Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1999 19:11:22 -0400
From: "Sekihara Tae" <tae@xxxxxxxx.xxxxxxxxx.xxxx
Subject: Risu-chan's All That Matters pt 6-3

All That Matters
(Chapter 6 pt. 3)
by Risu-chan
(dlstrong@xxxxxxxxxx.xxxx

---------------------------------

Disclaimer:

All hail Watsuki Nobuhiro-sama, creator of the RK universe! All hail
Sony and Shueisha for distributing them for us! And --(grovelling
lawyerwards)-- please don't hurt me for borrowing them for a few
pages! Arigatou gozaimasu.

----------------------------------

Chapter 6 (part 3)

(aka lessons learned and relearned)

---------------------------------

When Kenshin and Kaoru walked up to the porch together, Megumi looked
up and sighed.

"Tanuki-girl, I'm disappointed in you!"

Kaoru was taken aback. "What for?"

"He's not even bleeding! And--" Kenshin was almost certain he saw the
flick of fox ears in her dark hair -- "I was looking forward to the
chance to bandage him!" She laughed behind a paw, er, hand; seething,
Kaoru clutched at his arm possessively.

"Hands off, Fox Lady! Mine!"

"Ano... minna... daijoubu de gozaru ne?" Kenshin suggested nervously.

"Oh, of course, Ken-san; as long as you're not hurt!" Megumi fluttered
her eyelashes at him. "I wouldn't put anything past that violent mad
girl you so inexplicably married..."

"Why, you..."

It was awkward trying to restrain an outraged and roundly pregnant
woman. Kenshin ended up with one arm across her shoulders, the other
arm arched carefully around her belly, and an ankle hooked around hers
just in case. Heidel and Yutarou and Shiro were staring; Sano was
chewing a fishbone and grinning; Yahiko took advantage of Yutarou's
distraction to nab a piece of inarizushi off his plate. Ayame and
Suzume had their faces in their hands.

"They're not normally like this," Ayame told Yutarou.

"Yes they are," Suzume said.

"Yes, but we don't say that to people..." Ayame looked around, then
asked against all hope, "Does anybody want more tea?" She picked up
the pot, but the others were far more interested in watching the
wrestling match.

Panting and breathless, Kaoru yelled, "Let me go! --You, Fox Lady,
what happened to him not having consideration and manners and..."

"Him?" Megumi echoed innocently. "Which of you is making the spectacle
now? Did I say 'him'?"

"You picked him up by the ear!"

"Kaoru-dono, could we maybe not remind her of that de gozaru ka?" he
suggested, wincing.

"Hush up. And let me at her!" She wriggled downwards, and found that
her belly's roundness prevented her from slipping out of his arms.
"Mou! Kenshin--" Kaoru exhaled as much as she could and tried again;
he quickly shifted that hand to fit more securely beneath the fullest
part of her abdomen.

"Kenshin, that's so unfair, using my... my architectural
disadvantages..." She tugged at the arm he'd curved about her belly,
then tried his other arm, then hopelessly tried swinging at Megumi
from where she stood.

Kenshin hopped along to catch up with the way she was leaning forward,
trying to hit a balance point without either toppling forward onto her
or letting her get too much closer to the porch. "Maa, maa..."

"I wonder if we could sell tickets," Sano muttered to Yahiko; Yahiko
rolled his eyes and nabbed a piece of fish. "--Oi! Let go of that!"

"Stop staring and start eating then," Yahiko grumbled around a
mouthful.

Megumi sipped at her tea, then batted her eyelashes at them again.
"Oh, Ken-san, thank you for protecting me from this violent little
creature of yours. Not even the barest concept of civilized
behavior..."

Kaoru let out a scream of frustration. "Why, you old hag--!"

Since Kenshin was only standing balanced on the tip of one foot, she
kicked it out from under him; he flung himself backwards to keep from
knocking her down too. Kaoru stormed up to the porch and snatched the
teapot from Ayame: "Civilized? I'll show you civilized-- give me that
cup!"

Somehow, Kenshin doubted the world had ever before seen the tea
ceremony performed as an act of war. And the view up through the
branches of the pine trees was becoming a familiar sight today. Flat
on his back, staring at the sky, Kenshin began to laugh in sheer
delight.

Friends. Family. Love. Always, always, love...

"What is it now?" Yahiko mumbled around a mouthful of rice.

"So peaceful..."

Even Megumi and Kaoru stopped glaring at each other long enough to
stare at him.

"Did he hit his head?" Kaoru asked Megumi anxiously, and the doctor
moved to pick his head up and run her hands over his skull, feeling
for bumps.

"No knots, no fever, I wonder if he's brain-sick."

"Fine. Just fine," he managed, still laughing.

Megumi took no notice. "Or just light-headed from starvation. After
all, he's been faced with your cooking for months--"

"Why, you old--"

"I don't care who cooked it de gozaru yo!" he said quickly, hands up.
"I don't care if Sano cooked it, I don't care if it isn't cooked, I
only want to eat it..."

The meal was as much a battlefield as a repast, between Megumi
offering everyone dishes spiced with jabs at Kaoru and the three-way
duel between Yahiko, Sano, and Yutarou for their favorite dishes.
Shiro and Heidel commiserated with each other over injuries and
general astonishment at the situation; Heidel introduced him to an
implement called a "fork," which, he said, was a great deal easier to
use with the wrong hand than chopsticks were. Shiro shrugged and
didn't argue with him; there were enough arguments going on already.

Kaoru and Megumi's fight had progressed to the name-calling stage:
"Tanuki!" "Fox!" "Tanuki!" "Fox!" Sano had a foot on Yahiko's head, a
mouthful of fish, and an ear-to-ear grin. Suzume curled up asleep
behind the table before the meal was even halfway over, and Ayame
looked on the way to joining her sister. The noise didn't bother them
any more than it bothered Kenshin; they were all used to the sounds of
home. He noticed Ayame nodding toward her rice bowl and gently tipped
her toward himself instead; she snuggled against his chest with a
faint sigh, and was as sound asleep as Suzume in a few minutes.

...I don't deserve this peace. I don't deserve such joy, or these
friends... or such perfect trust from the little ones. How could I
deserve this? It's going to break. It always does. The world is never
this kind without cruelty coming... something is going to happen. I
have to be prepared, and I have to be strong enough when the storm
does come...

...but why can't the world always be this kind? I wish my little
rescuer was here. I wish Aoshi would come down to eat with us... I
wish he'd never needed to come. Damn Saitou anyway. I will defend her.
I will defend all of them, to my last breath. And they will defend
each other, beyond that. Surely I can show them a little... without a
sword...

He looked at Shiro again.

And the best place to begin is at the beginning.

The others were stacking bowls and plates; dutifully, Kenshin finished
his rice with the wrong hand so he wouldn't need to disturb Ayame, and
pretended not to notice Kaoru and Megumi both looking at him.

"Ken-san," Megumi said, "what's wrong? Are you sure you're not ill?"

"Mine," Kaoru warned her, and Kenshin hastily stifled a smile.

"I'm all right. Just thinking..."

"Well, quit it," Kaoru said with a sigh. "That's usually most of the
problem!"

Sano choked on his tea; Heidel thumped him carefully until he resumed
breathing. Wheezing around tea in his lungs and half-strangled
hilarity, Sano managed, "Kenshin, she's got you there!"

Kenshin shot him a sour look. "You wouldn't need to worry, then, would
you."

"Oi!"

Yahiko fell over backwards, howling with glee. Yutarou gave him a
disgusted look, then asked Kenshin with a note of faint fading
resignation, "You were saying...?"

"There's something I'd like to do this evening in the dojo, if no one
minds. Kaoru, may I borrow your hakama? Since mine's already torn, and
I'll need something to wear until I can mend it..."

Kaoru waved a hand at him agreeably. "It's not like I'd fit into it
right now anyway."

"Yes you would," Kenshin said. "The ties are long enough, and you
could tuck the waistband beneath the curve..."

"All right, let's be accurate then. I'd look really really silly in
it. Take it."

He nodded thanks, and carefully shifted Ayame into the crook of his
arm, trying not to disturb her sleep; the girl sighed a little and
nestled her head against his shoulder. "Let me find a futon for the
little ones and wash the dishes and..."

"No you don't," Kaoru said. "I wash the dishes, since Megumi did all
the cooking; and I know two more lazy bums who didn't lift a finger to
help either." She eased herself to her feet, then reached down and
caught two ears -- chortling Yahiko on the right, sulking Sano on the
left -- and started walking toward the kitchen. Amid yelps of pain,
they scrambled along after her.

Megumi bent to lift Suzume, and asked silently with her eyes; he
smiled and tilted his head toward an inner door, and she followed.

Kenshin half-pulled, half-kicked a futon to the floor, nudged it with
a foot until it lay flat, and knelt to settle Ayame on it; Megumi
knelt on the other side and set Suzume next to her sister, then smiled
wryly at him.

"And you just know two hours from now they'll be wide awake again and
bouncing off the ceiling..."

"Aa." He unfolded a blanket and tucked it around them, then nodded
towards the door again; Megumi followed him into the hall and watched
as he quietly slid the door closed.

"You'll be a wonderful father, you know." Her voice was strained; he
looked at her to see why, and she bent her head. "Honestly. You will.
It's only... Sometimes it's... hard watching you. --I'm sorry. I
shouldn't have said that."

He didn't need to ask why, any more than she needed to explain. But,
all in a rush, she asked, "If... if things had been different,
somehow, do you think... you could have loved me?"

"I don't think it matters," Kenshin murmured. "Do you think, if things
were different, you would be willing to be loved?"

She stared at him, hurt.

"I know you understand love," he said. "It wouldn't frighten you so if
you didn't understand. But asking me that was too... safe. Because
things aren't different, and you aren't risking anything if..."

"If you said no? If you said no, I think I'd..."

"If I said yes," he interrupted. "You know that even if I'd said yes,
nothing else would come of it. Things aren't different. And so, either
way, you're safe."

Megumi blinked back tears. "Ken-san, I never thought you were
cruel..."

"Cruel?" he echoed, soft-voiced. "This isn't cruelty; this is a
kindness. You're not as alone as you think you are."

Bitterly, she cried, "That's so easy for you to say--"

"I do know cruelty, Megumi-dono. You need to remember that. But I
promise you-- you're not alone. Just close your eyes for a moment...
quiet your mind, and listen. There are voices who will speak in your
heart; listen for them. Who are they? Whose voices speak most clearly
in your heart?"

Even with her eyes closed, a tear escaped to trickle down her cheek.
"I only hear you..."

"Then," he said patiently, "you're not listening."

"Ken-san, I--"

"Let go of the pain and the fear for a moment. There is a quiet place
where the sun is warm and you hear laughter; I know you can hear the
girls' laughter, and Dr. Genzai's. And my voice, and Kaoru-dono's,
and..."

"If you even mention that uncouth street brawler, Ken-san, I'll never
forgive you!"

"Megumi-dono, you're the one who mentioned him."

She opened her eyes and stared at him in something like despair.
"But... I couldn't. I couldn't love him the way--"

Kenshin put his fingertips to her lips, and said soberly, "Of course
not. Because he's free to tell you yes, and it frightens you."

She pulled back angrily. "It's not like that!"

He shrugged a little, and let his hand fall. "All right; it's not like
that, it's something else. But... Megumi, please. Don't make my
mistakes. It's too late for me to learn from them, but not too late
for you, I think."

"Ken-san, it's not... I'm not... There are reasons!"

He sighed, and leaned against the wall, head bent a little. "Of course
there are. There are always reasons. I had so many perfectly good
reasons: I am... stained, scarred, body and soul and heart; too old
before I was ever old, too flawed to be worth offering to another. I
am unworthy to be loved by anyone who truly understands what I have
been, because it is too much to forgive. I am a danger to any I dare
to love; if I loved more purely, I would love purely enough to leave,
so that my shadows cannot return again to threaten... --perfectly good
reasons. Perfectly true. And all nothing more than excuses not to
touch, not to speak. I so nearly waited too long... don't make my
mistakes, Megumi-dono."

He bowed to her slightly, and continued down the hall; she needed time
alone to think, and to cry if she wished. And he needed not to know if
she cried. And, most of all, he needed not to be close enough to sense
the restlessness of her spirit as she struggled with herself...
because he knew himself too well; he couldn't stand and watch her in
pain he'd caused, even if he hoped to heal her with it. Any offered
gentleness would be too easy to misinterpret... unfair to them all.

She never thought I was cruel...? If I had wanted to be cruel-- if I
had simply told her why I would never answer: because I know how
either answer could twist in her heart, as she holds Kaoru's life in
her hands...

No. Not unless there is no other way to keep her from asking again.
Because although she would never again think she loved me, the ash it
left behind could burn as hot as love, could whisper for cruelty to
match...

This is not the Bakumatsu. I will not tell her. But... damn him for
reminding me how to think like this.

He found Kaoru's hakama neatly folded next to his blue gi, and
remembered the catch as he'd slipped through the wall behind the boy,
and sighed to himself as he changed both. He ran his hand along the
left shoulder seam of the rose-colored fabric... there, he'd torn the
stitches just behind the shoulder, rather than the fabric itself;
simpler to fix, then. He folded it and set it atop his hakama, then
found a spool of thread and set it atop them to remind himself.

Someday, too, he needed to ask Kaoru how people who knew how to tie
hakamas tied them. Two knots would work, but...

...actually he didn't have much choice; he'd cut his ties off short
years ago. They'd been the only tourniquet available... Her ties were
much longer, and he wrapped them around his waist a second time, then
smiled to himself as he acknowledged her point. Twice around his
waist, yes; twice around hers just now... perhaps, or perhaps not.

In the shadows of the evening, the cold blue and black, and
memories...

Despite himself, he pulled the ribbon out of his hair, shook it loose,
and gathered it again, soft and low on the nape of his neck. Not the
samurai's topknot. Not at all. In fact, maybe he should cut it off
short; one stroke of the sakabatou, and...

He could all but see Kaoru's woeful expression: you want to what? He
knew she loved playing with his hair, even if he didn't understand it
himself. It wasn't even a normal color. But if he suggested dyeing it,
she'd give him the same puppy-eyes as if he suggested cutting it
off... and he couldn't deny her anything if she looked at him like
that.

Kenshin sighed, remembering Yutarou's gleeful assessment earlier:
greatest legendary swordsman in the world, and the two-year-old's
winning?

Yes, because the little one has Kaoru's eyes.

Despite himself, he hesitated a moment, stroking the fabric of her
white yukata. He'd set extra panels into the sides of it months ago,
but he hadn't entirely understood how her body would change; she
really needed the fabric in front, not at the sides, to make it fall
gracefully over her growing abdomen. And it wasn't lined, so he
couldn't take panels from the inside; he'd simply have to set some
other fabric into it. The embroidery was spring-green and crimson, a
wild interlace of flowers and leaves; he wondered if he could manage
not to disturb that... no, not if he had to cut the front panel
itself.

She had another yukata without the embroidery; it was pale gold,
though, and he knew he hadn't a hope of finding fabric to match it.
Maybe something to contrast... maybe if he took the sleeve lining out
of his blue gi... he laid his wrist against the fabric, and nodded to
himself.

He tried not to admit how much he liked housework -- particularly
housework which he could spare her, now. She was independent enough to
be offended if she'd understood. The simplest layer was joy that the
world was quiet enough for a hitokiri to busy himself with laundry and
dishes and cooking without a thought that he should be practicing or
on guard, and gratitude that he could spare her any additional
weariness now; but below that, there was a distinctly male
satisfaction: my child. My child big in her belly, filling her, tiring
her; the things I do are to let her rest, but also to exult in that...

He folded her yukata again, a little embarrassed to admit it even to
himself. Never thought I was that primitive, but... the way she moves
now... It caught at places in him that didn't even have names, places
that were wordless and fiercely protective. But she would hit him with
something on the scale of the kitchen table if he ever told her he
wanted to sit with his arms around her belly and growl at anyone who
dared to look at her wrong... much, much safer just to keep his mouth
shut and adjust her yukata's draping.

Poor Megumi-dono. I meant every word of it: I hope she will let
herself become willing to be loved.

He patted the gold yukata lightly, and stood, and decided to take the
long way around to the dojo just in case Megumi was still in the
hallway.

Creeping carefully through the garden, trying not to step on any brown
patches of dead leaves that might turn into flowers next spring, he
thought sourly, Sasuga Himura Battousai, moving silent as a shadow
through the dark, dressed in the shades of midnight... never mind that
it's to avoid an unarmed woman. I think Aoshi might just laugh at this
one.

In the dojo, Shiro and Heidel were sitting in a corner chatting away
as Yutarou practiced kata in the middle of the room. Apparently
misery -- or injury -- loved company; either that, or they were both
still adjusting to what passed for everyday behavior in the group.
Kenshin stood in the doorway watching; none of them noticed for
several minutes. And even at that, it was the half-blind man who
blinked at a shadow, adjusted his glasses, and made a quizzical sound.

"That someone-shape is maybe little husband-san? Not right for any of
the others..."

"Huh?" Shiro turned, blinked, and toppled over sideways. "...How long
have you been there, Himura-san?"

Kenshin smiled and shrugged, and walked over to sit on his heels next
to them. "Shiro-dono, do you think your balance is all right?"

Shiro looked at him warily. "Himura-san, if this is another lesson,
honestly, I learned my lesson this afternoon..."

"Yes and no."

"Huh?"

"Yes, it's another lesson. No, you didn't learn it this afternoon.
Stand up."

"Do I have to?"

Kenshin stood. The clothing was bringing back old memories; he loomed
over Shiro a little, silent but emphatic, and Shiro came straight off
the floor and saluted: "Y-yes sir..."

"Thank you. You don't really need to salute, you know."

"Yes, sir..." He almost started to salute again, then put both hands
stiffly at his sides. "Yes."

Yutarou came running over. "Himura-san... Yahiko's going to kill you
if you do that without him here. All right, he can't kill you, but
that's not saying he isn't going to try..."

Kenshin found himself wearing one of Hiko's favorite smiles. He
recognized the feel of it, anyway: the faint sardonic edge of amused
satisfaction that was about to precede a lesson even a baka deshi
wouldn't forget because of the amount of humiliation involved. In this
case, it was the teacher's, but they didn't have to know that yet.
"I'm counting on it," he said.

"Nani?"

All in all, he didn't have the heart to teach them the way Hiko had
taught him... the heart, or the lack thereof. So... "What we do in the
foxhunts is strategy, not martial forms," Kenshin said. "This is the
first lesson in martial forms."

"You are going to teach him swords?" Yutarou gasped.

"Iie."

"But..."

In a way, Yutarou was much wiser than Yahiko. When Kenshin turned to
look at him, politely waiting for the rest of the protest, Yutarou
gulped and shut his mouth for a moment, then said, "...but what are
you going to teach?"

Kenshin stepped forward to face Shiro. "You're taller and heavier; you
should be able to push me down, right?" Nervously, Shiro nodded. "Try
it."

Shiro took a deep breath, obviously expecting there to be some trick
to it, and shoved. And then he made a noise of astonished guilt when
Kenshin went skidding across the floor on his rump.

"I'm sorry-- are you all right?" Shiro ran over and knelt to help him
up; Kenshin shook his head.

"You're not paying attention. Do that again." He stood over Shiro
until the boy got to his feet.

"But..."

"Again," Kenshin insisted. "And this time, pay attention."

"No!"

"Why not?"

"I don't want to hurt you..."

Kenshin considered that, and nodded. "Then you're starting to pay
attention. Good. Now, again."

"No."

Kenshin sighed, and gathered himself, and looked up at Shiro with
danger smoldering in him. "I said, again." He took one short sharp
step toward him.

Shiro had better reflexes than he thought; when sheer gut-level terror
overrode his rational mind, he knew exactly what to do with someone
who was stepping toward him with that blazing in his eyes: grab him
and throw him somewhere else. This time Kenshin bounced before he
rolled across the floor and came back to his feet, wearing a fiercer
version of Hiko's smile.

"Good. Again."

"Stop," Shiro begged.

"Only if you're paying attention now. First test: what's the name of
the lesson?"

"I don't know..."

Kenshin sighed again, and walked toward him quietly. Shiro backed up
until he was standing in the corner, white around the eyes.
"P-please... please don't hurt me..."

"Close," Kenshin said, encouraging. "Take another guess."

"I don't know!"

"Closer last time. Again. Knock me down."

Yutarou walked up behind him and pushed his shoulder lightly; Kenshin
dove sideways to keep from running into Shiro, and smiled. "Good!
Good, Yutarou-dono. You try the test."

"How to fall down," Yutarou said disgustedly.

"Not quite. Shiro-dono?"

"I don't know..."

"Hasn't gotten any closer since the last time you tried it," Kenshin
observed. "Haideru-dono?"

The gaijin shrugged helplessly. "How to confuse student people?"

Kenshin laughed. "Good thought, but no." He looked up at Shiro again,
with a wickedly merry challenge in his eyes: "Have I frustrated you
enough that you'll really try to throw me this time?"

Shiro growled, caught a handful of his gi, and spun out of the corner
to fling him halfway across the room.Kenshin tumbled across the floor
and lay still; Shiro said a word he must have learned from Saitou, and
ran towards him again. "Himura..."

Kenshin came straight up, caught Shiro's arm to twist into a wrist
lock, and shoved the fingers of a flat blade-hand up under his chin
until he tipped his head back. "Paying attention yet?"

Through clenched teeth, Shiro guessed, "How to look like you're
getting hurt and scare the wits out of the rest of us?"

Kenshin sighed. "Turn it around. Why don't I mind you throwing me
across the room?"

"Because you're little enough not to hit very hard!"

"No. Yutarou-dono?"

Yutarou shrugged ruefully.

"Lesson number one," Kenshin said. "How to fall down without getting
hurt."

"But that's what he said!" Shiro stopped, thought about it, and
groaned aloud. "All right. All right! But if you're doing all the
falling, how are we supposed to learn?"

"If you keep not paying attention, you won't." Then Kenshin relented a
little: "Admitted, if you were whole, I would be knocking you down
right now. But since it's been demonstrated that you don't know how to
fall without hurting yourself, you're going to throw me around and
watch. See where my hands go, where my head goes, how I find the
ground before I hit it. And when you're better, you'll try it. After a
few weeks of this, I'll show you the rest..."

"...A few weeks of just falling down?"

Kenshin looked up at him with hands on his hips. "There are more ways
to fall than you seem to think. There's all the way around the circle,
and there's avoiding objects in your path at any angle, and then
there's the difference between falling and being thrown, and then
there's "falling" against walls, where you need to find two different
surfaces fairly quickly. And then there's the step after the fall: to
get out of the way, or to defense, or to offense. And then maybe I'll
let you fall with a stick in your hands."

"A stick."

"A stick," he agreed. "Because the stick can still break your arm if
you're not careful, and I will not let you fall with a sword in your
hands for a long, long time. Think about that a little."

"...Oh. Right." Shiro had the grace to look abashed.

Footsteps came pounding down the porch; Yahiko sprinted through the
door and skidded to a stop in the middle of the room, panting. "Did I
miss anything?"

"The first test," Yutarou said dryly. "The name of lesson number one.
How to fall down."

"...Without getting hurt," Kenshin corrected.

Yahiko looked like he'd just been hit with a board. "Naaaaani?!"
Yutarou opened his mouth again; Yahiko waved a hand. "Never mind. I
heard you. I just don't believe..." He looked at Kenshin in disgust.
"When you said no swords you really meant no swords, didn't you."

Kenshin nodded agreeably. In the doorway behind Yahiko, Kaoru put both
hands over her mouth to keep from laughing at him; Sano didn't bother,
chuckling aloud.

Yahiko let out a devastated sigh, pulled the shinai off his back, and

tossed it to the corner by Heidel, then walked over to stand with
Shiro and Yutarou. "If this is the only way to get lessons out of
you..." He braced himself and made a beckoning gesture.

Kenshin shook his head. "Never lock your knees. Otherwise--" He swept
one of Yahiko's legs out from under him and used the other as a pivot
point to wrench him over towards a face-first fall, then caught him
short by the collar and the waistband and let him dangle staring at
the ground for a moment. "Point made?"

Breathless, Yahiko said, "Yeah."

"If I let you drop from here, do you know what to do?"

"Well, keep my face from hitting the mats, first off..."

"Good." Kenshin let go; Yahiko yelped, managed to catch himself, and
picked himself up with a jaundiced expression.

"Sure you don't want to demonstrate for a while?"

"Have a heart," Shiro said. "Your lot all pounded on him after we
chased him half around the city. And he's got to be older than he
looks."

"Thanks awfully," Kenshin said, rueful, and looked toward Kaoru and
Sano in the door. "Sano, why don't you throw me around for a while?"

Sano grinned, and chucked his fishbone toward the garden, and flexed
his fingers. "You sure? I still owe you for that last crack, you
know."

"Whatever you say," Kenshin said with a sigh, and looked at his
'students' again. "The most basic rule is never hit the ground on any
one point. Distribute the impact. Make a frame to roll along, arm to
shoulder to back or thigh to hip to shoulder, or hit with two points
at once if you can't do anything else-- both hands, or both feet, or
something. And of course speed and height will make a difference. You
won't have time to think, only to react -- which means it has to be
instinct, which means practice. So..." He dropped his hands and his
shoulders and stood, deliberately passive and off guard, and nodded at
Sano.

Sano grinned as he walked over. "I'm gonna enjoy this."

"I'm sure you will," Kenshin agreed wearily.

For all the posturing, Sano was kinder than he should have been; he
threw him along long slow arches that gave him the space to adjust to
the fall, and didn't hold on to try to hurt him with the impact. And
he didn't take advantage of his greater height, or try to drop him at
bad angles or bad speeds. Still, it had been a while since Kenshin had
spent an extended period of time doing nothing but hitting the ground
or the walls... not since that last training session with Hiko, in
fact.

Kenshin picked himself up carefully, trying to catch the breath that
had been knocked out of his lungs, and ran towards Sano again. This
time, grinning, Sano just stuck his foot out. Indignant, Kenshin leapt
over his foot and swept the other from beneath him; Sano hit the floor
in an astonished tangle of limbs and sat wheezing for a minute.

"Did you honestly expect me to trip over that?" Kenshin demanded.

Sano laughed and scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "You'd
been letting me get away with everything else!"

Kenshin rolled his eyes heavenward. "Maybe I should throw you around
for a while; I'm sure they'd find that just as interesting,
considering the boys at least are likely to be smaller than their
opponents for a while yet..."

From the doorway, Megumi called, "Don't you dare. He's got a thick
enough head, but that says nothing about his ribs, and then I'd be
stuck fixing him again..."

"Oi!" Sano scrambled to his feet indignantly. "He's a samurai. I'm a
street fighter. I know as much about how to fall as he does."

Kenshin winced despite himself. "Sano..." You're setting yourself up
for...

"Oh, I'm sure you do," Megumi said sweetly. "In fact, I'm sure you
know a lot more about falling down. I heard about the last few times
the two of you fought."

Sano stared at her, poleaxed. Megumi simply smiled. He turned to stare
at Kenshin, who shrugged helplessly. "How did she do that?" he
demanded, half plaintive. "I lost because I won? How did she do that?"
Kenshin shrugged again. "...Chikusho!" He sank back to the floor,
crosslegged, looking disconsolate.

Yahiko took pity, of a sort. With an entirely too angelic grin, he
said, "Gambatte, Sano. I'm sure you fall down better than me too. In
fact, I bet you can throw me around if you work at it some..."

"Kuso!" Sano lunged off the floor, caught Yahiko by a handful of
collar, and flung him; he managed to roll, but stood up with a
disgruntled expression.

"Che, Kenshin, you didn't tell me it'd still hurt!"

"It's the ground, kid," Sano said sardonically. "That's what it's
there for."

"Don't call me 'kid!'"

"Sure thing, brat."

Yahiko jumped at him and tried to gnaw on his elbow; Sano extracted
him by the scruff of the neck, arms and legs pinwheeling, and dropped
him. Yahiko actually got both feet under himself before he landed, and
jumped again: "Hey, Kenshin, I got it! What you did with Saitou!--"

The rest of it was cut off by Sano's palm over his face. "Yeah, well,
next time try it off a wall like he did!" He spun Yahiko around and
threw him feet-first at the wall.

Yahiko screamed despite himself, tucked into a ball, bounced off the
wall, and dropped to the floor, a little stunned. Then he lifted his
head with outrage smoldering in his eyes: "Temee..."

Kenshin winced as the rest of the training session quickly degenerated
into a tangle of flailing fists and thrashing feet; any falls involved
were purely incidental. He looked at Yutarou and Shiro ruefully; they
both shrugged.

"Actually," Yutarou admitted, almost shy, "there's someone else I'd
like to ask for lessons too, Himura-san..." His gaze drifted toward
Megumi and Kaoru. Kenshin smiled and released him with a wave in their
direction; the boy sketched a bow before running over to talk with
them both.

Shiro said, "He used to be her student, didn't he? Is that why?"

"That, and he wants to be a doctor. I'd imagine the lesson is likely
to be about Kaoru-dono as much as from her," Kenshin said, smiling.
Shiro looked faintly green.

"All I know about doctors is there's lots of blood. I'd rather be a
policeman. We try to make sure everybody's blood doesn't get out in
the first place." He looked over at Heidel. "Still think getting drunk
sounds good?"

Heidel wavered a little. "Should not, but... shoulder hurts. Lady
doctor-san would prescribe sedation, yes?"

"Yes," Shiro said happily. "Me too."

"Shiro-dono," Kenshin said carefully, "getting drunk is not at all
likely to help your headache, least of all tomorrow morning."

"Shows what he knows," Shiro said to Heidel wryly.

"Um... I had thought rather the same."

"Well, you still need someone to tell you which building's the bar."
Shiro grinned at Kenshin too. "You're probably going to have lots of
bruises tomorrow too. Want to come along? You did promise Tanaka-kun
and me..."

Kenshin hesitated, not out of a desire to drink, but out of a desire
to make sure no harm came to them. "I could come and watch..."

"No, no, the point is to get some painkillers into your blood, ne?"
Shiro draped an arm around Kenshin's shoulders. "Besides, I can carry
you home; you're light."

Kenshin restrained himself from observing that if Shiro went drinking
in his current state of mind and with a recovering concussion, he was
more likely to need carried home himself. And although he was fairly
certain he could lift Shiro, carrying him a couple of miles was not a
pleasant prospect and Heidel couldn't help in the least.

This might not be the brightest idea I've ever had, but... "Why don't
you wait for Sano to get Yahiko's teeth pried out of his kneecap and
ask him?" Kenshin suggested. "He knows the area, and where to go,
in... um... different ways than the police tend to..."

Shiro grinned. "That's a very polite way of saying it, Himura-san."
Kenshin smiled, noncommital, and the boy laughed. "Tell you what.
We'll go get some sake and bring it back here. No bar fights, and you
won't need to leave your wife and your friends here unguarded."

Kenshin blinked. Shiro patted his shoulder amiably.

"Himura-san, anybody with eyes could see you worrying today, and if
Haideru-san's reaction to me was any judge, you don't really even need
the eyes. I don't know why you're worried, but that doesn't matter,
does it? I'm the police. We make it so people don't need to worry. So
we'll be back. And I'm going to hold you to your promise to drink with
me."

I hadn't actually mentioned drinking WITH him... Kenshin smiled again,
and Shiro offered a salute and a grin, then turned to Heidel. "Come
on, Haideru-san. Let's show you the town while we're at it."

Kenshin watched them go, rueful. Am I that transparent now? First
Kaoru, then Shiro... I should learn to stop worrying 'aloud.' Or loud
enough to notice. He glanced over at the combat-tangle, sighed
(because now Sano was trying to pry Yahiko off a stranglehold around
his head and neck), and walked over to the others.

Megumi held Yutarou's hands to the curve of Kaoru's abdomen, speaking
softly; Kaoru stood still for them, pink-cheeked and twisting a lock
of hair about her finger. Megumi looked up at the sound of his
footsteps; her eyes were still shadowed with that half-hidden pain,
but she smiled for him, then spoke to Kaoru.

"Would you mind lying on your back for us, Kaoru-chan?" She steadied
Kaoru as she knelt, explaining to Yutarou, "It's easier to feel when
the mother lies down, because she doesn't need to hold her body as
tensely in order to support herself. So her abdomen will be softer and
more pliant to your touch. Sometimes, though, she won't realize how
tensely she holds herself; encourage her to relax. Speak gently, of
course, but also..." Megumi touched Kaoru's side, stroked a little,
and brought Yutarou's hand to join hers. "You can feel that, can't
you? She has to tighten those muscles to keep her balance, and hasn't
relaxed yet. So rub gently, draw her attention there; Kaoru-chan, do
you feel it too?"

She nodded shyly, rubbing one ankle against the other as an
alternative to squirming away from them. "But if I relax there, the
weight pulls more at my back, and it hurts enough as it is..."

"There are other things we can teach you to help that. Right now, just
try to relax for us, all right? Rub right there, Yutarou-kun,
gently... that's good."

Kaoru sighed deeply. "Very," she agreed. "Hadn't quite realized...
thank you."

"You're welcome," Yutarou said, a little shy himself.

"So, the mother learns to relax beneath your hands; that's good to
encourage for the birth. You'll need to examine her more frequently as
the months progress. For example, the child still might turn in her;
it's likely to be more difficult if the child is born feet-first.
You'll need to know that. There are other signs to watch for, but I
don't intend to frighten her with them, since she isn't suffering from
any; right now what we want to establish is trust and relaxation, and
reassurance that she's developing as expected." Megumi smiled at Kaoru
with a hint of teasing. "And her hips are certainly broad enough for
the child..."

"Hey!"

Megumi giggled. "But it's a compliment!"

"See if you feel like it's a compliment when Dr. Genzai says it to
you!"

After a moment's hesitation, Megumi said, "I hope he will. Never mind.
Here, Yutarou..." She guided his fingertips in a gentle probing.
"She's late in her seventh month. As her third season progresses, as
the child grows, there will be less room for the fluid cushioning the
baby, so her abdomen will grow more firm. It's more difficult to tell
with women who are overweight..."

"Hey..."

"No, I don't mean you, silly," Megumi said indulgently. "You're not at
all overweight for your condition. You're little; there's not much
space inside you, so when the baby grows, of course it grows out, and
everything will show more than it would if you had my figure. I'd be
worried if you were less round, in fact. The baby's also small -- not
that that's surprising in the least -- but I'd still encourage you to
rest more than you do, and eat whatever you like."

"Even... silly things?"

"How silly?"

Kaoru looked away from Kenshin guiltily, and mumbled, "I've just been
wanting sour things. And salty things. Tsukemono, pickled ginger, even
the vinegar they pickle it in. It's silly..."

From where he and Sano were flat on the floor panting, Yahiko called,
"So that explains why your miso's so much worse than usual!"

"HEY!"

Megumi hastily flattened both palms against Kaoru's belly to keep her
from performing grave bodily injury on the person of her
student-boarder. "Not yet, not yet, we're not done with you..."

"So get done! Fast!"

Sano elbowed Yahiko tiredly. "Brat, the doc there is busily trying to
save your life. Take the hint already."

"Uh... yeah." Yahiko got up and ostentatiously tiptoed away, and
hesitated in the doorway. He muttered half to himself, "Where can't
she get to anymore..."

"That's not FAIR!" Kaoru yelled, propping herself up on her elbows to
glare after him; he flinched and ran for it. "Megumi...! Let me at
him!"

"Just a minute," the doctor said, struggling not to smile too much.
"Yutarou needs to learn how to tell which way the baby's lying. Lie
down."

"But he's getting away..."

"You can kill him with breakfast tomorrow. Lie down."

Kaoru glared at her.

"Oh, don't worry, you can kill me with breakfast too."

"Mou!" Kaoru slumped back to fhe floor unhappily. Silent on his feet,
Kenshin moved to kneel beside her and stroked her hair; she sighed,
and smiled up at him, and took his hand. "It's all right, love..."

"Awww," Yutarou said wryly, and Kaoru giggled. He blinked in
astonishment, and stared down at his hands. "Do that again..."

"What?"

"Keep laughing. You can feel it."

...which, of course, made her giggle again. Megumi poked her student
lightly.

"Back to your lesson. Tell me which way the baby's lying."

"Oh." He hesitated. "I don't want to push too hard."

"You won't need to. And Kaoru-chan should let you know if something
hurts."

Yutarou nodded, and carefully pressed his fingertips against the mound
of her belly, then began to explore for shapes. Kaoru squirmed again,
squeezing Kenshin's hand, and Yutarou pulled back hastily. "Gomen...
did that hurt?"

Blushing, she shook her head a little. "Just... embarrassed."

"Don't be," Megumi said. "You're his teacher as much as I am, aren't
you? This is just a different sort of lesson."

Still, she looked up at Kenshin for reassurance; he smiled down at her
tenderly, and stroked her cheek. "I'd like to learn too, if you don't
mind."

"...oh!" She bit her lip, then nodded for them.

"Come over here, then, Ken-san..."

Megumi taught each of them how to recognize the shapes they could
softly feel within her womb. Holding Kenshin's hand lightly, she
guided his fingertips in a gentle, careful exploration, explaining,
"That's the baby's head, and that's the back; the curve lets you know
the baby's facing left now. The easiest way to tell arms and legs is
with kicking or punching, of course..."

A shadow fell across them; Kenshin didn't need to look up, but the
others did, and Sano took a half-step back defensively. "Hey, I'm just
curious."

"Do you want to touch, too?"

"Me? Uh... --Nah, that's girly stuff."

Kaoru did squirm at that, and said, "Please, can I sit up? My back
hurts."

"Of course, of course." Megumi helped her up, and said, "Let's teach
you your lesson, Kaoru-chan. But this one does require two people."

"Two?" Kenshin echoed.

Megumi looked at him for a moment, then said ruefully, "You're strong
enough, Ken-san, but you're not tall enough. You need to be several
inches taller than she is. Sanosuke..."

"Who, me?" he yelped.

"Yes," Megumi said. "You need to lift her straight up, which means you
need to be able to lean over her."

Sano looked around for help. "You sure about this? Kenshin..."

"I would, if I weren't too small." His voice or his face must have
proclaimed too clearly how unhappy he was with that verdict; all four
of them looked at him in startlement, and Sano abruptly stopped
complaining.

"What do I do?"

"Bend over so she can reach your shoulders." Megumi arranged Kaoru's
arms around his shoulders and neck in a careful hug, then told him,
"Straighten up slowly, just until her toes are barely touching the
ground. You're going to carry her weight for her for a little while,
and let her own weight help her straighten her back. You can also help
her by rubbing a little; gently, you big lout, gently."

Still looking surprised to find himself doing this, Sano dutifully
curved his hands to her back and rubbed. "This okay, Jou-chan?"

"Mmm," she agreed, blissfully emphatic, and he chuckled.

"Well, that's good." He glanced at Kenshin again. "Sure this is okay?"

Kenshin smiled for them both. "Fine."

"Make sure she relaxes all the way around," Megumi directed.

Sano swallowed hard, and shifted one hand to rub her stomach. He
grinned despite himself when the baby kicked at his palm. "Hey, you,
quit it for a little bit; mama wants a rest..."

Yutarou rolled his eyes. "Looks like Heidel's not the only silly one."

The complacent smile was long since familiar; Kenshin left it in place
for Sano and Kaoru, but also for Megumi.

You think I don't understand, Fox Lady? Perfectly logical. I'm too
small. Of course. And, also of course, there are steps just outside
the door; I could stand on one. But that doesn't let you present me
with him holding her, does it. That doesn't let you ask me how it
feels, without admitting you're doing it. Yutarou I couldn't mind;
he's a child studying to be a doctor. Sano isn't -- and Sano isn't
scarred, or shadowed, or dangerous to anyone he loves... not the way I
am. I was a creature of darkness, haunted by the things that move in
shadows I myself have cast; he walks with her in the sunlight, and the
griefs he bears are not of his own causing. As you said, if things had
been a little different...

Watch me smile, Fox Lady.

I don't mind. He loves children too, and she's his first friend to
bear a child; and he's delighted to be allowed such gentleness, even
if it is 'unmanly.' He's delighted to be ordered into it, because then
he can protest however he needs to protest afterwards. And she's
delighted at relief. And I don't mind because I know when he puts her
down and we go to rest, she'll lie beside me. I'm glad to let him
share this now.

You didn't expect that, did you.

I do understand, Megumi. If I loved her, and she loved him, standing
there watching them... I do understand. But it was petty of you to
think that I am petty enough to mind the sight of her holding him.
What I mind is your manipulation...

Watch me smile.

I can't watch you because I can't let you know that I see; but if I
could, does it bother you? Seeing him laugh with her, seeing him smile
down as he feels the baby moving... I hope it bothers you. I think you
would find a great deal of happiness, standing in his arms like that,
feeling his strength supporting you when your body aches with child. I
think you would be astonished by the wonder in his eyes when he looks
at you, when you've lost all control and all your doctor's distance
and can only watch and feel as your own body ripens, each day
inexorably more round and full and precious. I think you are terribly
afraid of how much you would love that, and so you stand and watch
her, to be able to see a reflection of that joy in his eyes. And I do
hope you can feel why it bothers you -- why you want to stand where
she stands. Not in my arms, but in his.

Please watch me smile, Megumi, and wonder. Wonder why I don't mind,
when you must.

Sano looked over at him uncomfortably. "Kenshin, you sure...?"

If he feels uncomfortable with me watching... Megumi, he deserves
better treatment than we've given him with these little games. "Why
not?" Kenshin said, and brightened his smile with a hint of deviltry.
Forgive me, Sano, I'm going to make it worse, but... "As long as it
makes you so happy, why not?"

"Happy? I... uh... I'm just doing you a favor, that's all! Honest...
just because you're too short, and Jou-chan's hurting, and I couldn't
just let her hurt, and..."

Kenshin let Sano's protests wash over him for a few minutes, waiting
for him to wind down and stand there blushing. Then he said lightly,
"It's all right to be happy, Sano."

"Well, uh, yeah, but... it's just doing you guys a favor. I don't do
girly stuff."

"I know."

"Just so we're all clear on that."

"I know," Kenshin repeated, gently reassuring. Time enough later to
explain to him that this was almost the antithesis of 'girly stuff' --
something a father did for a mother and their child unborn... he'd
explain it to him later, when Megumi needed him. Because what he was
really reacting to was the tenderness involved; and that perception
was more than true enough.

Sano squirmed. "Kenshin... I don't."

Megumi said wryly, "You're starting to protest too much,
rooster-head."

"This is your fault to start with, fox lady--"

--what?

Kenshin's head turned a moment before someone's fist slammed into the
front gate. Sano put Kaoru down and made sure she was steady on her
feet; Kenshin was already running down the path, and he leapt to the
ridge of the wall, vaguely aware of the others following him but
attuned to the gathering mob...

...of policemen?

Shiro slammed a fist into the gate again. "Oi! Himura-san! Come out
here..."

"I'm here," he called down, tense. "What do you want?"

Shiro craned his neck back and toppled over; Hoshino grabbed at him
hastily. "Hey! Konbanwa, Himura-san! Come down here!"

Heidel, a pale flash of hair and clothing in the midst of the
dark-haired, dark-uniformed policemen, said miserably, "I tried much
telling him he was not to be sampling all of the sake..."

"Oro?"

"But some kinds only taste good the first sip," Shiro explained, and
leaned on the wall. "Come down here, I'm gonna fix everything."

"Yare yare..." Kenshin leapt down, and reached up to steady Shiro when
the effort of tracking the jump with his eyes almost unbalanced him
again.

Shiro draped an arm around his shoulders and gestured expansively with
the other hand, almost spilling a sake jug.

"Hey! All you guys! This is Himura-san, this is the one Saitou-san
told you us recruits would be chasing all over! We're not s'posed to
catch him..." He stopped, thought about it, and amended, "well, yeah
we are, only we're just not s'posed to arrest him, ne?"

"Him we know about," one of the regulars retorted sourly. "Tall mad
gaijin bodily assaulting police officers we don't know about."

"But he was just all confused about things! This is Haideru-san..."
Shiro started to drape the other arm around his shoulders, then
remembered just in time and reached up to pat him on the head instead;
Heidel tried to duck a splash of sake with marginal success. "I
screwed up an' didn't tell him it was all a joke about Himura-san...
well, not a joke, only we're not s'posed to catch him..." He stopped
again, blinked, shook his head, and said, "Wasn't I there already?"

"Yes," Kenshin said helpfully. "You're supposed to catch me and not
arrest me."

"...Yeah! Like he just said." Shiro considered the sake jug in his
hand, and took a swig from it. "Anyway. Just don't hurt 'em. They're
like kids an' bystanders an' stuff. 'Specially his wife, don't hurt
her, she's kind of pregnant."

"Shiro-dono..."

Shiro blinked down at him, and giggled. "Yeah, sorry, kind of
pregnant's kind of dumb. She's kind of def'nitely pregnant. You all
can prob'ly tell if you look. Anyway. Be nice. --Think she'd come out
here and say hi?"

Briefly overwhelmed, Kenshin managed, "I, um, can go ask..."

"Good idea!" Shiro patted him on the head enthusiastically, fluffing
his bangs into his eyes. "You go ask!"

From somewhere in the horde of policemen, he heard one mutter to a
neighbor, "That's a hitokiri?" The neighbor snorted a skeptical
agreement.

I can go knock their heads together with their own swords, or I can
have not heard that. I think I didn't hear that.

Kenshin opened the gate and slipped through, and was struck by the
similarity to the image from earlier: a line of unhappy faces. "It's
all right," he said carefully. "It's just Shiro-dono; yoi de gozaru...
a little too yoi de gozaru ne... He's making sure the squad knows us
the next time and wants to make introductions."

Kaoru relaxed her grip on her bokken, and Sano chuckled. "So if
they're all here, who's watching the city? Never mind, come on."

Most of the police were nowhere near as drunk as Shiro; Hoshino was
the closest second, and it was their chance encounter in the sake shop
that had led to the roundup of all the off-duty officers they could
find. So everyone stood and smiled for the policemen as they drifted
by; a few of them sheepishly lifted their caps for Kaoru and Megumi.
Tanaka wasn't in the lot; Shiro looked around for him perplexedly,
then shrugged and poked Hoshino in the shoulder.

"Did you bring it?"

"I, uh, I think so."

"Did you drink it already?"

"No... I don't think..." Hoshino sorted out which of the sake jugs
were empty and which ones weren't, tossed the empty ones toward the
street, and found one that hadn't been opened and offered it to
Kenshin with an ear-to-ear grin. Struggling to keep an appropriately
respectful sober expression, Kenshin bowed his thanks and accepted it.

Shiro crumpled as much as sat down, blinked for a moment, and patted
the dirt beside him. "Come on..."

"Shiro-dono, wouldn't it be better at a table de gozaru ka? With, say,
cups?"

The concept was too much for him. Wryly, Sano picked him up by the
collar, flopped one of Shiro's arms across his shoulders, and
half-dragged him up to the house; Heidel followed under his own power.
Sano folded Shiro into an approximately upright position and sat
beside him to make sure he didn't pitch over sideways; Heidel sat on
Shiro's other side anxiously, a little unsteady himself.

"Going to be all right? I was very much telling him..."

"You can tell them all you like, Haideru-san, but it doesn't help if
they aren't listening," Megumi said acerbically, and went to get cups.

Yutarou sat by Heidel, grinning broadly. "I've never seen you drunk
before."

"I'm not drunk," Heidel protested. "He's drunk. I'm... not drunk like
him, ne? If I was drunk like him I would be singing. Very badly. In
German."

"So sing for us."

Heidel drew himself upright, and said with vast dignity, "No."

"No," Shiro agreed sleepily, and made a beckoning gesture towards
Kenshin. "Tell us stories. You promised."

"That I did promise," Kenshin agreed, and helped Kaoru settle herself
at the table, then knelt next to her. "Yahiko thinks Kaoru-dono is a
rough teacher, but at least she'll let me teach you to fall gently.
The way shishou taught me..." Kenshin hesitated, then sighed a little,
scratching behind an ear in embarrassment. "Shishou taught me to fall
the way he taught me everything: he showed me how. Once. After that, I
learned by doing... and doing... and, since I was his baka deshi,
doing a few more times too..."

"How did you survive?" Shiro asked, not entirely joking.

"Well... he was a swordsmaster, and I was his target, and once I
'knew' how to fall down, he had no qualms about hitting me -- just not
with the cutting edge. So, since he didn't actually want to kill me, I
spent a lot of time falling down. For a while, I was learning more
about flying and rolling and falling down than I was about swords..."

Megumi returned with the cups, and poured for each of them; the sake
actually wasn't bad. But then, he liked sweet sake. Hiko had teased
him about his peasant's palate, as about everything else. Kenshin
sipped at it, and smiled wryly, and told them a story of Hiko teaching
him to drink sake.

"Yet another involuntary lesson in how to fall down," he added,
ruefully, and sipped at the sake again.

"But that's not fair!" Kaoru said, loyally indignant. "He's so much
bigger than you are, and you were littler then. And he'd had years of
practice too, I bet."

"Lessons rarely have much to do with fairness," Kenshin said with a
sigh. "The desire for fairness gets people killed." ...Enough of that.
Only the funny stories. Something to make them smile... "One time,
though, I did teach him to fall down," Kenshin offered. "Fairly, too."

"Amakakeru Ryuu no Hirameki?" Sano guessed wryly.

"That's not what I was thinking of, actually. It's a little, silly
thing, but.."

In a lot of ways, Hiko was a swordsman and an artist in ways he
couldn't begin to parallel. Kenshin could only match his speed after
years of work and determination; in everything else, he couldn't begin
to match him. Not in terms of size, or strength, or reach, or
knowledge; he'd left his training early, and his slight body made the
rest immaterial. But because of that, there was one occasion when
Hiko's advantage became a disadvantage.

In a clearing, Hiko won their bouts every time; in the air or in the
water, the same. In fact, Hiko had more of an advantage in a river or
the sea; his mass kept him more anchored against the current, and
Kenshin had to spend a proportionally greater amount of strength
simply to remain still, let alone to fight. In a forest, though, the
balance shifted slightly -- Hiko had to chop his way through places
where Kenshin simply ducked -- and in a cave, where Hiko couldn't
simply chop his way through, the combination of Kenshin's slighter
build and the consequent ability to explore more tunnels and rockfalls
had finally presented him with the opportunity to lead Hiko into a
small space, double around, and strike from a direction Hiko couldn't
block when the tunnel looped back on itself.

"Only once, though," Kenshin said ruefully. "We never practiced in a
cave again."

"Gee, I wonder why," Sano drawled over Kaoru's giggles. "I bet you
would have kicked his ass in Kyoto, too."

"Hmm?"

"Buildings. Alleys. Lots of little narrow spaces that you can't just
go chopping through. You'd have beaten him as the Battousai, fighting
in the real world; I wonder if he knows it."

Kenshin said softly, "So the real world is the world we make rather
than the world we are born to?"

"That's not what I said. You know, the real world. Cities."

"But that's what I meant," Kenshin said. "The world begins in chaos,
and we impose our order a small piece at a time: a house, a street, a
city. But cities aren't the way the world begins, or the way it ends.
And he'd have beaten me in Kyoto. I was... unbalanced, even in the
midst of the order of a city; I was the vanguard of chaos, trying to
break the order that had been, in order to free a path for a new
order. But I had no.. focus. No stable center of my own, no balancing
point to hold to... I could strike as wind or fire, but he still had
the earth to defend with. He'd have beaten me."

"So says somebody who got raised by a hermit on a mountaintop," Sano
said wryly. "You live in a city very long, you live by its rules or
you don't survive; Kenshin, you know that."

"You live by the sword very long, you live by its rules," Kenshin
murmured. "And the rules are wind, fire, water, earth... but each from
the balance which is the innermost center of your living. Without
balance, without a center, I was flawed as a swordsman; I was willing
to die, many times, but I still had to learn why I needed to live.
That's what he taught me... that's Amakakeru Ryuu no Hirameki. Finding
the center-- finding the why of life, not just the how." Despite
himself, he looked over at Kaoru, and laced his fingers through hers
gently. "In that moment on the edge between life and death... it's
always your face I see. I needed you then. I still do. I always will."

She stared at him, wide-eyed. "Kenshin..."

Sano sighed. "That's sweet, guys, but I don't go for all this
mysticism shit; I just go for what works, you know? And in Kyoto I
still say you'd have kicked his ass just from learning the place while
he was up there on his mountain contemplating his navel or ironing the
points into that dumb collar or whatever it is he spends all his time
doing. --Shiro, you're a cop, what do you think?"

Shiro made an odd sound; by the time Sano realized it was a snore,
Kenshin jumped onto the table, hands outstretched to keep him from
breaking his nose as he toppled forward face-first. The jolt of hands
on his shoulders startled him awake; Shiro blinked at him--

--and screamed, and scrambled backwards in a panic, almost hitting his
head on the roofpost. Sano caught him short hastily.

"What is it?"

Shiro was whimpering, trying to burrow his way into Sano's chest.
Kenshin and Heidel traded puzzled looks; Heidel reached over to pat
him curiously, and Shiro flinched again.

"Don't .. don't let him..."

Kenshin closed his eyes tightly. "No," he murmured. "No, Shiro-dono.
Not for you. Not ever again."

"You know what's going on in there?" Sano asked, rapping knuckles
lightly on Shiro's head as the boy hid his face in Sano's jacket.

Kenshin made a faint gesture down at his clothing. "He looked at me,
darkly dressed, and saw the hitokiri reaching for him. I'm sorry. I
wish Saitou had never..." He stopped, pulled off the blue gi, and
flung it into a corner violently; dressed in the white underlayer and
Kaoru's hakama, he crept closer and reached to touch him.
"Shiro-dono... it's only me. Please. Forgive me..."

"He's drunk, Kenshin," Sano said carefully. "Don't get all upset. He's
just plain stupid drunk."

"I know. But there's more truth in that than in all the masks we
wear."

"Kenshin..." Sano stopped, and sighed, and glared at Shiro and the
sake jug. "Che. If you always get this philosophical when you drink,
remind me never to take you bar-hopping."

"Sano," Kenshin murmured. "my name was used to frighten children his
age. My name lives as fear in the quiet corners hidden in their
minds... and after Saitou, the hitokiri in his mind has my face. If I
can just touch that once, just for one of them..."

Sano sighed again, and extracted Shiro like a kitten by the scruff of
the neck. "Wake up, you dumb drunk, and don't you dare hurt my
friend!"

"Sano..."

"He's yours," Sano said, holding Shiro out at arm's length. "All
yours. Roll him into a corner and tuck him in and tell him a bedtime
story or something, I don't care; just don't let him hurt you. You got
that? You don't deserve that."

Thank you, Sano, but you don't understand. No one has ever frightened
children with your name... Shiro was shivering in his hands, eyes
closed tight like a newborn.

"No... please..."

"Look at me, Shiro-dono."

Kenshin knew how to command, when he needed to. Despite himself, Shiro
blinked up at him.

"...angel?"

"Shiro-dono..."

Shiro made a pathetic little sound. "...angel... don't want to die..."

"No," Kenshin said fiercely. "No. I'm no kind of angel -- or demon --
or anything else. I'm not the hitokiri anymore. The hitokiri is dead.
I'm only the rurouni now -- only silly little Foxtail who runs. I
swear on my life. Shiro-dono..."

Shiro blinked up at him dazedly. "What?"

"...forgive me?"

"What for...?"

After a moment, Kenshin laughed despite himself. "Come on, Shiro-kun,
let's just find you a place to lie down." He half-dragged the boy over
to a side of the room and propped him in a corner until he could find
a blanket and a pillow; when he came back, Shiro was already snoring
lightly. Kenshin sighed to himself, and set the pillow down at what
looked like the right distance, and carefully tipped him sideways.
Shiro woke up again for a minute, groggily.

"Himura-san...?"

"Hai?"

"My fault..."

"What is?"

"My fault he got hurt..."

"Iie," Kenshin murmured. "Not your fault; I should have explained..."

"...not my fault?"

"Not at all, Shiro-dono."

"...oh... Himura-san?"

"Hai?"

"Angels... dark one, bright one... 'n a cave..."

"Go back to sleep, little one," Kenshin murmured, stroking the boy's
hair back from his eyes lightly. "Just go back to sleep."

"Nn..."

Sano walked over and touched his shoulder. "You okay, Kenshin?"

"Aa." Kenshin sat back on his heels with a sigh. "Just thinking he's
got the right idea..."

"Yes," Heidel agreed wistfully. "Himura-san, what were you?"

"Hmm?"

"What were you, to frighten him?"

"A legend," Kenshin said tiredly. "A legend in the night. But not
anymore."

Heidel nodded a little. "This is what left hurts?" He lifted a hand to
his own cheek in partial explanation.

Kenshin's eyes widened for a moment. All they knew... all either of
them knew... the legend in the darkness, a hand poised above the
swordhilt; the name without a face, until a night in the rain and
blood and... He swallowed hard, and murmured, "You... could say that.
Being a legend does... hurt sometimes. And leaves old scars."

"Not anymore," Kaoru said fiercely, and came to hold him. "Not
anymore."

They moved the table into a corner and propped it against the wall to
make room for enough beds for Sano and the rest of the guests; Megumi
went to sleep with the little girls. Hand in hand, Kenshin and Kaoru
crept back to their room and lay down with near-identical aching
sighs.

"My back hurts."

"Mine too," Kenshin agreed, sleepily rueful.

"Your own fault." Kaoru looked down at her girth and rolled her eyes.
"Come to think of it, it's all your fault -- your back and mine."

"...Aa."

She nudged him gently. "Roll over."

Too tired to question, he did; she began to rub his back for him. For
a moment, he simply enjoyed it; then guilt prickled at him. "Your
turn..."

"Tomorrow."

"But..."

"Tomorrow," she repeated firmly, and giggled. "This time it's my turn
to watch you sleep."

...watch you sleep...

"Aoshi..."

"Hush. Lie still."

"But--"

"Aoshi can take care of himself. I'm taking care of you." She ran the
heels of her hands down his spine; he gasped despite himself when she
hit knots and bruises. "Relax," she told him, and leaned into rubbing.
It felt very, very good...

Kaoru watched as his eyes slowly drifted closed, lost in a combination
of exhaustion and bliss; she kept rubbing as his breathing slowed and
softened, and felt warmed through with pride.

He can relax enough to sleep when I'm touching him.

Both sides of him can. Because he really is asleep. Because he knows
I'm here, watching. He trusts me to guard his back...

He trusts me. With his life. He trusts me. He needs me...

Kaoru sniffled back tears, knowing the sound of her catching her
breath would wake him.

I'm so, so happy...

When she couldn't stay awake anymore, she eased herself under the
blankets next to him, and snuggled against his side. "Aishiteru," she
murmured into the soft thick spill of his hair, and closed her eyes.
Aishiteru...

-------------------------

Author's notes:

-------------------------

I promise I do have a plot coming somewhere... this is such a long
piece, and I've been having too much fun writing fluff stuff. But I
promise, there is plot coming, somewhere out there...

Thank you, Tae, for helping me with my fussing over "how many pieces
in a chapter" (how many licks to the center of a...? Oops, never
mind...) Also thank you, Deb and Naga and Tatsuko, for pre-reading
(and patching plot holes! Any left are mine); and thank you everybody
for being so patient with the snail's pace...

-------------------------

Dictionary:

-------------------------

Aishiteru -- I love you

Chikusho, kuso -- Sano's all-purpose swear words

Gambatte/ganbatte/ganbare: good luck! / try your best! / you can do
it! (of course Yahiko's dripping irony, but that's all right...)

Inarizushi -- Fry a piece of tofu, cut a hole in one side to make it a
pouch, and stuff it with vinegared rice and other sushi fillings.

Yoi (as in Shiro being a little too much yoi) -- actually Kenshin's
making a wryly polite sort of pun here. Depending on the kanji in
question, yoi can mean (among other things) nice/good/happy, or early
evening, or drunk... so Kenshin's saying "it's all right, everything's
fine; he's a little too fine in fact" with the implication of having
had a few too many.

Temee -- insulting form of "you"

Tsukemono -- pickled vegetables (not necessarily cucumber)

---------------------------------

Omake Theater: In Honor of Halloween and Tae-dono's M&M's...

---------------------------------

Kaoru (to Kenshin enthusiastically): See? It's just like a sweet bean
paste bun, only not exactly.

Kenshin (examining the orange wrapper in puzzlement): If you say so de
gozaru na...

[Voiceover which makes them both jump:]

Narrator: How Hiko Seijyuurou eats a Reese's--

Hiko (materializing out of nowhere): With style, of course! (trademark
glint of teeth)

[Spotlight on the opened Reese's package, which looks rather small and
forlorn in the middle of the dojo floor.]

Hiko: Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu, Kuzu Ryuu Sen!

 [SWISHSWISHSWISHSWISHSWISHSWISHSWISHSWISHSWISH)

 [One of the Reese's cups is now in nine little perfect wedges...]

Hiko: Pay attention, baka deshi -- it takes style not to touch the
paper! (He picks it up by the paper cup, which, irritatingly enough,
is perfectly unscathed; and he walks away munching.)

Narrator: How Shinomori Aoshi eats a Reese's--

[There's still the second Reese's waiting in the package on the
floor.]

Aoshi: ...?

Narrator (encouraging, as though to a reluctant puppy): Go on. Go get
it...

Aoshi (staring at the cameraman with Those Eyes): ~~~!.

Narrator (sounding a little panicky): All right, all right, skip that
take for now, next one...

[sound FX: pages shuffling hastily]

Narrator: How Saitou Hajime eats a Reese's--

Saitou: Hmph. (flick of cigarette, drawing sword, taking The Pose:)
Aku. Soku. Zan--

[Gatotsu Zero Shiki]

Saitou (munching the skewered Reese's off the end of the blade): What
did you expect, ahou?

[Saitou licks the chocolate off the blade with a little too much
enthusiasm...]

Kenshin and Kaoru: ...(sweatdrop)

Narrator: How Himura Kenshin eats a Reese's--

Kenshin (looking around): Sessha? Ano... (scratching behind ear)
sessha wa never had a chance de gozaru....

 [By the magic of the well-timed camera cut and stagehands in ninja
gear**, there's another package of Reese's waiting. You hear the
narrator's fingernails drumming against the floor.]

Kenshin: No, really, that's all right. I'm just too slow.

[The narrator's nails stop drumming in bemusement.]

Kenshin: Think about it. Divine speed against two teenagers in a race
for chocolate.

[Sano and Yahiko are both hovering in the doorway grinning from ear to
ear.]

Kenshin (head bent): Sessha wa haven't got a chance de gozaru yo.

[--blurrrr--]

[Sano and Yahiko are rolling around on the floor fighting over the
same handful; the microphones vaguely pick up some scathing language
and the camera redirects to Kenshin hastily.]

Kenshin (placid smile): Never mind me; I'll just lick the wrapper...

Yahiko: Oi! That's my favorite part!

Kaoru (to Kenshin): Did you just say chocolate?

Kenshin (sudden panicky realization): Ano... -- shimatta.

Kaoru (enormous wistful blue eyes and one palm to her rounded middle):
Get one for me? Please?

Kenshin: ...oro...

Heidel: Just to be waiting a minute, yes? [Hastily sketches a blessing
cross in the air in front of Kenshin and mutters a prayer that sounds
suspiciously like last rites...]

[Kenshin closes his eyes and dives into the tangle of Sano and Yahiko.
They roll straight over the camera. The narrator can be heard
distantly wailing in the background that ceiling slats are NOT that
interesting a shot--]

[By the time the dust has settled and the narrator has stopped
wheezing for breath after having had the wind knocked out of him by
the impact of the cameraman's head, and they've picked themselves up
and gotten the equipment turned around again...]

[Sano and Yahiko are sporting bandages and still feebly tugging back
and forth on the wrapper with a Reese's cup fairly thoroughly squished
all over the insides; Kenshin is flat on his back panting and staring
up at the ceiling; and Kaoru is looking innocent --and licking her
lips.]

Narrator: ...hey, Bill, did we get that on film...? Bill...?

Kenshin (faintly): Nothing wrong... with the ceiling slats... de
gozaru...

---------------------------------

**this is actually a costume design major in-joke. As it turns out,
the stereotypical ninja uniform (all black with face mask etc) is just
standard stagehand costuming in traditional Japanese theater.
Audiences have learned to ignore people wearing those clothes in the
setting of the play. So when stagehands do ninja strikes in the play,
it's literally like they came out of nowhere; it's not that real
ninjas had to wear that...

-----------------------------------

Next time:

Either a midnight scare, or Shiro's morning after... [gotta decide
what comes first!]

o-tanoshimi ni!