Mystery Science Cinema 3001 show 103, reel 1:

Wild Silver
(A Sailor Moon/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)

  MSTed by: Scott "Zoogz" Jamison

==
  Mystery Science Theater 3000, characters and situations are property
of and (c) 2000 by Best Brains, Inc.  Ranma 1/2 is the property of Rumiko
Takahashi and all the distributors of her works.  Sailor Moon is property
of Naoko Takeuchi and all distributors of her works.

  "Wild Silver" is the property of Francis Bourque and used with his
permission.  This is intended as a parody, hopefully not to be taken
offensively.

  All additional references/situations are copyright their respective
owners.
==

-Satellite of Love-

  "No way, Eyeless, it's your turn!"

  "Fat chance, Golden Moldie, I cleaned it the last two times in a row!"

  The two robots who inhabited the Satellite of Love were arguing fiercely
behind the counter as Joel stepped on screen.  "Oh, hello out there and
welcome to the Satellite of Love.  I just informed the 'bots that one of
them has to do the loadpan, and the arguing has continued for the third
hour.  The Middle East will break to peace before this is ever settled!"

  "Well, that just makes up for the solid month that I was STUCK doing
the loadpan because your underwear collection needed sorting!"

  "Give me a break, Crow Don Baker, it's your turn and you know it!"

  "Hey, no need for the low blows!"

  Mike entered the bridge area of the SOL and sidled up to Joel.  "I hope
it's worth all the NO-ise..." Mike said in his best Richard Lewis impression. 
After receiving a sheepish glance from Joel, Mike added, "Umm, I don't mean
to interrupt the Meeting of the Minds here, but what the heck is a loadpan,
how does it get dirty, and where exactly is it anyway?"

  Joel looked flustered for a second as the bots continued arguing.  "Uhh..." 
The red light on the counter started to flash, and Joel wiped away a bead of
sweat.  "Oh, good, saved by the Ding-Dongs.  How are you, Little Debbie and
Hostess?"

-Deep 13-

  "Oh, just fine, Famous Amos.  We hope that the noise levels don't go
too much higher, Frankie will need his beauty sleep in a little
while..." Dr. Forrester cracked wise into the camera.

  "Um, weren't you going to show them the invention, Milton?"  Frank interrupted

  "Oh, yes yes, how could I forget?  For our invention exchange today, Joel, we
have the ultimate in getting those pesky four- to seven-year-old kids to grow
up and get a clue about life.  For your enjoyment, but mostly ours... 'Childhood
Reality Games'!

  Dr. Forrester stepped to a table where three kids have been conveniently tied to
chairs.  He pulled the fourth one out and asked, "So what games would you kids like
to play?"  After receiving no reply, Dr. Forrester motioned for Frank to wheel a
large aquarium over to the table.  "How about... Go Fish?" he snickered.

  Frank put on a large and thick leather glove and reached into the tank.  He
plucked out a pirhana that doubled as the two of hearts.  "As you see, Joel, our
spectacular Go Fish set includes fifty-two live pirhanas with numbers and suits
printed on the bottom.  It adds a bit of, shall we say 'sportsmanship' to the
game?  Heh heh..."

  Dr. F jumped from his seat and wheeled over another cart, on which many
boxes were sitting.  "And a number of our other great children's games...
"Operation", which has a real scalpel and anesthetics... just don't forget
to pay up your medical insurance!!  And here's Candyland... where all the
kids get lots and lots of candy!"

  Frank grabbed a piece of candy from the game set and unwrapped it.  He started
sucking on the Tootsie Roll until he started bleeding from his mouth.  "Owwww!! 
What's in this?!" he exclaimed.

  Dr. Forrester snickered.  "Why, it has a straight pin in it!  Don't forget to
try the fruits, I hear the apple comes with a syringe!  And, please don't get me
started about the "Sorry" set... it's chock full of many things to make you sorry! 
Whatcha got for me, Joel and Mike?"



  "Not a chance, Bryant Gumball, I ain't doing it this week!"  Crow yelled.

  Joel shook his head.  "Guys, let's focus on what's important here, okay?"

  Back on the Satellite, Joel and Mike shook their heads as the bots continued to
argue.  "Well, sirs, to save Mike's and my sanity this week, I've come up with
the Kasumi Ray!  When you have people that don't feel like doing housework or
shopping, be sure to fry their mind and put in the brainwaves of our favorite
selfless character from Ranma 1/2!  Through the magic of science, we have found
the exact synapes and neurons to stimulate and kill... and we pass the peace and
obliviousness on to you!  And don't forget, Kasumi cooks, smooths over family
problems, makes grown men weep and young men foggy, and overall remains
understated and misunderstood!"

  Joel picked up a modified taser weapon that he had hidden under the desk, and
fired it towards Tom and Crow.  Crow's eyes widened and Tom's bubbledome became
shinier than ever.  "Oh my!" they exclaimed at the same time, as both robots
went in search of cleaning implements.

  "And to save our sanity, could you *please* tell us of all the incredible games
that you've modified, Dr. F?" Mike inquired.

  "Smooth... that gives Crow and Tom time to finish up the satellite!" Joel
exclaimed.



  Dr. F, oblivious to Joel's last comment, started pointing out all the boxes. 
"And here we have Ants in the Pants.  But, our set comes with three pounds of
live and angry fire ants and a funnel!  We also modified The Game of Life to
deal with the one thing that kids should deal with as early and often as
possible... it's now the Game of Death!  The one who can make their funeral
home the most successful dies anyway!  Hahahaha!  What else do we have, Frank?"

  Frank popped his head up from the mass of boxes that was strewn all over Deep
13.  "Today's post is a crossover between Ranma 1/2 and Sailor Moon that doesn't
seem to have either series right.  And watch your step, getting soaked in all
those cliches in the beginning can damage your Tony Lama's."

  "Send 'em the pain, Frank."



  The lights on the SOL began flashing and the satellite itself started shaking. 
"Ore?"  Crow and Tom's voice seemed as one as they finished wiping the floor of
the bridge.

  "C'mon guys, it's movie sign!"  Mike yelled.


(Door #7: the dog-bone raises and the doors separate)
(Door #6: a Dutch double-door.  You open the top and fall over the
  bottom)
(Door #5: Just to spite you, it's a window.)
(Door #4: it's a garage door.  You have to open it manually)
(Door #3: "The Complete Works of David Eddings"... flame works well)
(Door #2: It's a wardrobe.  You open the door... but no Narnia)
(Door #1: a vault door; after it shuts again, it effectively keeps you
  inside)

(Mike entered the theater, carrying Tom.  Tom was placed in the fourth
seat from the right, as Mike sat next to him.  After that was Joel, and
Crow sat in the far right seat.)

Joel: Okay, I have to turn you guys back to normal...
[Joel fiddles with a control that he's carrying and all of a sudden, *ZAP*.]
Crow: Joel, if you value your life and your hair, you will NEVER do
that to us again.  Capiche?
Mike: Quiet, the fic's going to start!
Tom: When has that ever interrupted us before?

>                        Wild Silver - Prologue
>                                 by
>                  Francis Bourque <fbourque@abacom.com>

Mike: Suppose it could be worse, it could be a rabid Silver...
Crow [Tonto]: "Horse is foaming at mouth, Kemosabe."

>Standards' disclaimers applied.

Joel: This fic has no standards.  Accept this as your disclaimer.

>This is a Ranma 1/2 and Sailor Moon XOVER with possible cameo from
>other series.

Tom: Ranma and Usagi visit Mulder and Scully!
Crow: Then Akane and Mamoru go see Tinky-Winky and the gang!
Joel: And after that, Ukyo and Makoto belly up to the bar at
Cheers, pining over lost boyfriends and sempais...
Mike [Frasier Crane]: "Have a beer, girls... it's on me."

>I don't own any of their characters or series.
>I would appreciate all commentaries about my fanfic.

Mike: Unfortunately, your wish is our command-from-upon-high.
Crow: Wha? 
Mike: The Mads, Crow! 
Crow: Oh. 

>        Begun: 12st July 2000
>Last Update: 14 November 2000.
>
>Version 1.01

Crow: For all you folks who have version 1.00, make sure you
download the patch!

>Where can you find all future chapters?!

Tom: By running a EEG scan and trying to decipher the brain patterns?

>"Ranchan Totally Crossed Out": http://home.earthlink.net/~tannim/

Joel: In this case, X marks the Ranchan.

>See 'Old Soul 1/2' & 'Chaotic Switch' also available
>there as a Ranma 1/2 / Slayers / Sailor Moon or others Crossovers.

Joel: Old Soul 1/2?  Would this be a cross between Ranma and Aretha
Franklin?
Tom: Either that or a cross between Cologne and James Brown.

>Prologue: "Wish away!"

Mike: Reload torpedo tube #2 with a genie, match bearings and
fire, Mr. Crow.
Crow: Aye aye!
Tom: Jombie, NOOOO!!

>"Ranma, come back here.  I did this dish just for you." yelled Akane
>to Ranma, her fiancee for the last four years.

Joel [Akane]: "Look, bub, I've been slaving over this pottery for a
long time now and I want my props!"
Tom: Her... fiancee?  They've decided to become a lesbian couple?

>Ranma for his part was running and jumping from one rooftop to another
>as fast as he could do it with Akane in hot pursuit.
>
>"No way, I want to live!" exclaimed Ranma between jumps.

Tom: "No, damn you... I want to LIVE!!"
Joel: And so, jumping on the tops of roofs and insulting Akane's
cooking is the best way to carry that request out?
Crow: One too many hits on the ol' noggin for Ranma...

>"Shampoo happy Airen take Shampoo on date!" Shampoo cried and gave
>chase on her bicycle.

Mike: AAAHHH!  Where did that jump cut come from?

>She was doing some deliveries and was returning to the Nekohanten when
>she saw Ranma and 'Pervert Girl'.

Crow: Oh, so they finally had a clue and dunked Happosai in
the Nyannichuan?

>"Why me!"

Joel [Ranma]: "Oh, how did this come to be!"
Tom: Buck up, buddy.  If they all chased Ryouga, I'd bet that the show
wouldn't even be named "Ranma 1/2"!

>That when Ryoga decide not to be lost and joined the party.

Crow: [Ryouga] "Wow!  I should have decided to not get lost anymore
a long time ago!"

>Ukyou soon follow, Mousse two blocs later, and for good measure
>Cologne aka 'Old Ghoul', with a nice little 'Gift' for her son-in-law
>or against him in most case, when he pass in front of her restaurant.

Joel: Sheesh, who's the next character that's just waiting in an
alley and ready to jump out at poor Ranma?
Tom: So, watch the first Ranma 1/2 movie enough?  Now you get to watch
it more!

>"I would have to asked!" Ranma muttered after he got a good look behind
>him to see all of his 'friends', most of them not knowing why they were
>running, jumping or pogoing after him.

Mike [Ryouga]: "Whose brilliant idea was it to get pogo sticks to chase
him with?!"
Joel [Ukyou]: "I dunno, sugar, but keep pogoing!  We gotta catch that
Ranchan!"
Mike [Ryouga]: "Uhh... why?"
Tom [Shampoo]: "If it work for Benny Hill, it work for us!"

>That when Cologne somehow reach him to pine the tricket on his back,

Crow: ..."pine the tricket"?
Tom: Maybe it'd make more sense to flip the letters around?
Crow: Pinet the tricke?  Trine the picket?
Joel: Picket and flicket?

>but just before she could speak, Ranma turned around yelling:

Tom [Ranma]: "Waitaminute, how did I pass Cologne in front of the
Nekohanten when I was supposed to be hopping on the roofs anyway?!"
Crow: Maybe she was sunbathing naked on the top of the restaurant?
Mike: Ick.

>"I wish you would just leave us alone, I'm sure they didn't have as
> much problems thousands year ago!"

Mike: Oh, lessee... the occasional animal attack, diseases that couldn't
be solved, no concept of farming, rudimentary gathering... everything
was so IDYLLIC in pre-history!

>Cologne had her eyes wide from shock, bigger than normal anyway,

Tom: Ahh, it's more of the foibles of Ranma 1/2!
Joel: Maybe her vision finally gave out and she's wearing coke-bottle
glasses?

>and said: "What have you done?!  That's a destiny's ring." while
>pointing to the 'gift' she had just pined down on his chest.

Crow: So Cologne pinned a *ring* on Ranma's chest?
Tom [Cologne]: "I like my men hardcore!  Now wear this nipple ring!"
Mike: Must've been another "tricket", because the first one was
pinned on his back.

>"And?" Ranma asked, filled with dreaded about another wish craps,
>nones of which seemed to work like they should have around him.

Joel: And if anyone out there would be kind enough to explain how
"wish craps" usually work around Ranma, we'd be grateful.

>"You shouldn't be here at all.  This Destiny ring should have
> redirect you where your wished destine you to be."

Tom [Destiny]: "This is your Bell Operator, Where shall I redirect your
wish, sir?"
Crow: Well, destiny wishes ME to be on Earth, sipping a pina colada, and
surrounded by the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders!
Joel: Sorry, you need a ring pinned on your chest for that to work.
Crow: D'oh!

>All the other had stopped when they had witness Cologne and Ranma
>talking about a 'destiny's ring' nonsense.

Tom: Uh-oh, if they all stop they'll fall off of their pogo sticks!

>"What great grandmother meant?" Shampoo asked not sure of herself.

Joel: Oh yes, Shampoo's lack of confidence has always been a gnawing
problem on her psyche.
Mike: Yeah, next thing you know, Ryouga will need to get more
aggressive.

>"Normally a destiny's ring worked immediately after a wish is made,
> through with Ranma, magic rarely work like it should."

Mike: Just like Ranma!
Joel: More like Genma.

>Cologne explained to Shampoo, not saying anything about why she had it
>in the first place.

Tom [Cologne]: "It was a plot device, child.  The author required me to
carry it."
Crow [Shampoo]: "Well, where plot device so that Shampoo get Ranma?"
Tom [Cologne]: "Oh, wow, thought you'd never ask!  Let me take you
back to the Nekohanten and show you the myriad pharmecuticals that we
as Amazons take with us everywhere to induce sweet lovin's!"

>"I don't wanna use it anyway, keep it!" Ranma said, dropping the
>Destiny's Ring in Cologne hands.
>
>"Oh well!  Son-in-law, later." Cologne said and pogoed away.

Tom [Cologne]: "Like, later and everything!  Yeah!"
Mike [Ukyou]: "Are we supposed to leave too?"
Joel [Mousse]: "Got me, I guess we're just supposed to stay here until
the author decides to end the scene."

>Why the ring didn't worked still puzzled her even if she was relieved.
>She had intended to used it to wished them back in the Amazon's village
>with Ranma as Shampoo's husband and maybe getting ride of Mousse while
>she was at it.

Crow: She wants a ride on Mousse?  No wonder she keeps him tied up and in
the cage all the time!
Tom: Ick.

>'Can't win them all even if one is three hundred years old.' Cologne
>thought.

Tom [Cologne]: "But just wait until I hit the big four-oh-oh!  Then
I'll win EVERYTHING!  Watch out, Ed McMahon!"

>"Baka! She had intended to make you married to Shampoo and you gave
> it back." yelled Akane at Ranma, a mallet ready to use.

Crow: New, ready to use mallets!  Just unwrap to reach out and touch
someone!
Tom: Sterilized for Ranma's protection.

>"Not my fault.  How was I suppos' to known?" Ranma yelled back,
>nervous about the mallet his fiancee was waving before his noze.

Joel: Cue Fight Scene #5, front and center...

>The others were watching the match like a game of tennis between
>Ranma and Akane, depending who's talking or yelling.
>
>"If you were not so stupid you would!" Akane yelled, her battle aura
>showing in the blue spectrum.

Mike [dry professor tone]: "And on the electromagnetic continuum, we have
ultraviolet... at a slightly less frequency, we have violet and indigo...
and the next progression is Akane battle aura."

>"Kawaikune!"
>
>Now to understand what happened next, we should slow down and
>examine the event in sequence.

Joel: For the sake of veracity and clarity, Powerpoint demonstrations
shall commence forthwith.
Crow: Flowcharts have been enlisted to speed comprehension.

>First: A kettle of cold water dropped on Ranma from above turning him
>to his girl's form.

Mike: You know, a kettle is commonly used in Ranma 1/2 to signify HOT
water...
Tom: And exactly how did the kettle get there?
Crow: Q?

>Second: Akane tried to mallet Ranma-chan into low orbit for the insult.
>
>Third: Lightning hit them both when Akane make contact with Ranma
>with her mallet.

Joel: So, Akane's mallet is a natural lightning rod?
Crow: Fourth, the lightning struck a tree; fifth, it hit the see-saw, which
sixth, rolled the little car down the track, that had a candle on the back
of it...
Mike: You know, if lightning is going to strike, why not have it rain?  It'd
certainly make the first point in our sequence more believable.

>Fourth: The wished made earlier by Ranma activate.

Tom: Wondertwin powers, activate!
Mike: Thereby uncanning the most Rube Goldberg-esque plot device ever
built!

>But all we saw was a flash of light when Akane's mallet hit.
>Ranma and Akane were nowhere to be found after that.

Tom [singing]: "This will be my tes-ti-mo-ny... yeah!"
Joel [singing]: "Quicker than a ray of light..."
Mike: Moments later, the band got back together.

>"Airen!"
>
>"Ran-chan!"

Tom: TETSUOOO!!
Crow: KANEDAAA!!!

>"Ranma-sama!" Kodachi, who had just arrive,
>shouted along with the two other girls.

Joel: Then Akari showed up.
Crow: Then Asuza showed up!
Mike: And then Rumiko showed up!
Tom: Bye-bye third wall!

>"Akane-san?!" Ryoga said in shocked.
>
>The two were never seen again.

Tom: Cologne was arraigned in Circuit Court, Ward of Nerima, on two counts
of kidnaping and numerous health code violations.  Soon, the results of
this trial.
Crow: Akane and Ryouga were never seen again?
Mike: Well, it'd make a lot of sense for Ryouga to disappear...

>The Amazons went back home after Cologne was unable to bring Ranma back
>and the destiny's ring had overload and turn to dust when she had tried
>to used it.

Joel: Gee, I bet the Destiny Ring gave her a blue screen of death while
it was at it.
Mike: She immediately found a way to blame Mousse for the whole matter.

>Ryoga got lost and finally found Akari.

Tom [singing]: "He's all out of love, he so lost *with* her..."
Mike: But for this one shining day, he was actually able to decide
to "not get lost".
Crow: Thank God for the little favors.

>Sound was taking it normally though the last deluge was less stressful.

Joel: However, the Fury was beside itself and rather suicidal.

>Kasumi married Dr. Tofu and her new husband learn the Anything Goes
>from Soun to help carried on the family's style.

Crow: Did Happosai "teach" him as well?
Tom: After suffering internal bleeding and several cracked ribs, Soun asked
Kasumi to leave the room while training the fog-bespecled Tofu....

>They added a small clinic to the Dojo after a year.

Tom: Before, the yard was filled to the top with the injured and screaming;
there really was no other option.
Mike: So making the two-block walk to the other clinic proved to be too
strenuous for Tofu?

>Nabiki enter her first year of university while doing a job on the side.

Crow: She got a job on the side... she was working at McDonald's!
Joel: Would you like fries with that diploma?

>Better not know what kind of job.

Mike: Or what, the big bad counter worker will stick my hand in the hot grease?
Joel: Worse, she'll feed you a Filet-O-Fish.
Crow: Is it me or does Francis have a negative bias against Nabiki?
Tom: Naw, it sounds more like Francis ran out of ideas and temporized.
Crow: "Temporized"?
Tom: In the colloquial, he punted.
Crow: Ahh.

>Ukyou was in shocked the first couple of months and finally got over it
>with Konatsu help and married him two years later.

Joel: Oh, it was so beautiful!  Ukyou was in white, Konatsu wore pink...
Mike: And Tsubasa was the altar.

>Nokoda Saotome, after she had learn of her son disappearance,
>divorced from Genma and move to America while Genma was still
>in hiding, not knowing about it.  Something to do with sepuku.

Tom: So, ah... what grounds did Nodoka have for a divorce anyway?
Crow: Maybe she trotted the panda up to the bench and said that
animal wifery was illegal?

>Hiroshi and Daisuke were sorry not to be able to see Ranma-chan anymore.

Joel: They spent their remaining days tormenting Hinako-sensei and
taking pictures of her before getting drained.
Mike [Hiroshi]: "Ranma-chan's gone, I feel so... ooh, check out that
Shampoo!  I hear she's free now!"
Crow [Daisuke]: "You mean she doesn't charge for..."
Mike [Hiroshi]: "No, dumbass!  She charges a LOT, actually."
Joel: Guys...

>Sayuri and others near friends of Akane were happy for them because
>they were together.

Mike: Not to be argumentative about it or anything, but how do they
know that?
Tom: Well, strictly speaking, they really WERE together... what they
are NOW though is anyone's guess.

>Akane had accidentally confided in them about her love for Ranma
>a couple of days before they both vanished.

Joel [Akane]: "Ooh, that jerk Ranma!  I just want to... KISS him!"
Tom [Sayuri]: "You want to what?"
Joel [Akane]: "Did I say that?"

>Happosai wasn't happy when he learned of it but got over it with a
>couple of 'silky darling'.  A lot of them.

Crow: Happosai hired some geishas and had hot passionate...
Joel: Crow...
Crow: What?  I was going to say "ironing"!
Tom: Natch.

>Kodachi and Tatewaki you asked?

Mike: Uhh... I don't remember asking about that.  How about you guys?
Tom: I have questions, all right, but that wasn't one of them.

>They continue as usual: Her laughting and him ranting.

Crow: Or was it him laughing and her ranting?
Tom: You make the call!
Joel [Kodachi]: "Oh, my brother is SO FUNNY when he gets on Usenet!"

>[End of prologue]

Joel: So, this whole thing... cliche much?
Mike: You know, every new beginning is some other beginning's end...
Crow: Personally, I'd settle for just 'the end' at this point.

>                        Wild Silver - Chapter One
>                                 by
>                  Francis Bourque <fbourque@abacom.com>

Crow: D'oh!
Joel: Hey look, Mike, you're right.
Tom: Abacom!  Look us up, we're right before "abacus"!

>Standards' disclaimers applied.

Joel: Would this be applied with a paintbrush or a glue gun?
Crow: Better than an application of hot wax.
Tom: Or a tampon.
Mike, Joel, Crow: Eww!

>This is a Ranma 1/2 and Sailor Moon XOVER with possible cameo from
>other series.

Mike: *sigh* Not again...
Tom: Peg and Al Bundy show up to give marriage tips to Usagi and Mamoru!
Crow: Shampoo and Minako make guest appearances with Luke and Bo on "The
Dukes of Hazzard!"
Joel: And at eight-thirty, it's what you've all been waiting for...
Celebrity Anime Jeopardy!  Featuring tonight: Kodachi, Makoto, and Ami!
Mike: Gee, guess who will win.
Crow: Alex Trebek?

>I don't own any of their characters or series.

Joel [Rei]: "That's just as well, WE'RE NOT FOR SALE!"
Tom: [Ami]: "You can, however, rent us for 3 days and nights for only $4.69."

>I would appreciate all commentaries about my fanfic.
>
>      Begun: 12st July 2000
>Last Update: 14 November 2000
>
>Version 1.01

Crow: I hear this new version is self-extracting.
Tom: You mean from a ZIP archive?
Crow: No, it extracts itself from your hard drive after it makes no sense.
Mike: Shouldn't it be gone by now?

>Where can you find all future chapters?!

Tom: In the magic 8ball!
Joel: Don't you mean magic eight ball?
Tom: Answer hazy, please ask again.

>"Ranchan Totally Crossed Out": http://home.earthlink.net/~tannim/

Mike: Akane opened her mouth while she was eating her cooking and Happosai
performed a strip-tease on the table.
Crow: No, Mike... CROSSED out, not GROSSED out.

>See 'Old Soul 1/2' & 'Chaotic Switch' also available

Joel: It's the new "Chaotic Switches"!  Flip the switch and watch what it
does to your lights!  You won't need a disco ball again!
Tom: Available at all fine stores... and Menard's!

>there as a Ranma 1/2 / Slayers / Sailor Moon or others Crossovers.

Mike: So it could be a Ranma/Slayers/SM/Pokemon/Escaflowne/Gundam/Digimon
fic?
Tom: Don't tempt the Mads, Mike.
Crow: Or all those impressionable readers nee-authors out there.

>Chapter One: "Life, thousand of years ago!"

Tom: Was really kind of messy.
Joel: Where men stooped a lot and said "Oog"!
Crow: So, what's the difference from today?

>[Moon's Palace, Silver Millenium]
>
>"Serenity!  It's a girl!" the MedMagi announced to her Queen.

Crow [Queen]: "Wow, what a great diagnosis!  I KNOW I'm a girl!  Now tell
me what this rash might be."

>"We would hope so!  We never have boy in our lines." the Queen
>replied, happy to be ride of so much extra weight.

Mike: This woman just birthed a child and the first thought is that she's
happy the weight is off?
Tom: "The Madonna Guide to Childbirth."

>"So true my Queen." Sailor Pluto said from behind her.
>She had just appeared as was usual for her.

Crow: It's either that or she's a heck of a voyeur.
Joel [Pluto]: "I was keeping watch at the edge of time and couldn't help but
see the chance for blackmail appear, heh heh heh..."

>"Trying again to surprise us?" Serenity asked her old friend
>from her bed.

Joel: "Her old friend from her bed"?  Is she talking to her teddy bear?
Tom: Or the current Prince Endymion.

>"I always tried though I don't know when I will succeed."
>Pluto said while smiling at the baby in her Queen's hands.

Mike: Pluto... DOESN'T know something?  I call foul!

>She frown a little but let it be for now, she just took a peak at her
>future and would have made a double face-fault if she didn't have
>perfect control over herself.

Crow [announcer]: "And next on her routine is a double face-fault, followed
by a triple lutz... always a hard combination to hit."

>"This child is already destine for great things.

Tom [Pluto]: "At the very least, it looks like she'll be better than SOME
Serenities I know."
Crow [Queen]: "Oh, bite me."

>I would recommended to my Queen to teach her all about being a proper
>Princess and to be a Lady before her seven birthday is to happen."

Crow [Queen]: "And why is that?"
Tom [Pluto]: "That's when her Y chromosome kicks in.  Good luck!"

>"We will." said the Queen, not one to ignore any recommendations
>from the Guardian of the Time Gate.

Mike [Pluto]: "Now, cluck like a chicken!  It's fun!"

>'I wonder where the red hair came from' Serenity thought to herself,
>comparing it with her pink one from before she became Queen.

Mike: So, "her pink one from before she became Queen" refers to herself or
the child she had out of wedlock with that cute Jovian prince?
Joel: Maybe Pluto should counsel her in prophylactics.

>Pluto had just disappeared through a portal while her Queen was lost
>in thought.

Tom [Queen]: "Should the nursery be pink, coral, or peach?"
Crow [baby]: "WAAAAHH!  WAAAAHH!"
Tom [Queen]: "SHUT UP YOU LITTLE LEECH, I'M THINKING HERE!!"

>The only one who witnessed Pluto departure was the baby who giggled
>at the 'trick', already more aware than a newborn should be.

Mike: Oh, hey, I know these type of kids!  It's just like my ten-month-old
niece who says "Poopy!" all the time!

>[Later at the Time Gate]

Joel: "At the Time Gate on Thursday night: Black Raisins with Flaming Lamers will
be playing, five dollar cover.  Under twenty-one not allowed."
Crow: Truth be told, that does sounds like a cool club name.

>"Now, what could have cause this mess." Sailor Pluto was talking to
>herself, a sign of old age, but with her being the Guardian of the
>Time Gate, was no surprising.

Joel: Aww, come on!  Give her some credit!  Hell, I'd be talking to myself if
I didn't build these robots!
Mike: Which, to be honest, was rather a mixed blessing...
'Bots: HEY!

>With the help of the Time Key she was viewing recent event in detail.

Tom [Pluto]: "Ooh, wow... there's the birth of young Serenity... hey, there's
the conception!  Oh my goodness, my queen is even more flexible than
I imagined...."

>In the center of the portal, we could observe what had happened in
>Nerima in another dimension.

Crow: And in the next portal over, Van and Allen are facing each other in
their Guymelefs...
Mike: Hey, look!  There's Vash and Wolfwood squaring off in a duel!

>Sailor Pluto didn't have the power to change the outcome that happened there

Joel: So instead, she decided to make a fast buck betting on it with
Sailor Neptune.
Mike [Pluto]: "Ten bucks Akane pulls a mallet out and tries to hit
Ranma with it."
Crow [Neptune]: "No way that can happen!  You're on!"
Mike [Pluto]: "Heh heh, this *can't* be easier."

>but at least she hoped to understand the mess better.

Crow [Pluto]: "Thirty-eight volumes, 143 episodes, OVA's, fanfics... man,
I've got a lot of research ahead of me."

>After she saw the wish result, Pluto wave with her Time Key to
>continue forward.

Tom: *Bee* *bee* *beep*!
Mike [holding nose]: "The time that you requested has been disconnected. 
Please try again."

>Now she observed Chaos itself,

Crow: Oh, wow!  It must have been those "future chapters" that we were warned
about!
Mike: Or an unmoderated FFML.

>trying to change the wish purpose to have Ranma-chan take the place of the
>soul destine to give life to Serenity's daughter just a few seconds before
>it could take hold.

Joel [in Minnewegan]: "Ehh, ya gotta put da soul in da laundry to wash a
cupple times so dat de color holds."
Crow: Oh no!  There's a displaced Usagi out there somewhere, just waiting
for the chance to cross this fic over some more!

>Sailor Pluto was in shock.  Chaos, somehow, was able to change
>destiny on a scaled Pluto was forbidden to correct and the power
>of the Serenity's was already bond to Ranma. 

Crow: With Soul-Bond Medicated Powder!

>For better or worse is still unknown.

Mike: I beg to differ!  Lynn Johnston's comic is witty and insightful, and
*hardly* unknown!
Joel: Still hasn't been the same since Larson and Watterson quit, though.
Tom: Don't you dare follow, Bill Amend!

>Worse of all, Ranma was immune to her time's sense by his chaotic
>nature when the magic of his curse had merge completely together
>with Ranma.

Tom: So having a curse is like getting a vaccination against time sense?

>'I will have to wait for thing to stabilize, there is too much
>chaos right now' the Guardian of the Time Gate thought after
>she became aware of a severe headache cause by the splitting
>of her timeline a couple of month ago when Ranma's soul modified
>the timeline so much to force a split.

Mike: Pluto just *now* received the headache that was courtesy of a two-
month-old timesplit?  Talk about "tape-delay".
Tom [Pluto]: "And for those really tough headaches, take five Aleve and
watch the doctors pump your stomach!  At least the pain from your head
won't be as bad now!"

>A timeline would remain stable only if one could ultimately correct
>the anomaly without doing too much change themselves.

Joel: I always though timelines were really rather stable PERIOD as long as
people don't go rooting around causing paradoxes.
Tom: Besides, Pluto's supposed to be the master of manipulation, she can't
screw around with one little timeline?
Mike: Doc Brown must have gotten to her

>If not correct, it's result in a split where the original timeline
>remain unchanged and the split timeline show the result of the
>alteration.

Crow: It's a spin-off!
Tom: Hey, fanfic... Wanna can the malarky and just have Pluto DO
SOMETHING already?!

>She just happened to be in the alteration.
>She got thought a dozens of such change and had remained in the
>mainline but not this time.

Tom: Is the author trying to convey the fact that Pluto's going to be
"downsized" in our new timeline, or the alternative of Pluto actually
trying to fix things?
Crow: Isn't she supposed to be unreachable time-wise anyway?

>She had even detected time travel on the astral plane, which was
>even harder to correct.  Physical plane is a pain, astral plane
>is out of her juridiction altogether.

Mike [Pluto]: "You damn astral plane joyriders!  I'll get you, I promise!"

>[Earth, Palace of King Endymion.  Four years earlier]

Crow [King]: "Son, we're sending you to the moon.  Your mission, should
you choose to accept it, is to knock up Queen Serenity."
Tom [Endymion]: "Awright!"
Mike: [groans] Why do I put up with them? 
Joel: It gets easier with each passing year.  
Mike: Five hasn't been enough yet...

>"Endymion!  Here's our son." his Queen present King Endymion a
>baby boy of a few days old, thin blue-black hair could be seen
>on his head.

Joel [King]: "Looks more like a moldy lump of meatloaf.  You haven't
been in the kitchen lately, have you dear?"

>While the two rulers of most of Earth were playing with the small boy,
>Pluto was observing all this from the future, trying to understand
>how a mess like that could have happened.

Mike [Pluto]: "What a mess!  Those parents are actually caring for
Endymion!"
Tom [Pluto]: "At this rate, they'll all be well-adjusted!  Oh, this
won't do at all!"

>For her, it had been more than a years before her time's sense
>became stable again and what she had discover since didn't pleased
>her at all.

Crow [Pluto]: "First it was the Juraians... next, the 3WA... and
then the Jovian lizards!  When will it END?!"

>'What a mess!' she thought not for the first time

Joel: At our count, it's been at least three.
Mike: A script doctor wouldn't be out of the question, right?
Joel: Heck, I'd accept a thesaurus.

>'At least the headaches are gone'

Tom [Pluto]: "Sweet, beautiful morphine!  Where have you BEEN all my life?"

>[Moon's Palace.  Seventh birthday of Princess Serenity]

Crow [Princess]: "But MO-om, I wanted a Barbie doll!
Tom [kid]: "Umm, Auntie Serenity, someone knocked over your nice plate."
Mike [kid]: "I did NOT!  You did it!"
Tom [kid]: "No, you poopy-head, it was YOU!"
Crow [baby]: "WAAAAHHHH!"
Mike [cook]: "Your Majesty, I need to tell you that we ran out of cake and ice
cream."
Tom, Crow [kids]: "No more cake?  WAAAAHHHH!  WAAAAHHHH!!"
Joel [Queen] "SHUT UP!  SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!"

>"What a tomboy you made, Serenity!" Rei, Princess of Mars teased
>the Moon Princess.

Joel: It actually sounds like Rei's teasing the elder Serenity here.
Crow [thick German accent]: "Yoah sooch a gahly-gahl!"

>They were playing in a garden near the Moon's Palace and Serenity,
>who has her red hair in twin pigtail, had climb in a tree.

Tom [Moon Palace guard]: "So what's the brat up to now?"
Crow [Moon Palace guard]: "Got me.  Ain't it break time *yet*?"

>"Im not!" Serenity said from her perch.
>
>"You are!" Rei replied from the ground.
>
>"Im not, Im not, Im not!"

Tom: Here's two cents of free advice... Try apostrophes!
Mike: On the left, George Stephenopoulos.  On the right, Arianna
Huffington.  And you're caught in the CROSSFIRE.
Crow: Ah, the Munster Temper Tantrum rears its ugly head.

>"Yes, you are a Tomboy!" said Rei in her teasing mode when
>dealing with her best friend, though she would denied it
>if one were to point this out.

Tom [attorney]: "And what were you doing the afternoon of the tenth, Rei?"
Joel [Rei]: "Just talking to my friend?"
Tom [attorney]: "Were you... *teasing* her?"
Joel [Rei]: "Not a bit!"
Tom [attorney]: "May I remind you that you're under oath?  Do you know
what the penalty is for perjury?"

>"WAAHHHHHHH, you are so mean!"
>
>"And you are a Tomboy!"

Crow: Well, Rei certainly sounds like Ranma reincarnated...

>"I'm a man damnit!" Serenity yelled at last.
>
>"That's a new one, you are a Tomboy but a man?
>Not from where I'm standing,"

Mike: The Princess is in a tree, Rei is directly underneath...
Joel: Aww, come on fic!  They're only seven, they shouldn't be pseudo-
lesbians ALREADY!

>Rei decide to teased her friend full out

Tom [Rei]: "I did no such thing!  Take that back, narrator!"

>"though I could be mistaken, I had never play with boy before."
>"Did I just said something stupid?" the Moon Princess asked Rei,
>too confused to do anything else.
>"As usual." Rei could not pass the change to tease her.

Crow [Rei]: "Now LOOK.  I agreed out of the kindness of my heart to do
this fic, and all I'm getting in return is SLANDER!"
Tom [Serenity]: "Hey, come on, give me my change back!  I need 'em for
Bust-A-Move!"

>"I think I need a break" began Serenity,

Tom [singing]: "Give me a break, give me a break..."
All [singing]: "Break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat Bar!"

>fainted and dropped from the tree a significant number of meters,

Crow: Ahh, it's the time of year where the Serenities are ripe and just
*falling* off the trees!
Joel: Agricultural genetics certainly has come a long way from spaghetti
trees, eh guys?

>to the ground compose of herbs and humus.

Joel: And Serenity combined with the herbs and humus, in a new paradigm
known as "The Dirt + Serenity".
Mike: Actually, it sounds more like the Moon is one never-ending salad...
Tom: With its own green-cheese dressing!

>They were under the Palace's windows of their respective mothers
>and Princess Serenity had yelled loud enough to be heard by them.
>They both teleport to joined their daughter after Serenity had dropped.

Joel [Queen]: "They're in season!  Let's start the harvest!"
Mike [Rei]: "Grab the baskets and start the juicers!"

>"What happened?" asked the Moon's Queen to Rei.

Crow: "Got me," Mars' Princess answered Moon's Queen.
Tom: Why do I have a sudden urge to play chess?

>"I don't know.  One moment she was yelling about being a man. 

Tom [Rei]: "Of course, I'd believe her over Richard Simmons anytime..."

>The next she was confused, fainted and dropped from her perch from that
>tree." replied Rei to them.

Crow: And ironically enough, Rei is playing stool pigeon here!

>A portal was heard opening behind them.  From it Sailor Pluto was seen
>walking out and went to kneel down at the side of Princess Serenity
>and put her hand on her forehead for a few seconds.

Mike [Pluto]: "Arise, dear child.  I shall cure your leprosy."
Crow [Queen]: "LEPROSY?!"
Mike [Pluto]: "Oh, did I say that?  I meant 'concussion'!"

>The two Queens and the young girl

Tom: Were enough to bluff on, but rarely win a hand outright.
Crow: Heh, you joker you.
Joel: [groans]

>didn't know what she was doing here but say nothing until Pluto stand up
>and announced:

Joel [Pluto]: "Nothing to see here, move along people!"
Mike [Pluto]: "I need some jumper cables, a jar of grape jelly, and a very
willing aardvark.  Chop chop, people, let's go!"

>"The event I talk to you about at Princess Serenity birth will take
>place shortly.

Mike: So get your tickets early cause they're going FAST!
Crow: Therefore they have to teach a prostrate Princess Serenity to be a
woman in the next couple seconds?

>Take her to her room and remain with her. Only you three could be there
>when she awaken, no one else, especially not a moon cat."

Crow [Queen]: "How about a hep cat?"
Tom [Pluto]: "No!"
Crow [Queen]: "A fat cat?"
Tom [Pluto]: "No!"
Crow [Queen]: "Cat Stevens?"
Tom [Pluto]: "Definitely not!"

>With that said, she opened another portal and went through it.

Mike [Queen]: "But Sailor Pluto, that's the closet!"
Joel [Pluto]: "*ahem* Ahh... yes, yes, it appears to be a closet."
Tom [Pluto]: "I know, I'm doing an impression of Oyuki!"

>[Time Gate]

Joel: "...Friday: Figs 'n Leaves will be playing, with a nightcap from
Bay and the Pig Invasion.  Two drink minimum, over twenty-one please."
Crow: And ironically enough, Pluto needs those stiff drinks at the
Time Gate to keep going...

>'Normally I wouldn't intervened but there is ways too many
>possibilities.

Mike: She couldn't intervene earlier!  Continuity!
Crow: Maybe her involvement is directly proportional to the permutations
given rise from any specific situation.
Tom: Yeah! ...huh?

>Some when they talked about what the Princess said, another where a servant
>heard all what was said, gossips about it and its been use somehow to bring
>Serenity down.

Tom [Moon palace guard]: "Hey, man, didja hear the latest?"
Crow [Moon palace guard]: "No, what?"
Tom [Moon palace guard]: "I heard that Princess Serenity is... **whispers** a tomboy!"
Crow [Moon palace guard]: "NO!  This calls for decisive action!  DEATH TO THE QUEEN!"

>With so many others alternative and too many outcomes'

Joel: This has been another entry in our "ground already covered" category.
Crow: More like "ground scraped right to the bedrock" category.

>'This Ranma really got on my nerve and I'm suppose to protect her'
>thought Sailor Pluto in frustration.

Tom: Protect her??  From what?
Mike: Maybe the bigoted and intolerant Queen Serenity?
Joel: Yeah, she's ALWAYS itchin' for a reason to kill her ONLY CHILD...

>[Princess Serenity's Bedroom]
>
>"Why Pluto asked us to be the only ones to await for Ser recovery?"
>asked Rei.

Crow: Maybe because you had nothing better to do?
Tom [Rei]: "Oh, who cares about the little tomboy anyway?  I'm gonna knock
off and grab a smoke, anyone wanna join me?"

>Princess Rei was just a little older than Princess Serenity.
>At seven she was on the way to become one of the best
>fire's prietess and later Sailor Mars if she so wish.

Crow: And if she doesn't want to be the next Sailor Mars, who does it
revert to?
Tom: Her baby brother?  How am I supposed to know?

>"We don't have any idea about that.  Pluto is always so mysterious."
>replied Rei's Mother to her child.

Mike: "Rei's Mother" is her name?
Tom: "Hear ye, hear ye!  All pay homage to the Sovereign Ruler of Mars,
Queen Rei's Mother!"

>Queen Serenity was a the side of her daughter, who was on her bed
>still unconscious.

Joel: Thereby meaning that the Queen is laying on the bed as well?
Crow: Oh my God, they're SIAMESE TWINS!

>"Be well my daughter" the Queen pried, too low to be heard.
>
>Rose seemed to be the predominant color in Princess Serenity's bedroom

Mike: Hey!  They bought the set cut-rate from "Ma Vie et Roses"!
Tom: This story could stand a good dose of Skyler...
Crow: Hell, at this rate Cedric would liven it up.

>but the Queen didn't seemed to notice her surrounding at all.  She was
>anxious to learned of the changes Pluto envisioned seven years ago.

Joel: So the statement on setting was a non-sequiter or what?
Tom [Rod Roddy]: "Queen Serenity also did not notice the... brand new bed!
It's a four-poster from Sleepcraft.  And have a restful night's sleep on
your brand new Broyhill matress.  All of this could be yours, from The Price
Is Right!"

>[Mindscape of Princess Serenity]

Crow: In one corner, crickets chirped...
Tom: Clowns twirled...
Joel: Oh, look!  That side's been disconnected!

>Memories long forgotten were playing in her mind.
>Images of a fight with a boy with a yellow bandanna and a red umbrella
>he used to fight.  Another boy with white robe was using what could
>be better describe as all except the kitchen sink in his fighting style.

Mike: How come, when authors describe Mousse's arsenal, it always has
SOMETHING to do with a kitchen sink?
Tom: It's simply a well-worn cliche.  You really should just relax.

>After those two simultaneous fight than a pigtail boy was winning
>even with such odd, the same boy later was seen battling again
>a being with wing, dodging fireball big enough to obliterate him if
>they'd connect and later freeze and shatter the wing's being.
>Briefly, a girl with blue-black hair appear and soon all become
>clear to her.

All: LET US IN ON IT THEN!

>This dream was crazy, no way around it.
>
>Except maybe the last image.

Joel: It was Kodachi!
Mike: When things turn crazy, always know that there's someone crazier to
compare it to.
Tom: [Singing] Craaaaazee...

>Akane seemed to be the girl's name.
>
>She just didn't know how she knew that name either.

Tom: Well, it was probably *hammered* into her head!  Heh heh...

>She didn't had the time to think further when another dream began.
>The fact she could think in a dream so clearly was unusual for her,

Crow: Yes, poor Princess Serenity's mind is one of the least-used refuges
in the Nine Planets.

>but she didn't have a choice it seemed, because other images and
>memories were playing in her mind at high speed, trying to put a
>lifetime of memories in her.

Mike: To be fair, it was an older Ranma, right?
Tom: Think so...
Mike: Is that really a "lifetime" then?
Tom: Long enough to write an autobiography these days.

>She was able to resisted a little, but nearly all the memories of
>one 'Ranma Saotome' were remembered in the end.

Joel: Except for that one pesky "seppuku" thought.
Tom: And what about "Sound"?
Crow: Don't suppose those memories were scattered pictures of the
smiles she left behind?
Joel: Cute, Crow.

>[Princess Serenity's Bedroom]

Crow: ...was sealed off, effectively trapping the two monarchs inside,
as the looting and pillaging continued for the third day.
Mike: That's what you get when you hire the crewmen from the "Bounty" as
your palace guards.

>Princess Serenity was gradually regaining consciousness.
>
>'ohh, what hit me?' Ranma thought.

Joel: Therefore, RANMA was gradually regaining consciousness.
Tom [Princess Serenity]: "What?  I can't hear you!  I'm gradually
regaining consciousness!"

>'Its Ranma right?' he thought in alarm.
>'Who's Serenity then?'
>'I'm Serenity'

Joel: Looks like someone needs a dose of Kodachi's Happy Pills <tm>.
Tom: Who's Serenity?
Crow: Right. 
Tom: But who's Ranma? 
Crow: No, who is Serenity. 
Tom: I dunno, who is Serenity? 
Crow: Right. 
Tom: What? 
Crow: No, who!
Mike: Thank you, Bud Crow and Lou Servo.

>'its stupid, I never play with other girls like that'
>'Ukyou maybe but I thought she was a boy at the time'
>'I'm a Princess.  That's a new one.  Only girls are Princess anyway'

Joel: Um... who's thinking what and what's really going on?
Crow: If it helps any Joel, I'm thinking this'll get even more painful.
Mike: Gee, ya think?

>"Oh Shit!" she yelled,

Tom [Queen]: "Soap.  Sink.  NOW!"
Crow [Ranma]: "Mmmph!"

>now totally awake and in shock after realizing she was a girl which wasn't
>a good thing for Ranma who had been locked as one more often than he care
>to think about.

Tom: Ranma never knew what hell was until Genma purchased "The Club" for a
training exercise....

>"Serenity..." her mother protested the use of such language but stop
>when she realize her daughter was finally awake.

Crow [Queen]: "By the way, Rei, you wouldn't happen to know where she
picked up such language, would you?"
Joel [Rei]: "Hey, what are you blaming me for?  All I ever say is, 'Shit,
you're such a tomboy', and... ohh, heh heh heh....."

>"Hello mom," said Ranma to her mother. 

Mike: Hey!  Nodoka fled to the States, she's not in the Silver Millennium!
Joel: Continuity!

>Ranma had all the memories and skill of Princess Serenity in addition to
>her own as Ranma Saotome, Master of the Anything Goes School of Martial
>Art and she wasn't a happy camper.

Crow [Ranma]: "Beavers broke into my packs, I've been sleeping on a rock for
the past three days, and I've had a bear harass me about my campfire!"

>'Where Akane' Ranma thought in panic.

Joel: Why Akane?
Tom: How Akane?
Mike: Who what when Akane?
Crow [Shampoo]: "Ranma stop thinking like Shampoo talk or Shampoo kill!"

>"Are you well?" her mother asked.

Mike [Ranma]: "No, I spring."

>"I think so, but I'm very hungry right now." replied her daughter.

Tom: Heh, this is the best proof that the Princess is Ranma.

>"Ok, but first, could you explained your comment of this afternoon
>about being a man?" Queen Serenity asked curiously because she sure
>couldn't asked Sailor Pluto about it.

Mike: Why the hell NOT?!  It's not like she *warned* you about it in
the first place, she just might know what's going on here.
Joel [Queen]: "Hey Pluto, mind if I as..."
Tom [Pluto]: "No."
Joel [Queen]: "But I was just wonder..."
Tom [Pluto]: "No."
Joel [Queen]: "Aw, hell...."

>'One never know with children, they invent such silly games at time'
>the Queen thought while waiting a reply, which was taking way too
>long to come.

Tom [Ranma]: "Request failed.  Abort, retry, quit?"
Crow [Queen]: "Windows 2000 is crap!"

>Ranma, with a bit of worried, was thinking:

Crow: Crow, with a bit of frustrated, was shaking his head.

>'If I tell her the truth, but she would think I took over her
>daughter's mind, but if I lie, she would immediately know about it.

Tom [Ranma]: "Damn polygraph machine!"

>My last option is the Saotome Secret technique from Pop, but
>Mother is too powerful for me to get away with it.

Joel [Ranma]: "I mean, my god, those legs look like they could outrace a
cheetah!"

>Maybe,... oh oh!  She's waiting, I can't delay much longer'

Mike: We have someone who was knocked out by falling from a tree, they
can't even fake a faint?
Tom [Ranma]: "Oh oh, delaying is a bad option now!  I must search for
different means!"
Crow: Ironic that the seven-year-old Ranma has a much better vocabulary
than the twenty-two year old version.

>Ranma paused and resumed after using the Saotome Secret Technique
>revised #9 fake an headache:

Mike: She'll probably get a lot of mileage out of that since she's now a
girl permanently...
Joel: Don't forget technique #11, washing the hair...

>'Wait a minute here, I thought of her as Mother, maybe I can just tell her
>the true, just not all of it.

Tom [Ranma]: "Uhh... my name is Ranma, I had four fiancees and a deadbeat
dad, and I'm from about four thousand years in the future.
Mike [Queen]: "How long has she been like this, Rei?"
Joel [Rei]: "Ever since this morning."
Mike [Queen]: "Well, maybe if we drop her from the tree again..."
Crow: Just remember Ranma... only the true can set your freedom.

>At least she won't insist for me to commit sepuku.  I hoped?!'

Joel [Queen]: "I'm going to get my katana blade, Rei.  Make sure our soul-
stealer stays right where she is."

>"Mom, I seemed to have awakened some memories from a past life,"
>the Princess began hesitantly and finish more confidently when
>she thought of what to say next: "I think I will be all right
>after a goodnight of sleep."

Crow [Ranko]: "Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!"
Tom: And a goodmorning of sleeping in till late goodafternoon.

>Her Mother was curious to know who's memories but she had seen
>enough case of it to be able to wait a night longer and replied
>to her daughter:

Tom: Yeah, her Aunt Maureen turned out to be a former kid by the name of
Shinji Ikari and her poolboy was once Lina Inverse.
Mike: The Silver Millennium: Repository of Souls for about one thousand years!

>"Ok Princess, we will talk further about it tomorrow."
>
>Ranma cringed to be called 'Princess' while the Moon's Queen and
>her two guests leave Princess Serenity to rest and got out of her
>room and began to talk about this new situation with Rei making
>comments from times to times.

Joel: Hey, check it out!  Rei's riffing!
Mike: It's always fun to indoctrinate them young, innit?

>In her room, Ranma was thinking very hard:

Joel [Ranma]: "Heck, if the author can come up with these contrivances,
I can!

>'Ok, the first thing is I don't want them to call me Princess,
>Serenity or Ser.

Tom: As you wish, Sir.
Crow [Ranma]: "Second, anyone even THINKS of yelling 'ranma no baka'!
at me will have a prompt appointment with the guillotine!"

>But Ranma is out too.

Tom [Tim McCarver]: "And with two outs, the inning is up to the switch-
hitter Hino Rei."

>Too masculine.  Ranko maybe?!  The Meaning of 'Wild Child' wouldn't
>please Mother, except than she don't understand Japanese

Mike: If Serenity doesn't understand Japanese, I fail to see the problem
with being called "Ranma".
Crow: Anybody get the feeling that Ranma's being just a *wee* bit paranoid?
Tom: Considering the author's been out to get him since the beginning, I
don't blame him.

>and if no one else speak it around here, which I doubt, that should
>pass easily.  Nothing can go wrong!'

Joel: Ranma, meet a man named Murphy.

>"Ha!  I should known better than tempt fate!" she said out loud.
>
>As Ranma, he had encountered even more problems after saying
>something stupid like that.

Crow: As opposed to all the problems he's had so far?
Tom: I can't see why he's really celebrating, it's not like Fate
dealt him all that great a hand so far...
Joel: Maybe he's sucking up so it won't get any worse?

>While reluctant, Ranma was looking around of herself to make sure
>nothing was about to go wrong, she decided than the end of the
>world could wait until tomorrow and went back to sleep.
>
>That much thinking and the event of the day had exhaust her.

Joel: About five minutes of thinking and something as exhaustive as
*falling from a tree* is all it took, eh?
Mike: This is the same Ranma who took on Herb and Saffron?
Tom [Gorilla Monsoon]: "Highly unlikely."

>[Queen Serenity's Royal Suit]

Mike: Is that where the camera's supposed to be focused or an actual
setting?
Crow: I'm just curious who she's suing.
Tom [Serenity]: "Ten, Jack, Queen, King, Ace!  Ha!  Beat that!"

>The Rei's Mother was talking to Queen Serenity about said event
>while they were both sit on a cosy couch like old friend.

Joel: Watch out, Rei's Mother!  You're going to be Queen Serenity's next
couch before you know it!

>"Your daughter seem a little out of it after she had awakened tonight.

Mike: You know, most seven-year-olds are perfectly able to shake falling
out of trees...
Tom [Queen]: "Oh, Princess Serenity?  She's always out of it."

>Why do you think Pluto warned you and why I didn't known about it?"
>Rei's Mother asked.

Joel: Uh oh, the crap's going to hit the fan when the queen of Mars finds
out that she's out of the loop.

>"We didn't deem necessary to warned you or anyone else.
>The warning was only to help in the upbringing of Serenity
>without saying much about anything else."

Crow: Actually, that's the best characterization of Pluto we've had
all night.

>"And what of those memories she claimed to have?"
>
>"You know as We know than memories of past lives are awaken as need
>by Senshis or Knights and, in fact, are one of their power as
>Avatar."  Serenity replied.

Tom: Uhh, wait up here.  Why the heck do they need past memories when
they're already in the Silver Millennium?  They should have all the
training they need, and there isn't anything *before* this, is there?
Crow [Queen, whispering]: "Psst... thanks for helping set up the backstory!"

>"Yes, but not at seven years old."
>
>"The times to come will be very trouble.  Pluto warned me about it."
>explained Serenity.

Crow [Queen]: "I was told to sell the Times off and buy in the Post."

>"We will have to get ready for troubles then.

Tom [Queen]: "Dispatch the paratroopers to Belfast."
Crow [Queen]: "Firebomb all the pool halls in the Moon Kingdom!  They're
trouble with a capital T, that rhymes with P that we don't need!"

>Could I impose and let my daughter remained on the Moon for a year or
>two?  Our daughters seemed to like each others and would enjoy the times
>they can spent together here.  I will be able to get Mars ready more
>easily that way." asked the Queen of Mars to Queen Serenity.

Crow: [Queen of Mars]: "War preparations will be a helluva lot smoother
without that little rugrat around, let me tell you."
Crow [Rei]: "Whee!  Playing hopscotch on the moon is WAY cooler than Mars!"

>"We would like that.  Our daughters would, no doubt, jump in joy to
>hear this.  I wish you a safe return home and keep me informs of
>your progress."

Tom [Queen]: "Our daughters, on the other hand, wish you pain, agony,
and an atomic wedgie."
Crow [Queen Serenity, under breath]: "Yeah, right I will..."

>"Thank.  Goodnight my friend." Rei's Mother replied informally to
>close their little talk.

Tom [Queen]: "You're welcomes!"
Mike: Author still can't bother to give her a name.
Joel: How about Whistler?

>While the Queen of Mars was taking her leave, Serenity was thinking
>about those new memories her daughter had remembered that day.

Joel [Queen]: "Amazons, Phoenix people, Jusenkyou, Ryugenzawa... I
really have to check on that girl's diet."

>She was worried more than she let anyone know.  That wouldn't be
>the first time than old memories would take control over one so
>young.

Tom: Her possession by a personage named Moroboshi Ataru was still
the talk of the Silver Millennium...

>She would have to see the extent those memories affect her
>daughter before taking any actions one way or the other.
>
>[Morning, Moon Palace]

Mike: Ranma was jumping on the roofs and for some reason already had
three fiancees...
Tom [Queen]: "Those memories gave us a flashback to the prologue!  AAAH!!"

>In the garden behind the Palace, Ranko, who has awaken early,
>was practicing her basic katas.  There are really no way she could
>jump ten meter or more for somes of them so she had to keep to the
>basic for now.

Tom: That's quite a leap of faith.
Joel: Despite the fact that she's seven years old, she's on the MOON!
I'm pretty sure she could come pretty darned close to jumping ten
meters if she wanted to.

>After she finished her work-out, Ranko decided to practice some
>of her special technics.

Mike: Like, oh, "Pink Sugar Heart Attack" or "Twinkle Yell"?
Crow: Technics?  You mean like Pyro?
Tom [Rei]: "Copycat!"

>Some guard was watching her from a distance partly for security
>reasons and also in awe. 

Crow [guard]: "Ooh, check out the odangas on that little girl!"
Tom: Arrgh, ick.

>The Royal family had never practiced martial art and it's a shock
>to him to see one who seem already good at it.

Joel [guard]: "Wow, is that what good martial arts look like?  That looks
much more effective than ducking and hiding!"
Tom: The Queen had to put her on display to throw off those rumors of a
coup.
Mike [Queen]: "And anyone who opposes me will face... my seven-year-old
daughter!  BWAHAHAHAHA!!"

>The guard didn't think he would be need as much if the Princess
>was already that good.

Joel: ...So the Queen is actually *considering* throwing over the whole
guard force for her daughter?
Mike: No, just Murray the guard.  Just between you and me, I think he's
been... glug glug glug.... <mimes a drinking motion with his hand>
Crow [Queen]: "And here's plenty of MRE rations, dear.  Remember to wear
your sweater on cold stakeouts and don't play too rough with the
protesters, okay?"

>When suddenly...

Joel: The real Princess Serenity showed up and promptly fell on her butt?

>"You know, you could join me in my practice by sparing with me."
>Ranko request from the guard.

Tom: Funny, that looked more like a veiled suggestion.
Crow: Princesses have to be good at those sorts of things.

>He was startled because she said it from behind him when she was at least
>a hundred meters in front of him not too long ago.

Mike: This poor man needs some medical attention for his narcolepsy.
Crow [Ranko]: "Here, I'll cure your narcolepsy for ya!  *POW!*  Sweet dreams!"

>Evidently, Ranko was practicing one of the Saotome Secret technic
>of the 'Umisenken' to disappear in hidding one own Ki.

Tom: It's good to know that even after seven years of never practicing
martial arts or gathering ki that Ranma can just pick up where he left off.
Joel: Why would he want to hide his battle aura?  I mean, what's next?
Stuffing pillows in his shirt and pants to look fat and out of shape?

>This technic didn't needed much Ki which made it perfect to practice with.
>
>"Princess, I can't do that." said the Guard while trying to calm down.

Crow [guard]: "That mouse really shook me last week!  I still get chills
thinking of it!"
Mike: It looks like the guards have been programmed with a HAL 9000
subroutine.

>"Could you call me Ranko, please?" asked Ranko while trying to
>look kawaii.

Mike: A wise man once said that you have to be kawaii to look kawaii.
Joel [guard]: "Will you QUIT making faces at me?!"

>The Guard gulped and replied: "That not proper to use anything else
>than your title, Princess Serenity."

Tom: Immediately, the Protocol Patrol collected the poor flustered guard.
Joel [guard]: "AAAAHHH!  I meant to just call her 'Princess'!  It was a
slip of the tongue!"

>"Please, at least when we are not in an official situation?!" pleaded
>Ranko, kawaii look two hundred percent higher.

Mike: Shouldn't that induce sugar-shock?
Tom: Either that or a lasting Spore comparison.

>"You win, Ranko." the Guard's guard dropped before his princess
>pleading look.

Tom: Is that the guard's partner that passed out from diabetic shock
or the author being ironic?

>"Yatta!" Ranko exclaimed and added as an after thought: "could you
>notify the other guard of this change, please!" turning the kawaii
>look again.

Crow [guard]: "Sure!  They'll be more than glad to listen to me when they
already have orders from the Queen and..."
Tom [other guard]: "Heh-heh, so the little girl suckered you AGAIN..."
Crow [guard]: "I just don't know how she does it!"

>'At least now I can make use of all the weapons a girl body has
>to offer' thought Ranko when she saw the effect of her antic,

Mike: She already did that in the manga, for gosh sakes!  Just ask poor
Ryouga!
Joel: "Yoiko", anyone?

>but sad when she thought of her previous mother.

Tom: Why?  She sued the pants off of Genma and got his estate!
Crow: How ironic, his whole estate *was* those pants.
Mike: Eww...

>The Guard saw the sad look pass through princess serenity look and
>accepted to repand the change.

Joel: "Repand"?
Tom: Repent?  Expand?  Suspend?
Mike: Maybe it's a game involving quarters and dimes.
Crow: And the princess serenity look died soon afterwards from the
gaping wound in its chest.

>He replied to Ranko: "Ok Ranko, I will do so." with a smile on
>his face.
>
>"Now, about this sparring match!" Ranko announced and went to a
>zone of the garden wide enough to this activity.

Tom: It was originally set aside for light industrial, but Ranko
filed the correct forms yesterday.

>"Ranko, are you sure?  I can easily hurt you, especially at seven?"

Tom: I'm wondering why this thought didn't occur EARLIER.
Crow [guard]: "And trust me, you *really* don't want to meet me at
nine-thirty!  I'm a monster then!"

>"Yes I'm sure and we won't go for strength but skills mainly.

Mike: We're still talking about a seven-year-old who's never trained
before in this life against a professional soldier.
Tom [Guard]: "Great! I'm sick of being a guard!  Please teach me the
skills to succeed in today's world!"
Joel: Princess Ranko - Royalty by day, DeVry teacher by night!

>Don't put to much power behind your moves and I will do the same."
>Ranko explained to him after he positioned himself at a good
>distance for sparring.

Joel: Which would be two planets away once the Queen finds out about
this.
Crow [guard]: "WHAT!?"
Mike [Ranko]: "I SAID, DON'T PUT TOO MUCH POWER BEHIND YOUR MOVES AND I
WILL DO THE SAME!!!"
Crow [Guard]: "OH!"
Tom: Ranko's healed well since falling from a tree the day before, hasn't
she?

>Ranko knew very well her body wouldn't be able to withstand
>the full power of a punch and intend to change it fast.

Crow: With her SUPER KI SKEELZ, she'll make punches into kicks!
Tom: She immediately went on a strict diet of steroids and bacon to
bulk up.

>While they were warming up, Ranko's Mother was talking to Rei in
>the throne room.

Mike: Oh no, don't do this to us!  You gave her a name, use it!
Crow: What does Nodoka want with Rei anyway?
Tom: And how the hell did she get to the Silver Millennium?

>"Rei, how would you like to remain here for the next year."
>Queen Serenity asked Rei, who was trying very hard to keep
>her composure in front of the crow,

Joel: Check it out.  She's nervous because of you, Crow.
Crow: Why?  I'm mostly harmless!
Tom: And slightly knife wielding?
Crow: Does my rapier wit count?

>mainly compose of Senshis, Guards and guests.

Mike: So what, if a person has enough witnesses they can sanction
kidnaping?
Crow: No, it's "Stayin' Here: The Musical!"
Joel [Queen Serenity, singing]: "Why don't you sta-ay!  Just a
little bit lon-gah!"
Tom, Mike [guards as back-up singers]: "Please say that you will..."
Crow: And featuring such immortal hits as "Stay Awhile" by Dusty
Springfield, "Stay the Night" by Chicago, and the anthem of
freeloaders everywhere, "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees!
Tom: Sheesh, sounds more like a K-Tel record.

>"I... would like that" Rei replied, unsure of herself.

Tom [Rei]: "All my friends on Mars, my family, the palace and all
my toys... naah, I'll stay here on the Moon!"
Joel: Most parents would get rid of the seven-year-old rather than
bring more in.
Mike: Rosie O'Donnell would be proud.

>'Where my mother anyway' thought Rei.

Tom [Rei]: "Well, *I'M* certain I'm going to throw the MOTHER of all
tantrums if you don't produce my mother in the next few seconds!"

>"We are certain you will like to keep Princess Serenity companies."
>the Queen smiled and turned to other matters.

Mike: And the Princess Serenity franchises, trademarks, and copyrights.
Crow: Oh, wow!  Rei's here for child labor!

>"yes" replied Rei, and seeing as she was dismissed, walked out of
>there.

Crow: And then she kept walking, eventually reaching Mars.

>Queen Serenity, after Rei went out of the door, asked her advisor,
>a black cat with a yellow crescent moon on her forehead whos named
>is Luna,

Joel: ...if this sentence was getting a little long in the
tooth, to which Luna, the aforementioned black cat with a
yellow crescent moon on her forhead, replied to her queen,
who's name as you may recall is Serenity....

>about general's affairs in the kingdom with a simple node.

Tom: The general is having an affair with a simple node?
Crow: It sounds like Queenie here needs to take a good LONG look at the
state her military is in.

>"My Queen." Luna bow, as much a cat could do such a thing and
>began her report:

Mike [Luna]: "Ahem... _War and Peace_, by Leo Tolstoy.  _War and Peace_
is a narrative about Russia in the nineteenth century..."

>"On the moon we have received the usual protests.

All: "Hey, hey, ho, ho, that big Earth's got to go!"
Tom [Mrs. Lovejoy]: "Oh, won't somebody please think of the CHEESE?!?"

>On Earth, there seemed to be some dissensions in the population,
>they are mainly objections to our commercial politics with the
>outside of Pluto's orbit.

Mike [merchant]: "Those damn Juraians are stealing our copyrights!"
Tom [merchant]: "And they even practice bigamy!"

>From the Kingdom of Mercury to Pluto, nothing of interest to report
>today." Luna concluded.

Joel: Judging from the lack of reaction to the Princess of Mars not
returning, are the people of Mars happy to have her gone?
Tom: Marvin the Martian must have pulled a coup in her absence....
Crow [Marvin]: "A tomboy ruling the moon?  Policies on Princes?!?
Oooh!  This makes me VERY angry!  Prepare the P-38 explosive
space modulator!"

>"Very well.  Keep an eye on Earth, we will wait to see what develop.

Tom [Queen]: "One hour photo developing is too expensive!"
Crow [Luna]: "But my eyes aren't removable!"

>We won't do a thing if we don't need to.  Better to let them
>govern themselves." the Queen ordered casually.

Mike: So the line of Endymion was just a whole big bunch of puppet
rulers and the Earth just a satellite of the Moon?
Crow: Politics: Making the impossible possible.

>"If nothing else, We need to go see our daughter." she added.
>
>When Luna seemed to want to follow, the Queen commanded:
>"No Luna, We will go alone and resume your duty."

Tom: Luna's duty was to check on the Princess?
Mike [Luna]: "I REFUSE to go back in there until you give me a helmet
and another portion of Fancy Feast!  I demand my hazard pay!"

>"Yes, my Queen" the black cat replied, bow and went on her way.

Joel [Luna]: "It's time for my catnip break!"

>[In the Garden]

Tom: The Rangers were losing to the Red Wings by four goals going into
the third period.

>The Queen was walking in view of the Royal's Garden when she saw
>on of the Guard assigned to her daughter, assaulting his charge.

Crow: He was beating up on his credit card?  NO!!
Mike: And coincidentally enough, Rei is nowhere to be found...
Tom: Wow, he's got guts to do that in full view of the Garden.
What if the pansies talk?
Joel: And what if the birds sing?

>She start to ran, frantic to arrive in time.
>
>"What's the meaning of this!" ordered the Queen when she arrive
>near them.

Mike: Actually, I can't imagine a more OBVIOUS meaning.
Crow [guard]: "Uhh... well, I was trying to get something out of
her eye!"
Tom [Queen]: "With your fist?!?"
Crow [guard]: "Uhh, yeah, it was... uhhh... really white so I had
to give her a black eye so I could see it!  Yeah, that sort of
makes sense!"

>That stop them short of each other and Ranko, after regaining her
>breath, exclaimed to her mother: "Mom, we were just practicing my
>martial art!"

Crow [Ranko]: "And next we were going to practice my martial math!"
Tom [guard]: "But I thought we were going to practice your Martial Law!
And I wanted to be Sammo!"

>Such lack of manner stop the Queen short, looking at her daughter
>like a lab specimen, trying to determine what species Ranko was.

Joel: My advice is to start at "kingdom" and work your way down.
Tom: Can Rankos be cultured in petri dishes?

>The Guard, for his part, was afraid for his life.

Mike: As a matter of fact, you could say that he was stopped short.

>He had been very careful while sparring with the Princess but the
>Queen didn't seemed to think so and the delay for a reaction didn't
>help any.
>
>Finally Queen Serenity asked: "What martial art?"

Tom [Queen]: "Art Linkletter?"
Crow [Queen]: "Art Garfunkel?"
Joel [Queen]: "Ohio Arts?"
Mike: It was probably Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance.

>Ranko, after finally remembering she didn't know any Martial Art,
>decide to smile and look pretty for her Mother.

Mike: ...how can she practice what she does not know?
Joel: Ranko immediately rushed inside the Palace, washed and fixed her
hair, brushed her teeth, and put on deodorant.

>That didn't work, but she tried anyway.

Crow: And when it failed again, she tried again and this continued
long into the night....
Tom [Ranko]: "If I can't cute her into submission, I'll make her
sleepy!"

>After an uncomfortable minute of indecision for Ranko, hell for the
>Guard and worried for Queen Serenity.  Finally Ranko replied:

Mike [Ranko]: "Uhh, you wanna spar?"
Crow [Queen]: "Well, my hand has a sparring appointment with your
backside!"
Tom: Geez, I've seen parliament hearings that took less time to
deliberate!

>"Mom, we need to talk" and added, not receiving a replied:
>"Privately."
>
>A little later in the Queen's private chamber.

Tom: The Queen had to shoo away all her male "attendants" to make
room for some serious mother-to-daughter conversation action!
Crow: Finally!  A different room!  I was beginning to think the
throne room took up the whole kingdom!
Joel: Extol the powers of SETTING!

>No need to say its magically seal against spy.

Mike: With the mighty power of "Ziploc"!

>"Now, daughter,  I want to know all about it." asked Queen Serenity
>to her nervous daughter.

Joel [Ranko]: "Oh, in that case I'll go out and get you a copy of the
"Enquirer".
Tom [Queen]: "Frog-boy found in New York City panhandling in front
of the Ritz-Carlton?  Wow, the things I miss out on up here!"

>'How can I explain I made a stupid wish and I reincarnated as
>her daughter' Ranma said out loud, not noticing at first her
>little error.

Joel: Yeah, what with all the grammar errors, we almost missed the fact
that Ranko didn't use punctuation either.

>"WHAT!"

Crow [Ranko]: "Uhh... Rei caught some fish and I rotisseried them
a little hotter?"
Tom [Queen]: "Oh, okay.  I certainly hoped you cleaned them first!"

>'Mother seemed upset now' Ranma absent mindedly note, too much
>in her own thought to panic.  yet.

Joel [Ranko]: "Just think of what Ford Prefect would do in a situation
like this..."
Crow: Wear a towel?

>"You possessed my daughter then" the Queen began and added after
>taking a decision: "only one thing to do, cleansing my daughter
>from evil!"

Mike [Queen]: "Rei, you get the Clorox and I'll find the holy sponge.
This'll be *fun*!"
Tom [Ranko]: "Aw, man!  Will Smith was right!  Parents just don't
understand!"

>she finished high enough to get Ranma out of his thought, just in
>time to dodged the first silver blast.

All: Whoa, she's pissed!
Crow: It's the "shoot first and ask questions later" Queen Serenity!
Joel [Queen]: "You gotta ask yourself... did she fire six blasts or
only five?  Well?  Do ya feel lucky... daughter!?"

>"HEY!  WHATDYA DO THAT FOR?!" Ranma yelled from the ceiling,
>twenty meters high.

Mike: And this is the same girl who couldn't jump ten meters for a kata
earlier?
Joel: Hell, if Serenity was shooting blasts at me, I'd be up there just
as quick.

>To say she didn't remained here long was an understatement when her
>mother blast another attack her way.

Tom: Oh, I got it!  Queen Serenity has been possessed with the spirit
of Metallia and is causing all sorts of havoc!
Joel: As interesting as this story would become with that plot twist, I
kinda doubt it.

>Now she was on the wall, stuck there like glue, yelling: "STOP THAT,
>THAT'S HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH POSSESSION!"

Crow [Queen]: "BUT POSSESSION IS NINE-TENTHS OF THE LAW!  EAT RIGHTEOUS
FURY!"

>Queen Serenity stopped short from shooting another silver blast
>of pure moon power stronger than the last two.

Mike: It's strong enough for a man, but made for Ranko.
Tom: How come she wasn't shooting the extra-strong ones to begin with?
Crow: She likes to toy with her prey, giving them false hope of
survival until unleashing oblivion?
Tom: Thought so.

>"It's not?  What was it then?" she asked her 'daughter?', wishing to
>know how she could adhering on a wall like that.

Joel: Because she's been bitten by a radioactive spider in yet a third
life-time?
Crow: Umm... don't think of it as "possession", just a bit of
borrowing...

>Or the ceiling for that matter.

Mike: Ranko was taught by Lionel Richie.

>"I just received all the memories of one Ranma Saotome,
>age twenty-two, Grand-Master of the Anything Goes School
>of Martial Art." Ranma said quickly in hoped not to be
>'Cleanse' or kill because of a little misunderstanding.

Joel: That's funny, for some reason I thought Happosai was still the
grand master of that school.
Tom [Ranko]: "Dammit, I'm not getting clean for ANYTHING!"

>"And I have also all my own memories about being your daughter."
>Ranma added as an after thought.

Crow [Ranko]: "I remember the abuse, the impersonalness, the
British nanny..."

>'A classic case of reincarnation?' the Queen pondered on this.

Crow [Queen]: "Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Rei?"
Tom [Rei]: "I think so, but we'd need someone to sing bass to get
a good barbershop quartet going."

>'And I had never be prone to jump to conclusion like that before.
>What is happening to me' Queen Serenity asked to herself,
>worried than she was becoming evil which sent shiver down her spine.

Crow [Dr. F]: "She's becoming EEEVIL!"
Tom: I'm worried too, at the rate she's going, she'll be shooting
Ranko and Rei into space to watch horrible movies in no time!
Mike [Queen]: "Send 'em the post, TV's Luna.  MWAHAHAHA!"

>After Ranma had land near her mother, ten meters was near enough for
>her anyway, she asked, worried: "Mom, are you ok?"

Joel: Laughing maniacally and trying to kill her flesh and blood...
well, I bet the Queen's had better days.
Tom: Maybe she's being possessed by the spirit of Freddie Mercury?

>After a minute of silence, her mother hesitantly replied:
>"We think so," and added:

Mike [Queen]: "Three out of my five voices agree anyway."

>"We will have to monitor you for the next while.

Tom: I daresay that both mother and child need the monitoring.
Crow [Queen]: "Do not adjust your television set, we will control
your vertical, we will control your horizontal...."

>At seven, to have memories from someone of twenty-two reawakening
>in you could erase or supplant your own memories if we are not
>careful."

Crow: If they haven't yet, why would they now?
Tom [Queen]: "We must quickly back up your remaining memories on
ZIP disk."

>"Don't worried, I'm fine.  Those memories don't even come close to
>what I have learned as a Princess.  And anyway, I was a man last
>time."

Mike [Austin Powers]: "That's no woman... that's a man, baby."

>For some reason, the Queen face-fault.
>
>"That hurt!" she exclaimed, not in the habit to do such a thing.

Crow: Of course she isn't in the habit!  Catholicism didn't exist
in the Silver Millennium!
Tom: Sister Mary Serenity?
Mike: Ha ha ha, comic relief.

>"I know that far too well.  I hope not to use it too often either."
>Ranko replied, now that she decided thinking/switching/juggling

Joel: Wow, if Ed Sullivan was still alive, he'd probably want Ranko
on "The Big Shoo"...
Tom [Ed Sullivan]: "Right here, right now, in our studio... Ranko,
the Human Verb!"

>between names or gender like she did was not healthy.

Mike [Queen]: "And if you can't decide between 'he' and 'she', you're
going to catch pneumonia so quick!"
Joel: There are probably vaccinations for that sort of confusion.

>And 'Ranko' was also an alias for her before, its should work just
>as well now too.

Tom: As a matter of fact, it had been working so well for the past
few paragraphs that we're reminding you that it works AGAIN!
Mike: C'mon, Tom, hang in there.  We're practically done.

>"And could you call me Ranko, I'm more likely to replied to that
>name than Princess or Serenity?"

Crow [Ranko]: "At least, I think I will... I'm so confused!"
Mike: Meaning that Ranko's the Martial Artist formerly known as
Princess?

>"Ranko?  What its meant?"
>
>"That means 'Wild Child'." her daughter replied, who had calm down
>now than her mother had stop trying to 'cleanse her'.

Tom [Ranko]: "I feel much better now that she isn't holding a washcloth
and an evil glint in her eyes!"
Joel: Hey, what seven year old child wouldn't?

>"We will have Luna examine you.  She's the mind specialist

Crow: Luna is a neurologist?  Wow, she's had some good training in the
Silver Millennium...
Tom: I heard she's especially good at CAT scans.
Mike, Joel: [groans]

>and should have more information about what happened." Queen Serenity
>replied after accepting for now the change of name.

Crow [Queen]: "Does that sound good to you, Princess Serenity?"
Joel [Ranko]: "D'oh!"

>Ranko evidently fling and took a step back,

Tom: The next participant in the Moon Kingdom Highland Games:
Ranko in the caber toss!

>looking like she had just see her worse nightmare.
>"What is the matter,... Ranko?" her mother asked, with an hesitation
>on the name,

Joel [Pat Summerall]: "The Queen stutter-stepped through the line,
threw a hesitation at the cornerback, and is bound for the end zone!"

>when she saw Ranko looking frightened for some unknown reason.
>
>Ranko was shacking for a while

Crow: Ranko was shacking?  Who was she shacking up with?
Tom: Radios?  How the heck should I know?!?


>and her mother walked to her and took her in her arms to try to
>calm her.
>
>"You can talk about it to me, you know." told a mother to her
>shacking daughter.

Joel: Throughout it all, I must applaud the Queen for her patience.
Most mothers would ground their daughter for life if they heard that
they were shacking...
Crow [Queen]: "But, daughter, aren't you a little too young to develop
an interest in basketball players?" 
Tom [Ranko]: "No, not SHAQING, Shacking!"
Crow [Queen]: "Oh.  <pause> YOU'RE WHAT?!?"

>"I, its thee ca, ca, CAT thing" said Ranko after she recovered
>the ability to speak.
>
>"Luna?  We don't understand.  Are you afraid of a mind scan?"

Mike: This whole family needs a brain scan, if nothing else than to
figure out how many people are in both of their heads.
Joel [Ranko]: "If Mom finds out that I swallow my gum in spite when
she says not to chew it, I'm done for!"

>"Nooo, the ca, CAT!

Joel [Ranko]: "It's construction equipment!  RUN!!"

>Idontwannaseeher"
>
>"Oh my!" her mother said.

Tom: Uh oh... Joel, did you bring your Kasumi Ray in here by accident?
Joel: Don't blame me, it's the story!

>Blinking a couple of times, Ranko asked: "Are you relate to Kasumi?"
>
>"Kasumi?"

Crow [Ranko]: "Do you now or have you ever felt a compulsion to cook
and clean?"

>"I guess not then" Ranko replied to her own question.
>
>'stupid, stupid' she thought.
>
>'At least I don't think of cat anymore'

Mike: Ranko's at the "spaced-out" stage, isn't she?
Joel: Actually, a brain scan would do her a lot of good.
Crow: I think that can be applied to all of us, Joel.
Tom: Her mouth tells lies but her thoughts speak the truth....

>Ranko shiver and thought some more:  'Hard not to think of something
>you don't wanna thing about'

Mike: Just channel your mother trying to fricassee yourself, and you'll
find that a cat is the least of your worries.
Joel: After all, wouldn't want to interrupt the thinging process.

>"We will warn Luna to use her human form.  But she won't appreciated
>it at all."

Crow [Queen]: "She tends to get pissed and strew her kitty litter all
over the palace."
Tom [Luna]: "I'm... INCONVENIENCED?!  THIS SHALL NOT STAND, STUPID HUMAN!"

>Queen Serenity announced, las of all those revelations, she thought:
>'Wild Child.  That suit her' and took a deep breath.

Joel: This probably isn't a good time to break into Tai Chi, Serenity.
Tom [Queen, singing]: "Wild Child... you make everything... grooooovy...."

>She just didn't knew yet how much she was right.
>
>[End of chapter 1]

Crow: Hoo, boy... this whole thing's finally over!
Mike: Wow... well, let's see what we can say.  The story itself wasn't bad,
but if you could put a bit of an effort at grammar, it would probably
be much better.
Joel: Also, you might want to check your characterizations.  I don't think
Queen Serenity would flip out like she did just before this story ended.
Tom: And one more thing, the prologue could have been much more original.
Even if you would like to keep the ring plot device, you could probably
work a bit more on the rest of the prologue's plot.
Mike: And you know that every new beginning is some other beginning's end...
Joel: Oh no you don't!  Let's get out of here, guys!

-Satellite of Love-

  "And that's the very moment that I learned... are you ready for it?" Mike
inquired.  He carried Tom to the desk and let him go.  Tom hovered on top
and threw a weird look to Mike.

  "Exactly what, oh purveyor of wisdom?"

  Mike leaned forward, and in a loud whisper he said, "Weebles do wobble...
BUT they don't fall down!"  He straightened up and smiled as an electric
shock could be heard from offstage.

  "Oh my!" they heard Crow yell.

  Joel strode into the bridge area.  "The loadpan wasn't done, what can
I say?"

  "Message incoming on the Hexfield Viewscreen!" Magic Voice informed the group.

  Crow entered the bridge as the Hexfield opened to reveal a red-haired girl
that bore a very striking resemblance to Ranma Saotome's girl-type.  She
wore a crown and Chinese clothes.

  "Whadaya want, hmm?" Tom inquired to the screen.

  "Hey, you were the folks that called me!" the figure rejoined.

  After the Satellite's occupants finished face-faulting, Crow asked the person,
"Is that you, Ranma?  You really should get back to Nerima, everyone is just so
worried about you!"

  Mike whispered to Joel, "You didn't use that ray on him AGAIN, did you?"

  Joel replied in a low tone, "Hey... he didn't finish the loadpan!"

  Mike shook his head.  "Well, it's your hair," he said under his breath.

  "Is that you, Kasumi?  Or was Pop meddling with his sentient robots again? 
Oh well, I can't leave here anyway.  It seems that they need me here to keep
all the couriers in line.  After all, I am the Queen of the Moon!"

  "Excuse me, your Majesty," another voice interrupted on the screen.  "But the
tactic you suggested to placate the protesters isn't working.  More people are
becoming angrier at your strong-arm strategies!"

  "Was that a CHALLENGE?  Do you want to duel me?!" Ranko hissed.

  "Uhh, your Majesty... err, just pretend I was never here."

  "Ranma," Crow started, "that's such an awful thing to do to your poor
workers!  They're just trying to help you!  Now promise me that you'll be
back soon, dinner's going to be started right after I come back from Dr.
Tofu's!"  With that, Crow turned on his heel and exited the SOL bridge,
humming softly.

  Ranko, visibly cowed, mumbled, "Uh... yes, Kasumi."  The Hexfield iris
closed a second later.

  The three left on the bridge just shared a look.  As the red light started
flashing, Tom threw a question to the two humans.  "Think he'll work against
Ronnie and George down there?"

  Mike and Joel rubbed their hands.  "Yeah, he'll work.  Mike, you drag 'im
back in here and I'll get the button."  Joel hit the button on the counter
and turned his attention to the screen.  "Yes, your evil overwroughts?"

-Deep 13-

  "Now kids, who wants to play Reality Snakes and Ladders?  We have anacondas
and pit vipers for you to ride on, and fire ladders for you to climb and fall
off of," Dr. Forrester said in his best sugary tone.

  "Oh my!  That's such a horrible thing to do to a kid!" a recently-arrived Crow
objected through the audio pickup.

  Frank chimed in.  "Yeah, Dr. F!  Won't someone think of the children?  Think
about that, won't you?"

  Dr. F scowled.  "Frank, it's my job to FIND the invention that will rule the
world and the fanfic that will break everyone's spirits!  You don't get that
overnight, and you don't get it without breaking some eggs!"

  Crow's voice sang through the speakers again.  "That doesn't mean you have to be
cruel about it!"

  "Dr. F," Frank stated, "You really could have some decency for your fellow man
though.  Please?"

  Dr. Forrester stood still, indecision written on his face.  He shook his head slowly
and looked at Frank and the screen.  "You're right, Frank.  Tomorrow, I continue
experimenting on you.  Now push the button."

  "Yay!  I think..." Frank trailed off as he jabbed the button with his finger.

o/~ "Na na na-a-ah, na na, na NA na.."

  Author's Notes: Wow, another MST in the can.  Barely eight weeks later too...
I've been busy lately, but thankfully I have the material to use.  First and
foremost, I would like to thank Megane 6.7 for his fabulous help and advice in
the course of writing this MST.  His assistance was instrumental in the creation
of my MST.  And for all you folks that like his writing and think mine sucks, he
wrote the funny parts.  Watch for "The Secret Flaw", a MST of a piece of SPAM,
along with a WWF Lemon MSTing, both coming shortly from the desk of Megane 6.7!

  I would also like to thank DarkAlpha and MageOhki on FFIRC, who pointed me to
this piece of work and said that it was a target worth taking.  Another set of
thanks go to Latin_D, from the same channel, who was gracious enough to not only
listen to my complaining but also nitpicked me on punctuation.

  And, last but not least, I would like to profusely thank Francis Bourque for
giving his permission to MST this.

  My next MST is all picked out, but since I really don't have a clue how my next
month looks, I won't comment on its projected release.  Also, I *still* have not
published any part of "Point Source", an original Ranma 1/2 fanfic, but rest assured
that I am taking time out of class to put pen to paper.  (Yes, longhand.)

  Check out http://www.nabiki.com/mst !  This site, "A MSTing for All Seasons", is
the home of the Megane 6.7 archive, my fan archive, and the FFIRC MST archive! 
Soon to be the home of the FFML Directory project as well!  Updated... well, it
should be updated constantly but at least when I do move forward with it, I work
on it for a while.

  Special Thanks To:
  Teachers of America (and the world)
  The Authors of the 1st Amendment

>Now to understand what happened next, we should slow down and
>examine the event in sequence.

  Keep Circulating the Fanfics...

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