*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
     (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
 

(The future isn't what it used to be....)
 

"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7"  (SEASON ONE)

EPISODE 1: GAMES

 (A Sailor Moon Lemon MSTing)

MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7

This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc.  Just covering
my own ass here folks....

Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all the
distributors of her work.

Ranma 1/2 is the property of Rumiko Takahashi and all the
distributors of her work.

"Games" is the property of Artemis and he's welcome to it.  I do not
intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this.  Think of
this as another form of C&C, not to be taken too seriously.  ;)

(Note: The original unMSTed version of "Games" can be found at
"A Sailor Moon Romance".  See link at the end of the MSTing.)

Warning:  This fic contains some sexual content.  If you are offended
by such material, simply delete it and it's gone.  If not, enjoy!
 

THE SATELLITE OF LOVE
13:22 HOURS
 

 Joel Robinson could hear voices as he approached the dojo.

 "How many times do I have to tell you, I don't want you
seeing her anymore?!"  Crow T. Robot was screaming.

 "But Akane," came Tom Servo's answer, "We're just friends!
Honest!"

 "You expect me to believe that?!"  Crow retorted.  "Just how
stupid do you think I am?!"

 "Would it matter?" asked Tom bitterly.

 "WHAT was that?"

 "You've never believed me before; I don't expect that you'll
start now."

 "Well, why ELSE would you be with HER all the time?  Why
not your other friends?  What about them?!"  Crow's tone was acid.

 "What other friends?" Tom asked.  "Ucchan's the only friend
I've got left!"  She was shouting now.  "She's the only one that you
haven't managed to scare off!"

 Joel stepped onto the porch, and looked into the training hall.
Tom was standing at one end of the room, just under a family shrine.
Crow stood facing Tom, holding a katana.  The blade glinted as he
swung the katana towards the slashed remains of a number of training
dummies that bore mute testimony to the extent of his rage.

 "And just what is THAT supposed to mean?"  Crow's voice
was getting shrill.

 "Just that!  No one ever comes by anymore because of the way
we fight all the time!  It makes them uncomfortable.  Don't you get it?
They're AFRAID of you!  Ryouga, Kunou... Everybody!  Hell, you even
have KASUMI scared!"

 Crow took a half step toward Tom, prodding at him with the
katana.  Tom ducked to the side, avoiding the blade, and Crow moved
to pursue.  Joel decided enough was enough.

 "Uh... guys?"

 Tom saw Joel at that point, and called a warning.  "Be careful,
Ucchan!  Stay back!"

 "Ucchan?"  Joel repeated.

 Crow whirled.  "YOU!!" he screamed at Joel.  "I told you to
stay AWAY from Ranma!  He's MINE!  This is all YOUR doing!"

 "Guys what the heck is going on?!?"  Joel exclaimed.

 Crow sighed, putting the katana down.

 "We WERE acting out the climax to Zen's *Bitter End*
fanfic but you just had to ruin the mood, didn't you, Joel!" Crow said in
his normal voice.

 "Magic Voice, end program and save."  Tom said,
disappointed.  A moment later, the entire Tendo Dojo vanished to
be replaced by the four balsa wood walls of the new Holocabana.

 "You guys were trying to come up with a happier ending,
huh?"  Joel remarked.

 "Hell, no!  We were trying to make it even more tragic!  After
all Kasumi, Nabiki, Ryouga... they all survived.  We wanted to go for
the FULL shock effect...." Tom replied.

 "Why don't you guys just run the *Kasumi the Axe Murderer*
program again if you're so bloodthirsty?"  Joel asked.

 "Seen it.  Did it.  Taped it."  Both robots chorused.

 "So you guys are in the mood for a darkfic today then?"  Joel
presumed.

 "Damn straight!"  Tom exclaimed.

 "Well, we'll have to see what Dr. F sends us but I wouldn't get
your hopes up.  Enjoy your program, guys."  Joel said as he turned to
leave.

 Suddenly, red lights began to flash, illuminating the grey room.
Both robots groaned as Joel paused in the doorway....

 The Mads were calling....
 

* * *
 

DEEP 13
 

 Dr. Clayton Forrester strummed his fingers impatiently as his
inept assistant, TVs Frank, searched in vain for the fanfic that was to
be the experiment for the day.

 "Frank, you milk toast!  Where's my fanfic!"

 "It's coming, Dr. F!"  Frank replied nervously as he frantically
dived into a pile of junk to look for it.  Dr. Forrester rolled his eyes and
pushed a button on the console, bringing up the image of Joel and his
bots.

 Dr. Forrester allowed himself a small smile as the thought of
once again unleashing his diabolical experiment on those mental
midgets again.  True, they had managed to keep their sanity thus far
but it was only a matter of time until their spirits broke like the handle
of a well used toilet.  Perhaps this fanfic would be the one to do it....

 "Greetings, my little lab rats!  I trust you've been enjoying the
new holocabana I installed last week?"

 "Yeah, it's great!"  Crow chimed in.

 "Best thing we had since we've got here."  Tom added.

 "I can't help but wonder why you would give us something like
that." Joel remarked.  "I thought you were trying to drive us insane not
give us a machine that lets us create anything we want for our own
comfort and enjoyment."

 Dr. Forrester's smile grew wider.  "Ah, but I know that you
know that everything that machine creates is not real and before you
know it, you won't be able to stomach the sight of it without being
homesick for reality!  Then you'll slowly go mad!  HAHAHAHAHA
HAHA!!!"

 "Uh... If you say so, Dr. F...."  Joel replied while giving Tom
and Crow a skeptical look.

 "Anyway... I believe it's now time for today's invention
exchange.  Frank and I have both been slaving our fingers to the bone
coming up with an invention to blow you out of the stars.  Frank, please
demonstrate for us... Frank?"

 Seeing no sign of his assistant in the pile of junk, Dr. Forrester
cursed under his breath and walks over to a table with a computer and
monitor on top.  In front of this computer, a plastic dummy of Joel is
sitting in a chair.  Joel flinches slightly at this.  Then Dr. Forrester
begins explaining his latest twisted invention....

 "Some of you may be familiar with the "V" chip.  The answer
to a lazy parent's prayer.  Rather than take the time to educate your
child in what programs not to watch at a certain age, this wonderful
piece of technology does it all for you, while you do more important
things like water the plants you've been neglecting for the past few
years.

 Now, thanks to my staggering intellect, I had created a
modified version of this chip, which I call the *LUM* chip, named
after everyone's favorite, scantily-clad, oni."

 "This little beauty takes the censorship process one step further,
an *upgrade* if you will, that is specifically designed for computers
that use AOL.  Say, you're chatting on the web, having a friendly
debate with a friend on who's the best engineer of Star Trek: Geordi,
Scotty, O'Brian, or Torus...."

 "Suddenly, some ignoramus logs on and starts using *gasp*
foul language, mocking your interests as pathetic!  Well with Dr.
Forrester's *LUM* chip, all you have to do is type the command:
*Repent* and instantly the offender's keyboard will be charged with
50,000 volts of divine retribution, instantly dispensing vengeance with
the most extreme prejudice."

 Dr. Forrester takes a remote control out of his green labcoat
and flips a switch.  The dummy at the desk suddenly jerks around
erratically, setting it's hair on fire and melting it slightly as said
50,000 volts rips through it.  Again Joel winces slightly at seeing his
lookalike get fried but otherwise stays frosty or indifferent, depending
on how you looked at it.  Dr. Forrester continued.

 "It's got a range of 10 feet in case the offender tries to flee his
keyboard before getting his just desserts.  Now of course, the same
thing can happen to you if you decide to get lewd and crude on the net
and with one of this chips placed in every computer that uses AOL, no
one will be able to express themselves in any controversial subject
matter without risking their own demise!  I will be forever known as
the man who cleaned up the information super highway, thus becoming
immortalized in the Fraternal Order of Mad Science and furthermore...."

 "Okay!  Okay!  We get the point, Dr. F!"  Joel interrupted.

 "That's pretty diabolical all right."  Crow said, trying not to
snicker.

 "Joel, why don't you show him OUR invention?"

 "Okay, Tom.  Check this out, sir."  Joel exclaimed as he
suddenly dropped his pants.

 "ACK!"  Dr. Forrester's eyes bugged out, his jaw agape with
shock.  "What in the name of Twiggy is that?!?"

 Joel grinned at the shocked scientist as he showed off the
implants to his boxers.  It was a small strobe light with two
mirror balls on the sides.  The sound of corny jazz music could be
heard from them as Tom began a running commentary while Joel
strutted around like a fashion model.

 Joel is sporting a fabulous new look for the disco dancing fool
on the go.  This combination light show/jazz experience is guaranteed
to make you the life of any party and also comes in handy as a flashlight
and a way to scare off burglars and make sure they don't EVER want
to come back.

 "We decided to call it, *Disco Balls* for those times when you
just don't want to get intimate, you wanna get FUNKY!!!"  Crow
proclaimed.

 "What do you think, sir?"  Joel asked.

 Dr. Forrester shuddered involuntarily and decided to focus on
the matter at hand.  "Today's experiment is a Sailor Moon Lemon...."

 "YESSS!!!"  Crow and Tom were exuberant.  "Finally,
something we can truly appreciate!"

 Joel, having slightly more common sense than his robot pals,
knew Dr. Forrester wouldn't send them a lemon of any type unless it
was truly deformed in some fashion....

 "What's the catch, Dr. F?"  Joel bluntly asked.

 "Catch?  You wound me Joel... Even mad scientists are
allowed to be generous once in a while...."  Dr. Forrester said as he
pretended to wipe a tear from his eye.  "Send them the fanfic, Frank...."

 There was a long pause and Dr. Forrester, having completely
run out of patience, turned around to scream at the pile of junk when
he was startled to see Frank in front of him, fanfic in hand.

 "Here it is."  Frank timidly said as he gently held the fanfic
out to Dr. Forrester who snatched it from his fingers and read the title
before throwing it back into Frank's face and turning his attention
back to Joel and the bots.

        "The fanfic is "Games" by Artemis.  It's a torrid tale of lust,
lies and seduction at it's... well, I don't want to give anything away now.
Enjoy!  Send them the fanfic, Frank...."

 "Live to serve you."  Frank replied as he fed the fanfic into
the machine....
 

* * *
 

SATELLITE OF LOVE
 

 Tom and Crow were in the process of getting their mojo
working to the music of the Disco Balls when alarms suddenly wailed
and multicolored lights flashed.

 "Boy, that invention of yours really brightens up a room, Joel!"
Tom shouted over the music and alarms.

 "Yeah, it almost sounds like the... uh-oh...."  Crow froze in
mid-sentence.

 "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!"  Joel cried out.
 

(Door 6: It splits into four pieces, retracting into the doorframe.)

(Door 5: It collapses into a billion shiny beads.)

(Door 4: It falls towards you, missing your foot by millimeters.)

(Door 3: It splits into two pieces and folds away into the doorframe.)

(Door 2. It's love beads, you just walk through them.)

(Door 1: It swirls open from the center.)

(Door .7: The camera pans downward where a small hatch pops open.)
 

 Joel walks into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow
following close behind.  Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom
from entering the theater on his own, Joel placed him down on one of
the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow sitting on his right as the
fanfic began....
 

>Sailor Moon and all the relatives characters and names are propertie
>of Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, DIC, Kodansha and also to a lot of
>people that I don't know, so please don't sue me.
 

Joel: Well I won't, but I can't speak for all those other people....
 

>This story is hentai, so if you read it, you do it under you own
>risk.
 

All: <singing>  Under the risk and through the woods to
Grandmother's house we go....
 

>Any comment or blame is welcome.
 

Joel: Why, thank you....

Tom: Heh heh heh....

Crow: Groovy.
 

>You can e-mail me at a961105n@pucp.edu.pe
 

All: <Singing>  Friends of pe....
 

>Now on the story...
 

Joel: There's a mayonnaise stain!

Crow:  This is a lemon story so that may not be mayonnaise....

Tom: Ick....
 

>******************************************************
 

Tom: Snowflakes....

Crow: But they all look alike.

Joel: They must be cloned.
 

>GAMES
>by
>Artemis
 

Crow: Okay, everyone take out their joysticks!

Tom: Oh, PLEASE!
 

>"Come on, come on...Oh not... oh, not again!!" Mina cried
 

Joel:  <Mina>  Whew!  Almost forgot my line there.
 

>and smashed her closed hand over the arcade.
 

Crow: Meanwhile, her opened hand was in a different place
altogether....
 

>The screen showed "GAME OVER" in red letters and an annoying
>music came out of the arcade.
 

Joel: The soundtrack to Pac Man Fever!

Tom: That reminds me... How's your Donkey Kong?
 

>She was playing Sailor V. "How ironic is this, I can beat this
>game..." she said.
 

Joel: She's spouting poetry now?

Tom: Must be hanging around Kunou too much.
 

>Andrew laughed behind her. "Ha Mina!, what? Can't
>you beat it?" "Oh, yes, I can't beat this silly game" "Why don't try
>it again?" "Well, I think so...".
 

Crow: The hell?!?

Joel: Maybe Andrew has a repressed split personality?

Tom: Either that or someone got to this fanfic before we did....
 

>She was putting another quarter in the machine when suddenly the
>alarm of her watch started to ring,
 

Crow:  <Mina> It's for you, Andrew.

Joel: Yeah, who needs to hear that primitive beeping noise when you
can sound like a high-tech yuppie.
 

>"Oh, it's too late!!", she stood up and ran toward the door "Bye
>Andrew, I have things to do..." "Bye Mina, see you soon" he said,
>waving her hand at her.
 

Tom:  Whoa!  This fic got violent all of a sudden!

Joel: Gotta hand it to him, that was a pretty clean cut.

Crow: Boy, I'm glad I didn't have to say that pun.
 

>The door with the words "Crown Arcade" closed slowly behind her.
>Mina had a doubt in her head
 

Tom: ...and not much else.

Crow: <singing> I wanna get her out of my head and into my bed....
 

>"Where she said that we'll  meet? oh... where it was?... Ah! I
>remember!"
 

Tom: Is it just me or does this fanfic sound like it's dubbed?

Crow: Either that or Yoda wrote the dialogue.
 

>and then she started to run toward the central park.
 

Crow: Taking special care to avoid the evil eastern park and the
wicked western park.

Tom: And for god's sake, stay away from south central park!
 

>The streets for which she passed by were strangely empty,
>not a single person and there wasn't even a single sound.
 

All: ECHO!                              (echo)
 

>Even the birds were strangely in silence.
 

Crow: Alfred Hitchcock?
 

>She started to run even faster. "I'll be late... she'll be mad..." she
>thought and then she heard a strange noise behind her and that made
>her to turn around. Nothing was in there.
 

Tom: The cupboard was bare

Joel: And so little Mina got none.

Crow: Awwwwwwwwwww!
 

>Now Mina felt something again behind her.
 

Tom: Did someone tape a kick-me sign to her back or what?

Joel: Look behind you!  A Three Headed Monkey!
 

>Suddenly all turned foggy and cool.
 

Tom: What?  The fanfic's become a bong now?

Joel: <Cheech>  Aw, man!

Tom: <Chong>  Got any tied stick, man?

Joel: <Cheech>  This fanfic should go up in smoke, man....
 

>She turned around again
 

Crow: She must be getting dizzy by now.
 

>and she thought that she saw a black shadow jumping out of her
>sight.  She watched over all the street but she didn't see anything. A
>long laugh broke the silence. A strange laugh, almost false. "HA HA
>HA HA!!!
 

Crow: Joker?

Tom: Green Goblin?

Joel: Trickster?

Crow: Robin Quivers?

Joel: Dr. F?

Crow: Shredder?

Tom: Chief?

Crow: Agent 86?
 

>I finally had found you!". "Who is in there?!?" She shouted. "Now
>I'll have you!!".
 

Crow:  Cool!  Me first!  Me first!

Joel: Dibs on Mina....

Tom: Dibs!

Crow: Hey....
 

>"WHO IS IN THERE?!? SHOW YOURSELF!!" she shouted louder.
 

Tom: Will our mystery guest step out and sign in please?
 

>Mina was reaching for her Power stick inside of her pocket
 

Crow:  Funny, I always though Mina kept her power stick in her....

Tom:  Crow!  Enough with the bad sexual innuendoes already!

Crow:  I was going to say her sock!

Joel: Uh-huh.

Tom: Right.
 

>when she felt that someone was behind her and she started to turn
>around
 

Tom: Man, she turned around enough times to drill herself into the
pavement.

Crow: Yeah, she's a real loose screw....

Joel: Crow....

Crow: What?
 

>but something hit her in her head. All was starting to get black
>and she was falling to the ground. She felt that someone grabbed her
>and she heard that laugh again and then all went black...
 

Tom: And the KKK weeped openly.

Joel: That's what she gets for not paying the electric bill.
 

>... Mina woke up slowly but she couldn't see anything.
 

Tom: Wait a minute.  Did time already pass or did Mina take a split
second nap?
 

>She noticed that her hands were tied behind her back and that
>something covered her eyes.
 

Crow:  Her eyelids?
 

>She felt herself naked and that she was also using large stockings
>that fit perfectly with her delicately rounded legs.
 

Tom: The flab from her rounded legs was hacked off delicately.
 

>She felt scared and that feeling increased when someone grabbed her
>violently by her shoulders and threw her over something soft.
 

Crow:  Thus causing her to land on something hard.
 

>She realized that she was over a bed.
 

Crow: Whoa, she's levitating!

Joel:  Oh my god!  She's been possessed by the vengeful spirit of the
Craftmatic Adjustable Bed!
 

>"What are you going to do?" she cried with tears filling her eyes.
 

Tom:  Yep, that can happen when you start to cry.
 

>"I said it to you... I'll have you..." the voice said,
 

Crow: Pay attention will you!
 

>it was a soft voice.  She felt that her legs were been forced to open
>and she tried to keep them closed but she couldn't.
 

Joel: That's what she gets for overusing her thighmaster.
 

>"No please, no!!" she cried. A warm tongue touched her in her ankle
>through the nylon of the stocking and she felt that was starting to go
>toward her crotch. Mina moved herself trying to avoid it but that
>seemed to upset the person.
 

Crow: <person> Geez lady!  Why do you have to fight back and ruin
the mood for?  Now I'm hurt....
 

>She felt that she was been taking by her thighs and that stopped her.
 

Crow: <singing> They're coming to take them away!  HA HA!

Tom: *She was been taking by her thighs.*   Let's see... one... two...
three....

Joel: What are you doing, Tom?  Tallying grammar errors?

Tom: Nope.  How do I hate this fic?  I'm counting the ways....
 

>"Please... don't..." she cried. She felt the warm tongue now over her
>pussy, licking it up and down on her outer lips. She turned her head to
>one side. The hands of that person separated her outer lips and
>the tongue shot itself toward her clit, flickering it and lickering it
>in small circles.
 

All:  Flickering it and lickering it!?!?

Tom: That's gotta be the worst grammar screw-up in the history of
lemon fanfics!
 

>"AHH!.. no... please.. AHH!.. please stop..." she muttered between
>her hipcups.
 

All: Hipcups!?!?

Crow: What the hell is a hipcup?

Tom: Support for oversized calves?  How the hell should I know!?
 

>But the person bit her clit softly and pulled it with its teeth.
 

Crow: Hey, the label didn't say pull and peel!
 

>A scream came from Mina, her hands tried to get free but
>the knots were firm amd hard. "No, please don't do this to me...".
>The tongue started to dart inside of her cunt causing her to moan
>with every single touch of it over her pussy. Mina tried to control
>herself but the sensation was taking control of her. A finger
>replaced the tongue and it was licking its way toward her breasts.
 

Tom: Okay, let me get this straight... a finger is *licking* her
breasts?!?  This sounds like something from Tales from the Crypt....

Joel: Maybe it's related to Thing from the Adams family?

Crow: It's finger licking good!
 

>The tongue reached them and licked them in big circles but never
>touched the nipples. Mina was crying for what was happening.
 

Joel:  <Mina>  Help me!  I'm being assaulted by a horny finger with it's
own tongue!

Crow: Redrum!  Redrum!
 

>Another finger entered inside of her and both of them increased their
>motion.  the other hand grabbed her right nipple and tugged it hard
>making her to cry louder. The tongue was now looking for her
>mouth but she clenched her teeth.  The fingers went more deep
>inside of her and she released a big scream.
 

Joel: Hey, she must have said the secret word!

Tom: I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

Crow: That's kind of sick if you think about it....
 

>The tongue then got inside of her mouth and played with her own.
>Her tears were now falling over her cheeks. Mina noticed that the body
>was getting over her and that her own legs were wrapped around the
>waist of that person. She prepared herself for the worst.
 

Tom: Nothing could be worse than being stuck in this fanfic.

Joel: A fate worse than death.

Crow: Hey, at least it's not a Urutsukdoji lemon.

Tom: Yeah, the plot would be better.
 

>"NO PLEASE, DON'T DO IT!!" she cried out of control. The
>fingers got out of her pussy and the person
 

Tom: When is the author going to give this guy a name for crying
out loud?

Joel:  Maybe it's the author in disguise?

Crow:  Where's a revengefic when you need one?
 

>ran them very slowly over her mound, her stomach, the channel
>between her breasts, her chin and were now on her mouth. The voice
>demanded "lick yourself, lick your own juices!!".
 

Tom:  You'd have to be *seriously* limber to do that.
 

>She felt her own juices over the fingers and she noticed that the
>person was using gloves, but they seemed made of some sort of soft
>material.
 

Crow:  So that's what became of Luna....

Tom: Or Artemis....

Joel: Or another use for a dead Totaro....
 

>The person was crawling over her and now the voice demanded
>"Now you little bitch, LICK ME!!".
 

Crow: <Mina> Ice cream cone or lollipop style?
 

>She felt that the person had gone in a "69" style. "LICK ME!!" the
>voice repeated.
 

Joel:  To recap:  Lick me.
 

>She got surprised when she put her mouth over the person's crotch.
>It was a WOMAN!.
 

Crow:  YEEEEEHAAAA!!!

Tom: Well, well, well, halfway through this fic and we finally reach
the first major plot point.

Joel: But will it be worth the wait?

Tom: We can only hope.
 

>The woman started to moan when Mina put her tongue over
>her pussy. "Good, oh, you make it good!!",
 

Joel: Mmmm Mmmm good!

Crow: <singing> The way you make me feel....
 

>then the woman put her hands on Mina's thighs, squeezing them
>softly
 

Joel: <woman> You're getting a bit hippy, dearheart.
 

>and licking them downward her pussy.
 

Crow: Downward must be shorthand for *Down towards*

Joel:  Or the writer may have simply screwed up.

Tom: Proofreading.  The cornerstone of the fanfic.
 

>Mina stopped to ask, almost crying, "Why? Why do you this to me?"
 

Joel: Now she sounds like Yoda doing Shakespeare.

Tom: <Yoda> Be or be not, there is no question....

Crow: <Yoda> Yorick, knew well I did, alas.
 

>"I liked you since the first time that I saw you and I want you all for
>me, no one deserve to have you, except me... and now LICK ME!!"
 

Crow:  <sniffles>  That was beautiful.

Joel: What a touching confession of love...

Tom: This fanfic was brought to you by the TAB. "Tongue Advisory
Board"  Their slogan:  We're not licked yet!
 

>and saying this the woman slapped her in her thighs making her cry.
 

Crow:  <Mina> Damn it!  I am NOT that fat!
 

>Mina only could continue with this,
 

Tom: What else is she going to do?  Walk out of the fanfic?

Joel: If only we could be so lucky....
 

>she thrusted her tongue inside of the woman, licking the honey of
>her, falling inside of her mouth. The woman put her fingers inside
>of her again but now she increased the speed and deep of her thrusts,
 

Crow: <woman> I call this little maneuver  "Deep Space Nine!"
 

>and rampaged waves of pleasure started to run over Mina's body
>and inside of her brain.
 

Tom: The Brain That Wouldn't Try.

Crow: I think I can't, I think I can't, I think I can't....
 

>Mina bit the clit of hers with her lips
 

Crow: Mina demonstrating her incredible flexibility again.

Joel: She should be in the circus.

Tom: It's the amazing rubber senshi!

Crow: From the people that brought you the inflatable Urd....
 

>and caressed it hard with her tongue. The woman's body started to
>go out of control.  The other hand of her reached for Mina's breasts
>and grabbed them hard, marking her fingers in the delicate skin of
>them.
 

Tom: The only thing out of control in this fic is the grammar and
spelling.

Joel: What about the plot?

Crow: It's okay but the setup kinda sucked.

Tom: More time in establishing mood and characters might help.
 

>Mina yelled for the pain.
 

Crow: More! More! she implored.

Tom: <Mina> Bring me some irritation and suffering at once!  And don't
spare the humiliation!
 

>"Not so fast, do it slow..." the voice said.
 

All: <singing> Slow Ride... Take it easy....
 

>Mina then continued but she did it now slower and she was crying for
>the pain.
 

Crow: More!  More!  It's just not S&M without the agony!

Tom: <singing> Cause she's known in this city as the queen of pain.
 

>Now the fingers were inside of her until the third knuckles and were
>also curled upward, exploring her inside of her cunt.
 

Tom: Owie....

Crow: Fisting of the North Star....

Joel: Ick.
 

>"You're getting wet... Umm, and that tastes good..."
>the woman said and she licking her tongue inside of her mouth,
>tasting Mina's honey. "Don't... uh... said uuh!.. things... like that,
>please... Oh my... I..." "You like it, isn't it?" "Please... don't... Ah!!".
 

Crow: Hey, Mina's starting to enjoy it!

Joel: What a surprising turn of events.  I... I never saw it coming....

Tom: Yeah, I haven't been so shocked since the climax of  "The
Empire Strikes Back"

Crow: You mean when we find out the Jedi Master Yoda was a little
green shrimp?

Tom: Uh... sure, Crow... that's it....
 

>The woman started to moan, Mina had realized that she have to
>make her come, so she can rest a little for all this.
 

Crow: Yeah, giving pleasure to your rapist can be such a chore....

Joel: Crow....

Crow: Hey I just diss them, I don't write them....
 

>She had started to flick the clit harder and to tugged it with her teeth
>clenched to it.  The woman body started to spasm and went on a
>frenetic movement.  She closed even more her grasp on Mina's breast
>causing her even more pain but Mina continued. "You brat... ah
>ah... my...
 

Joel: Goddess?

Tom and Crow: It's Megami-Sama, Joel!

Joel: Sorry.
 

>I'm cumming!!!".
 

All: <singing> Uh oh, here she cums....
 

>Mina felt her chin and lips soaked of the juices of the woman and
>that they were falling on the bed. She noticed also that the woman
>fell on her side.
 

Tom: Must be those * delicately rounded legs* they mentioned
earlier in the fic.  Can't keep their balance....
 

>She heard her gasping and breathing hard. Mina was also gasping for
>some air and she was calming down slowly, but again
>the voice scared her. "You, you made me cum! now I'll teach you!".
 

Crow: How to write coherently in the future?

Tom: I think it too late for that.  Even if the rest of this story was
penned by Naoko Takeuchi herself, it would still suck.

Crow: You're probably right....
 

>Despite that she couldn't see, she felt that the woman was very
>upset. Mina felt that she left the bed and the room.
 

Joel: I always *felt* Mina had ESP.

Tom: I *felt* this story could have used some serious editing....

Crow: <fakes being sick>  I just *felt* ill a second ago.
 

>All was in silence for a long time and then she tried to stand up but
>she fell on the floor.
 

Tom: Those damned *delicately rounded legs* again!
 

>She tried to stand up again but then a hard grasp took her by her
>blond hair, and another took her by the rope that tied her hands.
 

Crow: Ahh!  The ties that bind....

Tom: Rope-a-dope....

Joel: I guess she has a firm *grasp* of her situation now....

Tom: Zing!
 

>"So, you tried to escape, didn't you?" "Please, untie me..."
>she begged. "We haven't finished yet... As I said, I have to show you
>some discipline...". Then the woman threw her again over the bed but
>this time face downward and she put a pillow under Mina's mound so
>her bottom raised in the air.
 

Crow: Bottoms up!

Tom: Hey, that last paragraph was almost coherent!

Joel: They keep throwing Mina *over* the bed.  Are they trying to
tease her or what?

Crow: Ah, the floor's good enough for them.
 

>Again the hands of Mina fought to get free but the knots seemed even
>harder.  "Now I'll show you how to obey..." the voice sounded
>menacing.  The tongue returned to its duty
 

Crow: The tongue was a vet, who had served in Nam, Korea, the
Middle East....

Tom: Oral sex is hell.

Joel: The horror... the horror....
 

>of caress her in her cunt put this time it wasn't licking.
 

Joel: That's good.  One more sentence with the word "licking" in it and
I would have given the author a severe tongue lashing.

Tom: Something just occurred to me.  What if the author of this fanfic
is a woman?

Joel: ....

Crow: Then Joel would have enjoyed it more.

Joel: Crow....

Crow: Your needle's stuck, Joel.
 

>It seemed like the woman was soaking her cunt.  Mina tried to move
>but the hands of the woman took her over her knees. Mina began to
>moan and cry.
 

Joel: <Mina>  This bites!  Why couldn't the author make this
a Battle Lakers EX lemon?

Crow: And ruin that fine hentai parody?  For shame!
 

>The pleasure was taking her again and her body was spasming.
 

Joel: Well she certainly perked up in a hurry.

Tom:  D'oh!
 

>Seeing this the woman sit over Mina's legs, pinning them down
>completely. Her legs were closed now and this made Mina's cunt
>tighter.  She felt something cold in her outer lips, something round
>but in some way sharp-pointed. She realized what it was.
 

Crow: An Academy Award?
 

>A dildo.
 

Tom: Same thing.

Joel: Didn't you send that joke to Billy Crystal?

Tom: Yeah, can't imagine why he didn't use it....
 

>She began to shout "NO PLEASE, DON'T USE THAT!".
 

Joel: No need to shout.  She's not deaf.
 

>The woman started to run it up and down of her pussy lips.
>"Why not? UH?" "..." "What? No answer?
 

Crow: Doesn't she know it's rude to speak with a mouth full of dots?
 

>Well, I think there's no problem in using this then..." and
>then she thrusted it inside of her and turned it on. The dildo
>started to caress the inner walls of Mina's cunt with its vibration
 

All: <singing> Good vibrations!
 

>and the in-out motion of the woman was increasing the sensation.
 

All: <still singing> Ssssssweet sensations!
 

>The free hand of the woman was squeezing Mina's ass helping to
>the sex build up in Mina's brain.
 

Crow: <singing> It's pinky!  It's pinky and the brain, brain, brain....

Tom: So let's recap:  Mina has doubt, rampaged waves of pleasure,
and sex build up in her brain.

Joel: Now all she needs is water.

Crow: <Mike Myers>  Pardon me, do you have any grey matter?
 

>Mina bit her lower lip to avoid herself to shout. Little moans escaped
>through her teeth and her warm tears were falling over her now red
>cheeks. She couldn't hold it and a large scream came from inside of
>her and she started to gasp for some air.
 

Crow: <Mina>  Whew!  That was the hardest bit of acting I've ever
had to do.

Joel: Crow, this isn't meant to be funny.  Mina's really suffering here....
 

>Then the motion got slow. Strangely this made Mina to get upset. She
>was surprised, but she was liking this.
 

Crow: You were saying, Joel?

Joel:  Forget it.
 

>"So, do you like it, uh?" and then woman stopped completely
>"You have to beg for it then...". Mina was crying, her mind wanted
>this to stop but her body wanted more.
 

Crow:  Mind over matter....

Tom: Brains over Brawn....

Joel: <singing> If you want my body....
 

>Now the woman turned off the dildo. The sensation was finishing.
>Mina couldn't help it and she muttered "Please, I wanted it,
>please...".
 

Joel: Come on, you gotta want it....
 

>The woman reached for behind for Mina's breasts and started to play
>with her nipples, squeezing and tugging them and she added "What do
>you say? I can't hear you..." "Please..." "Uh?" "PLEASE, I WANTED
>IT!!"
 

All: <singing> You can't always get what you want....
 

>"So you'll get it... little lecher..."  the woman started all over again.
 

All: NOOOOOO!!!!!!
 

>She introduced the dildo even deeper in Mina's pussy.  Mina was in
>sort way happy for this,
 

Tom: Yeah, the kind of happiness you experience when your house
burns down and you lose everything but you're still alive.

Crow: Ah, such bliss....
 

>the ache between her legs was calming down.
 

Tom: Jock itch is a terrible curse....
 

>Mina tried to open her legs but the woman didn't let her to do that.
>The moans and groans of Mina increased. She took Mina by her blond
>hair and pulled it toward her, almost lifting her.
 

Crow: She must have watched Japan Pro Wrestling.
 

>Mina cried for the pain and the pleasure.
 

Tom: <Mina> Bring me more pain and pleasure and make it snappy!

Joel: <Mina> I want it all!  The terrifying pain, The dizzying pleasures....
 

>Her juices ran over the dildo and the fingers of the woman, falling in
>tiny drops over the sheet of the bed.
 

Tom: <singing> Plop Plop....

Crow: <singing> Fizz Fizz....

Tom and Crow: <singing> Oh, what a relief it is....

Joel: Guys....
 

>"You're ready, arent't you?". "Uh huh... I..." Mina stuttered.
>The woman then pushed the dildo all into Mina, making her to
>scream out and louder "AH! I"M CUMMING!! AHH AHHH!!".
 

Crow: <singing> She'll be cumming down her mounds when she cums....

Joel: That's just sick, Crow....

Crow: Sorry.
 

>The woman took off the dildo very slowly, making her body to
>spasm even more.  She licked it and tasted every single drops of
>Mina's honey.
 

Crow: <singing>  HONEY-FLASH!!!

Joel: Huh?

Crow: <still singing> She's the sort of girl who is always in fashion....

Joel: Crow?

Crow: <still singing>  And her behind is the cutest one we know of....

Tom: What are you blathering on about?

Crow: <shakes his head>  Whoa, Sorry about that.  It's all this talk
about honey....
 

>She stood up of the bed and left her over there. Mina was whimpering.
>"Please... free me, let me go..." she begged.
 

All: <singing>  Bind me not... to the pasture... Chain me not... to the
plow....
 

>No answer.
 

Joel: She should get call-waiting.
 

> She tried to move but her body was hurting her bad and she couldn't
> move even her legs.
 

Tom: Oh, it's those darn....

Joel: Tom Servo, if you say "delicately rounded legs" one more time,
I'm going to throw you into a black hole.
 

>Hardly she turned around and finished lying on her side.
 

Crow: Now she has to turn over and do the other side so she's cooked
evenly.

Tom: Should I serve red or white wine with Mina?

Crow: I don't know but I can recommend a nice sauce that would go
well with her....

Joel: Don't say it, Crow.
 

>"Please..." she muttered again. All was in silence. She cried herself to
>sleep......"How much hours had passed?" Mina thought.
 

Tom: Either this girl doesn't dream or she has the fastest naps in
fanfic history.

Crow: It's like that Star Trek: TNG episode... The one where they
couldn't reach R.E.M. sleep....

Tom: Oh yeah!  Then Troi had to fly through space to find someone
with no eyes or something....

Joel: If you Trekkers are quite finished, can we get back to the
fanfic now?  Or would you rather be reading a Stephen Ratliff fic?

Tom and Crow: NOOOOO!!!  WE'LL BEHAVE!!!  WE'LL
BEHAVE!!!

Joel: Heh, I thought you would.
 

>She felt her thighs soaked of her own juices. She finally woke up but
>she continued to be tied and without seeing anything.
>She felt someone moving on her side and sitting on the bed. She
>realized that the woman had slept on her side.
 

Crow: Which side?

Tom: The one with the frosting

Crow: Ohhhh....

Joel: There's one for the ages....
 

>The woman helped Mina to sit over the bed too, with her legs
>folded under her. Mina felt that the piece of fabric that covered her
>eyes was been removed and that her hands were been untied. Her
>eyes were hit by the light of the sun that entered through the
>curtains of the window and they took their time to get used to it.
 

Joel: <Mina>  I just can't get my eyes to focus on those plaid curtains!
 

>She then looked for her raptor
 

Tom: Where is this taking place?  Jurassic Park?

Crow: The Lost Fanfic....

Tom: I wish.

Joel: Maybe they're in Bedrock?

Crow: Or maybe they want to play basketball for Toronto?
 

>and she saw that the woman was Amy
 

Tom: Ladies and Gentlemen.  Plot point number 2!

Joel: Hey!  Amy's not supposed to be a sadistic rapist!  She's a warm
caring, intellectual girl who fights for truth and justice.  The author
made her OOC!

Crow: And what, praytell, in this entire fanfic, has been in any way, IC?

Joel: Uhh... well... er....

Crow: Exactly.

Tom: Artemis should have named this fic: "Mina: The Hand of Fate"

Joel: It's not THAT bad, Tom....
 

>and that she was transformed into Sailor Mercury and that she was
>in Amy's house....Mina was very surprised to see Amy but then she
>realized all and she started to scold her "Amy! we have to stop
>playing like this!"  "But you liked it, didn't you Mina?" "Yes, but
>that's not the point!"
 

Joel: And yet another revelation....

Tom: So this entire sordid event, which seemed to be Mina being
kidnapped and raped by an unknown assailant, was actually a game
between Mina and Amy in order to have more exciting sex?

Crow: Yep.

Tom: And all the tears and pain and suffering was an act by Mina to
make Amy think the scenario was real?

Crow: Yep.

Tom: Even when Amy knew that Mina knew that this was all a game
from the beginning?

Crow: Yep.

Tom: Okay.  Just wanted to clear that up.
 

>"Well, I'm sorry if I was mean to you..." "Mean? You weren't mean,
>you acted like a completely sadist!" "Oh, I'm very sorry...". Mina
>tried to show her angry but she ended giggling and laughing "Oh Amy,
>it's okay..." she said as she kissed her
 

Crow: Aw, you crazy kids you....

Joel: Just harmless fun, nothing to worry about....

Tom: Ah, youth....
 

>"But we have to think in other ways of foreplay..."
 

Joel: Less tongue action might be a good start....

Crow: A better plot might help things just a LITTLE bit....

Tom: Not to mention you might try using the original Japanese
dialogue with English subtitles instead of dubbing that makes Viz
Video look like the gold standard.

Joel: Hey, Viz isn't nearly as bad as Animeigo or have you forgotten the
*dubbed* version of Urusei Yatsura?

Tom: <shudders> I stand corrected.
 

>"Well, I think so..." Amy said as she transformed herself from Sailor
>Mercury to Amy. Mina looked her breasts with Amy's fingers clearly
>marked over them
 

Tom: Geez, Amy!  Take a cold shower, why don't ya?

Crow: They only mentioned the fingers.  Amy's fingers have a life of
their own, remember?

Tom: Oh yeah!  They have tongues, served in Nam....

Joel: No, that was a different tongue.

Tom: Whoops!  My mistake.
 

>"You have to control yourself Amy, look what you did this time..."
 

Crow:  Oh!  Look what you did!  Bad Amy!  Bad Amy!

Tom:  Use the newspapers!  That's what I put them there for!

Joel: Oh yuck!
 

>"Oh, I'm sorry for that too but..." then Mina remembered something
>and she looked for it over the bed and the floor.
 

Crow: Her dignity?

Tom: Her pride?

Joel: Her personality?
 

>She found it over the sheet. She showed the dildo to Amy. "Where do
>you get this?" she asked, waving it in the face of Amy.
 

Tom: Well, you can usually find them in any adult novelty store....

Joel: Don't wave that thing in front of Amy.  She might just bite your
hand off.

Crow: Can't you read the sign?  "Don't feed the Senshi!"
 

>"Oh, well, you see, I was in the center with Serena and we passed by a
>sex shop.
 

Crow: Why do I get the feeling that's a setup for another lemon?

Joel: Any takers?

Crow: I can see the title now.  "Sailor Mercury Conquers the Moon"

Joel: <singing> Hooray for Sailor Moon!  Yay, Yay, for Sailor Moon!

Tom: I may be sick.
 

>At first I don't care but...well...I returned in the afternoon I don't
>know why and then I saw it and I decided to buy it and then I
>bought it because I thought that we can have some fun with it ..."
>she answered a little embarrased,
 

Tom: Yeah, right.  Amy's embarrassed about telling Mina she bought
a dildo when she just performed every degrading sexual act on her
that she could think of.

Crow: Which wasn't much when you look back at the actual scene....

Joel: Crow....

Crow: Don't you ever finish your sentences, Joel?

Joel:  Okay.  Crow, this is your creator speaking, shut up.

Crow: Bite me.
 

>"You bought it?!?
 

All: Hey!  Don't rub it in!
 

>Amy, are you feeling good?" Mina teased her "OH Mina...". Now
>Amy scolded Mina. "Hey, I remembered! Why do you get late to
>where we decided to meet?"   "Oh, I didn't noticed about the time
>cause I was in the arc.... ups!
 

Tom: Arc Ups?

Crow: The author's arcing up the wrong tree on this one.

Joel: Nice save, Crow.

Crow: No, it wasn't.
 

>I mean I was cleaning my house..." Mina said looking  Amy with a
>funny face "WHAT? YOU WERE IN THE ARCADES!?" Amy
>sounded very angry "So, a game is more important to you that me..."
 

Tom: <Amy>  How dare you come late to your own simulated rape!
You're so selfish Mina!  Always thinking of doubt, rampaged waves of
pleasure, and sex build up instead of me!
 

>"Hey, I didn't mean that!" "Not with words but with yours actions..."
>Mina didn't want to continue fighting with her and she put her hands
>over Amy's shoulders. Amy was showing Mina her back and her arms
>were crossed over her chest.
 

Crow: What a bitch!

Joel: <Mina> Hmph!  Well if that's the wait you're going to be, I'll just
go and pretend to be raped by someone else!  So there!
 

>Mina kissed her softly behind her ear and whispered to her "Amy,
>I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to be late, but..., well I'm sorry, you
>know that I care too much for you...". "I know..." Amy answered
>finally.
 

Joel: Aw....

Crow: A tender moment between lovers and the best of friends....
 

>She turned around and hit Mina in her head softly with her knuckles,
 

All: <Muted trumpet imitation>  Wah-wah-wah-wahhhhhh.
 

>but she hit her in her head's bruise.
 

Crow: Ah, It was just a love tap....

Tom: Good thing it wasn't a spinal tap....

Joel: <singing>  Love is a battlefield....
 

>"AUCHH!... wait! I remembered it...
 

Crow: When did Mina pick up a Scottish accent?

Joel: The author must have seen the dubbed version of 'The Guyver'

Tom: Or played one too many games of 'Metal and Lace: The Battle
of the Robobabes'....
 

>Why did you hit me?!"
>"Oh... well, uh..."
 

Tom: <Amy> Because I'm a psychopathic bitch?

Joel: <Amy> Because I'm following the script?

Crow: <Amy> Because it's her time of the month?
 

>"well I'm waiting..."  Mina now sounded angry.  "Well, cause you
>were late I thought a little and I decided to change a little what we
>planned..." "A little? You changed all!" "... and I decided to give you
>a little scare..." "Yes? well, you have to practice you laugh then... "
>"Oh, you knew it all the time..." "Well, not until the end...".
 

Crow: So Mina didn't know it was Amy?

Tom: Or is Mina lying to make Amy feel better?

Joel: Who knows?  More importantly, who cares.
 

>They stayed in silence for a short moment and then both of them
>stared at each other and started to laugh.
 

Joel: <Mina>  Hee hee hee... Why are we laughing?

Tom: <Amy>  Giggle... To end the fic on a happy note?  How the hell
should I know?... chuckle....
 

>They hugged and kissed and Mina pushed her body over Amy
>putting her over the bed. Amy asked "And what are we going to do
>now?" "Well, now it's my time to play with you, I mean to punish
>you..."
 

Crow: ALL RIGHT!  IT'S PAYBACK TIME!!!!

Tom: <Bruce Campbell>  YO, SHE-BITCH.  LET'S GO.

Joel: Guys....
 

>Amy giggled and turned around showing again her back to Mina
>and she added "Well then, tie my hands... and make me learn how to
>beg...".
 

Joel: <Mina> But I'm not ready to be tied down in a relationship!

Crow: <foaming at the mouth>  YEAH, YEAH, DO IT, DO IT,
BABY!!!!

Joel: Whoa!  Take it easy, Crow!  Remember your oil pressure!
 

>Mina giggled and kissed her in her nape as she tied her hands very
>tight...

>THE END!!!
 

Crow: D'OH!!!
 

>*******************************************************
 

Joel: More snowflakes....

Tom: Good.  Maybe they'll bury this fanfic under a ton of snow.
 

>I hope that you, the one who read this story, had enjoyed it. If you
>have any comment/blame/praise e-mail me at a961105n@pucp.edu.
 

All: Thanks.  We just did.  :)

Tom: Let's get out of here guys....
 

* * *
 

OUTSIDE THE HOLOCABANA
A FEW MINUTES LATER....
 

 As Crow, Tom and Joel walk towards the door, Gypsy
suddenly emerges from it.  Crow calls out a greeting.

 "Hey Gyps!  Where have you been all day?"

 "Oh, well, while you guys were in the theater I decided to try
out Zen's "Bitter End" scenario and try to find a solution of my own."
Gypsy replied as she examined the controls nearby the door.

 "Really?  Mind if we check it out?"  Joel asked.

 "Yeah!"  Tom added excitedly.

 "Oh sure.  But don't be too critical.  It's my first attempt
after all."  Gypsy replied, looking slightly embarrassed.

 "We'll be gentle, Gypsy."  Joel said in an assuring voice.

 "Okay then.  Gypsy entered the holocabana, Joel and the bots
close behind...."
 

* * *
 

 Ukyou could hear voices as she approached the dojo.

 "How many times do I have to tell you, I don't want you
seeing her anymore?!"  Akane was screaming.

 "But Akane," came Ranma's answer, "We're just friends!
Honest!"

 "You expect me to believe that?!"  Akane retorted.  "Just
how stupid do you think I am?!"

 "Would it matter?" asked Ranma bitterly.

 "WHAT was that?"

 "You've never believed me before; I don't expect that you'll
start now."

 "Well, why ELSE would you be with HER all the time?  Why
not your other friends?  What about them?!"  Akane's tone was acid.

 "What other friends?" Ranma asked.  "Ucchan's the only
friend I've got left!"  she was shouting now.  "She's the only one that
you haven't managed to scare off!"

 Ukyou stepped onto the porch, and looked into the training
hall.  Ranma, still in girl form, was standing at one end of the room,
just under the family shrine.  Akane stood facing Ranma, holding the
katana that Nodoka had given her when she and Ranma had married.
The blade glinted as she swung the katana towards the slashed
remains of a number of training dummies that bore mute testimony
to the extent of her rage.

 "And just what is THAT supposed to mean?"  Akane's voice
was getting shrill.

 "Just that!  No one ever comes by anymore because of the way
we fight all the time!  It makes them uncomfortable.  Don't you get it?
They're AFRAID of you!  Ryouga, Kunou... Everybody!  Hell, you even
have KASUMI scared!"

 Akane took a half step toward Ranma, prodding at her with
the katana.  Ranma ducked to the side, avoiding the blade, and Akane
moved to pursue.  Ukyou tried to scream, but succeeded only in
uttering a strangled gasp.

 Ranma saw her at that point, and called a warning.  "Be
careful, Ucchan!  Stay back!"

 Akane whirled.  "YOU!!" he screamed at Ukyou.  "I told you
to stay AWAY from Ranma!  He's MINE!  This is all YOUR doing!"
he raised the blade again....

 Ukyou felt as if she were paralyzed - time seemed to stand
still.  She had known that Akane had grown more violent, but she was
totally unprepared for the brutal reality.  The girl that stood before her
now was more like an animal than a thinking being.  Ukyou's eyes
were drawn to the blade that Akane was waving, as the hammering
of her own heart fought for her attention - and lost.

 Akane swung the tip of his katana back towards Ranma, her
eyes flashing with ill suppressed fury.  As she tightened his grip on the
handle, Akane's voice was like thunder in Ukyou's ears.  "I warned
you... I warned you both!  DIE, RANMA!"

 Ukyou watched, horrified, as Akane thrust forward with the
katana....

 "AKANE, STOP!!!"

 Akane paused in mid-stab, turning towards the sound of the
scream.  Ranma-Chan used the momentary distraction to get out of
harm's way beside Ukyou.  They were both staring at the figure in the
doorway.  It was Kasumi with a look of worry on her face.

 "Akane, I think what you're doing is wrong.  Ranma doesn't
deserve to die and you need help.  I want to help you, Akane."
Kasumi's eyes brimmed with tears.   "We all do."

 Akane stared at her sister, then at her hands holding the
katana.  They were shaking.  Kasumi continued.

 "What are you fighting for?  To satisfy the silly pride of
fathers who don't know the first thing about family values? I need
you. They...."  Kasumi gestured at Ranma and Ukyou.  "...have tried
so hard to make you see the light. I was the one who got you into
marital arts in the first place. Everyone pushes you, they push us
against each other. Look what our parents did to Ukyou, to Shampoo,
to all of Ranma's fiancees.  I was the one who made sure you would be
okay.  Remember that teacher that was picking on you? I was 13, I
went to that school and set the teacher straight. They turned you
against all your friends, because our parents don't give a damn about
their children, just their faded hopes and dreams of glory that will never
be reached.   Akane, we love you... I love you."

 Akane felt the katana fall from her fingers as her emotions
threatened to overwhelm her.  "O... Oneechan...."

 "I'm always here for you Akane...."  Kasumi replied as she
held her arms out in a hug.

 "ONEECHAN!!!"  Akane ran towards her sister, and
embraced her.  "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...."

 "It's all right Akane, sometimes "Reunions" can take more
than One Hour to accomplish.  But as long as we don't resort to
Desperation and keep Wishing Upon the Same Star, one day, all
our hopes will come to pass and we'll be eternally happy, From
Dawn till Dusk, forever...."

 "R-Really, Oneechan?"  Akane replied, tears falling down
her cheeks.

 "Of course, Akane.  Now I'm going to help you relieve the
anger within you."

 "H-How?"  Akane sniffed.

 "A nice relaxing backrub should do it...."

 Akane felt, rather than saw, something hard and sharp
cleaving into her skull and splitting it into two, spilling her brains
out in a gory burst of blood.  The last thing she saw before the
blackness took her was an image of Kasumi looking down at her with
a warm smile - and gripping the handle of a double-edged axe
dripping with her blood....

 "Oh my!  I'd better clean up this mess before father gets
home."  Kasumi exclaimed as she went in search of a mop.  She
paused as she noticed the horrified reactions of Ranma and Ukyou, too
shocked to move, much less speak.

 "Oh, I'm sorry!  Did you both want a backrub as well?"
 

* * *
 

 There was a long pause and the room suddenly returned to
normal as Magic Voice announced the end of the program.  Gypsy,
now back to normal, turned to face Joel and the bots who were in a
state of shock.

 "I combined the climax of "Bitter End" with the climax of
"Akane loves P-Chan!" replaced Kasumi's personally with
Webdragon's Axe Murderer persona and even threw in a modified
speech from an episode of  "WWF: Raw is War."  What do you think,
guys?  Guys?  Are you okay guys?"

 Everyone except Gypsy facefaulted.
 

* * *
 

DEEP 13
 

 Dr. Forrester removed his face from the toilet as his stomach
finally settled down.  It wasn't just because of Megane 6.7's blatant
plugs or Gypsy's ultra-violent rewrite, nor was it out of disgust from
Joel and his bots surviving yet another bad fic with their sanity intact....

 No, Dr. Forrester had just finished reading another Sailor Moon
lemon that had been so bad, even he had been unable to stomach it.  "If
this one doesn't drive the bots insane... well, I'll send them another one
of course, but I'm sure THIS fanfic will be the one!  "HAHAHAHAHA
HA!!!"

 "Here's the plunger you asked for, Dr. F."  Frank handed it to
him.

 "Yes, yes!  Just push the button, Frank!"  Dr. Forrester absently
muttered as he took off his coat and rolled up his sleeves.

 "Uh, sir, Don't you think...."

 "Yes and you don't!  So shut up and push the button, Frank!"
Dr. Forrester grunted as he stuck the plunger deep in the toilet and
prepared to pull.

 "Okay, just wanted to make sure the air pressure controls
were set correctly.  Otherwise, when you pull....

 "AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!!!!"

 Frank cringed and took a brief look behind him before
grimacing.  "That's going to take a while to clean up...."  He
muttered to himself as he pushed the button.
 

THE REAL END.
 

(Feel free to hum the closing theme as you read my author's notes.)
 

This concludes my first MSTing.  I'd like to thank Timothy McLees,
Keener and Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong their advice and valuable C&C.
I'd also like to thank Zen for his C&C and giving me permission to
use an excerpt from his "Bitter End" fanfic. I also give credit to
Keener for the "Disco Balls" invention idea and helping me out with
Joel's character.  If you want any of his fics, just ask.

"Kasumi the Axe Murderer" and "Akane Loves P-Chan!" are the
brainchild of Webdragon.  If you want a copy of either of them or any
of his other works, ask him and I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige.  I'd
like to thank him for the use of those stories as well.

Special Thanks to Artemis for writing this lemon and giving me a lot of
material to work with.   I hope you're not too offended.  If you are, feel
free to MST my own works on Shizen's site.  I won't mind a bit.

C&C, as always, is appreciated.  (fcasper@yesic.com)    Feel free to
send in any anime fanfic that you would like to see MSTed and I'll take
a look at it.  Also, if you're interested in seeing any previous episodes
of this series, I'll be happy to e-mail them to you.  ;)

Sincerely,

Megane 6.7

A MSTing for all Seasons
http://www.nabiki.com/mst
A full archive of all Mystery Science Theater 6.7 episodes, Megane 6.7
fanfiction, and collaborations!

Shizen's Versatile Home Page V3.0
http://svhp.webjump.com/  (Contains links to my MSTings and fanfics)
(Alternate site: http://www.tass.org/fanfic/MST3k/)

Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/
 

SEASON ONE
------------------

101- "GAMES" by Artemis  (SM Lemon)
102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER"  (Original Draft)  by Oscar  (SM Lemon)
103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA"  by The Flashman
(SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER)
104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker  (SM Fanfic)
w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin  (R1/2 Fanfic)
105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave  (R1/2 Fanfic)
106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson  (Nuku Nuku Fanfic)
107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton
(La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover)
108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave  (R1/2 Fanfic)
109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky
(SM/WWF Crossover)
w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon  (SM/RL Crossover)
110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER
CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker  (SM Christmas Fanfic)

SEASON TWO
-------------------
201- "THAT GIRL"  PT. 1-2  by Oscar  (SM Lemon)
202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino  (SM Lemon)
203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn  (SM/SPAWN Crossover)
204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2  by Hitomi Ichinohei  (R1/2 Fanfic)
205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz  (SM Lemon)
206- "OSCAR TOON"  PT. 1-4 by Oscar  (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover)
207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari
(Mutiple Crossover Lemon)
208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep  (R1/2 Fanfic)
209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS  (SM Lemon)
210- "URUSEI YATSURA: THE KIDNAPPING" by Shutaro Mendou
(UY Lemon)

SEASON THREE
----------------------
301- "A WET DREAM COME TRUE" by Mike Rhea  (R1/2 Lemon)
302- "TORTURED ECHO" PT. 1-4 by Trakal  (R1/2 Fanfic)
303- "RANMA KILLS!" PT. 1-2 by Sir Asayogure  (R1/2 Fanfic)
304- "OKONOMIYAKI SUMMER" by Mike Rhea  (R1/2 Fanfic)
w/short "UNDER THE MISTLETOE" by Mike Rhea  (R1/2 Fanfic)
305- "XMAS SPECIAL: A CHRISTMAS FIT FOR A POKEMON"
by Dr. Thinker  (Pokemon Christmas Fanfic)
306- "9-BALL DREAMS" PT. 1-2 by Mr_Jazz  (SM Crossover Lemon)
307- "WINTER" by Joseph Palmer  (R1/2 Fanfic)
308- "UKYO GETS WHAT SHE DESERVES" PT. 1-2 by R_Vincent
(R1/2 Lemon)

SHORTY!
-------------
101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY!
102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET!
103- PHEROMONES!
104- THE INTERNET SPY AND YOU!!

OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO
---------------------------------------------------------
"DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker  (SM Fanfic)
"MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff  (SM/TNG Crossover)

Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/

"THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin  (SM Dark Lemon)
"9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams  (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon)

Lefty's MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/MSTings/index.htm

'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE!
(Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle)

Website Number 9 MSTings
http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml

"THE DAY OF EMERGENCE" by Jeffrey Lee
(Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover)

"REDHEADS" by Robert Haynie
(Slayers/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)

Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html

OTHER GREAT WEBPAGES WORTH VISITING

Zoogz's Fanfiction and Fandom Page
http://www.nav.to/Zoogz

The Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong
http://www.anime.sobhrach.com\~jeffwong\index.html

'Suicide Blast' by: Keener
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/3342/Suicide.html
Additional links for Keener's stuff
-- http://tmffa.com/
-- http://www.redrival.com/myrriden/index.html

Flashman's Flash Point
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/

JOLT!!!
http://members.home.net/jolt.caffiene/welcome.htm

Website Number 9 MSTings
http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml

Lord Carnage's Cursed Fanboys Page!
http://carnage.fanfic.org

A Sailor Moon Romance
http://moonromance.simplenet.com/

Zen's Fanfiction Page
http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html

Webdragon's Lair
http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/

Sean Gaffney's Webpage
http://www.thekeep.org/~sean/index.html
 

"The hands of that person separated her outer lips and the tongue
shot itself toward her clit, flickering it and lickering it in small
circles."
 

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 1997 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.
 

Keep Circulating the Fanfics....
 

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