MST6.7 Ep. 404: "Sometimes"

                        *TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
            (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)

(The future isn't what it used to be....)

"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON FOUR)

EPISODE 34: SOMETIMES

(A Sailor Moon/Gundam Wing Crossover MSTing)

MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 (megane67@rogers.com )

This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....

"Sometimes" is the property of Writer By The Sea. She has given me
permission to MST her work and I greatly appriciate it. :)

(Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5... 4... 3....)

It's the not-too-distant future,
Last Sunday BC
There was this guy named Joel
Not so different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another guy in a red jumpsuit
He did a great job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses really hate him
So they shot him into space!!!!

Joel:
(OH... MY... GODDESS!!!)

Crow and Tom:
(IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!)

(Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer printout)

We'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst we can find (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala)

(Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them
ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control
When the fanfics begin or end (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends;

ROBOT ROLL CALL:

CAMBOT:
'Text only'?

Gypsy:
'Oh, my!'

Tom Servo:
'Sweet-o!'

CROOOOOOOW!!!
'I'm not a hentai!'

If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes
And other science facts (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
*It's just a MiST*
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!!

*            *            *

SATELLITE OF LOVE


     The bridge was ominously deserted, the faint sound of sci-fi doohickys
echoing softly in the background. Then the theater doors opened to reveal
Cambot as he scooted around the counter and positioned himself on the other
side to get a wide-angle shot of the bridge in preparation of Joel's arrival.

     Normally, he would have been out here sooner but the Mads had been
strangely silent over the past few weeks and Cambot found himself enjoying
a nice little vacation. But much like the holiday season, the days passed too
quickly and it seemed the Mads were finally ready to unleash more bad cinema
on him and his friends.

     If other cameras were in his position, they probably would have considered
his job unbearable. Forced to film bad movies and fanfiction with the added
disadvantage of being unable to riff sounded like a nightmare. But at least,
as he had reminded himself time and again when things got rough, he only had
to film the *final product*, unlike so many of his comrades stuck filming endless
takes of teen movies or even worse, boy band music videos. The very thought sent
a chill down Cambot's spine.

     "Looking good, Tiger!" The sexy purr of Magic Voice announced as Cambot
adjusted his focus slightly and smiled on the inside. They had been dating secretly
for a month now. Nobody knew about their relationship, as they had chosen to be
discreet. Besides, the love of a disembodied voice and a robotic camera could never
be truly expressed by words alone.

     It wasn't very long before his attention began to drift, as he recalled the events
of last night, a rather memorable role-playing experience with Magic Voice
playing Scarlett and him as Snake-Eyes....

     "Thinking about us again, Tiger?" Magic Voice teased, her voice filled
with gentle affection.

     Cambot could only nod, his chroma blushing red with embarrassment.

     "Well, I've got something special in mind for tonight. See, I've been
thinking about... oops, look alive! The guys are coming back! I'll talk to you
later!" Magic Voice exclaimed as Cambot quickly came back to reality and
focused his attention on the theater doors as they parted.

     "Oh man, I'd almost forgotten what a fun movie that was!" Crow exclaimed
as he, Joel and Tom emerged from the theater. "I can't believe it didn't do better
at the box office!"

     "I'm not that surprised. 'The movie definitely had it's moments but the whole
thing was uneven!" Tom remarked. "I mean, if Shiwan Khan had the power to
hypnotize the ENTIRE CITY of New York into thinking a giant hotel was torn
down, then why bother with all that gratuitous special effects hoopla with the
smoking sign just to hypnotize Margo and her father?"

     "Oh, come on, Tom, that was cool! The whole sign morphing into Shiwan's
face was just one of the things that made this film fun!" Crow retorted. "Along
with Jerry Goldsmith's score, the dark noir atmosphere, Margo's... *ahem*...
sexy silk outfits, and tell me Shiwan Khan's fate wasn't great poetic justice!"

     "Maybe so, but what was the deal with that glass shattering finale? You're
telling me Shiwan Khan was able to avoid getting seriously cut up by BILLIONS
of glass shards, but he couldn't avoid ONE shard fired at his forehead? Give me
a break!" Tom fired back.

     As the two robots continued to argue, Joel noticed Cambot waiting
patiently and realized he was on-camera. "Oh, we're back on? Hey, how is
everyone? Welcome to the Satellite of Love, hope you had a nice holiday
weekend! In case you haven't guessed, we managed to trick Frank into sending
us the 1994 version of 'The Shadow' and now they can't stop arguing about it...."

     "Face it, Crow, when Margo and her dad started chasing the bomb around
the hotel lobby, the film finally threw up its hands and said 'I just don't know...."
Tom remarked.

     "Okay, now compare that sequence to the dumb stuff they pulled in the
Batman movies and tell me it's any worse!" Crow exclaimed.

     "Oh please...." Tom turned to Joel. "Talk a little sense into him,
will ya, Joel?"

     "Well, actually... I kinda liked the film too. Hokey at times but fun."
Joel replied.

     "Ha! Told you I was right!" Crow proclaimed, triumphant.

     "Oh, go blow a battery." Tom retorted.

     "Settle down, guys...." Joel admonished gently as he noticed the red light
flashing on the console. "I think we're about to be called back into active literary
service...."

     The bots would have gulped if they were capable. "Y-you mean...."

     "Yep, Baxter Stockman and Mouser are calling...." Joel finished before
giving the button a tap.

*            *            *

DEEP 13

     Dr. Forrester paused to hock a loogie on a oily rag before polishing the
television he had set up for today's invention exchange to a glistening shine.
The faint sound of TV's Frank whimpering in the background went unnoticed
by the mad scientist as he quickly finished his task and, upon noticing he was
on-camera, his face broke into an evil grin.

     "Ah, Dr. Fad and his Wacky Wall Walkers. Right on time, I see. Good,
good. I can't tell you how much fun I've had this holiday season! Barbed
wire under doorjambs, sugar pills in the gas tanks, airplane glue on toilet
seats, vinegar in the cranberry juice, and that was just at my family reunion!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Dr. Forrester cackled with glee.

     "Nice to know Reggie Mantle has a successor." Crow wisecracked.

     "Laugh while you can, Jugheads, cause the holidays are over and Ms.
Grundy's here to give you a refresher course in evil, Forrester-style!" Dr.
Forrester sneered at the viewscreen before continuing.

     "Throughout history, Hollywood has done its best to transform real life
tragedies into enjoyable cinematic experiences. Whether it's a dry documentary
with live, grainy, black and white footage or a wham, bam, thank you Uncle Sam
blockbuster, it's obvious Hollywood will never be satisfied until every
disaster in human history is captured on film.

     "During the last few years, this trend has gotten even more ridiculous with
three hour snoozefests like 'Titanic', 'The Perfect Storm', and most recently 'Pearl
Harbor'. Never before has the phrase 'Love pads the film' been more appropriate
with these dogs... and yet they still seem to make a great deal of money. So
naturally I decided it was high time I got into this racket. Bring her in, Frank!"

     Muffled sobbing was the only response. "Hey, what's wrong with Frank?"
Joel asked, concerned.

     "You didn't do the thing... you know... with the television... again?"
Tom inquired nervously.

     "I wish...." Dr. Forrester rolled his eyes, irritated. "Actually, Frank
watched 'Alf's Special Christmas' last night and he's been sobbing like a
little Tux-Boy ever since." He then turned his attention back to his assistant.
"Frank, stop blubbering and shake a leg before I amputate it!" Dr. Forrester
threatened.

     Frank sniffled, his eyes red from crying as he wheeled in a cart with a strange
looking device sitting on top, which he proceeded to plug into a nearby wall
socket and then connect a wire from it to the television. The screen flickered for
a moment and then showed a blue screen with the caption 'HOLLYWOODIZER'.

     Behold, Joel! A device that can take any straight-forward documentary on a
real life tragedy and improve it by adding crowd pleasing, Hollywood style
filmmaking! For instance, how many times can you watch the horrible atrocities
of the Holocaust before you start wishing for Harrison Ford to bust in there and
kick some Nazi ass! Sure, we all know how the Holocaust REALLY went... but
we're sick of the truth and now we want to see how the whole mess could have
been prevented! I mean, really, isn't it time for someone to make us feel GOOD
about the Holocaust?"

     Joel and the bots could only stare back at him in horror. Dr. Forrester smirked
and took this as a sign to continue. "Yes, with the 'Hollywoodizer', we'll be sure
to add plenty of Bruckheimer action sequences, LONG love stories to evoke a
crocodile tear or three and non-stop unadulterated patriotism that'll jazz up any
documentary on a human tragedy and turn it into a feel-good experience that the
whole family can enjoy again and again!" Dr. Forrester finished triumphantly.

     "Hmm... think it would work on 'Reefer Madness'?" Frank innocently asked
only to receive a withering stare from the mad scientist as he inquired. "What do
you think, Joel?

*                 *             *

SATELLITE OF LOVE

     "Just when I think he can't get any more depraved...." Crow muttered.

     "Terrific. I can hardly wait for '9/11: The Motion Picture'.... Joel replied
darkly.

     Dr. Forrester smirked. "Nah, I'm sure Hollywood already has several
projects planned for that particular tragedy. Give them a decade or so... if
they even wait THAT long...." He paused for a moment to clean his glasses.
"But enough about movies, the floor is open, Joel, your turn to mop up."

     "Uh, right." Joel reached underneath the counter and fumbled around
for a few moments... then a few more moments. "Hey, where'd it go!?" he
exclaimed, confused.

    "Psst! Joel! I think you left it in your...." Crow whispered.

     "Pocket! Right, how silly of me. Joel had a sheepish look on his face as
he retrieved a thin can from his pants pocket. "My invention this week is for
parents of children that have reached that tender age where they prove just how
terrible the 'Terrible Twos' can be.

     Even the most patient of parents can find their nerves worn to a frazzle
at times so I decided to come up with an alternate way to teach your child
how to behave without losing your voice or suffering the after-guilt of a
spanking. I call it 'Quiet Kid in a Can'! Joel held the metal canister up
to the camera, the label showing children bearing a striking resemblance
to the Campbell Soup kids grimacing with their tongues stuck out.

     "Now, if I can have a volunteer... to...." Joel's voice trailed off as Crow
and Tom immediately fled the scene. "OK, fine then, scaredy-bots! I'll do it
myself!" Joel exclaimed as he gingerly stuck his tongue out and gave it a little
spray with the can.

     "AWWWWK!" Joel immediately clutched his throat and collapsed to his
knees. "I... I think I... *gack*...may have made it... *gack*... a little TOO
strong...." he managed to gasp between fits of gagging.

     Crow and Tom's head suddenly popped back into the camera's view. "As
you can see, one quick squeeze on the tongue is more than enough to convince
your kids to behave. It comes in Brussel Sprout, Celery, Liver & Onion, Radish,
and my personal favorite, Rutabaga!" Crow exclaimed.

     And for those days when your kid makes Junior from 'Problem Child' look
well-adjusted, we've got Tripe and Hamhock flavors to give them a taste of their
own medicine." Tom added.

     "W-What do you think... *gack*... sirs?" Joel croaked.

*            *            *

DEEP 13

     "I think it's time to give you something else to gag about, Joel Lauren!
This year, I've decided to kick off your parade of pain with a songfic
crossover of Gundam Wing and Sailor Moon featuring a non-canon pairing
in fierce competition to see who's the shyest of them all. Oh, and did I mention
the spelling? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Send em the fanfic, Frank...."

     "Or how about we try the 'Hollywoodizer' on some of those shorts films
we've sent Joel in the past? Like 'Road to Puerto Rico' or 'Mr. B. Natural
Goes To War'...." Frank mused, a thoughtful look on his face.

     "Frank, the fanfic!" Dr. Forrester snapped impatiently.

     "Huh? Oh, sure thing, Steve." Frank replied as he began feeding the fanfic
into the machine.

*            *            *

SATELLITE OF LOVE


     Joel was still trying to get the taste of ripe tripe out of his mouth when
alarms wailed and multicolored lights flashed.

     "OHHH, WE'VE GOT SONGFIC SIGN!!!" Joel cried out.

(Door 6: It's a metal door with no knob. Before you can do anything, it's
yanked off its hinges from the other side by a tow truck.)

(Door 5: It's an old fashioned elevator. Both sets of doors open for you as you
pass through.)

(Door 4: It's made of dominoes. You tip the lead one over and watch as
the pile slowly lowers until it's half its original size and you step over it.)

(Door 3: It's filled with cute stuffed toys. You cuddle them for awhile
before proceeding.)

(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)

(Door 1: It's a castle gate that rises into the ceiling, revealing a drawbridge
that slowly lowers to the ground. You cross it cautiously, looking for moat
monsters.)

(Door .7: It's a swirling blue vortex. Suddenly a large hand reaches out of its
center and pulls you inside.)

     Joel emerged from the vortex into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping over
the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel
placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow
sitting on his right.

>Somtimes

Crow: ...there's never a spellchecker around when you need one.

>Author: Writer By The Sea

Joel: She writes in a land called Honah-Lee.

Crow: Wonder how many earlier drafts got wiped out by the tide?

>Ok this is my first song fic, i hope you like.

Crow: <author> ...Duo Maxwell in a loincloth singing country, because
that's what you're getting.

>This is not my song

Tom: <author> I won it from Brian Piccolo in a poker game.

>i only have one song and it's called, On my Carpet....

Tom: <singing> On my carpet, there are many stains... many many stains....

Joel: Only one song? Boy, I'll bet HER parents regret buying her that
single for Christmas!

>you canr ead it if you wold like...i'm going to put it up by Dec. 18

Tom: And you can dance if you want to... you can leave your friends
behind.

>You Tell me your in love with me,

Joel: I can't! I'm not through seeing other people yet!

Crow: <singing> But I was only kiddin', baby! Why don't you just put
down that gun?!

>like you can't take your pretty yes away from me

Joel: <cackling> I'll get you, my pretty, and your little yes, too!

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tom: <imitates the sound of seagulls>

Crow: Gee, I didn't know Billy Ocean was singing this!

Joel: Better him than David Hasselhoff.

>Down the soccer feild he ran, # 1,

Joel: William Riker proved to be the best player on the team but
strangely refused all nominations for team captain....

>he looked torwards her direction, she knew it was towards her,

Crow: But she was too shy to correct his spelling.

Tom: <girl, singing> I keep feelin' that... somebody's watchin' me!

>he waved and then kept on running.

Joel: ...headlong into a goalpost.

Crow: Oh, it's a Forrest Gump omake.

>She lightly blushed,

Tom: ...applied a layer of rouge, heaped on the eyeshadow....

>he scored a goal, he had won the game.

Joel: He used a Game Shark.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Its not that i don't wotn to stay, but every time you come too close i
>move away

Joel: Suddenly I'm having a 'Time Bandits' flashback....

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crow: Did the author use pinking shears to make these scene changes?

Joel: No, the next song is coming from the Beach Boys.

>He walked over torwards her a little but then she began to run away,

Tom: Proof that B.O. knows no bounds!

Crow: "Where did I go wrong?', he thought. "Having plastic surgery to
look like Herve Villacheze seemed like a good idea at the time...."

>she ran until she got to her locker away from him and the socer feild.
>She loked out the window

Crow: You mean she plotted to get the Odinson?

Tom: No, that's Loki-ing.

Crow: Ahh.

>she saw that he was now inside the locker room. he turned the
>dial....15....30...22...it clicked and she opened it.

Tom: <ominous> Don't ever... believe your eyes... because what you
see... may not be exactly what you think you see....

Crow: <whispering> STALKER....

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tom: Actually, it kinda looks like the edge of a paper bag. Maybe the
author wrote this at school during lunch?

>I want to beleive in everything you say, cause it soounds so good,
>but if you really want me ,

Joel: Knock three times on the ceiling and take a number.

>move it slow there's things about me you just have to know.

Tom: For starters, I'm a rotten poet.

Crow: If I didn't know better, I'd swear the fanfic was coming on to us....

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>A Paper of some sort fell out. She opened it, and read it to herself.....

Tom: "Stop Bed Wetting"? Huh?

Crow: "Meet me by the flagpole for a fight or I'll pull your pants down
in front of the whole school. Love and Kisses, The Bully."

>Dear Usagi,

Joel: Yes! We finally have a name!

Tom: ...I've decided to leave you and find my inner wuss. Don't call, a
friend always, Tux-Boy.

>Meet me behind the bleachers after the soccer game, I'll wave if i see you.

Joel: ...and sob pitifully if I don't.

Crow: And if you actually come over to talk to me, I'll do the mashed potato!

>c ya there.

>Sincerely,
>Hiiro Yuy

Joel: There's Heero... and there's not exactly.

Tom: <Heero> Well, that's done. Now, for my next letter... Haikei,
Akane-san....

>She read it over and over again.

Tom: <Usagi> Ah, his fanciful writings make me feel like I'm really
there....

>She couldn't go, she knew it, thgouhg she longed to, she had to go to
>her violin practice,

Tom: So THAT'S what happened to Luna!

>so she wrote him back.

>Dear Hiiro,
>Sorry, but I can't meet you today, I have violin, just one of the many
>things I have during the week,

Joel: Yikes, does that include washing your hair?

Crow: <Usagi> The rash IS nearly cleared up from the last time, though!

>maybe another time. Oh and bye the way great game!

Tom: Uh-oh, looks like Heero's spelling is becoming infectious.

Crow: Realy, Tom?

Tom: Yikes!

>Sincerely,
>Usagi

Crow: P.S. You got a cute butt.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joel: Man, that is one crummy looking wave motion lamp.

>somtimes i run, somtimes i hide, somtimes i'm scraed of you,

Tom: Hey look! A cameo by Ziggy!

>but all i really want is to hold you tight, treat youright

Joel: Squeeze me right and I'll be your Dairy Queen!

Bots: ....

>be with you day and night baby all i need is time.....

Tom: ...pheromones and a tape to subliminally seduce you with.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crow: Looks like the Worms are having a Fanfic Party.

Joel: <worm> REVENGEFIC!

>Usagi then put it into his locker, just as she did, he came walking out of
>the locker rooms,

Crow: <Usagi> Oh, hey Heero! The flat beer you wanted me to buy for
your urine test is ready!

>she ran ad hid behind the corner.

Joel: <Usagi> Oh dear, I am so very shy! Meek! Meek!

>He opened his locker, the paper then fell to the ground. He picked it up,
>read it and then smiled.

Crow: <Heero as Steve Urkle> I'm wearin' ya down, baby. I'm wearin'
ya down.

>She waited for a second and then ran off through the doors. Her mom
>was waiting, and As she got into the car Hiiro walked out,

Tom: <Usagi's mom> Oooh, who's the hottie!?

>their eyes met and she just loked at him as they drove off...he waved a
>little but she just looked at him.

Crow: She's playing it cool, boy. Real cool.

Joel: <Usagi, clenched teeth> Ixay, in front of my other-may, ummy-day!

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crow: <Earthworm Jim> Don't forget me!

Joel: Why?   Everyone else has.

Tom: Ouch.

>I don't want to be so shy, uh oh, every time i'm alone i wonder why,

Joel: Perhaps it's the way you eat hamburgers?

Crow: <Usagi> *Gargg gargg gargg gargg*... wonder why these are
called Sliders? Must be the grease. *Gargg gargg gargg gargg*...

>who put you away from me you'll that you're the only one for me.

Tom: Lyrics by Dr. Thinker.

Crow: <Heero, singing> I don't want her, you can have her, she's too
fat for me!

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>All through Violin she thought about him, and how she wished they
>had more things in common.

Crow: Like breasts, cramps, occasional cravings for sugar....

Tom: ...only to snap out of it once the teacher reprimanded her for
breaking into a rendition of 'Shut up and Sleep with Me'....

>After violni,

Tom: After WHAT?

>she walked to the parkse sat dow on the bench and read through her
>music.

Crow: <Usagi> Six words long, my ass!

Joel: (glances over Usagi's shoulder) Wow, nothing but Ashley
MacIsaac songs... she's in for a rough semester.

>She heard somthing move inthe bushes behind her,

Crow: <Heero> I'm a little fuzzy Usagi, come and find me... I'm so
naughty....

Tom: Ah, it's just Cool Hand Luke goofing around again.

>as she turned around she saw that it was only a squirrel.

Joel: <Usagi> Oh, hey Conker. Another Bad Fur Day?

Crow: <Conker> Ah, <beep> off!

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>I want to beleive in everything you say, cause it soounds so good,

Joel: <Scully> I want to believe, but I need FACTS, dammit!

Tom: Remember to always lie big and often and the rest'll take care
of itself!

>but if you really want me , move it slow there's things about me you just
>have to know.

All: <starts humming the theme to the Crying Game.>

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>She then got up and danced a little bit of ballet,

Crow: Translation, she went for a pirouette, twisted her ankle and fell on
her face. Hey, this IS Usagi we're talking about here!

>she had been taking ballet since she was six.

Crow: She was introduced to ballet from a pusher at her local
playground... but only the first dance was free.

>She danced for about half an hour. she then went and sat on a swing.

Joel: <Usagi, singing> This used to be my playground....

Tom: Cue the cheesy music video!

Crow: You mean *a* music video?

Tom: Zing!

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>somtimes i run, somtimes i hide, somtimes i'm scraed of you,

Tom: Sometimes I wish I'd taken my naps in Geography class instead
of English....

>but all i really want is to hold you tight, treat youright be with you day
>and night baby

Crow: <Heero> Here's a suggestion... how about giving me some
BREATHING room for a change! Geez!

Joel: Is it just me or is this changing into 'Every Step You Take'?

>all i really want is to hold you tight, treat you right be with you every day
>and night baby all i need is time.......

Tom: <author> Ahh! Quick, somebody change the CD! We've got dead air!

>just hang around and you'll see theres no where esle i'd rather be if you
>lvoe me trust in me, the way that i trust in you........

Tom: <Heero> Well, okay, but I *insist* on a spellchecker in the prenup!

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>she swang a bit and thenstopped,

Joel: <Usagi> Ehh. Chandeliers just don't do it for me anymore.

>a tear or two fell to the ground.

Joel: Drip, drip.

Crow: Sound effects provided by 'House of Ikari'. Ask for them with
shame.

>Why was she crying? was it because she couldn't be with him, was it
>because she conld't tell him?

Crow: Was it an odor?

Joel: Was it her discovery of a 'Prozzak' tattoo on her back after a night
of gas huffing?

>No it was because she needed him, but was too shy.

Crow: <Usagi> I need him to chew my food! This abscessed tooth is
KILLING me!

>She felt a presence, she stoo up and looked behind her,

Joel: <Usagi> Quit FOLLOWING me, Tux-Boy, I can handle this on
my OWN!

Tom: <Mamoru> *snif snif* *whiiiiine*

>there he stood, tall, brown hair, green eyes, and she stood about ten
>feet away, a little shorter than him, blonde hair in pigtails, to the
>shoulders, shy blue eyes.

Tom: <author> Character descriptions... check.

>He was holding his back pack and she had her hand on the chain.
>He dropped the back pack and she let go of the cahin. They knew they
>had to be together,

Crow: <Usagi> Ah, hell. Might as well get it over with. Eh, Heero?

Tom: <Heero> Yeah, yeah. But don't even think about grabbing my ass!

Crow: <Usagi> Oh, I wouldn't do... hmmm....

Tom: <Heero> HEY!

>they walked towards each other a bit, once close enough, they reached for
>each other and hugged

Tom: Awwww....

Crow: Hugged? HUGGED? What is this, Lord of the Rings? Come on,
let's see some heavy petting already!

Joel: Oh, hush.

>they hugged for awhile.......

Crow: And they kissed a little longer... longer with Big Red.

Joel: I sense another musical interlude approaching.

>A.N.: so beautiful, althgouh very badly written :-p ^^;;;;;

Crow: Though far less worse than the spell....

Tom: <alarmed> Wait a minute! Who the hell is A.N!? Is someone
else riffing this fic!?

Crow: Hey, you're right! Show yourself, intruder!

(Crow and Tom start frantically looking around while a puzzled Joel
checks under the seats.)

Joel: Anybody under there?

Tom: Nobody on my side.

Crow: No luck here, either.

Tom: <shudders> Damn, that's freaky.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>yeah..............

Joel: ...ellipses can be overused.

Crow: Yeah, at this rate, this fic's going to turn into a period piece.
Heh heh... ow!

>somtimes i run,somtimes, somtimes i hide,

Tom: Sometimes I get sick of playing tag.

>somtimes i'm scraed of you, oooooo,

Crow: Look, I take a shower once a week whether I need it or not,
OKAY?

>but all i really want is to hold you tight, hold you tight,

Tom: *snap*

Crow: <Usagi> Ohmigod, I forgot about his weak kidneys!! WHAT
HAVE I DONE?!?

Joel: <Rose> I'll never let go, Jack! Never let... oh my GOD, this water's
FREEZING! I've changed my mind! Let go! Let go, damn you!

>treat you right be with you day and night, day and night,
>omtimes i run,somtimes, somtimes i hide,

Tom: Sometimes I stutter.

Joel: Sometimes, I'm running a little late... and you have to heat up
frozen hot dogs for dinner.

>somtimes i'm scraed of you,oooooooo,

Crow: <Usagi> See there? That's me being scared.

>but all i really want is to hold you tight,

All: <groaning> We know! We know!

Joel: Y'know, even bears take a breather, now and then.

>treat youright be with you day and night , day and night,

Joel: Companionship AND time and a half! Dairy Queen RULES!

>all i really want is to hold you tight...be with you day and night,

Tom: Anybody get the feeling they'll end up like Richandamy from 'Zits'?

>somtimes i run, somtimes, somttimes i hide, somtimes i'm scared
>of you.................

Crow: The secret confessions of Tux-Boy.

Tom: <Usagi, singing> Sometimes it's hard... to be a senshi....

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>They then let go and kissed, not for long, about three seconds,

Crow: <grumbling> Yeah, wouldn't want to bump the fic's rating up from
an F to a G, would we?

>they then walked home together, looking up at the stars.....

Joel: <Usagi, thinking> Wow, the stars really are awe-inspiring. An
sea of emptiness, stretching on into infinity, each point of light perhaps
containing a world like our own... really makes you think....

Crow: <Heero, thinking> Hey... Those stars look like boobies!

>THE END!!!!!!

Joel: Gah!? No need to shout, we believe you!

Tom: Y'know, this really wasn't that bad at all. Aside from spelling and
some OOC, it was actually kinda nice.

Crow: Well... maybe I was a little harsh. Still, it's not like the MADs to
let us off this easy....

Tom: Heh, maybe Dr. Forrester's getting soft on us?

Joel: I dunno... remember what happened the last time we thought that?

Tom: <shudders> Point well taken, Joel.

>A.N.: yeah i know it was really bad

Crow: GAH?!? Who IS that!?

Tom: Anthony Newlie?

Joel: Wait, I got it! It's... It's... ANJ!

Crow: <Anj> I didn't write this either!! I swear!

>like i said it was my first and ever song fic.

Tom: So A.N. and Writer By The Sea are one and the same?

Joel: <giggles> Yeah, and I'll bet she faces a different direction every
time she has to announce it.

(Joel, Crow and Tom all rise from their seats and face to the right.)

All: FOR SHE IS...!

(Joel, Crow and Tom quickly turn to the left)

All: A WRITER....!

(Joel, Crow and Tom do a 180, now facing you.)

All: BY THE SEA....!

Joel: <winks> That one was for you, Xenogear fans!

Crow: <giggles> You didn't think we'd let a golden opportunity like that
slide, didja?

Tom: Hey, at least we resisted the urge to make Dan Hill song references
during the musical interludes.

Joel: Yeah, good call by Zoogz there.

Crow: Uh, guys? Aren't we being just a little TOO inside?

(Joel and Tom look at each other.)

Joel and Tom: Nahhh.

Crow: Hokay, just checking. Time to blow this joint.

Tom: Well okay, but it's YOUR turn to inhale!

(Joel picks up Tom and follows Crow out of the theater)

*            *            *

THE HOLOCABANA

     "Okay, Gypsy, I'm ready. Activate the program."

     The air shimmered as a hologram of a beautiful woman appeared in the
middle of the room. A few moments later, the image began to flicker and
soon became distorted. Gypsy muttered a curse as she struggled to maintain
the hologram only to have it fade away like a distant childhood memory.

     "I'm sorry, Magic Voice...." Gypsy's voice was full of frustration. "I've
tried every programming trick I could think of... but there's simply no way
to form a physical body around a voice, even a holographic one."

     Magic Voice sighed. "It's okay, Gypsy. You did your best."

     "If you were a computer program or even a piece of hardware...."

     "But I'm not." Magic Voice replied sadly.   "I'm not like the others on
this ship... I can't be inserted into something like bread into a toaster. I can't
even figure out how I ended up inside the Satellite in the first place. I... just
am...."

     "But Cambot loves you for who you are, why do you feel you need a body
for him?" Gypsy asked.

     "I... I just wanted to see what it was like... to be able to physically touch... to
hold him close... for him to hold m-me...." Magic Voice trailed off, her voice
beginning to break.

     Gypsy nodded in understanding, as thoughts of Richard Baseheart entered
her mind. They were silent for a long moment until the balsa wood doors of the
Holocabana opened, revealing a familiar figure.

     "C-Cambot....?" Magic Voice sniffled as the robot quietly entered the room
while Gypsy decided to take this as her cue to leave.

     "Well, my hours almost up, I'd better check on Simon before he starts ranting
about purple stuffed worms in flap-jaw space and screaming for scissors...."

     "Huh?"

     "I think the two of you need to be alone." Gypsy clarified as she left the
holocabana, the doors sliding shut behind her.

     Cambot inquisitively cocked his head to the side as Magic Voice struggled
to keep her voice steady. "No, no, I'm all right... really, I was just... um...
discussing an idea with Gypsy that didn't pan out. Nothing to worry about."

     Cambot turned his head to the other side then moved forward slightly with
concern.

     "A-All right... the truth is... I wanted us to share a dance tonight... Not just
any dance, I mean, the close kind...." Magic Voice confessed.

     Cambot reeled back, seemingly stunned. Then he reached up as far as his
body could stretch and slowly began to spin around.

     Magic Voice laughed despite herself. "Yes, I know... my voice is all around
you right now... and it's cute that you want to dance with me that way... but...."

     Cambot stopped spinning and lowered himself back down to his normal
height. He then looked up at the ceiling and gestured with his head a few times.

     "T-That's very sweet of you to say... You're beautiful to me the way you are
as well...." Magic Voice replied, her voice trembling. "I-I know this sounds
selfish... but c-could you do something for me? Something that would make me
very happy?"

     Cambot immediately and vigorously nodded his head.

     "Could you pretend... just for tonight... that this girl is me?"

     The air shimmered again as the hologram of the beautiful woman appeared
in the Holocabana, dressed in an elegant white evening gown. Upon opening
her eyes, she looked over at Cambot and smiled.

     "I designed this body a long time ago when I had a crush on Joel... but
neither Gypsy or I could ever figure out a way to put me inside it and eventually
my crush faded so I gave up. Then when I fell in love with you, I decided to try
again... but it was no use."

     Cambot shook his head violently.

     "Oh no, I wouldn't want to be trapped in that body for all eternity! Don't
get me wrong!" Magic Voice exclaimed. "I'm very happy with the way I
am now... it's just... I've been denied a sense of touch my entire existence and if
there's a chance... any chance... that I can have that choice without having to
change what I am... I think it's worth exploring, don't you?"

     Cambot glanced back at the holographic representation of Magic Voice,
hesitating.

     "I know... I know if you dance with her that you won't really be dancing
with me and that when she... holds you, it won't really be my touch... but just
for tonight... let me dream... let me watch you both and dream of the day when
I *can* feel your body next to mine... please... let me dream...."

     The holographic woman stretched out her arm, offering her hand to Cambot
who cautiously made his way over to her. The woman then very gently placed
the side of Cambot's head against her shoulder and wrapped an arm around his
cylindrical body. The lights in the room slowly dimmed except for a single
spotlight from above illuminating the two of them

     "Thank you for this, Cambot...." Magic Voice whispered as music began
to play.

(Sung to the tune of 'Ben' by Michael Jackson)

Cambot, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you my friend will see
You've got a friend in me....

     (Magic Voice led Cambot around the dance floor, twirling in circles.
Having never danced before, he was more than happy to let her lead as
he lost himself in the music.)

Cambot, you're always filming here and there
You film here and there and everywhere
But if you ever look behind
And don't like what you find
There's something you should know
You've got a place to go....

     (Cambot felt a sudden rush of inspiration as he wrapped his body firmly
around Magic Voice and gave her a dip. She squealed with surprise and
laughed as he gently brought her back up on her feet and slowly twirled
her around while uncoiling himself.)

I used to say
I and me
Now it's us
Now it's we....

     (Magic Voice rested her head against Cambot. He could feel... warmth,
surprisingly.)

Cambot, you made me so hap-py this day
Thank you... for hearing what I had to say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a friend like you

     (As the song drew to a close, Magic Voice placed her hands on both sides
of Cambot's head and kissed him softly. Cambot tensed up for a moment,
surprised, but then leaned into it as she wrapped her arms around him, holding
him tight.)

Like You
Like You


*   *   *

DEEP 13

     "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

     Dr. Forrester glowered as he stood by the console, now submerged
under waist deep salt water. He wore a rubber raincoat and held a
umbrella that had long since collapsed from the sheer onslaught of
Frank's full blown 'Usagi Crying Fit'.

     "Mental note to self... disconnect secret camera in holocabana, ASAP."
Dr. Forrester muttered under his breath as he reached underwater and after
a few tries, managed to find the button.


...AND THE MSTINGS
            CONTINUE...

I hope you enjoyed this and C&C is very welcome. (megane67@rogers.com )

Author's Notes: Ahh, it feels good to be back! My apologizes for taking a few
months off but I really needed it and now I feel great! My next MST is already
well underway and with any luck, should be done by February. I had a lot of
fun with this MST, especially writing the romance of Cambot and Magic Voice.
Hope it wasn't too cheesy for ya, it was my first songfic romance too. ;P

I've been MSTing for close to five years now and I want to thank each
and every person who's send me words of support and encouragement
and who have helped me throughout these last three years. I treasure
every piece of fan mail I receive and I consider it a great honor that
some people have dedicated their MSTings to me and tell me that I
helped encourage them to start MSTing. To all of you, thank you from
the bottom of my heart and I hope I can continue to inspire and make
you laugh for a long time to come. :)

I'd like to give personal thanks to Zoogz, who helped me with some
in-depth C&C and suggested riffs for this MSTing. He is a very funny
and talented author and you can find his Mystery Science Cinema series
at http://www.nabiki.com/mst/zoogz/mst/ including his latest MSTing
'Nyquil Doom' w/short 'Changes'. He is also editing several FFIRC
group MSTings including 'Battle Royale', coming soon to a fanfiction
archive near you!

Additionally I'd like to give personal thanks to Unseen for his riff suggestions.
You can find his works on The DPR (http://www.rakhal.com/dpr/ )

Incidently, The Placid Jack Acid has been kicking it up a notch by
releasing several new revisions of his MST 3001 series. All these plus his
latest MST 'Damaged', can be found at http://www.nabiki.com/mst/j_acid/
You can also find his awesome MST3K artwork scattered around the site and
hopefully he will be providing some more pictures for AMFAS soon. He can
be contacted by e-mail at samearly@hotmail.com

Finally, I'd like to again thank Writer By The Sea for writing 'Sometimes' and
giving me her blessing to MST it as well as a lot of material to work with. I
hope you're not offended. It's all meant in good fun. :)

'A MSTing for All Seasons'
http://www.nabiki.com/mst

Everything What Is Crap
(formerly Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings)
http://www.svamcentral.org/ewic

SEASON ONE
------------------
101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon)
102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" (Original Draft) by Oscar (SM Lemon)
103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA" by The Flashman
(SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER)
104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic)
105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic)
107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton
(La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover)
108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky
(SM/WWF Crossover)
w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon (SM/RL Crossover)
110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER
CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker (SM Christmas Fanfic)

SEASON TWO
-------------------
201- "THAT GIRL" PT. 1-2 by Oscar (SM Lemon)
202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino (SM Lemon)
203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn (SM/SPAWN Crossover)
204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2 by Hitomi Ichinohei (R1/2 Fanfic)
205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz (SM Lemon)
206- "OSCAR TOON" PT. 1-4 by Oscar (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover)
207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari (Mutiple Crossovers)
208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep (R1/2 Fanfic)
209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS (SM Lemon)
210- "THE KIDNAPPING" PT. 1-2 by SMendou (UY Lemon)

SEASON THREE
----------------------
301- "A WET DREAM COME TRUE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Lemon)
302- "TORTURED ECHO" PT. 1-4 by Trakal (R1/2 Fanfic)
303- "RANMA KILLS!" PT. 1-2 by Sir Asayogure (R1/2 Fanfic)
304- "OKONOMIYAKI SUMMER" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic)
w/short "UNDER THE MISTLETOE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic)
305- "XMAS SPECIAL: A CHRISTMAS FIT FOR A POKEMON"
by Dr. Thinker (Pokemon Christmas Fanfic)
306- "9-BALL DREAMS" PT. 1-2 by Mr_Jazz (SM Crossover Lemon)
307- "WINTER" by Joseph Palmer (R1/2 Fanfic)
308- "UKYO GETS WHAT SHE DESERVES" PT. 1-2 by R_Vincent
(R1/2 Lemon)
309- "I WANT TO MEET A PRINCE LIKE DEAR OLD DAD, MOM,
SIS, BRO & FRISKY!" by Katherine (Utena Lemon)
310- "THE IO SAGA" PT. 1-4 by Sarah J. Gates (SM Fanfic)

SEASON FOUR
--------------------
401- "LINES AS Q PART 2" PT. 1-2 by Dave Hines (ST:TNG Fanfic)
402- "RAW IS ORO" by Jedi Master Horace (WWF/Rurouni Kenshin
Crossover)
403- "SABLE TAKES THE GOLD" by Martin4Life (WWF Lemon)
404- "SOMETIMES" by Writer By The Sea (SM/GW Crossover)

SHORTY!
-------------
101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY!
102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET!
103- PHEROMONES!
104- THE INTERNET SPY AND YOU!!
105- THE SECRET FLAW!

OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO
---------------------------------------------------------
"DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
"MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff (SM/TNG Crossover)
"THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin (SM Dark Lemon)
"9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon)
'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE!
(Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle)
"THE DAY OF EMERGANCE" by Jeffrey Lee
(Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover)

*Recent Collaberations*

"REDHEADS" by Robert "Kenko" Haynie
(Slayers/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)
"WILD SILVER" by Francis Bourque
(Sailor Moon/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)
"RELATIONSHIPS" by Sidewinder
(Neon Genesis Evangelion/Sailor Moon Crossover)
"A LITTLE CHANGE OF PLANS" by Wishbringer
(Neon Genesis Evangelion/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)
"HOUSE OF IKARI'" by Teisu
(Neon Genesis Evangelion)

OTHER GREAT WEBPAGES WORTH VISITING

- Zoogz's Fanfiction and Fandom Page
http://www.nav.to/Zoogz
- Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html
- The Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot"Wong
http://www.anime.sobhrach.com\~jeffwong\index.html
- 'SuicideBlast' by: Keener
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/3342/Suicide.html
- Additional links for Keener's stuff
http://tmffa.com/
- Website Number 9 MSTings (Currently on hiatus)
http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k/mistings.shtml
- Lord Carnage's Cursed Fanboys Page!
http://carnage.fanfic.org
- A Sailor Moon Romance
http://www.moonromance.com/
- Zen's Fanfiction Page
http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html
- Webdragon's Lair
http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/
- Sean Gaffney's Webpage
http://www.thekeep.org/~sean/index.html
Seanbaby's NES Page
http://www.seanbaby.com/nes.htm
X-Entertainment
http://www.x-entertainment.com/

">he looked torwards her direction, she knew it was towards her, he
>waved and then kept on running."

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 2002 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.

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