <Vincent> Andrew... er, I mean, Ami!


>as well as some phrases like "harder, fuck me harder", and "oh, I love
>you, that feels so good."  


Tom: Along with the occasional "BOOOMSHACALAKA!"....


>Serena was beside herself.  She began soaking her panties with love
>juices right there and immediately hung up, but it was too late.  Mina
>had smelled it, and began to drive like a mad-woman to get home
>so that she and Serena could make love.


Crow: <Mina>  AHHHHHH!!!  MY BRAND NEW LEATHER
INTERIOR!!!  I'M GOING TO *KILL* YOU, SERENA!!!


>"Mina, slow down," Serena screamed as Mina wove the car in and out
>of traffic, "it's not like we'll never fuck again or something."
          
          
Tom: <Serena> Not to mention the pedestrians bouncing off our hood
might appreciate it!

Crow: <Mina> NO! We're going too slow as it is!  

Tom: <Serena, panicked> L-Let me put this another way... Do you
r-remember a certain movie by David Cronenberg about c-car
crashes...?!?


>"Serena, I want you now!  If Ami's getting some then damn it, so
>should I!"
          
          
Joel: <Mina> Hang on, Serena, I'm taking us right to... LUDICROUS
SPEED!!!

Tom: <gasps in horror>

Crow: Moments later, Mina screamed as she lost control of the car.  
There was the sound of squealing tires and suddenly the picture went
black as the sound of a horrific crash could be heard....

Tom: Wow, nice soap opera cliffhanger moment there, Crow!  And
good timing, cause it's time for us to go!

Crow: <announcer> Stay tuned for scenes from the next "9-Ball Dreams"
right after these messages....

(Joel picks up Tom and follows Crow out of the theater)

*            *            *

MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE THE SATELLITE OF LOVE....


    Gypsy sighed contentedly as she relaxed across the hull, having
just finished repairing a minor breach.  Random collisions from passing
asteroids was a fairly common occurrence and she didn't mind being the
only one capable of repairing the ship, since it gave her an excuse to go
outside and enjoy a spectacular view of Earth and the stars while she
worked.  

    There were times she wished she could enjoy this with someone
else.  Once she had invited Joel, Tom and Crow to come out with her.  
Unfortunately, it hadn't worked out like she planned as Tom and Crow
bickered with each other while poor Joel got spacesick.  

    Another time, she had recreated the outside of the Satellite of Love
in the Holocabana and had a nice picnic on the hull with Richard Baseheart.
While she did have a good time, somehow the experience just wasn't the
same as actually being out in space.  There were some things that couldn't
be simulated, no matter what the technology....

    Still, there were something to be said for peaceful solitude whenever
she simply needed some quiet time to relax and there was no quieter place in
the universe than space....

    Lost in her revere, Gypsy was startled when an internal alarm
abruptly announced that something was approaching the ship.  She
immediately accessed the Satellite's sensors to find out what they had
detected and then activated the engines for a short burst, changing the
heading of the satellite slightly before resuming her relaxed state.

    Suddenly, she raised her head and would have frowned if she
were capable.  The ship made another abrupt turn as Gypsy changed
course again and fired up the engines, this time for twice as long before
shutting them down.  She paused for a long moment, her head cocked to
one side as if waiting for something....

    When that something occurred, she gasped in horror and
immediately activated the emergency lights as she began pulling her
long cylindrical body back into the ship.  There wasn't any time to waste
as Gypsy accessed the P.A. System to warn Joel of the coming danger....

*    *    *    

INSIDE THE SATELLITE OF LOVE    


    Joel and the bots had just emerged from the theater when alarms
wailed and multicolored lights flashed.

    "Lemon sign already?!?  We just got OUT of the theater, for
crying out loud!"  Tom complained.

    "Those aren't the lemon sign alarms!" Joel said, a look of concern
on his face as he noticed the lights that illuminated the bridge turning a
deep red color.  "I think we're in trouble, guys...."

    "Gypsy to Joel!  Gypsy to Joel!  Can you hear me?"  The voice
of Gypsy crackled over the loudspeaker.

    "Gypsy, what's going on?"  Joel yelled over the sounds of the
alarms.

    "We're in serious trouble, Joel!  Sensors are detecting a large
cluster of asteroids headed right for the Satellite of Love!  If they hit us,
they could seriously damage the ship, possibly even destroy us completely!"  
Gypsy's voice was full of panic.

    "What's the big deal?  Just fire up the engines and steer us clear
of them!"  Tom suggested.

    "Don't you think I've TRIED that?!?"  Gypsy retorted angrily.  
"These aren't normal asteroids!  Every time I change our position, the
asteroids change their course to hit us!"

    "Self-guided asteroids?  What, are we under attack by Xur and
the Kodan Armada?"  Crow wondered.

    "Let's find out!  Cambot, give me Rocket Number Nine!"  Joel
commanded as he took a close look at the viewscreen.  "Magnify image!"
he added as the screen zoomed in on what appeared to be a cluster of
asteroids.  "Max out the zoom level.  Let's get a good look at these
things!"  Joel said as the image magnified again and tightened up the
resolution.

    Joel and the bots were dumbfounded by what they saw.  "I-Is
that what I think it is?!"  Joel exclaimed, shocked.          

    "I t-think it is...."  Tom stammered.

    "It's a cluster of Space Pool Balls in a diamond formation in
numerical order ascending from one to nine!  AND THEY'RE COMING
TO SINK US!!!"  Crow screamed.

    "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  ABANDON SHIP!!! ABANDON
SHIP!!!    WOMEN AND SERVO FIRST!!!"  Tom cried out as he and
Crow began to run around in circles, completely panicked.
    
    "Calm down, guys!  We can't just give up!  There's got to be
something we can do!" Joel admonished while fearfully glancing at the
approaching pool balls.  A moment later, Gypsy made her way into the
bridge and Joel rushed up to her.  "Gypsy, is there any way we can avoid
or outrun them?"

    "Negative!  They're coming in too fast!  We've only got a
few minutes at the most before they get here!"  Gypsy replied, trying to
keep cool and collected while Tom and Crow continued to scream at the
top of their lungs that they were all doomed.

    "Damn, there has to be some way to stop them before they
collide with the hull but what?!?"  Joel exclaimed as he racked his brain
for a solution.  Then Gypsy spoke up again.

    "Wait!  If it's a cluster of pool balls, then shouldn't another pool
ball launched in the opposite direction be able to split them up and away
from the satellite?"  Gypsy offered.

    Joel's eyes lit up with excitement.  "Gypsy, that's brilliant!  Oh,
but wait!  If the pool balls are able to match our heading, then what's to
stop them from targeting us again once they've been split up?"  Joel
asked, suddenly downtrodden again.

    Gypsy struggled to find an answer when Joel abruptly snapped his
fingers.  "Of course!  I can modify the cue ball to send out a electrostatic
shockwave once it gets close to the cluster!  That should hopefully fry their
guidance systems and then, once our pool ball hits, they'll be scattered all
over the universe, unable to lock onto us again!"

    Joel paused as another complication came to mind.  "But there's
still the problem of getting the pool ball's velocity up high enough to
effectively split up the balls!  If only we had an oversized pool cue...."

    Gypsy nodded in agreement with Joel and tried to think of
another suitable substitution when she caught a glimpse of her cylindrical
body and an idea, unpleasant as it was, came to mind.  Gathering her
courage, she took a deep breath and said.  

    "Joel?  I think I'm what you're looking for...."

*    *    *

OUTSIDE THE SATELLITE OF LOVE


    "Are you sure about this, Gypsy?"  Joel asked, concerned.

    "I'll be fine!  This football helmet will protect me!"  Gypsy
called back as she uncoiled herself as far as possible while Joel manned
the controls for the Manipulator Arms, a set of gigantic mechanical arms
outside the ship that would help guide Gypsy's body back and thrust her
at the oversized cue ball that had inexplicably been found in the loading
bay next to a box of hamdingers.  
    
    The cue ball had already been modified to release the shockwave
and launched out the airlock where it floated in readiness in front of Gypsy.
Joel moved the Manipulator Arms into position to gently grasp Gypsy's
body between its thumb and forefinger....

    "Hey, watch where you put those hands!"  Gypsy warned.

    "Oops, sorry about that!"  Joel apologized, blushing as he shifted
the arms slightly.
        
    "Wow, she really IS an elaborate cue!"  Tom marveled as he
watched the viewscreen.

    "Actually, she's more like an elaborate vacuum hose...."  Crow
corrected.

    "Shhh!  Pipe down, you guys!  This isn't as easy as it looks!"  Joel
admonished as he finished positioning Gypsy with the Manipulator Arms.
"Okay, Gypsy, this is it!  Sure hope this works!"

    "You and me both, Joel!"  Gypsy replied, nervous.

    Joel took a deep breath and watched the viewscreen as the pool
balls came closer and closer, until....

    "NOW!"  Joel cried out as he thrust Gypsy forward to strike the
cue ball hard.  It took off like a slapshot towards the cluster and when it
was close enough, emitted the static shockwave.  Unable to guide themselves
anymore, the cluster was easy pickings for the cue ball as it slammed into
them like a freight train, scattering the balls in all directions until they were
soon out of sight.

    "WE DID IT!!!  THE SATELLITE IS SAVED!!!"  Crow let out
a whoop while Tom hovered up and down with joy, cheering for Gypsy.  
Meanwhile, Joel wanted to be sure Gypsy was okay before he started
celebrating.  "Gypsy, are you okay?

    There was no response.  "Gypsy, can you hear me?!?"  Joel
asked again, a feeling of dread welling up in him.  Then there was a
sound of static and Gypsy replied with a groan.  "That hurt, you
know...."

    Joel breathed a sigh of relief.  "Thank goodness.  Are you
okay, Gypsy?

    Gypsy groaned.  "I'll live.  Now I know how Tom must feel
when his head explodes...."

    Joel couldn't help smiling.  "You did great, Gypsy.  You saved
all of us.  We can't begin to thank you enough!  
    
    "Let's hear it for Gyps!  Hip Hip HOORAY! Hip Hip HOORAY!  
Hip Hip HOORAY!!!"  Crow and Tom exclaimed.

    "Thanks, guys.  I'm just amazed that we managed to do all this
before the MADS called you back into the theater...."  Gypsy remarked as
she began coiling herself back into the satellite.

    "Actually, it's only been about four minutes or so since you first
warned us, it just SEEMS longer because of all the excitement and drama,
right guys?"  Joel asked his friends.

    "Uh, sure, Joel,"  Tom replied.

    "Whatever you say, Plot Contrivance Man."  Crow added.

    "There's just one thing bugging me, though... Who sent those
pool balls after us in the first place?"  Joel wondered.

    The bridge lapsed into silence as they pondered that question.  
Suddenly, alarms wailed and multicolored lights flashed.

    "AHHHHHHHHH!!!  MORE POOL BALLS!!!"  Crow and
Tom screamed.

    "No, it isn't, you goonheads!  It's LEMON SIGN!!!" Joel cried
out as he scooped up Tom and rushed into the theater.            

    "I knew that!"  Crow exclaimed as he followed after them.


TO BE CONTINUED IN 9-BALL DREAMS PT. 2 ....


Hiya!  I hope you're enjoying this MSTing so far!  As with my other two part
MSTings, There's lots more to come in the second part so don't skip it or
you'll only be missing out on some great riffs.  ;)


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