Part TWO of two (Door #7: the dog-bone raises and the doors separate) (Door #6: a Dutch double-door. You open the top and fall over the bottom) (Door #5: Just to spite you, it's a window.) (Door #4: it's a garage door. You have to open it manually) (Door #3: "The Complete Works of David Eddings"... flame works well) (Door #2: It's a wardrobe. You open the door... but no Narnia) (Door #1: a vault door; after it shuts again, it effectively keeps you inside) (Mike entered the theater, carrying Tom. Tom was placed in the fourth seat from the right, as Mike sat next to him. After that was Joel, and Crow sat in the far right seat.) >It just didn't look like it was gonna last for long. Duo finally gave >out a sigh of defeat, and put his hands up. Crow I'm putting my hands in the air... I'm waving them... *yawn*... like I just don't care.... Joel : But ONLY if I get a million dollars for this, Heero! Chris Elliot promised it! >"Oh well, if I gotta do it, then I gotta do it...LITERALLY!" said Duo, >and with that was dashed upstairs by an over-ecstatic Heero to Quatre's >room. Mike: So, Quatre's quarters? Tom: Why not? I once stayed in Sweet's suite. Mike: [shudders] Uggh, I'm not even gonna ask. >Why Quatre's room, you ask? Joel: The fic assumes too much methinks. Mike: Because it's closer to the refrigerator? Tom: The flashing neon sign above the bed saying, "Home of the Whopper"? >Well, with all the fun Quatre and Trowa have, they've gotta have a >well-stocked room!!!! Tom: Quatre's been featured in many Trowa pictures, hasn't he? Like Toxic Crusader and Cannibal the Musical, along with Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD? Crow: Snakes and Ladders as far as the eye can see! Mike : I wanna be the thimble! I call the thimble! Joel : No way, dude! You can be the shoe! >>TBC< Tom: Y! TCBY! >NYQUIL DOOM > >Chapter 2 Mike: The Return of the Evil Snifflies. >disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NYQUIL!!! well, I own a bottle of it, but that's >as far as it goes... also ,I DO NOT own GundamW, even though I want to >VERY MUCH!!! Joel: And if she hired herself as a scriptwriter... >they both belong to their owners... who over they are.... ^.^ > >----------------------------------------------------- Tom: The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah... > "Heero," said Duo as he was carried up the stairs, "Are you sure >you're in control of yourself, and it's not just the Nyquil talking??" Joel : Gee, maybe you're right.... Mike : Quiet, you! Crow: Back to "The Young and the Drug-Crazed" after a word from our sponsors. >Duo didn't think Heero heard him all that well, since he was busy >working on Duo's chest, Mike: Heart bypass *without* anaesthesia? Wow, give that man a prize! Crow : Let's see here... remove the breadbox... *ZAPPP!* Oops, sorry about that Rudolph, er I mean, Duo! Tom I'm just a man, workin' on the chain... >capturing one nipple in his teeth, and nibbling very lightly. Tom: *squeak squeak* Joel : Oww... OOOWWWWCCCCHHHH! What the hell, you think I have a creamy filling? > "Oh, Heero..." gasped Duo, his hands flying to Heero's hair. Crow : You have the most awful split ends! What do you wash with, cooking grease? Mike: Uh-oh guys, buckle down... here comes five paragraphs about hair. Joel : Hey! DON'T... touch the hair! >Duo stroked it and admired with his last coherent thoughts how even >though Heero's hair always looked like pillow hair, (and almost always >WAS!) it was silky smooth and tangle-free. Tom : Anything to keep me from looking at that homely face I'll take! Joel: Five minutes later, Heero left the room in disgust as a drooling Duo begged him to tell him about the rabbits. >Heero loved it when Duo played with his hair, Duo knew that for a >fact, Tom: ...but when Duo started shaving it off to glue it onto his own head he wondered if the obsession was a bit too deep. Joel : Gimme a head with hair! Long beautiful hai-ii-iir! Shin-ing, gleam-ing, screamin' waxin' flaxen! Crow: This fanfic sponsored by Bishonen Pillows. Sleep with your own personal Heero today! >but alas the time came when he had to stop so he could pull >Heero into an earth-shattering kiss. Crow: Moments later, the ghosts of billions surrounded them and screamed, 'Oh, good one, Duo!' Mike NOW where will I put all of my stuff?! >Heero pulled back from his angel of death, and took a look at him in a >rare moment where it could be considered as the 'real' Duo. Crow: What is this? A Hulk Hogan promo? Mike : Duo! My God! You have a... a... Joel : I have a what? Mike : A COWLICK!! Waaaaahhhhh!! >This was the only time hen he didn't have a fake smile plastered onto >his face. Tom: So Duo *doesn't* want Heero to have a nice day? Crow: Duo decided to try quick drying cement only to have huge teeth carved into it by a passing hooligan. Mike : Baba Booey! >Duo's hair had come undone from his braid, and now hung around his >body like a fluffy chestnut cloud, Tom: It looks like a dinosaur... Crow: No, I see a piggy bank! Mike: Of course, Heero had to dodge the white rain that came from infrequent washings. >his violet eyes hazy and full of an emotion Heero wasn't quite sure >of, but didn’t matter to him right now. Tom: Otherwise known as Duo's "I want a drumstick... YOURS!" face. Joel : I seek instant self-gratification! All other feelings are meaningless! >(There was also a noticeable bulge in Duo's boxers, but we won't go >into that...YET) Crow : Trick or treat! Mike: Ick, how about neither? Joel : Just three more anatomy classes and I can tell all about the bulge! Tom: I imagine there's quite the battle going on in there. >Heero moved down to pull off those concealing boxers, but was pulled >up by Duo, and the two began an all-out tongue war. Joel : TAKE NO TASTEBUUUUUUUUUDS!!! Crow : DEATH TO THE GUMS!! Mike : CRY HAVOC AND LET LOOSE THE SALIVA OF WAR! >As they wee doing that, neither of them really noticed themselves >removing each other’s clothing, Joel : Oh... are these your Dockers? Tom : Why yes... yes they are. >and soon the two were caressing each other on the bed. Tom : Geez, you've got a LOT of leg hair... >"Hee-chan," mumbled Duo between kisses, "Did you lock the door?" Crow : But how can we have a three-way without an unsuspecting prowler dropping by? Mike : No worries, I left Battle-Cat outside to stand guard. >Heero muttered a curse, shook his head, and continued chewing on Duo's >earlobe. Tom : May your stomach swell and your head be plucked of all but three hairs! Joel : Needs soy sauce. >"Iie, but I don't think anyone'd be dumb enough to barge in on us." Crow: RRRRUUUMMMMMBBBLLLLEEE.... Tom: CRACK! CRACK! Joel : The world's falling apart!!! Mike : Calm down, it's just Fat Albert. Joel : THAT'S WORSE!! >Duo thought about this for a moment while he fondled heero’s erection. Crow : Yeah, you're right. Well, I'm off then! After all, it's no fun without the danger! Seeya! >"Hmmm, I guess you're right, Hee-chan, everyone knows your condition >right now. Well, everyone being Wufei..." Tom: Must be hell to get a personal licence plate then. Joel: The average man does NOT talk this much during sex, thankyewverymuch... Mike: The sensitive "let's discuss our whole backstory over lust in bed" scene. >Heero gasped as Duo moved down to capture his aching hardness inside >his mouth, and started trailing his tongue along the underside. Tom : *GACCK?!* *CHOKE* Geez, don't you ever WASH this thing?!? Joel : Aww, thit... I got a shplinter! PTOO! Mike: That's gotta be the strangest back massage I've ever seen. >"Ahh, Duo!" Shouted Heero as he buried himself inside of Duo's mouth. Crow: And soon to follow... the cremation. >Heero didn't know why, but the Nyquil was making all his sensations 20 >times clearer! What medicine!! Tom: Imagine what happens when he moves on to Sudafed... Mike : Terrific... looks like I'll be napping at the office again.... >Duo wasn't really in the mood for a romp, but then again... >its Heero. Joel : So? Mike : So, it's MY story and I say you can't ignore Heero! Joel : Whatever. Tom: Oh, that Heero... thank you for making us laugh at love. Again! >Who cares? So Duo pulled away from Heero ignoring the...whimpers? >coming from Heero, as if begging silently for Duo to finish. Mike : I didn't want this. I just wanted a Milk-Bone. Crow : So sorry, but it'll be another hundred if you want me to finish... I took the liberty of checking your pockets... heh heh heh... >Duo just looked down at his lover, and marveled how beautiful Heero >was. Crow: Until he saw... THE HICKEY. Tom : Excuuuuuse me, Heero, but where did that come from, hmmm?? Been playin' around behind my back again? You ho! >Of course, he wouldn't tell Heero that, he'd just try to kill him...So >instead duo said in with actions, like giving a full out screwing. Joel: So Duo would kill Heero if Duo told Heero that he was sexy? Crow : Not the power tools again! We used those last night! Mike : No, please, no! DON'T TIGHTEN MY NUTS!!! AAAUUUGHH!!! >"Duo," Heero said, "Please, finish..." Duo couldn't resist an >invitation like that, Tom: Crow : There! The perfect souffle! Mike : Good, that means I don't have to waste time making you offers. >so he bent down and engulfed Heero's shaft into his mouth, moving up >and down. Tom: Allowing another string of Lemmings to move from Duo's back to Heero's chest, continuing the path. Mike: Man, I need a Certs just thinking about that. >Heero couldn't take much more. Duo was a golden treasure. Crow: Or at least a Happy Meal. Tom: P-Pockets weighing me down... c-can't feel my legs... but I... I MUST HAVE IT ALL!!! >Heero finally screamed Duo's name, and emptied himself into Duo's mouth; >who gladly accepted it and gulped it all down. Joel : Gotta gulp 'em all! Tom: Buy two jumbo Slushies and get a free 9 oz Heero at 7-11! >Heero laid still for a second, recovering from the emotions, and then >was on top of Duo, kissing him like never before. Mike: Meanwhile, Duo was doing his best Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally" impression. >"Hee-chan, I love you..."trailed off Duo as Heero kissed him again. Tom (singing) Duo, don't be a heeeeeero! Crow : Would you just SHUT UP already! I'm TRYING to kiss you! Geez! >"Time for me to repay your favor, Duo.” said Heero as he licked and >sucked Duo’s nipples, making them harden. "Ahh, Hee-chan!" said Duo, >who was visibly starting to harden. Joel: One minute later, Duo was stone and 'Medusa' Heero was off to seek his next victim. Tom: He's becoming positively statue-esque! >Heero kept on sucking on Duo's nipples as he reached down to toy with >duos aching need, Tom : I need... my poor hair washed! This romping around is giving me split ends! Joel : Well, I have some Pert Plus around here... Tom : NOOO!! I can only have Herbal Essences! Joel : Yes! YES! YES!! Mike : Want some Ben Gay? Nope, can't have it! Want some Ben Gay? Nope, can't have it! >making it swell and grow much like his own. "Heero..." Duo moaned, >thrashing his head side to side, hands flinging to Heero's length >uncontrollably. Mike : TENSHIN AMAGURIKAN!!! Crow : Ouch, dammit! That's a highly sensitive precision tool you've got there! Tom: Oh those wacky Japanense and their epilepsy. >Heero just chuckled and moved lower down, kissing Duo's naval and inner thigh. Joel : Oooh, christen my battleship! Mike: Here's hoping Duo is original recipe. Tom : No, no, first I have to salute the flag and the deck officer! Protocol, man! Protocol! >Duo trembled with anticipation but cried out when Heero kissed the tip of >his arousal, and went back to Duo's mouth. "Heero, I can't take this >pressure!" shouted Duo. Crow: I call no James Doohan impressions. Tom: Suddenly, Duo imploded and became a black hole. Oddly enough, he was hated throughout the Gundam cast after that. Mike : The lemon scene's closing in on me, man! I'm starting to think WEIRD STUFF!! AHHHHHHHHHRGRGRGH!!! >"Shh..." said Heero. "You always did talk too much..." Heero murmured as >he reached under the pillow Duo was lying on, and pulled out a bottle of >lubricant. Joel: We've replaced Heero's K-Y Jelly with top-grade airplane model glue. Let's see if anyone notices... Tom: How do the giant robots figure into this, again? Mike: Gendon stole them for the next Dot Every T MSTing. >"Oh Heero, Now!" practically shouted Duo, squirming uncontrollably, and >reached out for the bottle. Heero looked down at Duo. Crow : What do you think this is, Duo, "Strange Brew"? Joel : Screw you, ain't no way I'm being sober for THIS lemon! >"And here I thought I was the Nyquil induced one!" chuckled Heero as he >held Duo to him. Heero decided to silence Duo by kissing him passionately, Joel: Tongue-assisted gagging. Mike: No, Heero! Bring that tongue back before it's too late..... Crow : Mmmmph! But I Mmmph hate censorshi...mmmmph!! >and inserted a finger into his opening, causing Duo to shift >delightfully. Duo gasped into Heero’s mouth, and arched up onto Heero’s >finger, with a look of ecstasy on his face. Tom: [wincing] Oh, poopie. Crow : Thanks! I thought I'd have to pay an arm and a leg for my hemorrhoid surgery too! Joel: Later, as Heero was forced into the back of a police cruiser, he was heard to be screaming 'HE TOLD ME HE WAS EIGHTEEN, I SWEAR!' >"My angel, my little piece of light..." murmured Heero on Duo's lips, >savoring the looks Duo gave him. Joel: Meanwhile Quatre and Wufei were locked in a struggle for their lives, their desperate cries of needing backup going unheeded. >"Heero, you got that a lil mixed up... I'm the god of death, remember? >Maybe I should flip my angel over and I'll be the one committing this >sinful act!" Mike : Now where's the nearest spatula? >said Duo, looking about ready to push Heero over, but was kept down by >Heero's body. Crow : First, it was the man and now Heero's body... damn it, let my people go! Tom : Down to the bougeoisie bodies! Union-IZE! Union-IZE! Mike : Heero? Heh, Heero? OH MY GOD! His weak heart! >Heero continued putting his fingers inside duo though, making sure his >opening was good and stretched. It was the easiest way to keep Duo down. Joel : Ooooooohhhh.... now I remember why I love visiting my proctologist... Tom : But I'm not going to let him get me dowwwwwn... cause this old world keeps spinning round... Mike: Wow, I hope Heero is using protection... a latex glove or two. Can't be too safe! Crow: Heero prepares to insert the fist. Mike: And the fist kills everybody! >"Duo, you're stalling... why? You were begging just a while ago...." >asked Heero, puzzled. Joel : Give me some gas and for the love of God, let up on the choke! Mike : Sorry 'bout that, I found a little self-respect under the sheets. >Duo just flicked Heero's head, and smiled, a genuine one. ""I wasn't, I >was trying to see if the great Heero Yuy could halt the effects of the >almighty Nyquil." Tom : Eww, did you just stick a booger on me? Crow : I gotta boogie on my finger, but I couldn't shake it off! >"Oh, I CAN," said Heero, "but then again, who would want to." and with >that thrust into Duo with force. Crow: Exactly 37.26 joules per square inch. Joel: Oooh, poor Duo will be scooting for a week afterwards... Mike: Hours later, Heero was still lying on the floor, blooded and unconsious while a sore and pissed Duo watched Conan O'Brian. >"Ohhhhh, Hee-chan...." gasped Duo, holding onto Heero tighter than >before. He looked up to the ceiling, and wondered why he'd been graced >with his angel.... yes, that truly was what Heero was... an angel.... Mike : Earth angel, earth angel... will you be mine... Tom: [singing] Hee-chan drag, in a glittering ball room! Joel : Hey Heero, do you know a Michael by chance? Mike: He used to be a teenage werewolf. >Heero pulled out, and listening to the moans elicited from Duo, started >his thrusts, more forceful than ever before. Mike: Y'know, just once I'd like to see a lemon end with someone literally exploding and leaving the survivin participant with a sheepish look on his or her face. Tom: Heero's using the Acme Rocket-Powered Pogo Stick. >"HEERO!!!" yelled Duo, going over the edge, and soaking emptying out >onto both their stomachs. Tom : Aww, man... I just couldn't take this scene anymore! Now, anyone have any Pepto Bismol? Joel : If I told you once, I told you a thousand times, Duo. Don't drink the water! Tom: Luckily there happened to be a stomach pump handy and within minutes, all traces of the week-old sardines were flushed out. Crow: Yaoi sex - the ultimate ipecac. >Heero couldn't resist having Duo say his name like that, and soon emptied >himself too, collapsing onto Duo's sweaty form. Joel: Who was already sleeping. Mike : You brute! What about the cuddling?! Crow *Yaawwwwnnn...* You want cuddling, go find a Fushigi Yuugi character to "fling with". >*Ten minutes earlier, in another part of the mansion/safe house* Joel: ...flesh eating zombies were busy chasing Chris Redfield as he cursed out the player for being too cheap to invest in a Gameshark.... >"Injustice!!!!" yelled Wufei as he stomped to his room. There's no way the Lakers should've lost! A pox upon the referees!! Would somebody get these trash can lids off my feet?!? >He had always coveted after the braided one since he first met him...and >who gets Duo's love??? That 'perfect soldier', who always punches his >perfect nose into the ground. Joel: Did Jean Claude van Damme star in that? Crow: Glass Wufei was laughed out of the Mike Tyson circuit... Mike : Quick, knock me out so I can retire! Crow: Hardly, he'll just come back as Wufei "Don" Flamenco. >"Injustice" grumbled Wufei some more, as he slammed the door, and lay >down on his bed. Tom : When I find the one responsible for stealing my Eggo waffle... THERE'LL BE HELL TO PAY!! Crow : Just give him the damn cereal... would it KILL you to give the poor rabbit his !@$!$ cereal?!? >Wufei had had enough of this little five some...it was time to ship out. Tom : And once I leave the army, I'll have the qualities nine out of ten employers are looking for! Crow: Him and Jamie Farr are bucking for section eights. >The only thing was Wufei didn't want to leave Duo. > >::What if he changes his mind about Heero? I'll be far away...and he'll >end up going back to that heartless.... cute......evil psychopath.:: Mike: Akiko Natsume? >Wufei hot straight up into the air as he rethought that last statement. Joel: So, would that be considered "hotting mad"? Crow : Dang. Should've worn my winter cap today. >::CUTE?!?!? Have I been smoking crack in my sleep?:: Wufei got up, and >trudged into his bathroom. Crow : A little deodorant on the teeth, some toothpaste on the pits... YES, I'M COMPLETELY CALM!! Joel: Sleepcrackin' was getting to be a problem among the younger generations... Mike : Hmm, my hair's on fire, guess that answers that question.... >He opened up the compartment that was hidden under his sink pipes, and >grabbed out a HUGE bag. Joel : Hey man, what's in that? Tom : It's Labrador. Joel : What's Lab-a-dor? Tom : It's dogshit. My dog ate my stash... I had to follow him around with a baggie for three days. Mike: Wufei took hiding tips from Lamar Odom. Crow : SnnnnnIIIFFFF... Yep, it's all still here. Now lets see, yellow and blue make... Green, that's it. >"Nope, it's still all here..." and with that put it back. Joel : Plum Passion, Ruby Delight, Auburn Medley... no, none of my nail polish is gone... >"If that's not it... then I must be sick..... I'll just sneak out some >cold medicine from the bathroom..." Mike: The bathroom that he IS ALREADY IN? Joel : I know, I'll ask Dr. Mom! Tom : Then, under the guise of flu, I shall investigate the cabinet and snoop my cares away! >said Wufei to himself, going to the bathroom. Crow: ...first leaving the bathroom he is currently occupying. Joel : Man, someone beefed in here! I'm going elsewhere for my elimination needs! >"Wow.... Heero's got this bathroom really locked up tight!" ::must be >where he keeps the Nyquil...:: Wufei thought with an evil smirk. Mike: Wufei really has a problem controlling his inner dialogue. Crow: Dimetapp's thanking its lucky stars that they DIDN'T sign the deal for product tie-ins... Joel: Methinks Wufei recently played a game or three of 'Water Closet'.... >"Well, looks like my time to shine!!!! I'll get Duo back if I drink >some of that stuff!!! Crow: So, bravery comes in a Nyquil bottle? Joel: Either that or plot advancement. >He’ll see he wants me more!! Or at least I'm better in the sack than >Yuy!!!! Said Wufei, and began trying to pick the lock. Crow : Let's see... should it be five-tumbler, deadbolt, chain, doorknob? Mike: Has this become a Metal Gear: Solid crossover now? >When the door opened, he was greeted with literally a minefield leading >up to the bathroom sink. Joel : Darn those Russians, why don't they practice scorched earth policy in someone ELSE'S bathroom?! Mike: Hey, could someone set down some Mokona bait at the far end of that? Please? Tom: Undaunted, Wufei pulled out a box of mechanical bunnies and quickly cleared a path through.... >::one step and I'm dead justice fodder...:: Wufei shuddered, and made a >lil prayer before making his way to the sink. Tom : Must... wash hands... no matter what... the... cost.... Crow: Never thought sinks and toilets would be more animated and better actors than the characters themselves. Mike: Yeah, I really hope the author takes the time to properly thank them in the end credits. >"O great Nataku..." Wufei said, patting thin air next to his shoulder, >"let me pass through this maze of insanity and drugs so I may find >happiness; in liquid form." Joel : Wish granted. Tom : Hey, wait... you gave me Juicy Juicy fruit punch! Joel : What did you expect? Welsher's Grape Juice? Tom : Well, duh! >He took a deep breath after saying this and stepped forward. Tom: BBBOOOOOOMMMMMM!! Crow : Not ON the mine, you dope... Mike: Well, at least he died with a mouthful of oxygen. Joel: Instead of a horizontal rhumba with Duo, he was treated to a waltz with a Bouncing Betty and a dance with death. >Right onto a mine. > >*BOOM* at least from the blast, Wufei was flung to the sink, with no >problems. Mike : Wow... I had a vision. Of a... Flux Capacitor... Crow: ...who quickly spiked Wufei to the toilet which jumped for the power spike to the remaining mines. Joel: So for such a minor explosion, each mine has about a teaspoon of vinegar and a dash of baking soda, eh? >"Whaaaaaaauuuu......*shakes head* now, to find that magical syrup!" and >opened the sink, only to find.... a bomb?? Mike : Wow... a copy of "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within". Didn't know it was on video this quickly. Crow : Heyyyy, this is the leading brand! I wanted the Robitussin 44D! >"WHA?!?" said a shocked Wufei, and read the label. Crow