STARRING ROLES Akane This is the GIRLS' bathroom! I don't care if you look like one, you're NOT a girl, and you're not coming in here! [half-jokingly] I'm not going to put a bridle on him, if that's what you mean. [becomes serious] But I told you about Jusendo. I'm sure he loves me. He's not sure I love him. That's the only weapon I've got. If I just tell him right out, I'll scare him off. The wedding proved that. That was before Jusendo. That was when I was afraid Ranma didn't love me. That was before.... [pause] I didn't tell Father everything about Jusendo because... well, you know how he is. But we came so close to dying there that it still scares me. I thought if we could just be married, then everything would be all right somehow. [snort] I should have known it would all fall apart. I'm so worried about the other girls, though. Now that he's not living here, who knows what'll happen? They'll visit, and be all nice to him, and I won't be there to clobber him, and he'll... and they'll.... Bleah. Ranma It's nothin'. It's just that... it's nothin'. [pause] Look, you know all the stuff we've had to put up with lately. Saffron. Kiima. Happosai. Spirits. Demons. You name it. Of course, *I* can, sure. But, um... look, I'm just kinda tired of it, all right? You want. Dammit, everybody wants! My life is fulla people who want me to do somethin' all the others don't want me to do! You want me to read a zillion books! You want me to move outa the Tendos'! You want me to be a 'man among men'! Pops and Tendo-san want me to marry Akane! Shampoo 'n' Cologne want to drag me back to China! Ukyo wants me to marry HER! Akane wants-- hell, I wish I knew what Akane wants-- but nobody cares what I want! Now why would ya want ta molest an unsexy, no-figure girl like that, [slightly sultry voice] when you could.... Onna-Ranma Umm... I'm a substitute? Yeah, that's it. One of your regular students couldn't make it, and... But... I'm not a 'young lady'! I'm a man! I'm sittin' like a man sits! Um... no. I just fell down because... uh, I was tired. Look, I... I... [weakly] All right, Momma. I'll do whatever ya want. [sarcastic] Don't knock yourself out, Momma. Kasumi Good question. [pause] Actually, he looks quite nice up there. Like the town watchman, making sure that all is well. Oh my, do you really think so? [pause] Well, that's a nice thing for him to do... isn't it? Oh, my, no. He's not my type at all. [slightly wistfully] Sometimes I wonder what my type is.... [back to normal tone] But that doesn't mean I don't have eyes. I can see what Shampoo sees, and Ukyo, and Kodachi... and you. Oh, Akane! I was just making some tea. Would you like a cup? Kodachi Sssh, dear Ranma-sama. We don't want to disturb your parents. [Giggles softly] No, no, darling, that would be so discourteous. [pause] It was very thoughtful of you to leave your window open for our tryst. [sighs romantically] Oh, Ranma-sama, you are a girl's most torrid fantasies made flesh. To see you here like this is almost more than my poor heart can stand. [surprised gasp] Ranma- sama, what is this vile creature? SUPPORTING ROLES Nabiki I saw this at a junk shop, and thought you might be able to use it. A riding crop! Somehow I got the idea it might come in handy for you. Nodoka Your father, while he has certainly made you a fine martial artist, has neglected to teach you many aspects of civilized behavior. I will correct these... deficiencies. I knew Kodachi-chan had been here last night, but I never dreamed she would be so pleased with you! Soun So, you're finally going back to live with your mother, eh, son? Remember, you're welcome to visit any time. Genma No, boy. Your mother has persuaded me that a change in your routine is called for. Your mother has argued convincingly [sharp emphasis on that last word] that since she had you for so few years, and I kept you away from her influence for so many, she is entitled to whatever years remain before your maturity, and that I should not interfere with her training of you during that time. Shampoo You sick? You no sound good. I feel forehead. [pause] No fever.... You should leave window open, no sleep in stuffy room. That way no noise when wife come visit, too. I not put anything in Akane mind that not there before. She fine. Just know place now. Ukyo Look, I knew you were a human vacuum-cleaner, but you just sucked up two okonomiyaki, a deluxe ramen, AND [pause] one of Akane's lunches like a starving man with a cast-iron stomach. You asshole bastard son of a bitch! When were you going to tell me, huh? When? You were supposed to choose me, damn your tiny black heart! You said I was the cute one! You said she was.... Stop squirming and let me pulp you like the cockroach you are! Mousse Aren't the bowls of ramen Shampoo delivers to you enough to satisfy your appetite? Must you plague me by coming here for more? Argh! Get off! Curse you! Why won't you just marry Akane and get out of my life?! Cologne So, if it's not food or Shampoo, it must be Amazon lore. Those are the only things you kids ever come in here for. 'Tell me the ancient secret, Cologne!' 'Teach me the fighting art, Cologne!' 'Give me the antidote, Cologne!' Hahahah! I warned you that your plan might backfire. The Tendo girl's got her hooks into Son-in-law now, and he's not wiggling much. She's tougher than you thought. Maybe I'll adopt her. Michi That's us. Saotome-kun, we were wondering... um... do you suppose we could train with you? All right... Ranma-kun. Yes, Akane-kun was your second when you defeated Captain Kodachi last year. We're sure not going to forget that anytime soon, even though we didn't see much of it from under the ring.... Junko Well, you're new here. And Kodachi-san made it clear that you were her, um, special interests. And since we don't actually have any meets, a lot of the girls don't practice much. We'll do our best not to disappoint you, Ranma-sensei. I know we're not nearly as good as we should be. BIT PLAYERS AND CAMEOS Kuno Tatewaki Silence, Saotome! Prepare thyself to face the just wrath of Heaven! I shall smite thee for thy transgressions against all womankind! HA! You are indeed a true barbarian, Saotome. I shall face you again when the time is right. Gardener I'm the gardener around here, sonny. I don't care what you young folks do to each other, but leave the landscaping out of it. You think trees grow on trees or something? It takes years of work - MY work - and you kids just chop 'em down or shred them into excelsior or, or run bokkens through them.... Teacher I've never seen you here before. I don't believe you're supposed to be in this class. Librarian Nishimoto Surely you're not abusing the shelving, are you, Tendo? Yuka In the bathroom? Who'd do a thing like that? I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, Ranma. I've got to get to class. See you! Happosai Oh, hello, Ranma. Just looking through your things. Hasn't your mother bought you any new bras or panties yet? Bondage! Discipline me, sweet cheeks! Woo-hoo! Principal Kuno Ranma? You lolo? He one kanaka, and last time I looked, St. Hebereke's was one school fo' wahines. Guy Ogling Onna-Ranma #1 G. O. O-R. #2 School P.A. Voice Unidentified gymnast Teacher Eriko Sachiko Tomoko Tomomi Coach Hasegawa Minister Clerk Manager Room Service (on intercom) Ghost Student #1 Student #2 Student #3 Ryoga