*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS* (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain) (The future isn't what it used to be....) "MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON TWO) EPISODE 15: TRAPPED (A Sailor Moon Lemon MSTing) MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering my own ass here folks.... "Sailor Moon" is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all the distributors of her work. "Trapped" is the property of Mr_Jazz and he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. It's all meant in good fun. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;) (Note: The original unMSTed version of "Trapped" can be found at "A Sailor Moon Romance". See link at the end of the MSTing.) Warning: This fic contains mature content and lemon content. If you are offended by such material, simply delete it and it's gone. If not, enjoy! (Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5... 4... 3....) It's the not-too-distant future, Last Sunday BC There was this guy named Joel Not so different from you or me He worked at Gizmonic Institute Just another guy in a red jumpsuit He did a great job cleaning up the place, But his bosses really hate him So they shot him into space!!!! Joel: (OH... MY... GODDESS!!!) Crow and Tom: (IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!) (Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer printout) We'll send him crappy fanfics The worst we can find (lalala) He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala) (Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.) Now keep in mind Joel can't control When the fanfics begin or end (lalala) Because he used those special parts To make his robot friends; ROBOT ROLL CALL: CAMBOT: 'Text only'? Gypsy: 'Oh, my!' Tom Servo: 'Sweet-o!' CROOOOOOOW!!! 'I'm not a hentai!' If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes And other science facts (lalala) Then repeat to yourself *It's just a MiST* You should really just relax for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!! * * * SEPPUKU STATION 09:45 HOURS "HA! YOU COMING APART!" Joel exclaimed in a corny Japanese accent that put Fuji Hakayito to shame as the brown ninjas split into two halves and collapsed to the floor. Then he walked over to the training dummy and proceeded to beat the crap out of it, recovering the energy he had lost. He cautiously approached the window, knowing either Tom or Crow could be watching it, laying in ambush. Seeing no one around, he quickly jumped out the window to the street below. His feet had barely touched the ground when bullets tore up the pavement around him. Joel cursed out loud as he ducked beside a nearby pick up truck and slowly edged his way toward the rear. Then, when the bullets ceased firing, he leapt into the bed of the pickup truck and picked up the loaded uzi in one smooth movement. Meanwhile, Tom was hovering behind one of the pillars, a smoking uzi held in each of the special attachments for his arms. He was dangerously low on ammo and he knew Joel wouldn't let him get close enough to use his sword. He flinched when the pillar behind him began to crack from the bullets being fired at it.... Tom made a mad dash towards the restaurant and zipped over to the right. He then made a beeline towards the blue car, hoping it would hide him long enough to think of a plan.... Joel stayed behind the truck, inserting a new clip into his uzi as he did so. He wished he had the gold key so he could get the rocket launcher in the restaurant but he had insisted that the cheat codes be locked out after Crow used them to win the last three games. Joel couldn't risk trying to find the key without leaving himself exposed to a sneak attack. "Give it up, Tommy! You haven't got a prayer!" Joel called out. "Bite me, doughboy!" Tom's voice replied. Joel had an idea. He holstered his uzi and took out three shurikens. Placing them between his fingers, he carefully aimed them towards the source of Tom's voice, hoping to panic him into revealing his exact location. He was about to let the shurikens fly when.... "MASTER NINJA THEME SONG!!!" The half-crazed battle cry caused Joel to whirl around. He was shocked to see Crow smash headfirst through the window of the apartment above him, an uzi blazing in each of his hands as he rapidly drove towards street level. He didn't quite make it as his body crashed full force onto the hood of a red sportscar. So awesome was the impact, that it shattered the windshield. The uzis then slowly fell from Crow's grasp. There was a long silence, broken only by the annoying wail of the car alarm. Then Joel walked over to the prone body of Crow and gave it a tap. "You okay, Crow?" Joel asked. "Uuuuugh...." Crow replied. "I have to admit Crow... that was a nice John Woo-esque type move. Of course it would have been even better if you'd bothered to *AIM* while you dove...." Tom added as he hovered toward them.... "It... was all I could do... not to flap my arms... when I fell...." Crow moaned, obviously in great pain. Joel was about to say something when the voice of Gypsy echoed throughout the street. "Guys, there's something I have to tell you...." "Don't tell me... Dr. F?" Joel groaned. "No... you're wide open...." The sound of a rocket launcher discharging could be heard in the distance. They all had a brief moment to see the markings of a nuke missile heading towards them before a bright white light blinded them all.... * * * DEEP 13 "Sign it, Frank...." "N-No." "On the dotted line, Frank...." "No!" "Just sign it already, Frank...." "NO!" Dr. Clayton Forrester sighed heavily as he ran his fingers through his hair, improving it not one iota. Then he glared at the source of his exasperation. "Frank, why are you being such a baby about all this?" T.V's Frank was visibly nervous but his tone was firm as he replied. "I'm sick of being a guinea pig! Last time you had me listening to Celine Dion and before that, you turned me into a girl, for crying out loud!" Dr. Forrester sighed impatiently. "Frank, over the years I've decapitated you, maimed you, force-fed you, crushed you, tortured you, fried you, suffocated you, forced you to watch 24 hr marathons of Barney, Charles Grodin, Mama's Family and yes... I've even forced you to watch the dubbed versions of Urusei Yatsura, Bean Bandit, and Key: The Metal Idol!" Dr. Forrester took a deep breath before continuing. "And until now, you've always signed the yearly form, giving your consent to these experiments! Always willing to sacrifice your body and basic human rights in the name of Mad Science...." "My body yes! My *MANHOOD* is another story!" Frank retorted angrily. "I was a girl for a while too, and I didn't have a problem with it!" Dr. F shot back. "What's the matter, Frank? Too insecure about your manhood to risk changing back into a girl? You wuss!" "Hey! I am not a wuss!" Frank shot back. "You are a wuss!" Dr. Forrester snapped. "I AM NOT!" Frank shouted angrily. "Oh no? Prove it! Sign the damn forms!" Dr. Forrester replied as he shoved them into Frank's face. "FINE! I'll show you!" Frank retorted as he quickly scratched his signature on the bottom of the forms, then threw them back at Dr. Forrester. "Hah! How about that! Who's the wuss now!" Dr. Forrester smiled. "I guess we'll be answer that question over the course of this season, eh Frank?" Frank's features paled considerably as he realized he had been duped while Dr. Forrester walked over to the control panel and activated the linkup for the Satellite of Love. A minute later, Joel and the bots appeared on the screen. "Great Scott!!!" Frank exclaimed. "I don't suppose this means you now have a refreshing mint flavor?" Dr. Forrester inquired with a frown as he involuntarily squinted from the glare of the trio. Joel sighed as he continued to glow a bright green along with his two robot companions. "We're fine, sirs... Gypsy nuked us in a game of Shadow Warrior and we didn't have time to be decontaminated before you called us...." Joel explained. "Ah... well then, I'll give you a few moments to compose yourselves... right after this week's invention exchange!" Dr. Forrester sneered as he placed what appeared to be a plush toy on top of the console. Joel's eyes widened as the bots suddenly exclaimed. "IT'S...." "...not Monty Python's Flying Circus." Dr. Forrester finished for them with a smirk. "It's my invention for this week. The Tickle Me Oscar doll!" The small doll was an almost exact likeness of the author of Artemis's Lover, complete with a T-shirt, Undies, and a Tennis. Crow and Tom were too shocked to reply while Joel had a queasy feeling in his stomach as he managed to say, "That's really... interesting, Dr. F...." "Indeed...." Dr. Forrester chuckled. "And if you squeeze Oscar's tummy, you'll even hear him giggle...." The doctor pushed the stomach of the Oscar doll. Immediately a badly warbled voice replied. "He he he!" Dr. F tickled him again. "He he he!" Joel involuntarily shuddered while his bots continued to gape at the doll in disbelief. "And if that's not enough to send you screaming for the hills, I made sure the doll was *anatomically* correct. Which means if you decide to peak beneath his undies...." "I-I think I need to go to the b-bathroom...." Joel gurgled before sprinting off camera in search for the nearest toilet. Dr. F couldn't help smiling as the sound of Joel tossing his socks could be heard in the background. "Well then, since Joel seems to be occupied right now, how about you show me Joel's invention for this week?" Dr. Forrester quipped. Tom and Crow didn't move a muscle, still transfixed on the Tickle Me Oscar doll. "No?" Dr. Forrester smile grew wider. "Well then, I suppose we'll have to move on then. Your experiment this week, if you haven't guessed already, is another tale spun and woven by everybody's favorite hermaphrodite fanfic writer, Oscar! You may have survived 'Artemis's Lover' and 'That Girl' but third time's the charm, I always say! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! "This time Oscar pays a visit to Loony Tune Land and basically makes himself feel like a big man by pushing people around and seducing furry little creatures. It's *Oscar Toon* and it's going to cut through your senses like a hot samurai's sword through a tub of cheap margarine! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Send them the Oscarfic, Frank...." "No." Dr. Forrester froze. Solid. Then he slowly turned to face his assistant. "WHAT... DID YOU SAY?" Dr. Forrester whispered, his voice low and very dangerous. Frank was shaking in his boots but managed to stand firm as he replied. "I can't do that, Steve...." Dr. Forrester turned off the viewscreen and stormed over to his assistant, grabbing him by his lapels. Showing considerable strength mostly as a result of his burst of fury, Dr. Forrester lifted Frank off his feet and dangled him in the air while screaming. "SEND THEM THE FANFIC, FRANK!!! DO IT NOW!!! NOW, I TELL YOU!!! NOW!!!" "N-N-Not t-till w-we... re-re-renegotiate my... my... contract!!" Frank stammered as he was furiously shook by the doctor. "RRRRRRARGH!!!" Dr. Forrester exclaimed as he suddenly released Frank who dropped like a stone to the floor. "Forget you! I'll find it myself!" he growled as he began rummaging through one of the filing cabinets. "This cabinet is a mess! How does Frank find anything in here?!?" Dr. Forrester thought to himself with fury as he continued to search for the missing Oscarfic. Finally, Dr. Forrester took a fanfic out of the file cabinet and walked over to the console with it, reactivating the viewscreen. "Uh... due to labor problems, the Oscarfic will be delayed for a while...." This finally managed to snap the bots out of their shock. "YAYYYYY!!!" Tom and Crow cheered. "So instead, I'm sending you another fic until the Oscarfic is ready...." "BOOOOOOO...." Tom and Crow pouted. "It's... um...." Dr. Forrester glanced at the first page. "It's called *Trapped* by Mr_Jazz and it's a Sailor Moon Lemon. It should do nicely until the Oscarfic is ready. Until then, pleasant screams...." As the viewscreen blinked off, Dr. Forrester turned to his assistant again, a menacing look in his eyes. "Now Frank, I'm sure we can settle this in a calm and orderly manner...." * * * THE SATELLITE OF LOVE Joel groaned as he returned to the bridge, wiping his mouth with a piece of toilet paper. "What happened, guys?" he asked, upon seeing the viewscreen blank. "Dr. Forrester tried to send us another Oscarfic...." Tom replied sadly. "Oh no...." Joel groaned again. "But for some reason, Frank wouldn't find it for him so he's sending us a short first. But after that...." Crow trailed off, looking dejected. "Oh well... We've done it before, we can do it again, guys. All for one and one for all... right?" Joel replied as he forced some enthusiasm into his voice. "Sure, Joel...." Crow replied half-heartedly. "Whatever you say...." Tom muttered. "Come on, guys! As long as we keep proving to Dr. Forrester that Oscarfics can't break our spirit, he'll eventually stop sending them to us. No matter what happens, as long as we stay frosty...." "Will you quit saying that?!? We're not a Kellogg's cereal, Joel!" Tom snapped. "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm just saying together we can...." Suddenly, alarms and sirens suddenly rang out. "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!" Joel cried out. (Door 6: It slides open on both sides..) (Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you move on..) (Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.) (Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..) (Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and touches the door. The door vanishes.) (Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.) (Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.) Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow sitting on his right. Crow: You feeling better, Joel? Joel: Yeah, I'll be okay. Tom: The door sequence was a little unusual this week. What's up with that? Joel: Well, our good friend, Jack Acid, is going to make a computer animation out of that door sequence and I thought it was only fitting to make it our official door sequence from now on. Crow: Meaning Megane 6.7 finally ran out of goofy door ideas? Joel: Uh, yeah. More or less. >Trapped Tom: ...like a rat. Crow: All right! I love the part where that guy raises the girl's skirts with his telekinetic powers so you can see their panties.... Joel: You're thinking of *Zapped*, Crow. This is *Trapped*. Crow: Oops! My mistake! >by Mr_Jazz Tom: Mr_Jazz a.k.a. Bleeding Gums Murphy. Joel: Jazzman... Oh, Jazzman.... >The following story contains scenes of sex between family members, >and bad language. Crow: Bad language!?! Shame on you! What would your mother say if she saw this?!? Joel: Let's hope those *family members* are a mother and a father. Tom: Yeah, well, hope in one hand and crap in the other and see which piles up first.... >If you are under 18 then shut off your monitor now, Tom: Or simply wait for toasters to fly across your screen. Joel: The computer will still be running, of course, but hey, it's not my electric bill! >or feel really guilty for reading this. Otherwise, sit back and enjoy. Joel: Thanks, but I'm the master of *my* domain.... >I do not own Sailor Moon or anything related to Sailor Moon. Crow: Well, at least Mr_Jazz has enough sense not to buy the North American Sailor Moon Merchandising crap. Tom: Yeah, really. Sailor Moon's Dreamhouse and Motorcycle? Ppppuh-leeze! Which Saban/DIC putz dreamed up that junk anyway? Joel: Probably the same one that's writing the Sailor Moon *Live Action* movie. Crow and Tom: Aw, man.... >I am merely Crow: ...dragging the name of Sailor Moon through the mud to get attention for my lemon. Joel: Come on. Give it a chance. >borrowing the characters for a little while. Joel: Yeah, well, have them back by Monday! Tom: Yes, that's right! The Sailor Senshi are now available for hire! The next time, you're thinking of planning a birthday party, bar mitzvahs, bachelor party, or if you're feeling a little lonely, just call 1-900-S-SENSHI and they'll make all your wildest dreams come true! Crow: From the people that brought you Sailor Moon Phone Sex.... >Please send any comments, questions and PRACTICAL critisism to >mrjazz_@hotmail.com. Crow: Aw, come on Joel! He's *PRACTICALLY* asking for it! Joel: No. >This is my first hentai/lemon fan fic. Joel: So go easy on him guys, okay? Tom: Yeah, yeah. Crow: Whatever. >---------------------------------------------------------------------- Crow: Tom: But the line's black! Joel: No problem. Just give the fanfic to Ted Turner. >Usagi and Shingo were dropped of at the Los Angeles Museum of art >by their father and told to stay put until he got back. Tom: Ack! It's American Kitsune all over again! >Usagi was dieing of boredom as she drifted from one room to another. Crow: Oh, she's playing Dungeons and Dragons? Tom: What did she expect? She's in a museum! Joel: She belongs in a Museum! >After an hour of this, she finally gave up. Joel: She's dead, Jim. >"Hey Shingo," she called to her younger brother from across the room, >much to the distress of the art lovers observing the paintings. Joel: Do you mind? We're trying to study this rare painting. It's an Harold P. Warren original! Crow: Notice the attention to detail in the Master's thick mustache. Almost as if it had a life of it's own. And see how the red hands on his robe symbolize the plague of mankind? Tom: Oh yes, and that dog, the way it's eyes are without pupils. Not only does it show his blind devotion to his Master, but the dog seems to help guide him, providing a perfect example of the blind leading the blind. A true reflection of today's society.... Crow: You're full of it, aren't you, Niles? >"I'm going to the washroom." Joel: Thanks for broadcasting that to the room! We'll be sure to stay out of your way! Crow: Need any help? Joel: Crow! Crow: Well, it is a lemon. >Shingo ran over to her from the other side of the room. "Ok, I'll go to >the guys room, see ya in ten minutes." Tom: See, Usagi? Even Shingo's got enough sense not to shout across a room. >Both then entered the proper rest rooms... Crow: They would never dare go near the dreaded *IMPROPER* rest rooms... Joel: Thank god for Emily Post. >Thats when far out into the pacific, Tom: The castaways finally got rescued after selling Gilligan to white slave traders.... Crow: Godzilla dwells on Monster Island, resting up for his rematch with Sailor Jupiter.... Joel: Bloody Mary's still eating beetle nuts? >two tectonic plates banged together hard, sending out a shockwave. Crow: Kinda gives new meaning to the phrase *the earth moved for them*, eh? >Japan was hit first, all of Usagis friends were killed. Tom: Bummer. Joel: Lucky break for the Dark Kingdom though. >The shockwave headed for the states topped the scale. Joel: And from that day on, justice was no more. Tom: Strange. I have a sudden urge to read 'Richter Scale'. >Usagi was having a nice peaceful pee when the wave hit. (Joel and the bots fall out of their seats. Then they pick themselves up and groan) Joel: And the award for worst pun of the year goes to Mr_Jazz. >She was thrown off the toilete. Crow: This fanfic was spell-checked by Dan Quail. Tom: Guys, this is all wrong! The plate collision was out to sea! Ocean plate collisions don't produce earthquakes, they produce tsunamis! Usagi shouldn't be getting knocked around -- she should be drowning! Crow: Maybe it was an *incontinental* plate collision! Joel: Ugh! >Then the cieling caved in. Tom: Thus *ceiling* her in. Thank you! Crow: Thus, the name of this lemon. *Trapped!* >The only reason she wasn't crushed was because the walls of her stall >held up a beam, Tom: Thus allowing her to *stall* for time. Thank you again! Joel: And to think, if she were a guy and had used a urinal, she probably would have been crushed to death.... Crow: Lucky thing she's a lady. >which gave her some room. Crow: ...to start shrieking like a cheerleader. >The shaking seemed to go on forever, but it lasted a mere 12 seconds >yet devestated the city of LA. Tom: It was almost as shaky as this plot device. Crow: Using an earthquake to make a brother and sister have sex with each other *IS* pretty desperate.... Joel: Any more desperate than using the sinking of the Titanic for a love story? >Remarkably, the first thing that came on her mind wasn't crying or >bauling, it was Shingo. "Shingo, where the hell are you???" she yelled. Joel: Will you shut up! We're trying to study this picture! Crow: Geez, sis, no need to shout! >Thats when Shingo crawled under the little hole in the huge, >handicapped stall. He smiled when he got in. Crow: Wow. Natural color. Tom: Eek!! You pervert!! >"Just like sis," he thought, "take the wheelchair stall. Joel: Hey, why not? It's huge! >"You ok Shingo?" Usagi asked, concerned? Joel: Why ask us? You're the writer. Crow: He's asking us whether we care, Joel. Tom: I'd give that a big "no." >"Yeah, I'm fine, what the fuck just happened?" Tom: The shaking must have killed all the censors too. Crow: Really? Fucking-A! Joel: Crow.... >"Quake, and a damn big one...." Crow: Oh, it's the big one, Lizabeth! Joel: Yes, it's Quake IV: The Big One! Tom: Either that or Michael Moore's shaking the movie industry up again.... >Shngo, suddenly alert, noticed that the low hum of the air fans was gone. Crow: About time someone got around to fixing that. >He then put 2 and 2 together, and screamed. Joel: AAAAAAA!!! I'M TOO STUPID TO DO MATH!! Tom: IT'S FOUR!!! AHHHHHHH!!!! Crow: Actually, the number four *is* bad luck in Japan.... Joel: Thank you, Beakman. Crow: Hey! Keep my mouth out of this! >Usagi was startled at Shingo's horrible scream and asked "What the >hell is wrong?" Tom: Guess she didn't notice the big earthquake thing... being a ditz and all.... Crow: What's wrong?!? WHAT'S WRONG!?! Do you realize if one of us cuts the cheese in here, they'll be no way to clear the air!?!? >"Air, we aint got no fuckin' air. Joel: Usagi's been brushing up on Ghetto English, I see. >Well suffocate!" Tom: That's not a nice thing to say to your sister, Shingo.... >"Are you sure?" Usagi asked, straining to stay calm. Crow: The toughest acting challenge of Usagi's career.... >"Yeah, oh shit, there's so much I haven't done...." Tom: Drive a car, drink a beer, suck face.... >Usgai, now 18, was trying desperately to think of a way out of this. Joel: Interesting time to announce her age. Crow: Exactly how long have they been trapped in there, anyway? >There was no way out as she could not fit through the opening that >Shingo came in. Crow: Usagi needs a bigger hole. Joel: Crow! Crow: What? >She would have tried to make the opening bigger, but just then, more >of the roof fell in and the opening was blocked. Tom: Guess Usagi will need a jackhammer. Crow: Tom! Tom: What? >"Oh shit," Usagi muttered under her breath. "Are we going to die sis?" Shingo managed to stutter. Joel: No, he didn't. >"I think so, oh shit....." Crow: Shit. Tom: Why can't this shit happen to everybody else? Crow: Hey, shit happens. Besides at least we're still alive. Tom: Well, shit, now we can die slow and painfully. Crow: Don't be a little shit! Maybe we'll still get out of here. Tom: No shit? Shit! That's some great shit! Joel: If you guys are quite finished celebrating the demise of the censors.... Crow and Tom: We're sorry.... Joel: That's better. Crow: We're sorry for all the shit we make you put up with, Joel. Tom: Yeah, I really feel shitty about it. Joel: .... >* * * * * Tom: THERE... ARE... FOUR... LIGHTS!!! >Hours passed at the cell became increasingly hot. Shingo had long >ago stripped down to his boxers. Serena was in her skirt and bra. Crow: I see London, I see France, I see crotchless.... Joel: DON'T even think about it, Crow. Tom: So, the author's going to keep raising the temperature of the fanfic until Shingo and Usagi have no choice but to surrender to passion? Crow: I decided to call those feelings 'family love'.... >After a while she figured the heck with it and took her skirt off. Tom: Aw shit, might as well get this lemon scene over with.... >Shingo couldn't help noticing his sisters perfectly formed breasts, so >frim and round. Joel: When did Shingo notice this? When Usagi took off her skirt? >He also saw a small bluge in the front of her white panties. All: WHAT?!?! Crow: OH MY GOD!! IT'S AN UMINO FIC IN DISGUISE!!! Tom: RUN FOR YOU LIVES!!! YAHHHHHHHHH!!!! Joel: Wait! (Crow and Tom attempt to flee the theater only to find the doors firmly locked.) Tom: LET US OUT!!! LET US OUT!!! Crow: WE CAN'T GET OUT! WE'RE TRAPPED!!! Tom: JUST LIKE THE NAME OF THIS FANFIC!!! WE'RE DOOMED!!!! Joel: Calm down, guys! We can get through this! Remember we can always close our eyes if things get too bad! (Crow and Tom hesitate) Joel: Come on, guys. We're all in this together. (Crow and Tom look at each other and reluctantly return to their seats) Tom: So, Joel... just what *is* a "bluge," anyway? Joel: I dunno. Wasn't it a battle once? >"Pubic hair," he thought. Crow: God, I hope so. Tom: It had better be. >Usgai estimated that they had about 4 hours of air left. Joel: Oh, what, she's suddenly a meteorologist? Tom: 4 hours? Hey, that leaves plenty of time to order a few pizzas.... Crow: Unless Torgo delivers them. >She tried to talk to Shingo. "Any regrets on life Shingo?" Crow: Considering his subscriptions about to be canceled.... >"Just one," said Shingo, sitting against the brick wall in his boxers, >feeling himself becoming hard. He had a large penis for a 16 year >old, so he had a few moments before it would show. Joel: Is that a Shingo in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? Crow and Tom: >"What's that?" Tom: It's my incredible male cruelty. Now's what's that bulge in your panties, Usagi? Crow: Why, my cutie-rod of course. Joel: You know, you guys are just one riff away from a time-out. (Crow and Tom bigsweat and pipe down) >"That I'm going to die a virgin." That hit Usagi hard. Crow: Like a turd from Godzilla. >She felt very sorry for her younger brother. She had had the pleasure >of sex repeatedly over the past two years, with both men and women. Tom: Then why can't Mr_Jazz write a lemon about *those* experiences? Crow: Well, it is his first lemon, Tom. >Shingo would miss out on that pleasure....BANG. Tom: Yes, there's nothing quite like the pleasure of your first....BANG. Crow: Yep, nothing like starting off your day with a great big....BANG. Joel: .... >An idea hit her. Joel: Ow! Wahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Crow: Does someone stick a bulls-eye on her butt or what? Tom: Usagi better hope not. This is a lemon, after all. >She was a girl, he was a guy, Tom: They're detectives! >they were going to die in 3 and a half hours anyway. Who cares? Tom: Hey, life's short and everyone's dead. Who's gonna know? Crow: Uh, here's a wild idea, Usagi... WHY DON'T YOU CHANGE INTO SAILOR MOON AND USE YOUR FRIGGING POWERS!?!?! Joel: And reveal my secret identity to my brother?!? Never! I'll let him and myself suffocate first! >Usagi then whispered to herself "We can fix that." And then, in one >swift movement, leaned over and passionately kissed her brother. Tom: Mmph... He kisses like my little brother.... >Shingo was at a total loss for words, but soon relaxed as he let his >toung coil with Usagi's. Joel: Toung coil? What are they having a barbecue? Tom: I'll bet Shingo's got an apron that reads *Kiss the Cock* Joel: Ick, Tom.... >Thats when Shingo became rock hard, Tom: ROCK HARD! PORNO STAR! Crow: Second cousin, twice removed of BUCK NAKED! >his 8 inch penis growing out of the top rim of his boxers Crow: Looks like Shingo's discovered *Viagra*.... Joel: Yes, it's Boogie Nights II: Shingo! >as he and his sister kissed. Joel: There's no grade school kids around to tease me now! >Usagi eyed the throbbing member and ripped off Shingo's boxers, >litrally, she ripped them in half. Joel: Shingo must do his clothes shopping at K-Mart. Tom: No really! She did! She tore those boxers off like they were tracing paper! She wasted them! Just totally shredded those suckers! Crow: Hmmmm. Think Usagi hasn't had any in a while? >She heard Shingo groan as she liberated his penis. Tom: Ah, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you.... Joel: Cute, Tom.... >Then she felt Shingo's hands on her back as he gently unclapsed her >bra and threw it away. Crow: ...where it was immediately snatched in mid-air by an short old man carrying a sack. Tom: Sweet-o! >Usagi made a note that in heaven, she would continue to use shoulder >strapless bra's. Joel: Provided she could stop stuffing her face with Philadelphia Cream Cheese long enough to remember.... >Shingo then broke off the kiss and took one of Usagi's nipples in his >mouth. He licked it, Tom: Mmmmmm.... >bit it, Tom: Oww!! Shingo no Baka! >and all round pleasured Usagi. Crow: Translation: He sucked it. >She let out lusty groans of pleasure as Shingo played with her nipple. Joel: Wow, and Shingo hasn't even touched the other one yet.... >Usagi then decided to help and ripped off her panties. Tom: Oh yeah! She ripped those things off faster than a five day old Band-Aid! Got totally nude for her brother! Yep, those panties were off her body before you could say.... Joel: Okay, Tom, okay.... >Shingo saw this and imeadiatley put a finger into Usagi's dripping >cilt and played with her love button. Crow: Push the button, Fran... I mean, Shingo! >He then broke off playing with Usagi's nipple and lay down and began >probing Usgai's cilt with his tongue. "OOOHHH Shingo, yyeess, >yyyyeeeessss, yyyyyyyyeeeeeeeessssssss!!!!" Tom: A thousand times yyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeesssssssssssss!!!! Joel: Usagi must be a big fan of 'In a Big Country'. >Usagi screamed as he licked her cilt. She then grabbed Shingo's heand Crow: His what? Heand? What's that mean? Tom: Maybe it's when someone grabs someone else's head and their hand at the same time. Heand! Crow: Yeah but which head's being grabbed? >and turned him onto his back so that she could see his painfully errect >8 inch penis. Joel: You think it's painful now? Try going to the bathroom first thing in the morning.... >She then took it into her mouth and licked it. She licked the tip, the >sucked, she gave her brother as much pleasure as possible with her >skilled tongue. Tom: Hopefully, the author will write a few lemons on how Usagi acquired her skilled tongue from her past boyfriends and girlfriends.... Crow: Hint hint, nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more. >He screamed and screamed in pleasure. Crow: Uh, Shingo, she's not *THAT* good.... Tom: Geez, calm down bro! You're acting like you've never received a blowjob befo... oh... sorry. >Then, he finally tensed up an ejeculated into his sister's mouth. She >drank every last bit of it. Crow: Life's a spurt! Drink it up! >Still hard, Shingo sat up, and placed his sisters legs on top of his and >drew her towards him. Tom: Oh, they're playing rowboat. Crow: Shingo's gonna fill his little dingy with seamen.... >They kissed again as she felt Shingo enter her. Tom: ENTER.... Crow: Funny... it feels like plastic. >He then begand grinding in and out of her slowly, oh so slowly. Joel: So ssssssslowly... and time can do so much.... Tom: Slow ride... take it easy.... >Usagi then felt Shingo quicken his pace and soon, he was flying. Tom: The hell?!? Crow: He's turned into Peter Pan! Joel: Figures. Shingo ventured into Never Never Land. >Usgai felt her insides getting damaged from the rough, hardcore sex, Tom: Uh... then tell Shingo to slow down and be gentle with you? Just a wild suggestion.... Crow: He's fucking her like an animal! He wants to feel her from the inside.... (Joel calmly starts to fiddle with Crow's casing. Crow get the message and pipes down.) >but she didn't care, she was going to die in 2 hours anyway, Joel: According to the handy dandy barometer Usagi always kept at her side.... >and the pain was adding to the pleasure. Crow: Suddenly, I'm having a flashback of Games. >"Ooohh, shit, Shingo, Joel: Whatever your name is! >I'M CUMMING!" Usagi yelled as she tightened on Shingo's hard member. Crow: OWWWW!!! GEEZ!!!! LET GO!!! Tom: W-What? Didn't that make you hot? Crow: Oh yeah! It sure did! Miss Vice Grips! Miss Pliers! >When Shingo removed himself from his sister, he saw her cum flow >like a river from her. Tom: Whoa! I've heard of a heavy flow but.... Joel: Ick, Tom! >It had some blood with it. Crow: I thought Shingo was the virgin? Where'd the blood come from? Tom: He's 8 inches, Crow! Think about it! Crow: Ugh, I'd rather not. >Usagi then kissed her brother and guided his member into her slowly, Tom: Hey! I just came! Give me a little time! Crow: My god, she's insatiable!!! >and then lied down on top of him. Joel: Thus staying on top of the situation. Thank you! Tom: Hey, that's my bit! >They fell asleep bonded together, died together. Shingo's last >thought was how much he loved his sister for taking away his last regret. Joel: Wow. That's... actually sweet and touching in a weird way. Crow: Yeah, but who's doing the touching? Joel: Crow.... Crow: Hee hee hee! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: This lemon has crossed the line! Crow: Are you kidding? Compared to Oscar's lemons, this barely got halfway across the track... not that I'm complaining.... >Well, what do you think. Crow: I think if it been anyone else but Shingo trapped with Usagi, it would have been a good lemon. Tom: You can't be serious! What about the plot inconsistencies, Crow? Usagi never even considered changing into Sailor Moon to save her little brother or herself! Mr_Jazz could have at least given a PLAUSIBLE reason as to why she never changed! Like her transformation rod got stuck in the rubble or something like that! And why does Shingo have to be given a huge member that's most likely impossible for a sixteen year old boy to have? Joel: You know what's really scary? Tom and Crow: What? Joel: With a few changes here and there, some talented actors, a little less graphic sex and James Cameron directing... This could have been a beautiful three hour love story that would have broken all the box office records and swept the academy awards. Tom and Crow: .... Joel: Scary, isn't it? >I need advice for future lemons. Crow: Boy, did you come to the right place! Let's start with Ami and work our way down into the gutter.... Joel: Forget it, Crow. Your lemon ideas would fill up a book the size of War and Peace. >Would you like Woman/Man, Tom: That's good. >Woman/Woman, Crow: Definitely good! >Man/Man, Joel: Uh... that depends on the reader's personal preferences. But I'm sure some will take an interest in that. Crow: Bleah! Joel: Present company excepted. >Group, Crow: Hey, there's always room for more sailor senshi orgies! Tom: Just choose anybody but Tux-Boy as the recipient. He doesn't deserve it, in my humble opinion.... >Child, All: WHAT?!? Joel: That's just plain sick! Tom: Chibi-usa lemons are one thing we can definitely do without. Crow: Amen. >Beastiality? Tom and Crow: NOOOOOOOO!!! Joel: Well, *Artemis* by Strike Fiss was pretty good.... Crow: Bite me! The last thing the fanfiction world needs is a successor to Oscar! Tom: Mr_Jazz, my advice is to stick with human sex. There's plenty of good storylines and sex scenes to be thought up and child stuff will most likely get you a lot of flames and loathing. Joel: Not to mention it'll save your head from blowing up? Tom: You said it! >E-mail me at mrjazz_@hotmail.com. Keep in mind this is my first >hentai/lemon fanfic. Crow: We know, we know! Joel: We've heard all that jazz before. Tom: One short down, one Oscarfic to go. Crow: Ugh, don't remind me. >---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: Sign... On the dotted line... Just sign.... >______________________________________________________ >Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com Crow: Get your Private, Free Email out of my face! Tom: Yeah, let's get out of here before two *more* tectonic plates decide to bang away at each other. Joel: Sayyyyy, that gives me an idea.... * * * THE SATELLITE OF LOVE The bridge is deserted when Joel's voice is heard. "New from I'd Software! It's the latest chapter of their extremely popular, best-selling series: QUAKE IV: THE BIG ONE!!!" Joel, Tom and Crow suddenly stand up from behind the counter. Joel placed a computer game on it that has Quake IV painted in big red letters. "Yes, it's more castles, more demons, more weapons, more levels and hours upon hours of blood soaked mayhem that'll make Quake 3 look like Quake 2!" Tom exclaimed. "We've placed miles upon miles upon miles upon miles upon miles upon...." Joel whacked Tom behind his head. "...miles of dark tight tunnels, really narrow ledges and walkways that seem to go on forever! Remember those really dark levels when you needed to turn up the brightness control of your monitor to see where you were going? Well, no longer! Some of our levels are so dark now, *NO* amount of brightness will be able to illuminate them, giving you endless hours of challenge and the ultimate in replay value!" "You want better weapons, you say? You want more bloodshed, you say?" Joel continued. "Well, now in Quake 4, we let *YOU* decide what weapons to use!" "That's right! With our new built in *Weapons Maker 2000*, *YOU* get to custom design the weapon of your choice to any specifications you want! Tired of regular grenades? Create one that'll spray nails, poisoned with the Ebola virus! Want something more powerful than a BFG9000? Something that will make Rotarr's gun look like a peashooter? *Weapons Maker 2000* will fill any needs you require...." "And best of all...." Crow continued. "Quake 4 is exclusively designed for Pentium 3/999 MHz computers with 356 megs of ram, a 666x CD-ROM, Sound Blaster Immortal, and, of course, Windows 98 is *NOT* required!" "But that's not all!" Joel took over. "For those of you who tried to double space your hard drives and ended up losing everything, we've designed Quake IV to be the *ONLY* computer game in history that will let you use a double spaced hard drive in order to play the game!" "It's our way of giving something back to those people that couldn't afford to buy a gigabyte hard drive!" Tom added. "And don't think we've forgotten one of the most important aspects of our games... the multiplayer option!" Crow exclaimed. "We know how sick and tired you are of trying to have a deathmatch with a slow connection or a lousy server. Thus, we here at I'd Software have come up with our own *PERSONAL INTERNET SERVICE*, exclusively designed for people playing Quake IV and nothing else! And for a low monthly charge of $50 Canadian, you can enjoy deathmatches the way they were *meant* to be enjoyed!" "So order your copy of Quake IV today and expect to lose a lot of sleep as your legs and butt fall into a coma and your unfinished homework gets eaten by your dog because you haven't fed him in days." Joel concluded. "Quake IV: The Big One! It'll rock your world!" Crow and Tom exclaimed together. "What do you think, sirs?" * * * DEEP 13 "I'm glad we could come to an agreement, Frank." "Me... too.. Doctor... F." Dr. Forrester turned to the viewscreen. "Oh yes! Very amusing skit there, Joel. And speaking of rocking your world, it's time for you to witness the horror that is *Oscar Toon*! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Send them the fanfic, Frank...." "Yes... Doctor... F." Frank replied calmly as he slowly walked towards the filing cabinet and rummaged through it, all the while drooling like an toothless infant. He found it a few moments later and slowly walked over to Dr. Forrester to hand him the fanfic. "Good job, Frank. Why don't you lie down now for a little while and give your surgical scars time to heal up...." Dr. Frank said gently as he guided his assistant in the direction of his room. "What did you do to him?" Tom inquired aloud. "Why, I gave him a pre-frontal lobotomy, of course!" Dr. Forrester replied matter-of-factly. When he saw the shocked and dismayed looks from Joel and the bots, he shrugged. "I'm an evil scientist, Joel. You don't earn that honor by being a pussy. Besides, Frank signed the proper forms, he doesn't have a say in the matter anymore!" Dr. Forrester added with a chuckle before sending the Oscarfic through. * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE "Boy that Dr. F is one mean, son of a mamajama...." Joel muttered as he put the Quake IV box away. "Ah, Frank's survived worse and Dr. F can't keep him like that forever. He'll be back to normal before too long...." Crow replied. "Yeah, if there's one thing Frank's proved over the years, it's that he's a Timex. He can take a licking and keep on ticking...." Tom remarked. "Well guys, the Oscarfic will be here any minute. You ready?" Joel asked his robot friends. "As ready as we'll ever be...." Crow replied. "No guts, no glory...." Tom replied. Joel smiled down at his creations. "That's the way, guys. Together, there's nothing we can't overcome. Not even an...." Suddenly, alarms and sirens suddenly rang out. "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT OSCARFIC SIGN!!!" Joel cried out. TO BE CONTINUED IN OSCAR TOON PT. 1..... Wow... I can't believe I actually MSTed this short in one day! This has got to be a new record for me! I'd like to thank Black Muse for bringing this lemon to my attention during a chat on Tenchi's site and I'd like to thank Gary Kleppe for his C&C. I hope you enjoyed this MSTing and that you'll check out *Oscar Toon* as soon as it's ready.... ;) I'd also like to thank Timothy McLees, Luna and Artemis, Chris Bergstrom, Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight), Michael K. Neylon, Demon Stalker, and Sakura for being nice enough to post my MSTings on their webpages. Another person I would like to give very special thanks to is Shizen, who was nice enough to dedicate a webpage for my MSTings. Shizen has his own IRC and Beseen.com chatrooms, along with several other features including a growing collection of Ranma 1/2 and Sailor Moon fanfics. My other fanfics as well as Robin "Lunari" Seabaugh's can be found in these collections and new submissions are very welcome. Also, I'm very proud to announce that my MSTings won the following categories for the 1st Annual Silver Mally Awards and I'm very grateful to everyone who voted for them. If you're interested in the complete results, visit Tenchi's Vault of Anime MSTings. *BEST ANIME (Non-Sailor Moon) MSTING* "War" MSTed by Megane 6.7 (Runner up:"Ranma vs the Joker" MSTed by Kevin Pezzano) *BEST SAILOR MOON MSTING* (TIE) "Dimisional Trouble", MSTed by Tim McLees "Sailor Jupiter vs Godzilla", MSTed by Megane 6.7 *BEST NON-ANIME MSTING* "Moondusted", MSTed by Tim McLees, Megane 6.7 & Mark Sachs (Runner Up: "A Final Fantasy 7 Thanksgiving", MSTed by Jamie Jeans *BEST MSTING OF A LEMON* "Artemis' Lover" MSTed by Megane 6.7 (Runner-Up:Virgin Warrior Sailor Moon, MSTed by Megane 6.7) *BRAVEST AUTHOR* Megane 6.7, the 1st TVAM MSTer, discovered Oscar. (Runner-Up:Don Euclid, for his work with the Sasami lemons) *BEST HOST SEGMENTS IN A MSTING* Megane 6.7 (Runner-Up:Tim McLees) *BEST RIFFS IN A MSTING* Megane 6.7 (Runner-up:Seth Triggs) My MSTings have also won and been nominated for the following awards.... *ARTEMIS'S LOVER* - Nominated for the Golden Hamdinger for "Best Host Segments" - Awarded the Balsa Waffle for "Worst Fanfic" - Awarded the Balsa Waffle for "Worst New Characters" *TRANSITIONS* - Nominated for the Golden Hamdinger for "Best Host Segments" Thank you very much. :) Finally I'd like to thank Mr_Jazz for writing "Trapped" and for not having a problem with the MSTing as well as giving me a lot of material to work with. It's all meant in good fun. C&C, as always, is appreciated. (fcasper@yesic.com) Feel free to send in any anime fanfics that you would like to see MSTed and I'll take a look at it. Also, if you're interested in seeing any previous episodes of this series, I'll be happy to e-mail them to you. ;) Sincerely, Megane 6.7 A MSTing For All Seasons http://www.nabiki.com/mst A full archive of all Mystery Science Theater 6.7 episodes, Megane 6.7 fanfiction, and collaborations! Shizen's Versatile Home Page V3.0 (My MSTing and Fanfic Pages can be found here.) http://svhp.webjump.com/ (Alternate site: http://www.tass.org/fanfic/MST3k/) Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/ SEASON ONE ------------------ 101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon) 102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" (Original Draft) by Oscar (SM Lemon) 103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA" by The Flashman (SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER) 104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic) w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic) 105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic) 106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic) 107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton (La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover) 108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic) 109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky (SM/WWF Crossover) w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon (SM/RL Crossover) 110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker (SM Christmas Fanfic) SEASON TWO ------------------- 201- "THAT GIRL" PT. 1-2 by Oscar (SM Lemon) 202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino (SM Lemon) 203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn (SM Fanfic) 204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2 by Hitomi Ichinohei (R1/2 Fanfic) 205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz (SM Lemon) 206- "OSCAR TOON" PT. 1-4 by Oscar (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover) 207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari (Mutiple Crossovers) 208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep (R1/2 Fanfic) 209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS (SM Lemon) 210- "THE KIDNAPPING" PT. 1-2 by SMendou (UY Lemon) SEASON THREE ---------------------- 301- "A WET DREAM COME TRUE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Lemon) 302- "TORTURED ECHO" PT. 1-4 by Trakal (R1/2 Fanfic) 303- "RANMA KILLS!" PT. 1-2 by Sir Asayogure (R1/2 Fanfic) 304- "OKONOMIYAKI SUMMER" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic) w/short "UNDER THE MISTLETOE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic) 305- "XMAS SPECIAL: A CHRISTMAS FIT FOR A POKEMON" by Dr. Thinker (Pokemon Christmas Fanfic) 306- "9-BALL DREAMS" PT. 1-2 by Mr_Jazz (SM Crossover Lemon) 307- "WINTER" by Joseph Palmer (R1/2 Fanfic) 308- "UKYO GETS WHAT SHE DESERVES" PT. 1-2 by RVincent (R1/2 Lemon) SHORTY! ------------- 101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY! 102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET! 103- PHEROMONES! 104- THE INTERNET SPY AND YOU!! OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO --------------------------------------------------------- "DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic) "MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff (SM/TNG Crossover) Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/ "THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin (SM Dark Lemon) "9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon) Lefty's MSTings http://lefty.simplenet.com/MSTings/index.htm 'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE!' (Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle) Website Number 9 MSTings http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k/mistings.shtml "THE DAY OF EMERGANCE" by Jeffrey Lee (Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover) "REDHEADS" by Robert Haynie (Slayers/Ranma 1/2 Crossover) Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html OTHER GREAT WEBPAGES WORTH VISITING Zoogz's Fanfiction and Fandom Page http://www.nav.to/Zoogz The Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong http://www.anime.sobhrach.com\~jeffwong\index.html 'Suicide Blast' by: Keener http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/3342/Suicide.html Additional links for Keener's stuff -- http://tmffa.com/ -- http://www.redrival.com/myrriden/index.html Flashman's Flash Point http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/ JOLT!!! http://members.home.net/jolt.caffiene/welcome.htm Website Number 9 MSTings http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml Lord Carnage's Cursed Fanboys Page! http://carnage.fanfic.org A Sailor Moon Romance http://moonromance.simplenet.com/ Zen's Fanfiction Page http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html Webdragon's Lair http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/ Sean Gaffney's Webpage http://www.thekeep.org/~sean/index.html "An idea hit her. She was a girl, he was a guy, they were going to die in 3 and a half hours anyway. Who cares?" Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1998 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Keep Circulating the Fanfics....