*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON THREE)
EPISODE 30: THE IO SAGA PT. 1
(A Sailor Moon MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 and Zoogz (megane67@rogers.com
)
(zoogz@yahoo.com
)
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....
"Sailor Moon" is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all the
distributors of her work.
"The Io Saga" is the property of Sarah J. Gates and she's welcome to it.
I do not intend to offend her for making fun of her work like this but I
figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as
another form of C&C. It's all meant in good fun. ;)
* * *
"Tell me what you read,
and I'll tell you what I MST."
Announcer: Five Years ago...
Voice: Four!
Announcer: Four Years ago, a madman's delusion became reality, in a forum
never seen before... The Satellite of Love. A giant satellite orbiting the earth
with a built in movie theater.
(Dr. Clayton Forrester stuffs a handful of popcorn in his mouth and scowls)
His motivation for shanghaiing the satellite was to force unwilling subjects
to test new original fanfics, which could be called true literary disasters.
Dr. F: Push the button, Frank!
To realize his dream, he secretly started choosing authors of various styles
of anime fanfiction and he named these people, the Iron Authors, the invincible
men and women of crappy fanfiction skills. Examples of these Iron Authors
include...
Iron Author Hermaphrodite is Oscar
Iron Author Ukyou is Mike Rhea
Iron Author Incoherent is Dr. Thinker
And Sheep as Iron Author Sheep Hurting
The Satellite of Love is the arena where Iron Authors await the challenges
of master MSTers from around the world. The challengers have ninety minutes
to survive the theme fanfic of the day, using all their sarcasm, skills, and
creativity, they're going to try and prepare humorous riffs never read before.
And if ever a challenger wins over the Iron Author, he or she will gain the
Mads scorn and hatred forever. Every battle, sanity is on the line in the Satellite
of Love, where master MSTers combine their artistic riffs to assist each other. What
comedy does today's challengers bring? And how will the Iron Author fight back?
The heat will be on!
(Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5... 4... 3....)
It's the not-too-distant future,
Last Sunday BC
There was this guy named Joel
Not so different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another guy in a red jumpsuit
He did a great job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses really hate him
So they shot him into space!!!!
Joel:
(OH... MY... GODDESS!!!)
Crow and Tom:
(IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!)
(Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer printout)
We'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst we can find (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala)
(Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them
ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.)
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
When the fanfics begin or end (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends;
ROBOT ROLL CALL:
CAMBOT:
'Text only'?
Gypsy:
'Oh, my!'
Tom Servo:
'Sweet-o!'
CROOOOOOOW!!!
'I'm not a hentai!'
If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes
And other science facts (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
*It's just a MiST*
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!!
* * *
DEEP 13
It was eerily quiet in Deep 13, the fluorescent lights were dimmed and
the computers were humming softly as they awaited reactivation. Then the
sound of a squeaky footfall broke the silence as Dr. Clayton Forrester stepped
forward into the laboratory.
He had an evil glint in his eye as he slowly surveyed his workplace.
Then reaching into his pocket, he produced a Vidalia onion and took a large
bite out of it. Almost immediately, his eyes began to water and his face contorted
violently before he managed to twist his facial expression into something resembling
a twisted grin. Abruptly the lights brightened as TV's Frank stood solemnly by
the light switch.
"Forrester-san!" Frank called out.
"Yes, Frank?" Dr. Forrester replied.
"I was just wondering... did you want me to get my invention ready
for the invention exchange or do you want me to find a fanfic for Joel first?"
"No need for that, Frank. I've already found a fanfic that should do
the job nicely. Actually, I believe you suggested it to me a while back...."
Frank's eyes grew wide. "You don't mean...?"
Dr. Forrester nodded.
"Wow... I didn't think you'd ever get to that one." Frank remarked.
"Well, it's been a while since I've given them a four parter. And since
I know you'd GLADLY give me all the credit if this fanfic actually manages to break
their spirits...."
"I would?" Frank replied, confused.
Dr. Forrester glared at him.
"Oh! Yeah, I would! Definitely! You betcha! Heh heh... heh..." Frank
stammered nervously.
"Glad to hear it, Charles Best. Now why don't you run off and prepare
your little invention while I call out The Wiseass Line, centered by Joel Robinson."
"Hey, there's nothing LITTLE about it! Trust me!" Frank replied
confidently.
"Excuse me?" Dr. Forrester inquired with a raised eyebrow.
"You'll see!" Frank replied cheerfully as he turned to leave. Dr. Forrester
watched him leave and then shrugged as he walked over to the console and activated
the viewscreen. He frowned as the familiar words 'PLEASE HOLD' were displayed
across the screen, blinking on and off slowly as Tears for Fears began playing in
the background. Annoyed, Dr. Forrester repeated the hail to no avail. Then a
smile passed over his features as an idea came to mind.
"Let's see if shutting off the oxygen to the satellite gets his attention...."
Dr. Forrester chuckled as he worked the appropriate controls to do so. After
about thirty seconds, he turned the oxygen back on just as the viewscreen finally
came to life. Joel Robinson was very pale and shaken as Gypsy, Tom and Crow
were at his side, looking concerned.
"Why Joel! You look positively frightful!" Dr. Forrester exclaimed
in mock concern. "You've been cooped up in that satellite too long, maybe
you need a little fresh air?" he cackled.
"You... you... big evil meanie!" Gypsy shouted, her voice filled
with rage.
"Temper, temper, robot." Dr. Forrester admonished her. "It's his own
fault for making me wait. Never forget that *I* am the ringmaster and *YOU* are my
trained seals, honking your little horns for my personal amusement! And when I
say HONK, you say ARF ARF! Got it?!?"
Gypsy was about to reply with as nasty an anatomical reference as she could
manage with no arms... only to stop when Joel's hand rested lightly on her head. "It's
OK, Gypsy, don't give him the satisfaction of losing your temper. I'll be okay, really...."
Joel said.
"Oh, enough already with the optimism, Rose Nylund!" Dr. Forrester
snarled. "It's time for the invention exchange! Put up or shut up!"
Joel nodded as he reached under the counter and produced a thin steel
briefcase. He opened it up to reveal eight gold DVDs and as Cambot zoomed in
for a closer look, the words 'THE SOUNDS OF EARTH II' were inscribed on each
disc with a smaller subtitle underneath.
"I came up with this a few days ago. For those of you not familiar with
the history of 'The Sounds of Earth', the satellites Voyager 1 and 2 were launched
into space in 1977, both of them containing identical golden records. These records
contain greetings in 60 languages, samples of music from different cultures and eras,
and natural and man-made sounds from Earth."
"Anyway, technology's advanced so much since the 70's that I got to thinking
maybe it's about time we gave alien civilizations a more up to date version with some
modern sounds of Earth." Joel gestured at the DVDs. "As you can see, the first disc
is the original Sounds of Earth record with DVD extras but I've also got the Sounds
of Telemarketers, Sounds of Infomericals, Sounds of Neo Politics, Sounds of Wrestling,
Sounds of Sandler, and so on. Cause if aliens ever do visit us, we might as well let
them know what they're getting themselves into. What do you think, sirs?"
* * *
DEEP 13
"Well now, that's a little more cynical that I expected from you, Joel.
Maybe these experiments are having more of an effect than I thought." Dr.
Forrester couldn't resist flashing a grin of triumph. "Anyway, I've decided to throw
poor Frank a bone again and let him do the invention exchange this week.
Take it away, Frank."
Frank stepped into the camera's view. "Thanks, Bob. Joel and I seem
to be on a similar wavelength today as I too plan to launch my invention into space with
the hopes of reaching an alien civilization." Frank took a deep breath before continuing.
"But while Joel seeks to exchange knowledge, I've decided to seek out one of my favorite
pastimes... RERUNS! Woo! Guh-gluuuuuh!"
"Cloning Peanuts characters again, Frank?" Crow wisecracked.
"Nope, check it out!" Frank replied eagerly as he took a remote control
out of his pocket and clicked a button. "Cambot! Give me Rocket Number 9!"
"Hey, that's my line!" Joel exclaimed, pouting.
The camera abruptly switched to an outside view of the satellite where
a large shimmering area could be spotted nearby. Abruptly a square shaped object
began to decloak and when the process was complete, a HUGE television was now
floating in space, completely covered with small metal objects except for the screen.
Everyone could only start in shock as Frank hummed the theme to 2001,
very pleased with himself. "What the hell is THAT? A Romulan War-Billboard?"
Dr. Forrester exclaimed.
"Nope, it's my 2000" TV!" Frank replied cheerfully.
"W-When did you have time to launch something like THAT into space?"
"Oh, I'll tell you all the technical details later, anyway, what do you think!"
Frank asked, positively beaming.
"It's... It's really... wow..." Gypsy was stunned.
"Helluva lot of trouble for a Weird Al reference, isn't it?" Tom inquired.
"Oh, it's much more than that!" Frank continued. "See those little objects
welded to the TV?"
"Yeah, what are those things anyway?" Crow asked.
"They're VCRs! Thousands of them! Half of them contain a copied tape
with six hours worth of reruns and the other half are full of blank tapes! Once this
TV reaches an alien civilization, they can tape their reruns onto the blanks and keep
our reruns for themselves! One day future generations of couch potatoes, human
and alien, will thank me for this invention! And then I'll say, "No, thank YOU!"
Frank finished proudly.
Dr. Forrester sighed, rubbing his temples. "And they wonder why I
hurt him so?" he muttered under his breath as he walked over and stood behind a
table covered with a red cloth. Pausing a moment to adjust his glasses, he returned
his attention to the viewscreen.
"Well now, fun's over, Joel, it's time for pain. If memory serves me right,
I've given you plenty of Sailor Moon Crossovers, Lemons and Thinkerfics... so this
time, I've chosen an experiment from early 1996 that features a new generation
of Sailor Senshi that didn't quite stand the test of time and a villain that doubles as
a beauty pack. I unveil the fanfic!
With a flourish, Dr. Forrester yanked the red cloth from the table to reveal
a fanfic sitting on top as dramatic music flooded Deep 13 for a few moments. The
camera zoomed in on and panned the fanfic several times as Dr. Forrester smiled.
"Today's fanfic is 'THE IO SAGA'. Serve it their way, Frank."
"OK, you want Curly Fries with that?" Frank asked before the viewscreen
blinked out.
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"What was THAT all about?" Joel wondered.
"Looks like Dr. F discovered the Food Network." Crow noted.
"Guess he got tired of Martial Law." Tom added as alarms suddenly
wailed and multicolored lights flashed.
"OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" Joel cried out.
(Door 6: It slides open on both sides..)
(Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you
move on..)
(Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.)
(Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..)
(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)
(Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.)
(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.)
Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his
arms, Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind.
Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater
on his own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next
to him, Crow sitting on his right.
>sjgates@uunet.uu.net (Sarah J. Gates)
Tom: Bill Gates, tired from all the corporate and governmental fighting, goes
on-line with his alias!
Crow: <Bill Gates> Hi-ee! I'm Sarah, and I'm seventeen...
>Sailor Moon: The Io Saga
>Chapter 1: Enter The Rogue
Crow: An X-Men/Sailor Moon crossover? Cool!
>Team Io
>By: Sarah J. Gates
Crow: <Sarah> And NO, I am not worth four hundred billion dollars, so
DON'T think I bribe for C&C!
>1. Int. Rei's Temple. Midday
>The hot summer sunlight streams into the temple through the windows.
>Rei sits near the table beside Usagi, who is reading Rei's comics.
Joel: <Usagi> Oh, that nutty Reggie! Always hitting on Midge!
>Rei: Can't you take those home with you? I mean, you don't have to sit
>here all day.
>Usagi: But I'll get all hot and sweaty if I haul them home now when
>it's the hottest outside.
Crow: <Rei> You just want to leech off my central air, don't you?
>Rei rolls her eyes.
>Rei: but you're going to take an air conditioned bus.
>Usagi seems to ignore that comment and keeps on reading and laughing.
Joel: <Usagi, giggling> This "Grave of the Fireflys" manga is a laugh
riot, Rei! When did you get this?
>There is a polite knock and Minako pokes her head in.
>Minako: Do you mind if I come in?
>Rei: No. Come on in.
>Minako is followed by Makoto.
Tom: Makoto is followed by Ami, and Ami is followed by Setsuna!
Joel: <Setsuna> Get me! I'm a caboose! Woo woo!
>Makoto: This is the coolest place we've been in today! Everywhere that
>has an air conditioner claims that it's broken down from overuse because
>of the heat-wave.
>Rei: Well, you can stay here until it cools down a bit.
>Minako: Thanks, Rei. We were begining to think we'd never find a place
>to stay slightly cool in this heat.
Crow: The only SM fic that TALKS about the WEATHER!
Joel: <Minako the weathergirl> And here over the Sea of Japan, you might
notice a low pressure center that has hit an occluded front...
>Usagi laughs loudly in the background.
>Usagi: Oh, this is great! You guys should really read these! (laughs again)
Tom: What do you suppose she's reading anyway?
Crow: The best of Bazooka Joe?
>Rei sighs. Two children of about 10 and 12 run past. The younger one is
>carrying a gem and running from the older.
Joel: <child> Gimmie back my Ring Pop!
Crow: <Rei> Hmm, children running through the streets... waitaminute,
we're not in Final Fantasy VI, are we?
>Older child: Shira! Come back here with my opal!
>Shira: Nyahnyah! (sticks her tongue out at the older child) No way,
>Shoko!
Tom: <Shira> My teddy bear needs another eye!
>Shoko: You are _SO_ annoying! Give it here!
>They chase each other around in circles until Shoko stops and faces Shira
Joel: <Shoko> Cue the Hal Roach music!
Crow: <Shira> Leave me alone or I'll transform into a Princess of Power!
>Shira doesn't see here and runs into her, the opal flying out of her hand.
>Shoko reaches up and grabs the opal.
>Shoko: Ha!
>Shira: Hey! No fair!!
Tom: <Shira> I called fair catch! I get a two-yard bubble!
Crow: <Shoko> No you don't! We're using XFL rules now!
>By this time, everyone is looking out the door at the two children.
>Shira tries to get the opal again, but Shoko holds her at arms length,
>literally.
Crow: <Luna, dubbed voice> Why are we letting all the COLD AIR
OUT?!? SHUT THE BLOODY DOOR!!
>Rei: Hey! What are you two doing here?
>Shoko and Shira stop and look over at Rei.
Tom: <Shoko> Providing the first plot point, what'da think?!?
Crow: <Shoko> Reminding you of the innocence that you've lost for the
past three years, having to act like a grown-up and having to protect Tokyo
at the same time?
Joel: <Rei> Uh, thanks, I really needed that.
>Shoko: Gomen nasaii*. We didn't realize people were here at the moment.
>[*Gomen nasaii means, "I'm very sorry"]
Crow: <Shoko> We'll just continue our light hearted tiff elsewhere. Terribly
sorry to have bothered you!
Tom: I call foul! It's 'gomen de kudasai', which is the correct way for Japanese
to express regret and...
Crow: Can it, Dictionary.
>Rei: That's okay. Do you want to come in? It is cooler in here than
>it is out there, and I'm sure you must be thirsty from all of that running
>around.
Joel: <Shoko> Sure am! Got anything cold to drink?
Crow: <Rei> What am I, a lemonade stand!? I make one logical
conclusion and you expect me to play hostess?! Sheesh!
>Shira: Domo arigato*.
>[*Domo arigato means "Thank you."]
Tom: Random Japanese words, tossed around like so many knives as if we
were a poor excuse for a sideshow... <sobbing> Oh, the JAPANITY!
Joel: Aw, don't cry, Tom... they'll be all right. They've everlasting words...
and they've dedicated themselves all to you.
Tom: <sniffling> P-Promise?
Joel: Promise.
>Minako: So, what brings you two to Tokyo?
>Shoko: We heard of Tokyo and thought it would be nice to visit.
>If I come up with something better, I'll tell you.
<Minako> Well, I should hope so! You expect us to swallow a yarn
like that?!
>Shira: But the group we were with left us in this part and went on their
>own.
>Makoto: You might as well stay here. They'd have a better chance of
>finding you.
Joel: <Shoko> Find us? It took us hours to shake those flag waving,
whistle-blowing weenies!
>Usagi is still laughing in the background.
Joel: <Minako> Rei, I think you overdosed her on the Ritalin.
Crow: <Rei> Dammit... help me tie her up. We don't want a repeat
episode....
>Usagi: Oh, these are *so* great!
Tom: Boy, I wish Dr. F would send up whatever Usagi's reading....
Crow: Yeah, it sounds like the literary equivalent of a Weird Al concert!
>Rei: Usagi, could you turn down your volume?
>Usagi: OKay.
Joel: <Rei> Thanks... I think.
Crow: <Minako> Hey, cool! I wanna change the station too!
Tom: <Usagi> KYAA!! Hey, quit tweaking my nipples, Minako!
>Rei: Since it seems you're going to be staying here a little while, we
>may as well properly introduce ourselves. I'm Rei Hino. (bows)
>Minako stands up and bows.
>Minako: I am Minko.
Joel: <Minako> Me Minko! Me help you muchly!
>Makoto: I'm Makoto.
Crow: <Makoto> I bow for nobody.
>Usagi: (wiping tears from her eyes) I'm Usagi Tsukino.
>Shira: I'm Shira Bino, and this is my sis, Shoko.
>2. Ext. Ice cream shop. midday.
>Ami and Chibi-Usa are sitting on a bench, each with their elbows on
>there knees and their heads on their hands.
Joel: It's the new Mrs. Potato Senshi!
>They look longingly at the ice cream shop.
Tom: <Ami> Urrrrrrghhhhhh... oh, the hell with my diet! BRING ON
THE BANANA SPLITS!!
>Ami: How I wish I had enough for two cones of vanilla.
>Chibi-Usa: Hey, how much money do you have? I think I have some
>yen I saved. Maybe it'll be enough to buy something.
>Ami: I only 500 yen.
>That's not enough for two small cups. I need 50 more yen. Chibi-Usa:
>Hey! I've got six 10 yen coins in my pocket! That's enough for ice cream!
Tom: Or six stories from D.F. Roeder!
Crow: And by the way, sixty yen in Japan isn't even half a soft drink, how
did it become a whole ice-cream cone?
>Ami: Well, just give them to me and I'll get us some. What flavor do
>you want?
>Chibi-Usa: i'd like some strawberry, please.
>Ami: Okay. Stay right here and i'll get it.
Crow: <Ami> And no "Black Lady"-ing on us either!
>Chibi-Usa hands Ami 6 coins and she gets up and gets in line. Then
>three girls who are running come crashing into the bench and fall on
>Chibi-Usa.
Tom: <girl> We are the Spanish Inquisition!
Joel: <Chibi-Usa> But I didn't say...
Tom: <girl> That doesn't matter! Cardinal Biggles, read the charges!
>A white haired girl gets up and pulled the redhead and violet haired
>girls up.
>Chibi-Usa: Hey! Whatch where you're going!
>White haired girl: Gomen*. These two snagged my money and I wasn't
>watching where I was going.
>[*Gomen, Sorry]
Crow: Yes, you too can learn how to speak Japanese in two easy fanfics!
>Redhead: Yeah. I'm sorry too.
>Violet haired girl: Me too.
Crow: The violet-haired girl learned all she knows from AOL, I see.
>Chibi-Usa: Could you tell me who in the world you are?
Tom: <White haired girl> Well, in the real world, I'm Sue, but in the cyber
world, I'm Luvkitten3456!
>White haired girl: Watashi wa Boni desu*.
>[*Watashi wa Boni desu, I am boni.]
Joel: <Chibi-Usa> Yeah, you are kinda thin. Maybe you should lay off
the diet?
>Redhead: And I'm Mani.
All: <chanting> Mani Mani Calavara! Don't need skin! Don't need haira!
>Violet haired girl: And finally, I am Toni.
>Chibi-Usa: Hi. I'm Usagi, but everyone calls me Chibi-Usa.
Crow: Speak for yourself, spore.
>Ami comes back with two cups of ice cream, one vanilla, one strawberry.
>She hands the strawberry to Chibi-Usa.
>Then she notices the three girls standing beside the bench, brushing
>themselves off.
Joel: <Mani> Well, it was fun but I simply must be going....
Crow: <Boni> Yes, I'd love to talk further but I simply don't have the time.
Tom: Heh... see, they're brushing themselves off and... oh, never mind.
>She looks over at the oldest, Boni.
Tom: <Ami> Do you guys come in green and orange too?
Joel: <Boni> Yeah, we're on lend from Utena.
>Boni, noticing Ami is looking at her, looks right back.
Crow: <Boni> I see your look... and raise you a glance!
Tom: <Ami> I'll see that... and I'll also bet a glare!
Crow: <Boni> Call!
>Then Ami tears her gaze away and sees Mamoru running past.
>He notices the bunch of girls crowded around the bench.
Joel: Oh, that Mamoru... he's always got that girl-radar on.
Tom: <Mamoru> Hey baby... didja know that my first name means
"protect" in Japanese? I can protect you if you'd like...
>Mamoru: Ami, Chibi-Usa, what are you doing out when it's this hot out?
>Ami: The question is, what are you doing running when it's 105 degrees
>out?
>The screen splits into two parts, one with a purple hue covering half of
>Mani's fac, the other leaving her face normal.
Crow: She's a Revlon girl!
>She looks at Mamoru.
>Mani: (whispered to herself) I know him. I know i know him. He is
>Tuxedo Kamen! I know he is!
Tom: <Mani> And I know that I know that I know him but do they know
that I know that I know him? I know, I'll ask them if they know him like
I know him, you know?
Crow: <Mamoru> Ooh, my reputation seems to have preceded me! Would
you like a rose?
>Mani looks a little longer as they talk a bit in the background.
>The screen returns to normal.
Joel: <Author> Hey! Who messed with my screensaver?!?
Tom: Boy, that split screen thing really made an impact, didn't it?
>Toni: Hello? Ground control to Major Mani. Come in Major Mani, over.
Crow: Toni Bowie... naah, doesn't work.
Joel: Toni Stardust maybe.
>Mani: Hmm?
>Boni: Introduce yourself, dim-wit!
>Mani: Oh, right. Konnichiwa. Watashi wa Mani desu.
>Mani bows deeply towards Mamoru.
>Mamoru: Hello.
>Mani continues looking at Mamoru.
Joel: Man, so far this fanfic is like a improv sketch that went nowhere.
Crow: <Ami> Whose line is it anyway?
>He waves a hand in front of her eyes. Her eyes focus and refocus.
>Then she blurts out somehting in an acient language.
Tom: <Mani> Veni vidi vici!
Joel: <Mani> Ack! Chee! Eek! Oop!
Crow: <Mamoru> Gesundheit!
>Toni: Sheesh not that again!
>Chibi-Usa blinks as Mani starts to speak the jiberish.
Joel: <Toni> Boni, get the electro-shock equipment. She's vaporlocked
again.
>Boni takes ahold of Mani's shoulders.
>Boni: What? What do you see? (this was spoken in the same language,
>but the overlay voice speaks this.)
Tom: Umm... WHAT overlay voice now?
Joel: So the overlay voice speaks the same language as Boni? Which
language would that be?
Crow: Dubbese.
>Mani: I see a mask, a monster, and Io and Europa, surrounded by elements.
Tom: <Mani> And then I see myself surrounded by a bunch of men wearing
white uniforms and carrying nets....
>(In same language.)
>Boni: Is that all? (in the same language)
>Mani: No. I see Tuxedo Kamen. (in the same langueag)
Crow: This fic sucks in ANY language! What the HELL is going on?!?
>Boni gasps.
>Boni: Are you sure? (in japanese)
>Mani: Hai. When I see something, it is always true.
Tom: Evidently, Mani's never caught a magic act in Vegas.
Joel: Or a three-card monte dealer.
>You should know.
>(in japanese)
Tom: The author was so enthused to footnote the Japanese earlier, why
not teach us more now?
>Mamoru: "See something"?
>Toni: Okay, so you saw him, big deal.
>Ami: Maybe we should take this discussion elsewhere?
Crow: Hell, *ANYWHERE* would be an improvement!
>Mamoru: I think that would be a good idea.
>Boni: I second that motion...
Tom: <Boni> We endorse perfect parliamentary procedures.
Crow: <Ami> I'd like to make a motion for a new fanfic!
Joel: <chuckling> You never quit, do you?
Crow: Damn straight.
>3. Ext. Rei's Temple. Midday/Early afternoon.
Crow: Well, which is it? Lunchtime or Tea time?
Joel: <Makoto> Hey Rei, when did you trade in the Hikawa Shrine for
your *own temple*?!
>Rei: So, do you really think they'll show up soon?
Tom: <Minako> I dunno, should I call Chippendales and make sure they
got the address right?
>Shira: Knowing those three, they'll be here the minute we need 'em.
>The only problem is, we don't need them right now.
>Shoko: Right. We need a situation in which we need them.
Tom: And if you call us right now, you'll be given the opportunity to help
out this needy fanfic and others like it. For only 15 cents a day, you can
provide needy fanfics with basic necessities like plot, characterization and
conflicts... you can write to your fanfic as often as you like or not at all....
>Usagi, who is looking the way the others have their backs to, looks
>really frightened, her eyes growing wide. O.o
Joel: <Author> See? That's what her eyes looked like!
>Rei looks over at Usagi.
>Rei: what's your problem Usagi. Usagi? Hello?
>Usagi points behind them.
Tom: <Usagi> T-t-there's s-someone... STARING... at us....
Joel: <Rei> Huh?
Tom: <Usagi> THERE! That p-person sitting at the k-k-keyboard!
WHO ARE YOU?!?
>Usagi: Y-youma be-behind you.
>Rei: Yeah, right. i'll believe i... (looks behind her) Okay. I
>believe you...
All: <imitating muted trumpet> Wah-wah-wah-wah....
>Shira and shoko turn in unison. The peer at the goo-like monster.
Joel: <Shira> Stay-puft! How many times have we told you not to
follow us when we leave the house?
>The goo slowly forms into a humanoid form, carrying a sword.
Crow: <Makoto> Hey, he looks like my old sempai!
Tom: Gourry Gabriev, in a crossover that will warm your heart and
mess up the carpet...
Crow: <goo> I... am... looking... for... Ohtori... Academy...
>Shoko: (in the same ancient language Mani was speaking, with the
>overlay)
Joel: Which we still have yet to identify.
>Morph Intsu! Oh, no, he must've followed us here! Shira, we need to trans-
>form, but we donot know if we can trust these people.
Joel: <Shira> Wondertwin powers, activate!
>Shira: I'd much rather take my chances with these nice people! Europa
>Gem Power, Make Up!
Tom: <Makoto> Funny, I don't remember outsourcing my powers to some
stupid backwater moon!
>Shira reaches into her pocket and pulls out a jewel. Her clothes melt
>away as her tiger-eye gem glows. Her Sailor outfit forms around her,
>consisting of the shades in her gem. She places the jewel on her forehead
>and a tiara forms around it.
Tom: <Shira> Ow ow ow! Too tight! Too tight!
Crow: An author who spells "tiara" right. I might faint from shock...
>Shoko: Oh, well, may as well follow in suit...
>Io Gem Power, Make up!
Joel: Sure that isn't I/O Gem Power?
Tom: <singing> Superhuman Samurai Senshi Syber Squad!
Crow: From Saban!
>Shoko reaches into her pocket and pulls out a jewel. Her clothes melt
>away as her opal gem glows. Her Sailor outfit forms around her, consisting
>of the shades in her gem. She places the jewel on her forhead and a tiara
>forms around it.
Joel: The magic of copy and paste...
Crow: Does away with tedious typing jobs in an instant!
Tom: Able to reproduce entire paragraphs in a single click!
>Shoko and Shira in unison: We are the Sailor Senshi, Sailor Io and
>Europa! In the name of the United Moons, we shall eleminate evil, and
>that means you!
>Usagi: Hey! That's my line! Moon Crystal Power, Make Up!
>Rei: Mars Star Power, Make Up!
>Ami, Mamoru, chibi-usa and the others run in.
Joel: <Ami> Whew! Almost missed our cues!
>Ami: Mercury Star Power, Make Up!
>Minako: Venus Star power, Make up!
>Makoto: Jupiter Star Power, Make up!
>Mamoru suddenly runs off.
Crow: <Mamoru> I just remembered I'm a wuss! Seeya!
Tom: <singing> Sir Mamoru bravely ran away! He bravely ran away
away!
Joel: Poor Mamoru, his tux was at the dry-cleaners...
><<< Typical Sailor Transformations. >>>
Joel: ...will not be seen today as our budget ran out a few seconds ago.
Crow: Must have blown it on the Japanese language tutor.
>Sailor Europa: See, what'd I tell ya, Rei?
>Sailor Mars: I have to say, you were right..
Tom: <Sailor Mars> It's in my contract.
Crow: <Sailor Europa> Damn straight, I was right! Give me my props!!
Joel: <Sailor Mars> Would you settle for Usagi's? I hear it's pretty funny.
>Boni: M-morpher Intsu! Phobos Gem Power, Make Up!
>Mani: Mimas Gem Power, Make up!
>Toni: Triton Gem Power, Make Up!
Tom: Oh, lessee... Boni's using the power of Rei's pet crow... Mani's
now got *the touch*, and Toni is backed by the name of hydrogen?
>Boni reaches for her granite jewel, Mani her pearl, and Toni her jade.
>The same transformations as Sailor Io and Europa except with different
>jewels
>Sailor Phobos: Morpher Intsu. How dare you interupt our expadition of
>Earth!
>Sailor Moon: Hold on a sec. Expadition of earth? COuld you explain that?
Crow: Yeah, COuld you please?
>Sailor Mimas: No time! Right now, we need to deal with this poor excuse
>for a glob of gook.
Joel: Hey, that's mean! Sure, he's no Pizza the Hut, but he's trying his best!
Tom: <Sailor Moon> Umm... in that case, fire at will, senshi! We trust these
newcomers outright! Who needs explanations and reasons?
>Morph Intsu: So, do you think you can escape me? Now that we know your
>base is on Charon, we can destroy the United Moon kingdom, giving us the
>power to destroy the rest of the Moon Kingdom.
Crow: So, the Moon Kingdom isn't really UNITED then, is it?
Joel: <Morph Intsu> Ever since Mister Sinister became my agent, I had to
settle for these stupid roles...
>Sailor Moon: You're gonna have to get past me and my friends before
>you'll be able to do that!
>Sailor Io: And you'll have to get past us too!
Crow: <Mamoru> And don't forget me! But get through them first, 'kay?
Tom: Oops, we'll have to pause this epic battle for now, guys. It's breaktime!
Crow: Cool! Can I smoke em?
Joel: Do you got em?
Crow: Well... no.
Joel: Guess you're out of luck then.
Crow: Dang.
Joel: Don't worry, I've got a great idea on how we can pass the time.
(Joel picks up Tom and follows Crow out of the theater.)
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
Things were hectic on the bridge of the Satellite as Joel and the bots
hustled to move the counter off to the side to make room for the four microphones
now taking center stage. Joel was wearing a special calypso style jumpsuit while
Tom and Crow had to settle for Hawaiian shirts and leis.
Gypsy arrived a moment later, made up, with a flower pasted to the side
of her head and a pair of bongo drums glued to her waist for effect. Joel tapped
each of the mikes to make sure they were working before taking his place behind
the lead mike.
"Testing, one two, one two, hey everyone, welcome back!" Joel exclaimed
as the others stood behind the other mikes. "So far, we've survived the first part of
'The Io Saga' but we still have a long way to go so I thought a little song could help
cheer us up and give us the strength to survive the other three parts!"
"Yeah, sure, Joel. Next thing you know, you'll be telling us we'll
feel better if we whistle..." Crow retorted sarcastically.
"Aw, come on, don't be like that." Joel pouted.
"I'm excited about it, Joel!" Gypsy offered happily.
"Guys... come on, we only have a couple of minutes here. Let's do our
song and see how it goes, okay?" Joel pleaded with Tom and Crow.
"Okay." Crow and Tom replied simultaneously.
"Gypsy, you ready, girl?" Joel asked with a smile.
"Ready, Joel!" Gypsy replied.
<Sung to the tune of Day-O (Banana Boat Song) by Harry Belafonte, Lord
Burgess and Bill Attaway>
Joel: Ayeeeeee-o!
Aye,yi,yi-o!
Io come and we wan' go home...
Aye! we say aye, we say aye, we say aye, we say aye, we say aye-yi-yi-o...
Io come and we wan' go home...
Tom: MST all night on a drink a'coke!
All: (Io come and we wan' go home)
Crow: Read thee fanfic till the morning broke!
All: (Io come and we wan' go home)
Joel: Come, Dr. Forrester, monitor my mind now...
All: (Io come and we wan' go home)
Crow: Come, TV's Frank, and, push the shiny button now...
All: (Io come and we wan' go home)
All: It's two parts, three parts, four parts, D'OH!
(Io come and we wan' go home)
Two parts, three parts, four parts, D'OH!
(Io come and we wan' go home)
Joel: Aye! We say Ay, yi, yi-o!
All: (Io come and we wan' go home)
Joel: Aye! We say aye, we say aye, we say aye, <fade> we say aye, we say aye....
All: (Io come and wan' go home)
Tom: A beautiful bunch a'ripe new senshi!
All: (Io come and we wan' go home)
Gypsy: Hide thee gooey Morpher Intsu!
All: (Io come and we wan' go home)
All: It's two parts, three parts, four parts, D'OH!
(Io come and we wan' go home)
Two parts, three parts, four parts, D'OH!
(Io come and we wan' go home)
Joel: Aye, we say aye-yi-yi-o
All: (Io come and we wan' go home)
Joel: Aye, we say aye, we say aye, we say aye <fade> we say aye, we say aye
All: (Io come and we wan' go home)
Joel: Come, Dr. Forrester, monitor my mind now
All: (Io come and we wan' go home)
Crow: Come, TV's Frank, and, push the shiny button now
All: (Io come and we wan' go home)
Joel: Ayeeeeee-o!
Aye,yi,yi-o!
All: (Io come and we wan' go home)
Joel: Aye, we say aye, we say aye, we say aye, we say aye, we say aye-yi-yi-o!
All: (Io come and we wannnnn' gooooo hommmmme)
"Strictly speaking, Joel, aren't we all home anyway?" Crow inquired.
"Ah, shut up." Tom retorted.
"What da ya think, sirs?" Joel asked expectantly.
* * *
DEEP 13
"Oh, very cute, Joel Belafonte! Now, get back in that theater, you
Tito Puente wannabes! Cause this story's only begun! Send them the next
part, Frank."
"Come, TV's Frank, and, push the shiny button now..." Frank sang,
swaying back and forth.
"FRANK!!!"
"Yes, dear! I'm doing it dear!" Frank quickly replied as he scurried
over to the file cabinet while muttering something about a cow under his breath.
TO BE CONTINUED IN 'THE IO SAGA' PT. 2
....
Hiya! I hope you're enjoying this MSTing so far! As with my other mutiple part
MSTings, there's lots more fun and weirdness to come, so don't skip it or you'll
only be missing out on some great riffs and skits. ;)
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