WARNING:  This is a YAOI fic, containing graphic male/male sexual 
interaction.  Please do not read if you would be offended.


Never Be The Same
A Rurouni Kenshin Yaoi-fic
by yuri
wrathofkath@licensedtokill.com

**All standard disclaimers apply.

**The song "Never Be The Same" recorded by Melissa Etheridge, 
unashamedly rearranged by me!!


______________________________

So you walked with me for a while
Bared your naked soul
And you told me of your plans
How you would never let them go
______________________________

I glance across the table at him, and I just have to  smile.  I've 
never seen Sanosuke drunk before, but it doesn't surprise me that 
he drinks the same way he does everything else.  Even at nine years 
old, his enthusiasm was something of a joke in our unit.  And I, at 
the vastly superior age of fourteen, laughed along with all the 
others.  Not that he ever let it bother him.  Once Sano dedicated 
himself to something, there was very little that could sway him 
from his path.

His laughter recalls my attention, and once more I raise my eyes 
from my sake to find two girls standing by his side.  He laughs 
again, and speaks to them for a few minutes longer before they 
leave with smiles of their own.  One of them casts a wink and a 
knowing look at me before they move to another table.  I wonder at 
the gesture, and at Sano's dismissal of them.  They weren't anything
special, but they were passable enough.  And if they were working 
in this place...

Why he chose this place is beyond me.  Don't get me wrong, I've 
been in more than a few dives in my day, but this one has to rate 
high on anyone's list of lows.  Believe me, when I suggested we go 
for a drink, I was thinking of somewhere more like the Akabeko.  
After all, I am paying.  Nothing unusual there, either.  Sano never 
could keep any money.  Not that we ever had much, but his always 
seemed to evaporate even before everyone else's did.

He catches my questioning look and shrugs.

"I told them we didn't need any company.  We've got a lotta time to 
catch up on."

Ahhh... I think, as I nod in agreement.  That explains the look.  
She thinks we are...together.  I let THAT intriguing thought run 
around in my head for a moment.  I find I have to shift quickly in 
my seat and banish those speculations immediately.  My body's 
excited response to the vision of Sano naked in my bed catches me 
off guard, but really, it shouldn't have.  After all, one of the 
first thoughts I had on seeing him again was, 'My god!!  Look how 
gorgeous he's grown up to be.'

Then I have to smile again as I look at him.  In fact, I've 
probably smiled more today than I have in a very long time.  I 
try to compare the man before me with the boy I knew so many years 
ago. Gone is the wide-eyed innocence he managed to retain even in 
the middle of a war. But it had taken me only a few moments of 
conversation with him to realize he's held on to that sense of 
blind loyalty he'd shown to our Taiicho.

However, it had taken him almost ten years to find another person 
he deems worthy of such steadfast devotion.  For an angry moment I 
wonder what ELSE he had felt his red-haired friend deserving of.  I 
can hear in his voice, and in his words, what he feels for his new 
friend.  I think he probably hasn't even realized yet that he is in 
love with this Kenshin.  Quickly I bring my jealousy under control, 
somewhat stunned at it's passionate depth.

He's telling me of his life, of how he made it through the anger 
and grief of the betrayal of the Sekihoutai.  He doesn't speak of 
the fear, the pain, the hunger, or any of the other less 'noble' 
emotions that I know he must have had to deal with.  

I was lucky after the slaughter the Ishin Shishi perpetrated on our 
group.  I had a distant relative who agreed to take me in, as long 
as I helped with the work on the family farm, and stayed hidden 
should any stranger pass by.  My cousins' wife held no love for me, 
so the few years I spent with them was no stroll under the cherry 
blossoms, but I didn't sleep on the cold ground, with an empty 
belly, as I suspect - no, as I KNOW that Sano had done.

But he had found the determination to survive, and he continues to 
recount his past to me.  He tells me how he had become Zanza, the 
gangster, with his huge zanbatou.  He explains how he used every 
fight to become stronger...and to help him to forget what had 
happened... until he had been defeated by the very man he now calls 
his friend.

Suddenly something clicks in my head, as a spirit from the past 
howls in my memory.  Red hair...a facial scar...a sword...  Sano 
looks surprised as I reach across the table to grasp his wrist, but 
he doesn't seek to evade my urgently whispered question.  Instead, 
he seems almost relieved that I put it together for myself, as 
though he wanted to tell me all along, but felt he couldn't simply 
volunteer the information.

Yes, it seems his friend is the legendary Hitokiri Battousai.  Or 
at least he used to be...back ten years ago, back when those Ishin 
Shishi bastards betrayed us all.  As I sit back in disgusted 
disbelief, Sano hastens to explain.  It seems his friend, Himura 
Kenshin, has been a Rurouni for years, using a sakabatou as he 
roamed the countryside, righting wrongs and dispensing justice.  
Yeah right.  Sounds like a load of horseshit to me, but Sano so 
insistently wants me to believe it.  So I promise him I'll reserve 
my judgment until I know the man better.  We'll see.

_____________________________

Secrets of your life
I never wanted for myself
But you guarded them like a lie
Placed upon the highest shelf
_____________________________

As the evening progresses, and he drinks more, he tells me the 
darker things.  He tells me how every punch he threw was for our 
Taiicho.  He loved him so...like a father.  He confesses how he 
came to almost enjoy it... How the heat of the battle could make 
him forget the pain for a while... How he hid inside a sake jug 
once for several months before he managed to crawl out...how he 
wished sometimes that whoever he was fighting that day WOULD be 
stronger than he was, and perhaps he could escape this cold and 
empty life he felt trapped in.  He admited to me the times when 
he'd needed food, or clothing, and had simply taken it from 
someone... Of the times he had lay awake at night, wondering if the 
last person he had fought had died of his injuries, aking him a 
murderer on top of his other crimes...

He tells me these things, staring down into his cup.  I think he 
knows he can trust me not to betray him, or be disgusted by his 
admissions. Perhaps he needed to share this burden with someone, 
but still, I wonder why he felt it necessary to tell me at all.  He 
should know that I won't judge him.  After all, I was his best 
friend for years, and the feelings aroused by seeing him again 
don't even bear investigation right now.

Then he tells me of his fight with Kenshin.  He recounts how they 
save each other, and two others, from a madman with a gun, but much 
more importantly, he tells me of Kenshin's words to him, and how 
they changed his life...gave him hope for the first time in years.

To my amazement a big fat tear rolls down his face, quickly 
followed by another.  Looking around, I find the room nearly empty.  
Probably no one will say anything if...


I reach across the table to where his tightly clenched fist lies.  
I take it and coax his fingers open until it lies flat in mine. 
As I trace a line across his palm I think that this is the only 
gesture of comfort I know how to make, but in all honesty, I'm not 
so sure of my motives.  Maybe I was just looking for an excuse to 
touch him.

I know I'm taking advantage of his vulnerability.  He always looked 
up to me as his older brother.  But is what I'm doing so wrong?  I 
want to lift his heart, to banish all the trial and tribulation 
from his life, if only for one night.  I want to ease his pain, and 
perhaps bring us both a moment of fleeting joy.  I find that I, 
too, have this overwhelming need to turn away from my own dark 
plans and schemes for a while...to let nothing more important that 
pleasure fill my mind and body until the next rising of the sun.

Still holding his hand, I lift him to his feet.  As we meet at the 
end of the table, I hesitate as I see him swaying on his feet.  I 
knew he was drunk, but perhaps I didn't realize how far gone he is.  
I think that maybe I should just take him home, put him to bed, and 
let him sleep it off.  After all, I've done a lot of things in my 
life, but I've never been accused of rape, and I'm not about to 
walk down that road now.

Suddenly he raises his eyes to meet mine, and I see the glistening 
tracks of his tears down his face.  Only two.  Even drunk, he 
didn't allow himself any greater release than that.  My free hand 
rises almost of it's own volition and my thumb gently traces the 
wet line down one cheek, and then the other.  The heat in his gaze 
effects me so, and I feel the muscles low in my stomach contract in 
response.  As I release a deep breath, I know he can hear the 
quiver it contains.

I stand frozen, a victim of the desire coursing my body.  My hand 
falls from his face, but he catches it in his own.  Now holding 
both my hands, he slides a firm grip up to my forearms.  Then he 
smiles at me, dark and dangerous, from under the fringe of his 
bangs.  That smile, and the deep chocolate brown eyes holding mine 
so intently, speaks to me of wicked indulgence.

He must know the next move is his, because he takes the one step 
that closes the distance between us.  He doesn't press his body 
against mine, as I would have expected him to.  Instead, he teases 
me with the softest of brushes of his chest against mine, of his 
thighs against mine, of his... This time my gasp is audible, and it 
brings a glow of smoldering heat to his eyes as his smile widens.

Suddenly his smile falls away, and his face takes on an 
indisputable urgency.  I watch his throat work as he swallows, and 
I know what he's going to say before the words leave his mouth.  
I'm already nodding as he speaks.

"Let's get the hell out of here.  Now."

Ignoring the knowing glances of the girls Sano had turned away 
hours ago, we make our way to the door.  Outside, he pauses, and 
shoots me a questioning look.  His house, I say, because 
truthfully, I want to see it.  I want that glimpse inside who he 
is now.

We don't speak as we set off down the street, but we are walking 
closely enough that occasionally our hips or shoulders brush.  I 
wonder if those touches affect him as they do me.  It feels like 
the middle of a thunderstorm, when you can feel it, and smell it in 
the air, and you know you should run, because the lightening is 
about to strike. But instead you stand, arms thrown wide and face 
lifted to the warring heavens above.  You revel in the sting of the 
rain on your face, in the way the wind whips your clothes against 
your body, in the exhilaration of standing in the presence of death 
and screaming in it's face.  It's all about embracing the wildness 
that lives inside you, and it's why I've never felt the desire to 
stand in a gentle spring shower.

I don't even know if I can speak, as I stride along beside this 
walking elemental force.  I find myself having feelings I haven't 
experienced in years. Fear and anticipation chase each other around 
in my stomach. Why am I so overwrought?  It's hard to explain.  It 
isn't as if he is my first lover, male or female.  And it isn't 
that I'm afraid of him... exactly...  It's more that I'm afraid of 
the cravings he arouses in me.  I didn't really get the full effect 
of it until he gave me that look, and that smile.  I wonder if he 
realizes how potent it is, or if he does it unconsciously.  I 
shiver.  If he's doing it without even realizing it, he's even more 
dangerous than I thought.  Unknowing sensuality has always brought 
me to my knees.

____________________________________

In the passion of the night
You cried - a long lost child
And I tried oh I tried to hold you
But you were young and you were wild
____________________________________

Thank the gods, his home isn't too far away, and we stand before 
his door only minutes into our walk.  He hesitates with his hand on 
the door, and looks at me again.  I am still unable to speak, but I 
tell him with my eyes that yes, I want this, I need this, to be 
here with him tonight.  I step close and slide an open palm 
underneath his jacket.  I press my hand to his chest, and feel the 
rolling thunder of his heartbeat.

I suddenly realize that he doesn't seem nearly as drunk as he did a 
few minutes ago.  It's amusing to me that it took me a while to 
notice, but I understand how it happened.  My brain was too busy 
with the images of what was about to happen to care whether or not 
Sano was steady on his feet.  The sudden return of the mental 
picture of our naked bodies intertwined is almost more than I can 
bear, and my fingers curve to press into his warm flesh.  I'm 
finally able to manage one word.

"Hurry!"

That promising smile returns, and at the sight of it I am 
overwhelmed.  He doesn't get more than a single step inside the 
door before my hand on his shoulder spins him around.  I clasp his 
face in my hands and dive into his mouth the way a man dying of 
thirst dives into the only water in a hundred miles.

I like to see someones' eyes when I kiss them, so I watch as his 
eyes widen as my mouth nears his face.  I hear his quickly indrawn 
breath as my lips fasten on his.  As my tongue seeks out his, to 
dance against it, his mouth is quiescent.  He isn't fighting me, 
but he isn't really participating either.  Have I missed something?  
I softly whisper his name in apprehension.

I almost weep with frustration as he steps away from me, and 
reaches out to slide the door shut.  I stand in the dark and listen 
to his movement around the room.  Sudden light hurts my eyes, and I 
see he's kindled an old oil lamp and sat it on a wooden box.  Still 
silent, he unrolls his futon and flops down on it.  He slips off 
his shoes and begins to unroll the linen strips he wears on his 
lower legs.  I remain where he left me, mesmerized by his actions, 
still caught in the grip of uncertainty.

He stands and shrugs his jacket from his shoulders to hang it on a 
peg on the wall.  As he starts on the bandages on his chest, my 
only thought is, 'Damn!  I wanted to do that.' My single step puts 
a stop to all motion, and snaps his head around in my direction.  
It's too dim in this room to read his eyes, so again I whisper his 
name.  A single word - a multitude of questions.  What's wrong?  
What did I do?  Have you changed your mind?  Why won't you just let 
me take you into my mouth, and...?

I quickly shake myself back to the events unfolding before me, and 
find the bandages completely removed, and Sano untying the belt on 
his pants. As they start to fall, I close my eyes for a moment.  I 
open them to find him standing before me wearing nothing but his 
bandanna, and a breechcloth.  I should have known.  I smile at that 
bandanna.  I realize what it means, and I wouldn't try to take if 
off him for the world.

I stand perfectly still as he reaches out to me, letting him lead 
us at his own pace.  He brushes my hair back over my shoulders and 
cradles the back of my hand with one of his impossibly large hands.  
His other arm slides loosely around me as he brushes his lips 
across mine, and slowly slides his tongue into my mouth.

Without thinking about it, I let my arms encircle him in a tight 
grasp, smolding his body against mine.  When he freezes, I relax my 
grip with a mummered apology, and allow my arms to simply curl 
around him, mirroring his own hold on me.  He leans forward and 
continues to explore my mouth, and soon the hand behind my head is 
pressing to deepen our kiss.  His other arm is urging our bodies 
more and more tightly together.

As the kiss finally ends, and we both come up for air, I take the 
opportunity to ask if what I suspect is true.  His face reddens, 
but he doesn't let go of me as he answers.  I take that as a good 
sign. He hastens to assure me that he has had lovers before...all 
of them female.  He's never been with a man, but he's sure he wants 
this.  In fact, he's always wondered about this kind of love, even 
more so lately, although he's not sure why.  I suppress a smile as 
I decide to leave that comment alone.  I'm sure he'll figure it out 
soon.

He goes on to say that he isn't afraid, just not sure how to 
proceed. I do smile at that small lie, but I let that one pass, 
too, even though I can see he's as terrified as he is determined.  
I ask him if he trusts me, and he's almost offended as he assures 
me that he does.  So I ask him to trust me in this, too.  If he had 
been only a few years older, I would have shared this with him all 
those years ago, I tell him.

Those must have been the right words, because he begins to push 
away my clothes, and soon I'm naked as the day I came into this 
world.  A quick move of my hand, and so is he.  Embarrassed, his 
hands drop to fold across his groin.  I simply stand and wait, and 
soon his hands fall away.  I feel my eyes widen and my heart beat a 
little faster at what he reveals, but I suspect it is better to say 
nothing.  Gods!  He has nothing to be ashamed of.

I take the opportunity to look at him more closely.  Although his 
normal daily attire doesn't leave a great deal to the imagination, 
I am intrigued at the play of light and shadow across his rippling 
muscles.  He stands still as I tease him by circling around him to 
get a view from all sides.  

His back is as perfect as his chest, both displaying the occasional 
scar of a hard lived life, but not as many as I would have 
imagined.  His legs are long and slender, their length only 
accentuated by the bulges of his calf and thigh muscles.  And his 
backside...if he wasn't so new to this, I would stop to kneed that 
tempting display with my hands...firm and round, it is possibly one 
of the finest behinds I have seen on anybody, male or female.  In 
fact, his entire body is a perfect balance of flesh and bone, 
muscle and beautifully tanned skin. My first instincts had been right, but I wasn't even close to being aware of just 
how gorgeous he was.

Returning to stand before him, I give him a big grin, designed to 
set him at ease.  Trying to turn the tables on me, he subjects me 
to the same treatment.  Although my body is not the honed muscular 
perfection that his is, I have no problems in showing myself to 
him.  As he circles behind me, I lift my arms in a stretch, 
tightening all the muscles up and down the back of my body.  I know 
I make a presentable showing, but I am slightly surprised when Sano 
gives into the same impulse that I denied.

I stand perfectly still as his hands start at my shoulders and slowly trail a line of fire down, across my waist and lower, to cup my buttocks.  I reach back and pull his arms around me as I step back against him, feeling his enormous erection press against my soft flesh.  He's just a little taller than me, and he bends his head to nibble at the spot between my neck and shoulder that drives me wild.  As his mouth moves, hot and urgent to my ear, I gasp.  I try to joke, and ask if he's sure he's never done this before, but the desire in my voice turns my question into a plea.

He does manage a breathless laugh as he replies that yes, he had done THIS before.  This is the same for a man or a woman, or so it would seem.  It's the...other things...he's unsure of.  Oh, yes, the 'other things.' Surely it's time for those things now.  His body is proclaiming enough desire for a blind man to see, and I know I was ready for him as soon as we stepped through the door.

Keeping hold of his hand as I move, I step toward the futon  He 
accompanies me without hesitation.  I drop to my knees on the soft 
cushion, and stop him as he attempts to follow suit. I look up at 
him as I press my cheek against his groin, and I feel his muscles 
clench as he inhales sharply.  His hands tighten on my shoulders as 
I slide my hand up his thigh to gently massage his testicles.  I 
bend to take first one, and then the other deeply into my mouth, 
massaging him gently with my tongue. 

Continuing to caress him, I move my mouth higher, and begin to lick 
the long, hard length of his penis.  I stretch up to take the 
velvet smooth tip of his rigid shaft into my mouth.  After a moment 
his knees buckle and he collapses to the futon before me. 

A gentle shove convinces him to stretch out and let me continue my 
worship of his manhood.  I position myself at his side, fling my 
hair back over one shoulder, and again engulf his penis.  I 
continue to stroke and massage his testicles as I try to work the 
length of him as deeply into my mouth as possible.  His sounds of 
enjoyments heighten my own pleasure, as do the caresses he is 
lavishing on my body.  

Suddenly he builds up his courage, and for the first time, his palm 
ventures from my back, shoulder and thigh to my penis.  He fumbles 
for a moment, uncertain of himself, before his hand recognizes the 
familiarity of my shape.  After all, every person knows how to best 
please themselves, and our bodies are so very much alike.  I groan 
around him as he finds the precise rhythm.  But it isn't enough.  
He jerks his hand away as I release him, and frown.  I hasten to 
assure him that he's done nothing wrong.  I simply wanted more.

He looks apprehensive when I explain to him that I MUST have him 
inside me.  Now.  He questions my decision.  Won't it hurt me?  I 
explain to him what we need, and he looks thoughtful for a moment.  
Then he sets aside the lamp and reaches into the wooden box beside 
the futon.  He extracts a stoppered glass bottle, and explains to 
me that some past girlfriend left it here.  She used it to keep her 
hands soft.  He hands it to me and I agree that it should be fine.  
I motion him to his knees and I assume the same position.  My penis 
brushes against his, and we both halt our actions for a moment, 
intrigued at the sensation.  After our slight hesitation, we rub 
ourselves together again, this time on purpose.  Sano growls at me 
to ask if I need any help getting that damn bottle open.

I finally succeed at getting to the contents of the bottle, and 
then my shaking hands manage to pour oil all over both of us.  
Unsteadily I set the bottle on the floor beside the futon, and our 
hands brush as each of us reaches to slide a lingering caress along 
the oil-slick length of the other.  Suddenly he withdraws his 
hands, and circles to kneel beside me.  I welcome his urgency, 
feeling it myself, and I fall forward, bracing myself on my 
outreached hands.

As I try to relax my body, and let myself open to him, I whisper 
encouragement.  I don't think he hears me anymore.  He's lost now 
in the same dangerous desire that I have been caught up in.  He is 
gentle, but very resolute as he works himself slowly into my body.  
Thank the gods for the oil.  Because of his size, I think we could 
never have done this without it.  I whimper as he moves further and 
further into me.  I'm not so confident anymore that I can take it 
all, but something within keeps urging me back against him.  And 
suddenly...it's done.  He's fully sheathed inside me.

I groan, and my muscles spasm as they learn to accept his presence 
in my body.  Then he starts to move.  Very slowly he pulls almost 
all the way out of me, and then carefully he thrusts back inside.  
Our cries are in unison at the sensation.  Anxiously he asks me if 
he should stop.  I threaten that if he leaves me now, I'll kill 
him.  He manages something between a groan and a laugh.  Silly boy.  
He thinks I'm joking.

His hand slides around my waist to grasp my aching cock, still 
slick with oil.  As he begins a slow and steady rhythm inside me, 
his hand copies it exactly.  The sensation is incredible.  He 
mummers into my ear as he bends over me, that it seems like a 
forbidden pleasure - almost as if he were touching himself.

I am beyond speech now, and can only moan at the feelings that are 
building inside me.  His hand is doing amazing things to me.  At 
the height of each stroke, he rubs his thumb around the incredibly 
sensitive tip of my penis.  The sensation should be too much, the 
touch too intense, but I am so far gone in passion that I only 
welcome the pleasure-pain.  It's urging me closer and closer to 
release.  I have the sudden realization that this is how he 
pleasures himself, and I fight to hold on, to make it last just a 
little longer as the vision snatches at me with white hot claws of 
lust.

I can't help it...I whimper as I try to prolong the sensations.  My 
body arches, and I throw my head back.  Sano catches my hair and 
winds it around his fist.  He writhes against me, and his hand 
wrapped around me pounds against my body in a relentless dance of 
pleasure.

I can feel the storm coming.  I can hear the rumble of thunder in 
our heartbeats.  I can feel the spatter of rain as our bodies run 
with sweat.  I hear the howl of wind in our gasping breaths.  And 
then...lightening strikes.  Our orgasms are so close to each other 
that they are almost simultaneous.  In the storm that is our 
passion, I hear him scream out a name.  It isn't mine.

My body collapses as I fight to control of my emotions.  For just a 
few heartbeats he collapses on top of me, then he realizes what 
he's done.  He carefully extricates himself from my body, causing 
me to shiver against the removal of his warmth.  Then the apologies 
begin.  He doesn't know why he cried out that name... there is 
nothing between them...nothing...  Suddenly his voice turns to 
sobs, and I'm not sure if it is the overwhelming emotional release 
of the sex that is causing his tears, or if he has suddenly seen 
into his own heart.  Either way, it doesn't keep me from trying to 
comfort him.  

Actually, I'm afraid I understand all to well.  I realize that I 
feel the same depth of emotion that Sano does.  I am in love with 
Sano, and Sano is in love with...him.  Gods, what a joke!  He's 
probably in love with some woman who'll never appreciate him.  So 
much for taking away our pain tonight.  We have both only managed 
to add to it.

He fights my sympathy for a little while, trying to push away my 
hands and stop my words.  But finally I manage to get him to lie 
down, and I hold him as he falls asleep.  As I hold him I wonder at 
my own feelings for him, that have formed and escalated so quickly.

This can be a crush, I try to convince myself.  This can simply be 
infatuation.  Or perhaps it is just because we have a shared 
history that few could understand.  Perhaps that's what makes us so 
close...  I try to rationalize my feelings, but my heart is brave 
enough to admit the truth, even if my brain tries to fight it.  I 
love him, and I feel that somehow my life will be forever changed 
because of this night.

Exhaustion overcomes me, so I blow out the lamp and wrap myself 
around my lover in the sudden darkness.  Just as I doze off, I hear 
Sano sob that name once more in his sleep as I gather him close.

"Kenshin...!"

_____________________________

In the morning of the night
When I awoke to find you gone
I knew your distant devil
Must be dragging you along.
_____________________________

It's the noise of the front door sliding closed that wakes me, 
although it take me a moment to figure out what the sound was.  I 
realize that Sano isn't beside me, and I wonder why he's up so 
early.  By the dim light in the room, I calculate that it must be 
close to dawn.  That means we've only been sleeping a few hours.  
Suddenly a sneaking suspicion overcomes me, and I have to know...

Pulling the blanket around myself, I step to the door.  I'm pleased 
to find it open a few inches, so I can peer outside.  The sight 
that greets me is pretty much what I thought it would be.  

Sano stands, dressed in only his pants, talking to a short man with 
a mop of read hair almost as big as he is.  Himura Kenshin - the 
former Hitokiri Battousai.  His voice is amazingly soft and musical 
in the quiet morning.  Sano's voice is so different...like a rumble 
of distant thunder.  And that thought brings back my stormy fantasy 
from the night before.  My emotions change from curiosity to 
something less virtuous as I realize I'm looking at my rival - my 
enemy in more ways than one.

Almost as if he can feel my animosity his eyes whip toward me, and 
find me through the small aperture.  The sudden hardness in his 
gaze doesn't surprise me.  It's about what I had expected.  
Suddenly his attentions return to Sano, and he resumes his mask of 
harmlessness as he answers a question.  I'm not fooled...not for 
one second.  This is one very dangerous man.  No wonder Sano is 
drawn to him so.

Sano re-enters the room to find me sitting on the futon, still 
draped in the blanket.  He stops nervously just inside the door, 
and rubs the back of his head with his hand.  That's a gesture I 
remember so well. It portrays Sano in his moments of greatest 
discomfort.  He tells me that... umm... that was Kenshin, and 
umm... he wanted Sano to go somewhere with him, and umm... Sano 
said that he was busy, and umm...

I hold up my hand to stop the faltering explanations.  I tell him 
it's none of my business what the two of them talked about, as long 
as he is OK.  I'm rather proud of myself, and my magnanimous 
gesture.  Of course, I don't tell him that Kenshin knew exactly 
what he was busy at, after seeing me at the door wearing only a 
blanket.  I definitely don't tell him that I may have let the 
blanket gape open a little...just enough to show I was naked 
underneath it.  Hey, this is a war I'm fighting here, and who 
better than the Battousai to know that you can't always follow 
the rules if you want to win.

I reach out a hand to Sano, and I'm gratified when he takes it 
without any uncertainty.  I pull him down on the mattress beside 
me, and still he doesn't resist.  So far so good.  Now for the real 
test.  I lean forward and give him a light kiss before I tell him 
good morning.  He doesn't pull away, but his brow wrinkles in 
confusion.  He thought I wouldn't want him anymore, he explains. 

As I inform him that not only do I still want him, I want him right 
now, a wide grin splits his face.  He's glad he's not the only one, 
he admits.  He was beginning to feel like a pervert.  We share a 
laugh, but merriment is soon put aside, as are blankets and 
clothing, and we begin again the exploration of each others' bodies.  

As I hungrily go down on him, he moans and after a few moments he 
calls my name softly.  Lifting my head to answer him, I meet his 
sheepish grin.  He wants to do this to me, he says, but... umm...   
he doesn't want me to stop.

I laugh as I show him how easily that is accomplished.  I ask him 
if he's comfortable with it, as I position myself above his face.  
His only answer is to take me into his mouth and give me the same 
loving attention I am showing him.

That is one of the benefits of having a partner of the same gender.  
You tend to do to them what you want done, or what you actually do 
to yourself.  An attentive lover can use that to their advantage, 
and to your ultimate satisfaction.  I must say, Sano is a VERY 
attentive lover. I pause for a moment, lost in the sensation of his 
mouth on me, until a thrust of his hips recalls me to my duty.  I 
grin mischeveously.  Sano isn't the only attentive one here.  I run 
my thumb and my tongue around the very tip of his penis, and I'm 
rewarded when I hear and feel the sounds making their way past my 
cock, and out of his mouth.  

The loving isn't so frantic today, but it's just as intense, and we 
both soon find our release.  As we snuggle under the blanket for a 
while longer, lost in the blissful glow of our orgasms, we both 
drift back off to sleep. 
___________________________________
 
You swore you were bound for glory
And for wanting you had no shame
But I loved you
And I lost you
And I will never be the same
___________________________________

I slowly swim closer to consciousness, as I reach up to swat at the 
fly that is buzzing around my face.  My pillow shakes, and the fly 
returns to tickle my nose.  As I clumsily wave my hand in front of 
my face again, a soft giggle escapes my pillow.  Wait a minute....

As I awake fully for the second time that day, I look up to see 
Sano leaning over me.  I find that he is my pillow, with my head 
resting on his arm, and my body pressed against his.  The giggle 
that finally woke me was caused by Sano's entertainment while I was 
sleeping.  He is finding it very amusing to tickle me with a lock 
of my hair, which he is trailing across my face.  For a moment 
we're boys again, and we roll and tumble on the floor.  

The game doesn't last long, however, and soon he turns grave again.  
As we rearrange ourselves in our bed, he asks me some serious 
questions.  What do I want?  Where is my life going?  What am I 
trying to find?  As I lay quietly, unwilling to contemplate my own 
life, or my motives right now, he goes on to softly tell me of the 
new sense of purpose he's found.

It seems Kenshin had said something that had stuck in his mind.  
The Rurouni had told Sano that he didn't believe that the new era 
had yet dawned.  Sano wants to work to help bring about the true 
era of peace that they feel we are so close to now.  He tells me of 
their efforts thus far... of a confrontation with the Yakuza over a 
young pickpocket... and of dealings with a local crime lord, who 
was holding a lady doctor prisoner.  As he tells me how they faced 
the infamous Oniwabanshuu, I am overcome again with the conviction 
that the Battousai hasn't given up his old ways.  How else could 
they have prevailed?

As he recounts their accomplishments I see the passion glowing in 
his eyes.  I begin to understand how it is that he has been drawn 
to the side of a former enemy.  Uneasily I wonder how my upcoming 
plans will affect him.  For a moment I envy him his ability to move 
forward. It's certainly more than I have been able to do...

Then he gives me some unwelcome news, pulling my attention from 
plans of the future, and memories of the past, to the present.  He 
had promised Kenshin that he would meet him and some others from a 
local dojo for lunch at the Akabeko.  It's almost time for him to 
start getting ready.

As I rise and dress, I try to hide my bitterness with casual 
conversation, but I think he knows how I feel.  He rises and pulls 
me into a tight hug.  He invites me to join them, but I'm not quite 
ready to have lunch with the Battousai just yet.  I can see that 
he's a bit relieved, and that hurts me even more.

Yet, as I make my way down the street to the public baths, I know 
that what we have shared is no small thing.  No matter what he may 
feel for Kenshin, there is an undeniable place in his heart for me 
too.  That makes me smile one last time.  Maybe it will be 
enough...for now.  I'm not sure.  The only thing I'm sure of is, 
now that Sano is back in it, my life will never be the same.

_____________________________

But I, I will never be the same
No I, I will never be the same
Caught in your eyes
Lost in you name
I will never be the same.
_____________________________ 

----------------------OWARI-----------------------

NOTES:

1.	No, I don't ever identify the narrator by name, but you all 
know who he is, don't you? ^_~

2.	This story is told in the first person, and the views  
expressed are the ones I feel the narrator would have.  They aren't 
necessarily my views, so DON'T send me flames for my portrayals of 
other characters. Constructive criticism, however, is ALWAYS 
welcome.

3.	This one is for my new Demoness friends, and especially for 
Meimi, the Demoness who is my Muse.  All hail, and bow low before her greatness!!  ^_^

yuri-chan
3-16-2000