---Satellite of Love Cambot pulled back, revealing Crow dressed in a baby's jumper and a diaper. On his net was a red wig, covered by a baby bonnet. He was imprisoned in essentially a large dog kennel, clutching a rattle in one claw. A gag decorated his mouth, and Crow was trying his hardest to get out of it. Suddenly, Tom Servo came in from the right-hand side, and a spotlight shone from above. Dressed in a bow-tie and a rather cheap-looking toupee, he inched up to the microphone left from Crow's "TomTrack" introduction and said, "Nene Robotova, this is your life!" "MMMPPPHHH!!" came the response from the cage, as Crow tried to drop the rattle and shake the bars. Tom cleared his throat and continued. "Yes, Nene, you've had a rather tough go of it lately, but here is a possible list of the people who could save you from this embarrassment! Starting with..." Mike entered the bridge, wearing a leotard and a long brown wig. "Hello, I'm Linna Yamazaki!" Canned applause was opened, and Crow shook the bars once again. "Hello there, Linna! Now, what is the reason that YOU can't visit Nene at her home and maybe save her from this torture?" Mike twirled a lock of the wig's hair as Crow cried from the cage. "Well, I think it's because I have a class to teach tonight! Yeah, that's it, I'm not one of those nasty salary- women in an office..." Mike smiled to Cambot and jogged off of the shot. "Okay! Whom else might be able to get you out of that cage, Nene?" Tom asked rhetorically to the tune of rattled metal. "Whom, indeed... *psst! Joel! It's your cue, man!*" Tom hissed off-stage. A crash and a muffled cry later, Joel responded, "I can't seem to get this stupid jacket on! Who did my wash last?" "Crow, I believe," Tom answered. "MMMPPHHH!! Mpph mpph mpppphhhhh MMMMMMPPPPHHHHHHH!" Crow tried to yell from his cell. "All the more reason for me to stall then, right Tom?" Joel questioned. "Well, I might as well come out..." Joel stepped out into Cambot's view in a jacket, slacks, sunglasses, and a holster on his hip. "Hey folks, I'm the ultra-suave Leon! C'mon, ladies, here I am!" "Ain't he a beaut, ladies? And he's completely single!" Tom announced into his microphone. "And Leon, tell us why YOU can't see Nene tonight!" "Daley invited me for a beer! It was a place called... 'The Lonely Sailor', I believe." Joel responded. "And boy, am I thirsty! I guess Nene will have to stay alone. But she has all her computers to keep her company!" "MMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Crow's muffled cries reached a crescendo, but still did nothing to dislodge the gag... or for that matter, the red wig still perched atop his net. The lights chose that moment to start flashing wildly and the satellite shook with the impending... "FIC SIGN!" Tom yelled as he cleared off of the desk. "MMMPPHHH! MMPHH!!" Crow yelled from his cage... (Door #7: the dog-bone raises and the doors separate) (Door #6: a Dutch double-door. You open the top and fall over the bottom) (Door #5: Just to spite you, it's a window.) (Door #4: it's a garage door. You have to open it manually) (Door #3: "The Complete Works of David Eddings"... flame works well) (Door #2: It's a wardrobe. You open the door... but no Narnia) (Door #1: a vault door; after it shuts again, it effectively keeps you inside) (Mike entered the theater, carrying Tom. Tom was placed in the fourth seat from the right, as Mike sat next to him. After that was Joel.) Crow [offscreen]: MMMPPPHHHH!! Mike: Aww shoot, we forgot to let him out... be right back! (Mike leaves the theater) >As soon as she finished the boomer entered the room. "Are we >all wet?" she asked in its sugary voice. "Did we wet our >little diapers?" Joel : Actually, they're big diapers. And they just got bigger. Ahh. Tom : Can I possibly be any more patronizing? Joel : Only if you said your name was Fred Rogers. >That it proved Nene's theory about the boomer knowing she >was not a baby but treating her like one was cold comfort at >best. Joel: The boomer must have dropped some ice cubes in her diaper.. Tom: How did it prove it again? Joel: Circumstanial evidence and lots of it! Tom: I have three words for you. Shoot. Me. Now. Joel: Here's three more: Shoot. Me. Too. >The boomer unbuttoned the bottom of the rompers and began >the unsnap the diaper cover. Nene tried to kick the boomer, >bringing her foot back and launching it at the boomer's >face. The boomer caught it with an off handed movement, even >as it was reaching for a carton of baby wipes. (Mike reenters the theater and takes the third seat from the right. Crow is right behind him, still wearing the wig and baby bonnet, and sits in the far right seat.) Crow: Thanks for leaving me out there! Mike: Would you much rather be in here? Joel : Sure, I'm made of steel and Nene's foot couldn't possibly damage me, but I'll humor her.... Tom: You mean the boomer is stronger and faster and so much better in all ways than her? I'd have _never_ imagined... >It then smiled at Nene and tickled its fingers down Nene's >leg and returned to its work. Crow : Well, it's been fun but it's back to the salt mines for me! Call me sometime! Bye! Tom : Hmm, now what's a four letter word for "margarine"... >Once it had the cover then the diaper off it quickly and >thoroughly cleaned Nene up. Beaten, for the time, Nene could >only lay there and cry, wondering why this was happening to >her. Tom : Hmm.. I got diaper fetish, restraints, bondage, feces, golden showers... what do i need now? Oh yeah! Tickling! >The boomer smiled and began smoothing a cream into her skin, >lifting her bottom up to cover her buttocks with the cream. >Then it put a fresh diaper under her and lowered her onto >it. Mike: Intense... diapering... action! Joel : Wait a minute, this isn't moisturizer, this is MAYONNAISE! Tom : Okay... a little to the left. Now a little to the right. Up! Right there! Let her go! Crow: 'Cold', 'wet', 'cool'... Do you notice a pattern here? >In a short time the diaper was tapped on, the diaper cover >in place and the rompers closed up again. Crow : Mind the tacks in your diaper, dear. Joel: Was it... *gasp*... with snaps?! >"There we go," the boomer said as she freed Nene's hands. >"All clean and dry." Then she closed up the crib and left >Nene alone. Tom : Alone again... nat-ral-ly. > Nene lay in the crib and cried herself to sleep. Joel: This is very educative, dontcha think? I mean, thanks to this fic I know how to change diapers, forcibly feed an adult, and so many other useful perversions! Crow : She... she didn't read me a bedtime story! Waaahh! > Nene was not sure what time it was when she woke up. >There was some light coming through the curtains, but that >told her nothing, other than the sun was up. Crow: Or a passing helecopter pilot with a passion for peeping. Mike : Yes! I knew traffic duty would pay off! Hand me the telescope! >She had woken to a pressure on her bladder. She shifted >around, as if to get out of bed, then her feet rapped up >against the bars of the crib. Tom: Wow, no mention of a diaper yet? I'm shocked! Crow: Nene's Babysitter! With special guest-star Ol' Dirty Feet! >It all came back in a flash to Nene. She had been hoping it >was some kind of bad dream, but the hard reality of it had >just hurt her feet. Joel: Not to mention giving us headaches. Mike : Oh Priss, quit playing around! Oh yeah, it's the boomer this time... >Again, futilely she pulled at the bars, trying to open them. Crow: Hey guys, willing to chip in for a cutting torch for Nene by now? Joel: Hell, we should run a telethon. Tom : I *knew* I shouldn't have refused that Gamma Ray treatment! I could be green and free right now. dammit! >Then she held off for as long as possible. She knew that the >end was inevitable, but she wanted to hold out for as long >as she could. At least she could exercise that much control >over her body. Crow : Wanna bet?! By the power of my keyboard, I force you to pee freely! Mike : Nooooooo! Joel: Nene, Zen Buddhist master of "holding it in". >Finally she could hold it no longer, and her diaper began to >fill with urine, growing soggy and warm next to her skin. Tom: Ah, good. I was worried the author had tired of mentioning diapers. Joel: You can almost FEEL the emotion! You can FEEL the atmosphere! You can FEEL the conflict! Mike: Ehh, it just makes me want to go to the bathroom too. >As soon as she finished the door opened and the boomer, >walked in. It was kind of funny Nene thought as she cried >softly, Joel: Laugh, even though you're crying inside... Tom : Tears of a clown... Mike: Hey guys, anyone feel the least bit of levity from this scene? Crow: What a wide range of emotion... She laughed! She cried! She wet herself! >the assassin boomer was using its rather impressive sensor >suite to check on the state of her diapers. Mike: The boomer amused itself for hours drawing pink cabbits all over it. Tom: I know somewhere in Genom tower someone is saying, 'Twenty billion dollars in this state-of-the-art surveillance gear and she's using it to check diapers...' Crow: I don't get it, she wet her diaper, she was powdered, what's left to do? Burp her? Joel: No, the basting and preheating of the oven. >The boomer opened the crib up, but instead of starting the >change Nene, she picked her up and carried her from the >room. Mike : Let me take you away from all this.... Joel : Oh, Thank you! Thank you! >It did not take long for Nene to realise where they were >going. Into the bathing room the Boomer carried her, setting >her down gently on a padded, plastic mat. Crow: She's committing Nene! Tom: Either that or training her to be an amataur wrestler. Mike : Now this is a headlock... Joel: The "bathing" room? Nene's got a large apartment if she's got a bathroom *and* a bathing room... >She undressed Nene, finally taking the wet diaper off. She >then, much to Nene's surprise, removed the pacifier. Joel : About time. *fffFFFFFF*... AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! Tom: And in the furthest reaches of space, you could faintly hear the primal scream of a young woman and the screeching of a boomer. >While looking Nene in the eyes, she placed the pacifier >close by. The message was clear to Nene who did not say >anything or cry for help. Tom: Why ruin a great situation with actual STRUGGLE? Mike: The boomer even printed the message out on its hard- copy output to make sure everything was completely understood. Joel: How can you cry for help without saying anything? >The boomer began to bathe her, making sure every bit of skin >was as clean. Nene blushed at the boomer's hands went to >some fairly intimate areas, making sure she was clean there >as well. Crow : Hey! Hey hey hey! You're not supposed to do that to a BABY! Mike: Anyone get the idea that they should manufacture these sorts of boomers for the hospice business? >She even produced a tooth brush and brushed Nene's teeth. Joel : What about my Listerine? Tom : And... spit! Mike: Y'know, it probably would have worked better with some toothpaste. >When it was all done Nene was dried off and carried back >into the nursery. She was lain onto the crib mattress and a >new diaper was placed under her. Tom: Did the boomer perform some serial experiments on her or what? Mike: A fetish is a fetish... but this is just plan dull. Joel: And lo dist thine boomer lain Nene down! >The boomer then applied cream to her diaper area after which >she sprinkled powder all over her, gently rubbing it into >her skin. That done the diaper was pulled up between her >legs and fastened. Tom: Come on, try to deny that the boomer was using meat tenderizer! Joel: I bet the author gets money every time he mentions 'diaper'. It's the only way it makes sense! Crow: Just be glad we haven't read anything about diaper rash >The boomer put her into a different diaper cover, a soft >pink with frills along the leg openings. Crow: Wonder how much of a market adult diaper covers have anyway. Mike: Gee, this fanfic changed my life! To think I didn't know anything about diapers, and diaper covers, and snaps, and creams before reading it. That wasn't life, man! >She then put a matching dress on Nene. So attired, Nene was >carried out, into the kitchen, for breakfast. Tom: I KNEW IT! She's gonna be cooked! Joel: So all the milk it fed her was intended to get her fat? >At least there was not a highchair, Nene thought at she was >put into a normal, kitchen chair. The boomer started off >with a baby bottle full of water, then another full of milk. Tom: Is it... Boomer Milk? Joel: Then the boomer grabbed three more bottles, filling them with screwdrivers, fuzzy navels, and R&Cs >After that it was baby food, spoon fed to a blushing Nene. >Then there was a last bottle of water and breakfast, and the >ordeal of it was over. Crow: Man, the boomer just WANTS Nene to get wet diapers, eh? Mike: Then... it was LUNCHTIME. BWAHAHAHAHA!!! >After that it was playtime. Tom : Wow, this "Waiting for Godot" really is dull. >While sitting on the boomers lap, having a storybook read to >her, Nene thought that the boomer might indeed make a very >good caretaker to a small child. Tom: Yeah, sign her up for Polka Dot Door and let's watch Dennis sweat. Joel: Ah, Polkaroo would kick it's ass, no sweat. >Nene's Baby Sitter part 2 >A Bubble Gum Crisis Story >by Incognito Himitsu >Based on Characters and Situations owned by Artmic and used >without permission. Crow: No wonder the author chose to remain Incognito.... Joel : Sure thing! Remember to wash them when you're done! > Nene was not sure what time it was when she woke up. >There was some light coming through the curtains, but that >told her nothing, other than the sun was up. Mike: Or that the streetlights were on. Or Priss was holding a rooftop concert and the spotlights were unfocused. Or the ADP was trying to take care of another boomer by exploding the rest of Neo-Tokyo Crow: Or a nice big H-Bomb was ignited and she was moments from being incinerated. Tom: Or that she was going to that white light in the sky. Joel : Get me! I'm Norman Greenbaum! >She had woken to a pressure on her bladder. She shifted >around, as if to get out of bed, then her feet rapped up >against the bars of the crib. Tom: Foot rap, hip-hop for those with fetishes... Crow: Or athlete's foot. Mike: Her feet were immediately shot by the East Coast posse as a preventive measure. Joel: [ominously] Her feet made a rapping sound, rapping on my chamber door, said the boomer, nevermore. >It all came back in a flash to Nene. She had been hoping it >was some kind of bad dream, but the hard reality of it had >just hurt her feet. Crow : Oh my god, I can like get killed if I go out in a hardsuit. Like what am I doing? >Again, futilely she pulled at the bars, trying to open them. >Then she held off for as long as possible. Mike: After years of denial, Nene finally admitted her drinking problem and vowed to stay away from the bars.... Crow : I must have my Jack Daniels! Or at least some Smirnoff! OPEN UP, YOU BARS!! >She knew that the end was inevitable, but she wanted to hold >out for as long as she could. At least she could exercise >that much control over her body. Mike: She, like us, just wants to give the boomer a good "bii-dah", but can't get up the strength. Tom : Must... open... bottle... with... thighs.... Joel : Urge to escape... rising... NO! Must resist... Must do... nothing... must... sit on... my... ass.... Crow : Up next...The Tony Awards featuring Whoopi Goldberg! Joel : Urge to escape...rising... >Finally she could hold it no longer, and her diaper began to >fill with urine, growing soggy and warm next to her skin. Joel: They should've filled the diaper with Chex! They never get soggy! Mike : Now. I'm. PISSED! Crow: Literally. >As soon as she finished the door opened and the boomer, >walked in. Crow: Kramer! Tom: Boomer, James Boomer. Joel: At this rate, I picture the boomer as Jm. J. Bullock. >It was kind of funny Nene thought as she cried softly, the >assassin boomer was using its rather impressive sensor suite >to check on the state of her diapers. Mike : I got nothing else do to in this farce. Crow: [singing] Laugh, though you may cry inside... Tom : If only... I could access... WinME on the boomer... > The boomer opened the crib up, but instead of starting >the change Nene, she picked her up and carried her from the >room. Joel : Hey, I didn't know this was 'Raising Arizona'! Crow : Just because I have a diaper fetish doesn't mean I change them! Tom: ...to run Nene up by her diapers on the nearest flagpole! >It did not take long for Nene to realise where they were >going. Mike: Straight to hell? Joel: Straight to New Jersey? Tom: Little did Nene know, she and the boomer were going to go see the new assassin bot... the Belldandy X210 Sexaroid. Crow : We're taking this on the road! Think of it! A different diaper change in every city! We'll make millions! Tom: ... of people retch. >Into the bathing room the Boomer carried her, setting her >down gently on a padded, plastic mat. She undressed Nene, >finally taking the wet diaper off. Mike : Gack! The smell, oh, Lord, the SMELL! Joel : Revenge of the babysat! >She then, much to Nene's surprise, removed the pacifier. >While looking Nene in the eyes, she placed the pacifier >close by. The message was clear to Nene who did not say >anything or cry for help. Tom: Why add conflict to a plot contrivance that's moving along so smoothly? Crow : Don't rock the boat, I always say... >The boomer began to bathe her, making sure every bit of skin >was as clean. Nene blushed at the boomer's hands went to >some fairly intimate areas, making sure she was clean there >as well. Tom : Eep! Mike : So clean, she squeaks! >She even produced a tooth brush and brushed Nene's teeth. Crow: Yeah, but can the toothbrush act? Mike: Can it clean the hard to get areas? Joel: I dunno, Mike. That's quite a reach... Mike : Heyyo! >When it was all done Nene was dried off and carried back >into the nursery. She was lain onto the crib mattress and a >new diaper was placed under her. Joel : Don't worry, next time I'll be sure to fill it with something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT just for you.... Tom: Cherry filling. Crow: Or peach. >The boomer then applied cream to her diaper area after which >she sprinkled powder all over her, gently rubbing it into >her skin. Mike : That's corn starch! CORN STARCH! Crow : Waitaminute... this is flour! Tom: And now from the guy that brought you the first part, more of the same! Joel : Now, how to properly prepare a hundred pound ADP dispatcher... >That done the diaper was pulled up between her legs and >fastened. Crow: This time with baling wire and duct tape. Joel : Duct tape, is there anything it can't do? Tom: Why, match the sheer adhesive power of SNAPS! Mike : Owwwwie! Haven't you done ENOUGH, you brute! A diaper wedgie is going too far! >The boomer put her into a different diaper cover, a soft >pink with frills along the leg openings. She then put a >matching dress on Nene. Tom : There! All dressed up for first communion! >The boomer put her into a different diaper cover, a soft >pink with frills along the leg openings. She then put a >matching dress on Nene. Mike : Baby fashions in MY size? Japan is SICK! Tom: Straight from the Sesame Street collection! Joel : Lessee... you're Big Bird-sized! Crow : I got Elmo on my ass! >So attired, Nene was carried out, into the kitchen, for >breakfast. Tom : Oh my! Father, it appears we have guests! Crow: She WAS powdered in flour! Mike : Why's the oven preheated? Hmm? Joel : YOU ARE THE OTHER, OTHER WHITE MEAT. >At least there was not a highchair, Nene thought at she was >put into a normal, kitchen chair. The boomer started off >with a baby bottle full of water, then another full of milk. Joel: And then another full of Mobil 10W30. Mike: Then the boomer went to town with baby bottles of Cherry Coke, single-malt, and battery acid. >After that it was baby food, spoon fed to a blushing Nene. >Then there was a last bottle of water and breakfast, and the >ordeal of it was over. Crow: The horror of Breakfest? Mike: Coulda fooled us. So far it's been going and going and going... >After that it was playtime. Tom : I call Flintstones phone! Joel : We'll start with Henry V and work our way up to Macbeth! >While sitting on the boomers lap, having a storybook read to >her, Nene thought that the boomer might indeed make a very >good caretaker to a small child. Crow: Or maybe a good undertaker to a small child... Mike : Now let me tell you a tale of when the good company Genom and its honorable boomers fought the Evil Knight Sabers... Joel: Of course, thinking of ESCAPE might be a better option... >She was very efficient in her job and had infinite patience. Tom: The readers, on the other hand.... Joel: Amen. >Of course while that might be true, Nene hated the thing for >what it had done to her. Crow : NOOOOOOOO! Joel : I can't BELIEVE it didn't burp me after breakfast! I'm outraged! Mike : Y-You mean you DON'T want me to treat you like this? Why didn't you just say so? >Through the day she thought of a hundred ways she might get >away, might shut down to the boomer, but nothing really >worked. Tom : Activate voice commands. Format asterisk dot asterisk. Crow : Sorry, I'm protected by DOSShell. Tom : But that's completely implausible! Crow : You expected less? Tom : Damn it, my master hacker skills are no match for a plain-jane boomer... >When the boomer put her into the playpen for a nap before >lunch, Nene tried to sneak out but no sooner did she begin >getting to her feet the boomer looked out of the kitchen at >Nene. Joel : Look, you pile of non-commissioned military metal, my knees are sore! I need a stretch! Mike: Go for it! Go down fighting! Better to die on your feet than piss in a playpen! >She then looked at the pacifier and padded straps that lay >close by. Nene took the hint and lay back down in the >playpen. Crow : Umm, can I at least have a lifeline? I'd like to call a friend... SYLIA, HELP! Tom : In case you were wondering...I crossed Nene over with Shinji Ikari, just so she can be spineless enough to put up with this crap! >She looked at the smiling teddy bear that was in there with >it. She punched it hard. Crow: Pooh, NO! Joel : Hey, get your own Pookie! Mike : What the heck am I, a Ranma plushie? >"Stupid bear," she muttered. Joel: It's the anti-Yogi. Tom : I beg to differ, I ain't the one in diapers. Crow : I'm just as much a victim as you and the readers. >After lunch Nene knew she had a new problem. She had to pee, >but that was only part of the problem. I will not have a >bowel movement in these diapers, Nene told herself. Crow: And then, to make matters worse, the boomer came in with some scrambled eggs and stewed prunes. >This time I will not give in. She sat on the floor, watching >children's programming that the boomer had put on, telling >herself she was not going to soil the diaper. Joel: Until the first few telling bars of "I love you, you love me" wafted through the air. Tom : How can I possibly control my bowels with Barney on the television? >She lasted almost an hour, and then finally gave in. Mike: Quitter! Crow: Coincidentally, it was during Jerry Springer. Joel: Let's take a look at that in super slow motion! Crow: Uggh, let's not and say we did, please? >It took her a few minutes to actually do it. She ended up >squatting on the floor, pretending she was using the toilet. Tom: Does that mean she staked out a piece of the bottom land? Joel : Well...as you can see Nene has indeed taken a movement of the bowels...one that hasn't been seen since of Alex of Macedonia... >It came quickly then and at the same time her bladder >emptied. The mixture felt horrible to her and she began >crying. Mike: Um, why is she *feeling* it? Tom: For the record, this fanfic has nothing wrong with it... that judicious use of the Delete key can't fix. >Almost instantly she was scooped up by the boomer who was >very reassuring, in an adult to baby way, as she carried >Nene into the nursery. Joel: To start this whole vicious cycle yet again. Crow : And now, for your reading displeasure, I will take ten paragraphs to show a boomer wiping Nene's butt! Tom : Obey me or the Fisher-Price collection gets it! >She lay Nene down, holding her bottom up so it would not >squish the mess there, and quickly removed the diaper cover >then the diaper. Mike: The resulting stench fouled up the boomer's sensor suite, and it began to field-strip Nene. Joel : Ouch! That arm's not reconnectable, you know! Crow : Hmmmm, been eating your greens, I see.... Tom : Gah... the wallpaper's peeling! Jeez, you could fertilize IDAHO with that load! Crow: The defiant load. >Once they were off the boomer cleaned her up and got her >into a new diaper. Crow: And THIS one had purple ruffles, a cotton leak-guard, AND glow-in-the-dark Disney Babies! Joel : I'm step two, you know! Step two! >While it was still a diaper, it was a clean diaper, and Nene >was glad for it. She flushed as she realised that, but she >could not argue it. A clean diaper was much better than a >dirty one. Joel: Y'know, even a REAL baby would be fed up by this point.... Mike : But NO diaper would be better... hint hint... Tom : And a clean hardsuit is the best of all! >The boomer carried her out on the nursery and sat down in >one of the chairs in the living room. She began rocking Nene >gently in her arms, and she began singing softly. Crow : Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto! Tom : Rock-a-bye Nene... Mike : When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall, and down will come Nene.... Joel : Du! Du Hast! Du Hast mich! Crow : Sleep my friend and you will see, the dream is my reality... San-a-tarium! >Nene had stopped crying earlier and was now beginning to >feel almost happy. The soft singing, the gentle rocking, the >feeling of bulk between her legs, it all seemed to be taking >her back to a simpler time. Crow: The first part of this story, as a matter of fact. Tom: No. Just... no. Mike: Oh, COME ON! The author can't POSSIBLY expect us to buy this! Joel: Mike, the author couldn't even GIVE this away. >She almost felt as if she could go on forever like that. > She could not though. For a number of reasons. Crow : Like trying to escape... MAYBE!?! Tom: So, does anyone know where the other Knight Sabers are right now? Mike: Seeing which one of them can pick up Daley Wong first? Tom : Feh, I'll wait till 2040 when he actually picks up a fashion sense! >It was time to try one of her plans. > "Status," Nene said softly. Mike : You are wearing your third diaper, you have soiled yourself twice, and you are my bitch. Crow : 9998 HP and 999 MP. Joel : Status? Uh, I'm not Majel Barrett- Roddenberry, y'know? >The boomer stopped singing, and stopped rocking her as it >paused. "Overall functioning at ninety percent," she said, >then paused again. Joel : Hmm, insane killer robot or babysitting Nanny...I'll take my chances with the killer! Tom : Activate self-destruct sequence. Crow : Self-destruct sequence activ... hey! I'm not falling for that again! Tom : Shit! Even in the future, nothing works! >"Core programs completely integrated." It then reached over >to where the pacifier was. Tom : Damn auto-installer...A pox upon thee! Mike : Must.. suck... pacifier... Joel : I wish I had a smoke, guess this'll have to do.... > Nene almost panicked, but kept her cool. "New orders," >Nene said. > The boomer paused. "Unable to accept orders from child," >the boomer said, then grabbed the pacifier and moved it >towards Nene's mouth. Crow : New fanfic! Mike : That I can do. In this fic I'll be an elderly care worker, who has to take care of you and place you in a diaper daily... Crow : ...... > "I am not a child needing this care," Nene said. > The boomer paused again, the pacifier a few centimetres >from Nene's mouth. Tom: And it only took us one and half chapters to get to this point! Crow : Okay. Then I must eliminate you. Mike : Goo goo? > "I am not a child needing this care," Nene said again. >"You are in error." Joel : You are imperfect! You must destroy yourself! Crow : I am Nomad? Joel : Yeah, ain't it cool? Crow : Sterilize! STEEERRRIIIILLLIIIZEEE!!! > After several seconds the boomer placed the pacifier on >the table. "This charge is not an eleventh month old child. >Current method of care giving is in error," it said. Crow : Suitable age level, teenage...Recommended method of handling... turning over credit card and car keys. Mike : Sweeeet! Joel: Until Jack Elam comes to town. > Yes, Nene thought to herself. She had won. Crow : It's about bloody time, too! Joel: I dunno, I've got a bad feeling this isn't over yet.... Mike : Okay, now you be the mother and I am the baby! WAAAH! WAAAH! I need my diaper changed! Feed me! Give me burpies! Put me in my Johnny Jumper! >Nene, Naoko, and another woman from the communications >sections were the last ones to leave the restaurant. Nene >finished her sake and put the glass down as she pushed her >feet into her shoes. Joel: Uhh, later that day in a entirely different place! Crow: And now for something completly different, a unannounced scene change! Mike : Scene changes are for wimps! Tom: Look, guys... would you rather be in that LAST scene, or this one? Hmmm? Joel: Good point, and well made. > "See you tomorrow," Naoko called as she led the other >young woman from the restaurant. She had had way too much to >drink. Tom : Those hemlock shooters... whew! Crow : Can't sleep, nanna boomer will kill me...Can't sleep, Nanna boomer will kill me... > Nene waved goodbye to her, then leaned over to tie up her >shoes. > She got to her feet, swaying a little, she had also had a >little too much to drink, and set out of the restaurant. Tom: Drunk Nene attempting self-bondage. THAT'S new... Mike: Is this life imitating art or what here? Crow : Yessh, I'm dunk! Oh gawd, leff me alawn! Joel: Of course she promptly fell over but what can you expect from a drunken Nene? Tom: [singing] What can you do with a drunken Nene, drunken Nene, drunken Nene... What can you do with a drunken Nene-e- e-e... early in the mor-ning? > Not long afterwards she was sitting on a train, near >sleep, as it sped her back towards home. Crow : And in the weather tomorrow... the forecast calls for a seventy-percent chance of hilarity! Joel : I like those odds! Tom: This isn't 2040 Nene or Red Haired Nene, It's Zombie Nene! > All in all things had gone fairly well. She had retrieved >the information that Sylia required, and had made sure that >no one missed the boomer assassin that had gone missing from >the evidence vaults. She was in the clear. Life was good. Crow: Not until this fic ends, little one. Mike: As a matter of fact, life was so good the next sentence reads, "The End". Tom: Keep trying. Joel: Oh, why even deny it? Cut to Nene's apartment, and WOW, the boomer's there ready to resume taking care of Nene, and GEE, it's such a big surprise and... > She was brought out of her self congratulatory mood by a >computer generated voice telling her that the train was >about to pull into her station. Nene got to her feet, >shuffled to the door, and waited for the train to come to a >stop. Tom: [singing] Yessssss, sir! Yesssssss, sir! Mike: Nene's done a lot of soft-shoe practicing lately, hasn't she? >Once it did she stepped out, onto the platform. After the >air-conditioned interior the humid, outside air hit her like >a wall. Joel: Then she realized it was a wall, as she was facing the wrong way again. Crow : Night. Twenty-hundred hours. I heard a scream... it was me. Again. Tom : Oww, damn it, why can't all the stops be on the same side?! > Nene pushed forward, heading down the stairs towards the >exit. She turned on her way out, walking into the ladies >room. Mike : WHose idea was it to put the bathrooms OUTSIDE the train station?! Crow: Man, this author films EVERYTHING! Joel : It'll all be on the special edition DVD, with over 30 hours of diaper changing action cut from the orginal! Tom : Yes, and this is the diaper changing scene, I liked that one... and here, another diaper change, I was very fond of that angle.... >She stepped inside one of the stalls, closed the door, and >hung her backpack on the hook inside the door. Tom : Supplies are... not getting sold. Crow: INTENSE... PADDING... ACTION! Joel: I thought the padding action was the diaper scenes. Crow: Well... Mike : Ohh, for a good time I can call S at...Hey, this is the Silky Doll number! > She pulled her skirt up, then pushed her panties down her >legs. Squatting over the toilet, she relieved herself, >letting out a small sigh. Joel : ANOTHER piss scene! I ROCK! Crow: Don't they have videos dedicated to this sort of thing? Mike: I think it's going to become part of the X-games next year... >She pushed the panties all the way down her legs so the >bundled at her ankles. Carefully, putting a hand on the door >for balance, she took one foot out of her shoe, balancing on >the other foot. Mike : I am... a tree! See me germinate from a tiny seedling into a strong cedar! Tom: Geez, Nene, if you're THAT backed up, eat some prunes or something! >She reached down and slid the panties off that foot. She >repeated the procedure with the other foot and had the >panties completely off. Joel: She then twirled them on her finger, and tossed them to the crowd. Mike: Any other fic and I might be turned on right now, but.... Tom : Good thing these are edible panties, I could use a snack... > Nene shook them out, looking at the lacy white panties. >Inside the waistband was a Silkydoll label, where all her >big girl panties came from. Tom : Hey, they're orthopedic, give me a break! >Nene giggled softly as she thought that, then she folded the >panties up, opened her backpack and put them into it. > From another pocket in the pack she removed another set >of panties. Crow: She's carrying her bureau on her back? Tom : I'm sick of red tropical heat, I think I'll try white satin for a change. Crow : And it's all thanks to Panties in a can! Joel: Well, it beats the hell out of reading about diapers. >There were white as well, but more of a brief style, and >instead of being sheer silk they were a thick cotton. They >were also decorated with an anime print. Tom: What will they NOT do to market Gundam Wing? Mike : I always wanted to get Sailor Jupiter down here... Tom : I just couldn't say no to the Dr. Slump print...They even have Arale-chan running around with Poo on a stick! Crow: [shaking head] Man, you guys are horrible. Joel: Anime. Giving you quality Japanese-produced cartoons and panties for over fifty years! >Reversing the procedure she had used to take her other >panties off, she put those on. Joel: Hey, the author's learned how to reverse film! Bravo! > Then she took off her jacket, hung it over the pack, and >removed her blouse. After folding it up and placing it in >the pack she removed another blouse. Tom: Is the author hoping to get a ringing endorsement from Happosai or what? Mike : SWEET-O! Crow: No one will be admitted during the breathtaking CHANGING scene! Joel: Meanwhile, there's a half-dozen irate women all waiting to get into this bathroom stall... Crow : What's taking so damn long in there?! Joel : Uhh, I'm changing into Superman? >This one was pink, with a Peter Pan collar. Around the >collar and the cuffs were white lace. Crow: To complete the outfit, Nene grabbed a pair of green tights and a feathered cap. Mike : Now to find some lost boys! Heh heh heh... > She put it on and tucked the tails into her dark green >skirt. The skirt stayed. Joel : Obedience school worked wonders for my clothes! Tom: The tails, however, continued to smile at passerbys.... Mike: Nene has not one, but two tails! Vegeta is insanely jealous. >While their were animals sewn around the hem, the thread was >almost the same colour as the skirt so hardly anyone ever >noticed them. Tom, Crow : Such are the lives of bit players... Joel : Is that a water buffalo on your skirt, or are you happy to see me? Mike : Animal crackers in my soup, zebras and elephants loop de loop... >Properly attired she put her jacket back on, pulled the pack >over her shoulder, and left the stall then the bathroom. Crow ...only to be confronted by an angry mob of squirming women who immediately trampled her to death. Joel: Hey! Nene! You have a piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe! >As she walked towards her apartment she considered where she >had made her mistake. It had been in still referring to >herself as a child, not thinking about the children that had >been part of the family the domestic boomer had served. Joel : *sigh* Geoffrey told me they're be days like this.... Tom: The boomer had served the children the way it had tried to serve Nene in the kitchen. Mike: Ah, the W.C Fields method to child care. >If she was not the eleven month old baby, then she must be >the other one. A the six year old daughter. Tom : Just wait 'till I hit puberty! You'll see! Crow: Yeah, I could see how you could mistake an 11 month old baby for a six year old... huh?!? Mike: Genom at its finest. > When Nene opened the door to her apartment the boomer, >her nanny, was waiting for her. Joel : Hey now! Why aren't you wearing the green striped socks I bought for you!? Mike : Now Nene, DON'T trip over the ottoman today! Four months in a row is bad enough! > "How was school," her nanny asked. It always asked that, >Nene could be gone for a few days and it would still ask her >that. It had pigeonholed her and that was that. Mike: Yep, that was that. Why bother trying to fry its power source, or reprogramming it, or even holding a frigging magnet to its memory source, or PUTTING ON YOUR FRIGGING HARDSUIT?!? *pant, pant*. > "Fine," Nene said as she placed her backpack on the floor. > "Come along," nanny said, taking Nene's hand and leading >her towards the bathing room. Tom : You've got a toilet to scrub, young lady! Joel : Wash this! Scrub that! Mend this! Fix that! What am I, Cindernene? >She undressed Nene and then washed her. As Nene sat on the >stool, allowing her nanny to scrub her back, she decided >things weren't so bad. Crow : I have an insane boomer in the house with a distinct possibility of it going rogue... yes, life is grand! Tom : When the boomer tries to diaper my head, then I'll become concerned. Mike : Remember kids! Even thought it may seem like harmless fun at first, fooling around with boomers is NOT COOL and can be VERY DANGEROUS! What happened to me could happen to ANYBODY, so be careful! Knight Saber Nene says! > After that was over her nanny dried her off and carried >her to her room. The nursery remained, for the baby that >that boomer knew existed, but Nene was not taken in there. Crow : Now, where did I leave that darn baby? I was microwaving the bottle and changing the infant... oh bloody hell.. Joel : Quickly now, take me to the most expensive suite in Tokyo! Baby deserves nothing but the best! >She was taken into her own room, which was as she had always >had it. Obviously her nanny considered it childish enough. >Nene was a little insulted by that. Mike: Look, it AIN'T the nursery. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. Tom : I can let the Care Bears slide but a plastic tea set? >The boomer lay her down on the bed and began to dress her >for bed. It started with diapers. Joel: It starts with diapers, it ends with diapers, and it's diapers all the way through. Crow: A truly pampered Nene. Tom : Lessee... DIAPERS! The readers won't see THIS one coming! BWAHAHAHA! >The six year old must have been a bed wetter. Mike: And so, in the year 2032, it is acceptible for parents to denegrate children by making them wear diapers to bed? Joel: Or is it just a mad boomer fetish? Mike: I'd agree with "fetish", and I'd even throw in for "mad"... Crow: Stop bed wetting! Make sure YOUR roof is weather- sealed every three years or three thousand miles! >It did not matter that Nene was not one, every night she was >diapered for bed time. The boomer then put her pyjamas on >before tucking Nene in. Crow: I didn't know boomers wore pyjamas. Tom : And these runway fashions are the latest from Frederick's of Genom... boomer lingerie! Mike : Why the author didn't make it this simple in part one, I'll never know.... Crow: Why the author didn't STOP in part one, I'll never know. >As Nene lay in her bed, the diapers, which had become a >pleasant thing, rustling ever so slightly, Joel : Screw lace panties, I want HUGGIES! Mike: Nene! Don't be enticed by the dark side! Remember, there's NO NEED FOR DIAPERS! Unless, of course, you're as old as Quincy... Tom: Diaper Muyo? DON'T give this guy anymore ideas... >she thought about shutting the boomer down. It was time she >did something about it. Tom: Like calling the Knight Sabers? Joel: Tossing it into the crusher? Crow: I favor a stump grinder personally. Mike: Hell, even the ADP would do! Well... maybe not... Crow: So she took it to the dump and buried it. Many years later, it was unearthed by a old codger and repackaged.... Joel : How'ya doing Mistah J? >And then, as nanny began to read her a story, she realised >that she would find some reason to put it off. She snuggled >deep into her covers and was soon asleep. Tom : Finally! I thought she'd never drop off! Time to call the ladies, it's BINGO NIGHT! Crow : With Nene asleep, I can crack open a quart of Quaker State and watch the Appliance Channel! Yeah, BABY! >The End All: WOO-HOO! Joel: Sweeter words were never spoken! Tom: Two little words, two wonderful, wonderful words.... Crow: And as for a response... There were so many different contrivances that all seemed to create the plot of this story. When your believability is hurt like that, especially in the beginning, it can really take away from the story. Tom: And the fanfic seemed to hit a repeat in the middle where Nene was doing the exact same things over and over. Repetition like that could really hurt reader morale and make them turn away from the fic. Mike : The End? Do I see a naked rear here? It looks like you need a diapering too! All: Don't make us hurt you, Mike! Mike: Sorry, sorry! >Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ >Before you buy. Crow: Cheat and lie. Joel: Sob and cry. Tom: Or, just go to Ebay instead. Crow: Oog, guys, let's get out of here while we can. Mike: Diaper lemons... --Satellite of Love Joel and Mike were dragging as they left the theater. Of course, just behind them, Crow T. Robot toddled around and attempted to break as many things as he could get his hands on, all the while laughing and carrying on just like an infant would. Mike sighed and addressed Joel, "Why don't we just take the baby bonnet, wig, and diaper off of him?" "He's probably vaporlocked," Joel replied. "All that would do is make him madder." Meanwhile, Crow snuck up on poor Tom Servo. "Hey... HEY! Get off of me! What do I look like, your Johnny Jumper?" Tom yelled as Crow leapt right on and held tight. "Goo!" was the only response Tom received. Mike shook his head slowly and then looked on the desk. "Holy... check it out, Joel, we have a letter to read." Joel grabbed the letter, and held it up for Cambot. "Can we put that up on still-store? This is from Alan, and he writes: "Overall, your MSTing [of Blood of Heroes] was quite good. You used a good variety of sources, and didn't resort to cliches. I saw the influence of Megane (in Crow's characterization and the host segments) and possibly a little Joseph Nebus. Not everyone can pull that off. If at all possible, keep working on projects like these. "A few odd and catty comments... "'Daffyd and Eowyn'? Sure, most self-insertions have weird relatives and backgrounds, but this sounds deeply wrong. Almost an Eyrie Productions sort of improbable. ">Nabiki Tendo Investment Firm (NTIF) "So the author got funding from a fictional character? Or maybe it's stretching--really stretching--into a Nuku-Nuku crossover. ">(Door #3: "The Complete Works of David Eddings"... flame works well) "Someday, after I figure out what'll happen to me after December 2000, I'll read Eddings' books. I need something to put me to sleep. "That whole first scene in the story was really weird. I had no clue what was going on, or any idea what its purpose was. Did you get anything out of it? "'The Profound Darkness'? I can't believe the author made a Phantasy Star IV reference. Or maybe it was just an accident. "That's it for now. I gotta go on to more productive things. Y'know, things involving can openers. Thanks for listening. "-Alan (rarely called Gekiganwing)" "WAAAAHHHH!!" Crow cried, still hanging on to Tom's hoverskirt and sucking on one of Tom's hands. His eyes slowly turned right, to the paper that Joel was holding in his hands. With a leap that was positively catlike, Crow grabbed the paper and started happily tearing it to shreds. "A-goo! Goo ga gooo!" "Uhh... thanks a lot for the feedback, Alan, glad you enjoyed it!" Mike responded. The red light started flashing. Joel, still looking a bit shell-shocked, touched it. "You rang, sirs?" he asked. --Deep Thirteen "Yes, Lurch, we did! Frank, let's show the Satellite how mad scientists can help each other!" Dr. F beckoned. "I present to you, the community, and all poor proles everywhere..." Frank held up a sign, reading "Shady Acres Ol'-Folks Home", as Dr. F smiled. "Our new partnership with Genom! We supply the old folks, they supply the babysitting boomers, and we all make money! And if Genom is smart, they put the programming of a nanny boomer on the sensor suite of an assassin, but hide it in the body of a sexaroid! We'll make millions from all the old men alone!" "But sir," Frank protested, "where are we going to find all these old people outside of 'Cocoon'?" "Simple, Frank. Tell the AARP that their next meeting will be held here! Now go push the button while I make the peanut-butter squares..." Frank nodded and put the sign down. "As you wish, Dr. Rosenkreuz..." --POOF!-- "Oh, and Frank... go get our box of Golden Girls reruns. That'll get 'em!" o/~ "Na na na-a-ah, na na, na NA na..." All comments and criticism about this MST will be gratefully appreciated and accepted at: zoogz@yahoo.com Thus concludes our MSTing broadcast. For this one, I must thank all of the coauthors listed above, for this was originally going to be a group project co-MST with host segments written by both Knight and I. However, that fell through and I really had to publish this poor thing since I asked the author in *FEBRUARY* for this fic. I'm sorry, Incognito Himitsu, for taking so very long editing and writing this, but I really hope you and the rest of the readers appreciate our efforts. And again, thanks to the assembled talent that stuck with this fic through thick and thin, they really deserve some kudos. I especially thank Megane 6.7 and Jack Acid, two friends who have provided me a needed lift through the last couple weeks. Look for Jack's new MST, "Bubblegum Pink: Raging Fires", along with Meg's MST "Raw is Oro", two great MSTs that can be found on the webpage I maintain for them and myself: http://www.nabiki.com/mst Also be on the lookout for a fair bit of fanart, both from Jack Acid and myself. When I get to upload it, that is... Still to be released is the Anime Central live-action MSTing, which I still have secreted away in a set of floppy disks and a neat red-cover notebook. I know I've received a lot of inquiries as to its completion... well folks, with this group project done I can now officially start it. Look for this project, a MSTing of the Sailor Moon self-insertion fic "Battle Royale", along with my latest in-progress solo work: another MST that I've been working on, "Nyquil DOOM" (a Gundam Wing yaoi lemon) along with an undisclosed shorty, on weblists soon. Special thanks to: Teachers of America (and the world!) The Authors of the 1st Amendment Best Brains >The boomer lay her down on the bed and began to dress her >for bed. It started with diapers. The six year old must have >been a bed wetter. Keep Circulating the Fanfics...