---Satellite of Love "It doesn't look too good, guys..." Crow warned. "The author is using up whatever believability he had all in the beginning." Crow turned toward Mike. "I mean, what kind of self-respecting ANYONE would deliver items to a boomer's presence, and the simple fact that the author didn't tell us what the items were, or even describe a feasible way to get the money...!" "Cambot, hit it!" Joel yelled from off-camera. Aaron Copeland's "Fanfare for the Common Man" began playing. Mike turned and yelled, "What's the deal, man? What's the story? What's going down, even?" "Certainly not the AD Police! Not here, and definitely not now!" Joel responded happily. He reentered the bridge wearing a blue vest and armor everywhere else, with a white helmet and a gas mask. Tom also entered the bridge area, wearing the same thing. "This is our tribute to the AD Police!" Tom cheered. "Who's there when a life must be given? Who's there to make sure the streets of Neo-Tokyo are clean of robots on the rampage? Who is to be used as chaff until the Knight Sabers save their butts?" "Psst! Mike, Crow, say it with me!" Joel whispered. "The AD Police!" Mike and Joel yelled. "Crow!" Joel admonished. "You're breaking the scene!" "A-hem! Who are the first to show and the last to leave due to a lack of bodybags? What group could possibly have a stipulation in their contract which says, 'Don't marry, you'll just needlessly upset women?'" Tom shouted. Again, the reply, "The AD Police!" "And lastly, who really IS a dying breed?" Crow looked thoughtful. "Power Rangers ripoffs?" "Uhh..." Tom confusedly replied. "Well, we would like that, but the dying breed I'm referring to are the AD Police! Let's give a hand to them and their uniform... where a gas mask just means you're yet another anonymous statistic!" "Three cheers!" Joel yelled. "Hip hip..." The buzzers and lights started flashing again on the bridge of the Satellite of Love. "Aww man, we have fic sign again!" Crow complained. (Door #7: the dog-bone raises and the doors separate) (Door #6: a Dutch double-door. You open the top and fall over the bottom) (Door #5: Just to spite you, it's a window.) (Door #4: it's a garage door. You have to open it manually) (Door #3: "The Complete Works of David Eddings"... flame works well) (Door #2: It's a wardrobe. You open the door... but no Narnia) (Door #1: a vault door; after it shuts again, it effectively keeps you inside) (Mike entered the theater, carrying Tom. Tom was placed in the fourth seat from the right, as Mike sat next to him. After that was Joel, still helmeted, and Crow sat in the far right seat.) >She still had to hack the domestic boomer's records apart, >Sylia really wanted it. Nene had decided to take a few days >off so she could devote her attention to the work. Mike: Hell, it's not like anyone'll notice she's gone... Joel : And why do you need ANOTHER five days, Nene? Crow : Maternity leave? Joel : That makes... four, five... SIX kids you have! >She opened her apartment door, stepped in, then closed the >door behind her. She tossed her purse onto the floor, then >stepped up into her apartment, reaching out to turn on the >light. Joel: There was nothing that could prepare her for the ROBOT HOLOCAUST though. Tom: She stepped into her apartment twice? Mike : I think it's high time I invested in one of those neato Clappers... >Nene almost fell back when she the saw the woman standing >close by. "What? Who? What are you doing here?!" Nene >demanded all quickly. Joel : Cuz I'm all like dat, see? Tom : I'M YOUR PRIVATE DANCER. A DANCER FOR MONEY. Mike : Umm... Maid Brigade? >The woman was tall, and she had long blonde hair, but for a >patch on the side of her head where a tattoo was. Crow: See? See? She IS a Luna Vachon 'bot. Tom : Hi! I'm the blonde Nene! Mike There can only be one... wanna guess which one survives the next few seconds? Joel: Bubblegum Crisis: The Quickening! >Nene had seen that woman before, but could not recall where. Joel : Mom? Mike : Dad?!?!? Crow: Leon's coke must've really fried her brain. >The boomer began approaching Nene. Her target/charge was >there and she had a mission to perform. Tom : Priss sent me to "loosen you up". Joel: Must... follow... contrived... plot... Crow : Hi, I'm with the Jehovah's Witnesses. Would you like to read this pamphlet? >Nene suddenly realised where she had seen the woman before. >In the evidence room, she had been lying on a slab then. Joel : It was so good, I had to come back for seconds. Tom: Now she was on ice... and you can see her LIVE at Walt Disney World! Mike: The boomer had plenty of time to be low key when it was laid upon the slab... >The boomer. How could that be though? Suddenly Nene realised >she might very well be in a lot of trouble. She might even >be about to die. Mike: Gee, you think? Crow: I wonder what tipped her off. Joel : Then again, maybe I'll live a long and productive life and marry the man of my dreams! Mike : Insane boomer in my apartment, me alone and without a hardsuit... Yep. I'm screwed. Tom : This isn't about the fifteen unpaid parking tickets, is it? >"Hel....," Nene began to scream, but the boomer was suddenly >directly in front of her, putting its hand over her mouth. Crow : Such language. I'll have to wash your mouth out with soap. Mike : Say it with body language! Joel : And next comes the white makeup and a black beret! Yes, I shall turn you into one of the most despised people in Neo-Tokyo in under five minutes... NENE THE MIME!! >Nene tried to struggle free, but then a jolt ran through her >and she collapsed into the boomer's arms. Crow: Man, I've heard of pushy Tupperware saleswomen but sheesh! Tom : Damn exposed wires... Mike : Look at me... I'm as helpless as a kitten in a tree.... >The boomer had noted that its target/charge was beginning to >make noise. A target making noise was bad and the target >should be silenced as quick as possible. Joel: Boomer with a gag fetish. Yeesh... Tom: Thus the boomer placed her finger against her lips, took a deep breath and shushed her lungs out. >There were a large number of ways to make sure a target did >not make noise, but those methods did not apply. Mike : Killing... naah. Death... naah. Murdering... naah. Chloroform? YES! Tom: Besides, where would she find cements and a trough at this time of night? Crow : Youse be sleepin' wit da fishies! Joel : General Protection Fault. Annihilate Roast Incinerate Fail? >A charge making noise was also bad. It indicated something >might be wrong and also required quieting, and the boomer >knew a large number of methods to do that as well. Tom: SO DO SOMETHING ALREADY!!! Joel: And this lasted through the night, the boomer's memory clicking silently from a bad connection and Nene sleeping soundly. Mike : Typical Friday night... ZZZZzzzzzzzz Crow: I'm beginning to see why that boomer was lying on a slab. >She started by simply placing her hand over her target/ >charge's mouth. That helped, but the target/charge was >struggling. Crow: ...to vomit from the boomer's garlic breath. Mike: Target... charge. Target... charge. I think the author's trying to slip subliminal messages in this fic! >It chose to deal with that by using a built in taser, >shocking her target/charge into submission. Tom: FINALLY! Crow : A-gain? Mike: And if that doesn't work, at least she'll burst into flame. Joel: Yes, Nene truly became a "charge". Heehee... Tom: Wonder if the boomer's gonna try to ground her next! >While it worked, she was not at all pleased by it. It seemed >to be the wrong thing to do. She considered her options and >decided to use other methods in the future. Crow : A good bitch-slap oughtta do next time. Joel : Ah hell, this makes five people I've screwed up on. *sigh* Might as well break her spine and try someone else. I have to get it right eventually Tom: Genom trying to implant morals into boomers... does this strike anyone else as the blind leading the blind? >She gently picked Nene up and carried her towards the >bedroom that she had prepared. Crow: Baoum chika bow-wow... Tom : Hope you like the dungeon motif... Joel: *bonk!* Mike : Oops, sorry about that. Let me just swing you over my shoulder... *clunk* D'oh! Ok, tell you what, I'll just drag you by your arms, ok? *snap* Aw, crap! >Nene's body felt disconnected from her, she could not seem >to get it to do as she wished. Crow : LEFT arm! LEFT! Joel : I blink and blink and nothing happens! Oh Barbara Eden, what have I done wrong?!? Mike: Maybe someone should tell Nene that every long journey starts with a single step... >She was not unconscious though and was able to take note of >a number of things. There was a playpen in a corner of the >room, filled with stuffed animals. Joel: This boomer's in the family mood! Mike, Tom : Help us! We're prisoners in here! Somebody call Buzz Lightyear and Woody! QUICKLY!! >It's presence just served to confuse her, and worried about >a number of other things, such as if the boomer was going to >kill her, she did not give it much thought. Tom: In that case, why was it even mentioned? Mike: Something to take up space and make the fic longer? Crow: Not even twenty kilobytes in, and already it's pad the fic... Joel: Somehow I doubt love padded THIS fic. >The boomer carried her into her spare, and mostly unused, >bedroom. For a moment Nene thought she had lost >consciousness and was dreaming because the room seemed to be >a nursery. Mike : No need to pamper me now... Tom: Either that or a spare set from "The Princess Bride". Crow : Oh man, I'm having a Romper Room flashback! >There was a crib against one wall, a white chest of drawers, >covered in cute animal decals, and several boxes. Nene had >no idea what was going on. Mike: And we refuse to believe any of this is going on. So there. Crow: No, it's worse! She's having a Muppet Babies Flashback! Joel: Does this mean the boomer has green-striped socks on? Tom: At least it ain't a Barney flashback... >It was all just too strange. Tom: And it was three weird! Four odd! And five large! Joel : Mama said there'd be fics like this... >The boomer easily shifted Nene around, laying her down on >the crib mattress. It was only then that Nene came to >appreciate just how large the crib, and the other furniture >was. Mike: Ethan Allen on Steriods! Joel: It's either that or Wayne Szalinski made a cameo in this fic! Crow: Suddenly, I have an urge to watch 'The Nutcracker'. >The sheet that covered the mattress, decorated in an >infantile print, slid under her slightly, as if there was >something slick under it, and there was also a soft, crinkly >noise that Nene identified as plastic. Joel: Amazing how perceptive she is even after absorbing several thousand volts. > She mumbled incoherently, her voice still not under >control. What was the boomer doing? What was it doing to >her? Tom : I'm having troulde controlling the VOLUME OF MY VOICE! Crow : Why am I asking you? Mike : What was it doing to her now? What was it doing to her now that? What was it doing to her now that she? What was it doing to her now that she was? What was.... Joel : What has it done for me lately? > "There, there," the boomer said, speaking for the first >time. It's voice soft, pleasant, conveying a certain sense >of warmth. "It will all be all right." Crow: A certain sense of warmth, much like a weekend trip to an arctic beach. Mike : I just need to take your temperature.... Joel : Oh, that's not so... wait a minute, where do you think you're sticking... AHHHHHHH!!! Tom : I was saving that for my future husband! > The boomer pulled Nene up into a sitting position on the >mattress and removed her jacket which she then let drop the >floor. Tom: The floor which it dropped crushed a newlywed couple down below... >Nene continued to mumble and groan, and she tried to fight, >but her limbs still would not do as she wished. Mike : Obey me limbs, for I AM NENE! >Even if they had, the boomer was strong enough to rip men >from limb to limb, it would not have made much difference, >though Nene might have hurt herself. Joel: For all this action and talk of limbs, we might as well be reading about a willow and a cedar! Tom : I don't care how hopeless you make my situation, fic! I'm not giving in! Crow : You DARE challenge my ability to contrive? Ooh, you'll be so SORRY... >The boomer lay her down and shifted her attention to Nene's >feet. She removed her socks, then reached up towards Nene's >skirt. Mike : Size sevens... Crow: Foot fetish boomer! Tom: Five hours later, the boomer reached her knees. Come on, tempo, tempo, pick it up! Mike: This fic's permanently stuck in "largo"... >Nene mumbled again, this time louder, managing to get out a >weak, 'no'. Joel : Ah, damn! I was so close! Oh well, guess I'll just go home and watch a rerun. >The boomer looked at Nene for a moment, then bent down and >removed something from a box by the crib. Crow: A wrench, which the boomer referred to as "The Baby Quieter". >When the boomer straightened Nene could see was it held. A >large, adult size was the best way to describe it, pacifier. Tom: Would that be like a big Gandhi, or something? Joel: Ghandzilla! Mike : I took this from a yellow skinned infant in the past, she shot me several times before I managed to escape. >Again Nene tried to fight, but it was a hopeless cause. It >pushed the pacifier into her mouth, effectively gagging >Nene. Joel: We've been gagging over this since the start... Mike: So, she's completely cut off from her fellow Knight Sabers HOW? >There was a soft strap on it. The boomer pulled it behind >Nene's head, arranged her hair so it would not be in the >way, then locked it. Crow: The boomer then double-bolted it, and also made sure to put The Club on. Joel : I SAID it's naptime, damnit! >The strap pulled the pacifier into Nene's mouth and held it >secure. All she could do was mumble and gurgle around it. Mike: And thus created "One Hundred Ways to Gag Your Baby," by Jack Boomer. Tom : And don't forget coo! Remember, she's supposed to be a baby now! Crow: Yes, gentle readers, in case you haven't figured it out yet, she is UNABLE TO SPEAK! >The boomer looked down at her from a moment, then retrieved >something else from the box. A set of mitten like things. It >slid those onto Nene's hands, locking them into place. Crow : Oooh, I'm going to leave you with SUCH a mess! Joel: Mitten-cuffs? THAT'S new... Tom: Gags, handcuffs, a shaved head and a tattoo... so this ISN'T supposed to be hardcore? >They held all her fingers together and restricted the motion >of her thumbs. Nene knew that her hands had just been >rendered useless, even if she could have used them. Mike: Um... what? Joel: That fell about thirty yards shy of making sense. Tom : Ooh, is the big bad author scared I'll ruin his PRECIOUS lemon scene unless I'm restrained? Come on, you coward! Give me a fair fight! >Satisfied, the boomer then turned her attention back to >Nene's skirt. Joel : Maybe if it was three inches shorter... and leather. Definitely leather. Crow : o/` You know I saved the best... for last... >She reached under Nene to loosen the zipper, then pulled it >down her legs and off her. Tom: Only to reveal another dress. Puzzled, the boomer unzipped that dress as well only to find another dress... and another... and another.... Crow: Nene's just a bodysuit? Who is Nene? Mike : MACKIE?! >It dropped it to the ground with the jacket and then boomer >reached up Nene's legs, pushing the tails of her blouse out >of the way to grasp her panties. Crow : Goin' for the gold! Tom : Eyes on the prize! Joel: Wasn't that a Spike Lee joint? Mike: I give the boomer one thing, it really is meticulous... Crow: And thorough. Don't forget thorough. >"These are not at all proper," the boomer said as it pulled >the pink, silk garment off Nene. Tom : I prefer crotchless. Joel : Give me a break! Laundry day's tomorrow! >She dropped them on the floor, then began undoing Nene's >blouse. By that time Nene could move her arms a little and >tried to bat the boomer's hands away. Mike: While they were bound? Crow : Thank God I always keep a Louisville Slugger up my sleeve! Joel: Would this be "strike one"? Tom: No, I'm leaning more toward a foul. VERY foul. >It was futile. The weak blows were poorly aimed and Nene >might as well have been trying to hit a concrete wall for >all the good she did. Joel : Way to empower me, Author. Tom : I used up a lot of believability to get her to this point, there's no way I'm letting her go! Mike : Man, if my aim sucks that much, why am I a Knight Saber? >The blouse was removed and joined her other clothing at the >boomer's feet. Mike: Yep, it was only a matter of time before the boomer got nekkid too... Tom: Suddenly, Nene remembered the Bakusai Tenketsu technique and in moments reduced the boomer to a pile of rubble. >She was lying there naked, Crow: As a jaybird? Tom: Naw, more like a buck. Crow: A-heh. >except for her brassier, the mittens and the pacifier. Crow: And if she were doing that willingly, I might be aroused. >The boomer considered the bar for a few seconds, then simply >removed it, dropping it without comment. Tom: Hey, mind giving us the bar? We need a drink. Mike: No sense trying to raise it any further.... >Nene felt her whole body flush red. She was lying in a crib, >stripped naked by a killer boomer, in a room that looked >like a nursery. Joel: For those of you who HAVEN'T been paying attention for the past twenty minutes. Mike : I'm gonna repeat it again. And again. And again! Crow: Suddenly, she sat up in bed, covered in sweat and shaking with fear. The end. Joel: We should all be so lucky. >She was a complex mixture of terror and embarrassment and >she began to cry, feeling completely helpless. Joel : No matter what I do, I can't win! Tom : What I need now is a complex mixture of vodka and orange juice. >The boomer smiled down at Nene. "Don't worry," she said. >"You'll be fine. Yes you will," she said the last in a high >pitched, adult to baby way that increased Nene's >embarrassment. Crow: And our disgust. Mike : You'll be dead/fine. Yes you will... Joel : Compromising position, check. Embarrassed victim, check. Contrived setting, check. Is there anything I'm forgetting? Tom: Plot? Crow: A lemon with plot? Puh-leeze. >The boomer then tickled her lightly on her stomach before >going back to the box for something else. Mike : I'll sexual-roleplay with you later! My soaps are on! Tom : Or you can trade it for what's in the box that Hiro-san's bringing down the aisle! What's it gonna be?!! Joel : Let's see... Nene? What do you like to be tortured with? I forgot.. >Depilatory methods had become fast, effective, simple and >painless by the 2030s, so Nene's crying had nothing to do >with pain. Crow: Ours does. This fic hurts BAD. Tom: And it's only getting worse... Joel: Of course, the boomer didn't bother with those advanced 2030 depilatory methods, but kept electrolicizing with the built-in taser! Mike: Didn't you know? That's the latest in child care! Zap- em pacifiers! When you REALLY want them to sleep! >She was humiliated. The boomer quickly removed every hair on >her body from the neck down. When she was finished with the >front, she rolled Nene onto her stomach and went to work on >her back. Tom : Unbeknownst to the other Sabers, I had a really hairy ass... Joel : And I used to get turned on when men shaved my back! No fair! Crow : Geez, was your father George 'The Animal' Steele by chance? >Nene lay there, staring down at the animal print on the >sheet as the last of her body hair was removed. She had not >had a lot of body hair before, and now she had none, and >would never have any again. Mike: Well, let's recap the lemon. Nene's embarrassed, humiliated, helpless, crying... could resentment be far behind? Tom: Or Stockholm Syndrome? Crow : Damn you boomer! Even Rogaine can't fix *this* mess anymore!! >The boomer cooed, and made reassuring noises through the >entire process. When she was done she put the device aside >then rolled Nene onto her back. Tom: Who, by this time, was just as responsive as a lump of bread dough! Mike [singing]: Nene sat alone in a boggy marsh, totally motionless except for her heart... Crow: Any second now and this boomer could snap her neck like a twig and she's worried about her hygiene! Joel : Okay, once the body is plucked you must stuff with... >"There we go," she said, reaching out to pat Nene on the >head. Then she walked to the dresser, opened one of the >drawers and removed what Nene had known had to be coming. Tom : No...NO....NOOOOO!!! NOT THE RAFFI RECORDS!!! Mike : It's the... Sledge-O-Matic! Crow : Let's see what I pull next from the old Box 'O Doom! Joel: Ha, this still can't match Felix's Bag o' Tricks. >When the boomer returned the bedside she unfolded the >diaper, placing it on the bed beside Nene. Nene tried to >squirm away from it, but was not able to. Mike : A nice box of Oops I Crapped My Pants adult diapers... Perfect! Crow: She KNEW the diaper had to be coming next? What kind of sick mind does she have?! Tom : Darn you! For the last time, STOP RESISTING! Don't make me stop this lemon and come down there, young lady! >The boomer then lifted her legs up as easy as if, well as if >she was in fact a baby, and slid the diaper under her. Tom : Wait a minute, that's not a cloth diaper! Y-you don't care about the enviroment at all, do you?!? Joel : Look, Nene, you have to BLOCK the plate! That's how you prevent runs from scoring! >Nene was lowered onto it and when she felt her bottom touch >the thick padding she shivered. Tom : It's a dark and lonely world... Mike : Man, that's COLD! Joel : At least powder my bottom first so that I don't get diaper rash, you mean boomer! Crow : Now we'll finally find out how effective that leak shield REALLY is.... >The diaper lay under her, cushioning her bottom ever so >slightly. It was impossible to avoid thinking about what it >was. The texture of it, the slight crinkling noises, all of >it. Joel : It's panties, that's all. Really thick, crinkly panties... Mike : Yes! The position ALL women should be in! Laying in their cribs, wearing their diapers... ooh baby! Tom : In case you didn't get it the first twenty times, it is a DIAPER, got it? DIAPER! ...I'm a genius! >A moment later she felt the talcum powder raining down on >her, like a gently feather's touch, and the scent of it >filled the air. Tom What's more exciting than a grown woman using a diaper, may I ask? TWO young women using diapers! Crow: You're not making this any easier... >The boomer gently rubbed it into her skin for a moment, and >then the boomer folded the diaper up, pulling it between her >legs. Joel : It BURNS! That's not talcum powder, it's friggin' SALT! Crow: Because, of course, that's where diapers belong. They usually don't work as well on one's arm or foot, for instance... Mike: Speaking of coating, anyone have any Pepto Bismol? Tom: Yes, it's another episode of IRON BABYSITTER, tonight's child theme.... Nene! >Quickly, efficiently, with the minimum amount of fuss, she >fastened the sides. Nene had been diapered. Mike: As the last three paragraphs had hinted at. Tom: You have just been DIAPERED!! Crow : Really? I didn't notice at all... Mike: Wonder if someone could make a "diapering" mod on Quake II... >For a moment she just lay there, not sure of what had just >happened. Joel: Nene needed to be convinced through the use of charts and graphs. Mike: Geez, young women these days... Crow : Let's recap. Mad boomer broke in, remodeled, shaved me, and diapered me. I just can't put it all together... >It seemed to crazy to have really happened. There was no way >to get away from it though. Crow : Now that we finally arrived to Nene's total humiliation, how about you bask with me in it? I knew you could... Mike: How about taking the diaper OFF? Oh, right, I forgot, the author severed her nerve endings. >Nene began to cry. She began to cry harder, muffled as it >was by the pacifier, when the boomer presented the next >item. Mike : Whiff this onion! I, your Boomer nanny, command you! Joel : No, not a Harry Potter book! They suck! Crow : Oh, God, not the Pokemon prints! >It was a diaper cover, pink, with a cute little anime cat on >it. Tom: Meowth! Mike: Ever since Oscar's slandering of Artemis, life was never the same for him... Tom : Hey, cool, Gatomon PJs! Joel : The hell with the lemon, I just LOOOOOOOOVE writing about diapers! >Nene was absolutely mortified as the boomer put that on over >the diaper she wore, fastening it with snaps. Joel : In the absence of a welding torch, I'll have to fasten with snaps. Crow: Well, if she can't get off the diaper, then the snap must be an insurmountable obstacle... >One part of her wondered why the boomer even bothered. Crow: That's been on our mind for fifteen minutes now. Mike: You mean.. it needs a REASON?!?! Tom : Presentation, Nene, presentation. >The plastic backing on the diaper was probably more than >enough. Why a diaper cover? Unless it was to hide the less >than babyish design of the adult diaper. Mike: THRILL as the author describes diapers... Crow: If I hear about one more diaper... I'm gonna scream. Joel: Just ask the boomer to calculate pi to the last number! That'll mess 'em up but good! >She finished up and went off for another item of clothing. A >set of pink rompers as it turned out. Nene was getting >mobility back and was able to put up more of a fight, but >the end result was inevitable. Tom: A successful escape and total destruction of said boomer? Joel: The end result was inevitable and far, far away... Crow: May we reinterate how useful it'd be to actually have those Knight Sword people here to take care of the boomer? Mike: Knight Sabers, Crow. Crow: I could care less if they're they Knight Ginsus at this rate, Mike! >She was dressed in the baby clothing and the crib's side was >raised up. The crib also had a set of bars on top that the >boomer swung into place. Crow: Great, the boomer's locked Nene in a Hell in the Cell. Joel: That must be for those 'superagile monkey babies' people keep complaining about in the Weekly World News. >"I'll get your bottle," the boomer told it, in that same >sort of sugary voice as she left the room. Joel: 'It'? Now NENE is the machine? Mike: Alcohol - The Great Immobilizer. Tom : I remember growing up on this! It's an 4:1 oil-gas mixture. 92 octane! Crow : Great! I'll take a Molotov cocktail... heh heh heh... >Nene lay there, dressed in rompers and a diaper, laying in a >crib, a pacifier gagging her, and cried for a short time, >but then she shook it off. Crying was not going to help her >much. Crow: AHHHHHHH!!!!!! HE said the 'D' word! Mike: Gah, how many times is he gonna recap all this crap? Tom : She's DRESSED?! What kind of lemon IS this?! Joel: Bring the sex toys or I leave, I warn you! I want sex toys!!! >She reached up above her, grasping the bars with what little >ability she had, and tried to lift the top. It would not >budge. Mike: It must be secured with... *gasp*... SNAPS! Joel: So she grabbed a nearby metal cup and rattled it against the bars while screaming ATTICA! ATTICA! ATTICA! >She looked over at the locking mechanism. It was a simple >bar that slid into a slot that held the crib side in place. >There was a place for a lock, but there was no lock there. Joel: A crossover with BGC and OZ? That's original... Crow: So the blonde boomer locked up the redheaded Nene... rendered her unable to move... Tom: Evil Blonde Nene strikes again! >Nene tried to reach out and grasp the bar, but her >restrained hands made it all but impossible. The slick >material that covered the gloves made her hands slip on the >bar each time she tried to push it free. Mike : That bitch! She coated my mittens with Teflon! Crow: Hey, there was never any mention of slick material before! Plot Contrivance #1078! Joel : Yes, Nene, dispite all your rage, you are still just a babe in a cage. Tom : The her tears clouded her vision, and she was blinded and even MORE helpless... I'm GOOD at this! >When she heard the door beginning to open she stopped what >she was doing and laid back down. Crow : Nene, dear, WHAT were you doing? Mike : Don't let the boomer see me trying to escape, or it could... shave my body hair! ...Wait just a second... Joel : Maybe if I pretend I'm dead it will go away! >The boomer came in. She was carrying a baby bottle, it >looked a little larger than normal to Nene. Tom : Ah, but I'm a big girl now! I want a juice cup! Crow : Ninety-nine ba-by bottles on the wall, ninety-nine bottles for babies... take one down, give it to me, ninety-eight ba-by bottles on the wall... WAAAAHHH! >The boomer opened the crib up and reached out behind Nene's >head, unlocking the band the held the pacifier in Nene's >mouth. Joel: What's this? Less helplessness? Tom : I'm FREE! Crow : Time to make like the exorcist! EAT PEA SOUP, BOOMER SCUM!!! Mike : I shall be HEARD now! Women's rights! Women's rights! >If Nene thought to call out, she never got the chance. As >soon as the pacifier fell out, the nipple of the bottle was >put in its place. Tom: If she thought to call out, what else would she do? Sing a show tune?!? Mike: Guys, thank our lucky stars we're not watching the boomer breast-feed Nene. Crow : It's good for you, Liebchen. Thirty weight milk of life! >Nene tried to force it from her mouth, tried to turn her >head away from it, but the boomer kept the nipple firmly in >her mouth no matter what she tried. Joel : Come on, baby, suckle the battery acid, it's good for you! Mike: Wonder if Nene should be moved up to Gerber Graduates. Tom : You _have_ to suck at least one nipple in this story, darling. Remember it's a lemon... >Finally Nene realised that there was only one way she was >going to get the nipple out of her mouth. Crow: Swallow it and try to pass it in two days? Tom : Teeth... work your magic. >She began to suck, slowly nursing, drinking the milk. When >she was finished the boomer had the pacifier back in her >mouth and strapped into place too fast for Nene to do >anything. Tom : This sucks, I want you to know that... Crow: One this boomer got out of strongbox which had been locked with SNAPS! Isn't it great? >Damn thing is just too fast, Nene thought as the boomer left >the room. As she did she turned off the lights, leaving only >a night light to illuminate the room. Mike: Wonder who came up with the 100 watt nightlight. Tom : Close every door to me.... Crow : Hey! No Andrew Lloyd Webbering in my fanfic! >Bed time, Nene guessed. How could she go to bed? It was not >that late, and she had not brushed her teeth. Stupid boomer. Crow : That darned boomer, I could be getting halitosis as I lay here! That's SERIOUS! Tom: Nene's in crap this deep, and she's worried about her teeth? Joel: Nene, I got one word for you: PRIORITIZE! >That of course was the question. What was the boomer doing? >Nene shifted around, trying to find a comfortable position. >It was not easy, anyway she might lay, she was reminded of >the diaper she wore. Mike: And no matter how many paragraphs might pass by, WE are always reminded of the diaper she wore. Crow: They keep reminding, and reminding, and reminding... Tom: Hey... did the boomer even leave her a blanket? >It was beginning to feel too warm, and a little itchy, >though the talcum powder helped. She tried to get it off, >but her mittened hands could not even get the romper off. Crow : Damn snaps! Joel : What sin could a person commit in a single lifetime to... aw, skip it. >She finally lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling >through the bars, and thought about the boomer. Tom : Maybe if I upload the Anna Kournikova picture into her... Crow : You know, it really is kinda cute... I wonder if it likes me? Joel: Cue the introspective piano music! Mike: Get Nodoka from Kimagure Orange Road! She's good for some... >What she had was an assassin boomer, a unit that would do >whatever was required to complete it's missions. So why was >it treating her like an infant? Diapering was certainly not >in its repertoire of required skills. Crow : You don't know about Genom's new upgrades? Tom: The new Genom SD-242 Humiliation Boomer! For when you want BLACKMAIL! Joel : I'm trained to kill by SIDS. Crow : Super Final Strike... Fist of the Stinky Diaper! >Of course the majority of its memory core had been fried, >leaving it an empty shell, until Nene had loaded it up with >the programs from the domestic boomer. Tom : Which was the first in a LONG string of contrivances >Could that be it? She asked her self. It made sense, in some >odd sort of way. Mike: In the same way the moon being made of green cheese makes sense, I suppose. Crow : But then again, I'm you so what do I know? Joel: Next slide, please. >The assassins programming, what remained, had been >integrated with the domestic boomers programming forming... >Forming... Well, it seemed like an insane nanny boomer. Joel: The ultimate plot contrivance! Tom: I wonder if she's British? Mike: No! We've endured enough, we don't need to hear Fran Drescher! >Nene remembered the family killed had had children. She had >not wanted to think about that, about the murdered children. Tom : Oh please, WON'T someone think of the MURDERED CHILDREN?!?!? Crow: Nene had had had had had had had to think of something else. >The parents had obviously programmed their boomer to care >for them. Tom : Should not have read the abridged version of the instructions... >Nene thought thatwas a bit odd, she knew she would not have >trusted boomers with children, but she was prejudiced about >it. Mike : Yep, fighting homicidal boomers tends to change your beliefs... >So now the boomer thought that Nene was a child that it had >to take care of. Mike: Echoing Priss's long-held suspicions. Crow : Yes, I am saying Nene is childish. Joel: This is like a bad premise for a sitcom or something. >It obviously knew that she was not really a baby, she >thought, looking at the mittens on her hand, and thinking of >the hair that had been removed from her body. Crow : It must have been COSPLAYING! And it wanted me to play Baby Huey! NOW I get it! Joel : Yeah, these mittens on my hand are... my hand... hey, one of them's loose! Freedom, here I come! >It knew, but it was going to treat her like one no matter >what. Joel: The hand that rocks the cradle.... hard... >She wondered what she was going to do as she shifted about >in her crib. In time, someone was going to come looking for >her. Mike: After the Babysitter boomer, what comes next? The math tutor boomer? Crow : Hey Nene! I just dropped by to... OH MY... God... ... hee hee hee... BWAHAHAHAHA!!! My, don't WE look cute tonight? Hee hee! Joel : Just you wait until I get out, Linna. Those snaps of you in that bondage getup are gonna hit the internet REAL fast! >Of course that was not a pleasant option. If it was one of >the other Knight Sabers, she would be horribly embarrassed. Mike: As opposed to say, Leon? Tom: No kidding... >Only Sylia might let her live it down, never mentioning it, >but it probably would not be Sylia who would come to check >up on her. Priss or Linna, either would make her life hell >after this. Crow : Hey Linna, I got it! Let's get a pair of mittens and strap them to Nene's boomer! Mike : And dress it in a diaper! Joel: Well, it depends on whether the boomer feels in the mood of looking after more "babies"... Tom : Now I have triplets! >As bad as that might be, if anyone else were to discover >her, the ADP would certainly become involved. Joel: Well, can't Nene claim that she's working undercover? Mike: After which the boomer would slaughter a few divisions of Already Dead Police and change Nene's diaper. >The investigation would certainly reveal Nene's culpability >in the whole thing. Then she would certainly be in trouble, >perhaps she would even end up in prison. Joel: She might even get... a SPANKING! Tom : Hey, I didn't contrive this mess! How come I take the fall for it?! Crow: I see American politics are alive and well in 2032. >She turned around a few times, trying to find some way out, >fretting at the lock, trying the bars. Tom : Do re mi fa so la ti do... do re mi fa so *hack, hack*... ahh, I need more lessons. Crow: The crib was INEXPUGNABLE! Mike: MIT hackers couldn't crack that lock... Joel : This seems a work for... the Chapulin Colorado! >When she finally gave up she lay on her back, breathing >heavily, a little sweat on her. Tom: And that, dear readers, was the ONLY heavy breathing in the whole damn fic. Joel: What is a lemon without sweat, after all? >Inside her diaper it was now uncomfortably hot, and the >padding was a little damp. If that was not uncomfortable >enough, she also had to go to the bathroom. Crow : After all, if I give her a diaper she might as well mess it up! Tom: Okay, who here saw this coming? Show of hands... Mike : Are you uncomfortable yet, Nene? How about now, are you uncomfortable? >She was not going to do it. She was not going to wet her >diaper. That was final. Crow: Her appitite, on the other hand.... Mike: How about OUR appetites? >After a few minutes she had reached up, grasping the bars >above her as best she could with her mittened hands. She >started up at the ceiling, clenching her teeth. Crow : I'm going to start at the top and work my way down! Joel : Should NOT have eaten those chili fries at lunch... >She was not going the wet the diaper. She'd let her bladder >explode first. Tom : Now I really regret letting Priss get me drunk... Crow : ...and thus she'll wet the diaper. See the logic inherent to the situation? >For a time she though that she might in fact keep her >promise to herself, but when it began to hurt so much that >she started to cry, she let it go. Tom : Knew... all... that... free... soda... would... come... back... to... haunt... me...AAAAHHHHH!! Joel: BOOOOOM! Crow : Liquified... what a way to go. >For a moment nothing happened, then, then, it came. The >urine rushed out of her, eliciting a sigh of relief from >Nene. Crow: Then, right then, then... then, only then, because then it had to happen... What a way to build suspense. >The padding of the diaper immediately began to absorb the >urine, spreading it out. Nene could feel it begin to get >heavy on her. As the pressure and pain faded, humiliation >and shame rushed into take its place. Joel: Oh good, she could use another hefty dose of humiliation. Crow : I--I, I wet the diaper! Oh, no, suicide's the only option! Tom: Well, suicide brings on many changes. Crow: Here's hoping one's the diaper. >She had wet herself, had wet her diaper. It could not get >any worse. Mike: But the cliches had only begun to mutiply. Crow: Her sphincter shivered in response. Joel : Ninth layer of hell... books, magazines, more of Nene's humiliation, and cigars. Going down? >Of course she was wrong. All: OF COURSE. Crow : Stupid little Nene... will she ever learn? Tom : At least they can't *sniffle* take away my dig-ni-ty... WAAAAHHH! Mike: Anyone else here really want to sit through the 'stew in a soup in your own diaper' scene here? Joel: Naah, let's get out of here for a while...