MST6.7 Shorty Ep. 101 - "Subliminally Seduce Women Instantly!"

*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)

(The future isn't what it used to be....)

"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SHORTY!)

EPISODE 1: SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY!

(A MSTing of an Ad)

MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7

This is a MSTing of an advertisement created by another company.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....

(Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5... 4... 3....)

It's the not-too-distant future,
Last Sunday BC
There was this guy named Joel
Not so different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another guy in a red jumpsuit
He did a great job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses really hate him
So they shot him into space!!!!

Joel:
(OH... MY... GODDESS!!!)

Crow and Tom:
(IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!)

(Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer printout)

We'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst we can find (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala)

(Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them
ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control
When the fanfics begin or end (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends;

ROBOT ROLL CALL:

CAMBOT:
'Text only'?

Gypsy:
'Oh, my!'

Tom Servo:
'Sweet-o!'

CROOOOOOOW!!!
'I'm not a hentai!'

If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes
And other science facts (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
*It's just a MiST*
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!!

THE HOLOCABANA

Joel was sweating bullets as he leapt over another sizable gap.
A thick white pixel whizzed by his leg, moving upwards through the green
girder he was previously standing on. Joel shuffled his way forwards to
pick up another gold ring before climbing down a blue ladder to avoid
another white pixel. Fortunately, this one was traveling horizontally and
it failed to notice him.

The sound of a metallic beep reminded Joel that he only had a few
seconds left to capture the final ring and receive a few hundred bonus points.
He shuffled over to the left, jumping over two more gaps before catching a
glimpse of the final golden ring. It was sitting on the edge of a girder and
a white pixel could be seen traveling slowly below, it's sensors probing for
movement that would alert it to Joel's presence.

Joel tensed as he approached the ring, ready to jump forward if the
pixel was a vertical model. When he finally passed over it, he sighed in
relief as the pixel failed to react. Feeling more confident, Joel shuffled his
way over to the final ring. He had almost reached it when another white
pixel appeared from off-screen and with the sound of a gunshot, made a
beeline towards him.

Caught off guard, Joel made a desperate leap for the nearest rope,
only to come up a few inches short. He hung in the air for a long moment
and then dropped like a stone.

"OW! OW! OWIE! OW! OW! HURT! OW! PAIN! OW!" Joel
yelped as he bounced against several girders during his descent, tumbling
head over heels repeatedly until he finally reached the bottom, landing on
his rear. A digital rendition of the funeral march played as tiny white pixels
circled Joel's head.

"Joel, are you okay?" The concerned voice of Gypsy inquired.

"Ow... yeah." Joel groaned as he rose to his feet, trying to shake
off the cobwebs. "Though I think I'll make those girders a little *softer*
before I try it again...."

"No time, Joel! Bill and Scooter are on the phone and Scooters got
another invention to show you, if you know what I mean!" Gypsy exclaimed.

Joel sighed. "When does the hurting stop?" He muttered as he
changed out of his 'Jumpman' outfit, a red T-shirt with purple pants, and
back into his jumpsuit. "Okay, I'll be there in a minute...."

DEEP 13

The fingers of Dr. Clayton Forrester drummed impatiently as
he waited for Joel to appear on the bridge. He was currently sitting in
front of the console, his other hand currently resting against his cheek as
his elbow leaned against the console.

The words 'PLEASE HOLD' were displayed across the screen,
blinking on and off slowly. In the background, Dr. Forrester could hear
'Everybody Wants To Rule The World' by Tears for Fears, playing in the
background.

"Remind me to give Joel an extra painful shock to the shammies
when he get here." Dr. Forrester muttered, bored.

"I'll make a note of it." The voice of TV's Frank replied as he scanned
the room for something to write with. "By the way, Dr. F, are you free for a game
of M.U.L.E later tonight?"

"You need four people to play M.U.L.E, Frank...." Dr. Forrester replied
in a tired voice.

"I know! We can let the computer play one of the characters and I've
invited a guest here for the evening."

"Who? One of the Mole People?" Dr. Forrester replied sarcastically.

"Nope! It's someone you haven't seen in a long while!" Frank
replied cheerfully.

Dr. F's eyes suddenly widened. He leapt up from his chair, glaring
dagger at Frank. "Frank, if you've invited my MOTHER here...!"

"No! No! It's not Mrs. Forrester!" Frank quickly replied. "It's
Dr. Larry Erhardt! You know, your old assistant!"

Dr. Forrester's jaw dropped.

* * *

"For those of you who aren't familiar with Dr. Lawrence Erhardt, he
was Dr. Forrester's assistant during the KTMA and first season of Mystery
Science Theater 3000 until he mysteriously disappeared and was declared
'Missing' at the beginning of Season 2. T.V's Frank ended up replacing him.

"Larry wasn't seen again until Season 3 when he somehow ended up
inside the movie 'Earth vs. The Spider' and was eaten alive by a giant mutant
spider. Now that we're all caught up, let's get back to the MSTing!"

* * *

"Dr. Erhardt?!? You mean L-Larry?!? You... found him?!?"

"Yeah! It turns out he wasn't missing at all! He was accidentally
sucked into one of the experiments and eaten by a giant spider! But luckily
I managed to get him out by rewinding the tape and...."

Dr. Forrester started sweating profusely. "Uh... Frank... He isn't
still here, is he?"

"No, he said he wanted to go up to the surface and see the sun again
for a while. He promised he'd come back in time for dinner, so....."

"But... he didn't... say anything to you about how he got s-stuck in
the movie?" Dr. Forrester inquired.

"Not that I remember. Why?" Frank asked.

"Um... well... I'm afraid I have a little confession to make...." Dr.
Forrester adjusted his collar nervously. "You see, Larry worshipped the
ground I walked on... and while that made him easier to work with in the
beginning... it got REALLY annoying after a while...."

Frank gasped. "You don't mean... *YOU* put him in the movie!?"

"Not exactly." Dr. Forrester sighed. "You see, Larry was working on
an invention that would put a person *inside* a movie but during final testing
he accidentally sent himself into 'Earth Vs. The Spider'. Of course, I could
have reversed the process and gotten him out... but it was such a convenient way
to be rid of him, so I let him get eaten by a cheap special effect when I showed
the movie to Joel and declared him 'Missing'...."

"And that's when you placed an ad for a new sidekick and got me, right!"
Frank added excitedly.

"Uh, yeah...." Dr. Forrester replied with a frown. *Although
there are days when I think I made the wrong choice....* he thought to himself.
"So as you can see, it might not be such a good idea for Larry to show up here. If he
figures out that I left him to die, it might get a little uncomfortable around here...."

"But it's too late! He's coming by later this evening! He said he had
to make a few stops at the convenience store, the hardware store, the gun and
ammo shop...."

"Gun and ammo... oh, dear god! He's going to kill me! I've got to
get out of town! AHHHHH!!!" Dr. Forrester ran off-screen and soon the
sounds of frantic packing and occasional whimpering could be heard as Frank
bigsweated.

"Hey! Is this thing on? HEY!"

Frank turned around to see Joel tapping on the viewscreen. "Uh...."
Frank hesitated. "Due to... extenuating circumstances, Dr. F's taking a
leave of his sens... absence. Leave of absence. In the meantime, your
experiment is... um... is... uh, this!" Frank held up some paper before feeding
it into the console.

"Um... so, choke on it and cough, or... something evil like that! Yeah!
Ha Ha... Ha...." Frank smiled weakly at the camera while frantically slamming
his hand down on the console until he finally chanced on the 'Send' button....

* * *

SATELLITE OF LOVE

"But what about the invention...." Joel started to protest before alarms
and sirens suddenly rang out.

"OHHHH, WE'VE GOT SHORTY SIGN!!!" Joel cried out.

(Door 6: It slides open on both sides..)

(Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you
move on..)

(Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.)

(Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..)

(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)

(Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.)

(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.)

Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping
over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his
own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to
him, Crow sitting on his right.

>RN5631ZM

All: <singing> ...C-A-K-E-S! Ah, grab them cakes!

Tom: I love that song.

Joel: Hey, a paperclip!

Crow: No, it's an ear! See? @^_^@

Tom: You're both wrong! It's a sperm with a fractured spine!

Crow: Ewww....

>freelink.net wrote:

All: <fists raised in the air> Freelink! Freelink! Woo Hoo!!!

>Win over any woman you want in less than an hour.
>GUARANTEED!

Crow: Track shoes, starter's pistol and steroids sold separately.

>Start dating women that until now were 'out of your league'

Crow: And when we say 'out of your league', we really mean 'restraining
order pending'

Tom: That's right. Mutant women are no longer the untouchables!

>GUARANTEED!

Joel: Or we *promise* the next scam we come up with and offer to you will
most definitely, probably, might just work... maybe.

>I know it sounds too good to be true,

Joel: ...because it is and we're insulting your intelligence by even
suggesting it to you in the hope that you're even dumber than we are.

Crow: But, gosh darn it, this time it's just *THAT* good! Honest!

Tom: Is it good marketing strategy to use a cliché that's almost always
proven right?

>but it is now possible for you to achieve in minutes, what typically
>takes most men days, months, and sometimes even years to accomplish...

Crow: Learning to leave the toilet seat down?

Tom: Accepting hair loss?

Joel: Changing a light bulb?

>SEDUCING A WOMAN!

Tom: Actually, a hundred bucks in the right place will accomplish that in
mere seconds....

Crow: Forget money! Just log on to a chatroom and have safe text...
er... sex!

>Skeptical?

All: <Townspeople of Rock Ridge> YOU BET YOUR ASS!

>Read this.

Crow: What do you think we're doing?!? Geez!

Tom: I guess they figure most people don't read this far into these things....

>Then visit our web site to learn the FACTS!

Joel: ...ma'am.

>Scientists worldwide agree that,

Crow: Beakman is *way* cooler than Bill Nye.

Joel: Soylent Green is made from PEOPLE!

Tom: If the Y2K virus doesn't get us, the spam will!

>in certain applications, subliminal mind control can accomplish amazing
>things.

Crow: These *scientists* wouldn't be related to Dr. F, would they?

Joel: Learn mind control! Amaze your friends! All in two easy lessons!

Tom: I wish we could use subliminal mind control on these scam artists
and tell them to GET A REAL JOB!

Joel: Scientists worldwide also agree that inhaling spray paint can cause
severe brain damage....

>You might have heard how in the 1950s subliminal advertising was used
>in movie theaters to induce an unnatural craving for popcorn and an
>unquenchable desire for Coke.

Tom: Yes, it was declared unethical and illegal. So why not try it again!

Crow: 'unquenchable *desire* for Coke'? So people in the 50's had sexual
thoughts about a beverage?

Joel: Yeah, but nowadays, it's too much plastic and not enough 'bottle'.

Tom and Crow: ....

>There are many types of subliminal thought control.

Crow: And sooner or later, USENET will expose all of them!

Joel: But my personal favorite is the wireless model! No more tangled
cords! And with my remote control, I can control my mate anywhere in
the comfort of my own living room!

Tom: I prefer *sublime* thought control myself.

>Certain subliminal influence techniques work AMAZINGLY well, while
>others

Joel: ...are really GOOFY and STUPID! Just like OUR offer!

>hardly work at all!

Crow: Nuff said!

Tom: Who would've guessed with such an AMAZING promotion....

>If you don't think modern subliminal technology can change your life,
>THINK AGAIN!

Joel: If you don't think using capital letters in the MIDDLE and at the end of
a sentence makes a better point, YOU'RE RIGHT!

Tom: Well, I thought about it again. I still don't think it'll change my life.

Crow: <old man> Damn modern technology! Whatever happened to
the good old subliminal technology of yesterday?!? When fine supple coke
bottles were plentiful and hot buttered popcorn rested in my lap on those cold
lonely nights in the Vaudeville Theater....

>For less than the cost of a single good meal you can instantly

Joel: ...support a starving child in Ethiopia?

Crow: Ouch.

Tom: Nice thought, Joel, but I highly doubt it.

>and permanently change the way women treat you. GUARANTEED!

Crow: Thanks, but I'll take the single good meal instead.

Tom: After learning our methods, women will no longer IGNORE you,
they'll laugh, scream, use mace and various mugger deterrents against
you, but they won't IGNORE you....

>And the best part is that (due to a legal loophole) this is perfectly legal!

Tom: <singing> God Bless America....

Crow: The legal loophole is that Judge Brainitite will try any case
related to our product, resulting in a mistrial every time....

Joel: <Judge Brainitite> Hee Ya! Good work! If I bring a this plan success,
Lord Thinker a rule! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

>If your luck with women has been anything other than GREAT, find out
>the FACTS by visiting our web site.

Crow: <singing> You take the good, you take the bad, You take 'em both,
and there you have....

Tom: <singing> The facts of crap! the facts of crap!

Joel: Well, gee, my love life's been EXCELLENT, but if GREAT is the
only acceptable standard....

Crow: Whatever, Joel....

>Once you have received and tested one of our audio tapes you will be
>AMAZED!

Crow: ...to discover the tape is BLANK! Ha ha!

Tom: ...at how DRUNK AND/OR STONED you must have been to
buy into this crap in the first place!

>Don't make the mistake of confusing the antiquated technology used in
>the past with newly developed digital mastering techniques.

Tom: Yes, this was digitally recorded then erased and re-recorded on a
Fisher Price Portable Disc.

Joel: The days of rubber hoses and bright spotlights are over my friend.

Crow: Pity. They could have used them on the makers of this scam....

>We have spent years developing computer enhanced techniques that enable
>us to produce mood altering products that work on any woman, anytime,
>anywhere...

Joel: So *THAT'S* how Captain Kirk was able to seduce all those alien
women!

Tom: <singing> There's a drug... for us... a mood altering product for us....

Crow: <singing> Use our crap and you're half way there....

Joel: <singing> Pay us now and we'll take you there....

Joel and Crow: <singing> SOMEHOWWWWWW... SOMEDAYYYYYY.....

Tom: <singing> GUARANTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!

Joel: Whew, fun!

>GUARANTEED!

Joel: Hey, no encores!

Crow: <singing> Roll up Satisfaction Guaranteed, roll up for the mystery tour!

Tom: If I hear the word *guaranteed* one more time, I'm going to scream....

Crow: Gee, Tom, is that a guarantee?

Tom: Oh, bite me!

Crow: Hee hee hee!

>You cannot turn women into mindless sex slaves with this or any other
>technology.

Tom: Well, what good is it, then?!?

Joel: Tom....

Crow: Well, bub, if there was anybody actually reading this tripe before,
they've lost interest now.

>You can, however, induce at will, natural urges that would otherwise
>lie dormant.

Crow: Like the uncontrollable urge to ask if she looks fat in a dress.

Tom: <woman> What the...?!? Oh crap, there goes my period!

Joel: Yuck....

>It is simply a fact that any natural human desire such as sleep, hunger
>or sexual impulses can be GREATLY INTENSIFIED by using subliminal
>commands.

Crow: But since PORNOGRAPHY is so much easier, why bother?

Tom: Yeah, and posts like these can GREATLY INTENSIFY natural human
desires such as sarcasm, scorn and apathetic impulses by reading them.

>When you play these recordings in the presence of any female who has a
>normal sexual appetite, look out!

Tom: ...cause if she owns a big dog, the sounds from the tape will drive the
animal into a murderous frenzy!

Crow: What if you play it in the presence of a nymphomaniac?

>She won't know what has come over her! It is completely undetectable!

Joel: It's so subtle that even YOU can't tell if it's working!

>Even women you barely know, when subjected to this invisible
>aphrodisiac will find you more interesting and better looking. They
>will find themselves mysteriously drawn and sexually attracted to you.

Tom: <woman> Excuse me. Are those... Bugle Boy Subliminal
Tapes that you're using?

Joel: Why yes... Yes they are.

Crow: Brought to you from the people that brought you sure-fire,
babe-magnets such as: X-ray specs, penile enlargements and even the
Charles Atlas fitness program they plant all over pulp comics!!!

>GUARANTEED!!

Tom: ARRRRRRRGHH!!!!

Joel: ...or your money lost!

>Each of our musical recordings comes with a second 'demo' tape (free of
>charge)

Crow: A pathetic attempt by the creator of this scam to break into the
music business....

Joel: Hey, you could always erase the tape and get some real use out of it.

>that has the subliminal messages brought forward for you to hear loud
>and clear.

Tom: As opposed to the silent and *garbled* subliminal messages on the
first tape?

>Don't let your girlfriend hear this one!

Joel: Or she'll laugh in your face.

Crow: Oh brother... If you already *HAVE* a girlfriend then what the heck
would you need these subliminal tapes for in the FIRST PLACE?!?

Tom: Maybe it's for gigolos? How the hell should I know?!?

>WARNING: We have given you the opportunity to be more successful with
>any woman you choose. If you do not at least check out the facts for
>yourself, you will only be cheating yourself out of happiness and romance.

Tom: And more importantly, *we* won't be able to cheat you out of YOUR
money....

Joel: Yeah, what could possibly be more ROMANTIC than using mind
altering techniques to confuse some poor woman into thinking she's fallen
in love with you.

Crow: Proof of a happier life through brainwashing!

>To find out more about these AMAZING tapes at our web site at:
>http://www.ivpco.com/~speccass/index.html

Tom: And if you're dumb enough to do that, be sure to visit this AMAZING
website at: http://junior.apk.net/~jbarta/idiot/idiot.html

Crow: Why? What's there?

Tom: Let's just say anyone who falls for this ad should have *lots* of fun
with it... heh heh heh. ;P

>or, if your mail reader supports hyper-links,

Joel: My mail reader's a coffee achiever!

>a href="http://www.ivpco.com/~speccass/index.html">CLICK HERE</a>

Crow: Hey, Click *THIS*!

>**********************************************************
>*******************

Tom: Three words: Just say snow.

>This message was sent by Overseas Internet Promotions, Inc. of Miami.

Crow: Their motto: We won't stop spamming you till we've made a sale!

>If you have a product or service you want to market on the Internet,

Joel: How about my 'Pretty Spammy' invention? That way I can keep
*YOU* off my mailing list!

>call us today @ 305-668-7502

Crow: You'd think they'd have a better logo than a paperclip.

>************************************************************
>*****************

Joel: Hey, where'd they get the snowflakes if they're from Miami?

Crow: That reminds me of a joke. Why did the snowman spread his legs?

Tom: I don't know.

Crow: He saw the snowblower coming.

Joel: <groans>

Tom: And on that note, let's beat a hasty retreat....

* * *

SATELLITE OF LOVE

"Well, that was a little nugget, wasn't it?" Tom muttered as they
emerged from the theater.

"Owen Hart is not amused." Crow chuckled.

"Even McDonald's is easier to swallow than all that mind control
junk." Joel agreed wholeheartedly.

"Yeah! You really want to subliminally seduce a woman? Do
her shopping, sympathize when she has PMS, cry when she cries during
a sappy movie...." Tom said.

"Or you could stick your tongue out and waggle it around really
fast every ten minutes...." Crow added.

"Or write the word "SEX" in magic marker on your teeth...." Joel
suggested.

"THAT, my friend, is subliminal seduction!" Crow nodded, impressed.

"And if that fails, you could always, you know, trying *TALKING*
to a woman until you find one willing to date you... or at least paint her kitchen
for her." Tom remarked.

"Hmmm...." Joel suddenly looked thoughtful. "You know, that
gives me an idea. Follow me to the pantry! I think I've got the perfect
solution!"

* * *

DEEP 13

Frank was idling next to the console when the screen came to life
to reveal Joel and the Bots. Joel was wearing oven mitts and carrying something
that caused Frank's face to light up in delight.

"Say... are those what I think those are!" Frank exclaimed, his mouth
watering with anticipation.

"Yep!" Joel replied from the screen, holding up a baking pan filled
with freshly baked muffins to the screen. It's my latest invention. I call
them 'Stud Muffins'! One bite and instantly you become attractive to the
opposite sex! One muffin and you become irresistible! What'd think, Frank?"

"Wow! I want one right now!" Frank replied as he eagerly walked over
to the umbiliport.

"What's the magic word, Frank?" Crow teased.

"Please!" Frank replied eagerly.

There was a long pause. Then a low rumble was heard and the
umbiliport opened to reveal a muffin wrapped in a plastic bag. "Thanks, guys!"
Frank exclaimed as he tore open the plastic and prepared to feast on the muffin.

Suddenly the steel metal doors of Deep 13 burst open, to reveal a disgruntled
Dr. Forrester, suitcases in hand. Frank immediately hid the muffin behind his
back as he spun around and smiled nervously. "Dr. F! You're back!"

"Yes, I'm back! I've decided running away isn't going to solve anything!
I've spend too long forcing Joel to watch crappy films and fanfics to throw it all
away now! When Larry gets here, I'm going to face him like a mad scientist and
tell him I regret nothing!" Dr. Forrester proclaimed as he stomped over to the
console to address Joel and the bots. "As for you, boobies, your experiment
this week is a nasty little advertisement that...."

"Uh, Dr. F? I already sent them the ad." Frank interrupted.

"You did? Oh...." Dr. Forrester replied sheepishly as he glanced at
the console. "Um, well, in the case... uh...."

Suddenly, there was a knock on the steel doors. Dr. Forrester stared
at them for a moment before gathering himself and nodding firmly, walked
over to the door and pulled it open....

"ExCuSE mE? TheRE's a pAcKAgE heRE FoR a dR. ClayTOn
fOrReSTer...."

Dr. Forrester stared in disbelief as Torgo stood in front of him, wearing
a Federal Express delivery outfit that still miserably failed to hide the size of
his gargantuan knees, while the haunting... well, okay, *annoying* Torgo
theme music filled the room.

"I thought you were delivering pizza now?" Dr. Forrester asked.

"I wASn'T SaTIsFieD wITh tHaT CArEer cHoICe sO I cHoSe a
gOVeRmENt jOB tHaT hAs mORe sEcuRItY aNd...."

"Uh, forget I asked!" Dr. Forrester quickly interrupted. "Just
give me the package and leave!"

"yOu HaVE tO sIgN fOr iT." Torgo handed him some forms.

Dr. Forrester hastily scratched his signature on the forms and grabbed
the package from Torgo's hands.

"tHaNk yOu FoR uSiNG ouR SeRViCe. hAvE a NiCe...."

Dr. Forrester slammed the door in Torgo's face as he rushed over to the
console. "This is Larry's handwriting all right!" he exclaimed as he examined
the handwriting of the address. "This things probably got a bomb in it or
something equally lethal...."

Frank bigsweated and immediately backed away. "Uh, shouldn't we
get rid of it, then, Dr. F?" he stammered nervously.

Dr. Forrester grinned as he opened the umbiliport and shoved the
package inside. "No problem, Frank. We'll just send it up to Joel and I'm
sure *he'll* find a way to disarm it before it blows him and his little toys out
of the stars."

"WHAT?!?" Joel and the bots exclaimed, horrified.

Dr. Forrester shot them an evil grin as he grabbed a long cord hanging
next to the umbiliport. "FIRE ONE!" he shouted as he yanked the cord. There
was a muffled explosion as the package was shot up through the tether connecting
the Satellite of Love to Deep 13 at over 82,000 miles per hour....

* * *

SATELLITE OF LOVE

The sound of an ominous ding could be heard from the umbiliport
as the bots slowly backed away from it.

"What'll we do, Joel!" Tom whispered.

"Maybe if we leave it alone, it'll leave us alone." Crow suggested.

"Okay, guys, don't panic. Whatever it is, I'm sure we can handle it...."
Joel replied as he slowly walked towards the umbiliport and, taking a deep breath,
opened it. He slowly reached inside and took out the package. The tension
was thick enough to cut with a chainsaw as Joel brought the package over to
the counter. He reached behind the counter and brought out an exacto-knife
which he used to cut the tape holding the box closed.

"Well, here goes nothing...." Joel said as he lifted the flaps of the
box and peered inside.

The bots looked away, terrified.

Frank shut his eyes tightly while Dr. F leaned in close, anticipating
the explosion.

Suddenly....!

* * *

DEEP 13

"Hey guys! Check it out! It *IS* a bomb!"

"Huh?" Tom and Crow hurried over to where Joel was
and peered over his shoulders.

"Wow...." Crow exclaimed.

"Boy, I never thought I'd ever see *THAT* thing again!" Tom
remarked, his voice filled with wonder.

"What is it? What's in there! Hey!" Dr. Forrester tapped on the
screen trying to get their attention. "What's in the box?!? I have to know!"

Joel looked over at the screen. "Oh, you want to see it?"

"YES!!!" Dr. Forrester screamed.

Joel reached inside the package and pulled out a video tape. "Well,
according to the label sir, this is the only existing copy of the first crappy movie
you ever sent to us. 'The Green Slime'.

"Hmmm, and he sent it to you, Dr. F? I wonder if there's some
symbolism there...." Tom wondered aloud.

"Hey, Joel! There's a letter in the package too!" Crow exclaimed as
he held it up.

"Cambot, can you put this on stillstore?" Joel requested as he began to
read the letter aloud.

*Dear Clayton,

As I write this, I am currently plotting your death. Don't get me
wrong, I appreciate all the fun times we had together back in the old days but
now that I know you left me to die in 'Earth Vs. The Spider', you can count
on me dedicating the next few months, give or take a few hours for bathroom
breaks and meals, to getting my revenge. Beware of Larry, Clayton.
Beware of Larry.

Yours Till Niagara Falls,
Dr. Lawrence Erhardt

PS I'll be there for M.U.L.E around sixish or so.

PPS Oh yeah, I almost forgot... FILE *THIS*, CLAYTON!*

Joel put down the letter and shrugged. "Gee, he sounds pretty
cheesed, sir. What are you doing to do?"

"Uh... T-That's for me to know and me to find out! Uh... yeah!"
Dr. Forrester exclaimed with false bravado before his shoulders slumped. Frank,
upon sensing Dr. F's mood, offered him the muffin Joel had given him.

"Want some?" Frank offered.

Dr. Forrester looked up at the muffin and then at Frank, his dark
mood lifting slightly.

"Thanks, Frank." He accepted the muffin and took a bite out of it.
"Mmm! It's pretty good!" Dr. Forrester remarked as he took another bite and
glanced up at Frank. "Push the button, Frank?"

"Glad to!" Frank replied as he walked over to the console, mouthing
the words "Send me another muffin!" to the screen as he pushed the button.

"Say Frank... Do I think I look fat in this labcoat?" Dr. Forrester
abruptly inquired.

"Well...."

THE REAL END

Thus ends the first chapter of my 'Shorty!' series. I decided to start
MSTing other stuff besides Anime MSTings in order to expand and grow.
My first taste of this came with working with Lynxara on Post 105 of her
'Mystery Wrestling Theater 3000' Series and now I hope to continue
to expand with MSTings of ads such as this and other areas in the future.
I still plan to continue MSTing the anime stuff, as it's way too much fun
to give up. :)

I'd also like to give special thanks to Crowbar and JFelix for their
assistance with the closing sketch. You can check out their works
on Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings. (See link below) Thanks guys! :)

I hope you enjoyed this and C&C is very welcome. (fcasper@yesic.com)
A MSTing for all Seasons
http://www.nabiki.com/mst
A full archive of all Mystery Science Theater 6.7 episodes, Megane 6.7
fanfiction, and collaborations!

Shizen's Versatile Home Page V3.0
http://svhp.webjump.com/ (Contains links to my MSTings and fanfics)
(Alternate site: http://www.tass.org/fanfic/MST3k/)

Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/

SEASON ONE
------------------

101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon)
102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" (Original Draft) by Oscar (SM Lemon)
103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA" by The Flashman
(SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER)
104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic)
105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic)
107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton
(La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover)
108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky
(SM/WWF Crossover)
w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon (SM/RL Crossover)
110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER
CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker (SM Christmas Fanfic)

SEASON TWO
-------------------
201- "THAT GIRL" PT. 1-2 by Oscar (SM Lemon)
202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino (SM Lemon)
203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn (SM/SPAWN Crossover)
204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2 by Hitomi Ichinohei (R1/2 Fanfic)
205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz (SM Lemon)
206- "OSCAR TOON" PT. 1-4 by Oscar (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover)
207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari
(Mutiple Crossover Lemon)
208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep (R1/2 Fanfic)
209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS (SM Lemon)
210- "URUSEI YATSURA: THE KIDNAPPING" by Shutaro Mendou
(UY Lemon)

SEASON THREE
----------------------
301- "A WET DREAM COME TRUE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Lemon)
302- "TORTURED ECHO" PT. 1-4 by Trakal (R1/2 Fanfic)
303- "RANMA KILLS!" PT. 1-2 by Sir Asayogure (R1/2 Fanfic)
304- "OKONOMIYAKI SUMMER" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic)
w/short "UNDER THE MISTLETOE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic)
305- "XMAS SPECIAL: A CHRISTMAS FIT FOR A POKEMON"
by Dr. Thinker (Pokemon Christmas Fanfic)
306- "9-BALL DREAMS" PT. 1-2 by Mr_Jazz (SM Crossover Lemon)
307- "WINTER" by Joseph Palmer (R1/2 Fanfic)
308- "UKYO GETS WHAT SHE DESERVES" PT. 1-2 by R_Vincent
(R1/2 Lemon)

SHORTY!
-------------
101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY!
102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET!
103- PHEROMONES!
104- THE INTERNET SPY AND YOU!!

OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO
---------------------------------------------------------
"DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
"MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff (SM/TNG Crossover)

Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/

"THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin (SM Dark Lemon)
"9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon)

Lefty's MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/MSTings/index.htm

'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE!
(Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle)

Website Number 9 MSTings
http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml

"THE DAY OF EMERGENCE" by Jeffrey Lee
(Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover)

"REDHEADS" by Robert Haynie
(Slayers/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)

Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html

OTHER GREAT WEBPAGES WORTH VISITING

Zoogz's Fanfiction and Fandom Page
http://www.nav.to/Zoogz

The Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong
http://www.anime.sobhrach.com\~jeffwong\index.html

'Suicide Blast' by: Keener
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/3342/Suicide.html
Additional links for Keener's stuff
-- http://tmffa.com/
-- http://www.redrival.com/myrriden/index.html