*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS* (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain) (The future isn't what it used to be....) "MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON ONE) EPISODE 6: TRANSITIONS (An All Purpose Cat Girl Nuku Nuku MSTing) MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 and Jeffery "Oneshot" Wong This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc.... All Purpose Cat Girl Nuku Nuku is the property of Yuzo Takada and all the distributors of his work. "Transitions" is the property of Richard Lawson and he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but I figure no one else ever will and besides, I was double-dared. Anyway, think of this as another form of C&C. ;) Special thanks to Fanfic_GT for challenging me to do this MSTing. All blame for the suggestion can be cheerfully attributed to him. :) (Warning: This MSTing is rated PG-13 for mature content) SATELLITE OF LOVE 22:10 HOURS The alarms sounded again, warning of danger in the immediate vicinity as Joel Robinson and the bots rushed onto the bridge, having been told by Gypsy, via intercom, that something had appeared off the Satellite's bow. "It just appeared out of nowhere!" Gypsy exclaimed as she gestured frantically at her controls. "Cambot! Give me Rocket Number 9!" Joel commanded as the viewscreen soon came to life.... True to Gypsy's word, there was a large purple-like mist that was expanding rapidly nearby. Crow T. Robot stood next to Joel while Tom Servo hovered nearby. "It looks like... some sort of cosmic distortion." Crow said. "Cool! Just like Star Trek!" Tom added excitedly. "Maybe a star went supernova?" Joel suggested. "Or it could be the beginning of a new galaxy...." Crow remarked. "Look! There's something coming out of it!" Gypsy exclaimed. Everyone leaned in close as an object began to emerge from the very center of the distortion. It was hard to make it at first but as more of it became visible, it began to take shape.... "I have a bad feeling about this...." Joel muttered to no one in particular. "Is that a ship?" Tom inquired, trying to make out the design. "If it is, we may just have our ticket home!" Crow replied excitedly. Joel found it hard to be enthusiastic after so many failed escape attempts. But as the mysterious thing began drawing nearing to the satellite of love, Joel found himself hoping that his two robot creations were right.... "Should I hail them, Joel?" Gypsy asked. "Uh... sure!" Joel blurted out. Gypsy activated the communications grid and within moments, sent out a greeting. There was a long pause, everyone was tense as they awaited a response, any response.... Then Gypsy spoke again. "I think we're getting a...." * * * THE UNIVERSE SHIFTS... DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS? * * * THE SATELLITE OF HATE "It's gone!" Joel turned to face Gypsy with a scowl. "What do you mean it's gone!! No ship that goofy looking has a cloaking device, does it?!?" "All I know is there's no sign of the ship that was there. It just... vanished." Gypsy replied. "Damn it!" Joel swore as he slammed his fist down on the countertop repeatedly while Tom hovered over to him. "Oh well. You win some, you lose some, Joel...." Tom remarked. "First time since we got sent up in this hellhole that I had a chance to blow up something and it vanishes faster than 'Automan'!" Joel snarled. "I still say we should have tried to communicate with it, first!" The voice of Crow B. Robot spoke up. "Why? So we could tell it we come in peace?" Tom replied sarcastically. "No, you idiots! So we could catch a ride home to Earth and not be stuck here watching fanfics and movies every waking moment!" Crow reminded them. Joel and Tom bigsweated as the logic of Crow's words dawned on them. Fortunately, they were saved from making a lame excuse by the red light flashing on the console. "Oh, goodie... Inspector Fenwick and Dudley Do-Right are calling...." Crow remarked as the view screen activated. Dr. Frank had put on his best smile as he positively beamed at the disgruntled trio. Behind him, was his able assistant, TV's Forrester, preparing the good doctor's invention for the week. "Good morning!" Dr. Frank exclaimed in a chipper tone of voice. "And how are you doing on this wonderful sunny day?" "How would we know? We're in space, you fat assed, numbskull." Joel replied in direct contrast to Dr. F's warm greeting. Dr. Frank's smile didn't diminish in the slightest as he continued unabated. "Well, that's good to hear! We realize that kidnapping you and forcing you to watch the best fanfics and movies we can find is a *little* unethical but it's all for the better good of mankind! For when we eventually find the movie or fanfic that puts a smile on all your faces, we will unleash it upon the world, bringing peace and harmony to the world, making it a better place.... "For you and for me and the entire human race?" Crow finished sarcastically. Dr. Frank's brightened. "Exactly! That's the spirit! You three may consider yourselves to be the world's greatest cynics, but when I'm done with you, you will always look on the bright side of life, giving you an extra spring in your step, promising...." "Okay! okay! We get the point, Dr. F! Geez...." Joel replied with a grimace. "Well then!" Dr. F clapped his hands together. "Shall we proceed with this weeks invention exchange? As always, Joel, you may go first.... Joel bit back a sarcastic reply as he reached behind the counter and placed his latest invention on top of it.... "This invention is dedicated to all the people who are too cheap and impatient to wait for video tapes to be released in North America. First...." Joel held up a small tube of orange colored gel. "This specially treated dye gets injected into a anime videotape via a special compartment, which also contains a microchip. This microchip sends a tiny radio signal to the VCR's audio and video input jacks. Then if someone attempts to copy the tape, the dye explodes, destroying the tape and providing clear evidence that you attempted to break the law. The dye is powerful and takes approximately two weeks to fade completely.... "But that's terrible!" Forrester suddenly spoke up. "No one would be able to fansub anymore! The popularity of anime will diminish! People would have to pay outrageous prices and wait forever for anime that's five years old, to come out!" "Bingo!" Tom chimed in with a giggle. "You're... You're EVIL! EVIL!!!" Forrester cried out. "Like we care." Joel muttered. "Now, now, Forrester... This invention will cut down on video piracy and that's a GOOD thing...." Dr. Frank's smile seemed a little strained as he replied. "Though it might be a bit too... thorough... for my personal tastes. Anyway, tell me what you think of my invention... and remember, be honest...." "The invention I have here is also a microchip you put on a video tape that sends special signals to the VCRs video and audio jacks. But this one goes into the output jacks, not the input ones that your invention is for" Dr. F walked over to a television, hooked up to a VCR. He then held up a videotape labeled *Johnny Mnemonic* "This is the first of many videotapes to be installed with a special computer chip of my own. This chip uses a combination of morphing technology and audio wizardry to make Keanu Reeves *appear* to be a good actor. As you can tell, he actually looks like he's angry in this scene, especially when he asks for room service!" Dr. F ejected the tape and put in another, this one labeled *Tek Wars*. "And here, as you can tell, William Shatner is another actor that seriously needs help with his acting. This chip actually makes him look like he knows how to act." "What will happen when there's a good actor on the tape, like Robert DeNiro or Al Pacino?" Joel asked. "That's easy, the chip will be able to recognize between good acting and bad acting. With good actors, the chip will remain on standby in case a bad actor decides to pop into a scene with a good actor. So let's say that Keanu Reeves manages to land a part working along side Robert DeNiro, provided that DeNiro actually wants to destroy his acting reputation to work along side someone like Keanu. When DeNiro is acting, the chip will be on standby, and when Keanu starts talking, the chip will come into life and make him a better actor...." "Man, will you guys quit saying the words *act*, *acting* and *actor* so damn much!?" Tom interrupted. "It's *REALLY* getting on my nerves...." "But what about the story, Dr. F? Even improved act... I mean, performances, can't save a lousy story, can they?" Crow pointed out. "No, but they can make the best out of a bad situation!" Dr. F replied cheerfully. "Of course. How silly of us not to realize that." Tom replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. As usual, Dr. Frank failed to notice as he continued his monologue with the enthusiasm of a infomercial. "Now, my little friends... today's fanfic is truly one of the finest examples of anime fanfiction ever produced. "Transitions" by Richard Lawson. I'm positive that this fanfic will turn those frowns, upside down and give you a new, healthy outlook on life.... "JUST SEND US THE DAMN FIC." Joel and the bots chorused. Dr. Frank huffed and turned to his assistant. "Put the joy in them, Forrester...." "Be well!" Forrester replied as the screen winked off. Joel grumbled a few obscenities under his breath. "Joel... I'm not any happier about this than you are but let's try to remain civil this time when we watch the fanfic...." Crow begged his creator. "Bite me...." Joel growled. Crow sighed. Then alarms and sirens suddenly rang out. "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" Crow cried out. "Be still my beating heart." Joel replied sarcastically. (Door 6: It's made of spam. You have to weed your way through it.) (Door 5: It's made of flames. You use a fire extinguisher to put it out.) (Door 4: It falls away from you, missing your foot completely.) (Door 3: It's made of money, but when you reach out to grab it, it disappears.) (Door 2. It's made of glass. You use a stuntman to hurl his body through it.) (Door 1: It's permanently open due to rust.) (Door .7: The camera pans upward where a small hatch falls to the floor.) Joel walks into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow following close behind. Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel waited for Crow to pass by him and then he placed Tom down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow sitting on Joel's left. >This is the final story of my Nuku Nuku series. It is heavily based on >the other stories in my series: "Like Fish to a Cat", Tom: Like chocolate for water? >"Facets of Love" (not to be confused with "The Nature of Love"), and ""What Breast So Cold". You can find them on my web page (URL below). Joel: What breast so cold bursts through yonder dress? It is the E-cup! >Please let me know what you think; I've changed the "reply to:" field to >include the FFML, since I want some discussion on this. You'll need to >change that if you want to reply to me privately. Tom: We fear change.... Joel: Does Tybalt know about this? >More comments at the end. Crow: Oh great. Even when the story's over, it goes ON and ON.... >-- >-Richard >sterman@sprynet.com Tom: Sprynet.com For those of us who are never too old to be young. >-------------------------------------------------- >All my fanfics can be found at: >http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm >-------------------------------------------------- >-- Joel: Richard's so paranoid he has to protect his website with dashes. Tom: Looks like he's just started construction on the second wall.... >Transitions Joel: Shouldn't this be called *Transistors* if it's about an android? >By Richard Lawson Crow: Isn't he the host of the Family Feud? Tom: Richard! Loved your performance in *The Running Man*! >Comments & Criticism Welcome! >sterman@sprynet.com Joel: Cool! (Starts unzipping his pants) Crow: Not *THAT* kind of criticism, Joel! Joel: Awww.... (zips his pants back up) Tom: Does it count if we comment on his hairpiece? >Hiro concentrated fiercely as he carefully moved the pencil around >the paper. Crow: Man... These spiral-graphs are harder than I thought! >He was trying to make something special, and he wanted >to get it right. Tom: Now, if he can just draw the buttcrack line without giggling.... >He bit his lip, dropped the pencil, and picked up another one of a >different color. Tom: What's the difference? They're both the same.... Crow: I think he means pencil *crayons* Crow: Oh... well now, that's a pencil of a different color.... Joel: I get it! He bit his lip and now he needs the red pencil to match the blood on the paper.... >He slowly shaded one area, making sure he didn't draw over the lines >he had just made. Tom: Yeah he wouldn't want to blow his lines again.... Crow: Cross over the line again and you're in BIG trouble, mister! Joel: This is the line of death. Cross it, you die! Crow: Take it easy, Ayatollah.... >Hiro heard her come up. He bristled. "Not done yet, Nuku Nuku! >Go away!" All: Nuku Nuku go away! Come again another day! >He didn't have to look up at her; he *heard* her smile. Joel: Nuku Nuku should really start wiping her mouth after meals.... >"Okay, Hiro. I'll be playing with Yuki; let me know when it's all >right to visit." Crow: Visiting hours are 10-6 weekdays. >He shooed her away. Tom: S-CAT!!! >Another pencil added its color to the picture, and then another, and >then the sounds of Yuki's laughter made him decide he was done. Crow: How I love my pencil of many colors.... Joel: Hee hee hee! That's supposed to be a cow! It looks like a mutant turtle! Tom: I guess he don't have a cow then.... >"Over here, Nuku Nuku!" >He watched as Nuku Nuku and Yuki laughed together again. Then >Nuku Nuku gave Yuki a little fish-shaped pastry before coming over >to sit at the table next to Hiro. "What have you finished?" Crow: The Indy 500, the Kentucky Derby, 1500 Meter Decathlon.... >"Here!" He held it out to her. "For you." >She lifted it and smiled. "It's a cat!" Crow: Actually it's Ranma after he freaks out. Joel: I drew it to force this pig tailed girl I know to fall in love with me... heh heh heh... or else. >Hiro was enormously pleased. Sometimes people didn't know what >the things he drew were. Crow: Based on those past drawings, maybe he should be on a psychiatrist's couch.... Tom: Especially if it looked like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sporting pigtails, bokkens and mallets. Joel: Oh my! Crow: Save the Kasumi impressions for later.... >Nuku Nuku never had any problems. Tom: She's god. Joel: If she's god, maybe she can get rid of the spam on the FFML? Crow: I think that's beyond god's power.... >"It's you! You are always warm and nice and happy like a cat, so I >thought that maybe you were a cat." Tom: What gave it away kid? The ears, right? Joel: Actually, I think it's because Hiro's got pussy on his mind. Crow: Must you make everything perverted, Joel? Joel: Heh heh. >Nuku Nuku gave him a strange, thoughtful look. It scared him. >"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it. Hiro is stupid." He covered his >face with his hands. Tom: Hiro and Shampoo learned Japanese from the same teacher.... >Hiro felt her hands gently but firmly take his and lower them. >"You are not stupid, Hiro. You know that. In fact, you are very >smart. You figured out something about me that not many people >know. I am very impressed!" Her smile was wide and her eyes >bright. Crow: Her eyes are so bright, she's gotta wear shades.... Tom: I know a guy that can pedal as fast as Nuku Nuku... he was wearing a red suit with a yellow lightning bolt on it.... >Hiro felt his spirits lift immediately. Tom: If Nuku Nuku was holding me, I don't think my SPIRITS would be the only thing *lifting.* >"You mean you *are* a cat?" All: D'UH! >Nuku Nuku nodded. "Not many people know. Let's keep it a secret, >all right?" Tom: Or else they'll make me wear a collar and a leash! Joel: Sayyyyyy.... Crow: Cram it, Joel! Joel: Hmph! >Hiro nodded back enthusiastically. "Our secret. Are you really a cat?" Tom: I hate you, now feed me! Crow: Sounds like a cat to me.... Joel: But anything the Puma Sisters tells you about me is a filthy lie. I don't know where those photos came from.... >Nuku Nuku laughed. "Yes, of course. I would never lie to you, >Hiro. I'm telling you the truth when I say that you're smart. >You're smarter than I am." Joel: And when I say that, I'm lying through my teeth.... Tom: Hey, if he's the only one in school that's figured out her secret, he MUST be smarter.... Crow: Smarter than the average bear at least. >Hiro frowned. He was stupid, he knew that. Tom: Is he related to Kunou then? Crow: No, it can't be, Hiro KNOWS he's stupid. Tom: Good point. >Everyone else was smart and they always let him know that they were >smarter. They would act and talk smarter and give him sad or disgusted >looks. Crow: One smart fellow, he felt smart. Tom: Two smart fellows, they both felt smart. Joel: Three smart fellows, they all smelled fart. >Even here, at the home, people who weren't like him and Yuki and >the others never stopped letting him know that they were smarter. >They would smile and act nice and try to be friends, but he could >always see in their eyes how they *knew* they were smarter. Crow: Ouch! That must really smart.... Joel: SHOP SMART... SHOP S-MART.... >The only one who wasn't like that was Nuku Nuku. She was always >bright and happy and smiling and treated him like a friend and an >equal and never ever made him feel stupid. Somehow, though, it >didn't feel right to have her say that he was smarter. Tom: One more sentence with the word *smarter* and I'm going to scream.... Crow: Smart move, Tom. Tom: Oh, bite me! Crow: Here's a quarter... go call Tyson, he cares! >"Not true, Nuku Nuku! You're smarter, you don't have to live with >us dummies. Tom: AAARRRRRRGH!!! Joel: Hey dummy! I'm talking to you! Crow: Wouldn't you think Lawson would have been smarter not to overuse the word smarter? Tom: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT... UP!!! >You can read and write and do all sorts of complicated things. Crow: Yeah! Like using Unix! Tom: Or patting your head and rub your stomach at the same time! >You're smart." Joel: That's Agent 86 to you! Crow: I'm also known as Inspector Gadget in some circles.... >Nuku Nuku's smiled got a little smaller. Joel: Is that physically possible? Tom: Smile... though your lips... are shrinking.... >"Yes, it's true that I can do all those things. Tom: I can sing! I can dance! I can diminish the size of my smile! >But it's only because I've got machines that can help me do that. >Without them, I wouldn't be able to do some of the things that you >can do." Crow: Now go do... that voodoo... that you do... SO... WELLLLLL!!! Joel: An android's gotta do what an android's gotta do.... Tom: JUST DO IT... Nuku. >Her smile got big again. "I couldn't draw beautiful pictures like this!" Crow: But I can do amazing things with my kisser! Tom: I can even make people fall in love with me and have them write fanfics about my life.... >Hiro frowned. "You have machines that make you smarter?" Tom: THAT'S IT! NO MORE! IF I SEE ANOTHER SENTENCE WITH THE WORD *SMARTER* IN IT, THE AUTHOR'S THE ONE THAT'S GOING TO BE *SMARTING!!!* Joel: I VANT... SMART! >"Yes, Hiro. Many machines that I carry with me all the time." Joel: Like a can opener? >He leaned forward eagerly. "Can I have some machines?" Crow: Well these are the demo models but I'm sure I could interest you in this FABULOUS juicer. It is the very model of a modern major juicer. It'll transform any vegetable, animal or mineral into liquid form and if you order RIGHT NOW.... >Nuku Nuku's smile got a little sad. "You wouldn't want them, >Hiro. Trust me." Crow: You're money no good here. Literally. Tom: Is there ANYTHING Nuku's smile can't do? Joel: Can it create a bug-free, operating system that's compatible with every computer and computer program past, present and future? Tom: Why? So Microsoft can take it over? >Hiro shrugged his shoulders. If Nuku Nuku said so, she was right. Tom: And THAT's the bottom line, cause Nuku Nuku said so! Crow: Nuku Nuku 3:16! Joel: Watch out or she'll open up a can of *smart* ass.... Tom: >"Can we play the reading game?" Tom: Again? Oh, all right. Go and get the weji board.... Joel: Hey, I'm getting something! S... M... A... R.... Tom: Keep it up, Joel, and I'll tell Dr. F where you hide your collection of FLUX magazines.... Joel: NO! I'll be good! I promise! I promise! Crow: Thanks, Tom. Tom: Happy to be of service. >Hiro loved the way Nuku Nuku's eyes seemed to light up. "Yes! >Are you practicing all the time?" Crow: Yeah, but I'm still not perfect! >Hiro grinned. "All the time. Soon I read to *you*!" Tom: Boy, I can't imagine how much Nuku Nuku is looking forward to *that* day. >Nuku Nuku's laughter was light and bubbly, just like her. Joel: And just like champagne, it needs a ton of sugar to make it taste better.... Tom: Symbolism... Gotta love it. >"Good! Let's go get the books." Joel: Then we'll whack the crap out of them. >He took her hand and led her to the bookcase. He was glad that >she was here, glad that she was happy and thought his picture >beautiful. The whole *world* was beautiful with Nuku Nuku in it. Joel: Er... exactly how OLD is Hiro? Tom: Yeah, yeah, Nuku Nuku is great... Yeah, yeah, Nuku Nuku is good... Yeah, yeah... yeah, yeah, yeah.... Crow: All this syrupy stuff is giving me gas. Joel: I'm still waiting to see if this fic turns out like "Akane Loves P-Chan!" >*** Crow: Three stars? Maybe this fanfic isn't so good after all.... Tom: Is that out of four or out of five? Joel: Not enough star-appeal I guess.... >"Akiko-sama, I just let Atsuko-sama's boyfriend through the front >gate. You asked to be notified." Joel: Oh, thanks! Now tell him to get lost! >Akiko felt a big smile spread across her face. "Thank you. I >will answer the door myself." Crow: A smile makes a lousy plot device. >The servant sounded slightly surprised. "Yes, Akiko-sama." >She quickly called up some files on her computer, then made her >way to the front door. She timed it just right; the chimes of the >doorbell echoed through the front hall just as she reached the >door. Tom: And all it took was ten practice runs and a slightly miffed Jehovah's Witness.... >Akiko opened, and felt her smile widen at Kei's shocked and >slightly apprehensive face. Joel: Akiko's smile is already spread across her face. Where else can it go? Tom: Where the sun don't shine? Joel: Your lips are smiling at me, but it's not your mouth.... >Kei straightened, then bowed. "Natsume-sama. I am honored." >"As well you should be." Her voice was amused, as it usually was >when she spoke to him. She bowed back. "I'm glad to see you, >Kei-chan. I was wondering if I could have a moment to speak with >you before you go see Atsuko." Tom: Uhhh... aren't they doing that right now? Why ask? >Kei's eyes widened. He nodded numbly and followed her into her study. Joel: Oh man, first the smiles, now the eyes.... Crow: How does one nod numbly? Tom: See a dentist? How the hell should I know?!? >She sat behind her huge, oaken desk while Kei placed >himself in one of the comfortable chairs that faced it. Joel: Using the uncomfortable chairs to brace up his feet. >Akiko looked steadily at him for a minute, her expression >studious. "It has come to my attention that you have graduated >from college." Crow: Don't bother denying it! I recognized your voice from the McDonald's Drive Thru speaker.... >Kei bowed his head. "Yes, Natsume-sama. I begin working for >Mantor Shipping in a week." Crow: Wasn't Mantor a wrestler in the WWF? Tom: MANTOR! PART MAN, PART ANIMAL, ALL BUSINESS.... Joel: Faster than a speeding bus! Able to leap over basketball playing dogs in a single bound.... >Akiko raised an eyebrow. "Doing what?" >"Well, they've got me in some sort of management program. Joel: Yeah, they want to put him where he does the least damage. Crow: This isn't some Dilbert Book. >I'm not sure exactly what my duties will be yet, but I look forward to >understanding them and carrying them out to the best of my >abilities." Joel: What is this? A fanfic or a job interview?!? Crow: I'm still try to figure out what to do with this mop and bucket.... >Akiko snorted. "A carefully rehearsed answer. Bravo." Tom: I prefer HBO myself. Joel: You would. >She looked over at her computer monitor, which was turned so that he >couldn't see it. Tom: Yeah, before it was turned the other way so Akiko couldn't see it. Joel: You know, if Akiko would just invest a few dollars into a screensaver, she wouldn't have to do that.... >"Are you aware that Mantor is completely owned by MHI?" >Kei dropped his jaw for a moment before shutting it. Crow: Ah, crap! There goes my retainer! Tom: My parents always warned me about eating those hard candies, but did I listen? >"No, I was not, Natsume-sama. Forgive me; I will look for employment >elsewhere." >Akiko glanced at him sharply. "Why?" >Kei thought for a moment, apparently taking time to answer carefully. Joel: Because you're a vindictive, psychopathic bitch? Oops, damn! Not careful enough.... >"I do not want to place you in the potentially compromising position >of trying to objectively decide my employment future. If I turn out to >be completely incompetent, I do not want you to feel embarrassed to >fire me. If I am gifted and deserving of promotion, I do not want the >appearance to be one of favoritism should you choose to advance me." Crow: Pick me and the toilets will sparkle like new! >Akiko shook her head. "There are many, many levels that separate >you and me. If our paths were to cross during your employment >with Mantor, it would not be for decades, until you have risen >sufficiently within the organization that you would report >directly to me. Very few reach that plateau; you would have to be >gifted indeed to reach it." Joel: Or you can just sleep around like I did! Tom: Only the very best get to man the *shake* machine.... >Kei tried so sound confident and, Tom: So Sound Confident. Their advertising slogan: Our sound system is so sound, we're confident it'll last for generations to come, generating so-so sound for your hearing pleasure! >Akiko admitted to herself, mostly succeeded. "I believe I possess such >gifts. I am at least willing to try." Tom: TRY?! Do... or do not! There is no try! >Akiko smiled. "When I first began to work for MHI, I did not >start as low as you did. I worked directly with my grandfather as >he ran the company. Joel: I whipped while he pulled the plow. >After many years, he resigned as CEO and installed me in that >position. I admit there were some rough spots, but I was able to do >okay. Joel: That sounds perverted if you think about it.... Crow: Is there anything you DON'T find perverted? Joel: Uhh... justice? Tom: Installed? Mantor must be a DOS company.... Crow: No, if it were, she'd been SETUP into the position. Tom: Oh. >If I had started as you did, I would still be stuck somewhere in >middle management, fighting tooth and nail for a senior position. >I, too, am confident enough in my gifts to believe that my talents were >put to better use as CEO, rather than fighting political battles in the >lower-to-middle management positions." Crow: But we'll never know for sure... SINCE SHE'S THE PRESIDENT'S FREAKING GRANDDAUGHTER!!!! Tom: It's not what you know... it's who you're related to. Joel: That's deep, Tom.... >Kei smiled. "I think so, too. MHI is currently as stable as it >has ever been. Crow: The CEO, on the other hand.... >More, it's gained quite a reputation for championing the ethical uses >of new technology, due mostly to your efforts. You are a remarkable >person, and more than worthy of the accolades that are thrown at your >feet." Tom: Do people actually talk like this? Joel: Careful Kei, or your lips will dry out and start cracking.... Crow: Did I mention I got straight A's in *sucking up* >Akiko's eyes narrowed slightly. "Hmm. That was either a genuine >compliment or an attempt to gain the first advantage in the >political wars to follow." Tom: But just in case, tell me how remarkable I am again.... >Kei blinked. "I assure you, the former." He smiled again. "One >of the things Atsuko has taught me is how... refreshing it is to >talk in a straighforward and open manner. She puts up with very >little in the way of word games; she prefers honesty in all >things. I can't help but agree with her. I like honesty, too." Joel: So, in a nutshell, he's *honestly* kissing up to her.... >Akiko's features relaxed. "Well, good. As it happens, I believe >that you were being genuine just now. Still, there is a time and >place for playing games of obfuscation with your company's rivals. >Your first lesson will be to learn when to be open and when to >be... obscure." Tom: Duh? Crow: Yes! Just like that! >Kei drew his eyebrows together slightly. "First lesson?" Tom: First it was her lips, then her eyes, and now her eyebrows... This woman has hidden talent! Joel: Next thing you know, she'll be headlining comedy films and yodeling out of her butt.... >Akiko nodded, pleased that he had picked up on that. She had >judged him correctly. "It is my intention to transfer you onto my >personal staff. I need good, dependable people to work with me >while I run this company. People whose loyalty I can count on >implicitly, people who are intelligent and motivated." Crow: People who can make a descent cup of tea and stand still when I throw heavy objects at them. Tom: People who know the three golden rules of marketing. Lies, more lies, and sex! Joel: People who will address me as *Mistress* and wear tight black leather underneath their clothes which they will remove when I.... Crow: JOEL! Joel: What? >Kei tried to bring moisture to his suddenly dry mouth. "Natsume- >sama! I... I'm not worthy." All: HE'S NOT WORTHY!!! HE'S NOT WORTHY!!! >Akiko raised an eyebrow. She didn't care much for humility. >"You're not? Which are you - undependable, untrustworthy, >slothful, or stupid?" Tom: Uh... E! All of the above! Joel: Duh... What was the question again? Crow: Ah! *D* it is! >Kei gaped, struggling to find a way out of the trap he'd fallen into. Joel: Yeah, those Pitfalls are a real bugger, eh? Tom: Yeah! And the way they keep disappearing and reappearing randomly, like I'm SO sure.... Crow: Even if a crocodile's mouth WAS closed, I'm not stupid enough to jump on one... uh... I think we're getting off topic, guys. >"I - that's not what I meant. Uh, surely there are other >people more...." He trailed off, evidently realizing that he was >about to dig himself in deeper. Tom: I'll say one thing... He's no Nabiki Tendo. >He drew a breath, held it, then slowly released it. "Natsume-sama, >I am not entirely sure I have sufficient experience to adequately perform >the duties that would be required of me in such a position." Joel: It's easy! You just thrust your hips back and forth.... >Akiko smiled, glad that he could think clearly and well in a >difficult situation. "That's better." She looked over at the >computer screen again. "Your grades at college were good. Very >good. The records of the jobs you worked at during college >indicate a solid work ethic, an ability to work with minimal >supervision, and the intelligence to creatively solve problems." >She looked back at him. "I do not make this offer lightly. You >might think I am merely offering you this position because of your >relationship with my daughter. In truth, it was that relationship >which made me notice you. But my duty to MHI is too strong to >waste important positions such as this on nepotism. I would not >place you on my staff if I did not think you showed some promise. >It is up to you to realize that promise. The rewards are >substantial, but the journey will be long and hard. Do you feel >up to the task?" Crow: ZZZZZZzzzzzz... oh! Is that paragraph finally over? Joel: Too bad this fanfic isn't over. Tom: *Enter* Key! Try using it! >Kei swallowed. He stared at her for a minute before straightening >a little in his chair. "Yes, Natsume-sama. I would very much >like to justify your faith in me. I humbly thank you for the >position, and give you my word of honor that I will always keep >the company's best interests at heart." Tom: At least till the company goes under and I escape to Mexico with the embezzlement money.... >Akiko smiled again, a little sadly. His words were remarkably >similar to the ones she'd given her grandfather years ago, and >that wasn't necessarily for the best. Joel: HA! HA! I GOT YOUR COMPANY!!! AND YOU'RE GOING TO CROAK SOMEDAY!!! NYAH! NYAH!!! >"That is good. We will have to talk sometime, however, about how to >balance your obligation to this company with your other obligations, >especially to those of your family." Tom: Were you inbred? >"I understand, Natsume-sama." >"That's not quite right for my subordinate. Why don't you call me >Akiko-sama?" Crow: NEVER forget the *sama* or you're a dead man! Tom: This job's so good, you forget the fiber... I mean the sama. Joel: How about boot licker? Would that work? >Kei drew another deep breath. "I could never do that. I would... >I would prefer to call you... Mother-in-law." >Akiko blinked rapidly. "What?" All: HE SAID I COULD NEVER DO THAT. I WOULD... I WOULD PREFER TO CALL YOU... MOTHER-IN-LAW!!! >Kei jerked his head once, slightly; Joel: Sorry about that, Akiko-Sama. Those pantyhose really make your legs look good.... >Akiko imagined that a silent imprecation had just been uttered. Tom: Hey, I got your *IMPRECATION* right here, man! >Kei rose to his feet and bowed deeply to her. "With your permission, >I would like to ask Atsuko to marry me." Joel: Yeah, that's the way to get a job, ask a potential boss to marry their child and take her away forever.... Tom: Couldn't have picked a better time to ask.... >Outwardly, Akiko eyed him critically. Inwardly, she exulted. >She'd been trying to push him to this decision for the past year. Joel: oh. Tom: Never mind then.... Crow: That'll teach you to shoot off your mouths.... Joel: Yeah, I feel like Fanfic_GT.... Tom: Heh heh heh.... >She had been treating him more and more like a part of the family, >at the same time making veiled threats about people who lacked >courage and acted indecisively. She'd been hoping that the job >offer would also make him feel secure enough to be able to >propose. He'd surprised her a little by how quickly he'd acted, >but she was still delighted. >However, there were other issues that needed to be addressed, and >it was necessary for her to be harsh with him. She needed to be >sure of him. And she needed him to be sure of himself. "You >realize, of course, that you're marrying a cat?" Crow: And the only other member of my family who's ever done that, has been disowned. I certainly hope you prove more trustworthy than Oscar.... >Kei gaped at her, looking as if he'd been slapped. A look of >anger flitted across his face before he brought himself under >control. >"I am asking to marry Atsuko. The person I met and fell >in love with is... is more than what she used to be. She's as >human as you are." Tom: Though considerably more sane. Er, no offense, Akiko-Sama.... >She saw him wince, regretting the words as soon as he'd said them. >"I'm sorry, I don't mean that way the way it sounds. I meant, she fits >my definition of human. And her own. That's all that matters." Joel: At least until Mulder and Scully come a-knocking. >Akiko fought to keep the smile off her face. So far so good. >"And what of your parents? Do they know you intend to marry a >cyborg?" Crow: Do androids dream of electric sheep? Of course! Tom: Just be careful where you stick things. There was someone I knew named Makoto that married a cyborg named Ifirita and it was the darnest thing.... >Kei lifted his chin a little. Tom: I guess the Novocain finally wore off. >"I have mentioned it to them. They thought I was making a joke, and >I have not tried to correct that impression. Joel: Android? BWHAHAHAHA!!! What are you, Dr. Ito? Let me guess... her name is Cutey Honey right? No? Maybe one of the Puma sisters then....? >I have told them that she is incapable of having children. Since I am >the youngest of four children, and since my two older brothers are >already married, they do not have a problem with that." Crow: Hey, they could always adopt. Tom: What do you think they'll adopt, children or kittens? >Akiko narrowed her eyes, while inwardly she was impressed. He'd >walked a thin line between telling the truth about Atsuko and >concealing her true nature, something which would be sure to >scuttle the marriage. Akiko had helped Kyusaku create a >convincing human identity for Atsuko, one which included a full >background with all the necessary paperwork. Tom: When the Witness Protection Program just isn't good enough. Joel: She's working as an office secretary for Gritty Kitty Litter? >Legally, she was a 22-year old woman, the daughter of Akiko and >Kyusaku. Joel: Screw legally! How was she physically?!? >Akiko hoped that no one noticed that her daughter had evidently been >born three years before she and Kysaku had been married.) If she >was going to build a normal, human life for herself, Atsuko was >going to need to conceal her true nature. Crow: You might want to start with some earmuffs. >Atsuko understood, although she did tend to tell anyone who became >close to her about her origins. So far, it hadn't caused any >problems. It helped that Atsuko was always cheerful, helpful, and >tended to make everyone feel good. People who got to know her had >no desire to shatter her world by exposing her. Tom: Wow, the author's REALLY building Nuku Nuku up isn't he? It's almost like he's trying to show the readers just how much she's affected people's lives.... Crow: But... surely he wouldn't need to do that unless... something was going to happen.... Tom: Who knows? And don't call me surely. >Akiko ruminated a bit, Tom: Ruminated? What, did she give Nuku Nuku a curse? >then decided to see how far ahead Kei was thinking. "Do you ever >plan to tell them? I don't think you can keep it a secret forever." Tom: Hey, you never know. Doesn't look like Akane's going to find out P-Chan and Ryouga are one and the same anytime soon.... Crow: The same goes for Kuno and his *beloved* pig-tailed girl.... Joel: Not to mention Redneck Gajin is really a woman.... Crow: WHAT?!?! Joel: Just wanted to see if you paying attention, buddy.... >Kei nodded. "I know. If nothing else, Atsuko will want to tell >them. She hates lying." He sighed. "I want to wait until after >we're married, and after they've gotten to know her better. I >think Atsuko and I can win them over. But I sure want it to be >after our marriage is firmly established." Joel: Actually, I just wanna boink her before my parents tell me to stop seeing her... so marriage is the best way to go. >Akiko continued to be impressed by this young man. He *had* >thought it through. "Very well. I want you to be sure of this, >Kei-chan. If you later decide that marriage with Atsuko is >something you didn't want, if you break my daughter's heart in any >way, I will be... very disappointed." Her voice was even and >soft, almost a whisper. Crow: Why is her voice so soft? Are HER lips shrinking now? Joel: And if you fail to... SATISFY... my *every* fantasy when we start seeing each other behind Atsuko's back, I'll *REALLY* be disappointed.... Tom: Be nice to my daughter and I'll be nice to you, big boy.... >To her satisfaction, the blood drained from his face. He >understood the threat quite clearly. Tom: If the blood drained from someone's face, wouldn't the skin die? Joel: And if the blood drained from his face... I wonder where it went down to.... Crow: Joel.... Joel: Well, you never read a lemon with a sentence like *the blood drained from his penis....* do you?! Crow: Get your mind out of the gutter, Joel. >He surprised her, though. He sat a little straighter and stared >into her eyes. "Do you love your daughter, Natsume-sama?" Crow: I told you to call me *Akiko-sama*, you idiot! How do you expect me to engage my daughter to a man with such a short-term memory!?! >Akiko blinked, once again at a loss for words. "What?" All: HE SAID DO YOU LOVE YOUR... AW, SKIP IT!!! >He leaned forward a little bit. "Will you ever decide that you do >not want a robot for a daughter? Will you ever disown her?" Crow: Will you ever stop asking these moronic questions? >Akiko was slightly awed by the audacity of his attack. "Your >point is?" Tom: Hey! I'm the mother-in-law! I'm supposed to ask the intimidating questions.... >Kei sat back in his chair. Crow: Heh heh heh... Advantage: Son-in-law. >"I would not dare to tell you that my feelings for Atsuko are stronger >than yours. But they are just as real. I love Atsuko. Marrying her and >trying to build a life with her is the single most important thing to me, >and will remain so for as long as I live. Please do not attempt to question >my sincerity or imply that I will grow tired of her. You dishonor both me >and your daughter." Joel: With a body like hers, you REALLY think I'd get tired of her? Tom: Kei just has to watch where he sticks things... after what happened to Makoto and Ifirita... Crow: Hokay, I think we get the picture, guys. >Akiko let her face grow cold. She spoke in a stiffly formal >voice. "I do neither. Whatever you may think, I have my >daughter's best interests at heart." Crow: As long as they don't get in the way of mine. Tom: I always loved my daughter! All those battlemechs I forced her to fight in the past was just a phase I was going through.... >He bowed his head, accepting her words. "I know that." He >paused. "Do I have your permission to ask Atsuko to marry me?" >With her eyes lidded, she nodded once. Kei stood up and bowed deeply. >"Thank you, Natsume-sama." Tom: That's AKIKO-SAMA!!! A..K..I..K..O... SAMA!!! >Her face and voice didn't change. Crow: Her face must be pruning by now.... Tom: Cold as ice.... >"I believe, Kei-chan, that you wanted to call me Mother-in-law." Joel: No, I'm quite sure you said Akiko-Sama. Crow: Oh great, my mother-in-law's going senile.... >Kei straightened and stared at her in surprise. He studied her >thoughtfully for a minute before slowly smiling. "That is >correct. May I go see Atsuko now, Mother-in-law?" Tom: Better to lie now and save the laughter for outside.... >Akiko moved her head to the door. Crow: Cool! She's modular! Joel: I hope Akiko knows what she's doing.... Tom: What do you mean? Joel: Letting Kei marry her daughter... She may be getting *ahead* of herself.... Crow: Heads are going to roll for that pun.... >Kei bowed again, and left. Tom: Hey! You forget to scrape! >Akiko waited until he was well away. Only then did she allow the >smile to reclaim her face; only then did she begin laughing. Joel: Naive Fool! BWHAHAHAHAHA!!! Tom: She hasn't changed at all! She's still after her son!! Crow: What horrible, unspeakable, plot could Akiko be planning for our poor heroine and his hapless fiancee? Tom: Tune in next week... Same Nuku time, Same Nuku Channel! >She wasn't losing a daughter. She was gaining a damned fine son-in-law. Tom: Or... not. >*** Crow: Twinkle twinkle little stars.... Tom: Well, let's recap the fanfic so far... Hiro drew a picture and Kei went in for a job interview.... Joel: And there's SO much more to come! All: Yay.... >Kei spent a moment at the top of the stair, trying to calm his >racing heart. Crow: Now, what am I supposed to do...I think I'm supposed to take a step *down*... and then another.... >Akiko was a scary person. Joel: Wait till you see her as a dominatrix.... Tom: R.L. Stine still has Goosebumps after meeting her. Crow: I don't know what scarier... that pun or Akiko acting so calm and rational.... >She fairly radiated power and confidence, Tom: She's a regular Three Mile Island. Crow: A one woman Chernobyl. Joel: In an alternate universe, she'd be Bill Gates! Crow: Don't be stupid. There's no such thing as alternate universes! >as a good CEO and Chairperson of the Board should. She also was >given to bouts of irrationality that made him extremely nervous. His >greatest fear was that one day he would wake up to see her standing >over him, pointing some futuristic weapon at him and smiling that evil >smile she liked to send his way. Crow: Akiko Natsume IS The Terminator! Tom: Either that or the spokesmodel for Colgate. Crow: Everyone in this fanfic seems to be smiling in some fashion. I wonder if there's something bigger going on here that we don't know about? Joel: Maybe they've all recently had sex? >Atsuko had laughed when he'd told her this and had said that Akiko >would never do a thing like that, not any more. That last >qualifier didn't reassure him in the slightest. Still, just now >he'd been able to see a little of the warm and loving person >Atsuko was always describing to him. She showed it in strange >ways, All: When you're strange, doo doo doo.... >but it was clear that she cared deeply for Atsuko and was >making very certain that Kei did as well. Crow: Hey, what with all these red laser dots moving on my chest? Tom: Better hope nobody sneezes. Joel: ACHOO! *BANG!* Oh, crap... I did it again, Sarge.... >Kei decided that he was as calm as he was likely to get. He began >to walk nervously down the hall, for once not taking in the >opulence around him. Tom: Ooooh! Look at the bigshot author trying to impress us with his fancy vocabulary... Sic em, Crow! Crow: *Kei determined that he had achieved a state of inner tranquillity that had no equal and could not ascend further. He inaugurated to perambulate with a plethora of unreasonable concerns while descending the lobby, formerly naught embracing in the fancy-shmacy environment that surrounded he.* Joel: You tell em, Crow! That'll show em! >The wide hall and the lavish decorations failed to make an impression >on him. He had far more important things to think about. Joel: Hey Nuku! Kei needs some sugar, baby.... Tom: How on earth am I going to convince Nuku Nuku to put her mother in a home? >He reached Atsuko's room. Kei stood in the open doorway and looked >inside. Joel: Gee, I hope I can see her in her underwear this time! Tom: Hey, it's a hell of a lot safer than spying on Priss.... >There were no small rooms in the Mishima mansion. Crow: I wonder which room Heihachi and Kazuya slept in? >Atsuko's room was as big as the apartment in Nerima she used to share >with Ryunosuke and Kyusaku. Crow: They never would have left but this strange boy with a bandanna kept crashing through the wall, asking for directions.... >At the far end, a large four-poster canopy bed was covered with >stuffed animals, many of them gifts from Kei. The walls were covered >with different kinds of pictures; family portraits, photographs from >various outings, Joel: Dirty pictures from that weekend in Kyoto.... Tom: She could save a lot of money on glue by putting all those in a album.... >and drawings Atsuko had received. Kei noted that she had a new one; >an amorphous creature of some sort, brightly colored. Tom: Here we go again.... Crow: Let's see if Joel knows. Joel, what's the definition of Amorphous? Joel: The opposite of Sally Struthers? Crow: No, that's *THIN*.... Tom: Here's a clue: It's the condition of everyone's fanfics just as they get started.... Joel: OHHHH... Shapeless! >Atsuko herself was at her workstation. Various computers >surrounded her, as well as technical gear of all sorts. She often >helped her father with his projects, in between her other >volunteer work. Currently, she was staring intensely at the >screen, a look of deep concentration on her face. Tom: I don't care if it takes me the rest of the day! I'm not moving till this stupid *magic eye picture* comes into focus.... >She was idly petting one of the cats that lived in and around the >Mishima mansion. Crow: Aiya! Shampoo have to find hot water before stupid girl make her use litterbox! Joel: Sayyyyy... I just realized Atsuko's stroking her puss.... Crow: Don't make me hurt you, Joel. Tom: Let's just say if Atsuko were a guy, she'd already be at third base. >She hadn't noticed him. Kei smiled; one of the things he loved >about her was the total commitment she had to any project she >undertook. Tom: God, when is this STUPID picture going to start looking 3-D?!? My eyeballs are going to dry out! >Kei wasn't sure if that was something she had learned >from her adoptive parents, or if it was just a part of her nature. >Probably a combination of the two. Crow: Yep... nothing like *well-meaning* parents to bring out the best in you, at least until your nervous breakdown.... >Kei just stood there and watched her. She was beautiful, but that >wasn't important, especially since she could make for herself >whatever body she wanted to. Joel: That's going to be some honeymoon... Woo hoo! >She'd kept the form that Kyusaku had given her when shed been reborn, Tom: Who's the cat that won't cop out when there's danger all about? Crow and Joel: SHED! Tom: They say this cat is a bad mother... Crow and Joel: SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Tom: I'm just talking about Shed.... Crow and Joel: Then we can dig it. Tom: It's a complicated fic but no one understands it but it's author.... Crow and Joel: RICHARD LAWSON! >and had even kept her hair the same scarlet color. The only thing >she'd changed was her canines; she'd replaced them with normal ones, >no longer wanting to give the impression of having fangs. Tom: She didn't want to be mistaken for Miyu. Crow: Nuku Nuku. The Vampire Slayer. Joel: Yeah... and imagine how much it would hurt if she decided to give Kei some head.... Crow: JOEL! Joel: Bite me! >In her mind, it diminished her humanity. Joel: Let me get this straight... Having fangs makes you *more* human? Crow: Has anyone told Data about this? >What was making Kei's heart race right now was the possibility of >spending his whole life with her. Joel: I think it's the possibility of the *honeymoon* that has his heart racing... >He loved her very much, and the very *reality* of her, of the woman he >loved, was enough to take his breath away. All: Take my breath away.... >The cat on her lap meowed at him. Crow: Shampoo needs air! Help! >Atsuko looked up and saw him. She beamed, carefully set the cat on >the floor, then vaulted over her workstation to fling herself into his >arms. "Hello, Kei!" She kissed him passionately. Tom: Ah, young love.... Joel: I hope my girlfriend is that enthusiastic when I finally come home.... Crow: You never mentioned having a girlfriend before, Joel. Joel: Well... you'll be the first one to know. >In the six years they'd been dating, Atsuko had never greeted him >with anything less than total enthusiasm. He'd made some feeble >attempts to get her to be more discrete, but eventually he'd given >up, admitting to himself that he enjoyed her demonstrative nature. Tom: Though it does get a little embarrassing during funerals.... Joel: Hey, Atsuko! Why don't you *demonstrate* that SPECIAL position I taught you yesterday.... >Sometimes she'd forget little things, however, like the fact that >he needed to breathe. After about a minute, he pushed himself >away, gasping. "H-hello, Atsuko." Crow: Now you know how Shampoo felt! >She smiled up at him. "Did you talk with Mother? She wanted to >see you first before we went out." >Kei nodded. "Did she tell you what it was going to be about?" Tom: Did I mention I brought you some speckled trout? >"No. She did say she was going to make you an offer only and >idiot would refuse." Joel: Yeah, but that *offer* puts me in a bad spot! Idiot was right to refuse! >Kei laughed. "Atsuko, can we talk?" Crow: Isn't that what we were doing? Tom: Maybe they've been communicating telepathically up till now? Joel: They can't talk out loud! They won't be able to smile anymore! Crow: Now THAT's a cryptic statement if I ever heard one.... >"Of course!" She disentangled herself and led him to where a >couch and two easy chairs surrounded a table. Another cat was >sprawled on the table, watching them with uninterested eyes. Joel: I still don't see why Luna thinks this girl could be a sailor senshi....? >Atsuko sat on the couch and pulled him down next to her. "So, >were you stupid or not?" >"Well, that's open to interpretation. Tom: You screwed up, didn't you? Crow: Yeah, big time. >I took her up on her offer, though. I'm going to be working directly >for your mother, on her personal staff." Joel: I'll bet there's going to be a LOT of late nights.... >"Neat!" Atsuko had many different kinds of smiles -– since she >was almost always smiling, she needed to have some variety. Tom: How about a frown? Maybe mild irritation then? >This smile was a pleased, warm, slightly-excited smile. "Mother >likes you a lot, Kei. Joel and Tom: *snicker* >She wouldn't do this if she didn't. And I'm sure you're going to like >working with her. She knows lots about business and stuff, exactly >the things you want to know about." >Kei nodded. "Yes, it is an incredible opportunity. I only hope I >can prove worthy." Crow: Uh, we're alone, Kei. You don't have to suck up anymore.... >This smile was the proud, knowing, touch-of-love smile. Tom: Collect the whole set! >"Of course you will, Kei! You'll do wonderfully and show everyone >how smart and capable you are and one day you'll run the company as >well as Mother does." >Kei snorted. "Oh, I don't think that's going to happen." >"Why not? Tom: Well, my cocaine problem for starters.... >Ryunosuke doesn't want to run the company. I'm busy >doing other things, and I wouldn't be any good at it anyway. >Mother wants someone to follow in her footsteps just like she >followed in Great-grandfather's. Crow: ...right into his grave? >She's chosen you to be her protégé, and she'll train you for years and years Tom and Joel: ...and YEARS and YEARS and YEARS and YEARS.... >and then she'll resign as CEO and name you as her successor." >Kei gaped at Atsuko. She sounded so sure. He shuddered slightly, >reeling from the implications. >Atsuko smile was reassuring now. "Don't worry, Kei. It's going >to work out for the best, you'll see." She hugged him tightly. Joel: Mmmmmm... speaking of workouts.... Tom: Heh heh heh.... >This reminded Kei of the reason he was here. Suddenly, he found a >whole new reason to tremble. Tom: Uh, Atsuko? W... w... well... I was h... hoping you wouldn't mind if you would... that is... sign this pre... prenuptial agreement.... >He placed his hands on Atsuko's shoulders and separated them a little. Crow: Ouch! Who does he think he is? Dr. Tofu? Joel: This is so cool! Shoulders come off, shoulders go on, shoulders come off, shoulders go on.... >He looked into her eyes, wanting to burn the sight of her into his mind, >hoping that he could hold the memory of the next few minutes in his >mind forever. Joel: Kei didn't start the fire. It was always burning since his love began.... >If he didn't lose his courage. "Atsuko?" >"Yes, Kei?" >"I... I love you. You know that, don't you?" Tom: Really? Well, gee... I know we're friends and all, but.... >Atsuko nodded her head rapidly. "I love you too." All: Sweetttttttttt Emoooooootionnnnnn.... >Kei had tried to choose his words carefully. "Is the love you >feel for me different from the love you feel for your family and >friends?" Crow: My love for you is as powerful as my love for AOL.... Tom: ME TOO. ME TOO. My love is as powerful as my love for AOL. Joel: I may be sick. >Atsuko frowned, a sign, Kei knew, that she was thinking seriously. Tom: Not to mention the universe is coming to an end.... Joel: Or that hell has frozen over. Crow: (Looking up) Hey, check it out! Pigs are flying! >"I know that sometimes it seems like I love everyone the same. Crow: Er... I think she's been hanging around Kuno too much.... >I used to believe it, too. But I've came to realize that the love I >felt for Mother, Father, and Ryunosuke was different. More >intense. If they were gone, there was an emptiness inside me that >hurt. When I saw them, I was very, very happy, happier then when >I saw my friends. Joel: Happy Happy! Joy Joy! Happy Happy! Joy Joy! >I decided to call those feelings 'family love'." Tom: And she called it... family looooooove.... Crow: I have this sneaky suspicion that this fanfic is endorsed by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. >She reached up a finger and began to trace his face. Tom: She's either gone blind or she's flipping him the bird.... >"At first, you were a friend. I went out with you because Mariko said >you were nice and I was curious about what dating was like. Then I >saw more and more of you, and you *were* nice, Joel: Especially down *there*.... >and friendly, and respectful, fun to talk to and be with, and I found >that I was looking forward to seeing you as much as I looked forward >to seeing my family. So I decided that I felt 'family love' towards you." >She smiled, this one full of excitement and wonder. Tom: And yet another smile.... Joel: This fic has more smiles than the Miss Teen USA Pageant. Crow: Miss Nerima, what would you do if you found yourself rooming with a boy that changed into a girl? Tom: Oh, GOSH! Uh... I think I would rather room with Oscar... He LOVES cats after all.... >"Then we kissed. That was in my first android body, and Father had >some crude circuits set up, ones that transmitted signals to the >pleasure centers of my brain. The more we kissed, the more I >liked it. That changed the love. It made it more than 'family >love'. I call it 'Kei love'." She grinned affectionately. "I >like 'Kei love' a lot." She placed her hand on his cheek and >kissed him. All: And then she kissed me.... >Kei accepted the kiss, breathing in her fragrance. Tom: Mmmm... Meow Mix.... Joel: A kiss is never just a kiss unless you've got Dentine.... Crow: I wonder who Atsuko is going to compare Kei to? >It was the best answer he could have hoped for. He looked into her >eyes again when she pulled away, his fear leaving him. "I... I have >similar feelings for you. 'Atsuko love'." He grinned. "I want >to have that feeling with me always." Suddenly his fear rose up >anew and dragged the smile from his face and replaced it with >nervous gulping. Crow: I knew I shouldn't have stopped at 7-11 for that Big Gulp.... >"I... I want to have you with me always." Tom: That and the force. >Atsuko smiled in a knowing way. "Father once told me that he'd >always be with me. I didn't know what he meant at first, but I >think I know now. It means that there's a part of him that will >always be thinking of me and loving me, just as there's a part of >me that's always thinking about and loving him. You and I do that >too. We love each other, and that means wherever one of is, they >carry the love of the other with them." Tom: I don't think I can sit through many more of these *touching* speeches.... Joel: Hey, I don't know about you, Tom, but I wouldn't mind seeing some more *touching* between them.... Crow: Well, what do you suggest we do? Speed the fanfic along past the mushy parts? Joel: Hey! That not a bad idea! Tom, do you think you can hover over to the little window when the projector is playing? Tom: Hmmm.... (Tom slowly rises from his chair and then quickly makes his way across the theater towards the window, hovering up to it's level. The fanfic is soon obscured by Tom's silhouette.) Crow: Well? Any luck? Tom: I think I can *just* reach it.... (Tom reaches out with his fully functional arm and flips a switch. All of the suddenly the fanfic starts racing forward at incredible speed. After several moments, he decides to stop and see how the fanfic is going.) >"You're certainly better built than I am." >Atsuko gaped at her. "You're a cyborg, too?" >Akiko chuckled. Crow: Whoa! What a plot development! Joel: Keep going, Tom.... (Tom fast forwards the fic again for a little while....) Crow: Wait a second! Back up a little bit... Okay, let's see what this scene is all about.... >"Oh, Kei, I'm sorry! I'll go wash it off." She ran to the >adjoining bathroom, where Kei could hear water running. Joel: ALL RIGHT!!! Good eye, Crow! Crow: Oh, brother.... >Kei furrowed his brow, wondering how that could have happened. >He looked around the room and froze. One of the monitors at her >workstation had a huge hole in the front. Bits of glass, metal, >and wiring were strewn in front of it. Crow: I've heard of screen burn, but, really.... Tom: You've crashed on me for the LAST time, computer! DIIIIIIIIIE!!! Joel: We've all fantasized about it at some point but finally Atsuko had the guts to do it! >Kei simply didn't know how to react. The conclusion that Atsuko >had punched the monitor was as inescapable as it was impossible to >believe. He could count the times Atsuko had been angry on the >fingers of one hand, and she had never resorted to senseless >violence. She would only attack those that attacked her. She >could be... overly effusive in the way she hugged everyone, but >there was never any malice present. Crow: Anyone who smiles as much as Atsuko has to be a *little* psychotic.... Joel: Smile and the world smiles with you! Come on, give us a smile! SMILE, I SAID! Tom: (calls out) Guys? Should I keep fast-forwarding? Crow: Let's wait a minute and see what happens.... >A cold lump began to form in his stomach. Something was very, >very wrong. Crow: Diarrhea is like a storm raging inside you.... >Atsuko came out of the bathroom, walked up to him, and hugged him >tightly. "Kei, I love you, I love you, I love you. Crow: And where he goes, she'll follow, she'll follow, she'll follow.... Joel: SHE LOVES ME! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! >You are more special to me than anyone else, and I am so happy that >you want me in your life, that you've accepted me for who I am. You've >given me more happiness and joy then I've ever felt in my life." She >pushed herself away and held out her hand. "Here." >Kei looked down. In the palm of her hand was her engagement ring. >He stared at her face in shock. >She smiled sadly. "I do not think we should get married." Joel: Wha?!? Crow: Aw man! It's Akane and Ranma all over again.... Joel: I love you Kei, but I've recently discovered some more feelings that I call *Casual Love* and I'm not about to give them up for *one* guy.... Crow: Cute, Joel. Real cute.... Tom: (calls out) So do you want to skip ahead any further or not? Joel: Go ahead, Tom! (Tom flips the speed control switch again until....) Crow: Wait! I think this is the climax of the story! Tom, rewind it a bit! No! that's too far! Now back a little bit more... There! (Tom hovers back to his seat as the fanfic continues) >She walked up to him and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you, >Papa-san. I always loved you best. You gave me life and intelligence >and joy and love. I thank you for those truly wonderful gifts." She >laughed, a sound of pure joy. "Nuku Nuku loves Papa-san." >Kyusaku felt as if he was choking on the force of his repressed >sobs. Tears flowed freely down his cheek as he stared at his >daughter, standing there with her hands clasped in front of her, >beaming at him. Tom: *sniff* Crow: That's... that's the most beautiful thing I've ever read in my life... It... It makes me glad to be alive... to appreciate the things I have in life... and the wonderful people that gave them to me.... Joel: Care Bears had more soul. Crow and Tom: BITE US, JOEL! *BLAM!!!* (The entire theater fades into darkness.) Joel: Hey! What happened? Tom: Uh, sorry guys... I think all that rewinding and fast-forwarding finally killed the... projector.... Crow: K... killed the projector.... Joel: Then... that means.... All: WE'RE FREE!!! (Joel and Crow leap up from their chairs, Tom joining them a moment later and they all started dancing around the theater, continuously bumping into one another since they couldn't see anything but not caring. Then the six doors open, illuminating the ecstatic trio....) * * * SATELLITE OF HATE A FEW HOURS LATER.... The sounds of mass celebration echoed throughout the satellite as Crow and his friends celebrated the destruction of the projector, spelling an end to them having to watch good fanfics anymore. Joel was busy doing the lambada under Gypsy while Tom was flying around the room, belting out show tunes. Meanwhile, in the corner of the room, Crow was standing at the counter, wondering why the Madds hadn't called them back yet about the projector. Dr. Frank had been less than pleased when he was informed of Tom's tampering and they had not heard another word from them since.... Crow glanced at the floor to see Cambot, drunk as a skunk. An evil prank came to mind and Crow quietly placed the lens cap over Cambot. A few moments later, Cambot jerked up and frantically zipped about, thinking he had gone blind. Then the image of Dr. Frank suddenly appeared on the screen, a big smile on his face. "Good news everyone!" Dr. F announced. "My wonderful assistant, Forrester, has managed to construct a new projector, that can be send up and reinstalled into the theater by next week!" The celebration came abruptly to a halt. Everyone froze except for Cambot, who was still frantically trying to signal for help. "WHAT?!?" Everyone shouted in unison. "HE SAID GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! MY WONDERFUL...." Forrester began. "Now, now, Forrester. No need to stoop to their level." Dr. Frank admonished. "Anyway, I'll be sending up a special droid through the umbiliport to reinstall it. I suggest you don't try to interfere with it or you'll be in for a rather unpleasant shock, if you get my drift. Also this new projector has a special defense mechanism of it's own should a *certain* robot decide to speed it up again. So until next time, Be well!" Tom groaned as the screen winked out. Crow and the bots looked at each other and sighed. It seemed they still had many good fanfics to look forward to.... Suddenly alarms rang out again. Gypsy rushed over to the controls and activated Rocket Number 9 as she exclaimed. "Guys! That strange satellite is back again!" "Good. We can take out our frustrations on it! Mr. Servo! Prepare to lock weapons on target!" Joel commanded. Tom hovered over to the controls and began powering up the forward cannons. A few moments later he adjusted the target sensors and nodded. "Weapons locked." Crow announced in a descent imitation of George Taki. Joel grinned evily as he watched the satellite emerge from the mysterious rift once more, a sitting duck. "You're space dust! FIR...." * * * THE UNIVERSE SHIFTS ONCE MORE... WHAT ARE THE ODDS? * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE Joel blinked as the satellite disappeared. "Hey, where'd it go?" Gypsy checked the readings on her console and did her best impression of a shrug. "It just disappeared. There's no sign of the ship or the rift anywhere. It's like it never ever existed." Joel sighed while Tom hovered over to him. "Oh well. You win some, you lose some, Joel...." Tom remarked. "Besides...." Crow added. "That ship was probably full of face hugging, acid bleeding, tribbles... or... the ghosts of dead crewmen that project horrible images into your head... or... some alien disease that makes you age *really* fast or something else just as bad...." "You're probably right...." Joel reluctantly admitted. "Speaking of tribbles, let's get back to our game. I've got a new idea for a level that combines the tribbles with zero-gravity. We all wear these jetpacks and.... Tom trailed off as he noticed the red light beginning to flash on the console. A moment later, Joel and Crow noticed it too. The Mads were calling once more.... THE REAL END. (Feel free to hum the closing theme as you read my author's notes.) As the curtain falls on MSTing number six, I'd like to mention that Jeffrey and I finished this MSTing within one week of me being dared to do it. Sorry if it ran a little longer than usual.... Normally, at this point, I would give very special thanks to Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong, whom, without his help and C&C, I wouldn't have been able to finish this MSTing. However, this time he went above and beyond the call of duty by working together with me on this project and he deserves as much credit for this MSTing as I do. :) I'd also like to thank Timothy McLees, Luna and Artemis, Chris Bergstrom, Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight) and Sakura for being nice enough to post my MSTings on their webpages. As well, I'd like to thank Keener and JD Farber for helping to advertise this MSTing on the FFML. If there's anyone else I missed, I apologize. Finally I'd like to thank Richard Lawson for writing "Transitions" and being okay with the MSTing of it as well as giving us a lot of material to work with. Also, if anyone here has not checked out the complete and **unMSTED* versio of this story, I'm sure Richard would be more than happy to send it to you. It really is a beautiful story. C&C, as always, is appreciated. (fcasper@yesic.com) (jeffwong@li.net) Feel free to send in any anime fanfic that you would like to see MSTed and I'll take a look at it. Also, if you're interested in seeing any previous episodes of this series, you can check them out at the following webpages or, if you wish, I'd be happy to e-mail them to you. ;) Sincerely, Megane 6.7 and Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong Shizen's Versatile Home Page V3.0 (My MSTing and Fanfic Pages can be found here.) http://svhp.webjump.com/ (Alternate site: http://www.tass.org/fanfic/MST3k/) Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/ SEASON ONE ------------------ 101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon) 102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" (Original Draft) by Oscar (SM Lemon) 103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA" by The Flashman (SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER) 104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic) w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic) 105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic) 106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic) 107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton (La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover) 108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic) 109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky (SM/WWF Crossover) w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon (SM/RL Crossover) 110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker (SM Christmas Fanfic) SEASON TWO ------------------- 201- "THAT GIRL" PT. 1-2 by Oscar (SM Lemon) 202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino (SM Lemon) 203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn (SM/SPAWN Crossover) 204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2 by Hitomi Ichinohei (R1/2 Fanfic) 205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz (SM Lemon) 206- "OSCAR TOON" PT. 1-4 by Oscar (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover) 207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari (Mutiple Crossovers) 208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep (R1/2 Fanfic) 209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS (SM Lemon) 210- "THE KIDNAPPING" PT. 1-2 by SMendou (UY Lemon) SEASON THREE ---------------------- 301- "A WET DREAM COME TRUE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Lemon) 302- "TORTURED ECHO" PT. 1-4 by Trakal (R1/2 Fanfic) 303- "RANMA KILLS!" PT. 1-2 by Sir Asayogure (R1/2 Fanfic) 304- "OKONOMIYAKI SUMMER" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic) w/short "UNDER THE MISTLETOE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic) 305- "XMAS SPECIAL: A CHRISTMAS FIT FOR A POKEMON" by Dr. Thinker (Pokemon Christmas Fanfic) 306- "9-BALL DREAMS" PT. 1-2 by Mr_Jazz (SM Crossover Lemon) 307- "WINTER" by Joseph Palmer (R1/2 Fanfic) 308- "UKYO GETS WHAT SHE DESERVES" PT. 1-2 by RVincent (R1/2 Lemon) SHORTY! ------------- 101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY! 102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET! 103- PHEROMONES! 104- THE INTERNET SPY AND YOU!! OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO --------------------------------------------------------- "DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic) "MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff (SM/TNG Crossover) Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/ "THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin (SM Dark Lemon) "9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon) Lefty's MSTings http://lefty.simplenet.com/MSTings/index.htm 'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE! (Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle) Website Number 9 MSTings http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml "THE DAY OF EMERGANCE" by Jeffrey Lee (Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover) Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics OTHER GREAT WEBPAGES WORTH VISITING Zoogz's Fanfiction and Fandom Page http://www.nav.to/Zoogz The Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong http://www.anime.sobhrach.com\~jeffwong\index.html 'Suicide Blast' by: Keener http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/3342/Suicide.html Additional links for Keener's stuff -- http://tmffa.com/ -- http://www.redrival.com/myrriden/index.html Flashman's Flash Point http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/ JOLT!!! http://users.uniserve.com/~xwing/ Website Number 9 MSTings http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml Lord Carnage's Cursed Fanboys Page! http://carnage.fanfic.org A Sailor Moon Romance http://moonromance.simplenet.com/ Zen's Fanfiction Page http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html Webdragon's Lair http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/ Sean Gaffney's Webpage http://www.thekeep.org/~sean/index.html "She walked up to him and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you, Papa-san. I always loved you best. You gave me life and intelligence and joy and love. I thank you for those truly wonderful gifts." She laughed, a sound of pure joy. "Nuku Nuku loves Papa-san." Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1997 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Keep Circulating the Fanfics....