*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
                       (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
 

(The future isn't what it used to be....)
 

"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7"  (SEASON ONE)

XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER CHRISTMAS

(A Sailor Moon Christmas MSTing)

MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7

This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, television
shows, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc....

Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all the
distributors of her work.

"Sailor Moon meets Father Christmas" is the property of Dr. Thinker and
he's welcome to it.  I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his
work like this but it's the holidays and tis the season to be jolly.  Think of
this as another form of C&C.  ;)

This fanfic is rated PG-13 for mature content.
 

SATELLITE OF LOVE
12:25 HOURS
 

 "Crow, can you pass me another garland?"

 Crow T. Robot reached into the old cardboard box and pulled
out a long red colored garland.  He offered it to his creator, Joel
Robinson, whom was balanced high up on a ladder.

 "No, no, the green one...."

 Crow glanced back into the box and noticed there wasn't any
more green garlands.  He told Joel as much.

 "Okay, red it is...."  Joel remarked as he carefully placed the
garland around the outside rim of the theater doors.  Then he used a stapler
to keep it in place.  Satisfied, Joel climbed back down the ladder, took a
few steps back and surveyed his handiwork.

 The Satellite of Love had undergone quite a change from the cozy
interior of a satellite to the cozy interior of a satellite decorated with wreathes,
garlands, and various Christmas decorations.  Joel smiled with satisfaction
as Crow also stepped back to look at the room.

 "Pretty...."  Crow remarked.

 "Not too shabby if I do say so myself...."  Joel said as he admired
the view a moment longer.  Then the voice of Gypsy rang out over the
intercom.  "Joel, I've finished the decorations outside the ship...."

 "Great, Gypsy!  Let's check it out!  Cambot, give me Rocket Number
Nine!"
 
 The viewscreen flickered for a moment.  Then Joel's smile grew
wider as an exterior view of the Satellite came into view.  The entire satellite
was covered in gold and silver streamers, catching the light of the stars and
casting a glow that could only be described as wondrous.  Joel knew it
was a long shot but perhaps, somewhere on earth, someone would see the
lights and appreciate the sight as much as he did now....

 "It's beautiful, Gypsy...."  Joel whispered.

 "Pretty...."  Crow added.

 Joel glanced down at Crow with some annoyance.  "Is that all
you have to say?"

 Crow shrugged.  "What else do you want me to say?"

 "How about... Wow!  That's amazing!  Look at the way it catches
the light of the stars!  That's impressive!"  Joel suggested.

 Crow stared at the screen for a long moment, as if trying to discover
the beauty that Joel was referring too.  As the satellite continued its slow orbit
over Earth, the glow of the streamers intensified as they left the darker side
of the earth behind.  Finally Crow was moved enough to speak.

 "Really pretty...."  he said.

 Joel rolled his eyes and decided it was good enough.  Then
he noticed everyone wasn't there to appreciate Gypsy's hard work.  "Hey
Crow, isn't Tom finished setting up the holocabana program yet?"  he
inquired.

 "Probably.  And he's probably been goofing off in there ever since.
Lucky stiff...."  Crow replied sourly.

 "Well, I'm going to see how he's doing."  Joel replied as he walked
down the hallway, leaving Crow to continue staring the screen.

 
* * *
 

THE HOLOCABANA

 
 "You seem to be quite a man of the world, Mr....?"

 "Servo...."  The robot, dressed in a black tuxedo, replied as he
hovered forward to kiss the hand of the beautiful woman in front of him.
"Tom Servo...."  he added in a smooth tone of voice.

 The dealer's smile grew wider as she expertly shuffled the pile
of cards.  Tom hovered back to his spot in front of the baccarat table.
Almost immediately, both his arms were lovingly grasped by his
companions for the evening, none other that the infamous Puma Twins,
Anna and Uni, from Dominion Tank Police.  Both of them were dressed
in matching black outfits that left very little to the imagination.

 Tom seemed to be in his element in the midst of the glitter and
glamour of the casino.  The background music was appropriately spyish,
and the possibility of danger striking out from anywhere, anytime, only
contributed to the overall mood of the program.

 Tom waited until the dealer finished shuffling and then turned to
Anna Puma and gave a quick affirmative nod of his head.  Anna took a
$100 chip from the rather large pile in front of him and flipped it towards
the green felt of the card table.

 Unfortunately she didn't know her own android strength and
the chip ricocheted hard off the table and impaled itself into the throat
of another man, one which held a gun posed to shoot Tom, only to have
it fall from his fingers as his life quickly fled his body.  Tom glanced at
the poor fool for a moment and then non-chalantly remarked.

 "Pity that chip wasn't ruffled...."

 A loud blaring of trumpets followed Tom's comment as he returned
his attention to the game.  Uni Puma snuggled closer to Tom, her generous
bosom rubbing against him.  Anna frowned and quickly copied her sister's
actions, glaring daggers at her.  Just then, a waiter suddenly emerged
from the crowd, balancing a tray that carried a single drink.

 "Pardon me sir, here's the martini you ordered...."  said the waiter.
Anna smiled as she took the drink from the tray and held it out to Tom.  He
nodded and she proceeded to pour it down his throat.  Suddenly, he gagged
and angrily turned on the waiter.

 "S... Sir?"  The waiter inquired, startled.

 "THIS ISN'T SHAKEN!!  IT'S STIRRED!!"  Tom roared as he
suddenly headbutted the waiter, who immediately collapsed to the ground
unconscious.  The trumpets flared up again and the Puma Twins giggled as
Tom returned his attention to the game once more.

 "Deal em, honey."  Tom instructed the dealer.  She complied and
Uni slid the card towards him and lifted the edge so he could see it's face.
Tom gave a knowing look towards the dealer who smiled in return as
she passed him another card.

 "Tom...."

 Tom turned and saw Joel standing by the open doors of the
Holocabana.  "Hey, Joel!  I've been watching this *13 days of Bond*
marathon on TBS and it gave me the idea for this program...."  Tom
explained.

 "Well, Tom, or should I say... Mr. Servo?"  Joel remarked with
an amused grin.  "I don't mind if you want to have fun with the Holocabana
but I hope you at least finished the Christmas program I asked you to
prepare first?"

 "Huh?  Oh yeah!  I finished that a while ago!"  Tom replied.

 "Well, let's see it.  You can always come back to this program
later."  Joel pointed out.

 "Aw, do we have to now?  I was just starting to get into this...."
Tom whined, gesturing his head towards his beautiful companions.

 "Come on, Tom...."  Joel insisted.

 "Oh, all right... But I'm taking them with me!"  Tom exclaimed
as he turned towards the computer panel.  "Magic Voice, save and end
program.  Load Joel's Christmas program."

 The entire casino, along with the spyish music, faded to reveal
the balsa wood walls of the Holocabana and then changed again into a
winter wonderland.  Snow covered the ground, thick packing snow,
perfect for making snowmen, snowballs and even snowforts.  Nearby
there was a steep hill where a couple of sleds were parked ready for
use.

  There was even a frozen over lake with a built-in safety option
that would transform the ice into a cushion in case of any nasty spills
or foolhardy stunts.  Joel whistled as he looked everything over with a
smile.  "Yep, this is going to be the best Christmas we've ever had.
Don't you think so, Tom?  Tom?"

 Joel turned around and was surprised to see Tom flanked on
both sides by Anna and Uni Puma, now dressed in skimpy Santa Claus
outfits that left little to the imagination.

 "Huh?  You say something, Joel?"  Tom replied, distracted.

 Joel considered saying something but decided it was Christmas
and it wouldn't hurt to let Tom have a little fun.  He could already picture
the expression on Crow's face when he saw his friend and that image
caused Joel to break out into laughter.

 A moment later, the P.A. system crackled to life.  "Joel, the
Mads have come a-caroling...."  Gypsy's sing-songy voice informed them.

 "Magic Voice, save program and end."  Joel said as he walked
towards the doors of the Holocabana.  As they opened for him, Joel
noticed that Tom was still with the Puma Twins and rushed back to
grab him and pull him out of their grasp.   Anna and Uni pouted as
Joel dragged Tom outside, the doors closing behind them.

 "Well, now what?"  Anna asked her sister.

 "I dunno.  Is there a program here that lets you blow things
up and steal valuables?"  Uni wondered aloud.
 

* * *
 

DEEP 13
 

 "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

 Dr. Clayton Forrester, mad scientist and poster boy for evil-doers
everywhere, had finally done it.  He had brought interactive television
to a whole new level.  He rubbed his hands together, chuckling with glee
as he thought of all those fools with their HDTV's, satellites, pay-per-views
and 500 channel universes.  "Hah!  I'll show them!  I'll show them all!  But
first...."  Dr. Forrester directed his attention to the console.  "Time to pay a
little visit to the satellite of misfit robots...."
 
 Dr. F activated the viewscreen and waited impatiently for the
Satellite of Love to respond.  Then the image of Joel and the bots came up
on the screen.

 "Merry Christmas, sir!"  The trio chorused.

 "Indeed it is, my little friends...."  Dr. Forrester replied, showing
off his best evil grin.  "Christmas, a time for joy and happiness... A time
when families reunite and spend quality time with each other... A time
when I get a big fat bonus in my paycheck!   Money that will enable me
to keep sending you bad films and fanfics right into the next century!
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!"  Dr. Forrester clutched his sides from his mirth.

 Joel paled noticeably at that and the bots shuddered.  Then he
caught himself and replied firmly.  "Yeah, well, you keep sending us
those films and fanfics because we're not going to break down no matter
how bad they are!"

 "Yeah!"  Tom and Crow agreed wholeheartedly.
 
 "Anyway, can we do the invention exchange first, seeing how
it's Christmas and all...."  Joel inquired.

 "Oh, please do!  I'm saving the best for last...."  Dr. Forrester
replied as he watched Joel place three inventions on the counter.
 

* * *
 

SATELLITE OF LOVE

 
 "Well sir, Christmas is just around the corner and we all
decided to make inventions that would be most useful during the holiday
season...."  Joel gestured towards the invention in the middle, two long
white lines parallel to each other.

  "My invention is for all the people who go to their favorite mall
to Christmas shop, only to find the nearest parking space about two miles
away.  It's a floating parking space...."

 Joel takes out a small remote control and pushes a button on it.
The white lines slowly levitates from the counter and continues to move
upwards until it stops at ten feet, hovering in mid-air.  "This way, the
shopper can park right near the door and never forget where they parked
ever again!"

 "How did you get the lines to float like that?"  Dr. Forrester
inquired from the screen.

 Joel pointed to a spot underneath the white lines where a small
pinkish gob, equipped with a tiny antenna, was visible.  "Anti-gravity
chewing gum.  Just chew it and stick it under the lines."  He pushed the
button again on the remote and the lines descended to their original
position.  Then Joel turned to Tom.  "Tom, you want to go next, buddy?"

 "Sure, Joel!"  Tom replied as he hovered over to the invention on
the left, a strange looking plant shaped like an egg.  "I came up with
this little beauty after realizing the possible dangers of the mistletoe...."

 "Dangers?"  Crow inquired curiously.

 "Picture this...."  Tom continued.  "You're at a neighborhood
Christmas party.  You didn't really want to go, but you forced yourself
because this girl or boy, that you really like, is there.  You're dying to give
them a kiss under the mistletoe but don't want to appear desperate...."

 Tom hovered a little close to the egg as he continued.  "All you
have to do is just hang this plant over the most commonly used door and
wait nearby until the person you like is coming, then you simply whisper
the word *Santa*...."

 The plant egg suddenly unfolded into a mistletoe in full bloom, it's
berries glowing brightly.  "No longer will the object of your desires be able
to pretend they don't notice you.  Now, suppose luck isn't with you that
night and your Aunt Edna or Uncle Fred suddenly pops up, looking for
their favorite target to plant a big wet one on.  You quickly whisper at the
mistletoe, *Claus... Claus!*...."

 Instantly the mistletoe shrunk back into a small ball, the light from
the berries fading to black.  "Surprise!  The relatives no longer have an excuse
to kiss you, unless they make one up or just don't care... heh... but at least this
invention takes away one of their excuses...."  Tom finished proudly.

 "That's pretty good, Tom.  Now how about you, Crow?  What have
you got for us?"  Joel asked as he turned to face him.

 Crow pointed towards the right invention, a string of Christmas
light bulbs.

 "It's a string of Christmas light bulbs!"  Crow replied with
great enthusiasm.

 "Yeah, we can see that.  What do they do?"  Tom asked.

 "They blink randomly and decorate your tree or outside your
house!"  Crow said.

 "Uh, Crow...."  Joel inquired with a puzzled expression.  "What
exactly makes these Christmas lights different from any other Christmas
lights?"

 "I'll show you!"  Crow replied.  "Magic Voice, could you dim
the lights for a moment?"  The overhead lights for the SOL dimmed as
he plugged the Christmas lights into a nearby wall socket.  The bulbs all
began to blink randomly, the colors illuminating the darkened room.

 Joel and Tom watched the lights for a long moment and then
both looked at Crow.  "I still don't see what makes these lights any
different from any others...."  Tom said.

 "Don't you see?"  Crow gestured frantically at the string of
lights.  "The bulbs are *ALL* working!  None of them have blown out
or short circuited!"

 Joel looked down at the string and suddenly gasped with shock.
"Hey, he's right!  That's amazing!"

 "Wow!  Now that IS a cool invention!"  Tom agreed as he
marveled at the totally glitch-free lights.  Joel watched them for a
moment longer and then turned towards the screen.  "Our Christmas
inventions.  What do you think, sir?"
 

* * *
 

DEEP 13

 
 Dr. Forrester was having a hard time keeping his jealousy
under control.  If Crow's invention ever got out to the general public,
thousands of shoddy Christmas lighting manufacturers would be put out
of business and tens of thousands of workers would be out on the
street.  The very thought of it sent a chill through Dr. Forrester.  If only his
inventions could be that EVIL.

  Dr. Forrester slapped himself.  He had to stay frosty.  He was the
bad guy and he was the one who would ultimately bring Joel to his knees.
It was time to unveil his masterpiece.

 "Mighty fine inventions you have there...."  Dr. Forrester
remarked as he began pacing the room, hands clasped behind his
back.  "My invention this week also has a Christmas theme to it.  You
may have noticed that Frank hasn't yet graced us with his presence...."

 "Yeah, I was wondering when he was going to show up."
Crow spoke up from the screen.  "Where is he anyway?"

 "Well, Frank's been in the recovery room but he should be waking
up any time now...."  Dr. Forrester replied.

 "Recovery room?  Uh oh...."  Tom's voice was filled with dread.

 "Have you been operating on TV's Frank again?  Shame on
you, Dr. F...."  Joel admonished.

 Dr. Forrester's face showed no remorse as he calmly replied.
"As a matter of fact, I have.  It's all part of my invention this week, Joel.
You heard the expression: *The medium is the message*?  Well, in
Frank's case, the *medium* is now the *individual* and the *message*
is evil, Evil, EVIL...."  Dr. Forrester chuckled once more as he gestured
off-camera.  "Frank, why not come out and greet the folks?"

 TV's Frank slowly walked on camera.  At first glance, he seemed
to look normal enough, the only odd thing being a wire running from his
back to the nearest outlet.  Then Dr. Forrester had him turn around and
lift up his shirt to reveal a color Sony TV, surgically implanted into his
stomach.

 While Joel and the bots looked on in disbelief, Dr. Forrester
pointed a remote control at him and pushed a button.  The television
screen came to life, flickered for a moment and then the opening credits
of  the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" began scrolling down the screen.
Dr. Forrester turned back to face the shocked trio and proclaimed
triumphantly.

 "Now TV's Frank really is *TV'S* Frank!  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
 
 "You... You big bully!"  Crow retorted, outraged.

 "Why not pick on someone your own size, you big jerk?!?"  Tom
challenged.

 Dr. Forrester growled at the screen.  "Listen you little pieces of
scrap!  I'm the spoiled child here and you're my Christmas toys, free to
break, mangle and torture as I see fit!  And speaking of torture, your
experiment this holiday season is a truly bizarre Sailor Moon fanfic from
Dr. Thinker that makes 'Mighty Jack' look like 'Citizen Kane'!

 "It's "Sailor Moon Meets Father Christmas" and I hope it goes
down like a thick lump of coal in my stocking!  While you watch the
fanfic, I'll be relaxing here watching *It's a Wonderful Life* on the
Frank...."

 This prompted another fit of evil giggles from Dr. Forrester as
he sent them the fanfic and ended the transmission.
 

* * *
 

SATELLITE OF LOVE
 

 "Bah humbug to you too!"  Joel shouted as the viewscreen faded
to black.  Then he turned to his robot friends.  "Don't let Dr. F intimidate
you!  Together, there's nothing we can't overcome!"

 "Yeah, we know Joel, but... poor Frank."  Tom shook his head.

 "I think Frank will be okay.  He's suffered a lot worse from
Dr. F and always lives to be experimented on again...."  Joel added.

 "Well, that's true...."  Crow admitted reluctantly.  "Maybe we
could try to send him some Christmas cards to cheer him up later?"

 "Not a bad idea there, Crow."  Joel said with a smile as he
tried to think up ideas for a card.  Then his train of thought was derailed
as alarms and sirens suddenly rang out.

 "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!"  Joel cried out.
 

(Door 6: It's a row of Christmas Trees.  You turn all the bald spots to
clear a path through.)

(Door 5: It's made of fancy wrapping paper.  You carefully take it down
and fold it into a neat pile to reuse later.

(Door 4: Normally it would fall towards you, missing your foot by millimeters
but it's frozen shut.  You spray it with cola until it cracks and you slip through.)

(Door 3: It's made of snow.  You shovel for five minutes then decide the
heck with it and unleash the flame-thrower.)

(Door 2: It's made of Fruitcake.  It takes an hour of atomic blasts with a BFG
to make a dent wide enough to crawl through.)

(Door 1: To you surprise, the door has been replaced with a line of shoppers
at a service desk waiting to return unwanted gifts, you wait in line for an hour,
give up, and decide to keep your pair of crochet socks.)

(Door .7: The camera pans downward where a small hatch pops open, chiming
"deck the halls" as it does so.)

 
 Joel walks into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow following
close behind.  Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering
the theater on his own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and
sat next to him, Crow sitting on his right.
 

>bob w wrote:
 
>MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL...
 

Tom: <Dr. Thinker> And to all a good knig... er... night!

 
>Sign
>Dr. Thinker
 

Tom: That's a bad sign....

Crow: I prefer John Hancock myself.

Joel: Dr. Thinker, brother of Rodin.
 

>---------------------------------------------------------------
 

Tom: <singing> Dashing through the fic....

Joel: Check it out guys, it's the plotline!
 

>STARTING NOTE: This is idea from my own mind.
 

Joel: That's okay, we don't mind.

Crow: Dr. Thinker's using his noodle again.

Tom: The same noodle that produced Judge Brainitite.
 

>It's takes and makes Saban-like changes to DIC's Sailor Moon.
 

Crow: Thus it shakes and bakes the original Sailor Moon!
 

>(Please, put down the katana.)
 

Tom: <looks around him>  Nodoka's here?
 

>No long are the Sailor Seshi are fighting for love
>and justice..in Japan..but right in the USA. Eros, Ohio.
 

Tom: The Senshi are teaming up with the Bondage Fairies?

Crow: Now THERE's a crossover I'd pay good money to see!  Way
to go, Dr. T!
 

>Each Scouts have a last name.
 

Joel: Let's do Kino!  Kino kino bo beno, bananna fanna fo feno, me mi
mo mino, KINO!

Tom: Let's do Hino!  Hino hino bo beno, bananna fanna fo feno, me mi
mo mino, HINO!

Crow: Let's do Aino!  Aino Aino bo beno, bananna fanna fo feno, me mi
mo mino, AINO!

Tom: Whew, fun....
 

>So they know my Christmas Man...you know..id
 

Tom: <singing> He's a complicated Christmas man but no one understands
him but this author..

Crow: JOHN THINKER!

Joel: I hear Id's a wondrous wizard....
 

>(1) if you are between the ages of 2-19,
 

Crow: You can play any board game on the market!
 

>(2) been to a lot of place between Nov. 24, and Dec. 25,
 

Tom: What is this?  The third degree?

Crow: All right Joel!  Where were you on the night of December the
Tenth!  Answer me now!

Joel: Uh, trapped in space with you guys, remember?

Crow: Oh yeah... heh... sorry....
 

>and (3) know about a fictional chacter in red suit who uses flying sheild
>to give gifts to the boys and girls of the world.
 

Crow: Captain America?

Tom: Spawn?
 

>The Sailor Scouts find magic earmuffs with note from Princess
>Diana's mother's Queen Serenity, right after
 

Tom: Woah!  Wait a minute!  You mean to say Princess's Di's
grandmother... IS USAGI?!?!

Joel: Wrong Diana, Tom.

Crow: Exactly what makes the earmuffs magic?

Tom: Maybe they're the same ones from that Urusei Yatsura episode,
the personality switching ones?

Joel: Can't be.  This fic is from Dr. Thinker's own mind remember?
 

(4) Beryl has been defeat..and the Sailor Scouts have memories of that.
 

Tom: Kinda hard to forget an enemy you've been fighting for forty-six
episodes.

Crow: The Senshi lost their memories after that battle, Tom.  Don't
you know anything?

Tom: Oh, EXCUSE ME for not watching Sailor Moon all the time like
SOME robots I know!

Crow: Wanna make something of it, Bubbledome?

Joel: Settle down guys....
 

(5) We are in early December.
 

Tom: And the Canadian Tire Scrooge Guy is flooding the airwaves!

Crow: Where's the Chicken Cannon when you REALLY need it?
 

>(6) Driod Snowman is not a driod from the series. In the series, a
>needish purple monster uses needles try to stop Venus.
 

Joel: <singing> It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater!

Tom: <Venus>  Stop needling me!

Crow: It's got a little TIP for you Venus, get the POINT?

Joel: He's trying to pin her for the three count!
 

>In this one, it's a snowball fight with a MC is the driod in the
>disguese,
 

Joel:  MC's getting hammered!

Crow: Good.

Tom: The driod's disguise is so good, they call it a disguese!

Joel: Okay I'll bite.  What's a driod?

Tom: A cross between a druid and a droid?

Joel: Druid cyborgs.  Cool.

Crow: <ominous> BEFORE THE DAWN OF TIME, A GROUP
OF DRIODS, NO ONE KNEW WHO THEY WERE OR WHERE
THEY CAME FROM....
 

>they need a trick while Starfire get energy for a new statue.
 

Tom: Wow, who knew the Senshi were into the world's oldest profess....

Joel: Tom....
 

>WARNING TO LAWYERS: This is story with names from DIC's Sailor
>Moon, which are copyright by them.
 

Crow: Please!  Enough with the copyright crap, already!

Tom: <Tybalt>  This thread is banned.  Speak of it again and I'll tear
yer limbs off!
 

>WARNING TO ST. NICK: I not joking to you. This is just a story. I
>think you are magicial human.
 

Crow: Not as magical as Trumpy.

Joel: You ARE magical, aren't you Santa!
 

>-----------------------------------------------------------------
>Sailor Moon meets Father Christmas
>----------------------------------------------------------------
 

Crow: <Usagi> You're not my real Father Christmas!

Tom: I don't know about you guys, but that intro really didn't help
me understand the setup to this fic at all.

Joel: At least Dr. T included an intro this time.  Give it a chance, Tom.
 

>(Contest Judges Platform)
 

Crow: <wolf whistle>  Oh man, look at all that maplewood!  It's hot!

Joel: My vote's for the cement diving platform!

Tom: The east platform from Empire Strikes Back is a real cutie!
 

>Emarald: Not again, Driod Snowman take of her.
 

All: Huh?

Tom: <singing> Driod the snowman... was a bitter, crabby soul....

Joel: <Emarald> And hurry it up!  We have to get to Emarald city!
 

>Driod Snowman: (Changing from man in a male) As you wish, my Lady
>Emarald.
 

Crow: Ummm... If he's a man, how can he change into a male?

Tom: I think he meant Driod changed from a Snowman into a Snow... male?

Joel: Dr. T's terrible with spelling, maybe he meant *mail*

Tom: S'now mail today guys....

Joel and Crow: <groans>
 

>Moon: Snowfights and Snowman are so been fun stuff to bulding and
>wreck....and you use them for your evil plans...this is not
>allow..I will punish you in the name of the Moon.
 

Crow: Figures she wouldn't flub her tagline.

Tom: In Judge Brainitite, it was the villains we couldn't understand.  Now
it's the heroes!

Joel: Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!
 

>Emarald: Boring BIG TIME!!!
 

Joel: Well said.
 

>Moon: I will show you action.
 

Tom: *MOON TIARA* action!
 

>Emarld: Great!! Get her
 
>Mars: Get close and you get burm.
 

Tom: Get lost and you get fries!  Thank you!

Crow: Tom Servo slays em again, ladies and gentlemen!

Joel: He'll be here all week folks....
 

>Snow: Emarald...Fire kills me.
 

Crow: Brilliant deduction, Sherlock.

Tom: I thought he was a male now?

Joel: All he needs is a December wind and he'll... oh, that's Frosty, sorry.
 

>Emarald: As long as the necklace is on you. Snowman, you don't
>have to worry.
 

Joel: Oh, *THE* necklace.

Tom: <Dirod>  That's Snow MALE!

Crow: <Sailor Moon> Really?  Hey, thanks for giving away his weakness!
 

>Snow: Oh, I forget.
 

Joel: He's no elephant, that's for sure.
 

>(Emarald gets a sweatdrop as Snow moves towards the Scouts)
 

(Joel and the bots also sweatdrop)

Joel: Yuck!  My back's soaked!

Crow: So all the scouts are there?  Why are Mercury, Jupiter and Venus
so quiet?

Tom: Artemis and Luna got their tongues?  How the hell should I know?!?
 

>Mars: You ask for it. MARS CESITIAL FIRE SURROND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Crow: If the attack doesn't get him, the exclamation points will!
 

>(8 balls of fire burn..
 

Tom: <Jerry Lee Lewis> Goodness Gracious!

Joel: Wasn't that a Bruce Lee Movie?

Crow: Or a Billy Quan sketch?

Tom: <Badly-dubbed Billy Quan voice>  You didn't recycle!  Now prepare
to die!

Joel: Kids!  Be like Billy!
 

>but 5 of them bounce off...but ending with the Sailor Scouts. 2 of
>them, cut a hole in the necklace)
 

Tom: I'm confused....

Joel: Those fireballs must be really... uh... sharp?

Tom: Not to mention small as peas.
 

>Moon: Venus, aim your chain at hole of the Necklaces, them you
>use your Mars use the firebird to make this driod water, OK?
 

Crow: Yeah, that's right!  Make him pee in his pants!
 

>Venus: Right. VENUS LOVE-ME CHAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Tom: INTENSE... EXCLAMATION... ACTION....

Joel: <singing> Love me, Love me... say that you love me....

Crow: Am I the only one to notice the similarities between that song
and the UY Movie #1 Theme "I, I, You and Ai"?

Tom: Yep.

Crow: Thought so....
 

>(The chain removes the necklace from the driod)
 
>Mars: MARS FIREBIRD INIGTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Joel: Inigtie?

Tom: Maybe it's a nightie?

Crow: Firebird Nighties!  Their motto: We'll set your loins aflame!
 

>(The driod is weak..but not melt it)
 

Tom: This robot is bored..and he knows it.

Crow: I don't know about Driod, but if Mars came up to me in a
nightie, I'd feel weak....
 

>Moon: MOOOOOOON SCEPTER ELIMATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Crow: <Guybrush Threepwood>  How appropriate.  She fights like a cow.

Tom: Udderly fascinating.

Crow: Cow could this have happened?

Tom: Didn't this happen in a Mooooovie once?

Crow: Cheese, don't remind me!

Tom: You cream, we cream, we all cream for ice....

Joel: Okay guys, we've milked these puns enough.  Now you butter get back
to the fic and you'll both be dairy sorry.  Ice cream if I hear one more pun....

Tom and Crow: Okay Joel, we'll mooooove it along.
 

>-----------------------------------------------------------------
 

Tom: A dash of this, a dash of that, and volia!  Instant scene change!
 

>Wiseman: Emarald and Starfire, I have suprize for you.
 

Crow: <Wiseman>  The surprize is I'm not as wise as I seem!  Yee Ha!
 

>Do you belive in a joly old man delivers toys and candy to good
>girls and boys..
 

Crow: No, but I believe in a perverted old man that steals panties and
bras from beautiful women....

Tom: <Happosai, singing> May you panties... be frilly... and white....

Joel: Heh.
 

>but to bad ones have delivers...
 

Tom: Coal?

Joel: Paperweights?

Crow: Floam?
 

>Emarld: Santa Claus?
 
>Wiseman: Yes, if since we are magic, we can find him and use a
>drestory is North American Factory/Shipping Dept. with can stop
>Crystral Eros from becoming form.
 

Joel: Santa's moonlighting as a manga artist?

Crow: Well, he did make a cameo appearance in an issue of Hot Tails.

Tom: Uh, I think you guys have the wrong EROS in mind....
 

>Emarald. With we can drestory that United States. Starfire, you are back
>on. We just send a driod. Driod Elva, come from
 
>(A green elve prop in)
 

Joel: Wow, this fic must have a really low budget if Dr. T has to use props
in place of extras....

Crow: A stand up elve.  Cool.

Tom: <Elve> Thank you very much, you've been a great audience.  Don't
forget to tip your waitress now....

Joel:  He's a hunk of cardboard, Tom.

Crow: Please, Joel, he prefers the term 'dimensionally challenged'.
 

>Wiseman: Ready, Elva?
 
>Elva: As I every been.
 

Tom: <snickers>  Elva?  Elva the Elve....

Crow: <Peter Graves>   Elva.  Just one of the many Keebler Elves
we'll be covering tonight on A&E Biography....

Joel: I'll bet he has a friend named Drawa the Dwarf....

Tom: <giggles>  And Trolli the Troll!
 

>Wiseman: Go to the North Pole. I will drop you of at the location
>of Beryl's ex-hideout. Go up for 4 miles to Santa's workshop.
>Find and drestory the North American Factory. Been while of red
>dress figures....Mrs and Mr. Claus, themself. They know to spot
>trouble in a super-flash.
 

Tom: Hey, that paragraph actually made a little sense....

Joel: The Claus's hired Cutey Honey as a bodyguard?

Crow: <Gene Wilde> Beware the woman in red!
 

>Elva: Got it!!!!!
 

Tom: <Jason Bernard> God, I love that boy's spunk!
 

>-----------------------------------------------------------------
 
>(3 Days Later)
 

Tom: <Elva>  Guys?  Hey, guys?  I'm still here!  I can't walk to the North
Pole, I'm a cardboard prop!  Guys?!?

Crow: Where is *here* anyway?  Dr. T never bothered to describe their
surroundings.

Joel: Maybe they're in fanfic limbo?

Crow: Oh good, while they're there, they can look for Hitomi.
 

>Santa: What happen to the North American Fan-Fictony.
 

Tom: The fanfic authors are all on strike until Zen gets off his butt and
finishes "The Long and Winding Road Part 3"....
 
Crow: <authors> TWO! FOUR! SIX! EIGHT!  WE'LL NO LONGER
SIT AND WAIT!!!  FOUR! SIX! EIGHT! TEN!  WE DON'T WANT TO
HURT YOU ZEN!!!

Joel: Haven't you guys tormented poor Zen enough?

Crow and Tom: NEVER!

Joel: <shrugs> Sorry Zen.  Fanfic writers have LONG memories....
 

>Mrs. Cluas: It's exploes ever night at 12:00 on the dot. Not a
>piece of toy is leave.
 

Tom: The fan-fiction factory explodes every night?

Crow:  Woah, and I thought postal workers were disgruntled!

Joel: I'll bet Doux LeTrish is somehow mixed up in all of this....
 

>Santa: We to call on super-heros to help us.
 
>Mrs. Cluas: Who?
 

Joel: The X-Men?

Tom: The Super Friends?

Crow: Power Rangers?

Joel: Spider Man and his Amazing Friends?

Crow: VR Troopers?

Tom: Big Bad Beetleborgs?

Crow: Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future?

Joel: Roger Ramjet and his American Eagles?
 

>Santa: The ones that defeat the youma 4 miles down?
 
>Mrs. Claus: The Sailor Scouts?
 

Crow: That's *SENSHI*!  When they start camping out in the woods
and earning flimsy merit badges, then I'll call them SCOUTS!

Joel: Who else could Mrs. Claus know that fights youmas?

Tom: Well, there's the Venus Five.

Crow:  Oooh!  And in those flimsy outfits too!  The cold Arctic air
blowing around them... (eyes glazing over) ...making their nipples grow
hard through their tank tops... (dreamily)  ...and they'd have to help each
other conserve body heat by rubbing....

Joel: Enough, Crow!  Kids might be reading this!

Crow: OH!  Sorry, Joel... Got a little carried away there... heh....
 

>Santa: Yes.
 
>Mrs. Claus: Who do you know them...they are dead.
 

Crow: <English accent>  They're getting better!

Joel: No one is truly dead... as long as we remember them.

Tom: <surprised> Wow, that's beautiful, Joel!  Where did you come up
with that?

Joel: Dr. McCoy from Star Trek III.

Crow: <Data>  My thoughts are not for Tasha, but for myself.  I keep
thinking how empty it will be without her presence... Did I miss the point?

Joel: Aw, don't do that.  That episode always makes me cry....

Tom: It touched you that much?

Joel: No, I cried because Wesley wasn't the one who bought it.

Crow: <sniffs> I hear ya man....
 

>Santa: They still living...as you know I can......(singing) see
>when you sleeping......I know when you are weak...I now when you
>been bad or good....Been good for GOOD SAKE.
 

Joel: Uh, I think you've had enough, Mr. Kringle.

Tom: Looks like Santa added a *little* too much GOOD SAKE to his
eggnog....

Crow: Either that or someone dubbed Santa's singing.
 

>Mrs. Claus: I try to cook tonight dinner. It will take a few days..
 

Joel: She'd should open a pizza business.  Delivery in 72 hours or it's free!

Tom: <Mrs. Claus> And dessert will be served promptly a week from
Tuesday....
 

>-----------------------------------------------------------------
 

Crow: Everyone who wants Dr. Thinker to invest in a spellchecker,
please sign your name on the line above....

Tom: We may run out of ink.

Crow: We may run out of space.
 

>(2 days, later, Serena's house)
 

Joel: Which was it?  2 days or later?

Crow: Finally!  Now at least we have some idea of the location!
 

>Mrs. Moonstone: Serena, you get a letter from Stana?
 

Joel: Oh brother....

Tom: <Dr. Thinker>  I need a last name for Serena and her mother...
hmm... Well, Serena is really Sailor MOON....and she comes from the
MOON kingdom... and she punishes people in the name of the MOON...
wait, I've got it!

Crow: Remember folks, this is all coming from Dr. Thinker's own mind.
So nobody steal it!

Joel: That's one small step for man... One giant leap for fanfiction.
 

>Serena: (shocked) I haven't even send my? What does he want.
 

Tom: Never mind what he wants, what did you send?

Crow: And just who is Stana, anyway?

Joel: <singing> Stana by the place where you work....
 

>Mrs. Moonstone: We can't open it and we try to open it with
>Sammy.
 

Joel: <Mrs. Moonstone> ...but his teeth were still splintered from the
last time we used him as a bottle opener.
 

>So with think it's for you..but it we can't open it
 

Crow: She makes a convincing opening argument.

Tom: Dr. Thinker must have been *moonstoned* when he wrote this fic....

Joel: <singing> Moonstones!  They're the moonstones!  They're the modern
stoned fam-i-ly....

Crow: Enough singing, Joel!  This isn't a musical MSTing, you know!

Joel: Hey, I'm in a festive mood.
 

>-------------------------------------------------------------

>(Same days, 30 mintunes later, Temple Kitchen)
 

Crow: Same days... different years... but the mintunes seem to stretch on
forever... Like sugar through a gas tank, these are the fanfics of Dr. T....

Tom: I guess we'll just assume it's Rei's Temple Kitchen?

Crow: You never know.  In this fanfic, it could be the Temple of Doom.
 

>Raye: You get a LETTER FROM SANTA???????? READ IT!!!
 

Joel: Yikes!  Someone needs some prozac, stat!
 

>Serena: (rips its opens) WOWSER!!!
 

Crow: Go Go Gadget lawsuit!

Tom: She's always... on duty!

Crow: <Penny> But Uncle Gadget!  You can't do squat without me and Brain!

Tom: Where can I buy her computer book anyway?

Crow: <Dr. Claw>  NEXT TIME SERENA... NEXT TIME....

Joel: <Chief Quimby> Why do I put up with them?
 

>(reading it)
 

Tom: We are, believe it or not.

Joel: And MSTing it to boot!

Crow: <Maxwell Smart> ...and loving it!
 

>Dear Sailor Scouts, I need you help. My North American
>Factory is been blow up every night at Midnight.
 

Crow: <Serena>  If it's Saban, we couldn't care less.

Joel: <Jupiter>  Oh no!  Godzilla's come back for revenge!  It's up to me
to save the world once more!
 

>If this keep on happening, no boys or girls are going to get they girls...
>in think it could been and is the Nega-Verse.
 

Tom: Going to get they girls?  Santa's gone from gift-giving to pimping?

Crow: Gives new meaning to the phrase 'Ho Ho Ho!', eh?

Joel: The Godfather is not amused.
 

>At the temple, they will be limo get into. You wll be take to Nephrite's
>masion..then a magic portal appear. Jump in and join us. Sign...Santa
>Claus.
 

Joel: P.S. Due to our factory blowing up every night, we are desperate for
cash so you'll all have to chip in 50 bucks for the limo ride....

Tom: Claus's limo service.  Their motto: Steer clear of the rest, We're the best!
 

>Raye: It's have a un-believe aroura of goodnes to this.
 
>Amy: So we should go?
 

Crow: <Raye> Nah, let's stay here and stare at each other for a while.
Be a nice change of pace.
 

>Raye: But...Christmas is some time to get into your roots or
>having fun...and in Japan..it's romance.
 

All: WHA?!?!

Crow: Even Amy couldn't translate those sentences.
 

>Serena: We meet St. Nick
 

All: OH!

Crow: Now the previous sentences make sense.

Tom: They do?

Joel: Christmas is time for roots... romance in Japan....

Tom: Give it up Joel, it's too weird.
 

>Rest of Scouts: Argeed!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Joel: Always be prepared... to use a spellchecker.

Crow: So, are the outer senshi here now?
 

>-----------------------------------------------------------------

>(Santa's Villege)
 

Joel: Ugh!  Ick!  Don't remind me of that place!  My parents made me
go there as a kid.  It was a nightmare!

Crow: Did you enjoy the Reindeer roller coaster?

Tom: Not as much as the 700 rude deer, I'll bet.
 

>Santa: Greetings, Sailor Scouts.
 
>Moon: You need help?
 

Tom: <Santa> And how!

Crow: Gets right to the point, she does....
 

>Santa: I think my portal need work. I not as good as Jadiete is.
 

Tom: <Moon> Hey, a little Preperation H couldn't hurt.
 

>Moon: Those eyes look familir don't there?
 
>Mars: NEPHRINE?
 

All: Gesundheit!
 

>Jutiper: Who is he?
 

Tom: <Mars>  The Jutiper bushes are talking to me!!  THEY'RE
TALKING TO ME!!!

Crow: No wonder she seems a bit high strung.
 

>Santa: One of this Earth, control by the evil of Queen Beryl. He
>died.
 
>Mars: Why did I have a feeling that you are living?
 

Crow: <Deanna Troi> I sense he's living, Captain!

Joel:  <Picard> I can tell that, Counselor, by the fact he's breathing.

Tom: <Riker> Now strip off the bunny-suit and come to Imzadi!
 

>Santa: Oh, rats! Come in.
 

Crow: <Snidely Whiplash>  Curses!  Foiled again!
 

>--------------------------------------------------------

>(Santa's Castle)
 

Tom: <imitates some scary organ music>

Crow: I'll bet he got it cheap from Mr. Do.
 

> Santa: Touche, Raye. I have long story.
 

Crow: <Raye> Hey, keep your drunken paws off me, Santa!
 

>Come here, Marphrite
 

Joel: Marphite?

Crow: Sounds like the noise a cat makes when it throws up.
 

>Mrs. Claus: That's my own name? Our the Sailor Scouts, area?
 
>(A picture of Molly holding Nephrite)
 
>Santa (V.O): After Zoyitice kill me in the park. Instead killing,
>the killing activated a spell. Bubble transport.
 

Tom: What is this, Bubble Bobble all of a sudden?

Crow: Wait a second!  Santa Claus is a former servant of Beryl?

Joel: What an amazing plot development!
 

>It's was also Time Transport.

>(We see Nephrite in white togas)
 

All: TOGA!  TOGA!  TOGA!

Crow: <Nephrite>  Friends, Youmas, Negaverse brothers... Lend
me your long johns!  It's FREEZING!!
 

>Santa: (V.O) We land in one of moutains in what is now know as
>Greece.
 

Tom: All those mountains looks greek to me.

Crow: <Santa V.O>  There were soccer teams lying all over the place....
 

>With a other gods, who were alsot killing but in different times.
>We control want happen to those living in. I play Eros, Venus's son,
>but it's was more like lover.
 

Tom: This just keeps on getting stranger and stranger....

Crow: So if I understand this correctly... Santa is a god who controls the
living and is Minako's son but gave her sexual pleasure....

Joel: Crow!

Crow: Okay, YOU explain it!

Joel: Uh... er... well... um... that is....

Crow: Exactly.
 

>Because she was Maphrite, my wife from my past. After the fall of the
>Greek and Roman Empire
 

Tom: <Santa>  ...I fiddled with Nero while they burned.
 

>we decide to go back to the North Pole and hide out from Queen
>Beryl...since I did know I want back into time..
 

All: <singing> Got to get back in time!
 

>under I meet Serenity's angel. She told me, I was back in
>time and was shocked to see that I was OK. She give me a red coat
>and red pants, black belts....and
 

Tom: ...black eye when I try to put my arm around her.

Joel: <badly dubbed Santa> I black belt now.  You no mess with
Santa or he kick ass good!
 

>(We see Santa Claus and Mrs. Cluas)
 

Joel: Santa must have remarried.
 

>Santa: Mrs. and Mr. Santa Cluas were born. Please do not tell
>anyone.
 

Tom: <Santa, darkly> Or we'll have to kill you.

Crow: How could they possibly tell anyone?!  It makes no frigging sense!
 

>Scouts: We won't
 
>Santa: Sailor Scouts Honor?
 
>Scouts: SAILOR SCOUTS HONOR
 

Tom: <groans> Somebody shoot me.  Please.

Joel: Honor thy senshi, Tom....
 

>Santa: Well, we have a mysterious elves, dim elves that eyes are
>pink.
 

Joel: <Santa> We don't mind the eyes, but they have to be dim so we can
pay them in snow....

Crow: The light's aren't on and nobody's home....
 

>No elves are ever pink.
 

Tom: Unless someone tickles them.
 

>Her name is Elva, she is try to help....I think she can be a driod.
 

Joel: <Santa> Try not to mention the fact that she's a cardboard cutout.
She's sensitive to that....
 

>Moon: What her job.
 
>(Opens the door)
 

Tom: Oh, she's a doorman.
 

>Santa: I give her the job of figure out what is cuasing the
>explose in the factory.
 

Crow: Brilliant!  Put the saboteur in charge of investigating the explosion!

Tom: She's a prop so what better job position for her than... standing guard!
Heh heh heh... I kill me.

Joel: Something tells me it's time for Mrs. Claus to take over the operation.
 

>I will ask a evles to take you to the fan-fictory.  Elvi, I have job for you.
 

Tom: Oh, for crying out loud... Why not bring out Elvo, Elvu and Elvy
while you're at it, Dr. Thinker!

Crow: Don't forget Sneezy, Sleepy, Dopey and Doc!
 

>Elvi: (off-screen) Yes, Santa?
 

Joel: Elvi must be camera-shy.

Crow: Either that or she's a prop like Elva and can't move in front of the
camera....
 

>Santa: I want you to take the Sailor Scouts to the North Factory.
 
>Elvi: (off-screen) Ok!
 

Crow: <Elvi>  You can count on me!  Now, if someone would be kind
enough to carry me over there... careful now... don't crease my arms....
 

>---------------------------------------------------------
>(North American Fanctory - Inside)
 

Joel: Exactly *where* in North America is this place?
 

>(We see a open door. The light shes use the factory is in ruins)
 

Crow: Better strike a match instead.
 

> Elvi: (Off-screen)See you!
 

Tom: Elvi has left the building!

Crow: She never entered the building, only her voice did... weird....

Joel: Now we'll never know if she was a prop or not....
 

>Moon: (Off-screen) Let go!!!
 

Tom: <singing> Say Yes!

Joel: When did this turn into a quasi fanfic?
 

>(The Scouts enter. We see Elva)
 
>Elva: Nothing wrong, please, leave.
 

Tom: <megaphone>  NOTHING TO SEE HERE... KEEP MOVING....

Joel: Pay no attention to the prop behind the curtain!
 

>Moon: Mars?
 
>Mars: EVIL ENERGY!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Joel <Bull Shannon>  Oooooo-kay....

Crow: Mars makes Moon look like the center of calm in this fic.

Tom: She needs to cut down on her caffeine intake or something.
 

>Elva: Rats!!
 

Tom: Elva must have been a Peanuts character in a past life.

Crow: Or maybe she's got an army of rats waiting to attack.

Tom: Oh, come on....

Crow: Hey, one episode of Sailor Moon had *BUTTERFLIES* attacking
the senshi so I'll believe anything at this point!
 

>(A orange human with super-green eyes appears)
 

Joel: Elva's morphed into a carrot!

Crow: Of course her eyes are super-green.  They were drawn in with a
permanent magic marker!

Tom: Elva's uncontrollable jealousy of Elvi finally manifested itself into
a youma....
 

>Moon: I think villains were done with strange look-things, the
>next on all text....those be deals to ruin Christmas will been
>punish by magic of the Moon and Christmas. And that means you.
 

Tom: Whatever.

Crow: We give up, folks.

Joel: If you can tell us what she meant, e-mail us....
 

>Elva: Yeah, right!
 

Tom: Heh.  Even Elva has no idea what she just said.
 

>Moon: Moon Scepter.....
>Mars: Mars Cestial.....
 

Crow: Cestial.  That just sounds bad.

Tom: <Mars> MARS VESTIGIAL ORGAN ATTACK!!!

Joel: Why do I get the feeling I should be scolding you for that?
 

>Mercury: Mercury Icestorm.....
>Jutiper: Jutiper Thunder.........
 

Tom: <Jupiter> SUPREME SHRUBBERY OVERGROWTH!!!

Crow:  <Eric Idle>  She is a shrubber.  Shrubberies are her trade.
 

>Venus: Venus Love-Me............................
 

Joel: Venus's attack must be powerful.

Crow: How can you tell?

Joel: Her dramatic pause is longer.

Crow: Ahhh....
 

>Scouts (In Unision) Elimate, Fire Surrond, Blast, Zap,
>Chain!!!!!!!!!
 

Joel: All that to finish a carrot prop?  Talk about overkill....
 

>(The Combine attack turns Elya into the dust. The factory is now
>working. A bunch of toys are in background)
 

Crow: Wow!  A humongous explosion spontaneously recreated all the
toys! And just in time for Christmas!

Tom: <Sailor Moon>  Remember, crystal stays broken when *you*
smash it.  Sailor Moon says!  Heehee!
 

>Sailor Moon: We did it!!!! Santa will be pround.
 

Joel: And the senshi's hearts were filled with prind.

Crow: Pround?  Is that like cholesterol?

Tom: Don't tell me the metric system's been changed AGAIN!
 

>(A portal appear)
 

Tom: Quinn Mallory and his friends emerge into yet another alternate
earth....

Crow: Take my advice, Q-Ball, you don't want to get involved on *this*
earth....
 

>------------------------------------------------------------
 

Joel: Say what you will about Dr. Thinker, guys, but at least he
remembers to warn us whenever a scene change occurs.

Tom: Two points.
 

>(Serena's house)
 
>Serena: What a dream? That's remind..I still haven't mail my
>letter to St. Nick.
 

Tom: Oh, that's original.  Turn it all into a dream.

Joel: Well, dreams can be pretty weird.  It would explain why some
things didn't make sense....

Tom: <Worf in First Contact>  SOME?!?
 

>-------------------------------------------------------------

>(Santa's Church, Midnight)

>Santa: Good thing, I still rember that erase spell...............
 

Tom: Yeah, too bad you didn't use it on this FANFIC!

Crow: Santa has a castle, a factory in North America AND a
church too?  Woah!  The Claus's are stacked!

Joel: Hey, he is a saint after all.  Get it?  Church... saint....?
 

>----------------------------------------------------

>THE END.
 

Joel: ...or is it?

Tom: It's over!  It's a wonderful life again!

Crow: I don't know about you, Joel, but aside from Elva getting wasted,
I really don't have the slightest clue what this fic was about.

Tom: Well, at least there aren't any complicated author's notes trying to
explain it....
 

> Reason: I just want to think that Nephrite did not died.
 

Tom: Whoops, spoke too soon!
 

>So I decide on using Santa Cluas, a big figure, which give me a idea
>after so much writer blocks. Hope that you like it. Whether you
>do or not..send e-mail to WINKSTW@SSSNET.COM.
 

Crow: I think I would have stayed with the writer's block.  But that's just
me.

Joel: Shouldn't there be a *;)* in that e-mail address?

Tom: Cute, Joel.  Now, let's get outta here....
 

* * *
 

HOLOCABANA
 

 Several hours had passed since the MSTing as Joel and Crow
huddled back to back behind a snow drift, trying to make as many
snowballs as possible.  On the other side of the field, Tom hovered
between the Puma Twins as they laughed and dared Joel and Crow to
come out.  Everytime they tried, Anna and Uni pelted them with
snowballs while Tom had nothing to worry about or so he thought....
 
 Finally, Joel decided it was time for payback and whispered
for Magic Voice to provide him and Crow with snowblowers.  Meanwhile
the twins had moved beyond their protective snowdrift in an attempt to
finish off their opponents, Tom hovering close behind them.  The sudden
revving of engines broke the silence as they all came to a dead halt and
looked at one another in fear....

 Joel and Crow both let out a battlecry, worthy of Mel Gibson in
Braveheart, as they emerged from their hiding place and rushed forward,
unleashing an avalanche of snow upon their foes.  Anna and Uni screeched
in surprise as the snow quickly engulfed them.  Tom barely managed
to hover above the blast in time and was on the verge of summoning his
own snowblower when Crow caught him from below and sent him falling
into the pile of snow.   Crow and Joel didn't let up on the snowblower
until Tom was completely buried.

 "YEAH!  WE WON!"  Joel exclaimed as he offered a hand to the
half buried Puma Twins.  They didn't seem to notice as they argued over
who's fault it was for losing.  Then Crow spoke up.

 "Joel, I'm going down "Dead Bot's Curve" again...."  Crow
said, gesturing at the hillside.

 "Okay, but be careful...."  Joel replied as Crow made a beeline
towards the sleds.  Then he noticed a pile of snow moving nearby and he
helped Tom free himself.  "You all right, Tom?"  Joel inquired.

 Tom shook his body in an attempt to clean himself off and then
wryly replied.  "I still like the Bond program better...."

 "Ah, come on, it's Christmas.  Might as well enjoy it while it's
here...."  Joel said as he helped Tom dust himself off.  He heard a squeal
of delight in the distance and turned to see Gypsy skating on the ice rink.
She had proven to be quite a talented skater, dispite the use of only one
skate which had to be tied around her long cylindrical body.

 "Hey Gypsy!"  Joel called out.  "Did you send our Christmas
cards over to Deep 13?"

 "Affirmative!"  Gypsy replied as she performed a flawless double
axle.  "But if Dr. F got to them first, Frank might never have see them...."
she cautioned.

 "I know...."  Joel sighed.  "But at least we tried and maybe Frank
was monitoring the machine when they arrived.  You never know...."

 *WHAP!*

 Joel's sentence was cut short as Uni suddenly tackled him from
behind, rubbing snow all over his face.  Anna quickly joined her sister in
burying him up to his neck.  Tom wanted to help... bury Joel that is... but
since his arms were useless, he settled for cheering the twins on while
Crow and Gypsy continued to play nearby....
 

* * *
 

DEEP 13
 

 "Rats!!"  Dr. Forrester growled, in an uncanny imitation of Elva,
as he pounded Frank's head on the counter over and over again.  No
matter how much punishment Frank's head took, the TV reception was
still messed up.

 Finally Dr. Forrester gave up and with a snarl of frustration,
stormed down the hall towards his room to look for some spare parts.
TV's Frank was left alone and he probably would have remained still until
the doctor returned, if a beep from the console hadn't attracted his
attention....

 Frank walked over and was surprised to see a small pile of
Christmas cards that had been sent through from the Satellite of Love
through the umbiliport.  He was even more surprised when he noticed they
were all addressed to him!  Frank immediately glanced behind him and
then quickly stuffed the cards into his suit, planning to read them later in
his room.

 He wished there was some way for him to thank Joel and the bots
and suddenly it hit him.  Glancing behind him again to make sure he wasn't
being watched, Frank knelt down and rummaged through one of the many file
cabinets holding possible movies for Joel and the bots to be subjected too.

 Tapes with the labels "Batman and Robin", "Lost World",
"Speed 2" "McHale's Navy", "The Stupids" and "Good Burger" were
ignored completely as Frank dug out tape after tape of the year's best
movies.  Comedy, Sci-Fi, Drama, Even an Anime or two were among those
films chosen.  Frank stacked them all into a small pile.  Then he slowly fed
each tape into the umbiliport, allowing them to travel up from Deep 13 to the
Satellite of Love.  When he was finished, he carefully closed the cabinet and
then walked over to the panel to push the button, all the while thinking....

 "Merry Christmas, guys... and thanks."
 

THE REAL END.
 

(Feel free to hum the closing theme as you read my author's notes.)
 

Thus ends my Christmas MSTing.  I hope you enjoyed reading this as
much as I enjoyed writing it.

I'd like to give very special thanks to Robin "Lunari" Seabaugh, who was
very helpful in giving me C&C and ideas for this MSTing.  She is a true
friend and I can't thank her enough.  ;)

I'd also like to thank Timothy McLees, Luna and Artemis, Chris
Bergstrom, Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight), Michael K. Neylon and
Sakura for being nice enough to post my MSTings on their webpages.  If
there's anyone else I missed, I apologize.

Finally I'd like to thank Dr. Thinker for writing "Sailor Moon meets Father
Christmas" and giving me a lot of material to work with.   I hope you're not
too offended.  If you are, feel free to MST my own works, I won't mind a bit.

C&C, as always, is appreciated.  (fcasper@yesic.com)    Feel free to
send in any anime fanfic that you would like to see MSTed and I'll take
a look at it.  Also, if you're interested in seeing any previous episodes
of this series, I'll be happy to e-mail them to you.  ;)

Sincerely,

Megane 6.7
 

A MSTing for all Seasons
http://www.nabiki.com/mst
A full archive of all Mystery Science Theater 6.7 episodes, Megane 6.7
fanfiction, and collaborations!

Shizen's Versatile Home Page V3.0
http://svhp.webjump.com/  (Contains links to my MSTings and fanfics)
(Alternate site: http://www.tass.org/fanfic/MST3k/)

Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/
 

SEASON ONE
------------------

101- "GAMES" by Artemis  (SM Lemon)
102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER"  (Original Draft)  by Oscar  (SM Lemon)
103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA"  by The Flashman
(SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER)
104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker  (SM Fanfic)
w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin  (R1/2 Fanfic)
105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave  (R1/2 Fanfic)
106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson  (Nuku Nuku Fanfic)
107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton
(La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover)
108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave  (R1/2 Fanfic)
109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky
(SM/WWF Crossover)
w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon  (SM/RL Crossover)
110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER
CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker  (SM Christmas Fanfic)

SEASON TWO
-------------------
201- "THAT GIRL"  PT. 1-2  by Oscar  (SM Lemon)
202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino  (SM Lemon)
203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn  (SM/SPAWN Crossover)
204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2  by Hitomi Ichinohei  (R1/2 Fanfic)
205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz  (SM Lemon)
206- "OSCAR TOON"  PT. 1-4 by Oscar  (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover)
207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari
(Mutiple Crossover Lemon)
208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep  (R1/2 Fanfic)
209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS  (SM Lemon)
210- "URUSEI YATSURA: THE KIDNAPPING" by Shutaro Mendou
(UY Lemon)

SEASON THREE
----------------------
301- "A WET DREAM COME TRUE" by Mike Rhea  (R1/2 Lemon)
302- "TORTURED ECHO" PT. 1-4 by Trakal  (R1/2 Fanfic)
303- "RANMA KILLS!" PT. 1-2 by Sir Asayogure  (R1/2 Fanfic)
304- "OKONOMIYAKI SUMMER" by Mike Rhea  (R1/2 Fanfic)
w/short "UNDER THE MISTLETOE" by Mike Rhea  (R1/2 Fanfic)
305- "XMAS SPECIAL: A CHRISTMAS FIT FOR A POKEMON"
by Dr. Thinker  (Pokemon Christmas Fanfic)
306- "9-BALL DREAMS" PT. 1-2 by Mr_Jazz  (SM Crossover Lemon)
307- "WINTER" by Joseph Palmer  (R1/2 Fanfic)
308- "UKYO GETS WHAT SHE DESERVES" PT. 1-2 by R_Vincent
(R1/2 Lemon)

SHORTY!
-------------
101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY!
102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET!
103- PHEROMONES!
104- THE INTERNET SPY AND YOU!!

OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO
---------------------------------------------------------
"DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker  (SM Fanfic)
"MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff  (SM/TNG Crossover)

Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/

"THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin  (SM Dark Lemon)
"9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams  (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon)

Lefty's MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/MSTings/index.htm

'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE!
(Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle)

Website Number 9 MSTings
http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml

"THE DAY OF EMERGENCE" by Jeffrey Lee
(Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover)

"REDHEADS" by Robert Haynie
(Slayers/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)

Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html

OTHER GREAT WEBPAGES WORTH VISITING

Zoogz's Fanfiction and Fandom Page
http://www.nav.to/Zoogz

The Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong
http://www.anime.sobhrach.com\~jeffwong\index.html

'Suicide Blast' by: Keener
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/3342/Suicide.html
Additional links for Keener's stuff
-- http://tmffa.com/
-- http://www.redrival.com/myrriden/index.html

Flashman's Flash Point
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/

JOLT!!!
http://members.home.net/jolt.caffiene/welcome.htm

Website Number 9 MSTings
http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml

Lord Carnage's Cursed Fanboys Page!
http://carnage.fanfic.org

A Sailor Moon Romance
http://moonromance.simplenet.com/

Zen's Fanfiction Page
http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html

Webdragon's Lair
http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/

Sean Gaffney's Webpage
http://www.thekeep.org/~sean/index.html
 

"Santa: They still living...as you know I can......(singing) see
when you sleeping......I know when you are weak...I now when you
been bad or good....Been good for GOOD SAKE."

 
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 1997 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.
 

Keep Circulating the Fanfics....
 

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