Subject: [KFFDISC] BBW part 3 [sort of...] Date: Tue, 14 Mar 2000 00:55:14 GMT From: "Tochi-san" Reply-To: kffdisc@NABIKI.COM To: sanomegumifics@egroups.com, kffdisc@NABIKI.COM Hello minna! How ya doin'! Since you're probably wondering about the subject line, let me explain. I had finished this chapter a while ago, maybe two weeks? but I refrained from posting it because the way the chapter turned out took me completely off guard. I don't know how, but it was like the plot went in a totally different direction from the original plan and left me sort of blank when I got to part 4. I call it the "fraud" chapter. Buuuut, due to circumstances (I'll explain this later), I've decided to just let it go and post it anyway. I'll just have to figure out how to replot the rest of the story. Anyhow, that out of the way, here's the fic: ~*~ A Bird With Broken Wings By Tochi Part 3: A Girl From Aizu Disclaimer: *all standard disclaimers apply* Warning: *MAJOR* spoilers for the end of the RK manga. For anyone who does not want to know of certain happenings in the ending, I suggest you reconsider reading this...just buy the manga, find out, then come back and read it. ^_^ "Nisei Daughter: the Second Generation" excerpt written by Rose Furuya Hawkins _______________________________________________ part 3: a girl from aizu The bird wriggled and thrashed wildly in Aki's grip as the young boy patiently attempted to apply a splint to the limp wing. Megumi watched him, facinated, as he worked, taking careful note of his every move, his soothing voice, his gentle touch. She just knew her brother was going to be the best doctor in Japan. She knew it. And the thought had always brought a joyous sense of pride and admiration to her young heart. "You know," she spoke out loud. "When you grow up...and you become a doctor...I'll tell everyone about you and what a wonderful sensei you are." Her voice grew excited. "I'll tell about how you and I saved the bird, and everyone would be so proud!" "Who said I was going to be a doctor?" Aki said finishing up with the bird. Megumi hesitated briefly, taken slightly aback. "Well..." she began, "'Tou-san said you were the best student he ever had. He told me so!" "Really?" "And I know so!" "You believe everything 'Tou-san says?" "I believe what he says about you." Aki looked at his sister and smiled wistfully. "Why do you care so much? Is it really that important right now? What I'm going to be?" "Be-because..." Megumi scoured her mind for an answer. She knew she had it, but she just couldn't grasp it right now. "Because," she finally decided, "it's the right thing! You're good at it, so you should help sick people! And also...Tou-san would be so proud of us. You know how much he wants us to be..." Her voice dropped to a soft murmur. "I want people to remember 'Tousan forever. I want everybody to know what a good man he is and how much he loves us. I want him to feel proud of you...of me." Aki listened solemnly as her hair slowly began to fall into her eyes. "Yesterday I was helping him stir the medicine and I asked him why I have to call you Onii-sama all the time when everyone else calls you Aki. He started laughing and he said I was funny. Then he hugged me, real tight, and told me how much he would miss us when he went away. And when I told him I would never leave him, he said that someday eventually I will get married and have a husband, and I will leave him and you behind." Her shoulders tightened and her voice grew frustrated. "I couldn't believe he said that! No matter what happens to me, no matter where I go, I will always come back. I don't need a husband. All I need is Aki and Otousan and I'll be fine! And then he said that when it really happened, I wouldn't care. How could I not care about him?!" Her bottom lip quivered, but her eyes were defiant and clear. She looked up and faced Aki boldly. "So I want you to become a doctor. Because I know how proud he would be if you were. I want to show him how much we really care about him!" "But Megumi..." "And I don't care what they say. I don't care if the whole Japan thinks I am wrong just because I'm a girl. Even if they hate me. I won't care because all I need to know is that 'Tou-san will always love me." "Megumi," asked Aki. "What are you saying?" "Well," she replied, eyes clear in determination. "I'm going to be a doctor too." ~*~ Like falling sugar, rain came in soft showers upon the empty early morning streets of Aizu. The sky was bright and the atmosphere misty, lighting the afternoon like a brush painting of bright ocean shade. The rain was light, pelting gently upon the cold imobile tombstone, one of many graves that littered the entire area, planted here and there like they were rice plants grown and nutured by Death himself. Secluded and solitary... Megumi stood, a silent, pensive figure among the field of lonely headstones, a sturdy umbrella shielding her from the mild onslaught. Before her was a large mound with an upright rock at its head. Her lashes flickered slightly. *How are you?* The gravestone remained silent. Agreement. *I've come to see you.* Silence... The rain continued to fall and bounce lightly off the uneven surface. And then... [Yes.] *I'm sure you won't mind. You've always loved talking to people.* [Yes.] *I've been doing a lot of things lately these past several weeks don't you know?* [Really.] *Joseph's been working with me for a week now. At our clinic. You know, the one you used to work in when I was little. Joseph's says he's heard about you in his studies. I know I probably shouldn't call him by his first name since I still don't know him very well, it's something you would reprimand me about. But he insists anyway, says etiquite in England is a lot looser than in Japan. You know they walk around their houses with shoes on? It's so funny! 'Kaa-san used to get so mad when I forgot to take mine off and it got the floor all messy!* [Aren't you the silly girl?] *Well I'm not that silly. I've been through some changes recently. I'm trying to remember what it's like to be a child again. I never got to live it fully, I know. I was taken away from that before I could really feel it...but I'm trying. If I could remember, if I could feel it again, I might be able to find out what I'm missing. Why I'm so lonely...* [Have you found it?] ......... *No.* [No.] *Not yet. Things are still disagreeing with me in life. I'm still confused.* [Confused.] *But I'll know it when I see it. I can feel it in me...even now. It's in me. It's here somewhere. I just can't grasp it right now. Do you think? Do you think this is right? Everyday, I get up and I go to work telling myself how lucky I am and how happy I should be. I help treat people, I talk freely with them, I do everything I should do. I'm happy. I'm blessed to have so many wondeful people as my friends. But at night, when I lay awake in bed...I feel so alone. Unfulfilled. So empty and bare. I still see things in my dreams, things I don't want to see or even remember.* [Lonely.] *I'm happier on the outside, but I still feel the same on the inside...* [You're such a silly little girl.] *I know. Aren't we all?* Silence... *I've missed you.* Wet puddles formed on the head of the stone, and it glistened in the watercolor light. [Yes.] "Didn't expect to see you here on a rainy day." Megumi looked up and saw Joseph, clad in his large jacket, striding over to her side. Her lips turned up slightly. "Didn't expect to see you following me around." "Whatever," he smiled. "I saw you walking here this morning. Was wondering what you were up to." "Well, I'm a little old for a chaperone, don't you think?" She returned the smile but continued to stare at the gravestone, as if deep in thought. There was a calm moment of silence before she spoke again. "I came here to see my father." Joseph nodded toward the gravestone. "This?" "Iie..." She could sense Joseph's puzzled expression and looked up, scanning the horizon of the vast cemetery. "At that time-back when the war was still going on," she said quietly, "so many people were killed there was no way to keep track of the bodies. Many of them were partially in tact anyway. So whatever remains they found they put them here, hoping this would be the most respectful way to put them to rest." She sighed as she surveyed the desolate field with despairing eyes. "I don't even know if he's here...But whoever this is, at least I know that they are somehow linked to him in death. Besides," She turned to Joseph. "We're all the same when we're gone anyway, so what's the difference?" Joseph nodded. "I see your point." Megumi tilted her head to the sky and gazed whimsically into the blurry clouds. "This is the first time I've come here since I left many years ago. Before I wouldn't know what to do here. There was nothing I could tell him that was worth sharing. I feel sort of guilty for that." "Well, you've come here now. Have you finally found something to tell him?" "I ask him for advice." Joseph raised a skeptical eyebrow. "And has he answered you?" Megumi said nothing. She looked back down at the gravestone, which stared blankly back at her... "...No." Joseph watched quietly as Megumi knelt down slowly before the gravestone. She touched, tenderly, the hard smooth texture of it's head with the pad of her fingertips, letting the raindrops trail freely down her palm. The stone remained still as always. Watchfulness. "Well, 'Tousan..." she whispered. "This is it for now. I'll come see you some other time. Maybe next time, I'll have the answer." Respectful silence. "Ja." With that, she stood up, brushing the rain from her sleeve. She turned to Joseph who had been waiting patiently at her side. "Well then," she said. "Did you come to me for a reason?" He signed and pushed the long bangs out of his eyes. "Not really." He looked at her closely. "You look tired," he said. "Maybe you should get some rest later." Megumi sighed softly. "It's all right. Nothing I can't handle. I've always gotten along fine without much sleep. And at least I have the next few days off, so it's not like I can't make it up then, ne?" It was true. She hadn't been sleeping soundly these past few days...these past weeks even. She would lay awake at night, tossing and turning, silent frustration growing for she didn't know why. What to do next. She would clutch the bedsheets to her like a baby, then toss it away when it had worn its comfort. And when she did fall asleep, they were full of dreams...Dark, empty dreams... She tilted her head up to the sky hoping to get a glimps of the sun through the fluffy clouds. "It's almost noon," she observed. "Want to get something to eat?" "Sure, why not?" He replied as they began walking toward the main street. "There's a place just around the corner. I've heard they serve some really good sukiyaki." "Oh, no thanks," said Joseph as he gave Megumi a light grin. "I'm allergic to chicken." ~*~ Oh where have you gone Little moon-faced child, Who once chased fireflies For paper lanterns In old Japan? ~*~ Chikako sighed softly in safisfaction as she fanned the cooking fire gently. She could feel the moist, boil of the soup as well as its sweet aroma. Dinner will be ready soon, she noted mentally, then turned her gaze toward the closed door at the entrance of the hallway. She'd have to wake Megumi up soon for her to get ready for dinner... Megumi had come home this afternoon looking so droopy-eyed Chikako had wondered if the graveyard spirits had gotten to her too. Of course, the young doctor had insisted she was fine, trying her best to sound alert and energetic when the obvious bags around her eyes kept her from looking anyway awake. So with the coaxing of both Chikako and Joseph-who was present at the time-she agreed at last to their bidding and, almost immediately afterwards, succombed to long denied sleep. She had been in bed for over four hours now. The poor thing, thought Chikako. It would probably be better if she just let the poor girl sleep through dinner, for she hadn't the heart to wake her...not when she was finally getting the rest she needed. Chikako stood up from her squatting position and bent over the steaming pot, taking a long whiff of its freshness. I'll just let it sit here for a little while longer, she thought, and placed the cover carefully over the vat. There was a light rap at the door. Aki must've come home, thought Chikako as she quickly wiped her hands across her apron. The knock sounded again, more persistant this time. Maa, maa, Anata, it's not we'd start dinner without you, thought the woman, and scooted over to the door to welcome home her husband... It was not Aki. ~*~ The clouds were tainted blood red and black. Megumi lay crumpled upon the ground, surrounded by darkness. The short length of her silky hair tucked itself under her chin, supressed against the windy chill It was so cold... "Megumi-chan." Heavy lids parted slightly, and Megumi found herself gazing into a familiar pair of deep brown eyes. They were glassy...soft. "Megumi-chan," a gentle warmth took her in its arms. Her dry lips turned up briefly, then fell back in weary defeat. "'Tou-san..." she whimpered. "Take me home. I'm so tired...Please take me home." "Dame, dame," he replied, with almost casual cruelty. "You can't go anywhere. Fancy thinking you already have everything and everyone. You haven't the slightest clue. You don't know anything." "Nani?" The words were barely a whisper. She slowly tucked and buried her head in her father's chest, drifting deeper into the soft warmth. She could feel the light brush of his breath on her neck. "I don't understand..." "Of course you don't. You don't try to understand anything. You just think. You don't try." Megumi listened and sunk even lower. "But I can't. Eveytime..." "Stop coming after me," the voice was a little harsher this time. "I can't anything for you. You don't even know what you want yourself, how am I supposed to help you?" Megumi's eyes widened. "How can you say that?" She whimpered. "I do know what I want...I...I want a family. I want our family..." Her own voice grew grim and accusing. Her grip tightened. "You took that away from me! How can you say that when it is you who took 'us' away!" "What do you know?" It replied forcefully. Megumi squinted under the intimidation. "You and your beliefs! You haven't the slightest idea where to begin. You don't have anything left and you blame it on everyone. You're a mess!" All traces of sympathy and kindness had gone from the voice as it ended: "No wonder everyone hates you." Tears of guilt and utter disbelief sprang to Megumi's eyes and she jerked her head up sharply to face him. "'Tou-san!" But it wasn't her father. Megumi found herself staring into the cold frozen eyes of Sagara Sanosuke. He said: "I've come back." And all at once, the entire world around her burst into flames. The blazing fire licked at the edges of Megumi's kinomo and traveled their way past her in a dizzying speed toward nearby buildings and structures. Her face stained with tears, Megumi sat crestfallen in the middle of the street as it became alive with piercing screams and running feet. The city was awake. Megumi knew this... The last of the era. The fall of Aizu. The end of her childhood. Yet her eyes were blank, clouded over in lifelessness, her expression not of fear...but of solemn defeat. Slowly, she bent her head toward the ground and covered her eyes. She clenched her teeth as the terrified screams grew louder, and creased her brow in anguish, trying desperatly to block the memories. Iya... The sound of men on horses as they lashed out with wooden clubs, trampling through the crowds with cruel ease. Iya...! The thundering vibration of an approaching carriage; a baby's cry as its mother begged for it to be taken; the tortured cries of men climbing over walls and the sting of the wooden blows... Iya...!! And then...Megumi looked up slowly an all knowing instinct telling her this was it. And there it was...the end. A towering inferno loomed ahead, the carriage of Death itself as He road through the streets like a leaf down the stream, picking up current as it devoured everything last bit of life in its path. And He bellowed out her name in a seductive laughter as she remained unmoving in his path. Before she knew it, He was at her feet, brushing the charred edges of her kimono with slender fingertips. Passionate flames spoke of closure and eternal peace. *Leave this world...and come to the next...* Megumi listened with deaf ears and replied with lifeless indifference. *Why go home? It is not happy. You'll find happiness with me...* The feel of cool breath behind her sent shivers down Megumi's spine, and she turned her head to see Sanosuke behind her once again, so close he was barely touching her. He felt cool and soft in contrast to the excited heat. "Sanosuke..." "Stupid woman," he said quietly. "You think you can escape everything this way?" "Sanosuke..." She felt so faint, so far away from him. "I'm scared. Stay with me...please..." "I would never leave you...you know that," he murmured. "Nani...?" Her voice was less than a whisper. His answer was low and firm. "I've come to take you home..." She felt him rise, and he stood before Him, looking Death straight in the face. The flames of passion flickered and swirled in a fervent dance as it painted fiery colors upon Sanosuke's tan skin, comtinuing to beckon Megumi with His bewitchment *Leave her be, boy,* He softly urged. *Let me protect her. I am the only way she will ever be happy. Let me bring peace...* Sanosuke remained unchanged. He looked right into the heart of the holocaust, and replied... "You're pathetic..." Then right before Megumi's eyes he disappeared into the towering inferno as it engulfed him and everything in sight in one great dizzying blur. It devoured the entire tapestry, leaving nothing behind and returning Megumi to the dark once more. Through the rapidly disappearing shapes and colors she reached out for him, stretching her arms forward in hopeless expectation toward the empty gloom. "Come back!" She screamed til she could no longer hear herself. "Come back...!!" ~*~ A rush of cool wind and she felt her head jerk back into wakefulness. Megumi snapped her eyes open and gasped out loud, moist sweat clinging to her body. "Megumi!" she heard through clouded eyes. "Megumi wake up, it's all right!" Joseph held her face firmly with his hands to keep her from thrashing, as she panted heavily. "No...I..."She whimpered. Joseph shook her lightly causing her to look up into his eyes. "Hey," he said gently, his face close to hers. Her breathing calmed and she swallowed, trying hard to focus. "It's okay now, you're awake..." Megumi nodded, then skimmed her eyes over the area. They were in the courtyard outside her room...How did? Had she walked all the way out here herself? The sky was alight with only stars, and everyone had gone to bed and the world was quiet, save for the Megumi's ragged breathing. Joseph watched her sympathetically as she shuddered in his grasp. For the short time he had known her she had never done anything remotely like this...What was she hiding? What was going inside her... "What happened?" He asked in a concerned voice. Megumi stared at him trying her best to determine herself what was reality and what was not overwhelmed by everything she just saw. And then, she could hold it no longer. Slowly, tears formed around her eyes and flowed freely down her cheeks. "I...I don't know...I met him again...I met..." Her voice betrayed her and she emitted a strangled sob as Joseph brought his arms around her in a comforting embrace. Megumi buried her face in his chest and wept without restraint. Joseph closed his eyes and stroked her hair gently, trying his best to be of comfort. And through the chokes and tears, he could hear her as she sobbed repeatedly: "Come back..." "Come back..." End of Part 3 Notes: 1) I think in the manga they mention that Megumi was left behind during the war and it was her brother and mother that disappeared in a fire. So, that part of Megumi remembering her "experience" is probably totally off, but I thought that it's jusr more interesting if she actually lived through it in some way. 2) If it all sounds familiar, during the time I was writing this, we had been doing a lot of analysis of "the Lord of the Flies" in English. So the "talking gravestone" idea kinda came from that. 3) About what Joseph says about his taste in chicken, YES, I know it's horrible. I'd considered taking it out, but my editor commented that it should be left in anyways, and I think it's passable, so it's there. So you don't have to tell me it's bad I know it is. ^_^ 4) Again, this chapter wasn't supposed to be this way. I don't know how it totally strayed from the original plan. It just happened. So if this appears really different from the other chapters, you know why. For anyone that may be wondering what Megumi might look like with short hair, I drew a little sketch just to make sure I didn't make bad choice and have her looking horrible. looks nice, IMO Then while writing this chapter, I got inspired to do this one... Well, that's all! ~FOR~: the real-life Joseph. I'll miss you so much! ~Tochi