*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON THREE)
EPISODE 21: A WET DREAM COME TRUE
(A Ranma 1/2 Lemon MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 (megane67@rogers.com
)
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....
"Ranma 1/2" is the property of Rumiko Takahashi and all the
distributors of her work.
"A Wet Dream Come True" is the property of Mike Rhea and he's
welcome to it. I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his
work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does.
Think of this as another form of C&C. ;)
Warning: This fic contains some sexual content. If you are offended
by such material, simply delete it and it's gone. If not, enjoy!
(Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5... 4... 3....)
It's the not-too-distant future,
Last sunday BC
There was this guy named Joel
Not so different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another guy in a red jumpsuit
He did a great job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses really hate him
So they shot him into space!!!!
Joel:
(OH... MY... GODDESS!!!)
Crow and Tom:
(IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!)
(Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer printout)
We'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst we can find (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala)
(Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them
ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.)
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
When the fanfics begin or end (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends;
ROBOT ROLL CALL:
CAMBOT:
'Text only'?
Gypsy:
'Oh, my!'
Tom Servo:
'Sweet-o!'
CROOOOOOOW!!!
'I'm not a hentai!'
If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes
And other science facts (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
*It's just a MiST*
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!!
* * *
EARTH
LOCATION UNKNOWN....
EXACT TIME UNKNOWN....
The sun shone brightly over the horizon, casting its harsh glare
down upon the surface of the beach. Fortunately, Joel was protected from
the ultraviolet rays, thanks to a makeshift umbrella salvaged from the
wreckage of the Satellite of Love, as he sat underneath it and began writing
the first entry of what he hoped would be a short-lived hobby. A diary.
*July 1, 1999
Hello Diary, it's me, Joel.
Well, its been one week since the Satellite of Love dropped out of orbit
and crash-landed here on Earth. We never thought Frank would be
stupid enough to fall for our little ploy.
You see, Crow had the brilliant idea of pretending that our toilet was
backed up on the Satellite and asking Frank if he could bring us down to
earth for a few minutes so we could use the facilities. Next thing we know,
the Satellite's smashing through the ionosphere and when I regained
consciousness, here we were, back on earth and marooned on a deserted
island....*
A loud cry distracted Joel as he glanced up from his diary for a
moment to watch a seagull slowly glide over the ocean's surface. He then
caught sight of Crow windsurfing along the bay, not a care in the world.
Smiling to himself, Joel resumed his writing.
*We salvaged whatever we could from the wreck and were kind of hoping
that someone had noticed the satellite crashing from NASA or something
but its been several days and no one's come to rescue us. Come to think
of it, we haven't seen any sign that civilization have come by this way at
all. No planes, no ships, no pollution....*
"Hey Joel? Can you hand us a bottle of lotion?"
Joel looked up from his diary to see Tom and Gypsy lying down on
folding chairs nearby. "Again? You guys are going to get a nasty burn mark
if you keep this up...."
"Yeah, yeah, just hand us the lotion, okay, Mom?" Tom muttered.
Joel shrugged. "It's your metalic skin," he said as he reached into the
cooler beside him and brought out a bottle of SPF 3000 lotion. He then tossed
it onto Gypsy's chair. "Thanks, Joel!" Gypsy nodded happily.
A moment later, the small holocabana generator they had managed
to salvage from the satellite begin humming and three holograms soon
materialized from it. The quality of the holograms were much worse than
what the holocabana could produce when fully intact, but they were still solid
enough to rub some oil on two robots.
"Hey, Tommy. Ready for another coating?" Anna Puma smiled
mischievously, clad in a black leather bikini that left little to the imagination.
"Hey, it's my turn to rub Tom first!" Uni Puma whined, her
outfit mirroring her sister's.
"Says who?!" Anna growled, her claws extending.
"Girls, please...." a masculine voice suddenly interrupted.
"There's a lady present who doesn't need to hear your pointless bickering...."
"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!!!" Anna and Uni both shouted.
Richard Baseheart, wearing blue speedos, sighed and returned
his attention to rubbing oil on Gypsy. "Sorry about that, now where did I leave
off?"
"I... I can't remember!" Gypsy stammered.
"Oh, I guess I'll have to start all over again then." Richard smiled.
"Homina homina homina...." Gypsy trembled with excitement as
Joel resumed writing in his diary.
*Tom, Gypsy, and Crow seem to be taking their situation in stride. I guess
I'm just worrying too much. I'm sure somebody will come and rescue us
soon. Yep, any day now, we'll see them on the horizon, I'll feel silly for
ever being afraid that I'd be spending the rest of my life on this island,
never again to see another human being for as long as I live....*
Joel looked up again at the sun for a moment and took a deep
breath before resuming.
*Then again, at least I'm back on Earth where I belong. And I don't have to
watch or read anymore bad movies and fanfics from Dr. Forrester. That's a
big plus, right? Yeah! This isn't so bad after all! And with any luck at
all, this entire scenario will actually be a reality and not some horribly
cruel....*
* * *
Joel suddenly opened his eyes to see Gypsy leaning over him.
"Joel, sorry to wake you, but Wayne and Shuster are calling."
"...dream," Joel finished bitterly.
"Huh? Nah, I slept right through," Gypsy replied, confused.
Joel looked at the screen. "Thanks, Megane 6.7. Thanks a
whole bunch. Did you have a lot of fun playing with my fragile mind?"
"Uh, Joel...." Gypsy cautioned.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, fourth wall, don't break, blah blah...."
Joel muttered as he rose from his bed and walked towards his closet to
retrieve his bathrobe, only to find it missing. Frowning, he picked out a
red jumpsuit instead and put it on before leaving his room.
* * *
Tom Servo was already on the bridge when Joel finally arrived.
"Geez, Joel, you look even more unkempt than usual...." he remarked.
"Good morning to you too," Joel muttered as he ran his fingers
through his hair with one hand while sipping hot coffee with the other.
"Where's Crow?"
"Right here," Crow murmured as he entered the bridge, scratching
his armpit. He too, had the appearance of not quite being awake. "You too,
Crow? What cat volunteered to drag your poor carcass in here?" Tom asked.
"I'm fine, Servo. I just had a nightmare, is all." Crow groaned.
"Really? What about?" Joel asked, suddenly interested.
"Ah, it was pretty out there. I dreamt that Dr. Forrester was in
control of my body and whenever I talked, it was in his voice. Just creeped
me out a little. I'll live," Crow muttered as he yawned.
"Well, I slept great!" Tom exclaimed. "A baby couldn't even
come close to sleeping as well as I did last night! Man, what a great night
of rest! I'm...."
"Bite me, Servo." Crow growled.
Joel activated the viewscreen. "Let's see what his high evilness
wants this time," he muttered.
The viewscreen revealed the interior of Deep 13, but no sign of
the Mads. A rumbling sound could be heard off-screen and then TV's
Frank suddenly stumbled in front of the screen, a pile of papers in his hand.
"Hey guys!" Frank exclaimed cheerfully. "Dr. F's taken the day
off and traveled to the surface to go buy a copy of the new Weird Al CD and
get it autographed. So he's left me in charge and told me not to bother with
an invention this week. So, uh, I guess that means you guys can go first."
"You don't have an invention of your own?" Tom asked.
"Nah, Dr. F hasn't let me invent my own stuff since the accident
with the nuclear waste depository. I tried to invent a self-cleaning option
like they have in ovens and well... let's just say there are parts of the floor
still glowing to this day."
"Isn't that a LITTLE dangerous, health wise?" Crow inquired.
Frank shrugged. "I got insurance."
"Ok, if you say so.... say, Frank...." A thoughtful look washed
over Joel's features. "Our toilet on the Satellite of Love has been having
some problems lately. Would you mind bringing us down to earth to use
the bathroom? It'll only take a few minutes."
"Oh, sure." Frank reached for the console when he abruptly
caught himself at the last second. "Heyyy... What are you trying to
do? Get me killed?
"No, he just has to go. Honest." Tom replied innocently.
"Oh, okay." Frank reached for the console again. "NO! I mean,
quit teasing me and get on with the invention exchange before I tell Dr. F
what you almost made me do!" Frank muttered angrily.
"Do what?" Crow replied.
"Well, this." Frank reached for the console but again managed
to avoid disaster by slamming his other fist into his forearm. "Owwie...."
Frank grimaced in pain. "Aw, come on guys, give me a break...." he
pleaded.
* * *
DEEP 13
"Oh well, it was worth a try." Joel sighed as he reached under
the counter and pulled out a machine with a VR helmet attached to it by
several long wires. He placed it on the counter.
"Are you sick of shelling out for monthly payments for a comedy
channel that often features comedians that aren't even... you know... funny?"
"You mean like Mike Bullard?" Frank asked.
"Well yeah... but also regular stand up comedians that just don't
tickle your funny bone like they should for the price you're paying? Well now
you can get all the laughs you'll ever need from this! The *Colorful Operating
Multitasking Innovative Comedian* or *C.O.M.I.C* for short!
All you have to do is put on this VR helmet...." Joel gestured at
the counter. "And it'll scan your brain for what YOU specifically find the
most humorous about yourself and about life. Then it will record this
information, travel back through these wires...." Joel ran his fingers along
the wires connected from the VR headset to the machine. "And is
processed by this machine. Once the machine is finished processing,
it travels back through the wires to the headset and creates a VR rendition of
your favorite comedian, who proceeds to perform a stand-up routine that'll
have you laughing well after the cows have come home!"
"What'd think, Frank?" Joel asked.
"Sounds great! Mind if I borrow it while I send you this week's
experiment?" Frank inquired.
"Ah, Frank, do you really have to? Can you, like, send us a good
fanfic and just enter into the computer that you send us a bad one or
something?"
Frank shook his head. "It's nothing personal, guys. I am but, a
chewtoy for the rottweiler of evil. I am but, the spittoon that endures mouthful
after mouthful of disgusting chewed up tobacco. I am but...."
"Okay, okay, sorry we asked!" Joel grimaced. "So, what's Dr. F
sending us this week?"
Frank glanced at the papers he was still holding. "Well, seeing how it's
the beginning of a new season. He's decided to send you a lemon by a Mike
Rhea. It's set in the Ranma 1/2 universe and it's titled 'A Wet Dream Come
True'...." Frank started inserting the papers into the console. "Uh, I guess this
is the part where I insult you and then start laughing like Jinnai from El Hazard,
right?"
"Pretty much, yeah." Joel and the bots nodded.
"Okay then." Frank took a deep breath. "*ahem* Read this fic or die!
Can you do any less?!? Ahahahahahahahahaha... ha... ha... yeah."
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
Suddenly, alarms wailed and multicolored lights flashed.
"OHHHH, WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!" Joel cried out.
(Door 6: It slides open on both sides..)
(Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you
move on..)
(Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.)
(Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..)
(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)
(Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.)
(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.)
Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping
over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his
own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to
him, Crow sitting on his right.
>The endless deluge of "Ranma and Akane admit their true romantic
>feelings for one another" fanfics is bad enough.Even more disturbing,
>it seems that whenever I look for Ranma fanfics,I always seem to run
>into at least one anti-Ukyou fanfic.
Crow: Exactly what counts as an anti-Ukyou fic?
Joel: I think it's anything that shows her as less than perfect.
Tom: <Ukyou fanboy> Where's Saint Ukyou when you really need her?!?
>As a knight of the spatula girl's engagement to Ranma Saotome,
Crow: I wonder how much it costs to get that printed on stationary?
>not only have I run into too many of these anti-Ukyou fics
Crow: I've lost a fortune getting my nose straightened!
>(Sean Gaffney's "Sour Times" takes the cake,
Tom: And eats it too!
>as does a certain rape fic by Jeffrey "One Shot" Wong in which I've
>not only managed to avoid reading after reading the description on
>his fanfic page without ever clicking the link to his fic,
Crow: Too bad he didn't manage to avoid complaining about it.
Tom: <author> Remember folks! Always judge a story by its
description! Sailor Author says! <giggles>
>but I've also managed to avoid his page.
Joel: The same exact page where he initially read the description!
>And I don't ever want to read that fic,in which fortunately I don't
>know the title of.),
Tom: <author> Cause it's just SO bad... I... I... I can't bring myself to
even *glance* at the title of the fic I'm flaming!
Joel: Hearsay. Don't play that game.
>these such fics(nearly all in which Ranma chooses Akane)ARE
>TURNING MY STOMACH. Thus,I've written my first lemon fanfic
>as an EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME!
>Disclaimer:
Tom: The preceding rant was a paid announcement and doesn't necessarily
reflect the opinions and views of the author... Then again, maybe it does.
Crow: Terrific. What we've got here is another Umino.
Joel: Or the Anti Kun-Chan.
>None of these characters are mine, and no copyright infringement is
>intended.
Tom: But hey, shit happens.
>This fic is not intended to offend people
Crow: It's intended to kill them slowly through inept characterization,
horrible grammar and oh-so-shitty dialogue!
Tom: Kinda jumping the gun there, aren't you, Crow?
Crow: <sheepish> Uh, sorry. I peeked a little at the script.
>who pair Ukyou with Ryouga(a pairing that would be OK if I was pairing
>Ranma with Shampoo,Nabiki,Kasumi,or Kodachi;all of whom are better
>bridal choices for Ranma than Akane).
Crow: <author> That silly Takahashi! She just doesn't understand
these characters as well as I do!
>LEMON WARNING:
Tom: This fic will evoke a response not unlike sucking hard on a raw lemon.
>Yes,there are strong sex scenes in this fic.
Joel: Yes, there are many sentences that don't have a space between
commas in this fic.
Tom: Yes, Virginia, there is no Santa Claus whatsoever in this fic.
>If you are underage and/or
Crow: <Hockey Rink Announcer> PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO
MINUTES FOR SLASHING!
Tom: Mike who?
Crow: Uh, the author actually....
(Joel and Tom stare at Crow as he shrinks into his seat)
Crow: Sorry, last spoiler, I promise!
>are offended by such material,please hit the BACK button on your web
>browser
Tom: Then kiss yourself. <singing> HEYYYYYY!!!
>(you have been warned). Otherwise,read on.
Crow: <cheerful> And with that somber thought, enjoy the story!
Tom: Some of us already have.
Crow: Oh, bite me!
>A Wet Dream Come True
Joel: <singing> Wet dreams are made of these....
>(A Ranma 1/2 Lemon Fanfic)
>by Mike Rhea
Crow: <singing> Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike
Miiiiiiiiiiiike Rhea!
(Joel and Tom stare at Crow again.)
Crow: What?
>*********************************************************
>Ranma walked through the door of Ucchan's Okonomiyaki.
Joel: Ranma Saotome *IS* Herman Munster!
>The bathtub at the Tendou residence was broken again, but Ranma
>didn't want to go to the public baths with Happousai,
Tom: <looks around> Happousai? Did he come in with Ranma then?
>as he didn't want a repeat of that one time in which the old lech
>embarrassed him and got away with it.
Crow: <Ranma> Last time I ever bend over to get the soap in my female
form....
>Once he walked in,he sat at the counter where his best friend Ukyou,a
>bit discouraged by lack of customers,greeted him.
Tom: <Ranma> Hey, Ucchan, why no customers around?
Joel: <Ukyou> Isn't it obvious? The author's going to put us in a lemon
scene and having customers around will only complicate things!
Tom: <Ranma> Oh.
>"Hungry,Ran-chan?" she inquired.
>"Do you have beef okonomiyaki,Ucchan?" he returned.
Joel: <Ukyou> Oh sure, we have beef okonomiyaki, pork okonomiyaki,
shrimp okonomiyaki, egg plant okonomiyaki, boiled okonomiyaki, okonomiyaki
stew, boy I sure do love okonomiyaki, we've got cheese okonomiyaki and pizza
flavored okonomiyaki and okonomiyaki omelet and spam okonomiyaki and
okonomiyaki with spam and...
>"It'll be just a couple of minutes,Ran-chan."
>About 2 minutes later,
Tom: <Ukyou> How about that, huh! A couple of minutes, just like I said!
Damn, I'm good!
>Ukyou placed a dish with a heart-shaped okonomiyaki in front of her fiance.
Crow: It's so... <sniff>... sweet and touching....
Joel: <Ranma> Cool! Can I have my next one shaped like a star?
Tom: <Ranma> Whoa, that auorta bit really came out well, I like how
you used the differing sauces for the outgoing and incoming blood and
that left ventricle... SUPERB!
>She then walked around the counter, placed another plate next to
>him,and sat down.
Tom: *THRILL* as Ukyou cooks Okonomiyaki for her *RAN-CHAN!*
Crow: *SWOON* as Ranma adds salt to his Okonomiyaki from his *U-CHAN*!
Tom: *CRINGE* as Ranma realizes he added to much salt and must drink
from his *GLASS OF WATER-SAMA!*
Crow: You'll *LAUGH!*
Tom: You'll *CRY!*
Crow and Tom: You'll kiss your Okonomiyaki cart *GOODBYE!!!*
Joel: <Kasumi> Oh my!
>They engulfed their plates and were done within 4 minutes.
Joel: Wow. They WERE hungry.
Tom: <Ukyou> Mmmmm. Porcelain.
Crow: Interesting timing fetish this author has, reminds me of that kid
from Utena.
>"Ucchan,the bathtub at the Tendou Doujou is broken,and I don't want to
>deal with Happousai at the public bathhouse.
Crow: Yes, Happousai stalks Ranma at any time or place in the day or night!
Tom: Suddenly, I'm envisioning Genma as Hitchcock, Ranma-chan as the
blonde and Soun as Norman... Happosai being mother of course....
>Can I please use your bathtub?" inquired Ranma.
Joel: This is when you find out who your friends really are....
>"Help yourself,Ran-chan" replied Ukyou.
Joel: <Ranma> Oh, by the way, is there shampoo in the bathroom?
Tom: <Ukyou> W-What?!?
Joel: <Ranma> Shampoo. I need to use shampoo in the bathroom.
Tom: <Ukyou> H-how dare you?!? And after I was nice enough to
let you take a bath in my home?!? You think you can play around with
Shampoo in MY bathroom?!?
Joel: <Ranma> No, no, no, I need to borrow shampoo! I need shampoo to
wash my hair!
Tom: <Ukyou> Fine! Go to the Nekohanten and I'm sure she'll be HAPPY
to do it for you, JACKASS!!! *CLANG!*
Crow: <John Cleese> And now... the punchline.
Joel: <Ranma> Lucky thing I didn't ask her for some Cologne.
>Unaware that Ukyou would finally have him right where she wants him,
Crow: Yeah, girls are ALWAYS tricking guys into taking a bath in order
to get into their pants....
>Ranma walked upstairs to the bathroom,undressed,and walked straight
>into the bathtub.
Joel: <Ranma> Owwww! My shin!
>Meanwhile,two minutes later,
Tom: <Hockey Rink Announcer> PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO
MINUTES FOR COMMA STICKING AND A 10 MINUTE MISCONDUCT
FOR SELF-CONTRADICTION!
>Ukyou closed the restaurant early;then walked upstairs to her room,where
>she undressed before walking into the bathroom where her fiance was
>taking a bath.
Crow: Man, she's not wasting any time, is she?
Joel: And here I thought he'd be taking a bath on the roof! Silly me!
Tom: <Ukyou> Heh heh heh... so far, I kinda like this author.
>While taking a bath,Ranma realized that
Crow: ...the fanfic had abruptly changed perspectives.
Tom: You expect this author to understand narrative point of view
when he hasn't even mastered the use of the space bar?
>the soap was just outside the bathtub.Unaware that Ukyou had just
>walked into the bathroom stark nude,Ranma walked out of the
>bathtub.At that moment,Ukyou blushed profusely,then took an
>excellent look at her fiance.
Tom: <Ukyou> Rrrrowl....
Crow: <Ukyou, ala, Mike Myers> Excellent....
>She remembered when Ranma was weakened by that moxibustion
Crow: Weakened by WHAT?
Joel: Moxibustion? Sounds like something girls do to their boobs.
Tom: He's talking about the story in Ranma 1/2 volume thirteen where
Happousai used that technique that made Ranma weak.
Crow: Oh yeah! You mean the story where dear sweet Ukyou found
Ranma in the trash can, and didn't even think about trying to find a cure
for him?
Tom: Uh, yeah.
>and when Genma showed her revealing pictures of her fiance(In fact,on
>the second picture,she told Genma "Move your fingers!").
Joel: And while you're at it, move the commas over a space!
Tom: Sooooo, Genma's showing racy photos of his son to Ukyou?
Crow: Wow! He's got guts to cut into Nabiki's turf.
>However,her excellent look at her nude fiance didn't go unreturned:
>Ranma,too,took an an excellent at how beautiful and desirable her body
>looked.
Tom: <Hockey Rink Announcer> PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO
MINUTES FOR TRIPPING!
Joel: One more *excellent* and George Carlin's gonna show up in a phone
booth.
>Her breasts,normally covered in breast bindings,were very
>pleasant to look at.
Tom: Pleasant to look at, pleasant to hold, Ranma's damn lucky, that
Ukyou's so bold.
Joel: Lovely to stare at, lovely to hold, and characterization? Consider
it sold!
Crow: Enticing to leer at, wonderful to hold, and should they get kinky,
the bath may get cold....
Joel: Crow....
Crow: Hee hee hee!
>He had accidentally seen Akane and Shampoo au naturel,but it obviously
>couldn't top what he was seeing in his cute fiancee right before him.
Tom: And of course everyone knows that bust size is the most important
consideration Ranma has when deciding whom to marry.
>Ukyou then notiiced that Ranma was steadily looking at her,too.
Tom: <Hockey Rink Announcer> PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO
MINUTES FOR CHECKING! TWO MINUTES FOR
NO SPELLCHECKING!
>*Kawaii,*thought Ranma to himself as he felt a twitch in front of
>where his legs meet.
Joel: Also known as the crotch, the groin, the *area*, for lack for a better
term....
>Suddenly,his looks began to make Ukyou feel a bit uncomfortable as her
>already profuse blush deepened.
Tom: <Gorilla Monsoon> Ucchan's been busted wide open! She's
blushing profusely! Ref might have to stop this thing if it gets any worse....
>Unable to take it anymore,she grabbed a spare giant spatula that she
>kept in the bathroom and
Joel: ...used it to drive a wedge between the periods and the beginning of
the next sentence....
>whacked Ranma on the head with it.
Tom: Wack em! Wack em good!
Joel: Just a minute here... she snuck into the bath for the purpose of
being naked with Ranma, and now that she is, she's embarrassed? Just
WHO walked in on WHO here, missy?
>For a brief moment,Ranma was unconscious from the blow.
Joel: <clears his throat>
Crow: What? I didn't say anything!
Tom: <imitating Moe Howard> Well, that was in case you do....
>Then,as Ukyou was still looking at him,Ranma suddenly
>felt very lusty.He then started walking slowly towards Ukyou.
>**Music:"I Want Your Sex,"by George Michael**
>Suddenly,Ukyou started feeling a bit uneasy and pale.Then,suddenly,her
>conscience and anti-conscience appeared on each side of her head.
>The anti-conscience told her *Run for your life!He's gonna rape you*.
Tom: <shaking his head> So being fearful of rape is not being
conscientious?
>On the other hand,her conscience told her
Tom: <conscience> *Who cares? Be his sex slave!*.
Crow: <conscience> Let me guide you the HELL out of here!
>*Get a grip!This is your own fiance!Not only is he supposed to do
>this,you been dreaming of him doing this to you for at least a decade!*.
Crow: What kind of twisted ass porno did Ukyou watch as a kid!?
Joel: <wincing> Crow, no...
>Then,Ranma suddenly interrupted his fiancee's uneasiness with these
>words:
Crow: <Ranma> It's just a lemon. You should really just relax.
>"Ucchan,this may hurt at first;but if my stupid old man had told me in
>the first place that you were truly a girl,I wouldn't have chosen
>okonomiyaki.I'm not making that same mistake again."
Joel: <Ranma> Instead, I'm going on a journey, down the long and
winding road, making one good turn after another, through the white
darkness, and cruise around in a stellarcraft. I'm not saying I don't want
to be sentenced to life or forced into making the right choice. Maybe you
and Ryouga could date for a short while or maybe a purple haired destiny
is meant for me. All I know is before you and Shampoo get down on me
or you lose yourself in some okonomiyaki orgy or other affairs of the heart,
you should know who really loves you and I don't want this to be the
last farewell through uses of the knife. This isn't a final attempt to keep you
from crying tears of okonomiyaki. You're the winner by default, Ucchan, and
my dying wish is for us both to wish upon the same star and live life to the
fullest. That's the key to it all.
(Tom and Crow are silent for a moment)
Tom: Joel, I think you set a new record for the most Ukyou fanfic plugs
ever.
Crow: Hang your head in SHAME, Joel.
Joel: Eh, someone else would have done it if I hadn't.
>Ukyou blushed profusely after hearing what Ranma had just said.At
>the same time,her nipples hardened
Joel: <Ukyou> Ack! My nipples have turned to stone!
>and her love petals began to stir in arousal
Tom: She's good with her petals. She should be on Howard Stern.
>as Ranma finally cornered her.
Crow: Geez, did he slip into cat fist mode or what?
>For a long time,Ranma had treated Ukyou no more than a mere old
>friend.That,suddenly would change immediately:
Tom: <Hockey Rink Announcer> PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO
MINUTES FOR ILLEGAL COMMA STICKING, TWO MINUTES
FOR INTERFERENCE WITH THE RANMA AND AKANE CANON
RELATIONSHIP AND *ANOTHER* 10 MINUTE MISCONDUCT
FOR SELF-CONTRADICTION!
Joel: Actually, there's a fair number of authors guilty of the second
penalty.
Crow: The one writing this MSTing included.
>Ukyou bit her lip to stifle a cry of pain as she felt Ranma's hardness
>break her virgin barrier.
Joel: <Ukyou> OWWWW!!! You jackass! Do the words 'foreplay',
'gently' and 'virgin' mean anything to you?!?
Tom: <Ranma> Duhhhhh... nope!
Crow: Moments later, Ranma swallowed his tongue to stifle a scream
of agony as he felt Ukyou's soft hands snap his little soldier.
>"Gomen nasai,Ucchan,"said a somewhat worried Ranma.
Crow: Somewhat worried now that's he's scored and he's no longer a
virgin....
Tom: <Ranma> Uh, would this a bad time to mention I have to pee?
>"It's OK,Ran-chan.I was hoping you'd do that.Please continue." replied
>Ukyou.
Crow: <Ranma> You're sure it's all right? I really don't want to cause
you any inconvenience or anything.
Joel: <Ukyou> Oh, no bother at all. I've thought this thing over, given
it quite a lot of consideration, and I really see no problem in you
going straight ahead.
Tom: <Ukyou> That's right! Use me like a piece of meat while my other
erogenous zones go entirely unfulfilled!
>Ranma then continued thrusting repeatedly. Though he had felt guilty
>about doing this to his one true friend.,he understood that Ukyou had
>been dreaming of this and that it didn't hurt her even a fraction of how
>much Genma's dirty trick did at least a decade earlier.
Joel: And Ranma, having used his little known psychic powers, tapped
into Ukyou's mind and read her thoughts so he knew that was EXACTLY
what she was dreaming!
>Besides, pleasure had begun to erase the pain in Ukyou's nether regions.
Tom: So it is written, so shall it be done.
>She and Ranma began moaning in pleasure and unison.Their hips
>pulsed together in hard rhythmic understanding.
Tom: Maybe this lemon should be set to rave music?
Crow: <snorts> Right. The only thing around here that's getting any
'hard rhythmic understanding' is my *skullplate* from being forced to
read this crap....
>As they pumped,their breathing became ragged, and there was a slight
>squelching sound as they kept pumping while Ranma began to fondle
>Ukyou's breasts.
Tom: <Ukyou> About DAMN time, Ranchan!
>Ukyou then wrapped her legs around Ranma's as he lifted her into the
>air as the climax approached.
Tom: <Hockey Rink Announcer> LAST MINUTE OF PLAY IN THIS
LEMON! LAST MINUTE OF PLAY IN THIS LEMON!
Crow: Boy, I sure hope our readers are big hockey fans, eh?
>Her moans only got louder as Ranma continued pumping.
Tom: <singing> He pumps! He pumps! He pumps! He's bad in bed!
Na Na Na....
>With one final thrust from Ranma,Ukyou came.
Joel: ...close, but no cigar! Better luck next time, Ranma!
>"RAN-CHAAAAAAAAAAAN,I LOVE YOU!," she shouted as the
>ecstasy of an orgasm overcome her body,her love juices dribbling out
>of her sex.
Crow: <Ukyou> ...EVEN THOUGH YOUR SEXUAL TECHNIQUES
SUCKKKKKK!
Tom: <Leslie Nielsen> I like my sex like my basketball. One on one
and with as little dribbling as possible....
>Just after his fiancee came,Ranma wouldn't last long himself.As soon
>as he felt her fluid touch his balls,he too climaxed.
Joel: <grimaces> Ahhh, okay, I could have done without that description.
>"UCCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN,I love you too!" he shouted
>as he squirted his load all the way inside of her.
Joel and Tom: <singing> AND CANNNN... YOU FEELLLLL... THE
LOADDDDD... TONNNIGHT... (Tonight)....
Crow: The concept of romanticizing a sex scene seems to be lost on the
author....
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH..."
Joel: Geez, are they falling down a mine shaft or what?
Crow: Nah, that'd be more dopler... like this...
AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.........
>they both said as Ukyou felt Ranma's fluid spray inside of her,
Tom: <Ranma> I think it's semen... at least, I'm pretty sure....
Crow: This entire lemon scene is just FLUIDS and PUMPING!
Joel: Hey, at least the author didn't use the word 'throbbing' yet.
>as about the same time the sound of an alarm clock awakened Ukyou
>from her dream.
All: What?!?
Crow: Oh, what is this? A episode of 'Dallas' now?
Joel: <sarcastically> It's Deja Vu all over again....
>*********************************************************
>Ukyou awakened from the dream
Crow: <Rocky J. Squirrel> Again?!?
Tom: She dreamed the scene change too?
>to find something warm on top of her.
Crow: <Ukyou> P-Chan! What's a cute piggy like you doing here!
What's that? You want to crawl in bed with me? Welllll, I guess it's
okay....
>That something was her own husband,Ranma Saotome.
All: WHAT?!?
Crow: <exasperated> Oh, brother! I don't believe this! The lemon's
toying with us! It's *TOYING* with us!
Tom: <sigh> So the last scene *did* happen then? Or was it a dream?
Was it supposed to be a flashback? Was it a nightmare?
Joel: Oh, who the hell knows! Crow, you going to be okay, buddy?
Crow: <tightly> I'm not speaking to the fanfic anymore.
>Both were stark naked and "joined" at the pelvis.
All: <singing> We are Siamese if you please....
>It was their first wedding anniversary,and it has also been that long
>since they abandoned Nerima for their current home in western Kyoto.
Tom: Unfortunately, Ryouga still managed to bump into them every
couple of weeks or so....
>"So it wasn't a dream after all,Ran-chan,"said Ukyou.
Tom: Well, there's one mystery solved.
Joel: Whoopee.
Crow: <Ukyou> You know, now that I've had a year to reflect on it, our
first time, really, really sucked! I mean, what were you thinking?!?
>"Of course it wasn't,Ucchan.When I told you in the bath that a truly
>loved you more than okonomiyaki,it was no lie.
Crow: <rolling his eyes> Suddenly, Ranma's writing country song lyrics....
Joel: <Ranma> Now had you asked about the cheese danish or the
hot cocoa, then I'm afraid things might have taken a darker turn.
<munch, munch>
>You are the only true friend that I've ever had.You've never made me
>feel uncomfortable.
Joel: <Ranma> Well, not counting all those times you bashed me over
the head with your spatula....
Crow: <Ranma> ...or that time you and Kodachi attacked me to try to
steal the box I was giving to Akane... the bombs at the wedding... the
whole Secret Sauce thing... oh yeah, the Cave of Lost Love too, and....
Tom: Uh, I think they get the point there, guys.
>Akane always made me feel uneasy.That fateful day in the bathroom
>was truly a wake up call.You are truly kawaii from the inside out,no
>matter what you wear." replied Ranma.
>**Music:"Feel Like Makin' Love" by Bad Company**
Crow: Actually, my fave funken gruven for lemon scenes is the Sanford
and Son theme song....
>Realizing that today was the slowest day of the week business-wise,
Joel: Which day was it you ask? We may never know.
Tom: Judging by the fic, I'm guessing hump day.
>Ukyou told her husband "Ran-chan,my legs are weak.Why don't we
>not worry about the restaurant today and spend our anniversary in the
>bedroom making passionate love to each other instead?"
Joel: <Ranma as Jim Carrey> Gee, let me think... uhhhh... sure!
>"Anything for you,Ucchan my love,"replied Ranma.
Tom: Suddenly the alarm blared again! It was yet *another* dream!
Joel: Ha ha. Very funny, Tom.
>Together,Ranma and Ukyou got down to business..with each other.
Crow: Poop, here it is.
>Since that fateful nude encounter,
Tom: NUDE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND!!!
Joel: <singing> Da Da da da....
Crow: Bleah!
>cooking okonomiyaki hasn't been Ukyou Saotome's lone livelyhood.The
>other livelyhood is that she's been living a decade long dream,on that
>has become...a wet dream come true.
Tom: This is your brain. This is your brain after listening to
Soundgarden one too many times. Any questions?
>Overhearing yet another romantic moment between his daughter and
>son-in-law,Mr.Kuonji,who reunited with his daughter as soon as
>Ranma finally chose her as his bride,thought to himself *Ranma
>Saotome,you have made me and my daughter proud of you once again.*
Crow: And while most fathers would be extremely uncomfortable with
overhearing their precious little girl having sex, Mr. Kuonji took great
pride in eavesdropping on his daughter's cries of passion....
Joel: Well, at least we know ONE person who didn't look into Ukyou's
dream....
Crow: No need, Tenchi's father was busily taping away.
>*********************************************************
Tom: <Jean Luc Picard> The line must be drawn HERE! THIS far, NO
further! And *I*... will make them PAY for what they've done!
Crow: <Ozzy Ozzbourne> That's a cool movie, man.
Joel: <Weird Al Yankovic> I could get a projector and show it on my butt!
Crow: <Ozzy Ozzbourne> I want to see it there.
>Meanwhile,at Tokyo's Ueno Zoo;
Tom: Giant marauding sumo pig wrecks havoc! Female trainer in custody!
Film at eleven!
>Ataru Moroboshi,Lum,and Ten were at the panda exhibit.
Joel: ...still trying to shrug off the mental scars of 'The Kidnapping'
Crow: <Ten> HEY LUM!!!!! CHECK OUT THIS COOL MEGAPHONE
I FOUND LYING AROUND!?!??!
>There they noticed a panda from the Bayankala mountain
>range in China's Qinghai province.It often held up wooden signs.
Crow: <Genma-Panda's sign> ANYONE UP FOR A GAME OF SHOGI?
>"Lum,do pandas normally hold up wooden signs?" inquired Ten.
Joel: <Lum> No, they normally stick to semaphore flags.
>"No,Ten.However it may be a rare species of panda,"said Lum."Darling,
>do you know of any species of panda that hold up wooden signs on a
>regular basis?" she asked Ataru.
Crow: <Lum> Darling? DARLING!!
Tom: <Ataru> Huh? Oh, sorry! I was just watching that cute zookeeper
babe feed the alligators and her shirt was loose....
Crow: <Lum> *ZAP!!!*
>"No,but I must admit that this particular panda does seem kinda
>amusing,even if he does look kinda depressed,"replied Ataru.
>The sign that the panda was holding up read this:
Tom: 'I'LL DO TRICKS IF YOU BOIL ME SOME WATER!'
Crow: 'PLEASE, PLEASE, *PLEASE*, FEED THE PANDA!'
>"Has anybody seen my son?"
Joel: <Genma> Or my daughter, either one is fine.
>THE END
Crow: Whew! Well, that was pretty lame.
Tom: Ah, it could have been worse. At least Genma got what was
coming to him.
>*********************************************************
Tom: <Hockey Rink Announcer> AND NOW, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, OUR THREE MOLSON HOCKEY STARS OF THE
NIGHT ARE... #23 UKYOU KUONJI FOR BEING A GOOD SPORT
BY SELLING A LOUSY LEMON SCENE... #45 TOM SERVO FOR
MANAGING TO GET THROUGH A FANFIC WITHOUT HIS HEAD
EXPLODING... AND FINALLY... YOU! FOR ACTUALLY READING
THIS FAR AND SURVIVING!!! YOU DESERVE IT!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
>The hentai fanfic you've just read
Crow: ...was a test. Had this been an enjoyable lemon, instead of a
poorly conceived mess, there might have been a valid point somewhere....
>is my non-violent alternative to going postal and blowing the heads off
>of known authors of anti-Ukyou fanfics
Tom: It's also a cry for help. Any takers?
Crow: This was supposed to be a *Pro*-Ukyou fic?
Joel: Gee, I must have skipped over it when I plugged all those
Pro-Ukyou fics earlier....
>(fics in which she either is paired with Konatsu,commits suicide,has
>something terrible happen to her,or is lonely and depressed because she
>doesn't have either Ranma or Ryouga to have and to hold).
Joel: <author> Thus I wrote a lemon that has Ukyou dreaming of
her first time with Ranma, still not entirely sure if Ranma raped her or
not that day with little foreplay and clinical descriptions of ejaculation
that wouldn't have been out of place in a sex ed film. Yeah! That'll
show them!
>SO TAKE THAT,SEAN "SOUR TIMES" GAFFNEY AND JEFF
>WONG!
Crow: <Author> Take my fic... please? <sniff> Pretty Please? <sniff>
I-I'll be your b-best friend! <sobs> Aw, c-come on! <sniff> I need
my ego fed! DAMMIT, I NEED MY EGO FED! WAAAAAH!
>Special thanks to the Philip Mak,Yoru-Hikage,and Nall(whose various
>lemon fics that pair Ranma with Ukyou inspired my first lemon);as well
>as Ryan Anderson,the author of the non-lemon "Parody of a Moment,"
Joel: Oh sure, suck up to the others now that you've practically ripped
Sean and Jeff a new one....
>which not only was written in response to the endless deluge of "Ranma
>and Akane admit their true romantic feelings for one another" fics on
>the Internet,but also helped inspire my first ever lemon fic,which
>I've not only written in response to the endless deluge
Crow: These author's notes are an endless deluge....
>of "Ranma gets Akane" fics,but specifically the anti-Ukyou fics I've
>described at least twice.
Tom: *Described* isn't the word I would have chosen....
>BTW,that Jeff Wong rape fic ain't the only Ranma fic I've
>refused to read after reading the description on a listing page(reading
>the description,in fact,was all I needed to prejudge it.:P)
Joel: You know, I'm getting the strangest feeling he's trying to tell us
something but he can't seem to spit it out....
Crow: Judge a book by it's cover! Saves time on reading! Less learning
to worry about!
Tom: Forget book burning, torch a forest, saves on time.
>:Did you know that I haven't had(and won't ever have) the guts to read
>a single chapter of "Daigakusei no Ranma/Daigakusei no Ukyou"(the
>so-called continuation fanfic series)?
Crow: <author> I'm scared! All that text! All those sentences with
spaces after their periods and commas! IT'S... IT'S JUST TOO MUCH!!!
WAAAAAH!
>What other fanfics do I have up my sleeve?
Tom: None! They're all up his as....
Joel: <covers Tom's mouth> Ah, let's just say he's full of Bullwinkle....
>You never know.Remember,I'm the same fanfic author who's written
>at least 2 fanfics that pair up Tsubasa and Konatsu as a
>couple(which,IMHO,is the only right way to either character in a
>Ranma fanfic).
Crow: <author> It's my right way or the highway!
>Before you even think about flaming me,this is all I have to say:
Joel: <author> Please don't! I can't handle the truth!
>If you've read this far,why are you complaining?
Joel: Cause we're masochists. Deal with it.
Tom: Two words. The MADS.
>Other than the anti-flame warning,C&C are welcome.
Crow: Take it away, Joel....
Joel: Well, you could put some spaces between the commas and periods
for starters... and you could make the lemon scene a little more interesting
and romantic, rather than going about it mechanically... and maybe work
on making the characters more IC and work a little more on the story
elements. Ummmm... Anything else you guys want to add?
Tom: Nah, that's pretty much what I was going to say.
>You can find more Ranma and Ukyou fanfics (by myself and other
>authors) on my page(the champagne of Ranma romance sites),
Crow: <Robin Leech> With champagne wishes and caviar wet dreams
come true....
>devoted to the true eternal couple of Ranma 1/2.
Tom: Gosunkugi and Shampoo?
Joel: Ack!
Crow: <Shampoo> Aiya!
>Mike Rhea
>Webmaster of The Ranma and Ukyou Pages!
>http://rei.animenetwork.com/ranchan/
Crow: Ask for him by flame!
Joel: Crow!
Crow: Sorry.
>"Akane,when you get so heavy?"-Shampoo,"Team Ranma vs. the
>Legendary Phoenix"
Tom: We'll save our quote for the stinger....
>Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
>Share what you know. Learn what you don't.
Tom: <Yoda> Mind what have you learned.
Crow: Flee while you can. Let's go, Joel!
(Joel picks Tom up and follows Crow out of the theater.)
* * *
THE HOLOCABANA
Joel stood in front of a red stage curtain, a spotlight illuminating him.
"And now, gentle readers, here is our version of how the lemon
scene in today's experiment. 'A Wet Dream Come True.' *could* have gone
down. It stars Tom, Crow and Gypsy. Hope you enjoy it!"
Joel walked off and the curtain rose to reveal the interior of a large
bathroom. Ran Servo, wearing a black wig tied into a pigtail, had just settled
down into the bathtub when he suddenly remembered he had left the soap
outside. Cursing inwardly, he rose from the bath to get it... and found himself
face to face in front of a naked Ukcrow.
For a brief moment, Ran Servo was frozen in place. Then with a
terrified yelp, he launched himself back into the nearest corner, trying to
cover himself up and shield his eyes at the same time. Since his arms failed
to perform either task, Servo had to settle for looking away.
"U-U-Ukcrow! W... What do you think you're doing?!?" Ran
Servo cried out.
"Don't you... *want* me?" Ukcrow asked in a sexy voice.
"Wha...?!? Are you sick or something?!? I just wanted to take a
bath!" Ran Servo's voice was panicked as he searched the bathroom for
a way to escape. "If Gypkane sees us like this...."
"Ranchan, forget about Gypkane for a second and look at me!"
Ukcrow shouted.
"I can't! You're naked! Put on some clothes first!" Ran Servo
retorted, hovering near the ceiling now but continuing to look away.
There was a short pause. Then Ran Servo could hear a sigh of
resignation. "Okay, Ranchan. I'll get dressed again. Go sit over by the
tub and we'll talk."
Ran Servo remained frozen in place, his sense of danger ringing
like a fire alarm. "Where the hell was my sense of danger when Ukcrow
snuck up on me?!?" Ran Servo thought to himself as he finally forced
himself to hover back down and over to the bathtub and carefully rested
on the edge near the faucets. He then tried to nudge the cold water faucet
with his head but was unable to turn it. A moment later, Joel rushed onto
the stage, and turned the cold water nozzle. Tom stuck his head under it
for a moment and then Joel replaced Tom's black pigtail wig with a red
pigtail wig before rushing off-stage again.
"There. She won't come after me as a girl." Ran-Chan Servo
thought to herself triumphantly. Then she felt someone sit beside her.
"Okay, Ranchan, you can open your eyes now."
"Good, now Ukcrow, what's the deal with... ack!!!" Ran-Chan
Servo involuntarily reeled backwards in shock and Ukcrow gently pushed
her back into the bathtub. The hot water in the tub proceeded to do absolutely
nothing as Ran Servo's wig fell off and he cried out in shock, "CROW!!!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?"
"Ummm, trying to change you back into a guy?" Ukcrow replied
sheepishly. "Besides, you're breaking character!" he hissed.
"I CAN'T HOVER WHEN I'M WET, YOU IDIO... blub blub
blub...?!?" Ukcrow had pushed Ran Servo's head underwater and frantically
gestured for Joel to come on stage. "What's going on?" Joel asked.
"Shhhhh! You're Ranma now!" Crow whispered under his breath.
"Say the next line, quick!"
"Uh... er... Oh, yeah! I mean, Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease
don'tletakaneseeme...." Joel whimpered in his best Ranma imitation as
Ukcrow giggled. "Ranchan, you're so cute when you tremble like that."
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAANNNN SERRRRRRRRVOOOO!!!"
a familiar voice screeched. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING
WITH HER?!?"
"A-A-Akane!!!" Joel yelped as he did his best to look mortified
on the spot. "I... It's not what it looks like, Gypsy, I swear! Ukcrow tricked me!"
"It's Gypkane!" Crow corrected him.
"Gypkane, Ukcrow tricked me! You gotta believe me!"
Gypkane stood in the doorway, a Furinkan school uniform
hanging loosely on her cylinder body, and a short hair wig resting on
her head. "Just how stupid do you think I am, Ran Servo!" she screeched.
"Go away! Can't you see Ran Ser... uh... Joel-o-rama Saotome
and I want to be alone!" Ukcrow retorted. "Besides, what could he
possibly see in a flatchested tomboy like you!"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING FLATCHEST...oops!" Gypkane
screeched as her wig suddenly fell off from the vibration of her mouth
movements. Joel hurried over to her to replace the wig, trying not to break
up laughing, as a panicked voice made itself heard.
"Uh, hello! Robot without arms or hoverjets drowning in bathtub here!
Could somebody help me, PLEASE!" Tom sputtered as he desperately tried to
keep his head above the surface of the bathwater.
"Time out." Joel announced as he reached into the bathtub and gingerly
helped Tom of the bathtub, cradling him in his arms. "You okay, Tom?"
Tom spat some water out. "Just because I look like a buoy doesn't
mean I can float, you know!" he muttered.
"Sorry about that, Tom. Just throwing yourself into your part," Crow
wisecracked as he walked up to Joel. Tom immediately began struggling.
"Let me at him! Let me at him!" Tom snarled as he struggled to attack Crow.
"Woah, Servo, I said I was sorry!" Crow exclaimed.
"Come on, Tom, let's get those hoverjets dry." Joel said as he walked
out of the Holocabana, leaving Crow and Gypsy behind. They looked at each other
for a moment before Gypsy spoke.
"Ummm, am I supposed to mallet you now or something?"
* * *
DEEP 13
Frank processed the information gathered from the experiment
and filed it away, neat and tidy. Then he walked back over to the console
and send a call to the Satellite of Love. A few moments later, Joel appeared
on the screen.
"What's up, Frank?" Joel inquired.
"Uhhh, well... Isn't this where you and Dr. F usually have a final
exchange of words before I push the button?"
"But Dr. F isn't here. Why not just push the button and knock off early?"
Joel replied.
"Yeah. I guess I could knock off early. The experiments done and there's
no chores that can't wait till tomorrow. Yeah, I think I will knock off early!
Thanks, Joel!"
"No problem! Oh, and before you go, can you send us down to earth
so we can use the bathroom? Our toilets are backed up here and it'll only take
a min...."
Frank interrupted the transmission by turning off the viewscreen. He
gave the button a press before heading down towards his room and collapsing
into his bed. Then his eyes grew wide and he leapt to his feet, bolting back into
the laboratory and frantically scanned the console until he came upon a large
button with the caption 'PRESS IN CASE OF STUPIDITY'. After hesitating
for a moment, he gave the button a press, effectively canceling the last command
entered, namely sending the Satellite of Love back down to earth.
A moment later, there was the sound of electronic chimes and then
the voice of the original Gomez, John Astin, spoke from the console.
"Uh oh! You've just done something incredibly stupid, TV's Frank, do
you know what happens when you do or say something incredibly stupid?"
Frank nodded miserably. "Yeah Bull, lessons... painfull, humilating,
debilitating... lessons."
"Right you are, TV's Frank, now then, grin and bear it, this is going
to hurt you alot more then it hurts me... and that's a GOOD thing. Push the
button Frank. The RIGHT button."
Frank did so.
"ZAPPPP!!!"
"Owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie...."
...AND THE MSTINGS
CONTINUE...
I hope you enjoyed this and C&C is very welcome. (megane67@rogers.com
)
Author's Notes: And so the third season begins! I hope you've enjoyed this
as much as I have writing it. I've been MSTing for over 2 years now and
I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every person who's send
me words of support and encouragement and who have helped me throughout
these last two years. I treasure every piece of fan mail I receive and I consider
it a great honor that some people have dedicated their MSTings to me and tell
me that I helped encourage them to start MSTing. To all of you, thank you
from the bottom of my heart and I hope I can continue to inspire and make you
laugh for a long time to come. :)
Also, I'd like to give personal thanks, once again, to Gary Kleppe, whose
C&C and suggestions are always appreciated. I can't say enough nice things
about this guy! :) If you haven't had a chance to check out his latest work
'I Dream of Ranma', you can reach him at kleppe@execpc.com
or his webpage
at http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics
and I'm sure he'll be happy to send
the story along to you. Also, I'd like to thank Alicia Ashby, who
also gave me some valuable C&C before I started posting this around. ;)
Additionally, I'd like to give special kudos to Keener who also provided
some great suggestions for this MSTing. His latest fic, 'Suicide Blast 5'
is coming up soon and he's working on a Tenchi fic call 'Tenchi Master of
His Domain...' These and other great fics can be found at
http://members.xoom.com/gensao/fanfic.html
and
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/3342/Suicide.html
Finally I'd like to thank Mike Rhea for writing "A Wet Dream Come True"
and not having a problem with the MSTing as well as giving me a lot of
material to work with. I hope you're not too offended. It's all meant in
good fun.
***All of Zoogz and my MSTings and the MSTings we've contributed
to can be found in the various categories at:***
'A MSTing for All Seasons'
http://www.nabiki.com/mst
Everything What Is Crap
(formerly Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings)
http://www.svamcentral.org/ewic
>"For a brief moment,Ranma was unconscious from the blow.Then,as
>Ukyou was still looking at him,Ranma suddenly felt very lusty."
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 2004 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.
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