I dunno, I seem to have this ability to find the absolute worst
in fanfiction, I guess. Either that, or I have a really strong
stomach!!

On with the show!!

[Roll Season 9 Theme]

[Unnamed Planet]
[PEARL has just finished thrashing BOBO]
BOBO: I'm sorry, Lawgiver... I thought it was the worst fic they've
ever read!!
PEARL: Sorry?!! They weren't supposed to have any will to live after it!
You're sorry? Sorry doesn't cut it, ape-boy!! [hits him again]
BOBO: Ooog!! Sorry!!
PEARL: Give me one reason why I shouldn't call Oscar on the radio and
tell him to pick your hairy, red butt up!!
BOBO: Uhhhh... I found something else, just as bad!!
PEARL: WHAT DID YOU FIND?
BOBO: Ummm... it's a Rescue Rangers lemon, Lawgiver!
PEARL: [looks the fic over and releases BOBO] Hmmm... this may be just the
thing demented enough to defeat Mike and his little friends! Brain Guy!!
Send the happy little trio upstairs "9½ Chipmunks!!"
OBSERVER: Right, Pearl. [wiggles head]

[Satellite of Love]
[lights and klaxon go off]
MIKE: Oh, no...
TOM: It's Fanfic Sign! We gotta move!

[Dog Bone, 6,5,4,3,2,*]

> Subject: Rescue Rangers #1

CROW: CC: chip@rescuerangers.org; dale@rescuerangers.org;
nimnul@wacko.net
MIKE: Cute, Crow.

> Hiya toonsters!

TOM: [Buster Bunny] Hey, that's my line!
 

> Welcome to the first posting from Toon Dreams Productions!
 

CROW: Not associated with Oscar Toon in any way whatsoever....

MIKE: Their motto: Dream a goofy dream with us.

>We're a small group of writers and artists with one goal in mind..

ALL: TRY AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!

>creating good toon erotica. :)

CROW: [authors] But somehow, you found this story. Too bad.
MIKE: Toon erotica? Rescue Rangers?
TOM: This is not a good sign.

> Here's our first effort.. written by one of our creative staff.  Hope
> you like it.  You can address your comments to zippo@io.org

ALL: [giggle]

MIKE: Ah, so THAT'S what happened to the fourth Marx brother....

CROW: Mail can also be sent to groucho@io.org, chico@io.org,
harpo@io.org, and the founder, karl@io.org

>or (better yet) post them here.

MIKE: Where?
CROW: In the trash

>This story involves male-male sex.. so if you're not interested in that you
>may want to stop reading.

MIKE: Not to mention eating...
TOM: Male-male sex?
CROW: This is a *really* bad sign.

>So without further ado, Toon Dream is proud to present:

MIKE: Nothing! Go home!!
CROW: Nice try!
TOM: The smashing Broadway musical based on the movie based on the book...

> 9 1/2 Chipmunks
> -------------------------

CROW: 9½ Chipmunks?!
MIKE: Desperate to be a respected member of the scientific community, Dr.
Nimnul resorts to cloning chipmunks.
CROW: Either that or Alvin's been playing around with Simon's science fair
projects again....
MIKE: [Dave]  ALVIN!!!
TOM: Guys, I think he means like 9½ Weeks.
MIKE: Oh, boy... I don't feel too good.

>(c)1994 Toon Dream Productions.

CROW: This fic is sure old!  I wonder what else they've written
since?
MIKE: Darkwing lemons?  Duck Tales lemons?  Tailspin lem--
CROW: Yeesh.  Sorry I asked.

>This work is public domain and may be distributed freely by electronic
>means.

TOM: [British accent] Other means though are right out!

>Printouts are permitted for personal use only.

CROW: Which includes...
TOM: Crow, don't take us there, please.

> The characters depicted herein are used without permission and Toon Dream
> Productions is NOT associated in any way with the Walt Disney company or
any
> of its subsidiaries.

MIKE: [Toon Dreams, ala Oscar] So shove that off your ass!

> --------------------------

CROW: [Australian accent] The dingoes 'ave broken through the fence!!

> Rescue Rangers HQ was silent in the dark of night except for Dale playing
the
> Nintendo in the living room.

MIKE: Product placement right out of the gate!
TOM: [Dale] Hey!! I wanted a Playstation!
MIKE: This fic is set in 1994, remember?  The Playstation wasn't invented
yet.
CROW: [Dale] Hey!! I wanted a Sega CD!

> He stood on the control pad, shifting his
> weight to control the jumping cartoon plumber on the TV set which
> dominated one wall of the room.

MIKE: [Dale]  Man, these stupid purple lobsters are hard to avoid!
CROW: Why play a Mario game when the Rescue Rangers have two
Nintendo games of their own?
TOM: Why not?  After all, Sailor Moon plays Sailor V in the arcade all
the time...

>The flickering video light was the only illumination, giving the room an
>eerie,spectral glow.

TOM: Look familiar, Mike?
MIKE: Hey!

> Dale grunted with effort in his squeaky voice.

TOM: [Dale]  Grumble....In the old Disney days, I didn't have to say a
word.  Now they force me to wear a cheap Hawaiian shirt and make me
the idiot of the group....grumble....

>"Take that, goombas!"  he would occasionally mutter as he completed
>a level.  He was on the fourth world, eighth level.. no turning back.

CROW: Suddenly, Dale's dreams are crushed as the screen freezes, funny
patterns cross the screen, and the controls lock up.
MIKE: This is why you need a Game Genie for the Nintendo.  To finish a
game as fast as possible before it crashes....

> The sound was turned way down so as not to annoy the other Rescue Rangers
who
> slept in their rooms carved from the huge tree that was their home.

TOM: In other words, the Rescue Ranger HQ.

> Dale had been playing Super Ninja Mario 5 for nearly nine hours straight
>now, and he wasn't about to stop.

MIKE: [Dale] Dammit, I haven't gotten screen burn yet!

>His fur was damp with sweat and the Hawaiian shirt he habitually wore
>was hanging open.

MIKE: So he looks like Jack Lord.
CROW: Nah, he needs the perm for that.

> He jumped onto the button and back onto
> the directional controller in a particularly difficult move.

TOM: The Electric Slide.
CROW: Dale kept himself limber by doing Dance Aerobics on his NES
Power Pad....

> With a series of electronic bloops his last Mario Ninja died an electronic
> death at nearly 2:30 in the morning.

MIKE: And the Goombas rejoiced.
BOTS: [Goombas] Yay....

>Dale collapsed on top of the controller in exhaustion, panting.

MIKE: [Dale] Boy, some video game junkie I am! Can't even stay up for
24 hours straight and play!
CROW: [Dr. Mario]  Take two RPG's and call me in the morning!

>"Nope", he thought, "Never again will I play this
> game.  It's dangerous!"  He clicked off the television with a slap of
> his paw on the remote button.  The room fell into darkness.

CROW: Unfortunately, Dale wasn't able to see the cooking oil spilled on the
floor.
Skidding on it momentarily, Dale flew through the door, and plummeted to his
death. The end.
MIKE: Settle down, Crow... we're only partly into it!!
TOM: More like we *stepped* into it.

> Tiredly, he hauled himself up and climbed the carved ladder to his bunk
bed
> in the room he shared with Chip.

CROW: My three chipmunks....
MIKE & TOM: [hum the theme to _My Three Sons_]

>Chip snored quietly in the bottom bunk, his body a lump in the blankets.

TOM: [Elvis] A lump... a lump o' chipmunk...

> Dale removed his shirt and hung it on the stout bedpost, and clambered
into
> bed with a sigh.  "Tomorrow, I'll be able to hit the fifth world!! Yeah!"
he
> thought to himself.

CROW: [Dale] Right now, I think I'll hit some *acid*!!
MIKE: That would sure explain a lot!

> The night wore on.  Dale tossed and turned.  While he was exhausted from
his
> grueling Nintendo session, he was also keyed up.

TOM: In other words, "baked".

> It was that time of night
> when you can't sleep, even though you're tired, so you start thinking
about
> life, the universe, and everything.

CROW: [Dale, ala Ogre] What if C-A-T really spelled *dog*?
TOM: [Dale] What if I'm just ink and paint in a cartoon?
MIKE: [Dale] What if I was traveling at the speed of light, really fast,
and I started screaming really loud  "AHHHHH!! AHHHHHHH!!!!", would my
brain just blow up?
[Crow and Tom stare at MIKE]
MIKE: Sorry, I watched UHF last night....

> The Rescue Rangers were a big success!  They were having lots of adventure
> and getting to help lots of folks.  It was a lot different from when they
> were living in the woods.

TOM: For example, they knew nothing of flush toilets.
CROW: And they no longer had to deal with psychopathic ducks with speech
impediments....
 

>Then they just looked out for themselves.
> Stealing nuts and just hanging out, being chipmunks.

TOM: So they're not chipmunks now?
MIKE: This is pretty rare... species changes.
CROW: Well, not if you count how Artemis turned into a girl.

> They had no concerns in
> the world beyond the next meal.  He remembered when they had first moved
to
> the city, first starting to wear clothes to fit in with the rest of the
> animal society.

MIKE: Wow... I never knew all this!
CROW: This is what happens when you analyze cartoons.
TOM: Or if you have a lot of free time on your hands.

>It marked you as civilized, as not just a wild chipmunk but
> as someone who mattered.  And they sure did now.
> No turning back.

TOM: Do the Dew.
MIKE: Nike.

>As time ground on, his thoughts turned to his teammates.

CROW: [Dale] Hey!! Turn back here!!

>Zipper was a lot of fun,
>perhaps the only other Ranger that knew how to have a good time.

MIKE: For a good time, bring the Zipper!

>But, he was a fly and not too bright.

TOM: If this isn't the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know *what* is.
MIKE:  Zipper was so stupid....
BOTS: HOW....STUPID....WAS....HE?
MIKE: Everywhere he went, he walked.

>Monterey - he was a great mouse to have on your side,

TOM: Except when there's cheese around.  Then you're pretty much
screwed.

>and also a lot of fun, but..recently he'd gotten more distant.

MIKE: [Dale] It was a shame we had to have him committed to Shady
Acres, but the cheese thing was just too wild!
CROW: Actually, ever since Monty got a hold of that Limburger cheese,
they've *insisted* he remain distant.

He

>wanted to go off and do his own thing more.

CROW: IfyaknowwhatImean!!

>In fact he wasn't even sleeping here tonight - he was with some mouse
>girl he'd met in a bar two weeks ago.

CROW: Soon after her stone house was moved, Mrs. Brisby decided to
start dating again.
TOM: [Monty] I'm an organ donor... you need anything?
MIKE: Tom...

> Gadget was a terrific friend.  Dale liked being around her, and she knew
what
> she was doing when it came to machines, that's for sure.

CROW: IfyaknowwhatImean!!!
MIKE: Crow...

> But, there was a line that Gadget Hackwrench did not want to cross
> when it came to their relationship.

TOM: The black and yellow striped line which is marked, "DANGER".

>She was not interested in being anything more than friends.

CROW: Because... [singing] How can we be lovers... if we can't be friends!!
 

> Dale had tried to kiss her once or twice, but nothing.

MIKE: ...happened because Gadget's fist had convinced him to back off.

>And, there was something inside Dale that told him he wouldn't want to
>be intimate with Gadget anyway.

MIKE: His gas problem?
TOM: Incontinence?
CROW: Impotence?

> Then, his thoughts turned to Chip.

MIKE: [Dale] Potato or Tortilla?  Which am I more in the mood for?

>His best friend and lifelong pal.  He remembered the carefree way they
>had lived in the forest a few years back,

TOM: ...crunching and munching their nuts.
MIKE: Tom...
TOM: What?

>and the way they were now - business partners, best friends, and the two
lead
> Rescue Rangers.

TOM: With a name like Chip N Dale, it was either that or start a strip
club...
MIKE: Their agents had done well, and got 20%.

>In fact Chip was the top banana in the outfit -

CROW: The best of the bunch!
TOM: A peel leader!
MIKE: [singing] If you wanna be the top banana....you gotta start at the
bottom of the bunch....

>Dale wasn't a leader type and tended to get them into trouble.

CROW: Like the time he called that rabid elephant fat.
TOM: Or the time he accused Alvin and the Chipmunks of lip-synching
to a 33 record played at 45 speed....

>Chip always knew what to
> do.  He always had a plan and he always got them out of trouble.

MIKE: [Chip] Dale's the trouble maker.  I'm the trouble breaker.

>Dale resented that a bit, but he knew that if he was in Chip's position
>the Rangers would have broken up almost as soon as they started.

TOM: Well, there are worse leaders... like... Monty, maybe.

>He had had respect for him.  Lots of respect.

ALL: [singing] R-E-S-P-E-C-T....find out what it means to me.....

>And, there was one other factor.

CROW: Chip threatened to beat the crap out of Dale if he didn't agree to
become his personal servant for life.
TOM: Well, that's *one* way to inspire loyalty....

>But it had been neglected for awhile for some reason - things got busy,
>stresses and exhaustion had taken their toll,

MIKE: [Dale] I swear, if I hear the words *fat* and *cat* in the same
sentence one more time, I'm going to scream....

>and the lack of privacy in the HQ was another reason.

CROW: How?  Gadget's probably living in her workspace and Monty's shacked
up with Mrs. Brisby now....
MIKE: Uhhhh??
TOM: [begins to tremble]

>But all in all it had been way too long since Chip and Dale
>had had sex.

ALL: ARRRRRGGHHHHHH!!!
TOM: [head explodes]
CROW: WHY?!!

> At the memory of their last experience Dale smiled.  His eyes closed
slightly
> and his paw moved to his crotch.

CROW: [Dale] AHH!!!  All this time and I never realized I wasn't wearing any
pants!?!
MIKE: [Michael Jackson] Oooh!
CROW: He doesn't have to worry, his paws are already furry.
MIKE: CROW!!

>It had been about three months ago.  The
> two chipmunks had been out late and hitting the sauce a bit,

CROW: [Dale, drunk] Man, that Prince Charles is one handsome dude... *HIC*
MIKE: [Chip, drunk] *HIC* Hey, Dale!  [sniggers]  Remember that yellow
pooch that used to bother us back in the old days?
CROW: [Dale, drunk] Oh yeah!  *HIC*  the one owned by that rodent... wassit
name....uh....uh....(sings off-key) M...I...C...K...E...MICKEY!!!  *HIC*
Yeah, that's it!  Mickey Rodent!  Boy, what a asshole!

>and when they came back they decided to detour in the blimp for a little
>while.

>They just spent some time in the back seat, doing what came naturally to
>a couple of horny rodents, and then went to bed.  Seperate bunks.

MIKE: Please... spare us none of the wonderful details.
CROW: Mighty sarcastic there, Mike!
MIKE: I learned from the best.

> It had never been a conscious decision to not screw anymore, it had just
> happened.  In the forest they were like two little dynamos - sometimes
they
> spent entire DAYS locked in each others' arms, it seemed.

CROW: [Chip]  You dummy!  I thought I told you to bring the key for the
handcuffs this time!
TOM: [weakly] Ohhhhh...
CROW: Don't show Tom this part.
MIKE: Y'know, when Walt Disney created Chip n' Dale, this isn't quite what
he had in mind.
CROW: With a name like Chip N' Dale, you gotta wonder though....

>They did pause long enough to breed with a few females, genetic instinct
>being what it was,

MIKE: [Dale]  Damn it!  What's taking those idiot cloning scientists so
long!?!  If they can clone a sheep, they can sure as hell clone a few
chipmunks and end our personal hell!?!

>but that was mechanical and joyless - for the good of the species.

CROW: Yeah, there's only what?  11 billion people on the planet?  Why not
a couple more chipmunks to balance things out?

>The sex they had with each other was purely for its own sake
>- an act of love and friendship.  Their bond had run deep over the years,
>and consequently nothing could tear them apart.

CROW: Oh, how touching. I think I shall cry.
TOM: I've been weeping since the fic began....

> But they moved to the city, and they were solving mysteries all the time,
and
> that fat cheesehead Monterey Jack was hanging around all the time, and
they
> never got a chance to be just two chipmunks having fun anymore.

MIKE: They were two African swallows having fun.
CROW: No European or African swallows?
MIKE: Gee, I don't kn....Hey, I'm not falling for that!

>He and Chip were still best friends though, and probably had it in them
>to be lovers again too.

TOM: Just like Jerry and Elaine!
CROW: Please don't take us there... please...

>Dale's paw was now rubbing his crotch, and he felt himself getting hard.
>His cock was normally hidden in his crotch-fur, but he felt it begin to
slide
>from its furry sheath and grow into an erection.

MIKE: AAAAAAAAHHHH!!
CROW: Quick!! Grab the IPUs!!

[MIKE reaches into the box beside the theater seats, and produces three
pairs
of the Imagery Protection Units, or sunglasses. He places glasses on TOM and
CROW, and finally himself, shielding himself from the imagery.]

CROW: Why didn't we use these in the Chibi-Usa lemon?
MIKE: We would have fried them.
CROW: Hey, looks like that was it, Mike.
MIKE: Okay, but keep them handy.
TOM:[recovering] Mike, why does this happen to us?

> He was not as tired as he
> was fifteen minutes ago, for some reason.

TOM: [Dale] That unpercolated coffee works wonders!! GAH!

> His thoughts kept returning to the snoring form in the bunk below him.

MIKE: [Dale] Hey!! Come back here, I'm not done with you yet!!

> Chip's jacket and hat hung on the hook in the corner.

CROW: I heard he originally had a whip too but Lucasfilm threatened
to sue.
TOM: Yeah, imagine the possibilities...
CROW: Ugh...

>Dale pulled himself over to the edge of his bunk and poked
>his head down to look at his sleeping friend.

CROW: Then he looked at Chip, too.
MIKE: CROW!!!
CROW: Sorry.

>Chip had kicked the blanket in his slumber,

TOM: A witty way of saying he died in his sleep.

>and his arms and legs were splayed out on the mattress with the blanket
>entwined around him in an uncomfortable-looking mess.

TOM: Like "Chibi-Usa's 7th Birthday".
MIKE: Urgh... don't remind me.

>His head was tilted back, and his mouth was
>open as he slept on, snoring just a little bit.  His fur was messy, and his
>nose twitched in a cute kind of way.

CROW: His fingers, however, twitched in a homely way.
 

>The luminous red numbers of their scavenged clock read 2:50.

TOM: At the sound of retching, the time will be 2:50!
MIKE: HUUUUUUURRGHHHH!!!
TOM: Thank you.

> Dale watched Chip sleep, his eyes straying to the furry patch between
Chip's
> legs.  There was nothing visible, but he knew there was something worth
> finding down there.  Once he was hard, a nice big juicy pink cock would be
> standing there.

ALL: ARRRRGGHHHHHH!!!
MIKE: IPU time, guys!! [dons his glasses, and puts the IPUs on CROW and
TOM.]
TOM: I think that was it!
CROW: Well, what do ya know... maybe this won't be as painful!!

>It was really exciting to watch the transformation.

TOM: What, Chip is a sentai?
MIKE: [Chip] SAILOR CHIPMUNK POWER... MAKE UP!!
TOM: Cute, Mike.

>Dale decided to go for broke.
>They just would have to keep quiet so as not to wake up Gadget or
>Zipper.

MIKE: Little did Dale know Gadget and Zipper were having a little
rendezvous of their own....

>Gadget suspected that the two chipmunks were in each other's tails,  but
>she didn't say anything and frankly didn't care much.

TOM: There's a reason they call her *Gadget*....
MIKE: Tom....
CROW: She had Monty.
TOM: Nah.

>Zipper had no idea.  Dale didn't know if Zipper knew what sex WAS.

MIKE: Nobody taught him the birds & the bees... err... flies.

> No turning back.  Dale wriggled over to the edge of the bed, now really
> horny.  He could smell a slight tinge of pheromone in the air.  With a
> smooth movement he slid off the bunk, but lost his footing and landed on
> his backside with a squeak.  He looked around frantically.  No lights came
> on. "Whew!"

CROW: [Dale] Did I cut one or what? Yuck!

> He got up and stood over Chip's still-sleeping body.  He grinned to
himself
> as he started pulling at the blankets to try and get them into some kind
of
> order.

MIKE: [judge] Order in the court!! All rise!!
TOM: His little friend already did... [snicker]
MIKE: Tom...

> He heard Chip start to stir as Dale tugged and pulled to straighten
> out the hopelessly tangled sheets.

CROW: OKAY ALREADY!  The sheets are tangled!  We get it!  Move on!
TOM: The sheets are almost as tangled as the plot of *R*P*M*....

>Chip's eyes opened a bit and he saw Dale. "Wha-" he said before Dale laid
>a finger over his lips.

CROW: Urgh...
TOM: Well, it is getting like 9½ Weeks now.

> The red-nosed chipmunk's face was grinning like crazy.

MIKE: Hell, he *is* crazy!

>"Shhh!"  he said. "Do you want
> everyone to hear you?"  Chip blinked and in a moment was wide awake.  Chip
> looked at him, surprised and a bit peeved at being woken up in the middle
> of the night.

CROW: [Chip, angry] What the sam scratch is your problem, Dale?!

> "It's three o'clock in the morning! What are you..?"  He glanced downwards
at
> Dale's hard-on, and then grinned too. "Ohh, I get it.. Here.  Let me help
> you.  You're so clumsy."

TOM: Wow, Chip's really easy!!
MIKE: Looks like Oscar has some groupies.
CROW: Well, this makes me wish for a fic with the subtle wholesomeness of
"Diana".

>He pulled the blanket out straight in a moment and
> folded it open.  "C'mon, hop in."

CROW: [Dale] Hey, what do I look like?  A Playboy bunny?
TOM: SPEW!!
MIKE: This is not one of my better days.. a Chip and Dale slash lemon...
urp...
[vomits]
CROW: Guys, time to put on the IPUs.

[After a few minutes, MIKE looks out.]

MIKE: All clear, guys...

>They finally stopped kissing and caught their breath.

CROW: [Lloyd Bridges]  By this time, their lungs were aching for air....

> "Whew!  That was kinda overdue I'd say."  remarked Chip.

MIKE: Yeah, just like my library books.

>"We don't do that often enough."

TOM: [Dale] What with that contract we had, and all our work...

> "You know, I was thinking that myself!" said Dale.  Funnily, they didn't
> care much about the noise at this point.   He kissed Chip again, more
> insistently this time.

CROW: ARRRGHH!! It's starting again!!

> Chip returned the favour and they began groping some
> more, lying atop one another and the come starting to dry on the sheets.
> Dale was surprised to feel his cock slowly hardening again, ready for
round
> two.

MIKE: And so are we. [dons IPUs]
[MIKE replaces the IPUs on TOM and CROW]
CROW: I hope these things don't melt!!
TOM: Hey, guys... that was it!

> With a click the room was flooded with light.

ALL: Surprise!!!  [singing] Happy Birthday to you....

>The two chipmunks, still kissing, looked towards the door and their eyes
>widened in surprise.  They were SO surprised, in fact, that their lips
>remained locked together.

TOM: BWAH,HAHAHAHAHAH!!! YOU'RE CAUGHT!
MIKE: Easy, Tom!
CROW: I'd love to see how they'll explain this one.
TOM: [Chip] Ummm... me and Dale were playing the game of "Pass the
Jellybean" ...but Dale ate the bean as I was passing it to him? Yeah,
that's it...
MIKE: [Chip] Dammit Dale, I'm stuck in your braces!

> The doorway framed the form of Gadget Hackwrench,

TOM: Nice metaphor!

>wearing the nightshirt she normally slept in.  She looked neither
>surprised nor shocked.

CROW: [Gadget] Chip and Dale boinking... what's new?

>"You boys want to keep it down?  Some of us are trying to sleep.  You
>realize it's nearly 3:30 a.m."

MIKE: [Gadget] The neighbors keep asking us about a "thumping" noise!

> The two chipmunks managed to disengage from each others' mouths

TOM: "Disengage." The author makes it sound like warp drive.

>and wriggle to a semblance of normal sleeping position.

CROW: Translation: They hit the sack.

> "Uh, sure, Gadget.  Go back to sleep.  We won't make any more noise." said
> Chip.
> "Uh-huh.  Promise." said Dale.

CROW: [Dale] Hey, Chip... we'll be a little quieter if we use Astro-glide!
MIKE: Crow... stop it.

>"This explains that smell in the blimp three months ago.

TOM: [Chip] Actually, that was Monty... he had eaten the Limburger along
with the refried beans!

>Well, try to keep it down, OK?"

CROW: [Dale] Hey, don't blame us!  The Viagra takes a while to wear off...
MIKE: Crow...

> "OK."  they said in unison.
> The room was plunged back into darkness as Gadget flicked off the light
and
> returned to bed.  The two chipmunks looked at each other, grinning like
> naughty schoolboys.

CROW: [Chip & Dale] Tee hee!
MIKE: [Chip] Let's hock one on the teacher, dude!

> "I guess she didn't want to join us." said Chip.
> "Oh well.  More for us." said Dale, and kissed him.  They didn't make too
> much more noise, but both Rescue Rangers didn't get to sleep until quite a
> while later.

TOM: Thanks for not going into graphic detail. We appreciate it.
CROW: I feel so ill...

> --TBC...

TOM: Too Bad, Cowboy?
CROW: Two Buggering Chipmunks?
MIKE: Crow... it means To Be Continued.
[brief pause, then...]
ALL: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

> ___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12

CROW: Bite Me/CTR v9.0
MIKE: How'd you do that?

> --
>   >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>  Zippo!

CROW: The wonder gum!
TOM: And we are outta here!!
MIKE: Chip and Dale lemon... urggghh...

[*,2,3,4,5,6, Dog Bone]

[SoL-Bridge]
[On the desk is a huge tank of soapy water. CROW and TOM are in it,
while MIKE is gargling with a large amount of mouthwash.]
CROW: I feel... so dirty...
MIKE: [spits water into a cup] Well, we survived that horrible
lemon with our souls intact... I think the Chibi-lemon hardened
our spirits!! I feel we can take on anything now!!
TOM: That's the spirit, Mike... I'm glad you feel that way...
MIKE: [delirious] Don't you get it, man? We're invincible!! Nothing
whatsoever can break our spirits!! not Ratliff, Oscar, Gonterman, Rob
Tsunai, or even the author of a demented Chip & Dale lemon! Why, I think
that we are invinsible golf... nothing can put us stop... gg Ed diamond
pinch water like sock.. [collapses]
CROW: MIKE!!
TOM: Oh, boy... we lost him!! [red MADs light flashes]
CROW: Uh oh... we'd better get Mike back on his feet, or Pearl will think
she's
won! Gypsy!! Help Mike up!

[GYPSY slides behind MIKE, and raises him up, and remains behind him to prop
him up. CROW mimics MIKE's voice.]

CROW: [as Mike] Helllllo?

[UP]
PEARL: WHAT? You survived that? Oh, this is just rich!! Come here, Bobo...
you are in Oscar's ship so fast...
BOBO: No... please no, Lawgiver... it's not my fault!! it's Brain Guy's
fault!!
OBSERVER: No, it isn't!!
BOBO: Yes, it is!

[This continues ad infinitum, and the channel closes.]

CROW: Ah, good... that's over.

[GYPSY moves away, and MIKE falls forward, splashing his head into the tub.
Water streams down the screen, and we fade to credits.]

mst3k created by
JOEL HODGSON

mst3k produced by
BEST BRAINS, INC.

riffs written by
SETH C. TRIGGS
MEGANE 6.7

original fanfic written by
Someone at TOON DREAMS

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is ©1998 Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
This MSTing is a work of fiction based on another work of fiction. No
infringement is implied or intended, and certainly no offense, for this is
a harmless satire.
Chip n' Dale's Rescue Rangers are ©1989- onward Walt Disney
& Company. All rights reserved.
I'm not in it for money, I'm in it for the kicks.

Keep circulating the fics
8 June 1998

> Zipper had no idea.  Dale didn't know if Zipper knew what sex WAS.