101- "Subliminally Seduce Women Instantly!" (1999)- Are you tired of the
whole dating scene? Are you sick of enduring months of repetitive, boring
dates in order to get to know a woman as a person? Well, suck it up, booby,
because chances are pretty slim that this AMAZING product that claims to
give you the power to convince a woman to skip the dating process and get
right to the sex actually works. But hey, don't take my word for it, judge for
102- "The Ugliest Women On The Net!" (1999)- Yes, people actually think
this stuff up, believe it or not. This spam e-mail attempts to entice you with
the sensual and earthly delights of the fleshy, grotesque and oddities contained
within, and I quote, "the world's most spectacular archive of skanky nudie photos."
I took the web address off this e-mail for a very good reason and after reading this
e-mail, I think you'll understand why.
103- "Pheromones" (1999)- Ah, pheromones... chances are you've heard of
this miracle sex drug that can lead to hormonally induced love... but
only if you're willing to pay forty bucks for an eighth of an ounce. Hey, who can
resist a deal like that? And with sworn testimonials by Dave J. and Tom the
Tractor Driver, you will believe that pheromones can fly. We follow this up
with a spam e-mail on how to remove spam with more spam. Confused yet?
I was! Actually, I still kinda am....
104- "The Internet Spy and You!!" (1999)- Everyone has their little secrets,
everyone has a skeleton in their closet, everyone is hiding something specifically
from you. What can you do? Why, dive headfirst into paranoia with this computer
program that will let you track down anything animal, vegetable or mineral. After
all, why would anyone need to hide anything if they weren't planning to use it
against YOU. But now you can beat them to the punch and show them that you
won't be kept in the dark anymore. Unless, of course, you're a Mac user.
105- "The Secret Flaw!" (2000)- Out in the wilds of California there lies (literally) a secret organization dedicated to converting your useless American money into more money automatically! With no risk! Of course, you have to pay for this fantabulous service, but what today DON'T you have to pay for? Anyway, you should know that this great and wonderful organization is on the up-and-up with all the ringing endorsements that they've received from every news outlet that's ever existed, along with the completely logical explanation they give for being able to do this... wait, we never saw it. Well, if anyone else knows how they do it, tell us please?
106- "Hunza Diet Bread" Join us for the newest fad diet, one that would make Dr. Atkins roll over in his thirty-percent thinner grave! One that would make Dr. Phil chuckle and pass the buttered escargots to Oprah! We have a slightly-unbalanced husband and wife act in this one, who claim this bread can do everything except be nominated for President. Watch the carbs flow free and the weight... well, it'll still stick around...