*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
     (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
 

(The future isn't what it used to be....)
 

"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7"  (SEASON TWO)

EPISODE 11: THAT GIRL  PT. 1

(A Sailor Moon Lemon MSTing)

MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7

This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc.  Just covering
my own ass here folks....

"Sailor Moon" is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all the distributors
of her work.  "Felicia" is the property of Capcom.

"That Girl" is the property of Oscar and he's welcome to it.  I do not
intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but I figure
it's only a matter of time before someone does.  Think of this as another
form of C&C.  ;)

Warning:  This fic contains mature content, both lemon and otherwise.
If you are offended by such material, simply delete it and it's gone.  If
not, enjoy!
 

THE SATELLITE OF LOVE
10:57 PM
 

Hey everybody!   Welcome to the Satellite of Love!  I'm Joel Robinson
and... wait a minute....

What's wrong Joel?

Something wrong?

Yeah, something's wrong!  We're talking in script format and our names
aren't even showing up!  We're supposed to be in prose for the introduction.

Maybe Megane 6.7 got sick of prose and decided to cut it short?

He wouldn't do that, would he?

Who's talking?

I am.

I'm not.

That helps a whole lot.

I'm Crow.

I'm Tom.

Okay, Tom?

Yes?

I'm Tom!  Stop playing games, Crow!

What are you talking about?  I'm Tom!

I AM TOM SERVO!!!

NO, I AM TOM SERVO!!!

(sounds of a scuffle emerge)

Guys!  Guys!!  Oh, forget it!  Cambot, can you come here for a moment?

(brief silence)

Okay, here's the problem.  Cambot's lens burned out.  Magic Voice, can you
get me Gypsy in the Engine room?

(sighs)  Do I have to?

What's wrong Magic Voice?

It's just... You're much cuter this way, Joel....

Gee, I didn't know you felt that way, Magic....

You've never been a disembodied voice like me before, Joel....

Well, I'm flattered Magic, I really am, but the reader's just going to get
confused if we all stay like this.  MSTing will be harder too....

I guess you're right....(sighs)

Don't be sad Magic, I'm still here with you, even if it's in a body, and
I'm not going anywhere....

...Thanks, Joel.  It's nice to know that.  I'll get Gypsy now....

Joel?

Gypsy!

Joel, what's going on?  I can't see my name!  I feel so one-dimensional....

HEY!  I resemble that remark!

Calm down, Magic.  I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it.  Gypsy,
Cambot's lens need to be changed.  Could you get one from storage and
bring it up here please?

Affirmative, Joel!  Be there in a jiffy!

Great!

(sounds of scuffling continue)

Guys, can you give it a rest?

Never!

Not till the Fake Tom Servo goes down!

You guys....

Being a voice isn't so bad Joel, we're all equal in each other's eyes... well,
not exactly eyes, but you know what I mean....

I could sing while I wait... I guess....

There you go!  How about Row, Row, Row, Your Boat?

Um... okay.

Row, Row, Row, Your boat....

Gently Down The Stream....

Does anybody have any idea who's singing what?

Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily....

Life Is But A Dream....

Come on, Crow!  You're next!

How would the reader even know it's me, Magic Voice?

Just sing!

Bite me.

I'm here, Joel!

Gypsy!  Thank goodness! Hand me that lens so I can fix Cambot!

(sounds of a cracked lens being removed and a new one put into place)

That should do it!

 Joel Robinson stepped back, as Cambot's lens began working again.
"There we go!  Good as new!"  Joel exclaimed as he smiled at Gypsy.  Then
he noticed Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo standing nearby.  "Nice to know
I can count on your guys in an emergency...."  Joel noted with sarcasm.

 "We're sorry...."  They both chorused in unison.

 "Well, it was cool while it lasted...."  Magic Voice said, her voice
slightly tinged with disappointment.

 "Cheer up, Magic!"  Joel replied.  "We've got some new fan
letters from our Xmas MSTing to read and...."

 Joel was interrupted by the flashing of the red light on the counter.
"Whoops!  Looks like it'll have to wait a while, Captain Caveman and Son
are calling...."
 

* * *
 

DEEP 13
 

 TVs Frank's eyes slowly opened to gaze upon his mirror image....

 "GREAT SCOTT!!"  Frank exclaimed in shock.

  Dr. Clayton Forrester smiled.  "So tell me, how does it feel?"

 "I... I think I need to sit down for a minute... maybe get a soda...."
 
 "Well, get used to the feeling, Frank, because it's time to show you
off to the Marx brothers and put the fear of evil in them!"  Dr. Forrester said
as he walked over to the console and brought up the image of the SOL bridge.

 "Greetings, Three Amigos!  I trust you had a nice time over the
holidays... had a lot of time to *Thinker* about the true meaning of
Christmas I trust?  Hehehe...."  Dr. Forrester chuckled.

 The bots winced at the bad pun while Joel replied.  "Just great,
Dr. F.   We got a lot of great stuff for Christmas!"

 Unseen by the trio, a sweatdrop suddenly appeared on Frank's
head as Dr. Forrester inquired.  "Oh?  Such as?"

 Luckily for Frank, Joel caught himself at the last second and
replied.  "Oh, just some junk you wouldn't be interested in... nothing
important."

 Dr. Forrester frowned for a moment but decided to let it pass.  After
all, they would be suffering soon enough and what suffering it would be!  But
first things first...  "Well, Joel, I hope you enjoyed it because I'm going to
make sure the year of 1998 is nothing but a living hell for you and your little
friends too...."  Dr. Forrester allowed himself a smirk.

 "And a Happy New Year to you too, sir.  Do you mind if I present
my invention now?"  Joel replied in a bored tone of voice.

 "As a matter of fact, I do!"  Dr. Forrester retorted.  "And I suggest
you pay close attention unless you want a shock to the shammies!"  Joel
twitched a bit at that but kept his cool as he waited patiently for his chance.

 "The average human body...."  Dr. Forrester began.  "So many
organs... so many cells... so many bones... and yet ninety-eight percent
of it is nothing more than water, just ordinary water....But now, with Frank's
help and a transfusion, I've managed to replace every drop of Frank's body
water with...."

 Dr. Forrester reached down by his feet and picked up a wooden
jug with Japanese writing on it.  Joel recognized it a moment later and
gasped.  "Is that....?"

 "Yes.  Water from none other than Jusenkyou itself!  Here's
TV's Frank-Chan!

 Frank-Chan came into view, her hair was now a bright cherry red
and her hips were slimmed down considerably.  Her double-breasted suit
almost succeeded in hiding the pair of firm curves that had blossomed and
she cast her blue eyes shyly towards the floor as she took a long sip from
her can of Coke....

 "But why?  Why didn't you just pour it over his head?"  Tom asked,
shocked.

 "Oh, ppppuh-leeze!"  Dr. Forrester exclaimed as he rolled his eyes.
"What kind of a diabolical evildoer would I be if I cursed him the *normal*
way?!  It's a SCIENCE experiment, Joel!  One I intend to repeat with Frank
and every single one of the 144 available Jusenkyou curses...."

 Frank-Chan suddenly choked on her drink, coughing and sputtering.
Dr. Forrester didn't even glance back as he continued.  "Now, tell me Joel,
what little knickknack have YOU been working on over the holidays?"

 "Okay, sir...."  Joel reached into his breast pocket.  He pulled out a
small pill-sized capsule and placed it on the counter next to a steaming tea
kettle and an empty coffee mug as he began his presentation.

 "This is for the college student or worker who has to wake up early
and can never get a descent cup of coffee, having to settle for mediocre at best
and McDonalds at worst.  I call it the Starbucks Time Capsule."

 Joel poured some water from the kettle into the mug until it was
nearly full, steam rising from it.  Then he picked up the capsule.  "This is
a special chemically designed pill activated by hot water.  You just twist it,
let one half spill into the other, wait for a few seconds and then...."

 Joel dropped the pill into the coffee mug.  Immediately the water
began bubbling up a bit and the color changed from clear to dark brown
and then quickly faded to a lighter brown as the bubbling ceased.  Joel
picked the cup of coffee and took a careful sip, then smiled as he put it
back down.

 "In just ten seconds, this cup of hot water has been transformed
into a perfect cup of Starbucks coffee with just the right amount of milk,
sugar and/or cider.  The capsule can be created to meet any coffee
specifications depending on your personal preferences and you'll never
have to worry about spilled grinds or too little sugar or grimace at the
taste ever again!  What do you think, sir?"

 "Well, I think...."  Dr. Forrester began.

 "HIC!"

 Dr. Forrester shot his assistant a look of irritation only to have
it change to astonishment as Frank was once again a man.  Then he
hiccuped again and like magic, he had changed back into a she.

 "What's... HIC! ...happening to me?!?  HIC!"  Frank-Chan yelped,
her voice filled with fear.

 "Hmmm... A most interesting and unexpected side effect...."  Dr.
Forrester replied as he watched, with great amusement, his assistant change
genders with every hiccup.  Then he turned back towards Joel, his eyes
narrowing.

 "It's time for your first experiment of the year, Joel... and I've
decided since we began last season with a lemon, we should do the same
this year...."
 
 Joel and Tom groaned while Crow asked.  "What kind of lemon
is it?"

 "A Sailor Moon one...."

 Crow shrugged.  "No big deal...."

 "One from an author you've MSTed before...."

 Crow went silent.  Tom and Joel looked at each other for a long
moment before slowly turning to face Dr. Forrester.  "But we've only MSTed
two lemons last season.  One by Artemis and the other... the.. other...."

 "Was by Oscar a.k.a. Artemis's Lover.  Yes, that's right.  Would
you like to guess which author I decided to let kick off the new year?"
Dr. Forrester asked, his evil grin stretching from ear to ear.

 "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  The bots screamed.

 "Guys, calm down!"  Joel tried to reassure them while keeping
his voice steady.  "We proved to Dr. F that the last Oscarfic couldn't break
our spirits, this one is no exception.  Together, we can conquer anything!"

 "Y... Yeah!  You're right, Joel!"  Tom replied, gathering his
courage.

 "W... We're not afraid of you, Dr. F!"  Crow added, his voice shaky.
 
 "You will be... YOU WILL BE...."  Dr. Forrester replied
ominously as he whirled to face his gender morphing assistant.   "Send them
the Oscarfic, Frank...."

 "As... HIC! ...you... HIC! ...wish... HIC!"  Frank-Chan replied
miserably.
 

* * *
 

SATELLITE OF LOVE
 

 "I don't believe it, I don't believe it, I don't believe it....!"  Tom
was babbling over and over.

 "We can't go through this again Joel!  We just can't!"  Crow wailed.

 "I'm having a breakdown, I'm having a breakdown, I'm having
a breakdown, I'm having a breakdown....!  Tom continued to babble.

 "Listen, guys!"  Joel places his arms around the bot's shoulders.
"If Oscar tries to show us a bestiality scene again, we'll just close our eyes
like before until it's over.  Dr. F may force us to enter the theater week after
week, but he can't watch us every second of the MSTing!"

 Crow sniffled.  "M... Maybe you're right Joel, but it still sucks!"

 "I know it does, but we knew sooner or later this was going to
happen again and we've done the best we can to prepare for it.  So when those
sirens go off, I want us to march into that theater, look Oscar straight in the
eye and say...."

 Suddenly alarms and sirens suddenly rang out.

 "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!"  Joel cried out.
 

(Door 6: It's a giant speaker.  You plug a electric guitar into it, crank up
the volume and strum it hard, causing it to explode.)

(Door 5: It's made of Lego.  You take it apart and build a dozen small objects
with it before you continue.)

(Door 4: It's a four layer door.  The first goes into the ceiling while the
other three retract rapidly in order of left, right, left.)

(Door 3: It's made of solid rock.  You cover it with a large sheet of paper and
it vanishes.)

(Door 2. It's a complex puzzle from RIVEN.  You work on it for an hour
then take the coward's way out and read the solution from the net....)

(Door 1: It's a double door.  Both swirl open from the center.)

(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor.  You walk into it.)
 

 Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind.  Stepping over
the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel
placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow
sitting on his right.
 

Tom: I noticed some improvements during the door sequence, Joel.

Joel: Thanks!  I thought it could use a touch up.

Crow: What happened to the old door number four?  The one that kept
falling towards you, missing your foot by millimeters?

Joel: Oh, I installed it in your closet.

Crow: Oh, well that was nice of... Hey, wait a minute!
 

>Sailormoon Z serie 1, episode 4 "That Girl"

>By

>Oscar "Artemis's Lover"

 
Crow: Oh my god, it's part of a SERIES!  Wahhhhhh!!!!

Tom: <sobbing> Who knows when Dr. F will unleash the other parts on us!?!

Joel:  Think frosty, be frosty....

Crow: Notice how he uses that stinkburger of a fic in his name as if it
were a badge of honor.

Tom: Yes, in the tradition of Barry "You Deserve a Break Today" Manilow,
and George "Last Stand" Custer, it's Oscar "Artemis's Lover"!

Joel: Nicely done, guys!
 

>Author notes:

>It's been 1 year since the destruction of Kyomara.
 

Crow: They committed mass suicide rather than let their city be used in
another Oscarfic.

Tom: In this case, seppuku is painless.
 

>Chris returned to Canada, he graduated and he's now in college.
 

Joel: And counting his lucky stars for not being in this fanfic.
 

>Oscar now is 14, and Serena, Rei, Mina and the others are now 15.
 

Tom: Yes, the girls were still too young to realize that they didn't need to
be in an Oscarfic to get recognition....

Crow: <Rei, sobbing>  We're young!  We need the money!
 

>it's a new school year and a new girl is on Oscar's classroom.
 

Crow: Man, that's one big girl!

Joel: Most girls would've preferred to get IN the classroom, but....

Tom: Oscar's Classroom!  Coming this fall on Comedy Central!
 

>And wouldn't you like to know who she is...

 
Joel: No, but I'd love to meet her agent.
 

>That Girl:
 

Crow: Who's that girl?

Tom: Even Madonna wouldn't do this fic.

Joel: Marlo Thomas *IS* That Girl!
 

>Well it's another school year, and you can bet that Oscar And Serena
>aren't too happy for that.
 

Crow: The readers sure ain't.
 

>At 8:40 pm. Oscar and Serena got to school IN TIME!!!.
 

Joel:  ...to notice the sun had already GONE DOWN!!!

Crow: Since when does Serena go to night school?
 

>Oscar's teacher, said "Ahem...class, class....CLAAASSSS!!!!"
 

Tom: <teacher> SSSSSSSSSSSSSHUT UP!!!   <quiet voice>  Thank you.

Joel: Looks like Oscar's a fan of Cheech and Chong.
 

>She yelled, cuz no one payed her attention.
 

Tom: And because her students were cheapskates.
 

>After that everyone shutted up, and looked at the angry tech.
 

Crow: <tech>  How the hell am I supposed to check sound levels
if you keeping shouting like that?!?
 

>"Listen up! we have a new mutant, er, i mean student today, so i want
>you to respect her ok?" The teacher said.
 

Crow: Rogue?

Tom: Storm?

Joel: Sally Struthers?
 

>"Her name is Felicia," She then looked at the door and said "Ok
>come in Felicia". Felicia heared that and entered the classrom with her
>school uniform.
 

Crow: <Felicia>  Hey boys!  I thought I'd get dressed here instead.
I hope you don't mind....

Tom: Isn't a stripper supposed to take off her clothes AFTER she arrives?

Joel: She's a reverse stripper!
 

>Everyone had a scared look on their face,
 

Crow: <students sobbing>  Oh g-g-god... How can we possibly
study when we have to sit in a room with... with... OSCAR!!!
Wahhhhhhh!!!
 

>except Oscar who wasn't even paying attention to her, Felicia saw Oscar
>and tought  "Oh no.....not another crush,
 

Joel: <Felicia>  I wanted a sprite!

Tom: <Felicia> I tought I taw a puddy tat!

Crow: <Oscar>  Really?!  Where?  Where!?
 

>but he's sooo damned cute.....i can't let him go"
 

Tom: Uh-huh.  This is a self-insertion fic all right.

Crow: Maybe she's got a fetish for green wool and trash cans?

Joel: Wrong Oscar, Crow.
 

>She then standed in front of everyone
 

Tom: Giving everyone a marvelous view of her front.  Thank you!
 

>(Note: as many of you now, Felicia "From Darkstalkers" is a Monster,
>a freak,
 

Crow: If there was ever a case of someone calling the kettle black, it's this.

Tom: <Felicia>  Oh, EXCUSE ME, I'm sure a fourteen year old
hermaphrodite who has sex with a cat is perfectly normal....
 

>a catwoman, she can transform from a cat to a catwoman and viceversa
>whenever she wants.
 

Joel: She likes to screw with Batman's head that way.
 

>She never dresses up, cuz the only thing that protects her nipples and
>her pussy, is the remaining fur that has when in catwoman form, BUT
>she has to use school uniform, that's the rule.
 

Joel: So she DOES dress up.

Tom: That rule never stopped Ranma, why let it stop Felicia?

Crow: Not to mention Ms. Hinako.  I'm so sure that tight yellow dress is
acceptable in school... then again, who'd complain?
 

>She also keeps her kitty tail when in catwoman form.
 

Crow: Where does she keep it?

Joel: Crow....

Crow: Just curious.
 

>She has no parents, nor family. She was left in a church where she was
>raised). The teacher then said "Well she's Felicia"
 

Tom: <teacher> Pass her around to the rest of the class and let everyone
get a look at her before returning her to my desk....
 

>Everybody still had the scared look on their face,
 

Joel: I'll bet those students are wishing Godzilla would show up about now.
 

>"Now sit your butt over there!"
 

Tom: Having Oscar in the class seems to have hardened the teacher....

Crow: <teacher>  Sit your butt over there, Felicia, before I find a better
use for it....
 

>The teacher said seeing that Felicia had a better body than her,
 

Joel: Stacked female students and the teachers who resent them!  Next
on Geraldo....

Tom: Felicia vs. Hinako.  Only one can have the biggest!
 

>Felicia looked angry at the teacher but didn't turned to her, she went to
>desk behind Oscar!!!!.
 

Crow: The desk that stored the school's supply of exclamation points!!!!

Tom: Which, like the desk in front of him and to his sides, were empty
for some strange reason....
 

>The day passed and Now it was 3:35 pm. just 35 mins. before they went
>home.
 

Crow: Uhhh... didn't Serena and Oscar arrive at 8:40 pm?

Joel: Yeah, those twenty hour school days are murder.

Tom: No wonder the teacher's stressed out....

Crow: What about the students?  20 hours in the same room with Oscar?!

Tom: The horror... the horror....
 

>Oscar was writing what the teacher was writing in the black board,
 

Joel: <teacher> I will not fall asleep... I will not fall asleep... I will...
ZZZzzzzzzzz....

Crow: Wow!  Oscar must be talented to interpret stuff *inside* a blackboard.
 

>But Felicia was too busy staring at Oscar, to pay attention to the teacher,
>she eventually Wrote something on a sheet of paper, builded a paper plane
>with it, and threw it to Oscar. Oscar felt something pointy hit his head,
 

Crow: <Oscar>  Strange, that didn't feel like a raindrop....
 

>he grabbed the plane behind his head "Huh? what is this?" He asked
>himself quietly. He oppened the plane and saw the message that said:
 

Tom: Dear Oscar, this message will self-destruct in five seconds.  Adios,
sucker!

Crow: Dear Oscar, I know about you and the cat.  Unless you want to spend
the next ten years in prison, smashing big rocks into little ones, you will
meet me every night in my hotel room from now on and become my
personal scratching post....

Joel: Dear Oscar, I'm your biggest fan and MISERY loves company....
 

>"Hiya Oscie!  Behind you...". Oscar turned back, and saw Felicia, she
>had a happy little face ^_^. Oscar smiled bewilderedly, and a tear drop
>appeared in his head,
 

Joel: Oscie?  Wasn't that one of the Little Rascals?

Crow and Tom: <singing> Raindrop keep falling in his head... but that
doesn't mean he won't take Artemis into his bed... La! La! La! La... La!
 

>And blue around the nose.
 

Joel: Uh, your mascara's running, Oscar.
 

>He turned his attention back to the tech.
 

Crow: <tech>  Cheap &!#$ audio equipment!  My grandmother's
phonograph has more volume than these crap speakers!
 

>The bell rang as it was 4:10 pm. now, Everyone went hom,
 

Tom: Now they can get 4 hours of sleep before they have to come back.

Crow: Man, I've heard Japanese schools were tough but wow....

Joel: <singing> Hom! Hom on the Rang!  Where the Dee and the Antelop
Pla....!

Tom: <Bugs Bunny> And the rabbi.
 

>Oscar, Serena, Rei, Mina, Amy, and Lita were walking their way
>home again (Like that's new). But Felicia was following them quietly,
 

Joel: Oscar must be wearing his catnip scented cologne again.
 

>suddenly Artemis appeared and jumped on Oscar's Shoulder,
 

Joel: Yep.  Looks like it's working pretty well.
 

>Oscar happily hugged Artemis, and puttted him in his shoulder. Luna
>too was there but in Amy's shoulder,
 

Joel: Yes, it's the new high school craze, hollow shoulders!

Tom: Conveniently attached to an equally hollow... oh wait, this is Amy
we're talking about, right?

Crow: Yep.  Nice try, though.
 

>They where talking about school stuff.   Felicia then made her appareance,
>she came up from behind and took Oscar's arm, as if they where engaged,
 

Joel: At least she didn't glomp onto him like a certain other girl that
changes into a cat....

Crow: Nuku Nuku?

Tom: No, Shampoo!  Nuku Nuku doesn't change into a cat, unless you
count her pop up feline ears....

Joel: Sounds like a great idea for a children's toy.  I can see it now... Pop
up Nuku Nuku!

Crow: I'd prefer a inflatable Nuku Nuku myself....
 

>Oscar gulped hard, and had a scared look on his face. Artemis too had a
>worried look on his face,
 

Tom: <Artemis> Uh oh, I just pissed on Oscar, I hope he doesn't notice.
 

>While Serena and the others looked suspiciously at Oscar and Felicia.
>Oscar weakly said "Wh-What are you doing?!" Felicia had Smiling look
>on her face,
 

Joel: If it's the Smiling Three Year Death from Ranma 1/2, Oscar's in
for a lot of pain....

Crow: In a self-insertion fic?  Not bloody likely.
 

>and responded "Don't you remember me? i'm the one who threw you
>that plane"
 

Crow: <Tattoo>  De plane, Oscar!  De plane!
 

>Oscar remembered and said "Oh yeah...
 

Tom: <Oscar, slapping his forehead>  How could I forget you?
You're the freak, right?
 

>Well what do you want?"  He said as he looked Felicia rubbing her
>head to his arm.  "Just want to be close to you...giggle" Said Felicia,
>realizing that she wanted to catch him.
 

Crow: She's better off catching the Ebola virus....

Tom: Yes, you too can have girls crawling all over you if you write a
self-insertion story!

Joel: She's playing cat and mouse with him.

Crow: <groans>  I was waiting for that one....
 

>Oscar looked at Artemis, and tought "Oops! What should i do?"
 

Tom: Never write another fanfic as long as you live?

Joel: Come on, be a little nicer.

Tom: Oh, alright.
 

>Artemis had a strange look on his face as he looked at Oscar,
>and tought  "Hmmm this girl, There's something strange about her"
 

Crow: Yeah, she's not repulsed at the sight of Oscar.

Joel:  Just a guess here, but having a tail sticking out from under her
skirt *might* seem strange ...

Tom: You really don't want me to say anything about that, do you, Joel?
 

>Everyone was teasing Oscar about him, as Felicia wouldn't let go him.
 

All:  <singing>  Felicia! No, she will not let you go!  LET HIM GO!
Felicia!  No, she will not let you go!  LET HIM GO....
 

>They eventually Got home: Lita to hers, AMy and the others too.
 

Joel: <Serena>  Hey!  I'm the star of this series, why am I just one of the
others?!  Wahhhh!!!
 

>And finally only Oscar, Artemis & Felicia where alone in the sidewalk,
 

Crow: <Oscar>  I knew that wet cement sign was there for a reason....
 

>Oscar got home and said to Felicia "Ummm Felicia, here's where i
>live, ok?"
 

Tom: It's not much, but the cardboard really helps keep the wind out.

Crow: And he buys fresh newspapers once a week!
 

>Felicia then said "Ok" But didn't let go off Oscar's arm. "Would you be
>kind enough to let go my arm?" Oscar said trying to shake her off, But
>Felicia got off Oscar's arm before he shook her. "Well bye!!" Oscar said
>as he went to his front door, "W-Wait! aren't you gonna invite me in?"
>Felicia said as she followed Oscar to the front door,
 

Crow: <Felicia>  I need to use the litter box!
 

>"Uh-Uhm no, it's too messy in there"
 

Tom: <Oscar>  You see, I don't have a litter box so....
 

>Felicia smiled and said "Well ok! i now men aren't too clean...C'ya!"
>She left.
 

Crow: She turned into a bunch of dirty old men?

Joel: Oh no!  She's morphed into Happosai and Rei's Grandfather!
 

>Oscar let out a sigh, as he entered the house "Phew, thank god she's
>gone" aid Oscar
 

Tom: <Oscar> That cat girl stunk to high heaven!

Crow: Yeah, she smelled like puss....

Joel: <grabs Crow's shoulder>  Don't say it, Crow.
 

>as he leaved his backpack in the couch,
 

Joel: Oscar was an expert in the art of camouflage.
 

>"Who was she?" Artemis asked him "Oh it's a new girl who is in my same
>class" Oscar responded. "Seems something else to me" Said Artemis
>looking at him with an evil smile,
 

Tom: <Artemis>  A chance for me to bolt and go back to Mina!
 

>"C'mon Artemis, little kitty cat, you know i care for you more, than
>anything else" Said Oscar as he hugged Artemis softly.
 

Crow: Oscar may be the first person in anime history to turn down a
cat woman for a cat.
 

>"Allright" Artemis said smiling.
 

Tom: <Artemis> I'll just have to kill you then.
 

>The afternoon passed, as Oscar made his boring homework, Artemis
>ate, and Played N64. At night Oscar took a light shower, and when he
>dryed himself.
 

Tom: Oh yes, spare us none of these exciting details, Oscar....

Joel: Don't take us there... please.
 

>Artemis was on the bed all stretched out, Oscar was only in his undies,
 

Crow: NO! NO! NO!  NOT AGAIN!!!

Tom: <sobbing>  I DON'T WANT TO LEARN THE CAT FIST AGAIN!!!

Joel: Quick!  Shut your eyes!  I'll tell you when it's over!

Crow: You're a brave man, Joel!

Tom: We've never forget your brave sacrifice!

(Tom and Crow shut their eyes tightly, whimpering softly)
 

>Artemis saw this and went wide eyed. Oscar closed all the windows, and
>locked the door, lighting only a few candles for light, he turned the elec.
>lights of, and went in the bed with Artemis, caressing his fur.......
 

Joel: <bigsweats> Thank goodness that's all he's caressing.
 

>The next day, Oscar woke up,
 

Joel: Hey guys!  You can open your eyes!  He didn't go into graphic
detail this time!

(The bots open their eyes and sigh in relief)

Crow:  Thank god....

Tom: <sniffles>  Maybe this won't be so bad after all....

Crow: The fic ain't over yet, Tom....
 

>and looked at the clock "AAAAHHHHH!!! I'M GONNA BE LATE!!!" He
>gasped and quickly putted on his undies,
 

Joel: Funny place for a golf course.

Crow: <Serena>  Hey!  That's *MY* morning shtick!  STOP STEALING
MY CHARACTER TRAITS!  WAHHHHH!!!!
 

>and his school uniform, and Runned to school. Artemis was a little too
>exhausted from last night, to notice Oscar's leave.
 

Tom: ...of his senses.

Crow: <Artemis>  Heh heh heh, the poison should kick in about
noon and then I can go back to seeing Mina in *her* undies!
 

> Oscar was running like hell, When he turned around the corner he saw
>Felicia standing there, waiting for him.
 

Tom: <Felicia>  Hey Oscie!  Great impression of Serena there!
 

>"Oh great!!!" He runned passed Felicia, but she Chased him "OSCAR!!
>WAIT UP!" Felicia said as she runned after him,
 

Joel: Yeah, runned like the winded, Felicia!
 

>Oscar turned his head back and said "Hurry up or we're gonna be late for
>school!!!". They ebentually caught up with (Yes you guessed)
 

Tom: Death?

Crow: Time?

Joel: The Joneses?
 

>Serena and Lita who, where late for school too.  Serena noticed Oscar
>and said to Lita "Oh look!
 

Tom: <Serena>  There's the creep that's stealing my character!

Crow: <Lita>  Is this a revengefic?   Can we get him back?

Tom: <Serena>  No... but I know how we could get one!  Hey,
all you authors out there!  First one to write a revengefic for us, gets Lita
in bed for one night!  No restrictions!

Crow: <Lita>  HEY!

Joel: That's enough out of you two goobers....
 

>Lita  there's Oscar, guess we're not the only ones!!he he" Lta turned
>back to see Oscar and said "Yeah".
 

Joel: <Lita>  Boy, I wish this was a Flashman fic.
 

>Felicia managed to catch up with Oscar and the others. They got to
>school like 20 mins. late!!.
 

Crow: Meaning they arrived at 9:00 pm on the dot.
 

>Oscar and Felicia's teacher said "WHY ARE YOU SOO LATE!!!! GET
>THE HELL OUTTA HERE AND INTO THE HALLWAY!"
 

Joel: Geez, switch to decaf!

Crow: Those English teachers really have a way with words.

Tom: <teacher> AND DON'T FORGET THE BUCKETS OF WATER!!!

Crow: You'd think the teacher would be happy to spend less time with
Felicia, considering how *jealous* of her body she's supposed to be....
 

>Everyone looked at those two, and laughed saying "Guess you 2 were
>doing it, till morning! ha ha ha!!".
 

Crow: 4 sure, dude!

Tom: Oscar and Felicia, 2 gether, 4 ever!

Joel: First time those students have laughed since the beginning of the
term....
 

>Oscar and Felicia where outside,
 

Tom: In the trees with Waldo?  How the hell should we know?!?
 

>with Serena and Lita who where punished as well.
 

Crow: <Serena>  Hey!  I do the punishing around here!  Lita, on behalf
of the moon, bend over!
 

>Lita broke the silence, by asking Serena "Well Serena i guess you got late
>cuz you overslept didn't ya?" Serena looked a little angry at Lita "Yes....That's
>my problem....and you?!" Lita then Had a scared look on her face "Well i
>um, I too overslept he he he"
 

Tom: <Lita>  Mina was lonely without Artemis so I came over to
cheer her up and... well... things got a little wild after that....
 

>Serena smiled evilly at her.
 

Crow: <Serena>  Heh heh heh... I usually see her with Rei on
weekends... Now that Artemis is out of the picture, she's all ours!
Bwahahahaha!!!
 

>Serena then looked at Oscar and asked "And how about you Oscar? it's
>weird to see you get late to school" Oscar blushed and said "Ummm,
>something happened yesterday and i slept at 1:30 am."
 

Tom: But he was in class then, wasn't he?

Crow: <giggles>
 

>Serena and Lita gasped, as they both said "EHHHH???"
 

Joel: Check it out, they're doing an bad impression of Canadians.

Crow: <Canadian>  And they call us slow, eh?
 

>Oscar's head was down, in depression.
 

Tom: Shouldn't that be the dumps?

Joel: Nitpick, nitpick, nitpick....
 

>Lita then asked Felicia "And you? Felicia smiled and said "I was waiting
>for Oscar" She then winked to Oscar, who when he saw this, smiled fakely.
>Felicia got closer to Oscar, As he now was blushing.
 

Tom: Umm... exactly how close is she?

Joel: I don't think we want to know.
 

>Then in recess, Oscar, Serena, Amy, Lita, and Felicia Where sittening in a
>table,
 

Tom: Since when does high school have a recess?

Joel: Having fallen from the sky, they plunged through the center of the
wooden table and were now trapped, their arms pinned at their sides.

Crow: TOGGG!!!
 

>where They ate, and at the same time chatting.
 

Joel: <Serena on IRC>  *** Sailor Moon changes topic to "What's up
with the Hermaphrodite today?"

Crow: <Amy>  * Sailor Mercury thinks Felicia is seriously messed up to be
attracted to Oscar....

Joel:  <Mina>  I miss Artemis... Why did he have to go....  :(

Tom: <Rei>  Come on, cheer up!  Serena and I take GOOD care of you,
don't we?  ;)

Crow: <Lita>  I'll come over again after school....if you'd like.  ;)

*** Oscar has joined #Senshi

Tom: <Oscar>  What are you guys talking about?

Joel: <Rei>  Beat it, weirdo!

*** Oscar was kicked by Serena (Sailor Moon)

Crow: <Lita> Woohoo!  Two Points!   :)
 

>Oscar was eating some kind of sourdough sandwich, Lita with her
>homecooking, And Serena with her mom's cooking, Amy well
>she made her own lunch,
 

Tom: Not to mention her own gravy.
 

>and Felicia with some kind of meatballs. Felicia was at the right side
>of Oscar, looking at him, Oscar tryed to ignore her, but Felicia was to
>close to him. Amy noticed Felicia
 

Crow: <Amy>  AHHHH!!!  There's a half naked cat woman sitting
with us!!!

Joel: Maybe her shoulders aren't the only hollow thing after all....
 

>and asked "Hey what's your name?"
 

Tom: The teacher announced it like three times!   Pay attention!

Crow: Amy's slacking off in school?  The world must be coming to an end!
 

>Felicia responded "Felicia"  Amy looked at her body, and noticed her tail
 

Tom: <Happosai> And a mighty fine tail it is!  Round, firm and fully packed!

Crow: <Amy>  I hope you don't mind me looking over your ASSETS....

Joel: Oh, boy....
 

>"You're not a normal girl are you?"
 

Crow: She's interested in Oscar and you ask if she's NORMAL!?!?

Tom: Has Amy been taking stupid pills or what?

Joel: Maybe it's one of those alternate universes where Amy is a ditz
and Serena is the smart one?
 

>"Normal girls have better taste than you!"  Felicia responded a little
>angry
 

Joel: <Amy>  Speak for yourself, honey....

Tom: <Amy>  Hey, I might turn into a magical superheroine in a tight
skimpy outfit, attack people with little bubbles, and occasionally spend
the night in a randomly chosen bedroom, but at least *MY* dates don't
get a hard on while watching GARFIELD!!!

Crow: <clapping>  That's telling her, Amy!
 

>"Yes i'm not a normal girl....so what?" Amy backed up and with a
>scared look on her face, said "Ok Ok! !"
 

Crow: <Amy> Damn!  I forgot I'm the weakest of the Senshi when it
comes to hand to hand combat....
 

>Felicia then turned her attention back to Oscar. The day went on and at
>4:10 pm. they all went out.
 

Joel: Either the twenty hour school day went by like that or that was the
longest recess in the history of education....

Tom: Imagine if the teachers were on strike?  They'd never get home!
 

>Again Oscar, Artemis, Amy, Luna, Serena, Rei, Mina, Lita,
 

Crow: ...Jacob, Shapiro, Horowitz, Dewey, Cheatem and Howe.
 

>And  Felicia Where walking home, But now, they all went into a cafe
>before they returned home, everyone sat in a table,
 

All: TOGGG!!!

Crow: By the way, Oscar, if you're going to use the North American
names for the Senshi, you might consider changing Rei's name to
Raye....

Tom: And you might want to consider paragraphs so the readers can
follow the story better....

Joel: Good observations, guys!  See?  You guys CAN deliver C&C
without having to be sarcastic....

Crow: Oh, bite me!

Tom: Get bent!

Joel: <sighs> It was nice while it lasted....
 

>ordered something to drink and, they talked.
 

Joel: So what is the legal drinking age in Japan anyway?

Tom: <Lita>  Let's see, the blondes will have Blow Jobs, Rei and
I will go with Screwdrivers,  Amy'll have a Sex on the Beach, the Catwoman
and the Herm. will do okay with some Fuzzy Navels....

Joel: ....
 

>Felicia kept getting nearer to Oscar, as he now was shivering,
 

Tom: ...with anticipation?

Crow: ...with the cold?

Joel: ...his timbers?
 

>and Artemis had a curious look on hi face.   Felicia then with her BIG
>paw, touched Oscar's leg as it went north.
 

Joel: <singing> Who's that girl with the BIG Paw?

Crow: <singing> BIG paw!

Tom: <singing> BIG paw!

Joel: Wasn't there a Pound Puppies movie named after that?
 

>Bur before it reached his 2 genital parts, he desperately got off the table,
>grabbed his back pack and runned off like hell.
 

Joel: Wow, Oscar makes Forrest Gump look out of shape.

Tom: Run Oscar!  Run!  Run right out of the fanfic!

Crow: Better yet, just run *OUT* of fanfic.
 

>Felicia was about to follow him when Mina stopped her "Felicia!" She
>said. Felicia stopped and sat again "What is it?"  Felicia asked,
>"What is your business with Oscar?" Mina asked.
 

Joel: Monkeys and lots of them!

Tom: <Felicia>  Don't you know curiosity killed the cat?
 

>Felicia with a happy face responded "Ohh can't you see it? he's soooo
>charming!"
 

Crow: Oscar *IS* the author formally known as Prince!
 

>Mina and the others closed their eyes and had big tear drops on their heads.
 

Joel: <girls>  It's ... so ... <sniff> ... emotional ...

Crow: That should be sweat drops, I think.

Tom: Either that or they're having a bad hair day.

Joel: Tear ducts in the head.  Cool.
 

>Rei then told Felicia "Felicia......you love him?" Felicia still looked
>happy and said "Yes i love him!!"
 

Joel: <Felicia>  And where he goes, I'll follow!

Tom: Yeah, it's so easy to fall in love after thirty-six hours.

Joel:  Hey, just look at Romeo and Juliet....

Crow:  Maybe this romance will end the same way theirs did?

Joel: Crow!

Crow: Just a thought.
 

>Rei looked a little worried "Then you should know...that he's already taken",
>Felicia exalted as she heared this
 

Tom: <Felicia, singing>  Glo-o-o-o-ria!

Crow: <singing>  They're coming to take him away, ha! ha!
 

>"Wh-Whaaatt....??"
 

All: SHE SAID THEN YOU SHOULD KNOW... THAT HE'S ALREADY
TAKEN!!!
 

>Rei then said "I'm sorry....but it's true he's already taken" Felicia then
>looked down, and with a Weakly sad voice, said "Sob...
 

Tom: Boy, you could just feel the emotion there, huh?

Joel: <Rei>  Just who are YOU calling an SOB?
 

>Then who is this woman...?"   Rei patted Felicia's shoulder "Well
>actually, it's not a human"
 

Crow: <Rei> It's a can opener named Irving.
 

>Felicia looked at her and said "What do you mean?" Rei weakly said "He's
>in love with his guardian cat....Artemis" Felicia went wide eyed "WHAT!!
 

Crow: Forget it.  We already used that joke once.

Tom: Even if Oscar and Artemis are together as a couple, isn't Artemis
technically still Mina's guardian?
 

>that cat that he's always in his shoulder?....How can it be?!" Rei shrugged
>"That cat is not a normal cat.....he can talk"
 

Tom: And as we all know, *only* talking cats are irresistibly attracted to
fourteen year old hermaphrodites....

Crow: Beautiful talking catwomen aren't good enough for him.  He wants
100% pussy....

Joel: Eek....
 

>Felicia took Rei's left hand tightly "H-He can talk? you're lying!"
>Rei looked at Luna, she putted her on the table,

 
Joel: Ah!  She's a golfer too!

Crow: I can imagine the Senshi have wanted to putt Luna a few times,
what with that stupid accent she has....
 

>"This is the 2nd cat that can talk...her name is Luna"  Felicia looked
>at The little black cat "How can a cat talk?"
 

Crow: <Luna>  How can a woman have fur and a tail?
 

>Luna then said "Well it's no big deal you know" Felicia gasped as she
>heared that "Yo-You just talked!"
 

Joel: D'uh!  They told her that a second ago!

Tom: <Luna> About time I had some lines!  I was the first talking feline
on this show, and I demand recognition!
 

>Rei grined "See? so if she can talk, then so can Artemis" Felicia turned
>her attention to Rei "But how can he be in love with a cat?!"
 

Tom: <Luna> How can YOU be in love with Oscar?!?

Joel: Some mysteries were never meant to be explained.
 

>Rei shrugged "Words cannot explain the the relation those 2 have...
 

Tom: Words cannot even explain Oscar....
 

>i'm sorry" Felicia stood up, and ran away, almost crying "Felicia where
>are you going!!??" Yelled Mina from the door.

 
Crow:  What would you do if you found out the guy you're interested in
was into bestiality?

Joel: In Felicia's case, wouldn't it give her hope?

Crow: Good point.
 

>Felicia was crying, not noisily, but she felt terrible knowing that the only
>guy who could have actually get along with, was already taken, and with
>a cat.
 

Joel: What kind of society do we live in when beautiful cat women can't
experience true love with Oscar?

Tom: <Ryouga>  The world is a dark and lonely place....
 

>Oscar was in his house playing Dukenukem 3d 64, with Artemis.
 

Tom: Nintendo 64... The preferred choice of hermaphrodites and their
feline lovers.

Joel: Considering what Oscar's into, shouldn't he be playing Duke
*Nuku Nuku* 3-D?

Crow: Hey, that's not a bad idea for a holocabana program....
 

>Artemis played pretty damn good for being a cat, also considering the
>size of the N64 controller and the size of his paws, The score was 35-20
>Artemis's Favor.  Oscar couldn't beleive that his Boyfriend was beating
>him in the game that supposely he was the master of masters!.
 

Joel: Oh, don't be so modest now, Oscar....

Crow: I get the feeling a lot of people are going to take exception to that.

Tom: <Joker> You ever Deathmatch with the Devil in the Pale Moonlight?
 

>Artemis finally founded Oscar in the game, and he had the Bazooka,
>Oscar went wide-eyed as Artemis pushed the Fire button and blasted
>Oscar into itty bitty pieces,
 

Crow and Tom: WOO HOO!!! OSCAR'S FINISHED!!!

Joel: He only died in the game, guys....
 

>THE END.
 

Joel:  Huh?

Tom: You're... You're kidding me?!?

Crow: I-I can't believe it!?!   Oscar's really gone?!

Tom: YES!!!  THERE IS A GOD AFTER ALL!!!

Joel: I don't get it... why would Oscar end the fic so abruptly?

Tom: Who cares?!  Let's get out of here and celebrate!

Crow: WOO HOO!!!
 

* * *
 

SATELLITE OF LOVE
 

 "NA NA NA NA... NA NA NA NA... HEY HEY HEY... GOODBYE!!!"

 Joel sat at the counter watching Crow, Tom, Gypsy and Cambot
form a conga line as they celebrated the demise of Oscar.  Even Magic
Voice was singing along with the bots, making for great harmony with
Tom voice.  While Joel was tempted to join them in the festivities, he couldn't
shake the feeling that it was all too neat and pat.  Cambot noticed that Joel
wasn't dancing and panned his head over in his direction and zoomed in for
a close-up.  Joel noticed him a moment later and smiled at him.

 "I dunno, Cambot."  Joel sighed.  "Maybe I'm being paranoid but
it just seems weird that Oscar would kill himself off, especially in a
self-insertion fanfic.  Nothing was resolved and no explanation was given.  I
know it's an Oscarfic and all, but...."

  Suddenly, the red light began flashing on the counter.  "Maybe Dr. F
can explain what's going on...."  Joel said as he reached over to tap the light.
Dr. Forrester's image appeared on the screen a moment later.

 "Hello, Joel.  I trust you enjoyed today's experiment."  Dr. Forrester
inquired, almost pleasantly.

 "Uh, well the fic was pretty bad but it wasn't quite as bad as we were
expecting...."  Joel replied cautiously.

 Dr. Forrester chuckled.  "I take it, you're referring to the rather
abrupt ending?"

 "Well, yeah... I mean, I'm not a fan of Oscar's work or anything
but why would he end it like that, with Felicia's plotline still in the air?
And there was hardly any lemon at all... It just doesn't add up...."  Joel
replied with a puzzled look on his face.

 Dr. Forrester shrugged.  "Who knows?  Maybe Oscar just ran out
of ideas?"  The evil smile returned to his face as he continued.  "Either way,
detective,  I'd celebrate with your friends while you still can, because I promise
you that the next fanfic is going to hurt even more when I send it.  But until
then, pleasant dreams, lab rats...."  Dr. Forrester winked as the screen went
dark.

 Joel stared at it for a moment, somehow feeling less than satisfied with
Dr. Forrester's explanation.  Then he felt something nudging him and he
looked over to see Gypsy.  "Is everything all right, Joel?"  Gypsy asked, a note
of concern in her voice.

 Joel considered sharing his suspicions with her but he didn't
want to be any more of a party pooper so he forced a smile as he replied.  "I'm
okay, Gypsy!"  He empathized his point by holding on to Gypsy's waist and
starting a new conga line.  Tom and Crow, previously lost in bliss, quickly
realized they were the only two people left in the old conga line and quickly
got behind Joel.

 Soon the singing could be heard in all parts of the satellite as
the celebration went into full swing, unknown to them that the viewscreen has
suddenly flickered to life once more....
 

* * *
 

DEEP 13
 

 Dr. Forrester stood in front of the console, his hands clasped behind
his back in a relaxed manner.  Nearby, Frank-Chan had an odd expression
on her face as she paced the room, as if searching for something.  Then
Dr. Forrester turned to face her, his eyes were almost blazing with their
evil intent.

 "All right.  I think we've let them celebrate enough...."

     Frank-Chan continued to pace the room more frantically, her demeanor
growing more hurried and nervous by the moment.  Dr. Forrester's eyes
burned into the back of her neck as he shouted.  "Frank!  I said it's time!"

 Frank looked away from him, her shoulders were trembling and
she appeared to be sobbing.  Dr. Forrester had had more than enough of this
nonsense and angrily stalked towards his assistant.  He savagely grabbed
Frank-Chan's arm and twisted her around.  "FRANK, I SWEAR IF YOU
DON'T....!!!

 "ACHOO!!!"  Frank-Chan exploded as she sneezed all over Dr.
Forrester.

 The room went deathly silent.  Neither person moved an inch as
Frank, now a male again, watched the snot slowly travel down Dr. F's face
and drip down his lime green lab coat.  The trickles continued downwards
until it reached the chest where a pair of newly formed breasts now rested.
Frank broke the silence by wiping his nose on his sleeve and then, after
taking a deep breath, forced himself to look into Dr. Forrester's eyes,
about to apologize profusely....

 Frank's words were caught in his throat as he noticed Dr. F's
beautiful blue eyes, were glowing with rage.  Frank would have sworn that
Dr. F was exposed to Mako energy had he not known what had happened.
Then Frank noticed a mallet in Dr. Forrester-Chan's hand.

 "FFFFFRANK....!"  A deadly feminine voice whispered.

 "Uh, sorry?"  Frank squeaked lamely.

 "NNNNNOOOO....!!"  the whisper continued.

 "The fanfic, Dr. F!  What about the fanfic!"  Frank yelped,
gesturing frantically at the console....
 

TO BE CONTINUED IN 'THAT GIRL' PART 2....
 

(Feel free to hum the closing theme as you read my author's notes.)
 

Thus ends the first part of my Oscarfic MSTing.  Heh heh heh... Don't
you just hate cliffhangers?  Me too, that's why I made sure the second
part was available along with this one, to be read at your discretion.
There's lots more to come in the second part so don't skip it or you'll
only be missing out on some great riffs.  ;)
Part TWO

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